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1
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,652
Okay. I got the almond
milk for Benecio.
2
00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:28,196
[object clattering]
3
00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,366
[thunderclap]
4
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:35,035
Ah!
5
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:37,663
[panting] Ah!
6
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:40,041
Always with the dead ends.
7
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:41,751
[gasps]
8
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,461
Why are you still chasing me?
9
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,837
I'm a different person now.
10
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:46,964
I haven't been in a
dark alley in forever.
11
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,634
Come on, I'm a stay-at-home dad.
12
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,511
I mean, I'm not their "Dad."
13
00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,012
I'm not trying to replace him.
14
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,990
Unless one day they asked
me. [chuckles nervously]
15
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:57,767
I mean, that would
mean the world to me.
16
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,185
[thunderclap]
17
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,312
[gasps and grunts]
18
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,815
You know, we missed you
at the school bake sale.
19
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,691
All the parents took a vote.
20
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:09,654
Your lemon squares sucked
and you're gonna die.
21
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,781
- [laughs maniacally]
- [screams]
22
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:12,698
[panting]
23
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:14,033
[sighs in relief]
24
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,202
[speaks in Spanish]
Que paso, corazon?
25
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,120
Did you have another
Debbie nightmare?
26
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:19,539
[groans] Yes.
27
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:21,332
Aww... mi amor.
28
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,167
Did you have the chorizo dream?
29
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,253
No, she didn't try
to cut off my penis,
30
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,046
and serve it at a
book fair again.
31
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:30,383
But I haven't had a decent
night's sleep in weeks.
32
00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:36,180
Bethany... this Debbie may be
my most challenging enemy yet.
33
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:39,725
♪ I used to think
life was a tragedy ♪
34
00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:43,020
♪ An agent of Chaos
was all I could be ♪
35
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:46,899
♪ But I found a best
friend who completes me ♪
36
00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:50,653
♪ And now I realize
life's a comedy ♪
37
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:54,240
♪ Wait 'til they
get a load of us ♪
38
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:57,910
♪ No one will ask
"Why so serious?" ♪
39
00:01:57,994 --> 00:02:01,205
♪ All it takes
is a joke a day ♪
40
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:05,251
♪ To keep the gloom away ♪
41
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:08,462
♪ We live in a society ♪
42
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:12,425
♪ But, baby, it feels like
it's just you and me ♪
43
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:16,095
♪ I think you and I are
destined to do this ♪
44
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,930
♪ Forever ♪
45
00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:20,641
♪ Wait 'til they
get a load of us ♪
46
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:22,202
- [Joker humming]
- [laugh track playing]
47
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,603
Good morning, Janice.
48
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:26,647
How is the most beautiful
school receptionist?
49
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:28,441
- Oh, you!
- [laugh track plays]
50
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,610
Oops! Let me turn this off.
51
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,278
I was just sneaking
my shows. [chuckles]
52
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,030
But who needs TV when you've got
53
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:36,407
Gotham City's most infamous
criminal mastermind
54
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,659
turned sane bartender
turned back into unhinged
55
00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:40,828
but now equally
charming psychopath.
56
00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:43,289
[laughs] Janice, please.
57
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:47,543
I'm just plain ol' Benecio
and Sophia's stepdad.
58
00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:49,795
Speaking of, do you
have the student list
59
00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:52,298
for the new Spanish
dual immersion program?
60
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:56,010
It's so important to us that our
kids get a bilingual education.
61
00:02:56,093 --> 00:03:01,140
Well, I'm not really supposed to
show this list until next week.
62
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,434
- I don't know...
- Mmm.
63
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,228
Oh, you know, I
can't say no to you.
64
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,312
Here it is.
65
00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:09,147
Ah...
66
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,900
- Morning!
- [door bangs]
67
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:12,276
[murmuring]
68
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,487
The New Spanish dual
immersion student list.
69
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,489
I think we're all very
excited to see that
70
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,407
Madison and McKenna
got in, am I right?
