All language subtitles for Ten Year Old Tom s02e10 Sweet Home Cancun.eng

- ? Now as our poor
young lungs deflate ?

? I'll admit
I've gotten older ?

? Mellowed out, chatting up
those I used to hate ?

? ?

? The feeling that
we're lost will always fade ?

? I present no explanations ?

? Can't expect
our tired patience ?

? To satiate for long ?

? Therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ?

? Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ?

[bell rings]

- Okay, kids,
let's take our seats

if we're smart enough
to find them,

and that issue
is still in doubt.

- Hey, Mr. B.,
can I say something?

- What is it, Thomas?

- I just wanted to let you know

you're my favorite teacher.

Hearing your voice
each morning,

it's like a sweet melody.

A sweet melody to my ears.

- Tom.
- Yeah?

- Are you feeling okay?
- Yes.

- Are you on
some kind of drugs?

- Drugs? No.
I don't do any drugs.

- On some kind of dope?
- Dope?

Nah, I'm giving
my teacher an apple.

- Well, that's very nice.

I wish more of my students

were this appreciative.

- Oh, Mr. B.,
isn't there a recall

on apples right now
for E. coli?

- What's this now?
- Yeah, I heard about that.

- Stop.
- Granny Smith apples.

Three people have died.

- What?
- No.

This one's
just a generic apple.

- Jesus!
This is a Granny Smith.

- Mr. B...
[glass shatters]

Enjoy the apple.
It's a nice gesture.

- Your nice gesture
is laced with E. coli.

- That's, like, Abe Lincoln
stuff right there, right?

- Help!
- Mr. B., relax.

- [choking]
- That seems like fake choking.

- Tell the principal

there's been
an assassination attempt.

- Mr. B., make yourself vomit.
- Stop. No, don't vomit.

- [garbled]
I gotta make myself vom--

[gurgling]
- Okay, Mr. B.,

I think you're being
a little dramatic.

- Restrain Tom and call SWAT.
- Yes!

- Don't restrain anybody.

Randy, stop. Randy!
- Don't make this difficult.

- You want me
to put you to sleep?

- Don't do that.
Don't use your wrestling moves.

- But it's not--
it's "juh-jit-suh."

- Stop.
- It'll all go easier

if you stop kicking, Tom.
- Randy. Randy, not the sack.

- Good night, Tom.
- Stop.

- Be...
- Please.

- Compliant.

- Listen, Tom,

I know Mr. B. was
just bein' dramatic,

but once he said
"assassination,"

this whole school
becomes a crime scene.

- Wait, what?
- Yeah.

So I had to call
Homeland Security.

- Homeland Security
because I gave him an apple?

[door crashes]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Okay, everybody,
shut the hell up.

You, coffee, now.

- Aw, Jesus!
- It's happening.

- And you...
- Yeah?

- I want you against the wall
and I want you spread eagle,

you little son of a bitch,
'cause I'll tell you what,

you have just stepped
into a world of pain.

- Wait, aren't you
the insurance guy?

You were in here
a few weeks ago.

You pointed a gun
at your penis.

- [sighs] Yes.

I was fired from Geico
for various crimes

and obstructions of justice.

- But Homeland Security
took you in.

- Yes. Ironically, they didn't
run a background check.

Now let's talk.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- I literally gave
my teacher an apple.

- I don't give a shit
about the apple.

I ran a routine
background check on you, Tom,

and guess what came up.
- What?

- Absolutely nothing.
- Nothing?

- Who are you with?
- With?

- You a spy? Are you MI? Huh?

- What kind of spy would I be?
I'm an American citizen.

- Well, then how come
I can't find

a birth certificate on you?
- What?

- I can't find
a social security number.

- Excuse me?
- It's like

you don't even exist.

- I obviously exist. I'm Tom.

- All I know is that
until you produce some papers,

you can't go to school
in the state of New Jersey.

- Can I go to school
somewhere else,

like in Delaware
or Connecticut?

- You can do whatever the fuck
you want in Connecticut.

