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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:49,690 --> 00:00:54,081 Every few years a secret society in New Zealand meets for a special event: The Unholy Masked ball. 1 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:04,081 In the months leading up to the ball, a documentary crew was allowed to accompany a small group of this society. 1 00:01:24,690 --> 00:01:29,081 Each member of the film crew had a crucifix and was guaranteed to be intact. 1 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,081 Viago, 379 years old. 1 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:57,081 So it's 6 pm in the night time... 2 00:01:57,082 --> 00:01:58,793 ...which is when I wake up. 3 00:01:58,794 --> 00:02:01,927 This is always really scary part for me. 4 00:02:07,132 --> 00:02:09,464 Yes! Night time. 5 00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:13,538 So, now I'm going to wake up my flat mates. 6 00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:17,932 I really love living in a flatting situation. 7 00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:18,954 Wake up! 8 00:02:19,364 --> 00:02:21,456 Wake up everyone! 9 00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,259 I like to hang out with other vampires. 10 00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:26,311 I like the company. 11 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,063 Awaken! 12 00:02:29,064 --> 00:02:31,366 A wakey, wakey! 13 00:02:32,057 --> 00:02:35,369 I just really like having a good time with my friends. 14 00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,941 Deacon... 15 00:02:36,942 --> 00:02:38,033 Hi! 16 00:02:38,073 --> 00:02:38,973 Hey! 17 00:02:38,974 --> 00:02:40,976 Deacon... 18 00:02:42,007 --> 00:02:43,669 How was your night, last night? 19 00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:47,232 I transformed into a dog and had sex. 20 00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:48,573 Cool! 21 00:02:48,764 --> 00:02:53,028 We're gonna have a little flat-meeting in the kitchen in about 15 minutes, okay? 22 00:02:53,669 --> 00:02:55,210 - Okay. - Okay. 23 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,472 - Should I close this? - Yes. 24 00:02:58,594 --> 00:03:00,045 Vladislav?! 25 00:03:02,087 --> 00:03:04,259 Sorry! Sorry! 26 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,034 What? 27 00:03:09,384 --> 00:03:11,306 - Hey! - What time is it? 28 00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:15,010 Umm, we're going to have a flat-meeting in about 10 minutes. 29 00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:15,881 Twenty. 30 00:03:16,031 --> 00:03:17,262 Okay... is it... 31 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,068 So we're... 32 00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:34,780 ...in Petyr's room. 33 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,902 I'm just going to wake him up. 34 00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:56,301 Petyr? 35 00:03:57,322 --> 00:03:58,934 Petyr! 36 00:04:02,137 --> 00:04:03,809 Petyr, wake up. 37 00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:07,385 Hey, listen. 38 00:04:07,396 --> 00:04:10,647 We're just having a flat-meeting upstairs in about 10 minutes. 39 00:04:11,036 --> 00:04:13,307 You don't have to come but I thought I'd 40 00:04:13,308 --> 00:04:16,071 extend an invitation to you just in case. 41 00:04:16,191 --> 00:04:17,182 Umm... 42 00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:21,216 There's a lot of stuff on the floor down here Petyr, and... 43 00:04:21,346 --> 00:04:24,038 ...like this seems, I don't... 44 00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:26,041 Ah! It's a spinal column, yuck! 45 00:04:26,361 --> 00:04:28,173 And I was thinking, maybe... 46 00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,675 ...I just should bring a broom down here for you 47 00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:34,069 if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons. 48 00:04:34,389 --> 00:04:35,360 I don't know. 49 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,401 You know... 50 00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:38,573 Okay. 51 00:04:40,535 --> 00:04:42,567 I got you this chicken. 52 00:04:46,592 --> 00:04:47,873 Is Petyr coming? 53 00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:49,735 - Should we wait? - Petyr's... 54 00:04:49,745 --> 00:04:51,095 ...eight thousand years old. 55 00:04:51,096 --> 00:04:53,348 We're not going to have Petyr at the meeting. 56 00:04:53,368 --> 00:04:54,529 Okay, so... 57 00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:59,134 Wanted to have a quick chat about flat responsibilities because.. 58 00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:02,598 uh... guys I think that we're not all pulling our weight here. 59 00:05:02,618 --> 00:05:05,701 We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon. 60 00:05:05,731 --> 00:05:09,004 You're a cool guy but you're not pulling your weight in the flat. 61 00:05:09,224 --> 00:05:11,907 Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool. 62 00:05:12,608 --> 00:05:15,259 - No, that's not the point though... - Yeah, no, I know, I know... 63 00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:17,371 It's not a flat meeting about how cool you are. 64 00:05:17,372 --> 00:05:19,353 - I do my flat chores. - No, you don't! 65 00:05:19,354 --> 00:05:20,005 Yes, I do. 66 00:05:20,016 --> 00:05:21,555 No, that's why we're having the flat-meeting. 67 00:05:21,556 --> 00:05:25,339 The point is Deacon that you have not done the dishes for 5 years. 68 00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:26,301 Vladislav is right. 69 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,072 It's unacceptable to have 70 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,896 so many bloody dishes all over this bench like that... 71 00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:33,408 I'm so embarrassed when people come over here. 72 00:05:33,418 --> 00:05:34,188 Why does it matter? 73 00:05:34,189 --> 00:05:35,691 You bring them over, you kill them! 74 00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:38,083 Vampires don't do dishes. 75 00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:41,927 Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire. 76 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:46,001 He's always doing crazy things. Saying crazy things. 77 00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:49,434 He's just like the young, bad boy of the group. 78 00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:51,576 Okay, so... (Deacon, 183 years old) 79 00:05:52,527 --> 00:05:54,029 One day I was... 80 00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:56,892 ...selling my wares... 81 00:05:57,202 --> 00:05:59,815 And I walked passed this old creepy castle. 82 00:05:59,905 --> 00:06:01,797 and I look at it and think... 83 00:06:02,888 --> 00:06:04,589 ...'very old and creepy.' 84 00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:06,592 And then this creature... 85 00:06:06,642 --> 00:06:08,003 ...flies at me! 86 00:06:08,303 --> 00:06:11,697 It dragged me back to this dark dungeon. 87 00:06:11,967 --> 00:06:13,859 And bit into my neck. 88 00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,662 And just at the point of death... 89 00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:17,983 ...this creature... 90 00:06:18,063 --> 00:06:21,226 ...forced me to suck its foul blood. 91 00:06:21,536 --> 00:06:22,668 And then... 92 00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:25,180 ...it opened it's wings, like this. 93 00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:27,492 And hovered above me... 94 00:06:27,593 --> 00:06:30,965 screeching... ah! Haha-haa! 95 00:06:30,966 --> 00:06:33,909 'Now you are vampire.' 96 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,471 And it was Petyr. 97 00:06:38,634 --> 00:06:40,495 And we're still friends today. 98 00:06:40,976 --> 00:06:44,279 Vlad, you were great. You put out the recycling. 99 00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:45,810 Which was really cool. 100 00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:46,571 And!.. 101 00:06:46,592 --> 00:06:50,245 The other day, I dragged mans body down the hallway, 102 00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:53,008 and noticed that there was no dust. 103 00:06:54,309 --> 00:06:57,242 Like, I kind of... I kind of swept the hallway. 104 00:06:57,272 --> 00:06:59,064 Vladislav, is just like... 105 00:06:59,074 --> 00:07:01,035 ...this older vampire who 106 00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:03,038 grew up in the medieval times. 107 00:07:03,158 --> 00:07:06,100 And you know, to be living this long 108 00:07:06,101 --> 00:07:08,573 and to have seen the things that he's seen 109 00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:11,767 and still like, kind of have it together, 110 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:14,139 I mean, hat's off to him. 111 00:07:14,229 --> 00:07:16,051 Bloody hell! 112 00:07:16,471 --> 00:07:17,722 Sorry! 113 00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:19,724 He's a really great guy. 114 00:07:19,725 --> 00:07:21,726 A bit a of a pervert. 115 00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:25,259 He has some pretty old ideas about things. 116 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,492 We should get some slaves! 117 00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:31,176 When I first became a vampire... 118 00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:33,287 ...I was quite tyrannical. (Vladislav, 862 years old) 119 00:07:33,288 --> 00:07:37,442 I was known for torturing a lot of people. 120 00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:42,828 This is my torture chamber. 121 00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:46,501 I don't come in here, often anymore. 122 00:07:46,852 --> 00:07:50,596 I tended to torture when I was in a bad place. 123 00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:53,978 My thing was, I would poke someone 124 00:07:53,979 --> 00:07:55,811 with implements. 125 00:07:55,861 --> 00:07:58,844 I was known as 'Vladislav The Poker'. 126 00:08:00,736 --> 00:08:02,858 It's been like this the whole time... 127 00:08:02,888 --> 00:08:05,641 - Okay, so... - Viago is a little... 128 00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:07,062 ...pedantic. 129 00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:09,323 The washing and the rubbish, I did that. 130 00:08:09,324 --> 00:08:13,298 Deacon, on dishes and it still hasn't moved in 5 years. 131 00:08:13,308 --> 00:08:16,250 He was an 18th century dandy. 132 00:08:16,251 --> 00:08:18,704 So, he can be very fussy. 133 00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:20,285 He nags and nags... 134 00:08:20,315 --> 00:08:22,421 ...in the lounge the other day, 135 00:08:22,432 --> 00:08:25,921 and there was blood all over my nice antique couch. 136 00:08:25,961 --> 00:08:27,713 Which one, the red one? 137 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,585 Well, it's red now, yeah. 138 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:32,476 If you're going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch 139 00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:34,609 put down some newspaper on the floor 140 00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:36,510 and some towels. It's not hard to do. 141 00:08:36,511 --> 00:08:40,214 We're vampires! We don't put down towels. 142 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,216 Some vampires do. 143 00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,299 Well, not serious ones! 144 00:08:44,359 --> 00:08:47,502 When you get 4 vampires in a flat 145 00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:50,004 obviously there's going to be a lot of tension. 146 00:08:50,005 --> 00:08:53,558 There's tension in any, any flatting situation. 147 00:08:53,568 --> 00:08:58,403 It's settled then. We all do our jobs, starting with a certain Deacon... 148 00:08:58,493 --> 00:09:01,256 - I will do my dishes! - Good then! 149 00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:22,658 This is bullshit. 150 00:10:01,156 --> 00:10:04,980 I uh, became a vampire when I was 16. 151 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,963 That is why I always look 16. 152 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:12,608 In those days, of course, life was tough for a 16 year old. 153 00:10:23,178 --> 00:10:25,841 Vampires have had a pretty bad rap. 154 00:10:26,171 --> 00:10:30,525 We're not these mopey old creatures who live in castles. 155 00:10:30,716 --> 00:10:33,769 And while some, most of us are, a lot are... but... 156 00:10:33,779 --> 00:10:37,022 There are also those of us, who like to flat together in 157 00:10:37,032 --> 00:10:38,994 really small countries like New Zealand. 158 00:10:49,254 --> 00:10:51,967 I was a... Nazi vampire. 159 00:10:59,554 --> 00:11:01,556 After the war, which the Nazi's lost... 160 00:11:02,297 --> 00:11:05,220 I don't know, if you know that the Nazi's lost... 161 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,321 ...that war. 162 00:11:06,481 --> 00:11:08,543 If you were a Nazi, after the war... 163 00:11:09,695 --> 00:11:11,787 ...and if you were a vampire... 164 00:11:13,689 --> 00:11:17,012 ...and if you were a Nazi vampire... 165 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,744 No way. 166 00:11:18,854 --> 00:11:20,365 I was out of there. 167 00:11:55,854 --> 00:11:59,365 (5 room kitchen coffin) 167 00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:07,633 Yah, I came to this country for love. 168 00:12:08,243 --> 00:12:11,106 Uh, there was a girl. Human girl. 169 00:12:11,266 --> 00:12:12,648 And... 170 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:13,789 ...I... 171 00:12:13,829 --> 00:12:16,231 ...thought she was fantastic. She was... 172 00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:18,102 ...absolutely amazing. 173 00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:19,424 I was smitten. 174 00:12:19,585 --> 00:12:23,248 Her family emigrated to New Zealand. 