All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S04E09.Im.Popeye.and.Youre.My.Beautiful.Spinach.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Previously on "You Me Her"...

Mom?
Jack.

I want to tell you
how your father died.

Got into a car wreck.You were...

about 10 months old
when the affair started.

I let you
keep on loving him.

But then I couldn't help
hating you for it.

I'm also very fond of you, and I
want you to be my girlfriend.

Nina: "You will always
hold the key."

You make me better, Neen.

I'm nothing without you.

Now, listen, I got to
be back at the airport

in 10 hours and 37 minutes,
which, as you know,

is 10 hours and 27 minutes
more than I need.

It took me four days

to realize
I was in love with you.

Jack:
He's going to California.

What is he, in love with you
or something?

Why would you say that?
No.

I saw
on your computer

that you were
researching tri-custody.

Well, that's what you want,
isn't it, babe?

I need to know that this will
never happen again, okay?

We're about to have twins.
We don't need a third child.

Well, you've made that pretty
damn clear, haven't you, Em?

I think that
this commitment party

has become like
a, um...

Like a deadline.

Hey...

♪♪

♪♪

[ Breathes deeply ]

Here we go.

♪♪

[ Crow caws ]

♪♪

[ Sniffing ]

♪♪

♪♪

Dave!

♪♪

Jack!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Ahh.

[ Clears throat ]

Jackson.

David.
Yes, yes.

So, you coming or going?

Oh, just, um --
Actually had to take care

of a little bid'ness,
if you know what I mean.

You know that I do![ Both laugh ]

Oh, God.
Really, David?!

Okay, well, you know,
have a nice trip.

I'll -- I'll see you
on the other side.

Uh, that's --

Bye. I love you, too.

Figured I'd get a kiss
goodbye or some--

I'll be back soon.Yeah.

So, tonight's the big night,
right?

You gonna lock it all in,
sign it with blood?

Well, hopefully, ink.

Yeah. Yeah.

Are you coming?I can't.

I got -- I got my thing
in Eugene tonight.

Mm. I bet you do.

Okay.That was too easy.

Later, I got
a-another one in Florence.

[ Laughs ] Ohh!
Dave, you bisexual slut.

See, this is great. We should
never break this act up.

I miss this.I know. Me, too.

God.So, how'd you sell Izzy
on Hawthorne Heights?

Did you hypnotize her
or silent treatment?

That always works
in my family.

I just told her, you know,
it's good for now.

Doesn't have
to be forever.

Yeah, but it is forever, right?
I mean...

look, Jack, don't toy
with my emotions here.

I mean, probably.

Yeah.

[ Car horn beeps ]

Okay. I gotta go.

I'll see ya.

Yeah.

Hey, that's a lot of threads
you three are weaving together.

You better be sure,
for all three of you.

We're sure.

No doubt.

Okay.

[ Heartbeats]

♪♪

♪♪

I love them.Fuck.

Jesus.What the hell?

Well, I just about
waterboarded myself

with hot tea.
Ow.

I thought -- I thought
you guys knew I was here.

Oh, my God.
180 over 205.

Is that good?I don't know.

Maybe it's 205 over 180.

Look at them.
They're, like...people.

4D Ultrasound.

Shit gets real.

They love you back.

Huh?You said you love them.

They love you back.

Oh.

Iz?

I have to pee.

Uh, outside?

[ Dialing ]

♪♪

[ Cellphone ringing ]

♪♪

Hey.
What are you doing up?

[ Chuckles ]
Right?

Well, I'm losing my shit.

Were you asleep?

Mm, no.

Shaun has the bladder
of a 90-year-old.

I had to get up with him to pee
twice during the night.

Why? Do you, like,
hold it for him?

[ Snickers ]
Um, no.

We had a bit of a...

handcuff mishap.[ Shaun snoring ]

Of course you did.

Mm. So, what's got you
freaking this time?

So...they're real.

Jack and Emma? What, you mean,
like, genuine? Authentic?

No.
The babies.

I'm talking
about the babies.

[ Snores ]
Oh.

What's happening?

Mm, Izzy just figured out

that Emma has children
in her tummy.[ Cellphone chimes ]

Okay. Don't explain that,
please.

Izzy:
Hello? Okay, so, I saw them.

Like, I really saw them

on this 4D sonogram thing.

And -- And it's just --
It's, like, happening.

I'm gonna give you
some tough love now, okay?

Ow.

You didn't literally
run to me this time,

but you're still dumping
your biggest, heaviest feelings

on me instead of them.

Also, uh, the locksmith
just texted,

and he's on his way up, so...Right, right.

But here's the thing.

I'm not gonna be their nanny
or their cool aunt

or their "mamacita,"
whatever the fuck that means.

