All language subtitles for For.Your.Consideration.2006 Eng PROPER.WEBRip.x264-ION10

WOMAN [ON TV]:
Can you hear 'em?

The night noises.

Mockingbird in the magnolia.

See the moss hanging
from the moonlight?

Fairly taste the night,
can't you?

You're part of it, Pres,

and it's part of you.

Like I am.

You can't get away
from us, Pres.

We're both in your blood.

This is the country
you were born to,

the country you know
and trust.

[MOUTHING WORDS]
Your country, Pres.

Amy wouldn't understand.
She'd think there'd be snakes.

PRES:
Julie, please.

JULIE:
Oh, it isn't tame.

It isn't like the North.

It's quick and dangerous,
but you trust it.

Remember how the fever mist
smells in the bottoms,

rank and rotten?

But you trust that too,

because it's part of you,
just as I'm part of you

and will never let you go.

[♪♪]

[TV CLICKS OFF]

[DROPS REMOTE CONTROL]

[THE FLAVIN FIVE'S
"HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD" PLAYING]

Yes, ma'am?

Hello. Where's Richard?

Oh, he's not in today.

Could I have your name, please?

Hack, Marilyn Hack.
Stage 11.

I'm sorry, I--
You look familiar.

Are you an actor?

Thirty-two years.

Yeah, you were
in that prison movie

with Sharon Stone.

No.

And you had that scene
where you--

Where you punched
that little girl in the face.

Not me.

That was a good movie.

You should have been
in that movie.

I'm sure I should have been.

May I go in?

Sure.
And you're all set.

Have a good one.

MARILYN:
Yes?

Got a chair open.

Oh, Sandy, am I late?

Oh, you're fine.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Per our conversation
yesterday,

I think steer clear
of the Sephardic tones.

Go for the A-one or the A-two,
the Ashkenazi palette.

Oh, Sandy, I didn't mean to make
such a big deal out of it.

Oh, it's nothing.
I'm sorry.

I just thought I could look
a little younger, couldn't I?

Well...
But it's okay, never mind.

You are playing an older woman--
I know,

but I could be a woman who has
taken good care of herself.

--who has a terminal illness.

Up until then, I--
You're right, you're right.

You know, Liz said I should get
my face stonewashed like her,

but that bruising--
Oh, honey, are we aware

what was on cable
last night?

Hm?
Song For Reuben.

Oh.
Honey, you killed me.

When was the last time
you saw that?

I've never seen it.

Oh, I was a total puddle.

I mean, complete waterworks.
They had to resuscitate me.

I'm never gonna watch it again,

unless my wife takes up CPR
or paramedics move in.

I was dying.

Mm, we were babies then,
weren't we?

Yes, we were.
Babies.

You know, you have
such a gift.

You shouldn't just keep it
to yourself.

You should teach.

Teach?

Teach acting.

I wouldn't dare.

Honey, you got to give it away
to keep it.

You can't just hold on to this.

Sandy, now you're mocking me.
I'm not mocking you.

You might as well say, "Marilyn,
why don't you save the world?"

Well, maybe you could
with what you have to give.

Victor! Victor!

[CHUCKLING]
Hey!

Oh, Morley.
Yeah.

Morley, what the hell
are you doing here?

What am I doing here?
Yeah.

Uh, you wanted
to have a meeting.

Yes. Yesterday.

We had a meeting scheduled
for yesterday. You didn't show.

Yesterday? No, no, no, no, no.
Mm-hm.

What the hell
are you talking--? No.

I was in the office all day.
Why--? Why didn't you call me?

I called you.
You didn't return my message.

Well-- Well, you-- But you got
a minute now because--

No, I have to go to the stage.
They called me.

Was it important?
What did you want to talk about?

A lot of things. But, look,
I'm working for scale.

An actor of my stature,
40 years in the business,

there's no excuse
for me working for scale.

No, and that's exactly
what I've been telling people.

You should not be working
for scale.

Good.
Okay?

But you know these producers.

They have their own take
on things.

Victor, I'm on your side,
all right? I'm your agent.

You are my number-one priority.

There is nothing
more important to me

in my life than--
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Than you. Excuse me.

Yeah?

[LAUGHS]

Stranger!
What do you say?

Nothing important.
I'm here with a client.

I got to go.
Hang on.

Uh, good, 'cause I got
to take this, Victor.

Look, uh, uh,
stop by the office anytime.

You know, we moved.

[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, talk.

I've-- I've done all my legwork
and homework on this guy,

and I know I've established
everything there is to know

as far as his short-term
objectives go.

I know that I want
to defend my sister,

I've got to console
my father,

and ultimately,
I feel a sense of guilt

for having abandoned
my shipmates

in the Galápagos Islands
to come home.

But--
Wait a second.

See, you're making
this too complicated.

This is not about,
"What is the actor thinking?"

I don't want--
You go and see a-- A movie,

you know, you don't say, "Hm,
I wonder what he's thinking."

You got to know. And you see
the difference, right?

That's exactly my problem.

I want to show you what I'm
thinking, but my question is,

there are certain things
that I'm not sure about.

I love the fact that
you did all this work.

Yeah.

I think it will help you later.

But not on this movie,

if you-- If you--
If you know what I mean.

WOMAN:
Oh, my God.

Doesn't he know
about her allergies?

You have to call me tomorrow--

[WHISPERING]
Give me two secs.

--as soon as they get back,

and let me know
exactly what happened.

Bye. I'm so excited
for you. Bye.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Hey.

Sorry about that.

[SIGHS]

Miss Campanella,
this publicity campaign

is to be run
with military precision.

It is to be timely,
quantifiable and orotund.

Do you know what that means?
No.

I warn you:
these are actors.

In every actor
there lives a tiger,

a pig, an ass,
and a nightingale.

You never know
which one's gonna show up.

Don't make assumptions
about the talent.

Don't assume
that the talent can hear well.

Don't assume they know
the plot of the film.

Don't assume
that they have living parents.

Don't assume that they don't
have a drop of Indian blood.

Question: do I look
like I have Indian blood?

Not at all--
Question:

would it surprise you to learn

that I am one-eighth
mighty Choctaw?

It would--
Question:

would it astound you

to learn that here on the set
I am Corey Taft,

but when I'm at home, I'm Jo-Jo?

[BELL RINGS]
MAN 1: Picture's up.

MAN 2:
Roll sound.

WOMAN:
Sound speed.

JAY:
And dolly.

And action.

She's not coming.

She's not coming home
to see her sick mother.

She'll be home.

[SCOFFS]

And you, Shmuel,

how long do you think
you can stay?

I don't rightly know, Daddy.

Long as it takes, I expect.

The Navy's pretty accommodating
about things like illness and...

death.

[EXHALES]

Your mama was so happy
to see you today.

Oh, I know
she couldn't show it,

but she was kvelling
in her own way.

She smiled, but I don't know
if she knew who I was.

VICTOR:
Your coming home today

was a dang mitzvah,
is what it was.

It ain't no mitzvah, Daddy.
It's family.

It's what a son does
for his mama.

And what does a daughter
do for her mama?

Your sister ain't been home
in nigh onto 12 years.

I don't give two hoots
what Doc Silverstein says.

It was your sister that put
your mama on her deathbed.

I know Rachel, Daddy,

and she'll come home
to see Mama.

And she'll come home
because it's Purim.

We all know what that means
to Mama...

or meant.

Was that Rachel's voice
I heard?

Or am I just going meshuga?

[♪♪]

Mama!

JAY:
And cut.

Okay, everybody,
stay where you are, please.

[BELL RINGS]
MAN: That's a cut.

I thought it was great.
It's fantastic.

I just have a couple
of suggestions.

Uh, you guys were great.
Mm-hm.

Thank you.
All right, Simon,

the move is too fast,
so we have to slow it down.

And I want to add one thing,
so just watch for a second.

Marilyn, you had a swooning,
kind of a fainting move,

which I loved.
I think it's great.

I loved the eyes rolling back.

I want you to add
one more thing.

Something more--
Almost from--

From the bottom
of your womanhood,

to make it a...

[TREMBLING GASP]

So let-- Let-- Let me see
what that would look like.

MARILYN:
Okay.

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[TREMBLING GASP]

Exactly. And, Brian,
I love that thing. Whoa.

Let me see that,
just that flash.

[INHALES]

No, not the intake of breath.

Just the eyes flashing,
as if:

"Mommy is going now?"

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Whitney? Hi there.

Can I talk with you
for a moment?

Oh, yeah.
Hi.

You okay in there?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Not interrupting a meal
or anything?
No.

Sorry I'm on this thing.
I, uh, hurt my back.

I fell over the side
of an escalator.

Great. Whitney,
I have to tell you

that I have been
a publicist for 20 years--

Fifteen, uh, and five
strapped to the gurney.

--I have never experienced

the hostility
that this little picture,

which I think is
a charming show,

is engendering in the--
In the community.

I've had hang-ups,
I've had rude, uh--

Rude responses.

That's not where
I'm getting on this one.

That's not good,
but you know what?

It's all right,
because we should go

a whole different angle
that no one's even thought of.

Okay.

What if we go an angle
of let's play it down?

Let's tell people
not to see our show.

Mm...

What about...? What about...?

That's a dangerous sell.

Put a big ad in the paper
and say, "Don't come."

Okay.

True enough,
but as my proud ancestors,

the Choctaw, say,

what we are dealing with
on this picture is,

boon hah ko ah-ah.

Difficult to translate.

It's basically,
we don't have a blanket.

We don't have a blanket
for a...

Ooh ah-ah.

It's a diuretic pony of sorts--

Uh, a urinary-problem pony to--
To piss on.

Mm.
Excuse me.

MAN: Give me one second.
WOMAN: Okay.

MAN: Just look up.
WOMAN: I just need one sec.

Can you do that
without touching me?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You're fine.

Gorgeous.

Thank you.
Pam, I'm all set here.

We're good?
Uh, we're rolling.

