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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:03,916 Last season on "You Me Her"... 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,092 [ Applause ]It's really happening. 3 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:06,876 Kylie: It is our two-month anniversary. 4 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,530 Emma: The things I'm gonna do to you when we get home... 5 00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:10,184 Emma: Uh, so, this is a bit awkward, but you 6 00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:12,099 postponed the last two scheduled signings, 7 00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:14,188 and I just want to make sure that we're still on for Monday. 8 00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:16,407 Yep. Tell Kylie and pop some corks. 9 00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,931 Are you sure that you left for the right reasons? 10 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,977 And you're still getting divorced Monday 11 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,979 and driving back to Seattle?Yes. 12 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,677 I texted Emma that Jack and I would be out of the loft all day 13 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,679 so she could come deal with all the shit that we've been storing. 14 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,029 Did Izzy not know you'd be here? 15 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,160 Of course she knew I'd be here. 16 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,901 I think she wants us to scream 17 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:34,034 and throws things at each other. 18 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,297 What the fuck? 19 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,386 What the three of us did here was special. 20 00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:39,822 I told you, Izzy, this was a mistake. 21 00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,606 If you walk out that door, don't call. 22 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:42,912 You are dead to me. 23 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,696 Well, congratulations. You're pregnant. 24 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,350 You have got to be fucking kidding me. 25 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:47,482 You have a right to know. 26 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,961 Izzy: Why is she here again? 27 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,138 She was at a meeting. 28 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,140 So why is my Spidey sense screaming 29 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:54,489 that something weird's going down? 30 00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,273 What the fuck are you doing here? 31 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,015 Yellow roses, the official flower of apology. 32 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,540 Em, what really matters is, what do you want? 33 00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:03,802 I want this baby. 34 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,761 And I want my husband. And Izzy. 35 00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:06,762 -...glad that you'll be -- -Iz! 36 00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:07,763 -What?! -I'm pregnant. 37 00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,330 And I'm keeping it. 38 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,462 I'm aware of how acutely fucked up this must seem. 39 00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,508 And seven months ago, I would've thought the same thing. 40 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,205 She is never gonna feel permanent 41 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,468 in yourworld with yourkid. 42 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,557 Jack: Actually, that's exactly what we were discussing on the way home. 43 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,037 We wanna make it official. 44 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,257 Wouldn't be my first Poly Commitment Ceremony. 45 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,302 If any one of us tries to leave again, 46 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,087 there's no coming back. 47 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:30,699 I hereby now pronounce you spiritually, soulfully, 48 00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:34,572 and lovingly committed to one another forever and ever. 49 00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,444 Whoo![ Cheers and applause ] 50 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:42,667 ♪♪ 51 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:45,279 [ Woman vocalizing ] 52 00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:52,373 ♪♪ 53 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:53,722 [ Snoring ] 54 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,072 ♪ When you can't think maybe 55 00:01:56,159 --> 00:02:00,076 ♪ Weighed down from the gridlock and the city sounds♪ 56 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:03,123 ♪ Throw your hands in the air and just wave 'em around ♪ 57 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,951 ♪ You'll be fine in the middle when your energy's out ♪ 58 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:09,085 ♪ When you can't sleep and it's still dark ♪ 59 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:12,088 ♪ Get a front piece in a brick wall ♪ 60 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:14,830 ♪ 'Cause I won't be mad at the end of the day ♪ 61 00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:18,312 ♪ Just knowing that you moved in a beautiful way ♪ 62 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:21,619 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 63 00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:22,968 ♪ Keep moving 64 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,666 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh 65 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,451 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 66 00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,149 ♪ Keep moving on 67 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,541 ♪ Keep moving 68 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:33,544 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 69 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,721 [ Alarm chimes ]Ah. Oh. [ Sighs ] 70 00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,420 Dear God, why is it so bright? 71 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,161 It's called morning. 72 00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,902 Happens almost every day here in lovely Hawthorne Heights. 73 00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,601 What do you say we, uh, break this little sex slump 74 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,124 before the nausea kicks in? 75 00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,952 Okay.Mm, too late. 76 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,127 Mm. 77 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,955 Just, um, start without me! 78 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,783 Ugh. 79 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:57,568 So, our pregnant wife just told us to have sex 80 00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,135 while listening to her barf.[ Emma coughing ] 81 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,093 I've never been so aroused. 82 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,183 Come closer and bring your penis. 83 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,141 [ Smooches ][ Toilet flushes ] 84 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,969 Coffee? Yeah. 85 00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,623 [ Grunts ] 86 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,278 ♪♪ 87 00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,758 [ Groans ] 88 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,718 [ Man vocalizing ] 89 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,851 ♪♪ 90 00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:22,202 You look nice. 91 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,507 Thank you. 92 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:25,683 Ooh. Watch out for these. 93 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,730 That's a household calamity waiting to happen. My boots? 