All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E22.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

DENNY: Previously on Boston Legal…

What are you doing?

I will help you.

-Now hand me the knife.
-JERRY: It's the toast.

-Bingo.
-Asperger's syndrome.

-Bingo!
-Jerry Espenson has been suffering

needlessly his entire life.

-You'll get him help?
-My word.

Admit you're having
an emotional affair with me.

Consider making it physical.

You have a wife who adores you
and for her sake

if not your own, you need to grow up.

I left my wife, Shirley.

Did you?

So, what do you think?

(upbeat stinger playing)

Thank you for walking me to work.

Can I interest you in a cup of…

I see you don't need coffee.

(chuckles) Ivan, I'm, uh…

I'm feeling a little exposed.

Wherever that is,
could you put my hand there?

Besides, it's not even 7:00.

No one else is even…

(music halts)

One question. Who was on top?

Me, her, me, and then her.

-A little early, aren't you, Denny?
-I'm an early riser.

As I recall, Shirley, so are you.

I was just desperate to get
out of your bed, Denny.

(chuckles)

Toodles.

(bright music playing)

See me for lunch?

I'll pick you up.

(bright music intensifies)

Missy.

I…

-How are you?
-I hope you don't mind my coming here.

It's about Ivan.

Of course.

I know it's crazy, but…

(whispers)
I think Ivan is cheating.

Cheating?

On you, his wife?

(chuckles)
Part of me thinks it's so silly.

(laughs and snorts)

Oh, God.

-So he hasn't said anything to you?
-Oh, of course not.

But you know my man of La Mancha.
(chuckles)

He's a wanderer, Shirley,

and I just have this feeling
that his eye has wandered.

Would it be awfully horrible of me
to ask you to talk to him?

(gasps)

Oh…

I'll talk to him.

(laughs softly)

(theme music)

(bright slow music)

BRAD: Jerry.

Brad! How are the kids?

I don't have any kids.

Great.

Oh.

Jerry!

What a nice surprise.

Alan, a pleasure.
What did you have for breakfast?

Uh…

English muffin.

I see your…

behavior modification is going well.

Oh, it is.

I've been working very hard to deal
with my Asperger's syndrome.

I've been learning to connect to people,
to make eye contact, to shake hands,

to show an interest in them
even if I have none.

A skill I never mastered.

What brings you by, Jerry?

Well, I'm a solo practitioner now,

mostly finance and bankruptcy.

But my behavioral therapist suggested

that I place myself in more

and varied social situations

so that I might better practice
my new social skills.

So I got myself

assigned a trial from the courts.

Congratulations.

Only…

now that I'm actually gonna try
a case in a courtroom, it's… well…

(shudders)

Alan, I'm a wreck.

-What's the case?
-Attempted murder.

-Jerry…
-Yes, it's daunting.

But I know the Massachusetts Penal Code
backwards and forwards,

procedure, rules of evidence,
objectionable conduct.

Jerry.

Litigation is about more than
knowledge of the law.

It's about… confidence and strategy,

-cheap theatrics…
-(groans)

Why don't I see if I can
rearrange some things?

Perhaps if you'd permit,

I could join you as co-counsel.

(loudly) Bingo!

(giggles)

I mean… that would be nice.

(delightful stinger playing)

(slow stinger playing)

ANDE: Three years ago,

I received my permanent resident card.

It allowed me to bring my son, Dembe,
over from Senegal.

He was here exactly one month,

enrolled at Boston Community College
to study engineering.

One night, a man approached him,

begging for a dollar.

Dembe pulled out his wallet…

and when he did…

the man shot him in the face…

took his wallet and ran.

He was caught

but the police used
an illegal search warrant.

So the case was dismissed.

The judge banged his gavel
and that was it.

It's unimaginable.

Mr. Mkeba is a bus driver.

Route 48, Jackson Square Station
via Green Street

and Stony Brook Stations.

I drive the night shift.

I recently pulled over on Green Street,

opened my doors…

and there he was.

(sobbing)
The man…

who murdered my son three years ago.

