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1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:03,438
Previously on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:05,179
We're together.
We're a throuple.
3
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,745
I got a connection
at Griffin College,
4
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,399
and they're expanding their
psych department.
5
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:10,706
So I will get you a meeting,
little brother.
6
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,621
Do you even want to be
a college professor?
7
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,405
I mean, 'cause I don't want to
push you into anything.
8
00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,190
Pbht.What's that supposed to mean?
9
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,061
Pbht?I just can't help but feel
10
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,933
a little bit Lori-esque, like
maybe we've become uncool.
11
00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:23,197
So, you're saying that we're
provincial and we're judgmental
12
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,807
because, what,
we're not cool anymore?
13
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,070
No. [ Chuckles ]
N-No.
14
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,593
Oh, okay. Because I was
gonna say yes.
15
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:31,335
The Trakarskys
and the Amaris
16
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:33,294
are scheming against me.
17
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,818
Only this time, they've
recruited my own daughter.
18
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:38,081
And, little missy,
you can say bye-bye
19
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,865
to that shiny new 3 Series.
20
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:43,043
Please tell me that you did not
threaten to break the leg
21
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,306
of a Hamilton student?Uhhh...
22
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,221
We're just going to delay
the announcement of
23
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,700
your promotion
a couple of weeks.
24
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,311
Think they even noticed
that we left?
25
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,269
Oh, is this about the thing
I said about the bike?
26
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,924
You don't think Emma's bi? You
think she's just, like, gay?
27
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,665
-I don't know what I think.
-Are you mad?
28
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,710
Who doesn't love a spirited
public cuckolding?
29
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,235
Am I the only one questioning
their life choices right now?
30
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,976
-I love you.
-I love you more.
31
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:07,676
♪♪
32
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:20,080
O-kay.
Th-e-ere we go.
33
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:23,779
♪♪
34
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,622
Morning, hottest senator
on the hill.
35
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:45,627
Wish I'd brushed my teeth.
36
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,672
Does Izzy need to get up?
37
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,152
I'll check when
I get in the shower.
38
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:51,285
Kept dreaming Leatherface
was chasing me.
39
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:59,858
Kind of feel like I'm
walking into a fight.
40
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,773
I overreacted.
41
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,123
[ Scoffs ]
42
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,429
I was drunk
and well up my own ass.
43
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:08,737
[ Sighs ]
44
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:14,786
So, what's with the dazzling
dapper-tude?
45
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,528
I'm going to the interview
at Griffin.
46
00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:19,008
Yeah?
47
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,098
You're positive I'm not
48
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,100
pushing you into anything
you don't want to do?
49
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,363
Do you want coffee?
50
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,496
Just say it, Jack.
51
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,193
It's so much worse
when you don't.
52
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:36,112
Okay. We never actually
discussed invited Izzy
53
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,898
to move in with us.
You just did it.
54
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:44,076
So, I've already pushed you into
something you don't want to do?
55
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,166
No.
I mean, I don't know.
56
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,213
It's just all happening
so fast.
57
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,911
Maybe that's why
the kitchen's rotating.
58
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:54,391
Vodka guzzled by the bottle
59
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:57,220
might be another
contributing factor.
60
00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,223
Yeah. I heard that doesn't mix
very well with fertility meds.
61
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,051
Probably not.
62
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:09,189
I should've danced.
Okay?
63
00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:11,191
Sorry I was acting
like such a dick.
64
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,845
Oh, let's just go back to
being dizzy together.
65
00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,021
All right? Yeah?
66
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:20,287
Okay. I will make out with you,
but brush your teeth.
67
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:23,028
Yeah. A lot of last
night's still in there.
68
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,205
Ew.
69
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:28,686
Hey, are you nervous?
70
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,427
For the interview?
71
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,255
No, not really.
72
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:34,605
Well, stressed?
73
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,346
Would you say
you're stressed?
74
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,479
Oh, I get it.
75
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,872
Yeah.
Super stressed.
76
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,223
Like, I'm having a full-blown
panic attack.