I'm gonna be their mother.

Like -- Like,
they're gonna love me

like they love Jack and Emma.

Hello? Nina.

You did not hang up on me.

-I need you.
-You're right, Iz.

Everything you just said
is true, and...

Right.

...it's gonna kill me, but...

now I'm hanging up on you.

No, no. No --

[ Snores ]

♪♪

♪♪

Hey.

You okay?You know, it's your house, too.

You don't really
have to go outside to pee.

Yeah, I mean,
unless you want to.

Oh, no, no.
I-I wasn't actually peeing.

Oh.
No!

So...um...

I think I might be freaking out
a little bit.

About the party?No.

About the babies
being real.

Same.
Me, too.

Really?
Yeah.

I don't understand how
everyone's just standing around

watching this slow-motion
atrocity happen to us --

I mean, giving us
full responsibility

for two perfectly good lives?Thank you.

Feels like someone should step
in and make a citizen's arrest.

[ Laughs ] Okay, so,
this unscheduled breakdown

is not
a unicorn mom thing?

It is
an every-parent-ever thing.

Look at this.
This one here --

This girl is kind of the droll,
sarcastic one

that's above it all.

So I'm thinking of naming her
Sarah Silverman.

Oh!Well, I already locked in
on Silverman

as a middle name, so...Well, duh.

It's lovely.

Yeah. This is the dumb,
happy one...

Aww....that everyone thinks

is oblivious
to the world's problems,

but she's actually
cracked the code.

Winning at life.

[ Gasps ]
Butterfly.

Beautiful.

Okay.
Done and done.

Sarah Silverman
and Butterfly.

I can't believe
people sweat this stuff.

[ Cellphones chime ]

Wha-a-t?
That's so weird.

Okay, Gabe is coming over here

and taking me to brunch.
We do that?

Carmen booked us
couple massages.

We definitely
don't do that.

Hmm.Why you looking at me?

Oh, because I arranged to have
you guys out of the house

so you could never say

you had anything to do
with my amazing party?

That's why
you're looking at me?

[ Laughs ]

[ Doorbell rings ][ Gasps ] My posse.

Posse!
Hey!

Hi.
Hi.

Come in.
Hello!

Hello, hello!

So, she cheats
with my husband,

then I fall
in love with her.

Yeah. Then she eggs
the neighbor's house

and somehow ends up
with more friends than we do.

Izzy: Okay.
So, here's what I'm thinking.

Do you have any papier-mâché?Of course I do.

Oh, hold my shit.

Mm.

Let's go.

♪♪

Carmen: A day spa...

with a nursery.[ Chuckles ]

I will never get back all
the years of not knowing this.

[ Sighs ]
Live in the now.

Oh, and also, shut up.

We had so much sex.

Didn't we discuss this?

There's nothing grosser
than bragging about sex

with your spouse
of more than five years.

You're right.
I totally know better.

It was like porn
without a camera.

That's it. I'm done.

Just except to say
we won at sex.

Yay?

[ Whispering ]
Okay. Quiet time.

Okay.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Seriously? What, you're the one
bringing a phone into a massage?

What kind of "Freaky Friday"
shit is this?

Jesus, chill out.

Go to a spa or something.

Dave and I always call
each other right before takeoff.

Aww.

Now, don't move.
I'm gonna slowly get up

and kill you.

Okay, I'll stay
very still.

This is weird.

Hello?

This is Carmen.

Really?
Shh!

Really?
Shh!

Really?!

Oh, my God.
It's all true.

Whoever it is
ain't playing.

Jesus.They made a mistake!

I'm nominated!

For what?
Worst spa guest ever?

Best Wine Review!

In Portland.
In a monthly publication.

Just reds.
Whites are a different category.

Congratulations?

I'm nominated!
Yeah!

[ People gasping ]Woman: Oh, my God! She's naked!

Come on.
You've seen worse.

That is awesome.

Yoo-hoo.
Break's over.

Let's do this thing.

[ Sniffs ]
Oh, that's nice.

Oh, look, it's the wacky
sidekick and her wacky sidekick.

Oh, hey, standard-issue
droll gay neighbor.

-Where's the boss?
-How can I help?

Oh, no, I, uh --
I mean the hostess?

She answers to Izzy.
She's got curly hair.

She's, like, 62.9%
as pretty as me.

That's a good question.

-Isabelle?
-Izzy?

Is she in the bathroom?

Son of a bitch.

We just got Tom Sawyer-ed,
people.

Oh!
[ Laughs ]

The fence-painting scene.

That's a good one.

I'm sure you'll be good
at lifting heavy things.

♪♪

[ Door opens, knock on door ]

Hello?

Thanks for coming.

I helped.Wow, you're really strong.

