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1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,307
Woman:
How often are you having sex?
2
00:00:03,351 --> 00:00:04,656
Uh, excuse me?
3
00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,136
We've been off our game
a little bit lately.
4
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,268
Um, 0.5 times a week.
5
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,921
Last season on "You Me Her"...
6
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,054
Jack: We lied with
disturbing specificity.
7
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,795
Well, you got to lie.
Like, I'm gonna tell
8
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,492
the whole neighborhood we
haven't had sex in two months?
9
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,016
Well, you just did.
10
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,582
You need to do it
someone you don't know,
11
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,367
someone who doesn't laugh
when you get your sexy on.
12
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,108
[ Knock on door ]I'm talking about an escort.
13
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,371
-Hi.
-Are you fucking kidding me?
14
00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:25,155
I came clean. Don't I get
points for coming clean?
15
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,070
You get points for admitting
to scarfing down
16
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,463
the second half
of my panini,
17
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,291
not for confessing
to spending happy hour
18
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:31,814
in a hotel room
with a hooker.
19
00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,990
-I met Izzy today.
-Surprise.
20
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,774
-What?
-And I probably should've
21
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,167
told you this
a long, long time ago.
22
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,995
Izzy.
23
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,736
She wasn't my first girl.
24
00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:43,347
Jack: Your stupid moron plan
actually worked.
25
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,045
Emma and I are having crazy sex.
26
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,003
What if it's all Izzy?We -- we agree that
27
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,265
this is a business
arrangement, right?
28
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:49,527
Izzy: Well, you know,
29
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:50,789
I had my date
with Emma last night.
30
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,269
It was pretty awesome.
31
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,793
Like a fucking lesbian
romance novel. Blegh!
32
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:58,058
Whatever the fuck that is,
stop it immediately.
33
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,233
-Mom!
-[ Gasps ]
34
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,278
What are you doing?[ Knock on door ]
35
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,019
-So, hi.
-So who was that chick
36
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,021
who got dropped off
at your house two nights ago?
37
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,937
I told her she
was, uh, my niece.
38
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,460
-Babe, just take a breath.
-I need this.
39
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,114
I want to be dean of this place.
40
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,681
Lori's big on spite.
41
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:15,771
Lori, who is now, you know,
on the alumni board.
42
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,251
Do you know that
she has a boyfriend?
43
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:18,600
What are you
doing here?
44
00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,776
I'm looking for a girl.I knew it.
45
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,735
Andy, why'd you follow me here,
to my uncle's house?
46
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,086
You know, I'm getting the
overwhelming sense that, uh,
47
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,870
Jack isn't really
Izzy's uncle, you know.
48
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:29,001
What?
49
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,873
I fucked Andy.
50
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,701
[ Screams ]Give me one good reason
51
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,616
why I shouldn't punch you
in the vag right now.
52
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,227
You find Jacqueline Isabelle's
last name
53
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,883
and any social networking site
that proves her and Jack's
54
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,363
big sister could pick
each other out of a line-up,
55
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:43,668
let alone share DNA.
56
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:45,061
I thought this was
supposed to be easy.
57
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,976
I'm not exactly
a Photoshop wizard.
58
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,630
It's Ava.
59
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:49,674
It worked.
60
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,328
I love us.
61
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:54,157
Emma: Maybe this is doable,
the road less traveled,
62
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,898
the relationship
more populated.
63
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,117
Pfff.
64
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,335
Why does it
have to be scary?
65
00:01:58,379 --> 00:01:59,597
I'm actually confused.
66
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:00,816
Did you say
this was permanent?
67
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:01,991
I know that
you guys feel this
68
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,340
just as much as I do.
69
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:04,646
We have careers.
70
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,169
We have neighbors
for God's sake.
71
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,431
So you're afraid?
72
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:08,650
Of course
we're fucking afraid.
73
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,652
You don't deserve me.
74
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:13,872
I declined the position.
75
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:15,700
-Okay.
-And then I resigned.
76
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:18,007
She's leaving because she fell
in love with you -- both of you.
77
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:20,183
Go to the airport.[ Horn blaring ]
78
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,793
Hey, assholes.
79
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:23,447
We literally raced
to the airport, which is, like,
80
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:27,190
the -- the rom-comiest
of all rom-com tropes.
81
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:28,887
And...
Just to get here.
82
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:29,888
But then what?
83
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:31,412
We go home.
84
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:33,414
What?
85
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:40,116
♪♪
86
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,567
♪ Run right through ya
87
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:59,004
♪ Turn my cues up
88
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,919
♪ No excuses
89
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:04,184
♪ Round and round and round
and here we go ♪
90
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:12,235
Emma: Ugh.
Did I hunt, capture, and eat
91
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,368
a small cat by any chance?
92
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,804
Jack: Shh.
93
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,197
[ Sighs ]
94
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,242
Need painkillers.
95
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,201
Truth.
96
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,119
Are you gonna get them?
