All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S04E03.The.Ballad.of.Jizzy.and.Jemma.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Last season on "You Me Her"...

[ Applause ]It's really happening.

Kylie: It is
our two-month anniversary.

Emma: The things I'm gonna do
to you when we get home...

Emma: Uh, so, this is
a bit awkward, but you

postponed the last two
scheduled signings,

and I just want to make sure
that we're still on for Monday.

Yep. Tell Kylie
and pop some corks.

Are you sure that you left
for the right reasons?

And you're still
getting divorced Monday

and driving
back to Seattle?Yes.

I texted Emma that Jack and I
would be out of the loft all day

so she could come deal
with all the shit that
we've been storing.

Did Izzy not
know you'd be here?

Of course she knew
I'd be here.

I think she wants us
to scream

and throws things
at each other.

What the fuck?

What the three of us
did here was special.

I told you, Izzy,
this was a mistake.

If you walk out that door,
don't call.

You are dead to me.

Well, congratulations.
You're pregnant.

You have got to be
fucking kidding me.

You have
a right to know.

Izzy:
Why is she here again?

She was at a meeting.

So why is
my Spidey sense screaming

that something weird's
going down?

What the fuck
are you doing here?

Yellow roses,
the official flower of apology.

Em, what really matters is,
what do you want?

I want this baby.

And I want my husband.
And Izzy.

-...glad that you'll be --
-Iz!

-What?!
-I'm pregnant.

And I'm keeping it.

I'm aware of how acutely
fucked up this must seem.

And seven months ago, I would've
thought the same thing.

She is never gonna
feel permanent

in yourworld with yourkid.

Jack: Actually, that's
exactly what we were
discussing on the way home.

We wanna make it official.

Wouldn't be my first
Poly Commitment Ceremony.

If any one of us
tries to leave again,

there's no coming back.

I hereby now pronounce you
spiritually, soulfully,

and lovingly committed to
one another forever and ever.

Whoo![ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Woman vocalizing ]

♪♪

[ Snoring ]

♪ When you can't think maybe

♪ Weighed down from the gridlock
and the city sounds♪

♪ Throw your hands in the air
and just wave 'em around ♪

♪ You'll be fine in the middle
when your energy's out ♪

♪ When you can't sleep
and it's still dark ♪

♪ Get a front piece
in a brick wall ♪

♪ 'Cause I won't be mad
at the end of the day ♪

♪ Just knowing that you moved
in a beautiful way ♪

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪ Keep moving

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪ Keep moving on

♪ Keep moving

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

[ Alarm chimes ]Ah. Oh. [ Sighs ]

Dear God,
why is it so bright?

It's called morning.

Happens almost every day here
in lovely Hawthorne Heights.

What do you say we, uh,
break this little sex slump

before the nausea kicks in?

Okay.Mm, too late.

Mm.

Just, um,
start without me!

Ugh.

So, our pregnant wife
just told us to have sex

while listening
to her barf.[ Emma coughing ]

I've never been so aroused.

Come closer
and bring your penis.

[ Smooches ][ Toilet flushes ]

Coffee?
Yeah.

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

[ Groans ]

[ Man vocalizing ]

♪♪

You look nice.

Thank you.

Ooh.
Watch out for these.

That's a household calamity
waiting to happen.
My boots?

How the hell
did those get there?I don't know.

You think maybe, like,
a burglar came in

and tried on your boots
and then used your toothbrush?

It's the only thing
I can think of.

Very funny.Should we change the locks?

-[ Groans ]
-Poor baby maker.

I'll get you tea.

Okay, I am officially
the anchor in this relationship.

Just, you know, cut me loose.

I won't be bitter.

That's nonsense, honey.
You are the wind and the sails.

God, at least
soothe me credibly.

-That was pretty good.
-Hey, you know,

there's more to life
than sex, weed, and booze.

[ Smooches ]No way.

I know. It sounded
very strange to me, too, but...

exhibit "A."Iz, that's really sweet,

but you must be so bored.

