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(theme music)
2
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♫ Ground floor perfumery
3
00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:08,568
♫ Stationery and leather goods
4
00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:10,104
♫ Wigs and haberdashery
5
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♫ Kitchenware and food, going up
6
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,829
♫ First floor telephones
7
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♫ Gents, ready-made suits,
8
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♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats,
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♫ Underwear and shoes, going up ♫
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- Thank you so much,
madam, good afternoon.
11
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- How are the sales going, Mrs. Slocombe?
12
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- Well, in lingerie, pants
are up and bras are down.
13
00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:41,027
- But, isn't it the other way
around, aye, Mrs. Slocombe?
14
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- Now, now, Captain Peacock,
15
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you mustn't say things like that
16
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in front of my little assistant.
17
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- Don't worry about me.
18
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I don't wear 'em.
19
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Bras, I mean.
20
00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:54,040
- I'm sure it's against staff regulations.
21
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But still, I'm always prepared
to look the other way.
22
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- Yeah, you could've fooled me.
23
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- Ooh, I have no time for that man.
24
00:01:01,165 --> 00:01:05,379
He's got such cold eyes.
- And such hot hands.
25
00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:06,387
- Well, I wouldn't know about that.
26
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If he tried anything like that
with me, I'll slap his chops.
27
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Mr. Lucas has got a
customer, oh, I am glad!
28
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- [Ms. Brahms] Yeah.
29
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But, he doesn't sell 'em anything, though.
30
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- Oh, it is a shame.
31
00:01:17,549 --> 00:01:19,331
It's so obliging.
32
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And he's such a gentleman.
33
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You know, yesterday, when
we were trapped in the lift,
34
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,973
alone, together.
35
00:01:24,973 --> 00:01:26,264
He didn't try anything.
36
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- Didn't he?
- No.
37
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He just pressed the alarm
bell and shouted for help.
38
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- Well, I think that fits very snugly,
39
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,664
don't you, Mr. Humphries?
40
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:39,043
- Oh, very snugly, Mr. Granger.
41
00:01:39,043 --> 00:01:40,440
- Aren't the sleeves a bit long?
42
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,299
- Oh no, I think those will
ride up with wear, sir,
43
00:01:43,299 --> 00:01:44,677
don't you think, Mr. Humphries?
44
00:01:44,677 --> 00:01:48,669
- Oh, they'll definitely
ride up, Mr. Granger.
45
00:01:48,669 --> 00:01:51,741
- Now, if you would just raise
your arms up and down, sir,
46
00:01:51,741 --> 00:01:55,908
so we can see, yes, snug
underneath the arms, yes.
47
00:01:57,245 --> 00:01:59,069
I think that's snug, don't you?
48
00:01:59,069 --> 00:02:02,493
- Oh, there's plenty of
ride there, Mr. Granger,
49
00:02:02,493 --> 00:02:05,523
enough to conduct a symphony orchestra.
50
00:02:05,523 --> 00:02:08,616
- Not in a sports coat, Mr. Humphries.
51
00:02:08,616 --> 00:02:11,272
- It seems to be shorter at
the front, than at the back.
52
00:02:11,272 --> 00:02:13,395
- That's because you're
standing upright, sir.
53
00:02:13,395 --> 00:02:14,749
One does tend to do that,
54
00:02:14,749 --> 00:02:17,640
when one is trying on new garments.
55
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,016
- Really?
- Oh yes, sir, yes.
56
00:02:19,016 --> 00:02:21,875
You see, if I stand
upright, like this, well,
57
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,584
I'm up at the front,
aren't I, Mr. Granger?
58
00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:27,987
- You certainly are, Mr. Humphries.
59
00:02:27,987 --> 00:02:31,784
- Why don't you try to
stoop a little, sir?
60
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:35,293
- Like this?
- Yes, perhaps, a little more.
61
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There you are, you see?
62
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Perfect.
63
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:41,219
- Now, may I suggest a
pair of trousers, sir,
64
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to complete the ensemble?
65
00:02:42,573 --> 00:02:44,500
- Oh, definitely a pair
of trousers, Mr. Granger!
66
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,187
- What color had you in mind, sir?
67
00:02:47,187 --> 00:02:48,687
- Oh, well, brown?
68
00:02:50,483 --> 00:02:51,784
- (exclaims) Isn't that extraordinary?
69
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Did you know, it was on the
tip of my tongue, to say brown?
70
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- A very wise choice, sir.
71
00:02:55,528 --> 00:02:57,559
You can hardly go wrong with brown.
72
00:02:57,559 --> 00:03:01,731
- You can wear any kind
of shoes, except black.
73
00:03:01,731 --> 00:03:04,451
- Do you know your inside-leg, sir?
74
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,477
- Well, it was 31, I think.
75
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,141
- Would you like me to
check it, Mr. Granger?
76
00:03:08,141 --> 00:03:10,680
- No thank you, Mr. Humphries.
77
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I can manage.
78
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- You don't want it to slip again, do you?
79
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:16,102
- What?
- Your trust.
80
00:03:17,251 --> 00:03:20,605
- I can manage, now, tape, Mr. Humphries.
81
00:03:20,605 --> 00:03:22,483
- Tape, Mr. Lucas.
- Tape, Mr. Humphries.
82
00:03:22,483 --> 00:03:26,400
- Tape, Mr. Granger.
- Thank you, Mr. Humphries.
83
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:31,994
(customer clearing throat)
- Failed.
84
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- What does it say?
85
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- Made in England, Mr. Granger.
86
00:03:37,981 --> 00:03:40,014
- 31-and-a-half, Mr. Granger.
87
00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:42,216
- Thank you, Mr. Humphries.
88
00:03:42,216 --> 00:03:44,883
(cloth ripping)
89
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I don't think that was
very funny, Mr. Lucas.
90
00:03:54,088 --> 00:03:57,021
- Nearly gave me a heart attack.
91
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- Mr. Lucas, get me a pair
of brown, 40/31 on the hub.
92
00:04:00,637 --> 00:04:02,781
- Well no, I can't, I've got
a 34 in the fitting room.
93
00:04:02,781 --> 00:04:06,639
- I'll get them for you, Mr. Granger.
94
00:04:06,639 --> 00:04:08,291
You know, with your sales record,
95
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,298
I wouldn't chance my arm
with the practical jokes.
