All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E07.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

(upbeat rock music playing)

SHIRLEY: Did he say what it was about?

No. And I tried to get him to tell me.

He said he'd only speak to you.

Well, I’ve got the Weaks coming in.

They're fighting
over the Nantuckett house again.

He says he'll only speak to you.

(Shirley puffing)

Dwight!

-How are you?
-Oh, not good, Shirley.

-Why?
-Jeanie is leaving me.

What? Why?

And she's trying
to have the marriage annulled.

That's ridiculous.
Not to mention impossible.

You've been married over 20 years.

She just wants it all erased.

As if… as if I never existed, I guess.

Why? What's gotten into her?

Well, it's more what I've gotten into,
I suppose.

I strayed.

You?

Well, I… I can't pretend I'm not shocked.

Even so, infidelity isn't grounds
for annulment.

There's something you're not telling me.

(sighs)

I strayed with Wendy.

You've met Wendy.

Wendy?

Your…

cow?

We became very close.

One night I'd had
a bit to drink, I suppose.

Jeanie and I had been a little estranged.

You strayed… with livestock?

It's not what you think.

It was all very loving.
I know, Jeanie.

She's going to try
and make me out a big sicko.

(laughingly) Gee…

Obviously, I made a mistake,

but I've… I've been a good husband
for 23 years.

A deacon at our church,
a model philanthropist,

a respected professor
at a major university,

town selectman, even.

(chuckles) You sleep with one cow.

Please don't make sport
and don't make light.

I don't want to lose my wife.

(theme music playing)

DENISE: You cannot turf this one to me.

Oh, but I can.

-Shirley!
-Look, I can defend almost anyone

against almost anything.

But… growing up, I had a cow.

You?

Not sexually, as a pet.

Bumpy.

I had dogs, cats, a tree frog. But…

Bumpy, I cherish that animal.

To think what Dwight…

(sighs) I can't go there, Denise.

What makes you think I can?

You're being asked to.

The name of this firm
is Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

I'm Schmidt.

-Shirley, please. I am begging you.
-Someone's got to do it, Denise.

Can't be me.

Denny Crane. I don't know why I'm here.

Denny Crane. I've been summoned.

Denny Crane.

Denny Crane.

Denny Crane.

A trial date is set for December 2nd.

JUDGE HARVEY:
We will conference a week from today.

Denny Crane. Who the hell called? And why?

Oh! Denny Crane.

Ah! Mr. Crane.

Recall Jessel, would you please?

CLERK: Document number 166253,

Commonwealth versus Ronald Jessel.

Mr. Crane, you've been assigned

to represent one
of our indigent defendants.

JUDGE HARVEY: Thank you for coming in.

-No can do, Judge.
-I beg your pardon?

Indigent are poor.
I hate the poor. Can’t pay you.

JUDGE HARVEY: Mr. Crane,
this isn't a request. It's a court order.

Unless you think the senior partners
are exempt from civic duty?

Was it a hooker?
I could do hookers.

It's a murder case.
Your client is right there.

Defense pleads guilty.

We accept that district attorney's
recommendation for sentencing.

Denny Crane.

Come back here this instant,
or you would be held in contempt, sir.

-What did you just say?
-You will meet your client.

You will return here this afternoon
to enter your plea,

and you will give him
adequate representation.

He allegedly killed a 13-year-old girl.
Hence the presence of the media.

He'll get high profile
representation as well.

Go.

(casual music playing)

Hope you die.

Denny Crane.

(epic stinger playing)

(action music playing)

Hey, kid, one second.

Bet you’d lick my shoes for a murder case.
Wouldn’t you kid?

I would, sir.

Because I like you,
you don’t have to lick 'em,

just dust 'em with your sleeve.

Yes, sir.

We can't have a clown waxing on

about G8 and world issues, for God's sake.

It's a children's show.

BRAD: But when did you fire him?

MARSHAL: Friday.

You filed for the TRO yesterday.