I mean, good thing
you work downtown

so you can grab a drink
with Shaun and Nina, right?

Yeah. Totally.

Besides,
traffic is a real bitch

when I get off my shift
at Directions, so it works out.

-Yeah.
-Mm.

And sometimes
it stays bitchy

till, what, like, 2:07,
3:00 in the morning,

depending on the night?
-Yeah.

Wait a minute. So you're saying
that a burglar didn't come in

and use her boots
and her toothbrush?[ Gasps ]

So, have you guys just been
getting your jollies off

at my expense?Hey, babe, seriously,
just do your thing.

Actually, we all need
to do our things.

Yep.

We're talking about
masturbation, right?

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, I've been doing
some research,

and it is becoming
glaringly obvious

that we're doing poly,
like, all wrong.

Did you know that trying
to do everything in threes,

especially sex,
is a [Whistles] poly foul?

That's very clever.
Thank you.

But please don't
ever do it again.

So this mean
you guys are cool

with me meeting Nathan Malik
for happy hour?

Nathan
from Hawthorne School?Yeah.

He went through
a nasty divorce,

and I figured
I could give him some support.

Plus, Dave's not around.

He's on his stupid book tour,
so...

Yeah, I guess you don't really
have that many guy friends, huh?

Yes, I do.
Who?

Uh, guy friends?
Mm.

Dave.Yeah, you have Dave.

He's a good friend.Yeah.

Yeah, but didn't he just,
like, come along with Carmen?

Like, buy this now and get this
furry little rascal for free?

And G-Gabe.

Well, he's --
he's your brother,

so that's different.And a friend.
Very good friend.

[ Breathes deeply,
clears throat ]

Now there's Nathan.

Um, so, the baby doc
appointment is Tuesday, right?

Yeah, the ninth.

What, the ninth?Yeah.

T-Today is the ninth.Shit.

Yeah,
how is it Tuesday already?

We got to get going, guys.
Come on.
Yeah.

[ Cellphone rings ]

It's Helen Wilberg.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Hello, Helen.

No, we're s-- We're definitely
still interested, so...

Okay. Well, thank you
for the heads-up.

We -- We will.
Great.

[ Cellphone beeps ]Shit.

That is not optimal.What?

Somebody put a full-price
offer on this house.

She's gonna do us
a landlord solid

and give us 72 hours
to match it.

Looks like the Hawthorne Heights
decision window

just got a whole lot smaller.
-Mm.

Yeah.

Could this morning
be any more stressful?

Dude!

Ooh, don't say that.

Guys, that's not a thing.

I didn't just "hex" us.

I'm having what?!
Calm down.

They're twins,
normal human girls,

not aliens or devil children.

You said you wanted two kids,
right?

So you knocked 'em out
with one swing.

Yeah, I did.

A month ago,
there was just one.

Check again.
Check again!

Little sister was hiding.

Give her
the weird ancestor name.

Vengeance is yours.

Huh.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh, God.

Are you okay?

Oh, I mean, come on.

I'm sorry.
It's just [Sighs]

I mean, God damn it.

There's too much estrogen
in this room, I guess.

I know feelings are hard.

So would it help
to clumsily explain things

that we already know
in this room?

No.
It's unbelievable.

You know
that fetuses require estrogen?

To grow.
Whether they're male or female.

In fact, twins require
not two times as much,

but three times as much.

Thanks, Jack.

Sure.

There it is.

♪♪

Carm, you know I'd love
to watch the girls,

but, um, the doc said

I have bed rest.
"Bed rest"?

I didn't hear her say
"bed rest."

Ooh, you better sharpen up
your lying skills there, Em.

It's a vital part
of parenting.

My God, you're having twins!Yeah, I heard.

Hey, you know what's a perfect
training for raising two girls?

Two girls.

Carm, I seriously wanna help,
I do,

but if I want to nail
this interview tonight,

I gotta prep like crazy,
and, you know,

you are the one who said,

"Can't work at home
with kids," so...

