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1
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,702
[Poison Ivy] Lex
started the apocalypse
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00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:17,977
with his phony "Save
the Ozone" plan.
3
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,913
-Look, just breathe, okay? And if we learned anything...
-[cat meows]
4
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,731
from our future warlord
traitor daughter,
5
00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,858
it's that we are better
together. We can do this.
6
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,318
Yeah, easy.
7
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:28,154
Stop toxic masculinity
and bring back the sun.
8
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:31,324
[sighs and exhales]
9
00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,367
Did someone perfectly stack
our coffee table books
10
00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,203
- by weight and theme?
- [cat meows]
11
00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:39,040
- [yelps]
- [gasps]
12
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:41,751
- [laughs] - Okay, I was
actually feeling good,
13
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,669
yet my stress
hallucinations are back.
14
00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:45,004
Uh... Who is that?
15
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,756
Oh, you see her, too? Oh, yes.
16
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,133
Thank God, I'm not crazy.
But I am very scared.
17
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,844
Hi, Harley Quinn.
Truly a pleasure.
18
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,847
- Uh... [grunts] - Okay, got
some crimes to stop, bye.
19
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,658
Hey! Where the fuck do
you think you're going?
20
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,559
I'm sorry. Did someone
just, like, clone you?
21
00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:00,454
Listen, babe, just go ahead and
start on the fixing the world thing,
22
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,313
and let's regroup later.
23
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,981
[partygoers cheer]
24
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:07,527
- [dog barking]
- [bottle clangs]
25
00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,278
[Double] Wrong bin, asshole.
26
00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,280
[man grunts]
27
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:13,533
- [whimpers and yelps]
- [bottle clangs]
28
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:16,285
All right, poser,
the game is over.
29
00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:18,329
Ow! Calm down, girlie.
30
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:23,418
Okay. Which of my many powerful
enemies or psychotic admirers made you?
31
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:24,877
I'll explain.
32
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:30,717
God, Harley sheds like
a Golden Retriever.
33
00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:32,844
[Gordon] Eh, time to eat
your vegetables, Gordo.
34
00:01:32,969 --> 00:01:34,512
Come to pa... Whoa.
35
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,140
My God, it's still cold and
there's a hair on it, yuck.
36
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,183
Oh, that's okay.
37
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,228
Just because one potato is
gone doesn't mean you're...
38
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,230
all alone.
39
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,833
- [microwave beeps]
- What... What the...
40
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:47,024
[chuckles] Okay.
41
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,651
Terra, you pranked me.
42
00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:50,737
Come on out, Volcana. Teffe?
43
00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:52,756
- You expect me to believe a sad man...
- [bird screeching]
44
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:56,200
accidentally made you in a
microwave slash cloning machine?
45
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,786
Yeah, I'm 5% potato and 95% you.
46
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:00,580
Oh, gosh, I should've
sent you an email
47
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:03,166
before you saw me, so
you could process this.
48
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,001
Mmm. [gasps]
49
00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:07,462
- Melted butter. It all tracks.
- [dog barks]
50
00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:09,713
[theme music playing]
51
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,138
Ivy.
52
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,850
So you thickened the ozone
just to weaken Superman?
53
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,060
Can we schedule a lunch?
54
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,145
You're interrupting
my UV light treatment.
55
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,939
You see, for plants,
the sun is food.
56
00:02:27,065 --> 00:02:28,825
- It's called photosynthesis.
- Yeah, I know.
57
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,569
And now what? You're just
destroying life on Earth
58
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,362
to, like, punch him?
59
00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:35,782
Even if I did what you're
accusing me of, which I didn't,
60
00:02:35,907 --> 00:02:39,744
everyone who matters
can relocate to my moon.
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00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,661
For a fee.
62
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,455
[grunting]
63
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,667
[giggles]
64
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,170
Please don't make me laugh.
65
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:52,757
- My butthole is way too relaxed.
- Ah, motherfucker.
66
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,884
I was going to protect
you, but you overstepped.
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00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:58,262
I'm the boss, baby.
68
00:02:58,388 --> 00:03:00,181
And don't misquote me on that.
69
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:03,142
I said, "Boss, comma, baby."
70
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:04,685
I will stop you.
71
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:05,996
- [breathing heavily]
- I'm the most
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00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,314
powerful businessman
in the universe.
73
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,483
I'm keeping the ozone thick,
74
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,819
and Superman, you,
75
00:03:12,944 --> 00:03:16,280
- and whoever else needs the sun...
- Everyone needs the sun.
76
00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:17,573
Weak forever.