94 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,298 How the hell did those get there?I don't know. 95 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,995 You think maybe, like, a burglar came in 96 00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:35,911 and tried on your boots and then used your toothbrush? 97 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,260 It's the only thing I can think of. 98 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:38,914 Very funny.Should we change the locks? 99 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,307 -[ Groans ] -Poor baby maker. 100 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,960 I'll get you tea. 101 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:44,354 Okay, I am officially the anchor in this relationship. 102 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,834 Just, you know, cut me loose. 103 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,488 I won't be bitter. 104 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:50,752 That's nonsense, honey. You are the wind and the sails. 105 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:52,623 God, at least soothe me credibly. 106 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,103 -That was pretty good. -Hey, you know, 107 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,758 there's more to life than sex, weed, and booze. 108 00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:58,412 [ Smooches ]No way. 109 00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:00,240 I know. It sounded very strange to me, too, but... 110 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,459 exhibit "A."Iz, that's really sweet, 111 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:03,721 but you must be so bored. 112 00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,419 I mean, good thing you work downtown 113 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,203 so you can grab a drink with Shaun and Nina, right? 114 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,552 Yeah. Totally. 115 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,251 Besides, traffic is a real bitch 116 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,948 when I get off my shift at Directions, so it works out. 117 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,079 -Yeah. -Mm. 118 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,516 And sometimes it stays bitchy 119 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,779 till, what, like, 2:07, 3:00 in the morning, 120 00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,781 depending on the night? -Yeah. 121 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,783 Wait a minute. So you're saying that a burglar didn't come in 122 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,524 and use her boots and her toothbrush?[ Gasps ] 123 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,613 So, have you guys just been getting your jollies off 124 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,616 at my expense?Hey, babe, seriously, just do your thing. 125 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,182 Actually, we all need to do our things. 126 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,619 Yep. 127 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:32,968 We're talking about masturbation, right? 128 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,274 [ Chuckles ] 129 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:35,623 Uh, I've been doing some research, 130 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,102 and it is becoming glaringly obvious 131 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,279 that we're doing poly, like, all wrong. 132 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,106 Did you know that trying to do everything in threes, 133 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:44,501 especially sex, is a [Whistles] poly foul? 134 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:46,503 That's very clever. Thank you. 135 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,026 But please don't ever do it again. 136 00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,637 So this mean you guys are cool 137 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:52,335 with me meeting Nathan Malik for happy hour? 138 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,119 Nathan from Hawthorne School?Yeah. 139 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:55,686 He went through a nasty divorce, 140 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,166 and I figured I could give him some support. 141 00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,515 Plus, Dave's not around. 142 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,300 He's on his stupid book tour, so... 143 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,693 Yeah, I guess you don't really have that many guy friends, huh? 144 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,782 Yes, I do. Who? 145 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,044 Uh, guy friends? Mm. 146 00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,132 Dave.Yeah, you have Dave. 147 00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:08,743 He's a good friend.Yeah. 148 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,614 Yeah, but didn't he just, like, come along with Carmen? 149 00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,661 Like, buy this now and get this furry little rascal for free? 150 00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,880 And G-Gabe. 151 00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,187 Well, he's -- he's your brother, 152 00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,058 so that's different.And a friend. Very good friend. 153 00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,321 [ Breathes deeply, clears throat ] 154 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,061 Now there's Nathan. 155 00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:26,543 Um, so, the baby doc appointment is Tuesday, right? 156 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:27,631 Yeah, the ninth. 157 00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:28,806 What, the ninth?Yeah. 158 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,025 T-Today is the ninth.Shit. 159 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,418 Yeah, how is it Tuesday already? 160 00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:33,071 We got to get going, guys. Come on. Yeah. 161 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,464 [ Cellphone rings ] 162 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:35,900 It's Helen Wilberg. 163 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,119 [ Cellphone beeps ] 164 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,686 Hello, Helen. 165 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:41,776 No, we're s-- We're definitely still interested, so... 166 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,823 Okay. Well, thank you for the heads-up. 167 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:47,390 We -- We will. Great. 168 00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:49,087 [ Cellphone beeps ]Shit. 169 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,133 That is not optimal.What? 170 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,265 Somebody put a full-price offer on this house. 171 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,224 She's gonna do us a landlord solid 172 00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:57,052 and give us 72 hours to match it. 173 00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,141 Looks like the Hawthorne Heights decision window 174 00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,970 just got a whole lot smaller. -Mm. 175 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,406 Yeah. 176 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:04,799 Could this morning be any more stressful? 177 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:05,843 Dude! 178 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,062 Ooh, don't say that. 179 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:08,629 Guys, that's not a thing. 180 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,195 I didn't just "hex" us. 181 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,459 I'm having what?! Calm down. 182 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:13,982 They're twins, normal human girls, 183 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,810 not aliens or devil children. 184 00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,420 You said you wanted two kids, right? 185 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:18,769 So you knocked 'em out with one swing. 186 00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:19,988 Yeah, I did. 187 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,294 A month ago, there was just one. 188 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,340 Check again. Check again! 