Wait, you're still doing that
after what the doctor said?

Remember? With your history
and your advanced ag--

Based mostly on your history,

we need to be careful,
right?

Carmen,
would you like a coffee?

I would love one.Great.

But let's just take a beat
to get real, okay?

Because, right now, we wouldn't
qualify for a bicycle loan.

And you know what's
more expensive than one kid?

Let me guess: Two kids?Yeah.

So unless Mr. Academia
or Ms. Nonprofit

have any other ideas...

Uh, hey, sorry.

Did I black out and we voted
to buy this place and --

[ Whistling ]

Poly foul. No voting.

Reinforces
couples privilege.

She does that now?She does.

It's super fun.

Poly foul!

Oh, you see?
They listen.

They're good sounding boards.

So, Em, did we decide to buy
this place and I missed it?

What happened to, um,
you know

[Deep voice]
"It's good for now.

[ High-pitched voice ]
Buys us time to see if
you really hate it

or really, really
hate it here."

Is that --
Is that me or him?

I can't tell.Yeah, it's
a terrible impression.

[ Normal voice ] Oh, it's...You got to work
on your skills.

It's EmJack.
It's a composite.

Okay, well, listen,

we'll talk Hawthorne Heights
pros and cons tonight, okay?

That sounds like
so much fun.Yeah.

You should come, Carm.

Mnh-mnh.Bye, babe.

Will you at least take a nap?

No.

Not tired.

[ Door closes ]Well, I'm just gonna put this
in a travel mug

'cause I need the caffeine
on my way to work, and...

Okay, Carm,
I can't take the guilt.

Just please sedate them

and tell them not to shit
or talk till you get back.

Nah,
I'll exploit an intern.

But you damn well better knock
it out of the park tonight.

Oh. Come here.

Oh, my God,
tell me something

so I feel
a little less crazy.

Hmm. Well, work has been insane,
I'm still waiting to hear

about The Portland
Byline Award nomination,

which I damn well better get
because it's a circle jerk

with a million
hyper-specific categories,

and so everybody, including
the plumber, gets a nomination,

and, oh...

and I hate my husband.
Do you wanna know why?

Because it took him
like two minutes

to sell a socially significant
children's book

while already basking in sexist
and hyperbolic acclaim

for tending
to his own children?

Or for selling said book

when you're the writer
in the family,

then going
on a cushy West Coast tour

while you slowly spiral
into madness?

What kind of witch
are you?

The kind
who's a really good listener

and loves
your scrambled eggs

with smoked salmon
and cream cheese?

[ Baby voice ] Pwease,
will you make you some?

Did you just try to baby talk me
into cooking for you?

Did it wook?
[ Sighs ]

If you weren't pregnant...

[ Normal voice ]
Marry me!

Stop proposing
to everybody who's nice to you.

You're not wrong.

[ Laughs ]
Sorry. One more time.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Laughing ]

Oh, man,
and this -- this happened

right after you found out
you have three days

to decide
on Hawthorne Heights?

Okay, give me the picture,

or else
it's a double titty twister.

No. Whatever. You're never gonna
find my nipples in this bra.

Anyway,
I've got a session.

You wrecked it.

Wow.
"I've got a session."

I never thought
I'd actually be saying that

as the therapist
and not the patient.

Like...

Are you okay?

Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

Shaun: Definitely no mirror
behind the bar.

-Well, you're the boss, boss.
-Yeah.

This is that place
where you come

to get away from that shit,
you know?

They leave their insecurities,
their hang-ups at the door.

No mirrors in the bathrooms,
either.

-What?
-Can I get an amen, people?

-No.
-Mm, no mirrors means your demo

is uggos hiding
from their own reflections,

and even uggos don't
wanna look at other uggos,

so assuming you wanna stay open
for more than five minutes?

There will be mirrors,
ma babe.

There'll be mirrors, ma babe.

Aww. After the insensitive
word salad,

you called him "ma babe."

I did.
Hi.

Mm!
-This guy, eh?