97
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:28,251
God, no.
98
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,818
Ohh.
99
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:31,123
Oh, fuck.
100
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,604
[ Sighs ]
Just fuck in general, or...?
101
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,432
I quit my job.
102
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:36,999
Yeah.
103
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,349
Yep.
104
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,003
Can't remember
the actual reason.
105
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:43,919
Something about doing
what I want to do,
106
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,921
but I think that's
all I ever wanted to do.
107
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,923
So you do it at another school,
one where they have
108
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,012
bigger problems
than choosing the color
109
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,535
for their
sweet-16 Beemers.
110
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:52,971
Solid idea.
111
00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:55,452
Let's call it a day.
112
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:58,586
It's all downhill
from here.
113
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,852
Izzy.
What happened to Izzy?
114
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,201
Oh, my God, we lost her?
115
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,507
She could be
anywhere by now.
116
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,596
[ Izzy groans ]
117
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,815
[ Chuckles ] Or there.
118
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:13,557
What's that on her ass?
119
00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:19,955
"Edgy"?
120
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:20,956
Oh, God.
121
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,392
I have one, too?
122
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,220
Izzy:
Just go to sleep.
123
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,135
Just stop talking.
124
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,006
It's not "edgy."
125
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:32,533
It's "E-J-I."
126
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,274
Emma, Jack, Izzy.
127
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,494
How the fuck
did this happen?
128
00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:39,235
Oh, fuck.
129
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:44,719
[ Jet engines whirring ]
130
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:48,288
The adventure begins.
131
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:52,596
Openly
polyamorous adventure.
132
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,815
Yep.
133
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:54,816
Are you okay?
134
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,818
Yeah.
135
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:59,995
[ Laughs ]
136
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,475
Oh, wait, did you...
137
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,215
Uh, no.
138
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:06,131
What's happening here, it's
called "couples privilege."
139
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,656
You both assume the unicorn
would ride in the back.
140
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,135
That's me.
141
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,355
The unicorn -- the third.
142
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,531
So, should we rotate?
143
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:17,142
Or where do you
want to sit?
144
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:19,884
Mm, behind the wheel.
145
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,190
Cool.
146
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,846
-You okay with that, Doctor?
-I guess so, yeah.
147
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,978
Ah, thank you.
148
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,855
All right, buckle up,
dickhead.
149
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,378
Oh, that sounds
about right.
150
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:36,510
What's that, babe?
151
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,686
Nothing.
Yes, let's do this.
152
00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:39,904
Let's do this.
153
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,776
This is a big-ass car.
154
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,299
Whee!
155
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,390
-Trick or treat!
-Be safe kids.
156
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:49,305
Aye, there, landlubber.
157
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,089
How you doin', sheriff?
158
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:53,614
It's tough to tell the stoned
teenagers from the real hookers.
159
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,790
Time to put this
little octopus to bed.
160
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:56,878
[ Grunts ]
161
00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:59,446
Up and go.
162
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,230
Oh, good Lord.
163
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,189
Ladies, what is
the actual objective here?
164
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,844
Post-post-post-feminist
empowerment.
165
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,063
Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:10,500
You playing that card?
Really?
167
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:13,547
Hold on, I think I have some
self-esteem in here somewhere.
168
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,983
Good one.
169
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,115
Yeah, I love it when
old people try to be clever.
170
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:18,508
Totes adorbs.
171
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:22,033
Let's go, guys.
172
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:26,429
Oh, look, Lori Matherfield
here in our yard.
173
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,126
Jack-o'-lanterns
not up to code?
174
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,128
Ouch.
175
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,130
I guess
I deserve that, huh?
176
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:33,654
Hey, I don't want to be
a dick here,
177
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,525
but we got to get inside
and put these little
178
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,918
crustaceans to bed, so...
179
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:40,443
I-I-I was wrong about
the Trakarskys.
180
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:43,751
Oh, no, I wouldn't beat
yourself up too bad about that.
181
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,666
Too late. [ Chuckles ]
182
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,843
I'm really sorry for all
of the tumult that I caused.
183
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,845
Water under the bridge.
You know what?
184
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,587
It was confusing for all of us,
so...no blood, no foul.
185
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:54,675
Okay?
186
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,459
[ Chuckles ] Please.
187
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,679
As if the Trakarskys
went all sexually deviant
188
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:00,594
with some college chick
and then crafted this
189
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,987
elaborate cover-up
that she was their niece --
190
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,859
that is just crazy.
191
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,556
It's nut-zoid.Like unthinkable.
192
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,166
Bonkers.
Outlandish.
193
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,864
Preposterous.
You know, they're actually
194
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,866
a very vanilla couple
if you know that term.
195
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,389
Don't even look at
each other naked.
196
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,390
They think HBO is porn.
197
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,739
Well, it kind of is.
198
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:17,872
Can you believe
that Jack turned down
199
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,265
the promotion
andquit his job today?
200
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:22,093
I mean,
who saw that coming?