Okay. Actors.

Actors acting.

Not right now.
[GROANS]

But yeah.

Oh, you don't think you are?

Well, you know,
we're all acting all the time.

I know,
but I'm acting differently.

So tell me, um,

Home for Purim.

BRIAN:
Home for Purim.

Yeah.
It's a period film.

PAM: Yeah.
Um, I play Rachel Pischer.

Mm-hm.
Um...

I play Sam Pischer,
her brother.

Little brother.
PAM: Uh-huh.

Yeah.

PAM:
But which brings me to,

I heard rumor
that you two are:

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Yeah.
PAM: Is that true?

Depends on what you mean by:

[CLICKS TONGUE]
PAM: That is so cool.

That's really cute.

It is. We are-- It--
That was-- It's a very, uh--

It's a very
interesting scenario:

playing siblings,
living the life of lovers.

PAM:
Well, tell me how you both

got started in acting
as art.

I started doing standup at
Jerry Seltzer's Laff Emporium.

I was at, uh, Chortles,
uh, The Comedy Place,

and, uh, no one really...

No one really got it.

I got it.

BRIAN: It was hysterical.
What did she do?

She has a one-woman show.
Tell her the title.

BOTH: No Penis Intended.
PAM: I actually did hear, yes.

And what was that about?
One critic

described it as:
"A humorless romp

into Miss Webb's
dysfunctional psyche."

It's a humorless critic.
PAM: Oh.

That doesn't make sense.

No.
PAM: No.

[♪♪]

Tuesday night.
Eleven-ish.

Diamond pawnbroker
on Sterling and 5th.

Ring a bell?

Yeah. There was a break-in.

And did you make out the report?

Did I what?

You heard me, son!

Yes, I made out the report.

This report is an I-N270,

file number 79251J.

It is not a 35-DIB

and should not be filed
as such!

Do I make myself clear?

Ah, that's a good clip
from that.

That was a good clip.
I love that. I love the movie.

Paper Badge.I just loved it.
What a roller-coaster ride.

Nothing happened!

Nothing happened in that clip.
But that's the beauty-- Yes!

It's about time, in a film,
nothing happened.

It's about time.

It always-- It's-- You know,
Mm-hm.

people get to story points,
and they have a problem

and then they say,
"Let's blow it up."

Well, I am not one
for gratuitous violence,

but I would have given anything
to see a coffee pot explode.

What a brave choice
the director made.

What a-- What a pioneer
this guy is.

"Let's do nothing."

Sometimes it looks
like somebody just hit you

with a frying pan
and you enjoyed it.

[AEROSOL CAN SPRAYING]
I-- I-- I have been hit.

Been hit a couple of times.

DAVID:
You know, Ben, this film
reminds me of your wife

and her ceramic turtle...

Wow. I can't believe
you keep this in your purse.

Well, you never know.

Yeah.

Mr. Orfkin,
for the third time,

Victor Allan Miller
is waiting.

Oh. Okay. Just give me five
seconds and then send him in.

[BEN AND DAVID CHATTERING
ON TV]

[TV CLICKS OFF]

SECRETARY:
Right this way, Mr. Miller.

Now, you listen to me,
Bernie.

You may run a studio,

but I've got way too much
respect for my clients

to, uh, put up with this
kind of crap. Hang on.

Simi, hold all my calls.

I'm in a meeting
with Victor Allan Miller.

I do not want to be disturbed.
I gotta run.

Ciao.
VICTOR:
Thank you, Simi.

Wow, look at you.
Hey.

Look at you.

You look fantastic.
Thank you, thank you.

You should be stopping by
more often.

Really?
Yes, you should.

VICTOR:
Yeah, I know.
But we're not filming today.

I'm doing some errands.

I thought I'd drop by while
my tires are being rotated.

Well, let's talk movies.
Yeah. Okay.

Okay? Movies.

Mm-hm.

There's nothing going on,

uh, in movies
right now for you.

I mean, it's just-- And this--
This is-- This is the thing.

There is just--

There's no interest.

You're like a cold piece
of toast,

and I'm not gonna candy-coat
things for you,

because if you want candy-coated
information, you--

You go-- Go someplace-- Go
to one of the bigger agencies.

Yeah, yeah.
Okay? 'Cause I--

My thing is,
you say it like it is.

But right now,
I don't think film

is what we should be
focusing on.

Quite frankly,
I think television

is where we should
be looking.

I know, but television--Okay?

We're on a couple
of pilots. Listen.

Listen, Victor.

There are some very
exciting things. Joel?

Singing The Blues.

Um, the dysfunctional
Blue family

rises to a position
of prominence

in a small New England town.

MORLEY: Very, very powerful.
[LAUGHS]

Yeah. What's that,
a drama or a comedy?

It's a comedy, because it's--
It's-- They're dysfunctional.

The whole family
is dysfunctional.
Oh. Gotcha.

The father doesn't know,
the kids don't know.

Nobody knows what's going on

because of the whole
dysfunction, right?

Yeah.
And that's the beauty of that.

JAY:
Simon, all I'm saying is,
I want it to be brighter.

That's all I'm saying to you.

I want to come in the room,
and I want to see an object--

Like the-- Like a chair
or a light or a-- Or a sofa.

--and be able to make out
what it is.

You understand me?
I get it, I get it.

Yeah, I mean, if you get it,
then you turn it up.

Look, I know my job is
to translate your vision

into the real world, okay?
Right, yeah.

But the problem is,
I don't see a vision.

Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, sure.

Do you know--? Do you know
how tight my aperture is now?

Any idea?
If you're being a smart-ass,

you know what I'm gonna--? I'm
gonna put you across my knee.

I want it to be bright.

It's bright. It's--
It's brighter

than Stephen bloody Hawking
in here.

Up, up, up, just turn it
up for me, all right?

Fine, fine. No, no.
Thank you. Thank you.

You're the boss.
Thank you.

All the way.

MAN: That's all there is.
There we go. Look at that.

Lovely.
I love this.

I love it because I look
and I go, "Hey, it's a room."

It's a sport stadium,
is what it is now.

You're so European.

There's something about you
that's just...foreign.

Have you ever been to--?
You travel a lot, or...?

No, uh, I haven't been out
of the United States, actually.

Hm. Who was your--? Who was
your acting coach again?

Leonid Kazovskich.

Oh, she's good.
Ah, she's amazing.

She's...
He. It's a he.

Wasn't she the one that, um,

made her students have
nervous breakdowns?

He. And yeah, he-- He--
Oh, was he?

It wasn't really necessarily
a-- A-- A nervous breakdown.

It was more of, you know,
he would just break you down.

Mm-hm.
You know, get rid of everything.

Well, there... It's not
the thing out here, is it?

It's a breath
of fresh air out here.

Yeah, I know.
No, no, no. It's really not.

Nowadays--
That's intense and real.

You know, out here,
it's like magazine people.

Here's it's all soda pop
and blue jeans.

Excuse me, guys, 15 minutes,

we'll be ready for you on set.
Thank you.

MARY PAT:
Could you, uh, instead
of referring to me as "guys,"

could you refer to me
by my character name, Mary Pat?

Sure. Sure.
Great.

MARY PAT: That's great.
SECOND AD: I apologize.

MARY PAT:
No, no. Apology accepted.

It helps me. I appreciate it.
Okay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[ALARM BUZZES IN DISTANCE]

How's it going? All right?
Good.

Sorry.

So much food
and nothing to eat.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Great waste.

[SNIFFS]

You ever notice, like, a kind
of weird smell around here?

It's like, uh...
It's just in this area.

It's kind of a...

[SNIFFS]

Mm.
I don't know. Maybe it's me.

Well, my father would say,

"A fox smells
his own hole first."

Simon...

Uh...

I need to ask you a question,

but I don't want
the answer.

I'll ask it anyway,
but stop me if you can.

All right?

Stop me. Stop me.
How does the film look?

No, stop me again.
How do I look?

Ah, now I can stop you. No.
You didn't stop me.

I can stop you now.
You look absolutely amazing.

I'm sorry I asked.
Brilliant.

I didn't mean to bother you.
Thank you.
No.

Please.
No--

That's enough.
I don't need any--

That's good,
I'm glad to hear it.

Oh, you know what?
Okay, so it's good.

I forgot to mention

my girlfriend
was on the Internet,

um, last weekend,

and she was checking out
those specialty sites.

Anyway, she got bored with that
and ended up, uh, on one

of the movie gossip things,
you know.

Filmtattle.com
or one of those celluloid...

Uh, do you ever go on those?
I wouldn't know.

Oh, well, anyway, the--
The long and the short of it is,

some bloke got on the set,
and, um,

he reckons there could be
an Academy Award nomination

in the offing.

And more specifically,
he said that he thought

your performance was
likely to get recognized,

you know, come the,
uh, announcements.

Anyway, thought
I'd just share that.

For whatever it's worth.

See you out there.

All right, everybody,
back to work.

Whitney Taylor Brown.

WHITNEY: Yes.
That's a lot of names.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

PAM:
So you're a producer?

Mm-hm.
A woman producer.

Mm-hm.

What does a producer do?

Well, as-- As my assistant,
Lincoln, can tell you,

there's a lot of telephone calls
and, you know,

lots of getting out the wallet

and paying for sometimes
ridiculous things like...

Like snacks.

Let's go back to the beginning
of your career. You are--

Your family's
in the diaper business?

Yes, Brown Diaper Service.

And w-what exactly did they do
with the diapers?

Well, they picked up
the diapers in big trucks,

and, um,
and then we washed them

and then gave them
back to the people.

That's neat.

Thank you so much.

Um, we're done? Done?
Yeah, we're done.

We're done.

All of it's done.

Don't you want to know
more about me?

Yeah, but we-- I don't--
We don't have time right now,

so thank you, though,
for talking to us,

and...

I don't want anyone to know
what I look like from the back,

so I don't want anyone
to film my exit.

