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1
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[ Telephone ]
2
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Don't answer it.
3
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,100
Hello .. oh, hello.
4
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:55,434
No, I haven't asked him yet.
I will now. Wait a minute.
5
00:01:56,410 --> 00:02:00,228
Darling, you've got to help me.
Sister wants a tutor for Alphonse.
6
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:01,812
What, that brat?
7
00:02:02,524 --> 00:02:04,275
Well .. it's a waste of education.
8
00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:07,363
Tell your dear sister she's throwing
money out of the window.
9
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:09,383
Oh, now ..
10
00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:15,005
Give me that.
11
00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:26,176
Hello .. oh Philippe has
a marvelous tutor.
12
00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:28,952
Professor "Topaze".
13
00:02:29,893 --> 00:02:32,602
P'Arcy 3564.
14
00:02:34,537 --> 00:02:36,920
Oh .. oh, I'll get him myself tomorrow.
15
00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,561
Yes. Well that's alright. How are you?
16
00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:42,111
Kiss Alphonse for me.
17
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,414
Goodnight.
18
00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:50,954
[ Alarm sound ]
19
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:52,650
Sounds.
20
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,080
What's wrong? โ I have to go.
21
00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:00,191
You don't love me anymore.
22
00:03:00,877 --> 00:03:02,629
Darling, I adore you.
23
00:03:03,464 --> 00:03:06,526
But you know as well as I do,
that I must get home to my wife.
24
00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:41,172
Shush.
25
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,465
Good evening, my sweet.
26
00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:50,704
Where have you been?
27
00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:53,678
Exhausted, darling. I'm exhausted.
28
00:03:54,163 --> 00:03:56,085
I've had the most tiring day.
29
00:03:56,371 --> 00:03:59,681
As it was, I had to leave before
the conference was over.
30
00:04:00,655 --> 00:04:02,204
Did you miss me? โ Oh ..
31
00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:05,831
I've been almost out of
my mind waiting for you.
32
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:12,967
Hortense, I draw the line at sleeping
with Max. Now, he has his own bed.
33
00:04:13,178 --> 00:04:15,148
Oh, you leave him alone. He's nervous.
34
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:16,961
Oh, Philippe.
35
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,573
I don't know how to begin to tell you.
โ What?
36
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:23,808
Promise me you'll control yourself.
โ Darling, I'll be as stoic as a turtle.
37
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,597
Something dreadful has
happened to our son.
38
00:04:27,922 --> 00:04:29,184
He'll outgrow it.
39
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,635
Philippe de La Tour La Tour,
I'm talking to you.
40
00:04:31,802 --> 00:04:33,157
Come here at once.
41
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,604
This is what the
State Academy thinks of ..
42
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,610
Your son.
43
00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:45,971
"Charlemagne de La Tour."
44
00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:47,731
"Geography. Zero."
45
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,808
"Mathematics. Zero."
46
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:51,919
"Chemistry. Zero."
47
00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:54,180
"History. Zero."
48
00:04:55,105 --> 00:04:56,777
"General knowledge. 30."
49
00:04:57,991 --> 00:05:00,410
"Signed: Auguste A. Topaze."
50
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,835
Ha .. a fascinating record.
51
00:05:03,108 --> 00:05:04,518
Must have had on off month.
52
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,458
It's a plot against our child.
53
00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:15,267
A plot fostered by that
creature, whatshisname ...?
54
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,619
"Topaze".
55
00:05:17,194 --> 00:05:18,774
Topaze or not Topaze.
56
00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:20,730
That is the question.
57
00:05:21,126 --> 00:05:22,126
Ha!
58
00:05:22,173 --> 00:05:24,219
This is no time for joking.
59
00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:26,440
Has he been eating well?
60
00:05:28,798 --> 00:05:32,075
I demand that you see the
Minister of Education.
61
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:35,357
Darling, I doubt if he could
spare the time for tutoring.
62
00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:39,518
You will drive me mad with your levity.
63
00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:43,837
Did I hear you call me, Mama?
โ Yes, darling.
64
00:05:46,357 --> 00:05:47,835
How do you, my fine scholar?
65
00:05:48,063 --> 00:05:50,347
I've just been looking over
your astonishing record.
66
00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,867
Philippe, don't make the child cry.
67
00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:55,022
I won't cry, Mama.
โ Oh, darling.
68
00:05:56,052 --> 00:05:58,104
Now tell your father what you told me.
69
00:05:58,551 --> 00:06:01,870
Well, I'm not the idiot that
old Professor Topaze is.
70
00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:04,626
He ..
71
00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,297
Go on, dearest. Don't falter.
72
00:06:07,928 --> 00:06:08,928
Well ..
73
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,480
He's a communist and I can prove it.
โ What?
74
00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:16,826
Yes, Papa. He's against the rich. He
doesn't like me because I'm a La Tour.
75
00:06:17,149 --> 00:06:18,662
You should try to win him over.
76
00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:20,785
But he'll try to win me
over if he's so smart.
77
00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:22,345
Come here, darling.
78
00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:24,477
Now you must stop fretting.
79
00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:28,348
Philippe .. I want this
Topaze removed at once.
80
00:06:28,771 --> 00:06:30,383
Thanks, Mama. โ Ah, darling.
81
00:06:30,909 --> 00:06:32,609
Does this monster ever beat you?
82
00:06:32,932 --> 00:06:34,515
Yes .. all the time.
83
00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:36,292
Is that so? Where?
84
00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:40,199
Oh .. oh, my poor boy!
85
00:06:40,955 --> 00:06:43,621
Oh you .. you heartless father.
86
00:06:44,026 --> 00:06:45,405
Oh, my baby.
87
00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:49,263
Perhaps we'd all be more comfortable
if I used the bed in the other wing?
88
00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:51,697
Philippe, your place is here.
89
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:56,026
Darling, I must get some sleep.
I have to be up very early.
90
00:07:20,271 --> 00:07:22,637
Good morning.
โ Good morning, Professor Topaze.
91
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,655
That's a very fine odor you're
giving the countryside, sir.
92
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,465
You will have to excuse me.
Tomorrow, perhaps.
93
00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:36,062
Good morning Dr Stegg.
โ Just a moment, Dr Topaze.
94
00:07:36,974 --> 00:07:38,332
I have some good news for you.
95
00:07:38,531 --> 00:07:41,517
Is it .. is it about my raise in salary?
96
00:07:41,607 --> 00:07:42,607
Oh, much better.
97
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,291
I am pleased to report that
owing to my tireless efforts.
98
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,195
The highest honors that can be bestowed
on a teacher are now within your grasp.
99
00:07:51,561 --> 00:07:54,829
You don't mean the Academic Palms?
โ Yes.
100
00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:56,804
Oh, Dr Stegg.
101
00:07:57,235 --> 00:07:59,443
Not so fast, Dr Topaze.
102
00:08:00,156 --> 00:08:04,349
Twelve members of the Academy have now
read your "First Steps In Chemistry."
103
00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,363
And are favorably disposed.
104
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:10,779
There remain but eight members, which
is three members less than last year.
105
00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:14,228
Then .. I shan't be mentioned
in this year's list?
106
00:08:14,655 --> 00:08:16,625
Ah .. yes, and no.
107
00:08:17,657 --> 00:08:21,352
Colonel Lepping informs me that you have
been awarded the Academic Palms.
108
00:08:21,442 --> 00:08:24,308
In a spiritual, but not
in a political sense.
109
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:27,238
That is to say .. morally.
110
00:08:28,021 --> 00:08:29,021
Morally.
111
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,407
Well, that's something, isn't it.
112
00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:35,579
It's very nice .. it give me great hope.
113
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:38,737
Have you done the potassium lesson?
โ I should say not.
114
00:08:38,929 --> 00:08:41,086
You'd better look at it.
It's pretty hard.
115
00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:43,248
Here it is on page 86.
116
00:08:48,453 --> 00:08:50,445
This is what I think of the lesson.
117
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:52,794
Professor Topaze.
118
00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:57,339
Will you pardon me? I'm a very
happy man and thank you very much.
119
00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,133
Just a moment, Dr Topaze.
120
00:09:00,312 --> 00:09:03,769
You left the electric light burning
in your classroom all last night.
121
00:09:04,473 --> 00:09:05,473
Oh, I'm sorry.
122
00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:07,728
How could I have done that?
โ Carelessness.
123
00:09:08,327 --> 00:09:11,141
We'll have to deduct 7 francs
from your monthly stipend.
124
00:09:12,048 --> 00:09:13,048
7 francs?
125
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,646
What a pity.
126
00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:43,733
Monsieur Duval.
127
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:48,683
You have again neglected your
duties towards the calendar.
128
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:50,495
I am annoyed.
129
00:09:52,873 --> 00:09:54,630
This is your third offense.
130
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:58,865
I regret I am forced to
remove it from your charge.
131
00:10:04,265 --> 00:10:05,328
Monsieur Durand.
132
00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:10,274
In recognition of your good marks.
133
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:13,115
The calendar is entrusted to your care.
134
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,468
Monsieur Le Grand,
kindly leave the room.
135
00:10:38,949 --> 00:10:41,019
Morals and deportment.
136
00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:50,313
Monsieur.
137
00:10:52,515 --> 00:10:55,490
Let this be a lesson to you
that Professor Topaze ..
138
00:10:55,761 --> 00:10:57,716
Has eyes in the back of his head.
139
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,128
You may return to your seat.
โ Thank you, sir.
140
00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,882
Before we go any further, gentlemen.
141
00:11:07,061 --> 00:11:08,841
I wish to appeal to a boy.
142
00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:12,316
Who has been annoying
our class for several days.
143
00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:16,219
I willingly forgive him
for his past offenses.
144
00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:18,920
But I must appeal to his moral sense.
145
00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:23,851
To discontinue his inopportune
and undesirable melodies.
146
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:28,522
I know I shall not appeal
to his moral sense .. in vain.
147
00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:30,519
[ Squeaking noise ]
148
00:11:33,305 --> 00:11:34,305
Very well.
149
00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:39,375
Dishonorable miscreant,
you have bearded the lion.
150
00:11:40,923 --> 00:11:41,948
Beware.
151
00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:46,998
Gentlemen, I ask you to ignore
these and other future noises.
152
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,786
Act as if they did not exist.
153
00:11:51,102 --> 00:11:54,710
Today we are not going to concern
ourselves with chemical equations.
154
00:11:55,264 --> 00:11:58,881
Geographical questions or
matters of historical import.
155
00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:03,113
We are going to consider things
of a deep and fundamental nature.
156
00:12:04,052 --> 00:12:06,931
I refer to the question
of good and evil.
157
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,597
We are going to dwell on the habits ..
158
00:12:10,007 --> 00:12:11,884
Of civilized peoples.
159
00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:14,488
[ Squeaking noise ]
160
00:12:18,674 --> 00:12:19,796
Let us ..
161
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,429
Let us take examples from daily life.
162
00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:25,374
Question number one.
163
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,126
What must one be to succeed in life?
164
00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:33,111
Monsieur Tranche Mauville.
165
00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:36,674
To succeed in life one must be ..
166
00:12:40,213 --> 00:12:42,307
Hon .. hon .. โ Honest.
167
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:44,196
Honest. Correct.
168
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,327
Eminently correct.
169
00:12:47,144 --> 00:12:49,265
One must be honest. But what else?
170
00:12:49,931 --> 00:12:51,719
Honest. But what more?
171
00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:55,589
Monsieur Durand.
172
00:12:57,621 --> 00:12:59,765
He must be honest, and ...?