96
00:04:10,298 --> 00:04:11,859
- Well, I've got to relieve
them, and utterly, somehow.
97
00:04:11,859 --> 00:04:12,692
You know, that fellow,
98
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my customer's tried on so many jackets,
99
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he's practically worn his shirt out.
100
00:04:17,163 --> 00:04:18,563
Wish he'd hurry up and make his mind up.
101
00:04:18,563 --> 00:04:19,437
- Well, what's the rush?
102
00:04:19,437 --> 00:04:21,037
- Well, I wanna get over
there and chat up Shirley.
103
00:04:21,037 --> 00:04:22,893
- Who's Shirley?
- Ms. Brahms.
104
00:04:22,893 --> 00:04:25,592
- Oh, we're on first
name terms now, are we?
105
00:04:25,592 --> 00:04:27,891
- Yes, about as far as we have got.
106
00:04:27,891 --> 00:04:29,288
- I wouldn't have thought
she was your type.
107
00:04:29,288 --> 00:04:32,115
- Well she's not, mine's got measles.
108
00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:34,525
- Don't let Peacock see you
fraternizing over there.
109
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,893
Otherwise, you'll get the
rough edge of his tongue.
110
00:04:36,893 --> 00:04:40,476
And I can tell you, it
isn't very pleasant.
111
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(Mr. Humphries exclaiming)
112
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- I know what, I'll send her a note.
113
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Here, lend me your pencil.
114
00:04:55,299 --> 00:04:57,315
A bit short on lead, aren't you?
115
00:04:57,315 --> 00:04:58,435
- What are you going to say?
116
00:04:58,435 --> 00:05:02,221
- Dear Sexy Knickers...
- Oh, that's subtle.
117
00:05:02,221 --> 00:05:04,685
- Well, if you don't ask,
you don't get, do ya?
118
00:05:04,685 --> 00:05:06,602
I don't half-fancy you.
119
00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:12,035
- Well, I'm glad to
see romance isn't dead.
120
00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:16,202
- Meet me outside at 5:30,
and we'll get it together.
121
00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:20,243
- What, outside at 5:30?
122
00:05:20,243 --> 00:05:21,660
You'll be run in.
123
00:05:23,485 --> 00:05:25,629
- Oh, you've decided on
that one, have you, sir?
124
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:26,685
- Well, I like the patent,
125
00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:28,819
but that jacket's much
too tight under the arms.
126
00:05:28,819 --> 00:05:30,248
- Well, it's the biggest
one we've got, sir.
127
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:31,336
- They do vary, sir.
128
00:05:31,336 --> 00:05:33,779
Perhaps, if sir would like
to try on the trousers,
129
00:05:33,779 --> 00:05:36,529
I'll have a look.
- Oh, thank you.
130
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:38,270
- What are you talking about?
131
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,499
That's the only one we've got!
- I know that.
132
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:42,291
Now, this is a little
wrinkle worth knowing.
133
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Come over here, I don't
want Peacock to see.
134
00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,771
Now, you've heard of putting the boot in.
135
00:05:46,771 --> 00:05:47,912
This is what's known, in the trade,
136
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,747
as putting the knee in. (chuckles)
137
00:05:49,747 --> 00:05:50,787
You see, you put it over like that.
138
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- (chuckles) Very crafty!
- And you pull,
139
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until you break all the stitches.
140
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,149
If you listen, you can hear them go.
141
00:05:59,149 --> 00:06:00,580
(stitches breaking)
142
00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:04,781
- (laughs) There's a trick in every trade!
143
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,942
- Well, the trick in this, Mr. Lucas,
144
00:06:05,942 --> 00:06:07,832
is to make sure that the
customer gets it home,
145
00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:10,736
before the sleeve drop off.
146
00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:11,720
- [Mr. Granger] Mr. Humphries!
147
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- Coming, Mr. Granger!
148
00:06:15,965 --> 00:06:19,132
- Good news, sir, I found another one!
149
00:06:20,744 --> 00:06:21,789
Sir.
150
00:06:21,789 --> 00:06:23,203
Would you mind, sir, we're
in front of the hall.
151
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You can be seen by the
whole ladies department.
152
00:06:28,504 --> 00:06:29,763
- Oh, look!
153
00:06:29,763 --> 00:06:32,056
A man in his shirttails!
- Where?
154
00:06:32,056 --> 00:06:34,056
- You've just missed it.
155
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:35,828
- It's that Mr. Lucas.
156
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You know he does it deliberately.
157
00:06:37,341 --> 00:06:38,877
- Oh, I'm sure he doesn't!
158
00:06:38,877 --> 00:06:40,925
It's not his fault he's
having to share the floor
159
00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,133
with the men's department.
160
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:44,051
Oh, it's there again.
161
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Look, in the fitting room.
162
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His tiny shoe.
163
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Oh, it's not good enough, oh, really.
164
00:06:49,565 --> 00:06:50,398
- No, well,
165
00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:52,611
it wouldn't make the center
pages of Cosmopolitan.
166
00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:55,192
- Now, that's something
I just can't understand.
167
00:06:55,192 --> 00:06:57,336
Why, anybody wants to
buy a women's magazine,
168
00:06:57,336 --> 00:06:59,160
with a picture of a nude man in it.
169
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,739
Oh, I think it's awful.
170
00:07:00,739 --> 00:07:03,000
- I thought Burt Reynolds
looked quite sexy.
171
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- We couldn't see anything,
his arm was in the way.
172
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:08,483
- Oh, that's much better.
173
00:07:08,483 --> 00:07:10,627
- Oh, all the difference
in the world, sir.
174
00:07:10,627 --> 00:07:12,216
- Are these sleeves long enough?
175
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:13,987
- No, I wouldn't do
that, if I were you, sir.
176
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:16,429
(stammers) I wouldn't
do that, if I were you.
177
00:07:16,429 --> 00:07:18,552
No, they'll come down, sir, with wear.
178
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:20,195
- Will they?
- Oh yes, sir, definitely.
179
00:07:20,195 --> 00:07:21,028
In fact, the more you wear it,
180
00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:23,118
the quicker they'll come down.
181
00:07:23,118 --> 00:07:25,656
- Are you sure this is the
same patent as the last one?