71
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:19,367
Am I right?
72
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,993
Your kids got in?
73
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:23,329
Now we're gonna know if the
maids are talking about us
74
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,122
when we're on
vacation in Cancun.
75
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,833
[laughs] And I can't help
it if I have connections
76
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,585
on the election board.
77
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:31,003
Better luck next year,
78
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:34,590
or as my maid says,
"escupo en tu comida."
79
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,053
[Two-Face] You've
got to be kidding me.
80
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:42,223
You wasted $400 million on ads!
81
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,684
And another million
on custom Pez?
82
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:47,395
- People love Pez.
- No one loves Pez.
83
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,480
You don't need
this stuff to win.
84
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,566
In the debates, you can
just tell people directly
85
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,778
your plans for Gotham
and what you stand for.
86
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,089
Also, I've been
meaning to ask you.
87
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,489
What do you stand for?
88
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,282
Well, it's, um...
89
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,661
I... [murmuring]
90
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,248
Don't worry your
pretty little heart.
91
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:10,418
I'll teach him how to
trail off like a pro.
92
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,045
[laughs maniacally]
93
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:14,588
[smashing]
94
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,383
- Ha!
- [Bethany groans]
95
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,719
Are you still upset about
the dual immersion program?
96
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:21,554
Yes, it's so unfair!
97
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:25,016
This program would really help
the kids embrace their heritage.
98
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:28,811
You know, one time, I picked
Benecio up from soccer practice,
99
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,856
- and I heard some other kids mocking his name.
- [sighs]
100
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,191
This program would
offer him something
101
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,111
I can't give him.
More self-confidence.
102
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:40,573
The opportunity to feel a
sense of pride in his name.
103
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,034
A great boost on his transcript
104
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:46,120
for when he applies to
early admission at Oberlin.
105
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,705
Always you with Oberlin.
106
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,874
Dinnertime!
107
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,751
[Gordon] Hey, mister,
that's strike two.
108
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,478
You pop off like that again,
we're gonna cross swords.
109
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,546
I'm all about changing
Gotham for the better.
110
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,883
And if I'm lying, may
God strike you down.
111
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,384
[gasps and groans]
112
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,468
[grunts]
113
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:03,554
You know the rules.
114
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,264
There's no TV during dinner.
115
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,308
I think we just saw someone die.
116
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,393
Sure did, buddy.
117
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,605
So, say we couldn't get into
the dual immersion program.
118
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,399
What's another thing you
guys are interested in, huh?
119
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,527
Uh, what about art or soccer?
120
00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:22,656
It's never too early to get
into kinesiology, Benecio.
121
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,451
Uh, can I just go by "Ben"?
122
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:28,245
I don't want to
stand out in school.
123
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:32,625
That's it! Debbie is gonna get
a tire iron straight into the...
124
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,877
Bethany, no, trust me.
125
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,505
I know how to deal
with arch enemies.
126
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:42,176
I'm cooking up something
extra special for Debbie.
127
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:46,472
[laughing maniacally]
128
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,358
[gasps]
129
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:04,949
Hey, Debbie.
130
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,242
Nice parking spot.
131
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,661
So, you're a VIP, huh?
132
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,246
Uh, yes, I am.
133
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,832
Because I have a
very important job.
134
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:15,209
And I need a very
important spot.
135
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,961
- What do you want?
- Listen,
136
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,254
I just wanted to show
137
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:21,841
my appreciation for
you, and all you do.
138
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:26,846
It's arroz con pollo
from mi casa to su casa.
139
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:30,349
Mmm-hmm. And is that
an ethnic dish, or...
140
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,018
It sure is "ethnic."
141
00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,812
Speaking of racist,
142
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,188
I couldn't help but think
143
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,315
about the dual
immersion program,
144
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,360
and how amazing it would be if
you could pull some strings.
145
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:42,570
Oh, I see.
146
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,156
So you and your
strong smelling dish
147
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,866
are trying to bribe
me. Is that it?