PAM:
Okay, it's off.
It's not even on.

All right.

MAN:
First of all,

it's been so creative for us.

Every aspect of the movie,
I think, is represented.

And I hope you like it
as much as we liked doing it.

Uh, the first,
of course, is a, um,

sort of Norman Rockwell.
It's America.

It's the family eating.

Uh, you have the title
in the Hebraic letters.

All right, well,
my first instinct says it--

It reminds me of my family.

MAN: Which--
And I hate my family.

And I think a lot of people
might feel that way.

I think that's such
a fascinating take on--

On-- On what we've done,
because we've--

We've gotten away
from the family

and we make it...

this.

LINCOLN:
Man, that one is scary!

You got disembodied heads.

WHITNEY:
You know what I like?

I like

when it's misleading
in a good way.

This looks like
a horror film, you know?

It's horrifying, but, like,
it's-- It's horrifying

like a horror movie.

Someone's killed their children
and made them into cookies.

And I want to go see that.
WOMAN: Oh, okay.

This was also trying to be
a kind of family kind

of presentation,
kind of a comedy thing, but--

What's particularly creepy about
this one is how y'all made it

where they eyes follow you.
That's scary.

Everywhere you go,
they follow you.

No, actually, you actually
do want that in a poster,

because when you set the posters
out there in the theater,

as people walk by them, you want
that. You actually do want that.

You make a connection.
I'm glad you picked that up.

That's what we're trying to do.
With both the visual

and maybe even something
with the-- With-- With the eyes.

And of course,
this is just a gay romp.

It's a party, it's fun.
You also see the wistfulness--

WHITNEY:
What's good about this
is it's real.

It's very real.
I've been to a party before

where people's heads
were actually,

uh, on the balloons.

LINCOLN:
Hey, I want to go
to this party.

This is a party
I would go to.

WOMAN: Okay, great.
'Cause it's got balloons.

MARILYN:
This is so stupid,

and I'm sorry to bother you,
but I-- I just wondered, um,

apparently there's something
on the Internet.

Somebody had been on the set
here, at Home for Purim,

and-- And-- And brought up
the idea of there being

a possibility of a nomination
for an Oscar.

And it's nothing, no big--
It's a big deal.

Who cares? I mean,
it's no big deal.

[SIGHS]
It's nothing. It-- Forget it.

Uh, okay.
Forget I said it.

I just thought,
you know, because

All right.
if you Googled Simon Whitset,

apparently you could...

Okay, this is a-- A rumor

that's out there
on the Internet,

and you think
it's nothing.

Tell you what.
I'm gonna look into it.

This could be very
interesting indeed.

Okay, quick question:

the Internet. That's the one
with e-mail, right?

Yes.
Got it. I'm on it.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Did I get--?
I had some, uh, on my...

PAM: Philip.
You're good.

Lane, Lane, Lane,
Philip, Philip, Philip.

Hi.
Hello.

PAM:
Tell me.

Purim.Writers.
PHILIP: Purim.

You're writers.
LANE: Yes.

Home for Purim.
This is, uh,

probably the most personal
play that we've written.

Uh, there are elements
of my family life.

Uh, Purim is strictly
your territory.

I didn't even know what it was.
I thought Purim meant "a face."

Actually, that's a punim.
You know, cute little Purim.

You straightened me out.
It's the one in the shack,

in the yard, where the shrubs--?

PHILIP:
No, that's Sukkot.

Oh.

No, Purim, uh, a lot
of people don't really know.

I mean, I didn't know
that much about Purim.

But I like Purim a lot.
PAM: Mm-hm.

Uh, and it's got a tremendous
amount of, uh, symbolic

and metaphorical resonance
wrapped up in it--

You like writing?

LANE: We love to write.
That's great.

We would write even
if they didn't pay us.

And, hey, guess what,
they usually don't.

They-- Some, yeah.
That's why we're still teaching.

We write just enough
to keep us in teaching.

Put it that way.
Yeah.

Let me-- Let me just throw
something at you.

LANE:
Okay, okay.

Philip...

what is your favorite place?

I'd say Chicago.

PAM:
Lane?

Under my mother's
dining room table.

[♪♪]

[CAR DOORS CLOSE]

She's here, Daddy!

She's coming up the walk!

Hey, sis.

Hey, little brother.

[SIGHS]

Look at you all decked out
in Uncle Sam's finest.

If Tojo wants a fight,
a fight he's gonna get.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Hello, Daddy.

Rachel. Oh.

My, my, you're a sight
for sore eyes.

Daddy, Sam...

I'd like you to meet my...

My friend.

Mary Pat Hooligan.

Oh, well,
welcome to our home.

Thank you.

How's Mama?

MARILYN:
Rachel?

Mama!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Shh.
BRIAN: Well, it's nice of you

to keep my sister company
on this trip.

MARY PAT:
I love Rachel.

We don't spend a lot
of time apart.

Oh, do you two live
near each other?

Well, if you call sleeping in
the same bed "near each other,"

I-- I suppose we do.

Well, that just
don't make no sense.

Sam...

I love your sister.

JAY:
And...

cut.
MAN: That's a cut!

Okay, that was the best one.
MAN 2: Hold it.

Okay, all right.
Yeah.

Everybody stay
where they are, okay?

[BELL RINGS]

I thought that was great.
Victor, come on out.

I think that was fantastic.
I mean, you know...

I didn't think it was
exactly as it should be.

Tell-- Tell me, uh, what--?
What's going on?

MARY PAT:
Okay, I'm just not feeling.
I'm not feeling it.

I feel like it's ambiguous.

I don't think
it's clear that I'm gay.

[SCOFFS]

I mean, I got the look,

but I think that...
Can I say something?

we're pussyfooting around.
Excuse me?

That makes you sound gay.
Yeah.

Let me approach this
from a different way,

because you're all-- There's
something that isn't gelling

about what we just did,
all right?

I could be blind.
So let me--

I mean, this walked in.
No, I understand.

Okay, time, time. Look, look,
this-- This is just a--

It's just paper.

It's paper and-- And--
And they put a letter and a name

and a word, and then
they called it a script.

But you know what? I'd be--

Let's toss this away. Let me--
Let's start from scratch.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay.

Where's Whitney?
Where's Whitney?

You know what I'd--?
Here's what I'd like to do.

I don't mean to be the leader,
but I am.

So let's follow me around
in a circle.

You follow around

and we kept going.
Yes, yes, we did.

Remember the mumbling we did.
[ALL MUMBLE]

I'm Sam Pischer,
and I'm stationed in--

And we stop. And it's like--
It's like musical chairs.

Are you seeing this?
What is this about?

Oh.
What is this about?

Why is he throwing
the script on the floor?

It's just very upsetting.
What is this about?

You're another person.
You're Debbie.

You're Brian. Say those lines.
Say her lines. Say his lines.

I'm Vic?
I'm Sam.

Just a talk, just a couple
of words. Just a couple.

We have to.
Oh, well, I'm gonna talk to Jay.

[EXHALES]
I'll get him. Jay? Lincoln?

Yeah, yeah, Miss Brown?

I need to talk
to Jay right away.

All right, that's
that director dude, right?

Yes.
All right.

I'm gonna shoot this again,
and there's no script.

I don't even want you--

I don't even want to know
what's happening.

What?
Whitney wants to see you.

Yeah, I'll be out in a second.
She needs to see you right now.

Okay. I'm--
I'll be right back.

We're gonna continue this.
I want you to do some exercise.

All of you guys, while I...

You-- You pick this up, okay?
Let's go.

Ah, Mary Pat Hooligan.

Uh, Jay.
VICTOR: Yeah, it would be Irish,

and I'm a freaking lesbo.
Here.

LANE:
I just-- I just want to--

Hi. Hi.
Jay.

So, what's going on?

Well, Philip Kuntz and Lane
Iverson both have a problem.

Koontz.

Um, Koontz.

Uh-- Uh, we were
a little bit disturbed

when we saw you throw
the script on the floor,

because the actors were asking
legitimate questions, and I--

It was a way to motivate them.
It was a way to get them,

you know, thinking, "Oh,
spilkes,something happening."

I'm saying I don't want to throw
the baby out with the bathwater,

'cause you'll get a wet,
critically-injured baby,

and I don't think that's what
you want to put your name on.

Good point.
Well-put.

I think you've lost your minds.

I don't think you understood
what was happening.

Those exercises,
the things that we were doing,

the thing that you need to light
a fire under an actor--

It seemed like you were
dodging the questions

that were legitimate questions
the actors were asking.

It seemed like you were
saying, "I don't know."

You didn't say it out loud.
Lane-- Lane--

In here, "I don't really know,
but I'll tell them this,

and I'll have them walk
in a circle and change hats."

But what about me?!
Lane.

I am not dodging your questions.
I'm trying to--

We're having a conversation
here, all right?

I'm just saying,
don't provoke the situation.

Me, don't provoke?

We didn't come walking on
in the middle of the scene

and say, "Don't do this."

Yes, we did.We did.

All right.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Marilyn--
[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to scare you.

Every time.
I'm sorry.

I just wanted to let you know
you're wrapped for the day.

No, I have another scene.

They just said that,
uh, you're all done.

Of course they did.

Next time,
they'll tell me.

I'll make sure they do.
I'm sorry.

And your name is?
Sam.

No, it isn't.
Mm-hm.

No, it isn't. That's not
what I've been calling you.

I know, you've been
calling me Brian.

Because your name is Brian.
It's Sam.

I'm so sorry, Sam.

I love you.

I love...!

Sam.
Sam! I love Sam!

Thank you.

Sorry. Sam.
That's okay.

Uh, you work the computers
in the AD wagon, I've noticed.

Yes.
Yes. So you know about

these movie sites
where they go to sets

and talk about them
on computers?

Mm-hm. Sure.

Why am I telling you this?
But it seems my name has

been mentioned with reference
to an Oscar nomination.

Wow. That's exciting.Yeah.

