All language subtitles for Harley Quinn s04e07 The Most Culturally.eng

You are one sexy muchacho.

Gordon!

- I need your help.
- I hit a blood vessel.

Listen, I was here last
night for the Nightwing's Dead party,

and I saw another Harley.

I gotta know if I'm
losing my fucking mind.

So, can you please check
the security cameras now?

You know, I thought I
saw my doppelganger once,

but it was just a plate of carne
asada and nachos atop a trash can.

- Who the hell is this?
- Get ready for some cuteness.

Okay?
Give Daddy his gun back now.

Come on.

Hey! This is my...

- You find what you need?
- Hey, where is the rest of the footage?

I got some bathroom stuff,
some make-out stuff.

The rest, I kind of taped over.

So fucking worthless!

When I'm looking
for something...

I need to know what's
happening to me.

Gordon, do I seem insane to you?

Um... No. You seem good.

Obviously, guys,
I've been owning the game, lately.

Fucking owning it, and all
the haters along the way.

But we don't want
to have owned it.

We want to always be, present
tense, owning it. Right?

ABOI. Always be owning it.

No, no, no. That sounds
like BO in the middle.

Not everything
needs to be a thing.

Anyway, the Legion of
Super-Heroes' time-sphere

is being moved to the
Smithsonian at 3:00 p.m.

And we are gonna hijack it.

Sick! A time-sphere.

I'm gonna visit past atrocities
and learn how to do 'em better.

I'd love to go back and
tell my younger self

that snake-eye contacts are
more weird than intimidating.

I can go back in time
and do extra work

without missing any work.

Okay, guys, we're not going to
actually use the time-sphere.

I just want it

'cause it's like gonna look
really cute on my wall.

Total power move.

Everyone, shut up! I have news.

I'm starving.

What are we doing for lunch?

Volcana, don't you dare say
you're "fine with anything" again.

I'd rather have a bad suggestion

like all the ones Tefe gives.

- Hey!
- Okay, screw you. I'm ordering gyros.

Oh, and they moved up the time-sphere
transfer to, like, right now.

Oh, shit. We gotta go.

Wait. I'm not paying
the delivery fee myself.

Batgirl, I need to have a very one-sided
conversation about my mental state.

So, could you...

- Hello!
- Sorry, what?

I can't hear anything
with my headphones on.

They're for busy girls
in loud places. See?

So, um, I just wanna, like,
talk about last night.

Weird. You didn't bring
this up two hours ago

when you brought me
half an egg sandwich.

I did? I don't
remember doing that

or eating half of
an egg sandwich.

Oh, my God.
I'm really losing it?

Okay. Well, there's
nothing to talk about.

I had a nice cold shower,
and I'm totally good now.

Okay. Well, cool. But I am
not totally good. I'm more...

I don't think Joker
murdered Nightwing.

- What?
- It doesn't add up.

If Joker really did it, why would he
wait an entire day to tell everyone?

Oh, my God. You're right. He is
the worst at keeping secrets.

I mean, he always tells the kids

where the afikomen is
hidden at Passover.

We gotta prove Joker's lying
or no one will believe us

when we find the
actual murderer.

Whoa! You look like do-do.

Right! That's, kind of, what I
was hoping to talk to you about.

Okay, sorry. But I can't be
the friend you need right now.

I owe it to Nightwing
to find the real killer.

Can't you talk to Ivy?

I'm trying to respect
her boundaries

and not to bother
her with this stuff.

Because, you know, she's
been so busy with...

Awesome. You're the
best. Thank you.

Please close the door.

Good to have you back
in the poker game.

An evil game!

Killing Nightwing,
ooh, very tight.

Moral politics was fun.

But you can't change
the soul of a villain.

So quotable, you're going
to slay on my podcast.

Excuse me. James Corden.

Don't cover the
phone. I know Corden.

Oh, you want me to host one of your
little musical-comedy traffic jams?

Co-host. Hmm?

Yeah, sharing isn't
really my thing.

Little shit is trying to
leech off my comeback.

God, he's a needy motherfucker.

Oh, it's my deal. Gotta go.

Bye bye.

It's good to be back, boys.

House always wins.

I knew it!

Way to trust your gut.
Barbara Gordon Junior.

- Hey, babe, um...
- Hey.

What the fuck's
with the red wig?

Oh, I'm expecting the
IRS sometime this week.

Gotta throw them off their game.

Okay? Whatever. I
need to talk to Ivy.

Sorry. She left.

- She had a hard-out at quarter to.
- Quarter to what?

That's privileged information.

This is important.

What about a 4:00
a.m. hallway walk-and-talk on Tuesday?

Okay. Yeah, sure. 4:00 a.m. is the perfect
time to have a coherent conversation.

