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(theme music)
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♫ Ground floor perfumery
stationery and leather goods
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♫ Wigs and haberdashery
kitchenware and food going up
4
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♫ First floor telephones
gents ready-made suits
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♫ Shirts socks ties hats
underwear and shoes going up
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- Can I help you, sir?
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- Oh yes, would you show me
some sports jackets, please?
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- I won’t personally,
sir but I'll summon our
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senior assistant to attend to your wishes.
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Mr Grainger, are you free?
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- Yes, I’m free.
12
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- That is a guard’s tie
you’re wearing sir, isn’t it?
13
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- No, it’s the Tesco Table
Tennis Club, actually.
14
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- Table tennis?
15
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Yes, the stripe is a little narrower.
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- Yes, Captain Peacock?
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- Something in the sports
jacket line for this customer,
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with plenty of room under the arms.
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- Yes, I would think a 44,
wouldn’t you, Mr Humphries?
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- Certainly, Mr Grainger a 44,
don’t you think so, Mr Lucas?
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- I hope so, we haven’t
got anything bigger.
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- I wouldn’t recommend a check,
sir, it is apt to make the
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figure a little more portly,
don’t you agree, Mr Humphries?
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- We’ve only got checks in 44.
25
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- Well, of course sir you have got the
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height to carry it off.
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- 44 check, Mr Lucas.
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- Black 44 check coming up, Mr Humphries.
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- This range is in pushcon,
isn’t it, Mr Humphries?
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- Right first time, MrGrainger,
35% wool, 35% pushcon.
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- That only makes 70%.
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- Yes, well, there’s a lot
of air between the fibers.
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It allows the fabric to breathe,
isn’t that right, Mr Lucas?
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- Quite right, Mr Humphries.
35
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If you listen quietly,
you can hear it you know.
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- Thank you, Mr Lucas.
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- We’ve got a whole
cupboardful over there,
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panting for breath.
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- The mirror, Mr Lucas.
40
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- One mirror, coming up, Mr Grainger.
41
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- What do you think, Mr Humphries?
42
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it’s nice and snug in the front.
43
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- Yes, very snug, indeed.
44
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- Why don’t you have a look at the back?
45
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- Yes I’m sure the back is snug as well.
46
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- Yes, it does feel a little tight.
47
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- Try breathing in and out a little, sir.
48
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That’s better, isn’t it?
49
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- Yes, that feels much better.
50
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Is it hard-wearing?
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- Oh, very hard-wearing, sir.
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- They discovered pushcon while
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they were developing the Concorde.
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- If you’re thinking of
going through the sound
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barrier you couldn’t have chosen better.
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- How much is it?
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- It’s £30, including VAT.
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- That does seem rather a lot.
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- When you consider it cost 500 million
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to develop, I think it’s
quite reasonable, sir.
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- Still seems an awful lot of money.
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- Actually, sir, it has
been reduced from £42.
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- Oh, is that so?
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- You’re saving £12 sir.
65
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- I’ll think about it.
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I’ll take it.
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- Sale, Mr Humphries.
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- Book, Mr Lucas.
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- Well done, Mr Grainger.
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- Miss Brahms!
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The bridal veil with the
blue orange blossoms.
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- Yes, Mrs Slocombe.
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- And where is madam
going for her honeymoon?
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- We’re torn between
Eastbourne and Brighton.
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- It is difficult to make
up one’s mind, isn’t it?
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- It is.
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- Why not compromise and try Beachy Head?
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There, how’s that?
79
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- It’s a bit thick, isn’t it?
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- Well it looks lovely from our side.
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- I can’t see.
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- You’ll have someone holding your arm.
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- He won’t recognize me.
84
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- He’ll know your voice, won’t he?
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- Think of the surprise he’s
gonna get when he lifts it up.
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- That’ll do, Miss Brahms.
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The orange blossom is detachable,
should madam wish to use
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it for decorative purposes afterwards.
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- I suppose I’d better take it.
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- Pack it up, Miss Brahms.
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- I’ve not said anything.
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- Pack the veil up, girl.
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- Sorry.
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- Psst, oi!
95
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- Is that the way you usually attract
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a lady’s attention, Mr Mash?
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- No, usually I go up behind
them and gowe-hey-hey!
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You going to old Grainger’s
farewell dinner tonight?
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- It is not his farewell
dinner tonight, Mr Mash.
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Just because he’s 65, it
doesn’t mean he’s retiring.
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- If they give him a
cuckoo clock, it does.
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That’s what they did to
old Fredricks in hardware.