Look, this could be a public
relations nightmare.

He's the only Zozo
the station has ever had.

May I help you, ladies?

We're here for the assistant's position.

Hmm.

Congratulations. You're hired.

-(suggestive music playing)
-Thank you all.

Let's go inside.

Alan, you can't just do that.
You have to at least interview.

Why? I have a very strong feeling
about this one.

Can you type?

-Some.
-See?

What happened to Shirley?

Shirley likes to assign cases
to the hot hand, and right now I'm hot.

I've known her since we were kids.

She knows me. That's… that's why…

Which is exactly why
you should be with someone else.

Shirley could be too close
to see things objectively.

It's Bumpy, isn't it?

I had such a crush on that cow.

That doesn't make me gay.

Mr. Biddle, have you, um…

gotten counseling for this?

Yes. Yes, I'm… I'm working on it.

Look, Jeanie married me
for better or worse, right?

And for 20-plus years,
it's been a great marriage.

I still love her.

I don't want to lose her.

GARRETT: Defense enters a plea
of not guilty, Your Honor.

At this time, we would like
to be heard on bail. This matter…

Hold on just a second.
Where's Denny Crane?

I'm an attorney
from Crane, Poole & Schmidt, sir.

-I'm appearing…
-I didn't assign this case

to Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
I assigned it to Denny Crane, counsel.

Where is he?

He's back at the firm, sir.

Look, I asked him to do a little research.

Are you making a joke
in my courtroom, counsel?

-No, sir.
-Step up here, counsel.

Have you ever tried
a case before, counsel?

I won my moot court competition
at Suffolk, sir.

(inhales deeply)

Turn around.

-(whispers) What are you going to do?
-I asked you to turn around.

JUDGE HARVEY:
I see members of the media here.

Some of you have video cameras.

I invite you to point them this way.

We like to think that all are entitled
to a fair trial in this country,

that we have an advocacy system
about truth.

But the real truth, the ugly one,

is that the indigent get anything
but fairness.

On this side, we have a District Attorney
with 50 homicide trials under his belt.

And here, representing the accused,

we have a boy who won
his moot court competition in law school.

This is how it is, people.

The poor get the lawyers who can't get
real clients of their own.

We have a system where the state
matches the best and the brightest

against defense attorneys coming out
of a pool of inexperience

and incompetence.

It is an insult to our notion
of democracy.

It makes a mockery of criminal justice.

I will not indulge a mockery
in my courtroom.

-Turn around, counsel.
-(quirky music playing)

Put one arm behind your back
as if it were tied.

Now, stand on one leg,

as if your client barely has a leg
to stand on with you as his counsel.

Now, you hop on out of here.

Tell Denny Crane if he doesn't show up
to represent his client,

he will be jailed.

Hop! Now!

(quirky music intensifies)

(audience laughing)

Clown was up first.
Why don't you take him?

You have a real name on this guy?

Yeah. Robert Berrin.

He's been Zozo for 13 years,

so I figure I'll take our client
on direct.

This is at-will employment?

Yes, but the discharge
has to be in good faith.

He was up for a big contract bump,

so my bet is they're going
to argue pretext.

MELISSA: Excuse me.

Could I steal Alan for one second?

We're in a meeting, Melissa.

Oh, yeah. It's… it's just…

I started thinking. I think
the high of getting the job, kind of…

(chuckles) It just hit me,

um, the criterion on which I was hired.

And now that I am hired,
I just thought that I should be clear.

(breathes deeply)

I will not be objectified.

I will not be ogled.
If I am, I write you up.

No touching, no double entendres,
no comments on what I'm wearing.

If I get any of that, I write you up.

I'm your assistant, not your subordinate.
You cross that line, I… I write you up.

Follow the rules, we should…
we should get along fine.

(dramatic music playing)

(sighs)

That's all.

I told you to interview.

I will not indulge a mockery
in my courtroom.

Turn around, counsel.

