All language subtitles for S01E07 - When Sex was a Secret

-Before the World Wide Web
opened a pathway

for LGBTQ people to connect
with one another discreetly

and more safely,

there was a history
of secret sex

pursued in public at some risk.

-You had to seek it out.

You had to go to a physical
location and meet people.

I mean, in some ways,
it took a lot of balls.

You had to present yourself
and be on display.

-There were places to hook up.

The YMCA.
There were bars.

There were bathhouses,
bookstores.

-It was an underground world
unseen by straight America

and mostly ignored or ridiculed
in popular culture.

-Whoo!
-Gay guys were a joke.

When I was a kid
watching television,

he was the sassy
next-door neighbor,

the guy that people were,
like, "Ew!"

-Baby doll.
[ Laughter ]

-We didn't have gay role models
on TV.

We didn't have "Will & Grace"
and "Modern Family."

-We were screaming
for celebrities

to put their face
on the movement

and say that, "We're queer."

People were still dying of AIDS.

Teens needed role models
to look up to.

-But in this era
of intense homophobia...

-You're a homo?

-...the stakes of having
your sexual identity exposed

could be career-ending.

-Beverly Hills police officers
arrested the singer

known as George Michael.
[ Camera shutter clicking ]

Mr. Michael was arrested
for engaging in a lewd act.

-George exposed himself,
began masturbating.

-George Michael was caught
yesterday afternoon

in a public toilet
right across the road

from the famed
Beverly Hills Hotel.

-My message to closeted
celebrities has always been,

"Come the...out."

♪ Come out, come out,
wherever you are ♪

-And even when stars did so
on their own terms...

-Susan, I'm gay.

-...coming out...

-Walt Disney must be
turning over in his grave.

-...could come with
a cost.

-[ Crying ]
It was five years of my life.

[ Sniffles ]

And I loved doing it.
[ Sniffles ]

♪♪

-Yes.

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

-I want my MTV.

-It was 1984, and the MTV era
was about to meet

one of its biggest stars.

George Michael, one half of
the English group Wham!,

burst onto the pop scene with
peppy energy and big vocals.

-♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪

-"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"

was Wham!'s first
number-one hit,

and it will turn one of the duo
into a household name.

-People loved George Michael
the minute Wham! hit the screen

with...
♪ Jitterbug ♪

-♪ Jitterbug ♪
[ Snaps fingers ]

-When a George Michael song
comes on, you're dancing.

You're tapping your feet.
You're shaking your booty.

You're singing along.

-Wham! would have three
number-one songs,

including "Freedom"
and "Careless Whisper,"

thanks to the deeply
soulful resonance

of George Michael's voice.

-♪ The careless whispers... ♪

-He was like a blazing star.

His videos were so hot.

And he was hot.

-They were so beautiful --
this long hair.

And I just remember
all the rumors that,

"Oh, they're gay together,"
when Andrew was straight.

-Despite whispers around
George's true sexual identity,

his poster ends up on countless
teenage girls' bedroom walls.

-George was in little shorts,
and he had beautiful hair --

looked like Farrah Fawcett.

He was beautiful.

-Certainly, the pop-music
industry was homophobic,

as was all of show business.

The androgyny craze in pop music

and in fashion, as well,

was a wonderful way
of challenging sexual norms

and being daring
and even being scandalous

by confusing people about
sexuality and what you were.

-There was a time when
we didn't know what gay was.

Okay?

Like, all these high kickers
and twirlers

that used to be on "Soul Train,"

we didn't know they were gay.

Now, we go back
and look at "Soul Train,"

and go, "Look at this queen."

You know, we didn't know then
what we know now.

-After Wham!, George Michael
launched his solo career

with a reimagined look --

what might be described
as "uber-masculinity."

-His first solo album,
1987's "Faith,"

featured George Michael
in cowboy boots,

leather jacket, aviators,
and his signature stubble.

In videos, Michael is shown
rolling around in bed

with actresses like Kathy Jeung.

-But George was just so unhappy

with the entire
George Michael persona,

which he felt was a fraud --
this hyper-macho biker dude.

It was a lie.

And the George Michael that

these throngs of young women
were screaming for

wasn't real.

[ All shout ]

But it's the character
that George created

in order to become
as famous as he did.

-Much of this character
was created to mask

the mounting speculation
that George Michael was gay

and to counter the rumors
that he engaged in anonymous

and sometimes dangerous
sexual hook-ups.

-I think that he had
had shame instilled in him

from an early age

and that he had never really
shaken it off.

Homosexuality was
a shadowy and shameful thing.

So you met in hiding --

in basements
and meeting in dungeons

and meeting in dark bars
and sex clubs

and in public spaces
like men's rooms.

