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♪
2
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,377
Well, dearly beloved,
here we are at the end
3
00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:12,212
of our ceremony.
4
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:16,950
And we're all filled
with happiness and joy,
5
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,554
and pride at the start
of their journey.
6
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:25,626
I, John Henry
Hoyle, sheriff,
7
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,629
justice of the peace,
a Harvard double major
8
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,899
in criminology and
comparative literature,
9
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:34,368
I would like
to join these two
10
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,903
in holy matrimony.
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00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,439
The vow that you
are making today,
12
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,174
in front
of all of us,
13
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,242
is that no
matter what,
14
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,111
if both of your arms
are lopped off
15
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,146
in a cattle
drive accident,
16
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,682
if you become
totally fertile
17
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,484
and lose all
of your hair.
18
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,219
If you're caught
in a fire,
19
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,054
and 90 percent
of your body
20
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,056
is blistering
and scarred.
21
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,992
While God may
rain down on us
22
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:02,896
bad luck and drought
and disease--
23
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,332
And bad moustaches.
24
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:06,500
You don't like
the moustache?
25
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,901
No.
26
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,436
You said it accentuated
the oral thing--
27
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,372
I was joking,
I was joking, Hoyle.
28
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,941
Come on, Hoyle!
29
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,375
Can you finish
the ceremony?
30
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All right, I hereby
pronounce you...
31
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,450
-...for the third time
-Just pronounce it.
32
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,486
You know her first two
husbands were killed.
33
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,487
-I've heard.
-Okay.
34
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,921
One, right
in the spot
35
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,423
where I'm marrying you,
remember that?
36
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,493
Remember Eli,
the eyeball--
37
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,194
-Oh, please!
-Argh, Hoyle!
38
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:39,199
I hereby pronounce you
husband and wife.
39
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,667
You may kiss
the bride.
40
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:41,668
(applause, cheers)
41
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,537
Slip her
some tongue.
42
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(gunshots)
43
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,442
Cole?
44
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,310
(gunshot)
45
00:01:50,310 --> 00:02:00,387
♪
46
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:03,056
You ain't seen
the last of me, Hoyle!
47
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:06,527
♪
48
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,095
(gunshot)
49
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,131
(maniacal laughing)
50
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,501
Hoyle,
not again!
51
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,602
My foot's
falling asleep.
52
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,337
Can you
get him off?
53
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,972
♪
54
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,683
I know,
but that's
55
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,185
what makes it
so terrible.
56
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,187
Here's some
libations
57
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:37,090
just to calm
your nerves.
58
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:41,395
Wow, that was,
um, that was tough.
59
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,497
That was tough,
that was tough.
60
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,132
-That was tough.
-Yeah, it was tough.
61
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,300
I'm so sorry,
I can't imagine
62
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,367
what you're
going through.
63
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,070
Three husbands,
spray from the--
64
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,505
I know,
I was there!
65
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,440
-It's right here!
-I'm so sorry.
66
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,309
If there's anything
that I can do, and--
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00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,411
I just want you
to know, Livinia,
68
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,446
as sure as
this moustache
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00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:03,951
hangs from my nose,
I will not relent
70
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,986
until I find
Cole Younger
71
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,421
and I take
him down.
72
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,389
Well, Cole was
trying to kill you,
73
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,091
so if we could
just kill you,
74
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,059
I wouldn't
have to worry
75
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,493
about Cole
Younger anymore.
76
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,995
What?
77
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,630
It was your fault
what happened today.
78
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,298
And you could have
prevented it,
79
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,500
if you'd been
wearing a gun.
80
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,269
I am the justice
of the peace!
81
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,004
I was marrying you,
and you were--
82
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,405
The only thing
that made you
83
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,908
justice of the peace is
that you're a sheriff.
84
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,876
And a sheriff
wears a gun.
85
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,079
-Right?
-Yeah, that's true.
86
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,615
Great Bendians,
I know that this
87
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:38,051
was a terrible,
horrid day
88
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,287
filled with death
and blood
89
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,990
and pieces of bone,
and brain matter
90
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,492
spewed across
all of us.
