All language subtitles for Trial and Error s01e09 Opening Statements.eng

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[Crowd clamoring]

This is Heidi Baker reporting live

from the East Peck courthouse,
where opening statements

in the Larry Henderson murder trail

are about to begin.

This courthouse hasn't seen
this much attention

since the East Peck
witch trials of 1994.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

Larry Henderson may seem to be

a harmless, affable, bewildered poet.

But believe you me,
beneath this calm facade

brews the violent tempest of a man

who took the words
"...till death do us part"

all to literally when he extinguished

the life of Margaret Henderson.

Disagree. But she is a lyricist.

What happened to your shoes?!

They didn't match so I
hid them in the bushes.

This so-called
happily married man

was having a homosexual affair.

When Margaret found out about it,

he violent struck her,

and he threw her through a window.

You know what,
don't take my word for it.

See for yourself
in this re-creation video.

Mitchell? I thought you said
presentations weren't allowed.

I said yours wasn't.

What you are about to hear
is the story of a man

who loved his wife.

Anne, are you kidding me?

You said you wanted
a recent picture of Margaret.

It was either that or one
where she was squinting.

Fair warning,
this is incredibly disturbing.

And thanks to the boys and girls

of the East Peck
Junior High Computer Club

for putting it together.

[8-but music playing]

Larry, no!

Die, wife, die!

Aah!

Aah!

[ Overlapping screams]

[Applause]

Larry!

As you just saw, Larry Henderson
sentenced his wife to death.

Now, I'm asking you
to do the same to him.

Only this time, we all get to watch.

Thank you very much.

Josh: I have a bulletproof
opening statement.

It's all about Rutger Hiss,

the dirty cop who
framed Larry Henderson.

He was there the night Margaret died,

we have DNA evidence proving he
was having an affair with her,

he was treated at the hospital
the night she died

for shards of glass in his arm.

And the best part...

He can't refute any of this
because he's in a coma.

Sucks for him.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

you have heard the prosecution's story.

Now I'd like to tell you the truth.

- [Door opens]
- It's about a dirty cop.

- Rutger Hiss!
- Dwayne, I'm getting there.

- [Door closes]
- Rutger: Sorry!

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

[Camera shutters clicking]

Oh [bleep] me.

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- [Gavel bangs]
- Order!

It's bad enough
with all this media coverage.

I will not have my court
turned into a circus.

That being said, I prefer to be
photographed from this side,

and tell me if I'm getting
a chin thing.

Carol Anne: I was as surprised as
anyone to see Rutger Hiss awake.

He and I had a complicated
relationship.

I was intimate with him,
he cheated on me

with Margaret Henderson and his wife.

But after he went into the coma,
I came to terms with it.

Oh. This is awful.

It's okay.

The evidence against him
is what matters.

No, I stepped in something wet.

I hate that!

Your dad stepped in my dip spit.

Look, I know Clanton's
not the perfect boyfriend.

You still using this?

But things are really
stressful right now,

and I don't know
what's happening with my dad.

It's nice to have someone to sit
next to me and comfort me.

Pull my finger, babe.

[Clicks tongue] Okay.

I'm dumping him
as soon as this is over.

Mr. Segal, you may continue
with your opening statement.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Larry Henderson
did not murder his wife.

There is a preponderance of
evidence against another man.

A man who has abused his power
in the most deplorable way.

But to call him a man is...

generous.

He is, in fact, a veritable monster,

capable of things
that we couldn't even...

For God's sake!

[Sighs]

The defense will prove that this animal

lifted Margaret Henderson
with his bare hands

and brutally...

Oh! And brutally...

Oh, wipe his chin.

Thank you, Your Honor.

And brutally murdered her.

That despicable person is... Oh!

- Aw!
- Come on!

...Rutger Hiss.

I'll start.

I liked it.

Thank you, Anne.

I'll admit, I didn't make

a great first impression
with the jury today.

But second impressions
are also important.

So let's talk about
what we learned today.

Well, I found out I'm gonna die.

Shoot, that was gonna be mine.

You're not gonna die. Josh has this.

I learned I can lie to my dad's face.

Josh: You are not going to die.

My opening statement
was a minor setback.

I underestimated how sympathetic
people would be to Rutger.

Well, here in East Peck,

we do have a soft spot
for a coma victim.