He got on, paid his fare.

He was six inches from my face.

He didn't even notice me.

At the next stop, I pulled over,

and it was as if my body
took control of me.

I picked up the club I keep under my seat.

I walked down the aisle to him,
and I said, "You know me!"

And I began hitting him
as hard as I possibly could.

I couldn't stop pounding him.

It took four witnesses to pull him off.

I see.

I know what I did was wrong.

I know that.

But if I go to jail…

I worry about my family back in Senegal.

(somber music playing)

Oh!

I was just going for the 2%.

Uh, um…

(both giggling)

Lot of milk choices these days.

Yeah.

-Have we met?
-Uh…

Audrey Pugliese,
paralegal transfer from M and A.

I put a brownie in here this morning
and now it's…

Oh, Denny probably took it.

-You're kidding me.
-No.

He has some boundary issues.

Your best bet is to hide it
in the crisper.

(laughs)

Thanks.

(clears throat)

See ya.

See ya.

(upbeat stinger playing)

He's not supposed to be pacing, Alan.

A judge normally sits.

ALAN: Some judges have their quirks,
Jerry. This is his.

He runs a very busy courtroom.

Ah, Mr. Kupfer!

Jerry, you're in luck.

Mr. Kupfer is my favorite
opposing counsel.

He's smart, eloquent, a pleasure to watch,

and every time I go up against him,
he obligingly loses.

You know, if the US really
wanted to torture detainees,

they could sentence them
to be you for a day.

I imagine it's excruciating.

ALAN (chuckles): You have no idea.

Docket number 4175,

Commonwealth of Massachusetts
versus Ande Mkeba.

The charge is attempted murder.

How do you plead?

JERRY: Uh…

Jerry Espenson for the defendant.
We plead…

That is, not guilty, your, Your Honor.

By reason of temporary insanity.

-Hmm. Bail?
-The Commonwealth seeks remand.

(Alan clears throat)

Your Honor, the crime Mr. Mkeba
is charged with committing was

a result of a unique and volatile
confluence of events

that is unlikely to occur again…

(loudly)
I'm sorry, could you sit down, please?

I beg your pardon?

You're distracting not just to me
but everyone, isn't he?

ALAN: Jerry.

There is nothing in the Constitution

that says a judge has to sit
on his ass all day, Mr. Espenson.

Your Honor, uh,
the defendant is a flight risk.

He has strong ties overseas.

ALAN: The man can't afford a flight.

And the strong ties Mr. Kupfer
refers to is Mr. Mkeba's family

who will starve if Mr. Mkeba is not
allowed to continue driving his bus.

Oh, very well, uh…

bail is set at $50,000.

We'll have you out by the end of the day.

I just got overwhelmed.

Your first time can be emotional.

We'll try not to let it happen again.

(bright music playing)

I brought wine, cheese, and condoms.

I thought we'd picnic.

Missy came to my office today.

Ah! So just the wine and cheese.

She's fairly certain of two things.

One, that you're having an affair,

and two, that you're still married to her.

A slight technicality.

Look, Missy and I are done, Shirl.
I swear.

However, it is possible that Missy and I
were not on the same page

when I broke the news to her.

And what did your page say?

"Missy, our marriage is over.
I see now that we've made a mistake.

I think it's time to admit it and move on
and seek our happiness elsewhere."

And what page is Missy on?

"Don't wait up.
I'm going out with the guys."

I should have known, Ivan. I know you.

You laid the oldest line
in the married man's playbook on me,

and I swallowed it.

Look, Shirl…

if you want to stab me
with your letter opener right now,

that's how I'd prefer to go anyway.

But know that I am going to tell her.
It's just not that easy.

Ivan, tell her.

-And then?
-There is no "then," Ivan.

We're only dealing in now.

Tell her.

(tense music playing)

(upbeat stinger playing)

KEVIN: He was driving the bus.

Made another stop or two, and…

each time, he kept looking back at me.

Then he put on the, uh,
emergency lights, pulled over.