Mm-hmm.That must have been exhausting.

Would you like
to take a seat?

I would.
Thanks.

I-I think I will
take this chair.

Mm, yes.
Yes.

Very comfortable.Mm-hmm.

Cozy.State-of-the-art.

We can do better.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Iz.

Me, too.

You're really doing it.

Going to the border,
helping all those kids.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I really am.

I always said I would do
something like that

after college.

You'll get around to it.

Or...

you could just
come with me.

Stop.
Not like that.

I'm serious, Izzy.

Look, I mistook compatibility
and companionship for love.

I don't know, you know?

Maybe I'm finally ready.

I hope so.

Probably not.

[ Both laugh ]

I hope so.

Yeah.

You know, it would have been
an excellent friendship,

you and me.

Yeah.

Well, on, uh --
on that note, um,

Seb doesn't like advice.

Yeah. Me, either.So, um...

♪♪

Uh...

♪ Nobody knows the way

See you later.

Not if I
see you first, nerd.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

-Good luck.
-Thank you.

-You, too.
-Thanks.

♪ We are poets and prophets

♪ Defending what we know

[ Door shuts ]

♪ We are pilgrims and pirates

[ Sighs ]

♪ Sailing from our homes

♪ But nobody knows the way

Thanks.

♪ We just watch
the seasons change ♪

♪ And wait for the storm
to break ♪

So, how long did you know?

♪ And the land to come

You know, Dad would say
he was going one place,

and then his plane ticket
would say something else.

The weird messages
on his office phone.

And then one time,
there was, uh...

There was perfume on the --

on his clothes in his suitcase,
and that's when I knew.

You should have told me.

Once shit got real,
you should have told me.

No, I know,
and I almost did.

When?

The fight. You know,
you and Mom, the big one.

When she called me
a faggot?

Yeah, right after
you called her a cunt.

What?
No, I didn't.

Did I?

Yeah, you did. You just said the
worst thing you could think of,

and then so did she.

Remember when you were a kid,
you wrote that little essay?

It was an essay about, like,
your greatest influence

or your hero or whatever,
and you chose Dad?

Which made sense.

And then it won
that contest,

and it got printed
in our local paper.

Remember that?Yeah.

Mom had to hear
about that so much.

You know how hard
she took that?

I spent my life idolizing
an adulterous asshole.

I don't know. Sometimes
I think about that a lot --

what he did, what happened,
and...

I don't know,
12 years, it's --

It's not really
an affair, is it?

I guess he fell in love.

Yeah.

I'm not sure that makes it
any better, but...

it's different, right?

Yeah.

You think he would have
come back

and lived
in the same town as us?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know it.

Thank you.

♪♪

♪ All my life,
I've been wanting to know ♪

♪♪

♪ If it's dangerous out there

I've got big bottles
and little bottles.

Big bottles.Oh, I like a big bottle!

There's only three big bottles.We can share.

Now, do you want me to put
all the big bottles out?

Okay, people!

Do you want me to put the little
bottles in the fridge?

-Um, let's keep them out, too.
-[ Clears throat ]

You want them all out?Yeah.

The whole place is gonna be
covered in bottles.

Why not? Okay. I won't.

Okay, people.
I said, "Okay, people."

I'm loving this lid. That's --Hey!

-Oh, hi!
-Hi!

-Hey.
-Hi.

So, gather round.

Done, I guess.

I just -- I would love
a status check, you know,

make sure we're all rowing
in the same direction.

Um, couple quick things.

Uh, blue --
Whose idea was that?

So, you ghosted,

but now you're back
and feeling bossy.

That's fun.
What a fun twist.

Right?
Hey, walk with me.

Let's talk about your plan.Okay, yeah, that's a great idea.

'Cause you're kind of, like,
my lieutenant, right?

Sure.
Yeah.

So, we have
some autumn garland.

I have concerns.

Okay.

What garland?

I don't know.

Maybe it's
a little too subtle.

Okay, I would like to talk
about the plan, though,

because --

[ All cheer, laugh ]

-Nice one!
-I'll take that.

Lala, I don't --
I don't see any garland.

Uh, whoopsies.

You locked me out.

Lala.

I can see you.[ Muffled conversations ]

Okay.

Let me in!

Troubles?

Yes. The inmates are in there
running the asylum.

What, did they
lock you out?

It's not funny.It's a little funny.

What, just give me the keys,
Chuckles.

I didn't bring my keys.

Fuck.

Ooh. Please tell me
you have the keys.

It went great, actually.
Thanks for asking.

Oh, I'm sorry.Are you guys okay?

I think we're more okay
than we've ever been.

Mm.
You're welcome.

Mm. Why are we standing out here
on the porch?

-Oh, yeah.
-They locked her out.