148
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,468
Is that what you're
trying to do? Bribe me?
149
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,703
Strong smelling? [sniffs]
150
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:52,538
No. [chuckles softly]
151
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,832
It's just that there
are only 24 spots
152
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,877
in the program for all of
Gotham's school district,
153
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,588
and I know you have
friends on the committee.
154
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,214
Mmm. Oh, okay.
155
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:03,567
So, you're threatening me, then.
156
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,134
Didn't you use to
blow things up?
157
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:08,762
[laughs loudly] Oh, no...
158
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:11,223
That was over a year ago?
159
00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:12,683
That's the old me.
160
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,476
The only thing I'm
blowing up here
161
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,646
is your waistline
with my yummy dish.
162
00:07:17,730 --> 00:07:19,356
Aw... I think it's so cute
163
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,901
that you're out here trying
to do stuff for your kids.
164
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,485
It's a adorable.
165
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:26,447
I so wish I could help you,
but it's just out of my hands,
166
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,240
and I guess it's out
of your hands, too.
167
00:07:28,324 --> 00:07:29,450
[chuckles nervously]
168
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:32,328
Whose hands would
you say it's in?
169
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,038
Well, the city sets the budget,
170
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,457
so I'd take it up with
them or the mayor.
171
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:39,960
Oh, but no, I
guess he just died.
172
00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:41,337
Oh, boo-hoo.
173
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,064
Well, I guess you're just
gonna have to go down
174
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,757
to City Hall and
file a complaint.
175
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,550
- [engine revs]
- [tires squeal]
176
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,180
Oh, I'll file a
fucking complaint.
177
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,017
Oh, my God, there
were bones in this.
178
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,644
[rock music playing]
179
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,605
Whoo! We did it!
180
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,316
Dad! Congrats on being
the only candidate
181
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,877
to not die tonight.
But don't you think
182
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,611
it's a little premature
to be celebrating?
183
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,780
Barbara, the opposition is dead.
184
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,865
Winning by default
is a bigger victory
185
00:08:09,949 --> 00:08:11,242
than I could have dreamed of.
186
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,328
Boo!
187
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,664
[sighs] Dad, you still
haven't even figured out
188
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:17,957
your plan for Gotham.
189
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,376
Gordy, remember your
trail off training?
190
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,627
I'm glad you asked that.
191
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,255
- I guess the...
- Dad.
192
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,965
I know you love Gotham,
193
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,068
and there are tons of things
that are important to you.
194
00:08:28,092 --> 00:08:30,844
So just make that the plan.
195
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554
What do you even
believe in, Dad?
196
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,306
As Reagan once said,
197
00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:35,557
uh...
198
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,893
[distant explosion]
199
00:08:37,977 --> 00:08:40,729
- [people screaming]
- [explosion]
200
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,526
The old Joker is back.
201
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:46,609
Get two cameras on him.
202
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,153
Where's the chopper cam?
203
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:50,990
[Joker] Attention, Gotham City.
204
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,409
I've had it with your shit.
205
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:56,495
I tried being a villain
that didn't work.
206
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,956
I tried being a good stepdad.
207
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,374
That didn't work.
208
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,210
I tried meditation
and then... Actually,
209
00:09:03,294 --> 00:09:04,503
that almost worked
210
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,839
until the app I was
using started charging.
211
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:10,843
Yet the city remains
a hateful asshole.
212
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,096
That's why things are
going to change right now!
213
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,765
[all screaming]
214
00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:17,849
[woman screaming]
215
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,518
He's pointing it at me!
216
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,186
- [trigger clicks]
- [people shouting]
217
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:22,605
[shouting dies down]
218
00:09:23,439 --> 00:09:26,859
I'm running for mayor!
219
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,902
- [laughs boisterously]
- [fanfare playing]
220
00:09:31,322 --> 00:09:32,781
Less than 24 hours ago,
221
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:35,117
Joker announced he
was running for mayor.
