All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E08.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

(distorted chatter)

(voices echoing)

(demonic screaming)

MAN (voice echoing): Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, pal!

Jeez. W-What are you doing?

(Alan sighs)

(eerie music)

(Alan breathing heavily)

Thank you.

Night terrors?

I haven't had them in years.

Usually it's brought on by distress.

Maybe it's my breakup with Tara.

You jump off balconies?

I could, where I happen to be living.

I see images of someone
or something after me,

and in my sleep, I run.

It's awful.

Last week it was clowns.

(Alan laughs softly)

Denny,

how would you feel about sleeping with me…

next to me?

Until this passes, just to make sure
I don't leap off the 14th floor.

You'll do anything to get me into bed.

Denny, night terrors,

they can be potentially life-threatening.

(comical music)

Because we're friends,

I'm going to tell you something
that nobody else knows.

I'm homophobic.

I'm stunned.

Look, I'd do almost anything for you.
But I cannot share my bed.

Be a man. Get a girl.

(theme music)

TORI: Ass fat.

Pardon?

Tori, let me.

She gets upset. Okay.

Tori and I have been friends
since I won't even tell you how long.

So when we decided to have our lips done…

-We had our lips done.
-…we did our research.

And we found the best lip man in Boston.

Reputed to be the best.

You see, he doesn't use collagen.

Doesn't use collagen, instead…

Instead, he sticks a hollow needle
into you, you know, back there.

KIERSTEN: And he removes a sample of fat
from the buttocks.

-Lasts longer than collagen.
-Oh, totally natural.

He then injects it into the lips,
making them youthful and lovely.

Very hygienic. It was all good and fine
until one day last week, we got a call.

We got a call
from his physician's assistant.

She was present at all of the procedures.

Not attractive, not happy.

KIERSTEN: And she told us that our doctor…

Oh, God.

…has been injecting his own ass fat
into women's lips.

-His own?
-KIERSTEN: Yes.

We wanna sue Dr. Glouberman.

-For fraud...
-Or malpractice.

-...or something.
-I have the man's ass in my face.

Did you say Dr. Glouberman?

Dr. Barry Glouberman?

-She's had work. I told you.
-Mm.

Dr. Glouberman is a client at this firm.

We structured his corporation,
among other things.

So we can't represent you
in any action against him.

(scoffs)
Well, that's stupid.

In fact, if you do sue him,
I'll be the one he calls.

I can't represent you.

This whole thing is absurd.

Any number of people
could have run over that old man.

But Jason's the one about to go on trial…

With an alibi.

Who happens to be his father?

Are you saying that you don't believe me?

DENNY: Of course we believe you.

We even believe the part
about the car being stolen.

We believe it all, Ronald.

That's why you pass.

We're not saying we can't win.

How can you not win?

RONALD: My son has an alibi.

There's no physical evidence
linking him to the crime.

-The car…
-Which was stolen!

Jason, do you have anything to say?

I did it.

(whispers)
Son!

Dad.

I ran that guy over.

(pensive music)

I did it.

(upbeat music)

N-no, I-I paid that.

(stuttering)
On the, uh.. 14th.

Yeah, well,
my records clearly show that I did.

Yeah, well… Yeah, well, maybe.

Maybe I'm the victim of identity theft.

Okay. Maybe… maybe I'm not who I am, huh?

Have you thought of that?

(sighs)

Obviously, we can't call Jason
to the stand.

We'd be suborning perjury.

I talked to the kid.
He won't admit it again.

Denny, we cannot knowingly
put a client on the stand to lie.

Because?

Fortunately, we may not have to.

Our only eyewitness suffers
from Alzheimer's.

The state may well not be
able to make their case.

What about the other witness
who saw the car?

Which was stolen?

Oh, right. I keep forgetting.

I'd like you to canvass
the neighborhood one last time,

see if anybody else saw anything.

In the meantime, Paul,
maybe you could visit our eyewitness,

see what we're dealing with.

You're the one
who'll be crossing her, Shirley.

Those are assisted-living places.

(breathes deeply)
I'm sorry.

I know "heebie-jeebies" isn’t
a legal term, but.

It needs to be you, Shirley.

You're trying this case.

You need to interview this woman.

This is ridiculous.

And the women claim
that it's your old physician's assistant

that's the whistle-blower.

Helen? I had to fire her.

The woman broke a needle three times
in three different patients.

She was a danger to my clients.

-Barry, calm down.
-Yeah. It was either fire her

or send my malpractice insurance

screaming through the roof.