182
00:07:25,656 --> 00:07:27,757
Looks a bit stronger to me.
- (laughs) I assure you,
183
00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:28,813
it's the same, sir!
184
00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:30,371
Absolutely identical!
185
00:07:30,371 --> 00:07:32,472
- I'm not often wrong about
this sort of thing, you know.
186
00:07:32,472 --> 00:07:34,147
- Well, you are this time.
187
00:07:34,147 --> 00:07:36,472
- Nevertheless, I'd rather
like to see the other one,
188
00:07:36,472 --> 00:07:38,389
just to satisfy myself.
189
00:07:39,768 --> 00:07:41,268
- Would you?
- Yes.
190
00:07:43,309 --> 00:07:44,642
- Just a minute.
191
00:07:45,997 --> 00:07:47,164
Mr. Humphries!
192
00:07:48,229 --> 00:07:50,285
The customer would like
to see the other jacket,
193
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:52,285
the smaller one, the one
that he couldn't get on.
194
00:07:52,285 --> 00:07:53,416
- Oh, what a pity!
195
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:54,675
(chuckles) Just sold it!
196
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,842
- Oh, too bad!
197
00:07:57,997 --> 00:08:00,227
That's the trouble, you see, sir!
198
00:08:00,227 --> 00:08:01,859
They're going like hot cakes today.
199
00:08:01,859 --> 00:08:03,821
- Well, there's something wrong, here!
200
00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:04,729
- Where?
201
00:08:04,729 --> 00:08:08,515
- When I go like this, one
sleeve is shorter than the other.
202
00:08:08,515 --> 00:08:09,880
- (chuckles) Well, let's face it,
203
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,050
people don't very often stand
like that, do they, sir?
204
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:17,048
Unless, of course,
you're a midget pianist.
205
00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:18,573
- Oh, perhaps you're right.
206
00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:19,971
But, what about the trousers?
207
00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:21,471
They're too tight!
208
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:24,483
- Did you use a shooting stick much, sir?
209
00:08:24,483 --> 00:08:26,627
- Yes, that, I think
that did a catch on me.
210
00:08:26,627 --> 00:08:28,195
- Well, under the--
- Yeah, definitely.
211
00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:30,496
- Yes, well, fortunately,
they vary in size too, sir,
212
00:08:30,496 --> 00:08:32,246
the trousers, I mean.
213
00:08:34,605 --> 00:08:37,469
Would you mind obliging,
by drop, taking them off?
214
00:08:37,469 --> 00:08:39,636
Sir, please, if you would.
215
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,944
- Are you free, Mr. Granger?
- Yes, I'm free,
216
00:08:43,944 --> 00:08:45,693
Captain Peacock.
217
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,773
I'm just going to have a
word with Captain Peacock.
218
00:08:47,773 --> 00:08:49,096
Take over for me, will you, Mr.--
219
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:50,707
- Yes, Mr. Granger.
220
00:08:50,707 --> 00:08:53,181
- Ernest, I just had a
complaint from Mrs. Slocombe,
221
00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:54,877
about young Mr. Lucas.
222
00:08:54,877 --> 00:08:56,179
- Go on.
223
00:08:56,179 --> 00:08:57,896
- And apparently, he
allowed one of his customers
224
00:08:57,896 --> 00:08:59,571
to appear in full view of her department
225
00:08:59,571 --> 00:09:01,299
in a state of undress.
226
00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:03,347
- Are you sure, Stephen?
227
00:09:03,347 --> 00:09:04,189
- Oh, yes.
228
00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:07,773
She saw the whole thing, quite clearly.
229
00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:11,368
- Oh, well then, it's more
serious than I thought.
230
00:09:11,368 --> 00:09:12,595
It's a great pity, I think,
231
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:15,990
that we have to share this floor
with the ladies department.
232
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,307
- I thought it was
working out rather well.
233
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:22,584
- Well, I personally have
a complaint to make also.
234
00:09:22,584 --> 00:09:24,589
From a certain position
in this department,
235
00:09:24,589 --> 00:09:28,120
one can see, right through,
into the ladies' fitting rooms.
236
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,656
- Really?
237
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,073
Whereabout, chum?
238
00:09:33,043 --> 00:09:35,460
- The corner of that counter.
239
00:09:36,573 --> 00:09:37,779
- Thank you, Ernest.
240
00:09:37,779 --> 00:09:39,144
I shall, I shall look into that.
241
00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:42,344
And, if I, if I see anything,
242
00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:44,096
I shall most certainly make a complaint
243
00:09:44,096 --> 00:09:46,429
at the next monthly meeting.
244
00:09:55,283 --> 00:09:57,064
- Aren't these trousers a bit long?
245
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,355
- It is the fashion nowadays,
246
00:09:58,355 --> 00:10:00,333
for trousers to be worn much longer, sir.
247
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,251
Isn't that right, Mr. Lucas?
248
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:02,691
- Oh yes, definitely, Mr. Humphries!
249
00:10:02,691 --> 00:10:03,811
Jackets, very snug and tight,
250
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:04,941
and the trousers are very long.
251
00:10:04,941 --> 00:10:05,774
It also helps to get
252
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:07,843
the shoes to get polished
at the same time, you see?
253
00:10:07,843 --> 00:10:09,368
- Thank you, Mr. Lucas.
- That is, of course,
254
00:10:09,368 --> 00:10:10,851
if they don't ride up with wear.
255
00:10:10,851 --> 00:10:12,781
- Thank you, Mr. Lucas!
256
00:10:12,781 --> 00:10:14,360
Well sir, if you'd like to slip them off,
257
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,193
I'll wrap them up with the jacket.
258
00:10:18,837 --> 00:10:20,435
- Are you quite sure these are alright?
259
00:10:20,435 --> 00:10:22,973
- Sir, now, would I allow
you to leave this store,
260
00:10:22,973 --> 00:10:24,390
if they were not?
261
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:29,373
Sale, Mr. Granger.
- Sale, Mr. Granger.
262
00:10:29,373 --> 00:10:30,888
- I'll make out a bill.
263
00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:32,040
- [Mr. Humphries] How
did the new jacket fit?
264
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,440
- Oh, very snugly, Mr. Humphries.
265
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,469
I am just about to find
the other pair of trousers.