91
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:48,562
But perhaps we can
salvage some goodness
92
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,997
out of it.
93
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,264
I would like
to propose
94
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,400
something to lighten
the mood, it...
95
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,434
was something
I was planning
96
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,336
to do anyway,
and I think now,
97
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:57,504
in light of
the tragedy,
98
00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:00,474
it's even more
important.
99
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:01,575
(sighing)
100
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,144
Honey Shaw...
101
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,585
This is my Aunt
Mary Louisa's ring.
102
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,854
They had to wrench
her finger off
103
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,423
in order to keep
it in the family.
104
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,159
I would like
to wrench this ring
105
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,228
onto your finger,
106
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,263
for the rest
of your life.
107
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,065
Please marry me.
108
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:33,006
♪
109
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,443
(laughing)
110
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,317
Whoo, good night.
111
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,619
What are
you doing?
112
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,421
This is totally
inappropriate, Hoyle.
113
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,588
-What? No!
114
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,023
Livinia just
lost her husband.
115
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,358
Well, she loses
all of them.
116
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,859
Put that ring away.
117
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,361
-We're all dressed up--
-Not, no--not, no!
118
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,929
(angry bark)
119
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,464
For your Harvard
education, you are
120
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,933
certainly a dolt.
121
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,168
No.
122
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:06,573
♪
123
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,509
I hope Cole doesn't
miss next time.
124
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:14,147
♪
125
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,349
Oh, Jesus,
I lost one.
126
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:19,152
♪
127
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,220
Now, you're sure
this is all
128
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,555
the brain matter?
129
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,123
That's all I could
find in the dirt, yeah.
130
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,491
Okay, did you
get it off
131
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,426
-people's clothes?
-As much as I could.
132
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,594
I didn't want
to be intrusive,
133
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,296
they were weeping
at the time.
134
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:30,630
Well, I'm gonna
examine this
135
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,200
very carefully,
using the latest
136
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,869
in crime-fighting
technology,
137
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,104
the microscope.
138
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,438
What are you trying
to determine?
139
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:41,475
I...cause
of death.
140
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,343
That is the purpose
of an autopsy.
141
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,479
I don't know
how many times
142
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,314
I have to
hammer this.
143
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,149
I-I just thought we
could skip a step
144
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,051
and say "gunshot
just before
145
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,453
we all ran away."
146
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,123
Are you feeling
all right?
147
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,092
I'm under a lot
of pressure, okay?
148
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,560
Everybody's
so upset.
149
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,162
"Get Cole Younger,
get Cole Younger,
150
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,463
where's Cole Younger,
get Cole--have you
151
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,031
gotten Cole Younger?"
152
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,299
It's like, I've
tried everything.
153
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,567
I've pored over
my database,
154
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,503
I've look at
my ear drawings.
155
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,004
I've thought
and thunk
156
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,039
and meditated,
I've done everything
157
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,108
I can think of,
I cannot find
158
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,310
-this guy.
-He's wily,
159
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,411
and elusive.
160
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:19,479
Do you have
any thoughts,
161
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:20,580
any advice?
162
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,116
I know he's
not here.
163
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,018
Thank you,
thank you.
164
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,286
And people
are upset.
165
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,155
-I know that!
-Very upset.
166
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,524
And then, I embarrass
the hell out of myself
167
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,959
proposing to Honey--
I mean, I thought
168
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:36,563
boom, when she saw
that .7-carat ring,
169
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,132
I thought she was
gonna flip out.
170
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,869
It, it didn't work
out that way.
171
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:45,172
I'm not giving up.
172
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,340
I'm playing the
long game, Vernon.
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00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,109
Slow and steady,
like a trickle
174
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,477
that just wa--
175
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,379
Yes, like
water torture.
176
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,381
That's how I'm gonna
approach Honey.
177
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,149
She'll either
marry me,
178
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,652
or she will
slowly go
179
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,086
-insane.
-Insane.
180
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,521
-Hoyle.
-Hoyle!
181
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,024
♪
182
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,125
Whoa, hello.
183
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,293
What's going on,
what is it?