Oh,
sorry. I just lost that time.

What about 5:00 a.m?

Just FYI, she'll have a hard-out at 5:15.

Stop saying hard-out and tell
me where Ivy is right now!

Where is she?

Really?

I had a UTI at Jazzapajizza.

This is nothing.

Ivy!

Oh, we love a power fem.

Time to
go green, bitch.

Fetch, doggy!

No one gets
in the way of me owning the game.

Hey.

Harley, what are you doing here?

I'm working right now.

I know. Listen. I tried
to make an appointment,

but all you had open was 5:00
in the morning next Tuesday.

So, um...

Did Nora say that I
had a hard-out at 5:15?

- Listen, I need to talk to you.
- Harley, come on.

Oh, man. People don't just
show up at their partner's work like this.

Yeah, Harley.

Imagine if the Supreme Court
justice got Frenched on the bench.

I would not have come if
it wasn't super important.

Can we just
talk about this later?

I don't think we can.

Baby, are you trying to stop me
from stealing the time-sphere?

Geez! There's a
time-ball on this truck?

Yes, I am a big-deal
super villain.

And sometimes I steal
time-spheres. Okay?

ABST. Always be stealing...

Enough with the
fucking acronyms.

Baby, I'm doing all of this
because I'm building something.

So, when we're, like, 60
years old and still hot,

we can sip wine in our chateau
and have plenty of time to talk.

Fine! If you won't
make time for me now,

I will go find 60-year-old
Ivy and talk to her.

Wait, what?

Harley, what are you doing?

Fuck! She is in no state to be
messing with the time-space continuum.

BRB.

Her acronyms are so much cooler.

Hey, baby. Baby, look at me.

You do not know how to
operate a fucking time-sphere.

- It's intuitive.
- What?

Ugh, drama.

Mind the gap.

Oh, cake dick.

- Damn it.
- What year did you take us to?

Hmm? Interesting.

It may not have been as
intuitive as I thought,

which honestly is
on the time-sphere.

What? Hey, Harley.
Where are you going?

We gotta get back
to our time. Okay?

Oh, what? Sorry. Do
you have a hard-out?

No, I don't.

I... At least I... I don't
think so. Let me check.

You know what?
There's no service.

Fuckin' A.

Argh! We shouldn't be here.

This looks like a
goddamn apocalypse.

Well, guess what?

There's an apocalypse
happening in my brain.

The emotional chickens came
home and they are roasting, Ivy.

Hey, shh. Let's not bring
out whatever cursed beings...

Cluck-cluck, Ivy. The
chickens are fucking...

Harley, get back
in the time-sphere.

Argh! Ground-people!

Shit!

Hey, is someone gonna tell us what
in the future-fuck is going on?

Sure. We only had two men left.

And your dumb ass
murdered the hot one.

Now we just have Steve.

Oh, fuck you, Kaya.

Good luck repopulating
the Earth now.

I'm not in the mood.

You have ten
seconds to explain yourselves.

Oh, and
what an honor to meet you.

My daddy spoke so highly
of you both.

I'm sorry. Do we know you?

Ten seconds.

Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my
God. I'm terrible at brevity.

Okay. So, I hijacked
a time-sphere

because I'm, kind of,
going through some shit.

And I thought I'd grab my lady here
and travel 25 years in the future,

where I could meet our
older, wiser selves.

And they could, like, you
know, give us the straight poop

on how to live our best lives.

But I must have set it to
the year 3,000 or whatever.

It's 2048. But we all mess up.

Yesterday I wrote
2047 on a check.

So, I got it right.

- See, it was intuitive.
- Harley.

Okay, fine. You can apologize
to me when we get back home.

So, where's future me
and future Ivy, huh?

Wait, wait. Don't tell me. We operate
a bed and breakfast in Tuscany.

No, no, no. We own and operate
a bed and breakfast in Tuscany.

No, wait! It's a chain.

It's a chain which
we no longer operate

because we're selling to a Belgian
hospitality conglomerate, hmm?

Hate to burst your bubble,

but you two are D-E-A-D dead.

You're pretty much looking at what's
left of humanity and shark-manity.

Yeah. I'm just gonna need,
like, a little more context.

In the year 2024,
our world went dark.

Crops died, the soil was toxic,
global economies collapsed.

Gotham became a police state, ruled by the
last remaining member of the Bat Family,

Robin.

And yet a small
resistance movement

has managed to
survive underground,

led by our general,

said to be the chosen one
who will lead us to a victory

over Robin's drone army.

Wow. That was, like, really
dramatic and engaging. Great stuff.

Oh, thank you. I was actually a
voice-over artist before the world ended.

Oh, a face for radio.