201
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,748
Oh, you --
you didn't know.
202
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,228
That can't be good.
203
00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:28,099
How's that, Dave?
What -- what does that mean?
204
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:29,492
Why is that not good?No, he just means...
205
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,538
Mid-life crisis, probably.
I don't know.
206
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,365
What's next?
Ultimate Frisbee?
207
00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:34,628
Hydroponics?
Skinny jeans?
208
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,238
Frosted tips?Ironic mustache?
209
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,240
[ Horn honks ]
210
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,636
So, that happened.
211
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,202
Was that the niece?
212
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,161
I thought they said she
was leaving for, uh...
213
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,162
Jack.
Emma.
214
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,729
Emma.
Jack or Emma.
215
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,513
Probably one of the two Trakar--
That's the Trakarsky...
216
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:51,558
A Trakarsky was
driving that car.
217
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,081
...family vehicle, yeah.
218
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,474
Wouldn't have been the third
one. She left town.
219
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:55,605
Izzy.
Jack's niece.
220
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,825
Yeah.Okay, I'm gonna...
221
00:07:57,868 --> 00:08:00,175
You people are still
just a little strange.
222
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,786
All right, nighty-night.Great.
223
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,006
Now what the fuck?
224
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,247
[ Laughs ]
225
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:33,034
♪♪
226
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:10,375
I thought I lost you.
227
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:28,959
♪♪
228
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,401
[ Door opens ]
229
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:41,319
What is up, hooker?
230
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,626
Were you just
watching me sleep?
231
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,673
Ah, the boundless
narcissism of adolescence.
232
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:49,240
So, did you know
Jack Trakarsky
233
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,678
declined his promotion
and quit his job yesterday?
234
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:55,290
'Cause the Amaris, they didn't
know anything about it.
235
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,511
That doesn't
make any sense.
236
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,122
If he didn't
want to be dean,
237
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,906
why go through
the whole process?
238
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:05,648
Including, I might add,
taking vats of shit
239
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:06,997
from a vindictive neighbor,
240
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,825
and then back out
at the last second.
241
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,872
See, that's exactly
what I'm wondering.
242
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,486
Fuck!
243
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,888
What are you,
taking a shift for Lori?
244
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,020
Is this 'cause she laughed
at one of your jokes?
245
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,761
Hey, what do I get
if I pretend you're funny?
246
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,371
Maybe an oral presentation?
247
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,851
I shouldn't be vague about
something this important.
248
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:35,983
I'm talking about a blowjob.
249
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,637
It's almost 2:00
in the afternoon,
250
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,377
and they haven't even
come out for the paper yet.
251
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:40,814
Called Emma
like seven times.
252
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,511
Honey, I'm going
to play one-on-one
253
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:43,686
with Jack
in a half an hour.
254
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,080
You want to come watch?
255
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,212
Uh, yeah, you don't
want that, babe.
256
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,345
What? Are you
kidding me? Come on.
257
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,694
You're not turned on
by the idea of me
258
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,000
waging battle on the court
259
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,479
and sweating a lot more
than everybody else?
260
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,438
No, it's cool.
261
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:57,700
It's professional.
262
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,354
I can't.
I just can't.
263
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,443
You know, this is all
standard issue top to bottom.
264
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,620
This is what the pros wear.
265
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,448
The shorts are too long
for my body, though.
266
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,277
I get that.
267
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:13,063
[ Coughing ]
268
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,675
I feel like we should've worked
our way up to that, you know?
269
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:17,241
[ Chuckles ]
270
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:18,721
My dick is broken.
271
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,505
[ Laughs ]
272
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:21,898
I think
we're gonna have to
273
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:25,119
MacGyver some sort of
penis splint.
274
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,730
I feel like I have
full-body hernia.
275
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,819
Yeah, I'm so winded.
276
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:32,039
I feel like I need
to back off the weed
277
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,041
or go for a walk
or eat something
278
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:38,001
that doesn't come delivered
in a cardboard box probably.
279
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,656
[ Clears throat ]
280
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,746
That being said,
you guys want to go again?
281
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:47,097
Mm, as long as I don't have
to move or do anything at all.
282
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,012
I mean that.
I mean that literally.
283
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:51,536
Like -- like
I'm a blow-up doll.
284
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:52,929
[ Chuckles ]
285
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:56,498
I can't
feel my tongue.
286
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,152
Am I talking funny?
287
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,589
No.
No.
288
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,070
[ Doorbell rings ]
289
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:09,859
I guess there is
a world out there.
290
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,819
Mm.
291
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,302
♪♪
292
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:33,230
You know we have nothing
to feel guilty about, right?
293
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:37,365
Spoiler alert -- guilt's not
a huge issue in my life.
294
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,628
So...
295
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:46,809
I see you,
Nina Martone.
296
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:50,813
I see you.
297
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,597
[ Scoffs ]
298
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,991
Okay, I'm gonna
yack all over you.
