All language subtitles for Star.Trek.Lower.Decks.S02E03.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG[eztv.re]

[Ransom]
Welcome back to the cerf/ms, Mr. Boimler.

When you were gone,
we tightened security protocols.

If you run into any problems,
just flag it for billups.

Thank you, sir. It's good to be back.

Computer, pupusa. Hot.

User not recognized.

It's ensign boimler. Come on.

User not recognized.

Can you, like, hurry it up?

Computer, any food. Hot, please.

User not recognized.

[Nervous chuckle]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the rush?
We don't have to report until 0800.

There's a bunch I need to do
before my shift starts.

Recalibrate the omnidirectional
restraints, prep the hyposprays...

Wait. Is this about ensign escher?

Yes. I can't believe she got promoted
over me. I do way more.

Escher got lucky.

I mean, curing the captain's
terellian death syndrome?

She was in the right place
with the right hypospray.

[Scoffs] I can't rely on
people getting syndromes.

I have to show doctor t'Ana
I've got what it takes.

- What up? We doing Sci-Fi stuff today?
- Nah. I gotta go kick medical butt.

[Shaxs] Computer, ketchup. Spicy kiwi.

[Rutherford gasps]

Mariner. Mariner, are you seeing this?

- Yeah, who messes with ketchup?
- [Gasps}

shaxs is alive?

Yeah, I guess so. Bridge officers
are always coming back from the dead.

- You gonna finish that muffin?
- But how?

He died in an explosion saving my life!

I don't know, but whatever happened
killed his taste buds for good.

I mean, I don't have all my memories,
but I know for sure he saved me.

They're gonna tell me
how he came back, right?

Nope. Best to not think about it.

- Please, just anything. I'm so hungry.
- User not recogn/zed.

[Sighs]

[Humming]

Ensign, get in here!

I scrubbed half the arches,
and I won't stop until all the bile...

Okay, shut up. Listen.

I need you to pick up a family heirloom
from a storage unit on qualor ii.

- Wow. Doctor t'Ana, I'm honored.
- Don't be.

I just need the lowest ranking officer
who will ask the fewest questions.

This is a personal mission.
Do it fast. Keep it private.

You got it!
And may I just say I'm so honored to...

Okay, go! Now! Go!

[Yowling]

Ow! Stupid doors.

Guess who I get to meet today?

The creator of fair haven,

captain proton himself,
lieutenant Tom Paris!

[Gasps] No way! That's awesome.
Is he still a salamander?

No, that's not... [grunts]

It was a celerity-induced accelerated
somatic mutation rate, and he's fine now.

He was the first human
to break the transwarp barrier,

and today he's on the cerriz'os.

You have a voyagerplate?

I collect all sorts of plates,
and I love I/oy.

See, I have signatures
from all the other bridge crew.

From janeway, all the way down to Kim.
Everyone from I/oy.

Why do you keep saying "voy"?

- That's what I call I/oyagerto save time.
- It doesn't.

Paris is on a handshake tour,
telling I/oystories for morale.

I heard shaxs talking about it.

It doesn't bug you
that he's back from the dead?

Bridge crew always come back.

- Fine. But, how?
- I don't know.

We're lower decks. We don't get
to know everything bridge crew does.

He saved my life. I'm gonna ask him.

They don't like it when people ask
how they came back, man.

It's probably just
a transporter pattern buffer thing.

Yeah, or a restored katra
or a mirror universe switcheroo

or the borg rebuilt him.

Or he could be a future son
from an alternate timeline,

or maybe he got Genesis device-d
or time-ribboned.

- Or he was trapped in the nexus.
- Nexus, time-ribboned. Same thing.

Point is, this stuff always happens.
Even on I/oy.

Wow, that does
actually save a ton of time.

I'm an engineer.
Solving impossible problems is what I do.

[Groans] I can't let it go.

And I can't let Tom Paris go.
Not until he signs my plate.

[Grunts, groans]

Damn it. This has been happening all day.

They beefed up security
around here while you were gone

'cause of the pakled attacks.
Get billups to put you back in the system.

- I am in the system. It should be working.
- [Door panel beeps]

[Gasps] Ha!

Mariner, hey!

Doctor t'Ana just gave me a super cool
mission, and I can take someone along.

- You wanna come with?
- Wait, me? Not rutherford?

Yeah, 'cause you know what I've realized?

You and me have never done
a mission together.

- What? No, we must have.
- Nah-uh. Not just the two of us.

Well, shoot, girl.
Then it's about time. Let's do this.

Mariner and tendi on a girls trip!