So, sorry for... For
killing the hot guy.

But all we really want to do is
just get back to the time-sphere.

Oh, we'll
help you get the time-sphere.

And you'll help the resistance
take down Robin once and for all.

Um, why?

Because you're my moms.

- Holy...
- Shit!

Oh, my God. She's gorgeous.

Wait, do we breastfeed you?

Who did it? Who's
the sperm donor?

I hate that I'm meeting you all tied
up and emotionally at rock bottom.

Are you crazy like
me or vegan like Ivy?

What
did we name you?

Neytiri.

Like the blue chick from Avatar.

You know, for five years I
thought I dreamed that movie

because I was so high
when we watched it.

The Avatar film franchise is widely
considered the greatest story ever told.

It's nearly impossible to quantify
its impact on our culture.

- I see you, General Neytiri.
- And I see you.

There is no way
we named her that.

And that's when I realized my
crowbar wasn't going to be enough.

So, I took out my knife and I
began peeling his silky skin

from his perfect bone structure.

Well, my bone is painfully hard
right now. So, how does this end?

With me on the short list for
keynote-speaker at next year's MALCon.

It's between me and Amy Schumer.

God, you're a narcissist.

I meant how did it
end with Nightwing?

Oh, you know. Tears
and pleas for help.

Natch!

Bradley in San
Diego wants to know

what were Nightwing's
last words?

All right. Spill the tea.

- - What?
- Rita, are you seeing this?

Joker,
Gotham deserves the truth.

Batgirl! Is that you?

No,
this is... Madame Justice.

Doesn't matter. Roll the clip!

What clip? We
don't have a clip.

Rita, we got a clip?

Hold on a second. It's
loading. It's loading.

Behold justice.

What the... What
the hell am I looking at here?

Is this one of those
hidden-cam porn things?

This footage
clearly shows on night in question,

Joker was getting
tested for sleep apnea

and thus could not
have killed Nightwing.

Madame Justice out.

Oh, come on.

You aren't buying this, right?

That's obviously a deep fake.

Listen, shit-face.

The only thing my fans hate more
than women in power is stolen valor.

No! No, I didn't.

And look at all the comments.

"Wow, I didn't have Joker's stolen
valor on my 2023 bingo card.

LOL. Flop!"

"Joker sucks. Also,
the Earth is flat."

We just broke
400,000 sets of ears!

- Bam, sucker!
- I did it.

I killed Nightwing.

Me, the clown prince of crime.

You're over, Joker.

There's no coming back
from this.

Speaking
of backs, mine's never felt better,

thanks to my new
Cleggpedic mattress.

This isn't over.

You can't quash my comeback.

Listen up, team. We will be entering the
Robin's nest through the sub-basement,

where a recon team
has found a weakness.

I mean, shit on a stick.

Our kid is the leader
of the free world.

I mean, no, duh. Right?

King Baby has hacked five
captured bat-mech suits

which Resistance Team one will
be using to ascend the tower.

Aw, look. She does the little lip-bite
thing you do when you're really focused.

I love being a mom.

This is, like, the best.

Oh, we're so proud of you, baby.

Yeah. You're doing it, girl.

You get it, get it.

Cobb-squad assemble.

I mean, I just got chills.

Look... Look at my
arm. Look at my arm.

Goosebumps.

No, you have to put the nails up
to the fill line, then the rocks.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Look at this. She's,
like, teaching us.

Wait, wait. Or did
we teach you this?

Yeah, totally.

- Wow.
- Parenting is so rewarding.

I know you'll have to go back,

but even this little time together
just means everything to me.

Is it too much, if
I asked for a hug?

Aw!

Love you. Oh, I
do. I love you.

Okay. Is it just me, or is
all this a little too easy?

Look out!

Argh!

You know what? I think it's just our
incredible daughter's work ethic,

which she gets from me,

and the incomprehensible
confidence that she gets from you.

Watch out!

Thanks, King Baby. You know, your dad
was the only villain with the stones

to take my calls
after I went Bat.

Sometimes your new friends
are not your new friends.

You feel me?

I fucking told
you worthless dumb-shits,

I wanted contactless delivery.

I'm in the middle of crushing a
peasant uprising in Neo Bludhaven.

Resistance is futile.

God damn it, Alfred.

I thought I told you to kill all
the remaining human servants.

Master Robin, we have company.

Oh, fuck.

You're early,
General Neytiri.

Damn it, Cheryl.

- What's happening?
- Welcome to the Robin's Nest.

Not only am I the architect and engineer
of this awesome dystopian society,

I am also a collector.

And now, you and Ivy will be the
newest additions to my menagerie.

Oh, that looks unpleasant.

You ungrateful little shit.

I used to check your
Halloween candy for anthrax.