JUDGE HARVEY (on TV): Now stand on one leg

as if your client barely has a leg
to stand on with you as his counsel.

Now you hop on out of here.

Tell Denny Crane if he doesn't show up
to represent his client,

he will be jailed. Hop! Now!

REPORTER: That was the scene
at the courthouse this morning.

Channel Eight's own legal analyst,
Martin Tupper,

said he's never seen anything…

Judge says to hop, you do it?

All right, Denny, you obviously need
to take over this case.

-We can send Alan in as backup.
-I don't need backup.

-Denny!
-I can handle this case.

I can handle this judge.

Homicide, right?

Homicide and rape.

(resolute music playing)

Mister Rogers, Sesame Street,
Thomas the Tank Engine,

The Magic School Bus, oh, you name it.

All the top children's entertainers
are educators.

(whispering)
You never said he’d be in costume.

Always in public.

ATTY. ROPER:
Look, Mr. Berrin, why global warming?

ZOZO: Mainly because it's possibly
the number one threat to this planet,

and our country's doing almost nothing.

Can you do the cross?

ATTY. ROPER: Even so,
none of this seems funny. And…

(chuckles) …you're a clown.

ZOZO: Global warming
could result in a rising sea level

that could make a huge part
of the world uninhabitable.

We as Americans have a responsibility.

The US makes up 4%
of the world's population,

but we produce 25%
of the carbon dioxide pollution,

most of any country.

The United States is the leading cause
of global warming.

We need to take a leading role
in finding the solution.

(nose honks)

Let's go. You're up.

You go.

What?

(clears throat)

No questions, Your Honor.

(whimsical music playing)

What are you doing?

If you wanna cross-examine him,
Brad, you do it.

What's going on?

Nobody ever said he'd be in costume.

I'm afraid of clowns.

(elevator dings)

How could anybody be afraid of a clown?

-Keep your voice down.
-Now his testimony goes uncontested.

-You could have crossed.
-I didn't prep a cross.

What's going on?

-He's afraid of clowns.
-I am not!

It was strategy.

Hey.

-ALAN: Any calls?
-Not really.

Afraid of clowns, huh?

-You cannot enter plea of guilty.
-Why not?

Is it your intent, sir,
to plead guilty to these crimes?

Oh, no, sir.

DENNY: You’re not gonna take
his word for it, are you?

Come on, Judge.
If he’d murder, he’d lie.

Step up here, Mr. Crane.

-(mumbling)
-Yes.

(groaning)

You can stop trying
to get yourself off the case, counsel.

That isn't going to happen.

Look, Judge, I can't defend a man
who raped and murdered a 13-year-old girl.

JUDGE HARVEY: Somebody's got to do it.

-Why me?
-Because I said so.

(sighs)

-Which brings me to my second issue.
-Which is?

You're a douchebag.
I don't do well with douchebags.

That won't work either.

You will try this case.

All you will accomplish
with this unfettered insolence

is a jail sentence for contempt
after you've tried this case.

Do I make myself clear, Mr. Crane?

(brisk rock music playing)

I can understand that she's horrified.

But to annul a marriage?

Your Honor, it is so aberrant.

It is such an abomination.
It is so abhorrent.

(whispers) And she's just on the A-words.

Let's go to B then.

-Bestiality…
-Is not, never has been, grounds

for annulment.

JUDGE CLARK: Mrs. Biddle,
why erase the whole marriage?

Because it was never real.

He was always in love with her.

The cow?

JEANIE: Over the last ten years or so,

sometimes when we'd been together,
which was never a lot,

he'd call out her name, Wendy.

And before her, there was another cow.

-JUDGE CLARK: Another cow?
-Queenie.

I never caught them,
but I saw the way he looked at her

and he would call out her name too
and then try to cover by saying

I was his queen.

This marriage is not real.

And it hurts.

(pensive music playing)

Mr. Biddle, I need to hear from you.

-Why?
-Because I do. It's shocking.

