All language subtitles for Party Monster English

[ silence ]

TESTING, TESTING.
ONE, TWO, THREE.

TESTOSTERONE,

TESTICULAR CANCER,
"TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES."

Man:
OKAY, WE'RE SET.

PARTY MONSTER,
TAKE ONE.

Man #2: GOOD, SO WHY DON'T YOU START AT THE VERY BEGINNING?

A VERY GOOD PLACE TO START,
IF YOU SAY SO.

I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT
TO BEGIN WITH A BANG,
DON'T YOU?

LET THEM KNOW SOMETHING
HORRIBLE'S GOING TO HAPPEN
AND THEN, POOF...

WE'RE SUDDENLY ELSEWHERE.

MICHAEL ALIG'S
BLOOD FEAST PARTY.

JUST A QUIET NIGHT OUT
WITH A FEW FRIENDS.

[ laughs ]

THAT'S MICHAEL,
EXHIBIT A,

KING OF THE CLUB KIDS.

WHAT A MESS.

HE USED TO BE
SUCH A SWEET KID.

MICHAEL, I HATE YOU
FOR MAKING ME SAY
SERIOUS THINGS,

SO I WILL ONLY
SAY THIS ONCE.

YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR
WITH THE DRUGS.

HAVE YOU LOOKED
IN THE MIRROR LATELY?

EXHIBIT B,MOI,

THE YOUNGER PRETTIER ONE.

I WAS GOING TO WRITE
THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

BUT INSTEAD, I FOUND MYSELF
PLAYING THE SIDEKICK

IN A SICK AND TWISTED
BUDDY MOVIE.

JAMES,

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
THE ONE THAT'S A MESS HERE?

[ laughs ]

James:
OKAY, GUILTY AS CHARGED.

BUT THINGS WERE ABOUT
TO GET A WHOLE LOT MESSIER.

SO COME WITH ME NOW

ON THE LAST NIGHT
OF MY LIFE,

THE NIGHT OF MY OVERDOSE.

YOO-HOO, ANYBODY HOME?

THERE YOU ARE.

- YOU LOOK AWFUL.
- SO DO YOU.

SO, HOW'S THE NOVEL COMING?

WELL, I'VE DONE
ANOTHER PAGE.

BUT NOW I THINK I MIGHT
HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK.

TWO PAGES IN FIVE YEARS?

Michael: COME.

WE'LL TAKE OUR TEA
IN THE BEDROOM.

SO...

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

THE FLIES?

NO, SERIOUSLY, JAMES.

ANYTHING OR ANYONE MISSING?

LIKE A DRUG DEALER
THAT USED TO LIVE HERE?

WELL, DARLING,
THAT COULD BE ANYONE.

CAN I BUY A VOWEL?

THINK.

[ snorting ]

I KNOW, ANGEL.

WHERE IS ANGEL ANYWAY?

- I KILLED HIM.
- OF COURSE YOU DID, DARLING.

OH, HOW I HATE HEROIN.

NEW SHOES?

OH, THEY'RE ANGEL'S.

HE WAS WEARING THEM
AT THE TIME.

OF COURSE HE WAS, DARLING.

AND THAT'S BLOOD
ON THE TOE, RIGHT?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

JAMES?

JAMES?

JAMES?

OH, TYPICAL JAMES.

TIRED OLD DRUG ADDICT.

CAN'T EVEN STAY AWAKE
FOR YOUR OWN MOVIE.

NOT THAT IT'S YOUR MOVIE.
YOU THINK IT'S YOURS,

BUT IT'S REALLY MINE.
ALL MINE.

[ harp playing ]

HI, I'M MICHAEL.

I GREW UP IN THE MIDWEST.

USUAL STORY, FELT DIFFERENT,
REALLY DIDN'T FIT IN.

BUT I WASN'T GOING
TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.

NO SIREE.

I STARTED SELLING CANDY
IN SCHOOL,

JACKED UP THE PRICES
SEVERAL HUNDRED PERCENT.

THIS IS MY MICHAEL.

HE WAS ALWAYS MAKING MONEY.

HE JUST--
HE HAD A KNACK FOR IT.

MY LITTLE CANDY MAN.

Michael:
LET'S SEE, WHAT ELSE?

OH, ONCE WHEN I WAS 10,

MY SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER
TOOK ME BACK TO HIS HOUSE.

HE TAUGHT ME
HOW TO FRENCH KISS,

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

HE REALLY TOOK MY BOY
UNDER HIS WING.

VERY NICE MAN.

HIS MOTHER CAUGHT US IN
THE BASEMENT AND SHE SCREAMED,

"I TOLD YOU
NOT TO BRING THEM HERE!"

AND HE SAID, "DON'T,
YOU'LL FRIGHTEN HIM AWAY."

ONE NIGHT MICHAEL GAVE ME
A GOOD NIGHT KISS

THAT A LITTLE BOY
SHOULD NOT GIVE HIS MOTHER.

I THOUGHT EVERYONE
KISSED LIKE THAT.

SO LIKE ANY SMALL TOWN BOY

I HAD BIG-TIME PLANS.

SO IT SHOULD COME
AS NO SURPRISE

THAT I ENDED UP
IN NEW YORK CITY.

ONE DAY I REALIZED
I DIDN'T WANT

TO HAVE TO GET UP
IN THE MORNING AND GO TO WORK.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE LIKE
ALL THE DREARIES AND NORMALS.

I WANTED TO CREATE
MY OWN WORLD,

A WORLD FULL OF COLOR,
WHERE EVERYONE COULD PLAY--

ONE BIG PARTY

THAT NEVER ENDS.

NO, NO, NO!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO START
WITH MICHAEL ALIG'S
PATHETIC CHILDHOOD--

"I WAS MOLESTED."

[ mock crying ]

I HAD A HARD TIME
GROWING UP, TOO.

- [ toilet flushing ]
- AND I DREAMT OF BIGGER
AND BETTER THINGS.

AND I MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY
BEFORE HE DID.

I, I, IWAS THE ORIGINAL
CLUB KID.

SO, NOW THAT
THAT'S SORTED...

A FEW SIMPLE RULES
OF NEW YORK NIGHTLIFE
IN THE EARLY '80s:

♪ NEW YORK, NEW YORK

♪ NEW YORK, NEW YORK...

James:
RULE NUMBER ONE:
PERCEPTION IS REALITY.

SO WHEN YOU'RE
GOING NIGHTCLUBBING,
NEVER MERELY ARRIVE,

ALWAYS MAKE AN ENTRANCE.

[ horn honks ]

RULE NUMBER TWO:

MAKE SURE YOUR OUTFIT
WORKS IN BLACK AND WHITE

AND THAT IT'S
A CONVERSATION PIECE,

EVEN IF YOU ARE THE ONE
DOING THE TALKING.

IT'S BLOOD FEAST
FOR JUNE BRIDES.

GET ME
TO THE CHURCH ON TIME.

♪ YOU'LL BE FAMOUS...

OKAY, RULE NUMBER THREE:

WATCH OUT FOR PUSHY,
OBNOXIOUS LITTLE BUSBOYS

WHO DON'T KNOW THEIR PLACE
IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS.

HI, I'M MICHAEL ALIG.

WELL, I'LL ALERT THE MEDIA.

GOTTA DASH.

James:
OH, IF ONLY I HAD
TOSSED HIM ASIDE.

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO RESIST MINISTERING

TO LIFE'S LOSERS.

- YOU'RE LATE.
- I KNOW.

I REALLY SHOULDN'T
HAVE COME AT ALL.

THAT'S MY DOUGHNUT.

WELL, I DIDN'T
EXPECT TO BE DINING
AT THE FOUR SEASONS.

- WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I DON'T DO.

I JUST AM.
EXTREMELY RICH.

ANYWAY, IF I'M TO STAY
IN THIS ROACH MOTEL
A MOMENT LONGER

WE'RE GOING TO NEED
TO TAKE THINGS UP A NOTCH.

- I DON'T DO DRUGS.
- NOR DO I.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

IT JUST FLEW
RIGHT UP MY NOSE!

- MY MOTHER SAYS
DRUGS ARE FOR LOSERS.
- SHE'S SO RIGHT.

KETAMINE HYDROCHLORIDE,
A.K.A. SPECIAL K,

IS MAINLY USED BY VETS
AS AN ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER.

WHEN TAKEN BY HUMANS IT WORKS
AS A DISSOCIATIVE DRUG

SELECTIVELY REDUCING
EXCITATION OF THE CENTRAL
MAMMALIAN NEURONS

BY N METHYL ASPIRATE.

IN OTHER WORDS,
IT FUCKS YOU UP!

I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME
HOW TO BE FABULOUS.

[ scoffs ]

WE HAVE NOTHING
IN COMMON.

WAIT! WE BOTH
BITE OUR NAILS.

PLEASE, DON'T GO.
I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

I JUST GOT HERE.
I JUST GOT OFF THE BUS.

"THE ROAD OF EXCESS LEADS
TO THE PALACE OF WISDOM."