But here in Jersey,

we do things by the code.

- Do you?
You just frisked a little kid

and slapped a grown man.
- Yes. Not a big deal.

- Mom, what are we doing
at a Mexican restaurant?

I've got a crisis here.

- When you asked
about your birth certificate,

I knew this was gonna be
a doozy of a conversation.

- Yeah?
- So I hired this band

to compose
and perform this song

that explains it all.
- Wait, what?

- Come on out, guys.
[Latin guitar music]

- Wait, what's happening?

- ? Tomas, you were born
in Mexico ?

- Mexico?

- ? Inside a hot tub ?

- Hot tub?
- ? But your parents ?

- No, no, no.

- ? They lost the paperwork ?

- Stop singing.
- ? So technically ?

? You're an illegal immigrant ?

- I'm a what?
- ? You have ?

? No social security ?

- Stop the song.
Mom, I think you need

to tell me this yourself.
- That was beautiful.

Thank you, guys.
- Muchas gracias.

- Mom, what's going on
right now?

I was born
in a Mexican hot tub?

- Mm-hmm.
I squeezed you right out

into some hot water.
- You should have mentioned

this sooner.
- Well, it never came up.

- It never came up?
Mom, if I'm not a citizen,

I can't go to school.

- Look, Tom,
I'm gonna take care of it.

I'm a buttoned-up person.
I'm gonna handle this.

- I think we've established
at this point

that you're not buttoned-up.
- Okay. That's fair.

- I assume I have
to pay for this also?

Is that what's happening here?

- If you don't mind.

I left my wallet at home.

Hey, Nelson's dad.

- Sit down.
Make yourself at home.

- We can't afford legal help,
so this is awesome.

- Yeah, this is a big help.

Thanks so much
for taking on my case.

- Oh, I'm not taking it on.

- Wait, what?
- You're not? Who is?

- Ah, I see the clients
are here.

- Oh, no.
Nelson can't be my attorney.

- Listen, I'm doing this
pro bono, so don't complain.

- Pro bono?
Of course it's pro bono.

You're ten.
- I thought this would be

a fun chance for Nelson
to get his feet wet.

- This is a serious case.

I'm being kicked out of school.

- Here's what we know, Tom.

You were born in Cancun.
- Okay.

- God, I look
really cute there.

- You were smuggled out

and dropped over the border.
- Wait, you smuggled me?

- Yeah, I zipped you right in
like Moses.

- And Tom isn't
even your real name.

- Stop.
- I'm sorry to break it to you.

- Wait, my full legal name

is Thomas Jimmy Buffet
Jose Cuervo?

Mom!
- Me and your dad thought

it was a really funny name
at the time.

- How many secrets
are you keeping from me?

- Do you really want me
to answer that?

- Listen, this whole case
is straightforward, okay?

Tom's lived here
his whole life,

so we'll just go to court
and refile the papers.

- Wait, we have to go
to court now?

- Yeah.
- What is happening?

- Here's my invoice.

- Billable hours?
No, I'm not paying you.

I thought this was pro bono.
- Tom, relax.

This meeting took one minute,

so billable hours
are, like, 3 bucks.

- Okay, Mr. Thomas Jimmy Buffet
Jose Cuervo, please rise.

- Dad. [whispers indistinctly]
Object.

- Your Honor,
my client would like to object.

- To what, standing up?

- It's just
a general objection.

He's never objected before,

so this is kind of a big deal.

- Um...

- Can I object
to my own lawyer?

- Object.
- Sir, I'm gonna have

to ask you to sit down.

- Tom, I did my best.

- Son, I've reviewed your case.

You have no legal documents,

you failed to fill out

the most basic paperwork
for ten years--

- I thought this was
just a formality.

- I mean, it's not quite
that simple.

- I feel like
you're overthinking it.

- It is my job to think.

I don't see that I have
any other choice.

I'm gonna turn my ear
to Homeland Security and ask,

what does your office
recommend?

- Oh, no, not this guy.