Tomorrow, you will sit
in that witness chair

and tell me why I shouldn't annul
this union you've so disgraced.

(casual music playing)

See if you request another lawyer,

-the judge…
-I requested nothing.

-You have to. We don't get along.
-I like you just fine.

You're a big lawyer with big suck.
You're just what I need.

Look, I can't bring myself to defend
a man who killed a 13-year-old girl.

Oh, come on, man.

Probably did her a favor.

What did you say?

I got AIDS, Denny Crane.

She could have had a lot of suffering
ahead because I really went to town.

You know what I mean?

She's probably lucky I ended it quick.

Well, if you really have AIDS,

there could be other psychological
defenses available to us.

-Yeah.
-DENNY: Like, uh…

-traumatic distress. Insanity, perhaps.
-Mm-hmm.

On the other hand…

-(gunshot fire)
-What the… (Jessel screams)

…it was an accident.

-(Jessel screams)
-Oopsie.

-OFFICER 1: Freeze!
-OFFICER 2: Stop it.

He came at me.
I feared for my life.

(dramatic rock music playing)

He should probably get new counsel.

(groaning)

(prison buzzer ringing)

(gate shuts)

(cell door unlocking)

-When's the arraignment?
-Paul's trying to head it off.

ALAN: Hmm.

Denny, for God's sake…

Hell, Alan.

I'm old…

and I'm not going to spend
what time I have left,

not even a day,

defending child… rapist killers.

I'd rather go to jail myself.

I hear you're afraid of clowns.

First time in my professional career,
I actually froze.

What happened?

(laughs softly)

When I was three years old,
my mother put some decorative, hideous…

clown face in my room.

It so terrified me…

I'd wet my bed, too afraid
to pass him on the way to the bathroom.

(sighs) When I was eight,

I was again terrorized
by a clown at a parade.

The very same face.

(laughs softly)

I wet myself right there in the street.

And today, the same face again…

I didn't dare get up for fear I'd…

leave a puddle right in the courtroom.

You do have issues, don't you?

Denny, this is serious.

You could be looking at real jail time.

(pensive music playing)

DENISE: Dwight,
have you sought professional help?

Yes, my therapist, uh,

he said the genesis of my infatuation

could've been the unconditional adoration
and acceptance I get from…

-Wendy.
-Yes.

And didn't your therapist also tell you

your love for your wife,
Jeanie is in play here?

Yes.

Could you elaborate?

Well, Jeanie looks a little like a cow.

(whimsical music playing)

You see, I fell in love with Wendy
because she reminded me of you.

(comical music continues playing)

I won't insult you, Scott,

-by condoning Denny's actions.
-Self-defense.

But a District Attorney and I know
you know this because I taught you,

a District Attorney
should not bring a case

when he lacks a good faith belief
of conviction.

-(in sing-song tone) Hero.
-Even if you could refute self defense…

-Jail.
-PAUL: …no jury is going to convict him

of wounding a man who raped
and strangled a 13-year-old girl.

What message are you asking me
to send, Paul?

If a crime is popular enough,
don't prosecute?

You haven't got evidence.

It's Denny's word
against the child rapist.

-Fear for my life.
-And, uh,

since you broach the topic of popularity,

you want to make Attorney General, Scott.

One needs public support
to accomplish that.

How popular do you think you'll be
if you prosecute Denny Crane?

Denny Crane.

It's a children's show,
for God's sake. (chuckles)

He's a clown, and he's waxing on
about the end of the world.

Did you talk to him?

MARSHAL: Over and over and over.

He said he had a social responsibility.

My God. We had viewers clicking over
to Aaron Brown for a laugh.

Our show became preachy, unfunny.

Ratings started to reflect it,
and we simply had to get a new clown.

-Zozo talked about 9-11?
-Yes. To help children cope.

The Columbine shootings.

MARSHAL: Many times he discussed
tragic current events.