266
00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:40,968
(cloth ripping)
267
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:44,701
- We don't need trousers, Mr. Lucas.
268
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:46,376
- Don't we?
- No.
269
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:49,543
- Well, you might have told me before!
270
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:53,827
- Have you gone mad, Mr. Lucas?
271
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:57,347
- Well, it was like this,
you see, Mr. Peacock.
272
00:10:57,347 --> 00:10:58,627
My customer's crotch was too tight,
273
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:02,808
and I was trying to stretch
it, (stammers) them!
274
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:07,213
(stammers) I was trying
to stretch them, sir.
275
00:11:07,213 --> 00:11:11,501
- You seem to have succeeded
beyond your wildest dreams.
276
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,485
This is a very serious matter, Mr. Lucas.
277
00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:15,448
Mr. Humphries, are you free?
278
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,571
- Yes, at the moment.
279
00:11:17,571 --> 00:11:19,939
- Ask Mr. Granger if he's
free, to step this way.
280
00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:20,939
- Excuse me.
281
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,784
Are you free, Mr. Granger?
282
00:11:29,784 --> 00:11:32,088
- Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
283
00:11:32,088 --> 00:11:33,752
- Captain Peacock would
like a word with you.
284
00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:34,585
- Yes.
285
00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:35,418
Very well.
286
00:11:37,768 --> 00:11:38,968
- [Captain Peacock] Do you
encourage your assistants
287
00:11:38,968 --> 00:11:41,656
to try to stretch trousers,
when they don't fit?
288
00:11:41,656 --> 00:11:43,459
- Most certainly not!
289
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:45,997
Do we, Mr. Humphries?
- Certainly not, Mr. Granger!
290
00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:47,079
We give them the same pair back,
291
00:11:47,079 --> 00:11:49,971
and say we found a larger size.
292
00:11:49,971 --> 00:11:51,389
- Certainly!
293
00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:53,741
- I'm afraid I can't deal
with this, Mr. Lucas.
294
00:11:53,741 --> 00:11:55,448
Mr. Granger will carry
on with your customer,
295
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:59,160
while I place these before Mr. Rumbold.
296
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,743
And, Mr. Lucas, hold
yourself in readiness.
297
00:12:04,237 --> 00:12:06,509
- What was your customer's
waist measurement?
298
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:08,643
- A tight 34.
- And inside-leg?
299
00:12:08,643 --> 00:12:10,232
- Ticklish 28.
300
00:12:10,232 --> 00:12:13,240
- You should've tried the reduced rail!
301
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,467
- [Mr. Humphries] It's
not your day, is it?
302
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,757
- No, it's not gonna be my night, either,
303
00:12:15,757 --> 00:12:17,069
unless I can get this note to Shirley!
304
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,701
- If Peacock sees you over there,
305
00:12:18,701 --> 00:12:19,917
you might as well ask for your cards
306
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,421
and leave with dignity.
307
00:12:21,421 --> 00:12:22,936
- Well, how am I gonna
get this note to her?
308
00:12:22,936 --> 00:12:24,376
- Well, try and attract her attention,
309
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:25,876
get her over here.
310
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:32,915
- She's seen me, she's seen me!
311
00:12:32,915 --> 00:12:34,915
- Well, beckon her over!
312
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:44,685
- That's done it!
313
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:46,392
- Take over for me, will you, Ms. Brahms?
314
00:12:46,392 --> 00:12:49,709
Mr. Lucas wants to see me
in the men's department.
315
00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:51,768
I think it's about that complaint.
316
00:12:51,768 --> 00:12:54,723
- Well, you've probably
got him into trouble!
317
00:12:54,723 --> 00:12:57,056
- Talk your way out of this.
318
00:12:58,232 --> 00:13:00,399
- Are you free, Mr. Lucas?
319
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:04,056
- Yes, I'm afraid I am, Mrs. Slocombe.
320
00:13:04,056 --> 00:13:05,645
- I do hope that my complaint
321
00:13:05,645 --> 00:13:08,781
hasn't caused you any inconvenience.
322
00:13:08,781 --> 00:13:11,043
- Your what?
- My complaint.
323
00:13:11,043 --> 00:13:13,763
- Blimey, you haven't got
measles as well, have you?
324
00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:15,736
- I mean, I wouldn't want
to get you into trouble.
325
00:13:15,736 --> 00:13:17,422
- And vice versa.
326
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,904
- But, you were so marvelous
to me in the lift yesterday.
327
00:13:20,904 --> 00:13:23,027
I mean, it isn't that I mind seeing a man
328
00:13:23,027 --> 00:13:25,368
without his trousers on.
329
00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:29,005
- Do you require anything in
my department, Mrs. Slocombe?
330
00:13:29,005 --> 00:13:32,504
- Sounds as thought she's already had it.
331
00:13:32,504 --> 00:13:34,829
- I was merely thanking young Mr. Lucas
332
00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:37,389
for being so good in the lift yesterday,
333
00:13:37,389 --> 00:13:39,256
when we were stuck between floors.
334
00:13:39,256 --> 00:13:40,269
- I see.
335
00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:42,317
- And I hope that I haven't
got him into trouble,
336
00:13:42,317 --> 00:13:45,317
over our little affair this morning.
337
00:13:46,413 --> 00:13:48,346
- Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Lucas,
338
00:13:48,346 --> 00:13:50,717
but do I understand that
you've gotten Mrs. Slocombe
339
00:13:50,717 --> 00:13:53,491
into trouble in the lift yesterday?
340
00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:55,389
You had an affair with her, this morning,
341
00:13:55,389 --> 00:13:57,032
in her department?
342
00:13:57,032 --> 00:13:59,368
- I'm sorry to disappoint
you, but, yes, you're wrong!
343
00:13:59,368 --> 00:14:00,744
- Oh, what a pity.
344
00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:02,792
I thought things were
going to liven up a bit.
345
00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:05,292
(theme music)
346
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,139
- You mean to say that, you, yourself,
347
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,963
actually tore these trousers,
348
00:14:10,963 --> 00:14:13,512
because we hadn't got a larger size?
349
00:14:13,512 --> 00:14:15,027
Now, what was this, temper?
350
00:14:15,027 --> 00:14:16,115
- Well, no, no, no, no sir!