- After great consideration,
Your Honor,

we would like to deport
the son of a bitch.

- Deport?
- I have to concur.

- No, there's gotta be
another way.

Come on.
- Well, there is a path

back to this country.

You've got to go to Mexico,

get the documentation,
come to me,

and I'll be the first
to dismiss this case.

- I literally have to go
to Mexico?

They can't just, like,
Fed-Ex it or--

- Have you been listening?
You're going to Mexico.

- Really a terrible judge.
- That's what we're doing now?

- Really not good
at the job at all.

- We were laughing
before the verdict came down.

Now I'm a terrible judge.
Case dismissed.

- Oh, man.
What are we gonna do now?

- [sighs] Well, kid,
we gotta go to Cancun.

- We gotta go to Cancun?

- We have been given no choice.

We're being forced to do this.

- A forced Cancun excursion.

- This is a forced Canning.

It's what they call it.

[airplane roars]

[dramatic music]

[car door slams]
[tires squeal]

- Thanks for comin' along,
guys.

I appreciate it.
- We both need a vacation.

- That's right.
- And, you know, thanks so much

for treating us.
Really nice.

- Well, I didn't really make
an offer.

I'm just--
- Well, you kind of did.

- You know, if you ever need
any legal help

while you're down here,
say the word.

- No. You've done enough.
- What?

- You know, we're just gonna
get the papers settled

and then let's meet by the pool
and let's try to have fun.

- But if somethin' happen
and you need some legal help,

do the call...
[chitters]

Squirrel call and I'm comin'.

- Most attorneys
don't do squirrel calls, but--

- But we the best.
Cancun, baby!

[keyboard clacking]
- Hi.

- Hello.
- I have a small favor to ask.

My son was born here,

and I just need some kind
of, like, signed affidavit--

- Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Is that you?
- Who?

- The crazy hot tub bitch?

- The what?
- Excuse me? Who's that?

- Ra�l, lock the doors.
She's finally returned.

- Not the warmest welcome.
- Sorry, is there

some kind of problem?

- Yes. There most certainly is.

We've been looking for you
for ten years.

- What did I do wrong?

- You did a cannonball
into the hot tub

and then delivered a baby.

- Cannonball?
You never mentioned that.

- Your dad urinated
all over the lobby.

- Urinated with his penis?
- Then you stole the sheets

and skipped out without paying.

- You didn't pay?

- Tom, it was a different time.

- A time
when people didn't pay?

- They most certainly paid.

You owe us $10,000.

- Whoa.
- No, we can't pay that.

- There's no way.

- I don't know
what to tell you right now.

You'll have
to work it off, then.

- Oh, no.
- And then maybe--

maybe I can help
with whatever this paperwork is

that you need so desperately.

- All right, I guess, Mom,
if you gotta work,

you gotta work.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I can't put a maniac like her

in front of our guests.
- Oh.

- I was thinking
more like you, little guy.

- Me? Oh, no, no.
- You can work as a cabana boy.

- What do they have to do?
- You get the towels

and you get the chairs
for people.

And then if someone pukes,
guess what?

Little cabana boy,
you mop it up.

- I mop it up.
- You mop up the puke.

- Sounds like an awful job.
- Tom, stop it.

He'll take the job.

- Terrible check-in process.

Really, the whole thing
was unpleasant,

start to finish.

- I'm just havin'
the time of my life.

I'm havin' a blast here.

We should do this more often.

- Cancun, baby, whoo-hoo!

Where's the ice cream at?
[bell tinkles]

- Oh, hey, guys.
Did you order ice cream?

- Wait, what?
What are you wearing?

What kind of bathing suit
is that?

- It's my cabana boy outfit.

I have to work as a cabana boy.

- How did this happen?
- It's a long story.

My dad urinated here
years ago and--

- This ruins the whole trip.
- I know. Tell me about it.

- We supposed to hang out,
play Marco Polo,

snap each other with towels.

- Yeah, I can't do any of that.

I'll be working
a 12-hour shift.