♪♪

-To understand
George Michael's reluctance

to embrace
his true sexual orientation,

it's necessary to remember
what the world was like

as his star
was beginning to rise.

-Same-sex behavior
was very much underground

and hidden and secretive.

But with decriminalization
of homosexuality,

you start seeing, in the 1970s,

the birth of these
gay neighborhoods,

the flourishing of bathhouses
as places where people

could sexually connect
with one another.

-So, the '70s was a window
of just sex, sex, sex.

And sex was everywhere for gays.

A lot of bars had a back room
where you would go,

"Oh, this bar is boring."

Then you'd go, "Wait.
What's this private room here?"

Not boring.

It was basically a cluster...

Bathhouses were places

where you could go see
Bette Midler perform...

-They had me booked
at Fire Island.

They couldn't find room for me
in the bushes.

-...then take off
your towel...

-What about bathhouses?

Listen, I went to bathhouses
around the world.

It was a part of community.
You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's a place you go
to have sex and stuff like that,

but it's also a place
where you got to meet

and were in a safe space.

-Homosexuals say they like
to spend their evenings here

because they feel safe
from harassment

and criminal prosecution.

-But safe was relative,

and these kinds of places
were limited.

Bathhouses and gay bars
were mostly in big cities.

There were even fewer
adult bookstores

where gay porn was sold,

like Circus of Books
in West Hollywood, California.

-I'm Rachel Mason.
I'm a filmmaker.

I directed a documentary
about my family's

gay adult bookstore,
called "Circus of Books."

-Run by Rachel's parents
since 1982,

Circus of Books was more
than just a bookstore

that sold gay literature
and gay porn.

It was a place where the LGBTQ
community could come together

in a time before gay dating apps
like Grindr and Scruff.

-It was a cruising spot.

That means
they were going there

to check out other guys
as they would,

you know, be looking at
the materials in the store.

So it was a true
meeting place.

So, the store served
that purpose.

You know, and, like,
this whole concept

of sex before the Internet,
like, that's what it was.

Like, you had to seek it out.

-Chi Chi LaRue is one of
the gay porn industry's

biggest movie directors.

His alter ego, Larry Paciotti,

grew up working in a similar
store in Minneapolis.

-It was a very heavy
cruising spot for gay men.

-It also featured
gay pornography.

-There were booths that they
would go in and drop a quarter.

So, if you wanted to get
your dick sucked,

you would try to sneak someone
into the booth with you,

which wasn't allowed.

One person per booth, please.
Drop those quarters.

-For many customers,
the materials being sold

at stores like Circus of Books
were a revelation.

-To have something where
it's fully on display

in the way that straight people
get to enjoy,

and not only that, but you get
to own a piece of it

and bring it home with you,

it's really something
that meant a lot to people.

And so, I would talk
to my parents' customers,

and they would tell me this.

Some of them got tears
in their eyes

talking about
what it meant to them.

-We didn't see
anything like that.

To see men, you know,

naked and unafraid,

that gave us a lot of pride.

-Including films like
"Boys in the Sand,"

which marked a new era
in gay adult films

by reflecting back
a loving lifestyle

for scared gay men
still hiding in the shadows.

-"Boys in the Sand"
really captures

gay culture on Fire Island

and how those men were
experiencing sexuality together

in a free and open way.

♪♪

For audiences to see that
was a really big deal,

to see their own culture
reflected back to them

in this joyful, exuberant,
fun-loving, and passionate way.

-But soon, all the fun
and passion

of a film like
"Boys in the Sand"

would give way to a much darker
view towards gay life,

brought on by
a new deadly epidemic

soon to be linked
to homosexual sex.

-It's mysterious,
it's deadly,

and it's baffling
medical science.

Acquired Immune Deficiency
Syndrome.

-We first noticed AIDS in 1982,
and it was so shocking.

If you came down with it,

it was pretty much
a guaranteed death sentence.

-Your friends dying
right and left

in their twenties and thirties,

it was just horrifying.

-I'm tired of going
to funerals.

I can't...

I can't keep doing it.

-There was the grief
of seeing people die.

There was the terror --
"Could this happen to me?"

-Which made a lot of people
really scared and afraid of sex,

but it also heavily stigmatized
the LGBTQ community,

particularly
gay-identified men.

That undid a lot of the progress
that we were making,

because it became known as
a "gay disease."

-Topping the list
of likely victims

are male homosexuals
who have many partners

and drug users who inject
themselves with needles.

-These are people
being publicly humiliated

and being told that they brought
shame to their families

as they're dying.

-Inside Circus of Books,
AIDS was killing

not just the men who appeared
on the store's VHS box covers,

but the customers
buying those tapes, as well.