BLAKE, WILLIAM.
THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU
NEED TO KNOW.

THAT AND
"DON'T DREAM IT, BE IT."

"ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW."
IT'S MY FAVORITE.

AND WILL YOU SIGN
MY COPY OF "SLATED"?

YOU LOOK SO GOOD IN IT.

FLATTERY WILL GET YOU
EVERYWHERE.

James: IT'S ALL ABOUT PHOTO PLACEMENT.

SO IF YOU'RE IN A GROUP OF THREE, ALWAYS, ALWAYS,

ALWAYSMAKE SURE
THAT YOU'RE THE ONE
STANDING ON THE RIGHT.

THAT WAY WHEN THEY PRINT
THE PICTURE, YOU'LL BE
THE ONE ON THE LEFT

AND THE CAPTION
WILL READ "JAMES ST. JAMES

AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
WERE SEEN, OKAY?

OKAY, RULES OF PRESS:

NUMBER ONE: NO PUBLICITY IS BAD PUBLICITY.

NUMBER TWO: ONCE SOMETHING
IS PRINTED, IT AUTOMATICALLY
BECOMES TRUE,

SO NUMBER THREE: NEVER,
EVER DISH ANYONE IN PRINT.

NEVER BE SEEN DRINKING
ANYTHING OTHER THAN CHAMPAGNE

AND NEVER TAKE HEROIN.

NEVER WEAR WHITE
AFTER LABOR DAY AND OH,

AVOID THAT ONE
LIKE THE PLAGUE.

MORE! MORE!

OKAY. OKAY.

THE ART OF WORKING A ROOM:

UPON MAKING
YOUR GRAND ENTRANCE,

TAKE YOUR PARTNER
BY THE HAND AND CIRCLE
AROUND THE ROOM,

SMILE AND SAY HELLO
TO EVERYONE IN THE ROOM,

EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEM.
ESPECIALLY IF YOU
DON'T KNOW THEM.

- HI! HI!
- HI! HI!

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.

- I KNOW YOU.
- HE'S FABULOUS.

GO ONCE AROUND THE ROOM
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.

GO CLOCKWISE
TO MY ANTI-CLOCKWISE.

TELL ALL THE PEOPLE
HOW YOU'VE LOST YOUR FRIEND

AND HOW DESPERATE
YOU ARE TO FIND THEM.
WHERE CAN MY FRIEND BE?

NOW, SUDDENLY WE BUMP
INTO EACH OTHER

AND SCREAM
WITH UNCONTAINED JOY.

[ both screaming ]

GOOD, NOW LINK ARMS
AND ROUND WE GO ONCE MORE

TELLING ALL OUR
NEWFOUND FRIENDS HOW
WE'VE FOUND EACH OTHER.

- WE FOUND EACH OTHER.
- DON'T WORRY, I FOUND HIM.

THEN LEAVE.

THE WHOLE THING
SHOULD TAKE AN HOUR.
90 MINUTES TOPS.

DO THAT ONCE A NIGHT
FOR THREE MONTHS AND YOU'LL
BE THE TOAST OF THE TOWN.

HEAVENS, IS THAT THE TIME?
MY SANSKRIT CLASS.

WAIT, WAIT!
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

AND AREN'T YOU
GOING TO TEACH ME HOW
TO THROW A PARTY?

HOW ABOUT LEARNING TO CRAWL
BEFORE YOU WALK? TOODLES!

James:
BUT MICHAEL WASN'T INTERESTED
IN LEARNING TO CRAWL OR WALK.

JUST RUN, RUN, RUN.

[ techno music playing ]

I WENT TO HIS FIRST PARTY.
UNFORTUNATELY.

THERE IS NO ONE HERE.

CHRISTINA'S HERE.

♪ FIRST I'M GOING
TO WHIP YOU ♪

♪ THEN I'M GOING
TO EAT YOU... ♪

SHE'S FABULOUS.

ALL I COULD THINK
ABOUT WAS HOW I WAS
GOING TO BE RUINED

LOOK, JAMES, THIS IS GOING
TO BE MORE THAN A CLUB.

IT'LL BE--
IT'LL BE LIKE OUR HOME.

FOR EVERYONE WHO FELT
LIKE A FREAK,

EVERYONE WHO'S
EVER BEAT ON OR SPAT ON
IN HIGH SCHOOL,

FOR EVERYONE WHO
FELT DIFFERENT.

IT'LL BE LIKE THE FACTORY
AND I'LL BE THE NEXT
ANDY WARHOL.

EARTH TO YOU,
ANDY WARHOL IS STILL
ALIVE AND WELL.

IN FACT, I JUST REMEMBERED
I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM.

WAIT, DON'T GO!

DO YOU WANT A COCKTAIL?
HERE.

- I HAVE DRINK TICKETS.
- DRINK TICKETS?

[ laughs ]

YOU OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T EVEN
ORGANIZE A GLASS OF WATER.

- OH YEAH?
- YEAH.

[ gasping ]

[ laughing ]

James: YOU CRAZY FUCK!

THAT WAS QUITE A STUNT...

FLOODING MY BASEMENT.

[ giggling ]

I'M SORRY.

WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT YOU INTEND
TO DO ABOUT IT?

YOU NEED ME
TO PROMOTE THIS PLACE.

I COULD MAKE IT FABULOUS.

NOT IF TONIGHT'S
ANYTHING TO GO BY.

IT'S NOT ME THAT'S TIRED,
IT'S YOUR CLUB.

NO ONE WANTS TO COME HERE.

Man: IT'S A STATEMENT.

THE DAMAGE DONE TO THE CLUB
WILL BE REIMBURSED

FROM YOUR EARNINGS
FROM THIS PARTY AND THE NEXT
TWO PARTIES

THAT YOU THROW.

WOW! A JOB.

- YOU WON'T REGRET THIS.
- WE'LL SEE.

I LOVE THE EYE-PATCH,
BY THE WAY.

IT'S VERY
"PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN."

ARR!

HE LOST IT.

WHATEVER.

YOU SHOULD COME
TO MY HOUSE.

I'LL COOK FOR YOU.
YOU'LL LOVE MY MEATLOAF.

YOUR ASSISTANT
CAN COME, TOO.

OH, I'M SORRY.

MY HUSBAND
IS A VERY BUSY MAN.

BESIDES, WE DON'T SOCIALIZE WITH THE EMPLOYEES.

YOU'LL LOVE ME.
I PROMISE.

Michael:
HEY, CHRISTINA,

I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU
MY FIRST SUPERSTAR.

[ giggling ]

COME TO MY PARTY.
COME TO MY PARTY.

HERE, COME TO MY PARTY.
COME TO MY PARTY.

COME TO MY PARTY.
COME TO MY PARTY.

OH, DUDE,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU CAN BE MY BOYFRIEND.

OH, ACTUALLY, I'M--
I'M NOT GAY.

I'M ACTUALLY HERE
WITH A COUPLE OF BABES, SO--

LET'S TALK AFTER
A COUPLE OF COCKTAILS.

DRINK TICKET?

OH, THANKS, DUDE.

♪ YOU ARE MY DISCO
PLAYING ON THE RADIO ♪

♪ YOU ARE MY DISCO...

I HAVE TONS OF THEM.

♪ PLAYING ON THE RADIO,
YOU ARE MY DISCO ♪

♪ OH, YOU ARE MY DISCO

♪ PLAYING ON THE RADIO...

[ sniffs ]

OH JAMES,

I'M SO GLAD
I RAN INTO YOU.

HERE, COME TO MY PARTY.

THE FIRST ANNUAL KING
AND QUEEN OF DOWNTOWN PAGEANT.

I'D RATHER SUCK
ON A URINAL CAKE.

BUT JAMES, YOU HAVE TO COME.
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

HOW CAN I BE
YOUR BEST FRIEND

WHEN I DON'T
EVEN LIKE YOU?

HAVE YOU MET KEOKI?

WELL, ALOHA.
HOW ABOUT A LEI?

[ laughing ]

I'VE ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT
FOR HAWAIIAN PUNCH.

HIS NAME IS KEOKI
AND HE'S MY NEW BOYFRIEND.

- MMM.
- TOODLES.

TOODLES?

COME ON.

WAIT, IT SAYS HERE
THAT I'M THE MC.

TAXI!

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'M A BAGGAGE HANDLER,
THANK YOU,

- AT KENNEDY AIRPORT.
- WELL, NOT ANYMORE.

FROM NOW ON
YOU'RE SUPERSTAR DJ KEOKI.

REALLY?

- COOL. WOW.
- TAXI.

YOU KNOW,

I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE RIDING A CAB

THROUGH THE BRONX
WITH A GUY.

YOU KNOW, I FIGURE
COME TO THE CLUB

AND TELL A COUPLE
OF GIRLS NO,
NOT TONIGHT.

BUT I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE--

YOU KNOW...

YOU KNOW--

- GET IN.
- OKAY.

136th STREET,
ON THE DOUBLE.

- ARE WE GOING FAR?
- ALL THE WAY, I HOPE.