175 00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:25,320 And, I thought, 176 00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:27,042 'you know what, to hell with it. 177 00:12:27,072 --> 00:12:30,575 I'm gonna go. I'm going to chase her and tell her how I feel.' 178 00:12:30,646 --> 00:12:32,576 I told my servant Phillip, 179 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,740 'Send me to New Zealand.' 180 00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:35,570 He... 181 00:12:35,691 --> 00:12:38,312 ...put the wrong postage on my coffin. 182 00:12:38,313 --> 00:12:41,566 So the whole journey took about 18 months. 183 00:12:43,548 --> 00:12:45,470 And when I got here, she had... 184 00:12:45,591 --> 00:12:47,653 ...found someone else. 185 00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:51,026 She had fallen in love. 186 00:12:51,777 --> 00:12:53,098 And... 187 00:12:53,388 --> 00:12:55,160 She was married. 188 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:08,473 She gave me this before she left. 189 00:13:10,495 --> 00:13:11,917 There she is. 190 00:13:13,108 --> 00:13:15,991 And that's me, I put myself in there too. 191 00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:20,085 She told me it was pure silver. 192 00:13:21,236 --> 00:13:22,407 Unfortunately... 193 00:13:22,557 --> 00:13:25,120 ...we vampires cannot wear silver. 194 00:13:46,431 --> 00:13:47,703 Yeah... 195 00:13:49,184 --> 00:13:51,907 It's about as long as I can wear that. 196 00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:20,986 Tonight, we are going out into Wellington Central. 197 00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:23,008 It is important that we look good. 198 00:14:23,068 --> 00:14:24,448 Yeah, it's really good. Yeah. 199 00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:29,554 One of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection is that you... 200 00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:31,887 ...don't know exactly what you look like. 201 00:14:31,947 --> 00:14:33,629 Look! 202 00:14:33,729 --> 00:14:34,710 Look! 203 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,822 A ghost cup! 204 00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:40,004 Floating all by itself! 205 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,507 We can give each other feedback and 206 00:14:42,537 --> 00:14:45,260 help each other out until we're looking great. 207 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,793 Yes, some of our clothes are from victims. 208 00:14:47,873 --> 00:14:49,895 We might bite someone and then... 209 00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:52,708 ...you think, 'Ooh, those are some nice pants!'. 210 00:14:52,788 --> 00:14:54,009 - Do work these? - No! 211 00:14:54,179 --> 00:14:54,750 Change it! 212 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:57,713 When you are a vampire, you become very sexy. 213 00:15:01,286 --> 00:15:04,568 We are trying to attract victims to us. 214 00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,091 Not sure about the waist coat. 215 00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:09,494 I go for a look which I call Dead But Delicious. 216 00:15:09,765 --> 00:15:11,596 We are the bait. 217 00:15:11,597 --> 00:15:13,599 But we're also the trap. 218 00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:15,440 Hello ladies. 219 00:15:37,112 --> 00:15:40,615 And my love, we are ready to go into town and party! 220 00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:42,618 Vampire... vampire style. 221 00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:55,189 When we go into town, we must try to blend in. 222 00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:56,621 Just walking the streets. 223 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,263 Coming into town. Um, it's really cool because 224 00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:00,925 just for one brief moment 225 00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:01,516 I feel... 226 00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:02,618 Homos! 227 00:16:09,574 --> 00:16:12,366 The trouble with being a vampire is you 228 00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:14,690 have to be invited in, to go in. 229 00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:17,391 We would like to come into the bar, please. 230 00:16:17,392 --> 00:16:21,395 - Invite us into the bar, please. - $5... you can walk in. 231 00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:23,127 Will you invite us in! 232 00:16:23,128 --> 00:16:25,420 If the humans find out what we were... 233 00:16:26,021 --> 00:16:27,743 ...they would destroy us. 234 00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:32,216 There are between 60 and 70 vampires in the greater Wellington region. 235 00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,108 - Obvious vampire. - Joline! 236 00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:34,809 Hello! 237 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,330 How embarrassing. 238 00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:39,154 He's um... a guy I used to work with when I was human. 239 00:16:39,905 --> 00:16:41,776 - Is he gone? - Yeah, he's gone. 240 00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:43,347 I've been draining him all night. 241 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:44,680 I've been a very thirsty girl. 242 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:45,596 Hey guys! 243 00:16:45,607 --> 00:16:47,842 Being bitten as a little boy or a little girl 244 00:16:47,843 --> 00:16:49,624 you're always going to look the same age. 245 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:50,735 What are you doing tonight? 246 00:16:50,736 --> 00:16:52,286 Are you going to kill some perverts? 247 00:16:52,287 --> 00:16:54,448 - Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile. - Cool. 248 00:16:54,449 --> 00:16:56,090 Okay, let's just go to Big Kumara. 249 00:16:56,091 --> 00:16:58,012 - Have a good night, guys! - Yeah, you have a good night, bye. 250 00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:00,764 The Big Kumara is vampire owned and operated, 251 00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:02,496 and so we can always get in. 252 00:17:02,497 --> 00:17:06,131 It's the hottest night spot for vampires in Wellington. 253 00:17:06,201 --> 00:17:08,924 - Come on in, guys, come on in. - Thank you. Thanks. 254 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:20,145 Perhaps you could bring some people to the house. 255 00:17:20,215 --> 00:17:22,527 - Sure. - Perhaps some virgins? 256 00:17:22,598 --> 00:17:24,009 Virgins? Yep, okay. 257 00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:26,831 Any kind of preference in terms of gender or? 258 00:17:26,832 --> 00:17:28,302 Maybe some ladies? 259 00:17:28,303 --> 00:17:29,524 Yep. Ladies. 260 00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,486 Perhaps a guy? 261 00:17:31,877 --> 00:17:32,988 One of each? 262 00:17:33,128 --> 00:17:34,489 One of each will be cool. 263 00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:37,382 My relationship with Deacon is... 264 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,825 ...well, I'm his familiar. He's my Master. ( Jackie, Human) 265 00:17:40,295 --> 00:17:43,298 He tells me what to do, I do it. 266 00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:49,193 We have that kind of master/servant relationship which works nicely; actually. 267 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:49,985 - Hello! - Hello. 268 00:17:50,065 --> 00:17:51,255 Oh, it's a little bit of blood. 269 00:17:51,256 --> 00:17:54,089 Um, my husband, he's a... ...he's a haemophiliac. 270 00:17:54,409 --> 00:17:56,210 You know, someone that bleeds a lot. 271 00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:56,911 Yep. 272 00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:58,594 Any kind of age range? 273 00:17:58,664 --> 00:18:01,246 - Young. - But not, not kids? 274 00:18:01,296 --> 00:18:02,557 Not kids. 275 00:18:02,778 --> 00:18:04,239 18 to 30? 276 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,791 Definitely younger than yourself. 277 00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:08,794 Okay, so 18 to 30. 278 00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:09,935 So it's a dinner party? 279 00:18:09,975 --> 00:18:12,076 - I'll be there? - Yes! - You'll be there! - Dinner Party! 280 00:18:12,077 --> 00:18:12,907 - The guys will be there? - Yes! 281 00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:14,188 - We'll all be there? - Yes, we will dress up... 282 00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:16,812 - Ok, great. - ...and then... eat them. 283 00:18:17,212 --> 00:18:19,114 - Okay.. - Should be fun. - ...great. 284 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,285 I was just wondering if we could talk about the um... 285 00:18:21,286 --> 00:18:23,749 Do you know of a night... dentist? 286 00:18:23,819 --> 00:18:25,430 Because I have this thing here. 287 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,383 I was just wondering if we could talk about the... the deal. 288 00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:29,715 - Hm? - The deal? 289 00:18:30,155 --> 00:18:33,008 - The dishes? - No, no, the... you know, the..deal? 290 00:18:33,408 --> 00:18:37,633 The deal is that he is going to give me eternal life. 291 00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:39,695 Um, which is... 292 00:18:40,766 --> 00:18:42,207 ...very exciting. 293 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:44,298 Well, I just feel like I kind of reached my potential and 294 00:18:44,299 --> 00:18:46,682 I wouldn't wanna, kind of, get any older before, I kinda... 295 00:18:46,762 --> 00:18:49,264 I just feel like I'm the best version of myself that I can be. 296 00:18:49,314 --> 00:18:49,812 Yes... relax. 297 00:18:49,823 --> 00:18:51,305 It's just that it's been 4 1/2 years and I just... 298 00:18:51,306 --> 00:18:53,307 but it's... I'm doing your pot plants and 299 00:18:53,308 --> 00:18:55,591 I'm doing your dry-cleaning. Now I'm doing your dishes... 300 00:18:55,751 --> 00:18:57,151 ...and I'm doing... And the dentist? 301 00:18:57,182 --> 00:19:00,154 And the dentist, and it's just taking an awful long time, so I was just wondering... 302 00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:02,157 - Be gone! - Okay. 303 00:19:02,758 --> 00:19:04,720 - I see you later! - Okay. 304 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:19,534 One of the most unfortunate things about being a vampire is that... 305 00:19:20,596 --> 00:19:23,177 ...you have to drink human blood. 306 00:19:23,178 --> 00:19:25,330 I like to make a real evening of it. 307 00:19:25,341 --> 00:19:26,391 Lovely! 308 00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:27,792 Play some music. 309 00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:30,385 Maybe give them some nice wine. 310 00:19:30,405 --> 00:19:34,579 It's their last moment alive so why not make it a nice experience? 311 00:19:36,381 --> 00:19:38,172 So... 312 00:19:38,173 --> 00:19:40,354 Tell we what you do, what do you... 313 00:19:40,355 --> 00:19:41,936 I'm thinking about going back to Uni, actually. 314 00:19:41,937 --> 00:19:43,467 Oh, you are? Put that... 315 00:19:43,468 --> 00:19:44,660 over there. 316 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,684 University, yah? 317 00:19:48,874 --> 00:19:51,426 Yeah, but after that, I'm gonna travel. 318 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:52,397 Yeah... 319 00:19:52,598 --> 00:19:55,400 I've really wanted to go overseas for ages, so... 320 00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:58,112 saving up and I'm gonna go to Spain and 321 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,455 Italy and London and... 322 00:20:00,696 --> 00:20:01,717 Yeah. 323 00:20:03,949 --> 00:20:06,190 Okay. Excuse me. 324 00:20:06,191 --> 00:20:08,193 Just put that there. 325 00:20:13,328 --> 00:20:15,140 There we go. 326 00:20:23,398 --> 00:20:24,429 Shit! 327 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:34,329 Well, that didn't go so great. 328 00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:37,593 Um, I hit the main artery. 329 00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:42,077 So, yeah, it's a real mess in there, um... 330 00:20:42,798 --> 00:20:45,991 On the upside, I think she had a really good time. 331 00:21:03,699 --> 00:21:06,080 So, it's quite late and uh... 332 00:21:06,081 --> 00:21:09,844 I've managed to find a woman up, watching television. 333 00:21:09,845 --> 00:21:13,248 And, uh, she seems like she'd be a good victim. 334 00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:17,442 I'm just going to use hypnosis on her... 335 00:21:19,775 --> 00:21:21,637 See me... 336 00:21:23,218 --> 00:21:25,500 See me... 337 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:30,315 She can't, she can't see me from that angle. 338 00:21:30,545 --> 00:21:33,228 Vladislav used to be extremely powerful. 339 00:21:33,308 --> 00:21:35,691 He could hypnotize crowds of people. 340 00:21:35,851 --> 00:21:38,654 Great orgies. Twenty, thirty women. 341 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,935 He could turn into all sorts of animals. 342 00:21:40,936 --> 00:21:43,117 But now he never get the faces right. 343 00:21:43,118 --> 00:21:45,861 He would kill anybody. Men, women. 344 00:21:45,941 --> 00:21:49,203 Children. Burning... everything. 345 00:21:49,204 --> 00:21:50,345 It was totally great. 346 00:21:50,455 --> 00:21:53,989 But he suffered a humiliating defeat... 347 00:21:54,129 --> 00:21:56,711 ...at the hands of his arch nemesis... 348 00:21:56,712 --> 00:21:58,714 ...The Beast. 349 00:22:06,602 --> 00:22:08,764 And, he's never been the same. 350 00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:10,445 See me... 351 00:22:12,297 --> 00:22:14,409 See me... 352 00:22:15,821 --> 00:22:18,023 See me... 353 00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:21,977 See me... 354 00:22:23,568 --> 00:22:25,901 Would you like to come inside? 355 00:22:50,115 --> 00:22:51,604 - Jackie, welcome! - Hello 356 00:22:51,616 --> 00:22:53,078 Come in! 357 00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:56,001 This is Nick. Ex-ex boyfriend. 358 00:22:56,101 --> 00:22:57,582 - And Josefine. - Nice house. 