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1
00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:58,700
"Some kind of happiness."
2
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,790
H-a-p-p-i-- good, one "n."
3
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,140
"Honey whitlock."
4
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,969
W-h-i-t-- good, good.
5
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,232
That's good.
6
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:12,235
Try moving a little more
to the right, sinclair.
7
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,237
Is that better,
Mr. Stillings ?
8
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,848
Yeah. Yeah,
that's all right.
9
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:20,504
But try moving the "n"
a little more to the right.
10
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,811
Hmm.
11
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,422
- Have you met
miss whitlock yet ?
- Not till tonight.
12
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:28,164
But don't worry, sinclair.
I'll introduce you.
13
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,863
You promise ?
I'd kill to meet her.
14
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:39,654
Ohh, what a town.
15
00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:43,048
You know, I tell
everybody in Hollywood...
16
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:46,051
That if you want to shoot on location in Baltimore,
17
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,316
you really don't need to bring
a crew from Los Angeles.
18
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:53,972
Because Baltimore really is best.
19
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:57,454
And remember, miss whitlock...
20
00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:00,283
Is every inch a movie star,
21
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:05,114
and she expects to be onstage at 7:10 P.M. exactly...
22
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:08,291
In order to ensure live coverage...
23
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:11,251
From each of the three local news shows.
24
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:14,166
Oh, by the way,
25
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:18,910
I hear she's really a nice person.
26
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:26,353
Look at this dump of a town.
27
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,660
Get me the fuck back to L.A.
28
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:34,317
God, if one more asshole
mentions a crab cake to me,
I think I'm gonna puke.
29
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,798
Well, did you try
the steamed crabs ?
30
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:40,062
They're red
and really tasty.No, I did not.
31
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:43,761
I'm not interested in any kind
of meal that you have to beat
with a fucking mallet,
32
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,286
wearing some stupid
kind of little bib.
33
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:49,289
Just a minute !
34
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:52,553
While families of mutants
gawk in my face.
35
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,337
No, thank you.
36
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:57,122
Hi.
37
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:04,478
Your limousine
is here, miss whitlock.
You look beautiful.
38
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:08,351
Well, thank you,
Charles, darling.
I'm so excited.
39
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,179
We'll be right with you.
40
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:20,711
Libby, do you think
that pat Nixon got fucked
in this hotel room ?
41
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,452
What ?
42
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:25,063
It is called
the presidential suite,
isn't it ?
43
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:28,240
Yes, but--
44
00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:31,853
I bet she did.
Call the manager and ask him.
45
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:35,030
I can't ask that.
46
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,380
Pat Nixon
was a stroke victim.
47
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:40,775
I believe it is your job
to ask, is it not ?
48
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:44,126
Now, call downstairs
and ask the manager...
49
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:47,782
If pat Nixon got fucked
in my hotel room.
50
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:50,132
I want to know.
51
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,352
Yes, miss whitlock.
52
00:05:56,660 --> 00:06:00,751
6:41 P.M.
53
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,971
A star is born.
54
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,190
Ten-four, petie.
55
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:11,327
Christ, Lyle. Look !
There's what's-her-name
from e! Network.
56
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,069
Would you look
at the tits on her !
57
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,858
6:43 P.M.
58
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:24,514
♪♪
59
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:28,039
The hotel manager said no.
Pat Nixon never stayed here.
60
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,956
But Nancy Reagan did
in 1986.You actually asked him ?
61
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,611
Y-You said
to call downstairs.
62
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:39,442
You asked the hotel manager if
pat Nixon had sex in my room ?
63
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,445
Well, sort of. I-I thought
you needed to know.
64
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,926
I was kidding, Libby !
65
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:49,060
He must think you're
a complete lunatic.
66
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:52,673
Good god, you
would do anything.
67
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,373
Good luck, miss whitlock.
68
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:06,208
Excuse me.
Did you hear what that
little bitch just said to me ?
69
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:08,602
- She didn't know.
- In show business,
70
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:12,040
we say "break a leg,"
never fucking "good luck" !
71
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:15,826
That's just an old superstition.Ms. Whitlock, there's photo ops
with the mayor in the lobby.
72
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:19,482
You know,
that little cocksucker just put
a curse on my goddamn premiere.
73
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,618
Is every person
in the world an asshole ?
74
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,359
6:42.oh, that's nice.
75
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:30,319
♪♪
76
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:39,633
6:44 P.M.
by whatever means necessary.
77
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,852
Two popcorns, please.Butter or plain ?
78
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,898
Honey whitlock !
79
00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:47,379
There she is.
You better get a shot.
80
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:49,686
Over there !miss whitlock, what an honor.
81
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,863
Mayor fenwick !
82
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:04,092
6:46 P.M. in the name
of underground cinema.
83
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:07,878
I have to tell you
that I just love what you've
done with the city.
84
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:11,752
And Baltimore
loves you back.
85
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:17,801
I, Adam fenwick, mayor
of the city of Baltimore,
86
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,630
do hereby proclaim
October 29...
87
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,241
To be honey whitlock day
in Baltimore...
88
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:26,636
And do command this observation
to all of our citizens.
89
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,812
Whereas--
90
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,517
6:47 P.M.
91
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,172
Hey, hey, m.P.A.A., how many
movies did you censor today ?
92
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:51,835
What's the matter,
miss whitlock ?
93
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,142
A white fucking limousine !
94
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:58,059
Nobody'll know.
We're in Baltimore.
95
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:02,411
Do I look like liberace's
goddamn boyfriend,
for Christ's sake ?
96
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:06,763
I have "black limousine
only" in my contract.
97
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:10,245
The charity probably
made the arrangements.
It was an honest mistake.
98
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:13,465
Do I look like
a coke dealer ?no, miss whitlock.
99
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:16,381
Do I look like I am going
to the fucking prom ?
100
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:19,994
Break a leg,
miss whitlock.
101
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:21,996
Here you go, sir.
102
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:31,832
Uh, miss whitlock,
security's gonna have my ass
if we're late. We gotta go.
103
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,965
Do not say "ass" to me,
trailer trash.
104
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:38,186
I will have you fired.
105
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,934
Now, you're with the studio,
is that correct ?
106
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:50,546
Yes. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Let me get that for you.
107
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:54,289
Got it right here.
Yeah. Here you go.
108
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:58,075
I'm so sorry. Here,
these first two right there.
Okay, enjoy the show.
109
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:01,731
Yeah, 6:48 P.M. an Usher's
job is never done.
110
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,691
Put down the flashlight,
pick up the gun.
111
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:26,190
Some kind of happiness
is, you know, a screwball
romantic comedy.
112
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:30,891
It's life-affirming but realistic, and, well, to be honest,
113
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,981
with all the misery that
goes on in the world today,
114
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:36,636
couldn't we use a little
optimism in the movies ?
115
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:52,173
6:50 P.M.
fuck the studio system !
116
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:54,262
Tickets, please.
117
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:02,226
The heart fund's
a wonderful cause.
Thanks for your support.
118
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:04,228
You're welcome.
119
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:08,537
7:01 P.M.
inch by motherfucking inch.
120
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,757
Yes, sir ?two for henman.
121
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,151
Why don't you just
sit right there ?
122
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,339
7:02 P.M.
123
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:31,691
When the word is given,
we will seize the cinema.
124
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,263
Hey, come back !
Give me an autograph !
125
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:45,008
7:06 P.M.
the big snatch.
126
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,750
Good evening, miss whitlock,
127
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:50,405
and welcome to the historic
senator theater.
128
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:52,407
Thank you.
129
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:10,294
Enjoy the show.Thank you.
130
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:13,341
Good evening.
I'm Sylvia Mallory,
131
00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,517
the chairman of the
Baltimore heart fund,
132
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,041
and this is William.
133
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,217
He's so cute.
134
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:28,051
William had heart surgery
just seven days ago.
135
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:32,099
And thanks to the blood
transfusions paid for
by your generosity...
136
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:35,711
At tonight's premiere,
he's going to be all right.
137
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,713
Aren't you, William ?
138
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,976
I don't wanna be here !
139
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,457
William's a little grumpy.
140
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,372
Get off of me, ugly !
141
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:46,809
But he's alive,
and that's what counts.
142
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,424
Miss whitlock ! Miss whitlock !
143
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:56,645
Miss whitlock, please !
144
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,908
What ?
145
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:01,345
Channel 45 here. Can I ask you a couple questions ?
146
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:08,526
And now for the moment
you've all been waiting for.
147
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:11,312
You first saw honey whitlock
on the screen--
148
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,836
you guys have
reserved seats.Thank you.
149
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:27,589
7:09 P.M. honey whitlock,
welcome to film hell.
150
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:34,988
And from then on, hit after hit.7:09 P.M. and 30 seconds.
151
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:38,469
The big hurt.Watch it, you little fucker !
152
00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:43,910
Her Oscar-nominated performance
in forced entry.
153
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:48,392
And tonight, some kind of happiness.
154
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,744
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
155
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:56,836
a big Baltimore welcome
for miss honey whitlock.
156
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,839
♪♪
157
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,266
Thank you, thank you.
You're so kind.
158
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:41,271
Um, I just wanted to say
that I hope you enjoy
the movie, and I just--
159
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:44,013
I love you, Baltimore.
I really do.
160
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:50,367
I am Cecil b. Demented, and
this is a fucking kidnapping !
161
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,068
Get down, everybody !
162
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:03,119
♪♪
163
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,300
Son of a bitch !
164
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:18,047
Keep moving !
165
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,981
Help ! Hey !
166
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:44,465
Women in film !all right, sister !
167
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:48,730
Hey, she's got
photo approval !
168
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:52,342
Honey ! Honey !
169
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,692
Help me !get out !
Premiere's over !
170
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,607
Come on, you guys !
Come on, come on !
171
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:06,922
Yeah ! Yeah !
172
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,450
Drop your weapon !
173
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:20,501
Get down !
174
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:23,504
Help ! Call the studio !
Call Jack valenti !
175
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:26,507
Help me, somebody !get in the trunk !
176
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:29,466
Shut up !
Get in there !no ! No ! No !
177
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:32,295
Get in there !oh, shit ! Oh ! No !
178
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:35,081
Get in there ! Rodney, come on ! Let's go !
179
00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:39,346
Power to the people
who punish bad cinema !
180
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,609
Help !
181
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,220
♪ Bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪
182
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:47,049
♪ bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪
183
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,051
♪ I'm sorry, shorty
it's business ♪
184
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,532
♪ 'cause this is how we live this
this business is hard ♪
185
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,621
♪ without a star, kid yeah, you all that ♪
186
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,797
♪ but you won't be receiving no callbacks ♪
187
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,799
♪ or getting money in tall stacks ♪
188
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,931
♪ we gotcha, and we gonna use your face proper ♪
189
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,064
♪ bitch, you can forget about an Oscar ♪
190
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:04,066
♪ and shrimp and lobster
191
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,068
♪ hopin' we could get ya
192
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:09,071
♪ to come here and open our picture ♪
193
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:12,335
♪ you all alone with the cine-niggas
fuck the private trailer ♪
194
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:15,382
♪ dance lessons with Irene Cara, it's flagrant
we using your name trick ♪
195
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,601
♪ discuss gross points with your agent ♪
196
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,516
♪ 'cause from us you ain't gettin' shit ♪
197
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,823
♪ bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪
198
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:24,217
♪ bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪
199
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,610
♪ she's a bankable bitch
we don't need no pitch ♪
200
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:29,265
♪ she's a bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪
201
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:32,486
♪ she's a bankable bitch we don't need no pitch ♪♪
202
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,241
Hello, miss whitlock.
203
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:57,076
I am Cecil b. Demented,
and I'm your new director.
204
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,427
I'd like you to meet
your co-stars.
205
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:03,082
I call them
the sprocket holes.
This is Cherish.
206
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:08,522
Hi. I played you
in lots of porno movies.
207
00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:12,221
Some kind of happiness--
I've already shot it,
208
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,658
only it's called
some kind of horniness.
209
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:19,576
That's all behind me. I'm an outlaw cinema girl now.
210
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,318
- Lyle.
- Hi. I'm Lyle.
211
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:27,106
I'm your leading man.
212
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:32,937
I've had a boner for you
for years.
213
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:37,594
Don't worry. We've all taken a vow of celibacy for celluloid.
214
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:40,467
No one gets laid
until we've finished our movie.
