All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E10.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

ALAN: Previously on Boston Legal...

We know who took the boy.

DET.WILKINS: He kidnapped a five-year-old
two years ago.

Anything the FBI and the police do,
we have limitations.

What a private citizen does, however...

You're not going in there.

I will give you to the count of three.

If you do not unlock it...

I'm calling the police.

-One.
-Brad!

-You can't come crashing in here!
-Two.

-Brad!
-You wouldn't dare!

-Three!
-Okay!

-(crashes)
-(all screaming)

Nobody's arrested us yet.

The FBI won't. I know that.

I think we saved our skin
with the happy ending.

(Helena gasps in relief)
Mijo.

(blues music playing)

(indistinct chatter and laughter)

(prison buzzer sounding)

(gate opening)

WOMEN 1: Hey, hey, hey!

WOMEN 2: Get me out of here.

I'll take the blonde.

-Melissa, what are we doing in jail?
-They are saying I tried to rob a bank.

I didn't. I just smashed a window.

-Ah.
-WOMAN: And they say I'm a prostitute,

-which is ridiculous!
-Back off, hoe!

-WOMAN: What did you say?
-Come on.

-Liz?
-Alan?

(both laughing)

Oh, my God, you just dropped off
the side of the earth!

I was in a relationship, but now I'm not.

-You still at 1-800-LIZZIE?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

MELISSA: Oh, hey. Remember me?

I'm in trouble here. They arrested me.

(handcuff key cranking)

You're arresting me?

Please put your arms
behind your back, sir.

You've got to be kidding.

You have the right to remain silent.

-I know my rights.
-What's going on?

They're arresting me
for assaulting a priest.

And kidnapping and false imprisonment.

Now you have the right to an...

Son, son, this is the
United States of America.

We don't really believe
in Miranda anymore.

Let's go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Denny Crane.
I'll handle this internally.

Sir, this man's being charged
with three felonies.

Understood. But Denny Crane.

Come on.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!

With all that's going on
in the world today,

who among us has not at least once
wanted to take an ax to a priest?

Come on.

They're arresting him?

And I gave it my best shot.

(theme music)

So they're not pressing charges.

They're not pressing charges?

If you make restitution for the window,

-they've agreed not to pursue any...
-No.

I'm sorry. Did you say, "No"?

I'm not paying for their stupid window.

Forget it.

Melissa, you smashed it.

After what they've done to me.

Perhaps you should tell me exactly
what they've done to you.

(sighs)
My credit card bills.

You're aware I have some, uh,
fiscal issues.

It's come up.

So a few months ago, I owe one amount.

The next month, it... it, like, triples.

So I stop buying stuff,
and the next month,

bam, it's even higher.

So I call the 800 number, not Lizzie.

And who answers? But Ms. Jones!

Yes, from New Delhi, India.

Not Brighton, not Melrose. India.

I mean, surprise, she's not
terribly helpful, right?

So far, I'm on her side.

Then I talk to her supervisor

who says that I owe this money plus more.

It just doesn't make any sense.

I need to talk to someone in America.

Hello?

So all I can get is an address
for Prominence's main office

in Wilmington, Delaware,

like I can afford to go there.

So I call them. I get a local office.

I go there...

and it's basically just a storefront.

With a big window.

(deep sigh)

I'm not paying for it.

You are paying for it,

and I want to see those credit card bills.

(scoffs) What?
Suddenly you're my father now?

Yes, sir.

(blues stinger playing)

CLERK: 321113.

Commonwealth vs. Bradley Chase,

assault with a deadly weapon...

Waive reading, judge, and ask
that these ridiculous charges

be dismissed
on the grounds of... ridiculousness.

These charges are anything
but ridiculous, Your Honor.

The defendant abducted one innocent man,

threatened him with torture,
then assaulted clergy

-with a deadly weapon.
-Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick.

-You think this is funny?
-Your Honor,

my client saved the innocent life
of a little kidnapped child

who was innocent and utterly...

kidnapped.