-I got used to a world where,
you know,

you walk into the store,
you might meet these guys,

and then find out
not long after, like,

"Oh, that guy, he died,"
or, "This guy, he died."

It was just a lot of death.

I only realized
many years later,

as an adult,

that I think I was really
witnessing an epidemic.

-Business is down
at many restaurants

in gay neighborhoods.

When a customer known to have
AIDS walked to this salad bar...

-One person stood up
and screamed,

"We're all gonna get AIDS,"

and they just left.

-As AIDS devastated
gay communities,

it increased fear toward them

and crippled efforts
to encourage more people

to boldly come out
of the closet.

That included
pop star George Michael.

-One of the first things
he did on his own was a single

called "I Want Your Sex"...

-♪ I want your sex ♪

-...which came out at the peak
of the early AIDS crisis,

when sex itself
was considered to be dangerous.

And here was George singing,
"Sex is natural.

Sex is good.

Not everybody does it,
but everybody should."

It caused a scandal.

George knew that it would
cause a scandal.

-George would later admit
that he wrote the song

not as a comment on AIDS,

but about a man and the
unrequited love he felt for him.

-He had, in video after video,

presented himself as
this straight sex god.

Sex was at the center
of everything to do

with George Michael.

-Not just sex,
but heterosexual sex.

So George Michael
did what he could

to hide his true sexuality.

-He was in the closet.

Because of this deal
that he had made with stardom,

because of all that
he had had to hide

in order to get
to that pedestal,

George felt that true love
would never be his.

-But he is wrong.

In a revealing BBC interview
later on,

George recalls that it was
at the 1991 Rock in Rio concert

where he met
his first great love, Anselmo.

-He was just very funny, very
full of energy, very loving.

Anselmo was the first time

I think I really
loved someone selflessly,

you know, where it really was
about them.

For the first six months
of our relationship at least,

I felt better than I had
possibly in my entire life.

-George's joy over
finally finding love,

even if secretly,
comes to a tragic end

when Anselmo dies of AIDS.

George also recalled
the pain of that moment

and how it affected his life.

-Anselmo's best friend
in Brazil was on the phone.

[ Exhales sharply ]

You know,
then it all goes blurry

for a long time, you know.

-And George Michael would soon
face another painful situation.

His true sexual identity
is about to be exposed.

-George, just a comment.
Please, George.

-Throughout the 1980s,
tabloid stories speculating on

a famous person's
sexual orientation

began finding their way
into the celebrity coverage

of mainstream media.

-George, are you gay?

-Am I gay is a pretty --
pretty direct first question.

I've never said "no."
I've never said "yes."

No, I'm not.

The main thing I like to express

is that I don't think
it's anybody's business.

What I'm saying is I don't think
it benefits anybody

listening to my music
to know whether or not

I was in bed with a dog
or a man or a woman last night.

-George knew that if he were to
come out of the closet,

he could lose everything.

-Another George,
also from the U.K.,

was facing similar questions.

But even for this
self-professed chameleon...

-♪ Karma, karma, karma,
karma, karma chameleon ♪

-...a straightforward
confirmation of being gay

was too much for him

when ABC's Barbara Walters asked
about his identity in 1985.

-You were brought up
to believe that, you know,

anybody who was
sort of homosexual was, like,

you know,
a disgusting pervert.

-You have been asked
in every interview

about your sexual preference.

Are you bisexual?
-Yeah. Of course I am.

-Could you go as easily one way
as the other?

I mean, if -- if a divine man
walked in

and a divine woman walked in,
you wouldn't care which?

-I think Elizabeth Taylor
when she was thin and young --

-You could be as happy
with Elizabeth Taylor

as you could
with Montgomery Clift?

-Probably, yeah.

-Even as Reagan's era gave way

to the more progressive
Bill Clinton era,

answering "yes" to the question
"Are you gay?"

had negative consequences.

-Choosing pragmatism
over principle,

the President told
an audience of officers

at Washington's Fort McNair

he has adopted a version of
the policy known as

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

-It provides
a sensible balance

between the rights
of the individual

and the needs of our military

to remain the world's
number-one fighting force.

-The broader message
was clear --

don't ask, don't tell,
don't come out.

-What do we want?
-Gay rights!

-When do we want them?
-Now!

-But even with a generation
of young people

looking to defy that message

by openly declaring
their sexual identity,

when it happens
on MTV's inaugural season

of "The Real World,"

it's still shocking
to a large number of Americans.

-I definitely was neurotic
about how to bring

my sexuality into six people
that I didn't know.

Would they treat me differently?

Would I be treated differently?

And I learned that they didn't.

-Norman Korpi's frankness
and boy-next-door relatability

gives America and Hollywood
new ideas

about how gay life
can be authentically portrayed.