Our most popular mayor,
Sterling Johnson,

was elected to three consecutive terms,

one of which, he was
completely unresponsive.

He got unemployment down to 38%.

Let's move past
opening statements, huh?

So tomorrow, Carol Anne Keane
calls her first witnesses.

Anne, has that witness
list come in yet?

Almost. It's only been 10 minutes.

Why couldn't they just e-mail us?

The country ruled that
any fiber-optic communications

of official documents is sorcery.

Wait. Alfonzo's on the list?

Why would they want
to hear from the man

I was having an affair with
when my wife died?

You don't hear it, do you?

Well, I knew Carol Anne
would bring it up,

but I didn't think
she'd put him on the stand.

What if he says something personal?

Oh, I would definitely plan
on some personal stuff

coming out during this trial.

Now you tell me.

Summer, dear, you're gonna hear

some pretty disturbing
things about Daddy.

I'm ready for it.

I learned I can lie twice.

- I need to see Alfonzo.
- Larry, no.

The last thing we need
is for Carol Anne

- to charge us with witness tampering.
- Oh, please.

I'm sure she's done plenty of
things that we don't know about.

Josh: He's not wrong.

I slept with Carol
Anne Keane last week.

It was a moment of
weakness and stupidity.

But as moments of weakness
and stupidity go,

I think we both agree
it was mind-blowing.

We boned. It was fine.

Mind-blowing.

Larry, if you're lonely,
just do what I do...

choke the chicken.

And if that doesn't work, I masturbate.

Larry: No, it's not about loneliness.

I just want to find out
if he's gonna say something

that makes me look bad.

Josh: A surprising name popped up

on the prosecution's
witness list... Rutger Hiss.

He's a potential suspect that
could totally damage her case.

I'm gonna drop by
and see what she's up to.

Hopefully she understands

that this is purely
a professional visit.

What do you need?

Okay, she understands.

Counselor?

Counselor, did you come
here for a reason?

Yes, I was in the neighborhood,

and I wanted to see what witnesses

you were giving a lap dance to.

Oh, don't get weird about it.
Rutger and I are back together.

- I thought you hated him.
- We worked it out.

Well, I think you're
making a huge mistake.

Oh, I see how it is.
I gave you a cookie,

and now you want the whole jug of milk.

Joke's on you because
I'm lactose intolerant.

And I know that's not sexy,

but this isn't about me
being hung up on you.

Good, because what you and I had
was purely physical.

I had a need, and you were... there.

Same here. You were there, too.

I actually forgot it even happened.

The mistake I was talking about
was putting Rutger on the stand.

I am going to destroy him on cross.

The way we destroyed that condom?

Hey, should we talk about that?

No, we're good. See you in court.

I know Josh thought it was a bad
idea for me to see Alfonzo,

but he doesn't understand
what I'm going through.

To be honest,

I'm not sure he's ever
been charged with murder.

Alfonzo: Larry?

Oh.

Alfonzo.

- Mm. Someone's been eating carbs.
- Oh.

Don't judge me.
I already have a jury for that.

Speaking of...

I understand... you were subpoenaed.

I was curious, what
are you going to say?

Just that you murdered Margaret.

[Gasps]

[Laughing] Oh, you got me!

But, seriously,
what are you going to say?

Lar-bear, don't worry.

I'd never say anything bad about you.

Oh, what a relief!

I'm so glad I came.

My lawyer thought it was a bad idea.

He said I needed to be discreet.

[Chuckles]

But you brought a film crew.

To be honest, I always
forget they're even there.

[Humming]

[Sighs]

I'm glad you came. I missed you.

I missed this.

I was living the dream...
great marriage to Margaret,

and you on the side for a little fun.

Well, it wasn't just fun.

Of course it wasn't.

It was also the best damn
workout I've ever had.

Anyway, if I ever get married again,

you are the guy I'm
gonna fool around with.

[Door opens]

I'm cross-examining Rutger
tomorrow morning,

and I don't want a repeat of today.

- Why? You were great.
- Come on, you killed it.

Guys, come on. I was there.

- Wow, you were the worst.
- Yes, total crapstorm.

Good.

That... That's what I need, honesty.

So I was thinking
about starting with this.

Mr. Hiss, there is a preponderance of...

Stop.

People in East Peck
do not like New York words.

"Preponderance" is not
a New York word... It's a word.

It means abundance.

You know what else is a word? "Guilty."