JUDGE CLARK: I watch the news
like everyone else, Mr. Crane,

and your client's conduct was shocking!

Your Honor, I'd like to move
for an immediate trial.

-Hold on!
-The facts are not in dispute.

The District Attorney
clearly wants his 15 minutes.

Why should we make him wait?

If you think this is about me
grabbing a spotlight...

BRAD: It's always about that
with you, Frank.

You've been running for office
since you got out of law school.

Hold on!

JUDGE CLARK: You two will refrain
from personal exchanges in this.

But it is personal, Your Honor.
We have a history

and the opportunity for him
to saddle me up as a cause.

You attacked a man,
cutting off his fingers.

As someone who took an oath
to uphold the law,

yes, I take that personally.

Good sound bite, Frank.

You may want to save it for the cameras,

which he'll be asking you
to allow in court.

-I consent.
-JUDGE CLARK: Hey!

I will make the rules in this courtroom!

Are you ready to proceed to trial?

Assuming he's not alleging
any diminished capacity or...

I plead not guilty
on the grounds of necessity.

-Necessity?
-Yes, you probably skipped

over it in law school.

Necessity. Look it up... Hack.

The Commonwealth is ready to proceed.

I must caution you both.

These are serious criminal charges here.

I'm not sure you should
want to rush to judgment.

Judge, you're old.

I'm old.

Lock and load, before we're dead.

(quirky music playing)

Why in God's name did you press
for an immediate trial?

Because I want to trade in the currency

of being a hero.

I've been featured all over the news,

and the jury pool is watching.

Even so, a conviction here means prison.

I won't be convicted.

How can you be sure of that,
especially since you're guilty?

Denny Crane.

Look, I know this assistant DA.

He wants to be the DA.

He's using this as a publicity...

He's also good. I've seen him try cases.

Denny Crane.

That is not a legal defense!

(sighs exasperatedly)

Are we happy?

SHIRLEY: Did I not warn both of you?

You know what, Shirley? Don't start.

I changed that little boy's diapers.

I would do anything to get him back.

-Clearly.
-Including going to jail.

Which it may come to for Brad.

All right, we're all
on the same side here.

Really? I'm not so sure.

Denise, if I were against you,

I'd leave no doubt.

(whispers) You're really planning
to have Denny handle your defense?

Well...

Denny.

Given the exposure of this case,

not only to Brad but the firm,

how about you and I team up on this one?

I'd love it. I'll pitch.

I'll call balls and strikes.

We'll all need to sign waivers,

and, Denise, I'm going to need
to call you as a witness,

but before you say yes, you need
to consider the liability.

-Yes.
-Not so fast.

They could charge you with
conspiracy or aiding and abetting...

I said, yes. I'll testify.

(resolute music playing)

Melissa, you're $50,000 in debt.

I know.

-How did this happen?
-I don't know.

I swear, it's these people.
They've ruined me.

We're going to trial.
I'm swelling up just thinking about it.

Trials make me swell with adrenaline.

Do I look swollen?

Somewhat.

Denny, we're a little busy here.

What are you doing?
Taxes? Don't you have an accountant?

I'm helping Melissa,

who seems to have fallen
into a black hole of debt.

Very black.

What is this sudden concern
of yours for people without money?

I need to know.

You need to look at the big picture.

If people don't have it,
they might want to steal ours.

Right.

Do we have anybody in corporate
who understands this credit card world?

-Somebody...
-Hands.

-Sorry?
-Hands Espenson.

Banking and finance genius,
only don't call him Hands.

Why would I? Why do you?

JERRY: The contract was
deliberately written to confuse you,

bait and switch.

Bingo!

Promise one thing, say, 0% interest.

Then they up it to 30%. Bingo!

But isn't that illegal?

Used to be. Used to have usury laws.

But the states wanted
the credit card business,

so poof! Gone! Bingo!

Ever inquire about a car loan?

Actually, yes, once.

-Bingo!
-But I didn't buy the car.