189 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:25,776 Little sister was hiding. 190 00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,517 Give her the weird ancestor name. 191 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,736 Vengeance is yours. 192 00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:30,172 Huh. 193 00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,522 [ Chuckles ] Oh, God. 194 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:33,741 Are you okay? 195 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,482 Oh, I mean, come on. 196 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:38,180 I'm sorry. It's just [Sighs] 197 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,400 I mean, God damn it. 198 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:43,620 There's too much estrogen in this room, I guess. 199 00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,231 I know feelings are hard. 200 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,799 So would it help to clumsily explain things 201 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,062 that we already know in this room? 202 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:53,891 No. It's unbelievable. 203 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:57,025 You know that fetuses require estrogen? 204 00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,070 To grow. Whether they're male or female. 205 00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,290 In fact, twins require not two times as much, 206 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,031 but three times as much. 207 00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,859 Thanks, Jack. 208 00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,208 Sure. 209 00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,210 There it is. 210 00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:13,563 ♪♪ 211 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,130 Carm, you know I'd love to watch the girls, 212 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:16,784 but, um, the doc said 213 00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,263 I have bed rest. "Bed rest"? 214 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,265 I didn't hear her say "bed rest." 215 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:23,225 Ooh, you better sharpen up your lying skills there, Em. 216 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,792 It's a vital part of parenting. 217 00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:27,447 My God, you're having twins!Yeah, I heard. 218 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:31,494 Hey, you know what's a perfect training for raising two girls? 219 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,756 Two girls. 220 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,541 Carm, I seriously wanna help, I do, 221 00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:36,151 but if I want to nail this interview tonight, 222 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:37,457 I gotta prep like crazy, and, you know, 223 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:38,980 you are the one who said, 224 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,982 "Can't work at home with kids," so... 225 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,375 Wait, you're still doing that after what the doctor said? 226 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,944 Remember? With your history and your advanced ag-- 227 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:50,208 Based mostly on your history, 228 00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,559 we need to be careful, right? 229 00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:53,864 Carmen, would you like a coffee? 230 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,387 I would love one.Great. 231 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,215 But let's just take a beat to get real, okay? 232 00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,914 Because, right now, we wouldn't qualify for a bicycle loan. 233 00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,655 And you know what's more expensive than one kid? 234 00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:04,309 Let me guess: Two kids?Yeah. 235 00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,834 So unless Mr. Academia or Ms. Nonprofit 236 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,052 have any other ideas... 237 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,663 Uh, hey, sorry. 238 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,665 Did I black out and we voted to buy this place and -- 239 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,057 [ Whistling ] 240 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,581 Poly foul. No voting. 241 00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:15,973 Reinforces couples privilege. 242 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,148 She does that now?She does. 243 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,280 It's super fun. 244 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,151 Poly foul! 245 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,153 Oh, you see? They listen. 246 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,025 They're good sounding boards. 247 00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:27,332 So, Em, did we decide to buy this place and I missed it? 248 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:28,508 What happened to, um, you know 249 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,335 [Deep voice] "It's good for now. 250 00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,381 [ High-pitched voice ] Buys us time to see if you really hate it 251 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,513 or really, really hate it here." 252 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,166 Is that -- Is that me or him? 253 00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:37,081 I can't tell.Yeah, it's a terrible impression. 254 00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:39,127 [ Normal voice ] Oh, it's...You got to work on your skills. 255 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,651 It's EmJack. It's a composite. 256 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,261 Okay, well, listen, 257 00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:45,699 we'll talk Hawthorne Heights pros and cons tonight, okay? 258 00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,570 That sounds like so much fun.Yeah. 259 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:48,658 You should come, Carm. 260 00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,834 Mnh-mnh.Bye, babe. 261 00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,708 Will you at least take a nap? 262 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,536 No. 263 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,450 Not tired. 264 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:02,367 [ Door closes ]Well, I'm just gonna put this in a travel mug 265 00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:04,805 'cause I need the caffeine on my way to work, and... 266 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,589 Okay, Carm, I can't take the guilt. 267 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,548 Just please sedate them 268 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,115 and tell them not to shit or talk till you get back. 269 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,944 Nah, I'll exploit an intern. 270 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:16,294 But you damn well better knock it out of the park tonight. 271 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,340 Oh. Come here. 272 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,776 Oh, my God, tell me something 273 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,430 so I feel a little less crazy. 274 00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:24,259 Hmm. Well, work has been insane, I'm still waiting to hear 275 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:25,913 about The Portland Byline Award nomination, 276 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,090 which I damn well better get because it's a circle jerk 277 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,005 with a million hyper-specific categories, 278 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,398 and so everybody, including the plumber, gets a nomination, 279 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,748 and, oh... 280 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,532 and I hate my husband. Do you wanna know why? 281 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,055 Because it took him like two minutes 282 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,796 to sell a socially significant children's book 283 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,929 while already basking in sexist and hyperbolic acclaim 284 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,017 for tending to his own children? 