I thought something was wrong
with the bus, but then he…

He… he stands up, gets right in my face

and starts to beat the crap
out of me for no reason.

KUPFER: Did he say anything to you?

He said something like,
"You killed my son," something like that.

I don't know what the hell
he's talking about.

And, uh, how did the defendant
appear to you at this time?

Like he totally knew what he was doing.

Come on, he parked the bus,

looked me right in the eye
and tried to kill me.

Thank you. Nothing further.

-Jerry, it's your witness.
-You take this one.

I'll do the next one.

This one's yours, Jerry.
We prepared for this.

You are ready. Just stand up.

-JERRY: No…
-ALAN: You can do this.

JUDGE ROBERT: Counselors…

the suspense is killing me.

Mr. Armus, you just testified
you didn't know what my client meant

when he accused you of killing his son.

That's not entirely true, is it?

-Don't know what you mean.
-Let me be very clear then.

-You murdered Mr. Mkeba's son, didn't you?
-No.

-Objection!
-You shot him in the face

-to steal his wallet.
-Hey, I didn't do it!

Your Honor, all charges were dropped.

Mr. Shore?

It goes to insanity, Your Honor.

This man murdered Mr. Mkeba's
son in cold blood.

Anyone can understand why a father
goes into an uncontrollable rage

when his son's murderer
steps onto his bus.

Counsel, approach.

Your honor, Mr. Shore knows full well

that the case against Mr. Armus
was thrown out…

Because of a faulty warrant,

and the incompetent twits
in your office couldn't fix it.

Children, enough.

Objection sustained.

No more games, Mr. Shore.

Step back.

I like your shoes.

Don't start, okay?

Mr. Armus, when my client grabbed you,

how many people did it
take to pull him off?

Yeah, like five or six guys at least.

Five or six grown men
to pull one man off you.

He was beating the crap out of me.
He wouldn't stop.

As though he had completely lost control.

Yeah, that's ri…

I don't remember much after that.

I blacked out and they took me
to the hospital.

(calm music playing)

Nothing further.

That was great.

I'll do the next one.

You will do the next one.

-BRAD: Hey, Audrey.
-Hey, you.

God, I'm so glad I got out of M and A.

Criminal law is a lot more interesting.
There's so much to learn.

Yeah. I like it.

Look, as a sort of welcome
to the department type of thing,

would you like to grab some dinner?

-Oh.
-It's just that

I know this little Basque place,

and they serve family style
with long benches.

It's a lot of fun.

I would love that.

I'll make a reservation for…

8:00?

-8:00. It is.
-Great.

Sounds perfect. I'll meet you there.

And then afterwards, maybe
we can go back to my apartment.

-That sounds like a plan.
-(laughs)

We could review the Penal Code.

(laughs)
Great. And I'll show you my vagina.

(laughs)

(comical stinger playing)

You speak Italian, right?

Si, parlo italiano.

So let me ask you this.

In Italian, does the word, uh…

"vagina" mean something else?

-Something else?
-You know, could it have some meaning

other than, you know?

Like is it another term
for some sort of ancient seacraft?

Look, I asked out Audrey.

The new paralegal?

I'm surprised.

You're usually so sensitive
to all the rules around here.

Believe me, there was no
sexual harassment involved,

at least on my part.

But on her part,

somebody not as cool as me
could write her up.

-What do you mean?
-She said yes.

Then she asked me if later
I wanted to see her…

-(whispers) Seacraft?
-Uh-huh.

As a friend who's also a girl,

I'd really like to know,
would you ever say anything like that?

Probably not.

That's what I thought
your answer would be.

But I still like her.

Brad, what Audrey said is a little odd

but if you really like her,
it's not a deal breaker.

It's just a… a word.

So…

anchors aweigh.

(quirky music)

Missy.

I spoke with Ivan
and he told me everything.

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything…

except maybe "You're welcome"

because I owe you a super-huge thank you!

-You do?
-After I spoke with you,

I spoke with Ivan.

It turns out I was just
being a nervous bride.

He's not having an affair.

Ivan reassured me that everything is fine.

Of course, he did.