It doesn't matter.
It's called universal default.

Credit bureaus share
your information. All of it.

Your credit card company just heard

about your asking for a car loan.

Bingo! They raise your rates.

Why? Because they can.

Why doesn't he move his hands?

OCC is supposed to police. They don't.

Bought off by the credit card lobbyists.

Is he coming back?

(whimsical percussive music playing)

I have no idea.

What's your history with this DA?

We went to law school together.

I beat his ass in moot court,

and I licked him several
times in criminal cases since.

Let's just say that we're rivals.

Denise, I'll take your testimony.

-Denny, can you take Brad's?
-You've licked a man's ass?

(Shirley groans)

Denny, if you can't focus here,
I'm not going to let you play.

This trial is a threat to Brad's freedom.

It is potentially an enormous
blight on this firm.

We need to win this trial.

DENISE: I'm sorry. But tell me again

why it is that we're rushing this so?

It's a rush job because Ginsberg
plans to run for District Attorney,

and the primary is in march.

He's using this as a showcase...

That explains his urgency.
But what about ours?

At the moment, Brad's a celebrity.

His hero status can only run to our favor.

But it is a risk.

It's not too late to take a deep breath

and say, "Let's do this later."

Let's do it now.

You're sure?

I have an erection.

(comical percussive music playing)

It's a good sign.

Let the trial begin.

I'm ready.

(quirky rock stinger playing)

(reporters clamoring)

-DENNY: Denny Crane.
-SHIRLEY: Excuse us.

-Denny Crane.
-Excuse us, please.

-My poop doesn't smell.
-We have no comment.

It comes out in pretty colors.
Pastels. Denny Crane.

(reporters clamoring)

DENNY: Denny Crane.

FATHER RYAN:
And suddenly he's swinging the ax.

I put my hand out, and he chopped it.

He cut three of my fingers right off.

The... They just fell to the floor.

FRANK: And then what happened, sir?

FATHER RYAN:
Well, I was rushed to the hospital.

Two of my fingers were
recovered and reattached,

and then his colleague, that woman,

came in brandishing my third finger.

She wouldn't give it back
unless I revealed privileged information

about one of my parishioners.

He cut it off,
and she extorted me with it.

My first question would be,

if someone is swinging an ax,
why stick your hand out?

I didn't think he'd actually try to...

And to be clear, when you
speak of your parishioner,

you refer to the man charged
with kidnapping the child.

Well, yes.

And also to be clear,

you knew your parishioner was a pedophile.

I am not going to reveal
privileged information to you,

just like I wouldn't to him.

But you did reveal information
to Ms. Bauer.

You told her where
your parishioner's hideaway was.

You'll reveal privileged information
to get your fingers back,

but not to save the life of a child.

-Objection.
-Sustained!

As a policy, if a pedophile killer
confesses his crime,

you'll protect that secret.

I cannot break the confessional seal.

It's canon law.

Is that stupid?

-Objection!
-SHIRLEY: I'm sorry,

but the laws in this country
to protect against child abuse

supersede doctor-patient privilege,
lawyer-client privilege

but not priest-parishioner privilege?

Has the Catholic Church
earned some special exemption

when it comes to pedophiles?

-Objection!
-Do we trust them more in this area?

-That's a cheap shot.
-I've been known to take them.

Tell us about the papal blessings.

Well... on that matter,

I-I was, uh...

I was wayward.

FATHER RYAN: I apologize.

The Vatican issues papal blessings
at about $30 a pop.

You decided to print them
yourself and sell them directly,

bypassing the middle man,

who, in this case, happens to be the Pope.

Yes, a... as I said, I was wayward there.

I'm just having a hard time reconciling.

You'll steal from the pope,

but cloak yourself in canon law

when it comes to protecting a pedophile.

-Do you support pedophilia?
-Objection!

Do I dare ask where
those three fingers had been

-prior to my client's chopping them off?
-Objection!

Ms. Schmidt, you are way out of line.

SHIRLEY: I'm sorry, judge.

