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The bravest thing I've done
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was to stand in front of an audience
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and say,
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"I'm a survivor of sexual violence
and human trafficking."
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And I climb mountains.
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I run deserts.
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I broke the Guinness record
for the longest triathlon.
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Swimming 122 miles,
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cycling 2,932 miles,
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and running 735 miles.
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But I have never been more afraid
in my life
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than that moment,
the first time I said it out loud.
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I hesitated so much!
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As my words were leaving,
I wanted to take it back.
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Because I was so terrified.
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But I got through.
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It made me stronger and better.
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Because what I wanted
was to break the silence.
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00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:05,792
I do know now
that it was through the silence
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00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:10,083
that all of this was possible.
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00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,500
Violence only thrives in silence.
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When we don't talk about it.
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00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:18,375
People always say
the victims have no voice.
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We do have a voice!
You just don't want to hear us.
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You silence us.
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I love being a woman.
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I've always loved being a woman.
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And I was a pretty little girl!
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00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:41,417
I liked wearing the pretty dresses.
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00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,708
I liked dressing up
in my mom's high-heeled shoes,
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00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:49,625
and sneaking off
to put her make-up on.
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00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,708
I love the tenderness,
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00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,917
the sensitivity,
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00:04:57,792 --> 00:05:01,333
the uniqueness
of what it really means
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00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:03,208
to be a woman.
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00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:19,833
I am a woman
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00:05:19,875 --> 00:05:22,333
even if I was not born a woman.
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00:05:22,917 --> 00:05:27,458
For many women,
womanhood is a gift of nature,
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00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,042
but for me,
it was a gift I gave myself.
40
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,667
I am in a wheelchair,
but I've fulfilled
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00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:38,500
my dream of dancing,
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00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:40,333
of feeling happy and free.
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00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,750
I'm a happy, strong, crazy woman.
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00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,250
I am a real woman.
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And I think I deserve
to be called a real woman.
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00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,250
I feel good.
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00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:06,042
It would take all day
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00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:10,125
for me to list
half of the qualities I possess.
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00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:12,625
Women are not weak!
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00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:15,375
They are very strong.
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00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,958
People think if they're women,
they're weak.
52
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,667
But no, women are not weak.
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00:06:21,917 --> 00:06:24,958
You're tough,
because of your biology.
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00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,792
You're tough, because...
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00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:29,667
every month, you bleed!
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00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:32,458
You're tough,
because you can bear children,
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00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:35,000
and that is not an easy thing.
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00:06:36,042 --> 00:06:38,667
You're tough, because emotionally,
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you would stand a great deal.
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00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:43,458
When problems arise,
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00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:46,500
I think, if I were a man,
I could fix this.
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00:06:46,542 --> 00:06:49,167
Women have to work hard.
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00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:53,375
When I'm tired, after a long day,
seeing men do less,
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00:06:53,417 --> 00:06:56,417
I think, to be a man,
and rest in the shade!
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00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000
On any given day,
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00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,292
a woman is as busy as a CEO.
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00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,500
You have to remember 20,000 details.
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00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:20,625
In fact, you can't think of them.
It has to be automatic.
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00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:24,417
"Am I properly groomed
for my date tonight?
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00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:28,542
"If I do an epilation after work,
I'll have red marks.
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00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:30,083
"Should've done it before.
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00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:33,792
"Last night,
I should have washed my hair, too."
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00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:36,958
When you open your closet
to get dressed,
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00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,625
it has to be work-appropriate,
but comfortable,
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00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:44,375
because you're supposed
to exude self-confidence.
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00:07:44,417 --> 00:07:47,792
Then you try
to match bra and panties.
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00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:50,708
You can never find a pair
the same color!
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00:07:50,958 --> 00:07:54,250
In the subway,
you have to avoid men's eyes.
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00:07:54,292 --> 00:07:57,917
"Is he groping my ass?
No. I can go out."
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00:07:57,958 --> 00:08:00,917
In the street, it's the same thing.
81
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:04,042
You get to work,
after a few sexist remarks.
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00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:07,708
For your date,
you have to get dressed up.
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00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:10,417
Make like you haven't had a hard day.
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00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:13,000
Like you're freshly bathed
and relaxed,
85
00:08:13,042 --> 00:08:14,667
even though you're not.
86
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:18,125
It's so much work!
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00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:21,958
The first time I got my period,
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00:08:23,958 --> 00:08:25,917
I was really happy,
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00:08:25,958 --> 00:08:29,875
because all my girlfriends
got theirs two years before.
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00:08:29,917 --> 00:08:31,458
I was very late.
91
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,500
I was 15.
92
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,750
And so...
93
00:08:39,957 --> 00:08:44,082
when I saw the toilet bowl
filled with red water,
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00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:47,250
I yelled for joy to my mama:
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00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:49,167
"Ma mama!
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00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:51,292
"I finally got my period!"
97
00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:57,042
I remember,
I started to bleed, one evening.
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00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,583
I didn't tell anyone.
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00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,375
The next day, I woke up...
100
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,042
Everywhere.
101
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:05,042
My father said,
102
00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:07,208
"What? Did you kill a cow?"
103
00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:09,500
It looked like I killed an animal.
104
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:11,542
There was blood everywhere.
105
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:14,208
The subject was taboo.
106
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,750
You never spoke of it, back then.
107
00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:20,500
We called sanitary napkins "biscuits."
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00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:24,125
It was simply an honor for my father
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00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,000
to buy me my biscuits.
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00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:28,917
All of a sudden, I had breasts.
111
00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:31,667
It kind of sucked.
112
00:09:31,708 --> 00:09:35,625
I had a hard time
with this sexualization.
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00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:37,917
It was really unpleasant.
114
00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:43,083
At the time,
my sexuality wasn't very developed,
115
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,292
so I felt as though there was
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00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:48,917
an imbalance.
117
00:09:48,958 --> 00:09:52,875
My body was very sexualized
in the eyes of others.
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00:09:52,917 --> 00:09:55,458
I didn't feel ready.
119
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,625
Today, I still feel
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00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:02,917
like that was a traumatic experience.
121
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:07,750
When I was 10,
and my body started to develop,
122
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,875
I hated it.
123
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,875
I noticed
that my Dad was looking at me more.
124
00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,250
And I became more aware that,
125
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:18,292
as my body was developing,
126
00:10:19,042 --> 00:10:21,500
he was taking more interest in me.
127
00:10:21,542 --> 00:10:24,042
I used to try to flatten my boobs.
128
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:28,417
And I cut off all my hair.
It was very long,
129
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:32,250
and I got it cut off
like Madonna at the time.
130
00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:35,083
My mother cried at the hairdresser's,
131
00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:37,250
but I wanted it all hacked off.
132
00:10:37,792 --> 00:10:41,375
When I look back now, I think it was
133
00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:46,458
to take away any feminine parts of me.
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00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,750
The boobs kept growing.
My body kept developing.
135
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:52,833
By the time I was 13,
136
00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:56,125
my father was treating me
like a girlfriend.
137
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:58,083
And from 13 to 18,
138
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:01,042
there wasn't a day that passed
that he didn't...
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00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:03,333
sexually abuse me in some way.
140
00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,083
At least once a day.
141
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:08,667
He'd bring me
anywhere he was going in the car,
142
00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:12,000
if he was going on a visit anywhere.
143
00:11:12,042 --> 00:11:15,000
When my mother went to work,
I was grounded.
144
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,750
My friends wondered
what was going on.
145
00:11:17,792 --> 00:11:21,375
He wanted me
to be constantly in the house.
146
00:11:21,417 --> 00:11:23,833
I had short hair until...
147
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:27,000
I was in my 30s before I let it grow.
148
00:11:27,042 --> 00:11:30,667
I tried everything to...
just turn him off.
149
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:33,667
I was 5 years old.
150
00:12:33,708 --> 00:12:35,417
I was a happy little girl.
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00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:38,375
My parents are against cutting.
152
00:12:38,417 --> 00:12:41,500
They always have been.
153
00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:44,708
So this woman came to excise me
154
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:48,333
without my parents' knowledge.
155
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We went into the room.
156
00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:55,250
There were little girls on the ground.
157
00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:57,875
They were screaming.
158
00:12:57,917 --> 00:13:00,750
There were elderly women.
159
00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,208
Three of them, in the room.
160
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,833
Before I understood
what was happening,
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00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,625
they grabbed me.
162
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:10,833
They threw me onto the ground,
163
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pushed me next to the other girls.
164
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:17,792
I didn't understand
what they were going to do.
165
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,667
They put me in front of a hole
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00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,917
about the size of a coffee cup.
167
00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:26,042
They raised my dress,
168
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:29,083
and held me firmly on the ground.
169
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,667
They spread my legs.
170
00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:32,958
I told the lady,
171
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,083
"Please don't hurt me.
172
00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:39,458
"Please don't hurt me."
173
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:42,583
But they didn't listen.
174
00:13:43,208 --> 00:13:44,750
They did not listen.
175
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,958
I remember
the shrieking of the other girls.
176
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:51,333
I also remember
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00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:53,000
the smell of blood.
178
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:55,500
The smell of the soil wet with blood.
179
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:59,792
Then one woman took a blade,
180
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,583
and she cut me.
181
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,500
The worst pain
I've ever felt in my life.
182
00:14:04,542 --> 00:14:06,542
I didn't understand
what she had cut.
183
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,000
Then it was over.
184
00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:13,000
A lot of blood. A lot of silence.
185
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:14,500
A lot of taboos.
186
00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:16,375
A great indifference.
187
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:22,708
They didn't let go. They persisted.
188
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,750
They ripped it out,
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00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,417
what they were supposed to take.
190
00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:30,083
This...
191
00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:33,125
This little bit
192
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:36,125
of my flesh.
193
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:40,542
"Why?" I asked
the only person who spoke freely,
194
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,083
my uncle.
195
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:44,500
It was a few days later. He said,
196
00:14:44,542 --> 00:14:46,375
"Because you are a girl."
197
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:19,083
It seems
that a girl is not like a boy.
198
00:15:19,125 --> 00:15:20,708
A girl...
199
00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:24,333
I don't know.
200
00:15:25,417 --> 00:15:29,167
Maybe I think so
because I've had two daughters.
201
00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:31,333
But...
202
00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:33,833
Girls have to be well-equipped
203
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,167
to survive
all that will happen to them later.
204
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,167
Yes. Being a woman is...
205
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,500
I think you go through phases.
206
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:51,250
More phases than if you are a boy.
207
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,000
As a woman,
208
00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:59,208
what I've noticed occasionally
209
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,167
is my vulnerability,
210
00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:05,000
this physical weakness I had,
211
00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:06,875
compared to a man.
212
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,125
A man can...
213
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:12,500
attack me,
214
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,083
follow me in the subway,
215
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:19,375
talk to me
as if I were less than nothing.
216
00:16:19,417 --> 00:16:21,875
Weakness is what scares me.
217
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:23,667
If I get into a taxi,
218
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:26,542
I have to count
the women in the taxi,
219
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,333
to make sure I balance out.
220
00:16:29,375 --> 00:16:33,625
If there are as many women as men,
221
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,375
then it means I'm safe.
222
00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:38,292
If there are more men than women,
223
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,125
it might potentially mean
I'm in danger.
224
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:44,708
If I'm walking down a street,
225
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,667
I have to walk a certain way,
226
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:50,208
because if I walk a certain way
and I'm too sexy,
227
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,583
then my sexy
might bring on somebody
228
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:55,750
who wants to grab my sexy
and make it theirs.
229
00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:57,750
So the difficult moment
230
00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,750
for me now is just
231
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,542
having a female body.
232
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,083
I just have one suggestion
233
00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:08,625
for every woman,
for their daughters too:
234
00:17:08,666 --> 00:17:13,250
they must learn that they can
physically defend themselves.
235
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:20,708
I remember bringing
my granddaughters and my daughter
236
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,958
to one of my boxing practices.
237
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:27,375
In front of the punching bag, I said,
238
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,125
"Go ahead and hit it.
239
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:34,583
"Imagine you have
to defend yourselves and hit it."
240
00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,333
Their first reaction was...
241
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,167
I said, "No!
242
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:41,833
"Hit it!"
243
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:45,500
Men are often wrongly judged.
244
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:49,375
A man is blamed
for the behavior he displays to us.
245
00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:51,292
Ask where it comes from.
246
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,875
People forget that behind every man,
247
00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:56,292
there's a woman who raised him,
248
00:17:56,792 --> 00:18:01,292
telling him he's king of the world,
and women must serve him.