77
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:46,051
Okay, well, don't go anywhere.
I will be right back.
78
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,010
Okay.
79
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,797
It's gonna be much better than
80
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,234
me and you in the shower
tonight, buddy.
81
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,105
Stop talking
to your dick!
82
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:59,282
Sorry.
83
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,502
But, seriously,
it's gonna be awesome.
84
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:05,157
Good morning. Hey, were you guys
talking across me last night?
85
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,812
Uh, no.
Must've been a dream.
86
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,945
Oh, yeah,
that makes sense.
87
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,164
'Cause you guys were talking
about me snoring,
88
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:13,688
and I definitely
don't snore.
89
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:17,082
Well, there you go.
Clearly a dream.
90
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,913
I got to go blow Jack.
91
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,480
You have to blow Jack?
92
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,004
Was that part of your
marriage vows?
93
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,180
Seriously, though, is this,
like, an every morning thing
94
00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:29,617
or just to start the week?Shut up.
95
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,575
Does it go both ways?
96
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:34,578
Can I get in on
this situation?
97
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,928
[ Brushing teeth ]
98
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:39,409
Do you always
brush your teeth first?
99
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,550
Actually, got to go now.
100
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,247
Sorry.
Can I get a rain check?
101
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,857
Seriously?
102
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,772
It's the thought
that counts, right?
103
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,601
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah, well, I bet he disagrees.
104
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:00,430
Yeah, well, he is
a total dick, so...
105
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,171
[ Chuckles ]Bye.
106
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,011
Everything okay?
107
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,926
Yeah.
108
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:21,538
You know, you brushed the hell
out of your teeth and gargled.
109
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:24,628
It seems a shame
to waste all that.
110
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,720
[ Car horn honks ]
111
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,418
I can get out here.
112
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:34,595
Sure you can, if you want
another month without your car.
113
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,944
You realize you're making me
hate you
114
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,511
like everybody else does.
115
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,948
Your problem's
in the mirror, kiddo.
116
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:43,691
I am just a kindly mother giving
her daughter a ride...
117
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:47,695
all the way to
the main steps.
118
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:50,828
That's for Freshmen
and Sophomores!
119
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,831
And Juniors who conspire with
pervy neighbors
120
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,877
against their own mothers.
121
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,358
What --
122
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,403
What is that about?
123
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:05,365
Do not imagine
killing me in my sleep.
124
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:07,236
Wore that one out.
125
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,672
Whoa, whoa. Unh-unh. Nope.
126
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,413
Get back in.
127
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:11,762
That is an order.
128
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:12,937
I'm making a silent vow
129
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,200
to never, ever
end up like you.
130
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:16,811
That's not silent.
I can hear you.
131
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,466
Well, oops.
Guess the cat's out of the bag.
132
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:22,120
I may as well start immediately.
Every single choice I make,
133
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:25,036
I'm gonna ask myself, "WWLD --
134
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,821
What would Lori do?"
135
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,345
And then I'm gonna do
the exact opposite.
136
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,739
Look at you, thinking
you're getting to me.
137
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:34,002
Look at me, knowing I am.
138
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,960
You'll always be like me.
139
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,571
I'll literally be your
polar opposite.
140
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:41,009
Two months.
No car for two months.
141
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:43,968
Make it three.
I like these chats.
142
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,796
Fun, right?[ School bell rings ]
143
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,455
Oh, dear God.
144
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,457
I made that.
145
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,765
♪♪
146
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,292
[ Phone rings in background ]
147
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:05,686
I am so sorry.
I just found out that I'm --
148
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:09,733
I'm pinch-hitting.
149
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,735
Oh, this just got weird.
150
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:14,085
[ Sighs ]
151
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,696
Ruby.
152
00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,915
Jack.
153
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,526
What are you doing here?
154
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:22,572
Well, I, uh -- I just walked out
of an office that says
155
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,792
"Professor Shivani"
on the door, so...
156
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,750
You work here.
157
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:29,057
Are you interviewing me?
158
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,234
Head of the department
called in sick,
159
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:35,019
or disinterested,
or both.