Entrepreneurship's
brought out his BDE.

-Dad, don't.
-His Big --

Don't say that.Big Dorky Energy.

That's not
what it stands for.

Mm, this guy could have
a whole bouquet of dicks,

and he'd still be my slave,
so...

-Dicks.
-[ Clears throat ]

Later, bitches.
-Okay.

[ Hand slapping ]

C'mon, puppy.
You're driving me.

-Don't fall for that.
-No.

If you start falling
for that now,

you're never gonna get
out of it.Dude, dude, dude! Do--

And you're gonna be
driving her for years.

-[ Gasps ]
-Okay.

Suck it, Silvas!

Okay,
th-- that is disturbing.

You get used to it.I need a coffee.

So, what's the 411, kiddo?

You seem distracted.

Directions put me on
part time -- budget cuts.

And now, with two kids
on the way

and Emma still looking
for a job, it's...

Whatever.

Tell me.

I get it.

It makes perfect sense
to buy the Wilberg house

and raise the girls there.

But...

it kind of feels like
we're just circling back around

to living their life
instead of mine.

Right?What's the alternative?

Some weird,
woodsy poly-commune?

Hmm?

Dragging them off
to another suburb

just to prove
that you can?

You know, I miss you
walking on eggshells,

trying to win me over.Iz.

It's not just their house.

That's their home,right?

With their best friends
living across the street

and their two little girls.

They built
a good life there,

where everybody knows
your name.

What's happening?

"Cheers."

Okay.

No. Right. Okay.

Answer me this:

Are you still in love
with them?

More than ever.

Then you need to figure a way
to love their life, too.

Mm.

Are you trying
to mike-drop me right now?

Mm.

So amazing.

Um...hold on.

I'm just looking for a pen.

God, I buy twenty,
and they disappear.

I think we have a ghost.
[ Chuckles ]

Or there's
nothing supernatural afoot,

and I just have a weird habit of
storing pens all over my body.

[ Clatter ]

[ Muttering ]

Hello? You still there?

Fuck!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, guys.

[ Ringtone plays ]

[ Keyboard clacks,
ringtone stops ]

Hey!

Good morning, darling.

Busy day at work?
Well...

You look a little, uh...

gorgeous.

That's the word
I was gonna say -- "gorgeous."

I look a little gorgeous.

Yeah.
Thanks?

Oh.
Um, you try, you know --

Honey, they got me
this French press.

It's great. It is, like, some
of the best coffee I ever had.

And check this out, huh?
Look.

Can you see this?
Can you see that?

That's a -- That's a --
an Edible Arrangement.

Looks like a little pineapple
in the shape of flowers.

You ever seen that?

I'm gonna go crazy
on that thing.

Uh, why fruit?

Did you tell them
that travel constipates you?

You don't have to tell
everybody everything, David.

Hey, are you mad at me?
I feel like I'm sensing
that you're a little --

Mad? Why would I be mad?
I-I should be proud.Should be proud.

So you're saying you're not --
you're not proud of me?

Uh, so, where are you now?
Like, what city?

Uh, I am in...

Oh, boy,
I can't even keep track.

Oh, Sacramento.
[ Chuckles]

Jesus.
Man, I'm like a rock star,

just moving
around the country.

"Good morning, Sacramento!"

[ Computer chimes ]

What else is going on?
Where are the girls?

Uh, I locked them
in a supply closet.

Oh, good, good.
That's good.

Closet's good. There's a lot
of space, probably.

It's big.
There's a window.

Oh, perfect.
That's all they need.

They're like plants.

[ Sighs]
I miss you.

Um, it's been great.

Tell you, it's a little
stressful, though,

'cause they keep asking about
Books Two and Three, you know?

I keep trying to give off
the impression that I'm, like,

this genius full of ideas, but
I'm mysterious and enigmatic.

J.D. Salinger.

Don't know how long
I can pull that off.

I mean, I came up
with the first book idea

when I was watching
a "Fluppies" marathon,

hammered on rosé.