359 00:22:57,583 --> 00:23:00,395 And this is Deacon, my overseas friend from, Europe. 360 00:23:00,636 --> 00:23:03,188 Deacon and his friends need... 361 00:23:03,278 --> 00:23:04,248 ...victims. 362 00:23:04,249 --> 00:23:07,101 Hi! Please come in, welcome. 363 00:23:07,102 --> 00:23:09,104 They can't be people that... 364 00:23:10,075 --> 00:23:11,576 ...I actually 365 00:23:11,607 --> 00:23:15,100 envious them or like because of course they will become victims. 366 00:23:15,150 --> 00:23:17,182 Hi! Josefine? 367 00:23:17,342 --> 00:23:19,595 No, I sat next to you in English. Remember? 368 00:23:20,095 --> 00:23:22,517 Um, you used to call me the Jaxorcist? 369 00:23:22,928 --> 00:23:24,790 No you did, no you did. Yeah. 370 00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:26,521 No, you started that. 371 00:23:27,012 --> 00:23:29,282 You were the one who started calling me that and then everyone... 372 00:23:29,293 --> 00:23:30,613 ...and then it kind of caught on. 373 00:23:30,866 --> 00:23:31,566 Yeah. 374 00:23:31,697 --> 00:23:34,289 Okay, bye then. Bye. 375 00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:35,290 She's in. 376 00:23:40,125 --> 00:23:41,316 Do you like that, Nick? 377 00:23:41,617 --> 00:23:43,338 Yep, that's nice. 378 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,243 I will go and prepare dinner. 379 00:23:51,186 --> 00:23:53,498 Nick, are you a virgin at all? 380 00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:54,770 Um, what? 381 00:23:54,970 --> 00:23:57,913 Doesn't seem like... are, are you a virgin? 382 00:23:57,993 --> 00:23:59,472 - Yes. - Um, no. 383 00:23:59,483 --> 00:24:00,565 I knew it. 384 00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:02,727 You were a virgin when we were seeing each other? 385 00:24:02,728 --> 00:24:03,759 Yeah, I was twelve. 386 00:24:03,959 --> 00:24:05,399 You said he was a virgin. 387 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,063 I think we drink virgin blood because... 388 00:24:08,343 --> 00:24:09,564 ...it sounds cool. 389 00:24:09,635 --> 00:24:11,246 I think of it like this... 390 00:24:11,496 --> 00:24:13,809 If you're going to eat a sandwich.. 391 00:24:14,289 --> 00:24:17,933 You will just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it. 392 00:24:18,113 --> 00:24:20,586 Let's concentrate on Josefine then. 393 00:24:20,696 --> 00:24:22,207 Are you a virgin? 394 00:24:22,337 --> 00:24:23,518 I'm not, no. 395 00:24:23,599 --> 00:24:25,140 Okay, I'm really sorry. 396 00:24:25,190 --> 00:24:26,661 Because I totally... 397 00:24:26,662 --> 00:24:28,123 pinned her as a Virgin. 398 00:24:28,303 --> 00:24:31,176 She looks like a virgin. She talks like a virgin, I mean... 399 00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:33,839 Who would have sex with her? I wouldn't. 400 00:24:34,329 --> 00:24:35,510 I would. 401 00:24:36,491 --> 00:24:37,392 Oh. 402 00:24:39,334 --> 00:24:40,574 Okay, good... 403 00:24:40,575 --> 00:24:43,428 - there's 2 dinners... yum. - Nick? 404 00:24:43,679 --> 00:24:45,581 Do you like bisghetti? 405 00:24:45,801 --> 00:24:47,753 Uh... yep. I usually like it. 406 00:24:48,013 --> 00:24:50,145 But, be better if it was warm? 407 00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:51,867 So, this is my favorite trick. 408 00:24:52,027 --> 00:24:55,470 We present our guest with a plate of bisghetti. 409 00:24:56,031 --> 00:24:59,454 And then, I would say, ' Why don't you eat some bisghetti?' 410 00:24:59,945 --> 00:25:01,216 Please, Nick. 411 00:25:01,346 --> 00:25:02,748 Eat some bisghetti. 412 00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:07,683 I didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms. 413 00:25:07,843 --> 00:25:08,553 Nick. 414 00:25:08,604 --> 00:25:11,166 - No... no! - They are worms. - Fuck off! 415 00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:13,988 There's worms moving around on my plate. 416 00:25:13,989 --> 00:25:16,390 - It is worm like but not actually worms. - It is really bisghetti! 417 00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:18,983 We stole that idea from The Lost Boys. 418 00:25:18,984 --> 00:25:20,755 But I put a nice twist on it. 419 00:25:20,756 --> 00:25:21,747 Nick? 420 00:25:21,837 --> 00:25:25,140 How does it feel to have a snake for a penis? 421 00:25:26,902 --> 00:25:27,713 Jackie? 422 00:25:27,743 --> 00:25:29,604 My penis has disappeared. It's a cobra snake. 423 00:25:29,605 --> 00:25:32,517 Nobody's gonna mistake your penis for a cobra, Nick, okay? 424 00:25:32,527 --> 00:25:33,909 - Believe you me. - What have you put in my bisghetti? 425 00:25:33,929 --> 00:25:36,682 Now it is just a..normal penis. 426 00:25:36,872 --> 00:25:38,984 I'm out. I'm out. 427 00:25:39,194 --> 00:25:40,855 Josefine? 428 00:25:40,856 --> 00:25:42,858 Do you like bisghetti? 429 00:25:44,730 --> 00:25:46,301 Look, these freaks... 430 00:25:46,682 --> 00:25:47,800 ...spike my bisghetti, 431 00:25:47,811 --> 00:25:50,145 make my cock turn into a snake is not cool. 432 00:25:50,225 --> 00:25:51,937 Not cool. 433 00:25:57,843 --> 00:25:59,274 You don't think this is weird? 434 00:26:00,846 --> 00:26:02,197 For fuck's sake... 435 00:26:08,433 --> 00:26:09,805 Jackie?! 436 00:26:10,045 --> 00:26:11,827 Jackie! 437 00:26:11,887 --> 00:26:14,249 - Sorry Nick. - What are you doing?! 438 00:26:15,190 --> 00:26:16,411 Jackie! 439 00:26:22,027 --> 00:26:23,138 Shit! 440 00:26:50,746 --> 00:26:51,867 Fuck off. 441 00:26:56,471 --> 00:26:57,673 Where am I? 442 00:27:20,315 --> 00:27:21,166 Fuck. 443 00:27:24,099 --> 00:27:24,960 Fuck! 444 00:27:35,581 --> 00:27:36,491 Freaks! 445 00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,993 Ah, no... 446 00:27:48,563 --> 00:27:49,925 Petyr got him. 447 00:27:49,955 --> 00:27:51,556 Poor guy... 448 00:27:52,027 --> 00:27:53,659 Who let Petyr out? 449 00:28:09,818 --> 00:28:12,179 (Two Months Later) 449 00:28:52,818 --> 00:28:54,179 Hey, guys! 450 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:56,982 Hey, what are you guys doing? 451 00:28:57,723 --> 00:28:59,134 What are you doing, Nick? 452 00:28:59,284 --> 00:29:00,776 Come into the house. 453 00:29:02,037 --> 00:29:03,699 - Hi, my name is Nick. - Hey, guys. 454 00:29:03,779 --> 00:29:05,440 I've been a vampire for 2 months. 455 00:29:07,362 --> 00:29:10,816 Probably, I reckon the best thing about being a vampire is flying. 456 00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:13,387 Like I've always wanted to, I think everyone has always wanted to fly. (Nick, recently vampire) 457 00:29:13,388 --> 00:29:15,130 And now I can do it. 458 00:29:20,716 --> 00:29:21,607 No... 459 00:29:25,611 --> 00:29:28,073 Nick, why don't you use the front door? 460 00:29:29,194 --> 00:29:30,596 Why would I? I'm flying. 461 00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:32,467 Petyr bit me. 462 00:29:32,618 --> 00:29:33,769 Sucked all my blood out. 463 00:29:33,849 --> 00:29:35,559 I woke up in his basement and... 464 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,002 ...he offered me some blood. 465 00:29:37,202 --> 00:29:38,613 I just thought it was something... 466 00:29:38,614 --> 00:29:40,616 ...some German thing that these guys do. 467 00:29:40,766 --> 00:29:43,829 The transition, into becoming a vampire was pretty hard. 468 00:29:44,459 --> 00:29:48,463 I looked like shit to start off with, like, I had a massive gash on my neck. 469 00:29:48,724 --> 00:29:50,405 Like you could see the inside of my neck. 470 00:29:50,525 --> 00:29:52,157 I had blood all over my top. 471 00:29:52,748 --> 00:29:55,029 And then I came home and I was sweating. 472 00:29:55,030 --> 00:29:56,752 I was either really hot or really cold. 473 00:29:57,002 --> 00:29:58,913 It was like a hang-over times ten, I reckon. 474 00:29:58,914 --> 00:30:00,315 It was really bad. 475 00:30:06,642 --> 00:30:08,502 It was quite similar to having the flu. 476 00:30:08,503 --> 00:30:10,916 Except, the only difference would probably be... 477 00:30:11,186 --> 00:30:13,138 ...that my eyes bleed heaps. 478 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,451 Are you guys not cold? 479 00:30:16,952 --> 00:30:18,440 I don't know, I can't really explain it. 480 00:30:18,451 --> 00:30:20,452 It's like, just yeah, real hot and cold and like... 481 00:30:20,455 --> 00:30:22,628 ...bloody eyes and flying and stuff. 482 00:30:22,958 --> 00:30:25,439 The neighbors can see you flying around the house. 483 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,521 You want to draw attention to this house, hm? 484 00:30:27,522 --> 00:30:29,803 You got a whole... documentary crew following you around. 485 00:30:29,845 --> 00:30:31,947 I am doing an erotic dance for my friends. 486 00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:34,078 And you ruined it. I was in the zone. 487 00:30:34,079 --> 00:30:35,470 My friends are loving it. 488 00:30:35,641 --> 00:30:37,271 I love it. I saw the end of it. It looked great. 489 00:30:37,272 --> 00:30:40,235 I don't, I don't know if I'm... being, if I'm accepted yet. 490 00:30:40,435 --> 00:30:42,487 But... I don't know. I think it's getting there. 491 00:30:42,818 --> 00:30:44,830 I don't know the oldest stuff, but they're quite naive... 492 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,360 ...when it comes to the real world. 493 00:30:46,802 --> 00:30:48,003 So... 494 00:30:48,203 --> 00:30:49,844 I don't know, it would be cool to just... 495 00:30:49,865 --> 00:30:51,455 Hang out with them. They could teach me some stuff. 496 00:30:51,456 --> 00:30:53,589 But I could probably teach them a few things. 497 00:31:00,946 --> 00:31:03,068 At the start it was like, 'Oh no, like I'm..' 498 00:31:03,568 --> 00:31:04,539 '... I'm dead.' 499 00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:08,804 It kind of affected my friendship with normal people, my family and stuff. 500 00:31:08,994 --> 00:31:11,476 But, of the way I see it, I've got a whole new family. 501 00:31:11,647 --> 00:31:15,500 They accept me for who I am. And I accept them for who they are. 502 00:31:16,181 --> 00:31:17,292 Even though... 503 00:31:17,412 --> 00:31:18,674 ...one of them killed me. 504 00:31:18,974 --> 00:31:20,555 Where should we go tonight? 505 00:31:20,626 --> 00:31:21,777 Let's go to the Big Kumara. 506 00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:24,539 Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland? We never get in to Boogie Wonderland. 507 00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:27,001 My friend Richard's the bouncer. He can get us in. 508 00:31:27,002 --> 00:31:29,004 - What? Really? - He'll invite us in. 509 00:31:29,374 --> 00:31:31,677 - Stu's keen, Stu loves it. - Cool, that's two. 510 00:31:31,837 --> 00:31:33,969 Ah, this is my friend Stu. 511 00:31:34,229 --> 00:31:36,431 - Hey. - He works in computers and stuff. 512 00:31:36,692 --> 00:31:38,453 Originally he went out with my sister. 513 00:31:38,533 --> 00:31:39,955 And then they broke up. 514 00:31:40,135 --> 00:31:41,637 I don't really give a... 515 00:31:41,697 --> 00:31:42,838 It's got nothing to do with me. 516 00:31:42,908 --> 00:31:45,240 And um... you can't hear me. 517 00:31:47,312 --> 00:31:48,674 Yeah, so basically... 518 00:31:49,214 --> 00:31:50,866 Stu, he doesn't know that I'm a vampire. 519 00:31:51,106 --> 00:31:53,168 And he doesn't know that my friends are vampires. 520 00:31:53,428 --> 00:31:54,708 He just thinks that I've just... 521 00:31:54,790 --> 00:31:56,511 ...met some colourful friends. 522 00:31:57,372 --> 00:32:00,310 I brought him around to the house and they all thought I brought... 523 00:32:00,321 --> 00:32:01,827 like a meal for everyone. 524 00:32:01,857 --> 00:32:02,688 It's just like... 525 00:32:02,768 --> 00:32:04,479 ...it really, really sucks... 526 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,301 ...that I can't eat him. 527 00:32:06,531 --> 00:32:08,814 I just want to like... 528 00:32:09,925 --> 00:32:12,588 Look at it. He's the reddest guy I know. 529 00:32:12,908 --> 00:32:14,590 Right, you can hear me. 530 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:17,575 Yeah, you like computer based stuff, hey, mainly? 531 00:32:17,587 --> 00:32:18,343 Yeah, yeah. 532 00:32:18,473 --> 00:32:21,266 - Geo databases. - Yeah, like computers mainly. 533 00:32:22,547 --> 00:32:25,941 Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland or The Big Kumara? 534 00:32:26,321 --> 00:32:27,713 Big Kumara! 535 00:32:30,005 --> 00:32:31,006 Great. 536 00:32:32,227 --> 00:32:33,378 Careful Stu, hurry up. 537 00:32:34,509 --> 00:32:37,572 I don't think Nick should have been turned into a vampire. 538 00:32:38,774 --> 00:32:40,355 He's such a dick. 539 00:32:41,136 --> 00:32:43,037 - How are you brother! - Looking great man! 540 00:32:43,038 --> 00:32:45,707 Gentlemen!...you are most welcome! 541 00:32:53,609 --> 00:32:55,429 We're in Boogie Wonderland! 542 00:32:55,430 --> 00:33:01,426 So here we are at Boogie Wonderland and it is so much fun. 543 00:33:02,057 --> 00:33:04,719 - They have an electric floor - This is amazing! 544 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,582 I'm just so happy to be here. 545 00:33:07,072 --> 00:33:09,064 This place is pretty cheesy. 546 00:33:09,304 --> 00:33:11,506 Also, did you see the jacket he wore? 547 00:33:12,067 --> 00:33:14,098 He's wearing the same jacket as me. 548 00:33:14,099 --> 00:33:16,501 - It's not exactly the same. - It's pretty close. 549 00:33:22,527 --> 00:33:23,592 Awesome night. 550 00:33:23,603 --> 00:33:25,992 I'm just loving being a vampire at the moment. 551 00:33:31,316 --> 00:33:33,328 Over there, is the big Fat Lady's Arms. 552 00:33:33,468 --> 00:33:36,351 Ah, on Wednesday's there'll be, like a fear factor competition. 553 00:33:36,371 --> 00:33:39,714 You can win like t-shirts and hats and spot prizes. 554 00:33:39,715 --> 00:33:41,717 I can smell werewolves. 555 00:33:41,917 --> 00:33:45,901 Okay, we're just about to walk past some werewolves so some shit might go down! 556 00:33:45,961 --> 00:33:48,323 Look out guys. Don't catch fleas. 557 00:33:48,453 --> 00:33:49,775 - What's that, mate? - Deacon. 558 00:33:49,825 --> 00:33:51,445 - Sorry what? - Keep going, keep walking. 559 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:52,062 Keep walking! 560 00:33:52,073 --> 00:33:53,609 We heard that mate. We've got sensitive hearing. 