77
00:03:17,657 --> 00:03:20,284
Now, if you'll excuse
me, it's time for my
78
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,953
- chlorophyll infusion.
- [beeps]
79
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:22,995
Huh?
80
00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:25,415
Chlorophyll is
what absorbs life.
81
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:29,001
I understand photosynthesis,
you shitprick!
82
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:31,963
[man] Ooh! Whoo!
83
00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:34,168
I didn't want Batgirl to
miss you while you were gone,
84
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:35,800
you know, so I stepped in.
85
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:38,302
And we have been so busy bringing
hella criminals to justice,
86
00:03:38,428 --> 00:03:41,973
finding lost dogs and then finding them
homes with more responsible pet owners.
87
00:03:42,098 --> 00:03:44,976
Look at you swinging that
big detective energy around.
88
00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:47,979
Oh, and me and Batgirl
did a CPR training class.
89
00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:49,605
Oh, Flash came, too.
90
00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:52,191
[laughing] Oh, he is hilarious.
91
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,819
- [all panting]
- [Flash humming]
92
00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:57,613
- [both laughing]
- Hey, check this out.
93
00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:00,897
Huh. Guess you had to be there.
94
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:03,995
I'm telling you, Flash
has jokes. I mean...
95
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,957
[growling]
96
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,669
- Hold on one teeny second.
- [both grunting]
97
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,048
[handcuff clicks]
98
00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:16,608
But, you know, we'll get back on
the same page about everything
99
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:17,901
once we spend more
time together.
100
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,719
Think about all the
good you can do now.
101
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:22,680
Double the justice,
double the fun. [laughs]
102
00:04:22,764 --> 00:04:25,367
- [gasps] I'm gonna teach you everything I know.
- [cell phone beeps]
103
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:29,812
First hero lesson. Saving Ivy's
adorable green apple bottoms.
104
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:33,608
So, hey, are we gonna,
like, kidnap Lex
105
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,085
and force him to
turn the sun back on?
106
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,861
Honey, I'm just...
I'm too weak.
107
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,739
He must have a switch that
just turns off the laser.
108
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,365
We just have to get inside.
109
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:43,493
Oh, you look so hot
when you rappel.
110
00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:45,119
Sorry. Remind me why
she's here again.
111
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,205
Well, you sent the Natural
Disasters into hiding,
112
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,348
so we need the extra support.
113
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:49,332
Plus, we are on a roll.
114
00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:51,125
Yeah, we are, girlfriend.
115
00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:53,669
Good God, you guys have so much
energy. It's very annoying.
116
00:04:53,753 --> 00:04:55,046
Oh, the boardroom.
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00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:57,799
We can access his office
through here. [groans]
118
00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:00,218
Ugh, a wet bar?
Lex is so tacky.
119
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,780
She's actually really starting to
sound like you. It's freaking me out.
120
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:05,556
Ooh, I can smash
like Harley, too. Ha!
121
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,310
[both grunting and shouting]
122
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,479
The fuck are these made of?
123
00:05:14,399 --> 00:05:15,400
Oh, shit.
124
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:17,610
[all screaming]
125
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,695
- [Poison Ivy grunts]
- [Double yelps]
126
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:22,949
[all screaming]
127
00:05:23,074 --> 00:05:24,325
[whirring]
128
00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:26,202
[all continues screaming]
129
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,912
[Harley and Double grunt]
130
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,124
[grunts] I don't have my powers.
131
00:05:31,249 --> 00:05:32,708
I can't defeat Lex.
132
00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:34,502
This is... This is humiliating.
133
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,088
Don't you have a seat on the
LexCorp board? Vote him out.
134
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:40,299
Use your business powers and go
all Logan on Lex's Kendall-ass.
135
00:05:40,425 --> 00:05:42,927
Oh, my God, you're a
goddamn genius, peanut.
136
00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:44,095
[moans]
137
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,930
I thought you didn't
watch Succession
138
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,533
- because you hate satire.
- She hates satire.
139
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:50,059
- Harley!
- She thought I was you.
140
00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,770
Okay, boo. Go win over
some board members.
141
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:56,983
Now, 70% of the budget is
going to his ozone machine.
142
00:05:57,108 --> 00:06:00,903
After overhead, there's only
1% left for other projects,
143
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:05,158
and I know how important men's
reproductive rights are to you.
144
00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:06,826
If you can't get a tan,
145
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:10,413
how will people even know
you honeymooned in Tulum?
146
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:13,875
Hey, did you know that Lex was
shtupping Ilene's granddaughter,
147
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,501
and that's what broke
up her marriage?