So then she turns around and sues me.

Fired for wrongful termination.

And we took care of that.

This kind of allegation alone…

What am I going to do?

We need to meet with this woman,
your ex-nurse.

Get her to recant.

It's the best way
to head this lawsuit off at the pass.

She's a vicious, spiteful,
treacherous pig.

That's what she is.

I'm not going to lead with that.

(scoffs)

Do I need to meet with her alone
or can you be civil?

MELISSA:
Are you illiterate or you just can't read?

No, uh… No. Final notice
means that it's the final notice.

Otherwise it would say final shut off.

Suppose I was in my apartment,
hooked up to a respirator,

I would be dead right now.

Okay. You would be talking
to a dead person…

Melissa.

Would you excuse us, please?

From what I gather, you seem to be having
some financial difficulties.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm just a, uh, a shopper.

You know, there's a certain power
to being able to buy anything you want.

And I don't know if you've been
to the new Pottery Barrel?

-No.
-No?

If you get their catalog, turn to page 37.

That's my bedroom.
(chuckles)

Would you like to earn
some extra money, Melissa?

Uh… how?

I have a condition.

It's called night terrors.

During the deepest levels
of non-REM sleep.

I hear voices, terrifying voices.

And sometimes I run.

Since I'm sound asleep when I'm running,

this puts me
in significant physical danger.

Uh-huh.

I need somebody to guard me at night.

When you say guard…

I need you to lie in the bed with me.

Should I get up to run outside,

stop me.

How stupid do you think I am?

So you'll think about it.

(quirky music)

(soothing music)

Lydia, this is Shirley Schmidt.

Hello, Lydia.

Hello.

Who is she, Toque?

Shirley Schmidt.

She was going to talk to you
about Albert being hit by the car.

Yes, I know!

Where's my apple juice?

I'm getting it now.

Your violets are lovely.

LYDIA: Ceramic pots.

Never terracotta. They collect salt.

Ah.

But you're not here for that.

No, I'm afraid I'm not.

(chuckles)

Here's a little one all dressed up.

My granddaughter.

Oh, she's adorable.

What's her name?

You're testing me?

I'm afraid I am.

Her name is Julie.

She's dressed as Groucho Marx

from my favorite movie of 1939,
At the Circus.

And that boy committed the crime.

People think I don't remember things.

A lot of things I don't
like names and so forth,

but traumatic events?

I'll never forget what happened outside
that window that night.

It was horrible.

I'm sorry.
It must have been awful for you.

Toque.

This is orange juice.

Oh, they were out of apple, honey.

But it's always apple for lunch.

TOQUE: It's okay, Lydia.

-Orange is okay.
-No, it's not.

Orange is for breakfast.
Apples for lunch.

It's always apple!

Oh!
(weeping)

Can I help?

Here, let me help.

There’s nothing to do but calm her down.

It's okay, honey. It's okay.

-TOQUE: It's okay. It's okay.
-(Lydia weeping)

(upbeat music)

I was out walking my dog
when suddenly I heard this screech,

and, uh, then a thump.

I turned around.

I saw a white sedan speed off
with a body at the side of the road.

Were you able to get
a license plate number?

Yes. ZXL3R. Massachusetts plates.

The record will reflect the parties
stipulate that the license is registered

to the defendant, Jason Matheny.

Thank you, Mr. Naslund.

Don't go rough.

He just lost his grandfather,
for God's sakes.

That wasn't his grandfather
who died, Denny.

He's just a witness
who was walking his dog.

Whatever.

SHIRLEY: Sir, were you able to see
who was driving the car?

-No.
-SHIRLEY: Thank you.

For the record,
the parties stipulate the car

was reported stolen
the night of the accident.

Too rough?

(mouthing)
No.

(Melissa sighs)

-Hmm?
-Standard service agreement contract,

mostly boilerplate.

The language of what I will
and will not do is quite specific.

So there won't be any Clintonian mishaps.

Is means is.

No touching, no cuddling, no sex.

You've taken out all the fun.

These are my terms.
For that, I will sleep in your bed.

I will make sure you don't wig out.

And that's it.

I'm not sure the term "wig out"

-has legal teeth.
-Hmm.

But it is extremely Xerox-able
for all the partners' windshields.

Thank you, Melissa.

I give you my word.
I'll honor all your terms and…

thank you.

Mm.

MELISSA: I'll see you at ten o'clock.

Wait a second. You're denying this?

-Of course I'm denying it.
-Barry?

-It never happened.
-I was there!

Hold on, Barry.