299
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:57,428
Mm.
300
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,822
Guys pay you for that?
301
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,998
I really want
to say no, but...
302
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,871
God, please do.
303
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,656
I'm kidding, dumbass.
304
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,490
Were you
drunk this time?
305
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:22,366
No.
306
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,588
Me neither.
307
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,772
[ Cellphone clicking ]
308
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:40,558
[ Cellphone chimes ]
309
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:43,474
♪ Could it be
that I'm just caught up? ♪
310
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,476
Sh-- She promised to call,
311
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,959
and I've been texting
since last night, and nothing.
312
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,048
So...
Neen.
313
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:54,877
I think
her plane crashed.
314
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,705
You really think
that her plane crashed?
315
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,489
Well, obviously not.
Okay, it's just...
316
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:01,579
Her fiery death is better
than getting shut down?
317
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,280
Okay. Okay.
318
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,456
You know what? I'm not usually
one for next-day hugging.
319
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:11,241
Yeah, yeah, okay.
320
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,466
I do think
you're right.
321
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,163
Her plane almost
certainly did crash.
322
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:21,904
[ Chuckles ]
323
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,169
[ Doorbell rings rapidly ]
324
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:36,440
Okay, I'm -- I'm --
I'm gonna keep this simple.
325
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:39,443
What the -- the fuck?
326
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:42,794
Uh, could you possibly
keep it a little less simple?
327
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:45,188
So, you told me
that this was over.
328
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:48,017
And now Izzy's back,
Jack quit his job?
329
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,453
Wait a second --
did you quit your job
330
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,890
so that this wouldn't
have to be over?
331
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:56,025
No, I-I quit my job...um...
332
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:58,114
I can't remember, but it was
something really profound.
333
00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:00,421
Oh, shit.
Um, I got to go.
334
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,813
What's up?
335
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,728
Nina's been texting
since last night.
336
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,383
Pretty sure I'm walking into
a serious ass-kicking.
337
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,429
Hey, Jack.
338
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,213
Did you have
any engagements today
339
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,998
that you may have
forgotten about?
340
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,913
Here's a clue.
My husband's wearing
341
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,958
oversized shorts,
knee socks, a headband.
342
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,829
And God damn it,
do you know how hard it is
343
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,962
to unsee that shit so I can
have sex with him again?
344
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,616
Totally forgot about that.
345
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,096
Fuck.
346
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,924
By the way, I agree
with you on the outfit.
347
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,188
As a man,
I am embarrassed by him.
348
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,929
Bye.
349
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,977
-Bye.
-Bye.
350
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,457
Bye, Carmen.
351
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,806
-Bye, Izzy.
-Have a nice day.
352
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:38,807
Is that your bra?
353
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,417
No, that's mine.
354
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,202
So, what are you saying?
You don't dig this either?
355
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,421
Carmen said this was, like,
sexually off-putting to her.
356
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,510
How is that possible?
It's regulation top to bottom.
357
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,816
Look at this.
You can get a little
358
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:48,991
nipple slip
on the side for free.
359
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,124
That is absurd.Absurd?
360
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,560
It's like
a little retro, too.
361
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,388
You look like you're in,
like, a '70s porn movie.
362
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,259
That's exactly
what I was going for.
363
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,652
And you know what?
At least I showed up on time
364
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:58,870
to play in some games.
365
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,046
[ Sighs ] Sorry, man.Ridiculous.
366
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,395
Your time management
is ridiculous.
367
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,787
Okay, fine, just go.So what's the deal?
368
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:03,919
The three of you
are back together now?
369
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,703
Huh?
For how long?
370
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,749
You gonna play out this whole
four-week contract, or what?
371
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,752
In.
372
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:12,188
Actually, she's moving in.
373
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,321
We're throupling.
374
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,018
Throupling?Yeah, it's a word.
375
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,759
If that's a word,
it is fucking stupid,
376
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:19,239
and you should
never use it.
377
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,371
Although, I mean, this whole
thing is fucking stupid.
378
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,373
So why shouldn't you make up
your own vocabulary.
379
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,114
-It's not stupid.
-Off.
380
00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:27,421
Are you seriously worried
that your children
381
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,379
will be scarred because
three consenting adults
382
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:30,772
live across the street
from you?
383
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,340
I am, which surprises me,
and I resent it.
384
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,429
I blame you for
making me feel uncool
385
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:39,737
in a highly Matherfield
kind of way.
386
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,827
We've exposed
your inner Lori.
387
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:45,613
That is cruel.
More.
388
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,223
We're in love.
I'm in love with both of them.
389
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,399
Oh, you're in love
with both of them?
390
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,835
Equally?
391
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,750
Your wife of nine years
and the escort you hired
392
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,883
five minutes ago -- you love
them both the same, even Steven?
393
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,102
Yeah, that seems reasonable.
394
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,799
Remember that I said this,
Jackson.
395
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,061
This is all gonna end
very badly for you.