160
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:38,066
So, yep,
I'm interviewing you.
161
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:42,810
Ruby Shivani.
162
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:45,595
Jack Trakarsky.
163
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:54,691
So, what ever happened to
the skinny, Nordic-looking chick
164
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:58,347
you start dating
immediately...after...
165
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,349
After you dumped me?
166
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:03,831
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
167
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,659
You ever see her?
168
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:08,923
Occasionally.
Here and there.
169
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:12,143
Mainly 'cause I married her
about a decade ago.
170
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,928
No shit.
171
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,712
Not an ounce of shit.
172
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:19,020
Kids?
173
00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:21,457
That's been a trickier road.
174
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,895
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
175
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:27,507
What about you?
What about that ex-boyfriend
176
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,465
that you got back together with
and then told me about
177
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,642
by text message?
178
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:37,255
That was such a dick move that
I have tried so hard to forget.
179
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:40,955
Um, I married mine, too.
180
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,783
I'm not sensing a happy ending.
181
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:46,569
[ Chuckles ]
I wanted kids. He wasn't ready.
182
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:50,573
Now he has two
with someone else.
183
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,010
Look, I'm not trying to
make excuses,
184
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:55,622
but I could tell that your
parents didn't like me.
185
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:58,668
I always wondered,
was it an ethnic thing?
186
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:01,584
Oh, yeah, 'cause you're so
Third World, and my dynastic
187
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:04,021
fox-hunting family would've
never accepted you as anything
188
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,588
but the maid?
189
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851
You did manage to find a chick
whiter than you.
190
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,375
That's fair.
191
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,682
Sometimes our photos look like
they came with the frames.
192
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,075
[ Laughs ]
193
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,166
It wasn't an "ethic thing."
194
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:22,344
It was a "prissy-self-involved
thing," to quote my mother.
195
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:25,042
Yeah. I-I do that
when I'm nervous.
196
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:34,138
Look...
I'm sorry.
197
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:47,412
Antioxidants, Omega-3, Spirulina
and alkaline, all in one bottle?
198
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,023
I have no clue what any of
those things are,
199
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,633
yet I'm convinced I can't
live without them.
200
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:56,421
So, as they say,
about last night?
201
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,598
Get over it.
It wasn't that bad.
202
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:01,339
It was that bad with
a dollop of shit on top.
203
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:04,299
Not sure what was cringier,
you and Izzy publicly vacuuming
204
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,867
each other's mouths or Jack
awkwardly watching it.
205
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,391
It's not like he's never
seen us kiss before.
206
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:12,263
Well, the untrained might
mistake you two for
207
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:15,876
a couple of full-blooded
lesbians, not bisexuals.
208
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,660
Well, when I'm with a girl,
209
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,531
how can anyone make
that distinction?
210
00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:22,186
What, should I wear
a bisexual I.D. badge?
211
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,669
Are you kidding me?
212
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,410
You're kidding me, right?
213
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,805
After almost a decade of
marriage to the love of my life
214
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,154
and -- and you're wondering --
215
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,634
I'm wondering because
Jack's wondering.
216
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,244
[ Sighs ]
217
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,986
We're in love.
All three of us.
218
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:40,944
Why -- Why can't you just --
219
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,990
Who are you pitching
this to, me or you?
220
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,209
Or were you practicing
for Jack?
221
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:47,037
Aren't you the sanctimonious --
222
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,865
Whoa, whoa.
That's an open wound.
223
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:50,693
Let's just...
224
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,042
stick to your mess for now
225
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:55,045
and we'll circle back to
my Crisis of Cool.
226
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:58,483
What'd he say?
227
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,790
He and Dave were discussing
228
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,358
how fast you remembered
how to ride that bike.
229
00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:04,794
The bike being --Yeah, no, I get it.
230
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,666
Vagina. The bike's a vagina.Carm, I get it.
231
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:09,581
It's my job, Em.
You know that.
232
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,975
Well, you're fired.Doesn't work that way.