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44 years he’d been with the firm.
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They had the dinner and
when they got to the coffee,
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they gave him the clock, one chorus of
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“For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow,”
and shoved him in the lift.
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Here you are, six pairs of tights,
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and six pairs of pussy boots.
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- Six pairs of what?
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- Pussy boots, fur slippers.
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and we’ve got a new sales
gimmick, as well, for them.
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Look at that.
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- Whatever’s that?
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- One electric pussy, battery operated.
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- [Mechanical Voice]
Pussy boots, pussy boots.
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- How could anyone do that to a cat?
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- You want to thank
your lucky stars, mate,
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you ain’t selling elephant hide luggage.
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- I’ve a good mind to write to the RSPCA.
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- You’re a bit late, it’s dead.
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- Captain Peacock, just
look what they’ve sent me.
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It’s disgusting.
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- Would you like to see
it working, Captain?
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- Very well.
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- [Mechanical Voice]
Pussy boots, pussy boots.
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- You must admit it’s a
novelty, Mrs Slocombe.
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- [Mechanical Voice]
Pussy boots, pussy boots.
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(explosion bangs)
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- Mr Mash?
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Mr Mash, take it to the vet.
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- Very amusing, Captain, very amusing.
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- Mrs Slocombe, Mr Grainger
has gone to his coffee break.
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this would be a good opportunity
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to discuss his birthday dinner.
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- Oh, yes.
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Miss Brahms, come along.
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- Mr Humphries, are you free?
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- Yes, I’m free, Captain Peacock.
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- Mr Lucas, are you free?
140
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- I think I am free at this
precise moment Captain.
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- Gather round.
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I’ve had a word with the canteen manager.
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it would seem the most
economical way of staging
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this function is to hold
the dinner down here.
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- Oh, poor Mr Grainger.
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Can’t we give him a proper do
in the restaurant upstairs?
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- That would cost us an extra £1 per head.
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- Let’s have it down here.
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- Let’s have it at the
scene of his triumphs.
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- Now the menu would be as follows,
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vegetable soup or hors d’oeuvres.
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- That’s a sardine on
a bit of tired lettuce.
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- And the Russian salad, Mr Lucas.
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- I'd forgotten the Russian
salad, Captain Peacock.
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- I shall never forget the Russian salad.
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- A main course, which
I shall bring up later.
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- Won’t we all.
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- Cabinet pudding with
custard, or simulated cream,
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coffee ad lib, and one After Eight mint.
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- And how much is that lot?
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- The cost Miss Brahms,
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depends on what we
choose as a main course.
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Now roast pheasant would be
£2 per head, poulet roti.
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- You what?
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- Roast chicken £1.50, steak pie 1.25,
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or macaroni cheese £1.
167
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- I vote for macaroni cheese.
168
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- We can’t give the poor old soul
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a dinner with macaroni cheese.
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- He’d prefer it.
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Once he gets those teeth of his
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in a pheasant, he’d be here all night.
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- If we have the canteen steak pie,
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we’ll all be here all night.
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- I’ll go for the macaroni cheese, myself.
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- Well I think we should
give him the chicken.
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- Any other votes for chicken?
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- Yes, I’ll vote for the chicken,
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it goes so well with cabinet
pudding and simulated cream.
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- Well I favor chicken myself, so that’s
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three votes for chicken and
two for macaroni cheese.
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- And the steak pie loses its deposit.
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- So that means we have chicken.
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That'll be £1.50 per head.
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- Never mind, Shirley, you
and me can share the wishbone.
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- I know what you’re going to wish for.
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- And even if he wins, he won’t get it.
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- The £1.50 of course, does include
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Mr Grainger and his good lady wife.
190
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Is anybody else bringing any guests?
191
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- No.
192
00:09:02,654 --> 00:09:04,941
- No, I think it’s better
to keep it intimate.
193
00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:06,989
- We’re not adverse to a
little intimacy, are we?
194
00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:07,917
- No, Mr Humphries.
195
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:10,320
- We could invite The Galloping Gourmet.
196
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- If he took one look at that menu
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he’d gallop the other way.
198
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- Thank you, Mr Lucas.
199
00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:17,664
Now, as regards to
dress, I think black tie.
200
00:09:17,664 --> 00:09:19,414
- What, nothing else?
201
00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:22,711
- Then it’ll be like a funeral.
202
00:09:22,711 --> 00:09:25,364
I think it’s morbid,
these farewell dinners.
203
00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:28,612
- Miss Brahms, we do not know
that it is a farewell dinner.
