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00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,873
Previously on "You Me Her"...
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00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,135
Jack: I don't know
how other throuples do it
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00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:06,397
without one of them
always feeling
4
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:07,398
like they were
the odd human out.
5
00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:08,443
Izzy: Did I hear that right?
6
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,966
You want to work this out?
7
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,707
Carmen: Why don't you call
Weird Janis and her lover
8
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,361
and find out
the appropriate attire
9
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:14,623
for this cleansing ceremony?
10
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:15,798
[ Howls ]
11
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,104
You're looking
for something.
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00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,366
Somewhere along the line,
we became,
13
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:19,932
like, uncool.
14
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,978
Can I ask you what is in this,
because it is fantastic.
15
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,328
Shrooms and a dash
of Ayahuasca.
16
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,721
So, scary Nina?
17
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,418
Andy: I know it's fast,
but yeah.
18
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,551
Got to hold her real tight,
like a autism blanket.
19
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,248
Andy Cutler,
he's a love junkie.
20
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:32,554
That --
That's his shit?
21
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:33,642
That's his shit.
22
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:34,817
Dude's a serial monogamist.
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00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,384
My professional recommendation
24
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,646
would be surrogacy.
25
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,126
Do you think
we're making a mistake
26
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,302
sending Izzy away every time
she's an inconvenience?
27
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:42,607
How do we explain
her presence here?
28
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:43,956
I have an idea.
29
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,654
You're our surrogate.As your surrogate,
30
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,395
why would I be living
in your guest room?
31
00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,527
Because you're uneducated
and poor.
32
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,181
If you tell Lori about this,
I will --
33
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,096
You'll break my legs?
Eat my face?
34
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,272
So who made this moment
possible for you?
35
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,534
I'm not being an asshole.
36
00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,014
Come the fuck on.
37
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,624
You don't actually believe
this was her first time.
38
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,104
I hear something.
39
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,105
It's Hal and Rita.
40
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:03,585
Oh, God.
41
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,328
♪♪
42
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,025
[ Door opens ]
43
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,592
Emma: Whatever you're selling,
we ain't buying.
44
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:11,680
[ Laughter ]Hal:
Is this the right place?
45
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:13,247
[ Softly ] Just laugh.
46
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,075
[ Forced chuckling ]
47
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,337
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
48
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:19,383
There is my little girl!
49
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,385
-Hi!
-Mm!
50
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:22,952
I'll take these.
All right.
51
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,954
-Hi, Dad.
-Mm!
52
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,608
[ Laughter ]
53
00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:30,873
Whoa, don't pull
a vagina muscle there, "Doctor."
54
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,570
Okay, you don't need air quotes
there now.
55
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:33,963
I'm actually a doctor.
56
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:35,965
It's a hard fact.
Well.
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00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,009
Welcome to Oregon.
58
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,141
Rita.
Jack.
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00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,316
Sir.
60
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,535
Bet you want to hug me,
don't you?
61
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:42,014
It's not necessarily.
Wow.
62
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:44,016
Even straight men
are always loving each other
63
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,757
all over out here,
am I right?
64
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,672
When in Portland.
65
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,152
[ Grunts ]
66
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,936
Ow.
Okay.
67
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,243
Geez.[ Laughter ]
68
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,593
Polite greeting turns
into an actionable assault.
69
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,117
An actionable assault?
70
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,597
This damn country
and its pansy-ass litigation,
71
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,077
am I right, Rita?
72
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,427
Practically never,
sweetheart.
73
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:04,776
Who have we here?
74
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,343
New hot mom
in the neighborhood?
75
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,171
Well, that's --
that's the funny thing.
76
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,173
Hola.
I am Izzy.
77
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,653
It's short for Isabelle.
78
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,525
Hey.Mrs. Seaver, Mr. Seaver.
79
00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:17,049
Ah. Okay.
80
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:18,573
But, seriously, who --
81
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:20,792
who are you
to Emma and Jack?
82
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:24,579
Um, she is...
83
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,494
Jack: Well, uh...
84
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:29,192
I got this.
85
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:33,588
Izzy here is...
86
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,242
having our baby.
87
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:39,028
♪♪
88
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,335
♪ I've been waitin'
89
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,772
[ Train bell dinging ]♪ For someone like you
90
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:48,124
♪ To come and save me
from this place that I'm in ♪
91
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,691
Shaun: Table 12.
92
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,127
Hey.
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00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,868
Oh, dude.
94
00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,479
♪♪
95
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,177
[ Sighs ]
96
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,221
[ Grunts ]
What the fuck?!
97
00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,962
Sorry.
You startled me.
98
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:01,572
I'm -- I got
some troubling news recently
99
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,008
that must've made me
twitchy.
100
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,880
Purse.
