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1
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:08,759
- [Gate opens]
- [Tendi screams]
2
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,429
Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, no. No, no, no.
3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,931
This is bad. This is very bad.
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,767
I'm not supposed to be here.
I have a pottery class at 0900.
5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,810
Hey, just calm down.
We don't know what this is.
6
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:19,895
Are you kidding me?
7
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:24,149
Creepy stone walls, jagged metal bars.
This has alien prison written all over it.
8
00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,485
A prison? Nah. No way, man.
This is a dungeon.
9
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:27,778
That's even worse!
10
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,531
Hello! Could someone give us
some context in here, please?
11
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,325
A dungeon? But we didn't do anything.
Did we?
12
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,745
{gasps}
Oh, I've been replicating a lot of ice.
13
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,081
Are we not supposed to do that?
I really like ice.
14
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,518
I saw the captain and the bridge crew
get taken into another room.
15
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,460
What if they were replicating ice too?
16
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,922
Guys, this is basically a resort compared
to what the klingons do to you.
17
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,799
- I'm sure it's not a big...
- [Screams]
18
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,384
[Boimler] Oh, god. Oh, god.
19
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,552
[All scream]
20
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,462
[Chanting]
21
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,883
Hi!
22
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,719
Oh, man, they have all of our commanders
suspended in a beam!
23
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,680
- They must be on trial.
- For what?
24
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,435
Fellow primes!
25
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:27,397
These federation witnesses
have been brought before you
26
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:34,321
to speak truth about the senior officers
of the federation starship, cerf/roe.
27
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,323
[Chafienng]
28
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,426
- I... I didn't witness anything. Did you?
- I don't know.
29
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,303
What's the difference
between witnessing and looking?
30
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:43,914
You will speak
only into the horn of candor!
31
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,503
With this horn,
one of our most sacred horns,
32
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,172
you must only speak the truth.
33
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,590
Happy to be here.
34
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,319
I... I don't know what we're supposed
to be telling the truth about.
35
00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:01,848
The first to give testimony
will be ensign Beckett mariner.
36
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,059
Ship logs state you were present
on the bridge
37
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,229
when the cerr/z'os made contact
with the clicket ship tweerk
38
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:11,358
on stardate 57818.4.
39
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,486
Uh, I was, but I don't know
what you want me to...
40
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,947
Tell us of those wondrous events!
41
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,533
Okay! It started off as a usual day.
42
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,784
We were just hanging out.
43
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,704
I mean, we were just doing work
in the repair bay.
44
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:28,542
Roga danar? Are you nuts? I said,
"who's the all-time biggest badass?"
45
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,627
Not "who's a dude nobody's heard about?"
46
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,754
- Uh, everyone knows roga danar.
- No, they don't.
47
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,716
He totally outsmarted picard,
and he has amazing hair!
48
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,676
Well, what about Khan, right?
49
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:41,722
Khan was a genetically engineered
super villain. Dude was a space seed.
50
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:42,865
Ooh, ooh. Pause for a second.
51
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,475
I wanna talk about Khan
and that thick chest, but I gotta pee.
52
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,061
- Roga danar?
- [Alarm blaring]
53
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,813
Get the [bleep] outta my face.
54
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,940
Guys, the ship's at red alert.
55
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,900
- Uh, no, it isn't.
- Yeah, that's impossible.
56
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,546
I messed with our speakers so
they'd be extra loud during a red alert.
57
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,571
We'd know for sure.
58
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,824
You messed with the red alert speakers?
59
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,159
[All gasp]
60
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,578
- [Blaring continues]
- [Clamoring]
61
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,747
Uh, it's a red alert everywhere
except here.
62
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,081
- Rutherford!
- Aw, man!
63
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,167
Oh, we're gonna get
in such big trouble for this.
64
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,544
- We have to get to our stations!
- [Panting]
65
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,546
Gah, why did we have to
have bridge duty today?
66
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,965
We're gonna walk in,
and everyone's gonna be looking at us.
67
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,109
No, they won't. Just chill.
68
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,945
We'll just explain what happened and
why we're late. [Stammers] It'll be fine.
69
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,638
You want rutherford fired?
No, just follow my lead. We'll fake it.
70
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,182
- Fake what?
- It!
71
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,559
I'm not faking on the bridge.
That's insane.