- Shift?
You're working a whole shift?

- Yeah, the whole shift.
- You know what? Fine.

Rub oil on my back.

- No, I'm not rubbing oil
on your back.

- Nah, you wanna work, work.

Rub oil on my back.
- I'm not gonna do it.

- Yes, you are.
- We're forbidden.

We're forbidden.
- Manager!

The cabana boy's
out of control.

- Tom?
- Oh, no.

- Oh, no!
What are you doing here?

- This can't be happening.

- Tom? Nelson? Is that you?

- Dakota,
what are you doing here?

- Are you wearing
a cabana boy uniform?

- Yeah, it's a long story.

I was trying
to not get deported

and my dad urinated
in the lobby here.

It's a lot--lot to explain.
Too much.

- None of my business.
- Yeah.

What are you doing?
You're just--

- Vacation.
Standard family vacation.

- Excuse me,
are you with these people?

- Oh, yeah. They're with me.
We're all a group.

- Then I'm afraid
you're on the list.

- Hey, that's my drink!
- If you're with this party,

we cannot serve you alcohol.

- I'm not "with" these people.

You know,
I openly dislike Tom--

- And if you want to urinate,

you need an escort
by a staff member.

- An escort?

What pervert came up
with those rules?

- Oh, come on. That's too much.

- Tom, these towels right here
are covered in barf

and I need you to take them
to the towel room.

- Not a fun job at all.

Getting towels and guacamole?
What kind of job is this?

- Tom...
- Oh, hey, Dakota's mom.

- Talk to me.
- Okay, everything okay?

- Listen, if I have to spend
a weekend with my husband

with no booze,
I'm gonna blow my brains out.

- Blow your brains out?
- In front of everybody.

- What do you want me to do?
- Well, I would like you

to get me as much booze

as I can get down my throat.

- They have a rule.
They just said the rule.

- Not only do I need booze,

but I know that there's
cartels down here

that have tons of blow.

- I've been working
for five minutes.

I can't do things like that.

- Take my credit card...
- No, please.

- And tell 'em I want
lots of booze and blow.

- All right, give me
the credit card.

I'll see what I can do.

If nothing else, I'll get you

some kind of quesadilla
or something.

- Here you go, hon.

- Uh, listen, I'm not sure
how things work here,

but can I get some booze
for one of the guests?

- Pablo, stop.
- Pablo?

- You should know by now

cabana boys aren't allowed
to take drink orders.

- I've literally been working
for three minutes.

- Pablo, come on, stop.
- Why are you calling me Pablo?

- Oh, wow!
You look just like Pablo.

- Really?
- Yes.

Hey, Pablo, get over here.

- Mi hermano?

You've returned.

- Oh, this is the last thing
I need.

[Latin guitar music]

? ?

- ? Tomas ?

? You were born in Mexico ?

? Inside a hot tub ?

[playing guitar]

- Sorry, guys.
- That's all right.

? But your parents ?

? They lost the paperwork ?

? So technically ?

? You're an illegal immigrant ?

? You have
no social security ?

- So let me get this straight.
We're brothers.

- S�.
- You're my brother Pablo.

- And then you have
nine other brothers.

- Nine brothers.
- Our dad,

he came down on vacation
and he would sleep

with different masseuse
every time.

- That sounds like him,
actually.

- Hey, Tom, my mom's
getting kind of impat--

what the hell?
- Whoa.

- Oh, hey, guys.
It's my big brother Pablo.

- Hola.
- You look just like Tom,

only much, much better.

- He does look good.

The pants
definitely fit him better.

- You guys seem cool.
Let's party.

- Oh, no, I can't--
no, I gotta work.

I gotta work off
a large hotel debt.

- Tom, we are familia.

Just say the word
if you need the money.

- You can lend me money?
- You come with me,

I'll give you the money.
- Oh, my God.

- Look at the money.
- I mean...

- Come with me to the villa.
- Yes.

- I'm down with it. Uh...
- No, I can't leave.