148
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,212
- And now she's dating an uncircumcised boy?
- [gasps]
149
00:06:18,296 --> 00:06:20,423
It is time to remove Lex
150
00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:22,467
as CEO of LexCorp.
151
00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:24,010
Can I count
152
00:06:24,135 --> 00:06:25,136
on your vote?
153
00:06:26,596 --> 00:06:29,515
[grunts] I still
need one more vote.
154
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,559
She-EO to She-EO. What do I do?
155
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,311
Step your pussy up, Ivy.
156
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,439
Everything you need
is at your fingertips.
157
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:38,441
Regenerative cream
from Lazarus Spa,
158
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,777
electrolytes and Clegg.
159
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:42,236
Clegg? That's a person?
160
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,655
[sighs] I thought it was
like a dumb brand name
161
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:46,115
to avoid legal issues.
162
00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:47,366
Oh, Clegg's real.
163
00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:48,969
That recluse makes his
annual public appearance
164
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:51,120
at the Gotham
Celebrity Golf Pro-Am.
165
00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:53,498
His vote would secure
a majority for you.
166
00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:56,125
And be incredibly erotic for me.
167
00:06:56,209 --> 00:06:58,669
Golf goes against
everything I stand for.
168
00:06:58,795 --> 00:07:00,171
Privatizing green space
169
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,340
so old men with
shrimp cocktail breath
170
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,176
can hit their tiny white
balls with long hammers.
171
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,677
But...
172
00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:08,971
Nora, get me the longest
hammer you can find.
173
00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:10,473
First, an hour in
the tanning bed.
174
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,725
- You are so not serving Polo Chic...
- Ah.
175
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,811
With this whole sunken-eye look.
176
00:07:14,894 --> 00:07:16,562
We busted a human
trafficking ring
177
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,398
and still had time to
get our nails done?
178
00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:20,191
Ah, pretty great afternoon, huh?
179
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:22,527
These little babies
always come in handy.
180
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:24,213
- You know, I was thinking.
- [cat meows]
181
00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:26,531
You're naturally good at
this by-the-book hero stuff.
182
00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,700
But maybe you can take the Bat
Fam reins for me for a while?
183
00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:31,202
[gasps] Anything
I can do to help.
184
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:33,013
You should get on the
Nightwing murder thing.
185
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:34,789
Ugh, Batgirl's still
so upset over it
186
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,040
and I'm just out of ideas.
187
00:07:36,124 --> 00:07:37,792
Oh, right, I know
who killed him.
188
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,436
Plus, she's probably getting
loads of press requests
189
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,754
after embarrassing Mayor
Joker on Psycho's pod...
190
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,214
Wait, back up.
191
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,383
Why you just
mentioning this now?
192
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:46,551
Who's the fucking murderer?
193
00:07:46,676 --> 00:07:48,636
Oh, it's you, girlfriend. Boop!
194
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,555
No, no, no. I do
not believe you.
195
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,515
You did it while you
were sleepwalking.
196
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,058
I was there.
197
00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:56,561
You made Nightwing put on
your friendship bracelet.
198
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,146
Then you killed him.
199
00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:00,690
And before that, you partied
with the cold villains,
200
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:01,983
ate three slices of quiche,
201
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:03,460
and turned your
underwear inside out
202
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,194
because you forgot to
bring a second pair.
203
00:08:05,278 --> 00:08:07,238
All that could have been
in the police report.
204
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:10,408
There, there. I
understand this is a lot,
205
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:13,202
- so I will give you some time...
- [grunts]
206
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:21,210
Dry grass, sunless sky and
an overall feeling of bleh.
207
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:23,004
Will humanity survive?
208
00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:24,839
That's a question
for another day
209
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:29,552
as we kick off the 69th annual
Gotham Celebrity Golf Pro-Am,
210
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,137
sponsored by Cleggbucks.
211
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,724
[indistinct chatter]
212
00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:37,643
[grunts]
213
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:40,104
Clegg, Poison Ivy.
214
00:08:40,188 --> 00:08:41,481
Don't believe we've met before.
215
00:08:41,606 --> 00:08:43,356
- Mmm.
- Love the polo.
216
00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:45,777
Looks so expensive in
that way that makes me go,
217
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:47,820
why? I mean, wow.
218
00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:49,089
- Big C.
- [Poison Ivy grunts]
219
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:50,281
Try this old brassie.
220
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,950
The handcrafted shaft
is made from ash,
221
00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:55,828
and the head is a sexy little...
222
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,830
Persimmon wood cushion.
223
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,582
Ooh, good eye.