So you're firing him for discussing
serious subject matter

when he's done so in the past
with your approval?

There is a line telling our viewers

the planet is about
to become extinct, crosses it.

ATTY. ROPER: After he told the kids to ask
their parents about hybrid cars.

-That's when he got fired, wasn't it?
-This has nothing to do with hybrids.

WKMW is owned by an oil and gas company.

MARSHAL:
Nothing to do with our parent company.

He wasn't funny.
We needed a funny clown.

(whimsical music playing)

How's it going?

I'm sitting here trying to come up
with a closing to defend bestiality.

That's how it's going.

You don't have to defend it so much as…

-What's this?
-Research.

Do you realize that studies show
10 to 30% of sexually active adults

have fantasized or had some form
of encounter with an animal?

DWIGHT: Denise, uh…

Uh, are we ready?

(smacks lips) All set.

You don't have to treat me like a leper,
Shirley. I don't have a disease.

Dwight, y-you're my friend,

and I will try to stand by you
through this, but…

(whispers) …let's not pretend
you don't have a serious illness.

There are worse things
than loving an animal.

Really? Name three.

You know, I was never going
to tell you this.

When you were 13
and your parents sent Bumpy away…

(whimsical music playing)

…it wasn't to some greener pasture
where he'd be happier like they told you.

-Bumpy went to a slaughterhouse…
-(snorts)

…and then he returned to your freezer.

You ate him, Shirley!

So don't get so high and mighty with me.

You ate your precious Bumpy!

(rock stinger playing)

Why should I have to close?

Why should I have done everything else?

Exactly. You've got
a connection going that…

I lack.

Why are you afraid of clowns, really?

Because…

they're evil.

And it simply isn't right for parents
to tell their children to just…

trust them so.

Did a clown ever…

-do anything to you?
-No!

They're just… evil.

Alan.

You need to close.

First, you have a better grip
on this whole global warming issue

which I tend to dismiss as fuzzy… math.

And second, at some point, every man,
even the half-evolved kind,

needs to confront his fears.

You need to stand up
and deliver this closing.

Will the clown be there?

(comical music playing)

(crowd clamoring)

Animal rights activists
are obviously very upset,

though it should be noted there
is no evidence that the cow

ever complained.

Your client's behavior
doesn't shock you, counsel?

Of course it does, but sex with animals?

It's hardly a new concept.

Greek literature is full of it.

So is art. Chagall, Picasso, Rembrandt.
They've all depicted it to this day.

Men still dream of mermaids,

and what woman hasn't had a…
friend with a half-man,

half-bull fantasy?

Your Honor, I need you to listen.

Look, if you intend to romanticize
the idea…

Shakespeare already did that
in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

So did Yeats in his famous poem
"Leda and the Swan."

"How can these terrified,
vague fingers push

"the feathered glory
from her loosened thighs?"

-Lord love a duck!
-So did Leda.

And who can forget King Kong and Fay Wray?

And where did Stuart Little come from?

Sex with a cow is outrageous.

It's gross.

And it's every bit as shocking
as the plaintiff contends,

but it is not grounds for annulment.

And if you suddenly declare that it is,
watch out,

because there very well may be
more of this out there

than any of us want to believe.

He cheated on his wife.

She's entitled to a divorce.

But bestiality is not, never has been,
grounds for annulment.

By the way, in some states,
it's not even expressly outlawed.

Of course, she's humiliated
and feeling disgraced,

but that doesn't change the fact…

they had a marriage.

(brisk rock music playing)

None of this is to say
we believe in Mr. Crane's innocence.

We don't.
But we have to face the reality

we lack a good faith-belief
of securing a conviction.

We're therefore declining
to make an arrest at this time.

Personally, I am disgusted by his conduct
and I will report his actions

to the board of bar overseers.

The putz!

-You ought to be happy.
-I'm not happy.

He insulted me on live television.

You dodged a bullet, Denny.

And took one right on the ass. The putz!