173
00:13:01,193 --> 00:13:02,536
Ki .. ki ..
174
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:05,540
Kind! โ Honest and kind.
175
00:13:07,881 --> 00:13:10,717
Now gentlemen, let us presume.
176
00:13:11,304 --> 00:13:13,066
That by some freak of nature.
177
00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:15,909
A dishonest man becomes wealthy.
178
00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:20,747
Well .. he is well-dressed.
179
00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:24,565
He lives in a very fine room.
180
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,568
He has servants .. and an automobile.
181
00:13:30,289 --> 00:13:31,289
Yet ..
182
00:13:33,051 --> 00:13:35,413
Has this man any friends?
183
00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,583
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
184
00:13:45,484 --> 00:13:46,662
Yes, lots.
185
00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:50,744
Ah .. so ..
186
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,172
You think this man has friends?
187
00:13:53,438 --> 00:13:54,441
I know he has.
188
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,105
And pray, why has he friends?
189
00:13:57,801 --> 00:13:59,104
To ride in his automobile.
190
00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:03,492
No, my dear Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
191
00:14:04,197 --> 00:14:05,497
Those are not friends.
192
00:14:06,317 --> 00:14:08,577
Such people, if they existed ..
193
00:14:09,053 --> 00:14:11,155
Would be merely vile parasites.
194
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,762
The man we are
describing has no friends.
195
00:14:15,471 --> 00:14:17,446
The people who knew him before.
196
00:14:17,926 --> 00:14:20,868
Learning that his fortune
was not legitimate.
197
00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:24,017
Would flee from him, as from a plague.
198
00:14:25,228 --> 00:14:26,337
What does he do?
199
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:28,246
He moves into another mansion.
200
00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:33,225
Possibly.
201
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,178
But .. may I ask?
202
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,825
Would he ..
203
00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:43,317
Would he be any happier in his ..
204
00:14:44,395 --> 00:14:45,693
Shall we say, mansion?
205
00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:48,297
Yes. If it's a nice neighborhood.
206
00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:51,336
No, my dear sir.
207
00:14:52,806 --> 00:14:55,599
He would be happier in no neighborhood.
208
00:14:56,472 --> 00:14:57,930
This dishonest man.
209
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,672
Wherever he goes.
210
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,555
Whatever he does.
211
00:15:02,383 --> 00:15:04,370
Will be inevitably tortured.
212
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,525
By the disapproval.
213
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:07,985
Of his ..
214
00:15:08,419 --> 00:15:09,932
I know, I know. I know.
215
00:15:10,108 --> 00:15:11,533
A moment please, gentlemen.
216
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,877
I will give you an opportunity ..
217
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:18,334
To redeem yourself
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
218
00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:24,877
The disapproval of his con ..
219
00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:26,834
Con ..
220
00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:28,570
Constipation?
221
00:15:46,457 --> 00:15:48,043
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
222
00:15:48,383 --> 00:15:52,452
I choose to think that idiotic reply
was not a weak attempt at humor.
223
00:15:52,773 --> 00:15:54,686
But a definite lack of intelligence.
224
00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:56,984
Zero.
225
00:16:03,389 --> 00:16:04,812
This dishonest man.
226
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:09,158
Would be troubled by the
disapproval of his own conscience.
227
00:16:09,899 --> 00:16:12,235
And so worries, night and day.
228
00:16:13,154 --> 00:16:14,154
Pale.
229
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:15,623
Ill.
230
00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:16,987
Fatigued.
231
00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:19,792
In order to find peace at last.
232
00:16:20,826 --> 00:16:25,058
He distributes .. among
the poor, his entire fortune.
233
00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:28,493
As a sign that he has
at last understood.
234
00:16:29,504 --> 00:16:30,504
That.
235
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:36,128
Ill-gotten gains are not worth while.
236
00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,434
And.
237
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:41,193
Money does not bring happiness.
238
00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:43,029
Exactly.
239
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:44,353
[ Squeaking noises ]
240
00:16:47,743 --> 00:16:49,970
Now let us turn to a brighter picture.
241
00:16:50,805 --> 00:16:53,242
What is the fate of the honest man?
242
00:16:54,632 --> 00:16:55,953
Monsieur Tellinont.
243
00:17:01,144 --> 00:17:04,025
What is the state of the
honest man's mind ..
244
00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:06,730
At the end of his day's work?
245
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:10,862
He's exhausted.
246
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:16,765
Have you forgotten what I have
so often taught you in this class?
247
00:17:19,836 --> 00:17:21,277
Is work tiring?
248
00:17:22,315 --> 00:17:23,698
Monsieur Cordiere.
249
00:17:24,963 --> 00:17:28,104
No, sir. Work tires nobody.
Only laziness is tiring.
250
00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:30,393
Laziness is the mother of all vice.
251
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:31,840
Excellent!
252
00:17:32,555 --> 00:17:35,390
Monsieur Cordiere.
You will have a hundred.
253
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,983
[ Squeaking noises ]
254
00:17:41,732 --> 00:17:43,906
Permit me gentlemen, to elucidate.
255
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,821
Let us presume our honest
man is a businessman.
256
00:17:48,498 --> 00:17:51,082
He will refuse to
misrepresent his product.
257
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:53,888
He will scorn unmerited profit.
258
00:17:54,462 --> 00:17:57,812
And be rewarded by the
esteem of all who know him.
259
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:02,565
If a war breaks out, and he has
the good fortune to be wounded.
260
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:06,639
He will be instantly
awarded a decoration.
261
00:18:07,009 --> 00:18:08,250
By his government.
262
00:18:09,235 --> 00:18:10,395
Aha!
263
00:18:13,512 --> 00:18:14,512
So.
264
00:18:15,933 --> 00:18:19,618
You were foolish enough to mistake
my kindness for weakness.
265
00:18:20,358 --> 00:18:22,214
My patience for blindness.
266
00:18:23,023 --> 00:18:27,430
My young friend, the velvet
glove conceals a hand of steel.
267
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,216
You see that hand?
268
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:31,521
If you resist it, it will break you.
269
00:18:31,838 --> 00:18:33,263
[ Squeaking noises ]
270
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,137
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
271
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,550
Stand with your back in the corner.
272
00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:39,574
Your back to the class.
273
00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:41,306
[ Squeaking noises ]
274
00:18:41,561 --> 00:18:45,159
You are now an object of derision
and shame to your comrades.
275
00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:47,518
[ Squeaking noises ]
276
00:18:58,184 --> 00:18:59,184
Gentlemen.
277
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,418
Do not be unduly depressed
by this painful incident.
278
00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:05,104
I ..
279
00:19:05,459 --> 00:19:07,928
Shall go on with the class
as if nothing has happened.
280
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,359
As for you, Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
281
00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,008
I will not yet pronounce sentence.
282
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:18,125
I condemn you to a state of uncertainty.
283
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,691
Doctor Topaze. โ What is it?
284
00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:30,761
Bring your report card to
Doctor Stegg's office at once.
285
00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:33,093
Does Doctor Stegg know I'm
in the middle of my class?
286
00:19:33,454 --> 00:19:34,483
At once.
287
00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:47,731
Gentlemen, I wish you to take
advantage of my absence.
288
00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:49,813
By discussing among yourselves.
289
00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:52,223
This question of good and evil.
290
00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:54,748
And the problems of civilization.
291
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,237
[ Door knocks ]
292
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:11,677
Come in.
293
00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:16,149
Close the door.
294
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,270
You have the records?
295
00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:24,702
Yes, sir. I brought them as you asked.
296
00:20:25,068 --> 00:20:26,968
I was in the middle of my class ..
โ Silence!
297
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,670
Ha .. hmm .. ha ..
298
00:20:32,028 --> 00:20:33,620
Seven zeros.
299
00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:36,300
Madame, I'm dumbfounded.
300
00:20:36,682 --> 00:20:38,244
Proceed, Dr Stegg.
301
00:20:39,225 --> 00:20:41,781
You've been with us
a long time, Dr Topaze.
302
00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:44,693
So I am willing to give you
the benefit of the doubt.
303
00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:48,947
I am not blaming you for
this error, but your secretary.
304
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,395
I hope you understand me.
305
00:20:53,723 --> 00:20:55,342
I have no secretary, sir.
306
00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:59,152
I myself gave Monsieur
La Tour La Tour those marks.
307
00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:01,492
You can see that is my handwriting.
308
00:21:01,756 --> 00:21:04,233
Ha! Do you want me and
the Baroness to believe ..
309
00:21:04,323 --> 00:21:08,878
That this descendent of an illustrious
line of statesmen and heroes is an idiot?
310
00:21:09,318 --> 00:21:10,363
The Baroness?
311
00:21:11,384 --> 00:21:12,571
How do you do, Madame.
312
00:21:13,275 --> 00:21:14,586
You see, I ..
313
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,979
I don't consider your son an idiot.
314
00:21:17,524 --> 00:21:19,196
For I marked him ..
315
00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:21,518
30 for general knowledge.
316
00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:23,708
That is because I have decided ..
317
00:21:23,973 --> 00:21:27,703
That he knows things that perhaps
he is unable to communicate to me.
318
00:21:28,292 --> 00:21:30,764
Also, I have taken into
consideration the fact ..
319
00:21:31,284 --> 00:21:34,319
That he is able to find his way
to school and home again.
320
00:21:34,952 --> 00:21:36,849
However .. โ Proceed, Dr Stegg.
321
00:21:37,389 --> 00:21:41,467
Permit me to explain Dr Stegg
the meaning of those zeros.
322
00:21:41,823 --> 00:21:45,791
You see, the child is totally
unconcerned with education.
323
00:21:46,476 --> 00:21:50,225
He confuses himself by playing music ..
324
00:21:50,488 --> 00:21:52,969
On a .. miserable little instrument.
325
00:21:53,524 --> 00:21:56,638
He throws .. if you will pardon me ..
326
00:21:57,377 --> 00:21:58,811
Stink bombs.
327
00:21:59,679 --> 00:22:01,593
And .. whatnot.
328
00:22:02,336 --> 00:22:04,421
That is what I call the active state.
329
00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:05,887
Ha!
330
00:22:06,145 --> 00:22:11,902
On the other hand he will look at me
with a kind of thick, myopic expression.
331
00:22:12,312 --> 00:22:15,422
And although he is apparently
listening intently ..
332
00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:17,748
And his eyes are wide open.
333
00:22:18,794 --> 00:22:20,228
He is asleep, Madame.
334
00:22:20,721 --> 00:22:22,496
And if I speak to him suddenly.
335
00:22:22,816 --> 00:22:24,458
He falls off his seat.
336
00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:27,247
That is what I call, the passive state.
337
00:22:27,497 --> 00:22:28,711
Sir, you've said enough.
338
00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:32,370
You've convinced me that Madame is
right in every one of her accusations.
339
00:22:33,013 --> 00:22:35,722
Doctor Topaze, you've
been guilty of favoritism.
340
00:22:36,813 --> 00:22:38,208
Sir, I have been honest.
341
00:22:38,827 --> 00:22:39,827
Ha!
342
00:22:40,904 --> 00:22:43,085
Either this creature is dismissed ..
343
00:22:43,974 --> 00:22:45,694
Or I withdraw my son.
344
00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,750
And bring the forces of
the government to bear.
345
00:22:49,779 --> 00:22:51,257
Madame, I beg you listen.
346
00:22:52,296 --> 00:22:54,604
Sir, you are a vile radical.
347
00:22:55,568 --> 00:22:56,568
Madame.