72
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,163
The captain knows what she wants you
to do, so nod and agree with her,
73
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,874
or we'll end up getting kicked off
the ship, and we'll have to live on earth,
74
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,459
where there's nothing to do
except drink wine
75
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,523
and hang out at vineyards
and soul food restaurants.
76
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,530
- [Blaring continues]
- [Groans] These guys are maniacs.
77
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,656
Captain, what happened?
78
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,576
They just randomly attacked me
for thanking them.
79
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,579
[Groans] This injustice will not stand.
80
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,998
We gave you the map,
and now you tum on us?
81
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,501
Captain, this is all a misunderstanding.
82
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,754
I simply showed gratitude
for your map of the neutral zone.
83
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,547
Gratitude 7 how dare you?
84
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,883
- Who is this guy?
- Who cares? Bug alien. Roll with it.
85
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:04,429
I meant no offense. I think your people
have a different definition of gratitude...
86
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,515
Give us back the map!
87
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,934
Ugh! This guy is really bugging!
88
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,268
Mariner, what do you think?
89
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,312
I think you know exactly
how to handle this.
90
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,105
You're right about that.
91
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,191
Ensign boimler, I want options.
92
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,984
About the... this alien guy?
93
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,361
Yes, obviously.
94
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,364
Uh, what specifically do you wish to know?
95
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,450
Come on, man. This is your chance
to prove you got what it takes!
96
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:29,204
Uh. Oh, well I... I...
I don't know you... well, the truth is...
97
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:34,000
Uh, I think we should do, uh,
what you wanna do, cap'n. Cap'n's choice!
98
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,919
I'm not asking you to kiss my ass.
99
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,129
Come on. No wrong answers.
100
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:42,801
Okay, we can do evasive maneuver 88?
101
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,822
- Is he [bleep]ing serious?
- That was the wrong answer!
102
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,888
I meant 84.
103
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,182
- In this situation? Are you crazy?
- Mariner!
104
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,810
Have you not been paying attention?
That could get us killed.
105
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,687
No, no, no, no. I was kidding.
106
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,731
Let's just... let's use the impulse drive
to crazy Ivan.
107
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,651
- What in the world is that!
- What the hell is he talking about?
108
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,152
- That's insane!
- But, but, but...
109
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,029
Son, you're embarrassing yourself.
110
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,739
You've got a lot to learn.
111
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,951
Mariner, why don't you send
our friends a message?
112
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,786
Good call, captain.
113
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,999
- What are you doing?
- Are you insane?
114
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,935
You said, "send them a message."
That means phasers.
115
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,919
It means to invite them to dinner.
116
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,170
No, it doesn't.
117
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,422
[Groans]
118
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,048
Target their bridge!
119
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,594
- [All grunt]
- Stop, stop! What are you talking about?
120
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,071
I'm just telling you what happened.
121
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,639
You expect me to believe
a starfleet officer
122
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:33,310
wouldn't know what's going on
with their ship at all times?
123
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,270
Look, I'm not proud of it, but yeah.
124
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,939
What about the map? Tell me about the map!
125
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,024
Uh, there was a map?
126
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,942
That's the most important part!
127
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,153
Dude, look,
I work on a spaceship, all right?
128
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,947
We don't have maps.
We have stellar cartography.
129
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,991
What is wrong with you?
130
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,910
Place her in the tank of contempt.
131
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,454
[Screams, whimpers]
132
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,332
Whoa. We got eels. There's eels over here.
133
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,751
Mariner's not lying. I was there.
We didn't see a map.
134
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,548
Perhaps this is a misunderstanding.
135
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,676
You may go uneeled for now.
136
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,179
Woo-hoo! Better luck next time, eels!
137
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,015
Why does this guy care so much
about a map of the neutral zone?
138
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,099
Yeah, it's so neutral.
139
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,645
Yeah, like, what would you even do
with a map like that? I have no idea.
140
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,980
Ensign samanthan rutherford,
141
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:22,692
perhaps you can illuminate me
more than your unobservant compatriots.
142
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:26,404
Um, well, I mean, my cyborg implant
does give me perfect memory. [Chuckles]
143
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,156
That will be of great use.
144
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:33,578
Tell me of stardate 57791 .1.
145
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:38,083
All right, stardate 5779... wait, wait.
Are you sure you want that one?
146
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,086
I... just 'cause I have
so many great stardates in here,
147
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,504
other than that one.