285 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,366 Or for selling said book 286 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,672 when you're the writer in the family, 287 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,064 then going on a cushy West Coast tour 288 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,284 while you slowly spiral into madness? 289 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,112 What kind of witch are you? 290 00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,461 The kind who's a really good listener 291 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:53,810 and loves your scrambled eggs 292 00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,812 with smoked salmon and cream cheese? 293 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,815 [ Baby voice ] Pwease, will you make you some? 294 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,253 Did you just try to baby talk me into cooking for you? 295 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,429 Did it wook? [ Sighs ] 296 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:05,648 If you weren't pregnant... 297 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,302 [ Normal voice ] Marry me! 298 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,696 Stop proposing to everybody who's nice to you. 299 00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,654 You're not wrong. 300 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:15,571 [ Laughs ] Sorry. One more time. 301 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,094 [ Clears throat ] 302 00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,530 [ Laughing ] 303 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,536 Oh, man, and this -- this happened 304 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,278 right after you found out you have three days 305 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:28,671 to decide on Hawthorne Heights? 306 00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,933 Okay, give me the picture, 307 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,631 or else it's a double titty twister. 308 00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,329 No. Whatever. You're never gonna find my nipples in this bra. 309 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,070 Anyway, I've got a session. 310 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,158 You wrecked it. 311 00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,116 Wow. "I've got a session." 312 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,162 I never thought I'd actually be saying that 313 00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,946 as the therapist and not the patient. 314 00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,034 Like... 315 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,341 Are you okay? 316 00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:47,821 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 317 00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,518 Shaun: Definitely no mirror behind the bar. 318 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,520 -Well, you're the boss, boss. -Yeah. 319 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:52,782 This is that place where you come 320 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,436 to get away from that shit, you know? 321 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,830 They leave their insecurities, their hang-ups at the door. 322 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,222 No mirrors in the bathrooms, either. 323 00:10:58,309 --> 00:10:59,833 -What? -Can I get an amen, people? 324 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,748 -No. -Mm, no mirrors means your demo 325 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,488 is uggos hiding from their own reflections, 326 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,795 and even uggos don't wanna look at other uggos, 327 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:08,450 so assuming you wanna stay open for more than five minutes? 328 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,191 There will be mirrors, ma babe. 329 00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,496 There'll be mirrors, ma babe. 330 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,585 Aww. After the insensitive word salad, 331 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,674 you called him "ma babe." 332 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:15,849 I did. Hi. 333 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,981 Mm! -This guy, eh? 334 00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:20,027 Entrepreneurship's brought out his BDE. 335 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,158 -Dad, don't. -His Big -- 336 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,073 Don't say that.Big Dorky Energy. 337 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,727 That's not what it stands for. 338 00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:26,598 Mm, this guy could have a whole bouquet of dicks, 339 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,165 and he'd still be my slave, so... 340 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,602 -Dicks. -[ Clears throat ] 341 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,866 Later, bitches. -Okay. 342 00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,346 [ Hand slapping ] 343 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:36,478 C'mon, puppy. You're driving me. 344 00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:37,609 -Don't fall for that. -No. 345 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,394 If you start falling for that now, 346 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,004 you're never gonna get out of it.Dude, dude, dude! Do-- 347 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:42,266 And you're gonna be driving her for years. 348 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:43,224 -[ Gasps ] -Okay. 349 00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:45,008 Suck it, Silvas! 350 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,360 Okay, th-- that is disturbing. 351 00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,623 You get used to it.I need a coffee. 352 00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,279 So, what's the 411, kiddo? 353 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:57,586 You seem distracted. 354 00:11:57,673 --> 00:12:00,632 Directions put me on part time -- budget cuts. 355 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,287 And now, with two kids on the way 356 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:06,638 and Emma still looking for a job, it's... 357 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,771 Whatever. 358 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,120 Tell me. 359 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:11,861 I get it. 360 00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:15,125 It makes perfect sense to buy the Wilberg house 361 00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:17,475 and raise the girls there. 362 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,390 But... 363 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,653 it kind of feels like we're just circling back around 364 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,481 to living their life instead of mine. 365 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:25,788 Right?What's the alternative? 366 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,834 Some weird, woodsy poly-commune? 367 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,183 Hmm? 368 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,532 Dragging them off to another suburb 369 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:31,968 just to prove that you can? 370 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,491 You know, I miss you walking on eggshells, 371 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,886 trying to win me over.Iz. 372 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,714 It's not just their house. 373 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,934 That's their home,right? 374 00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:42,892 With their best friends living across the street 375 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,372 and their two little girls. 376 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,765 They built a good life there, 377 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,942 where everybody knows your name. 378 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,160 What's happening? 