348
00:22:56,932 --> 00:22:59,618
My sympathies are entirely
with the capitalists.
349
00:23:00,697 --> 00:23:02,169
Topaze, you're a fool.
350
00:23:02,755 --> 00:23:03,927
Go back to your class.
351
00:23:04,017 --> 00:23:06,618
Pack your belongings and leave
the faculty you've dishonored.
352
00:23:07,207 --> 00:23:09,560
You are no longer a
member of my academy.
353
00:23:43,495 --> 00:23:45,879
Where do you think he's going?
โ I don't know.
354
00:23:47,736 --> 00:23:48,736
Gentlemen.
355
00:23:50,015 --> 00:23:51,351
I wish to ..
356
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:56,399
Assign you your lessons for tomorrow.
357
00:23:58,389 --> 00:23:59,389
You ..
358
00:24:00,756 --> 00:24:03,297
You will come prepared to go further ..
359
00:24:04,431 --> 00:24:05,947
And more exhaustively.
360
00:24:07,044 --> 00:24:08,190
Into the subject ..
361
00:24:09,138 --> 00:24:10,537
Of good and evil.
362
00:24:12,057 --> 00:24:13,057
This will be ..
363
00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:15,593
Your course of inquiry.
364
00:24:17,344 --> 00:24:18,496
On these ..
365
00:24:20,062 --> 00:24:21,619
Noble philosophies.
366
00:24:25,526 --> 00:24:26,598
The class.
367
00:24:27,690 --> 00:24:28,797
Is adjourned.
368
00:24:31,731 --> 00:24:33,108
For a brief recess.
369
00:25:11,963 --> 00:25:15,648
Coco, after leaving you yesterday,
I investigated this man, Topaze.
370
00:25:15,965 --> 00:25:18,182
I strongly recommend
against his employment.
371
00:25:18,745 --> 00:25:20,294
Oh, but he's coming this afternoon.
372
00:25:20,662 --> 00:25:23,462
Well, give him his bus-fare and tell
him that Alphonse has the measles.
373
00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,555
Better make it scarlet-fever.
374
00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:27,142
Is the Baron in?
375
00:25:27,744 --> 00:25:29,403
Doctor Bomb to see the Baron.
376
00:25:30,952 --> 00:25:32,910
Please, no business this evening.
377
00:25:33,112 --> 00:25:35,218
My dear, that is the chemist
from our bottling works.
378
00:25:35,628 --> 00:25:37,215
I'm naming a new water after him.
379
00:25:37,678 --> 00:25:39,649
"Sparkling Bomb". Send him in.
380
00:25:40,027 --> 00:25:41,430
I must be nice to him, Coco.
381
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,421
Doctor Bomb lends his name
to this concoction of ours.
382
00:25:44,602 --> 00:25:47,069
And makes it possible for
the public to believe in it.
383
00:25:47,373 --> 00:25:50,267
If he baptizes the water, so to speak.
384
00:25:51,463 --> 00:25:52,611
Madame, good evening.
385
00:25:53,364 --> 00:25:55,546
Baron, good evening.
โ Doctor, good evening.
386
00:25:57,385 --> 00:25:58,450
Sit down, doctor.
387
00:26:01,845 --> 00:26:05,392
Baron, I have come here to make one
last appeal to your better nature.
388
00:26:05,611 --> 00:26:08,127
You mean, you have something
unpleasant to say? โ Very.
389
00:26:08,945 --> 00:26:12,051
I am not going to allow my name
to be placed on the water ..
390
00:26:12,253 --> 00:26:15,016
We are inflicting on our public schools.
391
00:26:16,619 --> 00:26:17,809
Point number one:
392
00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:22,284
You obtained the concession
by bribery and corruption. Eh?
393
00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:27,337
Point number two: This liquid
has no value of any sort.
394
00:26:27,865 --> 00:26:30,046
It teems with microbes.
395
00:26:31,041 --> 00:26:34,877
Baron, I cannot lend my
scientific integrity to a swindle.
396
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,172
My conscience refuses.
397
00:26:37,613 --> 00:26:40,603
You are being paid handsomely
for that spiritual discomfort.
398
00:26:40,939 --> 00:26:44,844
As long as you confine your
deception to reasonable limits.
399
00:26:45,254 --> 00:26:48,545
I was willing to condone
matters .. but now ..
400
00:26:48,729 --> 00:26:51,460
In other words, you're not an
honest man but a nervous one.
401
00:26:53,668 --> 00:26:56,395
Sir .. I am a normal citizen.
402
00:26:56,993 --> 00:26:59,368
Exactly.
โ I ask you to reconsider ..
403
00:26:59,738 --> 00:27:02,671
This swindle against the
schools of the nation.
404
00:27:02,984 --> 00:27:06,868
You are also asking me to throw away
some millions of francs, my dear doctor.
405
00:27:07,453 --> 00:27:09,107
As a sop to your cowardice.
406
00:27:09,978 --> 00:27:12,534
I grant you, we are
misrepresenting our product.
407
00:27:12,793 --> 00:27:16,387
And that it is a liquid totally
unbeneficial to its consumers.
408
00:27:16,814 --> 00:27:20,721
On the other hand, our advertizing will
convince people that it is good for them.
409
00:27:21,045 --> 00:27:24,424
And once being convinced, they will
be improved by its consumption.
410
00:27:24,889 --> 00:27:26,219
Sophistry.
411
00:27:26,833 --> 00:27:28,408
Baron. I resign!
412
00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:33,740
I will not allow my name to
become a symbol of corruption.
413
00:27:37,869 --> 00:27:40,216
My dear doctor, I hope you
won't regret your sacrifice.
414
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,112
Never .. Madame, good evening.
415
00:27:43,498 --> 00:27:46,903
Baron, good evening. I leave
this house an honest man.
416
00:27:48,460 --> 00:27:50,810
Ah, well let me be the
first to congratulate you.
417
00:27:52,429 --> 00:27:54,382
I don't think you handled that so well.
418
00:27:54,769 --> 00:27:57,971
I could have induced him stay in
a minute by offering to double his ..
419
00:27:58,437 --> 00:27:59,783
Thirty pieces of silver.
420
00:28:00,073 --> 00:28:01,073
Why didn't you?
421
00:28:01,147 --> 00:28:04,340
You can't sell the water without some
sort of scientific endorsement, can you?
422
00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:08,758
I dislike and distrust men who are
always offering to resell their honor.
423
00:28:09,311 --> 00:28:10,311
Bomb is a fool.
424
00:28:10,911 --> 00:28:13,013
But you said that was the
sort of man you wanted.
425
00:28:13,103 --> 00:28:15,099
I was wrong.
What I want, is an idiot.
426
00:28:15,495 --> 00:28:18,153
Either a thorough scoundrel
or a complete idiot.
427
00:28:19,005 --> 00:28:21,697
And I don't like scoundrels.
They are too competitive.
428
00:28:22,409 --> 00:28:24,248
But idiots are hard
to find, I should think.
429
00:28:24,424 --> 00:28:26,274
Oh no. Not in the scientific world.
430
00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:29,969
Do let us pray darling, that
providence sends us an idiot.
431
00:28:32,839 --> 00:28:34,317
Mademoiselle d'Estaing?
432
00:28:34,616 --> 00:28:37,018
Whom shall I announce?
โ Professor Topaze.
433
00:28:46,993 --> 00:28:48,919
Professor Topaze wishes to be announced.
434
00:28:50,716 --> 00:28:53,185
I am seventeen minutes late.
And I apologise.
435
00:28:57,885 --> 00:29:00,334
Professor Topaze,
the Baron La Tour La Tour.
436
00:29:00,721 --> 00:29:02,492
Professor, I'm sorry
to tell you that my ..
437
00:29:02,582 --> 00:29:03,735
How do you do, sir?
438
00:29:03,968 --> 00:29:06,365
I have the honor of having
your son in my class.
439
00:29:06,809 --> 00:29:08,697
Until this morning.
โ Did you expel him?
440
00:29:09,343 --> 00:29:11,420
On the contrary it was
I who was expelled.
441
00:29:11,622 --> 00:29:14,635
I take it you were dismissed for
refusing to improve his marks?
442
00:29:15,758 --> 00:29:17,908
That does seem to have
been the chief trouble.
443
00:29:18,430 --> 00:29:20,770
It .. it's been a day of misund ..
444
00:29:21,113 --> 00:29:22,389
Of misunderstandings.
445
00:29:23,515 --> 00:29:25,148
I must confess I'm ..
446
00:29:26,101 --> 00:29:27,638
I'm a little confused.
447
00:29:29,657 --> 00:29:31,140
Sit down doctor Topaze.
448
00:29:32,102 --> 00:29:33,445
Will you have a cocktail?
449
00:29:34,090 --> 00:29:35,442
You say? โ A cocktail.
450
00:29:36,921 --> 00:29:38,521
Well, I'm not a drinking man.
451
00:29:39,113 --> 00:29:42,014
But .. this being somewhat
of an occasion.
452
00:29:42,658 --> 00:29:45,251
I should be glad to.
Thanks very much.
453
00:29:46,343 --> 00:29:49,825
Now tell me. Are you particularly
anxious to go on teaching?
454
00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:51,886
Teaching?
455
00:29:52,879 --> 00:29:54,858
Why yes, of course.
That's my profession.
456
00:29:57,251 --> 00:30:01,571
May I ask, what do you hope to earn
by giving lessons as a freelance?
457
00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:05,247
I know of one freelance tutor.
458
00:30:05,679 --> 00:30:08,440
Who earns as much as 1,200 francs.
459
00:30:08,951 --> 00:30:10,737
A week? โ A week?
460
00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:16,192
No, Mademoiselle. A month unfortunately.
461
00:30:16,578 --> 00:30:17,696
Professor Topaze.
462
00:30:18,171 --> 00:30:22,941
Our talk has convinced me that you have
been a victim of excessive mother-love.
463
00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:24,933
I ...?
464
00:30:25,288 --> 00:30:26,681
My wife was unjust to you.
465
00:30:27,092 --> 00:30:28,801
I wish to repair her offense.
466
00:30:29,318 --> 00:30:30,619
I have an offer to make you.
467
00:30:30,989 --> 00:30:33,120
I manufacture a curative water.
468
00:30:34,033 --> 00:30:37,298
My firm desires to improve
upon its medical formula.
469
00:30:37,763 --> 00:30:40,537
And at this very moment we happen
to be looking for a scientist.
470
00:30:40,807 --> 00:30:42,904
Whose name and whose brain we can use.
471
00:30:43,437 --> 00:30:46,396
Do you think you could rise
to such an opportunity?
472
00:30:47,669 --> 00:30:49,314
I am sir, the author ..
473
00:30:49,631 --> 00:30:51,742
Of "First Steps In Chemistry".
474
00:30:52,738 --> 00:30:54,692
Will you be good enough
to read the introduction?
475
00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,527
Permit me, Madame .. Mademoiselle.
476
00:31:00,955 --> 00:31:03,666
Begin there .. on page 3.
477
00:31:25,705 --> 00:31:26,752
A biscuit, sir?
478
00:31:27,843 --> 00:31:28,843
A biscuit?
479
00:31:40,262 --> 00:31:41,464
This is splendid.
480
00:31:42,546 --> 00:31:43,764
Ah, Professor Topaze.
481
00:31:44,394 --> 00:31:46,914
Before we talk business, I'd
like to ask you a few questions.
482
00:31:47,904 --> 00:31:48,904
Indeed, sir.