148
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,005
I want the one I said!
149
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,299
Uh, you're not gonna like it.
150
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,928
So there / was,
rotating the eps capacitors.
151
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,698
See, they overheat when you Lea ve them
facing one direction too long.
152
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,684
J” rotate, rotate, rotating all day long
while singing... j”
153
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,768
ah! There he is!
154
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,854
Hey, sirs. You wanna rotate with me?
Maybe sing a little song.
155
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,147
If you heard the one earlier.
156
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,818
No! Does your implant have romulan
flight manuals and repair information?
157
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,570
- Uh, not right now. I'd need to update it.
- Then do it, now!
158
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:10,573
Uh... well, usually,
I like to update it while I'm asleep,
159
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,075
because it kinda messes with my...
160
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,493
No, do it now!
161
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,036
You do it right this second!
162
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,454
Okeydokey.
163
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,207
[Implant] 30 seconds unt/I restan'.
164
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,143
- Is it done yet?
- [Rutherford] What? No, it just started.
165
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,887
While we wait,
I'll fill you in on the plan.
166
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,438
Oh, uh, first off,
do you have all your shots?
167
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,007
- Wait, which shots? Like with needles?
- [Implant] Ten seconds.
168
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,508
Wait, hold on. Let me just...
169
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,153
We don't want you getting denobulan
flesh-eating bacteria on your p...
170
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,323
- Just a second. My implant is also...
- It'll eat right through your underpants.
171
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,450
- My what?
- I've seen it happen. Terrible way to die.
172
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,643
-[Implant] Restarting rutherford
-wait, wait, wait.
173
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:39,853
[Implant powers down]
174
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,272
[Implant powers up]
175
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,315
[Rutherford] Whoa.
176
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,652
I think I blacked out and lost
a little bit of time during that update.
177
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,238
Great work nerve pinching
those vulcans, baby bear.
178
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,323
Who knew you'd be better at it
than they are?
179
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,325
I did? But I don't know
how to nerve pinch.
180
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,411
[Scoffs] Tell that to Spock and Spock.
181
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,164
Oh, when my implant was rebooting,
it must've taken control.
182
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,332
We're entering the atmosphere.
Brace for turbulence!
183
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,144
You don't understand.
I don't know what's going on.
184
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,587
When we're in the museum,
our window's gonna be really tight.
185
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,130
- Museum?
- We have to deploy now.
186
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:08,923
[Alarm blaring]
187
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,467
- No, no, no, no, no.
- [Grunts]
188
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,052
[Screams]
189
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:16,222
[Implant] I/eriij/ing update.
System w/ll restart in three seconds.
190
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,767
[Implant powers up]
191
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,143
[Rutherford groans]
192
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,395
{gasps}
193
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,147
- romulan bird-of-prey?
- [Shaxs] Quiet!
194
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,231
[Grunting]
195
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,735
We don't want to draw any attention.
196
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,987
From who? What are we doing?
What's happening?
197
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,240
Hey. What are you two doing back here?
You've drawn my attention.
198
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,742
Distract him with the fan dance.
199
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,243
I'm sorry, my what now?
200
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,829
Dance, boy, dance!
201
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,625
Ooh, ooh. Yeah, feels good,
feels right. Yeah, yeah...
202
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,794
Hey, stop that. Now you're distracting me.
203
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,253
[Grunting]
204
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:51,007
- Right. Right. Right.
- I want the regular fan dance!
205
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,175
What are you doing?
206
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,760
My best! [Screams]
207
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,261
[Implant] I/en'lj/ing download
208
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,347
[implant powers up]
209
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,390
Ah! What the heck?
210
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,310
Hello? How am I standing in space?
211
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,311
[Groans]
212
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,646
[Fihuds]
213
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,567
[Rutherford] Oh. [Chuckles]
214
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,903
Cloaked bird-of-prey.
Wait, did I steal this?
215
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,321
Uh, Mark twain's got a gun!
216
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,948
Billups! Oh, man. Are you okay?
217
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,450
- Tasha, no. The garbage bag's behind you.
- Oh, no.
218
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,327
- [Beeping]
- You have nitrogen intoxication.
219
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,496
You only have 60 seconds of air left.
220
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,747
[Pants, grunts]
221
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,000
Stop goofing around. Get in here.
222
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,461
[Implant] I/eriij/ing update.
System restart in ten seconds.