-We had a day to, like, spend
a little bit of time together.

It was really nice to be a part
of a really emotional day.

-On "The Real World"
season three,

openly gay Pedro Zamora
exchanges vows with his partner.

But at a time when people were
still afraid to touch

or be near a person with HIV,

it's Pedro's willingness
to share his struggles

with the still deadly disease

that makes him
a transformational

television character.

-I'm HIV positive.

-When Pedro told me
he was HIV positive,

it was just like,
"No. Not him.

I like this guy, and I don't
want him to have to suffer."

-For many,
Pedro is the first person

they've met with the disease.

The show's audience mourns his
tragic death at the age of 22.

-Back in the '90s, we were
screaming for celebrities

to put their face
on the movement

and say that, "We're queer,"

because people were still dying
of AIDS,

and people in
the heartland, teens,

needed role models
to look up to.

-People have always been afraid
of coming out

because people have always
been afraid of the unknown.

-The media
and the public's obsession

with the sexuality
of A-listers

has kept Howard Bragman busy
for more than 40 years.

A PR strategist in Hollywood,

Bragman is an expert
at helping his LGBTQ clients

come out of the closet
and own their truth.

-The single biggest factor
for somebody

accepting others coming out

was the fact that they knew
somebody gay and lesbian.

And you might be a celebrity,
but people feel they know you.

The first significant person
I took out of the closet

was Dick Sargent
from "Bewitched."

♪♪

-For 84 episodes,
he played Darrin,

husband to
Elizabeth Montgomery's

beloved Samantha.

The show was built on the secret
that Samantha was a witch.

But while the audience
was willing to suspend

their disbelief
for that secret,

Dick Sargent being gay
and also Samantha's TV husband

was too much for
their imagination to handle.

-A lot of gays liked it
because so many people

were in the closet then,
and they had their secret,

and they were kind of
in the closet

about the fact that
she was a witch.

So gays could always
relate to that show.

There was kind of a kinship.

Gays always understood
what it was like

to hide your secret
from the neighbors.

-After 60 years
of keeping his secret,

Dick Sargent was finally ready
to come out,

angered by
the California governor

who backtracked on signing
pro-gay legislation.

-What do we want?
-Gay rights!

-When do we want them?
-Now!

-He just said,
"This pisses me off.

Enough is enough.

I don't think anybody
is gonna care that I'm gay.

But if they do, good.

But I don't think anybody's
gonna give a shit."

He was shocked when,
all of a sudden,

People magazine showed up

and "Entertainment Tonight"
showed up.

And it made quite
the bit of noise at the time.

He was just overwhelmed.

-This year,
Dick Sargent made headlines

when he announced that he had
spent his career in Hollywood

hiding the fact that
he was homosexual.

Out of the closet,

Sargent says he feels free
after all these years,

and is devoting much of
his energy to the AIDS crusade.

-He looked at me,
he goes, "How'd you do this?"

And I said,
"People still love you.

They love all TV stars."

It's not like people were
coming out like they were today.

-You were just hurting yourself
if you came out in the '90s.

Well, Ellen's obviously
the definition of that.

-I like your show.
-Thank you very much.

The guy over there
didn't even know I had a show.

-Despite it being two decades
after "Bewitched" ended,

Ellen DeGeneres, the star of
her own sitcom, "Ellen,"

faced the same dilemma
as Dick Sargent --

whether to openly acknowledge
her sexual identity.

It was a secret she kept during
her rise as a stand-up comic,

working her way up through
the male-dominated industry

before landing a coveted shot
on "The Tonight Show,"

where Johnny Carson
did a rare thing

and invited the young comic
over to his couch

for compliments
and conversation.

-Very clever,
very fresh, and...

-Well, that's wonderful
hearing that from you.

-No, I mean it.
It's good material.

-Once you get on "Carson,"
if you hit that couch,

you probably gonna get a show.

-In an industry
rife with sexism,

Ellen's success
was talked about.

-Ellen DeGeneres.
I love her show.

Do you think the rumors
are true?

-And soon, the conversation
centered on the speculation

Ellen's character would come out
as gay on the show.

-Please welcome my buddy,
Ellen DeGeneres!

-A few weeks prior, Ellen
alluded to that possibility

to an also-closeted
Rosie O'Donnell

on Rosie's daytime
talk show,

creating a moment of
LGBTQ television history.

-We do find out that
the character is Lebanese.

And...

-Lebanese.
-Yeah.

-Maybe I'm Lebanese.
-You could be Lebanese.

-I could be Lebanese myself.
I didn't know that.

-You know, sometimes --
that's -- that's odd,

'cause I pick up sometimes
that you might be Lebanese.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Well, I think that's great.

