All language subtitles for s03e02- Coffee Morning

(cash register rings)

♫ Ground floor perfumery,

♫ stationery and leather goods,

♫ wigs and haberdashery

♫ kitchenware and food, going up

♫ First floor telephones,

♫ gents ready-made suits,

♫ shirts, socks, ties, hats,

♫ underwear and shoes, going up

♫ Second floor carpets,

♫ travel goods and bedding,

- You ready?

- No, no. I can nip it in a bit more yet.

Now!

What is it?

- 77.

- Oh, don't it sound a lot in metric?

- Yes, but you put on
four whatever they are.

- Centipedes, Miss Brahms.

- [Shirley] Whatever they are,

you're puttin' more of them on.

- Of course it's all
the government's fault.

- How did you work that out?

- Well, it's this sugar shortage.

I've stocked it so much,
if i don't keep eating it,

I'll never get rid of it.

- If you keep on like
that, you'll be too fat

to go to your store cupboard.

I wish I could put on weight.

I can't understand it you know.

I have a big meal every night.

- I don't know how you can afford it.

- I can't, I have to keep
going out with these fellows

I don't like just to keep
body and soul together.

- Oh, I couldn't do that.

- Oh, it's easy, I wear a low front.

They have a good look
and I have a good lunch.

- Yes, but nowadays they
expect something afterwards,

don't they?

- Yes but they don't get it.

- Well, why do they keep
asking you out then?

- Well, it's rather like a fruit machine.

Once they've made investment,

they keep hoping they're
gonna get the jackpot.

- They'd have to pull the
handle a lot of times,

before they had my cherries up.

- Thank you very much, sir.

And if the socks aren't satisfactory,

don't hesitate to bring them back.

- [Customer] Thank you so much.

- It won't make a bit of difference.

- Anyway the meal cost seven quid

and I borrowed this car to take her home

so as to be sure of a quick
cuddle, and what happened?

About half a mile out
she gets her door key out

and starts feeling with
the passenger door handle.

- You mean she was keying
to make a night of it?

- No she was keying to make a run for it.

Anyway I borrowed the car again tonight

to take her out again.

- What makes you think
you do any better tonight?

- I've unscrewed door handle.

- Oh, for the return of the romantic age.

When one's heart leapt
to the sight of an ankle

slipping into an handsome cab.

Now it's clunk, click, strip off quick.

- Where is Mr. Grainger?

- He hasn't returned
from his tea break yet,

Captain Peacock.

- I see.

Tell him I wish to see him, will you,

as soon as he returns.

- Certainly, Captain Peacock.

Ah, Mr. Grainger.

Captain Peacock was just asking for you,

but I told him you hadn't come
back from your tea break yet.

And, he said he would like
to have a word with you

as soon as you return.

- Oh, I see.

Will you take over from me, Mr. Humphries.

I'm going to have a word
with Captain Peacock.

- Certainly, Mr. Grainger.

- Shall I take over
from you, Mr. Humphreys?

- Yes, start, Mr. Lucas.

- You were, wanted to have
a word with me Stephen?

- Yes, Mr. Grainger, it's 10 past 11.

You've had 20 minutes
for your coffee break.

Your entitlement is 15.

How do you account for this?

- I spent a few minutes in
the boys' room on my way back.

- That's not part of your coffee break.

- It's the result of it.

- Five whole minutes?

- There was a queue.

- I don't think Mr.
Rumbold will regard that

as an adequate excuse.

- You don't mean that you're
going to report me, Stephen?

- Yes, I am, Mr. Grainger.

- Very well, Captain Peacock.

- I'm sorry but it's my job.

- You mean to be a sneak?

- It's not easy for me, you know.

On the one hand we have a
friendship and on the other

I have my job to do.

Now I have to wear to hats.

- Well, you will find
no difficulty in that.

You're two-faced.

Did you hear that Mr. Humphreys?