223
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:29,796
[Screams]
224
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,339
[Groans]
225
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,692
[Shaxs] Watch it!
No, no, no! Move over there!
226
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,885
- Stupid... ow! Cloaked bird.
- [Thuds]
227
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,012
[Grunts]
228
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,223
[Implant] Updating klingon fonts.
229
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,951
- What? Why do I even need that?
- [Beeping]
230
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,310
[Shaxs] Watch out for the controls!
They're set to...
231
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,148
[Implant powers up]
232
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,905
[Gasps] Gorn wedding!
233
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,073
[Hissing]
234
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,617
[Screams] Get me out of here, implant!
[Grunts]
235
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:00,702
- [Hisses]
- [Chuckles]
236
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,786
Nice try, gorns!
237
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:03,872
[Implant powers down]
238
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,249
- [Implant powers up]
- [Rutherford sighs]
239
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:11,504
[Screams] Still a gorn wedding! Ouch!
Help! Come on, gorns, please!
240
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,839
[Magistrate] A gorn wedding?
241
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,509
How has this become about
a gorn wedding? What are you avoiding?
242
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:20,346
Look, I'm just telling you the events
of stardate 57791.1, all right?
243
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,848
Damn! Rude!
244
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,101
I want details
on how you stole the bird-of-prey!
245
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,352
I know, man! Me too!
246
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,938
Wait, why would shaxs make him
steal some old bird-of-prey?
247
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,417
- What would they even do with that?
- [Magistrate] A gorn wedding?
248
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,776
Beats me.
I mean, it could be for anything.
249
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,320
Like, who even knows? [Chuckles]
250
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,738
Take him!
251
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,990
[Whimpers]
252
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,992
- Eels!
- Dude, are you not paying attention?
253
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,952
- Hey, leave him alone!
- Oh?
254
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:49,042
Well, perhaps you, ensign d'vana tendi,
can prove more illuminating.
255
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:58,635
Ooh! I've always wanted to testify
about stuff. This is so cool!
256
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,053
Hi, everyone!
257
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,888
Don't talk to them!
258
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:06,809
Have you and commander Jack ransom
ever set foot in the romulan neutral zone?
259
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,519
I can't tell you that.
260
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,356
Come on! This is an easy one.
261
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,025
Why are you making this so difficult?
262
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,194
- [Screams]
- Tendi, just tell him what he wants.
263
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,403
All right, fine.
264
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,907
But it's a classified mission,
so I'll have to leave some things out.
265
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,576
I had just been given a major assignment.
266
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,580
Mariner! Mariner! Guess what.
I get to tidy the conference rooms.
267
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:31,042
[Chuckles] What should I wear?
Probably just my uniform, right?
268
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,044
[Groans] How are you so excited?
269
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,463
You know you're just gonna be
wiping cat fur off chairs.
270
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,966
You know how many decisions
happen in those conference rooms?
271
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,861
- That's where they talk about the borg.
- You can talk about the borg anywhere.
272
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:45,223
But when you do it in a conference room,
it becomes a conference.
273
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,143
[Groans]
I never get to clean the conference room.
274
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,145
[Humming]
275
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,481
[Gasps] Wow.
276
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:57,568
The captain's chair.
Oh, I'm gonna make you extra clean. Huh?
277
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,446
- Secure the room, lieutenant [bleep].
- Yes, sir.
278
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,908
Okay, stop.
You can't omit details like that.
279
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,452
Yeah, but I already did, so...
280
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:11,249
Are you so stubborn
that you're willing to risk death by eels?
281
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,001
Yes, that's correct.
282
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,586
Then continue.
283
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,172
You must be "the cleaner."
284
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:20,383
Yes, sirree, and happy to be here.
285
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,885
Glad to have you.
This mission is highly classified.
286
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,221
From here on out,
you're [bleep] and [bleep].
287
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,223
- Wow.
- Everybody, listen up.
288
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,547
I'm serious. This is important.
289
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,829
- If we're captured, starfleet will deny...
- [Tendi thinking] He's glad to have me!
290
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,605
Gosh, it's just so nice to be recognized
for my work,
291
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,733
and cleaning the conference room
is important.
292
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,943
I knew it. Wait,
I should be paying attention.
293
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,112
This is why we got matching tattoos.
294
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,780
- Ten-four.
- Lock and load.
295
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,490
We're [bleep] for life.