379 00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:51,335 "Cheers." 380 00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,424 Okay. 381 00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,818 No. Right. Okay. 382 00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,211 Answer me this: 383 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,821 Are you still in love with them? 384 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:00,605 More than ever. 385 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:04,566 Then you need to figure a way to love their life, too. 386 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,264 Mm. 387 00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,440 Are you trying to mike-drop me right now? 388 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,573 Mm. 389 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,793 So amazing. 390 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,751 Um...hold on. 391 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,144 I'm just looking for a pen. 392 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,450 God, I buy twenty, and they disappear. 393 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,757 I think we have a ghost. [ Chuckles ] 394 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,541 Or there's nothing supernatural afoot, 395 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,631 and I just have a weird habit of storing pens all over my body. 396 00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:27,981 [ Clatter ] 397 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,460 [ Muttering ] 398 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,419 Hello? You still there? 399 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:32,899 Fuck! 400 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,944 I'm sorry. 401 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,337 I'm sorry, guys. 402 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:38,513 [ Ringtone plays ] 403 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:44,562 [ Keyboard clacks, ringtone stops ] 404 00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:45,650 Hey! 405 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:47,478 Good morning, darling. 406 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,437 Busy day at work? Well... 407 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,134 You look a little, uh... 408 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,788 gorgeous. 409 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,485 That's the word I was gonna say -- "gorgeous." 410 00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:56,357 I look a little gorgeous. 411 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:57,488 Yeah. Thanks? 412 00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:58,968 Oh. Um, you try, you know -- 413 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,883 Honey, they got me this French press. 414 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,537 It's great. It is, like, some of the best coffee I ever had. 415 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,017 And check this out, huh? Look. 416 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,019 Can you see this? Can you see that? 417 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:08,630 That's a -- That's a -- an Edible Arrangement. 418 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,719 Looks like a little pineapple in the shape of flowers. 419 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,155 You ever seen that? 420 00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:13,504 I'm gonna go crazy on that thing. 421 00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,028 Uh, why fruit? 422 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,160 Did you tell them that travel constipates you? 423 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,467 You don't have to tell everybody everything, David. 424 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,861 Hey, are you mad at me? I feel like I'm sensing that you're a little -- 425 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,820 Mad? Why would I be mad? I-I should be proud.Should be proud. 426 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,430 So you're saying you're not -- you're not proud of me? 427 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,823 Uh, so, where are you now? Like, what city? 428 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,738 Uh, I am in... 429 00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,566 Oh, boy, I can't even keep track. 430 00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:32,872 Oh, Sacramento. [ Chuckles] 431 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,525 Jesus. Man, I'm like a rock star, 432 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,700 just moving around the country. 433 00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,485 "Good morning, Sacramento!" 434 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,095 [ Computer chimes ] 435 00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:42,055 What else is going on? Where are the girls? 436 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,318 Uh, I locked them in a supply closet. 437 00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:46,146 Oh, good, good. That's good. 438 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,191 Closet's good. There's a lot of space, probably. 439 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,627 It's big. There's a window. 440 00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:51,151 Oh, perfect. That's all they need. 441 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,979 They're like plants. 442 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,371 [ Sighs] I miss you. 443 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,938 Um, it's been great. 444 00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:57,766 Tell you, it's a little stressful, though, 445 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,986 'cause they keep asking about Books Two and Three, you know? 446 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,813 I keep trying to give off the impression that I'm, like, 447 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,642 this genius full of ideas, but I'm mysterious and enigmatic. 448 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,209 J.D. Salinger. 449 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:07,819 Don't know how long I can pull that off. 450 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,952 I mean, I came up with the first book idea 451 00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,432 when I was watching a "Fluppies" marathon, 452 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,564 hammered on rosé. 453 00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,871 So maybe I should re-create that whole type of magic.Ha ha ha ha! 454 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,481 That's a funny story, babe. 455 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,092 Is it breaking up on your end, too? 456 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,311 Uh, no. You're coming in perfectly. 457 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,009 Free...zing. 458 00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,359 Can't...hear...boop... 459 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,753 Uh... Honey, you're -- you're clearly faking. 460 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,973 I just saw Scotty wave at me. 461 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,583 [ Keyboard clacks, computer beeps ] 462 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,241 [ Man vocalizing ] 463 00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:46,684 ♪♪ 464 00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:47,859 [ Deliberately ] Hello, Amy. 465 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,818 [ Sighs ] [ Normal voice ] Great. 466 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,473 I sound like I'm gonna wash her liver down with a good Chianti. 467 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,301 [ Breathes deeply ][ Footsteps approaching ] 468 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,825 Oh, sweet Jesus. 469 00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,218 Babe, where to start? 470 00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,697 Oh, my God. 471 00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:02,570 Is it the flannel or the jacket or the boots? 472 00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:06,487 Yes, yes, yes, yes, and hard yes. 473 00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,750 You were Nathan's mentor, okay? 474 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,665 That dynamic never really changes. 