So what should I say instead?

Try "buttload."

Mr. Hiss, there is a buttload
of evidence...

Guilty.

- What?
- I said "buttload."

But your eyes said "preponderance."

Fine.

No fancy words, no eye rolls. What else?

You mean...

besides your hair?

What's wrong with my hair?

I'll go put on a pot.

You look like you're in a good mood.

I am.

Because I spoke to
Alfonzo and I found out

that he's only going to say
nice things about me.

But I told you not to do that!

I think what you mean
to say is "thank you."

[Scoffs]

And I like what you're
doing with your hair.

Thank you.

Mr. Hiss, in your own words,
describe the crime scene for us.

There was no sign of forced entry,

so she likely knew the assailant.

And based on the force of impact,

I would suspect that he was somewhere

around 6'4" or 6'7" in skates.

Let the record show those
are Mr. Henderson's dimensions.

Thank God he didn't mention my weight.

And, Mr. Hiss,
could you please describe

Mr. Henderson's demeanor that night?

He was more excited
then Cleavon Philbin

when he made that sensational catch

in the end zone to beat North Peck!

- [Cheers and applause]
- Whoo! Go, Peckers!

- [Gavel bangs]
- Judge Horsedich: Order!

This is a court of law, not a pep rally!

Let's celebrate when we get to state!

[Cheers and applause]

- [Gavel bangs]
- Order!

No further questions.

Your witness.

And may I add,
the court appreciates you

finally taking your hat off.

It wasn't a...

You're welcome, Your Honor.

Mr. Hiss, first of all,
let me say we're happy

that you've recovered from your coma...

that most noble of brain injuries.

However, I've got a buttload
of evidence against you.

Starting with the fact
that you were sleeping

with Margaret Henderson
before she was murdered.

Isn't that right?

Was I? I have no recollection of that.

You don't remember
a four-month relationship

- you had with the victim?
- Sorry.

My coma must be affecting
my memory of things.

Why did you go to the hospital
the night of the murder?

Did I? That's news to me.

Let me jog your memory.

You had shards of glass in your arm.

How do you explain that?

My coma's starting to hurt.

So you remember every detail
that indicts my client,

but somehow conveniently forget
your own nefarious behavior.

Objection. That's a New York word.

- Oh, please.
- Objection... eye roll.

- Sustained.
- Oh, God!

But it's so obvious
what's happening here.

He's trying to use his
illness as a crutch.

But being in a coma
does not make you a hero.

[Gasping]

[Camera shutters clicking]

[Sighs]

I'll start.

That sucked.

Heidi: Another brutal day
for the defense

in the Larry Henderson murder trail

as attorney Josh Segal
once again went after

East Peck's second most famous
coma victim, Rutger...

Who is this idiot
trying to get on camera?

Clanton: Pull my finger.

You better fix this,

or I'm gonna end up with a
dead dad and four idiot kids.

They would be beautiful.

We had a rocky start.

But I'm not buying Rutger Hiss'
selective-memory act.

I mean, he can't remember
one thing I ask him,

but he remembers a catch
at a stupid football game?

Josh, don't make fun of Pecker Bowl.

Yeah, that's our town's
most important event.

Aside from Pumpkinfest.

And the Witch Hunt.

And Map-burning Day.

Hold on, Pecker Bowl
was three weeks ago.

And Tractor Appreciation Day.

And Hug-a-Farmer Day.

Anne.

Rutger was supposed to be in a coma.

How did he see it?

Guys, we are back!

Guys, it's over.

Look at this text I
just got from Alfonzo.

"You're clearly not the
man I thought you were.

I never want to see you
again, except in court."

Larry, this is one of the many reasons

you're not supposed to
interact with a witness.

You're right, you're right.

I'll go and talk to him.

Can you cover for me in court?

It's the Larry Henderson murder trail.

You're kind of the star.

Yeah.

Sounds pretty good.

But I still need to know
why Alfonzo turned on me.

Believe me, so do I.

But it's gonna require
some good detective work.

Or Anne and I could do it.

Great.

Larry, you're gonna come
with me to the hospital.

We have to do some
research on Rutger's coma.

Okay, but could you try not to
burn any bridges with Alfonzo.

This trial may be over some day,

and you know how hard it is to date

when you're a bisexual
with a murder trial

hanging over your head?