233
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:15,370
As far as that
uncool thing goes,
234
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,198
you know, maybe --
235
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:19,374
maybe you should start
a support group...
236
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,115
with Lori.
237
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:24,161
I-I'm gonna count to 10,
238
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,729
and then I'm gonna throw this
murky shit at your head.
239
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:29,776
So, if I were you, I would try
to achieve maximum distance.
240
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:31,081
Yeah. You wouldn't.
241
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:33,780
One, two, three-four-five --
242
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:38,741
You're just luck this grainy-ass
piss is so expensive.
243
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:43,137
Oh, God.
That's just fucking awful!
244
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,661
Now, Emma wants to
quit her job, too.
245
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,752
So, basically, you two are going
white-people crazy
246
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,406
because you can't make babies.
247
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:54,844
[ Scoffs ]
I would love to deny that.
248
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,759
Well, I'm a professional, Jack,
249
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,761
which is how I know you really
don't want to be
250
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,763
a college professor.
251
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:03,026
What do you want to do?
252
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,680
[ Sighs deeply ]
253
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,377
I just want to help as many kids
as possible
254
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:09,598
get safely and sanely to
the other side of 18.
255
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:16,474
I'm starting to think I want
the job I walked away from.
256
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,433
Or some version of that.
257
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,698
Oh, shit.
I got a thing.
258
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,526
Um, can I see you again?
259
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:27,921
Like, just for coffee
or something?
260
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:30,532
Confession?
261
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,708
Okay.
262
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,755
I had created this kind of
dark fantasy in my mind
263
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,539
about what it would be like if
we ever saw each other again.
264
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:40,368
[ Laughs ]
How did it measure up?
265
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:41,935
Is divorced
enough for you?
266
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:44,807
Oh, did I mention, I'm on,
like, 11 dating sites?
267
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,070
Hmm. You could've had the common
decency to at least be
268
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:49,812
morbidly obese,
or have terrible skin,
269
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,032
or peg leg
due to diabetes.
270
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:53,773
Sorry.
271
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:06,655
I forgave you
a long time ago.
272
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,840
Thanks.
Bye.
273
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,368
[ Indistinct conversations ]
274
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,549
Professor Shivani?
275
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,073
Yeah.
276
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:34,335
She's hot.
277
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,293
She is.
278
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,252
You thinking about bringing
her in the mix, too?
279
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,082
Andy.
280
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,997
Yep.
281
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,868
Who knows Izzy.Yep.
282
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:49,698
Just to explain this,
283
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,309
we were friends,
like a million years ago.
284
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,137
Really good friends,
Ruby and I.
285
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:56,400
Got it.
286
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,359
Yeah?
287
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,840
All right, fine.
She was my ex.
288
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,972
Okay.My ex-girlfriend before Emma.
289
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,713
Can we keep this between us?
290
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,584
If you ran into an old flame,
I mean,
291
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,456
why do you got to
keep that a secret?
292
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,153
And you're right about --
yeah.
293
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:11,981
Can we also keep that
between us,
294
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,462
the fact that I asked you
to keep it between us?
295
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,552
Here's my deal, okay?
296
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:21,469
You buy lunch,
one hour of free counseling,
297
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:25,908
and I never saw you, uh,
mooning after your ex.
298
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,128
Fine.
[ Sighs ]
299
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,870
Why does everyone keep
blackmailing me these days?
300
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,697
You're going through some very
strange shit,
301
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,264
ain't you, Uncle Jack?
302
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,963
I am. Yeah. I am going through
some tough stuff. Yeah.
303
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:44,057
Look, I'm getting this vibe
like Nina's...
304
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:48,539
holding back,
playing it cool, you know?
305
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:52,108
So, scary Nina? Really?
That's what we're talking about?
306
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,545
Yeah. Scary Nina. Really.
307
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:58,158
Okay.
You're serious about her?
308
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,029
Yeah.
309
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,162
I know it's fast, but it's like
I snapped out of this coma
310
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,555
and she was the first face
that I saw.
311
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,079
Aww.
312
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,342
Bro.Sorry.