- I did, Mr. Grainger, sit here.

- Glass of water for Mr. Grainger.

Don't let him drink it all at once.

He'll need another five minutes off.

(cash register rings)

- Thank you so much, good morning.

Come on, Miss Brahms.

- Before you go to lunch Mrs. Slocombe,

I want to have a word
with the floor personnel

by the center stand.

- Well, I hope it's important because

I'm dying for me lunch.

- Miss Brahms, everything
I have to say is important.

- Pompous snitch.

- Miss Brahms, you mustn't
use language like that

about floor personnel in my hearing!

You'll get ladies' underwear a bad name.

- I want a word with the floor personnel

before you'll all go to lunch.

- Well, I hope it won't take long.

Otherwise Mr. Herbert of hardware

would have pinched my seat.

- Some people have all the luck.

- Do you need me?

- Yes, juniors as well.

Now, this won't take a moment.

- "From the D. M./C. R.
to F. W./L. N. G. D./

"S. P. re Tea."

- Captain Peacock, what
language are you speaking?

- It simply means, Mrs. Slocombe,

from the D. M./C. R.

the Department Manager
stroke Cuthbert Rumbold

to F. W./L. N. G. D./S. P.

to floor walker stroke

ladies' and gentlemen department stroke

Stephen Peacock regarding tea.

- What does T stand for?

- Doesn't stand for
anything, you drink it.

T, E, A Tea.

They use these initials to save time.

- Doesn't seem to be
working very well, does it?

- It would if people didn't
keep asking questions.

- Well, people wouldn't need to,

if they knew what you're
rabbiting on about.

- If I May be allowed to
continue, Mrs. Slocombe?

- Oh, yes PCO.

- I beg your pardon?

- Please, carry on.

- Where was I?

- You just got to the bit where you were

stroking Cuthbert Rumbold.

- "I see You are-"

- Oh, you're not starting on
those initials again, are you?

- Please, Mrs. Slocombe.

"I see you are concerned about
excessively long tea breaks

being enjoyed by members of the department

under Your supervision.

I must emphasize that the said breaks

are limited to 15 minutes
and to ensure that no one

takes advantage of this arrangement

personnel will be required in future

to enter their departure
and arrival in a book

to be known as the E, L, and TB book.

The eleventies, lunch and tea break book.

Visits to the toilet
will also be recorded.

To which I've provided a separate book.

- To be known as the WC book.

- It's an outrage.

- Absolutely.

Do you mean we have to
clock on and clock off

every time we want a cup of coffee?

- That is precisely the idea.

- And every time I want to powder my nose,

I've got to stick it to the book first?

- That is correct.

- What if it's emergency
and me Biro's run out?

- Get someone else to do it for you.

- It's not the same as doing it yourself.

- Get someone else to sign the book.

- It's an intolerable invasion of privacy.

- 1984, Big Brother is watching you.

- They will be watching
as well, won't they?

- I only have to add that this
comes to effect immediately.

So I hope you'll all be
ready to sign the book

back here sharp at two.

- Hey, hang on, just a minute.

We've spent five minutes
waiting listening to you.

Do we get another five minutes longer?

- The customers will be coming in,

they're required to be attended to.

What about our five minutes?

- Miss Brahms, if you add
up all the odd minutes

you have taken on top
of your normal breaks,

I think the five minutes are more than due

to Grace Brothers.

- Six minutes!

- I suggest that the whole matter

should be discussed over lunch.

- Yes, let's have it discussed in lunch.

- Fret, Whose the coffee leaking?

Dumplings? holds the New Castle.

Whose the great fruit cocktail?

- Mine, where's the cherry?

- I ate it, you supposed to be on a diet.

- I thank you to let me
make my own sacrifices.

- One open sandwich.

- I did not ask for an open sandwich.

- I am sorry, Mr. Grainger
but somebody nudged me

in the queue and the top fell off.

I'll go back and get it if you want it.