101
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,664
I-I don't really know why
this came to me all of a sudden,
102
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:08,623
but you and me,
we're not a thing.
103
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:11,234
Oh.
104
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,757
What the fuck?
105
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:14,150
Autism blanket.
106
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,631
No. Seems like you're
under the impression
107
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,807
that this can become
more than mutual masturbation,
108
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,374
so I'm just gonna end it
right here.
109
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:23,725
[ Clicks tongue ]
Bye-bye.
110
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:26,249
Oh, is your shift done?
111
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,339
[ Door closes ]
112
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,558
You.
113
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,516
No, bro.
Man, come on.
114
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,432
I'm really working on
staying out of people's shit.
115
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:39,262
Since when?Since, like -- since --
116
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,611
You know, not yet,
but it's something
117
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,917
I probably should start.
118
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,833
Just spill it.
119
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,835
Does the name Michelle
mean anything to you?
120
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,793
I got an ex-girlfriend,
Michelle Flores.
121
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,360
Sure, sounds about right.
122
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:52,710
Key phrase --
serial monogamist.
123
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,059
What the fuck
does that mean?
Well,
124
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,800
instead of
ringing up sexual conquests,
125
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,889
a serial monogamist
has way too many romances
126
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,413
on his or her résumé,
127
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,589
swiftly moving
from one serious relationship
128
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:04,331
to the next.Michelle said that
about me?
129
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:08,117
Yeah, to Nina.
130
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,250
Hence, I'm fucked.
131
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,729
By having our baby,
132
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,254
Jack means that Izzy
is our surrogate.
133
00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:17,300
Neither of us are having sex
with her, though.
134
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,389
Well,
certainly not both of us.
135
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:23,219
[ Chuckles ] 'Cause
that would be obscene.
136
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,353
So, that means...
137
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,485
How's that work again?
138
00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:33,055
It means I'm all loaded up
with her eggs and his semen.
139
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,362
We, that is Jack and I,
140
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:38,756
are trying to have a baby
inside her.
141
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,631
Oh, my.
142
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,766
Hal.
143
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:51,900
They're saying we're finally
gonna have a grandchild.
144
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,858
Is that right?
145
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,338
Is that true?
146
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:58,210
It'll really
be Emma's baby?Mm-hmm.
147
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,299
A Seaver?
148
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:00,648
Well, technically.
149
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,389
Ooh!
150
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,783
I am so proud of you.
151
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:07,611
Also graduated
at the top of my class,
152
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:08,830
designed a bunch
of cool buildings,
153
00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:10,397
and just made partner
at my firm,
154
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,051
but, um...
thanks, Mom.
155
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:15,140
Come here, you.
156
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:20,929
Thanks to you,
the Seaver name lives on.Oh.
157
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:23,453
[ Sniffles ] Jack.
158
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,629
You're welcome.Technically, again,
159
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:27,283
it wouldn't be a Seaver
'cause we have a different --
160
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,590
This calls for some real booze
for a toast.
161
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:32,506
I just might have some
on hand.
162
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:35,160
Oh, I'm so excited,
I'm shaking.
163
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,727
This is really happening.
164
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,250
Emma: No, no, no, no, no,
it -- it could happen.
165
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:40,470
But we could also call you
in a few weeks
166
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,819
and say it just
didn't take.
167
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,517
Yeah, that's absolutely true,
you know?
168
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,953
We wouldn't be surprised,
and -- and you guys shouldn't
169
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:46,171
be surprised either.
170
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,172
Neither of us
should be surprised
171
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,348
if this doesn't work.
172
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,392
You know,
we're just trying
173
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:52,221
to manage our expectations
here.
174
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,049
You know,
I read somewhere that
175
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,747
when you're this particular
kind of preggers
176
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,316
that many doctors recommend
two to five drinks a day.
177
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,144
I mean, it's science,
right?
178
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:05,756
No, no doctor in the history
of forever said that.
179
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,715
You caught me.
180
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,717
Come on, I don't read.
181
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,546
Enjoy, everybody else.
182
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,200
Very cool.
Super. Loving this.
183
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:18,900
Okay, so, here's to
the roughly one in five chance
184
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:21,424
that this will work.Yeah, at best.
185
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:24,427
I think that's optimistic,
statistically speaking.
186
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,081
Cheers.
Cheers.
187
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,212
[ Glasses clink ]
188
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:30,651
♪♪
189
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,446
Hey.
190
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,188
Enjoying
your opioid trance?
191
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:49,539
Ava, my spawn.
192
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,062
I was just
thinking about you.
193
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,152
Let's -- Let's have
a little chitty chat.
194
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,632
Fucking awesome.
195
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:58,679
Do not say "fucking"
right up in my face, young lady.
196
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:00,855
Whatever.