313
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,388
I'm guessing that
Nina is scary
314
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,129
because she's scared.
315
00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:17,481
Listen to that man.
That is some profound shit.
316
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,309
So, you got to
hold her close, man.
317
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,181
Got to hold her real tight,
like a...
318
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,313
autism blanket,
319
00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:27,317
until the spasms
and the fits subside.
320
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,232
And then we're good?No.
321
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,496
Then she'll have even more
fits and more spasms.
322
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,150
That's fuckin' awful.
323
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,500
Mm.
324
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,850
But then, at the end of that,
at least she'll finally
325
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,722
believe in you.
326
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:44,073
Anyway, that's what you're
signing up for.
327
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:47,207
[ Laughs ]
That is so fucking good,
328
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,991
I'm gonna --
Can I use that?
329
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,080
[ Cellphone rings ]So, we got autism,
330
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:55,998
fits, persistence, right?Looks like you got it.
331
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,131
Hello?
332
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:02,396
Ruby. No. I'm actually just
a few blocks away. Why?
333
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,876
Sure. I'll be right there.
334
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,748
[ Beeps ]
I got to run.
335
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,532
You're making this really rough
on me, Uncle Jack.
336
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:09,664
What're you talking about?What am I talking about?
337
00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,448
I'm talking about you.
338
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,885
Professor Shivani.
That was serious, right?
339
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:14,974
No.Yes.
340
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,018
You got it all wrong, man.
341
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,498
The road not taken.
342
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:20,414
No. There's nothing.
It's nothing going on.
343
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,329
You sure?Yes, I'm sure.
344
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,766
Fuckin'-A.
I can't just walk and --
345
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:26,159
Just calm down.Just get accusations
346
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,812
thrown left and right.
There's nothing going on.
347
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:29,989
Fuck!
348
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,949
But, um, I was never here.
349
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,430
This never happened.
350
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,910
Right?
351
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:41,261
Sure.Do I need a receipt or...
352
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,437
We don't do receipts.
353
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,221
Okay, don't leave my tab open.
354
00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,400
I left his tab open.
355
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,446
My man.
356
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:55,014
♪♪
357
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:04,023
So, how would you feel about
helping kids
358
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:07,243
get to the other side of
21 instead of 18?
359
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:13,162
Like, counseling
for Griffin students?
360
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,034
Like a wellness center.
361
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:20,082
What an amazing idea.
You are so smart, Jack.
362
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,389
All kidding aside,
363
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,173
I really wish women
still did that.
364
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,088
Well, we don't,
so get over it.
365
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,003
Okay.
366
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,876
This is probably me making this
unnecessarily weird,
367
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,270
but, um...
368
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:38,100
you ever think about me over
the last dozen years?
369
00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,059
Um...Oh, God. That was so stupid.
370
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,277
I'm sorry.Yeah, no. No.
371
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,931
That -- Rewind. Erase.
372
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:46,369
Look, I got to go, so,
I will call you and --
373
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,938
Your watch is on the other
wrist, by the way.
374
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:53,507
And yes. Yeah, of course
I've thought of you.
375
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:04,126
I'll call you about
the wellness center.
376
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,388
Cool.Cool. Yeah.
377
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,434
Okay.
378
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,616
We need you guys to know this
was not an easy call for me.
379
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,618
Are you fucking kidding me
right now, Andy?
380
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,316
You barely know Uncle Jack.
381
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,537
It's not even really like he
was doing anything wrong.
382
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:26,844
You know, it's not like they
were making out or something.
383
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,890
Okay, if it was all
so inconsequential,
384
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:32,981
why the fuck are you telling us?
385
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,504
Answer the girl.
386
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:37,551
[ Sighs ]
Okay, um...
387
00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:42,338
Because it --
She didn't seem like an ex.
388
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,819
She seemed like theex.
389
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:48,039
The one that got away.
390
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,651
Why else would he tell me
not to say anything?
391
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:52,435
Oh, fuck.
392
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,133
Yeah.
It's okay.
393
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,004
Why would he do this?