I have known many, many
wonderful priests in my lifetime.

I am not adding Father Ryan to that list.

Nothing further.

(quirky music playing)

Wait a second.

So, the deadbeats are the ones
who pay off their debt?

Bingo. Within the credit card industry,
they're called deadbeats

because they don't make
any money off of them.

The ones who don't pay off,
they're the preferred customers

because they're the ones
they make money off of.

They target people
they know won't be able to pay.

People like Melissa.

Bingo.

You making fun of me?

No, sir.

You said what I say. That's making fun.

No, it's just... uh...

I used to have a dog, you see,

and Bingo was his name-o. B-I...

Never mind.

How we doing?

-ALAN: We're suing them.
-Who?

The company that gave you the credit card,
Prominence Bank.

We... We're suing them?

Can't sue, can't sue. Too big, too big.

The bigger they are, Jerry...

We're suing them.

Hmm.

What do you mean I'm not testifying?

The problem is,

if Brad testifies, and you testify,

that gives the prosecution
two more opportunities

to play out this horrific chain of events.

There's nothing you can say
that Brad can't say.

I can support what he says.

True, but since you're the one
that twiddled the severed finger

using it for blackmail purposes,

there's the outside chance
you'll come off as less than adorable.

-Shirley...
-Denise, the DA will have a field day.

-SHIRLEY: You ready?
-I am.

More importantly, are you ready?

Lock and...

Denny, maybe I should take this.

Shirley, if the jury doesn't
get to see me in action,

they'll feel cheated.

They'll think we cheated them.

Walk them through
what happened, giving Brad

a chance to explain why he did
what he did in each...

I know how to question a witness, Shirley.

Denny, our whole case is his testimony.

Whose?

Kidding. I'm ready.

Just for fun, show me
how you plan to start off.

Brad, what occasioned you
to even get involved

pretending to be an FBI officer?

His response will occasion
the jury to feel

and experience the horror
of a child being kidnapped

like it was their child.

-Good.
-Thank you.

You must show contrition.
You must be apologetic.

You did what you did
to get the child back,

but you feel compassion
and sympathy for everybody you victimized.

Got it.

Do not make yourself the story.

The jury needs to be focused on him.

Did you just say don't make me the story?

(comical stinger playing)

He's coming here t-tomorrow.

-Claiming he wants to work things out.
-Can't meet. Can't meet.

What do you mean you can't meet?

I don't do meetings. I'm background.

You've got all the expertise, Jerry,
and I need you to be around.

I'll give you a memo.

Just to whisper in my ear.

-(sighs)
-You won't even have to talk out loud,

and I'll do all the gesturing.

I'm sorry. That was an extremely
poor joke, and I apologize.

Is he, like, the president
of the company, or...

He's their general counsel, actually,

who happens to be in Boston.

Jerry, I'm sorry.

I need you.

I'll be present.

I'll give feedback on my computer.

You can read it off the screen.

Deal.

(tense music playing)

I am so sorry.

I'm the one who led you into all this.

You have nothing to apologize for, Denise.

I made my own decision.

But a week ago, you were up for partner.

And now you're up... on trial.

Denise, the little boy is alive.

Unfortunately, that's not the issue.

Well, it is for me.

Are you always like this?

Like what?

Brad...

you could be looking at jail.

It's okay to show a little fear.

Okay. Thanks.

"Okay. Thanks." That's it?

Denise, what do you want me to do? Cry?

We got the kid back.

If I had it to do all over again,
I would do it again.

I'll live with the consequences.

Okay.

So I'll see you in court.

Yup.

(somber music playing)

(upbeat music playing)

How's my hair? Does my hair work?

It does appear to grow each month.

(sighs)
It's my first settlement conference.

MELISSA:
There is a lot of power in a woman's hair.

Yes, there is.

I think we'll let my slightly less
powerful hair run the meeting.

Good morning. Melvin Palmer. How are you?

I'm grand, actually,
but I go by Alan Shore.