215
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:44,732
We're horny...
216
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:47,256
But our film comes first.
217
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,345
And now for the crew.
218
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:54,872
I'm Pam.
219
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,703
I'm director of photography,
and you better hit your Mark.
220
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:07,276
And remember,
speak up, bitch !
221
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,409
I'm chardonnay,
and I do the sound.
222
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:20,333
I'm Lewis, the art director,
and I hope you dig it here.
223
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:25,033
'Cause you ain't goin'
nowhere else.
224
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:30,212
I'm fidget, the costumer.
225
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:34,129
Sorry. I gotta
give you a new look.
226
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:38,481
Hi.
227
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:41,528
I'm raven. I'm a satanist,
and I'll be doing your makeup.
228
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:45,227
Oh, my god,
you look so pale.
229
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,100
Sorry...
230
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,842
But Satan says
you need more color.
231
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,630
Call me Rodney.
232
00:19:56,673 --> 00:20:00,242
Tomorrow, I'm bleaching
your hair out platinum.
233
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,462
And I should warn you.
234
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,812
I hate fucking roots !
235
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:09,991
Hey, remember me ? I'm petie. I'll be your driver.
236
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:13,124
♪♪ I'll take you anywhere.
237
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:17,694
Anywhere but home.
238
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:26,399
I'm dinah,
Cecil's producer.
239
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,838
And I do everything.
240
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:33,623
I've been knocking down money
from every big Hollywood hit...
241
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:36,191
For years just to pay
for this equipment !
242
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,150
So fuck with me, sister,
and you're dead !
243
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,939
We made the news.
244
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:49,291
So once again, our top story:
Sylvia Mallory,
245
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,946
the 52-year-old chairwoman of the Baltimore heart fund,
246
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:55,254
died tonight
at union memorial hospital...
247
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,778
Following an onstage heart attack she suffered...
248
00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:01,347
In the middle of honey whitlock's kidnapping at tonight's movie premiere.
249
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,219
The teenage gang
of cinema terrorists...
250
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,527
Who apparently
infiltrated the staff
of the senator theater...
251
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,617
Are now eligible
for the death penalty
in the state of Maryland.
252
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,054
None of them have been
apprehended.
253
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:19,408
We're gonna make our
first film, miss whitlock,
and nobody's gonna stop us.
254
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:22,324
Lots of kids dream
of making a movie,
255
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:25,545
but only the ones willing
to die for it succeed.
256
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:33,161
♪♪
257
00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:42,475
Ow ! Ow ! Ow !
Ow ! Ow !
258
00:21:42,518 --> 00:21:44,607
I don't wanna be blonde !
259
00:21:44,651 --> 00:21:47,610
You're going off the deep end
of the clairol color chart.
260
00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:50,134
Ow ! It is burning
my scalp !
261
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:53,834
Hey, beauty
comes from agony.
262
00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:55,879
Everybody knows that.
263
00:21:55,923 --> 00:22:00,754
I haven't had this much fun
since my last livestock
mutilation.
264
00:22:00,797 --> 00:22:03,713
Ouch !
That really hurts !
265
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:07,978
In the house of pain,
there are 10,000 shrines.
266
00:22:08,022 --> 00:22:10,372
Allistair crowley said that.
267
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:12,635
Let's wash her out.
268
00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:16,726
No, no. Please let me go.
I won't tell anybody
about your little movie.
269
00:22:16,770 --> 00:22:19,076
Little ?
270
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:25,561
Well, I didn't mean little.
I meant, like, low budget,
like cult.
271
00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:28,695
Good morning,
miss whitlock.
Know your lines ?
272
00:22:28,738 --> 00:22:30,914
Please, Mr. Demento--
is that correct ?
273
00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:33,221
Demented !
274
00:22:33,264 --> 00:22:36,398
You have the wrong star
for this movie.
275
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:40,359
Nonsense, miss whitlock.
I wrote the part
just for you.
276
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:43,405
And the whole world
is watching.
277
00:22:43,449 --> 00:22:46,190
Not even your agent
can help you now.
278
00:22:46,234 --> 00:22:49,280
Finish her hair !
279
00:22:49,324 --> 00:22:52,588
Ow ! Ow, ow !
It's burning my scalp !
280
00:22:52,632 --> 00:22:54,982
Ow ! Shit !shut up !
281
00:22:55,025 --> 00:22:59,247
I hate these fucking things.
Damn security devices !
282
00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:02,032
Fidget, fidget,
my little genius fidget.
283
00:23:02,076 --> 00:23:05,427
- Ow !
- Please take off your clothes.
284
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:07,777
What ?
285
00:23:07,821 --> 00:23:10,214
I said take off your clothes.
286
00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:14,218
You heard me. Don't be a prude.
287
00:23:14,262 --> 00:23:17,091
Come on, strip !oh, shit.
288
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:20,268
Yeah, yeah, take 'em off.
289
00:23:24,490 --> 00:23:27,231
Um...
290
00:23:27,275 --> 00:23:30,757
Do I have a dressing room
or a trailer ?
291
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,369
Miss whitlock,
we're on a schedule.
292
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:45,467
They're not allowed
any form of sexual release.
293
00:23:45,511 --> 00:23:49,471
Screen actors guild
is gonna hear about this,
and I mean it. God !
294
00:23:52,518 --> 00:23:55,782
Look at that ass ! Goddamn !
295
00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:58,001
Nice vessel.
296
00:24:00,134 --> 00:24:03,354
- I see London.
- I see France.
297
00:24:03,398 --> 00:24:05,531
I see honey's underpants.
298
00:24:10,318 --> 00:24:13,190
Oh, my god !
I look terrible !
299
00:24:17,238 --> 00:24:20,894
All right ! All right !
You're wanted on set.
300
00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,987
This is sprocket house,
miss whitlock.
301
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:29,772
Think of it as your studio.
302
00:24:29,816 --> 00:24:32,122
Morning.
303
00:24:32,166 --> 00:24:34,734
Can't you even say
good morning to Lewis ?
304
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:37,476
He's worked
very hard on this set
with a budget of zero.
305
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:40,348
Morning.all these materials...
306
00:24:40,391 --> 00:24:43,960
Were stolen
from city-owned construction
sites, just for you.
307
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:46,963
See, we gonna have us
a hit, miss whitlock.
308
00:24:47,007 --> 00:24:49,879
Now, our picture
is called raving beauty.
309
00:24:49,923 --> 00:24:52,578
You play the insane owner
of a failed art theater...
310
00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,841
Who, along with her film
fanatic boyfriend Lyle--
311
00:24:54,884 --> 00:24:56,799
Lyle, come on over.
312
00:24:56,843 --> 00:25:00,063
And her violence-prone
daughter Cherish--
313
00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:02,065
daughter ?
314
00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:05,199
Together,
the three of you vow...
315
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,811
To start a revolution
to destroy mainstream cinema.
316
00:25:09,943 --> 00:25:12,467
I can't be in this movie.
317
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,644
You dare to tell
Cecil b. Demented
you refuse ?
318
00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:19,343
I am too young
to play her mother.
319
00:25:19,387 --> 00:25:21,520
I know how old you are.
320
00:25:23,086 --> 00:25:25,393
All right, well,
I just don't feel it.
321
00:25:25,436 --> 00:25:28,527
I just am not motivated.How's this
for motivation, huh ?
322
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,746
Ow !
323
00:25:30,790 --> 00:25:33,749
There are no
creative differences on
a Cecil b. Demented set.
324
00:25:33,793 --> 00:25:36,056
You got that ?
325
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:39,363
One day you'll thank me
for saving you from your
bad career. Places !
326
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:42,366
All right,
walk-through rehearsal.
327
00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:44,978
Come on, you heard him.
This ain't Hollywood.
328
00:25:45,021 --> 00:25:47,502
Hey, honey,
you want some ecstasy ?
329
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:50,244
No.
330
00:25:50,287 --> 00:25:55,075
And... action.
331
00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:59,253
Hey, Cherish, it's 8:00.
332
00:25:59,296 --> 00:26:01,560
Is it time to get this show
on the screen or what ?
333
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:04,737
We didn't sell
one ticket, Lyle.
Nobody came.
334
00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:08,218
What ? Pasolini's playing,
and we have an empty theater ?
335
00:26:12,309 --> 00:26:15,704
"It's that fucking new multiplex
that opened in the mall."
336
00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:18,664
I heard they were sold out
last night, mom.
337
00:26:18,707 --> 00:26:22,102
No, not for the flintstones
sequel !
338
00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:25,235
"Somebody's got to pay
for this insult."
339
00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:28,587
Oh, god !
340
00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:36,856
"From the empty seats
of every good movie theater
in america...
341
00:26:39,336 --> 00:26:42,296
"We will rise up to take back the screen.
342
00:26:47,344 --> 00:26:51,566
Death to those who support
mainstream cinema."
343
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:55,439
Do you see the pain your
performance is causing me, huh !
344
00:26:55,483 --> 00:26:58,834
Okay, yes, I do.
Fine, I'll do it.
345
00:26:58,878 --> 00:27:01,228
Okay ?
Let's just shoot it. Fine !
346
00:27:01,271 --> 00:27:05,188
All right, places ! Pam !
347
00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:09,410
Picture's up !
Camera rolling !
348
00:27:09,453 --> 00:27:11,630
Speed.mark it !
349
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:13,849
And... action !
350
00:27:13,893 --> 00:27:17,113
Hey, Cherish, it's 8:00.
351
00:27:17,157 --> 00:27:19,420
Is it time to get this show
on the screen or what ?
352
00:27:19,463 --> 00:27:22,379
We didn't sell one ticket, Lyle.
Nobody came.
353
00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:25,992
What ? Pasolini's playing, and we have an empty theater ?
354
00:27:26,035 --> 00:27:30,605
It's that fucking new
multiplex that opened
in the mall, isn't it ?
355
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,477
I heard they were sold out last night, mom.
356
00:27:33,521 --> 00:27:35,784
No, not for the flintstones
sequel.
357
00:27:35,828 --> 00:27:39,048
Somebody's gotta pay
for this insult.
358
00:27:39,092 --> 00:27:42,486
From the empty seats of every good movie theater in america...
359
00:27:42,530 --> 00:27:45,925
We will rise up
to take back the screen.
360
00:27:45,968 --> 00:27:49,363
Death to those who support
mainstream cinema !
361
00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:51,757
Cut ! And print it !
362
00:27:53,933 --> 00:27:56,587
That's more like it,
miss whitlock.
363
00:27:56,631 --> 00:27:59,765
Yeah ! Yeah !
364
00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:03,246
But, you know,
to be frank, Cecil--
365
00:28:03,290 --> 00:28:07,120
I mean, in my real
film life, I would never
make this movie.
366
00:28:07,163 --> 00:28:09,905
I mean, the message
is absolutely ridiculous.
367
00:28:09,949 --> 00:28:12,865
Ask theater owners
in any country,
368
00:28:12,908 --> 00:28:16,346
and they will tell you
that Hollywood makes
the best films in the world,
369
00:28:16,390 --> 00:28:18,479
and I am proud to be
a part of that system.
370
00:28:18,522 --> 00:28:20,437
Let's move on.
371
00:28:22,352 --> 00:28:24,224
Well, wait a minute.
No coverage ?
372
00:28:26,182 --> 00:28:28,445
The first take
is the only real truth.
373
00:28:28,489 --> 00:28:31,666
But you can't cut a film
with just a master.
374
00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:35,975
There are no rules
in outlaw cinema, miss whitlock.
Only edges.
375
00:28:36,018 --> 00:28:39,587
We believe technique to be
nothing more than failed style.
376
00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:42,242
You see,
I've had a vision.
377
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:48,074
And that vision is called
ultimate reality !
378
00:28:48,117 --> 00:28:52,992
The rest of our film is shot
in real life with real people...
379
00:28:53,035 --> 00:28:55,559
And, yes, with real terror.
380
00:29:07,006 --> 00:29:09,573
I see a fucking root already.
381
00:29:09,617 --> 00:29:12,838
Ow ! Cecil, I'm a much better
actress in a studio.
382
00:29:12,881 --> 00:29:15,971
That's not whattime
magazine has to say.
383
00:29:16,015 --> 00:29:18,582
"Miss whitlock seems
a little ill at ease
and past her prime...
384
00:29:18,626 --> 00:29:21,237
"To carry a picture
by herself.