197
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:04,598
You know what?
198
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,600
Say whatever you want.
You're almost 17.
199
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,340
You are chemically inclined
to provoke,
200
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,125
and I have to stop
201
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,954
making a federal fucking case
out of it.
202
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:14,434
Where are you from,
what do you want,
203
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,479
and how did you get
inside this hollow thing
204
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,959
that was once my mother?
205
00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:20,004
I love you.
You know that, right?
206
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,313
Come on, I have said
"I love you" before.
207
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,055
True, but let's contextualize,
shall we?
208
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:29,753
Last night you literally dragged
me to the Trakarsky house,
209
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:32,495
your eyes blazing with
the fury of a thousand suns.
210
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,323
I shouldn't have done that.
211
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,803
I shouldn't have
gone over there.
212
00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:38,414
I stirred up shit
between those three again.
213
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,068
Keeping it
between me and you,
214
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:43,463
thatwould have been
the un-assholey thing to do.
215
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,206
Ava...
[ Sighs ]
216
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,948
Did you coax and cajole Izzy
into smoking with you
217
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:53,473
and promise you would
never ever tell anybody,
218
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,997
but then when you got caught,
blame it all on her?
219
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,827
Yeah.
220
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,486
That's better.
221
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,792
Thank you
for being honest.
222
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,794
[ Whispering ]
You're welcome.
223
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,449
And you're grounded
for another month.
224
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,190
What?
I thought we were having
225
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,931
some kind of
"Aha" moment here.
226
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,237
We are.
So why?
227
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,935
Well, because you made
a promise to Izzy
228
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,197
and then you broke
that promise.
229
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,504
That makes you
an asshole.
230
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,462
I'm grounding you
for being an asshole,
231
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,683
because as stated,
I love you.
232
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:30,988
[ Sighs ]
233
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,642
This is all very weird.
234
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,253
I know,
but in a good way.
235
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:36,254
Mnh-mnh.
236
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,255
Mm-hmm.
237
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,735
Mnh-mnh.
Yeah.
238
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:41,433
It's amazing how much
of my cookbook works
239
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:44,262
in that RV's
little kitchen.
240
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:47,048
Everything tastes better
when this girl makes it.
241
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,877
It's like she's got
some secret spice or something.
242
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,835
It's called love,
Harold Seaver.
243
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,271
-Mm-hmm.
-Aww!
244
00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:56,536
Emma, did I not give you
a copy of my cookbook?
245
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,059
I could swear I did
several times.
246
00:08:58,102 --> 00:08:59,756
Yep. Mm-hmm.
247
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,671
So, you wrote a cookbook?
248
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:02,977
That's so cool.
249
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,718
Uh, no offense, Mom,
250
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,720
but really just a scrapbook
251
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,418
of clippings from magazines
and newspapers.
252
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:10,637
Kinko's is her publisher.
253
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,247
[ Chuckles ]
254
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,814
Not that there's anything
wrong with that.
255
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,467
Mnh-mnh.
256
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:18,993
I also have a few old family
recipes in there, as well.
257
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:21,430
Isabelle,
maybe you'd like a copy.
258
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:22,605
Yeah, I would --
259
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,041
She hates being
called that.
260
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,914
I kind of like the way
that she says it.
261
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,525
Okay, you can stop blowing
my mom now, Isabelle.
262
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,701
Emma Christine Seaver!
263
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,573
Still not her name.
264
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,531
Okay, I get it, Mom.
265
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,620
I know what you're doing.
I don't cook,
266
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:41,363
and I can't have babies
the normal way -- I hear you.
267
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:43,583
Isabelle, I pulled together
everything healthy
268
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,628
I could find
in these paper bags.
269
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,109
Thank you.
270
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:49,632
You know what, Rita?
271
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,242
My favorite thing
that you've ever whipped up
272
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:54,811
is that girl over there.
273
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:56,334
So gay.
274
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:05,213
She made this box
a home for me.
275
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:08,477
First one
of my whole life.
276
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,306
You grew up homeless like
that Justin Beaver kid?
277
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:12,524
How did we not know
that?
278
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,614
[ Laughs ]
Justin Beaver.
279
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,225
So good.
Go on.
280
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:18,618
No, I mean,
I-I had a house.
281
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,620
I grew up in a house,
but not a home.
282
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:23,971
We don't all
have to hold hands
283
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:26,234
and get queer over this,
do we?
284
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,586
Dad.
285
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,371
So, Jack, anything
around this home of yours
286
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:37,114
you need a real man to fix
while I'm here?
287
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,073
You know what, Hal?
I am an expert
288
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,118
at finding precisely
the right professional
289
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,164
for everything I need.
290
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,645
It's very true.
I can personally attest to that.
291
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,694
As a surrogate.