(chuckles) A pleasure.

This is Melissa Hughes.

I would be your plaintiff.

And a real honor to meet you, Melissa.

Melvin Palmer.

Jerry Espenson. He doesn't shake.

MELVIN: Excellent.

Well then, shall we get started?

You're not gonna be cheerful
about all this, are you?

You know, I have been told
to keep my exuberance down

until people have had
their morning coffee.

(Melvin chuckles)

Let me tell you a little about me.

-Oh, dear.
-MELVIN: I am a problem solver.

That's what I love to do.

Now I consider it a personal failure
when one of my cases ends up in court.

I also feel I haven't succeeded

when people walk away
from one of my tables unhappy.

It's actually our table.

MELVIN: What I do in matters like this,

I set aside my whole day, okay?

'Cause the goal is finding a solution...

One that works for you
and one that works for us.

That's just the way I work.

So this doesn't have to be
an acrimonious experience.

Wonderful. Why don't we begin, then,
by you giving her back all her money?

(laughs nervously)

Well, I don't know if we can do that,

but I do think we can make
this pretty young woman happy.

Okay, then.

We have this saying in Texas,

"Time to let the horses out of the barn."

(country rock music playing)

(Melvin giggling)

CLERK: You swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?

I do.

-Denny?
-(grunts)

(clears throat) First off, if it had been
my child who had been kidnapped,

there are no words
that could express my gratitude.

-I'm sure we all agree.
-Objection.

Mr. Crane, do not address the jury.

Oh, sorry.

Brad, first question.

I got involved because
my colleague Denise Bauer

came to me distraught that her
housekeeper's child had been kidnapped,

and frustrated the police and FBI

-were making no progress.
-Second question.

I went to a friend of mine,
Kevin Drummond at the FBI,

-and asked him for help.
-Third question.

BRAD: He told me that
while the FBI was limited

by state action, that private citizens had

sometimes successfully taken
things into their own hands.

-Fourth question.
-Objection. He's not asking any questions.

I told him last night the questions
I was gonna ask him.

Judge, I'm just trying to speed
things up for the jury

who I know are already annoyed
at even being here

-for this ridiculous prosecution.
-Objection.

-Mr. Crane...
-Call me Denny, judge.

-Denny Crane.
-JUDGE CLARK: You will ask the questions

in their entirety
so that we may understand

what the witness is answering.

-Outrageous.
-You kidnapped an innocent man.

The brother wasn't so innocent.

He'd provided safe harbor for the suspect,
and he had information.

-So that's when you used violence?
-Threatened violence.

-Only threatened?
-Only threatened.

-Didn't use it?
-Did not.

-What a fiend.
-He's making light of a kidnapping,

-false imprisonment.
-Objection!

-You're a witness.
-Objection!

-Objection!
-Objection!

Stop it!

None of us is making light of this, judge.

We're just trying to put
some perspective on things.

There's no question before the witness.

-Sustained.
-What can you tell us about perspective?

-Objection!
-That's a question!

Sustained!

DENNY: The brother told you
about the priest?

-BRAD: Yes.
-And that's when you went to the church

-and cut off his fingers?
-BRAD: I swung an ax at his imported door,

knowing it cost a lot of money.

-How much?
-Nine thousand.

-Dollars? For a door?
-Dollars.

-He somehow could afford it.
-Objection!

-Bitch, bitch...
-Mr. Crane.

-Call me Denny, judge.
-No, I will not call you Denny!

-So you swung at the door?
-I only wanted to make him think

that I was about to destroy the door,

and he stuck his hand out
right at the last second.

I never meant to make contact.
It was an accident.

You didn't mean to hit his hand?

BRAD: No, and I regret that I did.

To the extent that it led to
the safe recovery of Tito Perez,

I'm glad about that.

But I never meant to cause any
physical injury to Father Ryan.

And again, I apologize.

(comical stinger playing)

(mouthing) Denny Crane.

(upbeat music playing)

Denny Crane. Fair and balanced.