She's the boss,
the overbearing one now.

I'm the one who binge-watches
sappy network dramas

and gets couple massages
with her best neighbor friend.

Life, man.

[ Gasps ] Yes!No, no, no, hey, look.

-Hold on.
-What?

You like it out here?I like it just the three of us.

And once we go in there,
it's not over

till the last cork is popped.

[ Chuckles ]

All right.Who's with me?

Always.
Oh, yeah.

Drinking time.

Come, come.

I'll watch.Where should we go?

Uh, I know a place.

[ Young Summer's
"Blood Love" playing ]

♪ Hunted by desire

♪ Wanna live, so alive

♪ Endless sky to admire

♪ What's together never dies

♪ Fallen into place

♪ While we levitate, it's true

♪ To feel it in my blood love,
head rush ♪

[ Cork pops ]Aah!

♪ Never comes back

♪♪

♪ Blood love

♪ Still runs

♪ Never goes black

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Sup?

♪♪

♪♪

Who's that?

So?

You ready for this?

Oh, which "this"
are you referring to?

Because there's a pack of them,
and I think they're breeding.

[ Chuckles ]
I'm sorry.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Shaun.
Mrs. Shaun.

-Hey.
-No, no, no, no.

That has been settled.

The queen is back
on her throne, bitches.

Yeah, well, thanks to me.

Yes.
[ Laughs awkwardly ]

Your Highness?
Do you want --

-Just go. Go.
-I'm gonna --

[ Laughing ]

You guys
enjoying yourselves?

Gabe: Yeah, you bet.

Great party.

It's great.Thanks.

Gabe tells me
you can't remember

the last time
I said "I love you."

[ Indistinct conversations
continue ]

I mean,
talk is cheap, right?

Right.

♪♪

I love you,
Jackson Trakarsky.

Let the record show
it was just now.

[ Chuckles ]
Jesus, Jackson,

don't be a pussy
about it.

[ Chuckles ][ Sighs ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sniffles ]
I love you, too, Mom.

♪♪

♪♪

Um...

just a sec.

Nathan.

What are you doing here?

Just -- Can we, uh --
Can we talk?

In private.

Uh, it won't take long.

♪♪

It's not up to us.

I'll just be a second.

♪♪

♪♪

Izzy.

Izzy.

Will you slow the fuck down?What the hell do you think

you're doing, showing up
like this, making it seem like

we're wrapped up
in some big, stupid romance?

Hold on.
I-I didn't come here --

What the hell am I supposed
to say to them

when I go back
in there, huh?

How am I supposed
to make them believe

that we never fucking
did anything?I didn't -- I --

I didn't come here
to sweep you off your feet.

I came here as your friend,

because I don't
take that role lightly.

But I do want you to leave
with me right now.

What?

I spoke to the IRC supervisor
down in Otay Mesa,

and I told her about you,
and she said to bring you along,

that she would interview you
right on the spot.

So, we're just gonna
make a run for the border

when I'm supposed
to be signing the papers?

They could lose
the house, Nathan!

You seriously think that
I'm just gonna leave with you?

[ Laughs ]
What?

Right before you're "supposed
to" sign the papers, Iz.

Oh, my God. Really?
You know what? Fuck you, Nathan.

Do you think
this is what friends do?

Because my real fr--
my best friend

is in there supporting me.

Well, friends
don't let friends

do monumentally
stupid shit, Izzy.

Nina's letting you down.

You are
un-fucking-believable.

Get off my property.
Now.

[ Laughs ]
What?

What?

Iz, you can sign
a million contracts,

and this will always be the home
of Jack and Emma Trakarsky.

You can tattoo your name
on those twins,

and they will always be
the children of Jack and Emma --

Izzy.

Izzy!

God damn it!

Izzy, I'm sorry.

You're not
my fucking friend.

[ Door slams ]

[ Indistinct conversations,
muffled ]

[ Young Summer's
"Taken" playing ]

♪♪

♪ I find it strange,
find it strange ♪

♪ That you're wondering
in this place ♪

♪♪

♪ I thought it'd change,
thought it'd change ♪

♪ But the more
it stays the same ♪

♪♪

♪ Which one of us
will look away? ♪

♪♪

♪ Say the words
that we don't say? ♪

♪♪

♪ Have I been taken by you
one more ti-i-i-me? ♪

♪ My, my

I love you guys so much.

[ All chuckle ]

We love you, too.Emma: We love you.

♪ Eyes

♪ Have I

[ Voice breaking ]
But, um...

♪♪

I can't do this.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I know that we don't
see it the same ♪

♪♪

♪ There's just nothing left
for me here ♪

♪♪

♪ Loving is a perilous game

♪ So I run

♪ Oh, I run

♪♪

♪♪