184
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,094
Something's
happened to Eli.
185
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,362
Something bad.
186
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,331
♪
187
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,632
(whip cracking)
188
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:19,206
♪
189
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,208
I found this note
under my door.
190
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,376
I took handwriting
analysis my senior year--
191
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,945
-Okay.
-Not now.
192
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,112
I taught a seminar,
actually, I was a TA--
193
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,447
-Hoyle, stop.
-Keep going.
194
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,015
Okay, just saying.
195
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:33,854
"Hoyle, we have your"--
God, these criminals!
196
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,088
And, I mean,
it's amazing.
197
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,423
No education.
198
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,258
I wanna give them all
three-lined paper
199
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,627
so they know how
to make the cursive.
200
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,129
Hey! Not everyone
took penmanship.
201
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,931
Just translate
the note.
202
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,600
Capital H is
not that hard.
203
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,104
"Leave 50,000 gold
at Cheyenne Cave
204
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,040
on Friday,
or he is 'ded,'"
205
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:54,641
look at that.
206
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,142
-D-E-D.
-D-E-D.
207
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:59,079
"We leave Eli," argh!
208
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,348
Yeah, we leave the
period off, too.
209
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,916
It's obviously
Cole Younger.
210
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:03,984
Only he would
come up with
211
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,585
this kind of
ransom idea.
212
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,088
We don't have
50,000 gold coins.
213
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,456
What are we
gonna do?
214
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,892
Shank, I'm gonna need
to deputize you.
215
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,360
-Oh, no!
-Yes.
216
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,928
That was not
successful last time.
217
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,630
Come on, Shank,
it's Eli!
218
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,132
-I know, but I--
-Vernon, please?
219
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,400
You don't know
how much it would
220
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,636
mean to me if you
found Eli, and...
221
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:26,506
you with a, slinging
a gun, on a horse.
222
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,242
I guess I could
saddle up and...
223
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,243
ride out there
with you,
224
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,344
see what we find.
225
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,979
You look so
handsome, too.
226
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:35,282
Oh, there's no way--
I'll go with you.
227
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,650
All right!
228
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,018
We better gear up,
there's going to be
229
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,352
a whole lot
of shooting.
230
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,921
Well, I hope
there's a whole lot
231
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,289
of moustache shaving,
because if there's not,
232
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,990
I don't want you
coming back here.
233
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,125
I second that.
234
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,326
Uh-huh, I know
what that means.
235
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,427
I don't think
it means that.
236
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,428
It means I can't
look at it.
237
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,562
Unlike Cole Younger,
238
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:50,864
I can read between
the lines.
239
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:51,865
I'm pretty sure
it just means
240
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:52,933
shave the moustache.
241
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,000
No, she's going
to marry me
242
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,001
if I shave
the moustache.
243
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:58,471
♪
244
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,106
Oh, hey, Eli.
245
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,875
Hi, Ephraim.
246
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,410
-Found you.
-Yeah.
247
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,911
How 'bout you
let me go--
248
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,112
Oh, that's not
part of the plan.
249
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,314
You're the bait,
250
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,582
we set up this
whole master plan.
251
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,151
Because my brother
and I, we're going
252
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,152
to kill you,
and we're going
253
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,520
to kill your partner.
254
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,988
We're going to chop
off both your heads
255
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,356
and just put on
the most disturbing
256
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,191
puppet show for the
neighborhood children.
257
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,428
It's going to be called
"Sheriff and Deaduty."
258
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,562
It's pronounced
"deputy."
259
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,230
I realize, but
in this case,
260
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,632
we're changing it
because you'd be dead,
261
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,267
so you'd be
the "dead-puty,"
262
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,102
it's a word play.
263
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,437
Ephraim!
264
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,539
Shut the hell up,
stop jawing, boy.
265
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:33,873
You talk too much.
266
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,208
I talk the
perfect amount.
267
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:38,011
Yeah, well, remember
on Mother's Day,
268
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,180
when you spilled the
beans on Ma's present?
269
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,115
It wasn't ruined,
I mean, I, I think
270
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,650
we went on to have
a delightful day.