385
00:29:21,281 --> 00:29:24,763
Especially one
as sappy and overproduced
as some kind of happiness."
386
00:29:24,806 --> 00:29:28,897
- Timemagazine said that ?
- Your movie's gonna lose
$30 million.
387
00:29:28,941 --> 00:29:32,292
Can I ask you a question ?
388
00:29:32,335 --> 00:29:34,947
Did you ever fuck Mel Gibson ?
389
00:29:36,426 --> 00:29:38,907
Cecil, give yourself up.
It's not too late.
390
00:29:38,951 --> 00:29:42,650
Our movie goes into profit
the day we sell
the first ticket.
391
00:29:42,693 --> 00:29:45,087
How big is his dick, anyway ?
392
00:29:45,131 --> 00:29:47,568
You know what ?
Come with me to Hollywood,
393
00:29:47,611 --> 00:29:51,224
and I will get you a job
as a production assistant
on a real Hollywood movie.
394
00:29:51,267 --> 00:29:54,618
Tell me about Mel Gibson's
dick and balls !
395
00:29:54,662 --> 00:29:57,404
♪♪
396
00:30:17,337 --> 00:30:21,732
Dr. Patch, Dr. Patch,
we need it ! Help us !
397
00:30:21,776 --> 00:30:24,344
Dr. Patch !
398
00:30:24,387 --> 00:30:27,173
Dr. Patch, Dr. Patch, please !
399
00:30:27,216 --> 00:30:30,829
Okay, now remember,
there are no bad takes
in a Cecil b. Demented picture.
400
00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:35,050
Just keep the scene going.Hey, honey, I've never
taken this much acid before.
401
00:30:35,094 --> 00:30:37,487
So if I forget my lines,
cue me.
402
00:30:37,531 --> 00:30:41,883
Do my tits look okay ?
They're more natural
than yours, you know.
403
00:30:41,927 --> 00:30:44,755
Cecil, please don't make me
do this scene.
404
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:47,933
Your Hollywood system stole our
sex and co-opted our violence,
405
00:30:47,976 --> 00:30:50,849
so there's nothing left for our
kinds of movies, except this.
406
00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:54,156
Picture's up !
407
00:30:56,419 --> 00:30:58,552
Go ! Go !
408
00:30:58,595 --> 00:31:02,904
Pam, right here !
Roll camera !
409
00:31:02,948 --> 00:31:04,906
- Camera rolling.
- Speed !
410
00:31:04,950 --> 00:31:07,300
- Mark it !
- Action !
411
00:31:07,343 --> 00:31:10,912
Sabotage the cinema !
Take back the screen !
412
00:31:10,956 --> 00:31:14,742
Vandalize the movies !
Bring back the dream !
413
00:31:14,785 --> 00:31:18,528
This is so stupid.
414
00:31:18,572 --> 00:31:21,880
- Say the lines
the way they're written !
- Okay.
415
00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:23,925
You read the fucking script !
416
00:31:23,969 --> 00:31:26,145
All right, Rodney !
417
00:31:26,188 --> 00:31:28,277
Enough, Rodney !
She looks great !
418
00:31:28,321 --> 00:31:32,281
Thank you.We gotta go !
I said, action !
419
00:31:32,325 --> 00:31:34,240
How dare you play patch Adams!
420
00:31:34,283 --> 00:31:36,416
Oh, my god !
It's honey whitlock !
421
00:31:36,459 --> 00:31:39,506
Patch adamsdoes not deserve
a director's cut.
422
00:31:39,549 --> 00:31:41,551
The first one was long enough !
423
00:31:41,595 --> 00:31:44,511
Hey, you !
You got a problem ?
424
00:31:44,554 --> 00:31:46,905
Feel the pain
of underground film !
425
00:31:46,948 --> 00:31:49,124
The kick
of outlaw cinema !
426
00:31:49,168 --> 00:31:52,301
Wow, honey, I'm peaking.
427
00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:56,610
I'm Cecil b. Demented,
and you're in my movie.
428
00:31:56,653 --> 00:31:59,526
If you look in the camera
and ruin a take, you're dead.
429
00:31:59,569 --> 00:32:02,268
Do you know Quentin Tarantino ?
I love his movies !
430
00:32:02,311 --> 00:32:04,357
No ad-libbing !
431
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,403
Three dollars
for a fucking candy bar !
432
00:32:07,447 --> 00:32:09,623
You call that a medium !
433
00:32:09,666 --> 00:32:12,843
This is still popped
in coconut oil, isn't it ?
434
00:32:15,063 --> 00:32:16,891
Hey, what's the trouble here ?
435
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:19,720
Nobody needs this garbage.
436
00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:25,073
We are the ultimate
bad review.
437
00:32:25,117 --> 00:32:29,643
Please, please.
I-I didn't make this movie.
I'm just the manager.
438
00:32:29,686 --> 00:32:32,559
Let's go !
439
00:32:32,602 --> 00:32:35,344
No, it's mine !give it to me,
you bastard !
440
00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:39,131
Dr. Patch, these brats won't give me the--
441
00:32:39,174 --> 00:32:42,047
Dr. Patch, Dr. Patch,
please !
442
00:32:42,090 --> 00:32:45,050
Places everybody !
Lyle, Cherish, get in here !
443
00:32:45,093 --> 00:32:48,314
Say the lines !
And action !
444
00:32:48,357 --> 00:32:51,186
You don't have to
like this movie.
445
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,362
You're a victim
of advertising !
446
00:32:53,406 --> 00:32:55,886
You've been manipulated
by press agents !
447
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:59,412
Patch Adams, you're dead.
448
00:33:04,504 --> 00:33:07,724
Everybody
wrap it up and run !
449
00:33:21,825 --> 00:33:23,958
♪ Hey, yo, man, listen up
450
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:26,352
♪ when we say action we mean action, yo ♪
451
00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:28,876
♪ ain't nobody puttin' us in turnaround ♪
452
00:33:28,919 --> 00:33:31,531
♪ you got that, motherfucker we ain't got no budget ♪
453
00:33:31,574 --> 00:33:33,750
♪ no budget ♪ no craft service, man
454
00:33:33,794 --> 00:33:36,797
♪ no budget ♪ we don't take no notes
455
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,191
♪ no budget ♪ no fucking call sheets, yo
456
00:33:39,234 --> 00:33:41,758
♪ no budget ♪ we ain't recouping shit
457
00:33:41,802 --> 00:33:45,066
come on, Cecil, I want
a little action of my own.
458
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,112
I'm trying to write,
Cherish.
459
00:33:47,155 --> 00:33:49,679
♪ We gonna turn
Hollywood out ♪♪ no budget
460
00:33:49,723 --> 00:33:52,682
♪ we don't need the help
of so-called critics ♪
461
00:33:52,726 --> 00:33:55,076
♪ outlaw cinema, brother with the hottest gunslingers ♪yeah !
462
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,383
♪ When we say action cameras start to spin ♪
463
00:33:57,426 --> 00:33:59,341
♪ rip all your studio's
fucking asshole clean ♪
464
00:33:59,385 --> 00:34:02,301
♪ if I direct, ain't gonna be
no motherfuckin' scenes ♪
465
00:34:02,344 --> 00:34:04,564
♪ we'll do the edits
see what no budget means ♪
466
00:34:04,607 --> 00:34:07,045
♪ it's either our way or no way
fuck keeping it clean ♪
467
00:34:07,088 --> 00:34:09,612
Ohhh ! ♪ no budget
468
00:34:09,656 --> 00:34:11,701
♪ no craft service, man
♪ no budget
469
00:34:11,745 --> 00:34:13,964
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
470
00:34:14,008 --> 00:34:16,402
♪ no fucking call sheets, yo
♪ no budget
471
00:34:16,445 --> 00:34:18,578
♪ we ain't recouping shit ♪ no budget
472
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,754
♪ yeah, we got a start date for real ♪ ♪ no budget
473
00:34:20,797 --> 00:34:23,061
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
474
00:34:23,104 --> 00:34:26,325
♪ we gonna turn Hollywood out ♪ ♪ no budget
475
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:29,328
♪♪ it's goat urine.
476
00:34:29,371 --> 00:34:32,200
You want some ?no.
477
00:34:32,244 --> 00:34:36,509
It's a Satan thing.
478
00:34:36,552 --> 00:34:39,425
Oh, god, you're so good
in our movie.
479
00:34:39,468 --> 00:34:41,601
♪ We ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
480
00:34:41,644 --> 00:34:43,603
♪ no craft service, man ♪ no budget
481
00:34:43,646 --> 00:34:45,605
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
482
00:34:45,648 --> 00:34:47,607
♪ no fucking call sheets, yo ♪ no budget
483
00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:50,523
craft service ? ♪ we ain't recouping shit
484
00:34:50,566 --> 00:34:54,135
- no, thank you, fidget.
- I never drink when I'm working. ♪♪
485
00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:56,746
That's very kind of you.
486
00:34:56,790 --> 00:35:01,534
Hey, fidget, do your parents
know where you are tonight ?
487
00:35:01,577 --> 00:35:05,190
They're probably mad.
488
00:35:05,233 --> 00:35:08,280
Why don't you
give them a call ?
489
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:15,765
Cecil says our parents
are the enemies of film.
490
00:35:15,809 --> 00:35:19,856
That's such nonsense.
Go ahead, call 'em up.
491
00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:22,076
I bet they really miss you.
492
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,296
Hey, honey,
you want some crack ?
493
00:35:24,339 --> 00:35:27,342
I most certainly
do not, Lyle.
494
00:35:27,386 --> 00:35:31,564
How can you be a drug addict
in the new millennium ?
It's so retro.
495
00:35:31,607 --> 00:35:36,177
Before I was a drug addict,
I had so many different
problems.
496
00:35:36,221 --> 00:35:40,964
Now I just have one.
Drugs gave my life
real focus.
497
00:35:41,008 --> 00:35:43,924
♪ Keep those cameras rolling motherfuckers start to spin ♪
498
00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:46,361
♪ if I direct, there ain't gonna be no motherfuckin' scenes ♪
499
00:35:46,405 --> 00:35:49,277
♪ we'll do the edits see what no budget means ♪
500
00:35:49,321 --> 00:35:52,280
♪♪ how can you see me on film
and not want to fuck me ?
501
00:35:52,324 --> 00:35:55,370
I do want to fuck you, Cherish,
but you know I can't.
502
00:35:55,414 --> 00:35:58,808
Why not ?
All my directors fuck me.
503
00:35:58,852 --> 00:36:02,682
I'm not all your directors !
I'm Cecil b. Demented,
504
00:36:02,725 --> 00:36:04,423
the ultimate auteur !
505
00:36:10,211 --> 00:36:12,518
♪ We ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
506
00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:17,914
soldiers of cinema, save your
sexual energy for the screen.
507
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:23,137
Our footage is stronger
than Otto preminger's !
508
00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:27,141
Creepier and darker
than David lynch's !
509
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:31,145
More exploitive
than herschel Gordon Lewis.
510
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:33,495
And more violent
than Sam Fuller.
511
00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:39,066
We will rise above
our raging hormones...
512
00:36:39,109 --> 00:36:41,808
To a new level
of cinema unrest.
513
00:36:41,851 --> 00:36:45,638
Do whatever it takes
to avoid sexual release !
514
00:36:45,681 --> 00:36:49,250
Get as drunk as Sam peckinpah !
515
00:36:49,294 --> 00:36:52,732
As high as rainer Werner fassbinder !
516
00:36:52,775 --> 00:36:55,604
But stay celibate
for celluloid ! Yeah !
517
00:36:55,648 --> 00:36:58,390
Sex is for our movies, not real life.
518
00:36:58,433 --> 00:37:01,349
Hello ?hi, mom.
It's me-- fidget.
519
00:37:01,393 --> 00:37:04,831
Oh, god, fidget.
Where are you ?
Are you okay ?
520
00:37:04,874 --> 00:37:07,399
I'm fine. The movie's
going great, mom.
521
00:37:07,442 --> 00:37:10,924
Going great ? Fidget,
you're wanted for murder.
522
00:37:10,967 --> 00:37:14,797
Feel the black humor
of almodovar !
523
00:37:14,841 --> 00:37:19,280
The satanic brilliance
of Kenneth anger !
524
00:37:19,324 --> 00:37:24,067
- The racial tension
of spike Lee !
- Mm, mm, mm, mm !