351
00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:18,344
You know, you see, it was like this, sir.
352
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:21,263
Mr. Humphries kneed the jacket.
353
00:14:21,263 --> 00:14:23,459
- You mean, Mr. Humphries
needed the jacket.
354
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:24,781
Let's get our tenses right.
355
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,648
- No, no, you don't understand, sir.
356
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,525
No, you see, I kneed the jacket.
357
00:14:28,525 --> 00:14:29,464
- You need it now?
358
00:14:29,464 --> 00:14:31,297
- No, I kneed it then.
359
00:14:35,203 --> 00:14:37,368
- You mean, you needed it then.
360
00:14:37,368 --> 00:14:39,436
- If I might clarify the situation, there.
361
00:14:39,436 --> 00:14:40,269
- Thank you, Captain Peacock.
362
00:14:40,269 --> 00:14:42,163
It does seem to have
got rather out of hand.
363
00:14:42,163 --> 00:14:44,285
- It's a matter of spelling, sir.
364
00:14:44,285 --> 00:14:45,118
- Spelling?
365
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,539
- Yes sir, you spelled need, with an N.
366
00:14:47,539 --> 00:14:49,320
Mr. Humphries was using a K.
367
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,720
- Oh, you mean, like kneading dough!
368
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,544
Is that it, Mr. Lucas?
- That's it, yes!
369
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,048
I needed the dough, but he
wouldn't want the jacket,
370
00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:57,113
because it was too tight!
371
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,485
- So, you've kneaded it,
to make it more supple,
372
00:14:59,485 --> 00:15:00,739
which was why you kneaded the jacket.
373
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:01,965
You made a call, Captain Peacock.
374
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:04,216
That is what I said in the first place.
375
00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:05,960
- Nearly right, so, yes.
376
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,584
What they're trying to explain, sir,
377
00:15:07,584 --> 00:15:09,853
is that, and coming from hard wear,
378
00:15:09,853 --> 00:15:13,757
you would not be aware of this,
but there is a method used,
379
00:15:13,757 --> 00:15:16,120
and I disapprove of it myself, sir.
380
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,779
There is a method used, to
enlarge the armholes of jackets.
381
00:15:19,779 --> 00:15:23,946
And the method used, is to
knee the jacket, with a K.
382
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:29,125
- I am aware of how you spell
jacket, Captain Peacock.
383
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,768
- Perhaps, if you were to
slip off your jacket, sir,
384
00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:35,185
I could show you.
385
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:38,467
- [Mr. Granger] Perhaps,
sir, at this juncture,
386
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:41,528
I might say that I
disapprove of this practice,
387
00:15:41,528 --> 00:15:43,373
most strongly!
388
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:46,549
- Now sir, the trick, as I understand it,
389
00:15:46,549 --> 00:15:48,376
thank you, Mr. Lucas.
390
00:15:48,376 --> 00:15:50,957
The trick, as I understand it, is to pull,
391
00:15:50,957 --> 00:15:53,176
until some of the stitches goes.
392
00:15:53,176 --> 00:15:55,480
- Until some of the stitches go?
393
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,419
- Oh, it doesn't harm the jacket,
394
00:15:56,419 --> 00:15:58,360
it only just loosens it up.
395
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,405
- Perhaps, it would be better,
396
00:15:59,405 --> 00:16:03,437
if you loosened up your own
jacket, Captain Peacock.
397
00:16:03,437 --> 00:16:05,678
- Very well, then.
398
00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:08,863
Now then, sir, if you
will listen carefully,
399
00:16:08,863 --> 00:16:12,030
I take the jacket, so, and I pull, so.
400
00:16:14,032 --> 00:16:16,003
- I can't hear any stitches going.
401
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:17,955
- Perhaps, it's already been done.
402
00:16:17,955 --> 00:16:19,139
- What makes you say that?
403
00:16:19,139 --> 00:16:23,306
- Well, I sold it to you.
(Mr. Lucas chuckling)
404
00:16:25,624 --> 00:16:29,645
- It's obviously a
highly-undesirable practice!
405
00:16:29,645 --> 00:16:32,184
And I have to decide what
the penalty shall be.
406
00:16:32,184 --> 00:16:35,064
- Is he gonna put the black cap on?
407
00:16:35,064 --> 00:16:36,888
- Yes, well, I think we'll deduct
408
00:16:36,888 --> 00:16:38,467
the cost of these trousers,
409
00:16:38,467 --> 00:16:41,293
from this week's commission, Mr. Lucas.
410
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,011
And judging by your sales record,
411
00:16:43,011 --> 00:16:44,835
from next week's commission.
412
00:16:44,835 --> 00:16:47,885
And the week after that, too.
413
00:16:47,885 --> 00:16:48,941
That will be all.
414
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,224
- Thank you, Mr. Rumbold.
- Thank you, Mr. Rumbold.
415
00:16:51,224 --> 00:16:52,739
- Thank you, Mr. Rumbold.
416
00:16:52,739 --> 00:16:55,926
- Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
417
00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:59,343
thank you, thank you, again, Mr. Rumbold.
418
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:03,688
- (exclaims) Well, I'm surprised
419
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:05,464
you didn't just charge him, sir.
420
00:17:05,464 --> 00:17:06,964
May I?
- Of course.
421
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:09,333
- Thank you.
422
00:17:11,219 --> 00:17:13,768
- The fault of dismissing
him did occur to me,
423
00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,101
Captain Peacock.
424
00:17:18,189 --> 00:17:19,213
Thank you.
425
00:17:19,213 --> 00:17:21,463
But, with sales being down,
426
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:24,653
I could hardly justify replacing him.
427
00:17:24,653 --> 00:17:25,816
- Could you not?
428
00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:28,589
- And, with fewer people
in the department,
429
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,331
your own position might
be called into question.
430
00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:33,667
- (coughs) Might it?
431
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,600
- Yes, you might find yourself
back in Toys and Games,
432
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,600
with all those children.
433
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,763
- I think there's a
lot of good in the lad!
434
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,930
- I hope, for your sake,
that he justifies your faith.
435
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:51,400
- And do bring it back,
436
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,891
if you're not entirely satisfied, madam.
437
00:17:53,891 --> 00:17:54,724
- Thank you.