Oh, big deal. But, yeah.
That's exciting.

So I just...

You might have known
or seen such a thing.

Would you like me to do
some research on that for you?

If you want to.
Sure.

I'll check it out.
Wonderful.

I don't want to bother you.
Big deal. If you can.

Okay.
Thank you.
Say your name again.

Sam.
Sam. Thank you, Sam.

My pleasure.
Thank you, Sam.

Okay.
Thank you so much.

You're welcome.
Oscar, it would be

in reference to Oscar.
Are you still there, Sam?

I'm-- I'm here.
I'll look it up.

Okay.
Oscar.

Wonderful. If you can.
Great. Okay.

No big deal.
Who cares?

[♪♪]

MARILYN:
Oh, wow.

Oh, Marilyn, wow.

Okay.

No, stop it, stop it, dear.

Let it go. Let it go.

Don't think about it.

Oh, an Oscar. Oh, okay.

No, thank you.

Just-- I just love the work.

That's enough for me.
It really is. It really is.

Really is.
It's enough.

It's enough. It's plenty.
Oh, God, it's plenty.

You're lucky to be alive.

ANNOUNCER:
And now, Chuck Porter
and Cindy Martin.

Well, the much-awaited,
star-studded Hollywood epic

The Pride of Plymouth Rock
opens soon,

and this is one film
every patriotic American

has been waiting for.

Well, I'll tell you what,
Chuck.

Its two megastars,
Cynthia Chapman and Jim Beyman,

may command the highest salaries
in Hollywood,

but can all that money
buy them

a coveted Best Actor
and Actress Award?

Oh, look, Daniel.

Gaze upon this bountiful
and beauteous place.

The Lord hath surely
guided us to this New World

so that we may till
its fertile soil

and plant the seeds
of a new life.

Oh, Daniel,

let us seize this glorious
moment, now and forever,

and commit ourselves
to do his service

and to love each other,
you and I.

I love you, Sarah.

And I you.

CINDY:
Wow!

Well, I say dust off
the mantel, Jim and Cynthia.

This could be your year.

That film has a budget
of almost 300 million.

My gosh, just how much does a
funny-looking hat cost, anyway?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Liz.

Hey! Hi.
Hello.

BOTH:
Oh, oh.

You look so good. I'm so glad
you could make it tonight.

Oh, me too.
Thank you.

I finally get off early
and you're here.

I'm so happy.
You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Wow. Wow.

Thanks. You know, I'm glowing
because I have very big news.

What?

First, you're never gonna guess
who I ran into today.

Mm-mm.

I went to Shoe Barn because I
wanted to get a strappy sandal,

something open-toed and kind
of sexy, kind of loose.

Mm-hm.

And you'll never believe

who was the salesman.

Mm-mm.

Take a wild guess.

Your gynecologist.

No. Zach.

From Sisters of Stone?
Remember Sisters of Stone?

Oh, I'll never remember,
but go on.

He's running naked
through the tombstones,

he finds out
he's gay and he...

It's a full moon, and he--
Eh, sort of.

Is he still acting?

No, he's selling shoes.
Mm-hm.

But we just had this
incredible connection.

He was cradling my instep,
and he looked me in the eye--

Oh, the one with the breath.

The one with the breath.
How was it today?

No, he'd have to have had
his guts removed

and all his teeth
to have it any better.

Does he still stink?
No, he doesn't. He's fine.

Oh, God, that was
the smell of sin.

It was.

But he's...

So he looks good.

Yeah.
Mm-hm.

Yeah, he looks good.
Well, he was at your feet.

Not up...

It's a good thing
he's not a hat salesman.

I had some wonderful news
today too.

What?

[SNIFFLES]
What is it?

[SOBBING]
I think I might get nominated

for an Oscar.
Oh, my God!

Oh, my...

Oh, my God!
Oh, Liz.

Oh, Liz.
Oh, my God.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

BRIAN:
I could see it.
I could see us.

Little piece of land
far away from here.

You'd teach an acting class
somewhere in town, and...

Oh, that's too far.

What?

The fantasy
had gone too far?

[GIGGLES]
Oh.

It wasn't the apple
in the tree,

but the pear on the ground
that caused all the trouble.

Morning, kids.

BOTH:
Hi, Corey.

Big day?

For her it is.

She shoots her big scene
with Marilyn.

Big day for all of you.

No, I have, like, two exteriors
with Victor, and then I'm done.

Aha.

You haven't heard
the rumor.

Mm-mm.
No.

Do you kids like to use
the World Wide "Interweb"?

The Internet?

It's the Internet.

Yeah, we do.
We know what it is.

Well, there was an item
published on the...

Internet.

And it mentions very favorably

this little picture,

and in particular,

your colleague, Marilyn Hack.

Aw.
That's good for her.

That's so great.
[CLEARS THROAT]

In further "particularlyness,"

a possible Oscar nomination.

For Marilyn?

COREY: For Marilyn Hack.
That's so cool.

For Home for Purim?

Home for Purim.
That's great.

That's great for her.
[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]
Chew upon that.

See you, Corey.
Yep.

...days in this scene...

MARILYN:
Oh, my, this is too much.

Too much.

SANDY:
What? What do you have?

I told you, uh, there was
a blurb in-- On the Internet.

Oh, did you get it?

I did.
Tell me.

That little lovely AD
printed it off.

They can do that now.
On his own!

Run it on some sort
of connection, right?

He has a machine and a cord
right out of his computer.

To a printer.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Amazing.Yeah.

And now I have it,
here on paper.

Real paper.
Mm-hm.

It's short, but it's powerful.

Uh, "Marilyn shines
in Home for Purim.

"The role of Esther,
like her biblical namesake,

"is a character laden with the
riches of complexity and guilt

as old as the parchment on which
the Purim story was written."

Mm.
Yes.

"In the hands of anyone
less capable,

"the casting would be criminal.

[SANDY CHUCKLES]
"But Marilyn Hack

"is delivering a performance
sculpted by tools in whose hands

"only the most experienced
craftsman should handle,

a performance that can only be
described as Oscar-worthy."

SANDY:
Hello!

Well, how 'bout getting it
right for once.

That's very nice.
It's crazy.

He's got it right.
I could have written that.

Did you?
I could've.

Could've been some
of your nocturnal labors.

What's my non de plum?
Remind me.

Mm. Uh...
[CHUCKLES]

It's just a bit silly
about the, uh, Oscar stuff,

don't you think?

Silly? It's the backbone
of this industry.

An industry noted
for not having a backbone.

SANDY:
The problem is there's not

enough pageantry anymore.
People want some pizzazz.

They want pageantry. They want
more red carpet, not less.

And what's wrong with that?

MAN:
And settle in. Roll sound.

MAN 2: Okay.
MAN: Rain up.

JAY:
And action.

[♪♪]

The air is as heavy
as a magnolia blossom

with the weight
of a thousand teardrops

on its petal.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

If you're waiting
for forgiveness, Rachel,

I don't believe
I can muster the strength.

It don't much matter now, Mama.

It don't much matter
who forgives who.

[COUGHS]

[HACKING]
What--?

What did I do
that was so wrong?

Wanted my daughter to grow up
to be a mama of her own,

with a house full of babies

and a decent man
to cherish and take care of.

You just didn't want
the boys around, Rachel.

What kind of girl doesn't want
to meet a nice fella?

I only invited
the best ones over,

the ones whose daddies
were professionals.

There wasn't a nebbish
in the group.

But you wouldn't have it.
You wouldn't have any of it.

[COUGHING]

And so you ran.

You ran and tore a chapter
out of your family's life

and a piece out of my heart.

I was screaming, Mama.

But you couldn't hear me.

And you couldn't see me
for who I was.

I didn't want your life.

I didn't want to be
in a kitchen with a brisket

or the fish balls,
or the kreplach or the kugel

or go out with the boys
that turn into men

that I don't want to marry.

It was all fershteit.

I am not you, Mama.

I am me.

Rachel Pischer.

And, oh, yes,

I did meet a nice fella.

Her name is Mary Pat.

Oy, gevalt.

What have I done?

COREY: Hi, kids.
BRIAN: Hi, Corey.

COREY:
Excuse me.

Miss Hack. Miss Hack.
Oh!

Permission to speak with you?

Of course. How are you?
I'm very well, thank you.

I just got off the phone
with a segment producer

from Wake Up L.A.

Guess who they want
on their show tomorrow morning.

Oh, Corey,
you think you're ready?

No, not me. You.

Marilyn Hack.
No.

You and Victor Allan Miller.

Oh!
[LAUGHS]

Oh, Corey. Oh!
Yes.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You have no idea--
You have no idea

how difficult it has been
to get people on the phone.

Whatever you did,
it was worth it.

Thank you.
Corey, good job.

[LAUGHS]
Oh.

See what a little buzz
can do?

Just a little bit of buzz,
a little bit of fairy dust,

and, pow,
you're off to the races.

MORLEY:
Oh, Victor, incidentally,

those, uh, radio auditions
have been changed to Friday.

What do you mean auditions?
Hold on.

Uh, a banana and water,
please.

VENDOR: Right. What about you?
I don't audition.

I'm gonna have the, uh,
corned beef.

Here you go.
Thank you.

You told me I don't have
to read for commercials.

You said that to me.
Right, and I told them that.

I said, "My client should
not have to read for this.

Good.
"He's proven himself

time and time again."

Okay?
Excellent. So I've got the gig?

Uh, well,
if you read for it.

I-- I think-- Listen, I think
reading is important.

I don't understand why,
after 40 years in the business,

I have to read for a freaking
radio commercial

in freaking Oregon.
Victor... Victor...

If you go in
and audition, okay,

what you're saying
to these guys is,

"Hey, fellas, I know I don't
have to audition for this,

"but you know what?
I'm going to audition for it,

"just to show you why

I shouldn't have
to audition for it."

Just do me a favor.
Let me be the last person in,

if I'm going to do this,
because--

Gentlemen.
Pardon the interruption.

