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1
00:00:05,941 --> 00:00:07,109
♫ Ground floor perfumery
2
00:00:07,109 --> 00:00:08,479
♫ Stationery and leather goods
3
00:00:08,479 --> 00:00:09,712
♫ Wigs and haberdashery
4
00:00:09,712 --> 00:00:11,257
♫ Kitchenware and food
5
00:00:11,257 --> 00:00:13,507
♫ Going up
6
00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:18,607
♫ First floor telephones
7
00:00:18,607 --> 00:00:20,071
♫ Gents ready-made suits
8
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:21,495
♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats
9
00:00:21,495 --> 00:00:22,697
♫ Underwear and shoes
10
00:00:22,697 --> 00:00:24,614
- Good morning, ladies.
11
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,646
(audience laughs)
12
00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:36,942
- Under the arms?
13
00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:38,898
(audience laughs)
14
00:00:38,898 --> 00:00:40,148
Oh, dirty neck.
15
00:00:42,486 --> 00:00:44,129
Morning.
16
00:00:44,129 --> 00:00:47,198
- Mr. Mash, what are you doing?
17
00:00:47,198 --> 00:00:49,207
- Just giving her a sponge down, sir.
18
00:00:49,207 --> 00:00:51,470
- Do you have to do it up here?
19
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:53,099
- Well, I daren't do
it in the cellar, sir.
20
00:00:53,099 --> 00:00:54,473
I'd get too excited.
21
00:00:54,473 --> 00:00:56,140
(audience laughs)
22
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:56,973
- Hurry up, Daphne.
23
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:59,884
You should be up those stairs by now.
24
00:00:59,884 --> 00:01:01,738
- Captain Peacock, did you know that
25
00:01:01,738 --> 00:01:05,130
this sort of thing was going on?
26
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,463
- No, I did not.
27
00:01:08,154 --> 00:01:10,962
Mr. Mash do you usually
do that sort of thing?
28
00:01:10,962 --> 00:01:12,365
- Only on the dummies, sir.
29
00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:13,937
(audience laughs)
30
00:01:13,937 --> 00:01:16,569
Well, they can't do it
themselves, can they?
31
00:01:16,569 --> 00:01:18,069
- Captain Peacock.
32
00:01:19,569 --> 00:01:23,736
I feel that the female staff
should wash the female dummies.
33
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,468
(audience laughs)
34
00:01:27,468 --> 00:01:31,026
- Yes, I do see the reasoning
behind your observation.
35
00:01:31,026 --> 00:01:33,295
On the other hand, what
about the male dummies?
36
00:01:33,295 --> 00:01:34,128
- Ah, yes.
37
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,028
Well, the men should do those, of course.
38
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:39,456
- Have you anybody in mind to
attend to the female dummies?
39
00:01:39,456 --> 00:01:41,480
- Well, how about the female cleaners?
40
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,446
- I fear that may well lead
to inter-union strife, sir.
41
00:01:44,446 --> 00:01:47,524
- But young Mr. Grace would
have a fit if he saw this.
42
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,771
- Yes, and he can't
afford too many of those.
43
00:01:49,771 --> 00:01:51,106
(audience laughs)
44
00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:51,986
I have it, sir.
45
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:55,532
Why don't we wash them
as they do in convents?
46
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,606
- How's that?
47
00:01:56,606 --> 00:01:58,320
- They wash in shifts.
48
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,736
- No, we don't have that many dummies.
49
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,653
- No, they wear shifts.
50
00:02:04,202 --> 00:02:05,587
- Do they?
51
00:02:05,587 --> 00:02:07,430
How do you know?
52
00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:08,969
- One reads books.
53
00:02:08,969 --> 00:02:10,148
(audience laughs)
54
00:02:10,148 --> 00:02:11,517
- Oh, I see.
55
00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:13,196
What exactly is a shift?
56
00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:14,682
- It's sort of a petticoat, sir.
57
00:02:14,682 --> 00:02:15,579
- Is it?
58
00:02:15,579 --> 00:02:18,412
That seems rather a good solution.
59
00:02:19,734 --> 00:02:22,157
- Mr. Mash, in future,
I would like you to wash
60
00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:24,521
the female dummies with a petticoat on.
61
00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:27,940
(audience laughs)
62
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:31,119
Well, if you say so, Captain Peacock.
63
00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:33,362
Is it all right if I keep my socks on?
64
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,279
(audience laughs)
65
00:02:37,316 --> 00:02:38,149
- Captain Peacock.
66
00:02:38,149 --> 00:02:40,808
- Excuse me, sir, I must sign on.
67
00:02:40,808 --> 00:02:42,712
- Captain Peacock, I'm rather surprised
68
00:02:42,712 --> 00:02:45,424
to see you wearing a bowler hat.
69
00:02:45,424 --> 00:02:46,348
- Really, sir?
70
00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:47,181
Why?
71
00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:49,016
- Well, at Grace Brothers,
bowlers are reserved
72
00:02:49,016 --> 00:02:51,646
for departmental heads and above.
73
00:02:51,646 --> 00:02:54,970
- I thought those archaic
rules had gone long ago, sir.
74
00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:56,468
- Well, no, they haven't.
75
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:59,915
Senior floor staff, such as
yourself, are allowed a homburg.
76
00:02:59,915 --> 00:03:03,832
Junior floor staff should
wear caps or trilbys.
77
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:05,724
- I see.
78
00:03:08,458 --> 00:03:11,620
(audience laughs)
79
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:14,287
- Good morning, Captain Peacock.
80
00:03:18,887 --> 00:03:21,481
- Mr. Humphries, may I
have a word with you?
81
00:03:21,481 --> 00:03:23,029
- Certainly, Captain Peacock.
82
00:03:23,029 --> 00:03:25,051
- I don't think you ought
to be wearing that hat.
83
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:25,884
- No?
84
00:03:25,884 --> 00:03:27,441
I thought a homburg was rather me.
85
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,660
(audience laughs)
86
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,311
- At Grace Brothers, homburgs are reserved
87
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:34,037
for senior floor staff, such
as myself and Mr. Grainger.
88
00:03:34,037 --> 00:03:34,962
- What a shame.
89
00:03:34,962 --> 00:03:36,197
I was going to see my solicitor.
90
00:03:36,197 --> 00:03:37,845
And they don't really go fo a porkpie
91
00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,216
at Solomon and Finkelstein.
92
00:03:39,216 --> 00:03:42,133
(audience laughs)
93
00:03:44,964 --> 00:03:45,800
- Good morning, Captain Peacock.
94
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,410
One minute to nine, just in time.
95
00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:50,993
- Mr. Lucas, why are
you not wearing a hat?
96
00:03:53,231 --> 00:03:54,313
- Am I supposed to?
97
00:03:54,313 --> 00:03:55,700
- Yes, you are.
98
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,524
It states quite clearly in
writing in the staff rules,
99
00:03:57,524 --> 00:04:01,176
that the junior floor staff
will wear a trilby or a cap.
100
00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:03,758
Senior floor staff will wear homburgs.