You know, a lot of networks
wouldn't take the risk,

you know, going different
ethnically,

with a character like that.

-Half of Hollywood
is Lebanese.

-Really?
-Yeah. Yeah.

-She had been hinting about it
on talk shows

and in interviews,
building buzz.

And then, I guess,
people tuned in to see if

she had the balls
to go through with it.

-Ellen didn't disappoint.

The episode featured
Oprah Winfrey

as Ellen's empathetic therapist.

-Has there ever been anyone
you felt you clicked with?

And what was his name?

-Susan.

-With Laura Dern
playing her love interest,

Ellen expressed the emotion
and conflict

that so many
LGBTQ people feel,

and, for the first time
on television,

said the words so many
had been waiting to hear.

-I can't even say the word.
Why can't I say the word?

I mean, why can't
I just say...

I mean, what is wrong?
Why do I have to be so ashamed?

I mean, why can't I just
say the truth?

I mean, be who I am?
I'm 35 years old.

I'm so afraid to tell people.

I mean, I just...

Susan, I'm gay.

-Watching Ellen in the '90's
reveal that she was gay

was heartbreaking.

And when she did,
it was beautiful.

It was done in such a way
that let other LGBTQ teens,

anyone, know that it's okay.

That's what she did.

She wanted everybody to know
it's okay to be gay.

-Ellen delivered that message
wrapped in warmth and humor.

-That felt so great.

And it felt...so loud.

-Ellen, to me,
was extremely brave

in coming out
on her television show.

And I feel like it was
one of the most-watched things.

-He's right.

42 million viewers tuned in,

making it "Ellen's"
highest rated episode.

But not everyone
is celebrating.

There's still a vocal segment
of America

that isn't ready to join
this pride parade,

and they will help
make Ellen pay a price.

-And it was -- it was...

It was five years of my life.

And I loved doing it.

And I'm gonna miss the show
a lot.

-Across the country, in bars
from San Francisco to Boston,

and at gatherings
in people's homes,

Americans celebrate Ellen's
highly publicized coming out.

-Ellen Seidler invited
some of her friends over

to watch
the "Ellen" episode tonight.

Some of her friends gay,
others straight,

but all of them agree
on the significance.

-If you've spent
your entire life --

40 years, in my case --
watching television,

and never seeing a reflection
of yourself

and who you are,
it is a big deal.

-It was the first time
a star of a TV sitcom

said those two words.

-I'm gay.

-Two words
that meant everything

to a population
living in the shadows.

When Ellen's character
comes out of the closet,

so does the actress, appearing
on the cover of Time magazine,

confirming, "Yep, I'm gay."

-Walt Disney must be
turning over in his grave.

-The backlash is immediate.

-The idea of saying
to the children of America

that -- that the gay
and lesbian lifestyle

is an acceptable
alternative one,

and you should consider it
as such,

I think that we --
children should not be given

that kind of temptation.

-As the network is flooded
with hate mail,

many advertisers
jump in a lifeboat

and pull their support.

Even a bomb threat
is called in to the studio.

-Major corporate sponsors have
withdrawn support of "Ellen."

I hope this is the setting
of a precedent.

-And the Emmy goes to...

the team from "Ellen."

-Despite winning an Emmy and
the prestigious Peabody Award,

ABC cancels "Ellen,"
claiming low ratings.

Ellen has no regrets.

-It doesn't make
any difference to me.

If I would have stayed on,
you know, two more years

or 10 more years,
if I would have been...

not following my heart
and what I think is necessary

and what is gonna make a huge
difference in people's lives,

that's more important to me
than anything right now.

And someday,
people are gonna get it.

[ Paparazzi clamoring ]

-It was an extremely
popular show

until she made it
more true to life.

When other closeted celebrities
saw what happened to Ellen,

it made up their minds --

just stay where they were,
in their giant walk-in closets.

-But even that wasn't safe.

In the '90s, there is a notable
and controversial rise

in the outing of famous people.

And sex scandals of every kind
are also making headlines.

Pee-Wee Herman is arrested
for indecent exposure

in an adult theater.

Gary Hart is caught with
a woman not his wife.

And Bill Clinton would lie about
sex with a White House intern.

Headlines for George Michael
would be next.

-♪ But if you're
looking for fastlove ♪

-After many years
battling his record company

and devoting time
to songwriting,

George Michael comes back with
his third solo album, "Older,"

and the single "Fastlove."

It has a slick dance-pop vibe
celebrating casual sex.

But fans of this older,
more mature George Michael

are still left wondering
who he wants to have it with.

The answer comes in 1998,

by way of a men's room
in an upscale park.

-George Michael was caught
yesterday afternoon

here in a public toilet
right across the road

from the famed
Beverly Hills Hotel.