271
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:44,918
There were tea cakes.
272
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,186
Boy, just
stop talking.
273
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,421
You're like a
preacher on Sunday.
274
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,223
All right,
I've got to go.
275
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,624
I've got to send you
back to sleep town.
276
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:53,193
Well, you could
just leave it off.
277
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,461
No, I really don't
have that option.
278
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,096
Otherwise, you might
see where we are
279
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,998
and then get wise to
what's about to happen.
280
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,132
Well, I mean,
you just told me
281
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,333
what's going to happen.
282
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,003
Yeah, that's
a fair point.
283
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,138
And here's
to ladies night!
284
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,940
(clanking and hooting)
285
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,042
You never
miss a cheer.
286
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,143
All right,
can we just
287
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,578
finish this
game, please?
288
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,980
-Ooh!
-Ooh!
289
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,281
(cat noises)
290
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,950
What is the
matter with you?
291
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,018
I don't know,
I guess I'm just
292
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,187
wondering if, if
Shank and Hoyle
293
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,622
found Eli yet.
294
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,024
Come on, Pearl,
you know Hoyle
295
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,925
always gets
through everything.
296
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,427
Yeah, but not Eli.
297
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,997
-Oh no!
-Oh, man.
298
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,332
Listen, this is
only gonna lead
299
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,100
to trouble, Pearl,
you do not want
300
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,502
to love a man.
301
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:39,272
You can bed a man,
but do not love a man.
302
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,375
Yeah, do what I do,
I love my dog.
303
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,110
Do not start talking
about your dog.
304
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,413
I'm gonna talk
about him.
305
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,281
And I might get
a little emotional
306
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,583
about him, 'cause
I had half of a beer.
307
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,018
Every time
you drink,
308
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,219
you start
babbling on
309
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,055
and crying about
that damned dog.
310
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,023
Oh, right, oh,
and I guess
311
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,359
you have no feelings
at all, huh?
312
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,994
You feel the same
way about Hoyle
313
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,396
as I do about Kong,
but in a sexual way.
314
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,432
I would never do
that to my dog.
315
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,168
Hoyle is a very
nice man, and...
316
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,437
I am lucky to have
him in my life,
317
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,573
but I am not going
to marry him.
318
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,941
If I get so
desperate
319
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,443
for love and
companionship,
320
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,579
I'll go get a little
dumb dog, like Kong.
321
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,148
♪
322
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:27,387
Well...I hope this
makes her happy.
323
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,155
See, my thinking is,
324
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:31,391
I get this all
shaved off,
325
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,026
I present her
the ring again,
326
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,227
-Mm-hm.
-And bingo.
327
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,228
Yeah.
328
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,362
That's my plan.
329
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,497
That's a
terrific plan.
330
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,631
What time'd
you get up?
331
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,166
I mean, I didn't
even hear you.
332
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,334
Four, about
four o'clock.
333
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,469
You were having
some kind
334
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:43,536
of wonderful
dream, though.
335
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,071
I don't know
where you went,
336
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,873
but it sounded like
it was a good place.
337
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,576
I dreamed that I
was near this tree,
338
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:53,246
this huge tree with
no branches on it,
339
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,415
with two rocks,
side by side
340
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,616
at the bottom.
341
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:57,617
Did lightning come
out of the top
342
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,219
of the tree at all?
343
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,055
Snow, snow shot out
of the top of the tree.
344
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,289
But going that way.
345
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,924
You and I were
arm in arm,
346
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,159
and all of the
snow came down
347
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,460
all over us.
348
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,663
What do you think
that means?
349
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,065
I can't imagine
that there's
350
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,333
a hidden meaning there.
351
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,934
Some people think
dreams mean stuff.
352
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,504
That sounds
silly to me.
353
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,372
No future in that.
354
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,574
Well, there's
a lot of future
355
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,910
in getting this--
I have faith
356
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,312
that Honey--this is
gonna turn the tide.
357
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:30,116
(roaring and screaming)
358
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,294
(sounds of struggle)
359
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,897
(heartbeat)
360
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,436
Hoyle!