525
00:37:24,111 --> 00:37:27,114
And the unashamed exhibitionism
of William castle !
526
00:37:27,157 --> 00:37:29,943
Hello ?
Fidget, talk to me.
527
00:37:29,986 --> 00:37:34,513
Hello ?
We will come and get you.
Just tell us where you are.
528
00:37:34,556 --> 00:37:37,472
Hello ? Hello ?
529
00:37:37,516 --> 00:37:40,736
Blue balls for celluloid !
530
00:37:40,780 --> 00:37:43,826
Cecil, if we can't have sex, can
we at least make some money ?
531
00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:47,569
Yeah. Lewis thinks
I could have a hit record.
532
00:37:47,613 --> 00:37:52,748
No, no, no, sprocket holes !
I'm a prophet against profit !
533
00:37:52,792 --> 00:37:57,536
And you should refuse
to Sully your artistic vision
with financial success !
534
00:37:57,579 --> 00:38:02,323
Sprocket holes, be strong
and join me in prayer !
535
00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:07,067
Oh, yeah.Oh.
536
00:38:07,110 --> 00:38:12,115
Oh, Andy warhol, we worship you from the new cinema underground.
537
00:38:12,159 --> 00:38:16,337
Oh, Andy warhol, we worship you
from the new cinema underground.
538
00:38:16,381 --> 00:38:20,341
Fidget, give me that drink. Help us to use our sexual frustration as you did...
539
00:38:20,385 --> 00:38:23,213
Thank youfor the future of outlaw film !
540
00:38:23,257 --> 00:38:27,522
- Say it, sprocket holes !
- Celibate for celluloid !
541
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:31,613
- Say it again, louder !
- Celibate for celluloid !
542
00:38:31,657 --> 00:38:33,615
Nighty-night.
543
00:39:05,430 --> 00:39:08,302
Hey, kids, wake up !
544
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:11,044
Let's make
a motherfuckin' movie !
545
00:39:11,087 --> 00:39:14,526
Hey, go, go !
546
00:39:23,491 --> 00:39:25,798
I see that fucking
brown color already !no, no, Rodney !
547
00:39:25,841 --> 00:39:29,584
Those are not roots.
Those are scabs on my scalp.Get up !
548
00:39:29,628 --> 00:39:32,413
And they're raw
from the dye !just close your eyes...
549
00:39:32,457 --> 00:39:36,069
And think of the films
of George cukor.
550
00:39:36,112 --> 00:39:39,028
Raven, you know
you're a really pretty girl.
551
00:39:39,072 --> 00:39:41,466
You could escape
from all this madness.
552
00:39:41,509 --> 00:39:44,512
Escape to what, honey ?
553
00:39:44,556 --> 00:39:49,082
I mean, my father is zo-zo,
the three-headed guard dog
at the gates of hell.
554
00:39:49,125 --> 00:39:51,389
Ow. I'm sorry to hear that.
555
00:39:51,432 --> 00:39:54,653
But one day I'm gonna
commit revolutionary
suicide for celluloid.
556
00:39:54,696 --> 00:39:58,265
No, don't say that !
Rodney, tell her.
No movie is worth dying for.
557
00:39:58,308 --> 00:40:01,007
Ow ! Rodney,
why do you have to hurt me ?
558
00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:03,401
Gay men are supposed
to be gentle.
559
00:40:03,444 --> 00:40:05,751
That's just it, honey.
I'm not gay.Ow.
560
00:40:05,794 --> 00:40:08,231
I'm straight,
and I fucking hate it !
561
00:40:08,275 --> 00:40:12,758
Petie loves me, and I can't
love him back. I've tried.
562
00:40:12,801 --> 00:40:16,544
I kiss him, and
all I feel is whiskers.
563
00:40:16,588 --> 00:40:20,287
I can't take that certain
thickness in his pants.
564
00:40:20,330 --> 00:40:23,899
I'm ashamed
of my heterosexuality !
565
00:40:23,943 --> 00:40:26,162
Oh, it's all right, Rodney.
566
00:40:26,206 --> 00:40:29,470
That's why some days
I gotta hurt people !
567
00:40:29,514 --> 00:40:32,081
- No ! No !
- It's not honey's fault.
568
00:40:32,125 --> 00:40:34,214
Make them pay
for me liking pussy !
569
00:40:34,257 --> 00:40:37,609
Nobody chooses
to be heterosexual.
Honey knows that.
570
00:40:37,652 --> 00:40:40,089
I'm straight,
and I hate !
571
00:40:40,133 --> 00:40:42,701
So get used to it,
honey whitlock !
572
00:40:42,744 --> 00:40:45,007
Ow ! Ow, it's burning me !
573
00:40:45,051 --> 00:40:50,012
Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! You're hurting me !
574
00:40:50,056 --> 00:40:53,059
Good morning, miss whitlock.
575
00:40:53,102 --> 00:40:55,931
Cecil, I want
to go back to Hollywood.Whatever for ?
576
00:40:55,975 --> 00:40:58,499
Your old career is over,
577
00:40:58,543 --> 00:41:01,154
but your comeback
has just begun.
578
00:41:01,197 --> 00:41:03,504
Roll it.
579
00:41:03,548 --> 00:41:06,551
Well, see, I was in the audience
when they attacked.
580
00:41:06,594 --> 00:41:09,684
Oh ! Honey, man, honey whitlock was awesome !
581
00:41:09,728 --> 00:41:11,686
She was so cool.
582
00:41:11,730 --> 00:41:15,211
I think honey whitlock is right. Most films suck,
583
00:41:15,255 --> 00:41:17,866
and it's time somebody did something about it.
584
00:41:17,910 --> 00:41:21,217
Nobody forced her
to be in that movie,
but she was damn good.
585
00:41:21,261 --> 00:41:24,090
Scarier than hell,
if you ask me.
586
00:41:24,133 --> 00:41:27,746
She looked different from her other films too. I don't know-- younger.
587
00:41:27,789 --> 00:41:30,270
Mmm.
588
00:41:30,313 --> 00:41:33,229
Now, there are still
some people who don't
understand our work.
589
00:41:33,273 --> 00:41:35,797
This one's live.
590
00:41:35,841 --> 00:41:40,541
Cecil b. Demented,
the Maryland film commission
refuses to be intimidated...
591
00:41:40,585 --> 00:41:43,588
By your pathetic gang
of cinematic misfits.
592
00:41:47,374 --> 00:41:50,116
That's why we're here today
in the inner harbor...
593
00:41:50,159 --> 00:41:53,206
To celebrate location
shooting in Maryland...
594
00:41:53,249 --> 00:41:56,775
With many of the brave
production and studio heads
from out of state...
595
00:41:56,818 --> 00:42:00,996
Who also say no to cinema terrorism.
596
00:42:03,346 --> 00:42:05,871
I have a vision.
597
00:42:08,351 --> 00:42:11,572
And this time,
somebody might have to die.
598
00:42:11,616 --> 00:42:14,096
Ohhh.
599
00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:16,316
Ohhh.
600
00:42:33,115 --> 00:42:35,814
Ow !
601
00:42:45,345 --> 00:42:48,566
Okay, in this scene,
you guys are the avenging angels
of underground cinema.
602
00:42:48,609 --> 00:42:50,959
We'll let those
fat cat producers know.
603
00:42:51,003 --> 00:42:54,833
Yeah, that Maryland isn't safe
for their kind of movies.
604
00:42:54,876 --> 00:42:57,487
Cherish, this is america.
It's a free country.
605
00:42:57,531 --> 00:43:00,795
People can make bad movies
if they so desire.
606
00:43:00,839 --> 00:43:05,234
- Not anymore, they don't.
- You think 'cause you've made
real movies, you're better ?
607
00:43:05,278 --> 00:43:08,716
- Oh, please.
- Do you know why I became
a porno star ?
608
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:13,286
Cherish has
recovered memory.
609
00:43:13,329 --> 00:43:15,636
Mm-hmm.
When I was ten years old,
610
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,857
my entire family fucked me
under the Christmas tree.
611
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:22,164
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, I bet you are.
612
00:43:22,208 --> 00:43:27,169
"Jingle balls, jingle balls," my
stupid brother started singing.
613
00:43:27,213 --> 00:43:29,650
You think that's funny ?
614
00:43:29,694 --> 00:43:32,827
- No, I don't.
- That's all behind you
now, Cherish.
615
00:43:32,871 --> 00:43:35,874
We're here, and we're
making movies.
616
00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:44,186
This way.
617
00:43:46,188 --> 00:43:48,626
"Fuck her,"
yelled my grandmother.
618
00:43:48,669 --> 00:43:51,150
How would you like that
if it happened to you ?i wouldn't.
619
00:43:51,193 --> 00:43:53,369
It's okay, Cherish.
This way.
620
00:43:59,898 --> 00:44:02,074
Hey, honey.What ?
621
00:44:02,117 --> 00:44:05,773
Nervous ? Wanna try
some special k ?i am working, Lyle !
622
00:44:05,817 --> 00:44:09,559
"Human pile,"
screamed my grandfather
as they all jumped on.
623
00:44:09,603 --> 00:44:12,345
Do you even know
what a human pile is ?i do.
624
00:44:12,388 --> 00:44:14,564
I think I can
figure it out.
625
00:44:14,608 --> 00:44:16,305
Come on !
626
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,703
Ask anyone who has shot their film in Maryland.
627
00:44:22,747 --> 00:44:26,141
We have the exact location that you need for your next production.
628
00:44:26,185 --> 00:44:28,622
From mountains to beaches.
629
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:31,712
From small towns
to urban settings.
630
00:44:31,756 --> 00:44:35,716
My father sat on my face
as he opened his
Christmas presents.
631
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,981
Oh, really ?
Are you sure any of this
really happened ?
632
00:44:40,025 --> 00:44:43,898
Yes, it really happened !
"Oh, Santa, why hast thou
forsaken me," I screamed.
633
00:44:43,942 --> 00:44:46,988
But she doesn't
believe me !i believe you.
634
00:44:47,032 --> 00:44:49,991
Shut up, Cherish ! I told you,
that's all over with.
635
00:44:50,035 --> 00:44:53,038
Save your rage
and use it in the cinema !yes, Cecil.
636
00:44:56,955 --> 00:45:00,610
Go ! Go !
637
00:45:00,654 --> 00:45:06,138
The Maryland film commission
pledges to work with state
and federal agencies...
638
00:45:06,181 --> 00:45:08,488
To make your shoot here in Maryland...
639
00:45:08,531 --> 00:45:10,533
As inexpensive and trouble free as possible.
640
00:45:10,577 --> 00:45:14,537
Hey, hey !
641
00:45:14,581 --> 00:45:18,846
That's why we call Baltimore the Hollywood of the east.
642
00:45:18,890 --> 00:45:21,762
♪♪
643
00:45:30,292 --> 00:45:32,642
- See Pam there ?
- Yeah.
644
00:45:32,686 --> 00:45:35,341
That's your Mark.
645
00:45:35,384 --> 00:45:38,213
When you hear "action,"
I want you to jump off the roof,
646
00:45:38,257 --> 00:45:40,694
landing in front
of Pam's camera.
647
00:45:49,572 --> 00:45:53,620
Surely you realize
I could be seriously injured.
648
00:45:53,663 --> 00:45:56,971
- Suffer for celluloid !
- There should at least be
an airbag...
649
00:45:57,015 --> 00:46:00,192
Or some kind
of safety precaution.
650
00:46:00,235 --> 00:46:02,803
Just call me irresponsible.
Outlaw cinema has no limits.
651
00:46:04,849 --> 00:46:07,895
Prove yourself, honey,
652
00:46:07,939 --> 00:46:10,506
and maybe you'll live
to read your reviews.
653
00:46:10,550 --> 00:46:13,379
All right, Cecil.
654
00:46:13,422 --> 00:46:16,164
I'm a professional.
Roll the camera.
655
00:46:16,208 --> 00:46:18,166
Places, you fools !
656
00:46:21,343 --> 00:46:24,477
Now, don't worry.
They're just props.
657
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,828
I want you to throw the grenade
after your first line
at the film commissioner.
658
00:46:27,872 --> 00:46:30,048
Nobody will get hurt.
659
00:46:32,877 --> 00:46:36,141
There are bullets in here.
660
00:46:36,184 --> 00:46:38,752
They're blanks.
Trust me, honey.
661
00:46:40,058 --> 00:46:42,800
Lock it up.