292
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:54,392
Of course as a surrogate.
What else would you mean?
293
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,829
No offense, but --
294
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,569
Oh, this should be good.
295
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,920
If you two had started
working on this at 24
296
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,312
like normal people,
297
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,706
you wouldn't need
professional assistance.
298
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,622
We hadn't even met then, so we
couldn't have started at 24.
299
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,276
No, you
or somebody better.
300
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,713
Maybe a man
who doesn't pull a hamstring
301
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,889
changing a lightbulb.
[ Chuckles ]
302
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,804
That's an incredibly
reductive version
303
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,677
of a highly complex
incident.
304
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,723
[ Stifled laughter ]
305
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,638
Like, the ladder
was extremely high
306
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,466
and winds were gusting
that day.
307
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:26,511
Fierce winds.I thought he was kidding.
308
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,383
That actually happened?
309
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,124
[ Laughs ]
310
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,386
Could've happened
to anyone.
311
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:35,259
[ Laughs ]
312
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,958
That's not that funny.
313
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:39,829
Glad you all find
314
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,744
my lack
of mundane masculine acumen
315
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:42,789
so amusing.
316
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,225
[ Laughter ]
317
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,531
"Masculine acumen"?
Who talks like that?
318
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,143
[ Chuckles ]
319
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,797
I'm not laughing. No.
320
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,806
Okay, after 100 years
of marriage,
321
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:02,286
that still blinded me
in one eye.
322
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,775
When did drugs
become so scary?
323
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,777
When did they stop
being kind and happy?
324
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,301
Yeah. You know, I'm thinking
maybe when we added a mortgage
325
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:21,349
and a couple needy little humans
to the mix.
326
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,787
We're grown-ups
for the rest of our lives.
327
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,441
Oh, my God,
that's fucking terrifying.
328
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,923
Okay, so I'm just
gonna...
329
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,098
help you.
330
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,883
Gonna put it --
put it on.
331
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,232
Yeah, you don't have to help me.
That's fine.
332
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,800
Just -- Just do
what you're doing.
333
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,584
[ Grunts ]
334
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:42,457
Just gonna lift your leg
through there.
335
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:43,937
That's good stuff.
You can put it down.
336
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,287
Thank you.
Okay.
337
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,202
Always wanted three kids.
338
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,333
There we go.
339
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,422
In you go,
in you go, yeah.
340
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,554
There we go.
341
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,469
Okay, you ready?
342
00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:55,992
Now underneath
and bottoms up.
343
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,820
Yeah, that's awesome.
344
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,126
Thank you, thank you.[ Grunts ]
345
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,780
All right.
Wedgie.
346
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,912
Good boy.
[ Grunts ]
347
00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:05,262
[ Sighs ]
348
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:06,524
Is this a sex thing?
349
00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:08,396
Absolutely not.
Okay, good,
350
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:12,443
'cause it's weird
and disturbing.
351
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,402
And we're just not.
352
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:17,318
Hmm.
353
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:22,236
We're suburban parents
living in the suburbs.
354
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:24,455
Who occasionally
become redundant?
355
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:27,850
What?
Never mind.
356
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:31,071
The point is we're us.
357
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:34,030
We're Dave and Carmen.
358
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,858
We're exactly who we are.
359
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,560
You know what?
360
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,825
What?
361
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,044
I'm going to embrace
the predictability
362
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,568
of chain restaurants
363
00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:52,832
and the convenience
of cargo shorts.
364
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,836
I'm going to wear cargo shorts
to Applebee's
365
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,882
and be completely
actualized.
366
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,014
We didn't sell out.
367
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,406
It wasn't an accident,
368
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,278
and we don't owe anybody
an apology.
369
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,062
No.
Fuck 'em, right?
370
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,368
Fuck 'em.
371
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,152
Whoever them are.
372
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,067
Whoever them is.
373
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:12,329
Whomever.
374
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,027
Whomever is them.
375
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,463
Well said, sweetie.
376
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,422
[ Baby crying ]
377
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,685
Oh, my God.
378
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:21,773
Oh, my God.
379
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,341
[ Laughing ]
It's okay. I got it.
380
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:26,256
Okay.
381
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,649
Honey, will
you hurry back, please?
382
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:31,131
Because I'm still
feeling pretty paranoid.
383
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:34,830
♪♪
384
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:42,272
♪ It's cold
385
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:47,408
♪ A plain diamond
386
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:50,106
♪♪
387
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,499
Ah. Fuck it.
388
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:57,157
♪ Nobody's here,
just empty space ♪
389
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,988
♪♪
390
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:07,994
♪ It's all moving
391
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:10,953
♪ Breathing
392
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,391
♪♪
393
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,437
I'm looking
for a Michelle.
394
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,047
She's got
dull brown hair.