249
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:04,625
Even now,
children are raised that way.
250
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,500
People forget that behind each man,
251
00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:09,917
there's a father who raised him,
252
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:13,917
who allowed him to yell at his mother,
to speak insolently,
253
00:18:13,958 --> 00:18:16,208
and to treat her disrespectfully.
254
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:18,542
So he thinks
that is how you treat women.
255
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:21,500
I don't just blame women.
256
00:18:21,542 --> 00:18:24,000
I blame this macho society,
257
00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:27,625
for constantly reminding me
I'm a woman.
258
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:30,000
It won't let me forget I'm a woman.
259
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:33,292
And it constantly reminds the man
he's a man,
260
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:36,625
and has to prove it to everyone else.
261
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,583
If I were a man, this is what I'd do:
262
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:41,542
I'd write bibles,
263
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:44,500
I'd make it so you can't work,
264
00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:47,792
I'd be making it
so that you can't read,
265
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,125
can't vote.
266
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,250
Can't get an abortion,
267
00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:55,292
can't have a baby unless I say so.
268
00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:59,125
Can't take care of the baby
once you have it.
269
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:00,708
Can't do a lot of shit.
270
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:03,833
If I were a man,
these are the things that I would do,
271
00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:07,000
to control
that which is more powerful than me
272
00:19:07,042 --> 00:19:09,292
and what I can't understand.
273
00:20:54,042 --> 00:20:57,542
I, Anita,
was born into a family of 8.
274
00:20:57,583 --> 00:20:59,792
In this family, I am the sixth.
275
00:21:00,042 --> 00:21:02,708
My father told us, he told me,
276
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:06,167
he could not endow us
with an inheritance.
277
00:21:06,792 --> 00:21:10,042
Instead,
he endowed us with schooling.
278
00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:14,375
"Don't neglect your schooling,
or you'll regret it."
279
00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:16,583
I thought it was a joke.
280
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,792
But if I'm alive today,
and here with you,
281
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:22,083
speaking into your mic,
282
00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:25,042
in front of you people
listening to me,
283
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,625
it's because I studied.
284
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:29,417
That's how I became
the woman I am today.
285
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:32,375
When I learned to write my name,
286
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,333
I was very happy.
287
00:21:34,375 --> 00:21:38,542
I rolled around with joy,
I danced, I laughed.
288
00:21:38,583 --> 00:21:40,417
I yelled for joy.
289
00:21:40,458 --> 00:21:43,000
"Lord! Now I, too, can write my name!"
290
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:46,125
I was so happy that day,
291
00:21:46,167 --> 00:21:48,292
I didn't even eat.
292
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:50,750
I was full of joy.
293
00:21:50,792 --> 00:21:54,625
In my room,
I wrote my name. "Jeanne."
294
00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:56,042
And again. "Jeanne."
295
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:58,167
And again. "Jeanne." Over and over.
296
00:21:58,208 --> 00:22:02,125
I wrote it again and again
on the paper
297
00:22:02,167 --> 00:22:06,167
The second word I learned to write
was "Mama."
298
00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:09,333
I was so happy,
299
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:12,833
I wanted to die of joy.
300
00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:15,917
I was always writing
"Jeanne" and "Mama."
301
00:22:15,958 --> 00:22:19,292
I was so happy.
302
00:22:19,542 --> 00:22:22,833
There was no kindergarten
in rural areas.
303
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,875
I started primary school
when I was 6 or 7.
304
00:22:25,917 --> 00:22:29,250
And I loved school.
305
00:22:29,292 --> 00:22:32,208
When I was in 6th grade,
my family was poor,
306
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:37,000
and the nine years of free education
didn't exist yet.
307
00:22:37,042 --> 00:22:41,167
School was hard
for my family to afford.
308
00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:45,333
Then, one day, my mother hinted
309
00:22:45,375 --> 00:22:49,917
that if my brother
was admitted to secondary school,
310
00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:53,000
I wouldn't be able to continue.
311
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:58,500
And then...
312
00:23:02,875 --> 00:23:06,500
If I'd wept and protested then,
313
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:12,208
my mother might have given in.
314
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:24,542
Actually,
I've told this story several times,
315
00:23:24,583 --> 00:23:29,583
but each time,
it makes me so sad that I cry.
316
00:23:31,875 --> 00:23:33,375
The happiest day
317
00:23:33,417 --> 00:23:36,750
was when I graduated
from Harvard University.
318
00:23:37,458 --> 00:23:40,917
Oh, my gosh! I got that diploma,
319
00:23:40,958 --> 00:23:45,750
I did invite my husband and family
on the stage with me.
320
00:23:45,792 --> 00:23:48,875
And the dean allowed it to happen.
321
00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:53,167
And that feeling
of getting that diploma,
322
00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:56,333
Harvard Kennedy School of Government,
323
00:23:56,375 --> 00:23:57,833
was the best!
324
00:23:57,875 --> 00:23:59,500
Here I was,
325
00:23:59,542 --> 00:24:01,417
an African-American woman.
326
00:24:01,458 --> 00:24:06,125
There were only five black women
in our class.
327
00:24:06,167 --> 00:24:10,292
And that included
our sister from Kenya!
328
00:24:10,792 --> 00:24:12,917
There were only five of us.
329
00:24:12,958 --> 00:24:15,292
And we all had kids.
330
00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:19,000
And we all received our diploma.
331
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:20,583
What a moment!
332
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:25,167
The thing I said after that was,
"And I don't type."
333
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:31,625
Because when I was 14 years old,
at my first job,
334
00:24:31,667 --> 00:24:33,083
and when I went to work
335
00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:35,875
for my husband and my family
for graduate school,
336
00:24:35,917 --> 00:24:39,292
the question was, "Can you type?"
337
00:24:40,167 --> 00:24:42,375
When I got that Harvard degree,
338
00:24:42,417 --> 00:24:46,167
I said, "And we don't type."
339
00:24:48,583 --> 00:24:52,167
The first time I got a card
with my name on it...
340
00:24:52,917 --> 00:24:55,208
Yeah, I was really happy.
341
00:24:55,250 --> 00:24:58,250
The first time
I went to withdraw money,
342
00:24:58,292 --> 00:24:59,958
I didn't believe it.
343
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,000
I had to withdraw everything,
look at my money,
344
00:25:03,042 --> 00:25:05,292
and again go inside the bank
345
00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:07,708
and put the money
in the bank again!
346
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,917
Can I tell you
the first day I went to work?
347
00:25:13,958 --> 00:25:17,833
My husband still lived at home,
because he had no place to go.
348
00:25:17,875 --> 00:25:20,292
We were already separated,
as a couple.
349
00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:23,958
And the first day of work,
350
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,833
he got up at the same time that I did.
351
00:25:26,875 --> 00:25:29,583
He saw me and said,
"Where are you going?"
352
00:25:30,167 --> 00:25:32,625
"First of all,
it's none of your business.
353
00:25:32,667 --> 00:25:34,542
"But I'm going to work."
354
00:25:34,583 --> 00:25:36,875
I told him I was going to work.
355
00:25:36,917 --> 00:25:39,500
And my husband was so surprised!
356
00:25:39,542 --> 00:25:41,750
Like, "Who gave you a job?"
357
00:25:41,792 --> 00:25:45,458
Not "Where did you find a job?" No.
358
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,708
"Who gave you a job?"
359
00:25:48,417 --> 00:25:51,708
He thought that nobody would hire me.
360
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:55,042
I said,
"I found a job with Mrs. Sarah,
361
00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:58,125
"and I'm working as a cake decorator."
362
00:25:58,167 --> 00:26:00,792
Just to see that shock in his face...
363
00:26:00,833 --> 00:26:03,417
Just that alone was worth it.
364
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:06,417
It was good
that he was still at home to see that.
365
00:26:08,458 --> 00:26:11,917
When I went to work in Spain,
366
00:26:12,667 --> 00:26:15,708
far from my family, it's incredible...
367
00:26:16,375 --> 00:26:21,125
All month,
you hear nothing from your family.
368
00:26:22,042 --> 00:26:25,417
But at the end of the month,
the telephone rings.
369
00:26:27,167 --> 00:26:30,333
The husbands call
because they need your money.
370
00:26:30,917 --> 00:26:34,917
Even if they say,
"Don't send all the money,"
371
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,917
you send it.
372
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:42,333
You don't want your children
to lack anything.
373
00:26:43,167 --> 00:26:47,083
At least,
your money makes up for your fault,
374
00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:48,667
your absence.
375
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:50,167
So you send it.
376
00:28:01,917 --> 00:28:05,375
My daughters ask for yogurts,
not sneakers.
377
00:28:07,083 --> 00:28:09,000
Yogurt or a loaf of bread:
378
00:28:09,042 --> 00:28:12,500
that's a strain on our budget.
379
00:28:12,542 --> 00:28:15,375
I remember a touching moment,
380
00:28:15,417 --> 00:28:17,125
a few months ago.
381
00:28:18,167 --> 00:28:21,125
I was in the car
with my older daughter.
382
00:28:21,792 --> 00:28:24,292
She saw me shed a tear.
383
00:28:24,333 --> 00:28:25,917
"Mom, what's wrong?"
384
00:28:26,708 --> 00:28:28,542
I told her, "I can't manage.
385
00:28:29,417 --> 00:28:31,500
"I'm fighting every day.
386
00:28:31,542 --> 00:28:33,625
"I've had so many jobs.
387
00:28:33,667 --> 00:28:35,625
"I've worked so hard.
388
00:28:35,667 --> 00:28:37,792
"And now I'm fighting a disease.
389
00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:40,708
"I'm fighting to buy food.
I'm overwhelmed."
390
00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:44,958
She hugged me.
"Mom, I trust you. You'll make it."
391
00:28:46,792 --> 00:28:50,250
It's her support that keeps me going.
392
00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:54,042
The sacrifices that I made
393
00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:57,375
choosing to be on Wall Street,
writing a book,
394
00:28:57,417 --> 00:29:00,042
doing workshops, were significant.
395
00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:02,667
I gave up school plays.
396
00:29:02,708 --> 00:29:05,333
I gave up family picnics.
397
00:29:05,375 --> 00:29:08,083
I gave up doing homework
with my sons.
398
00:29:08,125 --> 00:29:12,083
I gave up going to college weekends.
399
00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:14,750
I gave up knowing myself.
400
00:29:15,625 --> 00:29:17,958
I gave up doing things that I liked,
401
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,000
as opposed to
what everybody else liked.
402
00:29:21,042 --> 00:29:24,042
I gave up men
who wanted long-term relationships
403
00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:27,417
instead of a night or a weekend away.
404
00:29:28,542 --> 00:29:30,250
I gave up
405
00:29:30,292 --> 00:29:32,000
playing in the garden.
406
00:29:33,125 --> 00:29:36,250
I gave up having a dog
I wanted desperately.
407
00:29:38,542 --> 00:29:41,292
I gave up taking long baths at night.
408
00:29:42,958 --> 00:29:44,333
And I...
409
00:29:46,417 --> 00:29:48,125
I gave up making memories
410
00:29:48,167 --> 00:29:53,083
with a lot of people
that I should have made memories with.
411
00:31:14,333 --> 00:31:16,375
I love everything about sex.
412
00:31:16,417 --> 00:31:18,625
I love kissing.
413
00:31:18,667 --> 00:31:20,792
I love petting.
414
00:31:20,833 --> 00:31:23,250
I love penetrations.
415
00:31:23,292 --> 00:31:25,708
Actually, what I love is the freedom
416
00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:31,167
to make all sorts
of different connections,
417
00:31:31,208 --> 00:31:32,833
every time.
418
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:35,625
So I love the creativity
419
00:31:35,667 --> 00:31:38,250
that sex releases.
420
00:31:38,292 --> 00:31:40,208
And it makes me alive.
421
00:31:40,250 --> 00:31:44,167
When I'm penetrated, for example,
422
00:31:44,208 --> 00:31:47,542
I feel totally fulfilled,
in all of my potential.
423
00:31:47,583 --> 00:31:51,167
I feel myself become
an animal-woman.
424
00:31:51,208 --> 00:31:52,583
I feel like
425
00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:55,208
a she-wolf, a lioness.
426
00:31:55,250 --> 00:31:58,167
I feel strong and powerful.
427
00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:02,375
What I like best
is when we lie together,
428
00:32:02,417 --> 00:32:07,167
and this stuff comes out of his penis
429
00:32:07,208 --> 00:32:10,375
and enters my body.