396
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,628
Thanks for
the support, man.
397
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,282
It's a bit more ominous
than I expected, but thanks.
398
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:03,848
What friends are for.
Off.
399
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,372
Swish.
400
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,374
This is right here.
You know what I'm saying?
401
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,985
Our long-time best friends,
who live directly
402
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,509
across the street,
invite some college chick
403
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,816
into their marriage
on a full-time basis
404
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,340
to live in their house
and sleep in their bed.
405
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:18,776
I'm just --
I'm not down with it,
406
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,604
and that makes me feel douchey,
which, again,
407
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,520
I fucking resent.
408
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,348
Look at me.
409
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,307
So now you're hitting on me like
that's gonna fix everything?
410
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:29,439
Carmen, look at me.
411
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:30,614
Look at me.
Whatever.
412
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,921
Look at me.
413
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,141
You have
never been cool.
414
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,404
I'm shocked to hear
you think otherwise.
415
00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:38,883
[ Chuckles ]
416
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,538
Hey, let's find out how
that blouse looks in red.
417
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:44,019
Come here.
418
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,847
Okay, fine.
419
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,588
If you need to feel me up,
I won't fight it.
420
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:50,156
Oh, but it might be more fun
if you struggle.
421
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:53,028
God, you are such a perv now.I know.
422
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,726
You know Emma was into chicks
in college, right?
423
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,728
Yeah.
I think I'd know that.
424
00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,208
She's my fucking wife,
so I know everything about her.
425
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,601
Okay, so you've known
the whole time?
426
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:01,993
[ Sighs ] No, she told me
right after
427
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,125
she made out with Izzy
in the bathroom.
428
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:04,300
Oh, okay.
429
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:07,434
So Carmen,
she told years ago,
430
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:09,175
but you,
she kept it a secret from.
431
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,611
What's your point?
432
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,003
I'm just saying,
she seemed pretty eager
433
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,527
to get back
on that bike.
434
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:16,007
Seemed to remember how
to ride it pretty good, too.
435
00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:17,313
Off.What are you saying?
436
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,272
That she's --
like, Emma's like gay-gay?
437
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,883
Like the last 11 years with me
was just an experiment?
438
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:26,235
No, maybe she's right down
the middle, 50/50,
439
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,976
equal-opportunity
bisexual.
440
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:30,718
Or...maybe she decided
441
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,067
she likes one flavor
more than another,
442
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,199
if you catch my drift.
443
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,984
Off.
444
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,072
What are you getting at?
445
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,552
We both know
what you need to do.
446
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,597
Maybe you can
give me a hint.
447
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:45,080
Get some chloroform
and a rag and a crate,
448
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,474
and you ship Miss Sex Fairy
back to Botslavia.
449
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,215
That is so offensive.
450
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,781
First of all,
I mean, chloroform?Offensive to who?
451
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:52,479
People from Botslavia?
That's not a real place.
452
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,568
Jesus Christ, man.
Think about what you're saying.
453
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,136
The point I'm making is you
hightail her ass out of here.
454
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,355
Nobody's taking anybody
anywhere, okay?
455
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,140
This is happening.
We are happening.
456
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,619
Wipe that look
off your face.
457
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:05,361
I don't want to see that look.
We are happening.
458
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,494
You really sound like you're
trying to convince somebody.
459
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:08,712
Is it me, or is it you?
460
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,627
I'm not trying
to convince anybody.
461
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,542
You do remember
we're having everybody over
462
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,501
for the game tomorrow,
right?
463
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,503
The Matherfields
are coming.
464
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,635
Gabe and Marie, too.
465
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,637
Oh.
Don't be ridiculous.
466
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,639
You know
I live for parties
467
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:26,208
built around televised
sporting...matches.
468
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:27,775
Football.
It's called football.
469
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,037
Mm, and I've thought
of little else
470
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,865
since you invited us.
471
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,955
Yeah, well,
the point is...
472
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:37,132
are you bringing Izzy?
473
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,221
[ Bang on door ]
474
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,791
Margaritas
and drive-through burritos.
475
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,227
I remember
when that was our thing,
476
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,708
like a week ago.
477
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,100
It just had to be
the tequila.
478
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,667
Cuervo's law.
479
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:54,976
Where the fuck
have you been?
480
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,934
They came after me.
481
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:59,198
It was super-romantic.
It was like -- Ow!
482
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,808
And you didn't call
and tell me this?
483
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,027
You couldn't respond
to just one of my 8,000 texts?
484
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,725
What about you?
485
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:06,553
Breaking all kinds
of girl code
486
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:10,818
with Andy's penis
and burritos and tequila.
487
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:13,037
Best scavenger hunt ever.
488
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,996
Okay, look, if you guys
want me to go, I could just --
489
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:16,084
-Go.
-Go.
490
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,477
Whoa.
491
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,521
Sorry, Boo.
492
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:19,696
Boo?
493
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:20,958
Yeah,
I'm bringing it back.