296
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,658
Check out this map.
297
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,953
It's gonna lead us
straight into the neutral z-[Bleep]-one.
298
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,079
The neutral what now?
299
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,557
[Ransom] The package is located here.
300
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,083
Guards are stationed here
and here on weekends.
301
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,878
If we run into trouble,
cleaner will extract us.
302
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,880
Let's [bleep] this [bleep] up!
303
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,717
- Starfleet! Starfleet!
- Yeah, boy! Keep firing!
304
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,803
- Yeah. Phaser rifles.
- [Ransom] I'm gonna take my shirt off!
305
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,681
[Rutherford] Oh, snap!
That's the sh/p from my story
306
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,809
[tendi] Lknew / should 've made it clear
that I wasn't supposed to be there,
307
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,353
but every time / was about to...
308
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:16,189
So, here is a very funny thing.
309
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,942
Um, I think that there was
a misunderstanding and I...
310
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,153
Everyone quiet! They're scanning the area.
311
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,364
- [Sighs]
- That was close.
312
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,911
We're lucky we have this bird-of-prey,
or we'd be toast.
313
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,330
- But what I was saying was...
- They're scanning again.
314
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,709
They stopped scanning.
Cleaner, what was that?
315
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,087
- What I was saying was...
- Oh, no! They're scanning!
316
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,923
Okay, now they're not scanning anymore.
317
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,400
- Anything import...
- What I was...
318
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,051
Whoa! Stop! I'm picking up scanning.
319
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,552
Okay, they're done scanning.
320
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,388
Oh, god! They're scanning again!
321
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:51,724
No, no, that was on me.
That was wrong. No, iwasn't!
322
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,059
[Groans]
323
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,650
Uh, so, about me being "the cleaner..."
324
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,403
Yeah, yeah.
At your age, it's very impressive.
325
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,908
Comm silence from here on out.
326
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:09,992
[Sighs]
327
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,161
Vvhoa.
328
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,998
You know who I hate? Remans.
329
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,750
- Oh, they're the worst.
- [Screams]
330
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210
- [Tendi] Sorry.
- [Blows landing]
331
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,755
Apologizing to the enemy.
That's cold, cleaner.
332
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,883
You're playing
some real [bleep]ed up mind games.
333
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,684
- Stay here. Cover our six.
- Six what?
334
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:35,767
Copy.
335
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,772
[Fihuds]
336
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,358
Is that the package?
337
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,693
Cleaner, do your thing.
338
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,238
What's my thing?
I have a thing? What's my thing?
339
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,240
[Grunting]
340
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:56,038
Whoa. I thought she was just supposed
to beam us outta here.
341
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,916
She was. I do not know
what's going on here. This is crazy.
342
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:04,130
Congrats, boys.
The package is safely on board,
343
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:08,759
and there's no indication that the
rom-[Bleep]-ulan high council detected us.
344
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,720
- [Cheers]
- Yeah!
345
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:11,971
[Laughs]
346
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:17,143
Too bad we have to deny this ever happened
because you were awesome.
347
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,561
[Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep]!
348
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:24,150
You. You're [bleep]ing crazy. [Laughs]
349
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,195
[Sighs, humming]
350
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:31,407
- [Gasps] This is where billups sits.
- [Magistrate] Stop!
351
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,117
You expect me to believe that?
352
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,036
Yes, that is where billups sits.
353
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:39,499
You did not do martial arts
on multiple armed guards!
354
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,376
You're right. I didn't.
355
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,961
[Clears throat]
356
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,131
I tried to be reasonable.
I tried to get to the truth.
357
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,884
Today didn't have to end in eels!
358
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,385
Ignite the burner!
359
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,929
-[Gasps} -[Screams]
360
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,681
- [Screams]
- [Eels screeching]
361
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:56,807
[Screams]
362
00:16:56,891 --> 00:17:00,311
Why would you have burners and eels?
It's redundant!
363
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:08,236
Just tell me about the package!
What was inside the package?
364
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,988
I don't know, but whatever it was,
I'm sure it was great.
365
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,740
[Screeching]
366
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,825
I think you're hurting the eels!
367
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:19,580
This can all be over if you just tell me
what your bridge crew did!
368
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:20,998
We can't tell you.
369
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,750
Why? Why?
370
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,586
Because we don't know!
We never know anything.