483
00:31:49,179 --> 00:31:51,067
Now, to begin with.
Have you a family?
484
00:31:51,634 --> 00:31:52,634
Alas, no.
485
00:31:53,693 --> 00:31:55,158
I'm quite alone in the world.
486
00:31:55,734 --> 00:31:57,832
And women. What about women?
487
00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:00,359
Women?
488
00:32:01,004 --> 00:32:03,256
I mean, have you some .. wife?
489
00:32:04,004 --> 00:32:05,346
Or whatnot?
490
00:32:08,456 --> 00:32:09,952
No. No sir. No wife.
491
00:32:10,954 --> 00:32:13,359
And no whatnot, I assure you.
492
00:32:16,659 --> 00:32:17,675
Very good, yes.
493
00:32:20,044 --> 00:32:22,800
Well, then with whom do
you usually associate?
494
00:32:23,291 --> 00:32:25,404
I sometimes see an old army friend.
495
00:32:26,115 --> 00:32:27,115
He ..
496
00:32:27,338 --> 00:32:29,767
He's become a waiter in
the cafรฉ now, poor chap.
497
00:32:34,114 --> 00:32:35,114
Professor
498
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,469
Providence sent you here.
I'll not take "no" for an answer.
499
00:32:38,857 --> 00:32:39,857
I engage you.
500
00:32:40,106 --> 00:32:41,890
Your salary will be ..
501
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,021
4,000 francs to start with.
502
00:32:45,332 --> 00:32:47,941
4,000 francs .. a month?
503
00:33:00,157 --> 00:33:02,113
Monsieur Le Baron de La Tour La Tour.
504
00:33:02,649 --> 00:33:04,116
I see through your little plan.
505
00:33:04,575 --> 00:33:05,234
Sir?
506
00:33:05,429 --> 00:33:07,081
You can't take me in, in this fashion.
507
00:33:07,769 --> 00:33:10,763
I may be a simple man.
But I am not blind.
508
00:33:11,634 --> 00:33:14,153
I refuse your offer.
โ May I ask why?
509
00:33:14,731 --> 00:33:16,599
Because it is not in my nature, sir.
510
00:33:17,247 --> 00:33:18,549
To accept charity.
511
00:33:18,865 --> 00:33:22,502
My dear Professor. Charity is
the furthest thing from my mind.
512
00:33:22,824 --> 00:33:26,232
You see, not only will I
derive a handsome profit ..
513
00:33:26,474 --> 00:33:29,179
From the medical formula
you invent and endorse.
514
00:33:29,642 --> 00:33:33,006
But I shall also, be using
your name as a slogan.
515
00:33:33,601 --> 00:33:37,050
The beverage shall be known
as "Sparkling Topaze."
516
00:33:41,766 --> 00:33:44,564
Ah, splendid. Now, no
more nonsense, Professor.
517
00:33:44,854 --> 00:33:48,603
You are my consulting chemist and
head of the La Tour Chemical Works.
518
00:33:57,765 --> 00:34:00,646
This unaccustomed drink has
made me a little bit dizzy.
519
00:34:01,161 --> 00:34:03,119
We will draw up a contract immediately.
520
00:34:03,986 --> 00:34:04,986
The war.
521
00:34:05,182 --> 00:34:07,435
The war interrupted my researches.
522
00:34:07,875 --> 00:34:09,487
You will be able to resume them now.
523
00:34:09,577 --> 00:34:12,172
Yes, we expect a fine,
medicinal formula from you.
524
00:34:12,538 --> 00:34:13,538
Have you ...?
525
00:34:14,755 --> 00:34:17,192
Have you any particular disease in mind?
526
00:34:17,993 --> 00:34:18,993
No.
527
00:34:19,172 --> 00:34:23,667
Just a general laxative and health tonic
for the school children of the republic.
528
00:34:24,291 --> 00:34:26,174
Ah, that is something worthwhile.
529
00:34:27,827 --> 00:34:29,182
A few hours ago.
530
00:34:29,807 --> 00:34:31,381
I was a complete failure.
531
00:34:32,173 --> 00:34:36,440
And now .. I'm a consulting
chemist at 4,000 francs a month.
532
00:34:36,530 --> 00:34:38,737
And creator of "Sparkling Topaze".
533
00:34:41,104 --> 00:34:42,492
"Sparkling Topaze".
534
00:34:59,489 --> 00:35:03,191
Doesn't he know you have been
selling tap water to the whole nation?
535
00:35:03,411 --> 00:35:05,947
Under his name, and
with his endorsement.
536
00:35:06,472 --> 00:35:09,367
He fancies we're distributing a
sparkling water invented by him.
537
00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:13,909
He's in there now. Pottering around
with improvements on his formula.
538
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:16,274
Here's his latest creation.
539
00:35:18,139 --> 00:35:19,139
Is it any good?
540
00:35:19,256 --> 00:35:23,470
Topaze assures me it does amazing things
to the kidneys and other vital organs.
541
00:35:26,084 --> 00:35:26,770
Good!
542
00:35:27,002 --> 00:35:28,955
It should be.
It costs 40 francs a bottle.
543
00:35:29,386 --> 00:35:30,386
Hmm.
544
00:35:32,544 --> 00:35:37,032
Yes, I'm glad you like it. Of course, I
prefer our Sparkling Topaze at 2 francs.
545
00:35:38,950 --> 00:35:42,302
Come and see his playground.
It's a veritable inferno.
546
00:35:59,253 --> 00:36:02,150
Professor Topaze. This is my
friend, Henri de Fairville.
547
00:36:02,722 --> 00:36:04,539
He's a very prominent politician.
548
00:36:04,763 --> 00:36:07,064
How do you do, sir?
โ Ah, Professor.
549
00:36:07,324 --> 00:36:09,237
I .. I've never met any politicians.
550
00:36:09,611 --> 00:36:11,452
But I've always admired them from afar.
551
00:36:11,542 --> 00:36:13,112
You've seen them at their best.
552
00:36:13,358 --> 00:36:15,203
Why don't you two go
outside where you belong?
553
00:36:15,347 --> 00:36:16,825
We were quite happy without you.
554
00:36:18,659 --> 00:36:19,659
Permit me, sir.
555
00:36:19,723 --> 00:36:23,379
To show you a drop of the water
formerly manufactured for the Baron.
556
00:36:34,618 --> 00:36:35,618
Thank you.
557
00:36:48,110 --> 00:36:49,764
Will you .. look through there, sir?
558
00:36:51,101 --> 00:36:53,854
Notice the abundance of animal life.
559
00:36:56,697 --> 00:36:58,403
There are masses of the little devils.
560
00:36:58,737 --> 00:37:00,550
Seven million in every drop.
561
00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:03,559
Now here, is a drop of the "new" water.
562
00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:05,494
Distilled three times ..
563
00:37:05,872 --> 00:37:10,174
Containing phosphates,
iron and innumerable vitamins.
564
00:37:18,179 --> 00:37:19,578
Like a diamond.
565
00:37:20,247 --> 00:37:21,247
Thank you, sir.
566
00:37:21,302 --> 00:37:23,871
I will now give you an
even more fascinating proof.
567
00:37:24,399 --> 00:37:27,736
I have here .. some
pieces of prepared paper.
568
00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:30,446
Now .. watch me, gentlemen.
569
00:37:30,936 --> 00:37:33,479
I will dip one in ordinary water.
570
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,690
You notice it turns purple.
571
00:37:36,910 --> 00:37:39,963
And exudes .. a most unfortunate odor.
572
00:37:40,543 --> 00:37:42,548
That is due to its acid imperfection.
573
00:37:42,965 --> 00:37:43,968
Now, observe.
574
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,675
I dip the other in our
new grade .. of sparkling ..
575
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,843
Sparkling Topaze.
576
00:37:55,138 --> 00:37:56,943
It remains totally unaffected.
577
00:37:57,399 --> 00:37:58,975
Marvelous. โ Thank you, sir.
578
00:37:59,167 --> 00:38:00,858
I will now show you. Pardon me.
579
00:38:02,290 --> 00:38:05,326
I will now show you the
improvements I have made.
580
00:38:06,197 --> 00:38:07,992
On the new germicide.
581
00:38:10,341 --> 00:38:11,916
[ Explosion! ]
582
00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,940
What a pity. That was unexpected.
583
00:38:25,491 --> 00:38:26,688
Are you hurt?
584
00:38:28,386 --> 00:38:29,600
That was my fault.
585
00:38:29,873 --> 00:38:31,456
I left some acid in the jar.
586
00:38:32,389 --> 00:38:33,533
Pardon me.
587
00:38:54,042 --> 00:38:55,222
Your coat, sir.
588
00:39:00,385 --> 00:39:01,385
Oh.
589
00:39:02,242 --> 00:39:04,239
Excuse me, please. Your hat?
590
00:39:11,312 --> 00:39:12,966
Baron, we have a table for you.
591
00:39:22,030 --> 00:39:23,569
Sit down. Here is the table.
592
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:33,793
Oh .. may I?
593
00:39:36,995 --> 00:39:37,995
Look.
594
00:40:03,146 --> 00:40:05,285
Philippe .. tell him about The Palms.
595
00:40:07,131 --> 00:40:08,131
The Palms?
596
00:40:08,249 --> 00:40:10,705
But Coco, I was hoping
to keep it a surprise.
597
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,376
Well, Topaze.
598
00:40:13,754 --> 00:40:17,144
Next week you will be
awarded the Academic Palms.
599
00:40:18,241 --> 00:40:20,641
Oh, it's impossible.
โ Nothing's impossible. You're a genius.
600
00:40:22,983 --> 00:40:25,640
The Palms will be in
your lapel by Friday.
601
00:40:26,396 --> 00:40:27,584
Next Friday.
602
00:40:28,499 --> 00:40:29,546
Next Friday.
603
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,144
Well, there is Philippe.
โ Where, my dear?
604
00:40:37,859 --> 00:40:39,017
Do you know that woman?
605
00:40:39,918 --> 00:40:41,290
Who? I .. no.
606
00:40:44,051 --> 00:40:45,441
Madame, Monsieur.
607
00:40:49,373 --> 00:40:51,212
Would you like to see the music?
608
00:40:51,863 --> 00:40:54,547
No. Philippe shall face the music.
609
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:57,467
To the Academic Palms.
610
00:40:58,004 --> 00:40:59,004
Baron.
611
00:41:12,693 --> 00:41:15,245
Well, Philippe.
You seem so much surprised.
612
00:41:15,684 --> 00:41:17,910
At what? I'm delighted.
613
00:41:18,499 --> 00:41:19,886
This is an unexpected pleasure.
614
00:41:21,473 --> 00:41:23,161
Permit me. My wife.
615
00:41:23,645 --> 00:41:26,330
Doctor Topaze and Madame Topaze.
616
00:41:28,539 --> 00:41:30,547
Madame Topaze. Delightful.
617
00:41:31,383 --> 00:41:33,327
What did you say?
โ My wife, Professor.
618
00:41:34,928 --> 00:41:36,072
How do you do?
619
00:41:36,477 --> 00:41:37,548
Topaze?
620
00:41:39,336 --> 00:41:40,586
The name sounds familiar.
621
00:41:41,374 --> 00:41:42,919
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
622
00:41:43,009 --> 00:41:45,118
Doctor Topaze is head of my laboratory.
623
00:41:45,371 --> 00:41:48,100
You saw his picture in the
paper this morning, my dear.
624
00:41:48,468 --> 00:41:50,185
Oh, of course. Of course.
625
00:41:50,483 --> 00:41:51,794
Pardon the intrusion.