430
00:32:10,417 --> 00:32:14,667
I feel as though
it is the vitamin of my life.
431
00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:19,000
I feel satisfied when it is bombarding
the inside of me.
432
00:32:19,042 --> 00:32:22,667
It's as if I were in Paradise.
433
00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:27,917
There are no barriers,
because we love each other.
434
00:32:27,958 --> 00:32:31,333
And I am very much in love.
435
00:32:31,375 --> 00:32:34,833
It really is Paradise.
436
00:32:35,083 --> 00:32:37,500
With my co-workers...
437
00:32:37,542 --> 00:32:38,625
Women, of course.
438
00:32:38,667 --> 00:32:41,833
I wouldn't talk to a man
about my sexuality,
439
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,458
I've said that, sometimes.
440
00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:47,375
I've said how I feel.
441
00:32:47,417 --> 00:32:49,208
"You don't care.
442
00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:51,250
"You go home, you've got a man."
443
00:32:51,292 --> 00:32:54,417
Not that I'm obsessed with sex.
444
00:32:54,458 --> 00:32:55,792
That's not what I mean.
445
00:32:55,833 --> 00:32:59,542
But it's important
to feel your womanhood,
446
00:32:59,583 --> 00:33:01,292
to feel loved.
447
00:33:03,417 --> 00:33:05,625
I'll tell you quite frankly
448
00:33:05,667 --> 00:33:07,500
that the older I get,
449
00:33:07,542 --> 00:33:09,417
the more I miss it.
450
00:33:09,458 --> 00:33:12,417
There was a time...
Is it because...
451
00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:16,542
I think it must be that way
for all mothers.
452
00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:20,875
We're focused
on our children's education.
453
00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:23,000
Training them for life.
454
00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:26,292
Afterwards,
when they start to leave the nest,
455
00:33:26,333 --> 00:33:29,833
you begin to realize you're alone.
456
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:32,375
And that's when you realize
you miss it.
457
00:33:34,500 --> 00:33:37,542
When we make love,
458
00:33:37,583 --> 00:33:39,708
he starts.
459
00:33:39,750 --> 00:33:41,083
Always.
460
00:33:41,958 --> 00:33:44,125
He kisses me,
461
00:33:45,750 --> 00:33:47,542
he caresses me,
462
00:33:48,458 --> 00:33:51,292
he kisses my forehead,
463
00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:55,875
sometimes he kisses me more here...
464
00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:59,625
Sometimes he wants to nibble on me,
465
00:33:59,667 --> 00:34:03,500
but I tell him to go easy,
that I'm too old
466
00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:07,458
to go around
with a hickey on my neck.
467
00:34:27,333 --> 00:34:29,208
I won't tell you.
468
00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:35,917
Oh, God.
469
00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:37,917
Oh, my God.
470
00:34:40,667 --> 00:34:43,042
Okay. The first time I had sex...
471
00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:46,500
I can't remember his name.
472
00:34:46,542 --> 00:34:49,375
I know that's really bad,
but I can't.
473
00:34:49,625 --> 00:34:52,125
We were, like, 16 years old.
474
00:34:53,583 --> 00:34:56,208
He was incredibly awkward.
475
00:34:56,250 --> 00:34:59,750
Me, now, would never, ever fuck him.
476
00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,333
But back then, I thought,
477
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:03,750
"You've got to lose your virginity
at some point!"
478
00:35:03,792 --> 00:35:06,333
He's, like,
"Do you want to watch porn?"
479
00:35:06,375 --> 00:35:09,750
And he opens a beer,
and I say, "Not really."
480
00:35:09,792 --> 00:35:12,333
He drank half a beer, and so did I.
481
00:35:12,375 --> 00:35:14,000
He says, "I'm wasted!"
482
00:35:14,042 --> 00:35:15,750
and starts making out with me.
483
00:35:15,792 --> 00:35:19,417
I was, like,
"Oh, my God! Is this what sex is?"
484
00:35:19,458 --> 00:35:22,292
So, you know, we start doin' it,
485
00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:25,083
and I really didn't understand
486
00:35:25,125 --> 00:35:29,875
why everyone says it's painful.
487
00:35:29,917 --> 00:35:33,167
I found out later
that he had a really small penis.
488
00:35:33,417 --> 00:35:34,875
They tell you...
489
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,875
They describe
what it's like to make love.
490
00:35:38,917 --> 00:35:40,708
But when you see
491
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:45,833
the man's enormous penis, and it's...
492
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:49,750
perpendicular to his body,
it's a little scary.
493
00:35:49,792 --> 00:35:53,083
You wonder,
"Is that whole thing going to fit
494
00:35:53,125 --> 00:35:54,917
"inside my organ?"
495
00:35:55,625 --> 00:35:58,375
I think porn has been very bad for us.
496
00:35:58,417 --> 00:36:01,667
It makes men think
497
00:36:01,708 --> 00:36:04,000
that if they touch you,
498
00:36:04,042 --> 00:36:06,333
or if they lick your clitoris
like this...
499
00:36:07,417 --> 00:36:10,417
you'll come in a minute,
and it's not true.
500
00:36:10,458 --> 00:36:13,583
Sex play has to progress gradually
501
00:36:13,625 --> 00:36:15,542
before you feel good.
502
00:36:15,583 --> 00:36:17,333
They start saying,
503
00:36:17,375 --> 00:36:19,792
"You like that, don't you?"
504
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,208
And I'm, like...
505
00:36:21,583 --> 00:36:23,333
"Please go more slowly?"
506
00:36:23,375 --> 00:36:26,875
But they think
they're in a porno film,
507
00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:29,833
so they want sex
to be fast and intense.
508
00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:33,917
And really,
that doesn't get me off at all.
509
00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:36,625
What I like is when it's slow
510
00:36:36,667 --> 00:36:41,208
and gentle,
then gradually, faster and faster,
511
00:36:41,250 --> 00:36:44,125
and then slow again...
512
00:36:44,167 --> 00:36:48,458
It's not "I'll bang you fast
and you'll love it."
513
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:52,250
When they have sex,
lots of men imagine
514
00:36:52,292 --> 00:36:55,208
they're in a porn movie.
515
00:36:55,250 --> 00:36:57,458
But those girls are actresses.
516
00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:59,125
It's not real!
517
00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:00,708
Actually,
518
00:37:00,750 --> 00:37:05,083
I was able
to really explore my sexuality
519
00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:07,292
with women.
520
00:37:07,333 --> 00:37:11,083
It's true that you can explore it
with men too,
521
00:37:12,042 --> 00:37:15,208
but we have to explain it to them.
522
00:37:15,250 --> 00:37:18,958
They don't have the same sensitivities,
they're not curious.
523
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,917
Few men want to learn more
about women's bodies.
524
00:37:22,958 --> 00:37:25,042
When I'm with a woman,
525
00:37:25,083 --> 00:37:29,208
my body is like an open book.
526
00:37:29,250 --> 00:37:31,750
Only a woman knows
how to read it perfectly.
527
00:37:31,792 --> 00:37:33,500
Physically,
528
00:37:34,250 --> 00:37:35,458
at first,
529
00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:39,375
I was surprised that it worked.
530
00:37:40,417 --> 00:37:42,625
I explored things,
531
00:37:43,542 --> 00:37:45,417
like my clitoris.
532
00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:49,333
I figured out how it worked,
what excited it.
533
00:37:49,375 --> 00:37:53,167
I didn't always have an orgasm
534
00:37:53,833 --> 00:37:55,583
from a penis.
535
00:37:56,542 --> 00:37:58,708
There's not only the penis,
536
00:37:59,458 --> 00:38:01,042
you can use fingers,
537
00:38:01,083 --> 00:38:04,125
the tongue, the vagina.
538
00:38:04,167 --> 00:38:05,333
Anything's possible.
539
00:38:05,375 --> 00:38:09,792
I began understanding my body better
540
00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:14,958
when I started having sexual relations
with women.
541
00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:19,042
One day, he was making love to me.
542
00:38:20,583 --> 00:38:23,500
He touched my clitoris with his penis.
543
00:38:23,542 --> 00:38:26,292
And I screamed.
544
00:38:26,333 --> 00:38:29,833
I said, "I feel things in my mind.
545
00:38:29,875 --> 00:38:32,208
"As if I were in another world."
546
00:38:32,250 --> 00:38:35,292
And he said,
"No, you have reached orgasm."
547
00:38:35,333 --> 00:38:36,833
So I was happy.
548
00:38:36,875 --> 00:38:39,917
After that, when we were having sex,
549
00:38:39,958 --> 00:38:43,250
he made sure I reached orgasm.
550
00:38:43,292 --> 00:38:47,167
Even today,
if we have sexual intercourse...
551
00:38:47,208 --> 00:38:51,750
He doesn't breathe
until I've reached orgasm.
552
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:56,208
I don't know what it is.
553
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:59,917
One day,
I heard about it on television.
554
00:38:59,958 --> 00:39:03,542
I didn't understand.
They were talking about orgasms.
555
00:39:03,583 --> 00:39:05,083
One woman said
556
00:39:05,125 --> 00:39:08,292
she had had kids
but didn't know what an orgasm was.
557
00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:10,917
Never had one.
558
00:39:10,958 --> 00:39:14,042
They made love,
but without any pleasure.
559
00:39:14,083 --> 00:39:15,875
That's what I understood.
560
00:39:16,125 --> 00:39:18,458
If somebody was to ask me
561
00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:22,000
what was the most beautiful moment
in my life...
562
00:39:22,042 --> 00:39:23,042
There were many.
563
00:39:23,417 --> 00:39:25,792
But most of all is the moment
564
00:39:25,833 --> 00:39:27,667
I had my first orgasm.
565
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:31,417
And I actually thought
566
00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,875
my head was going to lift off.
567
00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:37,167
And I didn't know
what was happening to me.
568
00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:39,750
I ran to the bathroom
569
00:39:39,792 --> 00:39:41,958
and sat on the side of the bath,
570
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,250
thinking this was a brain hemorrhage,
571
00:39:44,292 --> 00:39:46,542
because it was just, "Whew!"
572
00:39:47,292 --> 00:39:50,000
And now I know,
573
00:39:50,042 --> 00:39:52,917
but it wasn't funny
when it was happening,
574
00:39:53,333 --> 00:39:56,250
you know, I didn't realize
575
00:39:56,292 --> 00:39:58,250
what I'd been missing out on!
576
00:39:58,292 --> 00:40:00,042
For all those years!
577
00:40:00,083 --> 00:40:01,958
You know, and...
578
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,292
Such is life.
Ignorance is a terrible thing.
579
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:06,792
But it was wonderful!
580
00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:27,375
I got engaged last evening,
581
00:40:27,417 --> 00:40:30,917
and I'm pretty excited about it!
582
00:40:30,958 --> 00:40:32,250
Because...
583
00:40:33,583 --> 00:40:34,833
I'm 58 years old,
584
00:40:34,875 --> 00:40:38,292
and I had said, a couple years ago,
"Never again men."
585
00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:40,333
No. I don't need any man.
586
00:40:40,375 --> 00:40:42,083
I do not need a man.
587
00:40:42,125 --> 00:40:44,083
I don't want a man.
588
00:40:44,833 --> 00:40:46,083
I'm done.
589
00:40:47,292 --> 00:40:50,625
To heck with love. It's not for me.
590
00:40:52,083 --> 00:40:54,417
I'll just be a rancher all my life.
Fine.
591
00:40:54,458 --> 00:40:56,042
Well, things changed.
592
00:40:56,083 --> 00:40:59,083
You find somebody
who is just perfect for you.
593
00:40:59,125 --> 00:41:00,958
And you fall in love,
594
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,125
And everything flows,
595
00:41:03,167 --> 00:41:05,708
just like I was talking about.
596
00:41:05,750 --> 00:41:09,292
Everything works right.
Everything's easy!
597
00:41:09,333 --> 00:41:12,750
Work is easy!
Everything happens so wonderfully.
598
00:41:12,792 --> 00:41:14,167
And then he asked me.
599
00:41:14,208 --> 00:41:15,917
First he asked my dad.
600
00:41:16,583 --> 00:41:18,833
And then he asked me to marry him.
601
00:41:19,792 --> 00:41:21,250
And I said yes.
602
00:41:23,167 --> 00:41:27,167
People talk about love at first sight,
and I don't know if it was.
603
00:41:27,792 --> 00:41:30,000
But the first time I saw Rachel,
I felt like I met
604
00:41:30,042 --> 00:41:33,833
the person that I was supposed
to be with for the rest of my life.