204
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,324
That’s up to our manager, Mr Rumbold.
205
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:32,852
- It’s only a farewell dinner
if you get a cuckoo clock,
206
00:09:32,852 --> 00:09:34,981
then you drag yourself home
for the last time, stick it on
207
00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:38,762
the mantelpiece, and watch the
rest of your life tick away.
208
00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:40,514
- The way old Grainger was
staggering around this morning,
209
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:42,562
they could save money and
give him an egg timer.
210
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- Thank you, Mr Lucas.
211
00:09:44,058 --> 00:09:47,411
Right back to your places, everyone.
212
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- Have I missed anything?
213
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,690
- No, no, no, Mr Grainger,
we were just discussing
214
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,118
the menu for your dinner.
215
00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:54,202
- Oh, yes.
216
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,377
I do hope we’re not
going to have steak pie.
217
00:09:57,377 --> 00:10:00,960
I’m traveling home on
a non-corridor train.
218
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,522
- Chicken, actually.
219
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:08,759
- Oh good, I remember Mr
Fredricks had the chicken,
220
00:10:08,759 --> 00:10:12,655
but unfortunately, he
also had the cuckoo clock.
221
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,462
- I’m sure that Grace
Brothers will require
222
00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:16,718
your services for many years to come.
223
00:10:16,718 --> 00:10:18,715
- Is that official, Stephen?
224
00:10:18,715 --> 00:10:19,743
- No, Ernest, no.
225
00:10:19,743 --> 00:10:22,720
It’s not in my hands, That’s
up to our manager, Mr Rumbold.
226
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,773
(phone rings)
227
00:10:24,773 --> 00:10:25,690
- Menswear.
228
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,608
Are you free, Mr Grainger?
229
00:10:30,608 --> 00:10:32,550
- Yes, I’m free.
230
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:34,275
- You’re wanted in Mr Rumbold’s office.
231
00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:36,765
- Oh, I wonder what that’s about?
232
00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:41,374
- It’s probably nothing to
do with that at all, Ernest.
233
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,285
- Whatever will be, will be.
234
00:10:43,285 --> 00:10:46,285
I’ve had very many happy years here.
235
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:49,508
- You know very well
that if Grace Brothers
236
00:10:49,508 --> 00:10:51,370
were going to announce your retirement,
237
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:54,404
young Mr Grace would attend
the dinner personally.
238
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,572
- Isn’t he coming?
239
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,764
- Off the record, I have
not been so informed.
240
00:10:59,764 --> 00:11:00,681
- Oh, good.
241
00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:06,624
(knock at door)
242
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,457
- Enter.
243
00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:16,500
(coughs)
244
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:21,355
- I understood that you
wanted to see me, sir.
245
00:11:21,355 --> 00:11:22,188
- Did I?
246
00:11:22,188 --> 00:11:24,483
Ah, yes, it’s about young Mr Grace.
247
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,723
- Oh, yes?
248
00:11:25,723 --> 00:11:27,987
- He won’t be attending
your dinner tonight.
249
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:28,904
- Oh, good.
250
00:11:31,764 --> 00:11:34,676
- Unfortunately, he has a very bad cold.
251
00:11:34,676 --> 00:11:36,030
- Oh, you mean, if he hadn’t
252
00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:38,339
got a cold, he would be there?
253
00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:40,251
- Well, when someone has been
254
00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,381
here as long as you have, Mr Grainger.
255
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:44,052
How long is it now?
256
00:11:44,052 --> 00:11:46,885
- I joined grace brothers in 1937,
257
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,941
on the day that Mr Baldwin resigned.
258
00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:54,185
- Resigned from Grace Brothers?
259
00:11:54,185 --> 00:11:57,435
- No, he handed over to Mr Chamberlain.
260
00:12:00,557 --> 00:12:03,558
- Ah, Chamberlain of china and glass.
261
00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:05,308
- The Prime Minister.
262
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:10,073
- He wasn’t at grace brothers, was he?
263
00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:13,761
- The Mr chamberlain who went to Munich.
264
00:12:13,761 --> 00:12:17,009
- I didn’t know we had a branch there.
265
00:12:17,009 --> 00:12:20,097
- We haven’t, he went to see Hitler.
266
00:12:20,097 --> 00:12:24,263
- What, Mr chamberlain of china and glass?
267
00:12:24,263 --> 00:12:28,422
- I have been at Grace
Brothers for 37 years.
268
00:12:28,422 --> 00:12:31,174
- I’m looking forward to your dinner.