ATTY. ROPER: He had incorporated
many serious subjects into his programs,

all with the station's approval.

But when he moved on to global warming,
carbon dioxide pollution,

he suddenly had to be stopped
because he was suddenly less funny?

No, because the station
was owned by Globaco Oil.

This discharge was wrongful.
It was in bad faith.

My client has built this company's
fortunes for 13 years being Zozo.

It is his livelihood.

He's perhaps the most popular clown
in this country.

And this court should issue a TRO

to stop this outrageous travesty
of justice.

(breathes deeply)

(Brad stomps)

I could be wrong,
but a clown's main job is to be funny.

ALAN: Global warming is not.

Your Honor,

the Arctic polar ice cap is declining
at the rate of 9% per decade.

We're talking about a rising sea level
that could wipe out huge pieces

of the world's landmass.

More importantly, us…

Massachusetts, California, our coastlines.

That simply isn't funny.

Unless, of course, you live in Nevada.

Don't get me wrong. Millions of Americans
go to sleep at night

praying that the nation's number one clown

will finally start caring
about global warming.

But this is a children's
entertainment show.

And let me ask you
if our own government is allowed

to edit and alter scientific findings,
if it can control the information flow

on this subject, why then
shouldn't a private television station

get to enjoy that same freedom?

You're a clown.

Be funny.

Global warming is not.

(comical music playing)

(muttering inaudibly)

In 35 years, Denny,
I have never forbidden you to do anything!

Don't start now.

I will call the partners together
right now!

What's going on?

He's going on…

Larry King.

-What?
-Tonight,

he's catching the seven o'clock shuttle.

Denny, you can't be serious.

Why does everybody insist
I can’t be serious?

The District Attorney…

slathered me on live television.

-I think you mean slandered.
-Well… I'll have the last word.

Listen to me.

They could still bring charges

if you say something
to incriminate yourself.

Give me some credit, will you, Paul?

Credit?

You shot out your client's kneecaps!

The public needs to hear from Denny Crane!

Cue for me, will you?

(quirky music playing)

(sighs) Please, God, have mercy.

How could you not stop it?

We tried to stop him.
We tried to get you to stop him.

Larry King.

Alan, Judge is back with a ruling.

Let's go.

-Tonight?
-Come on.

Can't you go by yourself?
It's just a ruling.

You're doing this.

(pensive music playing)

Disgusting.

Regrettably, this fetish with animals
may indeed be more prevalent

than we'd like to think.

And it's a slippery slope.

Many women derive sexual pleasure
from riding on a horse.

Sick.

But we can't just go around
annulling marriages

every time Debbie goes for a canter!

Gross!

I'm afraid your only legal recourse,
Mrs. Biddle, is divorce.

Sick.

JUDGE CLARK: We're adjourned.

(Denise sighing in relief)

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

I may have manifested my love for you
in ways that brought you shame,

perhaps revulsion.

But I do love you.

And, uh, love is hard enough
to find, Jeanie,

without attaching a lot of restrictions.

A lot of restrictions?

It's not like I set a lot of ground rules,

but limiting yourself to a single species
is one of them.

Our species, Dwight.

I broke it off. I'm gonna get rid of her.

I think I'd like to sell the whole farm,
move to the city,

outside of all temptation.

-You broke it off?
-Yes.

You're never going to see her again?

I promise.

("Wendy" by the Beach Boys playing)

Welcome back to Larry King Live.

And with me now is Denny Crane,
the legendary Boston attorney

who just yesterday…

apparently opened fire on his own client.

Self defense.

LARRY KING: You're kidding. Self defense?

You're not really asking people
to believe that?

Larry, it's a crime to shoot people,
even child raping, murdering schmucks

like my client was and still is.

Okay. But clearly, you're not saying
if a defendant is repugnant enough,

fair game, you're entitled
as a criminal defense attorney

to shoot someone?

-DENNY: No, no, no. self-defense.
-LARRY KING: Come on.