361
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:54,040
Hoyle, Hoyle
wake up, wake up!
362
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,609
-There was a bear!
-He's okay, he's gone.
363
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,511
Where were you,
why didn't you--
364
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,047
I was, um...creating
a diversion over there.
365
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,283
When a bear comes, don't
create a diversion.
366
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,918
No, I was banging
two sticks together--
367
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,319
-Don't bang sticks.
-about 50 yards away.
368
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,421
Don't bang sticks,
get guns, get guns.
369
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,556
Next time,
we get guns.
370
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,191
I wish I had
a do-over.
371
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,926
(bear roaring)
372
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,595
♪
373
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,464
Vernon, get
the guns!
374
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,433
Get the guns!
375
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,670
♪
376
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,339
(sounds of struggle)
377
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:38,151
♪
378
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,254
(screaming)
379
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,022
That was good,
that was good.
380
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,023
It's okay.
381
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:45,625
How did you
kill it?
382
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,193
I fashioned
a garrote.
383
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,028
How do you know how
to use a garrote?
384
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:50,597
I was a Jesse scout--
did I not tell you that?
385
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,965
I thought that
came up.
386
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,900
You were--you were
in the war?
387
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,535
Insurgency, mostly
hand to hand,
388
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:56,869
some munitions.
389
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,271
You never talk
about that.
390
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,040
I don't like to talk,
it sounds braggy.
391
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,208
How you feel?
392
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,543
I feel good,
my shoulder's
393
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,011
really stiff here.
394
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,113
Yeah, yeah, that
does look tough.
395
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:08,381
Are you gonna keep
the moustache that way?
396
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,383
I'm not crazy
about that,
397
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,119
it looks not,
uh, not good.
398
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,988
The moustache makes
you feel that way?
399
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,489
Really, it's a
queasy feeling.
400
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,425
Okay, fine--hey,
you hungry?
401
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,327
Yeah, why,
what you got?
402
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,562
Bear.
403
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,197
(laughter)
404
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,932
♪
405
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,201
Oh, God, I mean,
it's been 12 hours.
406
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,205
Are you still
crying about Eli?
407
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,473
I guess.
408
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,008
You're in deep,
you're in deep.
409
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,309
There's only two ways
410
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,177
that you can
erase feelings.
411
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,114
Okay, one
is whiskey.
412
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,416
That's why I'm always
loaded up with it.
413
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,917
Number two:
414
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,653
Take a bullet
to the brain.
415
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,454
Ooh, I know
it sounds harsh.
416
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,157
My cousin Jane,
she accidentally
417
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,192
got shot in the head,
but you know what?
418
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,061
You can hold a
conversation with her,
419
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,096
she's a perfectly
classy lady.
420
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,931
No emotions.
421
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,466
I mean, tearing out
your emotion?
422
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,501
That's the way to go!
423
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,602
Mm-hm.
424
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,337
Because caring
about a man
425
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,005
does nothing for you.
426
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,375
I got three
husbands--dead.
427
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:13,346
Dead, dead, dead,
dead, dead.
428
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,381
♪
429
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:18,985
Girls night, success.
430
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:23,523
♪
431
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,524
(horse whinnying)
432
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,093
Whoa, ho, ho, ho.
433
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,294
What is that?
434
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:31,597
♪
435
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,268
Fortunately, one
of us came prepared.
436
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,303
Look at that.
437
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,939
-It's got a monogram!
-It's Eli.
438
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,975
It's Eli, he's--he's
hanging from a rope.
439
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,878
He's perched precariously
on top of a tombstone.
440
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:46,913
Well, we've got
to get him down.
441
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,449
Okay, hold
it, hold up.
442
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,417
Just check this out.
443
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,453
Just give me
a second...
444
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,356
ohh, aha.
445
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:59,092
Oh, that son
of a bitch.
446
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,560
It's a double
reverse twist.
447
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,495
He gives me
the ransom note
448
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,430
to lure me here,
and we go out
449
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,898
to rescue him
and we're in
450
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,434
-a killing box.
-Ahh, bamboozled.