269
00:12:31,174 --> 00:12:33,030
- We’re having the chicken.
270
00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:36,311
- Oh, good, good Mr
Fredricks had the steak pie.
271
00:12:36,311 --> 00:12:37,888
- No, he had the chicken too.
272
00:12:37,888 --> 00:12:42,312
But unfortunately he had
the cuckoo clock as well.
273
00:12:42,312 --> 00:12:44,937
- Oh, yes, the cuckoo clock.
274
00:12:44,937 --> 00:12:46,856
That will be all, Mr Grainger, thank you.
275
00:12:46,856 --> 00:12:48,954
- Thank you, Mr Rumbold.
276
00:12:48,954 --> 00:12:51,121
(ticking)
277
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,698
Did I hear something ticking?
278
00:12:56,698 --> 00:12:57,531
- Ticking?
279
00:12:57,531 --> 00:12:59,498
No, no, no, I don’t think so.
280
00:12:59,498 --> 00:13:01,746
It must have been the pipes of the central
281
00:13:01,746 --> 00:13:04,181
heating system expanding.
282
00:13:04,181 --> 00:13:05,014
- Good.
283
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:10,167
(clock tweets)
284
00:13:16,257 --> 00:13:17,979
- Mr Grainger, whatever’s the matter?
285
00:13:17,979 --> 00:13:19,985
You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.
286
00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:24,654
- I’ve heard the cuckoo
in Mr Rumbold’s office.
287
00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:25,938
- 3rd of march?
288
00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:29,579
You’d better write a letter to the times.
289
00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:31,474
- It was a cuckoo clock.
290
00:13:31,474 --> 00:13:32,794
- Glass of water for Mr Grainger.
291
00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:35,658
- Glass of water coming up.
292
00:13:35,658 --> 00:13:38,241
(violin music)
293
00:13:45,059 --> 00:13:46,578
- I hope someone turns up soon.
294
00:13:46,578 --> 00:13:49,222
these bubbles is all drying up.
295
00:13:49,222 --> 00:13:52,480
- Now remember, Mr Mash,
only one glass each.
296
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,647
- Yeah, we don’t want them
losing control, do we, eh?
297
00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,223
Mr James Lucas and
298
00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:02,056
Mr Wilberforce Clayborn Humphries.
299
00:14:04,816 --> 00:14:06,016
- Hello, Wilberforce.
300
00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:07,266
- Hello, James.
301
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,059
- That’ll do, Mr Mash.
302
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,742
- So sorry we’re late, your grace.
303
00:14:12,742 --> 00:14:14,879
But we stopped off at the
Oklahoma pancake house
304
00:14:14,879 --> 00:14:18,384
for a cup of cocoa and a danish pastry.
305
00:14:18,384 --> 00:14:21,256
The excitement was all too much.
306
00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:22,882
- There was a lovely bit
of danish crumpet in there,
307
00:14:22,882 --> 00:14:24,537
as well but once she
heard that we were going
308
00:14:24,537 --> 00:14:27,067
to our anniversary
dinner, she went off me.
309
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,570
- Oh, champagne!
310
00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:29,562
Dom Perignon?
311
00:14:29,562 --> 00:14:32,312
- No, Japanese tinned, extra dry.
312
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,457
- The bubbles don’t go up your nose,
313
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,707
they give you karate chops.
314
00:14:40,073 --> 00:14:44,240
- Miss Shirley Brahms and
the Duchess of Slocombe.
315
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,465
- Drinks, ladies.
316
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:48,936
- Why not?
317
00:14:48,936 --> 00:14:51,921
- I think you’ve had enough.
318
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:53,431
- Are you suggesting, Miss Brahms,
319
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:57,431
that four vodka martinis
are beyond my capacity?
320
00:15:01,137 --> 00:15:02,689
- One of these days, that escalator
321
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:05,906
is going to do somebody a mischief.
322
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,681
- You know what they say
about vodka, Mrs Slocombe.
323
00:15:08,681 --> 00:15:10,320
“One’s all right, two’s the most,
324
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,070
"three under the table,
four under the host.”
325
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:18,116
- Mr Humphries, what will you say next?
326
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:20,116
- Mr Rumbold’s the host.
327
00:15:23,637 --> 00:15:26,988
- Captain Stephen Peacock RASC, C of E,
328
00:15:26,988 --> 00:15:29,221
hero of the battle of Cattericknaafi,
329
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:31,035
holder of the hot cross bun and bar.
330
00:15:31,035 --> 00:15:33,035
- That will do, Mr Mash.
331
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:37,676
- Here you are, Captain.