224
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,435
We better watch our balls,
right, boys? [chuckles]
225
00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:03,127
Don't wanna hit 'em
into the litter box.
226
00:09:03,211 --> 00:09:05,505
You mean cat box? Easy mistake.
227
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:08,257
It's just nice to see a
lady taking to the green.
228
00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:09,717
My wife hates golf.
229
00:09:09,801 --> 00:09:12,637
She's hung up on the whole
"it's a waste of water" thing.
230
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,430
God love that idiot.
231
00:09:14,514 --> 00:09:18,309
Maybe you can teach this silly
little lady a thing or two.
232
00:09:18,393 --> 00:09:19,519
Mmm, back off.
233
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,480
I know all about
your hapless coup.
234
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,066
And I know you need
Clegg's vote to win.
235
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:27,485
And you're not going to get it.
236
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,987
Ivy, what's your handicap?
237
00:09:30,113 --> 00:09:32,782
Gosh, social anxiety,
I guess? Guilty.
238
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:33,745
Oh, you meant in golf?
239
00:09:33,825 --> 00:09:35,701
Uh... I don't know.
240
00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:38,663
- I guess you're just gonna have to
teach me. [chuckles] - [Lex grunts]
241
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,332
Clegg, my dude.
242
00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,833
You mind if I join?
243
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:47,505
[both grunting]
244
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,966
[sighs] This is the last place
in the world I want to be.
245
00:09:50,049 --> 00:09:51,759
But I am ready to make
good on my promise.
246
00:09:51,843 --> 00:09:53,511
I'll do the pod.
247
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:56,139
A full three-hour livestream,
uncut, raw, no topic off-limit?
248
00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:58,433
Yeah, but first, I need a favor.
249
00:09:58,516 --> 00:09:59,851
No, no, no. I did that favor.
250
00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:01,286
You're just paying what
you owe me for that trip
251
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,229
into Bruce Wayne's
mind, remember?
252
00:10:03,354 --> 00:10:04,480
I'll wear latex.
253
00:10:04,564 --> 00:10:06,774
Okay. My little Psychos
might be into that.
254
00:10:06,858 --> 00:10:10,236
I need you to use your annoyingly
specific brain diving powers
255
00:10:10,361 --> 00:10:12,363
to help me recover
a very important
256
00:10:12,447 --> 00:10:13,865
and very intimate memory.
257
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:16,367
Ooh, yummy.
258
00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:20,997
[zaps]
259
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,666
[screaming]
260
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:25,460
[grunts]
261
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:28,671
Camping? Aw, shit!
You tricked me.
262
00:10:28,755 --> 00:10:31,132
There better be a snow
orgy in here or I'm out.
263
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,175
Shut it!
264
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:35,303
[gobbles]
265
00:10:37,889 --> 00:10:40,475
Nightwing, ha-ha. Beat you!
266
00:10:40,558 --> 00:10:42,560
[in sing-song voice]
I rescued Batgirl.
267
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:45,521
[in normal voice] Here, I made
you another friendship bracelet.
268
00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:46,731
Put it on.
269
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,858
Oh, cut the crap, Harley.
270
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,069
You kidnapped Babs.
271
00:10:51,152 --> 00:10:52,629
You may have fooled some
more gullible heroes,
272
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,465
but I always knew you were
plotting to take us down.
273
00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:56,657
Oh, need help putting on
your friendship bracelet?
274
00:10:56,741 --> 00:10:59,869
[scoffs] More like a
lies and deceit bracelet.
275
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,204
You're not a hero.
276
00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:03,790
You're a vapid,
carb-obsessed killer.
277
00:11:03,915 --> 00:11:05,917
You'll always be a villain.
278
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:07,460
I'm a good guy.
279
00:11:07,585 --> 00:11:09,879
- [grunts] I am a good guy.
- [Nightwing struggling]
280
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,756
I'm a good guy.
281
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:13,633
- I'm a good guy.
- [Nightwing choking]
282
00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:14,842
I'm a good guy.
283
00:11:14,926 --> 00:11:16,677
I'm a good guy.
284
00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:18,471
- I'm a good guy.
- [gasps]
285
00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:20,098
[Nightwing grunts]
286
00:11:21,099 --> 00:11:23,893
Oh, look. It looks
so cute on you.
287
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,437
[cackling]
288
00:11:26,521 --> 00:11:28,189
I killed Nightwing.
289
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,607
[Dr. Psycho] And
you didn't know!
290
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,360
My God, that is some
hella repressed shit!
291
00:11:32,443 --> 00:11:33,403
Get me out of here.