Girls trip.

[Humming]

[Grunts, groans]

- Computer, manual override.
- Request denied unauthor/zed personnel.

[Groans] Let me through.

What up, boimler?

- Need help with that door, buddy?
- No, I'm fine.

Hey, maybe you aren't back in the system.

I could carry you across the threshold
like a bride.

Yeah, okay, jet. Get out of here.

I don't need you or anyone else to
babysit me through my own ship. I'm fine.

All right, all right, all right.

Ha! [Groans]

[Whimpering]

I'll show you "unauthorized."

Just 200 more rungs.

[Mariner] So weird we haven't
teamed up before now.

- Sort of like a glaring omission.
- You always get paired with boimler.

I'm always with rutherford.
We should switch it up more often.

Totally. Oualor is awesome, by the way.

You can get any drink
in the form of a slushy.

We gotta get, like, five slushies.

Doctor t'Ana seemed like
she wanted me to rush.

Who rushes a family heirloom?
It'll be fine. It's, like, old, right?

Yeah, I-I guess you're right.

[Laughter]

- [Tendi shouts, laughs]
- [Mariner] Oh, yeah!

[Klingon acid punk playing]

No one's accessed this bin for years.
You got authorization?

Yep. Right there.

Is this gik'tal?

I love that song, where they sing
over the wails of the dishonored.

"Gre'Thor paradise." Yeah.
I saw them perform that live on akstin.

They had an actual chorus
of disgraced klingons lamenting on stage.

- Oh, my gosh. That sounds awesome!
- It was!

I'll go poke around back there
and see what I can find.

Shouldn't be long.

Whoa, what? Stop.
You're into klingon acid punk?

Are you kidding? Why even listen
to klingon if it isn't punky or acidic?

No way. I've never heard
you say anything about that.

Well, that's weird, because I talk
to rutherford about it constantly.

It's neat that after spending
all this time together,

you can still learn something
about a friend.

Yeah, I guess we just...

All right. [Grunts]

Here you go.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

[Both straining]

Uh, when you said "heirloom," I thought
it was gonna be, like, a caitian vase or...

- What is this, exactly?
- I didn't ask. Doctor t is very private.

- Well, let's open it up and take a look.
- We really shouldn't.

Come on. Girls trip!
Come on. One little peek won't hurt.

It'll be our secret.
We won't even tell boimler or rutherford.

- Mmm. Maybe just a quick girls peek.
- Girls peek.

Huh.

It's just, like, a wooden statue thingy.
I wonder why she's so wound up about this.

- [Chuckles] Oh, no.
- What?

It's not a statue.
It's a caitian libido post.

Libido... wait. Is that a sex thing?

A caitian has to be intimate once a year
or their hormones make them crazy.

It's like a vulcan on Ron farr.

Caitians have a bunch
of hormonal vents like that.

[Laughs] Ew. Oh, look at these claw marks.

They're, like,
from her horny great-grandma.

Ew. Oh, like... hi, tendi.
Hi, tendi. My name is Jeremy.

I'm an important cultural sex toy
from the past.

Please deliver me to doctor t'Ana so I...

I can't believe you're touching it.

Oh, my god!
I'm touching it with my bare hands!

- Put it back! Put it back!
- Look, just angle it towards the...

[Tendi] Grab it!

[Screams]

[Tendi whimpers]

- No, no, no, no! This can't be happening.
- Uh, maybe sh-she won't notice.

It's the face!

Doctor t'Ana's going to know
I violated her trust.

- I'm gonna get fired! Oh!
- Hey, no. Stop that. No.

No one's getting fired over Jeremy, okay?
I've fixed stuff like this before.

[Snorts] You... you have?

Yeah. No, I accidentally ran over worf's
mek'leth back on deep space 9,

and I had it fixed before
he even knew it was gone.

Wh... what were you doing on deep space 9?

I served there, back before I was
on the Quito. You know that.

No, I thought that the cerriz'os
was your first ship.

Seriously? Dude, it's like, my fifth.
I talk about my other ships all the time.

Well, this is the first
I'm hearing about it.

It's sort of a big part of who I am.

Uh, whatever. I know a fixer on bonestell
who can repair anything.

It's a quick warp,
then we'll head back to the cerriz'os

with a non-ruined post for t'Ana.

Uh, okay.
Well, as long as we're back on time.

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. We should be, yeah.
Uh, let's just get moving.

- [Mariner] Girls trip.
- [Tendi] Girls trip.

- rutherford.
- Sir.

We've got this Tom Paris thing later,
but maybe after that, racquetball?