332
00:15:37,676 --> 00:15:38,676
- Thank you.
333
00:15:39,725 --> 00:15:41,932
- Hey, take it easy.
334
00:15:41,932 --> 00:15:44,812
We ain’t got no reserves.
335
00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,618
- The group are coming
up in the other lift.
336
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:47,651
- Good, who’ve we got?
337
00:15:47,651 --> 00:15:48,984
The New Seekers?
338
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:56,809
- I don’t think it’s
the New Seekers, love,
339
00:15:56,809 --> 00:15:59,059
more like the Old Knockers.
340
00:16:00,682 --> 00:16:04,130
- Good evening, I am Madam Trixie
341
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,463
and this is the Trixie Trio.
342
00:16:08,997 --> 00:16:10,978
- Welcome to Grace Brothers.
343
00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:13,063
- Oh, champagne.
344
00:16:13,063 --> 00:16:16,730
- The beer for the band
is behind the piano.
345
00:16:17,682 --> 00:16:19,698
- Where do you want the orchestra?
346
00:16:19,698 --> 00:16:23,865
- Oh, well, over here ladies,
I think by the pianoforte.
347
00:16:28,975 --> 00:16:31,838
- Well, Captain Peacock, it
looks as though we’re going
348
00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,088
to be able to trip the tight lanfastic.
349
00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:38,062
- I beg your pardon?
350
00:16:38,062 --> 00:16:42,060
- She wants you to rip her tight elastic.
351
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,123
- Perhaps you’d better
sit down, Mrs Slocombe.
352
00:16:44,123 --> 00:16:47,123
We’re starting in less than an hour.
353
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,755
Mr Rumbold, sir, since
it will affect my speech,
354
00:16:51,755 --> 00:16:54,802
is Mr Grainger going to get the clock?
355
00:16:54,802 --> 00:16:56,242
- Yes, I’m afraid so.
356
00:16:56,242 --> 00:16:58,763
And owing to young Mr
Grace’s indisposition,
357
00:16:58,763 --> 00:17:00,964
I’m going to have to present it.
358
00:17:00,964 --> 00:17:02,675
- Oh, what a pity he’s going,
359
00:17:02,675 --> 00:17:04,707
he’s such a useful
member of the department.
360
00:17:04,707 --> 00:17:06,460
- Oh, we shall have to carry on.
361
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,002
Humphries will have to move up,
362
00:17:08,002 --> 00:17:10,671
and we shall have to get another Mr Lucas.
363
00:17:10,671 --> 00:17:12,803
- What a terrible thought.
364
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:13,636
- Who is?
365
00:17:13,636 --> 00:17:14,621
- Mr Grainger.
366
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:16,995
- That poor old devil,
Grainger for the chop.
367
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,949
- Oh, it’ll break his heart.
368
00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:21,915
- Is there anything particular
you wish us to play?
369
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:25,219
- Oh, yes, when Mr Grainger comes down,
370
00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:27,795
I should like you to
play something suitable.
371
00:17:27,795 --> 00:17:28,628
- Certainly.
372
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,461
- How about “Goodbye”?
373
00:17:31,698 --> 00:17:33,120
- That’s a bit sudden,
isn’t it, what about,
374
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:37,090
“We don’t want to lose you,
but we think you ought to go”?
375
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,283
- We ought to have something
376
00:17:38,283 --> 00:17:39,882
cheerful, like the Rolling Stones.
377
00:17:39,882 --> 00:17:42,243
♫ Oh yeah this will be the last time
378
00:17:42,243 --> 00:17:44,410
(screams)
379
00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:49,237
- Might I suggest, "A fine,
old english gentleman.”
380
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:51,173
- Splendid choice, sir.
381
00:17:51,173 --> 00:17:53,382
Stand by, I think Mr Grainger’s
coming up in the lift.
382
00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:54,882
Places, everybody.
383
00:17:56,882 --> 00:17:58,901
- Mrs Slocombe, we’re starting.
384
00:17:58,901 --> 00:18:00,734
- Stand by, orchestra.
385
00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:08,270
- Elsie Makepeace and Doris Poland.
386
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:11,103
(orchestra music)
387
00:18:14,349 --> 00:18:17,682
- Doris, it must be “This Is Your Life.”
388
00:18:19,949 --> 00:18:20,782
Ta.
389
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,325
- What are you doing here?
390
00:18:24,325 --> 00:18:27,693
- It’s half past 7:00.
we’ve come to do the floor.
391
00:18:27,693 --> 00:18:30,629
- You can’t do them now, go away.