371
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,670
[All gasp]
372
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,674
We're lower decks.
373
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,592
No one ever tells us what's going on.
374
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,220
We're not important enough
to have anything to lie to you about.
375
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,471
You're starfleet!
376
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,932
Surely you must be briefed
on every contingency.
377
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,016
Yeah, I wish.
378
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,061
The senior officers don't always
have time to keep us up to speed.
379
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,480
Hell, sometimes they don't even know
what's going on.
380
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:48,401
Impossible! Human lies!
381
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:52,196
- [Groans]
- You are the best of the best!
382
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,242
Your senior officers are always
in full control!
383
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:59,203
No, they're not.
They mess up all the time.
384
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,998
- L/I(e whenever 0 shows up.
- [All gasp]
385
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,416
I/o/la'!
386
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,753
- [Groans] What? Damn you, q.
- What?
387
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:11,757
Good luck solving my little puzzle,
mes amis.
388
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:17,346
Tell me now, can you prove that humanity
is worth saving? I think not.
389
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,849
[Laughs]
390
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,603
Well, he clearly wants us
to play something.
391
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,606
Ah, it's soccer. Okay.
392
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,649
- Oh.
- [Ball] What's humanity all about?
393
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:32,028
- It's puzzle time. It's puzzle time.
- [Groans]
394
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,280
- Any ideas? Anybody?
- You son of a...
395
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,867
[Boi mler] Or half of ransom's alien dates
that he doesn't do any research for.
396
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,202
You are so funny, Mary Anne.
397
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,413
How about we keep this party going
in my quarters?
398
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,832
Hey. Hey, Jack.
Fyi, you're hitting on a salt vampire.
399
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,584
- [Growls]
- Yeah right. Nice try.
400
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,669
Salt vampires died out
more than a century ago.
401
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,212
All right. Cool, be safe.
402
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,214
Come on, Mary Anne. Let's get outta here.
403
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,760
I'll give you the tour of casa de ransom.
404
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,928
- [Mary Anne growls]
- [Ransom] Ah! Salt vampire!
405
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,639
[Magistrate] You're making this up.
406
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:02,725
[Boimler] Nah-uh. Lread all their logs.
They're stepping in it all the time.
407
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,436
Captain. Captain, someone is replacing
everyone on the ship
408
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,897
with impostors who claim not to know me.
409
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,649
We might be in a parallel dimension.
410
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,067
And you are?
411
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,778
Uh... wait is this...
Is this not the cerritos?
412
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,073
This is the alhambra.
Did you get on the wrong ship?
413
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,742
[Bleep]. They all look the same.
414
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,870
Who the hell was that?
415
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,997
Why are you doing this to me?
416
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:29,043
I need you to tell me that your
senior officers are infallible heroes.
417
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,921
Well, they're not. And that's okay.
418
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,049
We all joined starfleet to dive headfirst
into the unknown.
419
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,594
We're explorers. Of course we don't always
know what's going on.
420
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,513
Did picard know about the borg?
421
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,265
Did kirk know about that giant Spock
on phylos?
422
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:46,686
Did doctor crusher know about that ghost
in the lamp thing from the Scottish planet
423
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,771
that she hooked up with that one time?
424
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,441
You clearly want us to say
that the captain and her crew messed up,
425
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,612
but we simply don't have the full story,
and that's the truth.
426
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,323
Whatever they did,
I guarantee you it was all for good.
427
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,742
You have shown no evidence
that they're guilty of a crime.
428
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:05,287
In fact, I find you guilty
of trying to take them down
429
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,374
with this sham of a trial! Drumhead!
430
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,878
Wait, you think this is a trial?
431
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,214
- Uh... yes?
- It's not?
432
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,465
- It's pretty trial-y.
- Yeah.
433
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,259
Could someone bring up the lights?
434
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,555
This isn't a trial.
435
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:27,393
It's a party for this brave crew
who rescued me from the romulans.
436
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,602
What?
437
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:31,272
[Magistrate] / was kidnapped by romulans
438
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,858
and held for over a year
until they sa ved me.
439
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:37,445
Imperium magistrate clar,
you're safe now aboard the cerritos.
440
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,698
Thank you, captain Freeman. Thank you.
441
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:44,076
You must come and celebrate
with me on k'tuevon prime.
442
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:49,665
Your deeds and my victory will forever
be etched onto our great history stone.