561 00:33:53,629 --> 00:33:54,699 - Have you? - Yeah. 562 00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:56,400 What are you filming? Some music video, is it? 563 00:33:56,401 --> 00:33:58,393 - We don't want any trouble. - I do! 564 00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:00,996 - Why did you start it? - Have I got your heckles up? 565 00:34:01,036 --> 00:34:01,516 Huh? 566 00:34:01,597 --> 00:34:04,078 Why don't you go smell your own crotches, huh? 567 00:34:04,079 --> 00:34:05,369 - Come on Deacon, stop it. - What are you talking about? 568 00:34:05,370 --> 00:34:08,372 We don't smell our own crotches. We smell each others crotches. 569 00:34:08,373 --> 00:34:10,375 And it's a, form of... greeting. 570 00:34:10,435 --> 00:34:12,096 Your on camera, mate, don't, don't do it... 571 00:34:12,097 --> 00:34:12,507 What? 572 00:34:12,557 --> 00:34:14,238 It's okay, cause I know this guy. 573 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:15,450 It's count Fagula. 574 00:34:16,952 --> 00:34:18,562 Hey, hey, hey! Don't swear. 575 00:34:18,563 --> 00:34:20,464 - Sorry... they... they... - We're werewolves. 576 00:34:20,465 --> 00:34:21,745 - Not swearwolves. - What are we? 577 00:34:21,767 --> 00:34:23,398 We're werewolves, not swearwolves. 578 00:34:23,679 --> 00:34:25,142 No, listen to Anton, that's offensive... 579 00:34:25,153 --> 00:34:26,972 That's a really offensive word to call people. 580 00:34:26,992 --> 00:34:29,294 Well, at least you're talking about a bundle of sticks. 581 00:34:29,374 --> 00:34:30,966 Chase this bundle of sticks... 582 00:34:30,996 --> 00:34:32,046 Werewolves! 583 00:34:32,047 --> 00:34:32,696 Don't get it! 584 00:34:32,707 --> 00:34:34,547 No, no, it's not real... Nathan, it's not real. 585 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,500 He's just gonna take of his gloves. 586 00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:38,733 Ah, shit, man! What the fuck you do that for? 587 00:34:38,734 --> 00:34:41,956 Hey! Don't swear. We're gonna lose it. We're gonna lose it. 588 00:34:41,957 --> 00:34:42,777 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey. 589 00:34:42,778 --> 00:34:43,948 Calm down. Calm down! 590 00:34:43,949 --> 00:34:46,109 - Oh shit, I've still got my glasses on! - Dion! Dion! 591 00:34:49,414 --> 00:34:50,255 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 592 00:34:51,296 --> 00:34:52,907 Do the breathing! Do the breathing. 593 00:34:52,908 --> 00:34:55,029 Do the breathing. Count to ten mate. Count to ten. 594 00:34:55,030 --> 00:34:56,370 - Come on. - Hold it. 595 00:34:56,371 --> 00:34:58,373 Count to ten, human again. 596 00:34:58,463 --> 00:35:00,055 - Ten, human again. - It's alright. It's not full moon. 597 00:35:00,125 --> 00:35:01,126 Thanks a lot guys. 598 00:35:01,456 --> 00:35:03,468 - Enjoy your night, yeah? - You should be ashamed of yourselves, man. 599 00:35:03,538 --> 00:35:05,019 Great, we didn't want this to happen. 600 00:35:12,287 --> 00:35:13,197 - Come on guys. - Hey! 601 00:35:13,198 --> 00:35:15,200 Say it! Don't spray it, bitch! 602 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:16,141 Declan! 603 00:35:16,361 --> 00:35:18,903 - Why are you swearing all the time?! - Well, he riled me out... 604 00:35:18,904 --> 00:35:20,905 - Were they actually werewolves? - Yeah. 605 00:35:20,906 --> 00:35:22,908 Are you okay, Stu? 606 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,122 I just don't really know how to... 607 00:35:27,242 --> 00:35:29,254 ...approach this, cause I never done it before. 608 00:35:29,685 --> 00:35:31,847 Um, and he is a good friend. 609 00:35:32,057 --> 00:35:33,348 And I don't wanna... 610 00:35:33,909 --> 00:35:35,761 I don't wanna break that friendship but... 611 00:35:35,931 --> 00:35:39,374 ...then again, what do you do when someone tells you, that they're a vampire? 612 00:35:40,355 --> 00:35:42,386 I'm expecting him to be angry. 613 00:35:42,387 --> 00:35:44,845 He might be scared and expecting a lot of things to, 614 00:35:44,856 --> 00:35:46,061 to bubble to the surface. 615 00:35:46,802 --> 00:35:48,393 You probably noticed it's been... 616 00:35:49,104 --> 00:35:52,077 I've been going through a few changes lately. 617 00:35:53,198 --> 00:35:53,999 - Yeah. - Yeah? 618 00:35:54,039 --> 00:35:54,800 Yeah. 619 00:35:55,020 --> 00:35:56,091 Like... 620 00:35:56,381 --> 00:35:58,263 I don't show up for lunch anymore. 621 00:35:59,134 --> 00:36:00,656 - Yeah. - How I've... 622 00:36:00,816 --> 00:36:03,378 ...changed all our, all our tennis games... 623 00:36:03,438 --> 00:36:04,860 ...to night time tennis games. 624 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:05,711 Right... 625 00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:07,722 And how you went from beating me 626 00:36:07,723 --> 00:36:09,724 every time and now how I 627 00:36:09,725 --> 00:36:11,727 I've won the last three? 628 00:36:12,888 --> 00:36:13,869 Yeah. 629 00:36:14,189 --> 00:36:14,980 So... 630 00:36:15,330 --> 00:36:16,682 The reason I brought you here... 631 00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:19,414 ...is to tell you that... 632 00:36:20,465 --> 00:36:21,967 ...I'm a vampire. 633 00:36:25,651 --> 00:36:27,001 Stu took it pretty well. 634 00:36:27,002 --> 00:36:29,004 He's definitely my best mate. 635 00:36:29,134 --> 00:36:30,425 And I'm not gonna eat him. 636 00:36:30,485 --> 00:36:32,227 But if they ever offer you bisghetti... 637 00:36:32,257 --> 00:36:34,449 Um... you shouldn't eat it. 638 00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:37,953 I think they offered me biscotti. 639 00:36:38,513 --> 00:36:40,596 Vampire mates don't eat human mates. 640 00:36:40,766 --> 00:36:42,708 And no matter how much I want to eat him... 641 00:36:42,768 --> 00:36:44,600 ...I will never eat him cause he's my mate. 642 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,622 - Hey Stu? - Yeah. 643 00:36:47,282 --> 00:36:47,993 Yeah. 644 00:36:50,145 --> 00:36:52,768 Stu is great. 645 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,320 We really like him. 646 00:36:55,330 --> 00:36:57,953 At first I wanted to kill him. 647 00:36:58,033 --> 00:37:01,476 But now I'm glad I've spent the time to get to know him. 648 00:37:01,576 --> 00:37:05,519 Yeah, of course he looks delicious with his big red cheeks. 649 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,685 But we've all got an agreement that we're not going to eat Stu. 650 00:37:09,765 --> 00:37:11,246 - Right? - Right. 651 00:37:11,306 --> 00:37:13,969 The guys upstairs, they're... ...they're loving him. 652 00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:15,724 That's... at the start, they were a bit, 653 00:37:15,735 --> 00:37:17,696 'Who's this human you're bringing into the house?' 654 00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:19,694 But it took them literally two minutes and... 655 00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:21,697 ...they like him more than they like me, I reckon. 656 00:37:22,227 --> 00:37:24,590 I'm knitting a scarf for Stu. 657 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,382 Try and attack. Use your legs. 658 00:37:28,814 --> 00:37:30,074 Wow. 659 00:37:30,075 --> 00:37:33,568 - Step back and block... - Punching high. 660 00:37:33,969 --> 00:37:35,349 - Yep. - High. 661 00:37:35,350 --> 00:37:36,011 Yep. 662 00:37:36,012 --> 00:37:37,532 I'm just, what I'm trying to say is... 663 00:37:38,023 --> 00:37:39,444 ...cause I know that you... 664 00:37:39,675 --> 00:37:40,995 ...you turned me into a vampire. 665 00:37:41,326 --> 00:37:43,208 Maybe don't do that to him. 666 00:37:43,238 --> 00:37:45,170 He's a... vegetarian. 667 00:37:45,220 --> 00:37:47,221 Last thing he'd want to do is eat... 668 00:37:47,222 --> 00:37:49,985 ...a live being or eat blood or eat meat... 669 00:37:50,575 --> 00:37:52,728 - I am controlling this. - Get it, get it! 670 00:37:52,798 --> 00:37:57,042 It's quite amazing to see how far technology can go forward 671 00:37:57,152 --> 00:37:59,094 if you're not paying attention. 672 00:38:00,856 --> 00:38:02,517 One message received. 673 00:38:06,772 --> 00:38:09,524 There is a crucifix behind you. 674 00:38:09,585 --> 00:38:12,256 So, down on that one, like, half way down and we'll focus it. 675 00:38:12,257 --> 00:38:13,218 Maybe smile. 676 00:38:18,113 --> 00:38:20,756 - Anything you want to find, you... - Yeah. 677 00:38:20,846 --> 00:38:23,158 - You can type your name here. - I've lost... 678 00:38:23,178 --> 00:38:27,632 ...a really nice silk scarf in about 1912. 679 00:38:27,633 --> 00:38:28,764 Yes, now Google it. 680 00:38:28,804 --> 00:38:33,398 Stu is the first human friend that I've had for long time. 681 00:38:33,428 --> 00:38:36,471 With humans there's a tendency to die. 682 00:38:37,913 --> 00:38:38,794 Yeah. 683 00:38:38,994 --> 00:38:40,494 We can look at her photos. 684 00:38:40,495 --> 00:38:42,658 - Ah, oh yes. - Or we can poke her. 685 00:38:45,340 --> 00:38:46,231 Yes. 686 00:38:46,632 --> 00:38:49,064 Can we see a movie with sunrise? 687 00:38:50,606 --> 00:38:52,337 - What? Shit! - Whoo... 688 00:38:52,427 --> 00:38:53,899 Nice... 689 00:38:54,059 --> 00:38:57,331 If you push images, then we can see pictures of virgins. 690 00:38:57,332 --> 00:38:59,334 - Ah, yes. Yes. - Yah, yah... 691 00:39:02,097 --> 00:39:05,701 I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that. 692 00:39:19,154 --> 00:39:20,435 There he is, yeah. 693 00:39:20,616 --> 00:39:22,868 This is my old servant, Phillip. 694 00:39:22,978 --> 00:39:25,220 - So, we're gonna call him. - Yeah. 695 00:39:25,290 --> 00:39:26,642 And... 696 00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:28,513 ...screen... 697 00:39:32,678 --> 00:39:35,539 My God, that's him, that's him, that's him, that's Phillip, that's Phillip. 698 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,542 - He looks so old. 699 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:42,542 - Master, master, it has been so long. 699 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:47,842 - You look the same. Tell me, did you find Katherine? 699 00:39:49,140 --> 00:39:53,442 - Ahm, theres no hurry, y'know, love is patient. 699 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:59,442 Listen, Philip. You paid the wrong fare on the box. 699 00:40:00,240 --> 00:40:07,442 - What?! - For the coffin. You paid the wrong fare and it took me ages to get here. 699 00:40:07,540 --> 00:40:11,942 - Master, master, you promised you would turn me into a vampire. 699 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:17,942 I am 90 years old. You promised and now I am so old. 699 00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:21,142 - Well it was great seeing you, Philip... 699 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,842 - Master, I never did anything with my life. I've been waiting. 699 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,042 (Rita Angus senior housing complex) 699 00:41:12,427 --> 00:41:13,907 Yeah, kind of like Google Maps, 700 00:41:13,918 --> 00:41:16,151 but like, more... more layers of information. 701 00:41:16,171 --> 00:41:18,513 The movie Twilight, have you seen it? 702 00:41:18,964 --> 00:41:22,197 Okay, I'm the main guy in Twilight. You now the main guy? 703 00:41:22,297 --> 00:41:23,278 Twilight? 704 00:41:23,599 --> 00:41:24,539 That's me. 705 00:41:24,559 --> 00:41:25,911 There's cameras following me around. 706 00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:27,111 They could have chosen anyone. 707 00:41:27,112 --> 00:41:29,374 How many people have you told you're are a vampire? 708 00:41:29,504 --> 00:41:31,566 - Not many. - I heard that girl... 709 00:41:31,587 --> 00:41:34,518 ...talking about it you said you're a vampire! 710 00:41:34,519 --> 00:41:35,530 Yeah, I told her. 711 00:41:35,601 --> 00:41:37,051 - Who else? - Who did you tell? 712 00:41:37,052 --> 00:41:38,634 Uh, I told her hot friend. 713 00:41:38,674 --> 00:41:41,656 You can't tell everyone that you're a vampire. 714 00:41:41,657 --> 00:41:42,536 Who's that guy? 715 00:41:42,537 --> 00:41:44,538 I don't know but I trust him. 716 00:41:44,539 --> 00:41:47,032 - You can't tell everyone. - I won't. 717 00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:53,999 Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition. 718 00:41:54,339 --> 00:41:55,389 What's wrong with them? 719 00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:57,713 Um, vampire eyes. Can't go into the sun. 720 00:41:58,413 --> 00:42:00,435 Oh my God, are they your fangs? 721 00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:01,816 For real? 722 00:42:01,817 --> 00:42:03,068 For real, real. 723 00:42:03,278 --> 00:42:04,600 Too real, real. 724 00:42:04,850 --> 00:42:06,051 I'm a vampire. 725 00:42:06,141 --> 00:42:07,282 - You're a vampire? - Yeah. 726 00:42:07,532 --> 00:42:10,395 - I'm a vampire hunter mate. - No you're not. 727 00:42:10,465 --> 00:42:12,277 - I am! - You fucking piece of shit. 728 00:42:12,437 --> 00:42:13,749 I'll Skype you! 729 00:42:13,829 --> 00:42:14,709 I float. 730 00:42:14,710 --> 00:42:16,251 - I can transform into stuff. - Same. 731 00:42:17,052 --> 00:42:18,703 - No you can't. - Yeah. 732 00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,405 I'll show you. 733 00:42:20,656 --> 00:42:22,927 You show me. You show me some of your vampire stuff. 734 00:42:22,928 --> 00:42:24,049 What have I got? Um... 735 00:42:29,585 --> 00:42:31,887 Don't lie about transforming into shit. 736 00:42:38,604 --> 00:42:41,076 - Twilight! - Shut up Nick! 737 00:42:41,827 --> 00:42:43,247 You're not Twilight. 738 00:42:43,248 --> 00:42:45,370 - What's your problem? - You are my problem. 739 00:42:45,550 --> 00:42:47,583 Telling the world that we are vampires. 740 00:42:47,643 --> 00:42:49,343 And I'll tell the whole world that you're an asshole now as well. 741 00:42:49,344 --> 00:42:50,445 Shut up! 742 00:42:51,576 --> 00:42:52,406 - Shut up! - Guys? 743 00:42:52,407 --> 00:42:53,517 - You shut up! - No, you shut up! 744 00:42:53,518 --> 00:42:55,000 - No, you shut up. - You shut up. 745 00:42:55,130 --> 00:42:56,210 I'm Dracula, man! 746 00:42:56,211 --> 00:42:57,531 - You're not Dracula! - I'm Dracula! 747 00:42:57,532 --> 00:42:59,073 You don't even know who Dracula is! 748 00:42:59,074 --> 00:43:00,015 You idiot! 749 00:43:03,578 --> 00:43:06,672 - Ooh, bat fight! - Bat fight! Oh, yah, yah, yah! 750 00:43:14,169 --> 00:43:15,741 Ah, Deacon! 751 00:43:17,032 --> 00:43:19,134 That wasn't fair, man! 752 00:43:19,314 --> 00:43:20,595 My fucking jacket, man! 753 00:43:20,596 --> 00:43:22,598 I don't care about your stupid jacket. 