Hi, Corey.
Victor, the booking.

Tomorrow morning.
Wake Up L.A.

Wake Up L.A.
for Victor?

For Victor Allan Miller.
Which is what?

Which is a morning show.
Wake Up L.A.Wake up.

I don't have a TV, Morley,
as you well know.

Doesn't have a TV.
Cherish this client.

[LAUGHS]
One hour infotainment.

Variety. Cohosts: male, female.

Happy addition tomorrow morning,
you and Marilyn Hack.

Oh, Victor, that's fantastic.
COREY: Congratulations. Thanks.

This ship's turning around.
Thought you'd like to know.

That is so fantastic.

Wake Up L.A.
Did I not say--?

Am I a mind reader?
What do you mean?

Home for Purim.
I predicted it.

I said, "This is the one.
This is the vehicle."

Morley, you told me
not to do it.

WEATHERWOMAN:
And so high of 79

in Los Angeles,
with a low of 67.

[DEEP VOICE]
Long Beach is 77
and a low of 65.

[NORMAL VOICE]
Anyway, it's gonna be
a pretty hot day,

and not very much, uh, wind.

[DEEP VOICE]
Where does wind come from?

[NORMAL VOICE]
Where does wind come from?

Uh, I don't know.
[LAUGHS]

It just blows around.

That was a complete
non sequitur.

We won't worry
about it.

We'll go over
to Skip and Sanchez.

[DEEP VOICE] Hello, Skip.
[BOTH LAUGH]

Hello, Sanchez.
You look nice today, Sanchez.

Oh, well, thank you
very much, Monkey.

Oh, Sanchez, if only...

If only it was your hand
and not Nina's.

[NORMAL VOICE]
That's so rude.

[SANCHEZ LAUGHING]
SKIP: Oh, get in line.

He always does this.
SKIP: Please. Good God.

All right. We've got a couple
of wonderful actors

coming up, uh, on the show
this morning.

Um, Miss Marilyn Hack
and Victor Allan Miller.

You know, these--
These two are good.

Ver-- Very tough to do
a morning show,

this chitchatty, uh,
kind of thing.

But these two have
an intellect behind, uh,

whatever it is they're--
They're doing there.

Oh, Skip's a good guy.

He and I worked on
The Jerry Jeckle Showtogether.

I can't speak for
the painted whore next to him.

Hi, hi.
Good morning.

Um, in about 30 seconds,
at the end of this break,

uh, you guys are gonna go on.

BOTH: Okay.
Uh, now, the seating arrangement

is Mr. Miller is in the middle
and Miss Heck is next to him.

Hack.

Okay, so I'm...
Right, so let me show you.

Mr. Miller is in the middle,
Yes. Yeah.

Miss Heck is next to him.
Hack.

She's going on first, right?
That's all right.

As long as they have the name.
Yeah, right.

And we're back.
Wake Up L.A.

Wake Up L.A.

We have two fabulous,
um, veteran actors,

Yes.
uh, today that have joined us

to talk about
their new movie, Home for...

Purim.

Purim? Purim. Purim.

And that's a Jewish holiday,
is that correct?

It's a wonderful Jewish holiday.
SANCHEZ: It is.

Family, uh, good triumphs over
evil. It's a wonderful story.

Now, Victor, I want to tell you
that my family and I,

uh, we stop when your
commercials are running.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.
That's very kind.

Does anybody out there know
Victor's day job as an actor?

Ding, ding, ding.
Okay, let him have it.

SANCHEZ:
Gosh, this is on

the tip of my tongue.
It's the wiener...

VICTOR: Yeah.
Irv, the Footlong Wiener!

The Footlong Wiener! Right.
Head of the class.

Told you I'd get one right.
I always wanted a wiener

when I saw your commercials.

VICTOR: Well, that's the idea.
[CHUCKLES]

Good. Good.
SKIP: We buy the hot dogs too.

Let me ask you a--
A couple of questions,

uh, about, uh,
Home for Purim.

Uh, it's a story about, uh,
a, uh, Jewish, Yiddish family?

Jewish family.

SANCHEZ:
Tell us a little bit about--

Marilyn, why don't you...?
SANCHEZ: Yes, Marilyn.

I-- I just would like a moment
to, uh, collect my bearings.

SKIP:
Okay. Can I--?

If it's okay with you, you--

You gave a performance
inSong of Reuben.

Oh, she looks nervous.

She's too sensitive for this.
She shouldn't even do that.

You look gorgeous.
I'm calling her on her cell.

I swear, I'm calling her in
10 seconds when she goes off.

When they go to commercial break
I am calling her up to tell her.

Yes, Victor!

[CHUCKLES]

I don't act for trophies.

BRIAN:
I think some people

act for trophies.

Some don't.

This is the kind of range
we don't see anymore in actors.

We don't.
Don't you think?

Absolutely not. Now, Victor,
let me ask you something.

Uh, because you are
so distinguished

as, uh, as the wiener,

do you feel
that people are going

to accept you
in this role?

Well, if they've seen
my theatrical work

Mm-hm.
over the years,
I think they'll...

That's wonderful.
I have to tell you,

for my money, and how I feel
about it, um, uh,

I think you're looking at an
Academy Award nomination also.

Oh, stop. This is the woman,
right here.

SKIP:
We know that.
But I'm telling you...

Did they--? Did he just say
what I thought he said?

What?

Did he just say Oscar buzz
at Victor?

He thinks Victor's--

There's gonna be Oscar buzz
around Victor?

Yes, that's what he said.
Oh, great!

That's two--
Two Oscar nominees.

He did say "Oscar"
and "Victor"

in the same breath,
didn't he?

COREY: Yes, he did!
MORLEY: It's not just me?

The guy just said Victor--
That little man has to be quiet.

He thinks Victor's gonna
be nominated as well.

He just said it.
Oscar buzz around Victor.

I need a Selectric.
Let's send a big gift basket

I need to compose a long letter.
over to Victor's place.

VICTOR:
Oh, my God. That was...

Oh, Corey! My infrastructure
had a meltdown.

No, no, you were perfect.

You couldn't have
done it better.

Don't lie to me.
It won't help me.

I'm not lying.
It was perfect.

...it was just going so fast.
No, I-- I heard.

How did he do it?

Well, he's-- He's a natural.He is.

You made him look good.
You were so stiff.

I mean, you were
a little nervous.

Stiff? I should be
so lucky to be stiff.

He was marvelous.
But you look pretty.

She had a sexual feeling
towards you,

which you should think about.
I'm not used to being

a sex object. I'm used
to being a food object.

Get used to it.
You play the actor so well.

Congratulations.
You had such a quiet drama.

It was wonderful.
Thank you, I'm sure.

It's-- Oh, Victor.

Yeah?
Go like this:

[BOTH SMACK LIPS]

You taste that?

Mm-mm.
Uh-huh?

That's the taste of stardom,
my friend.

You're entering
a new plateau.

You are joining the ranks
of a very select few.

I know, I know. I've seen this
a hundred times.

I've guided so many
actors to this place.

Yeah.
You are now a star.

You have to start
walking and talking

and thinking of yourself
as a star.

Okay?
Yeah.

I mean, give those
Victor Allan Miller fans

the star they've been
waiting for.

Got you. Got you.
Yeah?

[LAUGHS]

In today's "Lost and Found"
segment,

we're going to look
at a couple of careers

that seemed to be missing
for quite some time.

And wouldn't you know it?

They both turned up
in exactly the same place.

Marilyn Hack
made quite the splash

in Song for Reuben

back in 1989,

for her memorable portrayal of
Imogene, the blind prostitute.

You know what they say
about blind prostitutes?

You really have
to hand it to them.

We can cut that out.
I don't know where I got that.

But where did she go?
She got lost.

And Victor Allan Miller,
the venerable Broadway veteran

best known as Irv
the Footlong Wiener

in those amusing commercials
for Felber's Kosher Hot Dogs,

well, he just up
and disappeared.

CHUCK:
Until now, Cindy.

They have been found,
and I'm glad to report

they are not only
alive and well,

but more important,
they're working.

And I'll tell you what, Chuck.
Both are starring

in the Sunfish Classics feature:
Home for Purim.

And from what we hear,
they could both

be marching down
the red carpet this year.

And Cindy and I will be
on the set of Home for--

How to pronounce?
Purim.

--Purimtomorrow,
talking to Marilyn Hack

and Victor Allan Miller

and the cast
of this hot little movie

that seems to be creating
quite a stir.

We'll have that story
and much more for you

on tomorrow night's show.

[STRUMMING]

ALL:
♪ When Achashverosh

♪ Heard the news
Of Haman's evil scheme ♪

[RATTLING]

♪ He told his wife
Queen Esther ♪

♪ "Don't fabrent ♪

VICTOR:
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ "Haman will be punished
And the Jews will all be saved ♪

♪ And you'll shep noches
Later in my tent" ♪

BRIAN:
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Purim, Purim, Purim
It's a time to have some fun ♪

♪ By drowning out the sound
Of Haman's name ♪

[RATTLES]

♪ Purim, Purim, Purim
Spread the news to everyone ♪

♪ That Mordecai and Esther
Saved the day ♪

[ALL LAUGH AND APPLAUD]

[COUGHS]

Let's get you back to bed.

No, my time is short, and I will
not leave the Purim table.

[COUGHING]

What is it about Purim
that is so special to you, Mama?

I'm an Esther,
like the queen.

She was a woman who came
from the worst of times

to the best.

To a palace where she had
everything she wanted.

Comfort, riches, power.

And she risked it all,
including her life,

to serve a higher purpose,

commit a selfless act,
to save a nation.

Your daddy was my king.

This house, my palace,

and my selfless act

was to protect my family
from all the Hamans.

[RATTLING]

I don't have much time!

Put the toys down!

And only now
do I realize the irony,

that my selfless act
was indeed a selfish one.