222
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,036
Today, we are following Joker
223
00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:39,121
and his goons to
the Gotham Bank.
224
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,081
For what? We're not sure.
225
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:43,083
I'm Suave with Thrice TV.
226
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,927
Can you tell us what
you're doing here today?
227
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,630
Some mayoral candidates
take bribes from big money.
228
00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:52,217
I'm skipping the bribe part,
and just taking the money,
229
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:54,636
and giving it back
to the citizens.
230
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,472
Here's your money shot!
231
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,393
Oh, wow. Ha!
232
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:04,396
Hey, what do you hope to
accomplish as mayor of Gotham?
233
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,689
Well, to start,
234
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,274
education reform.
235
00:10:07,358 --> 00:10:08,942
Every child should
have the choice
236
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:12,446
to be in a dual immersion
class and be bilingual.
237
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,656
I also want free
universal health care.
238
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,409
Do you think Arkham would
have a three-year wait list
239
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:21,080
if everyone had access to
free mental health services?
240
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:25,376
And the rich one-percenters
are gonna pay for it all.
241
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,796
Big changes are gonna happen.
242
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,297
[laughing maniacally]
243
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:31,465
- [gunshot]
- [screams]
244
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:32,841
Damn it, Gary.
245
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,718
I said we're not
doing the stupid
246
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,470
Reservoir Dogs thing.
247
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,305
You want the rich
to pay for all this?
248
00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:39,807
Are you like a socialist?
249
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:42,434
I'm not like a socialist.
250
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:44,728
I am a socialist.
251
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:49,108
And together, we're
gonna fix this city.
252
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,609
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
253
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,404
I'm sorry. I thought
you were ready for that.
254
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,613
We locked eyes,
255
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,782
I... You were looking
right here. Wh...
256
00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,119
This is our money! Our Gotham.
257
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,579
This, this has to be
some sort of trap.
258
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,123
It's Joker, for crap's sake.
259
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:07,251
He's Batman's arch-enemy,
and I'm Batman's best friend.
260
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,419
Hmm.
261
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,295
I just thought it
should be said.
262
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,339
I just don't get it.
Why do people love him?
263
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:14,133
Because he has good policies.
264
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:17,052
Jesus, you need to start
wearing bangles or something
265
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:18,776
'cause I never know
when you're in a room.
266
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,013
Joker's preaching policies
267
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:22,307
like free health
care, free tuition.
268
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:24,810
Oh, God, is my own daughter
some kind of Jo-Bro?
269
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,229
They prefer to be called
"Sane Clown Posse,"
270
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,605
and I'm not a Jo-Bro.
271
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,816
What we need to do
is fight dirtier than
272
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,526
we've ever fought before.
273
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,320
Do something truly diabolical.
274
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,030
No, I'm drawing a line.
275
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,241
Dad, I believe in you.
276
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,742
A mayor needs policies
277
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:42,202
and to be able to
make decisions.
278
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:45,706
Well, I want you to make
a decision right now.
279
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,208
Fire Two-Face as your
campaign manager.
280
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,502
If you don't, I
can't support you.
281
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,671
It's him or me.
You got to choose.
282
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,339
Nepotism.
283
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,568
Oh, man! What is it with women
in this family and ultimatums?
284
00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,093
Dad, choose!
285
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:01,013
Babs, sweetie. Things
aren't so black and white.
286
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,973
There's shades of gray,
I don't have to choose
287
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,642
Two-Face or you, I can
choose Two-Face, then you.
288
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,353
I'm so close to winning!
289
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:09,855
I've never said that before.
290
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,207
The ends will justify the means,
291
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,192
- I swear.
- It's crazy.
292
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:15,986
She's so quiet, you
can't even hear her walk.
293
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,322
Okay, when we talked
to Joker's hostages,
294
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,300
- some of their comments were...
- Dad, can you...
295
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:23,452
Kids stop, they're
talking about me again.
296
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,828
I wasn't gonna vote before.