You sure you're up for that?
You know, with what you went through?

[Groans]
That place did take a lot out of me.

But not my killer serve.

Ah, shaxs, you always get me.

Help you, ensign?

Oh! [Chuckles] I just... the truth is,
I was just wondering how...

[Cody] Whoa, shaxs is back?

Didn't you die?

- How the heck did you come back to life?
- [All gasps]

[Shaxs groaning]

Lieutenant junior grade Cody,
that is out of line!

Report to your supervisor
for immediate reassignment.

- I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to...
- Just go.

[Sobbing]

But he was dead. I...

[Breathes deeply]

What was it you wanted to ask?

[Stammering]

How do you hit a racquetball?

With a racquet.

Oh! Right, cool.

- So, you still having flashbacks?
- Having one right now.

Yeah, I can fix it.

The trick is making it look like
it was never damaged.

And how much will that put us back?

For my old friend Beckett mariner?
Double. Fifty strips.

What? Fifty? Where are we supposed
to find that much iatinum?

You've got a deal.

What are you doing? We can't afford that.

Yes we can. We just need to find
the biggest, dumbest guys in here.

[Aliens chattering]

Come on, come on.

[Growls] Cheater!
You claimed you were only a beginner.

Yeah, I'm beginning
to school your ugly ass.

- How dare you?
- Hey, no fighting.

I just got that table re-jotted.

You wanna finish this game,
you do it with proxies.

Works for me.
My partner's even better than I am.

[Scoffs] An Orion? She will use
her pheromones to cheat us.

[Gasps] No, she won't!
Oh, that is such a messed up thing to say.

But, like, could you, you know,
just juice it a bit? Just a little.

Mariner! Of course not.
I'm not even that kind of Orion.

I can't believe you'd even say that.

Just checking! No, no, no.
You got this. Take a shot.

[Whimpering]

- Come on, come on.
- [Growls]

I won? I won!

- Yeah!
- [Crowd cheering]

All right. Pay up.

Cheaters don't deserve nausicaan iatinum!

[Screams]

Hey, what did I say about... whoa!

Oh, crap! Okay, guys, listen.
I know we may not look like a lot,

but when it comes to a fight,
us starfleet officers are trained to...

Latinum!

Tendi, run!

[Boimler grunting]

If I follow this path,

I'll be on the catwalk above
the grav stabilizer's static diffusers.

[Sighs] Almost to the bridge.

Don't worry, plate.

There's no plausible reason why anyone
should be purging the static right now.

It's a pleasure to have you
on my bridge, lieutenant Paris.

Pleasure's all mine, captain Freeman.

Mind if I give her a whirl?
I hear these caiiclass engines can purr.

Of course.
Just don't send us to the delta quadrant.

[All laugh]

[Groans] All right.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Screams]

Computer, emergency shut down!

A uz'honzaz'ion noz' recogn/zed.

You don't need authorization
in an emergency!

[Sighs]

My plate. Okay. She's okay.

Ah! Hot plate! Ow! My lips!

Okay, I'm fine. The plate is fine.
Gotta keep moving.

[Growls] Where the hell are you, ensrgn?
My fur feels llke it's covered /n poison.

We're on our way back.
The package is completely intact and...

-Hur/y/ -[Groans]

This was supposed to be my chance to show
doctor t'Ana that I'm ready for more,

but I failed her!

Look, don't be so hard on yourself.
It was just a mistake.

I don't get to make mistakes like you do.
It was hard getting into the academy.

There's still a lot of stigma
around orions.

A lot of humans think
we're all thieves and pirates.

Wait.

My cousin works in a thieves' den
in a pirate outpost in this sector.

He might be able to help us out.

Okay. As long as you aren't bothered
by the optics, I mean, it works for me.

[Sighs] Well, these are bad orions.

They'd kill you on the spot
just for being human.

- Well, I'm not into that.
- But don't worry. I have a plan.

All right, undercover op.

[Grunting]

Just gotta focus on work.

[Sighs] Come on. Focus.

Rutherford!
I fought my way out of the multiverse.

[Distorted] That is a lie.
The borg put my body into the collective.

[Stammers]

A microscopic civilization brought me
back to life to harness the powers

of my body with a tiny Dyson sphere.

It was no transporter accident.

- Resistance is futile.
- Mirror, mirror, mirror.

What was the deal with t'pol's hair
for that one year?

- In nexus, it's always Christmas.
- [Screams]

I gotta know!

[Panting]

Honestly, this feels wrong.

I mean, just please
don't take any pictures of me.