438
00:17:54,724 --> 00:17:57,624
- Well, as I was saying, I
don't get out much, nowadays.
439
00:17:57,624 --> 00:18:01,272
Since Mr. Slocombe's no
longer living at home,
440
00:18:01,272 --> 00:18:03,299
I mean, it's very difficult
for a woman on her own.
441
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:06,504
I mean, you can't just go down
to the pub for a quick drink,
442
00:18:06,504 --> 00:18:09,336
with all those men
ooglin' at you, can you?
443
00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:12,280
Well, not more than twice a week, anyway.
444
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,990
- But, what happened to
that man you met on the bus?
445
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,013
You know, the one that you
gave your phone number to.
446
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,960
Didn't he ring you?
447
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,469
- I think he did.
448
00:18:19,469 --> 00:18:21,229
- [Ms. Brahms] What you
mean, you think he did?
449
00:18:21,229 --> 00:18:23,437
- Well, it sounded like
his heavy breathin',
450
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,629
but I couldn't be certain.
451
00:18:25,629 --> 00:18:26,643
- Ooh, look, they're back!
452
00:18:26,643 --> 00:18:28,899
I wonder what Mr. Lucas has done now?
453
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,883
- He put his knee in
a customer's trousers.
454
00:18:30,883 --> 00:18:32,888
- Ooh, was the customer stealing them?
455
00:18:32,888 --> 00:18:34,275
- (chuckles) No!
456
00:18:34,275 --> 00:18:35,757
No, he did it to stretch them.
457
00:18:35,757 --> 00:18:39,565
We used to it with bras, before
we had so many cup sizes.
458
00:18:39,565 --> 00:18:41,293
- What, over your knee?
459
00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:42,541
- No.
460
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:43,427
As a matter of fact,
461
00:18:43,427 --> 00:18:46,760
we used the doorknob in the ladies room.
462
00:18:48,659 --> 00:18:50,605
- Now, what are you doing?
463
00:18:50,605 --> 00:18:54,605
- I'm sendin' this note
to Ms. Brahms, air mail.
464
00:18:56,712 --> 00:18:58,189
- [Mr. Humphries] Missed, by a mile.
465
00:18:58,189 --> 00:19:02,456
You better go and get it,
before Peacock sees it.
466
00:19:02,456 --> 00:19:04,307
- Where are you going, Mr. Lucas?
467
00:19:04,307 --> 00:19:05,992
- I was just, I was
just stretching my legs,
468
00:19:05,992 --> 00:19:06,825
Captain Peacock.
469
00:19:06,825 --> 00:19:09,507
- Back to your own area.
- Sir!
470
00:19:09,507 --> 00:19:12,674
Blimey, it's like bein' in cold hands.
471
00:19:16,835 --> 00:19:18,477
- He's picked it up.
472
00:19:18,477 --> 00:19:20,163
- Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe?
473
00:19:20,163 --> 00:19:22,851
- At the moment, Captain Peacock.
474
00:19:22,851 --> 00:19:23,684
- Mrs. Slocombe,
475
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,827
I mentioned your complaint to Mr. Granger.
476
00:19:25,827 --> 00:19:28,685
And he, on his part,
also made a complaint,
477
00:19:28,685 --> 00:19:30,477
about the view of the ladies fitting room,
478
00:19:30,477 --> 00:19:31,757
from his department.
479
00:19:31,757 --> 00:19:33,421
- What was he complaining about?
480
00:19:33,421 --> 00:19:36,253
That he could see, or he couldn't?
481
00:19:36,253 --> 00:19:38,141
- Mrs. Slocombe, I, I
don't think he's quite as
482
00:19:38,141 --> 00:19:40,467
broadminded, as we are.
483
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:43,634
Oh, do something about that, will you?
484
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:46,451
- What have you got there?
485
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:47,496
- It's a bit of paper.
486
00:19:47,496 --> 00:19:49,811
Captain Peacock gave it to me.
487
00:19:49,811 --> 00:19:51,251
Ooh, it's a note!
488
00:19:51,251 --> 00:19:53,251
Pass me glasses, Brahms.
489
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:03,024
"Dear Sexy Knickers, I
don't half-fancy you.
490
00:20:07,795 --> 00:20:11,962
"Meet me outside, at 5:30,
and we'll get it together."
491
00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:16,133
Get what, well, really?
492
00:20:17,811 --> 00:20:21,395
- I didn't think you had sexy knickers.
493
00:20:21,395 --> 00:20:25,363
- As a matter of fact, they're Directoire.
494
00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:28,157
Some men get quite worked
up about them, you know.
495
00:20:28,157 --> 00:20:31,133
- Over Directoire knickers?
- Well, there is an air
496
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,693
of mystery about them.
497
00:20:33,693 --> 00:20:36,808
Well, there was during the war, anyway.
498
00:20:36,808 --> 00:20:37,641
- And I suppose with all those
499
00:20:37,641 --> 00:20:39,048
bombs falling down at the time,
500
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:41,277
it made 'em a bit more excited.
501
00:20:41,277 --> 00:20:42,301
You gonna go?
502
00:20:42,301 --> 00:20:44,349
- Well, from the tone of the note,
503
00:20:44,349 --> 00:20:47,005
my first instinct was to refuse, but,
504
00:20:47,005 --> 00:20:49,992
well, he is the head of the department,
505
00:20:49,992 --> 00:20:51,459
and I'm at a loose end.
506
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,424
- Well, I'm not surprised,
in Directoire knickers.
507
00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:56,742
- There to do, Ms. Brahms.
508
00:20:56,742 --> 00:20:59,864
Well, of course, I shall
have to give a reply.
509
00:20:59,864 --> 00:21:04,031
I think I shall be discreet,
and use the telephone.
510
00:21:10,819 --> 00:21:13,283
- She's read your note and
she's picked up the phone.
511
00:21:13,283 --> 00:21:14,738
- She's not gonna phone
head of department!
512
00:21:14,738 --> 00:21:17,896
(phone ringing)
- That's ours!
513
00:21:17,896 --> 00:21:19,805
She probably wants to speak to you!
514
00:21:19,805 --> 00:21:21,096
- Tell her I've gone downstairs!
515
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:22,929
- What stairs?
- These!
516
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:27,602
- Menswear.