605
00:41:34,458 --> 00:41:36,792
And I had never felt that way before.
606
00:41:37,708 --> 00:41:39,958
I really was in love with her.
607
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,000
And what that means is
608
00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:44,333
there was this person
609
00:41:44,792 --> 00:41:47,042
who is passionate and loving,
610
00:41:47,417 --> 00:41:49,500
and a little crazy at times,
611
00:41:49,958 --> 00:41:51,375
and beautiful,
612
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000
and we just connected
and we can talk
613
00:41:55,042 --> 00:41:59,583
about things that I've never been able
to talk to anybody before about.
614
00:42:00,833 --> 00:42:03,167
There's just this sense
615
00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:07,250
of being at one with somebody,
616
00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:08,875
but,
617
00:42:09,292 --> 00:42:11,000
also being yourself.
618
00:42:11,250 --> 00:42:14,375
There's not a better feeling
in the world than that.
619
00:42:14,417 --> 00:42:17,417
And it took me to 48 years old
to find that out.
620
00:42:18,375 --> 00:42:21,167
On my wedding day,
621
00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:26,875
the dress I wore
622
00:42:26,917 --> 00:42:28,875
had ruffles on the skirt.
623
00:42:28,917 --> 00:42:33,250
I wore a pretty blouse,
sewn onto a skirt
624
00:42:33,292 --> 00:42:35,792
with ruffles all around it.
625
00:42:35,833 --> 00:42:38,958
I looked pretty as a picture,
626
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,292
with my bosom...
627
00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:43,333
I wasn't really beautiful,
628
00:42:44,042 --> 00:42:46,125
but it was enough for me.
629
00:42:46,167 --> 00:42:50,083
People would say,
"What a beauty Gena has found!"
630
00:42:50,125 --> 00:42:55,208
And I was out-of-this-world happy,
631
00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:58,708
with this handsome boy
standing next to me.
632
00:42:59,250 --> 00:43:02,667
He had brown hair
and arching black eyebrows.
633
00:43:02,708 --> 00:43:04,292
He was so handsome,
634
00:43:04,333 --> 00:43:08,750
I was dazzled,
and couldn't see anyone,
635
00:43:08,792 --> 00:43:11,583
not even my parents.
636
00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:13,083
That's how I loved him.
637
00:43:13,125 --> 00:43:16,500
It's impossible for words
to express my love.
638
00:43:16,542 --> 00:43:19,958
He died 13 years ago,
but I still love him.
639
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,958
I remember him, and live on that.
640
00:43:24,458 --> 00:43:26,667
That's how I loved him.
641
00:43:28,542 --> 00:43:32,750
I don't know if it's a sin
to love like that.
642
00:43:33,542 --> 00:43:36,458
I cannot tell you. How I loved him.
643
00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:39,000
So very much.
644
00:45:02,875 --> 00:45:04,250
Married men...
645
00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:08,458
Married men feel entitled.
646
00:45:09,875 --> 00:45:12,958
They typically bring home the bacon,
647
00:45:14,458 --> 00:45:18,167
and they feel like
they should get dessert on the side,
648
00:45:18,208 --> 00:45:19,958
without their wife knowing.
649
00:45:20,583 --> 00:45:22,167
And that's what they do.
650
00:45:22,958 --> 00:45:26,125
They pay for it,
and that's their justification.
651
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,917
I infer that...
652
00:45:32,167 --> 00:45:34,542
losing something financially
653
00:45:34,583 --> 00:45:36,292
helps pay off the guilt
654
00:45:36,333 --> 00:45:38,917
they feel
about cheating on their partner.
655
00:45:40,542 --> 00:45:44,458
But they are cheating,
and they don't have the balls to tell.
656
00:45:45,833 --> 00:45:49,292
One married man
explained it to me recently.
657
00:45:49,333 --> 00:45:51,167
He said, "I could tell her.
658
00:45:51,208 --> 00:45:53,542
"I think she'd understand.
659
00:45:53,583 --> 00:45:56,500
"But she might also leave with 50%.
660
00:45:57,125 --> 00:46:00,333
"And I don't want
to disrupt the unit."
661
00:46:00,583 --> 00:46:03,833
As a sex worker, I'm okay with that.
662
00:46:04,375 --> 00:46:08,458
Treat me with respect.
Let's have a good time. No problem.
663
00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:11,458
But I certainly am disillusioned
664
00:46:11,500 --> 00:46:13,667
about the institution of marriage.
665
00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:16,125
I will have no part of it.
666
00:46:16,167 --> 00:46:17,708
I will never get married.
667
00:46:18,208 --> 00:46:19,458
Never!
668
00:46:22,667 --> 00:46:25,250
I found out that he was...
669
00:46:25,292 --> 00:46:29,083
I had strong suspicions that he was...
670
00:46:29,917 --> 00:46:33,417
that my husband at the time
was seeing prostitutes.
671
00:46:34,417 --> 00:46:39,208
I found a prostitute's business card
in his wallet!
672
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:45,250
I didn't even know
prostitutes had business cards.
673
00:46:45,292 --> 00:46:48,500
So even that was quite a shock.
674
00:46:49,750 --> 00:46:51,500
I confronted him,
675
00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:53,625
and he said it was for a friend.
676
00:46:53,667 --> 00:46:55,167
That was really...
677
00:46:55,958 --> 00:46:57,125
Honestly...
678
00:46:57,625 --> 00:46:59,000
Honestly...
679
00:46:59,958 --> 00:47:01,125
Case closed.
680
00:47:03,417 --> 00:47:05,958
It was hard, I remember...
681
00:47:06,542 --> 00:47:09,333
It was as if my world had collapsed,
682
00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:13,792
as if I'd lost the strength in my legs.
683
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:19,625
I knew
there was prostitution in Thailand.
684
00:47:22,417 --> 00:47:26,167
I knew it was culturally acceptable.
685
00:47:26,208 --> 00:47:30,042
But I never thought
it would happen to me. Why us?
686
00:47:30,083 --> 00:47:31,250
Impossible!
687
00:47:31,708 --> 00:47:34,042
But we're not special, after all.
688
00:47:34,083 --> 00:47:36,875
We're just normal.
689
00:47:36,917 --> 00:47:38,583
So it happened to me.
690
00:47:40,042 --> 00:47:42,875
The thing that worries my mother
691
00:47:42,917 --> 00:47:46,750
is that if I don't get married,
and have a child,
692
00:47:46,792 --> 00:47:49,958
there won't be anyone
to take care of me.
693
00:47:50,417 --> 00:47:53,958
If my parents die, I will be alone.
694
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,583
She's afraid there won't be anyone
695
00:47:57,375 --> 00:47:59,250
to take care of me.
696
00:47:59,292 --> 00:48:02,292
But in the future,
697
00:48:02,333 --> 00:48:04,167
in this society...
698
00:48:05,542 --> 00:48:09,417
Actually, I'm not really worried.
699
00:48:09,458 --> 00:48:13,792
I think
Artificial Intelligence will develop.
700
00:48:13,833 --> 00:48:17,500
By the time I am old,
a robot will take care of me.
701
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,417
Nonni was a year and 8 months old
702
00:48:42,458 --> 00:48:44,708
when I began caring for her.
703
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:48,208
At that time, I knew
704
00:48:49,417 --> 00:48:51,167
she was the child
705
00:48:52,708 --> 00:48:54,708
I would never be able to bear myself.
706
00:48:57,583 --> 00:49:01,208
I took care of her
and cuddled her and treasured her.
707
00:49:01,875 --> 00:49:04,333
I gave her all the love I had.
708
00:49:04,375 --> 00:49:07,417
All I had.
709
00:49:07,458 --> 00:49:10,500
Because God had given me a child
710
00:49:10,542 --> 00:49:13,000
I could take care of.
711
00:49:16,542 --> 00:49:18,958
I can live without a man.
712
00:49:27,375 --> 00:49:29,750
But not without these children.
713
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,208
Because all I wanted in life
714
00:49:36,875 --> 00:49:40,500
was to become a mother,
and it wasn't possible.
715
00:49:40,542 --> 00:49:43,750
But now I have these two kids,
716
00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:47,292
I'll always take care of them.
717
00:49:47,333 --> 00:49:49,458
Even if it's hard.
718
00:51:37,500 --> 00:51:40,042
The vision you have,
with your legs up,
719
00:51:40,083 --> 00:51:41,542
is pretty frightening.
720
00:51:41,583 --> 00:51:43,833
And the doctor is facing you,
721
00:51:43,875 --> 00:51:45,958
and can see all your organs,
722
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,833
it's really disgusting,
incredibly disgusting.
723
00:51:49,875 --> 00:51:53,333
And they tell you,
"Spread your legs, go ahead!"
724
00:51:53,375 --> 00:51:55,000
And you're, like, "How?"
725
00:51:55,042 --> 00:51:57,542
"When you feel a blow,
yell and push!"
726
00:51:57,792 --> 00:52:00,833
When I had my first child, Emily,
727
00:52:00,875 --> 00:52:03,208
I said to myself, "Oh, my God!
728
00:52:03,250 --> 00:52:06,167
"I've produced a human being.
I am Superwoman!
729
00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:10,125
"I can do anything,
now that I've had a baby!"
730
00:52:10,167 --> 00:52:11,375
That didn't last very long.
731
00:52:11,417 --> 00:52:14,708
That was the high
of the oxytocin hormones
732
00:52:14,750 --> 00:52:16,875
just after giving birth.
733
00:52:16,917 --> 00:52:20,125
I wish I could keep that Superwoman
734
00:52:20,708 --> 00:52:22,667
forever, but unfortunately,
735
00:52:22,708 --> 00:52:25,500
it fades away with the hormonal boost.
736
00:52:26,083 --> 00:52:28,583
But seriously when she was born,
737
00:52:28,625 --> 00:52:30,000
I could take on the world.
738
00:52:30,042 --> 00:52:32,417
I just could take on the world.
739
00:52:33,083 --> 00:52:36,042
After I had my child,
740
00:52:36,083 --> 00:52:38,958
the attitude of my in-laws
and husband changed.
741
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:43,042
He was our first child,
the first grandchild on my side.
742
00:52:43,958 --> 00:52:47,500
My son was the center
of all the attention.
743
00:52:47,542 --> 00:52:50,875
They called me "Empty Shell,"
744
00:52:50,917 --> 00:52:55,333
and told me to feed my son.
745
00:52:55,375 --> 00:52:58,125
I began to doubt my purpose in life.
746
00:52:58,167 --> 00:53:01,875
I wondered why I had studied,
if all I did was bear a child.
747
00:53:01,917 --> 00:53:04,375
It felt like
I was just a channel for DNA.
748
00:53:04,417 --> 00:53:08,875
I went through a period in my life
where joy mixed with sorrow.
749
00:53:10,542 --> 00:53:14,375
Having a handicapped child
is proof, to me,
750
00:53:14,417 --> 00:53:16,417
of a mother's infinite love.
751
00:53:17,125 --> 00:53:19,833
This child made me understand
752
00:53:19,875 --> 00:53:21,917
how much a mother's love
753
00:53:21,958 --> 00:53:23,542
is something...
754
00:53:24,833 --> 00:53:26,042
That's it.
755
00:53:26,083 --> 00:53:28,458
Usually, when you love someone,
756
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:29,750
he returns your love,
757
00:53:29,792 --> 00:53:32,917
and that's the reward you want,
in a way.
758
00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:37,292
I've loved this child
with all my heart since the beginning.
759
00:53:37,833 --> 00:53:40,833
I love someone
who doesn't often look at me.
760
00:53:40,875 --> 00:53:43,750
He's not affectionate.
He doesn't talk to me.
761
00:53:43,792 --> 00:53:46,083
He doesn't cuddle or hug me.
762
00:53:46,792 --> 00:53:47,958
And I love him.
763
00:54:09,875 --> 00:54:13,625
Around the clock,
wherever you are, whatever you do,
764
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:16,708
you're obsessed
by what's up with your children.
765
00:54:16,750 --> 00:54:20,375
And trying to make sure
that you keep the connection,
766
00:54:20,417 --> 00:54:22,542
the presence in their life.
767
00:54:22,583 --> 00:54:24,750
Sometimes, they don't want you
768
00:54:24,792 --> 00:54:26,917
to be so present in their lives.
769
00:54:26,958 --> 00:54:30,500
So you have to fight
to occupy that space
770
00:54:30,542 --> 00:54:34,083
and to be with them.