395
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:19,483
She's super plain.
396
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,616
She's kind of annoying
and off-putting.
397
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:24,314
Hey, anybody?
Michelle?
398
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,577
Totally not pulling off scrubs
as cute as I would,
399
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,840
that's for sure.
Oh, come on, people.
400
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:31,495
I get that
she's not exactly memorable.
401
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:35,978
[ Woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. ]
402
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,894
Hey.
403
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,115
Wow, fuck dignity, right?
404
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:45,553
Uh [scoffs]
well, "A," fuck you, and...
405
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,772
"B," I need your help.
406
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:50,993
Can you hear yourself
being that stupid?
407
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,299
Ow, easy!
408
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,910
Your crazy girl strength
is hurting me.
409
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,999
Tell me the truth.
Did Andy dump you real hard
410
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,740
so now you just run around
cock blocking him?
411
00:15:58,783 --> 00:15:59,915
Just give it to me
straight.
412
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,395
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
413
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:03,179
Already tried that,
rando chick.
414
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,615
You can't handle
the truth.
415
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,182
Try me again.
416
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,054
Dude, we dated
for like four months.
417
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,186
It's not like he was the love
of my life, all right?
418
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,493
I'm not wearing a locket
full of his semen.
419
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,016
I was just trying
to help you out, you know?
420
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,583
Do the woman to woman thing.
421
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,150
What -- What the hell
is that, anyway?
422
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,152
The "woman to woman thing"?
We all lock vaginas
423
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,763
and morph into a giant
man-eating Transformer?
424
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,765
Okay, I'm still
gonna do this,
425
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,071
but now it's just
to rub reality
426
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,594
all over your stupid
little face.
427
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:28,552
What? Hey, we don't need
to drag anybody else --
428
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:31,425
Jules, get over here.
429
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,253
What's up?
Hey. I'm --
430
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,298
No, not "hey."
She's dreadful.
431
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:38,432
What comes to mind
when I say the name Andy Cutler?
432
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:41,478
Oh.
I get it.
433
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,741
You're the reigning
Miss Forever and Ever.
434
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:46,048
Has he swept you away
to Crystal Cove yet?
435
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,310
Crystal Cove?
436
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,920
He's got a line
on a beach cabin.
437
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:50,357
Roaring fireplace,
438
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,011
crashing waves,
et cetera.
439
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:54,274
If that dude's accumulated
one full day as a single man
440
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:56,493
in his adult life,
I'd be surprised.
441
00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:57,929
It's all
about the beginnings.
442
00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,062
Seduction, courtship.
443
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,673
That magic time before asking
for a 10-minute foot massage
444
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,458
becomes a prolonged
negotiation.
445
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:06,373
When you stare deep
into each other's souls
446
00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:08,331
and eat your way
through Twizzlers
447
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,680
to each other's mouths
448
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,769
and make up embarrassingly
cute names
449
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,424
and none of this makes
you want to vomit in his face.
450
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,078
Oh, oh, hey.
451
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,428
Has he said
"I see you" yet?
452
00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:19,647
You know, like
with your full name,
453
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,475
whatever it is.
454
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,216
Nina Martone.
455
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:26,828
[ As Andy ]
I see you, Nina Martone.
456
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:30,310
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,963
Hello?
[ Snapping fingers ]
458
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,096
Still in there,
crazy girl?
459
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,185
[ Woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. ]
460
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,148
We did a good thing
here today.
461
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,453
Truth.
462
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,933
Whmmm!
463
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:47,457
[ Laughs ]
464
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,503
Hal: [ Laughing ] Whoa!Yahtzee!
465
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,113
Boo-yah,
motherfuckers!
466
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,159
"Boo-yah, motherfuckers!"
[ Laughs ]
467
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,204
Love it!
You are a crack-up!
468
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,163
You love it?
She's a crack-up?
469
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,773
I'm 30-whatever
470
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,775
and I still say "fudge"
around you.
471
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:03,734
Come on, Em.
Motherfudgers, kind of gross,
472
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:04,866
don't you think?
473
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,737
Don't be jealous,
pumpkin.
474
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,435
Yeah.
You're one to talk.
475
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,741
What's that?
476
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,440
Well, Trakarsky here said,
"Don't be jealous,"
477
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:16,051
and then --Let's dance.
478
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,445
I bet you can saw a carpet,
huh, Hal?
479
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,838
He sure can.
480
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,188
You sure?
I was hoping
481
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,886
it was a genetic defect
of some kind.
482
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,366
Let's do this thing!
483
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,410
Yeah, let's --
let's not.
484
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:28,672
Let's not do it.
485
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:31,675
♪♪
486
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:37,203
Remember the doc--
Yo!
487
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:40,467
The doctor said that Izzy
shouldn't be jumping around.