Keoki:
NO, I MEAN I DON'T
HAVE ANY MONEY.

Michael:
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

Michael:
GET OUT! QUICK, RUN!

NO, YOU FUCKING
DEADBEAT, NO!

♪ I'LL GIVE YOU
ONE MORE NIGHT ♪

♪ NIGHT, NIGHT

♪ NIGHT, NIGHT...

[ sirens wailing ]

♪ YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND,
BABY, RIGHT ROUND ♪

♪ LIKE A RECORD, BABY,
RIGHT ROUND, ROUND, ROUND ♪

♪ YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND,
BABY, RIGHT ROUND ♪

♪ LIKE A RECORD, BABY,
RIGHT ROUND, ROUND ♪

♪ I WANT YOUR LOVE...

Keoki: WHOA!

- [ both laughing ]
- [ cat meowing ]

Keoki: WHAT WAS THAT?

IT'S A KITTY.

IT'S OUR LOVE CHILD.

WE'LL CALL HIM SKRINKLE.

James:
AS YOU DRY YOUR EYES,

LET ME JUST SAY
THIS ABOUT THAT.

SKRINKLE WAS JUST
THE BEGINNING.

SKRINKLE BEGAT SKRODDLE,
AND SKRINKLE AND SKRODDLE

WERE THE LEGO BLOCKS
OF A STRANGE NEW WORLD

HE WAS BUILDING FOR US ALL.

YOU WERE EITHER A SKRINK
OR A SKROD.

I WAS A SKRINK-LA DA
IF I WAS GOOD.

OR A STUPID SKROD LOVER
IF I WAS BAD.

SOMEHOW HIS DOPEY LANGUAGE
CAUGHT ON.

LIKE HIS STUPID PARTIES.

[ drum roll ]

THE WINNERS OF MICHAEL ALIG'S

FIRST KING AND QUEEN
OF DOWNTOWN CONTEST...

CHRISTINA SUPERSTAR

AND KEOKI THE IT BOY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

♪ THEY ONLY WANT YOU
WHEN YOU'RE 17 ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE 21
YOU'RE NO FUN ♪

♪ THEY TAKE A POLAROID
AND LET YOU GO... ♪

James:
HE WAS TROUBLE ALL RIGHT.

MICHAEL WAS OUT
FOR REVENGE.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKED
ABOUT HIM.

[ whimpering ]

[ laughing ]

MICHAEL WAS GROWING ON ME,

LIKE A FUNGUS.

HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN HOW HE
GOT ME TO HAUL MY ASS

ABOVE 14th STREET
TO HIS SIXTH FLOOR WALK-UP

IN THE BRONX
ONE CHRISTMAS EVE?

THE NORTH POLE.

I'VE MADE IT ACROSS
THE FROZEN TUNDRA.

MY FAITHFUL HUSKIES
PERISHED IN THE BLIZZARD
WAY BACK.

I HAD TO EAT THEM.

[ James laughing ]

KEOKI, WOULD YOU BE A LAMB
AND RUB MY EXTREMITIES?

I FEAR THEY'RE FROSTBITTEN.

JAMES, I WANT YOU TO BE
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR

BECAUSE TONIGHT
I'VE INVITED

A VERY IMPORTANT
SURPRISE GUEST.

LET ME GUESS, CHRISTINA.

AND SHE'S GOING
TO CHOP US ALL UP
AND SERVE US AS FONDUE.

I KNOW WHAT PIECE I WANT.

KEOKI, COULD YOU
CARVE THE TURKEY?

YOU KNOW I CAN'T BEAR TO.

DARLING, HALF
THE FUN OF EATING MEAT
IS HACKING IT UP.

- [ door buzzing ]
- JAMES, CAN YOU GET THAT?

Radio:
♪ Think of all the fun
I've missed... ♪

HELLO.

YEAH, RIGHT THERE
IS FINE.

♪ Next year I could be
just as good ♪

♪ If you'd check off
my Christmas list... ♪

MICHAEL.

♪ SANTA BABY...

HA!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KID.

OH, PETER, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, PETER.

[ giggles ]

IT'S SO...

BIG.

[ clock ticking ]

KEOKI, WILL YOU
PUT SOME MUSIC ON?

YES.

JAMES, THERE'S CHAMPAGNE
ON ICE IN THE FRIDGE.

IT'S SUCH A SHAME
YOUR WIFE COULDN'T COME.

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING,

I'VE DECIDED IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO START THROWING

MY OWN WEEKLY PARTY
AT LIMELIGHT ON THE MAIN
DANCE FLOOR.

YOUR PARTIES
BARELY BREAK EVEN.

I HAVE TO LET ALL
THESE PEOPLE IN FOR FREE.

I HAVE TO GIVE
THEM FREE DRINKS.

MICHAEL, I DON'T MAKE
ANY MONEY OFF OF YOU.

PETER, WILL YOU STOP
BEING SUCH A NEGATIVE NANCY?

PEOPLE WON'T BE SEEN
DEAD IN YOUR CLUB.

I'M JUST STARTING
TO GET A BUZZ GOING.

[ Michael continues
talking ]

"O, WOULD THAT I WERE
A GLOVE UPON THAT HAND..."

- HUH?
- "O, SPEAK AGAIN
BRIGHT ANGEL."

YO, MAN, I'M WITH MICHAEL.

MY ONLY LOVE SPRUNG
FROM MY ONLY HATE.

MAN, I CAN'T FIND
A RECORD TO PLAY

AND I KNOW IT'S A SPECIAL
NIGHT FOR MICHAEL.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT IS.

... GIANT ANIMAL COSTUMES
LIKE ICY THE POLAR BEAR

AND CLARA
THE CAREFREE CHICKEN.

AND TO MAKE THINGS
REALLY SIZZLE, WE'LL HAVE
A HOT BODY CONTEST.

KEOKI WILL BE THE DJ,
OF COURSE.

IF YOU ARE GOING
TO BE A SUPERSTAR DJ

THERE ARE THREE SIMPLE RULES
YOU NEED TO REMEMBER.

NUMBER ONE:

YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY
ON THE STUDIO 54
COMPILATION SET.

THEY'RE PRE-MIXED,
THEY LAST FOR HOURS.

AND NUMBER TWO:

MADONNA ALWAYS WORKS.

AND NUMBER THREE:

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS,

PLAY TECHNO.

IT'S NON-DESCRIPT,
NON-RECOGNIZABLE

AND EVERYONE WILL THINK
THAT YOU ARE SO CUTTING EDGE.

OH, I LOVE THIS RECORD.

IT'S SO... DISCO 2000.

[ snorting ]

YOU PATHETIC,
DRUG-ADDICT LOSERS!

MICHAEL, I AM NOT
ADDICTED TO DRUGS,
I'M ADDICTED TO GLAMOUR.

Michael:
YOU, JAMES CLERK,

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF.

HOW DARE YOU
USE MY REAL NAME.

AND MICHAEL,
YOUR CHAMPAGNE--

CORRECTION, YOUR SPARKLING WINE,
TASTES LIKE PISS.

[ laughs ]

SO WHERE WAS I?
OH YEAH.

SO WE'LL PUT JAMES
IN A CAGE

AND HANG A SIGN
OVER IT THAT SAYS

"DO NOT FEED
THE DRUG CHILD."

IT'LL TRANSFORM LIMELIGHT
AND NEW YORK NIGHTLIFE FOREVER.

IT'LL BE MORE OUTRAGEOUS
THAN ANYTHING BEFORE IT.

NEW STARS, NO RULES,
ANYTHING GOES.

EVERYONE WILL WANT TO COME.

MICHAEL, AREN'T YOU
LISTENING TO ANYTHING
I'M SAYING?

YES SIREE,
BUT THIS WILL WORK.

[ unzips pants ]

[ urinating ]

[ sighs ]

I'D STAKE MY LIFE ON IT.

- Peter: YOU'RE CRAZY.
- [ disco music plays ]

AH, JAMES, KEOKI.

JUST IN TIME TO TOAST TO...

DISCO 2000.

Peter:
TO DISCO 2000.

♪ CALLERS AS THOUGH
THEY WERE CHRISTMAS EVE ♪

♪ DISAPPOINTED
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪

♪ SHE GAVE ME
LAUGHTER AND HOPE ♪

♪ AND A SOCK IN THE EYE

♪ IN MY YOUNG LIFE
AND I KNOW SOMETHING NOW ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER TRIED
TO CREATE A WOW ♪

♪ WOWS ARE FEW,
FRUSTRATION MORE COMMON... ♪

[ laughing ]

James:
MY SOUR GRAPES
WERE HIS SWEET WINE.

DON'T ASK ME HOW,
BUT IT CLICKED.

[ dance music playing ]

SUDDENLY THE HATEFUL
LITTLE TURD

WAS THE KING
OF THE CLUB KIDS.

I HAD TO ADAPT OR DIE.

BEHIND ME, THE CHOICE
OF THE NEW GENERATION--

WEIRD CLOTHES, WILD MAKE-UP

AND NO PARTICULAR
SEXUAL PREFERENCE.