I think it fell butter up.

- Don't bother.

- You're being brave
having a seafood salad.

- Oh shellfish, that's
suppose to make you virile.

- No, I don't think a couple
of muscles or shriveled up

prawn is going to do much
for my performance tonight.

- Why? What are you doing?

- He's got a date with
a lady escapologist.

He's taken the handle off the car door

so he could bend her to his will.

- I always carry a tin opener.

- Doesn't that take a long time?

- No, I jab him in the ass with it.

- Mr. Grainger's still got the scars.

- Could we tear ourselves
away from sex for one moment

to discuss this clocking-in business?

- I think it was quite
humiliating, Mr. Grainger,

the way you were told off in front of us,

don't you Mr. Lucas?

- Oh, I do Mr. Humphries.

I barely nearly went
over to Captain Peacock

to say something really sharp and witty

to cut him down to size.

- Why didn't you?

- I couldn't think of anything.

- Well, what are we going to do about it?

- I don't think you or Mr.
Grainger should put up with it.

- It's not just us you know.

I hope I'm unanimous in this.

- Yes, but if both you and
Mr. Grainger refused to sign,

the management would have
to do something about it.

- Yeah, sack 'em.

- I agree with Mrs. Slocombe.

I think we should all refuse to sign.

- I agree, and I think you two
should refuse to sign first.

- No, we must all not sign, Together.

- United we stand, divided we fall.

- Wish I had thought of that.

- Mr. Grainger?

- Yes Captain Peacock?

- Will you come here a one moment, please?

- We're all behind you, off you go.

- Mr. Grainger returned from lunch 14:03.

Do sign, please.

I'm sorry Captain Peacock but I must

refuse to sign your book.

- I will ask you once more, Mr. Grainger.

Mr. Grainger returned from lunch 14:04.

Will you sign, please?

- Again I shall refuse.

- I see.

Mr. Grainger refused point blank

to sign book,

twice.

Mr. Grainger, I shall now report
your action to Mr. Rumbold.

- But Captain Peacock, all the others

refused to sign as well.

- On the contrary Mr. Grainger.

I only asked you.

You refused and you will be reported.

- Glass of brandy for Mr. Grainger.

- Well done, Mr. Grainger.

The way you stood up to him.

- We shall always remember
you for that, Mr. Grainger

when you've gone.

- But, but I thought we were
all gonna stand up to him.

- I only hope that I'll
be as brave as that

when my turn comes.

- Well, I think you all
ought to sign something

to say that you won't sign it.

- Don't worry, Mr. Grainger,
we're all behind you.

- Oh yes, we're all in this together.

- Only you're a little bit deeper.

- Menswear.

Yes, Mr. Grainger is here.

I see.

Mr. Grainger wanted in Mr.
Rumbold's office immediately.

- Good luck, Mr. Grainger.

- And remember we're all behind you.

- I think we should all go together.

- He only said for the ring leader.

- I'm not the ring leader.

I just happened to be the
first one out of the lift.

- Menswear.

Yes, yes, he's on his way.

Rumbold's furious you keeping him waiting.

- You'd better hurry up, Mr. Grainger.

You don't want to get a
reputation for always being late.

- You will all back me up, won't you?

- If you don't look
sharp, you won't be here

for us to back up.

You know, I think he went too far

defying Captain Peacock like he did.

- But we did all agree
not to sign together.

Well, of course we wouldn't have signed

the first time he asked us as a protest.

But we would have done the second time.

- I think he went too far.

Mind you I'm still behind him.

- Oh yes. We're all behind him

only not so close.

- Have your notepad ready, Miss Ainsworth.

I shall expect a verbatim
report of everything

that is said on this meeting.

(knocks on door)

Come in.

- I believe you wanted a
word with me, Mr. Rumbold.

- I've been waiting five minutes

to have a word with you, Mr. Grainger.

- I came as quickly as I could.

- Do you recognize this book?