292
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:38,157
Oh, my God.
Nightwing was right.
293
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:40,201
I'm a villain at my core.
294
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,496
Ooh, breaking the
exclusive scoop
295
00:11:43,621 --> 00:11:45,706
that hero Harley Quinn
296
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,583
killed Gotham's hottest heinie
297
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:51,462
is gonna beat my
Joker-getting-owned-by-Batgirl episode.
298
00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,132
-[grunts] -[Dr. Psycho
on soundboard] DJ Psycho.
299
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:55,508
[horn blows on soundboard]
300
00:11:55,633 --> 00:11:58,094
[Clegg] Remember, chest
out, caress the club,
301
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:02,098
swizzle your hips and swing.
302
00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:08,563
[ball clatters]
303
00:12:08,646 --> 00:12:12,024
- [laughs]
- [crowd cheering]
304
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,484
I'm a kingmaker.
305
00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:15,695
Looks like someone
just won Clegg's vote
306
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,030
and that someone is sh... Me.
307
00:12:18,156 --> 00:12:20,032
Usurper! [grunts]
308
00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:22,660
Uh, I think you
meant, "You super."
309
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:23,953
Heyo!
310
00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:25,204
Hey, Lex. I think I smell
311
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:28,499
an "in your fuckin'
face" coming. [grunts]
312
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:29,917
[Clegg grunts]
313
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:31,169
Ho, oh!
314
00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,671
- [crowd screaming]
- [Bane grunts]
315
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,590
[gags and retches]
316
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:37,675
Well, that's a real
kick in the cooter.
317
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,093
[cell phone vibrates and beeps]
318
00:12:39,177 --> 00:12:40,386
[Harley over phone] Hey, Ive.
319
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:41,697
I figured out who
killed Nightwing.
320
00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:42,805
It was me. Case closed.
321
00:12:42,889 --> 00:12:44,140
Whoa. Are you okay?
322
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:45,600
Hmm... As an investigator,
323
00:12:45,683 --> 00:12:47,202
it is nice to finally
nice to know whodunnit.
324
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,353
But as a good guy, it's
pretty fucking bad.
325
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:50,229
Ugh, yikes.
326
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,898
But also, crazy coinkidink.
327
00:12:52,023 --> 00:12:53,941
I just accidentally
killed Clegg,
328
00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:57,361
- the linchpin to my dramatic boardroom takeover plan.
- [crowd crying]
329
00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,530
Oh, we are such twin flames.
330
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:01,240
My shit's fucked, too.
331
00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:03,218
Okay. Now I just gotta figure
out how to keep Psycho quiet.
332
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,762
Oh, I'm totally down to kill
Psycho, honey, 'cause I'm on a roll.
333
00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:06,871
Ha! Jokes.
334
00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:08,289
Wait. That gives me an idea.
335
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:10,092
- Keep you posted. Bye.
- [cell phone beeps]
336
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:11,727
- [line ringing]
- How long would it take you
337
00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:13,911
- to get to Psycho's recording studio?
- [knock on door]
338
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:15,713
What up, pigtails?
339
00:13:15,797 --> 00:13:17,358
I wanna prank my former
associate, Dr. Psycho.
340
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:18,817
Of course, I immediately
thought of you,
341
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,968
you know, since you are
the lord of hijinks.
342
00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:22,446
You know, you never
respond to my GIFs.
343
00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,305
So I was worried you
didn't think I was funny.
344
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:25,848
I need to work on
my self-confidence.
345
00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:27,517
Ugh, that's a very male take.
346
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,726
So, what are we doing?
347
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,228
Prank call? Rubber snake?
348
00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:32,563
Generic brand plastic
wrap on the toilet seat?
349
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,358
Or what if you turned
back time five minutes?
350
00:13:35,441 --> 00:13:38,403
Psycho hates doing ads, and
if we go back five minutes,
351
00:13:38,528 --> 00:13:40,738
he'll have to do
them all over again.
352
00:13:40,822 --> 00:13:42,740
[laughing]
353
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:44,450
I'm in.
354
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:45,952
[machine beeps]
355
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:50,748
[Flash grunts]
356
00:13:53,251 --> 00:13:55,169
Looks like someone
just won Clegg's vote
357
00:13:55,253 --> 00:13:57,797
and that someone is sh... Me.
358
00:13:57,922 --> 00:13:59,590
Usurper! [grunts]
359
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:02,427
Uh, I think you
meant, "You super."
360
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:03,803
Heyo!