CLUB KIDS OR CLUB BRATS?

YOU DECIDE.

THEY HOLD ILLEGAL
OUTLAW PARTIES IN SUBWAYS

AND THEY TAKE ECSTASY,

A DRUG KNOWN TO CAUSE
BRAIN DAMAGE IN RATS.

THE ROAD OF EXCESS
LEADS TO A PALACE OF...

FABULOUSNESS.

I'M ELKE, MICHAEL'S MOM,

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU

THAT ANYONE
CAN BE A CLUB KID.

- IT'S ECSTASY.
- [ crowd cheers ]

[ changes channel ]

- I WAS WATCHING THAT.
- FAGGOT.

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME,
TELL ME, TELL ME ♪

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME,
TELL ME, TELL ME... ♪

- ALL ABOARD.
- [ cheering ]

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY U.F.O.?

[ laughing ]

OH, DEAR GOD, NO.

MICHAEL!

[ engine revving ]

MICHAEL, I HAVE
TO TALK TO YOU.

NOT NOW, WE HAVE TO GO
BEFORE THE POLICE GET HERE.

- GET IN.
- BUT, MICHAEL!

Michael:
I'M FINE. HELLO.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- I'M ANGEL.
- WELL, WHERE'S YOUR WINGS?

- MICHAEL!
- HUH?

CAN YOU HELP US
GET THIS DOOR CLOSED?

YOU HAVE TO DO IT
FROM THE OUTSIDE.

BUT IF I DO THAT
I WON'T BE ABLE TO COME.

IF YOU DO THIS NOW,
YOU'LL BE ONE OF US.

NEXT TIME
I'LL MAKE YOU V.I.P.--

VERY VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON.

- MICHAEL!
- COME ON NOW.

BE AN ANGEL.

- MICHAEL, YOU'RE OUT
OF YOUR MIND.
- OH PLEASE.

- PARTY IN THE TRUCK.
- [ cheering ]

[ sirens wailing ]

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

[ Christina giggling ]

LET'S GO, SWEETIE.

YOU'RE A BIG GIRL.
GET UP.

ALL RIGHT.

[ dance music playing ]

James:
MICHAEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU BOUGHT ALL THIS CRAP.

Michael:
OH, JAMES,
DON'T BE JEALOUS.

I'VE GOT A LUXURY CONDO
AND YOU DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

TIME TO PAY
ATTENTION TO ME.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- THANK YOU.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.
- OH, KEOKI, HOW NICE
OF YOU TO SHOW UP

AFTER WHAT,
FOUR OR FIVE DAYS?

YOU'RE FUCKED UP,
AREN'T YOU?

EVERYONE, THIS IS FREEZ.
HE USED TO BE A HAT-MAKER,

NOW HE'S A DRUG DEALER.
EVERYONE SAY HELLO.

MICHAEL, PLEASE.

HA! FUCKING JUNKIE.

OH, IS THAT FOR ME?

HOW LOVELY.

TAKE IT,
YOU LITTLE FUCK!

[ record scratches,
music stops ]

HEY, DON'T TOUCH
MY RECORDS, MAN.

YOUR RECORDS?
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW HOW TO PLAY.
YOU'RE NOT A SUPERSTAR DJ,

YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT DJ
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS
ON GETTING OUT

OF THE VERY DANGEROUS
WORLD OF HABERDASHERY.

OH, DRUGS
ARE JUST A SIDELINE.

PROFITABLE, THOUGH.

MAY I SAMPLE YOUR WARES?

[ thunder cracks ]

[ music box playing ]

MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SKRINKLE AND I JUST DID
ALL YOUR COCAINE.

YOU DID WHAT?

I FIGURED IF YOU WERE
GOING TO RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP
BY DOING DRUGS

I SHOULD SEE WHAT ALL
THE FUSS IS ABOUT.

GREAT, SO NOW
WE HAVE TWO DRUG ADDICTS
IN THE FAMILY?

AND SKRINKLE MAKES THREE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"ANY MORE"?

MORE AS IN MORE, MORON.

WHAT PART DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND, DUH-FACE?

FUCK YOU.
I'M OUT OF HERE.

YOU'RE JUST MAD
'CAUSE I DID ALL YOUR STUFF
AND I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT.

IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR
I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.

[ door slams ]

♪ TURN AROUND

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN
I GET A LITTLE BIT LONELY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE
NEVER COMING ROUND ♪

♪ TURN AROUND

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN
I GET A LITTLE... ♪

WAKE UP, MICHAEL.

YOU CAME.

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN
I GET A LITTLE... ♪

THESE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS
HAVE GOT TO STOP.

WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE
FAR TOO SELFISH

TO EVER HURT YOURSELF.

JAMES, HOLD ME, PLEASE.

I FEEL COLD INSIDE.

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN
I FALL APART ♪

♪ TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES...

OKAY, JUST THIS ONCE.

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH LOVE

IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
TO SATISFY YOU.

WELL, KEOKI'S ALL I NEED.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED--

A NICE HOT CUP
OF HOT CHOCOLATE.

CAN YOU PUT
SOME ECSTASY IN MINE?

WHAT? SINCE WHEN ARE YOU INTO DRUGS?

ECSTASY ISN'T A DRUG, SILLY.

IT'S NOT EVEN
A LISTED SUBSTANCE.

IT'S JUST MEDICATION

FOR MY RAPID-CYCLING
BIPOLAR DISORDER.

PEOPLE SAY
WE'RE SUPERFICIAL.

WE ARE.
PROFOUNDLY SO.

WE'RE TWO PEAS IN A POD,
YOU AND I, JAMES.

PITY THE POD.

YOU'RE THE YODA
TO MY LUKE.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU ARE THE PAULA ABDUL
TO MY JANET JACKSON.

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY FIRST BOYFRIEND
IN JUNIOR HIGH?

I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO.
CUE THE MUSIC.

[ soft piano plays ]

WHEN I WAS 14 WE WERE
INSEPARABLE, HIM AND I.

SO THAT WE WOULD NEVER
HAVE TO BE APART

WE CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN THAT HE'D KIDNAP ME

AND MY BODY WOULD NEVER EVER BE FOUND.

WE SPENT DAYS PRACTICING

TO SEE HOW LONG I COULD SPEND IN CONFINED SPACES.

ON THE DAY BEFORE THE KIDNAPPING

HIS FATHER FOUND US WRESTLING.

AFTER THAT, HE NEVER TALKED TO ME AGAIN.

I CALLED HIM LAST NIGHT,

AFTER KEOKI LEFT.

HE'S MARRIED NOW,
WITH KIDS.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN COME
TO THE PHONE.

HIS WIFE HUNG UP ON ME.

I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD
MOVE IN WITH ME, JAMES.

I'M JUST LIKE A BALLOON,

UNLESS SOMEONE
HOLDS MY STRING...

I'LL FLOAT AWAY.

GOOD, IT'S SETTLED THEN.

WE'LL GO GET YOUR STUFF
LATER TODAY.

[ cuckoo chiming ]

[ Michael whistling ]

Michael:
OUR MAGAZINE'S
ON THE STANDS TODAY.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
OUR OWN MAGAZINE.

I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT.

AND THERE'S A PROBLEM,
A BIG PROBLEM.

I'VE BEEN CUT OFF.

"JAMES ST. JAMES HEADS
UP WHITE SLAVE RING.

SELLS 12-YEAR-OLD BOYS
ON AVENUE B.

EXCLUSIVE BY MICHAEL ALIG."

WHY, MICHAEL, WHY?

COME ON, SKRINK,
I THINK IT'S FUNNY.

[ scoffs ]

MY FATHER DOES NOT SHARE
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS
A "PROJECT X" READER.

YES YOU DID, BECAUSE YOU
SENT HIM A LIFETIME
SUBSCRIPTION.

AND NOW I'VE BEEN
CUT OFF WITHOUT A PENNY.

SO NO MORE TRUST FUND
AND NO MORE GAULTIER

AND NO MORE FUCKING
COMMES DES GARCONS, MICHAEL.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU
HAVE A FATHER.

MICHAEL, FOR ONCE,

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

LOOK, JAMES, I'M SORRY.

I'LL TALK TO YOUR FATHER.
I PROMISE.

LOOK...

WHY DON'T WE
MAKE A PACT, OKAY?

THAT WHENEVER YOU'RE
DOWN, I'LL HELP YOU,

AND WHENEVER I'M DOWN,
YOU'LL HELP ME.

IT'S KIND
OF LIKE A SEESAW.

EXCEPT NEITHER ONE
OF US CAN GET OFF.

[ laughs ]

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need you

♪ I-I-I-I-I-I Need...

COME ON.
COME ON.

♪ I-I-I need,
I need you ♪

♪ Two of hearts

♪ Two hearts
that beat as one ♪

- ♪ Two of hearts
- ♪ I need you, I need you

♪ Two of hearts

♪ Two hearts
that beat as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts,
come on, come on ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need you

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need, I need

♪ I need you.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER, JAMES?
I'M STARVED.