392
00:18:30,629 --> 00:18:34,736
- If that’s how you feel, do it yourself.
393
00:18:34,736 --> 00:18:38,486
You’ll hear from Mr
Heatherington about this.
394
00:18:39,638 --> 00:18:41,699
- Didn’t you speak to
Heatherington about this Peacock?
395
00:18:41,699 --> 00:18:43,311
- It’s not my province, sir.
396
00:18:43,311 --> 00:18:45,709
(phone rings)
397
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:48,772
- Lingerie, blouses, right.
398
00:18:48,772 --> 00:18:51,429
Mr and Mrs Grainger are
coming up in the lift.
399
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:53,096
- Places, everybody.
400
00:18:55,525 --> 00:18:57,941
- Mr and Mrs Ernest Grainger.
401
00:18:57,941 --> 00:19:01,309
(group applauds)
402
00:19:01,309 --> 00:19:04,142
(orchestra music)
403
00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:15,101
- Mr and Mrs Grainger, in
the name of Grace Brothers,
404
00:19:15,101 --> 00:19:17,348
welcome to your anniversary dinner.
405
00:19:17,348 --> 00:19:19,508
(group applauds)
406
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:22,132
- Thank you, they’ve got an orchestra.
407
00:19:22,132 --> 00:19:24,517
Mr Fredricks didn’t have an orchestra,
408
00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:27,101
perhaps we’ll be able
to do the Gay Gordons.
409
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:30,084
- That should round
the evening off nicely.
410
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:32,667
(metal clangs)
411
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,548
- My lords, ladies and gentlemen,
412
00:19:35,548 --> 00:19:39,631
take your partners for
the tinned vegetable soup.
413
00:19:41,476 --> 00:19:43,221
- Shall we go in, Mr Humphries?
414
00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:44,054
- Right.
415
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,669
(orchestra music)
416
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,453
- Light as ever on your feet, my dear.
417
00:20:14,453 --> 00:20:17,684
- Well they’ve certainly
given us a night to remember.
418
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:18,671
- They certainly have.
419
00:20:18,671 --> 00:20:21,921
I’m very glad we didn’t have the steak.
420
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:26,291
- If you’re going to dance
with your hand down there
421
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,971
I’m going to sit down.
422
00:20:27,971 --> 00:20:29,392
- You’ve got plenty to sit on.
423
00:20:29,392 --> 00:20:32,559
- Do you mind, that’s my best feature.
424
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:36,652
- Nearly went.
425
00:20:39,509 --> 00:20:42,509
- Strange how potent cheap music is.
426
00:20:44,436 --> 00:20:46,244
- Mr Humphries, you and I appear
427
00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:48,453
to be the only two not dancing.
428
00:20:48,453 --> 00:20:52,416
- All right, if you promise not to lead.
429
00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:56,537
- I think we’d better
get on with the speeches.
430
00:20:56,537 --> 00:20:59,370
(orchestra music)
431
00:21:04,934 --> 00:21:07,681
Mr Mash, my compliments to the trio.
432
00:21:07,681 --> 00:21:09,441
Will you ask them to take an interval?
433
00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:10,858
- Certainly, sir.
434
00:21:11,696 --> 00:21:15,196
Oi Jug-ears says belt up for five minutes.
435
00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:18,875
All right?
436
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,491
- I’m really rather puffed.
437
00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:25,189
It’s just as well that I’m
going to put my feet up.
438
00:21:25,189 --> 00:21:26,891
- Pray, be seated.
439
00:21:26,891 --> 00:21:27,724
- Come on Shirley,
440
00:21:27,724 --> 00:21:29,530
I think the judge is going
to pronounce sentence.
441
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:30,394
- Mrs Slocombe.
442
00:21:30,394 --> 00:21:31,894
- Have we stopped?
443
00:21:34,065 --> 00:21:35,823
- I would ask all those present
444
00:21:35,823 --> 00:21:38,491
to ensure that their
glasses are fully charged.
445
00:21:38,491 --> 00:21:40,574
- Mine seems to be empty.
446
00:21:41,538 --> 00:21:45,344
- Blimey, Mrs Slocombe, you
got hollow legs, have you?
447
00:21:45,344 --> 00:21:49,807
- I now call upon Captain
Peacock to propose the toast.
448
00:21:49,807 --> 00:21:53,006
- Mr and Mrs Grainger,
ladies and gentlemen.
449
00:21:53,006 --> 00:21:53,839
- Here!
450
00:21:56,204 --> 00:22:00,121
- We haven’t got to that
bit yet, Mrs Slocombe.