I can't just leave the resort.
I'm here with my mom.

- Tom, do you really wanna
keep working as a cabana boy?

Or do you wanna go to a villa
with your brother?

- ? Uno, dos, tres, go ?

? Get your body
down real low ?

- Hey, papi.

Mamacita.

- �C�mo se llama?

- Tom...
- Yeah?

- Are you sure you're brothers?

Pablo seems
much smoother than you.

- I think
we're pretty similar.

- People smile when he talks.

- Nah, people like
my smooth Jersey accent.

- They're--
people are waving back. I see--

- Nah, I think
they're waving at me.

They're saying welcome.
- They're waving at you?

- They're saying,
"Welcome to Mexico."

Hey.

- Nothing.
- I think being born

in a hot tub
messed up your brain.

- Yeah, that can't be good.
- Think about it.

Your mom pushed you out

into a roiling, bubbling bath

of germs
and, I don't know, chlorine.

- Yeah, being born
in a filthy hot tub,

that's not a good way
to start your life.

- Hey, papi!

[acoustic guitar music]

- ? Por qu� mi esposa ?

? Insiste en belittling me ?

- Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah?

- What the hell
are you playing?

- Well, it's one
of my wife songs.

"Why Does My Wife Insist
on Belittling Me in Public?"

- That's the title
of the song?

- Wife songs are
a very popular genre

back in New Jersey.
- I can't--

can you just play
some Bob Marley

or "Brown-Eyed Girl"?
- [sighs]

The closest song I have to that

is "Brown-Eyed Wife,"

but the lyrics
aren't nearly as upbeat.

It's all about
how my wife glares at me

with her soulless brown eyes.

- You might need therapy, sir.

- It's not my best.

I'll be honest,
it's not my best.

[Spanish rap music]

- Everybody, listen up.

I'd like to introduce Tom,

the ninth brother.
- Hey.

- Hey, look at this guy, Tom.

- Bienvenidos!
- Oh, thank you.

- When you're here,
you're family.

- [chuckles] Oh, that's nice.
Like the Olive Garden.

- �Qu�?

- The Olive Garden slogan.
It's funny.

- I don't know what it is
that you are talking about.

- I'm sorry.
Forget I said anything.

- It's a garden? Or a--

- Forget I said anything.
It's great to meet you guys.

- Okay. Forgotten.

- Oh, wow. What a place.
What a family.

All right, Pablo,
why don't we talk money

and get right down to it?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy.

- Take it easy?
- You are putting out

a real high-strung
"New Jersey" energy.

- You said,
"Let's go to the villa.

I'll give you the money."
- The money

is my brother's department.

- Nelson, do you remember
him saying anything

about a brother
handling the finances?

- Nope. Not at all.

- I'm your big brother, right?

- Yeah.
- This is my big brother.

Money brother, come here.

- You call him
the money brother?

- Tom. Listen, my brother.

I wanna talk to you
about something.

- Eh, maybe some other time.

- I'm going to ask you
to relax.

- Feels like we've reached
a strange turning point

in the afternoon.

- Hello?
- Yes?

- Hi, I'm having
a crisis right now.

My husband's over there,
and the thinks he can play

the guitar, but he can't.

So I need some booze,

and I don't know
where my cabana boy is.

He's got my friggin' card.
- Oh, um...

- Yeah, where is he?

He's been real slow all day.

It's kind of unacceptable.

- Why are you complaining?

He's your son, lady.

- Yeah, but he's
your cabana boy.

When he's on the clock,

he's your problem, not mine.

- No, but he's your boy.

You should have raised him
to be a little not slow.

- He works for you,

and he's sucking.

- [sighs] You know what?
I'll get the manager.

- Tom, listen, are you familiar
with the phrase,

"mi casa es su casa"?

- No, the only Spanish I know

is guacamole and Ford Fiesta.

- It means this house
is your house too.

- Oh.
- I talked to the brothers

and we want you
to own a piece of it.

- Are you kidding?
You want me to--

you're literally offering me
part of the house?