297
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,497
But after hearing
about his plans
298
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,583
for universal health
care, I will now.
299
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,709
Also, he's kind of hot.
300
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,085
- [excited chatter]
- Oh, moi?
301
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,712
Did you hear that, honey?
302
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,130
People think I'm hot.
303
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,883
Yeah, he's kind of
hot in like a David...
304
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:43,055
Augh! But... David
who? Spade? Tennant?
305
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,098
Cono. No TV at
the dinner table.
306
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,558
This was your rule, remember?
307
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,894
You wanted us to talk
like a family, remember?
308
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,854
Yes, yes, yeah.
309
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,314
Yes, yes.
310
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,567
So, does anyone else want
to talk about their day?
311
00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:58,278
Today, the teacher said
that dinosaurs died out
312
00:12:58,362 --> 00:12:59,738
because they didn't
have religion.
313
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,281
That's exciting.
314
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,200
You want to know
something else exciting.
315
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,912
My favorite toilet read,
Vanity Fair called!
316
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,623
Radhika, the editor
wants to feature me
317
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,668
in her series about
political game-changers.
318
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:15,879
Me, a political game-changer.
319
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,924
Dad, you're still coming to my
soccer game tomorrow, right?
320
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,094
What? Oh, the game! Oh!
321
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,721
I'm sorry, buddy. I can't.
322
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,391
I have the big campaign
parade tomorrow.
323
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:31,186
I have to put my focus on
the important stuff first,
324
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:32,646
then you guys.
325
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,776
Whoops, I mean,
you guys are first,
326
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:40,279
always first. I'm
doing all this
327
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:44,449
for you and the kids because
you always come first.
328
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,368
Well, I'm done
eating. Gotta go.
329
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:52,165
[people chanting]
Joker! Joker!
330
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,129
Okay, boys.
331
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:58,422
- [gasps]
- Let them have it.
332
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,634
[all cheering]
333
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:05,387
Change is happening!
334
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,698
- [laughing maniacally]
- [Gunshot]
335
00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:08,432
Damn it, Gary.
336
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,351
[all cheering]
337
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:13,395
- [phone vibrating]
- [woman] I love you!
338
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,858
Two-Face, perfect timing.
339
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,443
You calling to concede?
340
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,166
[Two-Face] What? How'd
you know it was me?
341
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,656
Um, we used to work
together, like a lot.
342
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,492
[Two-Face] Oh, well, yeah, I'm
just surprised you kept my number
343
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:29,536
after all we've been
through, you know?
344
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,121
Did you, like, want something?
345
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,081
I'm about to give my speech.
346
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,667
[Two-Face] Oh, yeah. No, I just
thought that you should know.
347
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,169
- I have your son.
- What?
348
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,879
[Benecio] Dad,
please come get me.
349
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,732
[Two-Face] If you ever want
to see him alive again,
350
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:43,675
come to the abandoned
amusement park alone.
351
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,178
And in case, I'm not
being clear here,
352
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:50,057
I have kidnapped your son
and I'm holding him hostage.
353
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,725
Yeah, I got that.
354
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,353
Sorry. I'm... I'm used to
spelling things out for Gordo.
355
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:55,979
You probably don't
need... anyways.
356
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,564
Uh, okay, bye.
357
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:01,068
[chanting] Joker! Joker!
358
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,864
[chanting] Joker! Joker!
359
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,704
[chanting stops]
360
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:15,374
I'm coming, Benecio!
361
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,668
[thunderclap]
362
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,504
[eerie music playing]
363
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,465
Okay, I'm here.
364
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,148
- Where's the bomb threat?
- Bomb threat?
365
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,386
I never said anything on
the phone about a bomb...
366
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,762
Whatever. You're here.
367
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,723
Yes, I am. Whoa! Hey,
Two-Face, what is this?
368
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,558
It's Joker's step-son.
369
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,519
Once Joker sees we have his kid,
370
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,521
we can make him drop
out of the race.