101
00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:05,359
- Oh well, Mrs. Slocombe
will look a fair old treat
102
00:04:05,359 --> 00:04:06,217
in a homburg.
103
00:04:06,217 --> 00:04:07,727
(audience laughs)
104
00:04:07,727 --> 00:04:08,726
Good morning, Mr. Humphries.
105
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:09,803
- Good morning, Mr. Lucas.
106
00:04:09,803 --> 00:04:11,416
Would it be all right to wear a bowler?
107
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:12,589
- Certainly not.
108
00:04:12,589 --> 00:04:15,058
Only departmental heads
and above may wear bowlers.
109
00:04:15,058 --> 00:04:18,179
- In that case, this can't
possibly belong to anyone here.
110
00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:19,876
I'll take it to the lost property office.
111
00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:22,793
(audience laughs)
112
00:04:23,891 --> 00:04:25,670
- Oh, good morning, Mrs. Slocombe.
113
00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:27,810
Morning, Miss Brahms.
114
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,279
Yes, just on the dot.
115
00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,383
- Oh, I'm worn out to start with.
116
00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:35,813
I have stood standing
in the bus all the way,
117
00:04:35,813 --> 00:04:38,488
and not one man offered me a seat.
118
00:04:38,488 --> 00:04:39,415
- You should do what I do.
119
00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:41,888
Shove a shopping bag under
your coat and stagger a bit.
120
00:04:41,888 --> 00:04:44,642
(audience laughs)
121
00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:46,683
- That's the trouble with all you ladies.
122
00:04:46,683 --> 00:04:48,124
You want equality, but you're not prepared
123
00:04:48,124 --> 00:04:49,552
to stand up for it.
124
00:04:49,552 --> 00:04:51,457
- Oh, you're very sharp today, aren't you?
125
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,011
- Quite right, Captain Peacock.
126
00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:54,339
They are all the same these days.
127
00:04:54,339 --> 00:04:55,887
You take girls out, and
they all want equality
128
00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:57,458
until the waiter brings the bill.
129
00:04:57,458 --> 00:04:58,514
- That's because of what you want
130
00:04:58,514 --> 00:05:00,364
after the waiter's brought the bill.
131
00:05:00,364 --> 00:05:01,545
(audience laughs)
132
00:05:01,545 --> 00:05:02,491
- When we don't get it,
how many offer to split it
133
00:05:02,491 --> 00:05:03,828
down the middle?
134
00:05:03,828 --> 00:05:05,542
(audience laughs)
135
00:05:05,542 --> 00:05:07,724
- It's time you were at
your counter, Mr. Lucas.
136
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,151
- Yes, of course, Captain Peacock,
137
00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:12,933
to deal with that milling
throng of customers.
138
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:14,648
- Good morning, Mr. Grainger.
139
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,583
Oh, I say you look exhausted.
140
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,538
- I am.
141
00:05:18,538 --> 00:05:22,098
I gave up my seat on the
train to some stupid woman.
142
00:05:22,098 --> 00:05:25,526
(audience laughs)
143
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,346
- The lost property
office seems to be closed.
144
00:05:27,346 --> 00:05:29,019
The man in charge has lost the key.
145
00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:29,852
(audience laughs)
146
00:05:29,852 --> 00:05:31,536
- In that case, I'll take charge of this.
147
00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:33,030
- Going somewhere, Captain Peacock?
148
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:34,021
- No, sir.
149
00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:35,761
Well, I should have thought
you'd have put your hat
150
00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,077
away by now.
151
00:05:37,077 --> 00:05:38,378
- Allow me.
152
00:05:38,378 --> 00:05:40,571
(audience laughs)
153
00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:41,623
- Is everyone here?
154
00:05:41,623 --> 00:05:42,542
- Yes, sir.
155
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:43,820
- Well, while there are no customers,
156
00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:45,570
I'd like a quick word with the staff.
157
00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:46,403
- Very well, sir.
158
00:05:46,403 --> 00:05:47,514
Would everybody gather round, please?
159
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,536
Mr. Rumbold wants a quick word.
160
00:05:49,536 --> 00:05:51,041
Mrs. Slocombe, Miss Brahms.
161
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:52,339
- Oh, hang on.
162
00:05:52,339 --> 00:05:54,052
- You should do that before you get here.
163
00:05:54,052 --> 00:05:55,311
- She used to do it on the bus,
164
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:57,019
but the lipstick kept
shooting up her nose.
165
00:05:57,019 --> 00:05:59,248
(audience laughs)
166
00:05:59,248 --> 00:06:02,432
- I have here the trade
figures for last month,
167
00:06:02,432 --> 00:06:04,686
and I am deeply concerned.
168
00:06:04,686 --> 00:06:06,300
- I read about those in
the paper, Mr. Rumbold.
169
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,970
Poor old England, hundreds of
millions of quid in the red.
170
00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:11,045
- I'm referring to this department.
171
00:06:11,045 --> 00:06:14,918
We were over 600 pounds
down again last week.
172
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:16,396
Now, why is this?
173
00:06:16,396 --> 00:06:18,640
- I know the answer to that.
174
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,710
People aren't spending so much money.
175
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,205
(audience laughs)
176
00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:24,806
- Yes, that could have
something to do with it.
177
00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:27,347
- They're not even
looking like they used to.
178
00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:29,361
I mean, there was a time when
you'd go up to a customer
179
00:06:29,361 --> 00:06:31,659
and say, excuse me, sir,
are you being served?
180
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,245
And they'd say no, just looking.
181
00:06:33,245 --> 00:06:34,751
Now they don't even come in.
182
00:06:34,751 --> 00:06:36,868
It's most frustrating,
isn't it, Mr. Grainger?
183
00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:37,701
(audience laughs)
184
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:38,534
- Most frustrating.
185
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:41,866
Trousers are at a complete standstill.
186
00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:43,458
- You're lucky to get
your tape up once a day.
187
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:47,085
(audience laughs)
188
00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:51,012
- My corsets have been
down for over a fortnight.
189
00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:53,028
(audience laughs)
190
00:06:53,028 --> 00:06:55,499
I mean women nowadays let
their figures run riot
191
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,416
and then wear a kaftan.
192
00:06:58,796 --> 00:07:01,316
- Well, I know we are living
in very difficult times.
193
00:07:01,316 --> 00:07:02,422
- Precisely.
194
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,084
Of course, the pound is to blame.
195
00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:06,834
Look at the price of milk.
196
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:10,696
- Oh, and I remember when bread
was three farthings a loaf.
197
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,892
- Things were bound to
go up after Mafakin.
198
00:07:12,892 --> 00:07:15,311
(audience laughs)
199
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:18,268
- Do we have to have the
juniors in on this discussion?
200
00:07:18,268 --> 00:07:20,785
- Well, I think we are
straying from the point,
201
00:07:20,785 --> 00:07:24,061
which is that our sales
figures are down and I am going
202
00:07:24,061 --> 00:07:27,409
to be asked by the board
to give a reason for it.