When you say you were there?

I helped him remove his own fat cells
from his buttocks.

To use on myself.

-Barry.
-That's what you said, Barry.

Look, I removed the cells,
I harvested the fat,

and I marked the vials,
and I saw him go to the vials

to use that fat to inject
into other women.

Then why didn't you say something…

Because I first thought
it was with the patient's consent.

And then I asked a few.

Asked them what?

Where the harvested fat
for their procedures came from.

-They said their own buttocks.
-Which is the truth.

-Barry.
-Oh, please!

-You're just trying to ruin me.
-Barry!

Ms. Gershen,

obviously, this kind of charge,
when it goes to a person's profession,

is liable per se.

We wouldn't even have to show
actual damages.

I'm no lawyer, but on the TV shows,
they say truth is a defense to libel.

I see.

And are you prepared to prove
the truth of these allegations?

Sure.

May I ask how?

Do DNA on him, do it on their lips.
You'll see a match.

Won't she, Barry?

I'm not giving any DNA samples.
That's, um… unconstitutional, right?

(comical stinger)

You met with the woman, Shirley.
Certainly…

I don't wanna do it. It's that simple.

No, it is not that simple.

We have an obligation as attorneys.

Oh, spare me the speech, Paul,
would you please?

Well, evidently you need the speech.

Like it or not,
this job gets dirty from time to time.

What the hell is going on here?

It's just…

preying on somebody with Alzheimer's when…

obviously I'm a little sensitive, given…

Given what?

I say if a woman's brain
is turned to oatmeal,

let's throw in some raisins
and have her for breakfast.

What? You think you have to handle me
with kid gloves, Shirley?

This case has nothing to do
with you, Denny.

Don't lie to me.

Would you excuse us for a second, Paul?

I know how terrified you are.

-I'm afraid of nothing.
-Denny.

Whether or not
you have some mild form of Alzheimer's

and maybe you don't,
there is no denying

you are denying.

You walk around saying
you have mad cow disease.

God forbid people think
you have Alzheimer's.

It took your father.

You're afraid it'll take you.

(somber music)

You don't know me, Shirley.

Hell, I don't even know…

Have you talked to Alan about this?

Why should I?

Because he's your best friend.

"Do not grab the afflicted.
Do not chase the afflicted."

I'm the afflicted.

You think?

"Use soothing tones.
Say the afflicted's name gently.

Use comforting phrases such as,
'Come back to bed,'

'You are safe,' 'Everything is all right,'
'I am here.'"

(Melissa scoffs)

So how long have you had
these, um, episodes?

Are they, you know… bad?

Have you ever read Oroonoko by Aphra Behn?

No.

Neither have I.

(whispers)
La-de-da.

By the way, Melissa,

as immune as you are
to any sexual advances on my part,

I have had the occasional fantasy about…

Michelin Man.

(quirky music)

(sighs)

People know where I am
if anything happens to me.

("Ranz des Vaches" playing)

(Alan grunts)

ALAN: Mm!

Good work.

You can go.

(comical music)

(upbeat music)

How many patients?

Not too many.

Lie to me again, Barry,
and you can get yourself a new attorney.

How many women
did you inject your fat into?

Nine, ten?

Thirty. You can see
there's an endless supply.

You injected your fat
into as many as 30 women?

What do I do?

If this gets out…

It's not like
I'm a multidimensional person

with a family, a…

All I have is my job, my reputation.

Before we go any further, um…

the injections you gave me
for my chicken pox scars…

Do I have extractions
from your buttocks in my face?

(comical music)

Oh, my God.

You didn't want to harvest your own fat.

The synthetic stuff has only
been FDA approved for a year.

Some cells are better than others.

This may sound funny,
but I've built my reputation on my ass.

It's why they all come to me,
however unwittingly.

I would never do anything
to harm a patient.

My fat, Denise, it's the good stuff.

First…

you're going to try to settle
with these women before they sue,

or else your fat ass is history.

Then I will decide
whether I sue you myself.

(dramatic stinger playing)

I saw Mr. Bellows crossing the street,

and then this big, white car came racing
through the intersection and hit him.

The car stopped for a moment
and then sped away.

People came running out, screaming.

Mr. Bellows was just lying there.

And did you get a good look
at who was driving the white car?

LYDIA: Yes, I did.

It was that boy over there.

I saw him through the windshield.

The street light was shining on his face.

D.A. CHELIOS: One final question.

Have you been diagnosed
with stage four Alzheimer's?

That's what my doctors tell me.