So maybe I should re-create
that whole type of magic.Ha ha ha ha!

That's a funny story, babe.

Is it breaking up
on your end, too?

Uh, no.
You're coming in perfectly.

Free...zing.

Can't...hear...boop...

Uh... Honey, you're --
you're clearly faking.

I just saw Scotty wave at me.

[ Keyboard clacks,
computer beeps ]

[ Man vocalizing ]

♪♪

[ Deliberately ]
Hello, Amy.

[ Sighs ]
[ Normal voice ] Great.

I sound like I'm gonna wash her
liver down with a good Chianti.

[ Breathes deeply ][ Footsteps approaching ]

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Babe, where to start?

Oh, my God.

Is it the flannel
or the jacket or the boots?

Yes, yes, yes, yes,
and hard yes.

You were Nathan's mentor,
okay?

That dynamic
never really changes.

[ Sighs ] What about you?
You nervous?

Ain't no thing.

Just need to correctly
pronounce French menu items

while trying to decide whether
I let her know I'm pregnant

or let her think it's
a [French accent] biére bell-ey.

Mm, when you go all French.Yeah?

Yeah.
Izzy: Yay!

You're open for business again?

Wow.
We will talk about that later.

I'm open for selfless service
to relax me before my interview.

Uh, pass, but I have a gift.

-Aww.
-It's symbolic.

Pumpkin spice. The official shit
candle of Hawthorne Heights.

-Oh, that's the good stuff.
-Starting to get

the human feces-
pumpkin spice connection.

-Pregnancy.
-Okay.

Over the next few days,

I'm going to sincerely try
to shed my prejudices

and love the 'burbs.

Like, totally buy the T-shirt.Mm, there really is a --

I'm not gonna buy the T-shirt,
Jack, but, um,

I'm gonna get a real job
with a real salary

so I can help us get the loan
for the house.

-Isabelle Silva, you are --
-Wait, wait, wait.

There's more. Sit.

Drum roll, please!

[ Hands tapping rapidly ]

Okay. Stop.

There's a gas leak, and
I'm the only one with a mask.

Okay, here it is:

It is almost
the one-year anniversary

of the day I showed up at
your front door like a weirdo,

so I'm planning my first
bougie suburban blowout!

Ha!
A night to forget,

assuming
I get properly wasted,

which I can
pretty much guarantee.

[ Laughs ]

Come here.

What's got you
all frisky?

-You, making an effort.
-I am.

-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, when I want some,

I clean the kitchen.

-Oh, really?
-Oh, yeah.

So hot.
-Is it?

So sexy.

Let's relax
before your interview.

Mm!

Mm. Mm.

-I can't. Seriously, I can't.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I have to leave
in like 10 minutes.

I know that sounds like
the dog ate my libido, but --

No, no, it's fine.Yeah, we're good.

Whenever you're ready.No.

No, I am gonna walk out
that door,

and you two
are gonna do the nasty.

[ Pops lips ]

But, seriously, get weird

because only having sex
in threes is a poly foul!

[ Whistles ]
-She's still doing that.

[ Laughs ]

It was never gonna happen,
but then she did...

Yeah, she totally ruined it
with that hand-gesture thing.

Later.
Yeah.

So, going out with one
of my many male friends.

Gonna have some beezos
with ma brah.

Oh, hey, um, P.S. --
No one says that.

So just -- just don't.

Also, if you plan on
having sex with me ever again,

you need to take off
these clothes -- now.

What's wrong with this?

Icare. I care.

♪ He-e-e-y, yo

♪ Let's go

♪ He-e-e-y

[ Piano music plays,
indistinct conversations ]

[ Clears throat ]

Well, turns out there
really is a Pinot Grigio bar

that serves nothing
but Pinot Grigio.

I did not know that.

Um, I mean,
it is called "Grigio."

Yeah, I just thought
it was Mexican.

You know, um, I was --

I was drunk most
of the summer after Jess left

and then gave up all booze
except white

because what man really wants
to binge white wine?