394
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,093
Because he's insecure about
his place
395
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,183
in this wacky new relationship.
396
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,054
Because men?
397
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:06,014
Oh, nice. What would happen if I
said, "because women"
398
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,407
about anything?
399
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,757
Maybe some day, when we're
all squared up, okay?
400
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:15,154
It feels fragile.
The three of us.
401
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,807
So shocking.
Ow!
402
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,374
Stop.
Do not hit me back.
403
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:20,942
I have to think.
404
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:24,206
[ Sighs ]
I have to do something.
405
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,470
♪♪
406
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,084
Thanks.
407
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:34,347
You're welcome,
have a good night.
408
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,739
Thank you.
409
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,654
Hey. Hey!
410
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:39,526
Hey, honey, check this out.
411
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,136
No, I don't care if Izzy just
fucked a giraffe in the street.
412
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,442
We're not doing that anymore,
413
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,965
the whole looking out
the window thing.
414
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,401
But it's really addictive.Okay, we are gonna be
415
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,447
the very cool stars of our own
very cool movie,
416
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,318
starting right now,
this second. Understand?
417
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:50,972
Absolutely.
418
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,756
Okay.Are you okay?
419
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,760
I just really...
420
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,198
really want to be
cool again, Dave.
421
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,774
Okay.
422
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:14,691
It's just that...
423
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:17,390
people like us,
at our advanced age,
424
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,870
consciously deciding
to be cool,
425
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:23,134
that's perilous terrain.
It's thin ice.
426
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:25,659
We don't want to end up with
dragons on our asses, you know?
427
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,661
No fucking clue what that means.
428
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:30,403
You know those stupid
$300-a-pair jeans they make
429
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:33,536
just so people like us
can embarrass ourselves?
430
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:36,191
So, no pink highlights?
431
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,324
I mean, you're Asian,
so that's --
432
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,674
Right. Human animé.
Walking cliché.
433
00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,763
Yeah.
434
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,853
So, what are we gonna do then?
435
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:52,294
Don't react right away.
Let it wash over you.
436
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,731
Okay. Bring it.
437
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:57,081
Three words.
438
00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:58,648
No. Four words --
439
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:02,957
Suburban... Internet...
Sextape...Scandal.
440
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,393
I think that's five words.
441
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,569
Is "sex tape"
one word or two words?
442
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,528
Suburban Internet
sex-tape scandal.
443
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,791
I'm --
I'm kidding, obviously.
444
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,793
Right, that's clear? I'm clear
that I'm obviously kidding?
445
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:14,360
No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
We're desperate.
446
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,710
I...
I don't hate it.
447
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:20,322
Exactly.
448
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:24,239
Ahh, pizza, wine, weed.
449
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,330
[ Sighs ]
This whole thing is amazing, Iz.
450
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:30,114
Thanks.
451
00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:31,899
Yeah, look at you.
452
00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:34,684
Lipstick, heels,
the whole nine.
453
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:37,208
[ Laughs ]You look super hot.
454
00:21:37,252 --> 00:21:39,515
Thanks.
455
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:42,344
So tell me about
your day, honies.
456
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,868
Well --No. Jack first.
457
00:21:44,912 --> 00:21:47,784
Oh, shit!
458
00:21:47,828 --> 00:21:50,439
Your interview.
I-I totally forgot.
459
00:21:50,483 --> 00:21:52,441
How'd it go?
460
00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:56,402
It was fine. Good.
461
00:21:56,445 --> 00:21:58,404
Nothing special.
462
00:21:58,447 --> 00:22:00,231
That's it?
463
00:22:00,275 --> 00:22:04,061
Just "fine-good"?
Nothing else?
464
00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:06,977
No surprises?
465
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:11,373
Fucking Andy.
466
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,332
Like he had a choice.
467
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,638
Someone fill me in on
what's going on.
468
00:22:15,682 --> 00:22:19,120
Jack's interviewer
was Ruby Shivani.
469
00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:20,426
Yeah.Ruby Shivani?