So I get a little distracted at times,
but I know what I saw.

That boy hit Mr. Bellows
and then drove away.

Thank you, Mrs. Tuffalo.

The fact that she's stage four

could give us reasonable doubt
right there.

Do we really want
to risk alienating the jury?

Don't be ridiculous.
We cannot let that testimony stand.

Just a thought.

Hello, Mrs. Tuffalo.

I'm Shirley Schmidt.
We met the other day.

Yes, dear. How are you today?

SHIRLEY: I'm fine, thank you.

You say you get a little distracted.

I'm wondering, how little is little?

I know what I saw.

I'm sure you think you do.

But it was dark and overcast
the night of the accident, wasn't it?

It was dark.

As for being overcast,
it's seldom sunny at night.

The driver never
got out of the car, did he?

I saw him through the windshield.

What's my name, Mrs. Tuffalo?

It's Shirley Schmidt.
Through the glare of a windshield

on a dark night from a window
well over 100 feet away,

you were able to see my client speed by?

I have very good eyesight.

Don't your nurses have to lay out
your medication every night

so that you don't take the wrong pills?

Those pills are so small.

They're right in front of you
and you can't tell them apart?

I can tell them apart.

What are the names of the pills?

Wha… I don't know or care.

-I take what they tell me to take.
-What's my name?

It's Shirley.

-Shirley what?
-Objection.

What time do you typically
take your pills?

-Eight.
-Eight. You take eight pills every day?

-Yes.
-Objection!

Who is the president of the United States?

Objection, Your Honor!

-Overruled.
-What day is it today?

-I don't know or care what day it is.
-You don't know what day it is?

How did you get here today?

Uh…
(smacks lips)

I took the bus.

You were driven by car.

-What's my name?
-Stop asking me that!

-I saw that boy.
-What's that boy's name?

-Shirley.
-No, it's my name. My first name!

What's my last name?

LYDIA: I don't know! I don't know!

Your last name is whatever it is, damn it.

(shudders)

(somber music)

It's Schmidt.

(sobbing)

(uplifting music)

She couldn't remember Shirley's name.

Alan… if I'm ever like that…

Am I like that now?

DENNY: Sometimes?

Of course not.

Denny, if you're really this concerned,
you should get tested.

-I did a couple of years ago.
-Understood.

But to see if things have progressed.

-It could give you a peace of mind.
-Or not.

This, uh, motion thingy needs
to be signed before we can file it.

Let me get this straight.

She slept with you because of the…

the nightmares?

Night terrors.

There's a difference.

Well…

Would you do it with me?

I'm sorry?

If I agreed to get tested…

would you do it too?

I really don't think
I have Alzheimer's, Denny.

You're afraid of clowns.
You get the night terrors.

There's something screwy
going on up there.

But the problem isn't likely neurological.

Oh. Okay. I get it.

It was a stupid idea.

(inhales sharply)
Denny.

Make an appointment.

We'll get tested together.

First of all, we do not admit
that the fat cells harvested and injected

in your respective lips were derived
from my client's buttocks.

-That's a horrible opener.
-Horrible!

-ATTY. KLEIN: Sorry…
-If I may be allowed to finish,

even assuming the truth
of your allegations.

-She's tricky.
-Oh, very.

-Tori.
-George.

Ladies, it’s your opposing counsel.
Before we jump to any…

She was supposed to be our lawyer.

-Tori!
-(clicks, smacks lips)

My point is that even had you known
the origin of the fat cells,

you may very well have consented
to the injections, anyway.

It's the good stuff.

Barry!

I'm sorry, but did you just say
what I think you said,

that we would have said okay to this?

Tori. Kiersten, there was nothing
in the contract that stipulated

it would be your own tissue.

All right, this is nonsense, Denise.

What nonsense?

This is what people do every day,
especially these two.

They agreed to have human fat
injected in their bodies,

or collagen made from rendered cow skin,

hyaluronic acid extracted
from rooster combs.

-They shoot botulism in their foreheads.
-Well, we're not talking about Botox.

We're talking about this man's buttocks.

And I agree, it's not a pretty picture,
but neither are the blood clots,

infections and scarring you risk
from your tummy tucks.

Or the bleeding, bruising and deflation
from your saline breast implants.

How about possible nerve damage
from your face lifts?

The risk of blindness from eyelid surgery?

It's all pretty ugly, but you did it.

(scoffs)

You know, Ms. Bauer, you've just painted
a pretty pathetic picture of us.

And maybe we're every bit as…

(sighs)

That didn't give you the right.