494
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,351
Really?Really.
495
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,396
Ugh!
496
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,659
[ Gags, coughs ]
497
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,182
Ow!
498
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,705
Okay, bye.
[ Coughs ]
499
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,838
God, do you know
how ridiculous you sound?
500
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:33,754
[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
501
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:37,932
[ Groaning ]How does that feel, huh?
502
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,586
[ Muffled scream ]
503
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:40,761
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
504
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,589
Stop, fuck, truce!
505
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:44,112
Ow!
506
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,505
Ow.
507
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:46,810
Ow, I should have
seen that coming.
508
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,159
Obvious counter-move.
509
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:49,552
[ Sighs ] Ouch.
510
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,032
See how worried
I've been?
511
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,555
I hoped
your plane crashed.
512
00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:53,991
You mean you thought
my plane crashed?
513
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,993
No, I hoped
your plane crashed
514
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,647
because that's
the only acceptable excuse
515
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,866
for not
fucking calling me.
516
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:01,303
You're right.
I'm sorry.
517
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,349
Well, you should be.
518
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,176
You're cleaning
that shit up.
519
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,005
I will.
520
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,887
[ Both sigh ]
521
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,632
So, what's going on
with you?
522
00:21:25,675 --> 00:21:27,547
You dating the Griswolds
or what?
523
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:36,860
What are you doing?
524
00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:41,212
My November rent.
525
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,302
Only fair, 'cause I didn't
give you any notice.
526
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,521
No.
527
00:21:45,565 --> 00:21:46,827
[ Scoffs ]
528
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:50,352
Yes.
529
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:54,095
Don't bother inviting me
to any of the dumbass block
parties or barbecues, okay?
530
00:21:54,138 --> 00:21:56,967
Come on, Nin.
We're best friends.
531
00:21:57,011 --> 00:21:58,360
Did you seriously
just BFF me,
532
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:00,101
you condescending
little carpet muncher?
533
00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:02,495
Homophobia --
that's very classy.
534
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,105
Fuck off.
535
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,759
Nina, come on.You know what?
536
00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:08,022
Suddenly I don't
give a shit, okay?
537
00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:12,026
So get out, 'cause I got
to get pretty for your ex.
538
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:15,159
Yeah, tequila makes us
really frisky.
539
00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:19,338
That's very sweet.
540
00:22:21,775 --> 00:22:25,344
Hope it works out for you,
rebound girl.
541
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:28,869
Yeah,
you better fucking run!
542
00:22:28,912 --> 00:22:32,655
♪♪
543
00:22:47,757 --> 00:22:54,024
♪ A word never hurt [ Door opens ]
544
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,378
Hey, babe.
545
00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:02,903
Hey.
546
00:23:02,946 --> 00:23:05,340
Uh-oh,
what happened here?
547
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,516
You're gonna need that.
548
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:08,604
Okay.
549
00:23:08,648 --> 00:23:10,301
Told him
to keep them coming.
550
00:23:10,345 --> 00:23:13,392
I said, "Keep them coming,
sugar tits."
551
00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,915
Always wanted
to say that.
552
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:16,699
Only I didn't say
"sugar tits."
553
00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:19,615
I hope not. Otherwise these
would probably be urine shots.
554
00:23:19,659 --> 00:23:21,922
[ Chuckles ]
Yum.
555
00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:23,358
[ Door opens, closes ]
556
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:25,882
[ Rock music playing
in background ]
557
00:23:27,623 --> 00:23:28,929
Hey, you.
558
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,539
Hey.
Hi.
559
00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,411
Wow, it went well
for you, too, huh?
560
00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:34,587
Yep.
561
00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:37,459
It was
fucking awesome.
562
00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:40,331
After jamming most of
my own hand down my throat,
563
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:43,247
my best friend called me
a homewrecking psychopath
564
00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:46,337
and then threw me out
so she could pork my ex.
565
00:23:46,381 --> 00:23:47,817
Such a complicated
friendship.
566
00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:49,036
Mm.
567
00:23:49,079 --> 00:23:51,821
The fighting part
used to be fun.
568
00:23:51,865 --> 00:23:54,781
You know, Dave also cast you
as the homewrecker.
569
00:23:54,824 --> 00:23:56,043
Sweet.
Do tell.
570
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:58,393
Yeah, he said
you are a sex fairy
571
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,440
and that we should pack you up
and ship you far, far away.
572
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:04,007
A sex fairy?
I know.
573
00:24:04,051 --> 00:24:06,270
Carmen --
Carmen came this close
574
00:24:06,314 --> 00:24:08,795
to saying that we don't belong
in the neighborhood anymore.
575
00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:11,624
Yeah, and then she blamed me
for making her feel uncool.
576
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,060
[ Scoffs ]
577
00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:16,019
Bougie, judgmental,
suburban assholes.
578
00:24:16,063 --> 00:24:17,194
So, are we getting
fucked up?