203
00:07:27,409 --> 00:07:28,925
What am I going to say?
204
00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:30,737
- Goodbye and it's been nice being here.
205
00:07:30,737 --> 00:07:31,915
(audience laughs)
206
00:07:31,915 --> 00:07:33,690
- You may find yourself
saying that, Mr. Lucas,
207
00:07:33,690 --> 00:07:35,483
if you make any further interruptions.
208
00:07:35,483 --> 00:07:36,316
- I'm sorry, sir.
209
00:07:36,316 --> 00:07:37,437
- It's youth, Captain Peacock.
210
00:07:37,437 --> 00:07:39,075
You can't hold it down.
211
00:07:39,075 --> 00:07:40,862
- If I may make a suggestion, sir,
212
00:07:40,862 --> 00:07:44,300
why don't we take a leaf
out of the government's book
213
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,203
and have a think tank?
214
00:07:46,203 --> 00:07:47,858
- A what?
215
00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:50,747
- A think tank where
everybody throws in ideas.
216
00:07:50,747 --> 00:07:52,997
- What, into the tank?
217
00:07:52,997 --> 00:07:54,500
(audience laughs)
218
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,532
- No, Mrs. Slocombe, there
isn't actually a tank.
219
00:07:56,532 --> 00:07:59,032
- Oh, you just think there is.
220
00:08:00,429 --> 00:08:02,140
- Perhaps I should
explain it more clearly.
221
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:06,135
Experts sit around, chew over a problem,
222
00:08:06,135 --> 00:08:08,218
then bring up a solution.
223
00:08:09,104 --> 00:08:11,522
- When you put it like that,
they could do with a tank.
224
00:08:11,522 --> 00:08:12,413
(audience laughs)
225
00:08:12,413 --> 00:08:14,402
- I think that's a
surprisingly good suggestion,
226
00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:15,494
Captain Peacock.
227
00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,512
Are we agreed then,
we'll have a think tank?
228
00:08:17,512 --> 00:08:18,645
- Yes, yes.
229
00:08:18,645 --> 00:08:19,969
- A very good suggestion
of Captain Peacock's,
230
00:08:19,969 --> 00:08:20,878
don't you think so?
231
00:08:20,878 --> 00:08:22,392
- A stroke of genius.
232
00:08:22,392 --> 00:08:26,129
- You know gin used to
be 12 and six a bottle.
233
00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:27,439
- Are we agreed?
234
00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:29,184
- [All] Yes, it used to
be 12 and six a bottle.
235
00:08:29,184 --> 00:08:31,423
(audience laughs)
236
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,256
- No, no, no.
237
00:08:32,256 --> 00:08:34,234
Are we agreed that we
shall have a think tank?
238
00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:35,491
- [All] Oh, yes, yes.
239
00:08:35,491 --> 00:08:36,697
- Right, well, we'll
meet here this evening,
240
00:08:36,697 --> 00:08:38,077
after the store closes.
241
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:39,124
- Well, I can't stay behind.
242
00:08:39,124 --> 00:08:41,576
I'm being picked up
outside the staff entrance.
243
00:08:41,576 --> 00:08:42,968
- If I were you, I'd
stand outside the front.
244
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:44,337
You'd get a better class of person.
245
00:08:44,337 --> 00:08:45,839
(audience laughs)
246
00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:49,632
- I shan't be seeing you, then, shall I?
247
00:08:49,632 --> 00:08:52,861
- I daresay, we could manage
without you, Miss Brahms.
248
00:08:52,861 --> 00:08:54,457
- I can't make it, I've got someone coming
249
00:08:54,457 --> 00:08:55,871
around to wash my hair.
250
00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:58,897
(audience laughs)
251
00:08:58,897 --> 00:09:00,106
- With the little bit you've got,
252
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:03,168
that shouldn't be a two-man job.
253
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,742
- Couldn't you phone him?
254
00:09:04,742 --> 00:09:06,541
- What makes you all think it's him?
255
00:09:06,541 --> 00:09:08,688
(audience laughs)
256
00:09:08,688 --> 00:09:10,502
As a matter of fact, it's the
girl from the poodle parlor.
257
00:09:10,502 --> 00:09:12,628
She does a lovely cut and blow wave
258
00:09:12,628 --> 00:09:14,552
and it doesn't cost me a thing.
259
00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:15,900
All I've got to do is sit up and beg.
260
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,998
(audience laughs)
261
00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,794
- Oh, very well, Mr. Humphries.
262
00:09:19,794 --> 00:09:22,380
- Well, if I'm not home
on the stroke of six,
263
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,038
my pussy goes mad.
264
00:09:24,038 --> 00:09:26,340
(audience laughs)
265
00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:29,437
- It's hardly convenient for me, too.
266
00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:32,643
- What excuse have you got, Peacock?
267
00:09:32,643 --> 00:09:34,947
- I have to rush away and buy a hat.
268
00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:37,356
(audience laughs)
269
00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:38,516
- Well, Mr. Rumbold, it looks like you
270
00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:40,421
and Mr. Grainger for the think tank.
271
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:42,897
Due to the fact that on
Captain Peacock's instructions,
272
00:09:42,897 --> 00:09:44,732
I, too, have to go and buy a hat,
273
00:09:44,732 --> 00:09:47,720
as befits my menial and
lowly position here.
274
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,241
- Well, I'm perfectly
prepared to toss some ideas
275
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,093
about and give you the benefit
276
00:09:52,093 --> 00:09:55,514
of my vast experience, Mr. Rumbold.
277
00:09:55,514 --> 00:09:57,489
- I think in the
circumstances we will cancel
278
00:09:57,489 --> 00:10:00,171
the think tank for tonight
and convene at a time
279
00:10:00,171 --> 00:10:02,800
when we can all get there.
280
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,460
Let's say tomorrow morning at 8:30.
281
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:06,329
- 8:30?
282
00:10:06,329 --> 00:10:08,673
But that's a half an hour
before the store opens.
283
00:10:08,673 --> 00:10:09,580
- Yes, you're quite right.
284
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,516
It's not early enough.
285
00:10:10,516 --> 00:10:11,440
We'll make it eight.
286
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,357
(staff chattering)
287
00:10:17,911 --> 00:10:19,041
- Good morning.
288
00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:21,995
- Oh, I'm dying for a cup of coffee.
289
00:10:21,995 --> 00:10:22,892
- So am I.
290
00:10:22,892 --> 00:10:25,142
I want one to take my pill.
291
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:26,863
- Are you on the pill?
292
00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:29,351
(audience laughs)
293
00:10:29,351 --> 00:10:33,518
- When Mr. Mash gets here
we'll send him to the canteen.
294
00:10:35,124 --> 00:10:37,777
- Beatrice, turn that
confounded thing off for now.
295
00:10:37,777 --> 00:10:38,694
- Yes, sir.
296
00:10:40,592 --> 00:10:42,346
- I hope I haven't kept you all waiting.
297
00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:45,631
I just stopped at Beppo's to get a coffee.