We're offering you $300,000 each.

Now you might get more if you go to trial,
but you might not,

given your propensity to say yes
to any and every procedure.

My client is also willing to treat you
for free for the rest of your lives.

You might not want to have anything
to do with him now,

but given that he is reputedly

the best cosmetic plastic surgeon
in Boston…

money and services,
this is an offer potentially worth

more than a million dollars.

But if you go public or sue,
the offer is rescinded.

(quirky music)

D.A. CHELIOS: She has Alzheimer's disease.

She has trouble remembering
a lot of things,

including names, little things,

but catastrophic events, traumatic ones.

Those sink in.

Which is why she remains steadfast
that Jason Matheny

was driving the car that night.

And consider this,
if Jason weren't driving that night,

what a monumental coincidence then,

that Lydia picked him
out of a police lineup.

She just happened to pick the guy
who owned the offending vehicle.

Please.

Lydia picked out the defendant
because she saw him that night

through the windshield.

And that's not changed by the fact
she had trouble remembering

Shirley Schmidt's name.

I don't doubt you remember Jason's face.

The police picked him up
as the owner of the car,

plopped him in a lineup
and brought Lydia in.

Now, we can't know whether the police
nudged or influenced Lydia

to select the man
they felt committed the crime.

But it's been known to happen,
especially with a witness

who needs a little assistance.

And that's where Lydia's
Alzheimer's comes in.

Her brain plays tricks on her.

She takes Jason's face from the lineup
and transfers it to the car.

Stage four Alzheimer's
is a form of dementia.

We have an eyewitness
who not only couldn't remember my name,

she didn't know
what day of the week it was,

thought she had come here by bus

when she had been driven by car.

She suffers from dementia.

I know we all feel for her.
How could we not?

She's adorable, seemingly trustworthy.

And our hearts have to go out to anyone
who has this insidious disease.

One day, we or someone
we know will be her.

More than 1.5 million Americans suffer
from Alzheimer's.

By the year 2015,
that number could increase to 14 million.

This is not someone else's disease.

It has or will affect
every single one of us.

And of course,
our heart goes out to Lydia.

But this trial is about proving guilt

beyond all reasonable doubt.

And that hasn't happened here.

All the prosecution has given you
is a lone witness

who suffers from terminal dementia.

Beyond all reasonable doubt?

You know better.

(somber music)

(Alan breathing heavily)

Alan?

Alan, what are you…

Alan?

Whoa, whoa. You hear me?

(ominous music)

MELISSA: Alan!

-Alan.
-(door rattling)

-Oh, God. Oh, God.
-(Alan grunts)

MELISSA: Oh, God. Okay.

Okay. Here we go. Alan.

-Alan.
-(door rattling)

Okay. Alan. Okay.
Alan, come back to bed.

Calm down. Everything's all right, Alan!

Everything's all right. You're safe!
You're safe, Alan!

(panting)

Okay. That's right.

I'm here now. Okay?

I'm here.

-Everything's going to be okay.
-(panting)

Okay, you hear me now?

All right. I'm here, okay?

Okay, you're safe. Okay.

Okay.

That's good. No… no worries.
Nothing's wrong.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Just relax.

(Melissa sighing, breathing deeply)

I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

You'll hear a knocking sound
while we're taking the images.

Main thing is remain as still is possible.

Why couldn't Alan have gone first?

I'm right over here, Denny.

Okay. Still as possible, sir.

You're doing okay?

(muffled)
Fine.

TECHNICIAN: Here we go.

Still…

DENNY: Maybe I should've removed my…

watch.

I'm okay.

Your glutamate levels are about the same.

So is the evidence of plaque.

But nothing's got worse?

DR. MARKS: I don't believe so.

You do show precursors,

so it's important that you continue
to exercise your brain.

Different areas of the brain.
Try writing with your other hand,

do the crosswords.

Is it possible I have mad cow disease?

DR. MARKS: We can't rule it out.

They do have some identical symptoms.

There could be countless numbers
of people we've diagnosed with Alzheimer's

who really have mad cow disease.

DENNY: See?

Do him now.

I'm afraid a PET scan
isn't going to tell us

why he's afraid of clowns.

What about the night terrors?
He had one last night.

-Again?
-ALAN: That's okay.

I can come back later
after a few hamburgers.

You promised you'd get tested, too.

Denny, those machines can't test
for the stuff I've got going on.

You tricked me.

Hey, Denny.

You haven't gotten worse.

(breathes deeply)

They agree to all the terms,
confidentiality, all of it?