771
00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:40,000
You can never be done
with a mother's work.
772
00:54:40,042 --> 00:54:43,708
It's one of the jobs you'll have
for the rest of your life.
773
00:54:43,750 --> 00:54:46,625
You have to be an ATM,
a social worker...
774
00:54:46,667 --> 00:54:48,625
You have to be a lawyer.
775
00:54:48,667 --> 00:54:50,708
A punching bag, sometimes.
776
00:54:50,750 --> 00:54:53,000
Everything, every role
777
00:54:53,042 --> 00:54:55,750
comes with that role
of being a mother.
778
00:54:55,792 --> 00:54:59,708
At the same time,
you have to be the strong leader
779
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:03,000
that your job demands of you.
780
00:55:03,042 --> 00:55:04,792
Again, multitasking!
781
00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:07,958
I have friends
782
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,917
whose burning desire
from a very young age
783
00:55:11,958 --> 00:55:14,958
is to have a baby of their own,
to have children.
784
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:17,292
And I also have a friend
who once said,
785
00:55:17,333 --> 00:55:20,167
"I'd rather die
than not have children.
786
00:55:20,208 --> 00:55:22,583
"If I can't be a mother,
787
00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:25,583
"I would probably
not have a good life."
788
00:55:25,625 --> 00:55:27,333
I never had such a feeling.
789
00:55:27,375 --> 00:55:30,333
I never felt such a deep desire.
790
00:55:30,375 --> 00:55:33,375
And so I decided early on.
791
00:55:34,208 --> 00:55:35,833
As...
792
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:42,083
my "ovary expiration date"
was catching up,
793
00:55:42,875 --> 00:55:45,375
like mid-30s, late 30s, 40s,
794
00:55:45,417 --> 00:55:47,500
of course I kept thinking about it.
795
00:55:47,542 --> 00:55:49,625
Even when I got married,
796
00:55:49,667 --> 00:55:52,417
of course I kept thinking about it.
797
00:55:52,458 --> 00:55:55,125
To this day, I keep thinking about it.
798
00:55:56,083 --> 00:55:58,375
"What if, what if not?
799
00:55:58,417 --> 00:56:00,333
"How will life change?"
800
00:56:01,042 --> 00:56:04,042
My husband has expressed desire.
801
00:56:04,792 --> 00:56:07,375
Maybe he wants to have one.
802
00:56:08,875 --> 00:56:09,875
You never know.
803
00:56:11,667 --> 00:56:15,167
When I was 15, I got married.
804
00:56:15,208 --> 00:56:18,875
Or I was married off, so to speak.
805
00:56:20,125 --> 00:56:23,500
I had my first daughter
when I was 16.
806
00:56:23,542 --> 00:56:26,792
When I was 17, the second was born.
807
00:56:26,833 --> 00:56:29,542
At age 18, I had another girl.
808
00:56:30,875 --> 00:56:33,750
At 18 or 19...
809
00:56:34,542 --> 00:56:39,000
When I was 20,
I had my fourth, a boy.
810
00:56:39,042 --> 00:56:41,583
And at 23, my fifth, a girl.
811
00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:45,875
Why did I have so many?
In just a few years?
812
00:56:45,917 --> 00:56:49,875
Because my parents never talked to me
about birth control.
813
00:56:49,917 --> 00:56:52,292
My mother taught me
814
00:56:52,333 --> 00:56:55,708
that if a man touched me,
I'd get pregnant.
815
00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:58,667
My husband
never let me use contraception.
816
00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:03,333
He said it was up to him to decide
817
00:57:03,375 --> 00:57:05,792
when I should be pregnant or not.
818
00:57:08,042 --> 00:57:10,458
Have I ever had an abortion? No.
819
00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:22,458
Yes.
I had an abortion when I was 24.
820
00:57:23,167 --> 00:57:26,000
And I went to Manchester,
821
00:57:26,042 --> 00:57:28,875
to have the abortion,
822
00:57:28,917 --> 00:57:30,708
because it's illegal.
823
00:57:30,750 --> 00:57:33,417
It's not legal in Ireland.
824
00:57:36,542 --> 00:57:39,500
And our government
won't make it legal,
825
00:57:40,375 --> 00:57:43,125
based on religious grounds.
826
00:57:43,167 --> 00:57:47,208
The 8th Amendment was brought in
to protect the fetus,
827
00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:48,792
and the female, supposedly,
828
00:57:48,833 --> 00:57:50,958
while taking away
her right to choose.
829
00:57:51,833 --> 00:57:54,458
So because of that law
(abolished in 2018),
830
00:57:54,500 --> 00:57:56,542
I had to leave my own country
831
00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:00,208
and travel abroad
to have an abortion.
832
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,750
I don't regret the abortion.
833
00:58:03,792 --> 00:58:07,208
I made the right decision for me
at the time.
834
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:10,667
And I feel
if I had not made that decision,
835
00:58:10,708 --> 00:58:12,583
my life would be different now.
836
00:58:14,417 --> 00:58:18,375
I got pregnant
for the fourth time in 1995.
837
00:58:18,958 --> 00:58:22,125
At the time, the family planning law
was very strict.
838
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:25,458
I had to have an abortion.
839
00:58:25,500 --> 00:58:28,417
It hurt, and I was sad.
840
00:58:29,917 --> 00:58:32,500
I had no choice.
I had an abortion.
841
00:58:34,125 --> 00:58:37,500
My husband came
to the clinic with me.
842
00:58:41,167 --> 00:58:43,542
I was hospitalized
843
00:58:43,583 --> 00:58:44,958
for one month.
844
00:58:50,333 --> 00:58:54,042
Physically, my health was fine.
845
00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:01,208
But inside, I was devastated.
846
00:59:02,417 --> 00:59:05,125
It's terrible for a mother
847
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:09,917
to have an abortion
after 8 months of pregnancy.
848
00:59:15,333 --> 00:59:19,208
The local officials
and their superiors
849
00:59:19,250 --> 00:59:21,708
forced me to have an abortion.
850
01:01:07,583 --> 01:01:10,500
It's really weird, losing that value.
851
01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:14,125
of not being a mother,
and not being a family.
852
01:01:14,583 --> 01:01:17,500
Fuck! I really think that's tough.
853
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,208
'Cause who are you?
854
01:01:21,750 --> 01:01:23,708
Who are you then?
855
01:01:23,750 --> 01:01:25,667
It's one of the big questions.
856
01:01:25,708 --> 01:01:27,542
If you're not a mother,
857
01:01:27,583 --> 01:01:29,708
if you don't have a family,
858
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:32,708
then who the fuck are you,
as a woman?
859
01:01:35,958 --> 01:01:38,417
I have to find out, now.
860
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:55,958
I took my first maternity leave
with full confidence.
861
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,542
I didn't give a single thought
862
01:01:58,583 --> 01:02:02,000
to the impact it might have
on my career.
863
01:02:02,042 --> 01:02:04,750
I was an excellent employee.
It was all fine.
864
01:02:04,792 --> 01:02:06,750
No reason to worry.
865
01:02:07,583 --> 01:02:11,708
When I went back to work
was when I woke up.
866
01:02:11,750 --> 01:02:14,417
One of my bosses told me explicitly
867
01:02:14,458 --> 01:02:17,542
"You are a good employee,
but you don't realize
868
01:02:17,583 --> 01:02:21,292
"how much this baby
will change your life. Wait and see."
869
01:02:21,833 --> 01:02:25,583
He was warning me about something
I wasn't going through.
870
01:02:26,625 --> 01:02:30,292
"We can't rely on you
unless you prove yourself."
871
01:02:30,333 --> 01:02:31,583
At that point,
872
01:02:32,125 --> 01:02:34,750
instead of being brave,
873
01:02:34,792 --> 01:02:37,167
I was just paralyzed.
874
01:02:37,208 --> 01:02:40,000
Paralyzed, flabbergasted.
875
01:02:40,042 --> 01:02:41,958
I was speechless.
876
01:02:42,667 --> 01:02:44,500
To myself, I said,
877
01:02:44,542 --> 01:02:47,708
"So that's how women know
it's over for them."
878
01:02:48,083 --> 01:02:52,417
One of my co-workers
inspired me to bounce back.
879
01:02:52,458 --> 01:02:54,333
He saw I was upset.
880
01:02:54,375 --> 01:02:57,667
I told him what had been said
during the meeting.
881
01:02:57,708 --> 01:03:02,167
And he was the one who got indignant.
I was just paralyzed.
882
01:03:02,208 --> 01:03:05,250
He told me he was indignant.
He said,
883
01:03:05,292 --> 01:03:08,958
"This is nonsense. It's disgusting."
884
01:03:10,125 --> 01:03:13,000
This man was the one
885
01:03:13,042 --> 01:03:15,917
who stirred up
886
01:03:15,958 --> 01:03:18,125
my anger about the unfairness.
887
01:03:18,167 --> 01:03:19,625
Otherwise...
888
01:03:19,958 --> 01:03:21,458
I'd accepted my verdict.
889
01:03:21,875 --> 01:03:26,250
The challenge I met in my career,
when I was younger,
890
01:03:26,292 --> 01:03:28,875
was to see that, very often,
891
01:03:29,292 --> 01:03:32,750
men who were less competent than I,
and I say it humbly,
892
01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:36,375
were promoted
to higher positions than mine.
893
01:03:36,417 --> 01:03:39,167
At first,
I thought it was discouraging,
894
01:03:40,125 --> 01:03:41,583
and unfair.
895
01:03:42,208 --> 01:03:43,500
Finally, I decided
896
01:03:43,542 --> 01:03:45,208
to go on the offensive.
897
01:03:45,250 --> 01:03:48,167
And to observe how they did it.
898
01:03:48,208 --> 01:03:50,583
What did they do, to succeed?
899
01:03:50,625 --> 01:03:55,417
Without adopting masculine behavior,
900
01:03:55,458 --> 01:03:57,792
I made some changes
901
01:03:57,833 --> 01:04:00,583
in the way I acted
in relation to a boss
902
01:04:00,625 --> 01:04:02,500
or my co-workers.
903
01:04:02,542 --> 01:04:04,917
I learned to assert myself,
904
01:04:04,958 --> 01:04:09,125
to make my voice
and my ideas heard, in meetings.
905
01:04:09,167 --> 01:04:11,833
I wanted to be heard,
906
01:04:11,875 --> 01:04:14,708
and appointed to head projects.
907
01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:18,500
Finally, I wanted my womanhood
to be invisible,
908
01:04:18,542 --> 01:04:21,833
to avoid all the vague suspicions
about my skills.
909
01:04:21,875 --> 01:04:25,417
Women have to work twice as hard
to prove themselves,
910
01:04:25,458 --> 01:04:28,375
before they manage
to get the promotion.
911
01:04:28,417 --> 01:04:30,667
I'll tell you my greatest pride
912
01:04:30,708 --> 01:04:33,292
when I left my position
as executive VP
913
01:04:33,333 --> 01:04:36,042
of Canada's
biggest medical assessment firm.
914
01:04:36,583 --> 01:04:41,000
The CFO resigned
at the same time I did.
915
01:04:41,042 --> 01:04:44,083
He revealed my salary to the board.
I don't know why.
916
01:04:44,125 --> 01:04:47,208
But the funniest part was
917
01:04:47,250 --> 01:04:51,583
the predominantly male board
discovered I had the highest pay.
918
01:04:51,625 --> 01:04:53,083
It caused a big fuss,
919
01:04:53,125 --> 01:04:56,542
whereas someone always has
to have the highest pay!
920
01:04:56,583 --> 01:05:00,000
But in this case, it was a woman!
921
01:05:00,042 --> 01:05:03,250
I realized I'd played my cards right.
922
01:05:03,292 --> 01:05:07,208
I hadn't known, before.
I was happy to learn it, on leaving.
923
01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:13,792
I was in Casablanca,
which is a big city of 3.5 million.
924
01:05:14,292 --> 01:05:17,583
I decided to run
in the legislative elections.
925
01:05:17,625 --> 01:05:22,375
There were incredible scenes,
when I campaigned.
926
01:05:23,083 --> 01:05:26,708
People looked at me
as if I were an extraterrestrial.
927
01:05:26,750 --> 01:05:29,167
They called friends: "Come see!
928
01:05:30,167 --> 01:05:32,750
"A woman candidate! Come see!"
929
01:05:34,917 --> 01:05:38,583
I was really breaking a taboo.
930
01:05:40,792 --> 01:05:43,208
After that, I continued to run.
931
01:05:43,250 --> 01:05:46,708
I was never elected.