626
00:41:52,208 --> 00:41:54,109
Delighted to have
met you, Professor, sir.
627
00:41:54,469 --> 00:41:55,982
And you too, Madame Topaze.
628
00:41:56,501 --> 00:41:58,366
You have a very talented husband.
629
00:41:59,853 --> 00:42:01,885
Dinner at 8, Philippe.
โ At 8, my love.
630
00:42:06,724 --> 00:42:08,421
She didn't recognize me.
631
00:42:11,702 --> 00:42:13,277
Excuse me. โ Please, my dear.
632
00:42:13,453 --> 00:42:14,606
What's the matter?
633
00:42:15,925 --> 00:42:17,984
Baron, I'm afraid you hurt her feelings.
634
00:42:18,335 --> 00:42:21,450
You shouldn't have called her
Madame Topaze. Even in jest.
635
00:42:21,784 --> 00:42:24,441
Goodbye my dear Professor.
Let's go now.
636
00:42:25,365 --> 00:42:27,582
We must lunch together again soon.
637
00:42:30,212 --> 00:42:31,844
Hello Maxie, darling.
638
00:42:33,278 --> 00:42:36,194
Mademoiselle, I am so sorry.
You must overlook it.
639
00:42:36,284 --> 00:42:37,100
I can't.
640
00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:40,263
Nobody looking at you would think for
a moment you were Madame Topaze.
641
00:42:40,668 --> 00:42:41,965
It's ridiculous.
642
00:42:53,254 --> 00:42:54,339
Where are we going?
643
00:42:55,658 --> 00:42:58,207
You know .. it was a dubious jest.
644
00:42:58,702 --> 00:43:01,938
Calling you "Madame Topaze".
And I sympathize with you.
645
00:43:02,608 --> 00:43:05,273
There are times when I
myself have almost wept.
646
00:43:05,942 --> 00:43:07,797
To be called "Monsieur Topaze".
647
00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:09,425
Please. Please stop it.
648
00:43:10,983 --> 00:43:13,375
But you're crying. I must do something.
649
00:43:15,408 --> 00:43:16,889
You are really out of your head.
650
00:43:17,757 --> 00:43:18,757
Que?
651
00:43:18,803 --> 00:43:21,693
Yes, you're insane. Completely insane.
652
00:43:23,176 --> 00:43:25,006
I think you misjudge me a little.
653
00:43:26,365 --> 00:43:29,426
Do you want to know why I left the
table? You had nothing to do with it.
654
00:43:29,770 --> 00:43:31,705
Good heavens, I wasn't
even thinking of you.
655
00:43:32,418 --> 00:43:33,940
Now, you're just being kind.
656
00:43:34,363 --> 00:43:36,747
Oh, stop babbling like a child.
657
00:43:38,251 --> 00:43:39,667
I'm as sensible as ever.
658
00:43:40,671 --> 00:43:43,169
Professor. You're deaf, dumb and blind.
659
00:43:43,882 --> 00:43:46,654
The Baron introduced me to
his wife as "Madame Topaze" ..
660
00:43:46,988 --> 00:43:48,739
Because he was
frightened out of his wits.
661
00:43:49,346 --> 00:43:50,346
Of what?
662
00:43:51,352 --> 00:43:54,272
Of her finding out. Of her
even suspecting something.
663
00:43:55,231 --> 00:43:58,090
The way he turned pale
and shivered in his boots.
664
00:43:59,041 --> 00:44:01,059
Palming me off as Madame Topaze.
665
00:44:01,751 --> 00:44:03,223
Shivers in his boots?
666
00:44:04,170 --> 00:44:05,986
May I ask why he should do that?
667
00:44:06,853 --> 00:44:08,322
Because he's my lover.
668
00:44:13,078 --> 00:44:14,078
Oh yes.
669
00:44:14,980 --> 00:44:15,982
You are jesting.
670
00:44:16,828 --> 00:44:18,366
About what, for heaven's sake?
671
00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:20,591
About your ..
672
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:22,731
Your relations.
673
00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:25,051
With the Baron.
674
00:44:26,126 --> 00:44:27,894
Do you mean to tell me you hadn't known?
675
00:44:29,021 --> 00:44:30,182
What's the matter?
676
00:44:31,616 --> 00:44:32,768
Nothing. Nothing.
677
00:44:34,395 --> 00:44:36,252
You must forgive me .. I ..
678
00:44:36,683 --> 00:44:37,967
It's not your fault ..
679
00:44:38,477 --> 00:44:39,859
That I had some ..
680
00:44:40,950 --> 00:44:44,047
Curious .. misconception of you.
681
00:44:46,053 --> 00:44:47,053
Oh.
682
00:44:47,672 --> 00:44:49,555
I wish I could do something about it.
683
00:44:52,471 --> 00:44:53,553
Oh, look!
684
00:45:00,205 --> 00:45:02,256
You're no longer a little schoolmaster.
685
00:45:02,872 --> 00:45:04,288
You're a great man now.
686
00:45:07,710 --> 00:45:09,276
I don't feel like a great man.
687
00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:20,818
Joseph. โ Yes, sir?
688
00:45:23,537 --> 00:45:26,097
Did you telephone the hairdressers?
โ Yes, sir. โ Well?
689
00:45:26,388 --> 00:45:27,632
Madame has not been there.
690
00:45:28,699 --> 00:45:29,948
I'll have a whiskey and soda.
691
00:45:30,038 --> 00:45:33,293
And are you staying for dinner, sir?
โ I'm staying until she comes home.
692
00:45:33,575 --> 00:45:34,657
Very good, sir.
693
00:45:37,464 --> 00:45:39,487
Good evening, Joseph.
โ Good evening, Madame.
694
00:45:43,075 --> 00:45:44,246
Well? โ You here?
695
00:45:44,421 --> 00:45:46,665
Where have you been?
โ With Professor Topaze.
696
00:46:03,729 --> 00:46:04,905
Just a moment, Topaze.
697
00:46:08,212 --> 00:46:10,693
You seem a trifle nervous, Monsieur.
698
00:46:12,251 --> 00:46:13,595
I am. โ Sit down.
699
00:46:19,058 --> 00:46:22,125
Well, sit up .. why are you
looking at me like that?
700
00:46:22,917 --> 00:46:24,166
What have you been doing?
701
00:46:24,747 --> 00:46:25,536
Nothing.
702
00:46:25,626 --> 00:46:28,635
Topaze, until this moment,
you seemed an honorable man.
703
00:46:29,211 --> 00:46:30,386
What's changed you?
704
00:46:32,894 --> 00:46:34,812
I will be frank. โ I thought so.
705
00:46:35,383 --> 00:46:39,130
And you could do a thing to me like
this after what I've done for you?
706
00:46:39,852 --> 00:46:41,242
I've done nothing.
707
00:46:41,735 --> 00:46:43,221
Now, you wish to deny it.
708
00:46:43,775 --> 00:46:46,626
Out with it, Topaze. Where
have you been with Coco?
709
00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:51,142
To the cinema.
710
00:46:51,723 --> 00:46:53,664
What? โ Yes. โ What!
711
00:46:55,215 --> 00:46:56,725
Very pretty.
712
00:46:57,723 --> 00:47:00,578
May I ask what picture you saw?
713
00:47:02,086 --> 00:47:03,086
Why, yes.
714
00:47:03,379 --> 00:47:06,502
It was entitled: "Women Of Passion".
715
00:47:07,945 --> 00:47:11,810
You know, I never imagined that people
comported themselves in that manner.
716
00:47:13,012 --> 00:47:15,897
Although innocent of any wrong-doing ..
717
00:47:16,135 --> 00:47:19,658
She was driven into the street,
where the Argentine was waiting.
718
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,262
Now, quite unaware
that he'd made this bet.
719
00:47:22,531 --> 00:47:24,326
She foolishly accompanied him.
720
00:47:25,671 --> 00:47:28,904
Forgive me, Professor.
You belong in a fable.
721
00:47:29,551 --> 00:47:30,551
Huh?
722
00:47:31,592 --> 00:47:34,498
Monsieur de Fairville, and Dr Bomb, sir.
723
00:47:35,068 --> 00:47:38,085
Philippe, you must do
something or we are ruined.
724
00:47:38,384 --> 00:47:39,733
Ruined? I doubt it.
725
00:47:40,355 --> 00:47:41,736
Take your hat off, Henri.
726
00:47:42,660 --> 00:47:44,436
It will quiet you. And sit down.
727
00:47:45,940 --> 00:47:47,729
Doctor Bomb .. be seated.
728
00:47:53,490 --> 00:47:56,254
Will you excuse us for a
few moments, Dr Topaze?
729
00:47:57,072 --> 00:47:58,072
Ah!
730
00:47:58,603 --> 00:48:00,440
So you are doctor Topaze, eh?
731
00:48:00,838 --> 00:48:04,321
Let me have a look at you,
you scientific Judas!
732
00:48:04,974 --> 00:48:06,247
Dr Bomb, you're drunk.
733
00:48:06,566 --> 00:48:09,089
Whiskers and all, eh? Perfect.
734
00:48:09,469 --> 00:48:11,121
Who? Who is he?
735
00:48:11,527 --> 00:48:14,475
I'll tell you who I am.
I am an honest man.
736
00:48:14,827 --> 00:48:16,798
Come to see the back of you ..
โ Ha?
737
00:48:17,326 --> 00:48:18,326
Sit down.
738
00:48:22,217 --> 00:48:23,361
Baron, is he ...?
739
00:48:23,994 --> 00:48:25,507
Shall we send for the Police?
740
00:48:26,914 --> 00:48:30,082
Listen who's talking about
the Police .. you swindler.
741
00:48:31,410 --> 00:48:33,730
You must deal with him, Philippe.
He's going to expose us.
742
00:48:33,820 --> 00:48:35,237
Be quiet, Henri and sit down.
743
00:48:35,861 --> 00:48:37,789
Doctor Topaze .. this is my affair.
744
00:48:38,219 --> 00:48:39,486
I demand you leave.
745
00:48:39,890 --> 00:48:42,663
Oh no, sir. I wouldn't leave
you at such a moment.
746
00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,225
Doctor Bomb. State your case.
747
00:48:48,662 --> 00:48:49,920
Baron, I'll be brief.
748
00:48:50,667 --> 00:48:54,064
One hundred thousand francs in cash.
749
00:48:54,776 --> 00:48:56,554
Or I expose your dishwater.
750
00:48:58,392 --> 00:48:59,782
What .. what dishwater?
751
00:49:00,433 --> 00:49:01,433
This!
752
00:49:01,779 --> 00:49:04,774
This plague-ridden
concoction, you swindler!
753
00:49:04,973 --> 00:49:07,322
Is he mad?
โ Gentlemen, please be seated.
754
00:49:18,077 --> 00:49:19,393
May I trouble you, Henri?
755
00:49:21,403 --> 00:49:22,898
Dial 3, draw 12.
756
00:49:26,136 --> 00:49:29,121
Your visit Dr Bomb is not
entirely unexpected.
757
00:49:29,764 --> 00:49:32,192
So you would like a
hundred thousand francs?
758
00:49:32,649 --> 00:49:34,309
For your goodwill? โ Yes.
759
00:49:37,072 --> 00:49:40,697
Here, my foolish fellow are what
in melodrama are known as ..
760
00:49:41,172 --> 00:49:42,041
The papers.
761
00:49:42,131 --> 00:49:43,503
I am in no mood for jokes.
762
00:49:43,899 --> 00:49:46,485
Allow me. It is my turn
to be objectionable.
763
00:49:47,980 --> 00:49:53,602
In 1924 one Emile Winkleman was employed
at the charity hospital at Marseilles.
764
00:49:53,928 --> 00:49:58,511
A short, squat, peculiar-looking fellow
with what is known as an Assyrian beard.
765
00:49:59,233 --> 00:50:00,693
Are you listening, Dr Bomb?
766
00:50:01,283 --> 00:50:02,283
Don't go.
767
00:50:02,796 --> 00:50:03,896
I'll be brief.
768
00:50:08,653 --> 00:50:10,121
We skip to page 8.
769
00:50:10,860 --> 00:50:14,274
And we find, December the 4th 1925.
770
00:50:14,449 --> 00:50:18,955
The same Emile Winkleman, beard and all,
vanishes from the charity hospital.
771
00:50:19,216 --> 00:50:22,735
And with him, a magnificent sum
of money belonging to the state.
772
00:50:24,177 --> 00:50:28,004
There is a great hue and cry, but
Emile is never seen or heard of again.
773
00:50:28,453 --> 00:50:31,218
However, on September 22nd 1927.
774
00:50:31,805 --> 00:50:36,250
There arrives in Paris a short,
squat smooth-shaven fellow.
775
00:50:36,512 --> 00:50:39,294
With a pigmentary mole
on his right cheek.
776
00:50:40,242 --> 00:50:42,857
Who soon finds employment as a chemist.
777
00:50:43,198 --> 00:50:44,636
And under the name of ..
778
00:50:44,726 --> 00:50:46,832
So you intend to blackmail me, huh?
779
00:50:47,492 --> 00:50:50,769
With the greatest of reluctance
and only in self-defense.
780
00:50:51,020 --> 00:50:54,148
Baron, you are the most impudent
scoundrel I've ever known.
781
00:50:55,612 --> 00:50:58,603
Doctor Bomb, I'm impervious to flattery.
782
00:51:01,305 --> 00:51:03,855
As for you, you sanctimonious swindler!
783
00:51:04,348 --> 00:51:06,526
Enjoy your ill-gotten gains.
784
00:51:07,022 --> 00:51:08,597
While you can.
785
00:51:08,887 --> 00:51:10,818
But the world knows what you are.
786
00:51:11,113 --> 00:51:14,522
A fake .. a thief!
Topaze is a thief!
787
00:51:14,856 --> 00:51:16,396
Put up a new sign.
788
00:51:16,588 --> 00:51:18,041
Topaze is a thief!
789
00:51:18,471 --> 00:51:20,196
Topaze is a thief!
790
00:51:59,916 --> 00:52:00,916
Oh.
791
00:52:22,301 --> 00:52:23,542
Impossible.
792
00:53:04,329 --> 00:53:05,547
One moment, sir.
793
00:53:09,352 --> 00:53:12,298
[ French language ]
794
00:54:21,816 --> 00:54:22,816
[ Doorbell ]
795
00:54:32,146 --> 00:54:34,019
Good morning. โ Oh, it's you.
796
00:54:34,414 --> 00:54:35,929
Yes, it's always me.
797
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:38,655
A gorgeous day.
798
00:54:39,429 --> 00:54:41,894
The sun is shining.
The birds are twittering.
799
00:54:42,341 --> 00:54:43,793
Almost like a day in May.
800
00:54:44,699 --> 00:54:45,711
Where is he?
801
00:54:46,292 --> 00:54:49,134
Did you find out anything?
โ Nothing. But he'll come back.
802
00:54:50,085 --> 00:54:51,299
Did you sleep well?
803
00:54:52,839 --> 00:54:55,012
Philippe .. something
has happened to him.
804
00:54:55,179 --> 00:54:57,150
My dear, you are carrying
on like an ingenue.
805
00:54:57,370 --> 00:54:59,129
I assure you nothing
has happened to him.
806
00:54:59,358 --> 00:55:01,777
There is a special providence
that looks after simpletons.
807
00:55:03,835 --> 00:55:06,470
Oh, you make me sick.
โ My darling, I'm sorry.
808
00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,747
Philippe. โ Uhuh?
809
00:55:11,682 --> 00:55:13,371
Philippe. We must find Topaze.
810
00:55:14,524 --> 00:55:17,044
I kept thinking all night of that
look in his eyes when he left.
811
00:55:17,348 --> 00:55:19,135
What sort of nonsense is this?
812
00:55:21,044 --> 00:55:22,800
Why, I swear you're crying.
813
00:55:23,164 --> 00:55:24,867
I've never heard of such a thing.
814
00:55:25,073 --> 00:55:27,141
My darling.
โ No. Don't touch me. I can't.
815
00:55:27,510 --> 00:55:30,052
Not with him lying dead
somewhere, surrounded by cats.
816
00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:31,369
Cats?
817
00:55:32,542 --> 00:55:33,818
Good morning, sir.
818
00:55:44,407 --> 00:55:46,642
Auguste .. you're hurt.
819
00:55:47,258 --> 00:55:49,208
Why, you poor man.
Where have you been?
820
00:55:49,985 --> 00:55:52,308
Look at the mud.
And look at your clothes.
821
00:55:54,261 --> 00:55:55,889
Topaze, you're behaving like a child.
822
00:55:56,232 --> 00:55:59,053
Take that absurd expression
off your face and sit down.
823
00:55:59,865 --> 00:56:02,388
I came back .. to pay for my crime.
824
00:56:04,426 --> 00:56:08,411
Oh, Auguste. Don't be silly.
You've done nothing.
825
00:56:09,779 --> 00:56:10,779
Nothing?
826
00:56:11,350 --> 00:56:12,350
Ha!
827
00:56:12,659 --> 00:56:15,207
It would be a little difficult
to believe in my innocence.
828
00:56:16,028 --> 00:56:17,829
I don't believe in it myself.
829
00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:19,694
They will say.
830
00:56:20,523 --> 00:56:23,222
Nobody can be as great a fool as ..
831
00:56:24,122 --> 00:56:25,403
As Topaze.
832
00:56:25,916 --> 00:56:26,916
It ..
833
00:56:27,465 --> 00:56:30,069
Would be straining the
credulity of the court.
834
00:56:30,518 --> 00:56:31,518
What court?
835
00:56:31,714 --> 00:56:35,559
The court before which we must stand
and be convicted for what we are.
836
00:56:36,623 --> 00:56:37,623
Thieves.
837
00:56:43,635 --> 00:56:46,089
Some people to see Dr Topaze.
โ Who?
838
00:56:46,398 --> 00:56:48,694
Quite a delegation, sir.
Some are in uniform.
839
00:56:49,847 --> 00:56:50,848
The Police.
840
00:56:52,055 --> 00:56:53,055
Tell them.
841
00:56:54,025 --> 00:56:55,143
Tell them I'm ready.
842
00:56:55,310 --> 00:56:57,192
Just a moment. I'll see them.
843
00:57:01,362 --> 00:57:02,362
Oh.
844
00:57:03,350 --> 00:57:04,350
Here we are.
845
00:57:04,854 --> 00:57:05,998
Bonjour mon Colonel.
846
00:57:06,658 --> 00:57:07,658
Colonel.
847
00:57:07,801 --> 00:57:09,949
So you came back to share our fate.
848
00:57:11,991 --> 00:57:12,991
Yes.
849
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:15,668
You silly creature.
850
00:57:16,707 --> 00:57:18,784
You're so foolish, you make me ashamed.
851
00:57:22,838 --> 00:57:25,944
Well, my fine criminal.
Are you ready for the Police?
852
00:57:26,764 --> 00:57:27,764
I am.
853
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:32,959
Gentlemen.
854
00:57:39,927 --> 00:57:41,710
Professor Auguste Topaze.
855
00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:43,989
The representatives of The Republic.
856
00:57:45,997 --> 00:57:47,150
Professor Topaze.
857
00:57:47,590 --> 00:57:50,051
I've been delegated to confer on you ..
858
00:57:50,413 --> 00:57:51,880
All too tardily ..
859
00:57:52,244 --> 00:57:55,813
The honor which you have merited
by your work in the field of science.
860
00:57:56,344 --> 00:57:57,540
The Academic Palms.
861
00:57:58,139 --> 00:57:59,684
The .. Palms?
862
00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:01,100
The Palms.
863
00:58:03,391 --> 00:58:05,133
But just a moment, gentlemen.
864
00:58:05,397 --> 00:58:09,924
Gentlemen .. Dr Topaze is
a man of deeds, not words.
865
00:58:10,236 --> 00:58:11,236
He is overcome.
866
00:58:11,415 --> 00:58:15,242
Out of respect for his feelings, will you
make the ceremony as brief as possible.
867
00:58:15,506 --> 00:58:17,506
What's the matter with him?
โ He's drunk. Hurry up.
868
00:58:20,415 --> 00:58:22,462
Professor Auguste E Topaze.
869
00:58:23,072 --> 00:58:25,746
Teacher, scholar, scientist and author.
870
00:58:26,213 --> 00:58:28,179
For your diligence, for your learning.
871
00:58:28,676 --> 00:58:30,387
For your humanitarian labor.
872
00:58:30,779 --> 00:58:32,548
As head of La Tour Chemical Works.
873
00:58:33,067 --> 00:58:36,194
I, Henri de Fairville, in
the name of The Republic.
874
00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:40,249
Confer on you the insignia
of the Academic Palms.
875
00:58:49,154 --> 00:58:52,326
Count de I'Espinร z, First Assistant of
the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
876
00:58:52,973 --> 00:58:56,308
Professor Henri Buoyan, Second Assistant
of the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
877
00:58:56,795 --> 00:59:00,346
Monsieur Etienne Cannet, Third Assistant
of the Bureau of Awards and Merits.
878
00:59:00,738 --> 00:59:02,462
Colonel Robert de Chapette.
879
00:59:02,779 --> 00:59:05,066
Colonel DeMorian. Colonel Rochefort.
880
00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:07,758
Assistant Commissioners of
Scholastic Awards and Merits.
881
00:59:08,551 --> 00:59:10,903
Congratulations, my dear Professor.
882
00:59:12,985 --> 00:59:13,985
You?
883
00:59:15,271 --> 00:59:17,454
You are the Republic of France?
884
00:59:18,077 --> 00:59:20,312
I am a member of the
government, Professor.
885
00:59:22,564 --> 00:59:23,778
And you gentlemen ..
886
00:59:25,168 --> 00:59:26,691
Are friends of the Baron?
887
00:59:27,166 --> 00:59:29,419
We're not only friends, my dear Topaze.
888
00:59:29,682 --> 00:59:32,348
But .. business associates.
889
00:59:35,165 --> 00:59:36,255
Oh, I see.
890
00:59:37,916 --> 00:59:39,130
I understand.
891
00:59:41,769 --> 00:59:43,221
I think you'd better thank them.
892
00:59:46,608 --> 00:59:47,726
Thank you, gentlemen.
893
00:59:49,229 --> 00:59:50,658
Thank you very much.
894
00:59:52,599 --> 00:59:55,619
Speech .. speech .. speech .. speech!
895
01:00:02,768 --> 01:00:05,169
I .. can merely say.
896
01:00:07,184 --> 01:00:09,772
I have dreamed for many years.
897
01:00:10,501 --> 01:00:11,609
Of this honor.
898
01:00:12,858 --> 01:00:14,215
I always thought.
899
01:00:15,243 --> 01:00:18,244
It .. would be the happiest
moment of my life.
900
01:00:19,026 --> 01:00:20,135
When it came.
901
01:00:21,164 --> 01:00:22,661
If it ever did come.
902
01:00:23,522 --> 01:00:24,522
In fact.
903
01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:28,509
I wrote out a speech .. long ago.
904
01:00:30,189 --> 01:00:32,223
It's in my laboratory now.
905
01:00:33,365 --> 01:00:35,309
Expressing my true feelings.
906
01:00:36,673 --> 01:00:37,673
But ..
907
01:00:38,943 --> 01:00:40,189
It wouldn't fit.
908
01:00:41,728 --> 01:00:43,298
It would sound too humorous.
909
01:00:44,503 --> 01:00:45,503
I ..
910
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,624
I am afraid I have
outgrown that oration.
911
01:00:50,530 --> 01:00:53,064
In the last .. few moments.
912
01:00:54,780 --> 01:00:56,262
So you will forgive me.
913
01:00:57,806 --> 01:00:58,806
If I'm not ..
914
01:00:59,777 --> 01:01:00,823
Speaking it.
915
01:01:01,914 --> 01:01:03,788
I would rather say merely ..
916
01:01:05,654 --> 01:01:07,123
Thank you, gentlemen.
917
01:01:08,829 --> 01:01:10,404
It is more than I deserve.
918
01:01:10,782 --> 01:01:12,320
Bravo, bravo!
919
01:01:13,685 --> 01:01:15,501
Come gentlemen.
We'll adjourn to the library.
920
01:01:32,839 --> 01:01:33,839
Auguste.
921
01:01:38,140 --> 01:01:39,407
You are a great man.
922
01:01:39,882 --> 01:01:41,054
Without them.
923
01:01:41,890 --> 01:01:42,890
No.
924
01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:45,688
Now I am what they call a great man.
925
01:01:47,043 --> 01:01:48,612
I am not "Topaze".
926
01:01:49,454 --> 01:01:51,436
"Topaze" lies dead.
927
01:01:52,242 --> 01:01:53,242
In an alley.
928
01:01:55,744 --> 01:01:56,744
Look.
929
01:01:59,497 --> 01:02:01,355
Can't you see how different I am?
930
01:02:02,349 --> 01:02:03,904
I am a distinguished scientist.
931
01:02:04,628 --> 01:02:06,104
I am a man of honor.
932
01:02:06,914 --> 01:02:09,369
I have been decorated by The Republic.
933
01:02:10,557 --> 01:02:12,183
I wear the Palms.
934
01:02:21,210 --> 01:02:22,210
Coco.
935
01:02:24,039 --> 01:02:25,785
Do you know of a good barber?
936
01:02:45,269 --> 01:02:47,007
Very becoming, Auguste.
937
01:02:47,614 --> 01:02:48,956
Do you .. do you like it?
938
01:02:50,332 --> 01:02:51,393
Ravishing!
939
01:02:51,942 --> 01:02:53,056
Perfect.
940
01:03:00,089 --> 01:03:01,089
Exquisite.
941
01:03:02,385 --> 01:03:04,858
Is the back snug?
โ Like a glove.
942
01:03:05,870 --> 01:03:08,087
It's .. for the races. Look.
943
01:03:08,377 --> 01:03:10,594
It has a double-breasted waistcoat.
944
01:03:26,487 --> 01:03:28,904
I trust you are comfortable, sir?
โ You do, eh.
945
01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:32,821
Dr Topaze sends word. He will
contact you in 5 minutes.
946
01:03:33,050 --> 01:03:34,077
Well, I'm honored.
947
01:03:34,370 --> 01:03:36,703
Now listen, you incarnate prickly heat.
948
01:03:37,045 --> 01:03:40,277
Ask Topaze what he means
by making me wait 25 minutes.
949
01:03:40,767 --> 01:03:42,500
The man has delusions of grandeur.
950
01:03:49,861 --> 01:03:51,606
Ah, Dr Stegg? โ Yes.
951
01:03:51,888 --> 01:03:54,594
It is now a matter of
20 minutes, to half an hour.
952
01:03:54,949 --> 01:03:56,856
Tell him we are quite comfortable.
953
01:03:58,134 --> 01:03:59,134
Thank you.
954
01:04:01,826 --> 01:04:02,951
Gentlemen.
955
01:04:04,166 --> 01:04:05,166
Patience.
956
01:04:06,207 --> 01:04:09,093
Oh dear, I've been
waiting here 35 minutes.
957
01:04:09,990 --> 01:04:11,485
I've been here over an hour.
958
01:04:12,093 --> 01:04:13,422
What a busy man.
959
01:04:13,730 --> 01:04:15,542
Oh no. I just pretend I'm busy.
960
01:04:15,788 --> 01:04:19,062
I'm flopping in and out
constantly, and keep barking.
961
01:04:19,550 --> 01:04:22,413
Do you know, if one has
time to listen to people ..
962
01:04:22,621 --> 01:04:24,081
They have no respect for one.
963
01:04:24,539 --> 01:04:25,691
One must be ..
964
01:04:26,870 --> 01:04:27,870
Elusive.
965
01:04:28,084 --> 01:04:30,709
I've kept Dr Stegg waiting
20 minutes already.
966
01:04:30,944 --> 01:04:34,456
In another half hour, he'll
be in complete awe of me.
967
01:04:34,789 --> 01:04:38,196
Dr Stegg? Isn't that the wretch who ..
โ Who threw me out of this school?
968
01:04:38,537 --> 01:04:41,513
It is .. now he want me to honor him.
969
01:04:41,836 --> 01:04:45,190
By attending his graduation
exercises this afternoon.
970
01:04:45,592 --> 01:04:48,788
And distributing the
prizes among his pupils.
971
01:04:49,592 --> 01:04:50,592
Fancy!
972
01:04:55,547 --> 01:04:56,930
Would you like to come along?
973
01:04:57,431 --> 01:04:58,828
Oh, that would be fun.
974
01:05:00,510 --> 01:05:02,127
But you might have called for me.
975
01:05:02,445 --> 01:05:04,476
Instead of summoning
me here like a tyrant.
976
01:05:04,909 --> 01:05:06,014
It's better manners.
977
01:05:06,104 --> 01:05:07,900
My dear Coco, in a crisis ..
978
01:05:08,252 --> 01:05:09,801
One omits a bow or two.
979
01:05:10,214 --> 01:05:12,579
You are in a crisis?
โ Well, not yet.
980
01:05:13,733 --> 01:05:14,989
But in a few minutes.
981
01:05:16,655 --> 01:05:19,479
I'd .. I'd love to share
a crisis with you.
982
01:05:23,012 --> 01:05:24,508
Do you mind if I sit here?
983
01:05:24,710 --> 01:05:27,420
It .. it makes me feel more effective.
984
01:05:28,168 --> 01:05:29,329
Do be effective.
985
01:05:35,180 --> 01:05:37,723
Send the Baron de La Tour
La Tour in, please.
986
01:05:38,379 --> 01:05:39,379
Auguste.
987
01:05:40,305 --> 01:05:41,479
What are you up to?
988
01:05:42,205 --> 01:05:43,890
The most frightful villainy.
989
01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:45,524
Shush.
990
01:05:48,631 --> 01:05:50,143
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
991
01:05:50,233 --> 01:05:52,617
I don't mind humoring you
Topaze, but don't overdo it.
992
01:05:53,260 --> 01:05:55,535
Oh, what are you doing here?
โ Visiting.
993
01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,625
I sent for her.
994
01:05:57,421 --> 01:05:59,928
I have a matter of grave
importance to take up, sir.
995
01:06:00,018 --> 01:06:01,036
Ha, what a man.
996
01:06:01,257 --> 01:06:03,861
Always bringing matters of
grave importance to my head.
997
01:06:06,544 --> 01:06:09,060
Coco, do you mind sitting
over there so I can't see you?
998
01:06:09,896 --> 01:06:10,957
Certainly not.
999
01:06:13,644 --> 01:06:15,403
Is this the crisis?
1000
01:06:16,310 --> 01:06:17,503
It begins now.
1001
01:06:17,832 --> 01:06:19,887
So, what sort of charades are these?
1002
01:06:20,656 --> 01:06:23,309
I am just .. trying to think.
1003
01:06:23,796 --> 01:06:25,104
How to begin the matter.
1004
01:06:25,661 --> 01:06:29,459
A disciple of mine should always
come to the point. Immediately.
1005
01:06:29,876 --> 01:06:30,876
Thank you, sir.
1006
01:06:31,715 --> 01:06:34,104
I am receiving 8,000 francs a month.
1007
01:06:34,468 --> 01:06:36,779
As Chief of the La Tour Chemical Works.
1008
01:06:37,882 --> 01:06:40,007
We both know they are non-existent.
1009
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:41,240
Proceed.
1010
01:06:42,272 --> 01:06:46,332
Really, if I took my job seriously,
I should have nothing to do at all.
1011
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:50,014
So I have decided I should
be more honestly employed ..
1012
01:06:50,613 --> 01:06:51,613
As ..
1013
01:06:52,267 --> 01:06:53,608
Cigarette? โ No, thanks.
1014
01:06:54,633 --> 01:06:56,819
As a partner. โ What?
1015
01:06:58,355 --> 01:06:59,599
What are you raving about?
1016
01:07:00,001 --> 01:07:01,438
I am asking you, sir.
1017
01:07:01,953 --> 01:07:04,751
For a third interest in
this thriving concern.
1018
01:07:05,041 --> 01:07:06,361
Topaze, you delight me.
1019
01:07:06,721 --> 01:07:08,366
Such effrontery is refreshing.
1020
01:07:09,413 --> 01:07:11,097
I am very much afraid, sir.
1021
01:07:11,797 --> 01:07:13,372
That you underestimate me.
1022
01:07:14,234 --> 01:07:15,765
I repeat my request.
1023
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,632
Ominously. โ Ominously?
1024
01:07:19,353 --> 01:07:23,288
Topaze. Do you realize how much a
third interest in the business would be?
1025
01:07:23,823 --> 01:07:25,170
To a fraction, sir.
1026
01:07:25,415 --> 01:07:27,624
Coco, I'm disappointed
in our little Professor.
1027
01:07:28,231 --> 01:07:30,888
He's had a relapse.
He's as absurd as ever.
1028
01:07:32,384 --> 01:07:35,014
I see there is nothing
to be gained by ..
1029
01:07:35,779 --> 01:07:36,782
By words.
1030
01:07:39,783 --> 01:07:41,814
Dr Bomb. โ "Yes, sir?"
1031
01:07:42,387 --> 01:07:44,849
Drawer 12, file 12.
1032
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:46,565
Coming up.
1033
01:07:48,669 --> 01:07:49,669
Baron.
1034
01:07:50,156 --> 01:07:52,188
I am about to be very objectionable.
1035
01:08:02,889 --> 01:08:06,355
Here, as they say in
melodrama, are the papers.
1036
01:08:07,199 --> 01:08:09,328
You will find, written out here.
1037
01:08:09,962 --> 01:08:11,502
A complete report.
1038
01:08:12,311 --> 01:08:14,490
Of your relations with Coco.
1039
01:08:15,232 --> 01:08:19,320
Dates .. sayings .. and doings.
1040
01:08:20,088 --> 01:08:21,088
Oh.
1041
01:08:22,848 --> 01:08:25,593
Your stock in this firm
is in your wife's name.
1042
01:08:26,226 --> 01:08:28,619
And your wife, if I may say so.
1043
01:08:29,349 --> 01:08:31,452
Is a very formidable woman.
1044
01:08:32,332 --> 01:08:34,735
When she reads this fascinating data.
1045
01:08:35,297 --> 01:08:38,131
Her subsequent antics
are easy to imagine.
1046
01:08:38,483 --> 01:08:41,228
You are the most impudent
scoundrel I've ever known.
1047
01:08:41,589 --> 01:08:42,589
Sir.
1048
01:08:43,586 --> 01:08:45,680
I am impervious to flattery.
1049
01:08:53,051 --> 01:08:56,132
To think that I nursed and reared
that Frankenstein under my own roof.
1050
01:08:56,588 --> 01:08:58,561
Philippe, is that all you have to say?
1051
01:08:59,414 --> 01:09:00,723
Are you going to give in?
1052
01:09:03,392 --> 01:09:04,646
A difficult situation.
1053
01:09:05,059 --> 01:09:06,682
Allow him to adjust himself.
1054
01:09:07,118 --> 01:09:09,432
Coco .. this would ruin me.
1055
01:09:09,854 --> 01:09:10,980
What can I do?
1056
01:09:12,361 --> 01:09:15,326
Softly and silently, vanish away.
1057
01:09:20,810 --> 01:09:23,072
I .. have taken the liberty.
1058
01:09:23,477 --> 01:09:25,517
Of drawing up a partnership contract.
1059
01:09:25,870 --> 01:09:27,126
Blackmailer!
1060
01:09:30,812 --> 01:09:31,868
A pen, sir.
1061
01:10:14,107 --> 01:10:15,765
Gentlemen of the Stegg Academy.
1062
01:10:16,333 --> 01:10:18,361
And you my dear parents.
1063
01:10:19,060 --> 01:10:22,082
We are singularly honored today
in having with us an old friend.
1064
01:10:22,966 --> 01:10:24,805
I'm sure we can all call you a friend.
1065
01:10:25,693 --> 01:10:29,410
An old friend whom I've asked to return
to the scene of his first success.
1066
01:10:33,684 --> 01:10:35,153
Silence, if you please.
1067
01:10:37,449 --> 01:10:38,449
Gentlemen.
1068
01:10:38,654 --> 01:10:42,438
Nobody realizes more than I that
this is a great day of your lives.
1069
01:10:43,264 --> 01:10:47,567
I announce that in addition to prizes
awarded to the individual students ..
1070
01:10:47,743 --> 01:10:50,962
For their diligence and
brilliance in individual subjects.
1071
01:10:51,534 --> 01:10:55,370
The Academy this year, has
selected for it's Banner Pupil ..
1072
01:10:55,802 --> 01:10:57,376
It's model of intellectual youth.
1073
01:10:57,711 --> 01:11:00,508
None other than Monsieur
Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour.
1074
01:11:10,228 --> 01:11:13,349
And now the moment arrives
which you've all been waiting for.
1075
01:11:14,582 --> 01:11:18,637
I have the privilege and honor to bring
to you the distributor of the prizes.
1076
01:11:19,296 --> 01:11:21,742
The beloved scientific
genius of The Republic.
1077
01:11:22,797 --> 01:11:24,312
My very good friend.
1078
01:11:29,133 --> 01:11:32,784
We welcome you back, Doctor Topaze.
1079
01:11:44,070 --> 01:11:46,473
Gentlemen .. dear ladies.
1080
01:11:47,765 --> 01:11:48,884
Doctor Stegg.
1081
01:11:50,018 --> 01:11:51,311
Members of the faculty.
1082
01:11:53,044 --> 01:11:54,724
Where is my pointer?
1083
01:11:57,495 --> 01:11:59,575
Thank you .. thank you very much.
1084
01:12:00,873 --> 01:12:02,707
Ah, now I feel more at home.
1085
01:12:05,095 --> 01:12:06,095
And ..
1086
01:12:06,802 --> 01:12:07,802
My glasses.
1087
01:12:08,378 --> 01:12:12,350
These .. glasses have seen a
great deal of service in this room.
1088
01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:14,067
So, gentlemen.
1089
01:12:14,509 --> 01:12:18,492
I suppose you are saying to
yourselves, that can't be Dr Topaze.
1090
01:12:18,995 --> 01:12:21,361
My, how different he
looks in his new suit.
1091
01:12:21,802 --> 01:12:23,289
And without his ..
1092
01:12:24,072 --> 01:12:25,072
His whiskers.
1093
01:12:27,218 --> 01:12:28,405
Well, gentlemen.
1094
01:12:29,153 --> 01:12:33,015
Since that day you saw me last,
I have been out in the great world.
1095
01:12:34,089 --> 01:12:35,989
And I have learned a great deal.
1096
01:12:44,139 --> 01:12:46,688
You have noticed gentlemen,
that I have changed.
1097
01:12:48,151 --> 01:12:50,966
But it pleases me to see that
here, nothing has altered.
1098
01:12:51,282 --> 01:12:53,043
The mottoes, they are all the same.
1099
01:12:54,009 --> 01:12:56,685
Like yourselves,
I studied them a long time.
1100
01:12:57,361 --> 01:12:59,078
And I learned to know them well.
1101
01:13:00,291 --> 01:13:01,796
But my dear children.
1102
01:13:02,367 --> 01:13:05,193
I have something rather sad to tell you.
1103
01:13:06,396 --> 01:13:10,780
It will surprise you to know, that unlike
the lessons you have learned here.
1104
01:13:11,745 --> 01:13:13,473
In the outside world.
1105
01:13:14,042 --> 01:13:16,663
Honesty is not always rewarded.
1106
01:13:18,881 --> 01:13:20,898
It's very true, sir. Very true.
1107
01:13:21,716 --> 01:13:23,564
I can even say, Dr Stegg.
1108
01:13:24,441 --> 01:13:28,805
That villainy often receives
more applause .. than virtue.
1109
01:13:31,857 --> 01:13:32,857
Gentlemen.
1110
01:13:33,467 --> 01:13:36,206
The world that lies outside that door.
1111
01:13:36,793 --> 01:13:39,335
Is a most upside-down place.
1112
01:13:40,945 --> 01:13:45,276
You will be shocked someday when,
full of maxims, mottoes and education.
1113
01:13:45,820 --> 01:13:47,986
You behold injustice triumphant.
1114
01:13:48,468 --> 01:13:50,889
And wrongdoing receiving the rewards.
1115
01:13:51,292 --> 01:13:53,175
Which should be given
only to the virtuous.
1116
01:13:53,386 --> 01:13:55,031
Doctor, please. You forget yourself.
1117
01:13:56,553 --> 01:13:59,727
Doctor Stegg thinks I
am forgetting myself.
1118
01:14:01,011 --> 01:14:03,653
Alas, I remember myself too well.
1119
01:14:05,472 --> 01:14:06,504
Gentlemen.
1120
01:14:07,152 --> 01:14:09,741
Regardless of what the
world outside is like.
1121
01:14:10,310 --> 01:14:13,066
Within these walls which
are still dear to me.
1122
01:14:13,767 --> 01:14:15,679
Injustice shall not triumph.
1123
01:14:16,116 --> 01:14:17,858
Nor wrongdoers be rewarded.
1124
01:14:18,571 --> 01:14:20,075
I have been instructed.
1125
01:14:20,541 --> 01:14:22,864
To deliver the highest school honors.
1126
01:14:23,471 --> 01:14:26,420
For diligence, deportment and talent.
1127
01:14:27,334 --> 01:14:30,265
To one Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour.
1128
01:14:31,504 --> 01:14:33,379
Monsieur de La Tour La Tour.
1129
01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:35,833
Kindly step forward.
1130
01:14:45,811 --> 01:14:47,447
Monsieur La Tour La Tour.
1131
01:14:47,975 --> 01:14:51,674
I see by this report that you
are marked 95 in history.
1132
01:14:52,364 --> 01:14:53,807
May I ask you a question?
1133
01:14:55,848 --> 01:14:59,214
What can you tell me about
the three Punic wars?
1134
01:14:59,612 --> 01:15:02,841
There were three Punic wars.
During the first Punic war ..
1135
01:15:03,536 --> 01:15:06,677
The first Punic war .. war ..
1136
01:15:07,091 --> 01:15:10,740
Hmm .. you don't seem to know
much about the first Punic war.
1137
01:15:11,622 --> 01:15:13,819
What can you tell me about
the second Punic war?
1138
01:15:14,359 --> 01:15:16,796
After the first Punic war
came the second Punic war.
1139
01:15:17,544 --> 01:15:19,529
The second Punic war ..
1140
01:15:20,430 --> 01:15:22,770
Let us proceed to the third Punic war.
1141
01:15:23,087 --> 01:15:25,678
After the first Punic war came
the second Punic war ..
1142
01:15:25,893 --> 01:15:28,344
And after the second Punic war
came the third Punic war.
1143
01:15:29,263 --> 01:15:31,045
A very scintillate deduction.
1144
01:15:31,929 --> 01:15:32,929
Proceed.
1145
01:15:33,975 --> 01:15:35,697
During the third Punic war ..
1146
01:15:36,014 --> 01:15:37,309
They burnt Carthage.
1147
01:15:39,436 --> 01:15:40,947
They burnt Carthage!
1148
01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:42,733
They had a war.
1149
01:15:44,009 --> 01:15:46,800
Zero .. zero .. zero.
1150
01:15:47,812 --> 01:15:49,633
You will return to your seat.
1151
01:15:54,679 --> 01:15:58,981
Can anyone answer the extremely
complex question I have just asked.
1152
01:15:59,799 --> 01:16:02,687
Concerning the three Punic wars.
1153
01:16:05,519 --> 01:16:07,181
Are you sure you all know?
1154
01:16:07,418 --> 01:16:09,425
First Punic war: 264 BC.
1155
01:16:09,767 --> 01:16:11,642
Second Punic war: 218 BC.
1156
01:16:11,861 --> 01:16:13,701
Third Punic war: 14 ..
1157
01:16:23,369 --> 01:16:24,513
Excellent.
1158
01:16:25,305 --> 01:16:26,305
Excellent.
1159
01:16:27,197 --> 01:16:28,197
Excellent.
1160
01:16:28,913 --> 01:16:30,201
Thank you very much.
1161
01:16:30,919 --> 01:16:33,245
Have you the prize, Dr Stegg?
1162
01:16:38,904 --> 01:16:41,255
I award the symbol of learning.
1163
01:16:41,992 --> 01:16:43,013
To all of you.
1164
01:16:44,227 --> 01:16:46,086
I give it to you with the request.
1165
01:16:46,665 --> 01:16:48,531
That when you have entered the world.
1166
01:16:49,462 --> 01:16:51,048
And witnessed there ..
1167
01:16:51,459 --> 01:16:53,115
The strange evidences ..
1168
01:16:53,702 --> 01:16:55,288
Of amazing injustice.
1169
01:16:56,387 --> 01:16:58,881
You will remember that once, at least ..
1170
01:16:59,725 --> 01:17:03,168
Through the unworthy
hand of Professor Topaze ..
1171
01:17:04,265 --> 01:17:05,684
Virtue triumphed.
1172
01:17:06,333 --> 01:17:08,191
And honesty was rewarded.
1173
01:17:08,990 --> 01:17:09,990
As ..
1174
01:17:10,890 --> 01:17:14,461
Read the mottoes .. on these old walls.
1175
01:17:53,974 --> 01:17:55,006
Fancy that.
1176
01:18:03,865 --> 01:18:05,216
Come back at eleven.
1177
01:18:27,401 --> 01:18:30,243
T-G
85665
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