451
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:09,635
If only we had
some sort
452
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,104
of a distraction,
something that
453
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,205
would get their
attention, you know,
454
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,606
like, look,
look at me.
455
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,174
Something like this,
that would get
456
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,609
-their attention.
-Yeah, but more...
457
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,044
more impressive.
458
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:19,278
Bigger, something
bigger and fast.
459
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,180
Like...dynamite.
460
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,216
Yes! Why didn't
we bring any?
461
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,951
We did.
462
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,352
Why do you
have dynamite?
463
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,955
To keep me sharp,
a little more alert--
464
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,524
A new traveler
rule between us?
465
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,126
If you've got
explosives,
466
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,228
tell the guy who's
sitting next to you.
467
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,462
I didn't know
you had that...
468
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:39,365
This doesn't
blow up, Shank.
469
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,900
This doesn't blow up.
470
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,236
-Point taken.
-Cole?
471
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,204
All right, all right,
we'll pick this up later.
472
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,572
Come on, we better
get started
473
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,941
if we're gonna
save him, let's go.
474
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,644
How much longer we got
to stay out here, Cole?
475
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,479
Ephraim, you just be
patient, all right?
476
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:54,547
This plan's
gonna work.
477
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,915
What if he
outfigures us
478
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,150
and then refigures
that thing--
479
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:01,487
It is a simple
complicated plan.
480
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,656
Get ready, we're gonna
execute the plan on my mark--
481
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,292
-Wait, on your what?
-Alpha Delta plan--what?
482
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:07,393
Are you gonna
say "mark"?
483
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,095
It's not simple.
484
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,464
I'm simple, and this
is above Ephraim's--
485
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,866
Mama always said you
were simple, true.
486
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,102
No, on my mark--
the mark means
487
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,503
that's the thing
I'm gonna say.
488
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,604
Well, I don't know
what that is, though.
489
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,173
It was "Plunge!"
490
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,607
Well, how close
do you wanna get them?
491
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,476
Close enough we see
the whites of their eyes,
492
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,545
then we open up,
then you can hit them.
493
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:29,482
-Yes, do it!
-Oh, go, okay!
494
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,616
(explosion, gunfire)
495
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,218
♪ Glory be,
glory be ♪
496
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,187
♪ They've hung him
from the hanging tree ♪
497
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,088
♪ Strung him up
for all to see ♪
498
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,123
♪ They're going
to send him back,
499
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,558
send him back home ♪
500
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,460
♪ Glory be,
glory be ♪
501
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,029
♪ They've hung him
from the hanging tree ♪
502
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,097
♪ Strung him up
for all to see ♪
503
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,467
♪ They're going to send
that sinner back home ♪
504
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,902
♪ Send that sinner
back home ♪
505
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:54,440
♪
506
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,509
♪ There's a storm
a-coming ♪
507
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,945
♪ Riding down on me ♪
508
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,379
♪ There's a change
a-yonder ♪
509
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,548
♪ There's a change
of scenery ♪
510
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:07,253
♪ And the Lord's
brought home another ♪
511
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:12,191
♪ Pray to the Lord,
don't come for me ♪
512
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:14,193
♪ Glory be,
glory be ♪
513
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,629
♪ They hung him from
the hanging tree ♪
514
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,631
♪ Strung him up
for all to see ♪
515
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,100
♪ They done sent that
sinner back home ♪
516
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,236
♪ It's best that you're
the righteous ♪
517
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,471
♪ And the sinners
find their way ♪
518
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,907
♪ But I watched that
new blood change ♪
519
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,909
♪ Had to play,
had to play ♪
520
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:34,113
♪ And the Lord
called home another ♪
521
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:39,118
♪ Yes, the Lord let
that sinner sway ♪
522
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,153
♪ Glory be,
glory be ♪
523
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,523
♪ They hung him from
the hanging tree ♪
524
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,458
♪ Strung him up
for all to see ♪
525
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,160
♪ They done sent that
sinner back home ♪
526
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,363
♪ Sent that sinner
back home ♪
527
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,199
♪ Sent that sinner ♪
528
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,401
♪ Back home ♪
529
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,602
(coughing)
530
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,004
(horse whinnying)
531
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,539
(coughing)
532
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:04,377
♪
533
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,445
-Hi, Pearl!