579
00:24:17,238 --> 00:24:18,587
Apparently so.
580
00:24:18,631 --> 00:24:19,936
Yeah,
and you know what?
581
00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:22,330
After, we're gonna egg
some houses, bitches.
582
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:23,200
Mm.
Mnh-mnh.
Yes.
583
00:24:23,244 --> 00:24:24,419
Well...no.Mnh-mnh.
584
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,812
I don't think
that's a good idea.
585
00:24:25,855 --> 00:24:27,161
No, I will not
be doing that.Why?
586
00:24:27,204 --> 00:24:28,467
Bitches won't be egging
any houses.
587
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,381
But I do agree
with the sentiment.
588
00:24:30,425 --> 00:24:32,558
[ Sighs ]
What's the sentiment?
589
00:24:32,601 --> 00:24:35,430
You walked out of the
Hamilton School for a reason.
590
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,607
Right.
What was my statement?
591
00:24:38,651 --> 00:24:40,348
Wh-What was it,
again?
592
00:24:40,391 --> 00:24:42,306
It was a declaration
of independence.
593
00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:45,745
Yeah, right.
We'll go with that, definitely.
594
00:24:45,788 --> 00:24:49,400
Yeah, I mean, we --
people, we're making a choice.
595
00:24:49,444 --> 00:24:53,404
This is ourlife.
596
00:24:53,448 --> 00:24:54,580
Our lives.
597
00:24:54,623 --> 00:25:00,063
These are our...lives.Honey.
598
00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:01,500
Come on,
you know what I mean.
599
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,458
I'm -- I'm pretty drunk.
600
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,200
You're drunk but right.
Fucking testify.Yeah. Yeah, okay.
601
00:25:06,243 --> 00:25:07,375
I'll testify.
602
00:25:07,418 --> 00:25:08,985
We're gonna walk
into that party
603
00:25:09,029 --> 00:25:11,292
with our hands high
and our heads held.
604
00:25:11,335 --> 00:25:12,902
It's the reverse,
but, yes.
605
00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:14,077
That was right.Yeah,
the sentiment was there.
606
00:25:14,121 --> 00:25:15,470
Yeah.
Yeah.
607
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,820
Yeah, because we are
taxpaying adult citizens.
608
00:25:17,864 --> 00:25:20,170
Right, some of us are.Yeah.
609
00:25:20,214 --> 00:25:21,650
Okay, well,
I-I got paid in cash.
610
00:25:21,694 --> 00:25:23,304
But whatever.
You know what I mean.
611
00:25:23,347 --> 00:25:26,350
This is our choice,
and this is what we want.
612
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:27,613
Am I right, people?
613
00:25:27,656 --> 00:25:29,136
You are right.I am right.
614
00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:31,573
Could you possibly keep it down
over there?
615
00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:32,966
[ Chuckles ]
616
00:25:33,009 --> 00:25:35,446
Could you possibly blow me,
Ann Coulter?
617
00:25:35,490 --> 00:25:36,578
[ Woman gasps ]
618
00:25:36,622 --> 00:25:38,798
[ Chuckles ]
That was awesome.
619
00:25:38,841 --> 00:25:40,539
Yikes.
A little bit scary.
620
00:25:40,582 --> 00:25:42,671
Um, okay.
Is the -- speech is over?
621
00:25:42,715 --> 00:25:43,933
'Cause my arm's
getting tired.
622
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,456
Can we drink these?Let's do it.
623
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,981
Cheers, guys.
624
00:25:48,024 --> 00:25:49,025
Mm-hmm.
625
00:25:49,069 --> 00:25:51,462
Mm.
626
00:25:51,506 --> 00:25:53,900
So now we need
to make our statement.
627
00:25:53,943 --> 00:25:55,597
Right, like a protest.
628
00:25:55,641 --> 00:25:57,730
Protest.
Protest.
629
00:25:57,773 --> 00:26:03,170
It -- It needs to be something
that says, "Fuck all y'all."
630
00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:04,998
Yeah.
631
00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:09,089
Yeah, like, something like --
something like fuck all y'all!
632
00:26:09,132 --> 00:26:11,831
That was exactly the same thing,
just yelling it louder.
633
00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:14,703
Mm-hmm.Think maybe, like,
a new statement?
634
00:26:14,747 --> 00:26:16,139
What is our statement?
635
00:26:16,183 --> 00:26:18,794
It's...just do it.Um...
636
00:26:18,838 --> 00:26:20,535
Just...Do it.
637
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,232
Just do it.No, 'cause I think
that's taken.
638
00:26:22,276 --> 00:26:23,756
That's taken.Well, three's, uh...
639
00:26:23,799 --> 00:26:25,453
Um...Three's notcompany.
640
00:26:25,496 --> 00:26:27,890
...a crowd,
but not now.
641
00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:29,326
Poly power.
642
00:26:29,370 --> 00:26:30,980
Domestic bliss
with a twist.