An undercover police officer
was the lure,

after reports of
men exposing themselves

to people trying to use
the toilet.

-George Michael
was a good guy.

He gave a lot to philanthropy,
was extremely polite.

But he had a penchant
for bathroom sex.

-George began cruising for
anonymous sex in public places.

One of the places that he chose
was the very active men's room

of Will Rogers Memorial Park
in Beverly Hills.

George found himself
inside that men's room

with this handsome policeman

whom he didn't know
was a policeman.

-Beverly Hills police officers

arrested the singer
known as George Michaels.

Mr. Michaels was arrested
for engaging in a lewd act.

-I wonder how far he went
before he told him he was a cop.

I wonder.

Mm-hmm.

-The news made headlines
around the world.

In the U.K., the Sun newspaper

went with a play
on the old Wham! hit --

"Zip Me Up Before You Go Go."

-George Michael has apologized
to fans after being arrested

for allegedly committing
a lewd act in a public place.

The singer spent several days
in hiding.

-I know so many people who were
arrested all around L.A.

for the same sort of thing.

It's fairly common.

Griffith Park and Beverly Hills

and other bathrooms and parks.

And it's just something the
police used to do all the time.

It's a way they used
to harass gay men.

-George Michael said
he felt entrapped.

The officer involved
denied any wrongdoing

and sued Michael
for $10 million,

claiming slander
and emotional distress.

The case ultimately
didn't proceed.

However, the pop star
is fined $800

and ordered to perform 80 hours
of community service,

narrowly avoiding jail time
for now.

-He was so exhausted
from staying in the closet

that he figured out this way,
subconsciously, to out himself.

And it was
the most self-destructive way

he could have done it.

-You'll have to watch
the TV, won't you?

-But while the court case
was over,

the media wasn't finished.

They wanted an answer
to the question asked

about George Michael
since the 1980s --

was he gay?

But after two decades
of dodging the question

with ambiguous answers,

would he finally
set the record straight?

-After getting arrested
for engaging in a sexual act

in an L.A. bathroom
with a male undercover cop,

George Michael agrees to
an interview on CNN

with entertainment reporter
Jim Moret.

-When he sat down
for an unedited interview,

George was such a wreck

that Jim had to take him
into the green room

and try and calm him down.

-After two decades
of denying he was gay,

fans wonder how he will explain
what happened.

-So, in unambiguous terms,
what is it that you want to say?

-I want to say that
I have no problem

with people knowing that
I have a relatio--

I'm in a relationship
with a man right now.

I have not been in
a relationship with a woman

for almost 10 years.

-He would later say that

the reason that he was
behaving this way

was that he was so exhausted
from staying in the closet

that he figured out this way,
subconsciously, to out himself.

And it was
the most self-destructive way

he could have done it,

because George now
had to somehow justify

why he had stayed in the closet
for so long when,

by this time, so many people

were in the process
of coming out.

It was a devastating time
in his life.

-I don't feel any shame for --

I feel stupid,
and I feel reckless and weak

for having allowed my sexuality
to be exposed this way.

-Despite the public confession
and apologies,

George Michael's career
never rebounds.

He gets some attention
for his music video

dressed in a police uniform,

and for singing
about public sex,

but his music career
is suffering.

There are further
run-ins with the law

connected to drugs and alcohol.

And when he crashes his car
in the U.K.,

the court is no longer
offering community service.

-The singer George Michael
has been jailed for eight weeks.

He admitted crashing his car

while under the influence
of cannabis.

-Scandals were piling up.

George, by this time,
was into the hard stuff.

He was using a very dangerous
party drug called GHB.

And George was having public
incident after public incident.

[ Camera shutters clicking,
indistinct conversations ]

-While coming out
in the 1990s

became increasingly
less dramatic,

the same cannot be said for
anyone who defied gender norms.

That revelation
was still often met

with an unsympathetic response.

-Historically,
we've kind of organized

around this binary view
of gender,

that you're either male or
female, and that's it.

Now, in recent years, we've seen
that things have shifted a bit,

and people now recognize that
there are more possible

gender identities
that are out there.

But when it comes to
being transgender,

there's still a lot
of transphobia.

-That was certainly true
back in the '80s,

when even Circus of Books,
L.A.'s preeminent gay bookstore,

had just a small section of very
limited transgender material.

-People talk about
trans people now,

but there was a time when
no one even uttered the word.

It was even more taboo than gay.

It was off the charts.

Like, it was an un-utterable,
non-existent group of people

that were really so below
the radar that, you know,

there might be one
that you would have heard of,

and they were
a complete anomaly.

And that was
the trans community.

-That was the reality
for Buck Angel,

who transitioned at a time
before the Internet.

-I never knew that I could
become a man.