488
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:41,598
Nope. Never happened.
489
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,122
He or she never said that.
490
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,514
He or she?
491
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,081
How can you not know
the gender of your doctor?
492
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,300
Jack, do you remember?
493
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:51,347
Um, Dr. Well..er...stein
saying that?
494
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,435
Jack.
495
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:56,570
He...
496
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:59,138
He...
497
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,878
Remember?
498
00:19:00,922 --> 00:19:03,446
He -- I do recall him
saying that, yeah.
499
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,056
Some sort
of dance restriction,
500
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,450
like in "Footloose."
501
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:10,192
And I just recalled
that you're a dick, so...
502
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:13,282
You know, you three
seem so familiar.
503
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:14,718
Is it usual
for a couple
504
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,981
to get so close
to their surrogate?
505
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,679
You're the ones
who seem smitten with her.
506
00:19:18,722 --> 00:19:22,509
♪ Well, I went closer
by the look in her eyes ♪
507
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:26,774
Um, oh,
I just remembered, uh,
508
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:32,780
Dr. Wellerstein said Jack
has unusually fragile sperm,
509
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,217
so I'm supposed to move
as little as possible
510
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,916
or they could,
you know, die.
511
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,309
Fragile sperm?
512
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,919
Jack has fragile sperm?
513
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:45,184
Yes, apparently
that's a thing.
514
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,664
Okay, well,
since I can't drink or dance
515
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,057
or make anyone like me,
516
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,015
I'm just gonna go ahead
and take a nap
517
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,539
for the next nine months.
518
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:56,934
Thanks for making this afternoon
so much fun, Isabelle.
519
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:59,502
Dad, seriously?
520
00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:06,117
This has been fun,
I think.
521
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,249
More Yahtzee?
522
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,947
♪ Well, a heavy load
523
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,471
♪ Covered up my soul
524
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:12,950
[ Telephone ringing ]
525
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,604
[ Voicemail clicks ]
526
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:16,302
Izzy: You've reached
Izzy's voicemail.
527
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,694
Now text
like everybody else.
528
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:19,174
[ Beeps]
529
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,394
God damn it, Iz,
answer your fucking phone.
530
00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:25,224
I want to hunt and slay
and doing it alone just screams
531
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,530
"My self-esteem issues,
your soundproof basement.
532
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,836
Let's do this thing."
533
00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:30,185
Okay, call me.[ Cellphone beeps ]
534
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,143
[ Knock on door ][ Sighs ]
535
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:37,279
♪ Once you had me,
but I'm not still down... ♪
536
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:40,195
Oh, let's, uh --
let's get some clothes on you.
537
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,414
Back it up, Twinkles.
538
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,285
Twinkles?
539
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,461
I'm not buying your shit
anymore. No.
540
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,942
Which it turns out
you do have after all,
541
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,597
and it's some
super fucking weird shit.
542
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,294
I'm not sure
what Michelle told you --
543
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,643
Actually, it's Michelle
544
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,515
and Jules
and Laynie
545
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:58,344
and Crystal fucking Cove.
546
00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,562
Oh.
547
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:02,348
Yeah.
"Oh."
548
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:04,088
Just how many hearts
have you carved into trees,
549
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:07,744
you freaky little
love poodle?
550
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,920
I'm a romantic.
551
00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:13,968
Well, guess what.
552
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,666
I see you, Andy Cutler.
553
00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,581
Wait.
554
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:22,455
♪♪
555
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:24,935
[ Knock on door ]
556
00:21:24,979 --> 00:21:27,721
Nina.
557
00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:29,940
Nin.
558
00:21:29,984 --> 00:21:32,987
♪♪
559
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,902
[ Voice breaking ]
Keep walking, asshole.
560
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,862
[ Sniffles ]
561
00:21:38,906 --> 00:21:40,211
So, on the off chance
562
00:21:40,255 --> 00:21:41,952
we're thinking
the same thing...
563
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,432
Go for it.
564
00:21:47,044 --> 00:21:51,875
What if this whole
surrogacy ruse was real?
565
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:54,791
What if Izzy
is our missing piece
566
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,489
in more ways than one?
567
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,752
[ Sighs ]
568
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,366
Apparently we weren't
thinking the same thing.
569
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:07,935
I was thinking about killing
a tub of caramel ice cream.
570
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:09,371
[ Sighs ]
571
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:12,548
Shit.
572
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:14,376
Um.
Yeah.
573
00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,857
Sorry. Never mind.
[ Chuckles ]
574
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:18,989
I don't even know why...
575
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:21,905
'Cause you want a family.
576
00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:24,038
'Cause Iwant a family?
577
00:22:24,081 --> 00:22:25,779
Don't we want a family?
578
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:29,086
No, of course we do.