I FINISHED THE MOST
MARVELOUS SENTENCE TODAY.

THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT
FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS.

THE RHYTHM, THE SYNTAX,
THE DISSONANCE,

THE DIPHTHONGS--
IT'S PERFECT.

[ clears throat ]

"LAST NIGHT I DREAMT
OF GLOCCA MORRA...

AGAIN."

IT'S REALLY A SHAME
YOU CAN'T PUBLISH
A SENTENCE.

I'M CONVINCED IT WOULD
BE A BESTSELLER.

[ bell ringing ]

[ James humming ]

[ sizzling ]

LIGHTLY TOASTED
ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER

EXPERTLY PREPARED
BY YOUR SOUS CHEF.

- DID KEOKI CALL?
- NO.

HE PROMISED HE'D CALL.

WE'LL SEE HIM NEXT WEEK
IN DALLAS, IF HE BOTHERS
TO SHOW UP.

[ laughs ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU NEED A NEW PROJECT,

SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU BUSY.

I KNOW,

WHY NOT CREATE
A NEW SUPERSTAR?

A SUPERSTAR DRUG DEALER.

THEY'D BE INSTANTLY POPULAR
BECAUSE DRUG DEALERS

CAN AFFORD THE BEST OUTFITS
AND EVERYBODY LOVES DRUGS.

THEY WOULD GIVE YOU
ALL THE DRUGS YOU WANTED
FOR FREE.

AND IF THEY DIDN'T, I'D JUST
86 THEM RIGHT OUT OF THE CLUB.

- DON'T SPILL IT.
- MICHAEL, YOU'RE SUCH
AN ADDICT.

- [ phone ringing ]
- THAT'LL BE KEOKI.

HELLO.

NO.

JAMES, NO DIPPING INTO THE COOKING SHERRY!

YEAH.

OH, OKAY.

YES, YES, THANK YOU.

BYE.

WAS THAT KEOKI?

WHAT DID HE SAY?
DID HE ASK ABOUT ME?

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

IT WASN'T KEOKI.
IT WAS THE POLICE.

NOW GIVE ME MY K.

THE POLICE?
WHAT DID THEY WANT?

- STOP TRYING
TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
- MICHAEL, TELL ME.

CHRISTINA'S DEAD.

NOW GIVE ME
MY GODDAMN K.

MICHAEL, OH MY GOD.

COME ON, LET ME
DO YOUR MAKE-UP.
WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

LATE?

HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK
ABOUT GOING OUT?

I'VE BEEN PLANNING
THIS PARTY FOR MONTHS.

- CHRISTINA HAD NO RIGHT
TO GO AND DIE ON US.
- YOU GHOUL.

OH PLEASE, THE BEST SUPERSTAR
IS A DEAD SUPERSTAR.

- STOP IT. I MEAN IT!
- [ Freez screams ]

MY FUCKING BUTT IS ON FIRE!

[ laughs ]

COME ON.

LET ME DO YOUR FACE.

WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

HI.

WELCOME TO CHICKEN BUN.

MAY I TAKE
YOUR ORDER, PLEASE?

YES, I'D LIKE
300 CHEESEBURGERS

AND 300 FRENCH FRIES,
PLEASE.

[ hitting keys ]

WILL THAT BE
TO STAY OR TO GO?

TO STAY.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING
TO DRINK WITH THAT?

HOW ABOUT ONE OF YOUR THICK
AND CREAMY MILKSHAKES?

MY NAME'S RODNEY.

YOU CAN CALL ME
ROD FOR SHORT.

HELLO, ROD.

[ cheering ]

DINNER'S SERVED.

DON'T BE SHY.
OH, I'M SORRY.

CHRISTINA'S DEAD!
RA LA DIDDLE DOO!

♪ YOU GOT TO WALK

♪ WALK

♪ WALK YOUR ASS
DOWN THE RUNWAY, JETWAY ♪

♪ WALK, WALK

♪ MODELING IS AN UGLY
BUSINESS... ♪

MICHAEL.

- MICHAEL!
- [ sirens wailing ]

HEY, I GOT MY WINGS.

THEN FLY AWAY HOME.
THE POLICE ARE COMING.

[ Rodney laughing ]
HEY, HEY!

HEY!

DO YOU STILL WANT
THAT MILKSHAKE?

OF COURSE.
TO GO.

Man:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MEET AMERICA'S FUTURE.

THE CLUB KIDS.
HERE THEY ARE.

- [ dance music playing ]
- [ audience applauding ]

♪ YOU BETTER WORK,
COVER-GIRL ♪

♪ WORK IT, GIRL,
GIVE A TWIRL ♪

♪ DO YOUR THING
ON THE RUNWAY ♪

♪ WORK, SUPERMODEL

♪ WORK IT, GIRL,
AROUND THE WORLD ♪

♪ WET YOUR LIPS
AND MAKE LOVE TO THE CAMERA ♪

♪ WORK, TURN TO THE LEFT

♪ WORK, NOW TURN
TO THE RIGHT ♪

♪ WORK, SACHER CHANTER

♪ WORK, TURN TO THE LEFT

♪ WORK, NOW TURN
TO THE RIGHT... ♪

WHO INVITED HIM?

- I DID.
- WHATEVER FOR?

AND IT'S NOT EVEN
OUR HALLOWEEN SHOW.

[ weak laughter ]

CLUB KIDS, SO WHAT
DO YOU ACTUALLY DO?

WE DON'T DO,
WE JUST ARE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT WORK?

IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK
TO LOOK THAT RIDICULOUS.

WELL, MY WINGED VALKYRIE...

- HOW DO YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF?
- WELL I--

CAN'T YOU GUESS?
HE'S A DRUG DEALER.

- [ audience gasps ]
- [ Michael laughs ]

- NO, BUT SERIOUSLY?
- IT'S ALL JUST INNOCENT FUN.

THEY'RE NOT HURTING ANYONE.

LET THE CHILDREN PLAY.

WE'RE PARTYING
WITH THE CLUB KIDS,

FAMOUS BECAUSE
THEY'RE FABULOUS.

THAT'S SO COOL.

Man:
AND WE'RE CLEAR.

- MICHAEL, WHERE
HAVE YOU BEEN?
- IN JAIL.

NO, MY BABY BEHIND BARS?

ME AND RODNEY HIJACKED
AND CRASHED A CAB.

- ANGEL BAILED ME OUT.
- ANGEL?

ACTUALLY, ANGEL
BAILED YOU OUT.

ME?

YEAH, I TOLD THE POLICE
I WAS YOU.

OH, JAMES,
IT'S JUST ALL IN FUN.

AND AFTER I TOLD THEM
THAT YOU HAD AIDS

THEY GAVE ME MY OWN ROOM
WITH A VCR AND ICE CREAM.

[ laughing ]

MICHAEL,
I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU.
I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU.

Man:
WE'RE BACK IN FIVE, FOUR,

- THREE.
- [ theme music plays ]

SO, JUST WHAT IS A CLUB KID?

IT'S ALL ABOUT
SELF-EXPRESSION.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE A TROLL,
THEN YOU SHOULD LOOK
LIKE A TROLL.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

I MEAN, IF YOU
HAVE A HUNCHBACK

JUST THROW A LITTLE GLITTER
ON IT, HONEY, AND GO DANCING.

- AND YOU ARE?
- HE'S A TROLL.

TROLL ST. TROLL.

I AM JAMES ST. JAMES,
THE ORIGINAL.

THE ORIGINAL DRUG CHILD.

AS YOU CAN SEE,
YEARS OF ABUSE

HAVE TAKEN ITS TOLL
ON THE TROLL.

ALTHOUGH HE LOOKS
MUCH OLDER,

HE JUST TURNED 30.

I AM 21

AND MICHAEL ALIG
HAS STOLEN ALL OF MY IDEAS.

WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?
CAN YOU REALLY BE A CLUB KID
IN YOUR 50s?

ASK MY MOM.

WHY NOT?

MY SON IS A SUCCESS.

AND HE STARTED OUT
SELLING CANDY

FROM A LITTLE SHOEBOX
AT SCHOOL

AND NOW HE SENDS
A STRETCH LIMOUSINE

FOR ME AT THE AIRPORT.

ISN'T IT TRUE, MA'AM,
THAT YOUR SON MICHAEL

TURNED YOU ON
TO THE PILL ECSTASY?

- [ audience murmuring ]
- [ Michael chuckles ]

HE SAID
IT WAS A HEADACHE PILL.

WHAT HAPPENED
WHEN YOU TOOK IT?

MY HEADACHE WENT AWAY.

[ laughing ]

CLUB KIDS ARE CONDUCTING
A NATIONWIDE TALENT SEARCH

STARTING IN DALLAS
NEXT WEEK.

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.

THESE ARE THE CLUB KIDS.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

THANKS SO MUCH,
MR. CHICKEN.

GREAT.
THANK YOU, DEAR.

Great stuff.
Really liked it.