662
00:46:55,377 --> 00:46:59,164
Hmm... whoo !
663
00:46:59,207 --> 00:47:01,514
Okay.okay.
664
00:47:07,085 --> 00:47:08,956
Speed !camera rolling !
665
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,438
Mark it !
666
00:47:12,481 --> 00:47:14,179
Action.
667
00:47:20,794 --> 00:47:24,145
Oh, my god !
668
00:47:27,496 --> 00:47:31,196
Okay, which one of you assholes
insulted our film ?
669
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:33,459
- Was it you ?
- No. Please.
670
00:47:33,502 --> 00:47:35,374
I-I was only following
studio orders.
671
00:47:43,208 --> 00:47:46,211
All extras,
keep eating the oysters,
672
00:47:46,254 --> 00:47:49,388
or you will be shot
and killed !
673
00:47:49,431 --> 00:47:53,261
Pam, shoot those oysters ! Hey, you !
674
00:47:53,305 --> 00:47:55,220
Keep eating !
675
00:47:55,263 --> 00:47:58,136
Keep eating, you fuckers !
676
00:47:58,179 --> 00:48:01,704
Didn't you produce
that bad Hollywood remake
of that beautiful foreign film ?
677
00:48:01,748 --> 00:48:04,620
I had to.
You know American audiences
won't watch subtitles.
678
00:48:08,146 --> 00:48:11,366
Didn't you just green light
another movie based
on a video game ?
679
00:48:11,410 --> 00:48:14,152
It wasn't my idea !
I'm just the vice president
of creative affairs !
680
00:48:15,675 --> 00:48:19,418
No, please don't shoot me !
I don't even go to the movies !
681
00:48:23,988 --> 00:48:26,512
Rodney !
682
00:48:35,347 --> 00:48:38,654
Help ! I'm honey whitlock !
683
00:48:38,698 --> 00:48:41,396
Nobody said cut !
684
00:48:43,529 --> 00:48:47,446
Help, Cherish !
I'm stuck in a k-hole,
and I can't get out !
685
00:48:49,143 --> 00:48:52,973
Come on, Lyle.
686
00:48:53,017 --> 00:48:55,976
Oh, shit !
687
00:48:56,020 --> 00:48:58,283
Finish the fucking scene !
688
00:48:59,980 --> 00:49:03,070
Bad movies must be avenged !
689
00:49:09,859 --> 00:49:12,340
That's a cut !
690
00:49:12,384 --> 00:49:14,081
Cecil !
691
00:49:17,041 --> 00:49:20,131
Here.
692
00:49:20,174 --> 00:49:22,524
- Where are you going ?
- Don't shoot !
693
00:49:22,568 --> 00:49:25,832
- I'm honey whitlock,
and I've been kidnapped.
- Come back !
694
00:49:25,875 --> 00:49:29,879
No ! No !
We'll go to Sundance
together, I promise !
695
00:49:29,923 --> 00:49:34,580
Hey, don't you know
who I am ? Excuse me,
I will have you fired !
696
00:49:34,623 --> 00:49:37,583
Don't you know that I'm an academy award nominee ?
697
00:49:37,626 --> 00:49:40,586
Cecil, help me !
698
00:49:40,629 --> 00:49:42,936
Help ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow !
699
00:49:48,289 --> 00:49:50,291
Help !let's roll !
700
00:49:50,335 --> 00:49:52,990
Help, Cecil !
701
00:49:57,907 --> 00:49:59,909
Attica !
702
00:49:59,953 --> 00:50:04,088
Rodney king !
David begelman !
703
00:50:04,871 --> 00:50:07,613
Let me go !
Let me out of here !
704
00:50:11,225 --> 00:50:12,966
Picture's up !
Roll !
705
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,969
Speed !hey, it's your close-up !
706
00:50:18,145 --> 00:50:20,713
- I hate your movies !
- Action !
707
00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:23,716
Long live
guerrilla filmmaking !
708
00:50:23,759 --> 00:50:25,761
Look out ! Shit !
709
00:50:25,805 --> 00:50:29,026
Whoa ! Whoa ! Whoa !
710
00:50:29,069 --> 00:50:31,767
Cut ! Cut !
711
00:50:47,740 --> 00:50:49,611
I am Cecil b. Demented,
the enemy of family films !
712
00:50:49,655 --> 00:50:51,961
Shit !
713
00:50:52,005 --> 00:50:55,530
You couldn't direct traffic ! - These cops aren't goin' nowhere.
714
00:50:55,574 --> 00:50:58,751
Go back to film school, stupid !straight to video--
that's what you are !
715
00:50:58,794 --> 00:51:01,797
I hate films !
716
00:51:01,841 --> 00:51:05,627
- Pam, film these fuckers !
- Picture's up !
717
00:51:05,671 --> 00:51:07,934
We don't wanna be
in your sick little movie !
718
00:51:07,977 --> 00:51:10,284
Camera rolling !
Speed !
719
00:51:10,328 --> 00:51:14,114
Pay us, cheapskate !
I'm not anybody's extra !
720
00:51:14,158 --> 00:51:16,290
I don't do anything for art !action !
721
00:51:16,334 --> 00:51:20,468
- I'm sick of violence !
- Oh, I can't stand the f word !
722
00:51:20,512 --> 00:51:24,864
- Yeah ? Well, your movies
bite the big one !
- We want frontal nudity !
723
00:51:24,907 --> 00:51:27,997
Ow, ow, ow !ow ! Keep the scene going !
724
00:51:28,041 --> 00:51:31,871
- You stink, honey whitlock !
- You came in fifth
in the oscars.
725
00:51:31,914 --> 00:51:34,830
You didn't write me dialogue ?you're one of us now.
You know what to say.
726
00:51:34,874 --> 00:51:37,224
I walk out of your films
on airplanes !
727
00:51:37,268 --> 00:51:40,836
Family is just a dirty word
for censorship !nice !
728
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,839
Cut ! Movin' on !
729
00:51:43,883 --> 00:51:46,494
Come on !
Let's get out of here !
730
00:51:46,538 --> 00:51:49,062
Fucking families !
Let's go !
731
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,717
♪ Whoa-ho
732
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:55,286
♪ ya-ha-ho-ho come on !
733
00:51:55,329 --> 00:52:00,160
♪ Ya-ha-ho-ho
734
00:52:00,204 --> 00:52:02,597
come on, go !
Come on, come on !
Come on, come on !
735
00:52:02,641 --> 00:52:05,034
Go, go, go, go !
Move, move !
736
00:52:20,006 --> 00:52:22,356
Action fans, help us !
737
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:25,272
Yeah !come on, come on, come on !
738
00:52:25,316 --> 00:52:28,449
Yeah, Cecil ! Come on !
739
00:52:28,493 --> 00:52:31,626
Come on, come on !go, go !
740
00:52:34,977 --> 00:52:37,893
Families ! Families !
741
00:52:45,205 --> 00:52:47,164
Give me your autograph.
742
00:52:47,207 --> 00:52:51,080
Honey, honey, honey.All right, all right.
Enough, enough.
743
00:52:57,913 --> 00:53:00,220
Cecil b. Demented
wants your keys.
744
00:53:00,264 --> 00:53:02,440
Fuck him.
He ain't gonna get distribution.
745
00:53:02,483 --> 00:53:05,182
Oh, you wanna bet ?
746
00:53:10,012 --> 00:53:12,798
Yeah, baby, yeah !
Let's go !
747
00:53:12,841 --> 00:53:14,843
Honey, honey !
748
00:53:14,887 --> 00:53:17,368
- Thanks, honey.
- Honey, honey, I love you !
749
00:53:22,590 --> 00:53:24,940
Go !let's go ! Let's go !
750
00:53:28,770 --> 00:53:30,729
Honey, honey !
751
00:53:30,772 --> 00:53:33,732
Hey, hey, honey,
sign my parole card ?
752
00:53:33,775 --> 00:53:37,214
It's okay !
We're criminals too !
753
00:53:37,257 --> 00:53:39,955
I love you ! We love you !
754
00:53:39,999 --> 00:53:42,741
You're crazy !
755
00:53:49,051 --> 00:53:51,663
♪♪
756
00:53:51,706 --> 00:53:55,710
The slash and burn
of the white hot metal...
757
00:53:55,754 --> 00:53:59,888
Will brand you forever with
the logo of Cecil b. Demented.
758
00:53:59,932 --> 00:54:02,717
Wear the privileged scar
of cinema sainthood...
759
00:54:02,761 --> 00:54:06,243
With pride and horniness.
760
00:54:21,301 --> 00:54:24,609
♪ God, our protector
761
00:54:24,652 --> 00:54:26,611
♪ yeah
762
00:54:26,654 --> 00:54:31,398
♪ main film director
763
00:54:31,442 --> 00:54:34,706
♪ give us a cue
764
00:54:36,969 --> 00:54:40,102
♪ we'll follow you
765
00:54:40,146 --> 00:54:44,672
♪ demented forever
766
00:54:44,716 --> 00:54:48,110
♪ demented for life
767
00:54:48,154 --> 00:54:51,331
there is no such thing
as family. ♪♪
768
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:56,423
We are the orphans of cinema,
and without our movie,
we do not exist.
769
00:54:56,467 --> 00:54:59,774
We are not human. We are all part of one giant projector.
770
00:54:59,818 --> 00:55:03,474
And our blood is the film that will be shown to the world.
771
00:55:03,517 --> 00:55:05,345
My real life began
in the cinema.
772
00:55:07,652 --> 00:55:10,132
And it will end
in the cinema !
773
00:55:10,176 --> 00:55:14,180
♪ Demented forever
774
00:55:14,223 --> 00:55:18,140
from the valleys of Lebanon--
775
00:55:18,184 --> 00:55:22,710
to the jungles of Cuba !
776
00:55:27,802 --> 00:55:30,414
Film revolutionaries
can never be stopped.
777
00:55:30,457 --> 00:55:33,634
♪ Demented forever ♪ demented forever
778
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:38,291
♪ demented for life
779
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:41,512
Rodney died for the roots
of cinematic rebellion.
780
00:55:41,555 --> 00:55:43,862
And he's now in cinema hell,
781
00:55:43,905 --> 00:55:47,300
where one day
we'll all be reunited.
782
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,389
Pleasure is pain !
783
00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:51,957
Slavery is freedom !
784
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,307
Suicide for Satan !
785
00:55:54,351 --> 00:55:57,354
♪ Demented forever
786
00:56:01,140 --> 00:56:04,883
but our film could still be
a hit even after we're dead,
right, Cecil ?
787
00:56:04,926 --> 00:56:09,670
♪ Demented forever ♪ demented forever
788
00:56:12,107 --> 00:56:14,066
fidget.
789
00:56:26,557 --> 00:56:30,082
Fidget's a good boy,
and we love him.
790
00:56:30,125 --> 00:56:32,606
And we will stand behind our son no matter what he's done.
791
00:56:34,347 --> 00:56:36,915
No ! I wanna go home !
792
00:56:36,958 --> 00:56:39,091
I don't wanna be
in show business anymore !
793
00:56:39,134 --> 00:56:41,528
I knew you were the weak one,
fidget.
794
00:56:45,053 --> 00:56:48,927
Just remember,
your parents liked Godzilla.
795
00:56:48,970 --> 00:56:51,669
They wouldn't even let you
see r-rated films as a child.
796
00:56:51,712 --> 00:56:55,237
They've never even been
to a midnight movie.
797
00:56:55,281 --> 00:56:57,762
They enjoy classic
TV sitcoms turned into
feature-length films.
798
00:56:57,805 --> 00:57:00,765
- They've never rented
a porno movie.
- And to top it all off,
799
00:57:00,808 --> 00:57:03,332
they talk out loud
in the theater once
the feature has begun.
800
00:57:03,376 --> 00:57:06,684
- Oh !
- Oh, that really is unforgivable, fidget.
801
00:57:12,516 --> 00:57:15,127
Okay, okay ! My parents
are the enemies of film !
802
00:57:15,170 --> 00:57:17,390
Do it !
803
00:57:17,434 --> 00:57:20,611
Yeah ! All right !
804
00:57:20,654 --> 00:57:25,529
- Demented forever !
- ♪ demented forever
805
00:57:25,572 --> 00:57:28,357
and you, honey ?
806
00:57:32,536 --> 00:57:34,538
No, Cecil.