579
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,132
So does Izzy.
580
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:34,396
Right.
581
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,792
So, I mean, imagine that's
the three of us together
582
00:22:38,835 --> 00:22:40,446
making a baby.
583
00:22:40,489 --> 00:22:41,838
Nobody gets left out.
584
00:22:41,882 --> 00:22:44,188
We're all a part
of him or her, right?
585
00:22:44,232 --> 00:22:46,756
What are you guys
talking about?
586
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,975
Oh.
587
00:22:48,018 --> 00:22:51,413
Something --
Something serious?
588
00:22:51,457 --> 00:22:53,154
No. Not --
Nothing serious.No.
589
00:22:53,197 --> 00:22:54,155
Just, like, you know...
590
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:55,896
Yahtzee.
...the day.
591
00:22:55,939 --> 00:22:57,506
Mundane stuff.Yeah.
592
00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:59,160
You both are
alarmingly weak liars,
593
00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:02,163
so we'll just put a pin in that
and I'll go first.
594
00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:03,469
[ Sighs ]
595
00:23:03,512 --> 00:23:05,949
I used
my humiliating time-out
596
00:23:05,993 --> 00:23:07,516
to do some deep thinking,
597
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,563
and here's what I came to.
598
00:23:10,606 --> 00:23:12,434
Like you said,
this is your home.
599
00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:14,871
Emma and Jack's home.
600
00:23:14,915 --> 00:23:16,656
But it'll never be mine,
601
00:23:16,699 --> 00:23:18,484
and it's not just because
of the poop candles
602
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:19,963
or being surrounded
by your friends
603
00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,574
who will always
be secretly waiting
604
00:23:21,617 --> 00:23:23,489
for me
to pack up and move on
605
00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:27,710
so you guys can go back
to the way things were.
606
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:28,798
What are you saying?
607
00:23:28,842 --> 00:23:31,018
I'm...
[ Sighs ]
608
00:23:31,061 --> 00:23:35,239
I'm saying
that I want to live in our home.
609
00:23:35,283 --> 00:23:37,154
Not yours.
610
00:23:44,945 --> 00:23:47,208
Okay, now it's your turn.
611
00:23:47,251 --> 00:23:49,166
And tell me what
you were actually talking about.
612
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:51,517
But fair warning, if you guys
break up with me again,
613
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,301
I'm gonna use
those shit candles of yours
614
00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:55,042
to burn down
this entire neighborhood.
615
00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:58,175
[ Laughs ]
616
00:23:58,219 --> 00:24:01,178
We want you
to have our baby.
617
00:24:01,222 --> 00:24:04,878
Like, ourbaby.
All three of us.
618
00:24:04,921 --> 00:24:06,227
For real.
619
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:07,620
What?
620
00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:17,673
Are you okay?
621
00:24:17,717 --> 00:24:18,805
Huh?
622
00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:20,067
Sorry.
623
00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:21,764
I think I blacked out
a little.
624
00:24:21,808 --> 00:24:23,723
He literally brought it up
like 30 seconds
625
00:24:23,766 --> 00:24:24,854
before you came in.
626
00:24:24,898 --> 00:24:26,508
I don't know
how serious he is.
627
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:29,032
How serious are you?I mean,
what's the other option?
628
00:24:29,076 --> 00:24:32,340
To bring in a fourth person
into our relationship?
629
00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:35,169
You, me, her,
and a baby vessel.
630
00:24:35,212 --> 00:24:37,911
Are we talking,
like, a year from now or...
631
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:39,390
No.
632
00:24:39,434 --> 00:24:41,349
I mean, 40's gonna happen
like that, you know,
633
00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:45,614
and as long as we're laying
our cards on the table, Em,
634
00:24:45,658 --> 00:24:48,704
I want children, plural.
635
00:24:48,748 --> 00:24:49,966
I don't want to be
one of those dads
636
00:24:50,010 --> 00:24:51,533
that's breaking a hip
playing Horse
637
00:24:51,577 --> 00:24:53,535
with his youngest son
in the driveway.
638
00:24:53,579 --> 00:24:56,146
You sound serious.
639
00:24:56,190 --> 00:24:57,713
I think I am.
640
00:25:02,588 --> 00:25:04,328
[ Sighs ]
Feels like my heart
641
00:25:04,372 --> 00:25:06,026
is gonna explode
out of my body.
642
00:25:09,899 --> 00:25:12,075
It kind of feels like...
643
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,643
like we're supposed
to do this together.
644
00:25:14,687 --> 00:25:17,254
No?
I know.
645
00:25:17,298 --> 00:25:20,127
Yeah, but, um...
646
00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:23,347
you're a grad student
in your mid-20s,
647
00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:26,525
and you've recently equated
the suburbs with human feces.