371
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,400
If he refuses, I press the
start button on the coaster,
372
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,360
and Benny here is gonna find out
373
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,237
why this place shut down.
374
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,905
- [laughs]
- What?
375
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:50,367
You kidnapped an innocent kid
and are threatening murder?
376
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,618
Two-Face, crimes like these
377
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:52,970
are considered
especially heinous.
378
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,372
- You have to let him go.
- No fucking way.
379
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,083
We can't go back now
because we're in too deep,
380
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,711
and I'm trying to keep
up above in my head
381
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,129
instead of going under!
382
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,339
Instead of going under!
383
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:08,093
I'm sorry. Sum 41 was playing
in the car on the way here.
384
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,720
[chuckles] I love that band.
385
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,971
But we're still doing this.
386
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,265
- I trusted you.
- Why?
387
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,183
Why do you keep trusting me?
388
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:17,894
My name is Two-face.
389
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,938
I almost feel like
you're trolling me.
390
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,274
Being Two-Faced is what I do.
391
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,942
It's pretty straightforward.
392
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,611
I kidnap kids.
I poison mayors.
393
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,697
Poison... poison mayors?
394
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,033
Did you kill the mayor?
395
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,494
I had to take action because
I'm trying to win you this race.
396
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:37,622
Do you think he died just
because he was impaled by a pole?
397
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,499
He was taut for 62.
398
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,793
That guy had cum gutters.
399
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:46,965
I'm here. No, Beth, I'm
sorry, but you can't come.
400
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,592
I promise I'll get
Benny back safe.
401
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,803
Just get Sophia to
your sister's house.
402
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,306
No, no, not your
brother's place.
403
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:57,434
Because he smokes and
Sophia has asthma.
404
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,479
That's why. Well,
someone there smokes.
405
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,105
I know I smelled something.
406
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,149
Look, I got to go.
407
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,234
I love you. Bye.
408
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:08,403
Where the hell is Benecio?
409
00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:11,239
Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm doing
fine. Thank you for asking.
410
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,326
We can chitchat when you
give me back my step-son.
411
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,953
Drop out of the race. And
I'll let your kid go free.
412
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,164
If you refuse, I'll
press this button,
413
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,625
- and Benecio is gonna take off...
- [Benecio whimpering]
414
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,169
on these broken tracks.
[laughs wickedly]
415
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:27,923
Wow, Gordon, I didn't take
you for a child murderer.
416
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,424
No shit.
417
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:32,844
I am Jim Gordon, and I do
not approve this message.
418
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,806
You four-faced son of a bitch.
419
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,561
Okay, I'll drop out.
420
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,442
- You think I made a hard choice?
- Dad!
421
00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:48,693
Wrong.
422
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,445
I'm only running for
mayor for my family,
423
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:53,490
and I'll quit for my
family just as easily.
424
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,742
Wow, I didn't even stop
drinking from my family.
425
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,786
Well, I did. But then I
started drinking again,
426
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,621
but it wasn't as much.
427
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,416
I'm sorry. I've been a bit
of a... well, of a douche.
428
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,545
- I love you.
- Uh-huh.
429
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:08,171
- Let's go home.
- I don't think so.
430
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,923
[lock clicks]
431
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,442
What do you think you're doing?
You said you would let him go.
432
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:12,759
- Why would you lie?
- Seriously?
433
00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:14,928
You're making this
really not fun for me.
434
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,180
"Two-Face" is my name.
435
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,851
And if Joker is still alive,
he will always be a threat.
436
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:24,229
You will be mayor and
I will be DA again.
437
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,064
So that's what
this is all about.
438
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:30,026
You act like you care, but deep
down, you're as dark as me.
439
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,736
I mean, look where we are.
440
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:35,031
Now, step back and let
me take care of this.
441
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,075
- No!
- [both screaming]
442
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,495
- [grunts]
- [both screaming]
443
00:18:40,579 --> 00:18:42,956
Shit! Shit! Gordon,
do something!