298
00:10:45,631 --> 00:10:47,128
Good morning, ladies.
299
00:10:47,128 --> 00:10:47,961
- [Ladies] Good morning.
300
00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:49,181
- Good morning, sir.
301
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,688
- Good morning, Captain Peacock.
302
00:10:51,688 --> 00:10:53,130
I must say, I like the hat.
303
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,041
- Thank you, sir.
304
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,243
For some reason, they seem to be much more
305
00:10:56,243 --> 00:10:58,411
expensive than bowlers.
306
00:10:58,411 --> 00:11:00,021
It's hardly surprising, I suppose,
307
00:11:00,021 --> 00:11:02,568
since it seems that
bowlers are mainly worn
308
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:04,798
by private detectives and bailiffs.
309
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,700
(audience laughs)
310
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,700
- I'm dying for a cup of coffee.
311
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,198
Can I just have a sip?
312
00:11:11,198 --> 00:11:12,247
- Oh, very well.
313
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:13,580
- Oh, thank you.
314
00:11:15,172 --> 00:11:17,435
(audience laughs)
315
00:11:17,435 --> 00:11:19,102
Oh, that was lovely.
316
00:11:21,131 --> 00:11:23,957
It's much better than the canteen muck.
317
00:11:23,957 --> 00:11:25,368
Taste that, Miss Brahms.
318
00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:28,285
(audience laughs)
319
00:11:29,316 --> 00:11:31,935
- Oh, isn't it lovely and creamy?
320
00:11:31,935 --> 00:11:34,055
(audience laughs)
321
00:11:34,055 --> 00:11:37,972
- Could I just have a
sip to wash down my pill?
322
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:43,815
It's my blood pressure, you
know, unless I take them
323
00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:48,095
regularly I feel as though
I am going to blow up.
324
00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:50,010
(audience laughs)
325
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,927
- Please take it now, Mr. Grainger.
326
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,513
- Oh, it hasn't gone down.
327
00:11:58,513 --> 00:12:01,430
(audience laughs)
328
00:12:07,174 --> 00:12:08,814
Oh, it's very nasty.
329
00:12:08,814 --> 00:12:09,981
- Yes, indeed.
330
00:12:11,546 --> 00:12:13,809
- You're very quiet this
morning, Mr. Humphries.
331
00:12:13,809 --> 00:12:16,364
- I was just finishing off my dream.
332
00:12:16,364 --> 00:12:19,237
(audience laughs)
333
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:22,077
I dreamt that there was
this wild creature half man,
334
00:12:22,077 --> 00:12:25,687
half beast came galloping
towards me on a big, black horse.
335
00:12:25,687 --> 00:12:27,422
I didn't know which way to turn.
336
00:12:27,422 --> 00:12:29,487
(audience laughs)
337
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,274
I was absolutely petrified,
338
00:12:32,274 --> 00:12:34,184
until I noticed he was riding sidesaddle.
339
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:36,272
(audience laughs)
340
00:12:36,272 --> 00:12:38,586
- It's very difficult getting
up early in the morning.
341
00:12:38,586 --> 00:12:42,753
My wife insists that we still
clean our teeth in the dark.
342
00:12:43,717 --> 00:12:47,096
It's all very well for her,
but I can't find my teeth.
343
00:12:47,096 --> 00:12:49,543
(audience laughs)
344
00:12:49,543 --> 00:12:53,710
- It must be magic being
married to you, Mr. Grainger.
345
00:12:55,749 --> 00:12:57,751
- You're late again, Mr. Lucas.
346
00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,097
- Thank goodness you're all here.
347
00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:00,738
- I said, you're late.
348
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,008
- Yes, very late.
349
00:13:02,008 --> 00:13:03,287
- What is the excuse this time?
350
00:13:03,287 --> 00:13:05,019
- I can't tell you, Captain Peacock,
351
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:07,519
the relief to see you
all safe and breathing.
352
00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:09,033
It was horrible, horrible.
353
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:10,387
- What was?
354
00:13:10,387 --> 00:13:11,496
- Well, this dream that I had.
355
00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,187
It was more of a
premonition, really, you see.
356
00:13:13,187 --> 00:13:15,642
I dreamed that I woke up, streaked here
357
00:13:15,642 --> 00:13:16,842
so as to be on time.
358
00:13:16,842 --> 00:13:18,826
(audience laughs)
359
00:13:18,826 --> 00:13:20,638
Came up in the lift right
here to the department
360
00:13:20,638 --> 00:13:22,275
and when I got here, you were
all sitting around the table,
361
00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:25,068
motionless, just like that,
with your mouths open.
362
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:26,459
- I think it's come true.
363
00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:28,576
(audience laughs)
364
00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:30,371
- What a horrible dream.
365
00:13:30,371 --> 00:13:31,530
What happened then?
366
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:34,074
- Well, I just touched Captain
Peacock on the shoulder,
367
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,508
you see and he just fell
over slowly out of his chair
368
00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:39,272
and crashed down onto the
floor and broke into hundreds
369
00:13:39,272 --> 00:13:40,772
of little pieces.
370
00:13:41,975 --> 00:13:44,855
I was just putting humpty
together again, when I woke up.
371
00:13:44,855 --> 00:13:47,069
- Why should that be
an excuse for lateness?
372
00:13:47,069 --> 00:13:48,464
- I was having trouble with your head,
373
00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:49,763
you see, Captain Peacock.
374
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:50,937
(audience laughs)
375
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,732
Every time I put it back
on, you sort of unbalanced
376
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:56,277
and fell off your chair again.
377
00:13:56,277 --> 00:13:58,140
It's not at all that big either, is it?
378
00:13:58,140 --> 00:13:59,973
- Sit down, Mr. Lucas.
379
00:14:02,328 --> 00:14:04,922
- Well, if we're all assembled.
380
00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,272
- Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
381
00:14:06,272 --> 00:14:08,855
- Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
382
00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:12,898
- Well, the problem before us is the fall
383
00:14:12,898 --> 00:14:15,900
in our sales figures over the past month.
384
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:18,192
(audience laughs)
385
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,937
And how we are going to rectify it?
386
00:14:20,937 --> 00:14:24,141
We have all had a further
12 hours to think over
387
00:14:24,141 --> 00:14:27,979
this problem, and I feel sure
you've all come to the meeting
388
00:14:27,979 --> 00:14:30,562
full of ideas and suggestions.
389
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:33,701
- Ooh!
390
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:36,222
(audience laughs)
391
00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:37,426
- I don't think that's such
392
00:14:37,426 --> 00:14:39,640
a good idea after all, Mr. Mash.
393
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,845
- I think you should do
that in the fitting room.
394
00:14:41,845 --> 00:14:43,933
- I don't think he should do it anywhere.
395
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,364
(audience laughs)
396
00:14:45,364 --> 00:14:46,928
At 20 past eight in the morning
397
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:49,299
it's more than flesh and blood can stand.
398
00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:52,547
- Yes, I think you'd better stop, Mash.
399
00:14:52,547 --> 00:14:54,019
- Shall I powder her down, sir?