648
00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:28,744
Well, there's no law
that says every child
649
00:25:28,788 --> 00:25:31,355
has to be raised
within a half-mile of a Chili's
650
00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:33,619
or a World Market.
651
00:25:33,662 --> 00:25:35,838
Wait, so now we're talking
about having a baby
652
00:25:35,882 --> 00:25:38,101
andputting the house
on the market?
653
00:25:38,145 --> 00:25:40,147
I mean, God, does no one think
we should just, like,
654
00:25:40,190 --> 00:25:41,714
hit the brakes
just a little?
655
00:25:41,757 --> 00:25:44,412
Is there any chance
the two of you can save
656
00:25:44,455 --> 00:25:48,459
all the chitty chatty
until [gasping] after...
657
00:25:48,503 --> 00:25:50,157
Mom.
658
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,637
Oh, fudge me.
659
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,030
Mom, don't jump
to any conclusions.
660
00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:57,773
Okay, let's just agree
I've been sleepwalking here,
661
00:25:57,817 --> 00:26:00,689
and I'm just gonna
wander off
662
00:26:00,733 --> 00:26:03,736
and do something sleepwalky
like pee in a corner or --
663
00:26:03,779 --> 00:26:09,480
Did somebody call a meeting
and forget to -- Ooh.
664
00:26:09,524 --> 00:26:12,179
What's your baby mama
doing in bed with you?
665
00:26:12,222 --> 00:26:15,443
I had a nightmare.
666
00:26:15,486 --> 00:26:18,228
Jack: Yeah. Emotionally,
she's like an 8-year-old.
667
00:26:18,272 --> 00:26:19,621
Physically, she's fine.
I mean,
668
00:26:19,665 --> 00:26:21,884
her reproductive system
is top notch, but --
669
00:26:21,928 --> 00:26:24,931
Jack.
670
00:26:24,974 --> 00:26:26,933
I'm done
with the secrets.
671
00:26:26,976 --> 00:26:28,195
Well, it's about time.
672
00:26:34,157 --> 00:26:36,333
Mom, Dad.
673
00:26:39,293 --> 00:26:45,560
I'm a conceptionally challenged
bisexual.
674
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:48,302
Boom. There.
Are you happy now?
675
00:26:48,345 --> 00:26:49,651
I like boys and girls,
676
00:26:49,695 --> 00:26:53,481
specifically this girl
and this boy.
677
00:26:53,524 --> 00:26:55,091
That's right.
678
00:26:59,095 --> 00:27:00,619
Yeah.
679
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:02,272
Um...actually,
the three of us
680
00:27:02,316 --> 00:27:05,624
were just talking about
starting a family.
681
00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:09,453
I thought you already
were starting a family.
682
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:10,977
Keep up, Harold.
683
00:27:11,020 --> 00:27:12,674
That was
all a big scam.
684
00:27:12,718 --> 00:27:15,721
What? Wait.
What, they're not, uh --
685
00:27:15,764 --> 00:27:17,766
They...
686
00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:19,725
Fuck.
[ Groaning ]
687
00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:21,857
Harold, are you...
688
00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:23,685
Oh, Jesus. Ohh.
689
00:27:23,729 --> 00:27:25,687
Dad? Dad?
690
00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:27,907
[ Groaning ]
691
00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:29,430
[ Stammering ]
692
00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:31,475
Breathe. Breathe.
693
00:27:31,519 --> 00:27:34,043
Look at me.[ Telephone rings]
694
00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:36,480
[ Beeps]Operator: 911.
What's your emergency?
695
00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:38,221
Hello? Um, hi.
I think --
696
00:27:38,265 --> 00:27:40,223
I think I just gave my father
a heart attack.
697
00:27:41,094 --> 00:27:45,141
♪ I thought I was livin' life
in the right lane ♪
698
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:49,580
♪ But honest to a fault
was not enough ♪
699
00:27:49,624 --> 00:27:53,410
♪ I owe you an explanation
700
00:27:53,454 --> 00:27:57,545
♪ For how I got myself
into this rut ♪
701
00:27:57,588 --> 00:28:00,461
♪ Scared
the ceiling's too low ♪
702
00:28:00,504 --> 00:28:04,291
♪ Can't stand up and run
703
00:28:04,334 --> 00:28:09,818
♪ Earthquake save me and
bring this building to dust ♪
704
00:28:09,862 --> 00:28:14,170
♪ Baby, can't you see me
fallin', fallin'? ♪
705
00:28:14,214 --> 00:28:18,305
♪ Going down despite your love
706
00:28:18,348 --> 00:28:22,570
♪ Baby, can't you see me
fallin', fallin'? ♪
707
00:28:22,613 --> 00:28:26,705
♪ Sold my soul, and time is up
48498
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