517
00:21:31,197 --> 00:21:33,853
- Will you connect me with
Captain Peacock, please?
518
00:21:33,853 --> 00:21:34,941
- Hold on.
519
00:21:34,941 --> 00:21:36,196
Captain Peacock!
520
00:21:36,196 --> 00:21:37,279
Are you free?
521
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:40,681
- Yes, I'm free.
- Phone, sir.
522
00:21:43,581 --> 00:21:45,224
- [Mr. Humphries] While you're down there,
523
00:21:45,224 --> 00:21:47,656
I should write out your resignation.
524
00:21:47,656 --> 00:21:49,523
- Captain Peacock, here.
525
00:21:49,523 --> 00:21:52,339
- Hello, Captain Peacock.
526
00:21:52,339 --> 00:21:54,172
This is Sexy Knickers.
527
00:22:01,533 --> 00:22:05,245
- Would you, would you
mind repeating that?
528
00:22:05,245 --> 00:22:08,003
- This is Sexy Knickers.
529
00:22:08,003 --> 00:22:11,075
- That's what I thought you said.
530
00:22:11,075 --> 00:22:13,485
I beg your pardon, but, am
I speaking to a customer?
531
00:22:13,485 --> 00:22:16,985
- (chuckles) Naughty boy.
532
00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:20,003
Customer, indeed.
533
00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:23,011
Now, I'm not promising anything,
534
00:22:23,011 --> 00:22:26,011
but, I'll meet you outside, at 5:30.
535
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,640
- How shall I know you?
536
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,223
- What do you mean?
537
00:22:34,765 --> 00:22:36,749
You sent me the note.
538
00:22:36,749 --> 00:22:39,043
- To whom am I speaking?
539
00:22:39,043 --> 00:22:40,920
- You mean, you really don't know?
540
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,243
- I've no idea.
541
00:22:42,243 --> 00:22:45,059
- Thank Heaven for that.
542
00:22:45,059 --> 00:22:46,285
- What did he say?
543
00:22:46,285 --> 00:22:49,528
- Well, he implied, that
he never sent the note.
544
00:22:49,528 --> 00:22:50,840
"To whom am I talking to?"
545
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,051
He says in that Royal
Signals voice of his.
546
00:22:54,051 --> 00:22:56,429
- But you've got his
note, there, in your hand!
547
00:22:56,429 --> 00:22:59,762
- Well, if he didn't intend it for me...
548
00:23:00,867 --> 00:23:02,413
- It was for me?
549
00:23:02,413 --> 00:23:04,568
- Have you shown him any encouragement?
550
00:23:04,568 --> 00:23:07,032
- I've never shown him anything!
551
00:23:07,032 --> 00:23:08,803
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.
552
00:23:08,803 --> 00:23:12,493
- Quite right, fancy asking a junior out.
553
00:23:12,493 --> 00:23:14,552
- Captain Peacock, please.
554
00:23:14,552 --> 00:23:17,037
I'll soon trim his feathers for him.
555
00:23:17,037 --> 00:23:19,032
- Has he ever molested you, dear?
556
00:23:19,032 --> 00:23:20,829
- No, but he did have a
funny look on his face,
557
00:23:20,829 --> 00:23:23,731
that time he offered to help
me down with my corsets.
558
00:23:23,731 --> 00:23:24,840
- Did what?
559
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,007
- Off the top shelf, in the stockroom!
560
00:23:29,981 --> 00:23:32,669
- Another lady on the
phone, for Captain Peacock.
561
00:23:32,669 --> 00:23:33,502
- Shh!
562
00:23:42,141 --> 00:23:43,859
Captain Peacock speaking, who is there?
563
00:23:43,859 --> 00:23:46,359
- This is Sexy Knickers, here.
564
00:23:47,251 --> 00:23:50,472
- Anything I can do, Captain Peacock?
565
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:52,555
- Just a routine inquiry.
566
00:23:53,747 --> 00:23:54,824
- I just wanted to tell you
567
00:23:54,824 --> 00:23:55,880
that I couldn't have fancy you,
568
00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:00,047
if you were the last man
left in gent's ready-made.
569
00:24:01,101 --> 00:24:02,189
- Just hold onto this for a moment.
570
00:24:02,189 --> 00:24:05,875
Will you, Mr Humphries?
- Yes, Captain Peacock.
571
00:24:05,875 --> 00:24:06,708
- [Ms. Brahms] Instead of running around
572
00:24:06,708 --> 00:24:07,560
like some Peter Pan,
573
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,616
what's been knocking back the pet pills?
574
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:12,856
- Is that a complaint,
here, Mr. Humphries?
575
00:24:12,856 --> 00:24:15,357
- Well, in a manner of
speaking, yes, Mr. Granger.
576
00:24:15,357 --> 00:24:16,940
- I better take it.
577
00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:20,648
- Just because I let you
take my corsets down once,
578
00:24:20,648 --> 00:24:22,065
doesn't mean to--
579
00:24:26,024 --> 00:24:27,411
If I have anymore of your old guff,
580
00:24:27,411 --> 00:24:29,213
I'm gonna have you on the carpet.
581
00:24:29,213 --> 00:24:30,685
- Mind what you say, Ms. Brahms.
582
00:24:30,685 --> 00:24:32,947
- I think Ms. Brahms has said enough.
583
00:24:32,947 --> 00:24:36,232
I think some explanation is called for.
584
00:24:36,232 --> 00:24:39,837
- Is everything alright, Mr. Granger?
585
00:24:39,837 --> 00:24:44,004
- Some lady says she wants
to have me on the carpet.
586
00:24:47,261 --> 00:24:51,079
- It must be meant for self-furnishings.
587
00:24:51,079 --> 00:24:54,568
- Would you mind if I went
home early today, Mr. Granger?
588
00:24:54,568 --> 00:24:56,253
- Well, aren't you feeling well?
589
00:24:56,253 --> 00:24:59,517
- I think he's going
to have a heart attack.
590
00:24:59,517 --> 00:25:01,363
- Yes, I shall find out who wrote this.
591
00:25:01,363 --> 00:25:03,165
And you know me, Mrs. Slocombe,
592
00:25:03,165 --> 00:25:07,741
I don't rest, until I get
to the bottom of things.
593
00:25:07,741 --> 00:25:09,869
- Glass of water, glass
of water for Mr. Granger.