[ TV turns off ]

I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE THEM,
BUT THE PLACE IS PACKED

ALMOST EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

- THE KID IS DOING
SOMETHING RIGHT.
- MM-HMM.

AND THAT'S GOING TO DO US
A LOT OF GOOD WHEN THE FEDS
SHUT US DOWN.

- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
- ANGEL, HAVE YOU GOT--

- MICHAEL, HOW COULD
YOU DO THAT?
- DO WHAT?

LIE ABOUT MY AGE
TO THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES.

- ANGEL, I REALLY NEED--
- MICHAEL, IT'S TIME TO GO.
I'VE GOT A DATE.

MOM, I CAN'T TAKE YOU
TO THE AIRPORT.

- I'M SICK.
- NO, YOU'RE SICK?
WHAT'S--

OH, IT'S NOTHING.
IT'S JUST HEROIN WITHDRAWAL.

MICHAEL.

MICHAEL!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

- MY FAULT?
- ALL YOUR FAULT.

YOU-- YOU FEEDING
MY CHILD DRUGS.

NO, DIDN'T YOU SEE...

COME ON, I'LL TAKE
YOU TO PORT AUTHORITY.

I CAME IN A STRETCH LIMO.

I'M NOT LEAVING IN A BUS.

I KNOW.

IT'S A TRAGEDY.

PAY YOU TO FLY AROUND
THE COUNTRY RECRUITING
CLUB KIDS? NO.

- THINK OF THE PRESS.
- THINK OF THE COST.

I BUY YOU AN APARTMENT,
SET YOU UP WITH A MAGAZINE,

PAY ALL YOUR BILLS
AND STILL YOU WANT MORE.

IT'S NEVER ENOUGH, IS IT?

IT'S A RECIPROCAL
KIND OF RELATIONSHIP,
YOU KNOW, PETER?

FATHER-SON KIND OF THING?

AND ANOTHER THING,

YOUR DRUG USE IS BECOMING
INDISCRIMINATE.

I WON'T DO CRACK
WITHOUT HEROIN.

COME HERE.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THAT IS?

THEY'RE THE FEDS

AND THEY'RE WATCHING ME
AROUND THE CLOCK.

THEY THINK I'M RUNNING
SOME KIND OF DRUG
SUPERMARKET.

OH, PETER,
YOU'RE JUST PARANOID.

YOU KNOW
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
TO HAVE ANY FUN.

LOOK, I HAVE TO START
PLAYING THE GAME.

IF I WANT TO HAVE FUN, MICHAEL,

I'D GO AWAY ON A LITTLE...

VACATION.

I'D BOOK A HOTEL ROOM

AND I'D DISAPPEAR
FOR A FEW DAYS.

IN FACT,

I'M PLANNING A VACATION
QUITE SOON.

COULD I HAVE A LITTLE MORE?

YOU KNOW, FOR EXPENSES.

[ dance music playing ]

GOD,

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE HERE IN DALLAS.

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE
YOU DID ON TV.

THAT SHOW CHANGED MY LIFE.

THERE YOU WERE JUST UP
ON THAT SCREEN

AND FAMOUS FOR NO REASON.

I THOUGHT, OH MY GOD,
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I CRIED.
GOD.

JUST WAIT TILL YOU
TRY MY DRUG SALAD.

- WHERE'S KEOKI?
- HE DIDN'T MAKE
HIS CONNECTION.

SOMETHING HE'S BEEN DOING
FOR SOME TIME NOW.

A LITTLE SOMETHING,
GENTLEMEN?

[ chuckling ]
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL
A GUARDIAN ANGEL.

STICK WITH ME, ANGEL.
I'LL MAKE YOU A SUPERSTAR.

THANKS, SKROD.

THAT'S SKRINK-LA DOO
TO YOU.

[ laughs ]

BROOKE, YOU SHOULD REALLY MOVE TO NEW YORK.

SHUT UP. NEW YORK?

OH HON, HE SAYS
THAT TO EVERYONE.

SOME OF THEM ACTUALLY
DO MOVE TO NEW YORK,
THE POOR THINGS.

NO JOB, NOWHERE TO STAY.

IN THE TWINK OF AN EYE
THEY ARE HOMELESS CRACK ADDICTS

PROSTITUTING THEMSELVES
ON THE STREETS FOR
A BUFFALO NICKEL.

DON'T LISTEN TO JAMES.
HE'S SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA.

DEMENTIA? I KNOW HER.
SHE'S A DRAG QUEEN, RIGHT?

CAN MY FRIEND GITSIE COME TOO?
HEY, GITSIE, COME OVER HERE.

COME HERE!

Brooklets:
GITSIE, MICHAEL.
MICHAEL, GITSIE.

- HI.
- HI.

GITSIE,
WHAT A GREAT NAME.

OF COURSE,
YOU CAN BOTH COME.

AND YOU CAN BE
MY NEW GIRLFRIEND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I JUST SAW YOU ON TV.

AND YOU CAN BOTH
STAY WITH US.

James:
MICHAEL, ISN'T IT GETTING
A LITTLE CROWDED

IN HOUR HUMBLE ABODE?
WHAT WITH FREEZ, ANGEL,

MOI, YOUR NAME?

- BROOKE.
- BROOKE, AND THIS ONE?

OH, JAMES, IT'S NOT LIKE
I SEE YOU PAYING ANY RENT.

RE-- I COOK, I CLEAN,

I TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER.

SALAD IS SERVED.

FIVE MINUTES TO SHOW TIME.

Michael and James:
SHOW TIME?

YOUR SHOW.

BUT WE DON'T HAVE A SHOW.

WE DON'T DO ANYTHING.

CURTAIN UP AT THE END
OF THIS SONG.

Michael and James: SONG?

Announcer:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MANHATTAN'S ONLY CLUB KIDS.

[ cheering ]

[ dance music playing ]

GREETINGS CITIZENS.

WE ARE LIVING IN THE AGE

IN WHICH THE PURSUIT
OF ALL VALUES

OTHER THAN MONEY,
SUCCESS,

FAME, GLAMOUR

HAS EITHER BEEN DISCREDITED
OR DESTROYED.

MONEY, SUCCESS,
FAME, GLAMOUR.

FOR WE ARE LIVING IN THE AGE OF THE THING.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

[ all chanting ]
MONEY, SUCCESS,
FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY, SUCCESS,
FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY.

BLOOD FEAST?
LEGS CUT OFF?

MICHAEL, THIS IS SICK.

OF COURSE IT'S SICK.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SICK.

NO!

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
AND I WANT TO HAVE
A BLOOD FEAST.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

IF YOU WANT YOUR MORTGAGE
PAID, YOU WILL CHECK
YOURSELF INTO REHAB.

BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO.

I SAID I WOULD PAY.

DOES SHE SPEAK?

ONLY WHEN HE WANTS ME TO.

MY KIND OF GIRL.

ALL RIGHT LOOK,

IF YOU GET YOURSELF
INTO A REHAB

YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR BLOOD FEAST

AS A GOING-AWAY PRESENT.

THANK YOU, PETER.
I PROMISE.

OH, I'VE GOT SOMETHING
FOR YOUR VACATION.

[ Gitsie giggling ]

TA-DAH!

BUGS. BUGS.

I KNOW THEY'RE HERE
SOMEWHERE.

HE'S OUT THERE.

Peter: YOU THINK YOU'RE PETER PAN, MICHAEL.

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

I'M PETER.

AND I'M SITTING ON THE PAN.

[ laughing ]

[ snorting ]

Michael: I WAS JUST THINKING.

I WAS JUST THINKING
HOW NICE IT WOULD BE
TO BE IN CENTRAL PARK.

IN THE SUNSHINE.

MICHAEL!

YOU AND ME.

Peter: GITSIE!

- WITH AN ICE CREAM.
- IT'S LONELY IN HERE.

I WANT MY MONEY, MICHAEL.

I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW.

Angel: MICHAEL, I WANT MY MONEY.

[ screaming ]

MICHAEL, WAKE UP!
COME ON!

OH GOD.

[ screaming ]

[ heart monitor beeping ]

[ baby crying ]

James:
♪ SKRINK LA DA

♪ LA SKROD LA DOODLE DA

♪ LA SKRINK LA SKROD
LA SKROD LA DOODLE
SKRINK LA DA ♪

♪ SKRINK LA DOODLE
DA SKROD. ♪

- I KNEW YOU'D COME.
- BANANA? PEACH?

[ laughs ]

OH MY GOD!
YOU'RE ALIVE!

IT WAS SO NICE BEING DEAD.

LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT E.R. SHEET.

OH MY GOD.
I JUST GOT A GREAT IDEA.

THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

WE'LL ALL GET DRESSED UP
LIKE NURSES AND DOCTORS

AND GIVE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS
FOR FREE DRUGS.

KEOKI WILL DJ
AND YOU CAN BE--

YOU CAN BE A SERIAL KILLER
NURSE WITH THE ENEMA.

MICHAEL, I CAN'T.