A nut job, but fair and balanced.

Denny Crane.

(reporters clamoring)

(elevator alarm bell ringing)

That was you not becoming the story?

I was practically invisible.

What the hell was that about?

The prosecutor wants to horrify the jury.

We were diluting the horro... scope.

To my money, you trivialized it.

You may have just alienated the jury.

DENNY: People like a happy ending.
The child came home safe.

We play the happy ending.

-It's not that simple, Denny.
-Yes, it is, Shirley.

We're talking juries.

It always comes down to simple.

And hey, there's nobody simpler than me.

(whimsical music playing)

Please tell me you're making this up.

SHIRLEY: I am not.

He said, "Question one, question two,
question three," and so forth,

almost as if he were deliberately mocking
the whole proceeding.

And we could very well lose, Paul.

Is he out of his mind?

Well, he's always out of it.

Clearly, it's where he's most comfortable.

What are you doing in my office?

This is my office, Denny.

Oh. That must mean I've come to see you.

Why?

-I don't know.
-I could be to say...

we were right to mock the proceedings.

A child was saved.

That's what you say in your closing.

-It isn't that...
-Yes, it is.

And that's the button for your closing:

"It's that simple."

It's not polite to talk about
crazy people behind their backs.

(pensive music playing)

I accept that I have debt
and that I should pay it.

But to suddenly up it
from ten to fifty thousand?

-I...
-Melissa. (chuckles softly)

You know, in the short time
that we've spent together,

I can appreciate that
you are an honorable person

and one that lives up to her obligations.

-Am I right about that?
-Yes.

Well, you did apply
for the Prominence Bank card

and entered into a
contract, accepting its terms.

-I'm right about that, too, aren't I?
-MELISSA: Yes.

And you then went out
and made voluntary purchases

pursuant to the terms of that...

These sound like trial questions.

MELVIN: Oh, I assure you, they are not.

No. (chuckles)
See, here's the thing about me.

I like to take the "adversary"
out of "adversary system," okay?

I'm just trying
to get the full picture here

so that I can better understand
where you're coming from

and so you can better understand me.

You seem swell.

Of course, we're all happy that
Tito Perez was rescued safely.

But the ends cannot justify the means

not when the means involve kidnapping,

FBI impersonation, false imprisonment,

chopped-off fingers,
extortion and assault.

Now whether he intended to sever
the fingers of Father Ryan or not,

he clearly and intentionally swung
that ax with reckless disregard.

We are a nation of laws.

We are also a country that stands
for civil liberties and human rights.

These are principles embedded
in our constitution, our Bill of Rights.

This man... not only broke the law,

he obliterated fundamental
constitutional tenets in the process.

Vigilante justice may be
acceptable in other lands.

It is not so here.

-This is...
-(whispers) Here it comes.

...the United States of America.

Don't even think about it.

We keep hearing about the rights
of the accused in this country.

What about the victims?

What about his rights?

We're supposed to say, "Sorry, Tito,

"we'd love to save you,
but there are these rules"?

There's a murder in this country
every 31 minutes,

a forcible rape every six minutes,

a robbery every one minute.

But hey, let's all band together

and protect the constitutional principles
that make this country great.

Things clearly got ugly here.

But a human life was at stake.

With all due respect to the civil
liberties of the suspect's brother,

with great deference to canon law,

and father Ryan's Italian imported door
and his fingers,

the life of a four-year-old boy
was at stake.

Brad Chase saved that little boy's life.

(resolute music playing)

(mouthing) Say it.

It's that simple.

(resolute music intensifies)

You're not giving me anything here?

MELVIN: First of all,
if I were to forgive your obligations,

believe it or not, I'd be hurting you.

Hurting me?

Okay, this is me,
the way I raise my own kids.

It's not what you give them,

it's how you teach them
to get things for themselves.

Just making sure you're real.

(chuckles)

You know, I don't know you yet, Mr. Shore,

but I get this feeling I'm gonna like you.