754 00:43:24,219 --> 00:43:26,471 - Deacon! - You okay man? 755 00:43:43,008 --> 00:43:45,030 - Hey Stu? - Mmm-hmm? 756 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,983 How's your worms? 757 00:43:48,423 --> 00:43:49,494 Alright. 758 00:43:49,625 --> 00:43:51,456 You're eating worms. 759 00:43:55,851 --> 00:43:58,994 Can you do that shit when you turn them into worms? 760 00:43:59,034 --> 00:43:59,985 No. 761 00:44:00,055 --> 00:44:01,225 Doesn't work on chips. 762 00:44:01,226 --> 00:44:04,089 Only works on things that already look like worms. 763 00:44:04,269 --> 00:44:07,683 - Maybe noodles. Do you want some noodles? - He knows now. 764 00:44:09,174 --> 00:44:11,106 Oh no. I wouldn't eat that. 765 00:44:14,169 --> 00:44:14,940 Why? 766 00:44:25,460 --> 00:44:27,052 Are you okay Nick? 767 00:44:28,223 --> 00:44:29,905 Alright? 768 00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,482 He ate a chip. 769 00:44:37,693 --> 00:44:39,574 I can't eat solids now, great. 770 00:44:39,765 --> 00:44:41,076 I can't sunbathe. 771 00:44:41,106 --> 00:44:42,698 I can't watch daytime TV. 772 00:44:42,848 --> 00:44:44,770 I can if I... yeah I guess I could. 773 00:44:45,190 --> 00:44:46,942 More, more than anything, just the chips. 774 00:44:47,162 --> 00:44:48,864 My favorite food. I can't eat chips. 775 00:44:50,095 --> 00:44:51,626 I don't... it's just... 776 00:44:51,627 --> 00:44:52,588 I hate... 777 00:44:52,748 --> 00:44:54,760 I'll say it. I'm over being a vampire. It's shit. 778 00:44:55,390 --> 00:44:57,052 So, don't, don't believe the hype. 779 00:45:14,309 --> 00:45:15,110 Jackie?! 780 00:45:18,033 --> 00:45:19,354 Jackie, can I come in please? 781 00:45:19,414 --> 00:45:21,556 - Okay, off to bed guys! - Hello children! 782 00:45:21,647 --> 00:45:22,613 Don't look at the man. 783 00:45:22,624 --> 00:45:24,238 I hate it when you look at the man. 784 00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,241 Natasha, don't look at the man! 785 00:45:26,962 --> 00:45:28,714 I was going to bite you tonight. 786 00:45:29,064 --> 00:45:29,605 Really? 787 00:45:29,645 --> 00:45:32,808 But now I can't because there's this Nick being a vampire. 788 00:45:33,008 --> 00:45:34,999 Sorry, sorry, I thought you killed him 2 months ago. 789 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,002 No, I didn't... no... he's a vampire. 790 00:45:37,022 --> 00:45:37,913 What do you mean? 791 00:45:38,013 --> 00:45:39,835 He jumped in front of your place. 792 00:45:41,216 --> 00:45:43,348 All I'm saying is that, um... 793 00:45:44,089 --> 00:45:45,780 You know if I had a penis, I would have been... 794 00:45:45,781 --> 00:45:47,482 I would have been bitten years ago. 795 00:45:47,703 --> 00:45:49,334 I may have to penalize you. 796 00:45:50,906 --> 00:45:53,568 Perhaps another couple of years. Perhaps 10 years. 797 00:45:53,649 --> 00:45:54,349 Hmm? 798 00:45:54,489 --> 00:45:56,982 Like one big circle, just biting each others dicks. 799 00:45:57,132 --> 00:45:59,654 You know, they don't even wear shirts, they wear blouses. It's, it's just... 800 00:45:59,655 --> 00:46:02,376 ...a big homo-erotic dick biting club. 801 00:46:02,377 --> 00:46:05,721 And I'm stuck here, ironing their fucking frills. 802 00:46:05,901 --> 00:46:07,482 Also clean the bathroom, please. 803 00:46:07,583 --> 00:46:09,845 There's blood everywhere. It is gruesome. 804 00:46:10,545 --> 00:46:12,628 Okay. See you tomorrow. 805 00:46:17,392 --> 00:46:18,694 Off to bed please. 806 00:46:31,687 --> 00:46:33,488 Katherine. 807 00:46:34,069 --> 00:46:36,430 She was so charming and nice. 808 00:46:36,431 --> 00:46:38,433 She was everything I wanted. 809 00:46:38,563 --> 00:46:40,354 Unfortunately... 810 00:46:40,355 --> 00:46:42,357 ...yeah, she was married. 811 00:46:42,557 --> 00:46:44,879 Sure, I wanted to kill the guy. 812 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,202 I thought about, chopping his head off. 813 00:46:47,352 --> 00:46:50,786 Draining him of every drop of blood that he had. 814 00:46:50,876 --> 00:46:52,147 Who wouldn't? 815 00:46:53,268 --> 00:46:56,722 But then, I also saw how happy she was. 816 00:46:57,813 --> 00:47:00,295 And that made me kind of happy. 817 00:47:01,076 --> 00:47:03,849 And I didn't want to ruin it for her, so... 818 00:47:03,919 --> 00:47:07,052 I did the honorable thing and I just... 819 00:47:07,212 --> 00:47:08,634 ...stepped back. 820 00:47:08,884 --> 00:47:10,906 And let her live her life. 821 00:47:36,361 --> 00:47:37,522 Petyr! 822 00:47:38,263 --> 00:47:39,133 Petyr! 823 00:47:39,134 --> 00:47:40,095 Where is it? 824 00:47:40,475 --> 00:47:41,216 Petyr! 825 00:47:41,336 --> 00:47:42,297 Petyr! 826 00:47:42,497 --> 00:47:43,318 Petyr! 827 00:47:45,651 --> 00:47:46,892 Get water! 828 00:47:47,653 --> 00:47:50,104 - Get out of the sunlight! - Get water! Get water! 829 00:47:50,105 --> 00:47:52,436 Get water! Petyr, get away from the sunlight! 830 00:47:52,437 --> 00:47:54,439 Get in the shadows, Petyr! 831 00:47:54,449 --> 00:47:55,981 Get out of the sunlight! 832 00:47:57,082 --> 00:47:58,834 Get out of my way! 833 00:47:59,635 --> 00:48:00,955 I'm going in! 834 00:48:00,956 --> 00:48:02,026 I'm coming Petyr! 835 00:48:02,027 --> 00:48:04,068 - Deacon, no, it's sunlight! - I'm coming for you! 836 00:48:04,069 --> 00:48:06,181 It's sunlight out there! 837 00:48:06,201 --> 00:48:09,434 It's sunlight! It's sunlight. 838 00:48:14,890 --> 00:48:16,602 I was too late. 839 00:48:25,450 --> 00:48:27,252 Turn that thing off. 840 00:48:28,183 --> 00:48:31,286 Our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident. 841 00:48:46,361 --> 00:48:48,273 So this is what I think happened. 842 00:48:48,724 --> 00:48:50,535 The vampire hunter... 843 00:48:50,716 --> 00:48:52,628 ...has broken through the window, here. 844 00:48:53,629 --> 00:48:57,102 Has impacted the table. Breaking the table leg. 845 00:48:57,683 --> 00:48:59,414 Then he has come this way. 846 00:49:00,045 --> 00:49:01,987 Towards the tomb. 847 00:49:03,198 --> 00:49:03,989 Crucifix! 848 00:49:04,179 --> 00:49:05,831 Cover the crucifix! 849 00:49:08,744 --> 00:49:09,775 And then... 850 00:49:10,205 --> 00:49:12,497 ...Petyr has burst from the tomb. 851 00:49:12,588 --> 00:49:15,671 Pushed the tomb lid on to the vampire hunter. 852 00:49:15,961 --> 00:49:18,724 And then the sunlight has come through here. 853 00:49:18,804 --> 00:49:20,535 And burned Petyr alive. 854 00:49:21,336 --> 00:49:23,498 I think this is just a table leg, which is... 855 00:49:23,859 --> 00:49:24,719 ...sanded down. 856 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:26,722 - Do you think he hand sanded that, or? - Yes. 857 00:49:26,842 --> 00:49:28,253 Imagine that, stuck in you... 858 00:49:29,424 --> 00:49:31,867 It's quite shocking down here, Nick. 859 00:49:31,917 --> 00:49:34,949 Look, here's our sweet Petyr. 860 00:49:34,950 --> 00:49:36,952 - Fuck! - Burnt to a sizzle. 861 00:49:37,212 --> 00:49:39,974 - I can't figure out this. - This is the vampire hunter. 862 00:49:39,975 --> 00:49:40,505 Is this his front? 863 00:49:40,506 --> 00:49:42,046 - Uh, who's this guy? - Look at his... 864 00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:44,188 ...bloody head, all back to front. 865 00:49:44,189 --> 00:49:46,191 Twist it the other way, the other way! 866 00:49:46,361 --> 00:49:48,944 Let's see who this guy is. 867 00:49:49,965 --> 00:49:52,787 - Uh!, typical macho type. - Yuck! 868 00:49:52,788 --> 00:49:53,729 It is. 869 00:49:53,849 --> 00:49:55,290 Oh, shit! 870 00:49:56,271 --> 00:49:57,282 I know that guy... 871 00:49:57,322 --> 00:49:59,213 - ...actually. - You know him? 872 00:49:59,214 --> 00:50:00,696 - Yeah. - What? 873 00:50:00,756 --> 00:50:02,437 I saw him the other night in town. 874 00:50:03,138 --> 00:50:04,408 Told him I was a vampire. 875 00:50:04,409 --> 00:50:04,890 What? 876 00:50:04,891 --> 00:50:07,170 I thought he was joking. He said he was a vampire hunter. 877 00:50:07,182 --> 00:50:09,463 You let a vampire hunter into our house? 878 00:50:09,464 --> 00:50:11,582 I didn't let him in, I just gave him my e-mail. 879 00:50:11,593 --> 00:50:12,297 Nick! 880 00:50:12,888 --> 00:50:14,279 I'll tear out your tongue... 881 00:50:14,299 --> 00:50:15,851 ...and shove it down your ass. 882 00:50:18,243 --> 00:50:19,585 Fucking hell! 883 00:50:33,869 --> 00:50:36,101 You killed Petyr with your big mouth! 884 00:50:36,311 --> 00:50:37,713 It was a mistake! 885 00:50:39,314 --> 00:50:41,296 Get up and stand on this ceiling like a man. 886 00:50:48,263 --> 00:50:49,595 We can talk about this, okay? 887 00:50:49,685 --> 00:50:50,474 We can talk about this! 888 00:50:50,475 --> 00:50:52,768 - I'll kill you! - I'm already dead! 889 00:50:53,178 --> 00:50:54,900 Stu, stay back! 890 00:50:58,543 --> 00:51:01,086 Shh! Shh! Someone's at the door, shh! 891 00:51:01,136 --> 00:51:02,588 I'll go, I'll go.. 892 00:51:09,865 --> 00:51:11,146 Oh shit. 893 00:51:13,088 --> 00:51:15,149 - Good evening, sir. - Hello police. 894 00:51:15,150 --> 00:51:17,673 Hi, I'm constable O'Leary. This is constable Minogue. 895 00:51:17,713 --> 00:51:21,296 We're just responding to a report of a possible forced entry and also... 896 00:51:21,446 --> 00:51:23,217 ...a rather large amount of shrieking. 897 00:51:23,218 --> 00:51:25,721 Just, um, wondering maybe we could come in and just have a wee look around? 898 00:51:26,141 --> 00:51:27,222 Okay. 899 00:51:27,502 --> 00:51:29,725 What's with the fellow? What's with the um, camera? 900 00:51:29,935 --> 00:51:32,156 Yeah, we're obviously just here cause there was a phone call 901 00:51:32,157 --> 00:51:34,758 from the, a member of the public, um, about a bit of disturbance. 902 00:51:34,790 --> 00:51:36,792 Um, some loud noises. 903 00:51:36,922 --> 00:51:38,883 - Possibly a forced entry, wasn't there? - Mmm... 904 00:51:38,954 --> 00:51:40,896 And, also, maybe a bit of smoke coming out, so... 905 00:51:40,996 --> 00:51:43,438 We're just checking over the scene. Making sure every thing's, uh... 906 00:51:43,498 --> 00:51:45,520 You know, above board, so to speak, and, uh... 907 00:51:45,581 --> 00:51:47,392 Making sure no-one's in danger, that kind of thing. 908 00:51:47,462 --> 00:51:49,202 We might go up and have a wee look up there, 909 00:51:49,213 --> 00:51:50,293 if that's alright with you? 910 00:51:50,766 --> 00:51:53,446 - Come on mate, you lead the way. - Just uh... part of the job. Yep! 911 00:51:54,289 --> 00:51:55,310 Okay. 912 00:51:55,450 --> 00:51:57,372 - Smells a bit weird in here too, mate. - Yeah. 913 00:51:57,412 --> 00:51:58,944 What do you call that? 914 00:52:00,686 --> 00:52:02,197 Barbecue. 915 00:52:05,170 --> 00:52:08,754 You will not notice anything out of the ordinary. 916 00:52:09,224 --> 00:52:11,106 No, we certainly hope not. Let's just... 917 00:52:11,146 --> 00:52:12,588 ...lets just keep going. 918 00:52:12,608 --> 00:52:15,040 - Hi there guys. How are yah? - Hello. 919 00:52:15,060 --> 00:52:16,061 Hey fellas. 920 00:52:16,131 --> 00:52:18,852 Um, is this the room where we've heard all the shouting coming from? 921 00:52:18,854 --> 00:52:20,065 That was me. 922 00:52:20,185 --> 00:52:22,426 Yeah, okay, we've had a couple reports, okay? 923 00:52:22,427 --> 00:52:23,700 There's a couple of people not all that happy about 924 00:52:23,711 --> 00:52:24,950 - the level of the noise here. - Okay. 925 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,466 You can't be screaming when there's this many people around mate. 926 00:52:27,477 --> 00:52:28,803 You've got neighbors on either side. 927 00:52:28,804 --> 00:52:29,864 Feeling nervous. 928 00:52:29,865 --> 00:52:31,867 I've hypnotized those cops. 929 00:52:31,927 --> 00:52:35,300 I'm not a great hypnotizer so it could wear off any second. 930 00:52:35,460 --> 00:52:37,953 I really hope that those guys don't kill those police 931 00:52:38,013 --> 00:52:39,934 because then this means more police will come. 932 00:52:39,935 --> 00:52:44,358 Possibly even Christians which is totally the last things we need in this house. 933 00:52:44,359 --> 00:52:46,832 I can see you're having a good time. End of the day... 934 00:52:47,012 --> 00:52:48,572 ...we got to keep the, uh, the peace, okay? 935 00:52:48,573 --> 00:52:49,945 Whoa, whoa, whoa... 936 00:52:50,876 --> 00:52:52,127 See what I'm seeing? 937 00:52:52,267 --> 00:52:53,418 What's that Minogue? 938 00:52:54,590 --> 00:52:55,901 You're joking? 939 00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:58,584 Not a smoke alarm in sight. 940 00:52:58,694 --> 00:52:59,995 No smoke detectors, mate? 941 00:53:00,415 --> 00:53:01,717 Rule number 1: 942 00:53:01,947 --> 00:53:03,318 Smoke detectors. 943 00:53:03,589 --> 00:53:04,179 Okay. 944 00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:06,622 Rule number 2: maybe not so many barbeque's inside. 945 00:53:07,002 --> 00:53:08,203 - Sort it out fellas. - Okay. 946 00:53:08,724 --> 00:53:11,085 Barbeque smells really strong down here, isn't it? 947 00:53:11,086 --> 00:53:12,096 What kind of marinade? 948 00:53:12,097 --> 00:53:14,097 - What kind of marinade you use? - Who is this guy? 949 00:53:14,309 --> 00:53:15,289 Um... 950 00:53:15,290 --> 00:53:18,212 It's a friend who came to our party. 951 00:53:18,213 --> 00:53:19,553 Mate, you alright? 952 00:53:19,554 --> 00:53:21,055 - He's drunk. - That's what I thought. 953 00:53:21,056 --> 00:53:22,416 Drunk guy. 954 00:53:22,417 --> 00:53:24,698 Look, you can't just leave him down here like that, okay? 955 00:53:24,810 --> 00:53:26,340 This guy's not having a good time. 956 00:53:26,341 --> 00:53:28,002 He's gonna feel terrible tomorrow morning. 957 00:53:28,003 --> 00:53:30,005 Well, his soul is in hell, so don't worry. 958 00:53:30,145 --> 00:53:31,556 Well, I don't know where his soul is, 959 00:53:31,567 --> 00:53:33,078 but all I am saying is, where's his blanket? 960 00:53:33,248 --> 00:53:35,010 There's a big slab of concrete on him. 961 00:53:35,190 --> 00:53:35,994 - Yeah. - You can move that. 962 00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:37,602 It's definitely not going to be comfortable. 963 00:53:37,603 --> 00:53:39,843 - Anything else, in here Minogue? - No, I've seen enough. 964 00:53:40,095 --> 00:53:41,226 - Okay. - Hang on a minute. 965 00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:43,268 What have we got here? 966 00:53:45,100 --> 00:53:46,371 - Yeah, what is that? - This? 967 00:53:46,682 --> 00:53:48,602 - Oh, this? - You can see this clearly as I can. 968 00:53:48,834 --> 00:53:49,965 Adhesive, mate. 969 00:53:50,075 --> 00:53:51,506 That's a flammable. 