Okay, remember, the effect won't last
long, so we need to find d'onni quick.

Well, what if I don't sound
like an Orion though?

Just talk like a pirate.

[Imitating pirate] Arrr!
How you be doing today, me fellow Orion?

- Why are you talking like that?
- Allergies.

[Normally] Yeah, I'm allergic to,
um, uh, pheromones.

Oh, I hear you.
They're really bad this time of year.

That's d'onni up there.
He does art forgeries.

Uh, and he's hot.

Tendi, you gotta warn me if we're gonna
be meeting up with a sexy bad boy.

- That's my type. Well, one of my types.
- You have a thing for bad boys?

I'm always dating bad boys, bad girls,
bad gender non-binary babes,

ruthless alien masterminds, bad bynars...

Huh. I don't know
if I've ever seen you date anyone.

- You usually seem to be with boimler.
- What? Ew!

No! What? That is so messed up.

What? I don't know. You guys
practically sleep in the same bunk.

We do not. Ew. He's like a pet. Yuck.

- What, are you and rutherford dating?
- Not really.

- Cousin?
- [Mariner gasps]

Biceps.

You shouldn't be here.

If the syndicate catches me
talking to... [groans]

You'll do what I tell you to do,
you dumb-face jerk!

Holy crap, who are you right now?

It's an Orion thing.
It actually makes me really uncomfortable.

D'onni, I have a piece of, uh, loot
I need you to repair.

It has to look like it was never broken
in order to rip someone off.

Anything for you,
mistress of the winter constellations.

Mistress of the winter constella... what?
Okay, you gotta do this on the cerritos.

Don't tell anyone.
That's the name I left behind long ago.

I'll try, but it's... oh, crap.

D'vana, what is this? Is she an impostor?

Shut up and do your job!

D'vana?
Is that some other weird title you've got?

It's my name.

What? You don't even know my first name?

I thought it was "tendi,"
like, with no last name. Like odo.

We have been working together
for over a year, Beckett.

- Well, now you're just showing off.
- You don't know me at all!

Well, you don't know me!

Hey! You don't have allergies!

She's wearing false green. Grab her!

- [Grunts]
- [Orions groan]

- [Stammers]
- [Grunts]

[Groans] Get her!

- [Both panting]
- False green!

- False green!
- [Orions clamoring]

[Both panting]

Why don't you just do your
bossing-everyone-around voice again?

Yeah, it doesn't work on angry mobs.

Which you would know
if you knew anything about me or orions.

You're the one
who wanted to do a girls trip.

Because I thought we were friends!

Yeah, well, apparently
we're just people who work together.

Yes. Soon we'll just be people
who get our asses kicked together.

[Grunting]

[Both panting]

[Tendi groans] They're all over the lift.

[Rodent squeaking]

Hope you like climbing.

[Panting]

Ha. Nobody knows the cerritos
like bradward boimler.

[Screams]
Fine, you wanna play it that way cerritos?

I know another way because
I know you like you should know me.

Access denied.

No, no, no. This can't be happening.

First I get kicked off the titan,

then the cerritos
doesn't even know me anymore.

Where do I belong? [Whimpers]

Come on, Brad. This is your home.
You're right where you belong.

Then why am I gonna die
in a jefferies tube?

You're not.

You are Brad boimler, and you've been
in tougher spots than this.

Now open up a panel
and start figuring out a solution.

[Sniffs] You're right. Thanks, Tom Paris.

[Grunting]

I am a little worried
about the fumes in here though.

You know, since you're talking to a plate.

I don't know. I kinda like 'em. [Laughs]

[Both grunting]

[Tendi gasps]

There! Don't let 'em get away!

- [Orions clamoring]
- [Grunting]

[Grunting]

Leave us alone. This isn't nice.

Yes. Wait! No! Keep cutting.

[Sighs, grunting]

- [Mariner groans]
- [Orion grunts]

- [Mariner yells]
- [Tendi gasps]

[Mariner grunts]

[Both strain]

The post. It's too heavy.

I can't pull you both up.

[Orions grunting]

Take it.
Get out of here before it's too late.

No way! I'm not leaving you!

- [Tendi yells]
- Tendi, no! Not the post.

[Both grunting, panting]

- Deck 15.
- Wait!

[Panting, grunts]

Whoa! Baby bear, what's the matter?

I know I'm not supposed to ask you
how you came back from the dead,

but I know it was my fault that you died.

Maybe if you tell me how you came back,
I won't feel as guilty anymore.

Turbolift, halt.

It wasn't your fault.