Apparently, the offer
of free laser peels in perpetuity

was just too good to pass up.

You dodged a nuclear bullet, Barry.

Thank you.

That still leaves open the question
as to whether I will sue you.

Denise, I am so sorry.

I just want to know why.

Why would you risk your career, your…

I don't understand.

Look at my face.

In high school,
everybody called me fat-ass.

I think the idea that it could
ever be associated with beauty.

I'm obsessed with beauty, Denise.

Obsessed with the thought
that these beautiful women

would be walking around…

with a tiny bit of Barry Glouberman
inside them,

and that when people
look at them and admire them,

they'd be admiring
a microscopic fraction of…

my physicality.

Hmm.

You need help.

If you do not agree to get help,
I will do so much worse than sue you.

You could go to jail.

I'm not kidding, Barry.
I will see you in jail.

(quirky music)

I give you my word.

The defendant will please rise.

Madame Foreperson,
have you reached a unanimous verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

JUDGE SWINK: What say you?

In the matter of the Commonwealth
versus Jason Matheny

on the charge of vehicular homicide,
we find the defendant, Jason Matheny

not guilty.

JUDGE SWINK: Members of the jury,
the Court thanks you for your service.

You are hereby excused.

(gavel pounds)

Thank you, Shirley.

You're welcome.

Congratulations, Jason.

Yeah, thanks.

So, uh… that's it?

That's it.

(solemn music)

SHIRLEY: Lydia.

I know what I did was…

It's my job.

Yes.

Your job was to secure the freedom
of a boy who killed somebody.

I…

wish you well.

You too…

Schmidt.

I'm sure by this time tomorrow,
she won't have any memories

of how despicable you were.

Can I buy you dinner
or something, Shirley?

Some other time. Thank you.

Thing is…

I-I'm having this night terrors.

I'm afraid to be alone at night.

(comical music)

(inaudible muttering)

MELISSA: I don't doubt that you're afraid.

But, Alan, as much as I appreciate you
vesting so much responsibility

so early into my job, I…

I just can't handle being in charge
of saving your life.

After last night,
I don't think I could fall asleep.

Okay.

Thank you, Melissa.

You may very well
have saved my life last night.

I know.

You're a really weird man, aren't you?

It seems so.

(mellow music)

Asleep?

Sort of. Difficult day.

I wish I could say
there's been improvement, but…

(whispers)
Hey, Dad.

It's Shirley.

(breathes deeply)

I won my case in court today.

Not my finest hour.

Not even close.

Well, what shall we read tonight?

How about A Tale of Two Cities?

We haven't read that one in a while.

"It was the best of times.

It was the worst of times.

-("Someone to Watch Over Me" playing)
-It was the age of wisdom.

It was the age of foolishness.

It was the season of light.

It was the season…"

♪ There's somebody ♪

♪ I'm longing to see ♪

♪ And I hope that he turns out to be ♪

♪ Someone ♪

DENNY: It isn't right.

I tried that night terror routine
on six different women.

No takers?

It isn't right.

Thanks for coming with me today.
Thanks for making me do it.

I've always felt friends
should encourage friends

to have their heads examined.

You okay?

Melissa quit her moonlighting job.

Oh.

You're really scared.

Just concerned.

Not to worry.

Oh, all right.

I'll sleep with you in your room,
but not in the bed.

(laughs)
You sleep like a log.

I'd have to step on your head
for you to stir.

Tie a rope around me.

You mean it?

It'll be like a sleepover.

Friends have sleepovers.

We could watch a movie.

Popcorn.

Root beer floats.

Tell ghost stories.

Talk about girls.

Yeah.

Pretend we're kids.

-♪ Someone to watch over me ♪
-Pretend we're kids.

♪ And I need someone ♪

♪ Someone to watch over me ♪

DENISE: Next on Boston Legal.

ATTORNEY:
I realize you're a powerful man, sir,

but that doesn't give you the right
to shoot homeless people.

-(gunshot fires)
-You shot this man?

-It happens.
-My lawyer dropped me.

Nobody's gonna make any money
suing Denny Crane.

I'll represent you.

-Is this a joke?
-Of course it is.

No, it isn't. I'll be your lawyer.

I'm confused.

-I hear you have a friend at the FBI.
-I do.

I never saw you take that badge.

Are you suggesting
that we impersonate FBI officials?

Have you both lost your minds?

SHIRLEY: We are lawyers.
We sue people.

We do not abduct.

(theme music playing)

OLD WOMAN: You stinkah!