There were zero women MPs.
932
01:05:46,750 --> 01:05:50,625
I ran once more,
and again, and again...
933
01:05:50,667 --> 01:05:52,750
Six more races.
934
01:05:53,167 --> 01:05:56,167
Finally, the 7th time I ran, in 1997,
935
01:05:56,208 --> 01:05:58,625
21 years after the first time,
936
01:05:58,667 --> 01:06:00,875
I was elected to city council.
937
01:06:00,917 --> 01:06:04,708
One of the 0.34%
of female city council members.
938
01:06:05,333 --> 01:06:08,875
It took obstinacy. I've got that.
939
01:06:09,917 --> 01:06:12,000
I was appointed minister.
940
01:06:12,042 --> 01:06:16,292
Most of the meetings
where major decisions are made
941
01:06:16,333 --> 01:06:17,792
are held at night.
942
01:06:17,833 --> 01:06:19,958
And as a mother,
943
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,750
as a married woman,
944
01:06:21,792 --> 01:06:23,458
it was complicated for me
945
01:06:23,500 --> 01:06:27,500
to arrange to stay late into the night
946
01:06:27,542 --> 01:06:30,542
to express opinions and vote
947
01:06:32,042 --> 01:06:34,917
on the policies
to adopt for the country.
948
01:06:34,958 --> 01:06:39,208
But I decided
I wanted to prove to everyone,
949
01:06:39,250 --> 01:06:43,292
and to women, in the first place,
to encourage them,
950
01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:46,292
that it's not a miracle.
Yes, women can.
951
01:06:46,333 --> 01:06:47,875
Alongside men, we can.
952
01:06:47,917 --> 01:06:50,375
Or perhaps, men alongside women,
953
01:06:50,417 --> 01:06:51,958
we can succeed together.
954
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:55,333
I did it.
I succeeded, with the other women.
955
01:06:55,375 --> 01:06:57,917
There were
four women cabinet members.
956
01:06:57,958 --> 01:07:00,875
All four of us were there
957
01:07:00,917 --> 01:07:03,875
even if the meeting was held at 1 AM.
958
01:07:03,917 --> 01:07:05,167
We stayed.
959
01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:08,208
To prove our commitment even more,
960
01:07:08,250 --> 01:07:10,750
I served as the spokesperson.
961
01:07:10,792 --> 01:07:13,000
That is, after the meeting,
962
01:07:13,042 --> 01:07:17,208
I had to draft a report
on all that was said,
963
01:07:17,250 --> 01:07:18,958
point out key statements,
964
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:23,250
and broadcast it to the public
on radio and TV,
965
01:07:23,292 --> 01:07:25,333
in the name of the government.
966
01:07:25,375 --> 01:07:28,750
I discovered I enjoyed politics.
967
01:07:28,792 --> 01:07:31,542
I feel that, as a woman,
968
01:07:31,583 --> 01:07:36,125
I can do something
to change the world, tomorrow.
969
01:08:34,917 --> 01:08:39,332
When I was 18, my parents married me
to a 52-year-old man.
970
01:08:43,332 --> 01:08:45,667
Of course, I didn't want to.
971
01:08:46,375 --> 01:08:48,082
So they gave me an ultimatum:
972
01:08:48,125 --> 01:08:52,000
either I married him, or I died.
973
01:08:52,042 --> 01:08:56,125
My parents would kill me,
or I'd kill myself, my mother said.
974
01:08:56,167 --> 01:08:58,832
"Drink bleach. That will kill you."
975
01:09:04,250 --> 01:09:06,500
A few days went by.
976
01:09:06,542 --> 01:09:09,375
I ended up accepting,
977
01:09:09,957 --> 01:09:13,250
because my choices were limited.
978
01:09:13,292 --> 01:09:15,207
The choice they gave me.
979
01:09:18,292 --> 01:09:21,332
The first night,
I didn't want to sleep with him.
980
01:09:21,375 --> 01:09:23,250
The second night,
981
01:09:24,250 --> 01:09:26,542
I forced myself to sleep with him,
982
01:09:26,582 --> 01:09:29,542
because my mother
983
01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:31,917
came and peeked through the shutters.
984
01:09:33,917 --> 01:09:35,417
And actually...
985
01:09:35,917 --> 01:09:39,332
Actually, I let him do it,
986
01:09:39,375 --> 01:09:42,625
with a pillow over my face.
987
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:46,917
It was like a rape.
988
01:09:46,957 --> 01:09:49,917
It wasn't "like" a rape.
I felt I'd been raped.
989
01:09:49,957 --> 01:09:51,582
I felt...
990
01:09:52,582 --> 01:09:55,625
Besides the fact that this man...
991
01:10:00,833 --> 01:10:03,000
was penetrating me
992
01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:07,958
against my will,
993
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:11,292
my whole family
was raping me at the same time.
994
01:10:11,333 --> 01:10:15,292
Because I had the impression,
and I was right,
995
01:10:15,333 --> 01:10:17,792
that everyone conspired against me.
996
01:10:17,833 --> 01:10:21,000
Everyone was conniving.
Everyone knew.
997
01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:25,125
In my eyes,
everyone was screwing me.
998
01:10:25,375 --> 01:10:28,875
Some girls kill themselves,
or drown themselves in the river.
999
01:10:28,917 --> 01:10:31,042
I tried to drown myself.
1000
01:10:31,083 --> 01:10:33,125
The river was so deep.
1001
01:10:33,167 --> 01:10:37,917
People saved me, swimming,
1002
01:10:37,958 --> 01:10:41,250
holding me above the river.
1003
01:10:41,292 --> 01:10:44,000
I wanted a change.
1004
01:10:44,042 --> 01:10:46,333
I wanted to marry by choice.
1005
01:10:46,375 --> 01:10:50,292
I wanted to change forced marriage.
1006
01:10:50,542 --> 01:10:52,667
I got married at the age of two.
1007
01:10:52,708 --> 01:10:54,625
My life has been destroyed.
1008
01:10:54,667 --> 01:10:56,917
Look at my husband.
1009
01:10:56,958 --> 01:10:59,542
I didn't choose him.
I didn't love him.
1010
01:10:59,583 --> 01:11:02,708
I didn't know anything
about marriage.
1011
01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:05,542
I didn't rejoice at my wedding.
1012
01:11:05,583 --> 01:11:07,833
I didn't know the rituals.
1013
01:11:07,875 --> 01:11:09,792
I didn't know anything.
1014
01:11:09,833 --> 01:11:12,875
Why is getting married so important?
1015
01:11:12,917 --> 01:11:15,750
I could have stayed here
and lived my life.
1016
01:11:15,792 --> 01:11:20,125
I ask the world,
why do they force us to marry?
1017
01:11:56,458 --> 01:12:00,292
A man who throws acid on his wife?
1018
01:12:00,333 --> 01:12:04,625
What country could be so barbaric?
1019
01:12:05,083 --> 01:12:07,083
What law is this?
1020
01:12:07,583 --> 01:12:09,542
What tradition is this?
1021
01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:11,958
To be burned with acid...
1022
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,000
In your sleep, even.
1023
01:12:14,042 --> 01:12:18,208
To burn someone with acid
because of a dowry,
1024
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:19,708
it's evil!
1025
01:12:19,750 --> 01:12:23,542
It happens in India all the time,
every hour, every day.
1026
01:12:23,583 --> 01:12:25,875
Why not put an end to it?
1027
01:12:25,917 --> 01:12:29,333
Is an incomplete dowry
a reason to burn someone?
1028
01:12:29,375 --> 01:12:33,208
Are husbands really that petty-minded?
1029
01:12:33,250 --> 01:12:36,375
There was no sign
1030
01:12:36,417 --> 01:12:39,833
that warned me
1031
01:12:40,500 --> 01:12:42,417
of what was coming next,
1032
01:12:42,458 --> 01:12:46,167
which was a huge blow to my face.
1033
01:12:46,208 --> 01:12:50,042
He stopped the car and gave me
1034
01:12:50,083 --> 01:12:53,083
a huge blow in my face.
1035
01:12:53,125 --> 01:12:55,750
And I was so shocked.
1036
01:12:55,792 --> 01:12:58,500
It had never happened to me before!
1037
01:12:58,542 --> 01:13:01,500
I was so shocked that all I could do
1038
01:13:01,542 --> 01:13:04,708
was turn to him and ask, "What?"
1039
01:13:05,250 --> 01:13:07,750
And as I turned, and asked "What?"...
1040
01:13:07,792 --> 01:13:09,792
"Are you beating me?"
1041
01:13:09,833 --> 01:13:11,750
It was just, "What?"
1042
01:13:11,792 --> 01:13:13,792
And the next blow comes.
1043
01:13:13,833 --> 01:13:16,542
Straight into my right eye.
1044
01:13:16,583 --> 01:13:19,292
And the right eye just goes black.
1045
01:13:19,542 --> 01:13:21,625
One day, a slap.
1046
01:13:22,083 --> 01:13:23,500
The first slap.
1047
01:13:24,208 --> 01:13:26,583
Of course, I slapped him back,
because...
1048
01:13:26,958 --> 01:13:30,292
I may have been a beaten woman
for eight years, but...
1049
01:13:31,417 --> 01:13:34,375
I hit him, too. I defended myself.
1050
01:13:34,625 --> 01:13:37,958
From the first slap,
it escalated to two, and then...
1051
01:13:38,667 --> 01:13:40,833
a slap and a shove.
1052
01:13:41,417 --> 01:13:43,792
Next came the punches.
1053
01:13:43,833 --> 01:13:47,542
Once we crossed the line to punches,
1054
01:13:50,208 --> 01:13:51,583
there were no limits.
1055
01:13:51,833 --> 01:13:55,208
When I told him, "That's enough,
1056
01:13:56,500 --> 01:14:00,375
"this has become unlivable,
1057
01:14:00,417 --> 01:14:01,750
"never again,"
1058
01:14:01,792 --> 01:14:05,250
was when I saw him
suffocating my daughter.
1059
01:14:06,042 --> 01:14:09,792
That's when I said, "Enough!
1060
01:14:09,833 --> 01:14:12,500
"I wasn't born to live this.
1061
01:14:12,542 --> 01:14:14,792
"I can't permit it."
1062
01:14:14,833 --> 01:14:18,292
I couldn't permit him
to destroy my children's lives.
1063
01:14:18,333 --> 01:14:20,500
He'd already destroyed mine.
1064
01:14:20,542 --> 01:14:24,375
He had destroyed
my dream of being a mother,
1065
01:14:24,417 --> 01:14:26,625
of being a wife,
1066
01:14:27,167 --> 01:14:29,125
of having a family.
1067
01:14:29,167 --> 01:14:32,625
I wanted only one family,
and he destroyed it.
1068
01:14:32,667 --> 01:14:34,500
I could no longer permit it.
1069
01:14:35,167 --> 01:14:39,875
When I went to the police station,
1070
01:14:40,708 --> 01:14:44,833
the police believed my husband's lies,
1071
01:14:45,750 --> 01:14:47,750
that I had lovers,
1072
01:14:47,792 --> 01:14:50,458
and confiscated my phone.
1073
01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:53,083
The police officer said to me,
1074
01:14:53,125 --> 01:14:56,125
"Madam, you have many lovers."
1075
01:14:56,167 --> 01:14:58,417
I answered, "Really? Where?"
1076
01:14:58,458 --> 01:15:00,500
He pointed to men's numbers.
1077
01:15:00,542 --> 01:15:04,375
A carpenter, a plumber,
an electrician, a painter.
1078
01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,292
Some architects... What else?
1079
01:15:06,333 --> 01:15:09,792
I am an interior designer.
1080
01:15:09,833 --> 01:15:12,167
I run a business.
1081
01:15:12,208 --> 01:15:14,333
These aren't my boyfriends!
1082
01:15:14,375 --> 01:15:18,500
The officer asked
how long we'd been married.
1083
01:15:18,542 --> 01:15:20,708
"21 years."
1084
01:15:21,292 --> 01:15:23,500
The police officer said:
1085
01:15:23,542 --> 01:15:25,917
"Madam, you should try harder.
1086
01:15:25,958 --> 01:15:29,958
"You have to make sacrifices."
1087
01:15:30,417 --> 01:15:33,625
I told him,
"I can't make any sacrifices.
1088
01:15:33,667 --> 01:15:36,625
"My children's lives and my own
are in danger."
1089
01:15:36,875 --> 01:15:39,125
I never had a bruise or broken bone.