Yeah, or drink it at all.

[ Laughs ]

Uh,
I'm just messing with you.

That's it.
All right, man.

You know,
divorce laid me out, man.

Um, but now I'm getting
my act together,

really taking the wheel.

That was
one of the books I read.

[Loudly] "Take the Wheel!!!"

Ooh.

Do you have to yell it?

Well, it's got
three exclamation points, so...

Makes sense.
Yeah.

Anything else
you had to give up?

Uh, yeah, actually.

Uh, uh, red meat,
then meat of every hue.

Uh, carbs, sugar,
weed, television.

Replaced that all
with gallons of water,

at least an hour of cardio
a day,

meditation,
deep breathing...

Jesus.
So much self-flagellation.

You know, um, I got nuked.

And, uh,
it was the opposite of mutual.

So I won't be offended

if you find someone else
for ManFest 2019.

[ Sighs ]

You know, my dad was
a man among men, right?

He just really knew
how to hang. He...

Whenever his posse came over

for a basketball game
or something, he was --

You could just tell
he was the top dawg.

You know,
like everywhere he was

was the center of the room.

That's, uh...great?

[ Laughs ]
I'm sorry.

I've just been thinking
a lot about my dad lately

since I'm about to be one.

Right. Yeah.Mm.

Maybe we can help
each other.

Okay, yeah.

Cheers.
Cheers.

To manhood.

[ Gulps ]

Yes!

Ah-ha, the burn!
Mm!

That's some wicked fucking
Greezhe right there.

Yeah, you're, uh, ahem,
not supposed to --

You know what's even better
than a white-wine bar?

Hmm?
Absolutely everything.

[ Laughs ]
Okay.

But especially a bar
that hasn't opened yet.

Okay.

Yeah, I know a place.

I think one of my wives
is there.

Wait. What?

Amy: Emma, your qualifications
are impeccable.

Your references
gave glowing reports,

with the exception
of Dani Monro,

who called you
a traitorous pervert,

but she says that
about everybody.

Your portfolio
speaks for itself.

However, I am left
wondering one thing.

How I managed to kick
this much professional butt

in 27 short years?

S-Sorry. I, um -- I got
a little over my skis there.

Um, I'm really nervous.

Sure.
I'm not really 27.

Gasp. Astonishment.

What? No way.

[ Both chuckle ]

So, just tell me about
your work-life balance.

[ Chuckles ]

Come on, Amy. I get it.
I get it.

You're hesitant to hire
anyone who's in the family way

for such
a high-level position.

You know, can't risk me
bailing six months in.

But, um, well,
once I have the girls --

What's that?Huh?

You said "girls." Plural.

Shit. Uh...

I'm having twins.

Oh.

Yeah, but Jack and Izzy --

Wait. Izzy?
You already have a kid?

Hello? [ Chuckles ]

Sorry. I just realized
that this interview

is gonna go a whole lot better
if I just stop talking.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Rock music plays ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Speaks indistinctly ]Jack: Wait a second.

You're not at home,
alphabetizing the spice rack?

You're here
with Shaun and Nina?

-Hey, babe.
-What a surprise.

-What are you doing here?
-Hey.

-Hey. Mmmm!
-Nice T-shirts, hoss.

Going for the whole

Douchebag-Jason-Bateman-
in-"Juno" look?

No, this is actually --
The T-shirt-on-T-shirt look

is back in vogue,
I'll have you know.

Mnh.
You shoulda seen
what he was gonna wear.

It was -- It was very bad.

So, is this --
This is your new brah?

Yeah. This is one of
my many male friends, Nathan.

Nathan, Izzy.

Hello.
Hi. Hey.

Your hubby hired me
as a counselor

at The Hawthorne School,

and, uh, now I'm doing his job
better than he ever did.

-Mmmm!
-Ooh!

Nina: Ooh!
Super impressive.

Oh, by the way, um, Carlton
from "Fresh Prince" called,

and he wants
his sweet pink sweater back.