807
00:57:36,365 --> 00:57:38,716
So tell me the truth now.
808
00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:40,457
Did you ever,
in all those years,
809
00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:43,285
suspect that your ex-wife...
810
00:57:43,329 --> 00:57:46,506
Had, well, you know,
radical tendencies ?
811
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:49,553
Well, I'll tell you, roseanne.
812
00:57:49,596 --> 00:57:53,382
I was married to honey whitlock
for seven years,
813
00:57:53,426 --> 00:57:56,821
and I'm not a bit surprised
what a nut she really is.
814
00:57:56,864 --> 00:57:59,258
Oh, thanks a lot.
815
00:57:59,301 --> 00:58:01,782
Satan loves you, honey.
816
00:58:01,826 --> 00:58:04,263
And so do I.
817
00:58:04,306 --> 00:58:07,701
Honey whitlock was always attracted to the wrong kind of man.
818
00:58:07,745 --> 00:58:10,312
I wouldn't be surprised
if she was in on her kidnapping
from the very beginning.
819
00:58:10,356 --> 00:58:13,228
She'd do anything for sex.
820
00:58:13,272 --> 00:58:16,623
- The Maryland film commission--
- you ain't seen nothing yet.
821
00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:21,280
Cecil b. Demented,
you can never stop Hollywood.
822
00:58:21,323 --> 00:58:24,109
The Maryland film commission
is pleased to announce...
823
00:58:24,152 --> 00:58:28,679
There will be no delay
in tomorrow's once-secret
start date...
824
00:58:28,722 --> 00:58:34,641
For the $65 million shot
entirely in Baltimore sequel...
825
00:58:34,685 --> 00:58:38,819
To the Oscar-winning masterpiece Forrest Gump,
826
00:58:38,863 --> 00:58:42,606
gump again,
starring Kevin nealon.
827
00:58:42,649 --> 00:58:46,479
I think I speak
for every member of the academy
of the arts and sciences...
828
00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:48,437
When I say, honey whitlock,
829
00:58:48,481 --> 00:58:52,224
you are a disgrace to the entire
Hollywood community.
830
00:58:55,575 --> 00:58:57,534
Say it.
831
00:59:05,629 --> 00:59:07,935
Demented forever.
832
00:59:09,502 --> 00:59:11,504
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
833
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:16,465
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
834
00:59:16,509 --> 00:59:21,645
This time,
ihave a fucking vision.
835
00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:51,762
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
836
00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:58,638
Can I help you ?
837
00:59:58,682 --> 01:00:01,510
We got a delivery
for Kevin nealon
from Paramount studios.
838
01:00:01,554 --> 01:00:03,556
Shh.
839
01:00:04,949 --> 01:00:07,299
Largest box of chocolates
we ever made.
840
01:00:07,342 --> 01:00:09,301
Shh, shh.
841
01:00:11,738 --> 01:00:14,219
Well, I'm gonna have
to check your truck out.
842
01:00:14,262 --> 01:00:16,264
Sure.
843
01:00:21,922 --> 01:00:24,969
You never know
what you're gonna find inside.
844
01:00:25,012 --> 01:00:26,971
Action !
845
01:00:27,014 --> 01:00:30,714
Get him in !
846
01:00:33,847 --> 01:00:36,154
All right.
Just keep an eye on the shot.
847
01:00:36,197 --> 01:00:38,547
Add his hair dye.
That's it.
848
01:00:38,591 --> 01:00:40,854
Looks good.
Nice, nice.
849
01:00:40,898 --> 01:00:43,378
Jean-Pierre, you okay ?
You need another
camera rehearsal ?
850
01:00:43,422 --> 01:00:46,555
No, sir. We're set.
851
01:00:46,599 --> 01:00:50,211
Do you believe how long it took
'em to do that last shot ?it's unbelievable.
852
01:00:50,255 --> 01:00:53,693
The money they're throwing away
here is unbelievable.
You got a pair of sevens.
853
01:00:53,737 --> 01:00:56,000
That's not bad.
Hey, you're cheatin' over there.
854
01:00:56,043 --> 01:00:58,045
What do you got,
a Jack, king ?
855
01:00:58,089 --> 01:01:01,701
What's the matter with you ?- hey !
856
01:01:01,745 --> 01:01:04,225
We're nonunion, and
we're taking over this movie !
857
01:01:04,269 --> 01:01:06,401
Okay. Let's shoot
this sucker.You got it.
858
01:01:06,445 --> 01:01:08,752
Okay, people. Clear the set.
859
01:01:08,795 --> 01:01:11,668
And... lock it up !
860
01:01:12,712 --> 01:01:14,627
We don't have to take--
861
01:01:18,631 --> 01:01:22,026
son of a bitch !
862
01:01:22,069 --> 01:01:25,246
Get this motherfucker
off of me !
863
01:01:29,686 --> 01:01:32,210
It's already locked down.Picture's up.
864
01:01:37,955 --> 01:01:42,394
Well, is there a problem ?
865
01:01:42,437 --> 01:01:44,657
Where's the a.D. ?
866
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:49,531
Janine. Where the fuck is Janine ?
867
01:01:51,185 --> 01:01:53,840
I'm getting older here.
868
01:01:53,884 --> 01:01:56,495
Budget's climbing !
869
01:01:56,538 --> 01:01:59,193
$1,000 a second. $1,000 a second.
870
01:01:59,237 --> 01:02:01,326
$1,000 a second.
871
01:02:01,369 --> 01:02:04,590
That's what it's costing while we wait, gang !
872
01:02:06,287 --> 01:02:08,289
I don't know what the problem is.
873
01:02:09,638 --> 01:02:11,858
Jesus, can we shoot ?roll sound.
874
01:02:11,902 --> 01:02:14,121
Sound speed.
875
01:02:16,123 --> 01:02:18,778
Can I have fucking quiet ?
876
01:02:18,822 --> 01:02:21,999
Camera rolling. Finally !mark it.
877
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:25,785
And... action.
878
01:02:30,834 --> 01:02:34,228
Hello, my name's forrest.
Forrest Gump.
879
01:02:34,272 --> 01:02:37,536
That's a damn shame.
880
01:02:37,579 --> 01:02:39,973
You want some of my crab cakes ?
881
01:02:40,017 --> 01:02:43,411
I don't eat scavengers.
You know what crabs eat ?
882
01:02:43,455 --> 01:02:45,936
Fish feces.
883
01:02:45,979 --> 01:02:49,069
Well, my momma always said,
"gump happens."
884
01:02:49,113 --> 01:02:51,898
Shucks, I guess life
is a lot like a crab cake.
885
01:02:51,942 --> 01:02:54,640
There's lots of good stuff in the middle,
886
01:02:54,683 --> 01:02:56,947
but it's surrounded
by a bunch of crap.
887
01:02:56,990 --> 01:03:00,385
- Cut !
- What the hell ?
888
01:03:00,428 --> 01:03:03,475
I am Cecil b. Demented,
and this picture is terminated !
889
01:03:03,518 --> 01:03:06,391
Get off my set now !
What do you think you're doing ?
890
01:03:07,871 --> 01:03:11,309
Nobody can stop the popularity of Forrest Gump.
891
01:03:11,352 --> 01:03:16,314
Fuckin' little scabs !we'll get their little
16-millimeter asses.
892
01:03:16,357 --> 01:03:20,144
I got it.Nobody fucks with
the brotherhood of teamsters !
893
01:03:23,712 --> 01:03:27,934
Ow, that hurt !
Are you out of your mind ?
Get me out of here !
894
01:03:27,978 --> 01:03:30,371
Mark it.
895
01:03:30,415 --> 01:03:32,373
That's entertainment.
896
01:03:32,417 --> 01:03:34,854
And... action !
897
01:03:34,898 --> 01:03:37,683
I fucking hateforrest gump !
898
01:03:37,726 --> 01:03:39,990
I only take the roles
I'm offered, ma'am.
899
01:03:40,033 --> 01:03:42,906
Are you this desperate for publicity, honey whitlock ?
900
01:03:42,949 --> 01:03:45,865
Don't step on my lines,
asshole !
901
01:03:45,909 --> 01:03:47,954
Shh, shh, shh !
Quiet !
902
01:03:49,695 --> 01:03:52,959
- No more per diems !
- Please, I'm a local hire !
903
01:03:53,003 --> 01:03:56,833
- No more meal penalties.
- Yes, ma'am.
We're off the clock.
904
01:03:56,876 --> 01:04:01,750
And no more free food
at international film festivals
for you either, hack !
905
01:04:01,794 --> 01:04:03,752
The director's guild
of america...
906
01:04:03,796 --> 01:04:06,973
Will bring down its swift sword
of justice on you rank amateurs.
907
01:04:09,193 --> 01:04:11,238
Go !
908
01:04:11,282 --> 01:04:15,155
Drugs !
Give me poppers.
909
01:04:15,199 --> 01:04:17,854
It's okay.
We got it on film.
Keep going !
910
01:04:20,465 --> 01:04:23,772
Visions of light !
911
01:04:23,816 --> 01:04:26,253
Death to all who are
cinematically incorrect !
912
01:04:26,297 --> 01:04:29,604
- That means you fuckers !
- Yeah !
913
01:04:29,648 --> 01:04:31,606
Cecil !
914
01:04:34,914 --> 01:04:36,829
Yo, get him ! Get him !
915
01:04:40,093 --> 01:04:42,748
Shit !
Let's get out of here !call the driver !
916
01:04:45,359 --> 01:04:47,579
- Cecil, get down !
- Losers, die !
917
01:04:51,278 --> 01:04:53,759
Cecil !
918
01:04:56,980 --> 01:05:01,114
Look out ! Get him ! Get him !
919
01:05:05,510 --> 01:05:09,340
- Honey, get down !
- Cherish,
look out ! Get down !
920
01:05:09,383 --> 01:05:11,342
Get him, get him, baby !
921
01:05:11,385 --> 01:05:13,648
Good work, Cherish !thank you.
922
01:05:13,692 --> 01:05:17,957
Fix your costume. Come on.
Wild sound !
923
01:05:25,269 --> 01:05:30,230
Help, help ! Shoot ! Shoot !
924
01:05:30,274 --> 01:05:33,190
Oh, my god ! Oh, no !
925
01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:38,673
Dinah !
926
01:05:42,982 --> 01:05:44,941
Oh, god.
927
01:05:47,465 --> 01:05:50,685
Hey, hey, man.
What's wrong ?
Stapled ? Huh !
928
01:05:55,908 --> 01:06:00,913
Oh, thank god !
929
01:06:00,957 --> 01:06:03,350
Oh, god !
930
01:06:08,921 --> 01:06:12,011
Dear diary,
931
01:06:12,055 --> 01:06:17,799
another day,
and it's the same old thing.
932
01:06:17,843 --> 01:06:20,846
Everywhere I go,
933
01:06:20,889 --> 01:06:24,458
everything I do just seems to lead...
934
01:06:24,502 --> 01:06:27,461
To the same dead end--
935
01:06:27,505 --> 01:06:30,595
my derriere.
936
01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:34,599
Hey, buddy,
I'm in a little bit of trouble.
937
01:06:34,642 --> 01:06:38,951
Oh, my god ! It's you !
I was just looking at your ass
in this magazine.
938
01:06:38,995 --> 01:06:42,128
Yeah, that's my ass, all right,
and it's in trouble. Can me
and my friends come inside ?
939
01:06:42,172 --> 01:06:45,305
Oh, sure can.
Oh, we sell your ass. Hi.
940
01:06:45,349 --> 01:06:47,699
Hi.
941
01:06:47,742 --> 01:06:50,963
I can't believe it's her !
I beat off to her every night.
942
01:06:51,007 --> 01:06:53,357
Would you sign it...
To sniffles ?
943
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:55,968
- One f or two ?
- Two.
944
01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:59,015
Oh.bad night, huh ?
945
01:06:59,058 --> 01:07:02,975
- Right.
- Go on in. Pop a load.
946
01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:04,759
Uh, guys.
947
01:07:08,285 --> 01:07:13,377
Why is it that men
only want my ass ?
948
01:07:17,337 --> 01:07:20,601
Do you know why,
little pellet ?
949
01:07:23,169 --> 01:07:25,911
Good pellet.
950
01:07:25,954 --> 01:07:29,088
Oh, bad pellet.
951
01:07:31,917 --> 01:07:36,574
Oh, pellet, you're
a very naughty gerbil.