1090
01:15:39,167 --> 01:15:42,625
But what he would do,
like the first time,
1091
01:15:43,208 --> 01:15:46,417
he'd punch through the wall,
break a window,
1092
01:15:46,458 --> 01:15:49,333
smash things, throw things at me,
1093
01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:50,667
or push me.
1094
01:15:50,708 --> 01:15:55,125
Or if we were in the car,
he was the one driving,
1095
01:15:55,167 --> 01:15:58,792
he would speed up to 100 mph,
1096
01:15:58,833 --> 01:16:01,792
then slam on the brake,
to send me flying.
1097
01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:03,750
I lived in fear,
1098
01:16:03,792 --> 01:16:07,583
with the certainty that he was
eventually going to kill me.
1099
01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:10,000
And, unfortunately,
1100
01:16:10,042 --> 01:16:13,750
when I went to my family,
his family, and the rabbis,
1101
01:16:13,792 --> 01:16:17,375
and the Orthodox Jewish community
to ask for help,
1102
01:16:17,417 --> 01:16:21,208
they didn't see it
as domestic violence. They asked,
1103
01:16:21,250 --> 01:16:23,333
"Where did he hit you?
1104
01:16:23,375 --> 01:16:24,917
"He didn't hit you?
1105
01:16:24,958 --> 01:16:27,750
"So then, why are you complaining?
1106
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:29,792
"What's the problem?"
1107
01:17:06,417 --> 01:17:09,792
Until yesterday, I was known
1108
01:17:09,833 --> 01:17:11,792
only to the man who attacked me,
1109
01:17:11,833 --> 01:17:15,083
but today, the whole world knows me.
1110
01:17:16,792 --> 01:17:18,792
I could never have imagined this,
1111
01:17:20,292 --> 01:17:22,125
but in this society
1112
01:17:22,167 --> 01:17:25,500
that placed great value on the face,
1113
01:17:25,542 --> 01:17:29,375
I have been able
to change the attitude about it.
1114
01:17:29,833 --> 01:17:35,375
Because I began to love my face.
1115
01:17:35,417 --> 01:17:37,750
And I understood
1116
01:17:37,792 --> 01:17:41,250
that the face is not that important.
1117
01:17:41,292 --> 01:17:46,083
If it was, I wouldn't be here today.
1118
01:17:46,125 --> 01:17:48,875
I started to love myself.
1119
01:17:48,917 --> 01:17:53,042
I put my life back together
all by myself.
1120
01:17:53,750 --> 01:17:57,375
I learned how to live with this face.
1121
01:18:47,667 --> 01:18:50,083
My mother explained it to me,
1122
01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:52,125
and I did it, to be beautiful.
1123
01:18:52,167 --> 01:18:55,000
I had my lips pierced.
1124
01:18:55,625 --> 01:18:58,875
We do this because we are women.
1125
01:18:58,917 --> 01:19:03,000
Men don't need
to make themselves beautiful.
1126
01:19:03,042 --> 01:19:04,542
We women
1127
01:19:04,583 --> 01:19:07,500
pierce the corners of our lips
1128
01:19:07,542 --> 01:19:10,000
in order to be beautiful.
1129
01:20:00,167 --> 01:20:02,792
I am the way I am.
I don't want to be different.
1130
01:20:03,125 --> 01:20:05,750
Each person has personal beliefs.
1131
01:20:05,792 --> 01:20:09,208
Some people like social appearances
and beauty.
1132
01:20:09,250 --> 01:20:11,167
I like to be natural.
1133
01:20:11,208 --> 01:20:14,542
That's why I don't wear lipstick.
Did you notice?
1134
01:20:14,583 --> 01:20:18,000
The only make-up I wear
is a little bit of kohl.
1135
01:20:18,250 --> 01:20:22,208
I'm proud of myself.
I look, and say, "But I'm beautiful!
1136
01:20:22,250 --> 01:20:24,167
"Why do I have doubts?"
1137
01:20:25,667 --> 01:20:28,125
When I dress up, I feel feminine.
1138
01:20:28,583 --> 01:20:30,208
I make myself attractive.
1139
01:20:30,792 --> 01:20:32,458
I like to be looked at.
1140
01:20:35,083 --> 01:20:39,625
I like to be looked at,
and told that I'm beautiful.
1141
01:20:39,667 --> 01:20:41,833
I like to be reassured.
1142
01:20:43,208 --> 01:20:47,042
For example,
I had boobs made for myself.
1143
01:20:47,625 --> 01:20:50,750
I had threads put in my face,
1144
01:20:51,333 --> 01:20:54,958
to make the contours more beautiful.
1145
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,417
I had collagen injected
1146
01:20:59,042 --> 01:21:02,875
in my cheeks and lips,
1147
01:21:02,917 --> 01:21:05,125
and botox in my forehead.
1148
01:21:05,167 --> 01:21:08,167
I feel perfectly fine.
1149
01:21:09,250 --> 01:21:10,958
And I'm proud
1150
01:21:12,083 --> 01:21:14,625
to have obtained this
1151
01:21:14,667 --> 01:21:16,833
thanks to my work.
1152
01:21:16,875 --> 01:21:21,208
Now I can create myself
just as I please.
1153
01:21:21,250 --> 01:21:25,208
The appearance I have pleases me,
not other people.
1154
01:21:25,250 --> 01:21:29,292
Being in harmony with yourself
1155
01:21:29,333 --> 01:21:32,917
is the key.
1156
01:21:35,667 --> 01:21:39,250
Somehow, at the same time,
I show up in rooms
1157
01:21:39,292 --> 01:21:42,125
with professional confidence,
1158
01:21:43,833 --> 01:21:46,792
wondering is everyone looking at me
1159
01:21:46,833 --> 01:21:50,042
and thinking about
how unattractive I am.
1160
01:21:50,083 --> 01:21:54,375
Or about how fat I am
and how my dress is too tight.
1161
01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:58,625
And I'm constantly
comparing myself physically
1162
01:21:58,667 --> 01:22:01,500
to other women,
1163
01:22:01,542 --> 01:22:04,333
and thinking,
would I be more respected,
1164
01:22:04,375 --> 01:22:07,708
would people enjoy
seeing me speak more
1165
01:22:07,750 --> 01:22:09,458
if I looked differently?
1166
01:22:13,667 --> 01:22:15,292
It's a dark part
1167
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:19,500
of how I view myself.
1168
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:21,667
Now that my husband is gone,
1169
01:22:21,708 --> 01:22:25,000
though he loved my body,
loved me the way I was,
1170
01:22:25,042 --> 01:22:27,833
he always desired me, he...
1171
01:22:27,875 --> 01:22:31,792
Through our 25-year marriage,
he made me aware of his desire,
1172
01:22:31,833 --> 01:22:34,958
the love he had for me, as I was.
1173
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:38,458
And what I was physically...
All that I was.
1174
01:22:38,500 --> 01:22:40,250
Really, all of me.
1175
01:22:40,292 --> 01:22:42,958
Now that he's gone,
the great difficulty,
1176
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,792
and I'm not an exception,
1177
01:22:44,833 --> 01:22:48,208
is figuring out
how I'll be able to love myself.
1178
01:22:54,792 --> 01:22:57,250
That's it. How do you love yourself
1179
01:22:57,292 --> 01:22:59,125
if no one admires you?
1180
01:22:59,167 --> 01:23:00,958
It's hard to figure out.
1181
01:23:04,458 --> 01:23:07,000
Since he died, I feel ugly.
1182
01:23:07,042 --> 01:23:08,792
It's crazy!
1183
01:23:08,833 --> 01:23:10,750
I had delegated this man,
1184
01:23:10,792 --> 01:23:13,208
because I loved him,
and we were happy,
1185
01:23:13,250 --> 01:23:14,833
I had delegated him....
1186
01:23:18,292 --> 01:23:20,833
to be the keeper of my image.
1187
01:23:20,875 --> 01:23:22,292
I trusted him with that.
1188
01:23:22,333 --> 01:23:24,958
He was the key to my own self-image.
1189
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,708
But I didn't know it.
1190
01:23:27,625 --> 01:23:30,333
Now that he's gone, I realize it,
1191
01:23:30,375 --> 01:23:31,958
but I didn't know.
1192
01:25:39,958 --> 01:25:43,125
When I had cancer, last year,
1193
01:25:47,208 --> 01:25:51,667
I lost all my hair in two weeks.
1194
01:25:51,708 --> 01:25:55,250
They tell you it'll fall out
in 16 days, and it does.
1195
01:25:56,667 --> 01:25:59,583
All my hair everywhere fell out.
1196
01:26:00,125 --> 01:26:03,417
Then I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes.
1197
01:26:06,917 --> 01:26:09,583
When you're in the bathroom,
1198
01:26:09,625 --> 01:26:12,083
even when they warn you,
and you do this...
1199
01:26:13,333 --> 01:26:15,083
and then...
1200
01:26:19,625 --> 01:26:23,667
Your whole head of hair comes off
1201
01:26:23,708 --> 01:26:25,375
in your hands!
1202
01:26:26,750 --> 01:26:29,417
You're bald except for three hairs.
1203
01:26:29,458 --> 01:26:31,292
It's atrocious.
1204
01:26:34,833 --> 01:26:38,583
I rushed to the barber
to have the rest shaved off.
1205
01:26:41,583 --> 01:26:44,625
The paradoxical thing
1206
01:26:46,208 --> 01:26:49,125
is that being bald
restored my femininity.
1207
01:26:51,958 --> 01:26:56,458
Cancer enabled me
to take care of myself,
1208
01:26:57,958 --> 01:27:00,208
to moisturize my face,
1209
01:27:00,958 --> 01:27:03,125
to spend time in the bathroom
1210
01:27:03,167 --> 01:27:06,167
putting on cream and make-up.
1211
01:27:06,208 --> 01:27:08,500
I didn't do that much, before.
1212
01:27:08,542 --> 01:27:13,208
I was too busy with work,
commuting, the kids...
1213
01:27:13,250 --> 01:27:16,208
this, that, the activities,
and on and on.
1214
01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:19,333
I didn't spend any time
putting on make-up
1215
01:27:19,375 --> 01:27:21,375
or taking care of my skin.
1216
01:27:21,417 --> 01:27:23,042
Nothing!
1217
01:27:23,083 --> 01:27:26,167
Suddenly, I had entire days
to spend on self-care.
1218
01:27:26,208 --> 01:27:30,167
Applying creams, trying on wigs -
blonde or brunette...
1219
01:27:30,208 --> 01:27:33,292
Changing my scarf,
putting on mascara -
1220
01:27:33,333 --> 01:27:35,083
when I still had eyelashes!
1221
01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:37,000
Or putting on false lashes,
1222
01:27:37,042 --> 01:27:41,042
or eyebrow pencil and lipstick.
1223
01:27:41,083 --> 01:27:42,917
I was beautiful!
1224
01:28:18,208 --> 01:28:21,208
Old age is wicked.
It sneaks up on you.
1225
01:28:21,250 --> 01:28:23,708
You think you're young,
you run and jump,
1226
01:28:23,750 --> 01:28:27,208
but suddenly
your legs won't cooperate.
1227
01:28:27,250 --> 01:28:31,125
One day, you wake up and look
1228
01:28:31,167 --> 01:28:34,000
at the skin on your arm.
1229
01:28:34,042 --> 01:28:36,333
Not that it's sagging.
1230
01:28:36,375 --> 01:28:39,042
It's all wrinkled! Like an accordion!
1231
01:28:39,083 --> 01:28:41,458
You can do without that kind of music,
1232
01:28:41,500 --> 01:28:43,542
and its accordion.
1233
01:28:43,583 --> 01:28:47,083
The morning
I first noticed the wrinkles,
1234
01:28:47,125 --> 01:28:48,250
I cried.
1235
01:28:48,292 --> 01:28:50,083
An old lady!
1236
01:28:50,125 --> 01:28:52,125
I don't want to get old.
1237
01:28:54,417 --> 01:28:56,792
I want to be pretty, not old and ugly.
1238
01:28:56,833 --> 01:28:59,333
I wondered, "Am I pretty?"
1239
01:28:59,375 --> 01:29:01,000
Youth is beautiful.
1240
01:29:01,333 --> 01:29:03,750
My cheeks are all wrinkled,
1241
01:29:03,792 --> 01:29:06,458
my vision isn't clear anymore,
1242
01:29:06,500 --> 01:29:09,125
and my skin hangs on my bones.
1243
01:29:09,750 --> 01:29:11,917
I'm drying up.