May I ask, you spoke
of honoring obligations

as if it's a good thing.

Indeed I did.

Then why do you and other
credit card companies

refer to the customers
who pay off their debts promptly

as "deadbeats"?

Well, that's not a term
I would personally use.

No, 'cause you're swell.

But your company uses
the term like a mantra.

Here's the thing.
Let me tell you a little about me

and why I chose to represent
Prominence Bank.

Like any other credit card service,
it's a business, sure.

But it is a service.

We help people who are short of cash,

help them make their rent

so they don't get thrown out
on the street,

help 'em make a car payment
so they can get to work,

help them buy Christmas presents
for their children during tough times.

You're like Santa Claus.

I can see you and I need to go out
and shoot some ducks together.

Do you explain all the credit terms
to your customers?

Well, they're on the back
of every application.

(paper rustling)

Like this? With the tiny print?

I have a JD and an MBA from Harvard,

and even I can't make heads
nor tails of this deception and fraud!

It's deception and fraud!

Well, look who found his tongue.

And you, Mr. Shore,
you're a hoot, that's what.

Is it true your company actually targets
people with bad credit ratings?

Well, we have an extremely
complex marketing strategy,

one that I'd be happy to take
some time and explain to you.

That's okay. I think I've got it.

You find people in dire straits
and market directly to them

with the hope of forming
a lifelong relationship.

I had a former client who kind of
operated his business the same way.

Really? What line of work was he in?

He sold heroin.

(chuckles) My friend,
I am not a man who offends easily.

So I could call you a loan shark,
and you'd be fine?

When you charge
your customers 30% interest,

you're a loan shark.

That term implies criminal conduct.

It's not criminal...

because your parasitic lobbyists
have penetrated

both aisles of Congress.

The credit card industry
is more profitable

than McDonald's, Microsoft and Walmart.

You've got yourself a multibillion-dollar
racket going, Mr. Palmer.

Given that we are bigger than Walmart
or McDonald's or Microsoft...

we enjoy some security.

And potential lawsuits like this?

We have an expression in Texas, Mr. Shore:

"You're all hat and no cattle."

(chuckles wryly)

Here's the thing about me. I am a hoot.

But I insist on putting "adversary"
back into the system.

And I do it openly and notoriously
for all to hear.

Well, a swell guy like you
doesn't want the public to know

that of the thousands of industries
tracked by the Better Business Bureau,

the credit card racket is number one
in customer complaints.

You don't want them to know
that you deliberately target

those who won't be able
to pay off their debts,

people you call "revolvers."

People who see "zero percent interest"
in big, blue print

and don't know that
with just one late payment,

you skyrocket their interest to 30%,

that if they so much as inquire
about leasing a car,

you raise their rates.

You don't want the public to know

that while over seven million families

have filed for bankruptcy
in the last five years,

you got Congress to change
the Bankruptcy Code

to make it next to impossible

for people to discharge credit card debt.

You don't want people to know
that the credit card industry

is essentially a pack of hyenas

crunching on the bones
of the poor, do you?

(sniffing) I smell something awful.

I think it's you. Yes.

This case has the stench of big tobacco
and asbestos all over it.

Luckily, our firm has nine offices around
the US, London and Hong Kong,

strategically positioned
for massive class action suits.

And once the company
you represent smells it, too,

they'll find you not nearly
smart or powerful enough,

and they'll drop you for a firm
that employs expertise and intimidation

rather than down-home hokum
and smiley handshakes.

And this is my favorite part,
when your firm

fires your obsequious ass
for losing their client.

Oh my God! The stress.

Your tan will fade.

You'll gain a few pounds,
drink a bit more,

scream at the kids, and maybe your wife

will finally leave you for the realtor

who sells your house.

Because after all, he'll still be able

to afford Christmas in Aruba
and next year's convertible.

Hey, fella. Don't worry about it.

It'll be a hoot.

(resolute stinger playing)

(upbeat rock music playing)

You okay?

SHIRLEY: Brad.