400
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,265
- Certainly not.
401
00:14:55,265 --> 00:14:56,548
- But she's still got a wet--
402
00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:57,867
- Never mind, Mr. Mash.
403
00:14:57,867 --> 00:14:58,944
(audience laughs)
404
00:14:58,944 --> 00:15:00,404
Just leave the floor.
405
00:15:00,404 --> 00:15:01,644
- Oh, all right.
406
00:15:01,644 --> 00:15:02,685
Marvelous, isn't it, eh?
407
00:15:02,685 --> 00:15:03,518
Bloody marvelous.
408
00:15:03,518 --> 00:15:05,017
I'll tell you what I will do.
409
00:15:05,017 --> 00:15:07,226
I'll take her to the staff changing room
410
00:15:07,226 --> 00:15:09,516
We'll have a shower together.
411
00:15:09,516 --> 00:15:11,253
- Better make it a cold one.
412
00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:13,690
- I think you'd better wait
until the store's closed,
413
00:15:13,690 --> 00:15:16,940
and then do it somewhere
where no one can see you.
414
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:18,382
(blows raspberries)
415
00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:19,741
(audience laughs)
416
00:15:19,741 --> 00:15:22,991
- Creaky arms, sir, needs a bit of oil.
417
00:15:23,955 --> 00:15:27,083
- Well, as I was saying how
are we going to increase
418
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,412
our figures?
419
00:15:28,412 --> 00:15:31,719
Let's run a few ideas up the
mast and see who salutes them.
420
00:15:31,719 --> 00:15:33,617
- Why don't we have a sale?
421
00:15:33,617 --> 00:15:36,444
- We had a spring sale a month ago.
422
00:15:36,444 --> 00:15:40,361
We can't go on having
sales without any reason.
423
00:15:41,545 --> 00:15:42,868
- Why don't we do like the petrol stations
424
00:15:42,868 --> 00:15:45,753
give away plastic footballs or tankards?
425
00:15:45,753 --> 00:15:48,524
- That's going to be a
big draw in my lingerie.
426
00:15:48,524 --> 00:15:50,345
(audience laughs)
427
00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:52,028
- In the sports department,
428
00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:56,877
they've just had a famous
golfer autographing clubs.
429
00:15:56,877 --> 00:15:58,079
- But what sort of person could we get
430
00:15:58,079 --> 00:15:59,285
to autograph trousers?
431
00:15:59,285 --> 00:16:01,143
(audience laughs)
432
00:16:01,143 --> 00:16:03,023
- Errol Flynn would have done very well.
433
00:16:03,023 --> 00:16:04,635
(audience laughs)
434
00:16:04,635 --> 00:16:06,087
- Well, I'm not having Raquel Welch
435
00:16:06,087 --> 00:16:08,746
autographing one of my bras.
436
00:16:08,746 --> 00:16:09,955
- Who needs Raquel Welch?
437
00:16:09,955 --> 00:16:11,230
The way you're stacked,
you've got enough space
438
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:12,853
for the whole of the Manchester United.
439
00:16:12,853 --> 00:16:15,303
(audience laughs)
440
00:16:15,303 --> 00:16:16,580
- If I have any more of your lip,
441
00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:18,543
I'll come over there and smack your chops.
442
00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:19,875
I'm just in the mood.
443
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:20,939
(audience laughs)
444
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,267
- Order, order, please.
445
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:27,050
- Now, how about advertising
in the local newspapers?
446
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:31,217
Something like, you get a
square deal at Grace Brothers?
447
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:34,126
- We'd be in trouble with
the trades descriptions act.
448
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:36,041
(audience laughs)
449
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:36,874
- Oh, I don't know.
450
00:16:36,874 --> 00:16:38,525
I mean, you couldn't have squarer clothes
451
00:16:38,525 --> 00:16:39,811
than what we've got.
452
00:16:39,811 --> 00:16:41,200
(audience laughs)
453
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,760
- What do you mean, Mr. Lucas?
454
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:43,972
- Well, we're not exactly trendy, are we?
455
00:16:43,972 --> 00:16:46,243
Look at all the fuss
you made the other week
456
00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:48,320
when I came in wearing high-heeled shoes.
457
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,887
- It wasn't the shoes it
was that walking stick
458
00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:51,587
you had to stop yourself
from falling over.
459
00:16:51,587 --> 00:16:53,585
(audience laughs)
460
00:16:53,585 --> 00:16:56,206
- Anyway, I think they
look ridiculous on men.
461
00:16:56,206 --> 00:16:57,194
- Well, I like them.
462
00:16:57,194 --> 00:16:58,961
All the pop stars wear them.
463
00:16:58,961 --> 00:17:01,202
- Mr. Lucas is not a pop star.
464
00:17:01,202 --> 00:17:03,241
- No, but pop stars set the fashion.
465
00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:07,608
- Are you suggesting we should
all dress like Bing Crosby?
466
00:17:07,608 --> 00:17:10,599
(audience laughs)
467
00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:12,733
- I don't think that Bing Crosby
468
00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:14,876
would would help the sales on this floor.
469
00:17:14,876 --> 00:17:18,473
- Now, do we have any
sensible suggestions?
470
00:17:18,473 --> 00:17:19,838
- Yes, sir, I have.
471
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,885
After I came out of the army,
472
00:17:21,885 --> 00:17:24,284
I made a study of sales technique.
473
00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:27,388
There was a theory that a moving display
474
00:17:27,388 --> 00:17:30,945
has more impact than a static one.
475
00:17:30,945 --> 00:17:32,195
- [Both] True.
476
00:17:33,646 --> 00:17:35,220
- Well, I suppose you mean
we should have our trousers
477
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,760
moving about more?
478
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,506
(audience laughs)
479
00:17:38,506 --> 00:17:40,185
- How do we achieve that?
480
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,251
- A couple of dozen
pairs of electric legs?
481
00:17:42,251 --> 00:17:44,223
(audience laughs)
482
00:17:44,223 --> 00:17:45,710
- I'm being quite serious, Mr. Lucas.
483
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:47,922
- Well, how does that
affect my department?
484
00:17:47,922 --> 00:17:50,556
- Yes, do we have lots of
electric knickers jumping up
485
00:17:50,556 --> 00:17:52,588
and down on the counter?
486
00:17:52,588 --> 00:17:54,826
- Wouldn't that be very expensive?
487
00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:56,077
- We can have Mrs. Slocombe jumping up
488
00:17:56,077 --> 00:17:57,176
and down on the counter.
489
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,019
(audience laughs)
490
00:17:58,019 --> 00:17:59,146
That should make a big enough impact.
491
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,695
(audience laughs)
492
00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:02,314
- That's it.
493
00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:04,023
I am withdrawing to the canteen.
494
00:18:04,023 --> 00:18:06,217
- Please Mrs. Slocombe, do bear with us.
495
00:18:06,217 --> 00:18:08,714
I think Captain Peacock
may be onto something.
496
00:18:08,714 --> 00:18:09,964
- Make him apologize then.