451
00:22:03,247 --> 00:22:05,830
- I’d better have another then.
452
00:22:07,231 --> 00:22:10,119
- How can one sum up a
career like Mr Grainger’s?
453
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:11,619
- Quickly, I hope.
454
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:17,006
- He started literally on the
ground floor, in haberdashery,
455
00:22:19,527 --> 00:22:21,712
and after two short
years, was given his own
456
00:22:21,712 --> 00:22:23,407
counter in stationery.
457
00:22:23,407 --> 00:22:26,407
Already the writing was on the wall.
458
00:22:29,967 --> 00:22:31,550
It spelled success.
459
00:22:33,194 --> 00:22:36,535
His amazing drive and enthusiasm soon came
460
00:22:36,535 --> 00:22:38,642
to the notice of the board of management,
461
00:22:38,642 --> 00:22:42,159
and he was transferred to
bathroom furniture, where he
462
00:22:42,159 --> 00:22:45,672
remained for five triumphant
years, before moving on.
463
00:22:45,672 --> 00:22:47,589
- Flushed with success.
464
00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:53,474
- Before moving on to gentlemen’s shoes
465
00:22:53,474 --> 00:22:57,641
but already, one might say,
his foot was on the ladder.
466
00:22:59,567 --> 00:23:00,400
Thank you.
467
00:23:02,036 --> 00:23:05,139
Because from there, fortunately
for us, and Grace Brothers,
468
00:23:05,139 --> 00:23:09,306
he finally found his niche
in gentlemen’s trousers.
469
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,115
- What’s a niche?
470
00:23:13,115 --> 00:23:14,499
- I don’t think I’ve seen one.
471
00:23:14,499 --> 00:23:15,972
- I would like you now
to raise your glasses
472
00:23:15,972 --> 00:23:19,338
as I close on these words from Pope,
473
00:23:19,338 --> 00:23:22,259
"Oh, happy the man whose wish and care
474
00:23:22,259 --> 00:23:25,517
"a few paternal acres
bound, content to breathe
475
00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:28,867
"his native air in his own ground."
476
00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:30,784
- Very nice, very nice.
477
00:23:32,033 --> 00:23:35,001
- Pity he lives in a flat in Eltham.
478
00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:37,454
- We could always buy him a window box.
479
00:23:37,454 --> 00:23:40,715
- I ask you all to be upstanding.
480
00:23:40,715 --> 00:23:44,545
I give you Mr Grainger,
coupled with Mrs Grainger.
481
00:23:44,545 --> 00:23:48,378
- [All] Mr Grainger
coupled with Mrs Grainger.
482
00:23:49,727 --> 00:23:50,647
- Mr Grainger
483
00:23:50,647 --> 00:23:52,047
- Speech speech!
484
00:23:52,047 --> 00:23:54,087
- [All] Speech, speech!
485
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,004
- Ladies and gentlemen.
486
00:23:57,551 --> 00:23:59,718
- Come along, Mr Grainger.
487
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,487
- Dear friends, my heart is very full.
488
00:24:05,942 --> 00:24:08,025
- My glass is very empty.
489
00:24:10,350 --> 00:24:13,758
- The great honor which you
have done Mrs Grainger and
490
00:24:13,758 --> 00:24:17,902
myself in giving us this
wonderful banquet tonight
491
00:24:17,902 --> 00:24:22,054
with the chicken, and all
these magnificent presents
492
00:24:22,054 --> 00:24:26,221
especially this combined
shoehorn and backscratcher.
493
00:24:30,835 --> 00:24:34,046
You know, as I look back over the years,
494
00:24:34,046 --> 00:24:37,662
they all seem to have passed very quickly,
495
00:24:37,662 --> 00:24:41,829
but I shall always have very
happy recollections of you all.
496
00:24:43,345 --> 00:24:47,934
And all that I can really
say now is thank you.
497
00:24:47,934 --> 00:24:50,684
(crowd applauds)
498
00:24:51,583 --> 00:24:53,166
- Oh, isn’t it sad?
499
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,487
(mumbles)
500
00:24:59,381 --> 00:25:00,214
Thank you.
501
00:25:00,214 --> 00:25:02,631
(blows nose)
502
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:05,567
- Please keep it.
503
00:25:08,911 --> 00:25:10,746
- Pray, silence for Mr Rumbold.
504
00:25:10,746 --> 00:25:12,990
- Thank you, Mr Mash.