The thing is, I have a tiny
confession to make.

I know I shouldn't,

but I still have a squinch of a doubt
when it comes to Ivan's fidelity.

I just don't want to doubt him
for the rest of my life.

You have such a clear mind.
What should I do?

I think I may have an answer.

(upbeat music playing)

JERRY: "Now, Mr. Mkeba,

how did you feel
when you were beating him with the club?"

No, you don't want to say that.

Right. Right. Okay. So then I'll say,

"How did you feel during this…"

"During this?"

And, uh, that will elicit testimony that
he wasn't in control of his emotions,

and he couldn't determine
right from wrong,

and therefore, not guilty
by reason of temporary insanity.

Bingo! Sorry.

I'm only allowed eight bingos a day.

You're well under your quota.

It's always good to have a few spare
bingos in your back pocket.

That felt a little stiff.

Well, fortunately, a courtroom
is a rather formal place.

The jury won't expect you
to be loose and casual.

-Good.
-Jerry, keep in mind

that when you're questioning the witness,

you are in charge of what you're doing.

If you need to take a moment to gather
your thoughts, take the moment.

Don't ever feel rushed.

Okay.

"Good morning, Mr. Mkeba."

"Mr. Mkeba, where are you from?"

-Senegal.
-Senegal, right.

He may say the city
that he comes from too.

But I, whatever he says,
I can deal with it.

A postnup?

My idea. I'm clever.

She gets my cigarette boat.

Only if you cheat.

My box at the symphony,
my season tickets to the Crimson games.

I went to Harvard. Does she look like
she went to Harvard?

No, but with 80% of your net worth,

she'll be able to make
a sizable endowment.

Who knows?

Maybe they'll rename
the Ivan Tiggs Theater.

The "Ivan Tiggs can't keep it
in his pants" Theater

has a nice ring to it.

My golf membership, my custom-made suits.

So basically, if I screw around,
she gets my life.

Not your whole life,
just the parts you love.

So, what do you love, Ivan?

Maybe you should give it some thought.

(indistinct chatter)

-She keeps saying it.
-Excuse me?

Audrey. We went out on Friday,
again on Saturday.

We spent all Sunday morning together.

We're supposed to see each other tonight.

And we're, you know…

-Having sex?
-Yeah. It's great.

It's really great.

But she keeps saying that word a lot.

-As in…
-As in,

"Oh, boy, my that really feels good."

Or, "Wow, you sure know
your way around my that."

At first I thought maybe
she just likes to talk dirty.

Maybe this is a lead-in
for something else.

But there is no something else.

It's just that again and again, and again.

DENISE: Hmm.

I think I need to end it.

(pensive stinger playing)

ANDE: No matter how angry the rest
of the world is with the United States,

it's still the place to come
for hope and opportunity.

But no one told me this could happen.

My boy was here exactly one month.

And he was gunned down,

killed like an animal by another animal,
that man Armus.

-Objection.
-Uh, sustained.

Okey-dokey.

Now, Mr. Mkeba, take us
to the day of the incident.

I stopped my bus, and he came on board,

this man who is guilty of killing my son.

Well, of course,
he wasn't actually found guilty.

JERRY: Um, the case was thrown out.

I…
(stutters)

Let's… move on.

Okay.

What happened as… When…
What happened next exactly?

When I saw him…

I froze.

My heart began to pound.

And I couldn't breathe.

And then I realized what was happening.

(voice breaking)
God had sent me this gift.

It was a sign from God himself.

"A sign from God."

And then I let God take over.

"God took over."

ANDE: He, I, whatever you will call it

began hitting Armus
over and over, beating him!

(shakily)
No, well, but first you pulled over

and got your club that you always
keep under your seat,

and then you started beating him.

-Jerry.
-ANDE: I don't know. I…

No… You explained to us the other day

exactly how you recognized him.

And then you pulled the bus over
and then you grabbed the club…

ALAN: Your Honor,
may I confer with my colleague?