DENNY: But even if I did

simply choose to shoot him,

which I didn’t
because it’s against the law.

So what?

-LARRY KING: So what?
-DENNY: Larry.

You know what the real problem is?

Too many criminals get away with it.

We've got hundreds of thousands
of unsolved murders in this country.

So what you're saying is
it's okay for defense lawyers

to take the law into their own hands?

No! Come on.

You know what's going to happen
to this child rapist murdering scum?

Ashcroft, God bless him.

He's going to swoop in
and he's going to transfer this case

to the federal court
so we can impose the death penalty.

Denny, Ashcroft is no longer
the Attorney General.

Well, whatever. The Spanish guy.

Even better.

My client's going to get
the death penalty, bad knees and all,

because he deserves it.
Then all the bleeding liberals

and all of Hollywood
will come running to defend him,

make him a cause celeb.

But who's crying for the 13-year-old girl?

The problem
with the criminal justice system is

the criminals have more rights,

they get more attention,
they get more sympathy

than the victims!

It's disgusting, Larry.

It's… it's…

(sighing exasperatedly) It's disgusting.

Let's go to the listeners.

Hey, Donna in Cincinnati,
what you got?

(rock stinger playing)

JUDGE ATKINSON:
And while I find that the petitioner

may very well have a legitimate
cause of action,

I don't find such a substantial
likelihood of victory

that would allow me to issue a TRO.

Accordingly, I find for the defendant.

I wish you all good luck
and a satisfactory resolution.

Adjourned.

(gavel strikes)

Oh, thank you both. That's a relief.

-We're going to have to settle this.
-MARSHAL: We will.

Okay, then let's go home.

Alan.

BRAD: You have to do this.

You're 44 years old.

Tell him you're fan. Shake his hand.

-Will you go with me?
-Right by your side.

Uh…

Mr. Zozo.

I, uh… I just wanted to say…

how much I've always enjoyed your work.

Thank you.

Would you like to squeeze my nose?

No, no, no. You've been more than kind.

BRAD: Alan.

(whimsical music playing)

But perhaps one little squeeze.

(nose squeaks)

(laughs)

(exciting music playing)

You waited up for me?

And I've been frantic.

You out at all hours. (chuckles)

Did you see the show?

I did. You were inimitable.

Denny, what possessed you?

Everybody's so convinced I lost it.

I was becoming convinced myself.

So I decided to sail right into it.

And I was Denny Crane.

-(chuckles) Yes, you were.
-DENNY: Hmm.

(Alan giggling)

I squeezed a clown's nose tonight.

Good for you.

Guess we're never too old
to conquer our fears.

I got a call from
the Republican National Party tonight.

They think I might have a future
in politics.

They want to put some feelers out.

Maybe…

me running for mayor.

Of Boston?

Mm-hmm.

We wouldn't get to be flamingos again.

Of course we would.

What would you do as mayor, Denny, really?

Well, I don't know. I'd…

attack Rhode Island.

Small.

What was the word you used
to describe me on the show tonight?

Inimitable.

That's it. That's the kind of mayor
I would be.

Inimitable.

(tender music playing)

It's fun being me.

Was it fun being you?

Most of the time, yes, actually.

Well, what else is there?

Indeed.

DENISE: Next on Boston Legal.

-Night terrors?
-Usually it's brought on by distress.

They can be potentially life threatening.

(gasps)
I need somebody to guard me at night.

You want to pay me to sleep with you?

-Yes.
-That would make me a hooker.

MAN: My son has an alibi.

There's no evidence linking him
to the crime.

The only eyewitness suffers
from Alzheimer's.

Who is the president of the United States?

-Objection, Your Honor.
-SHIRLEY: This case has nothing to do

-with you, Denny.
-Don't lie to me.

You walk around saying
you have mad cow disease.

God forbid people think
you have Alzheimer's.

(theme music playing)

OLD WOMAN: You stinkah!