- Yes, I think so.

- Take everything down, Miss Ainsworth.

- I've taken everything down.

"Knock knock.

"Come in.

"I believe you wanted a
word with me, Mr. Rumbold.

"I've been waiting five minutes

"to have a word with you, Mr. Grainger.

"I came as quickly as I could.

"Do you recognize this book?

"Yes, I think so.

"Take everything down, Miss Ainsworth.

"I've taken everything down."

- Don't put down what you say.

- Yes, sir.

Shall I put that down?

- No, let's start again.

- "Knock knock. Come in..."

- Please!

Miss Ainsworth, be quiet.

Now, Mr. Grainger, do you admit

that you refused to sign this book?

- We all refused.

- I'm afraid that's not true.

I only asked Mr. Grainger.

- But they were all behind me.

- I see, led by you.

And I'm afraid, Peacock, it seems clear

we must make an example in this case.

- I'm afraid so.

- [Cuthbert] One rotten apple
can spoil the whole barrel.

- I would like to say in
Mr. Grainger's defense

that he has never been a rotten apple.

- Thank you, Captain Peacock.

- Until today.

(knocks on door)

- Come in.

- I'm in.

- I wish you'd wait until I say "come in"

before you come in.

I'm having an important meeting here.

- Shall I go out again then?

- No, no, no, put it down.

- Shall I put that down?

- No, I don't want that put down.

- What should I do with it, then?

- Put it down.

- I thought you said "don't put it down".

- I don't want you to
put down "put it down".

- Well I'm gonna put it down.

And as far as I am concerned
you can stick it up!

- Don't put that down, Miss Ainsworth.

- Where were we?

- "Never been a rotten apple
in the barrel until today".

- Yes. Mr. Grainger, for the four minutes

unauthorized absence I
am deducting 25 pence

from your pay packet,
plus a further 25 pence

for refusing to sign this book.

- Could I sign now and save the 25 pence?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- Captain Peacock's
remarks take up the place

where you were supposed to sign.

And that is all, Mr. Grainger.

The matter is closed.

- What about the others?

- That is all, Mr. Grainger.

The matter is closed.

- Well, I think it's disgraceful
you having to pay 50 p.

I shouldn't stand for it.

- No, you should stand up for yourself

and tell him way to get off.

- Yeah, we're behind you.

- I'd prefer to forget it.

It's all the most unpleasant.

- I think we all ought to chip in

and pay Mr. Grainger's fine.

I mean after all it's only 10 p each.

- Ah, but he was fined 25 p for being late

and 25 p for not signing.

Now we're only supporting
him for not signing

so it should really be a half.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Now there's a principle involved isn't it?

Brother Grainger is being victimized

'cause he stood up for
his rightful rights.

Now it's only fair that we
should stand up for him.

- This has nothing to
do with you, Mr. Mash.

Get back to your basement.

- It has everything to do
with me, brother Slocombe.

I am shop steward.

And in that capacity, I'm
convening an emergency meeting

in accordance with section
23 of the rule book.

- Can we do that?

- Of course we can.

- But what about the customers?

- They have to wait.

It all comes to a halt
when the brothers says So.

- Well it's just like the mafia.

And the Cosy Nostril.

- Are you free Mr. Grainger?

- Coming, Captain Peacock.

- Don't move, brother.

- But Captain Peacock wants me-

- He can't touch us once I've
convened an emergency meeting.

We are sacra-saint.

- Is that true?

- That is true, brother Humphries.

- Brother Humphries.

Doesn't it bring you close
when you have a union?

- I called you, Mr. Grainger.

- I've been convened.

- Get off the floor, Mash.

- Unless you want everybody out from here

I would not use that
tone of voice, Peacock.

Now then, we're all
gathered here today brothers

to consider the case
of brother E. Grainger.

- So you're behind this, Grainger.

- No, no, we're all behind it.