Oh, well, I mean,
it -- It's not pink.

It's -- It's Sunset Rose,

and it was actually
very expensive, so...Don't even bother.

You'll just make it worse
with her, right?

-Yeah.
-Yep.

Izzy is also a shrink.

She works with troubled teens
at Directions.
Oh.

Well, barely, since
the budget cuts, but, yes, I am.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

And, I mean, if you weren't
currently doing drugs,

I would ask
if you were interested

in the fulfilling world
of education.

Mm, thanks, but you can keep
your, uh, entitled rich kids

with their faux damage, and
I will continue saving the world

in just 18 hours a week.

[ Chuckles ]

Would you like some?

No, I am good, thank you.
I can't.

Said every man who paid too much
for a Sunset Rose sweater.

I can.

Hello, old friend.

Nina: Oh, shit!
You guys made it!

Awesome!
-Hey!

Shaun: Hey!
Drinks are on the house!

But only 'cause I can't
legally charge you for them yet.

Who wants shots?
Yeah?

-Oh, yeah.
-Go for it.

Shaun:
Straight for the top shelf, huh?

Nothing but the best for
all these non-paying customers.

Good. Awesome.
Have at it.

Mm!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Big Dog's off his leash!

Don't just stand there.
Bust a move.

Hey, check it out.[ Nail gun fires ]

-Shit!
-Nailed it!

-Babe, put it down.
-No.

That's a hard no,
John McClane.

-There you go.
-Thanks.

So, uh,
what're you drinking?

Oh, you know,
I'll have a club s-- It's fine.

You know, I-I've already had
my limit of Pinot Grigio, so...

That sentence is gonna --
is gonna haunt you for a while.

Mm.Hey, for shits and giggles,

why don't
you just pitch me this job?

Maybe I'll be interested.

Well, there it is, that unearned
twentysomething arrogance.

You know, if I didn't currently
have a stack of résumés

from way more qualified
candidates than you

who never once really dissed
this wonderful sweater, I --

You're not listening --

I wouldn't hire you.[ Group cheering ]

-Whoo-hoo!
-Here's the floss.

Man: Whoo! Whoo!

Wow. Uh, this is gonna end
poorly for Big Dog.

God, let's hope so.

I'm married to him.

So if you think I can't
create multiple humans,

maintain a healthy marriage
to two spouses,

and slay dragons at work,
then you haven't met me, lady,

because I am still
Emma Goddamn Trakarsky,

not some mobile incubator
who drops everything

to wipe babies' butts

and yell at passing cars
to slow down!

Ow! Ow.

D-Did you just say "ow"?Mm-hmm!

Mm, ahh!

Sorry. I feel like
I ate a couple puppies,

and they grew into
two very large Dobermans,

and they're currently trying
to eat their way out of me.

Oh, dear.
Yeah, but I'm --
I'm just gonna play it cool

until you tell me I'm
definitely not getting this job.

Yeah, you are definitely
not getting this job.

Okay.
No hard feelings.

I'm just gonna call 911.

[ Dialing ]

Hi.
This is Emma Trakarsky,

and, uh, yeah, I, um...
-Oh, dear.

Oh, my God,
I'm about to explode!

-Sorry.
-Yeah, no. No, no, no, no.

No need
to call Homeland Security.

Check, please.

[ Rock music plays,
indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

[ Cellphones ringing ]

♪♪

Jack. Izzy.

Jack! Izzy!

[ Cellphones chime ]

Jack. Izzy.
-Yeah?

♪♪

Can you turn down
the music?

Can you turn down
the fucking music?!

[ Music stops ]

Emma.

♪ No sun, and the sky is gray

♪ Find a good path
in the right place ♪

♪ And let all your little walls
fall away to the floor ♪

♪ You'll be thanking yourself
when you open the door ♪

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪ Keep moving

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪ Keep moving on

♪ Keep moving

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪ Keep moving

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ All you got to do
is keep moving ♪

♪♪

♪♪