361
00:14:03,928 --> 00:14:05,096
Hey, Lex. I think I smell
362
00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:08,766
an "in your fucking
face" coming. [grunts]
363
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,810
[Clegg grunts]
364
00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,687
- [woman screaming]
- Oh, f...
365
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:14,522
Wow. Two holes in one.
366
00:14:14,605 --> 00:14:15,481
[Lex chuckles]
367
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,483
Oh, God. Who
invited the virgin?
368
00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:19,902
You selling candy for
your rec league, son?
369
00:14:19,986 --> 00:14:22,113
[laughing]
370
00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:23,990
Ah, you're right!
This is hilarious.
371
00:14:24,115 --> 00:14:25,742
All right. Thank
you. Time to go.
372
00:14:25,825 --> 00:14:27,577
[laughs] Why?
373
00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:30,621
Can't we just hang and bask in
these righteous friendship LOLs...
374
00:14:30,747 --> 00:14:31,831
- [grunts]
- Get outta here!
375
00:14:31,956 --> 00:14:33,458
Right in the kid Flashes!
376
00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:35,918
All right. Ready to see
that salacious memory?
377
00:14:36,002 --> 00:14:38,188
Oh, yeah. You know, I just
remembered the thing I forgot.
378
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,131
And it was no
biggie. Peace out.
379
00:14:43,468 --> 00:14:45,470
So, do you believe me now?
380
00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:47,221
Yeah. I guess I
was so messed up.
381
00:14:47,305 --> 00:14:48,490
I didn't know what I was doing.
382
00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:49,874
But I really wanna
make this right.
383
00:14:49,974 --> 00:14:51,392
That's what doubles are for.
384
00:14:52,602 --> 00:14:53,394
I'm here to help.
385
00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:54,604
The fuck are you doing?
386
00:14:54,687 --> 00:14:56,481
Making this right like you said.
387
00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,608
Now the Bat Fam gets
the Harley they deserve
388
00:14:58,691 --> 00:15:00,943
and you won't keep
86ing your coworkers.
389
00:15:01,027 --> 00:15:03,071
Coworker. Singular.
390
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:04,947
[Tawny] Shockwave
to the leaderboard.
391
00:15:05,031 --> 00:15:06,532
Poison Ivy kills Clegg.
392
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,326
We haven't seen a
disaster like this since
393
00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:10,828
Blake Lively's British accent.
394
00:15:10,912 --> 00:15:12,747
[Bane groans] Oh, woe!
395
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,332
We hardly knew ye.
396
00:15:14,457 --> 00:15:16,417
- [screams] Oh.
- [cell phone vibrates]
397
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:22,882
[Bane groans]
398
00:15:23,007 --> 00:15:24,509
Ivy, can we get a comment?
399
00:15:24,592 --> 00:15:26,511
Um... Yeah. I mean, you see,
400
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:31,140
low visibility because Lex
blocked out the fucking sun.
401
00:15:31,224 --> 00:15:33,017
- [both grunting]
- [Poison Ivy] Oh, fuck.
402
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:35,353
Forgive me. I was
repaying a debt.
403
00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:38,189
Whoever said golf
was boring... Ha!
404
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,108
[Lex] Jealous.
405
00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:42,527
I wish I thought to kill Clegg.
406
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:45,196
Now the board will
be locked into a tie,
407
00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:46,864
securing my position.
408
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:51,244
Suddenly, I understand what
it feels like to snatch a wig.
409
00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:54,539
In you go, original sin.
410
00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:56,916
Gah. Who the fuck are they?
411
00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:58,668
Criminals like you.
412
00:15:58,751 --> 00:16:00,211
It was ketamine therapy,
413
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,339
And you tried to get reimbursed
by insurance, which is fraud.
414
00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:04,882
What did the nun do?
415
00:16:04,966 --> 00:16:06,527
I torrented Keeping Up
with the Kardashians
416
00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:08,237
because I didn't want
to add to their empire.
417
00:16:08,261 --> 00:16:09,470
First, it's piracy.
418
00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:12,014
Then a few clicks
later, it's murder.
419
00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:13,558
You know this
better than anyone.
420
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,393
Okay, listen, I'd
never punish anyone
421
00:16:15,476 --> 00:16:16,853
for this jaywalking-level crap.
422
00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:19,272
I started hero-ing because
I wanted to help people.
423
00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:22,942
There is no redemption,
only justice. Kick!
424
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,153
[both grunting]
425
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,413
But I'm supposed
to be the upgrade.
426
00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:38,833
Put in a good word for me with
the dude upstairs, Sister.
427
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:42,712
And finally, there's a motion
on the docket to oust me.