970 00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:53,298 - And then you got a lamp on top of that. - Gee...! 971 00:53:53,428 --> 00:53:55,230 Directly underneath the power source. 972 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,511 - That is quite bad. - It's very bad. 973 00:53:57,512 --> 00:53:59,254 - It's a very bad combination - And no smoke detectors again are there? 974 00:53:59,304 --> 00:54:01,326 - No. - Yes, there are. 975 00:54:01,366 --> 00:54:03,468 - Yes, there are. - Okay, there are. 976 00:54:03,518 --> 00:54:04,839 Lots to think about guys. 977 00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,172 - Yeah, lots to think about there guys. - Next flat-meeting, yeah. 978 00:54:07,262 --> 00:54:09,144 Yeah, good thinking, that's the thing, just... 979 00:54:09,164 --> 00:54:11,336 - ...have a bit of dialogue about it. - Okay. 980 00:54:11,556 --> 00:54:13,678 - They've got a really good point. - Wait! 981 00:54:13,679 --> 00:54:14,880 Let's kill them. 982 00:54:15,180 --> 00:54:17,251 - No... - Well, let's just see what other safety... 983 00:54:17,252 --> 00:54:19,524 ...points they have and then maybe we can. 984 00:54:28,584 --> 00:54:30,485 I call into session, 985 00:54:30,606 --> 00:54:32,067 this trial of Nick, 986 00:54:32,207 --> 00:54:33,488 of Wellington. 987 00:54:38,604 --> 00:54:40,325 Read the charges. 988 00:54:40,786 --> 00:54:42,648 Problems we have with Nick. 989 00:54:43,679 --> 00:54:44,920 Number 1: 990 00:54:45,190 --> 00:54:47,112 You brought a human into our house. 991 00:54:47,212 --> 00:54:49,009 Which is a big no-no in the vampire world. 992 00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:50,345 Stu is, Stu is okay though? 993 00:54:50,355 --> 00:54:52,607 Yeah, Stu is fine, so I guess we'll just... 994 00:54:52,608 --> 00:54:54,109 ...cross that one out. 995 00:54:54,519 --> 00:54:55,410 Uh... 996 00:54:59,094 --> 00:55:00,786 - Thank you Stu. - Thank you Stu. 997 00:55:00,806 --> 00:55:01,587 So... 998 00:55:01,777 --> 00:55:03,118 The new number 1: 999 00:55:03,218 --> 00:55:06,101 Nick's been telling people he's a vampire. 1000 00:55:06,251 --> 00:55:09,054 That in turn resulted in... 1001 00:55:09,304 --> 00:55:12,567 an unwanted visit from a vampire hunter. 1002 00:55:12,598 --> 00:55:14,148 Crime number 2: 1003 00:55:14,149 --> 00:55:16,151 This is quite a biggie, Nick. 1004 00:55:16,441 --> 00:55:19,054 The vampire hunter who killed Petyr. 1005 00:55:20,085 --> 00:55:23,337 That's... that actually should've... that should have been crime number one 1006 00:55:23,338 --> 00:55:25,340 but we wanted to build up to that. 1007 00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:26,622 Number 3: 1008 00:55:26,682 --> 00:55:30,275 Deacon doesn't like that you wear the same jackets as him. 1009 00:55:30,435 --> 00:55:33,629 And he would like you to find your own original style. 1010 00:55:34,419 --> 00:55:36,440 For these crimes of which 1011 00:55:36,441 --> 00:55:39,845 we the vampire council find you guilty... 1012 00:55:39,995 --> 00:55:42,177 ...you should be banished from our flat... 1013 00:55:42,367 --> 00:55:43,739 ...indefinitely. 1014 00:55:43,989 --> 00:55:45,830 - Indefinitely. - Indefinitely. 1015 00:55:45,831 --> 00:55:46,782 So I can come back? 1016 00:55:46,902 --> 00:55:47,753 One day? 1017 00:55:47,764 --> 00:55:50,315 No, no, indefinitely means, there is no end. 1018 00:55:50,455 --> 00:55:51,565 I thought there was like... 1019 00:55:51,566 --> 00:55:54,398 No, indefinite means that it's not a definite thing. 1020 00:55:54,399 --> 00:55:55,961 - It can be changed - Yeah, but it's long. 1021 00:55:55,991 --> 00:55:57,472 Could be tomorrow, it could be 6 months. 1022 00:55:57,492 --> 00:55:59,243 - No! No, it is not tomorrow! - It cannot be tomorrow! 1023 00:55:59,244 --> 00:56:00,856 - Forget about it, at least 6 moths. - Banished! 1024 00:56:00,886 --> 00:56:01,776 You are banished. 1025 00:56:01,777 --> 00:56:04,018 But Stu, you can visit if you like. 1026 00:56:04,019 --> 00:56:05,120 Thank you. 1027 00:56:05,801 --> 00:56:07,332 For your crimes... 1028 00:56:07,663 --> 00:56:09,444 ...you will be made to suffer... 1029 00:56:09,685 --> 00:56:10,955 ...the procession... 1030 00:56:10,956 --> 00:56:12,057 ...of shame. 1031 00:56:12,227 --> 00:56:15,330 I asked them Nick, I asked them not to pass that sentence. 1032 00:56:15,340 --> 00:56:16,891 We should do this immediately. 1033 00:56:16,892 --> 00:56:18,894 - In my opinion. - You didn't ask. 1034 00:56:19,154 --> 00:56:21,176 You didn't ask. You were saying yes. 1035 00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:26,661 - I did... - Well, this is what's going to happen. 1036 00:56:26,662 --> 00:56:28,664 I still think it's quite extreme. 1037 00:56:29,444 --> 00:56:31,867 Let us do the procession of shame. 1038 00:56:32,037 --> 00:56:32,858 Now. 1039 00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:36,030 - Shame. - Shame! 1040 00:56:36,031 --> 00:56:38,352 Shame. Shame. Shame! 1041 00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:39,234 Shame! 1042 00:56:39,344 --> 00:56:40,625 - Shame. - Bad vampire! 1043 00:56:40,626 --> 00:56:41,607 Shame. 1044 00:56:43,218 --> 00:56:44,439 Should we go Stu? 1045 00:56:49,785 --> 00:56:51,286 Bye Stu. 1046 00:57:07,803 --> 00:57:09,244 That was a shame. 1046 00:57:28,003 --> 00:57:31,244 (a few months later) 1047 00:57:33,158 --> 00:57:36,291 So today we have, an invitation. 1048 00:57:36,842 --> 00:57:39,373 To the big event of the year. 1049 00:57:39,374 --> 00:57:41,376 Breaking it open. 1050 00:57:41,797 --> 00:57:43,507 They have burnt the edges... 1051 00:57:43,508 --> 00:57:46,822 - ...like a treasure map or something. - It looks very authentic, doesn't it? 1052 00:57:47,442 --> 00:57:49,014 'Dearly departed...' 1053 00:57:49,364 --> 00:57:50,606 That's us. 1054 00:57:51,236 --> 00:57:54,679 'The Wellington Vampire Association in conjunction with the 1055 00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,681 Lower Hut Vampire Witch Club 1056 00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:59,704 and the Kuori Zombie Society... 1057 00:57:59,705 --> 00:58:06,431 invite you to attend The Unholy Masquerade on the night of the 6th of June... 1058 00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:09,685 ...starting at 6 PM.' 1059 00:58:10,816 --> 00:58:13,027 - 666... - Oh, yeah... 1060 00:58:13,028 --> 00:58:15,530 The Unholy Masquerade of course is great time 1061 00:58:15,541 --> 00:58:17,653 for the undead community of Wellington. 1062 00:58:17,663 --> 00:58:23,809 There's zombies there. Vampires, banshees, all having a dance together. 1063 00:58:23,939 --> 00:58:25,530 It's always a big deal for me. 1064 00:58:26,011 --> 00:58:26,761 Love it. 1065 00:58:26,762 --> 00:58:30,325 One year I went to The Unholy Masquerade dressed as 1066 00:58:30,345 --> 00:58:33,909 Whoopi Goldberg from uh, Sister Act... 1067 00:58:34,079 --> 00:58:37,012 ...1 and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. 1068 00:58:37,152 --> 00:58:40,525 Didn't go down so well because she was a nun. 1069 00:58:41,997 --> 00:58:44,039 Vampires don't like nuns. 1070 00:58:44,259 --> 00:58:46,931 Of course the big deal of The Unholy Masquerade 1071 00:58:46,932 --> 00:58:49,664 is that every year they announce the guest of honor. 1072 00:58:49,665 --> 00:58:51,666 And... um... 1073 00:58:51,667 --> 00:58:54,109 I don't know if I should be saying this but... 1074 00:58:54,830 --> 00:58:56,380 I heard a little rumor 1075 00:58:56,381 --> 00:58:59,424 that the guest of honor this year... 1076 00:59:00,415 --> 00:59:02,347 ...might be me. 1077 00:59:02,778 --> 00:59:04,249 The location... 1078 00:59:04,559 --> 00:59:06,852 - Oh, yeah, where is it? - Where's the location? 1079 00:59:06,872 --> 00:59:08,233 Cathedral of Despair. 1080 00:59:08,263 --> 00:59:10,646 And the guest of honor will be... 1081 00:59:14,119 --> 00:59:16,071 Who is it? Show me. 1082 00:59:22,698 --> 00:59:23,538 Hmm. 1083 00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:26,191 Okay. 1084 00:59:26,902 --> 00:59:27,853 Okay. 1085 00:59:28,644 --> 00:59:31,787 - Okay. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. - Okay? 1086 00:59:38,233 --> 00:59:39,264 Vladislav... 1087 00:59:39,574 --> 00:59:41,315 ...has... 1088 00:59:41,316 --> 00:59:46,460 ...just had a reaction to the information that the guest of honor will be... 1089 00:59:46,461 --> 00:59:48,704 ...um... The Beast. 1090 00:59:51,867 --> 00:59:54,308 The darkest part of my mind 1091 00:59:54,309 --> 00:59:56,310 is reserved to The Beast. 1092 00:59:56,311 --> 00:59:58,312 We could tell you a thing or two about The Beast. 1093 00:59:58,313 --> 01:00:01,225 You should pray that you never have to see The Beast. 1094 01:00:01,226 --> 01:00:03,027 This one is called The Beast. 1095 01:00:03,028 --> 01:00:06,120 And I said, 'Get you hands off my balls, Beast!' 1096 01:00:06,121 --> 01:00:08,603 He may have told you some stories about his 1097 01:00:08,604 --> 01:00:10,534 great battle with The Beast. 1098 01:00:10,535 --> 01:00:12,728 Yeah, oh, 'I fought The Beast on a cliff.' 1099 01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:15,390 Oh... 'I fought The Beast in a swamp.' 1100 01:00:15,791 --> 01:00:19,595 'One time I fought The Beast in the toilets of a night club.' 1101 01:00:20,155 --> 01:00:21,575 Difficult battle. 1102 01:00:21,576 --> 01:00:24,369 I hope you never see The Beast. 1103 01:00:25,410 --> 01:00:27,252 The Beast. 1104 01:00:36,251 --> 01:00:38,233 You can't go to the the ball as Blade. 1105 01:00:38,283 --> 01:00:39,494 He's a vampire hunter. 1106 01:00:39,564 --> 01:00:42,016 Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes. 1107 01:00:42,017 --> 01:00:43,619 No, it's inappropriate. 1108 01:00:43,669 --> 01:00:45,690 Okay, Vlad? The Green Jaunters, 1109 01:00:45,691 --> 01:00:47,863 or the black leather with the dragon belt? 1110 01:00:47,893 --> 01:00:48,947 Just wear the pants you want to wear... 1111 01:00:48,958 --> 01:00:50,896 - We're having a mild crisis here. - which pants do you want to wear? 1112 01:00:50,996 --> 01:00:53,427 Just look at the pants Vlad! Turn around & look at the pants! 1113 01:00:53,428 --> 01:00:54,428 They're just pants! 1114 01:00:54,429 --> 01:00:56,221 - Shit, man! - Holy shit! 1115 01:00:56,662 --> 01:00:57,973 Oh, you look terrible. 1116 01:00:58,113 --> 01:00:59,504 The black pants. 1117 01:00:59,585 --> 01:01:01,035 Thank you. Get dressed! 1118 01:01:01,036 --> 01:01:03,318 I don't know if I feel up to it, really. 1119 01:01:03,338 --> 01:01:06,510 You don't look that great but if you eat someone on the way... 1120 01:01:06,511 --> 01:01:07,527 and rejuvenate a little bit? 1121 01:01:07,538 --> 01:01:09,259 You could probably wear a mask or something. 1122 01:01:09,304 --> 01:01:12,728 Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet! 1123 01:01:12,798 --> 01:01:13,949 What are you biding on? 1124 01:01:14,339 --> 01:01:16,220 I'm bidding on a table. 1125 01:01:16,221 --> 01:01:18,223 - Are you coming or not? - Not. 1126 01:01:18,353 --> 01:01:20,606 I'm gonna go change. We're leaving in 10 minutes. 1127 01:01:20,776 --> 01:01:22,718 Have a good time! 1128 01:01:26,576 --> 01:01:27,718 (The Cathedral of Despair) 1128 01:01:39,314 --> 01:01:43,408 We, we tend often, you know... without giving into that kind of... 1129 01:01:43,548 --> 01:01:46,190 stuff which I'm really sick of that but you know... 1130 01:01:46,191 --> 01:01:48,634 It just that, it's harder for us to chase... 1131 01:01:48,704 --> 01:01:50,134 chase people down. 1132 01:01:50,135 --> 01:01:52,637 Can I, Can I introduce um... 1133 01:01:52,638 --> 01:01:55,620 - Gary... Gary and Alisha. - Hi, how are you? 1134 01:01:55,621 --> 01:01:56,592 Hi. 1135 01:01:56,752 --> 01:02:00,485 - Hi. - Less groaning, less groaning guys. 1136 01:02:01,877 --> 01:02:04,199 So we are at The Unholy Masquerade. 1137 01:02:04,459 --> 01:02:05,611 It's great. 1138 01:02:05,911 --> 01:02:07,322 This is my mask. 1139 01:02:08,043 --> 01:02:09,995 Which I made for the occasion. 1140 01:02:10,746 --> 01:02:12,057 Hey! 1141 01:02:12,357 --> 01:02:14,609 - Jackie. - Yeah! 1142 01:02:14,610 --> 01:02:16,831 - This is undead party. - Yeah, I'm a vampire. 1143 01:02:16,832 --> 01:02:17,712 You have your?.. 1144 01:02:17,713 --> 01:02:19,094 I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire! 1145 01:02:20,475 --> 01:02:21,495 - Great. - Yeah, yeah. 1146 01:02:21,496 --> 01:02:23,889 - So, um, who bit you? - Oh, Nick. 1147 01:02:24,479 --> 01:02:26,040 - Oh great. - Yeah. - Right 1148 01:02:26,041 --> 01:02:27,002 Okay. 1149 01:02:27,102 --> 01:02:28,203 Deacon! 1150 01:02:30,726 --> 01:02:33,188 Pretty rude, because she was my... 1151 01:02:33,488 --> 01:02:34,179 ...servant. 1152 01:02:34,180 --> 01:02:36,150 She was a pretty useless servant. 1153 01:02:36,151 --> 01:02:38,723 - I wouldn't-- worry about that. - Yeah, yeah, but still, I would've been... 1154 01:02:38,724 --> 01:02:40,474 ...appreciated if you'd asked... 1155 01:02:40,475 --> 01:02:41,767 How's Stu? 1156 01:02:41,837 --> 01:02:43,237 - He's good, he's there. 1157 01:02:43,238 --> 01:02:45,240 - Oh, he's here? - Stu! STU! 1158 01:02:46,391 --> 01:02:47,592 Hey, hey!..how are you? 1159 01:02:47,593 --> 01:02:48,834 Hey! 1160 01:02:50,305 --> 01:02:53,378 Has anyone looked at you like they want to eat you, at all? 1161 01:02:53,589 --> 01:02:55,199 Ah, no... 1162 01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:57,202 Can you hear me at the back? 1163 01:02:57,242 --> 01:03:00,265 On behalf of the Wellington Vampire Society... 1164 01:03:00,586 --> 01:03:04,538 ...uh, the Lower Hut Vampire and Witch Club. 1165 01:03:04,539 --> 01:03:09,274 And the Kurory Zombie society, we welcome you here tonight. 1166 01:03:09,444 --> 01:03:12,646 And we're raffling a live meat pack this year, and, um, 1167 01:03:12,657 --> 01:03:15,400 you can inspect the prize over here to my left. 1168 01:03:15,510 --> 01:03:16,851 It's a wonderful prize. 1169 01:03:16,852 --> 01:03:21,426 Tickets are only 10 dollars each or 45 dollars for a book of five. 1170 01:03:21,767 --> 01:03:25,340 Now without further adieu, it's my very great pleasure 1171 01:03:25,430 --> 01:03:28,834 to introduce to you this years guest of honor. 1172 01:03:28,954 --> 01:03:31,346 Pauline Ivanovich! 1173 01:03:32,938 --> 01:03:34,139 Thank you. 1174 01:03:37,292 --> 01:03:38,753 That's The Beast. 