- CAN I BE A MENTAL PATIENT?
- OF COURSE YOU CAN.

JAMES, DO YOU
HAVE A BUMP OF K?

I'M REALLY TRYING
TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER
AND WRITE, MICHAEL.

A BUMP OF K'S GOING
TO KILL ME NOW, IS IT?

[ laughs ]

COME ON,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

MICHAEL, YOU CAN'T
JUST LEAVE.

YOU'RE ATTACHED TO THINGS.
MICHAEL!

COME ON, JAMES.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

[ techno music playing ]

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH...

PARTY'S OVER.

AND YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND
HERE NAKED ANYMORE.

I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Michael:
WHAT'S THIS?

- IT SAYS SEVERANCE PAY.
- MM-HMM.

WHERE'S PETER?

I THINK HE'S DONE EVERYTHING HE CAN FOR YOU, MICHAEL.

HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER.

PETER STILL LOVES ME
MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU.

I'M STILL FABULOUS.

WHEN I LOOK
INTO YOUR EYES, DO YOU WANT
TO KNOW WHAT I SEE?

I SEE A POOR PATHETIC
FRIGHTENED LITTLE BOY,

TOO SCARED TO FACE REALITY.

FABULOUS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WOW, MICHAEL,
YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

NO THANKS, MAN.

WHY WON'T YOU COME HOME?

I MISS YOU.

I MISS YOU, TOO.
I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL.

SO YOU'LL COME HOME?

THAT'D BE NICE BUT,
YOU KNOW, MY SCHEDULE'S
JUST CRAZY RIGHT NOW.

DAY AFTER TOMORROW
I'M GOING TO ICELAND.

THEN IBIZA

AND THEN MALAYSIA.

I THINK I DROPPED A ROCK.

MICHAEL.

I DROPPED TWO ROCKS.

MIKE, MICHAEL.

I DROPPED A ROCK.
LOOK ON THE FLOOR.

LOOK IN THE CARPET.
FIND THE ROCK.

REMEMBER?

THERE, MICHAEL.

MICHAEL, CHECK
BEHIND THE RADIATOR.

I THINK IT FELL
BEHIND THE RADIATOR.

OW!

MICHAEL, LOOK.

YOU SEE THAT HOLE?

THERE'S A HOLE BACK THERE
AND THERE'S SOMETHING
IN THERE.

IF I CAN JUST
REACH MY HAND.

- [ squeaking ]
- OW! OW!

FUCK! FUCK!

FUCKING RAT!

I JUST GOT BIT
BY A FUCKING RAT.

HUH.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S NOT A CRACK HOLE.
THAT'S A RAT HOLE.

- RAT'S ON CRACK ATTACK.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, ANGEL.

WE DID ALL YOUR DRUGS
AND WE NEED SOME MORE.

YOU DID WHAT?

WE DID ALL YOUR DRUGS
AND WE NEED SOME MORE.

NOW.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS.

HOW ABOUT PAYING
ME SOME RENT?

FOR WHAT?
HUH?

FOR ALL THE FUCKING DRUGS
YOU'VE DONE FOR FREE?

FORGET IT.

OH, I GET IT.

YOU'RE A NOBODY WHO I
TURNED INTO A SOMEBODY.

BECAUSE OF ME PEOPLE
KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

BECAUSE OF ME YOU GET
TO GO ON TELEVISION.

BUT THAT ISN'T GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE
YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE IT.

YOU AND YOUR TIRED
OLD ANGEL WINGS.

DON'T START WITH ME,
MICHAEL.

YOU'RE JUST SOME--
SOME LAME ASS

JOHNNY-COME-LATELY
FAIRY FAGGOT COPYCAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR SKRINK
FROM YOUR SKROD, YOU STUPID
LAGER BLOGGER.

BUT STILL,
NO HARD FEELINGS?

[ scoffs ]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

FUCK! FUCK!

- FUCK!
- [ Michael giggling ]

I DON'T MEAN
TO BUTT IN HERE,

BUT WHAT IS BROOKE
DOING IN MY BEDROOM?

- FUCK!
- Brooke: MICHAEL!

WHAT IS JAMES
DOING IN MY BEDROOM?

I'M SO OUT OF HERE.

WAIT, YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

YOU PROMISED.
WE HAVE A PACT, REMEMBER?

[ door shuts ]

Man on TV:
It's a quarter past 3:00.

In the local news
at this hour,

police have raided and closed
The Limelight nightclub

alleging it has become
a drug den.

No arrests were made,
but narcotics agents...

[ sirens wailing ]

[ ringing ]

[ phone ringing ]

MICHAEL.

MICHAEL.

I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.

I CAME, DIDN'T I?

MICHAEL, I'M TAKING YOU
TO REHAB NOW.

OH, MICHAEL.

OUR CAT IS DEAD.

[ sobbing ]

Angel: MICHAEL!

WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY?

YOU BETTER GIVE ME
MY FUCKING MONEY, MICHAEL.

'CAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF SHIT

THE COPS WOULD BE
INTERESTED IN RIGHT NOW.

BYE BYE, PETER GATIEN.

YOU FUCKING BASTARD SPIC!

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

HE BROKE MY TEAPOT.
MY FAVORITE TEAPOT.

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

JAMES?

[ techno music playing ]

Michael: JAMES?

Michael: JAMES!

GODDAMN IT, WHY DOES EVERYONE
GOT TO DIE ON ME?

[ muffled voices ]

[ gasps ]

[ heart monitor beeping ]

LET ME BE THE FIRST
TO CONGRATULATE YOU
ON YOUR FIRST OVERDOSE.

LET ME BE THE FIRST
TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
THAT WAS GENIUS.

ONLY YOU COULD DREAM UP
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

- DREAM UP WHAT?
- LAST NIGHT'S PARTY.

IT WAS BETTER
THAN A 10-INCH DICK
AND YOU KNOW IT.

WHEN ANGEL WAS LOWERED
FROM THE CEILING,
BOY OH BOY.

AND TO THINK I BELIEVED
YOU ACTUALLY KILLED HIM.

I SWALLOWED IT HOOK, LINE
AND SINKER, BUT I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU
COULD NEVER KILL ANYONE.

JAMES, YOU'RE DELIRIOUS.

HERE, LISTEN TO THIS.

MICHAEL MUSTO'S COLUMN.

"NIGHTCLUBBING"
MR. MESS...

WAS FIGHTING MR. DEALER
ABOUT MONEY HE WAS OWED.

MR. DEALER
WAS CHOKING MR. MESS

JUST AS MR. MESS #2
CAME IN

AND HIT MR. DEALER
OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER."

FABULOUS, YOU EVEN
SUCKERED THE PRESS.
IT'S GENIUS.

JAMES, WOULD I LIE TO YOU?

YES, ALL THE TIME.

WELL, NOT THIS TIME.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
HOW I GOT RID OF THE BODY?

OKAY, MR. PSYCHO KILLER,
I'LL PLAY ALONG.

SNUGGLE UP.

Michael:
DAYS PASSED.

WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

SHUT UP.
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

PLUMBING'S FUCKED.

Michael:
AFTER ABOUT A WEEK OR SO

THE SMELL GOT SO BAD
I SAID TO FREEZ...

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS TERRIBLE MESS.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BUT FREEZ ISN'T VERY GOOD
IN THE DEAD BODY DISPOSAL
DEPARTMENT, NO SIREE.

SO I SENT HIM TO MACY'S KITCHENWARE TO BUY SOME KNIVES

AND A TV BECAUSE WE NEEDED A BIG BOX.

I DID SO MUCH HEROIN THAT DAY, I HOPED IT WOULD KILL ME.

BUT IT WAS EASY.

THE MEAT JUST FELL AWAY

AND THE BONES JUST SNAPPED.

WE PUT IT ALL INTO A BOX IN THE LIVING ROOM.

AND AFTER A FEW MORE DAYS

WE THREW IT INTO THE RIVER

AND IT FLOATED AWAY.

IT WASN'T LIKE HE
WAS ALIVE OR ANYTHING.

HE WAS TOTALLY DEAD.

JAMES?

SAY SOMETHING.

MICHAEL, YOU HAVE
TO TURN YOURSELF IN.

MICHAEL, WE HAVE TO GO.

- WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
- DON'T BE JEALOUS.

WE'RE GOING
TO REHAB RIGHT NOW.

IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE A HONEYMOON.

WE'LL START ALL OVER AGAIN.

NO DRUGS.

NOTHING.

WE'RE GOING TO DRIVE CROSS COUNTRY,

SLEEP UNDER THE STARS,

SWIM IN THE COOL CRYSTAL WATERFALLS.

JUST YOU AND ME.

AND YOU'LL GET BETTER.

AND EVERYTHING
WILL ALL GET BETTER.

HOW BUCOLIC.

MICHAEL.

I CAN'T PEE.

COME IN HERE.

IT'S NICE AND WARM.

OH, GITSIE.

EVERYTHING'S SUCH A MESS.

DON'T WORRY, MICHAEL.