- Absolutely, Tom.
For two weeks a year.

Just $15,000
plus maintenance fees.

- You have to pay?
Oh, no. We're poor.

That's why Pablo's offering
to give us money.

- We have a saying
in this family.

"No man is poor
if they have a Visa,

"MasterCard, or Capital One
high-yield savings account

with access to a debit card."

- Credit card?
Oh, no, that's not mine.

No. No, that's Dakota's mom's.

- Tom, are you part
of this family?

Or are you
just some random dude

in a cabana boy outfit?

- Tomas. Hermano.
[speaking Spanish]

- All right,
you talked me into it.

Let's do it.
- This is great.

You made the right decision.

Trust me.
- Wow.

- Congratulations.

- You're gonna be
a part of the family now

and you're going to feel
the emotional reward

of having brothers.

- Oh, this is amazing.

What a first day in Mexico.

Nine brothers and I own a home.

- Everybody, run!
The owner came back!

- Owner?
- Run fast!

- Run?
- Don't leave fingerprints!

- Hey, what's happening?
- What is going on?

- Pablo! Pablo!

Hey.

What does "owner" mean
in Spanish?

[bell dinging]
- Yes?

- Hi.
I know you have your policies,

but can I just get one drink?

You know, I can't seem
to find my daughter.

- Yes, absolutely.
Let me call

room service for you.

What room are you in?

- 201.
[keyboard clacking]

The Dorado suite.

- Oh.
I'm sorry, it look--

the card you have on file's
being denied.

- What are you talking about?

- I don't know if you want
to give me another card or--

- No, I'm loaded. I am.

I'm loaded to the gills.

I've got a Range Rover.

I have a golf cart
that I just--

I ride around
in the neighborhood. I have--

- Let me--let me actually call
the card company.

- Please,
I'll give you anything.

I'm telling you,
I wouldn't compromise myself

like this usually,
but I wanna offer you

all of this.

- So they're saying
there's a $15,000 charge

on the card for a time-share.

- What?
- Signed for by a "Tom."

- What are you talking about?

- Sorry for the interruption,

but two cabana boys
have gone missing.

And two random children.

The resort is on lockdown
as we engage in a manhunt.

- Oh, my God, I hope
we don't find that little shit,

because I'm gonna kill him!

[tense music]

- Young man, we've got
some questions for you.

- Me? What did I do?
- Don't play dumb with me.

- I'm not playing dumb.
- Your family is involved

in a time-share scam.
- Oh, no.

- You sneak
into vacation properties

and use them
for sales presentations.

- I'm not the one doing it.

- I didn't ask
if you were doing it.

This is your family, yes?

- Honestly,
he's not clever enough

to scam people.
- He don't have

a face of a scammer;
he has the face

of somebody that gets scammed.

Look at him.
- Oh, please.

Am I supposed to believe
someone would sell

a time-share scam
on their own hermano?

- In my family?
Yeah, my family's not known

for our integrity.
- I don't know

what you're into,
but we're going

to send you back
to wherever you came from.

- Wait, what?
- You two are free to go.

- Thank you.
Bye, Tom. Good luck.

- That's it?
"Bye, Tom. Good luck"?

- What do you want me to say?
Empty words?

Empty promises?
- All right.

Send some help. Send some help.

- I am very sorry for you, Tom.

- Dakota! Come on out, sweetie.

Your mother's becoming
very stressed.

Her voice is like
a thousand daggers

in my ear.

[line rings]

- Hi, you've reached
Nelson's burn phone.

If you can't reach me,
I'm probably somewhere

gettin' deep
into some weird shit.

- Nelson, where are you?

Your burner phone is going
straight to voice mail.

- Come on out, Tom.

Stop ruining Mommy's vacation.

I've been waiting for my towels
for 45 minutes

and my margarita was hot
when I got it.

It's not funny anymore.

- Thank you all for coming.

I'm sure you all got
Tom's mom's group text.

I know, it was insane.

But Tom's gone missing
in Cancun.