1175 01:03:38,754 --> 01:03:39,595 Thank you. 1176 01:03:39,625 --> 01:03:43,989 The Beast is, uh, the name I gave to my ex-girlfriend Pauline. 1177 01:03:44,139 --> 01:03:46,031 She prefers Pauline. 1178 01:03:46,141 --> 01:03:49,043 We had a very intense relationship. 1179 01:03:49,044 --> 01:03:50,105 We were very... 1180 01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:52,557 ...sexually explosive. 1181 01:03:52,728 --> 01:03:57,902 Last time I saw her, she impaled me and called me an asshole. 1182 01:03:57,903 --> 01:03:58,974 She said... 1183 01:03:59,284 --> 01:04:01,917 ...all kinds of things that really hurt me. 1184 01:04:02,117 --> 01:04:05,741 And all this while I was impaled on a lamp post. 1185 01:04:06,021 --> 01:04:09,254 Well, everyone, I will be mingling around 1186 01:04:09,265 --> 01:04:11,266 and I really hope that... 1187 01:04:11,817 --> 01:04:13,949 ...I will meet... 1188 01:04:14,409 --> 01:04:16,021 ...all of you. 1189 01:04:31,747 --> 01:04:32,747 Hello. 1190 01:04:32,748 --> 01:04:34,169 That's the new guy. 1191 01:04:34,810 --> 01:04:37,933 I don't know what, what kind of vampire he is... if he is a vampire. 1192 01:04:37,944 --> 01:04:38,984 Did you see his face? 1193 01:04:40,555 --> 01:04:42,087 Oh... oh. 1194 01:04:43,018 --> 01:04:45,209 - Hello! - Hi, how are you? 1195 01:04:45,210 --> 01:04:47,471 - This is Deacon. - Hello Deacon. 1196 01:04:47,472 --> 01:04:49,474 - This is Stu. - Good day Stu. 1197 01:04:49,574 --> 01:04:50,885 - How are you my friend? - Good. 1198 01:04:50,886 --> 01:04:51,867 Hi. Stu. 1199 01:04:52,007 --> 01:04:54,179 You got really warm hands Stu. 1200 01:04:54,319 --> 01:04:56,011 You a demon? 1201 01:04:56,251 --> 01:04:59,253 - No, he's not a demon! - I'm a software analyst, I work... 1202 01:04:59,254 --> 01:05:01,976 - Stu, Stu, Stu... - A male witch, you're a male witch? 1203 01:05:01,977 --> 01:05:04,038 Stu, you should go dance, uh, with anyone. 1204 01:05:04,039 --> 01:05:05,720 - Sure. - Okay, take your time. 1205 01:05:05,721 --> 01:05:10,545 I like Stu. He's not vampire, so he's what, zombie or...? 1206 01:05:10,626 --> 01:05:12,116 - A male witch? - He's not... 1207 01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:15,821 He not uh... he's neither, he's uh... more of a human. 1208 01:05:17,643 --> 01:05:20,245 Excuse me, excuse me. Hi, Nick, hey. 1209 01:05:20,315 --> 01:05:21,937 Um, Nick... 1210 01:05:22,357 --> 01:05:25,519 Do you mind if Stu is killed? 1211 01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,331 Uh, I don't feel that good about it. 1212 01:05:27,332 --> 01:05:31,786 Can I, can I just ask you, you know, a... 1213 01:05:31,787 --> 01:05:33,287 - ...a personal question? - Sure. 1214 01:05:33,288 --> 01:05:36,582 Are you, um... 1215 01:05:37,843 --> 01:05:40,836 ...are you, are you, are you pre-deceased? 1216 01:05:41,456 --> 01:05:43,158 Uh... 1217 01:05:44,069 --> 01:05:45,900 If anyone's gonna eat him it's gonna be us 1218 01:05:45,911 --> 01:05:47,162 but we're not, we're past that. 1219 01:05:47,262 --> 01:05:48,823 They can just go fuck themselves. 1220 01:05:48,824 --> 01:05:50,364 Nick! It is your fault. 1221 01:05:50,365 --> 01:05:54,398 Okay? You brought a human into this den of vampress nest. 1222 01:05:54,399 --> 01:05:56,100 - You're not helping. - Yes, you did. 1223 01:05:56,101 --> 01:05:56,980 Plus one. 1224 01:05:56,991 --> 01:05:58,715 Lovely talking to you, I've got to shoot off now. 1225 01:05:58,814 --> 01:06:00,165 See you later on. 1226 01:06:05,140 --> 01:06:08,402 As soon as one vampire takes a bite, it's a frenzy! 1227 01:06:08,403 --> 01:06:09,634 - A frenzy! - Okay, we've got to get him out. 1228 01:06:09,635 --> 01:06:11,576 Okay, follow me, follow me. 1229 01:06:11,607 --> 01:06:14,249 Excuse me, sorry guys. 1230 01:06:14,509 --> 01:06:15,569 Okay, Stu. 1231 01:06:15,570 --> 01:06:17,943 Put that over your red face. 1232 01:06:18,273 --> 01:06:20,214 - Just going out for a cigarette. - Oh, hey! 1233 01:06:20,215 --> 01:06:22,216 - Okay, not that way. - This way. 1234 01:06:22,217 --> 01:06:24,219 - This way. - Is there another way? 1235 01:06:26,301 --> 01:06:28,693 - Back away from the vampires. - Guys... 1236 01:06:28,694 --> 01:06:29,924 Excuse me everyone! 1237 01:06:29,925 --> 01:06:32,207 Can I have your attention please. 1238 01:06:33,018 --> 01:06:37,952 Some of the vampires forget Unholy Masquerade rules. 1239 01:06:37,953 --> 01:06:39,955 They brought a human. 1240 01:06:40,435 --> 01:06:45,210 And they don't let us to feast on him. 1241 01:06:46,561 --> 01:06:48,552 This was a total misunderstanding. 1242 01:06:48,553 --> 01:06:52,036 There was on the invitation, and this actually pertains to you... 1243 01:06:52,037 --> 01:06:53,728 ...the invitation, it said, 1244 01:06:53,729 --> 01:06:56,090 - plus one, but it did not specify... - Okay. 1245 01:06:56,091 --> 01:06:57,872 - Hey mate, look... - If it could be a human or 1246 01:06:57,873 --> 01:06:59,103 if it could be werewolf or... 1247 01:06:59,104 --> 01:07:01,706 Yeah, but he could be a vampire hunter for all we know. 1248 01:07:01,707 --> 01:07:04,719 He could texting his mates, saying, 'I've got them all in the one place, 1249 01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:06,932 ...come on over, we'll have a vampire barbecue!' 1250 01:07:07,202 --> 01:07:08,864 Well, he's not, he's not doing that. 1251 01:07:09,164 --> 01:07:10,324 How do we know that? 1252 01:07:10,325 --> 01:07:11,916 He's wearing a bow-tie, look at him! 1253 01:07:11,917 --> 01:07:13,107 Stu, tell them what you do. 1254 01:07:13,108 --> 01:07:15,549 Come on Stu! Tell us what you do. Come on. 1255 01:07:15,550 --> 01:07:16,922 Tell them what you do, Stu. 1256 01:07:17,112 --> 01:07:19,183 - Hi, my name is Stu uh... - Don't fuck it up, man. 1257 01:07:19,184 --> 01:07:20,284 - I can't hear Stu. - Louder, louder! 1258 01:07:20,285 --> 01:07:22,617 Hi, my name is Stu, uh, I work in... 1259 01:07:22,618 --> 01:07:23,517 - I can't hear... - Louder. 1260 01:07:23,518 --> 01:07:25,290 Stu they can't hear, they cannot hear you. 1261 01:07:25,340 --> 01:07:27,515 Hi, my name is Stu. I'm a software analyst. 1262 01:07:27,526 --> 01:07:30,195 I work for a geographic information systems company. 1263 01:07:30,225 --> 01:07:31,657 - Uh... - Sorry, what is it? 1264 01:07:31,797 --> 01:07:33,868 I work for a company that does um... 1265 01:07:33,869 --> 01:07:37,381 ...basically we take like business requirements from organizations... 1266 01:07:37,382 --> 01:07:41,396 ...and we analyze those requirements and then we build software... 1267 01:07:41,436 --> 01:07:42,618 ...to fit those requirements. 1268 01:07:43,008 --> 01:07:45,279 He is a virgin. He is a virgin! 1269 01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:48,383 - I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces. - Go on then. 1270 01:07:48,664 --> 01:07:51,697 Go a thousand paces away and smell yourselves! 1271 01:07:51,727 --> 01:07:53,538 I can't wait anymore. 1272 01:08:06,441 --> 01:08:09,323 There shall be no eating of the human. 1273 01:08:09,324 --> 01:08:10,905 Who are you all of a sudden? 1274 01:08:10,906 --> 01:08:13,849 You have forgotten your former lover. 1275 01:08:13,899 --> 01:08:15,520 So quickly. 1276 01:08:18,654 --> 01:08:19,935 Georgie? 1277 01:08:20,736 --> 01:08:21,936 No, not... 1278 01:08:21,937 --> 01:08:24,749 ...Georgie, like, 5-years after him. 1279 01:08:24,750 --> 01:08:25,671 No. 1280 01:08:25,971 --> 01:08:27,442 Wait a minute. 1281 01:08:27,542 --> 01:08:29,144 Just one moment. 1282 01:08:29,244 --> 01:08:30,185 No... 1283 01:08:30,575 --> 01:08:32,998 No, I've got it, that's got it, take it away... 1284 01:08:36,071 --> 01:08:37,571 Hello Beast. 1285 01:08:37,572 --> 01:08:38,893 Hello asshole. 1286 01:08:38,894 --> 01:08:42,066 - Hey, don't call me asshole! - Don't call me... 1287 01:08:42,067 --> 01:08:44,419 - ...Beast. This is Vladislav. - This is absolutely the same. 1288 01:08:44,430 --> 01:08:45,359 This is my ex-boyfriend. 1289 01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:48,613 - You know, the one who fucked the police-- - Alright, that's old business, that's... 1290 01:08:48,614 --> 01:08:49,604 - old business, that's personal business. - Yeah. 1291 01:08:49,605 --> 01:08:51,846 - Nice to meet you asshole. - This is my lover. 1292 01:08:51,847 --> 01:08:54,248 You will not feast on the blood of the human known as Stu. 1293 01:08:54,249 --> 01:08:56,791 Listen asshole, this is a human and 1294 01:08:56,792 --> 01:08:58,933 this is the rules and what is cameras doing here? 1295 01:08:58,934 --> 01:09:01,135 One, and then another one, what is this? 1296 01:09:01,136 --> 01:09:02,937 They're making a documentary on... 1297 01:09:02,938 --> 01:09:04,548 This is a private secret society mate, 1298 01:09:04,549 --> 01:09:06,801 you don't go bringing your bloody cameras into everything. 1299 01:09:06,802 --> 01:09:09,614 You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy. 1300 01:09:09,615 --> 01:09:10,504 Maybe one camera guy... 1301 01:09:10,515 --> 01:09:12,516 I'm up to bloody here, with you at the moment. 1302 01:09:12,517 --> 01:09:14,999 And all your mates behind there, whoever the hell they are. 1303 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,691 We're gonna eat the human being. 1304 01:09:16,692 --> 01:09:18,562 And there's nothing you can do about it, alright? 1305 01:09:18,563 --> 01:09:19,573 Now back off! 1306 01:09:19,574 --> 01:09:21,195 And let my missus get her way. 1307 01:09:21,196 --> 01:09:22,957 Oh, there's nothing I can do about it? 1308 01:09:22,958 --> 01:09:24,940 - That's right. - Well, what about this? 1309 01:09:26,091 --> 01:09:28,614 Diego, rip his head off. 1310 01:09:28,884 --> 01:09:30,185 What do you want?! 1311 01:09:30,596 --> 01:09:32,287 Vampire fight! 1312 01:09:33,018 --> 01:09:34,409 Get him Vladislav! 1313 01:09:47,863 --> 01:09:49,724 Rip his head off! 1314 01:09:49,725 --> 01:09:50,885 He's killing him! 1315 01:09:50,886 --> 01:09:53,387 It is forbidden for vampires... 1316 01:09:53,388 --> 01:09:54,970 ...to kill a vampire. 1317 01:09:57,502 --> 01:09:59,654 - What the f... - Bloody Hell! 1318 01:10:00,996 --> 01:10:02,437 What? 1319 01:10:03,208 --> 01:10:05,961 Are you okay, love? Get out! 1320 01:10:06,311 --> 01:10:08,203 We should probably go Stu. 1321 01:10:09,134 --> 01:10:10,905 It was great to see you, 1322 01:10:10,906 --> 01:10:12,908 - Pauline. - Asshole! 1323 01:10:12,918 --> 01:10:13,769 Bastard! 1324 01:10:15,170 --> 01:10:17,301 - That was very... how we both... - He's a murderer! 1325 01:10:17,302 --> 01:10:20,915 We both, together, equally destroyed that guy! 1326 01:10:20,916 --> 01:10:23,537 Yeah, but it was more Stu with the giant stick! 1327 01:10:23,538 --> 01:10:26,421 I hope this doesn't make this awkward for you and The Beast. 1328 01:10:26,872 --> 01:10:29,665 No, I think it's opened up new possibilities. 1329 01:10:29,775 --> 01:10:31,466 Oh, no. 1330 01:10:31,827 --> 01:10:34,188 - Here we go again. - Here we go again 1331 01:10:34,189 --> 01:10:36,190 Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu! 1332 01:10:36,191 --> 01:10:38,252 Stu, Stu, Stu! 1333 01:10:38,253 --> 01:10:40,534 Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu... 1334 01:10:40,535 --> 01:10:43,527 - Stu! Stu! - Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop! 1335 01:10:43,528 --> 01:10:44,830 Listen, listen! 1336 01:10:45,270 --> 01:10:46,471 You smell that? 1337 01:10:47,923 --> 01:10:49,344 This way. 1338 01:10:50,816 --> 01:10:52,077 Werewolves. 1339 01:10:52,728 --> 01:10:55,430 - Oh, no. - Look what the cat dragged in, huh? 1340 01:10:55,490 --> 01:10:58,112 - Piss off! - Keep walking. Don't hassle us tonight. 1341 01:10:58,113 --> 01:11:00,115 There has been no hassle here. 1342 01:11:00,205 --> 01:11:01,786 Well, let it stay that way. 1343 01:11:01,787 --> 01:11:03,388 Keep chaining yourselves up! 1344 01:11:03,639 --> 01:11:05,389 Guys, where's your tracksuit pants? 1345 01:11:05,390 --> 01:11:06,981 It was washing night. 1346 01:11:06,982 --> 01:11:09,303 My missus couldn't wash them cause there was too much blood on them, so... 1347 01:11:09,304 --> 01:11:11,706 When your legs expand they grow into the track suit. 1348 01:11:11,707 --> 01:11:14,118 - Oh! - Those jeans are gonna rip completely! 1349 01:11:14,119 --> 01:11:15,841 You've lost all those trousers, guys? 1350 01:11:15,981 --> 01:11:18,062 Declan, that tree's far too thin! 1351 01:11:18,063 --> 01:11:19,403 Look at it! It's like a branch! 1352 01:11:19,404 --> 01:11:21,786 You know how big you get when you transform! 1353 01:11:21,787 --> 01:11:23,789 That's the wrong tree for you. 1354 01:11:24,299 --> 01:11:25,359 Anton, I've... 1355 01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:27,583 Oh, no, you've forgotten the combination. 1356 01:11:27,953 --> 01:11:29,674 Why did you get a combination lock? 1357 01:11:29,675 --> 01:11:31,086 I lost my key last time. 1358 01:11:31,196 --> 01:11:33,978 Okay, well, it's probably 4 zeros, that's the factory setting, is it? 1359 01:11:33,979 --> 01:11:35,710 - Fuck off to a tree. - Hey! 1360 01:11:35,711 --> 01:11:37,321 Hey!, werewolves, not swearwolves. 1361 01:11:37,322 --> 01:11:39,323 Yeah, I know, well on transformation nights, 1362 01:11:39,324 --> 01:11:41,326 it's alright, alright? I'm getting stressed out. 1363 01:11:41,456 --> 01:11:42,697 I was just reminding you. 1364 01:11:42,698 --> 01:11:45,359 Stop talking and chain yourself up you dickhead! 1365 01:11:45,360 --> 01:11:46,762 Honestly, we're transforming. 1366 01:11:46,802 --> 01:11:48,122 Alright, we'll keep walking. 1367 01:11:48,123 --> 01:11:50,112 Yeah, keep walking. By the way I find that offensive! 1368 01:11:50,123 --> 01:11:51,006 We'll keep walking. 1369 01:11:51,136 --> 01:11:52,137 Is that fur? 1370 01:11:52,167 --> 01:11:53,528 Oh, for crying out loud. 1371 01:11:53,699 --> 01:11:56,641 Don't look at the fur everyone. Get back to your trees, okay? 1372 01:11:56,642 --> 01:11:58,302 - That's disgusting, man... - You're wearing fur. 1373 01:11:58,303 --> 01:11:59,533 Declan! 1374 01:11:59,534 --> 01:12:00,996 - That's not real fur. - Oh, shit! 1375 01:12:03,238 --> 01:12:05,610 Honestly, get out of here. Take your humans! 1376 01:12:05,611 --> 01:12:07,613 That guy in the bow-tie, he's gonna go first! 1377 01:12:08,103 --> 01:12:10,503 - C'mon, we've gotta take Stu home. - Get out of here, quick! 1378 01:12:10,726 --> 01:12:13,409 Take all your clothes off that you want to keep everyone! 