1244
01:29:11,958 --> 01:29:13,917
My hair is white.
1245
01:29:14,833 --> 01:29:17,208
All my teeth have fallen out.
1246
01:29:17,250 --> 01:29:20,625
I'm toothless.
1247
01:29:20,667 --> 01:29:22,667
I have lost all of my beauty.
1248
01:29:22,708 --> 01:29:26,250
Yet everybody calls me
pretty grandmother.
1249
01:29:27,375 --> 01:29:29,125
God gave me a gift:
1250
01:29:29,500 --> 01:29:33,333
to reach this age,
and see what it looks like,
1251
01:29:33,375 --> 01:29:36,875
to see
the physical expression of old age.
1252
01:29:36,917 --> 01:29:38,208
And it's good!
1253
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:42,042
I saw myself as a 15-year-old beauty,
1254
01:29:42,083 --> 01:29:43,958
as a 30-year-old beauty,
1255
01:29:44,000 --> 01:29:46,292
and now as a 60-year-old beauty.
1256
01:29:46,333 --> 01:29:47,625
It's fine.
1257
01:29:48,333 --> 01:29:50,833
I'm not an old lady.
1258
01:29:51,625 --> 01:29:55,917
I'm getting older,
but I'm not an old lady yet.
1259
01:31:06,833 --> 01:31:10,375
When I remember
when it was happening to me,
1260
01:31:10,417 --> 01:31:13,417
when I was in the hands of ISIS,
1261
01:31:13,833 --> 01:31:17,958
it's terribly painful for me,
and I can't believe it.
1262
01:31:18,000 --> 01:31:21,292
I always tell myself
it was a nightmare,
1263
01:31:21,333 --> 01:31:24,708
something that happened,
and now it's in the past.
1264
01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:27,583
I just can't comprehend
that in our times,
1265
01:31:27,625 --> 01:31:30,750
in the 21st century, such a thing,
1266
01:31:30,792 --> 01:31:33,917
the sale of women and girls,
the massacre of men,
1267
01:31:33,958 --> 01:31:35,958
happened to me.
1268
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:38,708
At that time, in that year,
1269
01:31:38,750 --> 01:31:41,583
it was in 2014,
1270
01:31:42,167 --> 01:31:46,208
how could that possibly occur?
1271
01:31:46,250 --> 01:31:48,875
How could we have been sold?
1272
01:31:48,917 --> 01:31:50,875
I simply cannot
make myself believe it.
1273
01:31:53,958 --> 01:31:55,625
What happened to humanity,
1274
01:31:55,667 --> 01:31:57,667
for that to be done to women,
1275
01:31:57,708 --> 01:32:00,583
for that to be done to me?
1276
01:32:12,917 --> 01:32:16,083
The first time I was sold,
1277
01:32:17,417 --> 01:32:20,750
I had no idea what that meant.
1278
01:32:21,542 --> 01:32:23,875
They put us all together,
1279
01:32:23,917 --> 01:32:26,333
and separated the virgins
from the rest.
1280
01:32:26,375 --> 01:32:30,167
Men who wanted a girl took her
by the hand and led her away.
1281
01:32:36,625 --> 01:32:40,833
We didn't know
how much we were sold for.
1282
01:32:40,875 --> 01:32:44,458
We were on display in a room,
on the outside.
1283
01:32:44,500 --> 01:32:46,958
They traded us for 5 dollars,
1284
01:32:47,000 --> 01:32:48,583
or a pack of cigarettes,
1285
01:32:48,625 --> 01:32:50,500
or we were given away.
1286
01:32:52,375 --> 01:32:54,833
It was very difficult to realize.
1287
01:32:56,167 --> 01:32:59,708
I didn't know where I was being taken,
how they would treat me,
1288
01:32:59,750 --> 01:33:01,750
any of that.
1289
01:33:01,792 --> 01:33:04,417
I had never heard in my life
1290
01:33:04,458 --> 01:33:08,792
that a girl could be bought or sold.
1291
01:33:23,667 --> 01:33:25,083
One day,
1292
01:33:25,125 --> 01:33:26,958
the guards came.
1293
01:33:27,750 --> 01:33:31,292
I mean, one of the ISIS guards.
1294
01:33:31,333 --> 01:33:34,375
He took a little 9-year-old girl.
1295
01:33:36,042 --> 01:33:37,667
He took her
1296
01:33:38,500 --> 01:33:40,042
upstairs with him.
1297
01:33:43,583 --> 01:33:45,500
He started raping her.
1298
01:33:48,000 --> 01:33:49,833
She was screaming.
1299
01:33:52,708 --> 01:33:54,375
How could we stop it?
1300
01:33:54,417 --> 01:33:56,083
There we were, 30 women,
1301
01:33:57,083 --> 01:34:01,000
listening to the screams
of a 9-year-old child,
1302
01:34:01,958 --> 01:34:03,875
and we couldn't say a thing.
1303
01:34:13,958 --> 01:34:17,000
I was 19 years old.
1304
01:34:17,042 --> 01:34:20,042
One evening,
coming home from the market
1305
01:34:20,083 --> 01:34:22,208
at about 5 PM,
1306
01:34:22,250 --> 01:34:25,083
I ran into armed rebels
1307
01:34:25,125 --> 01:34:29,208
from the Raia Mutomboki militia.
1308
01:34:29,250 --> 01:34:33,958
They captured us
and took us into the forest.
1309
01:34:34,000 --> 01:34:36,583
They started to kill
1310
01:34:36,625 --> 01:34:40,542
the women
who refused to lie with them.
1311
01:34:40,583 --> 01:34:42,667
I was terrified.
1312
01:34:42,708 --> 01:34:46,167
They raped me,
1313
01:34:46,208 --> 01:34:49,500
but they didn't stop at that.
1314
01:34:49,542 --> 01:34:53,375
They took a knife
and put it inside my vagina.
1315
01:34:53,417 --> 01:34:57,625
They even thrust the knife inside me.
1316
01:34:57,667 --> 01:35:02,208
Then they put grasses in my anus.
1317
01:35:02,833 --> 01:35:05,458
I felt horrible!
1318
01:35:06,042 --> 01:35:09,167
I was afraid to say I'd been raped.
1319
01:35:10,833 --> 01:35:13,958
A month later, I was pregnant.
1320
01:35:22,083 --> 01:35:23,875
I was able to get an abortion.
1321
01:35:24,500 --> 01:35:25,875
Unfortunately,
1322
01:35:27,417 --> 01:35:30,042
the effects of that abortion
1323
01:35:31,125 --> 01:35:34,083
are still with me,
even four years later.
1324
01:35:38,542 --> 01:35:42,417
We are respectable women,
but they soiled us.
1325
01:35:42,458 --> 01:35:44,958
Now, no one is going
to marry us.
1326
01:35:45,000 --> 01:35:47,292
Who'd marry a woman
who was raped?
1327
01:35:47,333 --> 01:35:49,750
So, we remain single.
1328
01:35:49,792 --> 01:35:51,417
No one wants to marry us.
1329
01:35:51,458 --> 01:35:54,292
People say,
"The military raped those women."
1330
01:35:54,333 --> 01:35:56,000
Now we are rotten stuff,
1331
01:35:56,042 --> 01:35:58,458
and that is my greatest pain.
1332
01:36:00,417 --> 01:36:02,000
Do I need to
1333
01:36:02,667 --> 01:36:07,083
tickle your empathic sensors
for you to realize
1334
01:36:07,125 --> 01:36:09,375
the extremity
of what I'm going through?
1335
01:36:10,042 --> 01:36:13,583
Do I need to cry or kill myself
1336
01:36:13,625 --> 01:36:15,083
for you to realize
1337
01:36:15,125 --> 01:36:17,667
the madness
of what goes through my head?
1338
01:36:20,167 --> 01:36:21,625
Do I need to...
1339
01:36:24,833 --> 01:36:28,042
be sensitive to your ears
1340
01:36:28,708 --> 01:36:30,833
because you can't handle hearing
1341
01:36:30,875 --> 01:36:32,542
what I went through?
1342
01:36:33,750 --> 01:36:35,708
What we are going through?
1343
01:36:36,333 --> 01:36:38,875
What we are continuing to go through?
1344
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:44,083
I have to say it as it is.
1345
01:36:44,125 --> 01:36:45,417
It's not...
1346
01:36:45,458 --> 01:36:47,708
It's not my reality alone.
1347
01:36:47,750 --> 01:36:51,417
It's a reality
of many millions of women
1348
01:36:52,458 --> 01:36:53,833
everywhere.
1349
01:36:58,083 --> 01:37:01,875
And we have to be sensitive
about how we talk about this.
1350
01:37:02,583 --> 01:37:05,667
Oh, it's a shame. Don't tell anyone.
1351
01:37:07,833 --> 01:37:10,292
I'm here to tell all of you
1352
01:37:11,000 --> 01:37:15,583
I'm no longer going to wear
this coat of shame.
1353
01:37:15,625 --> 01:37:17,542
I'm no longer gonna be quiet
1354
01:37:17,583 --> 01:37:19,625
because it's embarrassing.
1355
01:37:19,667 --> 01:37:22,708
Because it's dangerous.
1356
01:37:30,917 --> 01:37:32,042
No.
1357
01:38:04,833 --> 01:38:08,000
Maximum respect to all women,
1358
01:38:10,875 --> 01:38:15,375
regardless of race color, ethnicity,
1359
01:38:15,917 --> 01:38:17,833
kinky hair or straight.
1360
01:38:18,917 --> 01:38:22,167
Women deserve respect.
1361
01:38:24,583 --> 01:38:26,000
Woman.
1362
01:38:27,542 --> 01:38:28,792
Strong.
1363
01:38:29,958 --> 01:38:31,208
Always.
1364
01:38:35,333 --> 01:38:37,625
I am proud to be a woman.
1365
01:38:55,708 --> 01:38:57,292
I am a strong woman.
1366
01:38:58,792 --> 01:39:01,208
I am a determined woman.
1367
01:39:08,708 --> 01:39:10,083
Decided,
1368
01:39:10,125 --> 01:39:11,667
and super simpatica.
1369
01:39:11,917 --> 01:39:13,375
I am a resolute woman.
1370
01:39:13,625 --> 01:39:16,208
I am a woman who does men's work.
1371
01:39:16,458 --> 01:39:17,833
Full of hope.
1372
01:39:18,083 --> 01:39:19,917
I'm an ordinary woman.
1373
01:39:25,542 --> 01:39:27,458
I am a persistent woman.
1374
01:39:27,708 --> 01:39:29,167
I'm a courageous woman.
1375
01:39:29,417 --> 01:39:31,042
I'm a clever granny!
1376
01:39:31,292 --> 01:39:33,083
I am a powerful woman.
1377
01:39:41,167 --> 01:39:42,792
I'm a warrior woman.
1378
01:39:43,042 --> 01:39:44,208
I'm a daring woman.
1379
01:39:44,458 --> 01:39:45,375
A feminist.
1380
01:39:45,417 --> 01:39:46,333
Woman of action.
1381
01:39:46,375 --> 01:39:47,375
A fighter.
1382
01:39:47,625 --> 01:39:48,500
Fearless.
1383
01:39:48,542 --> 01:39:49,417
Demanding.
1384
01:39:49,458 --> 01:39:50,292
Life-loving.
1385
01:39:50,542 --> 01:39:51,250
Dynamic.
1386
01:39:51,292 --> 01:39:52,042
Joyful.
1387
01:39:52,083 --> 01:39:52,917
Heroic.
1388
01:39:52,958 --> 01:39:53,792
Free.
1389
01:39:53,833 --> 01:39:56,667
I can be subversive. I say even God
1390
01:39:56,708 --> 01:39:58,667
must have been a woman.
1391
01:39:58,708 --> 01:40:03,208
And women must get busy
and claim their place.
1392
01:40:03,250 --> 01:40:05,750
Why wait until it's given to us?
1393
01:40:05,792 --> 01:40:07,708
We beg, "Give us a place!"
1394
01:40:07,750 --> 01:40:11,792
I say, "Why are you asking
to be given a place?"
1395
01:40:11,833 --> 01:40:15,333
Why are you waiting
to be given seats in the Parliament?
1396
01:40:15,375 --> 01:40:17,208
"Give us, please!"
1397
01:40:17,250 --> 01:40:18,792
I say, "Take it!"
1398
01:40:18,833 --> 01:40:21,375
I took my place,
1399
01:40:21,417 --> 01:40:25,583
and no one will ever
take it away from me.
94470
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