Yep.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

So that has all the surveillance
video from Rutger Hiss' room

- when he was in a coma?
- Yep. I did my part.

You know our deal.

I feel so uncomfortable.

This is really important, Larry.

We don't have time for a warrant.

All right. Okay, one, two, three.

- [Gags]
- [Camera shutter clicks]

Weird smile. Let's do another.

One, two, three.

[Camera shutter clicks]

- Much better.
- Awesome.

- Enjoy.
- Thank you!

Remember, you agreed not to post that.

- Oh.
- Smug son of a bitch.

And everybody loves him.

Josh: I am so sorry about today, Larry.

This is really not the way

I wanted my first
murder trial to start.

But I will get you out of it.

I know you will.
Josh, you're doing a great job.

[Sighs]

I slept with Carol Anne Keane.

She slept with you?

Old hair or new hair?

Is this something people
have been talking about?

Well...

Anyway, what happened
between me and Carol Anne

was a terrible lapse
in judgment, and I apologize.

Oh, hey, I've spent my whole life

being judged for romantic
choices I've made.

I'm not gonna do that to you.

The heart wants what it wants.

And it pumps blood
right into the penis.

I remember that poem from your book.

Mm.

Okay, here we go, the 24th.

This is the night of the Philbin catch.

Woman: Whoo! Go, Peckers!

- This town loves football.
- Yep.

Look.
Is that...

Oh, my God! I knew it!

I knew he was faking
his coma the whole time.

[ Moaning]

Wow. He's got limber hips.

Good for Margaret.

Woman: Oh, Rutger!

Rutger: Good job.

Now, I'm no doctor,

but that doesn't look like
any coma victim I know.

What that looks like, whew...

is a buttload of lyin'.

No further questions.

Your Honor, the people
would like to redirect.

- You stupid son of a [bleep]
- [Bleep]

- Ah!
- Wait, I can explain!

Rutger! Rutger!

Heidi: Only moments after being
outed for faking a coma,

Rutger Hiss hit his head
and is now in a real coma.

In a case full of shocking twists,

we now have our first ironic one.

- Dwayne: Larry?
- I'm in the kitchen!

Anne: We have some news.

We think Alfonzo's
in love with someone.

Who?

Me and Anne do.

We think he's in love with you.

That theory's bolstered by the fact

that he told us he's in love with you.

Well, that doesn't make sense.

Alfonzo knew the deal.

It wasn't love. It was fun...

tremendous fun.

Good, hard fun.

I have to go talk to him.

Josh would not like that.

No, it will be our little secret.

Oh! Oh!

[Door closes]

- Hey.
- Hey.

I broke up with Clanton.

I don't have to demean myself

just because I'm stressed
about my dad's trial.

I can... be alone.

Hey.

You're... You're not alone.

You just gotta be strong
and know you are a catch.

Don't just latch on to the first
person that gives you attention.

Thanks, Dwayne. That's sweet.

For the first time in
my life, I'm in love.

I'm flattered, but if you
care so much for me,

what's the problem?

Two days ago, you made it clear
that I was just for fun.

I don't want to have fun.
I want to be with you.

Alfie, Fonzo,

I thought we were on the same page.

And I thought you were
just sticking it out

with that horrible woman
and we could be together

once she was out of the picture...

window.

Saw the joke, I see why you went there,

but, please, take it back!

I can't have you talking
about Margaret that way!

Oh, please! She was awful!

Alfonzo, don't push me!

- If I'm honest, I'm glad she's gone!
- No!

Would you mind giving us a moment?

Hey, wait up.

Did you come here to rub it in my face?

No. I came to say...

I'm sorry about Rutger.

I know you had a thing with him.

For reasons I will
never, ever understand.

Do not pity me.

I'm a grown woman.
I can take care of myself...

which I'm about to do.

Unless you want to come upstairs
and let me rub it in your face.

Wow, that is... dirty.

But I'm going to pass.

Maybe after the trial.

After the trial, you go home.

I'll be stuck here, trying to
find a date for the Pecker Bowl.

- Man: Go, Peckers!
- Shut up!

Anyway, why don't you go on home
and rest on your tiny laurel.

Trust me, today was only
a minor setback for me.

I don't think so.

In fact, I think we turned a corner,

and people are going to see
Larry for who he really is.

Oh, God!

Okay, that one was me.

See you in court.

[Glass clinks]

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