-Jury's back.
-Already?

SHIRLEY: Let's go.

Mr. Shore.

May I borrow a moment of your time?

At 30% interest.

(laughs) You know what you are?

You're a pistol, that's what.

Listen, I thought a lot about
many of the issues you raised,

and, well...

-you touched me.
-Did I?

It was certainly never our intent
to victimize Melissa,

or anybody, for that matter,
in her financial constraints.

-No?
-I talked to my clients,

relayed to them that, well...

You were touched.

We've decided to forgive all debts

and loans to Melissa. Just wipe it clean.

-How about that?
-Now I'm touched.

'Course, (clears throat) my people
are concerned about precedent

and others demanding similar amnesty.

So the offer would have to be
conditioned on confidentiality.

Hmm.

Well, may I say, as a personal aside,

it has been a real pleasure
meeting both you and Melissa.

And I wish you continued health
and happiness in the future.

You know, we have a little
saying in Massachusetts...

"Maybe someday you'll get
horribly sick and die."

(comical stinger playing)

Until then.

(laughs)

You... You dog.

MELVIN: Oh.

(brisk music playing)

Mr. Foreman, have you reached a verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

What say you?

FOREMAN: On the charge of kidnapping,

we find the defendant, Bradley Chase...

not guilty.

On the charge of false imprisonment,

we find the defendant Bradley Chase

not guilty.

On the charge of aggravated assault,

we find the defendant Bradley Chase...

not guilty.

(sighs in relief)

JUDGE CLARK: Jury is dismissed.

The court thanks you for your service.

Mr. Chase, you're free to go.

Though personally, I find your behavior

to be shocking and outrageous!

We are adjourned.

(gavel strikes)

(people murmuring)

-Thank you.
-You got lucky, Brad.

-You do know that?
-I know.

Uh, Denny?

Thanks.

Thank you.

(uplifting music playing)

First of all, I just want to
say thank you,

which, of course,
goes totally without saying,

but I'm saying it, anyway.

Second, I will work here for free
to pay off my legal fees

-if you want me to.
-I don't.

Third, and this is not a come-on,

it is just a statement of fact.

When you rattled off that whole

"You don't want the public to know"
laundry list,

that was the single sexiest
thing I have ever seen a man do.

You should see me when I do it naked.

I'm just gonna go, um,

change my...

screen saver.

(mellow music playing)

DENNY: We won our case. Did you hear?

I did.

Brad must be relieved.

How did your case with Hands go?

Well...

Can I ask you something friend to friend?

Of course.

Shirley made this comment...

"Don't make it about me."

Do I do that?

Get out of town.

Hmm, seriously.

Do I act like...
I'm the only one in the room?

Denny, one of the things I love about you

is when we talk, often it's as
if you're not even in the room.

Promise?

I was brilliant, by the way.

I wish you'd been there, Alan.

I wish I had as well, Denny.

I must tell you, though,
it's not that I don't appreciate

the value of fascistic problem solving,

but given Brad and the FBI's tactics here,

if I had been the prosecutor,

Brad would be in prison tonight.

And if I represented the pedophile,

I'd be getting him out.

I'd have shot him.

Right.

Think we'll ever see the day
when the defense lawyer

will be legally permitted
to shoot the defendant?

We seem to be making progress.

Denny Crane. I'll be your attorney.

(Denny laughing)

(mellow music playing)

DENISE: Next on Boston Legal...

-Nice night.
-Suddenly it is.

You had sex with her here?

Hot, sweaty sex right there
in the coat check room.

Keep it.

They're meeting soon to vote
on this year's partnerships.

Maybe you could tell me where I stand?

Jerry Espenson? You mean Hands?

Not a chance. He's a weirdo.

Daniel Post, CEO,
Kreisberg-Pellam, Incorporated.

He has stage four
metastasized lung cancer.

Does the Make-A-Wish Foundation
pay parking tickets for cancer patients?

(theme music playing)

OLD WOMAN: You stinkah!