497
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:10,930
- Lucas!
498
00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:12,769
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Slocombe.
499
00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:14,492
It's just that you're
such a likable person
500
00:18:14,492 --> 00:18:16,449
and such a sport, I find it
difficult to think of you
501
00:18:16,449 --> 00:18:19,381
as head of the ladies department.
502
00:18:19,381 --> 00:18:21,986
- I shall accept your gracious apology,
503
00:18:21,986 --> 00:18:24,536
but I suggest for the
rest of this discussion
504
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,244
you shut your cakehole.
505
00:18:26,244 --> 00:18:28,000
(audience laughs)
506
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,962
- What I had in mind, if
I may be allowed to speak.
507
00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:32,440
- Yes, do continue, Captain Peacock.
508
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,441
- Thank you.
509
00:18:33,441 --> 00:18:35,848
- You know, I'd always thought he'd get on
510
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,238
ever since I saw him in college rhythm.
511
00:18:38,238 --> 00:18:41,155
(audience laughs)
512
00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:43,571
- Saw who?
513
00:18:43,571 --> 00:18:44,843
- Bing Crosby.
514
00:18:44,843 --> 00:18:46,473
(audience laughs)
515
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:47,999
- We've left that some time ago.
516
00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:49,739
- I know, 1935.
517
00:18:49,739 --> 00:18:51,245
(audience laughs)
518
00:18:51,245 --> 00:18:52,766
- Mr. Grainger, may I speak?
519
00:18:52,766 --> 00:18:54,146
- Oh, you saw it too, did you?
520
00:18:54,146 --> 00:18:55,089
It was fun.
521
00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:56,120
(audience laughs)
522
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,162
- Look, we'd better get a move on.
523
00:18:57,162 --> 00:18:58,683
I've still got to touch up my mouth.
524
00:18:58,683 --> 00:18:59,999
It'll be opening time soon.
525
00:18:59,999 --> 00:19:02,592
(audience laughs)
526
00:19:02,592 --> 00:19:05,197
- Do get to the point, Captain Peacock.
527
00:19:05,197 --> 00:19:07,678
- I think I have the solution.
528
00:19:07,678 --> 00:19:10,845
I suggest that we have a fashion show.
529
00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:17,448
- Well, he's run it up the mast.
530
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:18,546
Who's going to salute it?
531
00:19:18,546 --> 00:19:20,060
(audience laughs)
532
00:19:20,060 --> 00:19:22,303
- I don't mean a fashion
show in the accepted sense
533
00:19:22,303 --> 00:19:25,117
of the word, I mean, where one
shows off exotic creations.
534
00:19:25,117 --> 00:19:27,531
No, I mean, a down-to-earth fashion show
535
00:19:27,531 --> 00:19:29,769
where we demonstrate to
the man in the street
536
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,480
that we sell ordinary
clothes that are well within
537
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,877
the reach of his pocket.
538
00:19:33,877 --> 00:19:35,874
- And what about the woman in the street?
539
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:36,707
- Unisex!
540
00:19:37,779 --> 00:19:38,670
- I beg your pardon?
541
00:19:38,670 --> 00:19:40,166
(audience laughs)
542
00:19:40,166 --> 00:19:42,028
- I mean a show for both sexes.
543
00:19:42,028 --> 00:19:44,433
I don't think your idea
for a men's fashion show
544
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,008
would get us anywhere, but
my idea for a unisex show
545
00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:49,614
seems very original.
546
00:19:49,614 --> 00:19:51,699
- But I thought unisex meant men and women
547
00:19:51,699 --> 00:19:53,236
in the same clothes.
548
00:19:53,236 --> 00:19:54,665
- It does.
549
00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:55,498
- Does it?
550
00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,317
Perhaps I meant bisexual.
551
00:19:58,317 --> 00:20:00,697
(audience laughs)
552
00:20:00,697 --> 00:20:04,961
- No, I don't think you
meant that, Mr. Rumbold.
553
00:20:04,961 --> 00:20:06,793
- Perhaps we should call it a man
554
00:20:06,793 --> 00:20:08,702
and woman's fashion parade.
555
00:20:08,702 --> 00:20:12,682
- Or better still, a male
and female modes on the move.
556
00:20:12,682 --> 00:20:13,677
Yes, that's it.
557
00:20:13,677 --> 00:20:16,024
I don't think your idea for a
man and woman's fashion parade
558
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:18,851
would have any appeal at
all, but my idea for male
559
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,474
and female modes on the
move has fantastic appeal.
560
00:20:22,474 --> 00:20:23,580
Agreed?
561
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:25,647
- Oh, yes, Mr. Rumbold, yes.
562
00:20:25,647 --> 00:20:26,751
(audience laughs)
563
00:20:26,751 --> 00:20:27,933
What a pity you couldn't have thought
564
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:30,811
of something like that, Captain Peacock.
565
00:20:30,811 --> 00:20:32,648
- Yes, it needs an
executive mind to come up
566
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,773
with something of that sort.
567
00:20:33,773 --> 00:20:35,086
(audience laughs)
568
00:20:35,086 --> 00:20:37,493
- One has a certain
responsibility to produce ideas.
569
00:20:37,493 --> 00:20:40,886
- Uneasy lies the head
that wears the crown.
570
00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:43,136
- Or indeed the bowler hat.
571
00:20:45,191 --> 00:20:47,652
- All I have to do now is
to approach young Mr. Grace
572
00:20:47,652 --> 00:20:49,764
and convince him that it's a good idea.
573
00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:50,597
- That you've had.
574
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:51,738
- Yes.
575
00:20:51,738 --> 00:20:53,497
- Well, you'll have to
convince him that it's
576
00:20:53,497 --> 00:20:55,032
a very good idea before
he forks out a couple
577
00:20:55,032 --> 00:20:57,527
of hundred quid for six mannequins.
578
00:20:57,527 --> 00:20:58,765
- As much as that?
579
00:20:58,765 --> 00:21:00,210
- It'd be cheaper to
have electric trousers
580
00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:01,570
and Mrs. Slocombe jumping
up and down on the,
581
00:21:01,570 --> 00:21:03,101
I'm sorry Mrs. Slocombe!
582
00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:05,299
I'm sorry, I just got carried away.
583
00:21:05,299 --> 00:21:07,686
- Yes, well, it's up to me now to get over
584
00:21:07,686 --> 00:21:09,187
the financial problem.
585
00:21:09,187 --> 00:21:10,485
If I run into any difficulties,
586
00:21:10,485 --> 00:21:13,093
we'll just have to have another
session of the think tank.
587
00:21:13,093 --> 00:21:15,405
- In which we think and
it all goes in your tank.
588
00:21:15,405 --> 00:21:17,199
(bell rings)
589
00:21:17,199 --> 00:21:18,678
- Well, the store's open.
590
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,178
Places, everybody.
591
00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:32,562
- I hope this is not
going to take too long.
592
00:21:32,562 --> 00:21:36,111
I'm supposed to be going
to see Last Tango in Paris.