Because the Haman

I was trying to protect you
from, Rachel,

turned out to be me.

[RATTLES]

Mama.

Mama.

You're no Haman, Mama.

You are...

Queen Esther.

[LIPS SMACKING]

And cut.

MAN: That's a cut!
Very good, everybody. Very good.

MAN:
Thank you very much, everybody.

And we are moving on.
Scene 31 in the kitchen.

Simon? Simon?Yeah.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Brilliant.

Do me a favor.
Hm?

In the next take,
extreme close-up of the kugel.

All right? Make a--
Make a note of that.

I got it.

Well, to call
attention to...

JAY:
That was terrific.

That was terrific.
That was unbelievable.

I love that. That was great.

Victor?
Yeah.

What I want to do is,
I want to come in low.

See your face after lunch,
you know?

I want to see your--
Not too low?

No, not under your chin.

I want to be able
to crosscut...

Hello, everyone.

Debbie, it was unbe--
WHITNEY: Everyone, quiet.

I have Martin Gibb,

the president
of Sunfish Classics.
Hi.

ALL: Oh!
Oh, hello. Victor Allan Miller.

Hi.
WHITNEY: Victor.

WHITNEY: This is Marilyn.
Hi.

Marilyn Hack.Yeah.

And, uh, this is the gang.

I'm Brian Chubb.
Nice to see you.

Callie Webb.
MARTIN: Hi.

Oh.

The article.

MARTIN: The article?SYD: Ah.

Planet Earth calling.

Uh, did you get a chance
to see the last take?

Yeah.

Right. Variety.

So "Star on the Rise"
is the headline.

MARILYN: Oh.
VICTOR: Wow.

Okay. "With stellar performances
from its veteran mainstays,

"Marilyn Hack
and Victor Allan Miller,

"it is the surprisingly
adept portrayal of Rachel

that could earn Webb
Academy recognition."

[SCREAMS]
VICTOR: Oh!

Wow!
[EXCITED CHATTER]

Made you happy?
CALLIE: Oh, my God!

WHITNEY:
Congratulations.

[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]

Thank you.
Wow!

VICTOR: Oh, bye-bye.
CALLIE: That's unbelievable.

This is gonna be
so much fun.

Bye!

Bye. Thank you for coming.

I just feel like, um...

I got in trouble, you know?
No.

Like, uh, like
I don't know you.

No-- Like you don't know--?
Like you're mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.
I'm...

You're not happy for me.

I'm happy for you
because you do good work

and you're wonderful
at what you do--

But you weren't hap--
Do you know how embarrassing

that was for me in there

[SOBBING]
that you weren't happy for me?

Listen, Callie,
I'm happy for you.

What is your problem?

I don't have a problem.
I'm telling you what--

You're jealous,
that's your problem.

No, I'm--
If you're not gonna be there

then I will do this alone.

I-- I'm-- I'm confused, honey.
I don't need you.

I don't need anybody.
I don't need you.

And you know what, Brian?
You're not confused.

Callie--
I see right through you.

Come-- Come back here, please.
I see right through you.

[SOBBING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

If you take my meaning.

Oh, good times, good times.
[SIGHS]

Well done. Well done, everybody.Thanks.

We're very, very,
very relieved and happy.

I mean, you know, we had no
idea, you know, what to expect.

We've never been here before.
Babes in the woods, here.

It's-- It's great.
The cast are great.

We make enough money on this,
there'll be babes in the woods

and in the trailers.

[CHUCKLES]
Hey, hey, hey, now.

And so with a few, you know,
little tweaks here and there,

you know...
PHILIP: What--? What--?

What kind of tweaks?
MARTIN: Just make it

more palatable, really.

We want-- We want a--
A wider audience to see it.

We don't want it being
a small art movie.

[GROANS]
LANE: I see what you're saying.

You won't have that problem.

I've seen the cut footage
and it's...

We think it's smashing.
It's vital, and it's exciting.

Yeah, but we can--
PHILIP: It's very powerful.

It will be
A handful of real people.

if we just tone some
of the themes down a little bit.

MARTIN: That's all.
And how--? How would that be?

Just, uh...
WHITNEY: What is the theme?

Well, the-- The-- The, um--
The Jewishness, which is good.

Ethnicity is good.
PHILIP: They are Jewish.

Absolutely. Let's tone
that down a little bit,

and then everyone can enjoy it.
Who says no?

Wait a minute, this is about
a Jewish family.

They're home for Purim.
That's the title.

Well, we could--
Yeah, we could change the title.

Very good idea.
LANE: I wasn't suggesting that.

I'm just pointing out that Purim
is essential to the story.

MARTIN:
Okay. It looks like the guys

from the suits are coming in,
telling you, you're right.

It's not that.
Just tone down the Jewish-ness

so everyone can enjoy it.

A title change would be good.

No one in this film is wearing
a hat or has ringlets. Um...

The film as a whole,
the whole theme of the film,

the whole thrust of the film,

the whole in-your-face
Jewishness of the film,

tone it down.
We could change the title.

PHILIP: But this--
Oh, here's people coming now.

It's a good film,
and there's people watching it.

That'd be good, wouldn't it?

What if we do a--? A different
holiday around the table?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute--
Easter, and focus on the rabbit?

All I'm saying is,
have it there, have it there,

don't shove it
down people's throat--

I don-- I don't run around go--
I don't run around going,

"I'm a Gentile,
look at my foreskin."

I don't shove it down your
throat, because I don't care.

Three, two, one,
and hit 'em.

We're sitting
here on the set

of one of the hottest movies
being made in Hollywood today.

It's called Hello, Purim.

Home for Purim.
No, it's called Home for Purim.

CHUCK:
Home For Purim.

Some unfamiliar faces.

Some new faces,

and I recognize
Victor Allan Miller.

How are you? Question:
I'm fine, Chuck, how are you--?

The Brady Bunch.What was
your favorite character?

Jan.

CHUCK:
She's an attractive young lady.

Mine was, I think her name
was Alice? Was that it?

The maid, yes.
She was the maid.

She was the glue
that held the family together.

Yeah, you had
a question, Cindy?
Yes.

Victor Allan Miller,
when word got out that I was

interviewing you today,
I was inundated with phone calls

and e-mails, all of them
asking me to ask you...

She was knocked
out by this.

...the same question.
Which is? Yeah?

Where the heck have you been?
[BOTH LAUGH]

[LAUGHING]
Aren't you nice? Well, actually,
I've been teaching in, um--

It's a rhetorical question.
You don't have to answer that.

Marilyn Hack,
you play the matriarch here,

and you are dying,
I understand.

That must be tough, doing
a dramatic scene like this.

Let me ask a question.

Anybody play any gags, uh,
any pranks on the set?

Anything funny
that happened?

Uh, no high jinks,
per se.

CHUCK: Uh-huh.
Uh, but, I--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hold it just a second.

I got to take this.

CHUCK: Yeah?
CINDY: Talk amongst yourselves.

CHUCK:
All right.
No, it's an easy day.

CINDY:
Hang up the phone.

Aren't these things wonderful?

You know, in a restaurant,
you can use 'em now.

You don't have to go
and hunt for a pay phone.

And they say soon we'll be able
to use 'em on an airplane.

Callie Webb, you had to play
the daughter that comes home

to her mom who is dying.

You have a history
of standup comedy.

Were you able to fall back
on your comedy chops

when-- When playing
a role like that?

No.
CHUCK: It doesn't translate, eh?

It's a drama.
CHUCK: I know tragedy plus time

equals comedy.
I didn't know if it worked

the other way around.
CALLIE: It's a different movie.

Some years ago,
I read a book called

The Little Engine
That Could--

CALLIE: "I think I can."
What?

"I think I can.
I think I can..."

CHUCK:
Can what?

Oh, that's what he said.

Yes, that's what
the train said as--

"I think I can..."

I think it was just three
"I think I can's."

"I think I can."

It reminds me
of this little movie

that started out
as practically nothing,

and is chugging up, up, up.
CALLIE: Yeah.

And who knows if it's
gonna reach its goal.

CALLIE:
Oh, he thinks he can.

CHUCK:
It's a wonderful book.

It's big print, a lot of
pictures, not too heavy reading.

If you want something heavy,
you can go to see Hamlet

or Shakespeare or something
like that in the theater.

For me, something you can
get into and get out of.

And God bless you all.
Victor Allan Miller,

keep plugging at your career
despite what the critics say.

You know the dogs bark,
but the caravans move on.

Everyone keep it up,
the good work.

Tune into our show
Friday night...

[PLAYING UP-TEMPO MUSIC]

[MUSIC STOPS]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Bah! C.J. Simon

and a group of people
who stand around him

because there's no studio work.

Please, get a name
for your band.

Ladies and gentlemen, our next
guest finished shooting

a charming little movie
this past summer

that was just supposed
to pay the rent.

Here we are in January with
the Oscars around the corner.

[MAN WHOOPS]
Let me tell you,

that charming little movie
not only paid the rent,

but could end up buying her
the whole block.

It's really turned
this town on its ear.

Please welcome the star
of Home for Thanksgiving,

Marilyn Hack.

Oh, Marilyn?

[BAND PLAYS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN:
I love you, Marilyn!

[MAN WHISTLING]

Well, good evening.

Good evening, Ben.

Thank you very much
for being here with us.

Oh, no, thank you.
It's a dream come true.

Oh, well, we're glad
that we could help you

achieve your dream.

Speaking of which,

uh, there is, uh--
Word on the street

is that, uh, that--
That your performance

in this movie is spellbinding.

Oh, well...

Tell me a little
about the movie.

Uh, it's about Thanksgiving,
which I believe is probably

our most elegant holiday,
don't you think so?

I do now. I...

Oh, because we say
"thank you."

And I, for one, can't say
thank you enough.

And-- And--
And it's all-inclusive.

It includes everyone,
no matter what religion.

It's nondenominational.
Exactly, that's the word.

And it kicks off Awards season.