475 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,058 [ Sighs ] What about you? You nervous? 476 00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,711 Ain't no thing. 477 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,670 Just need to correctly pronounce French menu items 478 00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:18,238 while trying to decide whether I let her know I'm pregnant 479 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,283 or let her think it's a [French accent] biére bell-ey. 480 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,763 Mm, when you go all French.Yeah? 481 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:22,938 Yeah. Izzy: Yay! 482 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,287 You're open for business again? 483 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,855 Wow. We will talk about that later. 484 00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,031 I'm open for selfless service to relax me before my interview. 485 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:30,685 Uh, pass, but I have a gift. 486 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:33,035 -Aww. -It's symbolic. 487 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:36,734 Pumpkin spice. The official shit candle of Hawthorne Heights. 488 00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,214 -Oh, that's the good stuff. -Starting to get 489 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,086 the human feces- pumpkin spice connection. 490 00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,478 -Pregnancy. -Okay. 491 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,480 Over the next few days, 492 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:46,657 I'm going to sincerely try to shed my prejudices 493 00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,355 and love the 'burbs. 494 00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,313 Like, totally buy the T-shirt.Mm, there really is a -- 495 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,229 I'm not gonna buy the T-shirt, Jack, but, um, 496 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,536 I'm gonna get a real job with a real salary 497 00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:58,495 so I can help us get the loan for the house. 498 00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,758 -Isabelle Silva, you are -- -Wait, wait, wait. 499 00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,543 There's more. Sit. 500 00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,590 Drum roll, please! 501 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:08,940 [ Hands tapping rapidly ] 502 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,334 Okay. Stop. 503 00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:13,858 There's a gas leak, and I'm the only one with a mask. 504 00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,512 Okay, here it is: 505 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,732 It is almost the one-year anniversary 506 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,387 of the day I showed up at your front door like a weirdo, 507 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:25,131 so I'm planning my first bougie suburban blowout! 508 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:26,915 Ha! A night to forget, 509 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,264 assuming I get properly wasted, 510 00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,745 which I can pretty much guarantee. 511 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:31,833 [ Laughs ] 512 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,575 Come here. 513 00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:35,924 What's got you all frisky? 514 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,621 -You, making an effort. -I am. 515 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:38,796 -Mm-hmm. -Yeah, when I want some, 516 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:39,841 I clean the kitchen. 517 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:40,842 -Oh, really? -Oh, yeah. 518 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,235 So hot. -Is it? 519 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:44,193 So sexy. 520 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,499 Let's relax before your interview. 521 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:46,717 Mm! 522 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,851 Mm. Mm. 523 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,027 -I can't. Seriously, I can't. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 524 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,724 I have to leave in like 10 minutes. 525 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,596 I know that sounds like the dog ate my libido, but -- 526 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,598 No, no, it's fine.Yeah, we're good. 527 00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,078 Whenever you're ready.No. 528 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,080 No, I am gonna walk out that door, 529 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,907 and you two are gonna do the nasty. 530 00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,170 [ Pops lips ] 531 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,736 But, seriously, get weird 532 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:08,696 because only having sex in threes is a poly foul! 533 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:09,871 [ Whistles ] -She's still doing that. 534 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,438 [ Laughs ] 535 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:13,092 It was never gonna happen, but then she did... 536 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,703 Yeah, she totally ruined it with that hand-gesture thing. 537 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,139 Later. Yeah. 538 00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,315 So, going out with one of my many male friends. 539 00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:21,448 Gonna have some beezos with ma brah. 540 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,146 Oh, hey, um, P.S. -- No one says that. 541 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,756 So just -- just don't. 542 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:29,978 Also, if you plan on having sex with me ever again, 543 00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:33,808 you need to take off these clothes -- now. 544 00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,375 What's wrong with this? 545 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,681 Icare. I care. 546 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:41,120 ♪ He-e-e-y, yo 547 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,164 ♪ Let's go 548 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,731 ♪ He-e-e-y 549 00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:47,300 [ Piano music plays, indistinct conversations ] 550 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,692 [ Clears throat ] 551 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:54,176 Well, turns out there really is a Pinot Grigio bar 552 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,265 that serves nothing but Pinot Grigio. 553 00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:58,398 I did not know that. 554 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:01,357 Um, I mean, it is called "Grigio." 555 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:04,055 Yeah, I just thought it was Mexican. 556 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,449 You know, um, I was -- 557 00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:09,409 I was drunk most of the summer after Jess left 558 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:12,325 and then gave up all booze except white 559 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,676 because what man really wants to binge white wine? 560 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,504 Yeah, or drink it at all. 561 00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:18,635 [ Laughs ] 562 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,464 Uh, I'm just messing with you. 563 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,074 That's it. All right, man. 564 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164 You know, divorce laid me out, man. 565 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,601 Um, but now I'm getting my act together, 566 00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:28,993 really taking the wheel. 567 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,299 That was one of the books I read. 568 00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:31,387 [Loudly] "Take the Wheel!!!" 