I'm sorry, but if he perjures himself
on top of these other charges…

-Jerry.
-…it'll be much worse

because in fact Mr. Mkeba
was only attacking Armus in revenge

for what Armus did to his son.

Oh, no! Not revenge! Oh…

(panting exasperatedly)

I did not mean to say "revenge."

(foreboding music playing)

Uh…

(Jerry shuddering)

Your Honor, I would like a brief recess
to confer with co-counsel.

(scoffs)

-No kidding.
-(scoffs)

Well, it is late.

Uh, let us reconvene tomorrow.

-Oh, God! Oh, God!
-Jerry.

JERRY: I blew it!

My first trial and I blew it!

It was as if I could see the wrong
words coming out of my mouth,

but then they were out
and I couldn't bring them back in.

Jerry, the thing to remember
is that a trial is a process.

The jury's decision almost
never hinges on just one thing.

I said our client took
revenge on the victim!

-And you shouldn't have but you did.
-Oh, God!

-And we'll just have to deal with it.
-How?

I don't know yet, Jerry.

But I do know this, the trial's not over.

(whimpers)

Have you ever been involved in a case
that was going this badly?

I'll be very frank with you.

I've never been involved in a case that
was going as badly as this one.

Mr. Espenson made
a very big mistake, didn't he?

He did.

Not only did Jerry make
an unfavorable impression on the jury,

but his statement that you…

attacked Mr. Armus for revenge

is something from which we cannot recover.

That bell cannot be unrung.

You may pick the metaphor of your choice

but in any event, we will lose.

So, what do we do now?

I'm afraid we can't do anything.

But… you could do something.

You could run.

Mr. Mkeba…

whatever it was that caused you
to uproot yourself and your son

to start a whole new life far away
from the rest of your family,

whatever it was
that caused you to do that,

how does it compare with spending
most of the rest of your life in jail?

So you are telling me to flee?

As a member of the Massachusetts bar,
I could never advise you to do that.

But I can advise that if you appear
in court tomorrow morning,

you will most certainly be found guilty

and they will take you away immediately.

(somber music playing)

Mr. Mkeba…

I'm sorry,

but a legal victory in this case
is no longer possible.

The best that you can hope for
is to avoid another injustice.

When you and I first got together,
my mother said,

"Missy, my baby cat,

he's had five wives before you,
which puts him on…

(imitates elevator ring)
…ding!

Fifth floor, philanderer department."

But I reminded her that
you and I met at church

where we both left the crooked path
to follow our savior.

-Amen.
-Only those seeds of doubt

were planted in my mind

and the only thing that brought me peace
was when Shirley suggested the postnup.

Bless her soul.

But as you can see, sweetheart,
the solution is no solution at all.

It simply created strife between us.

Yes.
(inhales deeply)

Now I can see that.

I'm glad.

And I have a solution.

-Which is?
-The only way to dive in

and cast our lots together
is to do just that.

I'm going to draw up a postnup of my own,
Ivan Tiggs.

I'm not following.

And it'll go like this:

"I, Missy Tiggs, hereby pledge to you
everything dear to me.

My fully autographed album cover
of the original cast of A Chorus Line,

my piece of the barricadze

that accidentally
broke off during Les Mis and…

my limited edition Phantom mask."

Of course, materially, my possessions
cannot begin to compete with yours, Ivan,

but they are everything
I hold dear to my heart.

That is… everything that isn't you.

We live in such a horrible,
jaded world these days.

No one at all believes
in the happy ending anymore.

But a big part of me believes
that love can be forever.

That's why I love musicals.

That's why I love you.

I can't imagine ever breaking your heart.

And I think if you broke my heart,
my life would be over.

(sentimental music playing)

But you would never do that to me,
would you, Ivan?

Not in a million years.

AUDREY: Hi!

BRAD: Audrey.

We still on for a late dinner?

Hey, listen, about that,
I got slammed this afternoon.

I've got to file this motion
tomorrow morning. Um…

I don't think it's gonna happen tonight.

Oh, that's okay. We can reschedule.
Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow I've got basketball,

then my parents are visiting
for the weekend.