Well, I gotta tell you,
I see a lot of films.

I love all of them,
and Home for Thanksgiving,

I think it's my favorite film.

Favorite film of the year.

Well...

Oh, here we go, ahem.

I hate to surprise you,
Ben...

Mm-hm.

...but I also enjoyed it
very, very much.

Whoa.

You know, when people see this--
I slobbered.

[LAUGHING]
I don't believe this.

Well, my goodness.

Home for Thanksgivingis--

Is, as far as I'm concerned,

just one of the top films
of the year.

Well, I mean, Oscars.
I smell Oscars.

I loved it.
I loved the movie.

KXBD 104.9 Talk Radio.
Dinkie and Don--

Turning you on.
It's the Morningwood Show.

Morningwood and Holly would
if she could.

DINKIE:
And I've got morning wood
this morning, Don.

Yes, we do.
We got a special guest,

and that's the reason
for my wood, I tell you.

DON: Her name is Callie Webb.
DINKIE: How are you?

I'm good, how are you?
Excited to have you here

'cause we heard there's
a bit of Award-season buzz

around the new film that you
have opening this weekend.

That's right.
DINKIE: You must be excited.

Tell us about that.
CALLIE: I'm very excited.

The film is called
Home for Thanksgiving,and--

Now--
How many topless scenes?

There are no topless scenes.
DINKIE: No nude scenes?

Well, what's the point?
How is there buzz?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Gentlemen,
welcome.

Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.

So here you are,
playwrights.

How has the transition been
from writing for the stage

to writing for screen?

We--
Because it starts out as a...

wordsmith's medium.
LANE: Yes.

It starts out as a medium in
which your script is sacrosanct.

Correct?
Yes, but--

And it's a medium
in the screen,

where the director
calls the shots.

The director designs
what's gonna go on,

the sequence of events.

The director, in fact,
can marshal your words around

and you're relegated.

Do you feel relegated

in this situation,
or do you feel like

you have reached
a position of comfort?

[♪♪]
HOST: What up, everybody?

It's your boy, chillaxin'.

We have a special guest today.

He's the star
of the upcoming new movie

Home for Thanksgiving,
which comes out this Friday.

I want you guys to give a warm
welcome for Victor Allan Miller.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

What's up, man?

BOTH:
Hey, how you doing?

I'm so glad you could be here.

I am so thrilled.
I am pumped, I am stoked.

All right? You know? Yeah!
Absolutely. Here on Chillaxin'.

Now, we're gonna pump
this beat right now.

Like a dancing kind of thing?
Yeah, exactly.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
All right. Cool. Right there.

[GRUNTING TO BEAT]

Let go a little bit.
That's what we gonna do.

That's what I'm talking about,
chillaxin'.

Yeah, let go even more.

VICTOR: More? More.
HOST: Even more, absolutely.

I'm a sandwich, huh?
There you go.

[LAUGHS]
Just have a good time. Chillax.

GIRL:
All right, Victor!

[VICTOR LAUGHING]

HOST:
Yeah, right there. Uh-huh.

Home for Thanksgiving.
HOST: Give some love for him.

Victor, right now, letting go.

Well, the countdown to Awards
season has begun. Whoo-hoo.

The nominations will be
announced in just two days.

And once again,
we have to rely

on Chuck and Cindy's
crystal ball

to give us the inside track
on this year's favorites.

[EASTERN-EUROPEAN ACCENT]
Yes, we will gaze

into the crystal ball

and tell you who we see
as our nomination picks.

Nice accent,
incidentally.

[LAUGHS]

Cindy, who do you see
for Best Actor?

[NORMAL VOICE]
Well, I see two faces appearing,
Chuck:

Ben Connelly
for Whispers in the Attic.

And Victor Allan Miller
for Home for Thanksgiving.

Who do you see
for Best Actress, Chuck?

I see Louise Mayer
for the glossy,

big-budget musical
Dream Alley.

And there seems to be
two other faces

fighting for recognition.

Marilyn Hack
and Callie Webb,

both for Home for Thanksgiving.

Well, I'll tell you what, Chuck.
Tomorrow night,

the Best Supporting Actor
and Actress category.

But right now...

[EASTERN-EUROPEAN ACCENT]
I see a commercial

in the future.

[LAUGHS]
And I'm feeling a lot better

about my accent.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Guess who? Hi.

Hi.
[LAUGHS]

Mwah.

Hi, darling.

Do you believe this?

Do you believe any of it?

It's too exciting.

How do you feel?

I feel good.Oh, yes.

I don't see anything wrong
with both of us being nominated.

I don't see why not?

I'm sure it's been done before.

Do you think?

I mean, after tomorrow,

I won't talk to you, but...

Marilyn?

Yes, it's exciting.

It's exciting, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'm so-- I'm very happy
for you.

I'm-- I'm happy for you too.

I haven't seen Brian here,
my other little baby.

We split up.

You did not.
Yeah.

Tell me you're kidding.

Yeah, it's--
That's awful.

Hello, blondie.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You're a natural blond?

Oh, no, all-- All of it
is really brown and curly.

Oh.
[LAUGHS]

Oh, mixing business
with pleasure.

My pleasure.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Do you go to restaurants?

You like wine.
Do you like restaurants?

They're okay.Yeah.

Do you want to go
to a restaurant?

Maybe, you know.
Hm.

What sort do you like?

I like, um...

Lati-- "Latesion"?
Le-- Lesion?

Lesion? That's, uh--
That's like a wound.

No, it's, um...

It-- It's Latin restaurants,

but I don't know
what the word is.

Latin restaurant.
You mean, like, Mexican or...?

No, Latin.

The people that speak Latin.

I need this
to calm my nerves.

I swear, I-- I'm not gonna
sleep tonight.

It's so exciting.

I'm a peeled nerve.

I'm just-- I'm all jitters.
I can hardly...

I think that Marilyn
is very deserving,

but I think Callie is equally
as deserving of an award.

Mm, she's wonderful,
but it's an early celebration.

I don't think
she's quite ripened yet.

It's all about looks.
But you know what?

I have to tell you that when
I was a very little girl,

my daddy would say to me,
he said, you know:

"Never let them see you sweat."

And I think that the voters
can smell the fear.

It's like dogs.
They know that she's hungry.

They know she's hungry.
MARY PAT: No, but you know what?

I'm sorry.
Dying is easy.

Playing a lesbian
is hard.

Oh, please, Marilyn Hack
is the queen,

and tomorrow there
will be a coronation.

SIMON:
Oh, there was a thousand queens

on that set and you know that.
And your point is?

But why is it always the body?
There's a ton of queens.

It's been-- It's been a good
experience for everybody.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
I mean, you know, we got--

This is the last
bargain-basement deal

you get out of this guy,
you know?

We now have to be
more discerning.

We're not gonna just take
any commercial

that comes our way.
No commercials.

We're not gonna take
any commercials.

Gentlemen, c'est ça.

Now, if I may go out on a--

Jesus, don't touch me!Sorry.

VICTOR:
Corey, what is it?

Pioneer Days in Moorpark
this weekend?

Certified degree
of Indian blood.

It's on my wall, kemo.

Mr. Miller.
VICTOR: Yeah?

I presume you will be
watching the nominations

this morning at 5 a.m.
on your television set.

Well, I would,
except for the fact

that I don't own
a television.
Has no TV.

I'd be happy
to telephone you.

MORLEY:
Call me, Taft,

and I will call him, okay?

We're having a meeting
right here.

Got you.
Could you step back, physically?

Yep. I am going
to go sit in my car.

VICTOR:
Thank you.

Hello.

Hello, everybody.

MARTIN:
Come round.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Come on.

Okay.
[CLINKING]

Shh! Shh!

Okay. Thanks.

When the enchanting
Whitney Brown

first came
into my office...

[GIGGLES]
...I realized I was

in for a very special encounter.

And when I actually got around
to reading the coverage,

I realized I had, in my midst,

a story the likes of which
I had not seen before.

Which goes to show
the suits aren't always

the wankers
they're made out to be.

Hear, hear.

[SIGHS]
Oh.
[CHUCKLES]

[SIPS]
MARTIN: So with that in mind,

I would like
to propose a toast

to the future nominees
for Home for Thanksgiving.

The future nominees!

SYD:
Home for Thanksgiving.

ALL:
Home for Thanksgiving.

[SCATTERED WHOOPS]

REPORTER [OVER TV]:
The backup, however,

remains northbound
at Costa Mesa.

In Hollywood, traffic on
the 101 is running smoothly

in both directions
through the Cahuenga Pass

and into downtown L.A.

That is your early
drive-time report.

And now we head back
to our KAJE coverage

of the nominations
from the Academy.

MAN [OVER TV]:
And now the nominations

for Best Actress
in a Motion Picture.

Veronica Randolph
inWhispers in the Attic.

Cynthia Chapman
inPride of Plymouth Rock.

Okay. Say it. Say it now.

WOMAN:
Sally Ann Middleton

inWhispers in The Attic.

MAN:
Louise Mayer
inDream Alley.

WOMAN:
And Monique LeBlanc
inLe Cheval Obscurité.

Dark Horse.

MAN:
The nominations for Best Actor

in a Motion Picture are...

[SOBS]
Oh!

WOMAN:
Ben Connelly

inWhispers in the Attic.

Marilyn Hack.

MAN:
Jose Mercado inCrystal Lake.

Just say Marilyn Hack.

[♪♪]

WOMAN:
William Montague...

It's so easy.

[SNORING]

[RINGING]

[RECORDING]
Hi, this is Brian.
Please leave me a message.

[BEEPS]

Brian? Brian, it's, uh, Corey.

Corey Taft and Associates.

Congratulations,
my young friend.

You have achieved
a nomination.

That is very exciting news
for a young actor...

Good evening, America,
and anyone else

who can understand
the king's English.

Well, the nominations are in
and there are surprises galore.

Well, I'll tell you what, Chuck.

Once again,
the voters have spoken.