Saving you was my duty.

There is a reason
we don't tell anyone how we come back.

I know. You can't tell me
because I'm just an ensign.

It's nothing to do with rank, son.

We're sparing you dark truths
about scientific depravity

that would haunt you
for the rest of your days.

Once you know, you can never go back
to being the man you were before.

Works for me. Tell me! Tell me!

Okay, so death is the first thing
that happens.

And then... oh, wait. You do know about
the black mountain, right?

The what now?

The black mountain is
a spiritual battleground your soul goes

where you have to fight
three faceless apparitions of your father.

[Muffled] The surviving father
makes you eat your heart...

[Groans] Personal log.
I'm trapped because of a computer glitch.

Or perhaps it is I who is the glitch.

Personal log cannot be recorded.

I'm gonna die,
and it's all because of this stupid plate!

Don't do it, bradward! Not the plate!

[Boimler laughs] Uh...

Huh? Oh, god. Oh, no, no, no!
No, no! [Screams]

[Grunts, groans]

[Screams] I do exist!

- Tom Paris!
- A kazon!

Tom Paris can I just say that
I'm a really huge fan,

- and I have a plate for you...
- [Yelling]

- Thanks for saving my ass back there.
- You've saved mine plenty of times.

I'm sorry you brought me
instead of rutherford.

But, you know, don't feel bad that
you don't know much about my life.

- I keep it vague on purpose.
- Why?

Every time I open up,
people get promoted and take off.

It's better to just keep it surface-level
and never have friends,

instead of always losing them.

Well, don't apologize.

I was hoping this trip
would be a way for us to bond,

but it's just been a big mess.

And the reason you don't know
much about me, well, that's my fault.

I'm always so busy making
everyone else happy that I never open up.

Now you know more about me
than rutherford does.

And I'm glad I do.

Me too.

[Sighs] What are you gonna tell the doc?

That I was curious
and accidentally broke her post.

It'll be interesting getting in trouble.
I've never done that before.

And I can say two things.
You're a really good person.

Aw, thanks. What's the other thing?

Your plan sucks. New plan.

- Oh, my gosh! What are you doing?
- Buckle up, d'vana!

We might have been coworkers this morning,
but now we're friends.

Computer, ramming speed!

Friendship!

This is how we kick ass
in the delta quadrant.

- Ki-yai!
- [Boimler grunting]

- [Boimler grunting]
- [Paris laughing]

Uh, captain. Shuttle four is
on a collision course with the ship.

- [Freeman] What?
- [Boimler groans]

Stop! Stop!

[Gentle plink]

- Uh, damage report?
- None.

That was weird.

What the hell were you thinking?

A bee got in the shuttle, sir.

It flew right in my face.
Totally my fault.

A bee?
How did a bee get in the shuttle in space?

[Sighs] Doctor t'Ana, I'm so sorry,

but I'm afraid
your special family heirloom is broken.

I wish I could say that it was
because of something else...

Totally my fault. Sorry, doc.
Big old bee got in the shuttle,

- just messed everything up.
- You are so going to the brig for this.

Send the bee to the brig!
It's the bee's fault!

I'm really sorry.

- [Grunts] Don't worry about it.
- Wait... you're not mad?

I don't care about that old post.

What I needed was the box.

[Computers whirring]

[Purring, meows]

Mmm. Ah, there's... that's the stuff.

Ooh, have you heard this one?

It's my favorite.
It's all about the caves of no'mat.

Acid punkers love singing about caves.
Oh, hello.

Check it out. No more glitch.
I'm authorized.

Did you get your bowl signed
by chakotay or whatever?

Tom Paris. And no, not yet,

but this black eye he gave me
is way cooler than a signed plate.

True. There's, like,
only a couple of people in the quadrant

who can say they got beat up by Tom Paris.

Even better, as an apology,
we're getting drinks tonight.

So I still have a chance
for him to sign it.

[Grunts] Oh, no, no, no!

Computer, open the door.
I gotta get to the bar! Come on!

Uh, that's... that's not a door,
it's just a wall with a seam.

Oh, right. I may have a concussion.

Oh, rutherford, did you ever find out
how shaxs came back?

[Screams] Oh, no. No, I did not.

Aw, boo.
We never get to know the cool stuff.

Or maybe they're just sparing us from
knowing horrible, horrible things that...

That happen to good people.

Yeah, it definitely isn't that.
They're just jerks.

Ooh, this one is about a klingon
who eats his own hand!

Yeah, play it!

[Klingon acid punk playing]

Pew pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew pew!

Chirp.