All right, Robin.

I held up my end of the bargain.

Now hand it over.

- You sold us out?
- For a bag of fucking dirt.

We call it Unobtanium, Mother.

Oh, fuck off!

Wow. Sass like that wins you
a spot in the trophy case,

next to a Kite Man.

Restrain them.

RIP, Moms.

At least I finally got something
out of this relationship.

How dare you?

Well, why did you do this to us?

We are cool moms.

We deserve answers.

You don't deserve shit.

And there's no such
thing as a cool mom.

God, you guys are so
fucking self-obsessed.

What are you so
fucking upset about?

You turned out okay.

Yeah. Thanks to
Cheryl who raised me.

Cheryl. All right, that
explains the backstabbing instincts.

I'm a survivor, should
I blow with the wind.

You two always pretend everything's
fine even when you don't agree.

Like first day of kindergarten,

I still didn't have a name.

I had to come up
with one myself.

Ha, ha! I knew we didn't
pick that stupid name!

My fucking name rules!

It's true.

I wish it were my name.

No, it sucks!

I'm changing it to
Princess Lady Fingers.

Remember that weird dream I had

after we hit the bottomless
tiramisu at Mama Maxx?

- Yeah, but...
- Cheryl, you're a notary.

File the futuristic
paperwork on that shit.

Moms rule!

Oh, seriously?

And not to feed into
your monstrous egos,

but FYI, you guys doubling down on your
own bullshit caused the apocalypse.

Oh, well, that's a
little overdramatic!

Wonder where she got that from?

Excuse me!

Stop yelling.

I don't want your faces all
stretched out when I freeze you.

- Cheryl, where are we at?
- Freeze up and running.

Bat-drones, bring
me my trophies.

Fuck! Are we in a
fight right now?

'Cause I don't want
to die in a fight.

No. No, we're not
fighting. I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, my God! You suck
at communicating!

Excuse
me. That's not true.

We tell each other everything
like how we like our eggs,

or how Harley masturbates
to The Iron Lady.

Okay. That was once and
was basically by accident.

Ugh! Okay, listen.

In the interest of clearing the
air before we get cryo-frozen,

our double-crossing
love child is right.

I haven't told you,
I'm losing my mind.

Honey, you're always
losing your mind.

Yeah. This time
it's different.

I've been sleepwalking,
hallucinating.

I had an out-of-body experience.

I saw another me.

Okay.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I tried, but I kept getting
talk-blocked by your assistant!

King Baby!

Ha!

Oh, my God. Quick!
Now's our chance.

Come on, stupid-fucking thing.

I just upgraded this shit.

- My dirt! No!
- No!

You're clogging
my pee-pee drain!

Get them, Cheryl.

Argh! You're ruining my life!

You guys fuck everything up!

Okay, yes. Yes, in this situation,
I did fuck everything up for you.

- However...
- Look out!

I did it for us.

Everything I do is for us.

What? So, you're killing it and I'm not,
and I just have to learn to deal with that?

No, no, no. I just thought these
work boundaries would protect us.

But they pushed us apart.

You're right. I need
to be there for you.

We are a team.

You're so full
of shit!

Ha! The adults are
talking, kiddo!

Oh, my God! We're the same age.

But we're still your parents.

And you know what?

You're grounded.

MILF alert.

Fucking yes!

She doesn't even know us.

We make great parents.
Someday, someday.

Yeah, someday.

I fixed the time-sphere.

- Go time.
- Not so fast.

Pins and
needles. Pins and needles.

King Baby, why did you help us?

I think you two can
go back and do better.

Raise a nice kid

and stop Lex from
destroying the planet.

Oh! An optimist like his
dad. You love to see it.

Wait a minute. What
did you say about Lex?

The system has rebooted, Master.

Oh, shit. We gotta
go. Come with us!

No, I'd rather go to bed tonight
and wake up to a new reality.

Like maybe one that's focused
on a different kind of movie,

like a jukebox musical based on the
music of a certain Swedish pop band.

Good luck. We'll make sure
this apocalypse doesn't happen.

Give me a smooch on my little
baby-boy head next time you see me.

And make sure Princess Lady Fingers
puts some ice on that. Okay?

Bye!

Holy shit! That was wild.

Fucking crazy.

Also kind of fun.

I'm just so glad you
jumped in here after me.

Weirdly, me too.

I mean, I don't know how
to fix all of our problems,

but I know we're
better together.

Yes, and whatever caused the apocalypse,
we'll see it coming a mile away.

Mind the gap.

Wait. Are we back?

We are. Wait. Did we leave
on the 21st or the 27th?

What the fuck is this font?

The one and the
seven look the same!

We're six days in the future?

They made it too fancy.

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