594
00:25:09,869 --> 00:25:11,309
- But, he hasn't asked
for a glass of water.
595
00:25:11,309 --> 00:25:12,142
- He will!
596
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,408
- Are you free, Mr. Granger?
597
00:25:14,408 --> 00:25:16,648
- Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
598
00:25:16,648 --> 00:25:17,779
- [Captain Peacock] Mr. Humphries?
599
00:25:17,779 --> 00:25:19,517
- Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
600
00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:20,627
- [Captain Peacock] Is Mr. Lucas free?
601
00:25:20,627 --> 00:25:23,592
- I think he's going to be
free for a very long time.
602
00:25:23,592 --> 00:25:25,629
- [Captain Peacock] Lucas.
603
00:25:25,629 --> 00:25:29,427
Now, I have here, a billhead
from this department,
604
00:25:29,427 --> 00:25:33,171
on which is written, "Dear Sexy Knickers,
605
00:25:33,171 --> 00:25:35,155
"I don't half-fancy you.
606
00:25:35,155 --> 00:25:37,181
"Meet me outside at half past five,
607
00:25:37,181 --> 00:25:39,514
"and we'll get it together."
608
00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:47,197
Well then, it is my duty
as head of this department,
609
00:25:47,197 --> 00:25:49,763
to ask each one of you,
if you wrote this note.
610
00:25:49,763 --> 00:25:51,715
Mr. Granger, did you write it?
611
00:25:51,715 --> 00:25:54,132
- I don't even understand it!
612
00:25:57,336 --> 00:26:00,323
- Mr. Granger wouldn't
say, Dear Sexy Knickers!
613
00:26:00,323 --> 00:26:01,501
He would say, Dear Sexy Bloomers,
614
00:26:01,501 --> 00:26:03,288
wouldn't you, Mr. Granger?
615
00:26:03,288 --> 00:26:05,475
- I very much doubt it!
616
00:26:05,475 --> 00:26:07,395
- Mr. Humphries, did you write this note?
617
00:26:07,395 --> 00:26:10,395
- No, but thanks for the compliment.
618
00:26:12,141 --> 00:26:14,605
- Well, in view of those two denials,
619
00:26:14,605 --> 00:26:17,438
I can come to only one conclusion.
620
00:26:19,267 --> 00:26:22,061
- Shall I leave now, or work 'til 5:30?
621
00:26:22,061 --> 00:26:23,629
- Yes, well, we'll leave
the matter of your future
622
00:26:23,629 --> 00:26:24,824
in advance.
623
00:26:24,824 --> 00:26:25,859
But, what you will do,
624
00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:27,523
is apologize to the ladies department,
625
00:26:27,523 --> 00:26:29,816
for the distress you have caused!
626
00:26:29,816 --> 00:26:30,649
- Now?
627
00:26:30,649 --> 00:26:32,482
- Yes, now!
- Yes, now!
628
00:26:33,613 --> 00:26:36,035
- Well, you came out of that very well.
629
00:26:36,035 --> 00:26:37,549
- But, at least it gives me
a chance to get over there,
630
00:26:37,549 --> 00:26:39,363
and chat Shirley up, and ask her out.
631
00:26:39,363 --> 00:26:43,530
- If you fell in the dark, you'd
come up with coal. (laughs)
632
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:50,755
- Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe?
633
00:26:50,755 --> 00:26:53,505
- Well, at the moment, Mr. Lucas.
634
00:26:54,808 --> 00:26:57,059
- I'm afraid I've been
a bit of a naughty boy,
635
00:26:57,059 --> 00:26:59,555
Mrs. Slocombe. (laughs)
- Have you, Mr. Lucas?
636
00:26:59,555 --> 00:27:00,824
What have you been up to?
637
00:27:00,824 --> 00:27:03,224
- (laughs) Well, you know that note
638
00:27:03,224 --> 00:27:06,029
that you thought came
from Captain Peacock?
639
00:27:06,029 --> 00:27:06,862
- Yes.
640
00:27:07,885 --> 00:27:10,243
- Well, it was from me.
641
00:27:10,243 --> 00:27:13,752
- Well, I should've guessed all the time,
642
00:27:13,752 --> 00:27:17,669
shouldn't I? (chuckles)
- What?
643
00:27:18,934 --> 00:27:22,767
- I've seen the way
you've been looking at me!
644
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:25,321
- Have I?
645
00:27:25,321 --> 00:27:29,773
- But you're a very
naughty boy, sending notes.
646
00:27:29,773 --> 00:27:31,864
You should've come across in the open,
647
00:27:31,864 --> 00:27:33,614
and come out with it!
648
00:27:38,339 --> 00:27:39,256
- Should I?
649
00:27:40,109 --> 00:27:42,403
- You shouldn't be so shy!
650
00:27:42,403 --> 00:27:46,403
You know, you're more
attractive than you think.
651
00:27:47,373 --> 00:27:48,206
- Am I?
652
00:27:49,389 --> 00:27:50,899
- Ooh, it's 5:30!
653
00:27:50,899 --> 00:27:53,064
Well, I'll just put my hat
on and meet you outside!
654
00:27:53,064 --> 00:27:56,147
Mind you, I'm not promising anything.
655
00:27:58,419 --> 00:28:00,919
(theme music)
656
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,363
♫ Ground floor perfumery
657
00:28:05,363 --> 00:28:06,771
♫ Stationery and leather goods
658
00:28:06,771 --> 00:28:08,221
♫ Wigs and haberdashery
659
00:28:08,221 --> 00:28:12,304
♫ Kitchenware and food, going up
660
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:16,925
♫ First floor telephones
661
00:28:16,925 --> 00:28:18,387
♫ Gents, ready-made suits,
662
00:28:18,387 --> 00:28:19,869
♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats,
663
00:28:19,869 --> 00:28:23,869
♫ Underwear and shoes, going up
664
00:28:27,112 --> 00:28:28,605
♫ Second floor carpets,
665
00:28:28,605 --> 00:28:30,045
♫ Travel goods and bedding,
666
00:28:30,045 --> 00:28:31,507
♫ Material, soft furnishings,
667
00:28:31,507 --> 00:28:35,674
♫ Restaurants and teas, going down ♫
49754
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