643
00:26:31,024 --> 00:26:33,679
Thrice
for the throuple.
644
00:26:33,722 --> 00:26:34,941
Three's...
645
00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:36,420
Thrice
for the throuple!
646
00:26:36,464 --> 00:26:38,553
Do you know the word "cunt"
used to be --
647
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:41,121
it meant "cozy"
when Chaucer used it.
648
00:26:41,164 --> 00:26:42,601
Excuse me, buddy?
649
00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:43,776
Can we have a couple more?
650
00:26:43,819 --> 00:26:44,820
Mm.
No.
651
00:26:44,864 --> 00:26:46,605
Oh.So, V.V.P.
652
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:47,823
You down with V.V.P.?
653
00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:48,955
Vagina, vagina, penis?
654
00:26:48,998 --> 00:26:49,999
Yeah.
No.
655
00:26:50,043 --> 00:26:51,827
Yeah, you know me?
656
00:26:51,871 --> 00:26:53,002
V.V.P.!
657
00:26:53,046 --> 00:26:54,917
Yeah, you know me!
I love it.
658
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:56,832
Oh, my God, these are
the worst statements ever.
659
00:26:56,876 --> 00:26:58,442
I know.
Um...
660
00:26:58,486 --> 00:27:00,053
I got nothing.
661
00:27:02,272 --> 00:27:03,578
You know what?
662
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:06,233
Let's just keep drinking
and just --
663
00:27:06,276 --> 00:27:08,104
and -- and let
the statement reveal itself.
664
00:27:08,148 --> 00:27:10,629
Right, yeah.
Barkeep.
665
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:11,760
Yeah.
Yeah.
666
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,678
[ Exhales ]
667
00:27:16,722 --> 00:27:18,506
[ Horn honking ]
668
00:27:18,549 --> 00:27:19,638
[ Tattoo gun buzzes ]
669
00:27:19,681 --> 00:27:21,509
[ Laughter ]
670
00:27:21,552 --> 00:27:23,685
[ Slurring ]
Another one, sugar tits.
671
00:27:23,729 --> 00:27:24,947
[ Laughter continues ]
672
00:27:26,732 --> 00:27:28,342
Oh, like it was all
myidea?
673
00:27:29,952 --> 00:27:33,782
You're right --
it was probably all my idea.
674
00:27:33,826 --> 00:27:35,392
Oh, my God,
it's 1:00.
675
00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:37,438
Dave and Carm's party
is, like, now.
676
00:27:37,481 --> 00:27:38,744
[ Sighs ]
We can't go.
677
00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:39,875
They'll see these.
678
00:27:39,919 --> 00:27:41,268
Mm.
679
00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:43,270
No, they wouldn't,
unless we go bottomless.
680
00:27:43,313 --> 00:27:44,488
And that would be
super weird.
681
00:27:44,532 --> 00:27:47,666
Ah.
Good point.
682
00:27:47,709 --> 00:27:49,276
We're doing this.
683
00:27:49,319 --> 00:27:50,407
We are?
684
00:27:50,451 --> 00:27:51,887
Fuck yeah, we are.
685
00:27:51,931 --> 00:27:53,759
♪♪
686
00:27:53,802 --> 00:27:56,805
♪ You know what it is, man
687
00:27:56,849 --> 00:28:00,243
♪ I've been doin' biz, man
688
00:28:00,287 --> 00:28:03,464
♪ Gettin' how you live, man
689
00:28:03,507 --> 00:28:05,640
♪ Uh, uh, uh
690
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:09,296
♪ Ooh, yeah, girl,
rumspringa, rumspringa ♪
691
00:28:09,339 --> 00:28:12,821
♪ When we come through,
watch how they bring-a ♪
692
00:28:12,865 --> 00:28:15,345
♪ We ain't givin' no kids
middle fingers ♪
693
00:28:15,389 --> 00:28:18,174
♪ What's up?
694
00:28:18,218 --> 00:28:19,349
♪ What's up?
695
00:28:19,393 --> 00:28:25,660
♪♪
696
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:26,835
♪ What's up?
697
00:28:26,879 --> 00:28:28,489
♪ What's up, what's up?
698
00:28:28,532 --> 00:28:30,186
♪ What's up, what's up?
699
00:28:30,230 --> 00:28:31,840
♪ What's up, what's up?
700
00:28:31,884 --> 00:28:33,146
♪ What's up?
701
00:28:39,326 --> 00:28:40,501
♪ What's up?
702
00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:42,068
♪ What's up, what's up?
703
00:28:42,111 --> 00:28:43,199
♪ What's up, boy?
704
00:28:43,243 --> 00:28:44,505
♪ What's up?
705
00:28:46,289 --> 00:28:48,204
♪ We're shooting in the cut
706
00:28:48,248 --> 00:28:51,730
♪ I wait damn once just to put
707
00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:53,296
♪ Butterflies up in this
708
00:28:53,340 --> 00:28:54,515
♪ What's up?
48892
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