470
00:22:20,469 --> 00:22:22,123
Mm-hmm.Your last girlfriend before me?
471
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:24,604
Yeah.Huh. What are the odds?
472
00:22:24,647 --> 00:22:27,781
Why didn't you --
Why wouldn't you --
473
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,397
Shit, Jack. Not telling me
tells me a lot.
474
00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,747
No. I just knew you guys would
twist it into something
475
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,401
that it absolutely wasn't,
which is exactly
476
00:22:39,445 --> 00:22:40,620
what's happening right now.
477
00:22:40,663 --> 00:22:41,925
Watch him closely, Em.
478
00:22:41,969 --> 00:22:42,970
You know his tells.No.
479
00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:44,493
Yeah, they're not complicated.
480
00:22:44,537 --> 00:22:46,147
All right. Is she single?
481
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:49,455
Andy said you met up with her
a second time. Why?
482
00:22:49,498 --> 00:22:51,021
Did you flirt with her?
483
00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:52,371
[ Sighs ]
484
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:54,547
I mean, maybe subtextually.
485
00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,592
"Subtextually?" What the fuck
does that even mean?
486
00:22:56,636 --> 00:23:00,379
There's always a subtle
undercurrent.
487
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:03,033
I don't know.
I'm just trying to hyper-honest
488
00:23:03,077 --> 00:23:05,079
with you guys right now because
I'm super high,
489
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:07,560
you're being pretty
fucking intimidating.
490
00:23:07,603 --> 00:23:09,257
Why would you even do this?
491
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:11,259
Because men.
492
00:23:11,302 --> 00:23:15,176
You're sexually involved with
two women for fuck's sakes!
493
00:23:15,219 --> 00:23:18,222
How much female approval
can one man require?
494
00:23:18,266 --> 00:23:19,702
Oh, okay. You really
want to fucking go there?
495
00:23:19,746 --> 00:23:21,008
Yeah!You really want to do this
496
00:23:21,051 --> 00:23:22,096
right now?Yeah. Yeah.
497
00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:23,271
I really want to fucking
do this.
498
00:23:23,314 --> 00:23:24,272
I fucking do, too.
499
00:23:24,315 --> 00:23:25,752
Are you gonna finally be honest?
500
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,014
Are you gonna finally say what
you fucking think?
501
00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:28,624
All right. Here it is.Let's hear it.
502
00:23:28,668 --> 00:23:30,452
You guys have been third-
wheeling the shit out of me!
503
00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:31,932
Ka-fucking-blam!
504
00:23:31,975 --> 00:23:33,760
Okay. Okay, just let me
get this straight.
505
00:23:33,803 --> 00:23:37,416
So, you get to "undercurrent"
all over your primary ex
506
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:42,682
because you've decided that
I'm not fluid, I'm a lesbian?
507
00:23:42,725 --> 00:23:44,684
That's right. Jack told
the Imaris I might be
508
00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:45,815
full-blown gay.
509
00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:47,382
That's not at all what I said.
510
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,253
So, I guess that means that
you've decided for me too?
511
00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:52,343
Are you the official Minister
of Sexual Orientation?
512
00:23:52,387 --> 00:23:55,042
Congratulations.You know what? Fuck you, Jack.
513
00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:58,175
Fuck you and your fragile,
little male ego.
514
00:23:58,219 --> 00:23:59,263
Really? That's how it is?
515
00:23:59,307 --> 00:24:00,482
Yeah.Okay, well, fuck you
516
00:24:00,526 --> 00:24:02,049
for making
massive life decisions
517
00:24:02,092 --> 00:24:04,007
completely on your own that
affect both of us.
518
00:24:04,051 --> 00:24:05,835
Is that -- Is that me?
519
00:24:05,879 --> 00:24:07,620
Um...Are you talking about me?
520
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:10,666
Well, then, fuck you both
521
00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:14,278
for chasing me down half-cocked,
you matching set of dumbshits!
522
00:24:14,322 --> 00:24:16,237
We should've thought it through
more. That was --
523
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,108
Yeah.That was on both of us.