PROMISE ME
YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME.

I PROMISE.

[ whispering ]
YOU PROMISE.

I LOVE YOU.

SKROD LA DA.

I CAN PEE AGAIN.

ME TOO.

[ shrieks ]

[ knocking ]

Man: HOUSEKEEPING. YOU NEED A TURN-DOWN SERVICE?

GO AWAY! WE DON'T NEED
ANY MORE TOWELS.

[ door crashing open ]

- NO! WHAT THE--
- SHH, SHH.

I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

HEY, HEY! JUST KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT, KIDDO.
DO YOURSELF A BIG FAVOR.

NO! FUCKERS!

Man: LIKE "STAR WARS," MIKE.

YOU'RE LUKE, A FORCE FOR THE GOOD.

BUT SOMEHOW YOU HAVE BEEN CORRUPTED

BY A DARK POWERFUL FORCE.

PETER GATIEN.

WE NEED YOU TO HELP US OVERTHROW THE EVIL EMPEROR, YOU SEE?

BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

WHAT ABOUT THE DRUGS
AT THE CLUBS?

THE EMERGENCY ROOM
AND THE PRIVATE PARTIES
AT HOTELS?

LISTEN, MICHAEL,
YOU HELP US

AND WE CAN TAKE CARE
OF YOUR LITTLE...

MISHAP.

- BUT IT WAS--
- WHAT, SELF-DEFENSE?

WE COULD BE LOOKING AT MURDER
IN THE FIRST DEGREE, PAL.

Man #2:
NOW YOU THINK ABOUT
THE BIG THINGS.

WE CAN MAKE SURE
THAT THE LITTLE THINGS

TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

[ knocking ]

Michael:
SKROD LA DA DA.

[ doorbell buzzing ]

WANT TO BUY A CLOCK?

MICHAEL, I--

I THOUGHT
YOU'D BEEN ARRESTED.

YOU WISH.

I NEED MONEY.

WELL, MICHAEL, I'M BROKE.

AND I'VE GOT
A STOMACH-ACHE.

WHAT'S THIS?
IS THIS YOUR MANUSCRIPT?

- NO, MICHAEL, DON'T--
- THERE'S NOTHING HERE.

OH, JAMES,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO DO BETTER THAN THAT.

[ doorbell buzzes ]

OH, THAT'LL
BE BILL AND BEN.

I MADE A DEAL.

I'M HELPING THE POLICE
WITH THEIR INQUIRES.

ABOUT THE MURDER?

NO, SILLY,
THE DRUG INVESTIGATION.

IT'S FUN. BILL AND BEN
DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MURDER.

THEY'RE GOING
TO GIVE ME ANONYMITY.

- IMMUNITY.
- WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,

IF IT REALLY WAS
SELF-DEFENSE THEN...

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT. YOU CAN--

YOU SHOULD JUST TURN
YOURSELF IN.

[ doorbell buzzing ]

OH, I'VE GOT TO GO.

MICHAEL, PETER WAS LIKE
A FATHER TO YOU.

HE GAVE YOU EVERYTHING.
HOW CAN YOU JUST RAT HIM OUT?

OH, JAMES, I'M GETTING
AWAY WITH MURDER AND YOU'RE
JUST JEALOUS.

[ thunder cracking ]

- HELLO.
- HI.

REMEMBER ME?

NO.

REMEMBER CLARA THE CHICKEN?

ICY THE BEAR?

AND TIRESIAS THE RAT?

NO, I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU AT ALL.

YOU REALLY SHOULD
STAY OFF THE K.

ANYWAY, I WAS THERE.
I SAW IT ALL.

- LOOK.
- [ TV turns on ]

REMEMBER THAT CHRISTMAS WHEN FREEZ GOT BITTEN?

[ laughing ] THAT WAS ME.

JUST A PLAYFUL LITTLE NIP.
NOW WATCH.

FAST FORWARD A LITTLE BIT.

SEE, THAT'S ANGEL'S ROOM.

LOOK OVER THERE IN THE CLOSET.

THAT'S ANGEL'S STASH.

AND LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE.

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER?

THAT'S MICHAEL.

Rat:
MM-HMM. NOW WATCH.

I'LL FAST FORWARD
A LITTLE BIT.

YOU FUCKING BASTARD SPIC!

[ crashing ]

[ cracking ]

Rat:
NOW HERE'S WHERE
IT GETS DISTURBING.

[ pager beeping ]

ALL RIGHT, SO SEE,
HE'S NOT DEAD YET.

HE'S NOT DEAD YET, JIMMY,
'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT DONE.

FIRST THEY STRIP HIM NAKED.

AND THEN THE OLD
PILLOW TRICK.

AND THEN,
THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE,

A DRANO INJECTION.

THAT STUFF IS USED
TO UNCLOG PIPES, JIMMY,

NOT VEINS.

STOP IT!
STOP IT!

[ gasping ]

Man: SO, THIS RAT,

IT'S SITTING ON YOUR SOFA

- AND WHAT EXACTLY--
- [ phone ringing ]

EXCUSE ME.

- HELLO?
- Michael: Skrink!

SKROD!

I'M JUST IN THE MIDDLE
OF A TELEVISION INTERVIEW.

- About what?
- MY NOVEL.

PUBLISHED TODAY.

IT'S CALLED "DISCO BLOODBATH"
AND IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.

OH, JAMES,
HOW TYPICAL.

GO AND COMMIT
YOUR OWN MURDER.

I WAS JUST TELLING THE STORY
OF HOW I GOT YOU ARRESTED.

WHAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'D DO THAT.

WELL, YOU GAVE ME
NO CHOICE.

- BUT I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.
- ISN'T THAT WHAT BEST FRIENDS
ARE FOR?

JAMES CLARK,
I COULD KILL YOU.

[ laughing ]

You know,

PRISON ISN'T
ALL THAT DIFFERENT
FROM A NIGHTCLUB.

EVERYTHING'S FOR FREE

AND I DON'T HAVE TO GET
OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING.

AND I CAN GET ALL THE DRUGS
AND SEX I WANT.

AND AFTER GITSIE
AND I GET MARRIED

WE CAN HAVE CONJUGAL VISITS.

OH, MICHAEL,
I'M SO SORRY.

- Now what?
- YOU DIDN'T HEAR?

GITSIE'S DEAD.

An overdose.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE,
YOU KNOW.

THANK YOU.

I'm afraid I'm going
to have to hang up now.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN
THIS INTO AN AFTER
SCHOOL SPECIAL.

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET
THE LAST WORD AND YOU
WANT THIS TO END

WITH EVERYONE LIKING YOU
AND IT'S MY MOVIE.

I CAN'T LET IT END THAT WAY.

YOU ALWAYS KEPT OUR PACT.

This is where I need to be.

I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
AND IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

GOODBYE, MICHAEL ALIG.

[ dial tone ]

Man: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STILL TALK TO HIM.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HEARD OF A PEA
CHANGING ITS POD?

WELL, AT LEAST HE GAVE ME
SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

CURED MY WRITER'S BLOCK.

♪ THE VOICE
INSIDE MY HEAD SAID ♪

♪ TAKE IT SLOW

♪ TEMPTATION'S GOT
AHOLD OF ME ♪

♪ AND I HEAR THEM SAY

♪ OH, EVERYTHING GOOD
IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ OH, EVERYTHING GOOD
IS BAD ♪

♪ AND EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD
IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD
IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD
IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD. ♪

♪ SAILING THROUGH THE TOWN

♪ IN THE MORNING BY YOURSELF

♪ THERE'S A VERY SPECIAL
FEELING ♪

♪ A TRUE SENSATION
ALL IS WELL ♪

♪ IF YOU STAND AND RAISE
YOUR ARMS OUT WIDE ♪

♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND TRY TO FLY ♪

♪ IT'S AN UNDERGROUND
ILLUSION ♪

♪ TRICKING YOU
FROM SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ WE KNEW ALL THE ANSWERS

♪ AND WE SHOUTED THEM
LIKE ANTHEMS ♪

♪ ANXIOUS AND SUSPICIOUS

♪ BET GOD KNEW
HOW MUCH WE CHEATED ♪

♪ IT CAN'T COME
QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME
AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ IT CAN'T COME
QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME
AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ SKYSCRAPERS
RISE BETWEEN US ♪

♪ KEEPING ME
FROM FINDING YOU ♪

♪ IF THE CONCRETE
ARCHITECTURE ♪

♪ DISAPPEARED
THERE'D BE SO FEW ♪

♪ OF US LEFT TO NAVIGATE

♪ AND DEFEND OURSELVES
FROM THE TIDE ♪

♪ IT'S AN UNDERGROUND
ILLUSION ♪

♪ TRICKING YOU
FROM SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ THERE'S NO INDICATION

♪ OF WHAT WE
WERE MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ SUCKING UP TO STRANGERS

♪ THROWING WISHES
TO THE SEA ♪

♪ IT CAN'T COME
QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME
AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ IT CAN'T COME
QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME
AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED.