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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:45,227 [ Telephone ] 2 00:01:46,117 --> 00:01:47,283 Don't answer it. 3 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,100 Hello .. oh, hello. 4 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:55,434 No, I haven't asked him yet. I will now. Wait a minute. 5 00:01:56,410 --> 00:02:00,228 Darling, you've got to help me. Sister wants a tutor for Alphonse. 6 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:01,812 What, that brat? 7 00:02:02,524 --> 00:02:04,275 Well .. it's a waste of education. 8 00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:07,363 Tell your dear sister she's throwing money out of the window. 9 00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:09,383 Oh, now .. 10 00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:15,005 Give me that. 11 00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:26,176 Hello .. oh Philippe has a marvelous tutor. 12 00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:28,952 Professor "Topaze". 13 00:02:29,893 --> 00:02:32,602 P'Arcy 3564. 14 00:02:34,537 --> 00:02:36,920 Oh .. oh, I'll get him myself tomorrow. 15 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,561 Yes. Well that's alright. How are you? 16 00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:42,111 Kiss Alphonse for me. 17 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,414 Goodnight. 18 00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:50,954 [ Alarm sound ] 19 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:52,650 Sounds. 20 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,080 What's wrong? โ”€ I have to go. 21 00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:00,191 You don't love me anymore. 22 00:03:00,877 --> 00:03:02,629 Darling, I adore you. 23 00:03:03,464 --> 00:03:06,526 But you know as well as I do, that I must get home to my wife. 24 00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:41,172 Shush. 25 00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,465 Good evening, my sweet. 26 00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:50,704 Where have you been? 27 00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:53,678 Exhausted, darling. I'm exhausted. 28 00:03:54,163 --> 00:03:56,085 I've had the most tiring day. 29 00:03:56,371 --> 00:03:59,681 As it was, I had to leave before the conference was over. 30 00:04:00,655 --> 00:04:02,204 Did you miss me? โ”€ Oh .. 31 00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:05,831 I've been almost out of my mind waiting for you. 32 00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:12,967 Hortense, I draw the line at sleeping with Max. Now, he has his own bed. 33 00:04:13,178 --> 00:04:15,148 Oh, you leave him alone. He's nervous. 34 00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:16,961 Oh, Philippe. 35 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,573 I don't know how to begin to tell you. โ”€ What? 36 00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:23,808 Promise me you'll control yourself. โ”€ Darling, I'll be as stoic as a turtle. 37 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,597 Something dreadful has happened to our son. 38 00:04:27,922 --> 00:04:29,184 He'll outgrow it. 39 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,635 Philippe de La Tour La Tour, I'm talking to you. 40 00:04:31,802 --> 00:04:33,157 Come here at once. 41 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,604 This is what the State Academy thinks of .. 42 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,610 Your son. 43 00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:45,971 "Charlemagne de La Tour." 44 00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:47,731 "Geography. Zero." 45 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,808 "Mathematics. Zero." 46 00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:51,919 "Chemistry. Zero." 47 00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:54,180 "History. Zero." 48 00:04:55,105 --> 00:04:56,777 "General knowledge. 30." 49 00:04:57,991 --> 00:05:00,410 "Signed: Auguste A. Topaze." 50 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,835 Ha .. a fascinating record. 51 00:05:03,108 --> 00:05:04,518 Must have had on off month. 52 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,458 It's a plot against our child. 53 00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:15,267 A plot fostered by that creature, whatshisname ...? 54 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,619 "Topaze". 55 00:05:17,194 --> 00:05:18,774 Topaze or not Topaze. 56 00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:20,730 That is the question. 57 00:05:21,126 --> 00:05:22,126 Ha! 58 00:05:22,173 --> 00:05:24,219 This is no time for joking. 59 00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:26,440 Has he been eating well? 60 00:05:28,798 --> 00:05:32,075 I demand that you see the Minister of Education. 61 00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:35,357 Darling, I doubt if he could spare the time for tutoring. 62 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:39,518 You will drive me mad with your levity. 63 00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:43,837 Did I hear you call me, Mama? โ”€ Yes, darling. 64 00:05:46,357 --> 00:05:47,835 How do you, my fine scholar? 65 00:05:48,063 --> 00:05:50,347 I've just been looking over your astonishing record. 66 00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,867 Philippe, don't make the child cry. 67 00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:55,022 I won't cry, Mama. โ”€ Oh, darling. 68 00:05:56,052 --> 00:05:58,104 Now tell your father what you told me. 69 00:05:58,551 --> 00:06:01,870 Well, I'm not the idiot that old Professor Topaze is. 70 00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:04,626 He .. 71 00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,297 Go on, dearest. Don't falter. 72 00:06:07,928 --> 00:06:08,928 Well .. 73 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,480 He's a communist and I can prove it. โ”€ What? 74 00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:16,826 Yes, Papa. He's against the rich. He doesn't like me because I'm a La Tour. 75 00:06:17,149 --> 00:06:18,662 You should try to win him over. 76 00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:20,785 But he'll try to win me over if he's so smart. 77 00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:22,345 Come here, darling. 78 00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:24,477 Now you must stop fretting. 79 00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:28,348 Philippe .. I want this Topaze removed at once. 80 00:06:28,771 --> 00:06:30,383 Thanks, Mama. โ”€ Ah, darling. 81 00:06:30,909 --> 00:06:32,609 Does this monster ever beat you? 82 00:06:32,932 --> 00:06:34,515 Yes .. all the time. 83 00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:36,292 Is that so? Where? 84 00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:40,199 Oh .. oh, my poor boy! 85 00:06:40,955 --> 00:06:43,621 Oh you .. you heartless father. 86 00:06:44,026 --> 00:06:45,405 Oh, my baby. 87 00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:49,263 Perhaps we'd all be more comfortable if I used the bed in the other wing? 88 00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:51,697 Philippe, your place is here. 89 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:56,026 Darling, I must get some sleep. I have to be up very early. 90 00:07:20,271 --> 00:07:22,637 Good morning. โ”€ Good morning, Professor Topaze. 91 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,655 That's a very fine odor you're giving the countryside, sir. 92 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,465 You will have to excuse me. Tomorrow, perhaps. 93 00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:36,062 Good morning Dr Stegg. โ”€ Just a moment, Dr Topaze. 94 00:07:36,974 --> 00:07:38,332 I have some good news for you. 95 00:07:38,531 --> 00:07:41,517 Is it .. is it about my raise in salary? 96 00:07:41,607 --> 00:07:42,607 Oh, much better. 97 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,291 I am pleased to report that owing to my tireless efforts. 98 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,195 The highest honors that can be bestowed on a teacher are now within your grasp. 99 00:07:51,561 --> 00:07:54,829 You don't mean the Academic Palms? โ”€ Yes. 100 00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:56,804 Oh, Dr Stegg. 101 00:07:57,235 --> 00:07:59,443 Not so fast, Dr Topaze. 102 00:08:00,156 --> 00:08:04,349 Twelve members of the Academy have now read your "First Steps In Chemistry." 103 00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,363 And are favorably disposed. 104 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:10,779 There remain but eight members, which is three members less than last year. 105 00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:14,228 Then .. I shan't be mentioned in this year's list? 106 00:08:14,655 --> 00:08:16,625 Ah .. yes, and no. 107 00:08:17,657 --> 00:08:21,352 Colonel Lepping informs me that you have been awarded the Academic Palms. 108 00:08:21,442 --> 00:08:24,308 In a spiritual, but not in a political sense. 109 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:27,238 That is to say .. morally. 110 00:08:28,021 --> 00:08:29,021 Morally. 111 00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,407 Well, that's something, isn't it. 112 00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:35,579 It's very nice .. it give me great hope. 113 00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:38,737 Have you done the potassium lesson? โ”€ I should say not. 114 00:08:38,929 --> 00:08:41,086 You'd better look at it. It's pretty hard. 115 00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:43,248 Here it is on page 86. 116 00:08:48,453 --> 00:08:50,445 This is what I think of the lesson. 117 00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:52,794 Professor Topaze. 118 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:57,339 Will you pardon me? I'm a very happy man and thank you very much. 119 00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,133 Just a moment, Dr Topaze. 120 00:09:00,312 --> 00:09:03,769 You left the electric light burning in your classroom all last night. 121 00:09:04,473 --> 00:09:05,473 Oh, I'm sorry. 122 00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:07,728 How could I have done that? โ”€ Carelessness. 123 00:09:08,327 --> 00:09:11,141 We'll have to deduct 7 francs from your monthly stipend. 124 00:09:12,048 --> 00:09:13,048 7 francs? 125 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,646 What a pity. 126 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:43,733 Monsieur Duval. 127 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:48,683 You have again neglected your duties towards the calendar. 128 00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:50,495 I am annoyed. 129 00:09:52,873 --> 00:09:54,630 This is your third offense. 130 00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:58,865 I regret I am forced to remove it from your charge. 131 00:10:04,265 --> 00:10:05,328 Monsieur Durand. 132 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:10,274 In recognition of your good marks. 133 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:13,115 The calendar is entrusted to your care. 134 00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,468 Monsieur Le Grand, kindly leave the room. 135 00:10:38,949 --> 00:10:41,019 Morals and deportment. 136 00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:50,313 Monsieur. 137 00:10:52,515 --> 00:10:55,490 Let this be a lesson to you that Professor Topaze .. 138 00:10:55,761 --> 00:10:57,716 Has eyes in the back of his head. 139 00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,128 You may return to your seat. โ”€ Thank you, sir. 140 00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,882 Before we go any further, gentlemen. 141 00:11:07,061 --> 00:11:08,841 I wish to appeal to a boy. 142 00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:12,316 Who has been annoying our class for several days. 143 00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:16,219 I willingly forgive him for his past offenses. 144 00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:18,920 But I must appeal to his moral sense. 145 00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:23,851 To discontinue his inopportune and undesirable melodies. 146 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:28,522 I know I shall not appeal to his moral sense .. in vain. 147 00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:30,519 [ Squeaking noise ] 148 00:11:33,305 --> 00:11:34,305 Very well. 149 00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:39,375 Dishonorable miscreant, you have bearded the lion. 150 00:11:40,923 --> 00:11:41,948 Beware. 151 00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:46,998 Gentlemen, I ask you to ignore these and other future noises. 152 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,786 Act as if they did not exist. 153 00:11:51,102 --> 00:11:54,710 Today we are not going to concern ourselves with chemical equations. 154 00:11:55,264 --> 00:11:58,881 Geographical questions or matters of historical import. 155 00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:03,113 We are going to consider things of a deep and fundamental nature. 156 00:12:04,052 --> 00:12:06,931 I refer to the question of good and evil. 157 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,597 We are going to dwell on the habits .. 158 00:12:10,007 --> 00:12:11,884 Of civilized peoples. 159 00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:14,488 [ Squeaking noise ] 160 00:12:18,674 --> 00:12:19,796 Let us .. 161 00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,429 Let us take examples from daily life. 162 00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:25,374 Question number one. 163 00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,126 What must one be to succeed in life? 164 00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:33,111 Monsieur Tranche Mauville. 165 00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:36,674 To succeed in life one must be .. 166 00:12:40,213 --> 00:12:42,307 Hon .. hon .. โ”€ Honest. 167 00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:44,196 Honest. Correct. 168 00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,327 Eminently correct. 169 00:12:47,144 --> 00:12:49,265 One must be honest. But what else? 170 00:12:49,931 --> 00:12:51,719 Honest. But what more? 171 00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:55,589 Monsieur Durand. 172 00:12:57,621 --> 00:12:59,765 He must be honest, and ...? 173 00:13:01,193 --> 00:13:02,536 Ki .. ki .. 174 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:05,540 Kind! โ”€ Honest and kind. 175 00:13:07,881 --> 00:13:10,717 Now gentlemen, let us presume. 176 00:13:11,304 --> 00:13:13,066 That by some freak of nature. 177 00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:15,909 A dishonest man becomes wealthy. 178 00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:20,747 Well .. he is well-dressed. 179 00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:24,565 He lives in a very fine room. 180 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,568 He has servants .. and an automobile. 181 00:13:30,289 --> 00:13:31,289 Yet .. 182 00:13:33,051 --> 00:13:35,413 Has this man any friends? 183 00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,583 Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 184 00:13:45,484 --> 00:13:46,662 Yes, lots. 185 00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:50,744 Ah .. so .. 186 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,172 You think this man has friends? 187 00:13:53,438 --> 00:13:54,441 I know he has. 188 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,105 And pray, why has he friends? 189 00:13:57,801 --> 00:13:59,104 To ride in his automobile. 190 00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:03,492 No, my dear Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 191 00:14:04,197 --> 00:14:05,497 Those are not friends. 192 00:14:06,317 --> 00:14:08,577 Such people, if they existed .. 193 00:14:09,053 --> 00:14:11,155 Would be merely vile parasites. 194 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,762 The man we are describing has no friends. 195 00:14:15,471 --> 00:14:17,446 The people who knew him before. 196 00:14:17,926 --> 00:14:20,868 Learning that his fortune was not legitimate. 197 00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:24,017 Would flee from him, as from a plague. 198 00:14:25,228 --> 00:14:26,337 What does he do? 199 00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:28,246 He moves into another mansion. 200 00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:33,225 Possibly. 201 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,178 But .. may I ask? 202 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,825 Would he .. 203 00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:43,317 Would he be any happier in his .. 204 00:14:44,395 --> 00:14:45,693 Shall we say, mansion? 205 00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:48,297 Yes. If it's a nice neighborhood. 206 00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:51,336 No, my dear sir. 207 00:14:52,806 --> 00:14:55,599 He would be happier in no neighborhood. 208 00:14:56,472 --> 00:14:57,930 This dishonest man. 209 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,672 Wherever he goes. 210 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,555 Whatever he does. 211 00:15:02,383 --> 00:15:04,370 Will be inevitably tortured. 212 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,525 By the disapproval. 213 00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:07,985 Of his .. 214 00:15:08,419 --> 00:15:09,932 I know, I know. I know. 215 00:15:10,108 --> 00:15:11,533 A moment please, gentlemen. 216 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,877 I will give you an opportunity .. 217 00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:18,334 To redeem yourself Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 218 00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:24,877 The disapproval of his con .. 219 00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:26,834 Con .. 220 00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:28,570 Constipation? 221 00:15:46,457 --> 00:15:48,043 Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 222 00:15:48,383 --> 00:15:52,452 I choose to think that idiotic reply was not a weak attempt at humor. 223 00:15:52,773 --> 00:15:54,686 But a definite lack of intelligence. 224 00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:56,984 Zero. 225 00:16:03,389 --> 00:16:04,812 This dishonest man. 226 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:09,158 Would be troubled by the disapproval of his own conscience. 227 00:16:09,899 --> 00:16:12,235 And so worries, night and day. 228 00:16:13,154 --> 00:16:14,154 Pale. 229 00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:15,623 Ill. 230 00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:16,987 Fatigued. 231 00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:19,792 In order to find peace at last. 232 00:16:20,826 --> 00:16:25,058 He distributes .. among the poor, his entire fortune. 233 00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:28,493 As a sign that he has at last understood. 234 00:16:29,504 --> 00:16:30,504 That. 235 00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:36,128 Ill-gotten gains are not worth while. 236 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,434 And. 237 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:41,193 Money does not bring happiness. 238 00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:43,029 Exactly. 239 00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:44,353 [ Squeaking noises ] 240 00:16:47,743 --> 00:16:49,970 Now let us turn to a brighter picture. 241 00:16:50,805 --> 00:16:53,242 What is the fate of the honest man? 242 00:16:54,632 --> 00:16:55,953 Monsieur Tellinont. 243 00:17:01,144 --> 00:17:04,025 What is the state of the honest man's mind .. 244 00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:06,730 At the end of his day's work? 245 00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:10,862 He's exhausted. 246 00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:16,765 Have you forgotten what I have so often taught you in this class? 247 00:17:19,836 --> 00:17:21,277 Is work tiring? 248 00:17:22,315 --> 00:17:23,698 Monsieur Cordiere. 249 00:17:24,963 --> 00:17:28,104 No, sir. Work tires nobody. Only laziness is tiring. 250 00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:30,393 Laziness is the mother of all vice. 251 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:31,840 Excellent! 252 00:17:32,555 --> 00:17:35,390 Monsieur Cordiere. You will have a hundred. 253 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,983 [ Squeaking noises ] 254 00:17:41,732 --> 00:17:43,906 Permit me gentlemen, to elucidate. 255 00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,821 Let us presume our honest man is a businessman. 256 00:17:48,498 --> 00:17:51,082 He will refuse to misrepresent his product. 257 00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:53,888 He will scorn unmerited profit. 258 00:17:54,462 --> 00:17:57,812 And be rewarded by the esteem of all who know him. 259 00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:02,565 If a war breaks out, and he has the good fortune to be wounded. 260 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:06,639 He will be instantly awarded a decoration. 261 00:18:07,009 --> 00:18:08,250 By his government. 262 00:18:09,235 --> 00:18:10,395 Aha! 263 00:18:13,512 --> 00:18:14,512 So. 264 00:18:15,933 --> 00:18:19,618 You were foolish enough to mistake my kindness for weakness. 265 00:18:20,358 --> 00:18:22,214 My patience for blindness. 266 00:18:23,023 --> 00:18:27,430 My young friend, the velvet glove conceals a hand of steel. 267 00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,216 You see that hand? 268 00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:31,521 If you resist it, it will break you. 269 00:18:31,838 --> 00:18:33,263 [ Squeaking noises ] 270 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,137 Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 271 00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,550 Stand with your back in the corner. 272 00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:39,574 Your back to the class. 273 00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:41,306 [ Squeaking noises ] 274 00:18:41,561 --> 00:18:45,159 You are now an object of derision and shame to your comrades. 275 00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:47,518 [ Squeaking noises ] 276 00:18:58,184 --> 00:18:59,184 Gentlemen. 277 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,418 Do not be unduly depressed by this painful incident. 278 00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:05,104 I .. 279 00:19:05,459 --> 00:19:07,928 Shall go on with the class as if nothing has happened. 280 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,359 As for you, Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 281 00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,008 I will not yet pronounce sentence. 282 00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:18,125 I condemn you to a state of uncertainty. 283 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,691 Doctor Topaze. โ”€ What is it? 284 00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:30,761 Bring your report card to Doctor Stegg's office at once. 285 00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:33,093 Does Doctor Stegg know I'm in the middle of my class? 286 00:19:33,454 --> 00:19:34,483 At once. 287 00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:47,731 Gentlemen, I wish you to take advantage of my absence. 288 00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:49,813 By discussing among yourselves. 289 00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:52,223 This question of good and evil. 290 00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:54,748 And the problems of civilization. 291 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,237 [ Door knocks ] 292 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:11,677 Come in. 293 00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:16,149 Close the door. 294 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,270 You have the records? 295 00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:24,702 Yes, sir. I brought them as you asked. 296 00:20:25,068 --> 00:20:26,968 I was in the middle of my class .. โ”€ Silence! 297 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,670 Ha .. hmm .. ha .. 298 00:20:32,028 --> 00:20:33,620 Seven zeros. 299 00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:36,300 Madame, I'm dumbfounded. 300 00:20:36,682 --> 00:20:38,244 Proceed, Dr Stegg. 301 00:20:39,225 --> 00:20:41,781 You've been with us a long time, Dr Topaze. 302 00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:44,693 So I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. 303 00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:48,947 I am not blaming you for this error, but your secretary. 304 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,395 I hope you understand me. 305 00:20:53,723 --> 00:20:55,342 I have no secretary, sir. 306 00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:59,152 I myself gave Monsieur La Tour La Tour those marks. 307 00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:01,492 You can see that is my handwriting. 308 00:21:01,756 --> 00:21:04,233 Ha! Do you want me and the Baroness to believe .. 309 00:21:04,323 --> 00:21:08,878 That this descendent of an illustrious line of statesmen and heroes is an idiot? 310 00:21:09,318 --> 00:21:10,363 The Baroness? 311 00:21:11,384 --> 00:21:12,571 How do you do, Madame. 312 00:21:13,275 --> 00:21:14,586 You see, I .. 313 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,979 I don't consider your son an idiot. 314 00:21:17,524 --> 00:21:19,196 For I marked him .. 315 00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:21,518 30 for general knowledge. 316 00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:23,708 That is because I have decided .. 317 00:21:23,973 --> 00:21:27,703 That he knows things that perhaps he is unable to communicate to me. 318 00:21:28,292 --> 00:21:30,764 Also, I have taken into consideration the fact .. 319 00:21:31,284 --> 00:21:34,319 That he is able to find his way to school and home again. 320 00:21:34,952 --> 00:21:36,849 However .. โ”€ Proceed, Dr Stegg. 321 00:21:37,389 --> 00:21:41,467 Permit me to explain Dr Stegg the meaning of those zeros. 322 00:21:41,823 --> 00:21:45,791 You see, the child is totally unconcerned with education. 323 00:21:46,476 --> 00:21:50,225 He confuses himself by playing music .. 324 00:21:50,488 --> 00:21:52,969 On a .. miserable little instrument. 325 00:21:53,524 --> 00:21:56,638 He throws .. if you will pardon me .. 326 00:21:57,377 --> 00:21:58,811 Stink bombs. 327 00:21:59,679 --> 00:22:01,593 And .. whatnot. 328 00:22:02,336 --> 00:22:04,421 That is what I call the active state. 329 00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:05,887 Ha! 330 00:22:06,145 --> 00:22:11,902 On the other hand he will look at me with a kind of thick, myopic expression. 331 00:22:12,312 --> 00:22:15,422 And although he is apparently listening intently .. 332 00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:17,748 And his eyes are wide open. 333 00:22:18,794 --> 00:22:20,228 He is asleep, Madame. 334 00:22:20,721 --> 00:22:22,496 And if I speak to him suddenly. 335 00:22:22,816 --> 00:22:24,458 He falls off his seat. 336 00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:27,247 That is what I call, the passive state. 337 00:22:27,497 --> 00:22:28,711 Sir, you've said enough. 338 00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:32,370 You've convinced me that Madame is right in every one of her accusations. 339 00:22:33,013 --> 00:22:35,722 Doctor Topaze, you've been guilty of favoritism. 340 00:22:36,813 --> 00:22:38,208 Sir, I have been honest. 341 00:22:38,827 --> 00:22:39,827 Ha! 342 00:22:40,904 --> 00:22:43,085 Either this creature is dismissed .. 343 00:22:43,974 --> 00:22:45,694 Or I withdraw my son. 344 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,750 And bring the forces of the government to bear. 345 00:22:49,779 --> 00:22:51,257 Madame, I beg you listen. 346 00:22:52,296 --> 00:22:54,604 Sir, you are a vile radical. 347 00:22:55,568 --> 00:22:56,568 Madame. 348 00:22:56,932 --> 00:22:59,618 My sympathies are entirely with the capitalists. 349 00:23:00,697 --> 00:23:02,169 Topaze, you're a fool. 350 00:23:02,755 --> 00:23:03,927 Go back to your class. 351 00:23:04,017 --> 00:23:06,618 Pack your belongings and leave the faculty you've dishonored. 352 00:23:07,207 --> 00:23:09,560 You are no longer a member of my academy. 353 00:23:43,495 --> 00:23:45,879 Where do you think he's going? โ”€ I don't know. 354 00:23:47,736 --> 00:23:48,736 Gentlemen. 355 00:23:50,015 --> 00:23:51,351 I wish to .. 356 00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:56,399 Assign you your lessons for tomorrow. 357 00:23:58,389 --> 00:23:59,389 You .. 358 00:24:00,756 --> 00:24:03,297 You will come prepared to go further .. 359 00:24:04,431 --> 00:24:05,947 And more exhaustively. 360 00:24:07,044 --> 00:24:08,190 Into the subject .. 361 00:24:09,138 --> 00:24:10,537 Of good and evil. 362 00:24:12,057 --> 00:24:13,057 This will be .. 363 00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:15,593 Your course of inquiry. 364 00:24:17,344 --> 00:24:18,496 On these .. 365 00:24:20,062 --> 00:24:21,619 Noble philosophies. 366 00:24:25,526 --> 00:24:26,598 The class. 367 00:24:27,690 --> 00:24:28,797 Is adjourned. 368 00:24:31,731 --> 00:24:33,108 For a brief recess. 369 00:25:11,963 --> 00:25:15,648 Coco, after leaving you yesterday, I investigated this man, Topaze. 370 00:25:15,965 --> 00:25:18,182 I strongly recommend against his employment. 371 00:25:18,745 --> 00:25:20,294 Oh, but he's coming this afternoon. 372 00:25:20,662 --> 00:25:23,462 Well, give him his bus-fare and tell him that Alphonse has the measles. 373 00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,555 Better make it scarlet-fever. 374 00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:27,142 Is the Baron in? 375 00:25:27,744 --> 00:25:29,403 Doctor Bomb to see the Baron. 376 00:25:30,952 --> 00:25:32,910 Please, no business this evening. 377 00:25:33,112 --> 00:25:35,218 My dear, that is the chemist from our bottling works. 378 00:25:35,628 --> 00:25:37,215 I'm naming a new water after him. 379 00:25:37,678 --> 00:25:39,649 "Sparkling Bomb". Send him in. 380 00:25:40,027 --> 00:25:41,430 I must be nice to him, Coco. 381 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,421 Doctor Bomb lends his name to this concoction of ours. 382 00:25:44,602 --> 00:25:47,069 And makes it possible for the public to believe in it. 383 00:25:47,373 --> 00:25:50,267 If he baptizes the water, so to speak. 384 00:25:51,463 --> 00:25:52,611 Madame, good evening. 385 00:25:53,364 --> 00:25:55,546 Baron, good evening. โ”€ Doctor, good evening. 386 00:25:57,385 --> 00:25:58,450 Sit down, doctor. 387 00:26:01,845 --> 00:26:05,392 Baron, I have come here to make one last appeal to your better nature. 388 00:26:05,611 --> 00:26:08,127 You mean, you have something unpleasant to say? โ”€ Very. 389 00:26:08,945 --> 00:26:12,051 I am not going to allow my name to be placed on the water .. 390 00:26:12,253 --> 00:26:15,016 We are inflicting on our public schools. 391 00:26:16,619 --> 00:26:17,809 Point number one: 392 00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:22,284 You obtained the concession by bribery and corruption. Eh? 393 00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:27,337 Point number two: This liquid has no value of any sort. 394 00:26:27,865 --> 00:26:30,046 It teems with microbes. 395 00:26:31,041 --> 00:26:34,877 Baron, I cannot lend my scientific integrity to a swindle. 396 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,172 My conscience refuses. 397 00:26:37,613 --> 00:26:40,603 You are being paid handsomely for that spiritual discomfort. 398 00:26:40,939 --> 00:26:44,844 As long as you confine your deception to reasonable limits. 399 00:26:45,254 --> 00:26:48,545 I was willing to condone matters .. but now .. 400 00:26:48,729 --> 00:26:51,460 In other words, you're not an honest man but a nervous one. 401 00:26:53,668 --> 00:26:56,395 Sir .. I am a normal citizen. 402 00:26:56,993 --> 00:26:59,368 Exactly. โ”€ I ask you to reconsider .. 403 00:26:59,738 --> 00:27:02,671 This swindle against the schools of the nation. 404 00:27:02,984 --> 00:27:06,868 You are also asking me to throw away some millions of francs, my dear doctor. 405 00:27:07,453 --> 00:27:09,107 As a sop to your cowardice. 406 00:27:09,978 --> 00:27:12,534 I grant you, we are misrepresenting our product. 407 00:27:12,793 --> 00:27:16,387 And that it is a liquid totally unbeneficial to its consumers. 408 00:27:16,814 --> 00:27:20,721 On the other hand, our advertizing will convince people that it is good for them. 409 00:27:21,045 --> 00:27:24,424 And once being convinced, they will be improved by its consumption. 410 00:27:24,889 --> 00:27:26,219 Sophistry. 411 00:27:26,833 --> 00:27:28,408 Baron. I resign! 412 00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:33,740 I will not allow my name to become a symbol of corruption. 413 00:27:37,869 --> 00:27:40,216 My dear doctor, I hope you won't regret your sacrifice. 414 00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,112 Never .. Madame, good evening. 415 00:27:43,498 --> 00:27:46,903 Baron, good evening. I leave this house an honest man. 416 00:27:48,460 --> 00:27:50,810 Ah, well let me be the first to congratulate you. 417 00:27:52,429 --> 00:27:54,382 I don't think you handled that so well. 418 00:27:54,769 --> 00:27:57,971 I could have induced him stay in a minute by offering to double his .. 419 00:27:58,437 --> 00:27:59,783 Thirty pieces of silver. 420 00:28:00,073 --> 00:28:01,073 Why didn't you? 421 00:28:01,147 --> 00:28:04,340 You can't sell the water without some sort of scientific endorsement, can you? 422 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:08,758 I dislike and distrust men who are always offering to resell their honor. 423 00:28:09,311 --> 00:28:10,311 Bomb is a fool. 424 00:28:10,911 --> 00:28:13,013 But you said that was the sort of man you wanted. 425 00:28:13,103 --> 00:28:15,099 I was wrong. What I want, is an idiot. 426 00:28:15,495 --> 00:28:18,153 Either a thorough scoundrel or a complete idiot. 427 00:28:19,005 --> 00:28:21,697 And I don't like scoundrels. They are too competitive. 428 00:28:22,409 --> 00:28:24,248 But idiots are hard to find, I should think. 429 00:28:24,424 --> 00:28:26,274 Oh no. Not in the scientific world. 430 00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:29,969 Do let us pray darling, that providence sends us an idiot. 431 00:28:32,839 --> 00:28:34,317 Mademoiselle d'Estaing? 432 00:28:34,616 --> 00:28:37,018 Whom shall I announce? โ”€ Professor Topaze. 433 00:28:46,993 --> 00:28:48,919 Professor Topaze wishes to be announced. 434 00:28:50,716 --> 00:28:53,185 I am seventeen minutes late. And I apologise. 435 00:28:57,885 --> 00:29:00,334 Professor Topaze, the Baron La Tour La Tour. 436 00:29:00,721 --> 00:29:02,492 Professor, I'm sorry to tell you that my .. 437 00:29:02,582 --> 00:29:03,735 How do you do, sir? 438 00:29:03,968 --> 00:29:06,365 I have the honor of having your son in my class. 439 00:29:06,809 --> 00:29:08,697 Until this morning. โ”€ Did you expel him? 440 00:29:09,343 --> 00:29:11,420 On the contrary it was I who was expelled. 441 00:29:11,622 --> 00:29:14,635 I take it you were dismissed for refusing to improve his marks? 442 00:29:15,758 --> 00:29:17,908 That does seem to have been the chief trouble. 443 00:29:18,430 --> 00:29:20,770 It .. it's been a day of misund .. 444 00:29:21,113 --> 00:29:22,389 Of misunderstandings. 445 00:29:23,515 --> 00:29:25,148 I must confess I'm .. 446 00:29:26,101 --> 00:29:27,638 I'm a little confused. 447 00:29:29,657 --> 00:29:31,140 Sit down doctor Topaze. 448 00:29:32,102 --> 00:29:33,445 Will you have a cocktail? 449 00:29:34,090 --> 00:29:35,442 You say? โ”€ A cocktail. 450 00:29:36,921 --> 00:29:38,521 Well, I'm not a drinking man. 451 00:29:39,113 --> 00:29:42,014 But .. this being somewhat of an occasion. 452 00:29:42,658 --> 00:29:45,251 I should be glad to. Thanks very much. 453 00:29:46,343 --> 00:29:49,825 Now tell me. Are you particularly anxious to go on teaching? 454 00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:51,886 Teaching? 455 00:29:52,879 --> 00:29:54,858 Why yes, of course. That's my profession. 456 00:29:57,251 --> 00:30:01,571 May I ask, what do you hope to earn by giving lessons as a freelance? 457 00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:05,247 I know of one freelance tutor. 458 00:30:05,679 --> 00:30:08,440 Who earns as much as 1,200 francs. 459 00:30:08,951 --> 00:30:10,737 A week? โ”€ A week? 460 00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:16,192 No, Mademoiselle. A month unfortunately. 461 00:30:16,578 --> 00:30:17,696 Professor Topaze. 462 00:30:18,171 --> 00:30:22,941 Our talk has convinced me that you have been a victim of excessive mother-love. 463 00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:24,933 I ...? 464 00:30:25,288 --> 00:30:26,681 My wife was unjust to you. 465 00:30:27,092 --> 00:30:28,801 I wish to repair her offense. 466 00:30:29,318 --> 00:30:30,619 I have an offer to make you. 467 00:30:30,989 --> 00:30:33,120 I manufacture a curative water. 468 00:30:34,033 --> 00:30:37,298 My firm desires to improve upon its medical formula. 469 00:30:37,763 --> 00:30:40,537 And at this very moment we happen to be looking for a scientist. 470 00:30:40,807 --> 00:30:42,904 Whose name and whose brain we can use. 471 00:30:43,437 --> 00:30:46,396 Do you think you could rise to such an opportunity? 472 00:30:47,669 --> 00:30:49,314 I am sir, the author .. 473 00:30:49,631 --> 00:30:51,742 Of "First Steps In Chemistry". 474 00:30:52,738 --> 00:30:54,692 Will you be good enough to read the introduction? 475 00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,527 Permit me, Madame .. Mademoiselle. 476 00:31:00,955 --> 00:31:03,666 Begin there .. on page 3. 477 00:31:25,705 --> 00:31:26,752 A biscuit, sir? 478 00:31:27,843 --> 00:31:28,843 A biscuit? 479 00:31:40,262 --> 00:31:41,464 This is splendid. 480 00:31:42,546 --> 00:31:43,764 Ah, Professor Topaze. 481 00:31:44,394 --> 00:31:46,914 Before we talk business, I'd like to ask you a few questions. 482 00:31:47,904 --> 00:31:48,904 Indeed, sir. 483 00:31:49,179 --> 00:31:51,067 Now, to begin with. Have you a family? 484 00:31:51,634 --> 00:31:52,634 Alas, no. 485 00:31:53,693 --> 00:31:55,158 I'm quite alone in the world. 486 00:31:55,734 --> 00:31:57,832 And women. What about women? 487 00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:00,359 Women? 488 00:32:01,004 --> 00:32:03,256 I mean, have you some .. wife? 489 00:32:04,004 --> 00:32:05,346 Or whatnot? 490 00:32:08,456 --> 00:32:09,952 No. No sir. No wife. 491 00:32:10,954 --> 00:32:13,359 And no whatnot, I assure you. 492 00:32:16,659 --> 00:32:17,675 Very good, yes. 493 00:32:20,044 --> 00:32:22,800 Well, then with whom do you usually associate? 494 00:32:23,291 --> 00:32:25,404 I sometimes see an old army friend. 495 00:32:26,115 --> 00:32:27,115 He .. 496 00:32:27,338 --> 00:32:29,767 He's become a waiter in the cafรฉ now, poor chap. 497 00:32:34,114 --> 00:32:35,114 Professor 498 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,469 Providence sent you here. I'll not take "no" for an answer. 499 00:32:38,857 --> 00:32:39,857 I engage you. 500 00:32:40,106 --> 00:32:41,890 Your salary will be .. 501 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,021 4,000 francs to start with. 502 00:32:45,332 --> 00:32:47,941 4,000 francs .. a month? 503 00:33:00,157 --> 00:33:02,113 Monsieur Le Baron de La Tour La Tour. 504 00:33:02,649 --> 00:33:04,116 I see through your little plan. 505 00:33:04,575 --> 00:33:05,234 Sir? 506 00:33:05,429 --> 00:33:07,081 You can't take me in, in this fashion. 507 00:33:07,769 --> 00:33:10,763 I may be a simple man. But I am not blind. 508 00:33:11,634 --> 00:33:14,153 I refuse your offer. โ”€ May I ask why? 509 00:33:14,731 --> 00:33:16,599 Because it is not in my nature, sir. 510 00:33:17,247 --> 00:33:18,549 To accept charity. 511 00:33:18,865 --> 00:33:22,502 My dear Professor. Charity is the furthest thing from my mind. 512 00:33:22,824 --> 00:33:26,232 You see, not only will I derive a handsome profit .. 513 00:33:26,474 --> 00:33:29,179 From the medical formula you invent and endorse. 514 00:33:29,642 --> 00:33:33,006 But I shall also, be using your name as a slogan. 515 00:33:33,601 --> 00:33:37,050 The beverage shall be known as "Sparkling Topaze." 516 00:33:41,766 --> 00:33:44,564 Ah, splendid. Now, no more nonsense, Professor. 517 00:33:44,854 --> 00:33:48,603 You are my consulting chemist and head of the La Tour Chemical Works. 518 00:33:57,765 --> 00:34:00,646 This unaccustomed drink has made me a little bit dizzy. 519 00:34:01,161 --> 00:34:03,119 We will draw up a contract immediately. 520 00:34:03,986 --> 00:34:04,986 The war. 521 00:34:05,182 --> 00:34:07,435 The war interrupted my researches. 522 00:34:07,875 --> 00:34:09,487 You will be able to resume them now. 523 00:34:09,577 --> 00:34:12,172 Yes, we expect a fine, medicinal formula from you. 524 00:34:12,538 --> 00:34:13,538 Have you ...? 525 00:34:14,755 --> 00:34:17,192 Have you any particular disease in mind? 526 00:34:17,993 --> 00:34:18,993 No. 527 00:34:19,172 --> 00:34:23,667 Just a general laxative and health tonic for the school children of the republic. 528 00:34:24,291 --> 00:34:26,174 Ah, that is something worthwhile. 529 00:34:27,827 --> 00:34:29,182 A few hours ago. 530 00:34:29,807 --> 00:34:31,381 I was a complete failure. 531 00:34:32,173 --> 00:34:36,440 And now .. I'm a consulting chemist at 4,000 francs a month. 532 00:34:36,530 --> 00:34:38,737 And creator of "Sparkling Topaze". 533 00:34:41,104 --> 00:34:42,492 "Sparkling Topaze". 534 00:34:59,489 --> 00:35:03,191 Doesn't he know you have been selling tap water to the whole nation? 535 00:35:03,411 --> 00:35:05,947 Under his name, and with his endorsement. 536 00:35:06,472 --> 00:35:09,367 He fancies we're distributing a sparkling water invented by him. 537 00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:13,909 He's in there now. Pottering around with improvements on his formula. 538 00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:16,274 Here's his latest creation. 539 00:35:18,139 --> 00:35:19,139 Is it any good? 540 00:35:19,256 --> 00:35:23,470 Topaze assures me it does amazing things to the kidneys and other vital organs. 541 00:35:26,084 --> 00:35:26,770 Good! 542 00:35:27,002 --> 00:35:28,955 It should be. It costs 40 francs a bottle. 543 00:35:29,386 --> 00:35:30,386 Hmm. 544 00:35:32,544 --> 00:35:37,032 Yes, I'm glad you like it. Of course, I prefer our Sparkling Topaze at 2 francs. 545 00:35:38,950 --> 00:35:42,302 Come and see his playground. It's a veritable inferno. 546 00:35:59,253 --> 00:36:02,150 Professor Topaze. This is my friend, Henri de Fairville. 547 00:36:02,722 --> 00:36:04,539 He's a very prominent politician. 548 00:36:04,763 --> 00:36:07,064 How do you do, sir? โ”€ Ah, Professor. 549 00:36:07,324 --> 00:36:09,237 I .. I've never met any politicians. 550 00:36:09,611 --> 00:36:11,452 But I've always admired them from afar. 551 00:36:11,542 --> 00:36:13,112 You've seen them at their best. 552 00:36:13,358 --> 00:36:15,203 Why don't you two go outside where you belong? 553 00:36:15,347 --> 00:36:16,825 We were quite happy without you. 554 00:36:18,659 --> 00:36:19,659 Permit me, sir. 555 00:36:19,723 --> 00:36:23,379 To show you a drop of the water formerly manufactured for the Baron. 556 00:36:34,618 --> 00:36:35,618 Thank you. 557 00:36:48,110 --> 00:36:49,764 Will you .. look through there, sir? 558 00:36:51,101 --> 00:36:53,854 Notice the abundance of animal life. 559 00:36:56,697 --> 00:36:58,403 There are masses of the little devils. 560 00:36:58,737 --> 00:37:00,550 Seven million in every drop. 561 00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:03,559 Now here, is a drop of the "new" water. 562 00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:05,494 Distilled three times .. 563 00:37:05,872 --> 00:37:10,174 Containing phosphates, iron and innumerable vitamins. 564 00:37:18,179 --> 00:37:19,578 Like a diamond. 565 00:37:20,247 --> 00:37:21,247 Thank you, sir. 566 00:37:21,302 --> 00:37:23,871 I will now give you an even more fascinating proof. 567 00:37:24,399 --> 00:37:27,736 I have here .. some pieces of prepared paper. 568 00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:30,446 Now .. watch me, gentlemen. 569 00:37:30,936 --> 00:37:33,479 I will dip one in ordinary water. 570 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,690 You notice it turns purple. 571 00:37:36,910 --> 00:37:39,963 And exudes .. a most unfortunate odor. 572 00:37:40,543 --> 00:37:42,548 That is due to its acid imperfection. 573 00:37:42,965 --> 00:37:43,968 Now, observe. 574 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,675 I dip the other in our new grade .. of sparkling .. 575 00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,843 Sparkling Topaze. 576 00:37:55,138 --> 00:37:56,943 It remains totally unaffected. 577 00:37:57,399 --> 00:37:58,975 Marvelous. โ”€ Thank you, sir. 578 00:37:59,167 --> 00:38:00,858 I will now show you. Pardon me. 579 00:38:02,290 --> 00:38:05,326 I will now show you the improvements I have made. 580 00:38:06,197 --> 00:38:07,992 On the new germicide. 581 00:38:10,341 --> 00:38:11,916 [ Explosion! ] 582 00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,940 What a pity. That was unexpected. 583 00:38:25,491 --> 00:38:26,688 Are you hurt? 584 00:38:28,386 --> 00:38:29,600 That was my fault. 585 00:38:29,873 --> 00:38:31,456 I left some acid in the jar. 586 00:38:32,389 --> 00:38:33,533 Pardon me. 587 00:38:54,042 --> 00:38:55,222 Your coat, sir. 588 00:39:00,385 --> 00:39:01,385 Oh. 589 00:39:02,242 --> 00:39:04,239 Excuse me, please. Your hat? 590 00:39:11,312 --> 00:39:12,966 Baron, we have a table for you. 591 00:39:22,030 --> 00:39:23,569 Sit down. Here is the table. 592 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:33,793 Oh .. may I? 593 00:39:36,995 --> 00:39:37,995 Look. 594 00:40:03,146 --> 00:40:05,285 Philippe .. tell him about The Palms. 595 00:40:07,131 --> 00:40:08,131 The Palms? 596 00:40:08,249 --> 00:40:10,705 But Coco, I was hoping to keep it a surprise. 597 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,376 Well, Topaze. 598 00:40:13,754 --> 00:40:17,144 Next week you will be awarded the Academic Palms. 599 00:40:18,241 --> 00:40:20,641 Oh, it's impossible. โ”€ Nothing's impossible. You're a genius. 600 00:40:22,983 --> 00:40:25,640 The Palms will be in your lapel by Friday. 601 00:40:26,396 --> 00:40:27,584 Next Friday. 602 00:40:28,499 --> 00:40:29,546 Next Friday. 603 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,144 Well, there is Philippe. โ”€ Where, my dear? 604 00:40:37,859 --> 00:40:39,017 Do you know that woman? 605 00:40:39,918 --> 00:40:41,290 Who? I .. no. 606 00:40:44,051 --> 00:40:45,441 Madame, Monsieur. 607 00:40:49,373 --> 00:40:51,212 Would you like to see the music? 608 00:40:51,863 --> 00:40:54,547 No. Philippe shall face the music. 609 00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:57,467 To the Academic Palms. 610 00:40:58,004 --> 00:40:59,004 Baron. 611 00:41:12,693 --> 00:41:15,245 Well, Philippe. You seem so much surprised. 612 00:41:15,684 --> 00:41:17,910 At what? I'm delighted. 613 00:41:18,499 --> 00:41:19,886 This is an unexpected pleasure. 614 00:41:21,473 --> 00:41:23,161 Permit me. My wife. 615 00:41:23,645 --> 00:41:26,330 Doctor Topaze and Madame Topaze. 616 00:41:28,539 --> 00:41:30,547 Madame Topaze. Delightful. 617 00:41:31,383 --> 00:41:33,327 What did you say? โ”€ My wife, Professor. 618 00:41:34,928 --> 00:41:36,072 How do you do? 619 00:41:36,477 --> 00:41:37,548 Topaze? 620 00:41:39,336 --> 00:41:40,586 The name sounds familiar. 621 00:41:41,374 --> 00:41:42,919 Haven't I seen you somewhere before? 622 00:41:43,009 --> 00:41:45,118 Doctor Topaze is head of my laboratory. 623 00:41:45,371 --> 00:41:48,100 You saw his picture in the paper this morning, my dear. 624 00:41:48,468 --> 00:41:50,185 Oh, of course. Of course. 625 00:41:50,483 --> 00:41:51,794 Pardon the intrusion. 626 00:41:52,208 --> 00:41:54,109 Delighted to have met you, Professor, sir. 627 00:41:54,469 --> 00:41:55,982 And you too, Madame Topaze. 628 00:41:56,501 --> 00:41:58,366 You have a very talented husband. 629 00:41:59,853 --> 00:42:01,885 Dinner at 8, Philippe. โ”€ At 8, my love. 630 00:42:06,724 --> 00:42:08,421 She didn't recognize me. 631 00:42:11,702 --> 00:42:13,277 Excuse me. โ”€ Please, my dear. 632 00:42:13,453 --> 00:42:14,606 What's the matter? 633 00:42:15,925 --> 00:42:17,984 Baron, I'm afraid you hurt her feelings. 634 00:42:18,335 --> 00:42:21,450 You shouldn't have called her Madame Topaze. Even in jest. 635 00:42:21,784 --> 00:42:24,441 Goodbye my dear Professor. Let's go now. 636 00:42:25,365 --> 00:42:27,582 We must lunch together again soon. 637 00:42:30,212 --> 00:42:31,844 Hello Maxie, darling. 638 00:42:33,278 --> 00:42:36,194 Mademoiselle, I am so sorry. You must overlook it. 639 00:42:36,284 --> 00:42:37,100 I can't. 640 00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:40,263 Nobody looking at you would think for a moment you were Madame Topaze. 641 00:42:40,668 --> 00:42:41,965 It's ridiculous. 642 00:42:53,254 --> 00:42:54,339 Where are we going? 643 00:42:55,658 --> 00:42:58,207 You know .. it was a dubious jest. 644 00:42:58,702 --> 00:43:01,938 Calling you "Madame Topaze". And I sympathize with you. 645 00:43:02,608 --> 00:43:05,273 There are times when I myself have almost wept. 646 00:43:05,942 --> 00:43:07,797 To be called "Monsieur Topaze". 647 00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:09,425 Please. Please stop it. 648 00:43:10,983 --> 00:43:13,375 But you're crying. I must do something. 649 00:43:15,408 --> 00:43:16,889 You are really out of your head. 650 00:43:17,757 --> 00:43:18,757 Que? 651 00:43:18,803 --> 00:43:21,693 Yes, you're insane. Completely insane. 652 00:43:23,176 --> 00:43:25,006 I think you misjudge me a little. 653 00:43:26,365 --> 00:43:29,426 Do you want to know why I left the table? You had nothing to do with it. 654 00:43:29,770 --> 00:43:31,705 Good heavens, I wasn't even thinking of you. 655 00:43:32,418 --> 00:43:33,940 Now, you're just being kind. 656 00:43:34,363 --> 00:43:36,747 Oh, stop babbling like a child. 657 00:43:38,251 --> 00:43:39,667 I'm as sensible as ever. 658 00:43:40,671 --> 00:43:43,169 Professor. You're deaf, dumb and blind. 659 00:43:43,882 --> 00:43:46,654 The Baron introduced me to his wife as "Madame Topaze" .. 660 00:43:46,988 --> 00:43:48,739 Because he was frightened out of his wits. 661 00:43:49,346 --> 00:43:50,346 Of what? 662 00:43:51,352 --> 00:43:54,272 Of her finding out. Of her even suspecting something. 663 00:43:55,231 --> 00:43:58,090 The way he turned pale and shivered in his boots. 664 00:43:59,041 --> 00:44:01,059 Palming me off as Madame Topaze. 665 00:44:01,751 --> 00:44:03,223 Shivers in his boots? 666 00:44:04,170 --> 00:44:05,986 May I ask why he should do that? 667 00:44:06,853 --> 00:44:08,322 Because he's my lover. 668 00:44:13,078 --> 00:44:14,078 Oh yes. 669 00:44:14,980 --> 00:44:15,982 You are jesting. 670 00:44:16,828 --> 00:44:18,366 About what, for heaven's sake? 671 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:20,591 About your .. 672 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:22,731 Your relations. 673 00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:25,051 With the Baron. 674 00:44:26,126 --> 00:44:27,894 Do you mean to tell me you hadn't known? 675 00:44:29,021 --> 00:44:30,182 What's the matter? 676 00:44:31,616 --> 00:44:32,768 Nothing. Nothing. 677 00:44:34,395 --> 00:44:36,252 You must forgive me .. I .. 678 00:44:36,683 --> 00:44:37,967 It's not your fault .. 679 00:44:38,477 --> 00:44:39,859 That I had some .. 680 00:44:40,950 --> 00:44:44,047 Curious .. misconception of you. 681 00:44:46,053 --> 00:44:47,053 Oh. 682 00:44:47,672 --> 00:44:49,555 I wish I could do something about it. 683 00:44:52,471 --> 00:44:53,553 Oh, look! 684 00:45:00,205 --> 00:45:02,256 You're no longer a little schoolmaster. 685 00:45:02,872 --> 00:45:04,288 You're a great man now. 686 00:45:07,710 --> 00:45:09,276 I don't feel like a great man. 687 00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:20,818 Joseph. โ”€ Yes, sir? 688 00:45:23,537 --> 00:45:26,097 Did you telephone the hairdressers? โ”€ Yes, sir. โ”€ Well? 689 00:45:26,388 --> 00:45:27,632 Madame has not been there. 690 00:45:28,699 --> 00:45:29,948 I'll have a whiskey and soda. 691 00:45:30,038 --> 00:45:33,293 And are you staying for dinner, sir? โ”€ I'm staying until she comes home. 692 00:45:33,575 --> 00:45:34,657 Very good, sir. 693 00:45:37,464 --> 00:45:39,487 Good evening, Joseph. โ”€ Good evening, Madame. 694 00:45:43,075 --> 00:45:44,246 Well? โ”€ You here? 695 00:45:44,421 --> 00:45:46,665 Where have you been? โ”€ With Professor Topaze. 696 00:46:03,729 --> 00:46:04,905 Just a moment, Topaze. 697 00:46:08,212 --> 00:46:10,693 You seem a trifle nervous, Monsieur. 698 00:46:12,251 --> 00:46:13,595 I am. โ”€ Sit down. 699 00:46:19,058 --> 00:46:22,125 Well, sit up .. why are you looking at me like that? 700 00:46:22,917 --> 00:46:24,166 What have you been doing? 701 00:46:24,747 --> 00:46:25,536 Nothing. 702 00:46:25,626 --> 00:46:28,635 Topaze, until this moment, you seemed an honorable man. 703 00:46:29,211 --> 00:46:30,386 What's changed you? 704 00:46:32,894 --> 00:46:34,812 I will be frank. โ”€ I thought so. 705 00:46:35,383 --> 00:46:39,130 And you could do a thing to me like this after what I've done for you? 706 00:46:39,852 --> 00:46:41,242 I've done nothing. 707 00:46:41,735 --> 00:46:43,221 Now, you wish to deny it. 708 00:46:43,775 --> 00:46:46,626 Out with it, Topaze. Where have you been with Coco? 709 00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:51,142 To the cinema. 710 00:46:51,723 --> 00:46:53,664 What? โ”€ Yes. โ”€ What! 711 00:46:55,215 --> 00:46:56,725 Very pretty. 712 00:46:57,723 --> 00:47:00,578 May I ask what picture you saw? 713 00:47:02,086 --> 00:47:03,086 Why, yes. 714 00:47:03,379 --> 00:47:06,502 It was entitled: "Women Of Passion". 715 00:47:07,945 --> 00:47:11,810 You know, I never imagined that people comported themselves in that manner. 716 00:47:13,012 --> 00:47:15,897 Although innocent of any wrong-doing .. 717 00:47:16,135 --> 00:47:19,658 She was driven into the street, where the Argentine was waiting. 718 00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,262 Now, quite unaware that he'd made this bet. 719 00:47:22,531 --> 00:47:24,326 She foolishly accompanied him. 720 00:47:25,671 --> 00:47:28,904 Forgive me, Professor. You belong in a fable. 721 00:47:29,551 --> 00:47:30,551 Huh? 722 00:47:31,592 --> 00:47:34,498 Monsieur de Fairville, and Dr Bomb, sir. 723 00:47:35,068 --> 00:47:38,085 Philippe, you must do something or we are ruined. 724 00:47:38,384 --> 00:47:39,733 Ruined? I doubt it. 725 00:47:40,355 --> 00:47:41,736 Take your hat off, Henri. 726 00:47:42,660 --> 00:47:44,436 It will quiet you. And sit down. 727 00:47:45,940 --> 00:47:47,729 Doctor Bomb .. be seated. 728 00:47:53,490 --> 00:47:56,254 Will you excuse us for a few moments, Dr Topaze? 729 00:47:57,072 --> 00:47:58,072 Ah! 730 00:47:58,603 --> 00:48:00,440 So you are doctor Topaze, eh? 731 00:48:00,838 --> 00:48:04,321 Let me have a look at you, you scientific Judas! 732 00:48:04,974 --> 00:48:06,247 Dr Bomb, you're drunk. 733 00:48:06,566 --> 00:48:09,089 Whiskers and all, eh? Perfect. 734 00:48:09,469 --> 00:48:11,121 Who? Who is he? 735 00:48:11,527 --> 00:48:14,475 I'll tell you who I am. I am an honest man. 736 00:48:14,827 --> 00:48:16,798 Come to see the back of you .. โ”€ Ha? 737 00:48:17,326 --> 00:48:18,326 Sit down. 738 00:48:22,217 --> 00:48:23,361 Baron, is he ...? 739 00:48:23,994 --> 00:48:25,507 Shall we send for the Police? 740 00:48:26,914 --> 00:48:30,082 Listen who's talking about the Police .. you swindler. 741 00:48:31,410 --> 00:48:33,730 You must deal with him, Philippe. He's going to expose us. 742 00:48:33,820 --> 00:48:35,237 Be quiet, Henri and sit down. 743 00:48:35,861 --> 00:48:37,789 Doctor Topaze .. this is my affair. 744 00:48:38,219 --> 00:48:39,486 I demand you leave. 745 00:48:39,890 --> 00:48:42,663 Oh no, sir. I wouldn't leave you at such a moment. 746 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,225 Doctor Bomb. State your case. 747 00:48:48,662 --> 00:48:49,920 Baron, I'll be brief. 748 00:48:50,667 --> 00:48:54,064 One hundred thousand francs in cash. 749 00:48:54,776 --> 00:48:56,554 Or I expose your dishwater. 750 00:48:58,392 --> 00:48:59,782 What .. what dishwater? 751 00:49:00,433 --> 00:49:01,433 This! 752 00:49:01,779 --> 00:49:04,774 This plague-ridden concoction, you swindler! 753 00:49:04,973 --> 00:49:07,322 Is he mad? โ”€ Gentlemen, please be seated. 754 00:49:18,077 --> 00:49:19,393 May I trouble you, Henri? 755 00:49:21,403 --> 00:49:22,898 Dial 3, draw 12. 756 00:49:26,136 --> 00:49:29,121 Your visit Dr Bomb is not entirely unexpected. 757 00:49:29,764 --> 00:49:32,192 So you would like a hundred thousand francs? 758 00:49:32,649 --> 00:49:34,309 For your goodwill? โ”€ Yes. 759 00:49:37,072 --> 00:49:40,697 Here, my foolish fellow are what in melodrama are known as .. 760 00:49:41,172 --> 00:49:42,041 The papers. 761 00:49:42,131 --> 00:49:43,503 I am in no mood for jokes. 762 00:49:43,899 --> 00:49:46,485 Allow me. It is my turn to be objectionable. 763 00:49:47,980 --> 00:49:53,602 In 1924 one Emile Winkleman was employed at the charity hospital at Marseilles. 764 00:49:53,928 --> 00:49:58,511 A short, squat, peculiar-looking fellow with what is known as an Assyrian beard. 765 00:49:59,233 --> 00:50:00,693 Are you listening, Dr Bomb? 766 00:50:01,283 --> 00:50:02,283 Don't go. 767 00:50:02,796 --> 00:50:03,896 I'll be brief. 768 00:50:08,653 --> 00:50:10,121 We skip to page 8. 769 00:50:10,860 --> 00:50:14,274 And we find, December the 4th 1925. 770 00:50:14,449 --> 00:50:18,955 The same Emile Winkleman, beard and all, vanishes from the charity hospital. 771 00:50:19,216 --> 00:50:22,735 And with him, a magnificent sum of money belonging to the state. 772 00:50:24,177 --> 00:50:28,004 There is a great hue and cry, but Emile is never seen or heard of again. 773 00:50:28,453 --> 00:50:31,218 However, on September 22nd 1927. 774 00:50:31,805 --> 00:50:36,250 There arrives in Paris a short, squat smooth-shaven fellow. 775 00:50:36,512 --> 00:50:39,294 With a pigmentary mole on his right cheek. 776 00:50:40,242 --> 00:50:42,857 Who soon finds employment as a chemist. 777 00:50:43,198 --> 00:50:44,636 And under the name of .. 778 00:50:44,726 --> 00:50:46,832 So you intend to blackmail me, huh? 779 00:50:47,492 --> 00:50:50,769 With the greatest of reluctance and only in self-defense. 780 00:50:51,020 --> 00:50:54,148 Baron, you are the most impudent scoundrel I've ever known. 781 00:50:55,612 --> 00:50:58,603 Doctor Bomb, I'm impervious to flattery. 782 00:51:01,305 --> 00:51:03,855 As for you, you sanctimonious swindler! 783 00:51:04,348 --> 00:51:06,526 Enjoy your ill-gotten gains. 784 00:51:07,022 --> 00:51:08,597 While you can. 785 00:51:08,887 --> 00:51:10,818 But the world knows what you are. 786 00:51:11,113 --> 00:51:14,522 A fake .. a thief! Topaze is a thief! 787 00:51:14,856 --> 00:51:16,396 Put up a new sign. 788 00:51:16,588 --> 00:51:18,041 Topaze is a thief! 789 00:51:18,471 --> 00:51:20,196 Topaze is a thief! 790 00:51:59,916 --> 00:52:00,916 Oh. 791 00:52:22,301 --> 00:52:23,542 Impossible. 792 00:53:04,329 --> 00:53:05,547 One moment, sir. 793 00:53:09,352 --> 00:53:12,298 [ French language ] 794 00:54:21,816 --> 00:54:22,816 [ Doorbell ] 795 00:54:32,146 --> 00:54:34,019 Good morning. โ”€ Oh, it's you. 796 00:54:34,414 --> 00:54:35,929 Yes, it's always me. 797 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:38,655 A gorgeous day. 798 00:54:39,429 --> 00:54:41,894 The sun is shining. The birds are twittering. 799 00:54:42,341 --> 00:54:43,793 Almost like a day in May. 800 00:54:44,699 --> 00:54:45,711 Where is he? 801 00:54:46,292 --> 00:54:49,134 Did you find out anything? โ”€ Nothing. But he'll come back. 802 00:54:50,085 --> 00:54:51,299 Did you sleep well? 803 00:54:52,839 --> 00:54:55,012 Philippe .. something has happened to him. 804 00:54:55,179 --> 00:54:57,150 My dear, you are carrying on like an ingenue. 805 00:54:57,370 --> 00:54:59,129 I assure you nothing has happened to him. 806 00:54:59,358 --> 00:55:01,777 There is a special providence that looks after simpletons. 807 00:55:03,835 --> 00:55:06,470 Oh, you make me sick. โ”€ My darling, I'm sorry. 808 00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,747 Philippe. โ”€ Uhuh? 809 00:55:11,682 --> 00:55:13,371 Philippe. We must find Topaze. 810 00:55:14,524 --> 00:55:17,044 I kept thinking all night of that look in his eyes when he left. 811 00:55:17,348 --> 00:55:19,135 What sort of nonsense is this? 812 00:55:21,044 --> 00:55:22,800 Why, I swear you're crying. 813 00:55:23,164 --> 00:55:24,867 I've never heard of such a thing. 814 00:55:25,073 --> 00:55:27,141 My darling. โ”€ No. Don't touch me. I can't. 815 00:55:27,510 --> 00:55:30,052 Not with him lying dead somewhere, surrounded by cats. 816 00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:31,369 Cats? 817 00:55:32,542 --> 00:55:33,818 Good morning, sir. 818 00:55:44,407 --> 00:55:46,642 Auguste .. you're hurt. 819 00:55:47,258 --> 00:55:49,208 Why, you poor man. Where have you been? 820 00:55:49,985 --> 00:55:52,308 Look at the mud. And look at your clothes. 821 00:55:54,261 --> 00:55:55,889 Topaze, you're behaving like a child. 822 00:55:56,232 --> 00:55:59,053 Take that absurd expression off your face and sit down. 823 00:55:59,865 --> 00:56:02,388 I came back .. to pay for my crime. 824 00:56:04,426 --> 00:56:08,411 Oh, Auguste. Don't be silly. You've done nothing. 825 00:56:09,779 --> 00:56:10,779 Nothing? 826 00:56:11,350 --> 00:56:12,350 Ha! 827 00:56:12,659 --> 00:56:15,207 It would be a little difficult to believe in my innocence. 828 00:56:16,028 --> 00:56:17,829 I don't believe in it myself. 829 00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:19,694 They will say. 830 00:56:20,523 --> 00:56:23,222 Nobody can be as great a fool as .. 831 00:56:24,122 --> 00:56:25,403 As Topaze. 832 00:56:25,916 --> 00:56:26,916 It .. 833 00:56:27,465 --> 00:56:30,069 Would be straining the credulity of the court. 834 00:56:30,518 --> 00:56:31,518 What court? 835 00:56:31,714 --> 00:56:35,559 The court before which we must stand and be convicted for what we are. 836 00:56:36,623 --> 00:56:37,623 Thieves. 837 00:56:43,635 --> 00:56:46,089 Some people to see Dr Topaze. โ”€ Who? 838 00:56:46,398 --> 00:56:48,694 Quite a delegation, sir. Some are in uniform. 839 00:56:49,847 --> 00:56:50,848 The Police. 840 00:56:52,055 --> 00:56:53,055 Tell them. 841 00:56:54,025 --> 00:56:55,143 Tell them I'm ready. 842 00:56:55,310 --> 00:56:57,192 Just a moment. I'll see them. 843 00:57:01,362 --> 00:57:02,362 Oh. 844 00:57:03,350 --> 00:57:04,350 Here we are. 845 00:57:04,854 --> 00:57:05,998 Bonjour mon Colonel. 846 00:57:06,658 --> 00:57:07,658 Colonel. 847 00:57:07,801 --> 00:57:09,949 So you came back to share our fate. 848 00:57:11,991 --> 00:57:12,991 Yes. 849 00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:15,668 You silly creature. 850 00:57:16,707 --> 00:57:18,784 You're so foolish, you make me ashamed. 851 00:57:22,838 --> 00:57:25,944 Well, my fine criminal. Are you ready for the Police? 852 00:57:26,764 --> 00:57:27,764 I am. 853 00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:32,959 Gentlemen. 854 00:57:39,927 --> 00:57:41,710 Professor Auguste Topaze. 855 00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:43,989 The representatives of The Republic. 856 00:57:45,997 --> 00:57:47,150 Professor Topaze. 857 00:57:47,590 --> 00:57:50,051 I've been delegated to confer on you .. 858 00:57:50,413 --> 00:57:51,880 All too tardily .. 859 00:57:52,244 --> 00:57:55,813 The honor which you have merited by your work in the field of science. 860 00:57:56,344 --> 00:57:57,540 The Academic Palms. 861 00:57:58,139 --> 00:57:59,684 The .. Palms? 862 00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:01,100 The Palms. 863 00:58:03,391 --> 00:58:05,133 But just a moment, gentlemen. 864 00:58:05,397 --> 00:58:09,924 Gentlemen .. Dr Topaze is a man of deeds, not words. 865 00:58:10,236 --> 00:58:11,236 He is overcome. 866 00:58:11,415 --> 00:58:15,242 Out of respect for his feelings, will you make the ceremony as brief as possible. 867 00:58:15,506 --> 00:58:17,506 What's the matter with him? โ”€ He's drunk. Hurry up. 868 00:58:20,415 --> 00:58:22,462 Professor Auguste E Topaze. 869 00:58:23,072 --> 00:58:25,746 Teacher, scholar, scientist and author. 870 00:58:26,213 --> 00:58:28,179 For your diligence, for your learning. 871 00:58:28,676 --> 00:58:30,387 For your humanitarian labor. 872 00:58:30,779 --> 00:58:32,548 As head of La Tour Chemical Works. 873 00:58:33,067 --> 00:58:36,194 I, Henri de Fairville, in the name of The Republic. 874 00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:40,249 Confer on you the insignia of the Academic Palms. 875 00:58:49,154 --> 00:58:52,326 Count de I'Espinร z, First Assistant of the Bureau of Awards and Merits. 876 00:58:52,973 --> 00:58:56,308 Professor Henri Buoyan, Second Assistant of the Bureau of Awards and Merits. 877 00:58:56,795 --> 00:59:00,346 Monsieur Etienne Cannet, Third Assistant of the Bureau of Awards and Merits. 878 00:59:00,738 --> 00:59:02,462 Colonel Robert de Chapette. 879 00:59:02,779 --> 00:59:05,066 Colonel DeMorian. Colonel Rochefort. 880 00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:07,758 Assistant Commissioners of Scholastic Awards and Merits. 881 00:59:08,551 --> 00:59:10,903 Congratulations, my dear Professor. 882 00:59:12,985 --> 00:59:13,985 You? 883 00:59:15,271 --> 00:59:17,454 You are the Republic of France? 884 00:59:18,077 --> 00:59:20,312 I am a member of the government, Professor. 885 00:59:22,564 --> 00:59:23,778 And you gentlemen .. 886 00:59:25,168 --> 00:59:26,691 Are friends of the Baron? 887 00:59:27,166 --> 00:59:29,419 We're not only friends, my dear Topaze. 888 00:59:29,682 --> 00:59:32,348 But .. business associates. 889 00:59:35,165 --> 00:59:36,255 Oh, I see. 890 00:59:37,916 --> 00:59:39,130 I understand. 891 00:59:41,769 --> 00:59:43,221 I think you'd better thank them. 892 00:59:46,608 --> 00:59:47,726 Thank you, gentlemen. 893 00:59:49,229 --> 00:59:50,658 Thank you very much. 894 00:59:52,599 --> 00:59:55,619 Speech .. speech .. speech .. speech! 895 01:00:02,768 --> 01:00:05,169 I .. can merely say. 896 01:00:07,184 --> 01:00:09,772 I have dreamed for many years. 897 01:00:10,501 --> 01:00:11,609 Of this honor. 898 01:00:12,858 --> 01:00:14,215 I always thought. 899 01:00:15,243 --> 01:00:18,244 It .. would be the happiest moment of my life. 900 01:00:19,026 --> 01:00:20,135 When it came. 901 01:00:21,164 --> 01:00:22,661 If it ever did come. 902 01:00:23,522 --> 01:00:24,522 In fact. 903 01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:28,509 I wrote out a speech .. long ago. 904 01:00:30,189 --> 01:00:32,223 It's in my laboratory now. 905 01:00:33,365 --> 01:00:35,309 Expressing my true feelings. 906 01:00:36,673 --> 01:00:37,673 But .. 907 01:00:38,943 --> 01:00:40,189 It wouldn't fit. 908 01:00:41,728 --> 01:00:43,298 It would sound too humorous. 909 01:00:44,503 --> 01:00:45,503 I .. 910 01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,624 I am afraid I have outgrown that oration. 911 01:00:50,530 --> 01:00:53,064 In the last .. few moments. 912 01:00:54,780 --> 01:00:56,262 So you will forgive me. 913 01:00:57,806 --> 01:00:58,806 If I'm not .. 914 01:00:59,777 --> 01:01:00,823 Speaking it. 915 01:01:01,914 --> 01:01:03,788 I would rather say merely .. 916 01:01:05,654 --> 01:01:07,123 Thank you, gentlemen. 917 01:01:08,829 --> 01:01:10,404 It is more than I deserve. 918 01:01:10,782 --> 01:01:12,320 Bravo, bravo! 919 01:01:13,685 --> 01:01:15,501 Come gentlemen. We'll adjourn to the library. 920 01:01:32,839 --> 01:01:33,839 Auguste. 921 01:01:38,140 --> 01:01:39,407 You are a great man. 922 01:01:39,882 --> 01:01:41,054 Without them. 923 01:01:41,890 --> 01:01:42,890 No. 924 01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:45,688 Now I am what they call a great man. 925 01:01:47,043 --> 01:01:48,612 I am not "Topaze". 926 01:01:49,454 --> 01:01:51,436 "Topaze" lies dead. 927 01:01:52,242 --> 01:01:53,242 In an alley. 928 01:01:55,744 --> 01:01:56,744 Look. 929 01:01:59,497 --> 01:02:01,355 Can't you see how different I am? 930 01:02:02,349 --> 01:02:03,904 I am a distinguished scientist. 931 01:02:04,628 --> 01:02:06,104 I am a man of honor. 932 01:02:06,914 --> 01:02:09,369 I have been decorated by The Republic. 933 01:02:10,557 --> 01:02:12,183 I wear the Palms. 934 01:02:21,210 --> 01:02:22,210 Coco. 935 01:02:24,039 --> 01:02:25,785 Do you know of a good barber? 936 01:02:45,269 --> 01:02:47,007 Very becoming, Auguste. 937 01:02:47,614 --> 01:02:48,956 Do you .. do you like it? 938 01:02:50,332 --> 01:02:51,393 Ravishing! 939 01:02:51,942 --> 01:02:53,056 Perfect. 940 01:03:00,089 --> 01:03:01,089 Exquisite. 941 01:03:02,385 --> 01:03:04,858 Is the back snug? โ”€ Like a glove. 942 01:03:05,870 --> 01:03:08,087 It's .. for the races. Look. 943 01:03:08,377 --> 01:03:10,594 It has a double-breasted waistcoat. 944 01:03:26,487 --> 01:03:28,904 I trust you are comfortable, sir? โ”€ You do, eh. 945 01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:32,821 Dr Topaze sends word. He will contact you in 5 minutes. 946 01:03:33,050 --> 01:03:34,077 Well, I'm honored. 947 01:03:34,370 --> 01:03:36,703 Now listen, you incarnate prickly heat. 948 01:03:37,045 --> 01:03:40,277 Ask Topaze what he means by making me wait 25 minutes. 949 01:03:40,767 --> 01:03:42,500 The man has delusions of grandeur. 950 01:03:49,861 --> 01:03:51,606 Ah, Dr Stegg? โ”€ Yes. 951 01:03:51,888 --> 01:03:54,594 It is now a matter of 20 minutes, to half an hour. 952 01:03:54,949 --> 01:03:56,856 Tell him we are quite comfortable. 953 01:03:58,134 --> 01:03:59,134 Thank you. 954 01:04:01,826 --> 01:04:02,951 Gentlemen. 955 01:04:04,166 --> 01:04:05,166 Patience. 956 01:04:06,207 --> 01:04:09,093 Oh dear, I've been waiting here 35 minutes. 957 01:04:09,990 --> 01:04:11,485 I've been here over an hour. 958 01:04:12,093 --> 01:04:13,422 What a busy man. 959 01:04:13,730 --> 01:04:15,542 Oh no. I just pretend I'm busy. 960 01:04:15,788 --> 01:04:19,062 I'm flopping in and out constantly, and keep barking. 961 01:04:19,550 --> 01:04:22,413 Do you know, if one has time to listen to people .. 962 01:04:22,621 --> 01:04:24,081 They have no respect for one. 963 01:04:24,539 --> 01:04:25,691 One must be .. 964 01:04:26,870 --> 01:04:27,870 Elusive. 965 01:04:28,084 --> 01:04:30,709 I've kept Dr Stegg waiting 20 minutes already. 966 01:04:30,944 --> 01:04:34,456 In another half hour, he'll be in complete awe of me. 967 01:04:34,789 --> 01:04:38,196 Dr Stegg? Isn't that the wretch who .. โ”€ Who threw me out of this school? 968 01:04:38,537 --> 01:04:41,513 It is .. now he want me to honor him. 969 01:04:41,836 --> 01:04:45,190 By attending his graduation exercises this afternoon. 970 01:04:45,592 --> 01:04:48,788 And distributing the prizes among his pupils. 971 01:04:49,592 --> 01:04:50,592 Fancy! 972 01:04:55,547 --> 01:04:56,930 Would you like to come along? 973 01:04:57,431 --> 01:04:58,828 Oh, that would be fun. 974 01:05:00,510 --> 01:05:02,127 But you might have called for me. 975 01:05:02,445 --> 01:05:04,476 Instead of summoning me here like a tyrant. 976 01:05:04,909 --> 01:05:06,014 It's better manners. 977 01:05:06,104 --> 01:05:07,900 My dear Coco, in a crisis .. 978 01:05:08,252 --> 01:05:09,801 One omits a bow or two. 979 01:05:10,214 --> 01:05:12,579 You are in a crisis? โ”€ Well, not yet. 980 01:05:13,733 --> 01:05:14,989 But in a few minutes. 981 01:05:16,655 --> 01:05:19,479 I'd .. I'd love to share a crisis with you. 982 01:05:23,012 --> 01:05:24,508 Do you mind if I sit here? 983 01:05:24,710 --> 01:05:27,420 It .. it makes me feel more effective. 984 01:05:28,168 --> 01:05:29,329 Do be effective. 985 01:05:35,180 --> 01:05:37,723 Send the Baron de La Tour La Tour in, please. 986 01:05:38,379 --> 01:05:39,379 Auguste. 987 01:05:40,305 --> 01:05:41,479 What are you up to? 988 01:05:42,205 --> 01:05:43,890 The most frightful villainy. 989 01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:45,524 Shush. 990 01:05:48,631 --> 01:05:50,143 I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. 991 01:05:50,233 --> 01:05:52,617 I don't mind humoring you Topaze, but don't overdo it. 992 01:05:53,260 --> 01:05:55,535 Oh, what are you doing here? โ”€ Visiting. 993 01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,625 I sent for her. 994 01:05:57,421 --> 01:05:59,928 I have a matter of grave importance to take up, sir. 995 01:06:00,018 --> 01:06:01,036 Ha, what a man. 996 01:06:01,257 --> 01:06:03,861 Always bringing matters of grave importance to my head. 997 01:06:06,544 --> 01:06:09,060 Coco, do you mind sitting over there so I can't see you? 998 01:06:09,896 --> 01:06:10,957 Certainly not. 999 01:06:13,644 --> 01:06:15,403 Is this the crisis? 1000 01:06:16,310 --> 01:06:17,503 It begins now. 1001 01:06:17,832 --> 01:06:19,887 So, what sort of charades are these? 1002 01:06:20,656 --> 01:06:23,309 I am just .. trying to think. 1003 01:06:23,796 --> 01:06:25,104 How to begin the matter. 1004 01:06:25,661 --> 01:06:29,459 A disciple of mine should always come to the point. Immediately. 1005 01:06:29,876 --> 01:06:30,876 Thank you, sir. 1006 01:06:31,715 --> 01:06:34,104 I am receiving 8,000 francs a month. 1007 01:06:34,468 --> 01:06:36,779 As Chief of the La Tour Chemical Works. 1008 01:06:37,882 --> 01:06:40,007 We both know they are non-existent. 1009 01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:41,240 Proceed. 1010 01:06:42,272 --> 01:06:46,332 Really, if I took my job seriously, I should have nothing to do at all. 1011 01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:50,014 So I have decided I should be more honestly employed .. 1012 01:06:50,613 --> 01:06:51,613 As .. 1013 01:06:52,267 --> 01:06:53,608 Cigarette? โ”€ No, thanks. 1014 01:06:54,633 --> 01:06:56,819 As a partner. โ”€ What? 1015 01:06:58,355 --> 01:06:59,599 What are you raving about? 1016 01:07:00,001 --> 01:07:01,438 I am asking you, sir. 1017 01:07:01,953 --> 01:07:04,751 For a third interest in this thriving concern. 1018 01:07:05,041 --> 01:07:06,361 Topaze, you delight me. 1019 01:07:06,721 --> 01:07:08,366 Such effrontery is refreshing. 1020 01:07:09,413 --> 01:07:11,097 I am very much afraid, sir. 1021 01:07:11,797 --> 01:07:13,372 That you underestimate me. 1022 01:07:14,234 --> 01:07:15,765 I repeat my request. 1023 01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,632 Ominously. โ”€ Ominously? 1024 01:07:19,353 --> 01:07:23,288 Topaze. Do you realize how much a third interest in the business would be? 1025 01:07:23,823 --> 01:07:25,170 To a fraction, sir. 1026 01:07:25,415 --> 01:07:27,624 Coco, I'm disappointed in our little Professor. 1027 01:07:28,231 --> 01:07:30,888 He's had a relapse. He's as absurd as ever. 1028 01:07:32,384 --> 01:07:35,014 I see there is nothing to be gained by .. 1029 01:07:35,779 --> 01:07:36,782 By words. 1030 01:07:39,783 --> 01:07:41,814 Dr Bomb. โ”€ "Yes, sir?" 1031 01:07:42,387 --> 01:07:44,849 Drawer 12, file 12. 1032 01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:46,565 Coming up. 1033 01:07:48,669 --> 01:07:49,669 Baron. 1034 01:07:50,156 --> 01:07:52,188 I am about to be very objectionable. 1035 01:08:02,889 --> 01:08:06,355 Here, as they say in melodrama, are the papers. 1036 01:08:07,199 --> 01:08:09,328 You will find, written out here. 1037 01:08:09,962 --> 01:08:11,502 A complete report. 1038 01:08:12,311 --> 01:08:14,490 Of your relations with Coco. 1039 01:08:15,232 --> 01:08:19,320 Dates .. sayings .. and doings. 1040 01:08:20,088 --> 01:08:21,088 Oh. 1041 01:08:22,848 --> 01:08:25,593 Your stock in this firm is in your wife's name. 1042 01:08:26,226 --> 01:08:28,619 And your wife, if I may say so. 1043 01:08:29,349 --> 01:08:31,452 Is a very formidable woman. 1044 01:08:32,332 --> 01:08:34,735 When she reads this fascinating data. 1045 01:08:35,297 --> 01:08:38,131 Her subsequent antics are easy to imagine. 1046 01:08:38,483 --> 01:08:41,228 You are the most impudent scoundrel I've ever known. 1047 01:08:41,589 --> 01:08:42,589 Sir. 1048 01:08:43,586 --> 01:08:45,680 I am impervious to flattery. 1049 01:08:53,051 --> 01:08:56,132 To think that I nursed and reared that Frankenstein under my own roof. 1050 01:08:56,588 --> 01:08:58,561 Philippe, is that all you have to say? 1051 01:08:59,414 --> 01:09:00,723 Are you going to give in? 1052 01:09:03,392 --> 01:09:04,646 A difficult situation. 1053 01:09:05,059 --> 01:09:06,682 Allow him to adjust himself. 1054 01:09:07,118 --> 01:09:09,432 Coco .. this would ruin me. 1055 01:09:09,854 --> 01:09:10,980 What can I do? 1056 01:09:12,361 --> 01:09:15,326 Softly and silently, vanish away. 1057 01:09:20,810 --> 01:09:23,072 I .. have taken the liberty. 1058 01:09:23,477 --> 01:09:25,517 Of drawing up a partnership contract. 1059 01:09:25,870 --> 01:09:27,126 Blackmailer! 1060 01:09:30,812 --> 01:09:31,868 A pen, sir. 1061 01:10:14,107 --> 01:10:15,765 Gentlemen of the Stegg Academy. 1062 01:10:16,333 --> 01:10:18,361 And you my dear parents. 1063 01:10:19,060 --> 01:10:22,082 We are singularly honored today in having with us an old friend. 1064 01:10:22,966 --> 01:10:24,805 I'm sure we can all call you a friend. 1065 01:10:25,693 --> 01:10:29,410 An old friend whom I've asked to return to the scene of his first success. 1066 01:10:33,684 --> 01:10:35,153 Silence, if you please. 1067 01:10:37,449 --> 01:10:38,449 Gentlemen. 1068 01:10:38,654 --> 01:10:42,438 Nobody realizes more than I that this is a great day of your lives. 1069 01:10:43,264 --> 01:10:47,567 I announce that in addition to prizes awarded to the individual students .. 1070 01:10:47,743 --> 01:10:50,962 For their diligence and brilliance in individual subjects. 1071 01:10:51,534 --> 01:10:55,370 The Academy this year, has selected for it's Banner Pupil .. 1072 01:10:55,802 --> 01:10:57,376 It's model of intellectual youth. 1073 01:10:57,711 --> 01:11:00,508 None other than Monsieur Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour. 1074 01:11:10,228 --> 01:11:13,349 And now the moment arrives which you've all been waiting for. 1075 01:11:14,582 --> 01:11:18,637 I have the privilege and honor to bring to you the distributor of the prizes. 1076 01:11:19,296 --> 01:11:21,742 The beloved scientific genius of The Republic. 1077 01:11:22,797 --> 01:11:24,312 My very good friend. 1078 01:11:29,133 --> 01:11:32,784 We welcome you back, Doctor Topaze. 1079 01:11:44,070 --> 01:11:46,473 Gentlemen .. dear ladies. 1080 01:11:47,765 --> 01:11:48,884 Doctor Stegg. 1081 01:11:50,018 --> 01:11:51,311 Members of the faculty. 1082 01:11:53,044 --> 01:11:54,724 Where is my pointer? 1083 01:11:57,495 --> 01:11:59,575 Thank you .. thank you very much. 1084 01:12:00,873 --> 01:12:02,707 Ah, now I feel more at home. 1085 01:12:05,095 --> 01:12:06,095 And .. 1086 01:12:06,802 --> 01:12:07,802 My glasses. 1087 01:12:08,378 --> 01:12:12,350 These .. glasses have seen a great deal of service in this room. 1088 01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:14,067 So, gentlemen. 1089 01:12:14,509 --> 01:12:18,492 I suppose you are saying to yourselves, that can't be Dr Topaze. 1090 01:12:18,995 --> 01:12:21,361 My, how different he looks in his new suit. 1091 01:12:21,802 --> 01:12:23,289 And without his .. 1092 01:12:24,072 --> 01:12:25,072 His whiskers. 1093 01:12:27,218 --> 01:12:28,405 Well, gentlemen. 1094 01:12:29,153 --> 01:12:33,015 Since that day you saw me last, I have been out in the great world. 1095 01:12:34,089 --> 01:12:35,989 And I have learned a great deal. 1096 01:12:44,139 --> 01:12:46,688 You have noticed gentlemen, that I have changed. 1097 01:12:48,151 --> 01:12:50,966 But it pleases me to see that here, nothing has altered. 1098 01:12:51,282 --> 01:12:53,043 The mottoes, they are all the same. 1099 01:12:54,009 --> 01:12:56,685 Like yourselves, I studied them a long time. 1100 01:12:57,361 --> 01:12:59,078 And I learned to know them well. 1101 01:13:00,291 --> 01:13:01,796 But my dear children. 1102 01:13:02,367 --> 01:13:05,193 I have something rather sad to tell you. 1103 01:13:06,396 --> 01:13:10,780 It will surprise you to know, that unlike the lessons you have learned here. 1104 01:13:11,745 --> 01:13:13,473 In the outside world. 1105 01:13:14,042 --> 01:13:16,663 Honesty is not always rewarded. 1106 01:13:18,881 --> 01:13:20,898 It's very true, sir. Very true. 1107 01:13:21,716 --> 01:13:23,564 I can even say, Dr Stegg. 1108 01:13:24,441 --> 01:13:28,805 That villainy often receives more applause .. than virtue. 1109 01:13:31,857 --> 01:13:32,857 Gentlemen. 1110 01:13:33,467 --> 01:13:36,206 The world that lies outside that door. 1111 01:13:36,793 --> 01:13:39,335 Is a most upside-down place. 1112 01:13:40,945 --> 01:13:45,276 You will be shocked someday when, full of maxims, mottoes and education. 1113 01:13:45,820 --> 01:13:47,986 You behold injustice triumphant. 1114 01:13:48,468 --> 01:13:50,889 And wrongdoing receiving the rewards. 1115 01:13:51,292 --> 01:13:53,175 Which should be given only to the virtuous. 1116 01:13:53,386 --> 01:13:55,031 Doctor, please. You forget yourself. 1117 01:13:56,553 --> 01:13:59,727 Doctor Stegg thinks I am forgetting myself. 1118 01:14:01,011 --> 01:14:03,653 Alas, I remember myself too well. 1119 01:14:05,472 --> 01:14:06,504 Gentlemen. 1120 01:14:07,152 --> 01:14:09,741 Regardless of what the world outside is like. 1121 01:14:10,310 --> 01:14:13,066 Within these walls which are still dear to me. 1122 01:14:13,767 --> 01:14:15,679 Injustice shall not triumph. 1123 01:14:16,116 --> 01:14:17,858 Nor wrongdoers be rewarded. 1124 01:14:18,571 --> 01:14:20,075 I have been instructed. 1125 01:14:20,541 --> 01:14:22,864 To deliver the highest school honors. 1126 01:14:23,471 --> 01:14:26,420 For diligence, deportment and talent. 1127 01:14:27,334 --> 01:14:30,265 To one Charlemagne de La Tour La Tour. 1128 01:14:31,504 --> 01:14:33,379 Monsieur de La Tour La Tour. 1129 01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:35,833 Kindly step forward. 1130 01:14:45,811 --> 01:14:47,447 Monsieur La Tour La Tour. 1131 01:14:47,975 --> 01:14:51,674 I see by this report that you are marked 95 in history. 1132 01:14:52,364 --> 01:14:53,807 May I ask you a question? 1133 01:14:55,848 --> 01:14:59,214 What can you tell me about the three Punic wars? 1134 01:14:59,612 --> 01:15:02,841 There were three Punic wars. During the first Punic war .. 1135 01:15:03,536 --> 01:15:06,677 The first Punic war .. war .. 1136 01:15:07,091 --> 01:15:10,740 Hmm .. you don't seem to know much about the first Punic war. 1137 01:15:11,622 --> 01:15:13,819 What can you tell me about the second Punic war? 1138 01:15:14,359 --> 01:15:16,796 After the first Punic war came the second Punic war. 1139 01:15:17,544 --> 01:15:19,529 The second Punic war .. 1140 01:15:20,430 --> 01:15:22,770 Let us proceed to the third Punic war. 1141 01:15:23,087 --> 01:15:25,678 After the first Punic war came the second Punic war .. 1142 01:15:25,893 --> 01:15:28,344 And after the second Punic war came the third Punic war. 1143 01:15:29,263 --> 01:15:31,045 A very scintillate deduction. 1144 01:15:31,929 --> 01:15:32,929 Proceed. 1145 01:15:33,975 --> 01:15:35,697 During the third Punic war .. 1146 01:15:36,014 --> 01:15:37,309 They burnt Carthage. 1147 01:15:39,436 --> 01:15:40,947 They burnt Carthage! 1148 01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:42,733 They had a war. 1149 01:15:44,009 --> 01:15:46,800 Zero .. zero .. zero. 1150 01:15:47,812 --> 01:15:49,633 You will return to your seat. 1151 01:15:54,679 --> 01:15:58,981 Can anyone answer the extremely complex question I have just asked. 1152 01:15:59,799 --> 01:16:02,687 Concerning the three Punic wars. 1153 01:16:05,519 --> 01:16:07,181 Are you sure you all know? 1154 01:16:07,418 --> 01:16:09,425 First Punic war: 264 BC. 1155 01:16:09,767 --> 01:16:11,642 Second Punic war: 218 BC. 1156 01:16:11,861 --> 01:16:13,701 Third Punic war: 14 .. 1157 01:16:23,369 --> 01:16:24,513 Excellent. 1158 01:16:25,305 --> 01:16:26,305 Excellent. 1159 01:16:27,197 --> 01:16:28,197 Excellent. 1160 01:16:28,913 --> 01:16:30,201 Thank you very much. 1161 01:16:30,919 --> 01:16:33,245 Have you the prize, Dr Stegg? 1162 01:16:38,904 --> 01:16:41,255 I award the symbol of learning. 1163 01:16:41,992 --> 01:16:43,013 To all of you. 1164 01:16:44,227 --> 01:16:46,086 I give it to you with the request. 1165 01:16:46,665 --> 01:16:48,531 That when you have entered the world. 1166 01:16:49,462 --> 01:16:51,048 And witnessed there .. 1167 01:16:51,459 --> 01:16:53,115 The strange evidences .. 1168 01:16:53,702 --> 01:16:55,288 Of amazing injustice. 1169 01:16:56,387 --> 01:16:58,881 You will remember that once, at least .. 1170 01:16:59,725 --> 01:17:03,168 Through the unworthy hand of Professor Topaze .. 1171 01:17:04,265 --> 01:17:05,684 Virtue triumphed. 1172 01:17:06,333 --> 01:17:08,191 And honesty was rewarded. 1173 01:17:08,990 --> 01:17:09,990 As .. 1174 01:17:10,890 --> 01:17:14,461 Read the mottoes .. on these old walls. 1175 01:17:53,974 --> 01:17:55,006 Fancy that. 1176 01:18:03,865 --> 01:18:05,216 Come back at eleven. 1177 01:18:27,401 --> 01:18:30,243 T-G 85665

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