- Now, as I see we got
two things to decide,

what we want and how
we are going to get it.

- I'm not sure what we want.

- You're lucky you got
me then, aren't you?

Firstly, we want to remove the stigmata

attached to brother Grainger.

- Ooh, he sounds like the exorcist.

- And secondly, and secondly,
on the time element,

we want to be free and
unrestricted in the cloakroom.

- I second that.

- And thirdly we want a
reappraisal of the whole

archaic coffee break system
bringing it into line

with current industrial practice.

- What does that mean?

- What does that mean?

That means, brother, that
unless the management

meet our demands we take action.

And if that don't work we'll escalate.

- You waisted enough time, Mash.

Everybody back to work.

- You're out of order brother Peacock

and I don't want to have to
reprimand you again, all right?

Right.

Now then, as I see it, the
main point all at fault

is traveling time to and
from the tea breaks, right?

Your tea should start
not when you leave here,

not when you get in the lift,

not when you stand in
the queue at the counter,

not even when you pay for it.

Your tea should start when you sit down

and actually dip your biscuit in the cup.

- Ooh, doesn't he speak well?

- Thank you, brother.

I'm now about to put
a motion on the table.

- Some of the phrases are strange.

- Now I move that this
meeting authorizes me

to put our demands before the management

and form a strike committee
with carte blanche

to take industrial action.

Hands up all us for the motion?

Jolly good.

All those against?

- You can't vote, you got no standing.

- I'm a member of the union.

- Where's your card?

- I left it at home.

- Makes you out of order, then don't it?

- Have they got their cards?

- That's besides the point.

- I vote we all show cards.

- You can't vote we all show cards

unless you show your card.

Carried unanimously!

(blows raspberry)

- I can tell you now, Mash,
that there is positively

no chance of us at Grace brothers
exceeding to your demands.

- I see, is that your final words, sir?

- Absolutely.

The management stands firm
behind its agreement of 1928.

- Are you saying sir, that
henceforth there is no point

in us having meaningful discussions

and the awful exchange of views then?

- None whatever.

- Then get stuffed.

- Don't put that down, Miss Ainsworth.

- That's it, my brothers.

As from this moment in time it's go slow.

- But it's only 3 minutes
before we go home.

- It's all right.

Go slow right up to the bell.

- That's not gonna be easy
without any customers.

- In my official capacity
of shop steward, Peacock,

I'm ordering you to go slow.

Hold that Mrs. Slocombe.

As from now on it's go slow.

- But if I don't get
these covers on quick,

I'll miss me bus.

- Or leave them.

- But my undies will get all smutty.

- So let them get smutty.

- I'm not that kind of person.

And I can't sell smutty underwear.

- So the management through
their intractable attitude

will lose money.

- And I lose me commission.

- We're all gonna make
sacrifices, brother.

- Not when I'm saving for
me holidays, we don't.

(bell rings)

- Okay brothers.

When you arrive in the
morning it's go slow.

- I don't like this union thing at all.

It seems to be going too far.

- Well, you started it, brother.

- I tell you brothers
I'm really proud of you.

The go slow this morning
was 100% effective.

I think we put a wind up
the management, all right.

- If you don't go slow
on that apple crumble,

you'll get the wind up somewhere else.

- I think Mr. Grainger
went slow beautifully.

- I couldn't tell the difference.

Well, I know we're all behind
the union, Mr. Humphries,

but I must say that I do think 10 minutes

is rather long time to
spend on an inside leg.

- Especially it's a
customer that only came

in for a pair of gloves.

- Well my end has been disaster.

- Your end always was.

- Mr. Lucas, if we weren't
supposed to be united

in a common cause, I
would bat your ear hole.

- I've had this Russian lady
athlete in this morning.

I took so long fitting her a bra

she left me her address in Vladivostok.

- Let's face it, it hasn't
been a success, has it?

- I don't think Peacock even noticed.

- In that case, we'll have to escalate.