-Hey!
534
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,548
-You shot me down!
-I did!
535
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,951
Well, why'd you
kill him for me?
536
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:14,186
I was worried about
you, I guess.
537
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:16,455
Well, that was good.
538
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,457
Hey, Pearl?
539
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,493
You want to--you
want to marry me?
540
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,929
♪
541
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,363
Yeah.
542
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:26,265
-Yeah?
-Yes!
543
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,134
-Yeah?
-Yes!
544
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:32,872
If you could
undo my hands,
545
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,441
-I can kiss back.
-Oh, okay.
546
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:46,452
Do you, Eli Brocias,
take my stepdaughter,
547
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:49,188
related by marriage,
Pearl Starr,
548
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,891
to be your happily
wedded wife?
549
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,161
To have and to hold,
till the end of time.
550
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,996
Till she's a
rotting corpse,
551
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,966
nothing but bones that
turn into the dust
552
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,335
that make up
the universe.
553
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,170
Yay or nay?
554
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,138
Yeah, yeah--yay.
555
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,607
-"I do."
-I do.
556
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:13,245
Do you, Pearl Starr,
throw away your youth
557
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:16,315
and any other
possible future
558
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:19,652
with any other man,
be him educated
559
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,421
from Harvard,
friends of mine--
560
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,590
Oh, my God, come on.
561
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,026
One-hundred percent sure?
562
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,260
Yes.
563
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,630
-Say "I do."
-I do.
564
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,965
Is there anyone
here today
565
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,534
who feels that these two
should not be joined,
566
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:39,005
speak now or forever
hold your peace.
567
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,272
I do.
568
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,108
-What?
-I do.
569
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,376
I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry.
570
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,610
Nobody ever speaks!
571
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,512
I cannot hold my
peace any longer,
572
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,147
and I am here
to implore you
573
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:50,516
to be the one
to hold my...peace.
574
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,418
Pearl Starr,
I have loved you
575
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,986
from the moment
I saw you
576
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,388
in that jail cell
right there,
577
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,423
and I vowed to
make you my wife.
578
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:00,192
I, I am not
a handsome man.
579
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:01,994
I look a little like
a boogie trout,
580
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,362
I know that.
581
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:04,630
But I am
an honest man,
582
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:06,265
and I have
a big heart.
583
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,101
And I have a big heart
on for this woman.
584
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,970
I will treat you
like the queen
585
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,438
you deserve to be.
586
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,040
Come with me,
Pearl Starr,
587
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,441
and allow me
to shower you
588
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,410
with my love.
589
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,078
Come on.
590
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,947
Come on!
591
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,183
Come on!
592
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,885
One step.
593
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,620
Sidestep.
594
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,555
Just a head nod.
595
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:31,557
Come--
596
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:34,193
come on.
597
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:35,628
Come here.
598
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,230
(clucking to her)
599
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:40,633
I feel like
this is as far
600
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,401
-as it's gonna get.
-Yep, yeah.
601
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:43,669
Okay.
602
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:46,172
Um, congratulations
on the big day, though.
603
00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:47,473
Really.
604
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,076
You look fabulous,
very handsome man.
605
00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:52,111
Hey, thank you.
606
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,412
Sorry, sorry.
607
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:54,914
Okay, are you done?
608
00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,615
Is there anyone else?
609
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:57,683
-No.
-Okay.
610
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,118
No.
611
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:02,054
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
612
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,089
You may kiss the bride!
613
00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:06,192
(applause and cheers)
614
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:09,261
Excuse me, I'm
just--great work.
615
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:10,930
Vernon, a word.
616
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:13,365
(weeping)
617
00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:15,067
I don't know
what possibly
618
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,936
gave you the idea
that that could work.
619
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,305
I mean, I gave Honey
a K-quality diamond,
620
00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:21,373
and she turned me down.
621
00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:24,510
You could be her
great-grandfather.
622
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:27,980
That's not true,
I'm very young at heart.
41559
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