524
00:24:26,334 --> 00:24:29,598
This is good, because we're
throwing all of our shit
525
00:24:29,642 --> 00:24:32,383
on the table to flop around
where we can see it.
526
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:35,430
But why would shit be
flopping around?
527
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:37,301
Yeah. It probably
should've been fish.
528
00:24:37,345 --> 00:24:39,826
The--
Then it's a fish.
529
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:43,743
The point is, is that we knew
this wasn't gonna be easy.
530
00:24:46,702 --> 00:24:49,749
Right.
531
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:53,448
I'm sorry for making you feel
like the odd man out.
532
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,146
Me, too.
533
00:24:58,148 --> 00:24:59,715
And I'm sorry for keeping
534
00:24:59,759 --> 00:25:03,197
the "girl-girl-girl"
thing from you.
535
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,113
I know that's a big part of
what you're feeling.
536
00:25:09,203 --> 00:25:12,728
Well, I'm sorry if I
"subtextually" acted out
537
00:25:12,772 --> 00:25:15,514
instead of just talking to
you guys about it.
538
00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:19,518
This is good.
539
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:21,215
We've done good work here.
540
00:25:21,258 --> 00:25:25,393
And now we're gonna have sex.
541
00:25:25,436 --> 00:25:27,743
Well, that was
a sharp turn.
542
00:25:27,787 --> 00:25:29,658
Mm, yep.
We're gonna fuck it out.
543
00:25:29,702 --> 00:25:31,921
I think the term is "hug it
out," right, Jack?
544
00:25:31,965 --> 00:25:35,098
You guys are more than welcome
to keep talking,
545
00:25:35,142 --> 00:25:38,841
but I'm gonna go
546
00:25:38,885 --> 00:25:40,582
back up to the bedroom,
547
00:25:40,626 --> 00:25:42,671
and I'll leave
this dress here.
548
00:25:42,715 --> 00:25:44,630
But I can keep the heels on.
549
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,723
So 26.
550
00:25:50,766 --> 00:25:53,290
"Fuck it out."You think that's gonna work?
551
00:25:53,334 --> 00:25:55,815
[ Sighs ]
552
00:25:55,858 --> 00:25:57,425
Okay, so I'm good.
553
00:25:57,468 --> 00:25:58,818
Hmm. Me, too.
554
00:25:58,861 --> 00:26:01,037
Told you.
555
00:26:01,081 --> 00:26:02,604
Mm.
556
00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:05,128
♪♪
557
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:15,225
So, apparently, "Fuck it out"
doesn't actually work
558
00:26:15,269 --> 00:26:17,576
for suburban 30-somethings.
559
00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:19,534
Good thing, because I'd be
out of business.
560
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:23,538
[ Laughs ]
561
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,714
[ Clears throat ]
Sorry.
562
00:26:25,758 --> 00:26:28,891
♪ Never thought about the way I
would be treated ♪
563
00:26:28,935 --> 00:26:32,199
♪ Never thought about how to
pick up the pieces ♪
564
00:26:32,242 --> 00:26:34,810
♪ Doesn't take long,
now I move on ♪
565
00:26:34,854 --> 00:26:37,508
♪ At least then I know
566
00:26:37,552 --> 00:26:40,250
♪ Walk away, baby,
we'll take you out ♪
567
00:26:40,294 --> 00:26:43,340
♪ Well, she keeps
running her mouth ♪
568
00:26:43,384 --> 00:26:46,126
♪ Snap, she's facing
the one she breaks ♪
569
00:26:46,169 --> 00:26:48,824
♪ Sort of figure it out
570
00:26:48,868 --> 00:26:51,479
♪ They can't blame it
all on you ♪
571
00:26:51,522 --> 00:26:54,569
♪ You've been acting up
a fool ♪
572
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:57,267
♪ But I keep spending
time on you ♪
573
00:26:57,311 --> 00:27:00,183
♪ Ah-ah-ah, oh-oh-oh
574
00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:03,447
♪ You're the only one whose
money I'll be sendin' ♪
41191
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