952
01:07:36,617 --> 01:07:39,751
Yes, you are.
953
01:07:39,794 --> 01:07:43,885
You're gonna be mommy's good pellet, aren't you ?
954
01:07:43,929 --> 01:07:46,105
Whoops !
955
01:07:46,149 --> 01:07:49,326
Pellet !
956
01:07:49,369 --> 01:07:52,242
Yeah. Where are you, little gerbil ?
957
01:07:52,285 --> 01:07:53,982
Hey !
958
01:07:54,026 --> 01:07:57,203
Sorry. Here, pellet.
959
01:07:57,247 --> 01:08:00,163
Mommy's got some cereal
for you.
960
01:08:06,169 --> 01:08:09,172
I'll be your cinema slave.
961
01:08:13,828 --> 01:08:15,743
Where are they, you pervert ?who ?
962
01:08:15,787 --> 01:08:17,963
There's no one here
but us whackers.
963
01:08:21,314 --> 01:08:24,012
Demented forever.
964
01:08:34,893 --> 01:08:39,289
Hey, pal, that's illegal, huh ? Hey, I paid my admission price.
965
01:08:39,332 --> 01:08:42,030
Pellet !
Oh !
966
01:08:45,686 --> 01:08:49,168
Not there, pellet !
Rear entry !
967
01:08:54,652 --> 01:08:56,610
There !
968
01:08:56,654 --> 01:08:58,960
Porno fans !
969
01:08:59,004 --> 01:09:03,269
It's me ! Cherish !
And I need your hard-core help !
970
01:09:03,313 --> 01:09:07,534
- The teamsters are here.
- We love you, Cherish !
971
01:09:07,578 --> 01:09:12,409
Long live Cecil b. Demented,
a friend of pornography !
972
01:09:14,541 --> 01:09:17,588
Hey, keep that thing
away from me.
973
01:09:17,631 --> 01:09:20,460
Hey, hey, hey !
Back it up !
974
01:09:20,504 --> 01:09:23,507
Hey, whoa, whoa !
Hey, hey !
975
01:09:23,550 --> 01:09:25,465
Get it ! Get it ! Get in there ! Get in there !
976
01:09:25,509 --> 01:09:28,773
Oh, yes ! Pellet ! Pellet !
977
01:09:28,816 --> 01:09:31,254
Get it, boy ! Go on, pellet !
978
01:09:31,297 --> 01:09:34,170
Get it ! Yes ! Do it to me, baby !
979
01:09:44,528 --> 01:09:47,618
Dear diary,
980
01:09:49,402 --> 01:09:51,578
my husband...
981
01:09:51,622 --> 01:09:53,624
Is trying...
982
01:09:53,667 --> 01:09:56,453
To kill me.
983
01:10:01,980 --> 01:10:04,548
- Three, please.
- $15.
984
01:10:10,945 --> 01:10:14,601
Cool as shit.
Honey whitlock can open
any picture.
985
01:10:14,645 --> 01:10:16,951
Nowshe can.
986
01:10:16,995 --> 01:10:20,607
We should blow up
the people's choice awards.
That's what we should do.
987
01:10:20,651 --> 01:10:24,002
Hey, calm down.Bomb planet Hollywood.
988
01:10:24,045 --> 01:10:27,092
Would you get a hold
of yourself ?
989
01:10:27,135 --> 01:10:29,834
- Two adults.
- $10.
990
01:10:33,490 --> 01:10:35,666
Hey, that's pretty good !
991
01:10:35,709 --> 01:10:38,103
Thanks.
What do I get if I win ?
992
01:10:38,146 --> 01:10:41,149
A big ham. What else ?
993
01:10:51,725 --> 01:10:54,119
This is it--
our final location.
994
01:10:54,162 --> 01:10:56,121
Where we're gonna
get laid !
995
01:10:56,164 --> 01:10:58,950
Nobody leaves this drive-in
alive until we finish our film.
996
01:10:58,993 --> 01:11:01,692
Totally radical !
997
01:11:12,833 --> 01:11:16,576
Attention, honey whitlock look-alikes.
998
01:11:16,620 --> 01:11:19,884
Please come to the concession stand at the end of the film...
999
01:11:19,927 --> 01:11:22,713
To show your fellow drive-in fans your costumes...
1000
01:11:22,756 --> 01:11:25,411
And maybe take home a grand prize...
1001
01:11:25,455 --> 01:11:29,676
Of a ten-pound Smithfield ham.
1002
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:33,114
We also feature sodas, burgers,
1003
01:11:33,158 --> 01:11:35,465
hot dogs, popcorn...
1004
01:11:35,508 --> 01:11:37,902
And the candy of your choice.
1005
01:11:37,945 --> 01:11:40,992
All right here at the bengie's drive-in theater,
1006
01:11:41,035 --> 01:11:43,037
where tonight,
1007
01:11:43,081 --> 01:11:46,824
honey whitlock is on the screen all night long.
1008
01:11:51,481 --> 01:11:53,570
Oh, my god.
1009
01:11:55,789 --> 01:11:58,270
The greatest director
of all time !
1010
01:12:03,536 --> 01:12:06,452
Come on. You didn't know.
1011
01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:08,454
You have cinematic
immunity now.
1012
01:12:08,498 --> 01:12:10,543
Yeah, none
of your old movies count.
1013
01:12:15,026 --> 01:12:18,551
That's not you on the screen. It's somebody else. Come on.
1014
01:12:22,468 --> 01:12:24,514
Who is it ?
1015
01:12:24,557 --> 01:12:27,647
Cecil b. Demented.
1016
01:12:27,691 --> 01:12:31,608
Oh, right.
That's really funny, asshole.
1017
01:12:44,055 --> 01:12:46,666
Kill the bitch !she never could act !
1018
01:12:46,710 --> 01:12:48,668
Her career is over !hey !
1019
01:12:48,712 --> 01:12:52,280
No. Hey, bad reviews
can't hurt me now.
1020
01:12:52,324 --> 01:12:54,370
Yeah. We're beyond
the critics' reach.
1021
01:12:54,413 --> 01:12:56,850
Who cares what anybody thinks
about our movie ?
1022
01:12:56,894 --> 01:12:59,462
Except Satan.
Shut up, bitch !
1023
01:13:03,988 --> 01:13:05,816
Hey, what's going on ?
1024
01:13:05,859 --> 01:13:08,558
Hello.
1025
01:13:08,601 --> 01:13:10,821
This is Cecil b. Demented,
1026
01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:14,955
speaking to you directly from this theater.
1027
01:13:14,999 --> 01:13:19,133
I want you all
to be in my new movie.
1028
01:13:19,177 --> 01:13:21,919
It is calledraving beauty.
1029
01:13:21,962 --> 01:13:26,097
We are shooting the final scene here tonight.
1030
01:13:26,140 --> 01:13:29,230
I wish Cecil would kill
some more assholes.
1031
01:13:29,274 --> 01:13:32,756
Yeah, like those phony critics
who give all good reviews
in the movie ads.
1032
01:13:32,799 --> 01:13:35,193
Or those last-minute
fuck-head ticket buyers...
1033
01:13:35,236 --> 01:13:37,674
Who enter the theater after
the feature's begun.
1034
01:13:37,717 --> 01:13:40,285
Join the revolution against Hollywood movies.
1035
01:13:40,328 --> 01:13:43,636
Bring cinema wars home to theaters in your neighborhood...
1036
01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:47,335
And punish those who stand in the way ofyour kind of entertainment.
1037
01:13:47,379 --> 01:13:49,599
Cinema hoodlums,
1038
01:13:49,642 --> 01:13:51,731
you can destroy commercial cinema as we know it.
1039
01:13:51,775 --> 01:13:54,473
Burn down the multiplexes.
1040
01:13:54,517 --> 01:13:57,433
Stop the mass-distribution of mediocre movies !
1041
01:13:57,476 --> 01:13:59,913
This is a warning to all cinemagoers.
1042
01:13:59,957 --> 01:14:03,526
Mainstream movie fans, we will Bury you.
1043
01:14:03,569 --> 01:14:07,573
Cecil b. Demented,
you are surrounded.
1044
01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:10,707
Give yourself up
and you and your cast and crew
will not be injured.
1045
01:14:10,750 --> 01:14:14,711
Pay no attention
to the studio executives
in the police vehicle.
1046
01:14:14,754 --> 01:14:16,713
Yeah, yeah. Tell them.
1047
01:14:16,756 --> 01:14:20,325
- I have final cut !
- We are not studio executives.
1048
01:14:20,368 --> 01:14:22,327
We are the Baltimore city
police department.
1049
01:14:24,068 --> 01:14:26,505
Fidget, we know you're here.
1050
01:14:26,549 --> 01:14:29,377
We heard it on the news.
Come home, son.
1051
01:14:29,421 --> 01:14:32,816
Fans of outlaw cinema,
1052
01:14:32,859 --> 01:14:35,775
they want to use you
for market testing.
1053
01:14:35,819 --> 01:14:40,171
- Yeah !
- They want to detain you and put you in focus groups.
1054
01:14:40,214 --> 01:14:42,347
Uh-huh !
That's right ! That's right !
1055
01:14:42,390 --> 01:14:44,523
But I won't let them,
1056
01:14:44,567 --> 01:14:47,526
because I don't believe in
phony life-affirming endings !
1057
01:14:47,570 --> 01:14:50,007
I would rather die
than change my movie !
1058
01:14:50,050 --> 01:14:53,401
Waco ! Waco !
1059
01:14:53,445 --> 01:14:55,752
That's it.
1060
01:14:58,581 --> 01:15:01,279
Fidget, it's your dad.
1061
01:15:01,322 --> 01:15:03,281
We're here with a psychiatrist.
1062
01:15:03,324 --> 01:15:06,197
He specializes
in children like you.
1063
01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:09,374
Everything's gonna be okay, son.
1064
01:15:09,417 --> 01:15:11,594
Fidget, it's mommy.
1065
01:15:11,637 --> 01:15:14,466
We know you've seen too many r-rated movies,
1066
01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:16,468
and we're here to help.
1067
01:15:16,512 --> 01:15:18,557
Cecil b. Demented, your parents are here.
1068
01:15:18,601 --> 01:15:20,559
And they would like to speak to you.
1069
01:15:20,603 --> 01:15:23,344
Sinclair, it's your father.
1070
01:15:23,388 --> 01:15:26,826
God !
1071
01:15:26,870 --> 01:15:30,308
Thomas alva Edison
is the only father
I've ever had !
1072
01:15:30,351 --> 01:15:33,354
I know you're sick in the head,
but whatever made you think
you could direct ?
1073
01:15:35,443 --> 01:15:37,141
You can direct, Cecil. Don't listen to that Christian !
1074
01:15:38,577 --> 01:15:42,755
- Sinclair, it's mom.
- Oh !
1075
01:15:42,799 --> 01:15:46,585
Repeat after me.
It's only a movie.
1076
01:15:46,629 --> 01:15:49,022
It's only a movie.
1077
01:15:49,066 --> 01:15:52,504
It's only a movie.Picture's up !
1078
01:15:52,548 --> 01:15:54,593
All right !
1079
01:15:54,637 --> 01:15:57,378
Cecil.
1080
01:15:57,422 --> 01:15:59,729
- Are you okay ?
- Oh, shit.
1081
01:15:59,772 --> 01:16:01,774
Come on, Cecil.
We got to finish the movie.
1082
01:16:01,818 --> 01:16:03,733
Come on.
Get up. Come on.
1083
01:16:03,776 --> 01:16:06,039
Come on.
Get up, Cecil.
1084
01:16:06,083 --> 01:16:08,085
Honey whitlock
is here tonight,
1085
01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:10,740
live and in person.
1086
01:16:10,783 --> 01:16:13,177
And she's dyin' to meet ya.
1087
01:16:13,220 --> 01:16:15,919
Come on ! Move out !
Go ! Go ! Let's go !
1088
01:16:22,316 --> 01:16:25,493
Yeah !
1089
01:16:41,466 --> 01:16:43,686
You can make it.
1090
01:16:43,729 --> 01:16:45,818
Just one more camera setup,
then we can have sex.
1091
01:16:47,515 --> 01:16:51,215
Honey, honey, honey.
1092
01:16:51,258 --> 01:16:54,784
I've had a final vision.