569 00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:32,823 Ooh. 570 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:35,478 Do you have to yell it? 571 00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:38,089 Well, it's got three exclamation points, so... 572 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,830 Makes sense. Yeah. 573 00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,745 Anything else you had to give up? 574 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,530 Uh, yeah, actually. 575 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:46,533 Uh, uh, red meat, then meat of every hue. 576 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:49,666 Uh, carbs, sugar, weed, television. 577 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,669 Replaced that all with gallons of water, 578 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,105 at least an hour of cardio a day, 579 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,716 meditation, deep breathing... 580 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:58,719 Jesus. So much self-flagellation. 581 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:02,288 You know, um, I got nuked. 582 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:06,553 And, uh, it was the opposite of mutual. 583 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:11,035 So I won't be offended 584 00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:14,474 if you find someone else for ManFest 2019. 585 00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:16,084 [ Sighs ] 586 00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:20,349 You know, my dad was a man among men, right? 587 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,656 He just really knew how to hang. He... 588 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,266 Whenever his posse came over 589 00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:26,877 for a basketball game or something, he was -- 590 00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,357 You could just tell he was the top dawg. 591 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:29,706 You know, like everywhere he was 592 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:31,404 was the center of the room. 593 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,407 That's, uh...great? 594 00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:36,104 [ Laughs ] I'm sorry. 595 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:38,759 I've just been thinking a lot about my dad lately 596 00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,195 since I'm about to be one. 597 00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:42,458 Right. Yeah.Mm. 598 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,068 Maybe we can help each other. 599 00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:46,288 Okay, yeah. 600 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,985 Cheers. Cheers. 601 00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:49,726 To manhood. 602 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,119 [ Gulps ] 603 00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,338 Yes! 604 00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,818 Ah-ha, the burn! Mm! 605 00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:57,081 That's some wicked fucking Greezhe right there. 606 00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:59,823 Yeah, you're, uh, ahem, not supposed to -- 607 00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:01,564 You know what's even better than a white-wine bar? 608 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:03,479 Hmm? Absolutely everything. 609 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:04,915 [ Laughs ] Okay. 610 00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:07,396 But especially a bar that hasn't opened yet. 611 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,397 Okay. 612 00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:09,703 Yeah, I know a place. 613 00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:10,878 I think one of my wives is there. 614 00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:14,011 Wait. What? 615 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:17,276 Amy: Emma, your qualifications are impeccable. 616 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,016 Your references gave glowing reports, 617 00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,714 with the exception of Dani Monro, 618 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,019 who called you a traitorous pervert, 619 00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,978 but she says that about everybody. 620 00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,676 Your portfolio speaks for itself. 621 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:29,549 However, I am left wondering one thing. 622 00:21:29,636 --> 00:21:31,638 How I managed to kick this much professional butt 623 00:21:31,725 --> 00:21:33,640 in 27 short years? 624 00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:36,512 S-Sorry. I, um -- I got a little over my skis there. 625 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,122 Um, I'm really nervous. 626 00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:40,473 Sure. I'm not really 27. 627 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,213 Gasp. Astonishment. 628 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,389 What? No way. 629 00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:44,781 [ Both chuckle ] 630 00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:48,829 So, just tell me about your work-life balance. 631 00:21:48,916 --> 00:21:51,222 [ Chuckles ] 632 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,399 Come on, Amy. I get it. I get it. 633 00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,966 You're hesitant to hire anyone who's in the family way 634 00:21:56,053 --> 00:21:57,533 for such a high-level position. 635 00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:59,361 You know, can't risk me bailing six months in. 636 00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:01,581 But, um, well, once I have the girls -- 637 00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:03,409 What's that?Huh? 638 00:22:03,496 --> 00:22:04,714 You said "girls." Plural. 639 00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:07,587 Shit. Uh... 640 00:22:07,674 --> 00:22:09,153 I'm having twins. 641 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:10,241 Oh. 642 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,678 Yeah, but Jack and Izzy -- 643 00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:13,593 Wait. Izzy? You already have a kid? 644 00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:18,685 Hello? [ Chuckles ] 645 00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:20,774 Sorry. I just realized that this interview 646 00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:22,993 is gonna go a whole lot better if I just stop talking. 647 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,517 [ Chuckles ] 648 00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,996 [ Rock music plays ] 649 00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:30,653 [ Laughs ] 650 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:32,829 [ Speaks indistinctly ]Jack: Wait a second. 651 00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:35,092 You're not at home, alphabetizing the spice rack? 652 00:22:35,179 --> 00:22:36,180 You're here with Shaun and Nina? 653 00:22:36,267 --> 00:22:37,356 -Hey, babe. -What a surprise. 654 00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:38,661 -What are you doing here? -Hey. 655 00:22:38,748 --> 00:22:39,923 -Hey. Mmmm! -Nice T-shirts, hoss. 656 00:22:40,010 --> 00:22:41,316 Going for the whole 657 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:42,970 Douchebag-Jason-Bateman- in-"Juno" look? 658 00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,102 No, this is actually -- The T-shirt-on-T-shirt look 659 00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:46,887 is back in vogue, I'll have you know. 660 00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:48,584 Mnh. You shoulda seen what he was gonna wear. 661 00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:49,933 It was -- It was very bad. 662 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,196 So, is this -- This is your new brah? 663 00:22:52,283 --> 00:22:55,765 Yeah. This is one of my many male friends, Nathan. 664 00:22:55,852 --> 00:22:56,766 Nathan, Izzy. 665 00:22:56,853 --> 00:22:58,072 Hello. Hi. Hey. 666 00:22:58,159 --> 00:22:59,595 Your hubby hired me as a counselor 667 00:22:59,682 --> 00:23:01,162 at The Hawthorne School, 668 00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:03,382 and, uh, now I'm doing his job better than he ever did. 669 00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:04,600 -Mmmm! -Ooh! 670 00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:06,515 Nina: Ooh! Super impressive. 