505
00:25:12,990 --> 00:25:16,064
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr and Mrs Grainger,
506
00:25:16,064 --> 00:25:18,414
as you know, it has always
been the custom for young
507
00:25:18,414 --> 00:25:21,878
Mr Grace to announce whether
or not he wishes employees
508
00:25:21,878 --> 00:25:25,918
who achieve the age of 65 to
take advantage of the pension
509
00:25:25,918 --> 00:25:28,598
scheme, or to remain in the saddle.
510
00:25:28,598 --> 00:25:32,106
However as you also know,
young Mr grace is indisposed.
511
00:25:32,106 --> 00:25:36,273
It therefore falls to my
lot to perform the ceremony.
512
00:25:40,230 --> 00:25:42,063
- It’s young Mr Grace.
513
00:25:45,077 --> 00:25:47,771
- Is that young Mr Grace?
514
00:25:47,771 --> 00:25:50,938
- Old Mr Grace doesn’t get about much.
515
00:25:52,148 --> 00:25:53,523
- Good evening, Mr Grace.
516
00:25:53,523 --> 00:25:55,363
- I hope I’m not too late.
517
00:25:55,363 --> 00:25:57,189
- No you’re not too late, Mr Grace.
518
00:25:57,189 --> 00:26:00,914
- There’s still plenty of
cabinet pudding left, Mr Grace.
519
00:26:00,914 --> 00:26:02,759
- I suppose he’s come
to hand over the clock.
520
00:26:02,759 --> 00:26:04,426
- Yes, just in time.
521
00:26:07,862 --> 00:26:09,945
(coughs)
522
00:26:10,911 --> 00:26:12,994
(coughs)
523
00:26:25,992 --> 00:26:27,368
Shall I continue, Mr Grace?
524
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:30,081
- Please do, Mr Rumbold.
525
00:26:30,081 --> 00:26:33,793
- Well, I was about to remark
how very much we appreciate
526
00:26:33,793 --> 00:26:37,792
the long years of devoted
service, the great consideration
527
00:26:37,792 --> 00:26:39,906
that you have always shown for all those
528
00:26:39,906 --> 00:26:40,902
with whom you have worked.
529
00:26:40,902 --> 00:26:41,735
- Thank you.
530
00:26:41,735 --> 00:26:42,735
- Thank you.
531
00:26:45,339 --> 00:26:49,506
- We definitely feel after
all these long years, you
532
00:26:50,370 --> 00:26:54,114
have truly earned a rest and
therefore all that remains,
533
00:26:54,114 --> 00:26:56,447
is for this to be presented.
534
00:26:57,850 --> 00:26:59,457
here you are, sir.
535
00:26:59,457 --> 00:27:02,374
- Oh, thank you this is a surprise.
536
00:27:04,474 --> 00:27:06,585
How very nice of you all.
537
00:27:06,585 --> 00:27:10,752
I’ve given a lot of these
away, but I’ve never got one.
538
00:27:13,105 --> 00:27:17,272
Well my doctor says I shouldn’t
be out, so I’m now going.
539
00:27:18,784 --> 00:27:20,345
Another five years and
540
00:27:20,345 --> 00:27:23,281
you’ll be getting one of those, Ernest.
541
00:27:23,281 --> 00:27:24,720
Well, goodbye, all.
542
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,887
- [All] Goodbye, Mr Grace.
543
00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:29,550
- You’ve all done very well.
544
00:27:29,550 --> 00:27:31,883
- [All] thank you, Mr grace.
545
00:27:38,602 --> 00:27:41,853
- Well, Ernest, it looks
as if you’re staying on.
546
00:27:41,853 --> 00:27:43,103
- Yes, it does.
547
00:27:44,122 --> 00:27:45,846
Of course, I’m very happy about it,
548
00:27:45,846 --> 00:27:50,031
but I should have liked
a bit more leisure.
549
00:27:50,031 --> 00:27:51,762
Could I have Monday off?
550
00:27:51,762 --> 00:27:53,095
- Certainly not!
551
00:27:54,380 --> 00:27:55,378
- Well if he’s not leaving,
552
00:27:55,378 --> 00:27:59,170
he won’t be needing his presents will he?
553
00:27:59,170 --> 00:28:01,578
- [All] For he’s a jolly good fellow,
554
00:28:01,578 --> 00:28:03,673
for he’s a jolly good fellow
555
00:28:03,673 --> 00:28:06,006
for he's a jolly good fellow
556
00:28:07,391 --> 00:28:09,141
and so say all of us.
557
00:28:10,195 --> 00:28:12,945
(group applauds)
41597
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