That wasn't something
that was ever discussed,

even throughout my times
of therapy,

or psychologists,
or any of that.

What was discussed was,
"You're a very butch woman."

And they never said to me,
"You're trans,"

or, "You could transition
to live as a man."

Not one single one of my
therapists ever said that to me.

So I didn't know
I had that opportunity.

-Lately, Buck has faced backlash
over comments he made

regarding the trans label
being too widely applied.

-Come on.

That says to me, on some level,
some form of "indoctrination."

It's like, "Anyone can be
trans. Join the party."

And I'm like, "Wait."

-It's an opinion not everyone
in the community shares.

Still, many agree that Buck
helped pioneer trans acceptance

born from his
negative experience

growing up feeling like he was
living in the wrong body.

-They would call me
"Laura Jane."

People would think
I was a little boy.

They did not think
I was a little girl.

I had parted down in the middle,
blond, straight, long hair.

My dad was a very masculine,
very dominating, very man's man.

My father really influenced
my masculinity a lot.

My parents went through
a lot with me,

and they saw the bullying I got
from other people.

There were people that were
very mean to my parents

and would say things like,

"That's your daughter,
not your son."

And I know that really...

on some level,
really hurt my parents,

because they were really trying
to do the best they could

in a situation that
they had no idea

what was going on with me.

I didn't know who I was, and I
didn't know who I wanted to be.

-And that continued
until he became an adult.

-My family had cut their ties
with me by that time.

I literally had nothing,
and I ended up homeless,

getting into crack
and prostitution and survival.

I learned how to make $20,

and I learned how to buy
my rock cocaine.

-Buck first moved
to Los Angeles

with the offer of
a prestigious modeling contract.

-They were putting makeup
on my face.

That triggered me,
on some levels,

and really made my dysphoric
feelings skyrocket.

So that's where
the alcohol and drugs

sort of came into play.

I wouldn't show up
for, like, castings,

and I would show up
with black eyes

'cause I'd be getting
into fist fights.

That's when they cut me.

That's when all hell
broke loose.

I was sent to
an endocrinologist

that works with
male-to-female transsexuals.

He actually said
these words to me,

he said,
"I've never done this before.

I've never done this before.

And you will be my guinea" --

He actually said,
"guinea pig."

It was sort of my last effort
to find peace.

I said to myself,

"If this doesn't work out,
I'll just kill myself."

And he gave me a thing
that I had to sign that said,

"These are the effects
that will happen to you.

There's no turning back.

This is irreversible.

If you want to stop,

these are the things
that are always gonna be.

And if you're okay
with all this,

we're gonna move forward."

And so, from that moment on,
he literally stuck a tiny --

a tiny prick
of testosterone in me.

And honestly, that was
the beginning of where I am now,

because it was
the most exciting experience.

Honestly, it was like actually
being reborn on some level.

My family, my friends,
they didn't like it.

They did not like it at all.

In fact,
they called me a traitor.

They said mean things to me.

I lost pretty much
all my friends.

But it was honestly
life-saving.

-In his new body,

Buck Angel wanted to be
in front of the camera again,

but this time in porn.

But would the industry be ready
for a transgender star?

-I had friends
who were big porn stars.

I'm like, "Please help me."

They're like, "I can't."

I mean, it's -- it's so insane.

"I don't want to shoot with
a tranny

because it might
ruin my career."

-So Buck I set out
to do it all himself.

-Am I the most famous
trans porn star ever?

Maybe.
I think I'm up there.

Because I did it before many
other people were doing it.

My first movie was
"The Adventures of Buck Naked,"

and it was all home-made.

But the thing that's
so interesting,

I could not find anybody
to make movies with me.

I would get my partner
at the time

to do scenes with me
or I would do solo scenes.

-Feel horny to suck my cock?

-I'd love to.

-Where I started
getting the hate

was from the trans male
community.

They went after me.

They were so mad
because I was calling myself,

you know,
"the man with a pussy"

or "the man with a vagina."

I would get such
insane hate mail

that they're gonna kill me,

you're gonna
light me on fire.

-I remember when Titan Media
put Buck in a movie

and didn't really say anything,
and just,

here was this big, masculine
motorcycle daddy with a pussy.

I'm sure that there were
some gay men

that were not happy with it
and grossed out by it.

I think that
Buck being in that movie

made a lot of people go, "Hmm."

-Gay men would write me and say,

"You know,
you're freaking me out

because I'm having an attraction
towards you,

and I'm a gay man.

And, like,
does this make me straight?"

And so, I would have to tell
gay men, "No.

It's my masculinity
that you're attracted to."

And so, I actually got
very empowered by my work.

♪♪

-But for one celebrity who
struggled with his sexuality,

the peace that comes
from that kind of empowerment

would be a life-long quest --
peace that he would never find.