671 00:23:06,602 --> 00:23:09,518 Oh, by the way, um, Carlton from "Fresh Prince" called, 672 00:23:09,605 --> 00:23:11,651 and he wants his sweet pink sweater back. 673 00:23:11,738 --> 00:23:13,435 Oh, well, I mean, it -- It's not pink. 674 00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:15,306 It's -- It's Sunset Rose, 675 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,786 and it was actually very expensive, so...Don't even bother. 676 00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:18,266 You'll just make it worse with her, right? 677 00:23:18,353 --> 00:23:20,137 -Yeah. -Yep. 678 00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:21,835 Izzy is also a shrink. 679 00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,967 She works with troubled teens at Directions. Oh. 680 00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,709 Well, barely, since the budget cuts, but, yes, I am. 681 00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:28,232 Well, I'm sorry to hear that. 682 00:23:28,319 --> 00:23:30,539 And, I mean, if you weren't currently doing drugs, 683 00:23:30,626 --> 00:23:32,889 I would ask if you were interested 684 00:23:32,976 --> 00:23:34,674 in the fulfilling world of education. 685 00:23:34,761 --> 00:23:38,504 Mm, thanks, but you can keep your, uh, entitled rich kids 686 00:23:38,591 --> 00:23:40,723 with their faux damage, and I will continue saving the world 687 00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:43,247 in just 18 hours a week. 688 00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:44,292 [ Chuckles ] 689 00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:45,554 Would you like some? 690 00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:48,122 No, I am good, thank you. I can't. 691 00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:51,604 Said every man who paid too much for a Sunset Rose sweater. 692 00:23:51,691 --> 00:23:53,214 I can. 693 00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:54,433 Hello, old friend. 694 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,609 Nina: Oh, shit! You guys made it! 695 00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:57,914 Awesome! -Hey! 696 00:23:58,001 --> 00:24:00,395 Shaun: Hey! Drinks are on the house! 697 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:03,354 But only 'cause I can't legally charge you for them yet. 698 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,966 Who wants shots? Yeah? 699 00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:07,271 -Oh, yeah. -Go for it. 700 00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:08,925 Shaun: Straight for the top shelf, huh? 701 00:24:09,012 --> 00:24:11,014 Nothing but the best for all these non-paying customers. 702 00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:13,234 Good. Awesome. Have at it. 703 00:24:13,321 --> 00:24:14,409 Mm! 704 00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:15,584 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 705 00:24:15,671 --> 00:24:17,151 Big Dog's off his leash! 706 00:24:17,238 --> 00:24:18,805 Don't just stand there. Bust a move. 707 00:24:18,892 --> 00:24:20,067 Hey, check it out.[ Nail gun fires ] 708 00:24:20,154 --> 00:24:21,242 -Shit! -Nailed it! 709 00:24:21,329 --> 00:24:22,417 -Babe, put it down. -No. 710 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:24,288 That's a hard no, John McClane. 711 00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:25,594 -There you go. -Thanks. 712 00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:27,204 So, uh, what're you drinking? 713 00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:29,250 Oh, you know, I'll have a club s-- It's fine. 714 00:24:29,337 --> 00:24:32,427 You know, I-I've already had my limit of Pinot Grigio, so... 715 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,343 That sentence is gonna -- is gonna haunt you for a while. 716 00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:37,258 Mm.Hey, for shits and giggles, 717 00:24:37,345 --> 00:24:38,999 why don't you just pitch me this job? 718 00:24:39,086 --> 00:24:40,957 Maybe I'll be interested. 719 00:24:41,044 --> 00:24:44,265 Well, there it is, that unearned twentysomething arrogance. 720 00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:47,398 You know, if I didn't currently have a stack of résumés 721 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,444 from way more qualified candidates than you 722 00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:52,882 who never once really dissed this wonderful sweater, I -- 723 00:24:52,969 --> 00:24:54,797 You're not listening -- 724 00:24:54,884 --> 00:24:57,321 I wouldn't hire you.[ Group cheering ] 725 00:24:57,408 --> 00:24:58,671 -Whoo-hoo! -Here's the floss. 726 00:24:58,758 --> 00:25:00,760 Man: Whoo! Whoo! 727 00:25:00,847 --> 00:25:04,546 Wow. Uh, this is gonna end poorly for Big Dog. 728 00:25:04,633 --> 00:25:07,070 God, let's hope so. 729 00:25:07,157 --> 00:25:09,769 I'm married to him. 730 00:25:09,856 --> 00:25:11,771 So if you think I can't create multiple humans, 731 00:25:11,858 --> 00:25:13,642 maintain a healthy marriage to two spouses, 732 00:25:13,729 --> 00:25:15,644 and slay dragons at work, then you haven't met me, lady, 733 00:25:15,731 --> 00:25:17,994 because I am still Emma Goddamn Trakarsky, 734 00:25:18,081 --> 00:25:19,692 not some mobile incubator who drops everything 735 00:25:19,779 --> 00:25:20,997 to wipe babies' butts 736 00:25:21,084 --> 00:25:23,130 and yell at passing cars to slow down! 737 00:25:23,217 --> 00:25:25,001 Ow! Ow. 738 00:25:25,088 --> 00:25:26,699 D-Did you just say "ow"?Mm-hmm! 739 00:25:26,786 --> 00:25:28,439 Mm, ahh! 740 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,703 Sorry. I feel like I ate a couple puppies, 741 00:25:30,790 --> 00:25:32,574 and they grew into two very large Dobermans, 742 00:25:32,661 --> 00:25:35,098 and they're currently trying to eat their way out of me. 743 00:25:35,185 --> 00:25:38,101 Oh, dear. Yeah, but I'm -- I'm just gonna play it cool 744 00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:41,583 until you tell me I'm definitely not getting this job. 745 00:25:41,670 --> 00:25:46,196 Yeah, you are definitely not getting this job. 746 00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:48,285 Okay. No hard feelings. 747 00:25:48,372 --> 00:25:50,287 I'm just gonna call 911. 748 00:25:50,374 --> 00:25:51,462 [ Dialing ] 749 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:53,987 Hi. This is Emma Trakarsky, 750 00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:55,902 and, uh, yeah, I, um... -Oh, dear. 751 00:25:55,989 --> 00:25:57,817 Oh, my God, I'm about to explode! 752 00:25:57,904 --> 00:25:59,688 -Sorry. -Yeah, no. No, no, no, no. 753 00:25:59,775 --> 00:26:01,995 No need to call Homeland Security. 754 00:26:02,082 --> 00:26:03,823 Check, please. 755 00:26:03,910 --> 00:26:06,608 [ Rock music plays, indistinct conversations ] 756 00:26:06,695 --> 00:26:09,698 ♪♪ 757 00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:12,179 [ Cellphones ringing ] 758 00:26:12,266 --> 00:26:16,052 ♪♪ 759 00:26:16,139 --> 00:26:18,838 Jack. Izzy. 760 00:26:18,925 --> 00:26:22,145 Jack! Izzy! 761 00:26:22,232 --> 00:26:24,365 [ Cellphones chime ] 762 00:26:25,758 --> 00:26:27,847 Jack. Izzy. -Yeah? 763 00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:32,025 ♪♪ 764 00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:33,679 Can you turn down the music? 765 00:26:35,245 --> 00:26:37,160 Can you turn down the fucking music?! 766 00:26:37,247 --> 00:26:38,553 [ Music stops ] 767 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,381 Emma. 768 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:42,775 ♪ No sun, and the sky is gray 769 00:26:42,862 --> 00:26:45,821 ♪ Find a good path in the right place ♪ 770 00:26:45,908 --> 00:26:48,824 ♪ And let all your little walls fall away to the floor ♪ 771 00:26:48,911 --> 00:26:52,611 ♪ You'll be thanking yourself when you open the door ♪ 772 00:26:52,698 --> 00:26:55,439 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 773 00:26:55,526 --> 00:26:56,963 ♪ Keep moving 774 00:26:57,050 --> 00:26:58,617 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh 775 00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:01,489 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 776 00:27:01,576 --> 00:27:03,056 ♪ Keep moving on 777 00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:04,623 ♪ Keep moving 778 00:27:04,710 --> 00:27:07,408 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 779 00:27:07,495 --> 00:27:08,801 ♪ Keep moving 780 00:27:08,888 --> 00:27:10,629 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh 781 00:27:10,716 --> 00:27:13,414 ♪ All you got to do is keep moving ♪ 782 00:27:13,501 --> 00:27:20,116 ♪♪ 783 00:27:20,203 --> 00:27:25,774 ♪♪ 56569

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