444
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,805
Superman! Dad, we're saved!
445
00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:02,058
Oh, no. It's just Gordon,
keep screaming, son.
446
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,686
[screaming]
447
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,567
- Joker, grab my hand!
- Yes.
448
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,819
[both grunting]
449
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,906
[screaming]
450
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,250
[chuckles nervously] Gordon!
451
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,920
Shit! Hold on!
452
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,963
[all screaming]
453
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,424
[both grunting]
454
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,344
- Benny. Benny! Oh!
- [groans softly]
455
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:38,929
Thank God!
456
00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:43,016
You're okay. Physically.
457
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,352
Mentally, this is messed up.
458
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:50,482
Gordon, no! Don't kill him.
459
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,484
I have to. He's done too much.
460
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:55,862
Look, no one wants to kill
Two-Face more than me,
461
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:58,698
[chuckles] But killing him
won't solve the problem.
462
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:02,077
It'll just make things worse.
That's not what you do.
463
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,246
You're Commissioner
Gordon, remember?
464
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,123
You make things better.
465
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,334
My God, you're right. Whoa!
You really have changed.
466
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:13,505
You're the kind of step-dad I wish I
could be for my own biological daughter.
467
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,800
I just want to be someone
my family can be proud of.
468
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,177
I already am proud of you, Dad.
469
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,513
You called me "Dad"?
470
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,264
I've been calling you "Dad."
471
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:26,810
I called you "Dad" like, three
times on the roller coaster.
472
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,023
Not that it'll make much
of a difference for you,
473
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,564
but I'm gonna drop
out of the race.
474
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:32,691
You should be mayor.
475
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:34,943
Really? You mean it?
476
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,027
Yes.
477
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:37,529
Congratulations, Mr. Mayor.
478
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:40,365
Gordon, I don't
know what to say.
479
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,908
Thank you.
480
00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:44,369
Yeah, it's pretty wild, but
it's for a brighter future.
481
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,954
Being Commissioner ain't so bad.
482
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,539
I look forward to
working for you.
483
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,332
No, no, no, no, no.
484
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:52,877
My first act as mayor is
dismantling the police department.
485
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,796
You're out of a
job. [chuckles]
486
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,340
Sorry. Let's go, Benecio.
487
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,051
Should've killed me
when you had the chance.
488
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,636
[vehicle approaching]
489
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,596
Ahh! Watch the faces.
490
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,557
All right, I dropped Sophia off.
491
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,280
Now let me at him. He's gonna be a
"No-Face" when I'm done with him.
492
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,353
Oh, good. Your mother found us.
493
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:14,649
Ooh! And it's Tuesday.
Let's get tacos!
494
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,484
David Boreanaz!
495
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:20,530
I bet that's the David
that she said I look like.
496
00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:26,995
Barbara, I'm sorry.
I choose you.
497
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,748
From now on, it's always you.
498
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,500
[voice-over] There's a
new dawn on Gotham City.
499
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,421
There's no limit to what we do.
500
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:37,839
Like Miss Walter do.
501
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,758
- Like I do.
- Like I do.
502
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,426
Like we do!
503
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,820
[speaking Spanish]
Como yo lo hago.
504
00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:45,430
Like we all do!
505
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,765
[people cheering]
506
00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,601
I am your mayor, and I
approved this message.
507
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:54,272
[chanting] Joker! Joker!
508
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:59,486
- [chanting] Joker! Joker!
- [all cheering]
509
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,239
Ah, I'm so glad
we're home. [sighs]
510
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:05,283
Wait. What the... [gasps]
511
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:07,410
We were gone for four days.
512
00:22:09,871 --> 00:22:11,039
[groans]
513
00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:11,998
Morning!
514
00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:13,541
You're in my spot.
515
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,793
Correction.
516
00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,255
I'm your nightmare now, bitch.
517
00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:22,634
[laughing maniacally]
518
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:28,264
[theme music playing]38368
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