[all gasping]
But don't worry.

I have allocated

the vast majority
of next year's budget

to charter a plane
and join the search party.

So we're goin'
to Mexico, everybody.

Who's with me?

- Flying to Mexico?

Jesus Christ, it's a bit much,
isn't it?

- Oh, is it?
The way I look at it,

we have to go, okay?

'Cause Tom's a part
of our family here.

- Uh, I mean,
are there direct flights,

or do we have to, like,
connect somewhere?

- This is a student's life
we're talking about!

He could be dead!

- Honestly, I was 50/50

about even coming tonight, so--

- What is wrong
with you people?

Plus, you're a nurse.

You took a sacred oath
to protect these kids.

- There's no oaths involved.

But okay, if you want
a travel buddy, I'll come.

- Great.
It's just me and the nurse,

so I'm sure
HR won't look into that.

? ?

- Okay, kid, I don't know
what you're into,

but we're going
to send you back

to wherever you came from.

- Oh, no.
Aw, please, come on.

[phone rings]
- Hello?

This is Rudy. Go ahead.

- Hi, I've got a ten-year-old
delinquent here named Tom.

- T--the ten-year-old kid?
- Yes. You know him?

- No, no, no.
That's not gonna work for us.

I'm sorry.
- He has fallen

into a little bit
of trouble here,

so you know how we do it.
- Well, I don't care

where you ship him to,
but you do not ship him here.

Do you hear me?
- We are going to flip a coin.

- Wait, what?
What's happening?

- When neither country
wants the person,

we flip a coin and you--
we send you

wherever it lands.
- You're gonna flip a coin

and pick where to send me?

This is really how you do it?

- This is how we do it, Tom.

Quiet.
- Oh, my God.

- United States
is gonna go heads.

- Here we go. And one...
- No whammies.

No whammies. No whammies.
- Two, three.

- Oh! [chuckles]
It is tails.

You lose!
- Shit!

- [laughs]
- Now he's laughing.

Now he's in a good mood.

- I hope you enjoyed your stay

in my beautiful country.
- No. I was miserable.

- I am very sorry
to hear that, Tom.

Usually people have so much fun
when they come to Cancun.

Did you swim with the dolphins?
- No, I should have done that.

That would have been
a whole different trip.

- Oh, yes.
[imitates dolphin clicking]

- He's making dolphin sounds
and I'm getting deported.

This is upsetting.

- Okay, guys,
you're on the lookout

for a ten-year-old bassoonist.

His last words were,

"I'm gonna go put
these towels away and...

get you guys
some fresh guacamole."

[tires screech]

- Everything is under control.

The principal is here.

- Don't worry.
I'm a school nurse.

I brought Band-Aids and gauze.

- I flew down from New Jersey

as soon as I heard
what happened to Tom.

These kids
are like my very own.

And I will not let
anything bad happen to them.

We'll search for Tom
no matter how long it takes.

Let's--
- Guys, guys, we're okay.

[both sigh]
- Thank God.

- Thank you, Jesus.

- The Lord
has fucking helped us.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where's Tom?

- Uh...

Tom?

[doorbell rings]

- Mr. B.,
thank God you're home.

Listen, I've been
through a crazy ordeal.

Can I sleep in your home?
- No.

- Anywhere. Under the sink?
On the couch? In the attic?

- You see, Thomas,
you tried to assassinate me.

- You're still worked up
about that?

- And I don't take kindly
to that.

- No, that SWAT team cleared me
of any wrongdoing.

- Buh-bye.
- "Buh-bye," he says.

Born in a hot tub,

and it's been downhill
ever since.

- ? Remember
there's more road ?

? And places to go ?

? And patterns
to contemplate ?

? More people to fornicate ?

? And remember
there's a lot of good omens ?

? Supplying the proof ?

? That our life
is the best joke ever told ?

? Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ?

? Let go and try to be
always abiding ?

? Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ?

? The sweet silver lining ?

? Through you she lives on ?

? And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ?

? Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ?

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