1093
01:16:54,827 --> 01:16:57,700
Would you set your hair on fire
for our movie ?
1094
01:17:00,180 --> 01:17:03,140
My real hair ?
1095
01:17:05,577 --> 01:17:10,538
Prove yourself one more time,
for your cast.
1096
01:17:12,976 --> 01:17:17,154
Your crew.
They've given up their lives
for this film,
1097
01:17:17,197 --> 01:17:19,286
and they carry the eternal flame of cinema insanity.
1098
01:17:19,330 --> 01:17:21,071
Do it.
1099
01:17:21,114 --> 01:17:24,857
Your fans--
they love the new honey.
1100
01:17:24,901 --> 01:17:28,208
They love her so much.
1101
01:17:28,252 --> 01:17:31,821
And for me--
Cecil b. Demented.
1102
01:17:55,932 --> 01:17:59,936
I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Demented.
1103
01:17:59,979 --> 01:18:02,025
Cecil b. Demented, you have 60 seconds.
1104
01:18:02,068 --> 01:18:04,114
Picture's up !
1105
01:18:04,157 --> 01:18:07,944
Abandon your film or we will shoot to kill !
1106
01:18:07,987 --> 01:18:10,642
Camera rolling !
Speed !
1107
01:18:10,686 --> 01:18:13,514
And... action !
1108
01:18:16,343 --> 01:18:19,999
Cellulunatics
and cinema survivalists !
1109
01:18:24,656 --> 01:18:26,789
Make good movies or die !
1110
01:18:29,443 --> 01:18:31,402
Wow !
1111
01:18:38,148 --> 01:18:40,454
Cut, cut, cut !
1112
01:18:44,110 --> 01:18:47,635
That, fellow sprocket holes, is a wrap !
1113
01:18:50,377 --> 01:18:52,336
Principal photography
has been completed !
1114
01:18:52,379 --> 01:18:55,948
- You mean we can fuck ?
- From here to timbuktu !
1115
01:18:56,949 --> 01:18:59,560
Oh, yes !
1116
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,833
Honey !
1117
01:19:14,184 --> 01:19:17,622
Raven, I love you ! I love all satanists ! Pick me !
1118
01:19:17,665 --> 01:19:21,147
Honey ! Oh ! Ah !
1119
01:19:36,032 --> 01:19:39,209
You picked me.Yeah.
1120
01:19:40,210 --> 01:19:42,168
Get up here !
1121
01:19:57,531 --> 01:19:59,446
Okay.
1122
01:20:05,409 --> 01:20:07,933
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1123
01:20:14,331 --> 01:20:16,159
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1124
01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:26,734
Hi, mom !
1125
01:20:38,398 --> 01:20:40,313
Oh, my god !
1126
01:20:40,357 --> 01:20:44,404
Oh, shit ! Come on !
1127
01:20:56,808 --> 01:20:59,419
Get the film !i got it !
1128
01:21:02,292 --> 01:21:06,209
Cecil ! Cecil !
1129
01:21:06,252 --> 01:21:08,254
- Honey !
- What ?
1130
01:21:09,995 --> 01:21:13,303
I seen what you did,
you Hollywood bitch !
1131
01:21:13,346 --> 01:21:17,394
Maybe you can get away with this shit in California, but we're in Maryland now.
1132
01:21:17,437 --> 01:21:20,223
You're under arrest,
honey whitlock.
1133
01:21:20,266 --> 01:21:22,703
Cecil !
1134
01:21:25,663 --> 01:21:28,187
I have...
1135
01:21:28,231 --> 01:21:32,539
A vision !
1136
01:21:40,025 --> 01:21:44,508
Oh, god !well, that's what you get.
1137
01:21:44,551 --> 01:21:46,727
Fidget, we're leaving.
1138
01:21:46,771 --> 01:21:49,339
How much is a mother
supposed to take ?
1139
01:21:49,382 --> 01:21:52,995
Fucker !
Son of a bitch !
1140
01:21:53,038 --> 01:21:55,432
Good-bye, petie !
1141
01:21:55,475 --> 01:21:58,478
I'll visit you
in prison, man !
1142
01:21:58,522 --> 01:22:01,481
We got the footage, baby !
Anybody got a cell phone ?
1143
01:22:01,525 --> 01:22:03,440
Call 20/20.Get me an agent ! Go, go !
1144
01:22:03,483 --> 01:22:06,312
Honey ! Honey !thank you, thank you !
1145
01:22:06,356 --> 01:22:09,315
Miss whitlock, you're under arrest ! Hands in the air. Show's over.
1146
01:22:09,359 --> 01:22:11,013
Honey, it's okay.
We finished the film !
1147
01:22:15,234 --> 01:22:17,236
Hail Satan !
1148
01:22:28,160 --> 01:22:31,294
Ow !
1149
01:22:32,338 --> 01:22:35,472
Oh, hi, mom.
1150
01:22:35,515 --> 01:22:37,474
Hey, dad.
1151
01:22:38,823 --> 01:22:43,523
Honey !
1152
01:22:43,567 --> 01:22:46,874
♪ Never say good-bye say ciao ♪
1153
01:22:49,138 --> 01:22:51,314
♪ till we meet again
1154
01:22:51,357 --> 01:22:55,361
♪ say ciao
1155
01:22:55,405 --> 01:22:58,451
♪ time will disappear
1156
01:22:58,495 --> 01:23:00,758
♪ so hold me near
1157
01:23:00,801 --> 01:23:03,848
♪ and never say good-bye
1158
01:23:03,891 --> 01:23:05,632
♪ say ciao
1159
01:23:10,072 --> 01:23:13,118
♪ please don't shed a tear
1160
01:23:13,162 --> 01:23:15,164
♪ say ciao
1161
01:23:16,904 --> 01:23:20,908
♪ you'll be always near somehow ♪
1162
01:23:23,433 --> 01:23:26,436
♪ time will disappear
1163
01:23:26,479 --> 01:23:29,221
♪ so smile, my dear
1164
01:23:29,265 --> 01:23:34,009
♪ and never say good-bye say ciao ♪
1165
01:23:38,665 --> 01:23:41,451
♪ no, never say good-bye
1166
01:23:41,494 --> 01:23:46,151
♪ say ciao ♪
1167
01:23:46,195 --> 01:23:48,371
Chow.
1168
01:23:48,414 --> 01:23:50,677
♪♪
1169
01:23:50,721 --> 01:23:55,639
♪ chow
1170
01:23:55,682 --> 01:23:57,945
♪♪
1171
01:23:57,989 --> 01:23:59,643
♪ chow, chow, chow, chow, chow chow, chow, chow, chow ♪
1172
01:23:59,686 --> 01:24:02,820
♪ chow, chow, chow
1173
01:24:02,863 --> 01:24:04,604
♪♪
1174
01:24:07,781 --> 01:24:10,523
♪♪ ♪ chow, chow, chow, chow, chow
1175
01:25:18,417 --> 01:25:20,419
♪♪
1176
01:25:22,421 --> 01:25:24,510
♪ we ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
1177
01:25:24,554 --> 01:25:27,034
♪ no craft service, man ♪ no budget
1178
01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:29,080
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
1179
01:25:29,124 --> 01:25:31,387
♪ no fuckin' call sheets, yo ♪ no budget
1180
01:25:31,430 --> 01:25:33,606
♪ we ain't recoupin' shit ♪ no budget
1181
01:25:33,650 --> 01:25:36,043
♪ yeah, we got a start date for real ♪ ♪ no budget
1182
01:25:36,087 --> 01:25:38,394
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
1183
01:25:38,437 --> 01:25:40,700
♪ and we gonna turn Hollywood out ♪ ♪ no budget
1184
01:25:40,744 --> 01:25:42,876
♪ how the fuck you think you're just gonna charge me rent ♪
1185
01:25:42,920 --> 01:25:45,009
♪ don't need the help of so-called critics ♪
1186
01:25:45,052 --> 01:25:47,316
♪ outlaw cinema with the hottest gunslingers ♪
1187
01:25:47,359 --> 01:25:50,667
♪ when we say action cameras roll, before your deal
is fuckin' asshole clean ♪
1188
01:25:50,710 --> 01:25:53,365
♪ if I direct, ain't gonna be no motherfuckin' scenes ♪
1189
01:25:53,409 --> 01:25:56,281
♪ we'll do the edits take the credits ♪
1190
01:25:56,325 --> 01:25:59,110
♪ it's our way or nobody's fuck keeping it clean, ha ♪
1191
01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:01,112
♪ we ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
1192
01:26:01,156 --> 01:26:03,593
♪ no craft service, man ♪ no budget
1193
01:26:03,636 --> 01:26:05,638
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
1194
01:26:05,682 --> 01:26:07,640
♪ no fuckin' call sheets, yo ♪ no budget
1195
01:26:07,684 --> 01:26:09,642
♪ we ain't recoupin' shit ♪ no budget
1196
01:26:09,686 --> 01:26:11,644
♪ yeah, we got a start date for real ♪ ♪ no budget
1197
01:26:11,688 --> 01:26:14,995
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
1198
01:26:15,039 --> 01:26:17,128
♪ and we gonna turn Hollywood out ♪ ♪ no budget
1199
01:26:17,172 --> 01:26:19,783
♪ no focus through my camera lens ♪
1200
01:26:19,826 --> 01:26:21,959
♪ picture perfect you think it's perfect ♪
1201
01:26:22,002 --> 01:26:24,222
♪ I'll second that fuckin' emotion ♪
1202
01:26:24,266 --> 01:26:27,138
♪ I'm with the team what you think ♪
1203
01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:29,140
♪ shit, motherfucker with the fuckers you need ♪
1204
01:26:29,184 --> 01:26:31,055
♪ no budget bitches, drop your motherfuckin' knees ♪
1205
01:26:31,098 --> 01:26:33,405
♪ I'm sick of spitting on these so-called deeds ♪
1206
01:26:33,449 --> 01:26:35,668
♪ then they walkin' up to Cecil petty bitches, bite me ♪
1207
01:26:35,712 --> 01:26:38,018
♪ we ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
1208
01:26:38,062 --> 01:26:40,020
♪ ain't nobody puttin' us in turnaround ♪
1209
01:26:40,064 --> 01:26:42,458
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
1210
01:26:42,501 --> 01:26:44,547
♪ we'll do the edits take the credits ♪
1211
01:26:44,590 --> 01:26:46,984
♪ we ain't recoupin' shit ♪ no budget
1212
01:26:47,027 --> 01:26:49,029
♪ you got that, motherfucker
1213
01:26:49,073 --> 01:26:51,293
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
1214
01:26:53,817 --> 01:26:55,601
♪ we ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
1215
01:26:55,645 --> 01:26:58,387
♪ no budget
1216
01:26:58,430 --> 01:27:01,085
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
1217
01:27:01,128 --> 01:27:03,087
♪ fuck keeping it clean ♪ no budget
1218
01:27:03,130 --> 01:27:05,481
♪ we ain't recoupin' shit ♪ no budget
1219
01:27:05,524 --> 01:27:07,483
♪ petty bitches, bite me ♪ no budget
1220
01:27:07,526 --> 01:27:09,528
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
1221
01:27:09,572 --> 01:27:12,227
♪ when we say action cameras roll ♪ ♪ no budget
1222
01:27:12,270 --> 01:27:14,229
♪ we ain't got no budget ♪ no budget
1223
01:27:14,272 --> 01:27:16,840
♪ ain't nobody puttin' us in turnaround ♪
1224
01:27:16,883 --> 01:27:18,842
♪ we don't take no notes ♪ no budget
1225
01:27:18,885 --> 01:27:21,148
♪ we'll do the edits take the credits ♪
1226
01:27:21,192 --> 01:27:23,629
♪ we ain't recoupin' shit ♪ no budget
1227
01:27:23,673 --> 01:27:25,718
♪ you got that, motherfucker
1228
01:27:25,762 --> 01:27:27,677
♪ yo, this picture's a go ♪ no budget
1229
01:27:30,462 --> 01:27:32,551
♪ we ain't got no budget
1230
01:27:32,595 --> 01:27:34,814
♪ no craft service, man
1231
01:27:34,858 --> 01:27:37,034
♪ we don't take no notes
1232
01:27:37,077 --> 01:27:39,297
♪ no fuckin' call sheets, yo ♪
1233
01:27:39,341 --> 01:27:43,432
Closed-captioned by
captions, inc. Los Angeles
94589
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