443
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,958
Can't say no to a party.
444
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,669
Oh, great.
Guess I'll have to shave my [bleep].
445
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,171
Yeah, maybe you should.
446
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,967
- [Scoffs] What's that about?
- I don't know, man. Something dumb.
447
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,052
[Both laugh]
448
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:04,680
This was supposed to be my special day.
449
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,474
No. No, no, no, no. This is a trial.
450
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,768
You said we were witnesses.
You said we had to testify.
451
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:11,687
Are you stupid?
How could you think this was a trial?
452
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,524
Because you got our bosses suspended
in a scary-ass beam!
453
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,110
That is the beam of celebration!
454
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,196
It is an honor to be in this beam.
455
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,363
Shut up, billups!
456
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,907
Hey, man. This is not on us.
457
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,826
I mean, all of that chanting
and the... the metal gavel.
458
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,912
This is, like, alien trial 101.
459
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:30,456
You raised us up on a platform
into a creepy courtroom.
460
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:34,210
Creepy? This is one of our nicest
event silos. I got married here.
461
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,170
Wha... well, then who's this judge?
462
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,547
This guy's just been scowling at us
the whole time.
463
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,715
I don't know him!
464
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:43,177
Whoa. I'm just here to set up
for a birthday later for my little girl.
465
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,137
- She's turning 100.
- [Tendi] Aw.
466
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,808
Okay, all right, clar. Time's up.
Etchers down.
467
00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:51,852
But, but, but, but, but,
we didn't even get to do any etching.
468
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:55,147
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
You only paid for 22 minutes.
469
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:56,357
Other people gotta etch.
470
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,733
Oh, come on!
471
00:21:57,817 --> 00:22:00,027
But... okay... what about...
What about the eels?
472
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,196
You held us in contempt of eels.
473
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,823
All right. Come on. That's enough.
474
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,675
- You dipped us in eels!
- You ruined my party!
475
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:06,927
Those were eels you dipped us in!
476
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,869
- You did that!
- You ruined my party!
477
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:16,252
Today, you four almost got
yourselves killed at a thank-you dinner.
478
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,921
But the way you stood up for starfleet
while you thought
479
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:23,092
you were staring death in the face
deserves commendation. I guess.
480
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:28,722
Going forward, we'll make an effort
to keep the crew more informed.
481
00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,600
The cerritos will be synonymous
with clarity.
482
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:34,687
Wait! So then, what did clar do
to get captured by the romulans?
483
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,021
I... I... I missed that part.
484
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,857
Well, it's... it's complicated.
485
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:41,944
Why did you let him hurt us with eels
if you knew it wasn't a trial?
486
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,280
We have to honor the local customs
of alien governments.
487
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,032
Who was on that secret team
that infiltrated the neutral zone?
488
00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,201
Uh, I'm not at Liberty to...
489
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,787
Why couldn't you ask the vulcans
to borrow the bird-of-prey?
490
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,206
Where did they get it?
Why was that a job for the cerritos?
491
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,375
Why couldn't it have been a job
for the enterprise...
492
00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:59,378
Okay, you know what? It's classified.
It's all classified! Dismissed!
493
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:02,047
Hey, everybody!
Look, we got captain clarity over here.
494
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,716
I said dismissed!
495
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:07,636
Honestly, this is fine with me.
Knowing things means more work.
496
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,930
Well, I, for one,
knew it was a party the whole time.
497
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:12,099
- [Scoffs] Yeah, right, dude.
- I did!
498
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:15,022
- Then why were you crying?
- I just... [stammers] It was cold in there.
499
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,313
I've got sensitive corneas. I told you.
500
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:22,234
[Laughs] I challenge you all to a duel.
Pick your weapons.
501
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:23,861
I pick the mind.
502
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,655
Get out of here, o.
No. We are done with random stuff today.
503
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:28,866
We're not dealing
with any of your o bull[Bleep].
504
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:30,242
Oh, s'il vous pla/“t, mariner.
505
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:32,453
I want to put humanity
to the ultimate test.
506
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,472
[Mariner] Okay, I'm not French.
No. Go find picard.
507
00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:36,165
[Q] Oh, picard! He's no fun.
508
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,793
He's always quoting Shakespeare.
He's always making wine.
509
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,348
Pew pew/ pew, pew, pew/ pew pew/
510
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:37,393
chirp.
39200
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