I'll tell you what,
I'll call you next week.

We're going to set something
up for next weekend.

No, we're not, are we?

No.

We're not.

Can I ask what happened?

You keep using the V-word
and it creeps me out.

-You mean vagi…
-Yes! Yes.

(quavering) Uh, what is it
that you don't like, um, exactly,

the word or, uh, the item?

I love the item.
I can't get enough of the item.

It's just the word.
It sounds kind of clinical.

You don't hear it very often
outside of the classroom.

I can't believe this.

You guys talk about your, uh,
equipment all the time.

Okay, first of all, I don't.

And second of all, we have many
clever names for it…

Exactly. You have, like,
4,000 names for it.

But God forbid, I say "vagina"…

-(groans)
-Um…

-did… did you just flinch?
-No.

Fine. You don't have to go out with me.

Grow up.

You're the one who said it!

(upbeat stinger playing)

Well, Your Honor,
this may be an all-time low,

even for Mr. Shore.

Your Honor, our client is missing.

We should be worrying about his safety,

not constructing wild theories
about his disappearance.

Oh, please. You knew you were losing.

You told him to run and he ran.

At the risk of forfeiting
the bail we posted?

(chuckles)
Don't be preposterous.

We had no reason whatsoever
to tell Mr. Mkeba to run away.

The facts are on our side.

The jury loves me and they find
Mr. Espenson quirky and endearing.

No, the only one with a motive to make
Mr. Mkeba disappear is you, Mr. Kupfer.

What have you done with him?

-Your Honor…
-Mr. Kupfer,

do you have any evidence
that Mr. Shore is hiding Mr. Mkeba?

Not yet.

The police will continue
to search for Mr. Mkeba.

An international warrant
will be issued for his arrest.

And until such time as Mr. Mkeba
shows up again

this case is adjourned.

No.

Now everybody just get out.

ALAN: Perhaps you and I should
go look for him ourselves.

Wouldn't it be fun to ride
around Boston together?

We could pack sandwiches.

You know, Al, my only fear is that
someone's gonna stab you

before I get a chance to take you down.

Odds are you're right.

JERRY: It's been a pleasure, Mr. Kupfer.

How about them Celtics?

("Foxey Lady"
by the Jimi Hendrix Experience playing)

♪ Foxey ♪

(inaudible chatter)

♪ Foxey ♪

♪ You know you're a cute,
little heart breaker, ha ♪

♪ Foxey ♪

♪ And you know
you're a sweet little love maker, ha ♪

♪ Foxey lady ♪

(door opens)

(sighs deeply)

I can't break her heart, Shirl.

Sure you can. You do it all the time.

True.

Actually, I blame the system.

Why can't a man love two women at once?

Or ten or fifteen?

Ivan, let's not waste any more
of each other's time.

I knew this was over the moment
Missy skipped into my office last week.

And while we're being honest,
at least I am…

when we were together,
I knew eventually it would be something.

(chuckles)
No one ever really has Ivan Tiggs.

Also true.

You're still my best friend, though.

Am I yours?

I need to look at the way
I've been defining my friends.

For now, no.

-You sure know how to break a guy's heart.
-(chuckles) Yeah.

I can be cruel that way.

You do understand what signing
this document means, don't you?

(scoffs)
I do.

Let's face it, none of us trusts me.

This way I won't come knocking
at your door unless I mean it.

(solemn music playing)

IVAN: Of course.

(sighs)

If I sign it…

you and I are going to have
to be really careful.

(whispers)
Oh, that poor girl.

Hey. Audrey?

What do you want, Brad?
(sighs)

Listen, about before,
I kind of acted like a…

I know. The word.

-Well, I can say it.
-I want you to know I get it.

It's probably just some male/female thing.

We men aren't used to women
discussing their anatomy so freely.

I'm sure women feel the same way
when men discuss their…

anatomy.

What I'm trying to say is,

I would really like to go out
with you again.

I don't know why I reacted the way I did.

It's just a word, right?

Say it.

I'm thinking it.

(groans)

All right.

Vagina!