One of the ways of bringing out grievances

to the attention of the high rocky,

is to bum um the loos
with Plaster of Paris.

Wouldn't that be rather
cutting off our noses

to spite our faces?

- Well, then we can go lightly.

- What's that?

- You drop everything without warning.

- Oh I don't like the sound of that.

We seem to be getting so
militant and extremist.

- Yes, I can almost smell
reds under the beds.

- There are no reds under
my bed, Mr. Grainger.

- No, nor mine.

Mind you, I look every night.

- Yeah, I've got it.

Well, hijack the lift and
keep Rumbold inside with us

until the management
exceed to our demands.

- Miss Brahms and I refuse to be cooped up

in the lift for days with half a dozen men

except as a last resort.

- It may be your last chance.

I mean our last chance, I'm Sorry Mrs.-

- Brothers, brothers, it's
only one thing for it.

Bang up the loos, followed
by a lightning sit in.

What in the loos?

- Nah, on the floor.

And if that don't work it's
a walk out and pickets.

- I have been here for over 30
years and I refuse to picket.

- We're only doing it for you.

- What?

- Yes, if you hadn't
been so insufferably rude

to Captain Peacock, we wouldn't
have been in this mess.

- Right.

- I think we all ought to vote on it.

- No vote needed.

You give me carte blanche
by democratic majority.

Come on it.

Let's get down to the shop floor

and confront the management.

- I haven't finished my coffee yet.

Well, come on then!

- It really is too bad.
It's four minutes past two.

- So the old values are
disappearing, you know.

Is this what we fought for at Dunkirk?

- Were you at Dunkirk?

- No, but I just wonder if this is what

the people who were at Dunkirk fought for.

- We don't have anybody who
fought at Dunkirk, do we?

- Never mind.

Ah, here they are.

- As democratically elected
spokesman I have to tell you

that unless the management meets
our demands we are all out.

- The management will not
negotiate under intimidation.

- I'm not intimidating you, mate?

If I was intimidating you,
you'd get a bunch of fives

right up of your rooter!

- Don't let me lose my
temper, Captain Peacock.

- Please carry on, sir.

- I'm like a wild animal when I'm roused.

- Did you hear that?

He threatened me.

- Good afternoon, everybody.

- [All] Good afternoon, Mr. Grace.

- I've got a copy of your memo, Rumbold,

about the tea break.

- Ah, yes Well, further to that sir,

the workers are claiming
that their tea break

shouldn't commence until they actually

get the coffee in their hands.

- Yeah, we'll get it and
we're all right behind

Mr. Grainger in this, sir.

- It wasn't just me, sir.

- We are not traveling up and
down in your rotten old lift

to your rotten old canteen
in our own time, sir.

- And that's quite right.

The lifts are not up to it.

My tea break begins when
my tea is handed to me.

What's good enough for me,
is good enough for you.

- That's it brothers, we've won.

It's the power of union.

- I'm really glad I held out.

- Well done, Mr. Grainger.

- We were all behind you.

- So in future your tea
will be handed to you.

Goddard!

And now you won't have to
leave the department at all.

Carry on everybody.

You've all done very well.

- Uh, paper cups.

And you know, I was rather
enjoying my walk to the canteen.

- Listen, I enjoyed my
ride up in the lift.

- I shan't see my friend
behind the counter.

- Never mind, brothers.

We've won a great victory.

- And lost our tea break.

- Mr. Mash?

- Captain Peacock.

(blows raspberry)

(cash register rings)

♫ Ground floor perfumery,

♫ stationery and leather goods,

♫ wigs and haberdashery

♫ kitchenware and food, going up

♫ First floor telephones,

♫ gents ready-made suits,

♫ shirts, socks, ties, hats,

♫ underwear and shoes, going up.

♫ Second floor carpets,

♫ travel goods and bedding,

♫ material, soft furnishings,

♫ restaurant and teas, going down!

(applause)