593
00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:38,216
(audience laughs)
594
00:21:38,216 --> 00:21:41,022
I got the okay from my heart
specialist this morning.
595
00:21:41,022 --> 00:21:43,028
(audience laughs)
596
00:21:43,028 --> 00:21:45,671
- No, no, Mr. Grace, you just sit there.
597
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:49,515
What you're going to
see is the fashion show
598
00:21:49,515 --> 00:21:51,070
I told you about.
599
00:21:51,070 --> 00:21:52,375
- Did you?
600
00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:54,378
Oh, yes. yes, I remember
601
00:21:54,378 --> 00:21:57,312
Yes, male and female moods in the mauve.
602
00:21:57,312 --> 00:21:59,417
(audience laughs)
603
00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:00,777
- Modes on the move.
604
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:02,489
The fashion show to help
the falling figures.
605
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,238
- Are we going to see girls in corsets?
606
00:22:05,238 --> 00:22:06,786
(audience laughs)
607
00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:09,852
- No, sales figures Mr.
Grace and if you like it,
608
00:22:09,852 --> 00:22:11,542
then we'll have one.
609
00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:12,875
- Have one what?
610
00:22:13,868 --> 00:22:15,551
- A fashion show, sir.
611
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:17,623
- Well, I thought we were having one.
612
00:22:17,623 --> 00:22:19,859
- No, this is just a
demonstration to show you
613
00:22:19,859 --> 00:22:22,025
what we have in mind.
614
00:22:22,025 --> 00:22:23,307
It's aimed at the man in the street
615
00:22:23,307 --> 00:22:24,872
and the woman in the street.
616
00:22:24,872 --> 00:22:26,160
- You mean tarts?
617
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,321
(audience laughs)
618
00:22:28,321 --> 00:22:31,466
- No, sir, just ordinary people.
619
00:22:31,466 --> 00:22:33,656
Are you ready with the
microphone, Mr. Lucas?
620
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:35,661
- Ready when you are, Mr. Rumbold.
621
00:22:35,661 --> 00:22:37,911
- Then carry on, Mr. Lucas.
622
00:22:39,060 --> 00:22:41,560
(jazzy music)
623
00:22:42,475 --> 00:22:44,392
- First, we have Bobby.
624
00:22:45,778 --> 00:22:48,575
(audience laughs)
625
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:51,575
(audience clapping)
626
00:22:54,437 --> 00:22:59,406
Spring is in the air but
beware of the winter wind.
627
00:22:59,406 --> 00:23:02,474
(audience laughs)
628
00:23:02,474 --> 00:23:04,078
But Bobby's keeping warm as toast
629
00:23:04,078 --> 00:23:06,678
in a cozy crombie, inspired by James Bond
630
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:08,933
in You Only Live Twice.
631
00:23:08,933 --> 00:23:11,433
(audience laughs)
632
00:23:11,433 --> 00:23:13,850
Is that a storm approaching?
633
00:23:15,206 --> 00:23:16,601
Bobby doesn't care.
634
00:23:16,601 --> 00:23:18,844
He's got his snap-up Japanese brolly.
635
00:23:18,844 --> 00:23:21,761
(audience laughs)
636
00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:26,052
Bobby's Great Gatsby hat
will stay dry as a bone
637
00:23:26,052 --> 00:23:27,885
and Bobby's tootsies
will stay dry as well,
638
00:23:27,885 --> 00:23:30,226
thanks to his ever tough streetwalkers.
639
00:23:30,226 --> 00:23:31,923
(audience laughs)
640
00:23:31,923 --> 00:23:34,028
Hat three pounds, shoes 9.50, cozy crombie
641
00:23:34,028 --> 00:23:36,641
from Grace Brothers, 44.95.
642
00:23:36,641 --> 00:23:38,142
- And, I'm extra.
643
00:23:38,142 --> 00:23:39,610
(audience laughs)
644
00:23:39,610 --> 00:23:40,807
- Well done (clapping).
645
00:23:40,807 --> 00:23:42,291
Very good, very good.
646
00:23:42,291 --> 00:23:45,291
(audience clapping)
647
00:23:46,208 --> 00:23:48,758
- Doesn't that boy look
like our Mr. Humphries?
648
00:23:48,758 --> 00:23:50,928
- That was our Mr. Humphries, sir.
649
00:23:50,928 --> 00:23:52,334
- Oh, he has left us?
650
00:23:52,334 --> 00:23:54,032
(audience laughs)
651
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:55,394
- No, sir, but you wouldn't pay
652
00:23:55,394 --> 00:23:57,397
for professional models
until you were convinced
653
00:23:57,397 --> 00:23:58,980
it was a good idea.
654
00:24:00,137 --> 00:24:03,427
- And now we have Tania and Tony.
655
00:24:03,427 --> 00:24:06,344
(audience laughs)
656
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:14,334
Home from the office and so to bed.
657
00:24:17,132 --> 00:24:18,297
- Wait for me!
658
00:24:18,297 --> 00:24:19,464
- Oh, come on!
659
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,091
- [Lucas] Leap into bed
in our snug-as-a-bug
660
00:24:24,091 --> 00:24:25,674
range of sleepwear.
661
00:24:27,144 --> 00:24:30,009
- That's not Grainger's wife, is it?
662
00:24:30,009 --> 00:24:31,461
- No, sir.
663
00:24:31,461 --> 00:24:32,730
- He always was a bit of a lad.
664
00:24:32,730 --> 00:24:34,802
(audience laughs)
665
00:24:34,802 --> 00:24:37,910
- [Lucas] Tony's tired,
so he's off to bye-byes.
666
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:41,433
So it's off with the
dressing gown to reveal
667
00:24:41,433 --> 00:24:44,424
(audience laughs)
668
00:24:44,424 --> 00:24:45,767
to reveal--
669
00:24:45,767 --> 00:24:46,731
- It's knotted.
670
00:24:46,731 --> 00:24:48,280
- Tony's got knotted, so he's not going to
671
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,718
reveal anything at all.
672
00:24:50,718 --> 00:24:53,852
So let's turn our attention
to Tania, and I must say,
673
00:24:53,852 --> 00:24:56,220
that's not too difficult at all.
674
00:24:56,220 --> 00:24:58,511
Tania is wearing one of our new range
675
00:24:58,511 --> 00:25:02,178
of naughty 90's nighties,
note the cherries.
676
00:25:03,815 --> 00:25:05,566
(audience laughs)
677
00:25:05,566 --> 00:25:07,755
It's made for dream time,
but if she wore it to a ball,
678
00:25:07,755 --> 00:25:09,334
who'd notice the difference?
679
00:25:09,334 --> 00:25:10,655
- Well, I would for one.
680
00:25:10,655 --> 00:25:12,168
(audience laughs)
681
00:25:12,168 --> 00:25:13,789
- Mr. Lucas, I'm ready!
682
00:25:13,789 --> 00:25:15,928
- Not now, Tony, not now!
683
00:25:15,928 --> 00:25:17,744
- Well, what shall I do?