-I mean, my God, why didn't
I just sit with a journalist

and say, "I am gay"?

-With the arrival
of the Internet,

the 2000s brought new attitudes
around sex.

More gay characters emerged
into people's homes,

including central characters
on "Will & Grace,"

"The L Word,"
and "Ugly Betty."

And a few more people
broke through

Hollywood's glass closet.

-"Glass Closet" was a cover
story I did for Out magazine,

and it was about celebrities
that are gay

and they lead a gay life,

but they won't say on the record
that they're gay.

And on the cover,
we had people with masks

of Anderson Cooper
and Jodie Foster.

They weren't really
officially out yet,

but still, if you're living
a gay life

and you're okay with it,
just say it.

Say it.

-But the Internet's
major contribution

to gay life is connection.

AOL chat rooms
and websites like gay.com

opened up a wealth of
opportunities for LGBTQ people

to connect in small towns
and big cities across the world.

However, things did not improve
for George Michael.

Now fully living with his truth,
he found love again,

and showed off his quiet
countryside life in England

to Oprah.

He also expresses some
significant regrets on her show.

-My feelings towards the press
were so horrendously --

I was so indignant

that I think, somehow,
that led to --

I mean, my God, why didn't
I just sit with a journalist

and say, "I am gay"?

-Only a few years
after that appearance,

photos reveal a very different
looking George Michael.

And then,
Christmas Day 2016,

the news that shocked fans
around the world.

-Christmas night stunner --

pop superstar George Michael

found dead at the age of 53.

The exact cause
still under investigation,

his manager saying the singer
suffered heart failure.

-I think that being gay had
brought George so much conflict

and inner turmoil and grief.

Again, it was the conditioning
that he had felt

when he was a kid,

when it had been drummed
into his head

that being gay was wrong.

And he never got over it.

-Well, when I first started
working in pornography,

there were times, I won't lie,
that I felt like quitting

and that I felt like
I couldn't really handle

the sort of negative feedback
that I was getting.

I hadn't grown the thick skin
I have grown now.

-By 2007, Buck Angel
went from the porn star

nobody wanted to
collaborate with

to an AVN Award winner,

the highest achievement in the
world of adult entertainment.

-Once you win an AVN Award,

you literally won an Oscar
in the porn world.

You're really put up
onto a pedestal, on some level.

-Buck's prominence
in the industry

helped bring him to Rachel,
who he met in 2019

while she was promoting
her documentary

"Circus of Books."

The two are now partnered.

-He's really aligned with me
in a lot of ways.

And I think he's got
a really maverick,

non-traditional way of being.

And I think, in some ways,
that's very similar to me.

We're compatible.

They have some, like,
vintage stuff here,

and things from a --
from a different time.

-They actually have DVDs.

Check it out.
Here's one of my movies.

Rachel Mason -- love of my life.

The most amazing human being
that, honestly, I've met.

She's a person who I will spend
the rest of my life with.

-Today, Buck and Rachel
still live in West Hollywood.

Buck is retired
from performing,

yet still maintains an active
business of branded sex toys.

-Rachel is a woman who believes
in me, who cares about me,

and has brought a child
into my life,

which is also a big,
huge deal for me.

So, she has created a space
for me to become a dad,

which I never knew that
I would be that.

I never even wanted
to be that.

But, you know,
Rachel gave me a son,

which is huge for me
and has changed my life.

-Buck is generally a guy
who is really there for people.

He's a really good guy.

I mean, he is, like,
a good son to his parents.

He's just a good human being.

-As for Circus of Books,
with porn easily available

for free online,
the store closed in 2019.

Recently, it has reopened
with new owners

who have rebranded and expanded

to a second
West Hollywood location,

relying more on art books
and sex toys.

-I think, on some level,
it's just a pure function

of the power of the Internet

that people no longer need
porn stores.

I also think that
it's so much easier

and probably even better
for people.

[ Drumming, cheering ]

-The Internet has made gay life
easier and safer for many.

Yet in countries, communities,
and religious groups

around the world, danger is
a very distinct reality.

In the U.S., the threat of
violence continues to be

especially high
for transgender people.

-People need to understand, when
there's a transsexual person,

they choose to make the body
they need to choose,

they need to walk in, not you.

It's not for you.

I did not have this transition
for you.

I do not walk the world
as a man for you.

I walk the world as a man
for myself.

And whatever
that terminology is, it's me.

And I think people
need to understand

that's with every person
in this world.

They get to choose what clothes
to wear, what hair color,

what -- all of that,
just like myself.

I get to choose to have a penis
or not have a penis.

And I think people need to start
to respect those choices

more than making it about them.

It's not about them.
It's about me.