1379 01:12:13,508 --> 01:12:17,352 Get that army service jacket off, you've only just bought that Nathan, 1380 01:12:18,804 --> 01:12:20,755 Get that camera out of my face! 1381 01:12:20,756 --> 01:12:22,758 Go, go, go! Let's go, let's go. Come on! 1382 01:12:24,459 --> 01:12:25,861 Run Stu, run! 1383 01:12:28,614 --> 01:12:30,145 Let's go, let's go! 1384 01:12:35,430 --> 01:12:37,272 - Run Stu, they're coming! - Shit! 1385 01:12:37,633 --> 01:12:38,974 I got one! 1386 01:12:56,972 --> 01:12:58,864 My leg! My leg! 1387 01:13:03,859 --> 01:13:05,010 Oh God! 1388 01:13:05,500 --> 01:13:07,431 Stu! Stu! 1389 01:13:07,432 --> 01:13:08,523 Stu! 1390 01:13:13,158 --> 01:13:14,029 Stu! 1391 01:13:15,490 --> 01:13:16,852 Get off me! 1392 01:13:18,093 --> 01:13:19,755 Stu, are you alright? 1393 01:13:20,626 --> 01:13:21,637 Stu? 1394 01:13:22,918 --> 01:13:23,829 Stu? 1395 01:13:25,020 --> 01:13:26,381 Fuck off asshole! 1396 01:13:30,105 --> 01:13:31,286 Fuck off! 1397 01:13:31,607 --> 01:13:33,008 Get off me! 1398 01:13:35,130 --> 01:13:37,042 Stinking group of assholes! 1399 01:13:42,357 --> 01:13:44,109 Stupid werewolves! 1400 01:13:44,359 --> 01:13:45,640 Look away Nick! 1401 01:13:45,641 --> 01:13:47,643 - Don't look at their blood! - Stu! 1402 01:13:47,833 --> 01:13:49,494 Stu! 1403 01:13:49,695 --> 01:13:52,387 Leave him alone, he's a really good dude! Leave him alone! 1404 01:13:52,407 --> 01:13:53,437 It's too late for him! 1405 01:13:53,438 --> 01:13:55,631 - Don't look at the blood Nick! - Stu! 1406 01:14:07,593 --> 01:14:09,404 There he is. 1407 01:14:11,156 --> 01:14:14,198 He's probably still a little upset having seen his 1408 01:14:14,199 --> 01:14:17,532 best friend disemboweled by werewolves. 1409 01:14:19,665 --> 01:14:20,826 Nick! 1410 01:14:21,536 --> 01:14:22,798 I found you. 1411 01:14:24,359 --> 01:14:25,500 Whoa! 1412 01:14:27,963 --> 01:14:29,945 That was pretty full on, hey? 1413 01:14:35,961 --> 01:14:38,754 But this is what happens when you are a vampire. 1414 01:14:39,514 --> 01:14:41,757 You have to watch everyone die. 1415 01:14:43,829 --> 01:14:46,080 Your mother and father. 1416 01:14:46,081 --> 01:14:47,502 All your friends. 1417 01:14:47,743 --> 01:14:49,374 Sometimes brutal. 1418 01:14:51,927 --> 01:14:55,230 Like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. 1419 01:14:55,490 --> 01:14:57,102 Or falling asleep... 1420 01:14:57,372 --> 01:14:59,895 in an autumn pile of leaves... 1421 01:15:00,255 --> 01:15:03,979 and having some of them, block your wind pipe. 1422 01:15:04,590 --> 01:15:07,162 Or making the simple mistake, 1423 01:15:07,623 --> 01:15:10,264 of fashioning a mask out of crackers, 1424 01:15:10,265 --> 01:15:12,267 and being attacked by ducks. 1425 01:15:12,517 --> 01:15:13,779 Geese. 1426 01:15:14,389 --> 01:15:15,811 Swans. 1427 01:15:16,441 --> 01:15:18,473 Or simply dying of old age. 1428 01:15:21,066 --> 01:15:23,538 But even old age is brutal. 1429 01:15:23,989 --> 01:15:25,611 Watching your friends... 1430 01:15:25,881 --> 01:15:26,842 ...grow old. 1431 01:15:27,112 --> 01:15:29,064 They can't piss. 1432 01:15:29,364 --> 01:15:32,947 And they say stupid things and their brains go and they 1433 01:15:32,948 --> 01:15:34,950 can't remember anything. 1434 01:15:37,072 --> 01:15:40,495 And then, one day, they can't even remember who you are. 1435 01:15:41,827 --> 01:15:43,969 And you wish they were dead. 1436 01:15:44,459 --> 01:15:46,401 And then they do die. 1437 01:15:49,885 --> 01:15:50,865 No. 1438 01:15:50,866 --> 01:15:52,868 If I know Stu... 1439 01:15:53,518 --> 01:15:56,221 this was probably the way he wanted to go. 1440 01:15:56,692 --> 01:15:59,254 Disemboweled by werewolves. 1441 01:16:00,125 --> 01:16:01,575 Blood and guts, 1442 01:16:01,576 --> 01:16:03,578 sprayed on to the trees. 1443 01:16:03,849 --> 01:16:06,301 His face torn to shreds. 1444 01:16:16,031 --> 01:16:18,283 I hope I made you feel better. 1445 01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:27,121 Ah, well, from what we could see in the beginning, 1446 01:16:27,122 --> 01:16:29,563 it looks like there's been a bit of a dog attack. 1447 01:16:29,564 --> 01:16:31,165 That's really what happens, when you get, you know... 1448 01:16:31,166 --> 01:16:32,326 dangerous dogs... 1449 01:16:32,327 --> 01:16:34,148 out on the streets, not being looked after. 1450 01:16:34,149 --> 01:16:35,450 This is not good. 1451 01:16:36,251 --> 01:16:37,833 No, not good at all. 1452 01:16:38,473 --> 01:16:40,254 - No, definitely not. - There's nicer ways to go, than being... 1453 01:16:40,255 --> 01:16:42,650 torn apart, by what looks like a pack of dogs, 1454 01:16:42,661 --> 01:16:44,228 more than, more than just one. 1455 01:16:44,229 --> 01:16:44,850 Yeah I'd say so. 1456 01:16:44,861 --> 01:16:46,711 These attacks have been happening more and more frequent. 1457 01:16:46,712 --> 01:16:48,974 They're happening on a monthly basis and and it's just... 1458 01:16:48,985 --> 01:16:50,055 no good for anybody, okay? 1459 01:16:50,145 --> 01:16:52,265 Especially not the dogs. Certainly not the community. 1460 01:16:53,188 --> 01:16:54,129 I've got the bastard. 1461 01:16:54,209 --> 01:16:55,570 - One of them here hey! - Geez. 1462 01:16:55,691 --> 01:16:57,381 And that's what I'm talking about. Look at it. 1463 01:16:57,382 --> 01:16:59,675 End of the day, this dog is gonna have to be put down. 1464 01:16:59,835 --> 01:17:01,186 What a shame. 1465 01:17:02,728 --> 01:17:03,749 Look what you did. 1466 01:17:04,089 --> 01:17:04,830 Hey? 1467 01:17:05,380 --> 01:17:08,132 Yeah he's got the scent again, hasn't he? He wants to go again. He's not finished. 1468 01:17:08,133 --> 01:17:08,833 Yeah. 1469 01:17:37,733 --> 01:17:41,797 They say that vampires hearts are cold and dead. 1470 01:17:42,277 --> 01:17:44,369 Definitely dead. 1471 01:17:44,419 --> 01:17:47,602 - Bye Stu. - He would have loved his scarf. 1472 01:17:47,603 --> 01:17:49,745 It was a lovely, loose, knit. 1473 01:17:50,275 --> 01:17:53,949 But I don't know. I think I still feel things inside it. 1474 01:17:57,963 --> 01:17:59,124 Deacon! 1475 01:18:00,375 --> 01:18:01,516 Deacon! 1476 01:18:01,627 --> 01:18:04,108 - Deacon, wakey, wakey. Hey! - Viago. 1477 01:18:04,109 --> 01:18:07,161 Don't sleep in here. The curtain's opened. It's nearly morning. 1478 01:18:07,162 --> 01:18:09,764 - Oh! - You want to get sizzled to a crisp? 1479 01:18:09,765 --> 01:18:10,573 What? 1480 01:18:10,585 --> 01:18:12,899 No, you gotta think a little bit about these things. 1481 01:18:12,998 --> 01:18:13,388 Ok. 1482 01:18:13,478 --> 01:18:15,470 - Sorry Viago. - It's okay. 1483 01:18:15,631 --> 01:18:17,572 - Night. - Nigh..night! Okay. 1484 01:18:43,859 --> 01:18:47,322 Received at 4:20 AM: 1485 01:19:10,295 --> 01:19:11,927 - Stu? - Hey Deacon. 1486 01:19:12,247 --> 01:19:13,729 - Stu! - How is it? 1487 01:19:14,539 --> 01:19:15,550 Good to see you. 1488 01:19:15,671 --> 01:19:16,591 Look at his face! 1489 01:19:16,592 --> 01:19:18,152 I saw them tear you to shreds! 1490 01:19:18,153 --> 01:19:19,414 Look! He looks like Seal! 1491 01:19:19,955 --> 01:19:20,846 They didn't kill me. 1492 01:19:20,876 --> 01:19:23,118 - It looks cool. - Thank you, thank you. 1493 01:19:23,228 --> 01:19:24,479 Meet some of our friends. 1494 01:19:24,870 --> 01:19:26,441 Anton, Deacon. 1495 01:19:27,082 --> 01:19:28,634 - Hi, Anton. - Anton. 1496 01:19:32,427 --> 01:19:34,408 I must have blacked out, um... 1497 01:19:34,409 --> 01:19:35,890 ...and then, I remember... 1498 01:19:35,891 --> 01:19:37,331 - an ambulance. - He's going into shock. 1499 01:19:37,332 --> 01:19:39,283 O'Leary. O'Leary! 1500 01:19:39,284 --> 01:19:40,895 Yeah, coming! 1501 01:19:40,896 --> 01:19:43,178 - Okay, calm down, mate. - Calm down. 1502 01:19:46,642 --> 01:19:47,902 Looks like rabies, doesn't it? 1503 01:19:47,903 --> 01:19:50,746 And I don't know how long after that was, but I like, woke up. 1504 01:19:51,186 --> 01:19:53,799 And it was daytime. 1505 01:19:57,532 --> 01:19:59,434 (Reenacted Scene) And I couldn't find my clothes. 1506 01:20:01,697 --> 01:20:03,629 Those werewolf guys, um... 1507 01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:04,930 ...eventually found me. 1508 01:20:05,500 --> 01:20:06,921 And they had some, 1509 01:20:06,922 --> 01:20:08,924 they like, lent me some pants. 1510 01:20:09,995 --> 01:20:11,997 So, yeah, those guys have been supporting me. 1511 01:20:12,247 --> 01:20:13,999 Cause I was quite confused. 1512 01:20:15,891 --> 01:20:17,733 Yeah, these are the guys who, um, 1513 01:20:17,993 --> 01:20:19,414 turned me into a werewolf. 1514 01:20:19,855 --> 01:20:21,306 Did you knit your own jersey? 1515 01:20:21,897 --> 01:20:23,208 - Yes. - Oh, yeah? 1516 01:20:23,398 --> 01:20:25,260 - I knit. - Is that the moon, or? 1517 01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:27,883 - Yes. - Hopefully, we won't, you know... 1518 01:20:31,036 --> 01:20:32,476 Ah, this is a nice place. 1519 01:20:32,477 --> 01:20:35,269 Please, don't, ah, don't lick anything or... 1520 01:20:35,270 --> 01:20:37,271 ...pee on anything. 1521 01:20:37,272 --> 01:20:39,133 We were worried at first, you know, we thought 1522 01:20:39,134 --> 01:20:41,546 'Ooh, they are just going to urinate on everything.' 1523 01:20:41,777 --> 01:20:45,030 But they actually are really polite and pretty clean. 1524 01:20:45,160 --> 01:20:47,782 There was obviously that werewolf smell, 1525 01:20:47,783 --> 01:20:51,145 which permeated the entire house for the first half an hour. 1526 01:20:51,146 --> 01:20:54,138 But we opened some windows and got rid of that. 1527 01:20:54,139 --> 01:20:56,431 'What a stupid suggestion, their idea, ' I thought. 1528 01:20:56,451 --> 01:20:57,251 No way. 1529 01:20:57,252 --> 01:20:59,944 You know, walking into the vampire's den. That's ludicrous. 1530 01:20:59,945 --> 01:21:01,216 That's my hand. 1531 01:21:01,286 --> 01:21:03,167 But I thought, well... we'll give it a shot. 1532 01:21:03,168 --> 01:21:05,340 You know, I'm the alpha male, so I made the call. 1533 01:21:05,570 --> 01:21:06,861 I'm the alpha male. 1534 01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:09,164 - Yes. - So, generally... 1535 01:21:09,214 --> 01:21:10,454 ...all of the other guys follow me. 1536 01:21:10,455 --> 01:21:11,597 - For Stu! - For Stu! 1537 01:21:11,687 --> 01:21:12,837 Thanks guys. 1538 01:21:12,838 --> 01:21:14,439 What have you done to your face? 1539 01:21:14,610 --> 01:21:16,832 I got attacked by some werewolves. 1540 01:21:16,892 --> 01:21:20,275 Ooh!, I met a werewolf. Seemed a very nice person. 1541 01:21:20,676 --> 01:21:22,757 So, Katherine is a vampire now. 1542 01:21:22,758 --> 01:21:24,819 - Yes. - We decide to get together. 1543 01:21:24,820 --> 01:21:26,601 We just thought, the hell with it, you know. 1544 01:21:26,602 --> 01:21:28,073 What have we got to lose? 1545 01:21:28,473 --> 01:21:31,105 I was just sitting, doing nothing, 1546 01:21:31,106 --> 01:21:34,178 and he came floating in and over to me, 1547 01:21:34,179 --> 01:21:36,871 and I recognized him. It was wonderful. 1548 01:21:36,872 --> 01:21:38,874 And then I bit you on the neck. 1549 01:21:39,585 --> 01:21:41,136 That's right. 1550 01:21:42,207 --> 01:21:44,318 And I don't mind being a vampire. 1551 01:21:44,319 --> 01:21:46,321 I'm enjoying it. 1552 01:21:47,603 --> 01:21:50,264 Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. 1553 01:21:50,265 --> 01:21:53,285 Uh, they think, 'what's this 96-year old lady 1554 01:21:53,296 --> 01:21:55,791 doing with a guy, for times her age!' 1555 01:21:55,921 --> 01:21:58,913 - And, you know, I don't care... - It doesn't make any difference. 1556 01:21:58,914 --> 01:22:01,406 No, they can call me cradle-snatcher, who cares. 1557 01:22:01,556 --> 01:22:04,559 I decided to bite her and we're gonna be together forever. 1558 01:22:04,740 --> 01:22:06,181 - Wonderful. - Yah. 1559 01:22:22,037 --> 01:22:25,761 Pauline and I are tentatively back together. 1560 01:22:25,981 --> 01:22:29,423 But it's not long before you remember why it was we 1561 01:22:29,424 --> 01:22:31,426 broke up in the first place. 1561 01:22:32,424 --> 01:22:33,426 - BEAST! 1562 01:22:36,021 --> 01:22:37,211 We'll start in our bedroom, 1563 01:22:37,212 --> 01:22:40,234 I need that totally boarded up or blacked out somehow. 1564 01:22:40,235 --> 01:22:41,876 My husband is my familiar. 1565 01:22:41,877 --> 01:22:44,750 So there's been a dynamic shift there. 1566 01:22:44,770 --> 01:22:45,863 You could buy a Bedazzler. 1567 01:22:45,874 --> 01:22:47,922 So write that down. Bedazzler, that's B-E-D... 1568 01:22:47,923 --> 01:22:50,726 I feel like I'm who I'm really meant to be now. 1569 01:22:51,266 --> 01:22:53,188 - I love you. - I love you too. 1570 01:22:53,248 --> 01:22:54,109 Great. 1571 01:22:55,160 --> 01:22:56,592 But I am your Master. 1572 01:22:56,712 --> 01:22:58,463 - Okay? - Yeah. 1573 01:22:59,334 --> 01:23:01,587 Yeah, these guys have to laugh at my jokes, right guys? 1574 01:23:01,747 --> 01:23:03,218 Yeah! 1575 01:23:03,849 --> 01:23:04,849 That is a good one. 1576 01:23:04,850 --> 01:23:06,991 I always look round to make sure they're all laughing. 1577 01:23:06,992 --> 01:23:09,353 Like, if I see one of them is not quite laughing I'll be like, 'Hey!' 1578 01:23:09,354 --> 01:23:11,495 'You laughing?', and often I'll test you. 1579 01:23:11,496 --> 01:23:12,967 - What are you laughing at, Justin? 1580 01:23:12,968 --> 01:23:14,669 - Hey? - What are you laughing at now? 1581 01:23:14,670 --> 01:23:16,671 - Just then? - Yeah, yeah, but what? 1582 01:23:16,672 --> 01:23:17,763 Oh, I don't know. 1583 01:23:17,833 --> 01:23:21,085 Ah, test failed! Test failed! 1584 01:23:21,086 --> 01:23:23,508 You're laughing now. What are you laughing at now though? 1585 01:23:23,789 --> 01:23:24,969 I don't know cause... 1586 01:23:24,970 --> 01:23:27,863 Ah, another failure! 1587 01:23:27,923 --> 01:23:29,574 Well, what are you laughing at Stu? 1588 01:23:29,795 --> 01:23:31,326 I was laughing with the group. 1589 01:23:31,406 --> 01:23:33,567 - Yep, that's good. - Good answer! - That's good, yeah. 1590 01:23:34,489 --> 01:23:36,732 Just pay attention. Pay attention. 1591 01:23:37,663 --> 01:23:38,714 Laugh with the group. 1592 01:25:14,770 --> 01:25:17,732 You will not remember the last hour and a half, 1593 01:25:17,733 --> 01:25:19,735 of what you have just seen. 1594 01:25:20,535 --> 01:25:21,927 You will forget... 1595 01:25:22,457 --> 01:25:24,710 ...the contents of this movie. 118406