428
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:46,591
Yeah, because CEOs
should be leaders,
429
00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:52,847
not petty, sun-blocking,
uh, dumb dum-dums.
430
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,767
All in favor of me maintaining
my position, say "aye".
431
00:16:55,892 --> 00:16:57,393
- Aye.
- [man] Nay.
432
00:16:57,477 --> 00:16:58,561
- Aye.
- [woman] Nay.
433
00:16:58,644 --> 00:16:59,764
- [man 1] Aye.
- [man 2] Nay.
434
00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:01,022
- [man 3] Aye.
- [man 4] Aye.
435
00:17:01,105 --> 00:17:02,315
- Nay.
- [Lex] 6-6.
436
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,443
[chuckles] I remain
CEO of LexCorp.
437
00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:07,695
You can't take what's mine.
438
00:17:07,779 --> 00:17:10,406
- I take what's yours.
- [grunts]
439
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:12,617
Hmm, what is this? [slurps]
440
00:17:12,742 --> 00:17:15,453
- B12. Delicious.
- [heels clacking]
441
00:17:16,454 --> 00:17:18,622
What about Clegg's vote?
442
00:17:18,706 --> 00:17:19,791
Hi, who are you?
443
00:17:19,916 --> 00:17:23,002
Devora Macklewaithe,
Clegg's wife. Well, I was
444
00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:26,756
- until you impaled his butthole with this golf club.
- [club clangs]
445
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:28,883
So, say "aye,"
446
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:31,969
as was his dying wish.
447
00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:33,221
Ivy, I don't know you,
448
00:17:33,304 --> 00:17:35,139
And I hate your shoes.
449
00:17:35,223 --> 00:17:37,451
But your girlfriend avenged my
clavicle when no one else would.
450
00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:39,102
Especially Clegg.
451
00:17:39,185 --> 00:17:42,230
So, the least I can do is vote
with you on whatever this is.
452
00:17:42,313 --> 00:17:43,481
Nay.
453
00:17:43,606 --> 00:17:45,483
Nay? [chuckling]
Nay? It's a nay.
454
00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:48,319
Whose balls are in the
cat box now, bitch?
455
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,250
Batgirl, I've been looking
everywhere for you.
456
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:04,335
I brought coffees.
Very detective-y, huh?
457
00:18:04,419 --> 00:18:06,087
I'm never gonna find
Nightwing's killer.
458
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,588
Ugh, you'll get the next one.
459
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:09,590
I fucked up a million times.
460
00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:11,342
And you never gave up on me.
461
00:18:11,426 --> 00:18:13,529
Even when I killed Professor
Pyg or doxed that mailman.
462
00:18:13,553 --> 00:18:14,595
I mean, we all mess up.
463
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:16,806
The world is not
black and white.
464
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:18,433
I mean, now it
actually kind of is.
465
00:18:18,516 --> 00:18:20,351
But, like, normally.
466
00:18:20,435 --> 00:18:22,121
Okay, are you gonna say something,
or am I just standing out here
467
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:24,313
with my emotional dick out
for everyone to laugh at?
468
00:18:24,397 --> 00:18:27,024
Back away from that
imposter, girlfriend.
469
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,194
I'm the real Harley.
470
00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:32,530
- [gasps] You sneaky little skank.
- [coffee spills]
471
00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:33,698
How did you get out?
472
00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,199
[laughing]
473
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,617
Damn it, I'm good.
474
00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:38,619
What's happening? Is...
Is this a Flash prank?
475
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:41,205
I don't always get his humor,
but it's easier just to laugh.
476
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,416
[both grunting]
477
00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:45,043
- Stop that!
- [both grunting]
478
00:18:48,963 --> 00:18:50,631
Oh, yeah. [grunts]
479
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:53,301
You wanna dance, baby?
Let's fucking dance.
480
00:18:53,384 --> 00:18:54,719
[grunts]
481
00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:57,513
[yelps]
482
00:18:59,265 --> 00:19:00,558
[both grunting]
483
00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:01,976
Batgirl, help. Ugh!
484
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,520
This ghoul's trying
to take over my life.
485
00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:08,983
Well, you aren't doing
anything with it.
486
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,735
[both grunting]
487
00:19:18,493 --> 00:19:20,078
I'm the better Bat Harley.
488
00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,540
[struggling]
489
00:19:29,879 --> 00:19:31,589
Wait. Which one
of you is Harley?
490
00:19:31,714 --> 00:19:33,567
- [both] Me!
- Oh, my God, we sound nothing alike.