(whimsical music playing)

They haven't found Mr. Mkeba.

They'll let us know if they do.

I would never ask you directly if you had
anything to do with his going away.

That's because
you're an excellent attorney, Jerry.

(sighs)

There's no doubt in my mind

that you could develop into
a first-rate criminal defender, Jerry.

But my hope is that you don't.

Even at your relatively mature age,

you're… still innocent.

Except for when I held
a knife to Shirley's throat.

Other than that.

There's a reason Shakespeare
and many after him said,

"First, kill all the lawyers."

They're talking about people
like me, Jerry…

not you.

I am excellent at banking and finance.

You are indeed.

Thank you, Alan.

(somber music playing)

It's been a pleasure,
and enjoy the rest of your day.

Goodbye, Jerry.

(somber music intensifies)

♪ There once was a woman ♪

♪ Who loved a man ♪

♪ Loved him enough to cause the Trojan ♪

♪ War… ♪

♪ They say nobody ever loved as much ♪

♪ As she… ♪

♪ But me… ♪

BOTH: ♪ I love you more ♪

(Missy laughs)

Thank you, Shirley, for everything.

-Oh, it was a pleasure.
-Mm-hmm.

Ivan, always good doing business with you.

Yes, it is.

So honey, shall we go?

You go ahead. I'll be there in a minute.

I want to thank you, Shirley.

It… it was nothing.

No, it was everything.

When I came to you, I did it

because I knew you were
a woman of principle.

And you didn't let me down.

You did the right thing.

And now, from this day forward

I know my Ivan won't cheat on me…

with anyone.

(sentimental music playing)

Nothing worse than
having your heart crushed

and your pride stung all on the same day.

My God.

We have the fastest water cooler in town.

I feel like such a fool.

Ah, forget it.

If anybody knows anything
about being a fool, it's Denny Crane.

My advice, get some mortar
and brick and wall it up.

Does that mean you're back on the market?

Denny, as far as you're concerned,
I'm always on the market.

You see?

That's how you get us, all of us men,
even Denny Crane.

We know we don't deserve Shirley Schmidt…

but just the possibility
is enough to sustain us.

You are a dear, sweet man.

Hmm.

And I have something else
that might sustain you.

(suggestive music playing)

(whispers)
Denny Crane.

(gasps)

Oh…

(dramatic stinger playing)

(sighs deeply)
I hear you misplaced a client.

ALAN: Not really.

Like car keys and sunglasses,
he'll show up somewhere.

I misplaced a client once.

-Did they ever find him?
-No.

I made sure to ship him off
to some country with no extradition.

Practically deserted island
off of South America.

He sends me feliz cumpleaños
cards every year.

-That's thoughtful.
-Yeah.

Sounds like paradise, actually,

living on an island, a much simpler life.

Especially… if it's an island

where the natives run around the beach
with their boobies hanging out.

(snickers)

But I was thinking on a much
more elemental level.

A place where my biggest concern
would be carrying water on my shoulders,

or the simple act of thatching a roof
would dissipate the voices in my head.

And the hardest choice you have to make
is what you're gonna have for lunch.

What did you have for lunch today?

Flounder.

You?

Steak sandwich, onion rings.

Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes
forget is no matter how hard your day,

no matter how tough your choices,

how complex your ethical decisions,

you always get to choose…

what you want for lunch.

(snazzy music playing)

Daily I am amazed at your inexhaustible
ability to just live.

It's either that or die.

DENISE: Next on Boston Legal…

Chelina!

I just took a case where I think
race was a factor.

Can legal aid spare you?

The last time we worked together,
I kissed you.

I'm not terribly comfortable with you
working closely with this woman.

-You're kissing me now.
-You're mad as a hatter.

Your decision to ask my client
for identification,

was it at all a factor that he was black?

Yes, it was a factor.

I'm not gonna shoot you.
Don't be ridiculous.

Then you must die.

Give you the count of three.

-One…
-Sydney!

-…two…
-For God's sake!

-Three!
-(gunshot fires)

(theme music playing)