684
00:25:17,744 --> 00:25:19,548
- Go and snuff out Tania's candle.
685
00:25:19,548 --> 00:25:22,830
(audience laughs)
686
00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:27,411
And now for something completely
new, an evening creation
687
00:25:27,411 --> 00:25:29,417
as inspired by Susan Hampshire
688
00:25:29,417 --> 00:25:32,084
in the palaces as worn by Naomi!
689
00:25:36,197 --> 00:25:39,030
(audience laughs)
690
00:25:40,284 --> 00:25:43,284
(audience clapping)
691
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,100
How graceful this fashion was.
692
00:25:54,149 --> 00:25:58,316
(audience laughing and clapping)
693
00:26:01,866 --> 00:26:03,910
How lucky she had her parachute with her.
694
00:26:03,910 --> 00:26:05,495
(audience laughs)
695
00:26:05,495 --> 00:26:06,972
Well, perhaps all the
girls will be wearing
696
00:26:06,972 --> 00:26:08,363
one of these soon.
697
00:26:08,363 --> 00:26:09,754
- Over my dead body.
698
00:26:09,754 --> 00:26:11,004
(audience laughs)
699
00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:15,275
- Dress material obtainable
in ladies bespoke.
700
00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:17,942
And so we say farewell to Naomi.
701
00:26:20,909 --> 00:26:23,773
And so we say farewell to Naomi.
702
00:26:23,773 --> 00:26:24,932
- Oh, belt up!
703
00:26:24,932 --> 00:26:26,922
(audience laughs)
704
00:26:26,922 --> 00:26:31,089
- [Lucas] An echo, an echo from
the elegance of yesteryear.
705
00:26:32,436 --> 00:26:34,910
- Just one more to come, Mr. Grace.
706
00:26:34,910 --> 00:26:36,348
- I hope it'll be quick.
707
00:26:36,348 --> 00:26:38,212
I don't want to miss the Mickey Mouse.
708
00:26:38,212 --> 00:26:40,400
(audience laughs)
709
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,959
- And now, showing us his city suit,
710
00:26:42,959 --> 00:26:46,459
from our new tycoon range, we have Rodney!
711
00:26:49,289 --> 00:26:51,393
Confident in his casual
elegance, Rodney is ready
712
00:26:51,393 --> 00:26:54,692
for a board meeting with
the captains of industry.
713
00:26:54,692 --> 00:26:57,452
There is ample fullness
in the chairman's seat.
714
00:26:57,452 --> 00:26:59,170
(audience laughs)
715
00:26:59,170 --> 00:27:00,572
Plenty of give in the arms
716
00:27:00,572 --> 00:27:02,993
for those transatlantic phone calls.
717
00:27:02,993 --> 00:27:05,889
Concealed pocket for the
key to the executive loo.
718
00:27:05,889 --> 00:27:07,854
(audience laughs)
719
00:27:07,854 --> 00:27:12,267
Red lining to gain sympathy
during talks with the workers.
720
00:27:12,267 --> 00:27:13,825
Rodney's day's work done,
721
00:27:13,825 --> 00:27:15,426
there's no need to change his suit.
722
00:27:15,426 --> 00:27:16,680
It's formal enough for the board,
723
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,009
but also trendy enough to
call at that penthouse flat
724
00:27:19,009 --> 00:27:20,935
for that society bird, who is preparing
725
00:27:20,935 --> 00:27:25,102
to look her very best for
the man in a tycoon suit.
726
00:27:27,708 --> 00:27:30,625
(audience laughs)
727
00:27:31,998 --> 00:27:32,998
- Oh blimey!
728
00:27:34,709 --> 00:27:36,903
Ain't there no privacy anywhere?
729
00:27:36,903 --> 00:27:40,959
- Now we will see all of
them in the grand finale.
730
00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:43,709
(majestic music)
731
00:27:52,927 --> 00:27:55,760
(audience laughs)
732
00:28:01,967 --> 00:28:03,550
- Enough Mr. Lucas.
733
00:28:08,213 --> 00:28:09,354
(clapping)
734
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,185
- Very good, well done, well done.
735
00:28:11,185 --> 00:28:13,230
- Well, sir, what do you
think of that, Mr. Grace?
736
00:28:13,230 --> 00:28:15,876
- Who's idea was the fashion parade?
737
00:28:15,876 --> 00:28:17,285
- Mine, sir.
738
00:28:17,285 --> 00:28:18,705
- Well, I think it's a rotten idea.
739
00:28:18,705 --> 00:28:20,564
(audience laughs)
740
00:28:20,564 --> 00:28:21,887
- Or was it mine?
741
00:28:21,887 --> 00:28:23,872
- Yes, it was.
742
00:28:23,872 --> 00:28:27,319
- If you want to sell goods,
you'd better have a sale.
743
00:28:27,319 --> 00:28:29,167
Well, I'm off.
744
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:30,500
Oh, and Peacock?
745
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:33,360
- Yes, sir?
746
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:36,980
- I wonder if Mr. Rumbold
hasn't told you before.
747
00:28:36,980 --> 00:28:39,213
That hat doesn't suit you.
748
00:28:39,213 --> 00:28:42,418
You should get yourself a
bowler and wear it all the time.
749
00:28:42,418 --> 00:28:44,154
(audience laughs)
750
00:28:44,154 --> 00:28:46,583
Don't you agree, Mr. Rumbold?
751
00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:48,900
- Absolutely, Mr. Grace.
752
00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:50,534
- Thank you, sir.
753
00:28:50,534 --> 00:28:52,329
- Well, goodbye, everybody.
754
00:28:52,329 --> 00:28:54,662
- [All] Goodbye, Mr. Grace.
755
00:28:55,921 --> 00:28:58,208
- You've all done very well.
756
00:28:58,208 --> 00:29:00,613
- [All] Thank you, Mr. Grace.
757
00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:03,613
(audience clapping)
758
00:29:06,473 --> 00:29:07,758
♫ Ground floor perfumery
759
00:29:07,758 --> 00:29:08,980
♫ Stationery and leather goods,
760
00:29:08,980 --> 00:29:10,721
♫ Wigs and haberdashery
761
00:29:10,721 --> 00:29:12,168
♫ Kitchenware and food
762
00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:14,418
♫ Going up
763
00:29:18,397 --> 00:29:19,820
♫ First floor telephones
764
00:29:19,820 --> 00:29:21,120
♫ Gents ready-made suits
765
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,531
♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats
766
00:29:22,531 --> 00:29:23,722
♫ Underwear and shoes
767
00:29:23,722 --> 00:29:25,972
♫ Going up
768
00:29:29,645 --> 00:29:31,248
♫ Second floor carpets
769
00:29:31,248 --> 00:29:32,642
♫ Travel goods and bedding
770
00:29:32,642 --> 00:29:33,717
♫ Material, soft furnishings
771
00:29:33,717 --> 00:29:35,116
♫ Restaurant and teas
772
00:29:35,116 --> 00:29:37,533
♫ Going down
54931
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