491
00:19:33,591 --> 00:19:35,927
Her voice is so
grating. I hate it!
492
00:19:37,595 --> 00:19:39,138
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
493
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:40,431
[grunts]
494
00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:43,643
The world isn't black and white.
495
00:19:44,519 --> 00:19:47,063
Of course, it is. [grunting]
496
00:19:47,146 --> 00:19:49,440
- [grunts]
- [yelps]
497
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:51,651
Mwah.
498
00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:53,653
I knew I was a good kisser.
499
00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:55,988
- Wait!
- [Double screams]
500
00:19:57,407 --> 00:19:58,825
[splatters]
501
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,636
[man] Hey, they're giving
away free mashed taters.
502
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,078
Kids, get your spoons.
503
00:20:02,161 --> 00:20:03,996
Harley, why'd you do that?
504
00:20:04,122 --> 00:20:04,997
She killed Nightwing.
505
00:20:05,123 --> 00:20:06,958
[gasps] That fricking B!
506
00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:11,254
All right. We are
deactivating the EarthSaver.
507
00:20:11,337 --> 00:20:13,589
So... Are you gonna push it?
508
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:16,217
Yeah. I was just waiting
for... Is, uh... Where's Lex?
509
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,679
I gotta go. I start to get hives
being around this many notties.
510
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,365
Okay, fine, now. It's
fine, it's fine, I'll...
511
00:20:21,389 --> 00:20:22,432
Boom!
512
00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:33,735
[chuckles]
513
00:20:33,818 --> 00:20:36,904
My walnuts are back
to being royal blue.
514
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,492
[glasses clinks]
515
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:45,705
Whoo! One step closer to dismantling
the patriarchy, am I right?
516
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,915
Who wants margaritas?
517
00:20:53,671 --> 00:20:55,590
This doesn't feel
like a victory.
518
00:20:57,091 --> 00:21:00,011
[Batgirl] I can't believe I
was working with an impostor.
519
00:21:00,094 --> 00:21:01,655
Although it does explain
how amped you were
520
00:21:01,679 --> 00:21:03,389
to persecute trademark
infringements.
521
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,516
And I've increased
my body count.
522
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,643
She was a murderer and a potato.
523
00:21:07,727 --> 00:21:09,413
So this doesn't technically
count as killing?
524
00:21:09,437 --> 00:21:11,022
Yeah, it was basically cooking.
525
00:21:11,147 --> 00:21:13,547
But listen, I don't wanna keep
getting off on technicalities.
526
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:15,610
I came to tell you I'm
quitting the Bat Family.
527
00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:17,653
What? Harley, why?
528
00:21:17,737 --> 00:21:19,489
I'm tired of fighting who I am.
529
00:21:19,572 --> 00:21:21,616
Your Double was
totally by the book,
530
00:21:21,699 --> 00:21:23,367
but I choose you.
531
00:21:23,493 --> 00:21:24,869
And I'd always choose you.
532
00:21:24,994 --> 00:21:26,913
You just need to work
on your hero instincts.
533
00:21:27,038 --> 00:21:29,665
Trying to live up to your rules
fucked up my relationship with Ivy
534
00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:31,542
and messed with my brain.
535
00:21:31,626 --> 00:21:34,021
Even when I thought I was doing
great, I still killed someone.
536
00:21:34,045 --> 00:21:36,214
Who tried to take
over your life.
537
00:21:36,339 --> 00:21:40,718
Yes. Okay. My Double was intensely
annoying and uptight and bossy as shit.
538
00:21:40,802 --> 00:21:43,596
But neither he nor that
great ass deserved to die.
539
00:21:43,721 --> 00:21:44,555
You mean she?
540
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,182
Yep. Anyway, I'm sorry.
541
00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:49,435
But I'm finally ready to
admit I can't do this.
542
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,312
But you can't quit
the Bat Family.
543
00:21:51,396 --> 00:21:52,647
But I am.
544
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:53,999
The more I force it,
the more bad stuff
545
00:21:54,023 --> 00:21:55,775
- keeps happening and I...
- [gunshot]
546
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,444
- [both gasp]
- [Batgirl grunts]
547
00:21:58,569 --> 00:22:00,321
- [exhales]
- No, no, no.
548
00:22:00,405 --> 00:22:02,448
- No, no, no.
- [breathing heavily]
549
00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,118
[Joker laughing maniacally]
550
00:22:11,249 --> 00:22:12,792
[growls]
551
00:22:13,626 --> 00:22:15,795
[screaming]
552
00:22:18,715 --> 00:22:20,883
[theme music playing]40576
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