And it seems
that sentiment alone

will not get you
that coveted golden statue.

And because there were
so many surprises, Cindy,

I thought to myself, instead
of hearing the usual drivel

from the glowing nominees,

what could be more fun
than hearing

what the devastatingly
disappointed losers

had to say this morning.

I guess it all depends

on what your definition
of fun is, Chuck.

Fun is where you find it.

We had our roving cameras
on the losers

first thing this morning,
and here's what they had to say.

Hi, Callie. Chuck Porter,
Hollywood Now.

Scrunch over. I thought you'd
like some company this morning.

So let me start by saying,
boo-hoo! No nomination.

And I say that on behalf
of myself and all your fans.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Your movie was exceptional,

but what went wrong?
Why no nomination?

Uh, honestly, Chuck, I haven't
really thought about it.

No thought?
It doesn't really matter.

It doesn't matter. Could I have
an order of humble pie over here

for Miss Callie Webb?

Don't say, "Who?" Mm!
Heh, heh.

One thing you have to look
forward to is having privacy.

Not having people come out
and say,

"Can I have
your autograph?"

No autographs
for this lady.

What do you mean
you didn't want one anyway?

Victor Allan Miller is inside

auditioning for
a Buffalo-wings commercial.

Let's sneak inside,
like a fly on the wall.

Maybe they won't even notice
we're there.

VICTOR:
Wow, that's spicy.

Wow, that's spicy.

CHUCK:
You've sold me.

I'll take a thousand
of those Buffalo wings,

'cause I got 500 buffalo
I'm teaching how to fly.

Chuck Porter, Hollywood Now.

Would you all be an angel
and give us two minutes

with Mr. Miller here.

Hello, Chuck.
How are you, Victor?

I'm good. I'm good.
Uh, Victor, listen, uh...

Striking while the iron
is cold, right?

[LAUGHS]

I was shocked that you were even
considered for a nomination,

but once the word came out,
I was rooting for you.

Thank you.
How did it feel

when you thought you were gonna
get a nomination?

Well, you know,
when you just came in,

I thought you were gonna say

that there was a little mistake
this morning.

I wish I could, but there were
many great performances.

VICTOR: I know. No, you know--
I'm gonna call you Mr. Miller

because it's hypocritical
at this point in your career

to call you Victor.
I get what you're saying, yeah.

Victor. He's not--
Certainly not a victor.

Can I help you?
So, um...

Are you a member
of the union?

Would you tell your cameraman
I have to sign a release?

I'm kidding. Just get back there
and make a couple of notes,

'cause we are out of here.
We're in Times Square.

We've watched this man's
ball drop ignominiously,

so let's light the sparklers
and move on down the road.

I think we see Marilyn Hack
right now.

Let's pay her a visit.

Morning, Marilyn.
Hi.

Ha-ha! Chuck Porter
from Hollywood Now.

Hey! Uh-oh, wrong house.
No, the right house.

No, I didn't get nominated.
We want to talk to Marilyn Hack.

Marilyn Hack and trash.

What a juxtaposition.
I didn't get nominated.

We know that. What happened?
What?

But the important thing is,
people-- If you--

You get close
to being nominated.

That's what it's about.
It's not right.

It's-- It's a big tease,

'cause four out of five
of those girls

are gonna lose, bigtime.

Can I ask you--?
Way worse than me today--

I didn't even get nominated.
I'm not gonna lose.

What happened?
I'm not gonna lose!

All right.
How can I think I'll win

if I'm not nominated?
That's what I mean.

You came this close to--
Stop it!

I don't think you could've--
I'm gonna go to France.

What for?
How'd the French girl get in?

Oh, well, that French movie
drives me nuts,

with the writing
on the screen, and--

But it's French!
I always think

it's late-breaking news--
It's French!

It's not legal.

Then I'm gonna come back

and they're gonna say,
"Oh, la, la, French.

French, foreign. You're so--
Let's give you all the awards."

Yeah, and I'll say, "Fuck you!
Whoa, yeah!

You didn't know--
Even know it was me."

No, I'm sure-- Uh--
Yeah, go see Frenchie.

No, I think they did
a wonderful job. Best of luck--

Look, I got so much food.
Come on.

Marilyn Hack.
Now I know what it feels like

to stare down
into the Grand Canyon.

Chuck Porter, Hollywood Now,
saying, fade out.

[PIANO PLAYING DISCORDANTLY]

CALLIE:
♪ You were never there for me

♪ You never really cared

♪ I can see right through you

♪ You are always
Running scared ♪

[PIANO PLAYS SOFTLY]
But wait.

Were you there for him?

Did you give him everything
he needed?

Maybe it was you
who was running scared.

♪ Wait a minute, wait a minute

♪ You're changing
The subject ♪

♪ I'm getting all confused

♪ He always was the problem

♪ I was being used

Or was I?

♪ Second chances
Don't happen every day ♪

♪ But in every single way
I will forgive him ♪

Maybe I will forgive him...

[SCOFFS]

...in hell!

[PIANO PLAYS STRIDENTLY]
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

[♪♪]

What if I told you

that you could have
a slim, trim

and sexy body
in just nine and a half days

and have all the fun
of a Hawaiian vacation?

Sound too good to be true?

Well, not when you're exercising
with Hula Balls.

And here to help demonstrate
this fantastic new product,

a man who came this close

to getting nominated
for an Oscar:

Victor Allan Miller.

[CHUCKLES]
Victor, welcome.

Congratulations on almost
being nominated.

That's exciting.

Yes, it is.
Thank you very much.

It was an honor just
to be almost nominated.

And it's an honor
to be demonstrating

this fantastic new product.

Let me just show you
how easy it is to use.

Great. Now,
to the untrained eye,

it may look like Victor is just
having the time of his life,

but he's actually working
his abdominals,

quads, calf,
and hip muscles.

Victor, may I join you?
Please do.

Okay. Oh.
Plenty for everybody.

God, this is as fun
as it looks.

Feels good,
doesn't it?

He looks good.

Good. He's this close
from the A-list.

I mean, this is such
a profile booster for Victor.

Because, like, you gotta be
somebody to sell these balls.

They don't just ask anybody.

Now, more people are gonna see
this than all the Shakespeare

and all the Broadway
he's ever done.

He's gonna get
a lot of work from this.

SPOKESWOMAN:
I'm gonna need help to get out.

VICTOR: Oh, I'm right here. Ah!
[BOTH LAUGH]

You can't get away
from us, Pres.

We're both in your blood.

This is the country
you were born to,

the country you know
and trust.

Amy wouldn't understand.

She'd think
there'd be snakes.

Julia, please.
Oh.

That was good.
That was really good.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Hm?

Not bad. Not bad.
Thank you.

But indulge me.
Okay.

Okay.

Like I am.

You can't get away
from us, Pres.

We're both in your blood.

This is the country
you were born to,

the country you know
and trust.

Your country, Pres.

Amy wouldn't understand.

She'd just think
there were snakes.

Julia, please.

See the difference?

Uh, was it louder?

[SNICKERS]

Oh, my darlings,
you are so talented.

That's why you're here,
with me.

But you are
so full of yourselves.

Ask yourself why
the naked mole-rat mother

allows 30 babies at once
to grow inside her,

feed on her every resource,

and stretch her skin
to the point of breaking.

Huh?

I'll let you in
on a little secret.

Because it feels good.

She lets it all go.
Everything.

And she's left feeling
comfortable in her own skin.

Oh, I wish I could jump-cut
you babies right now

to the happy place that I'm in.

I wish, but that's
your own journey.

It's worth it.

I have learned that if I can
expunge everything within,

I am left comfortable
in my own skin.

["HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD" PLAYING]

WOMAN:
♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ That screwy
Ballyhooey Hollywood ♪

♪ Where any office boy
Or young mechanic ♪

♪ Can be a panic

♪ With just
A good-lookin' pan ♪

♪ And any shop girl
Can be a top girl ♪

♪ If she pleases
A tired businessman ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ You may be homely
In your neighborhood ♪

♪ Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom
Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

MAN:
♪ To be an actor
See Mr. Factor ♪

♪ He'll make your kisser
Look good ♪

WOMAN:
♪ Go out and try your luck

♪ You may be Donald Duck

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

MAN:
Hi, Ronnie.

Come on, Johnny. Here he is.

[WHISTLING]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ That bully, wild
And woolly Hollywood ♪

WOMAN:
♪ They hire cowboys

♪ And they hang
Their chaps up ♪

♪ And doll their maps up

♪ And give them
All that they lack ♪

♪ Now, ain't it funny
They pay them money? ♪

♪ Shows what you can do
If your horse can act ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ They hire fellas
Whose physiques are good ♪

♪ And then they tell them

♪ They're the perfect shape
Man ♪

♪ To act like apemen

♪ And they convince 'em
They should ♪

♪ They make 'em grunt
And yell ♪

[WOMAN YELLING LIKE TARZAN]

♪ And people think
They're swell ♪

[CHORUS YELL LIKE TARZAN]

♪ Oh, hooray for Hollywood

WOMAN:
♪ It's really got me

♪ Hooray
♪ Hooray

♪ Hooray
♪ Hooray

♪ Hooray for Hollywood

♪ Hollywood

ALL:
Yeah!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[♪♪]

["THE PURIM SONG" PLAYING]

CHORUS:
♪ When Achashverosh

♪ Heard the news
Of Haman's evil scheme ♪

♪ He told his wife
Queen Esther ♪

♪ "Don'tfabrent" ♪

VICTOR:
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Haman will be punished

♪ And the Jews
Will all be saved ♪

♪ And you'llshep noches
Later in my tent ♪

BRIAN:
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Purim, Purim, Purim

♪ It's a time
To have some fun ♪

♪ By drowning out the sound
Of Haman's name ♪

♪ Purim, Purim, Purim
Spread the news to everyone ♪

♪ That Mordecai and Esther
Saved the day ♪

[ALL LAUGH]
[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]