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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:23,000 Movie & Subtitles Conformed By : Sandip Bhetariya [ bhetariyasandip@gmail.com ] '' Hope You'll Like & Enjoy The Movie !!! '' 2 00:00:27,326 --> 00:00:31,103 Oh, no, oh, no 3 00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:40,426 Ahhh, oh, no, ahhh, oh, no 4 00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:43,596 Ahhh, oh, no 5 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:49,127 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 6 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,765 100% blue agave. 7 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,344 Taste it. 8 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,028 Look, Mike, I like you. 9 00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,502 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 10 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,936 They've got the three... What is it? 11 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,973 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 12 00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,677 And they don't need more tequila. 13 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,675 - If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. - People want the new-new. 14 00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:11,213 - The "new-new"? - The "new-new." 15 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:12,492 They want that new-new. 16 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,594 No! 17 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,177 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 18 00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,414 - Would I have your order then? - Yeah, sure. 19 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,252 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 20 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,582 Excuse me, sir. 21 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,819 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 22 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:26,890 Why, yes, I do. 23 00:01:27,055 --> 00:01:30,264 But I only drink my particular brand, and you will not convince me otherwise. 24 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,401 - It's a perfect candidate. - Because it's your brother! 25 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,764 I know that's your brother. 26 00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:35,234 He dated my niece. 27 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:36,398 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 28 00:01:36,631 --> 00:01:38,406 - Okay. - But if I did... 29 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,376 I'd say she was a little clingy, and she'd freak a lot of people out. 30 00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,311 We play Wards With Friends together, right? 31 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,475 - Dave, right? - Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 32 00:01:46,641 --> 00:01:47,642 His name's Rick. 33 00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:49,015 I know he's your brother. 34 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,553 Look, look, look. You guys are funny, you're weird. 35 00:01:51,713 --> 00:01:53,056 We do this every couple weeks... 36 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,703 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 37 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:56,784 - Fuck, yes! - Yes! 38 00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:57,919 Yes! I knew it! 39 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,308 - We sold your ass, Randy! - I don't know if that's what happened. 40 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:01,696 - It was the hat, right? - Was it the hat? 41 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,790 I just found this over there. 42 00:02:09,732 --> 00:02:10,870 Do something crazy 43 00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:13,102 Live like it's Mardi Gras 44 00:02:13,202 --> 00:02:14,857 And go jump, make the party start 45 00:02:14,937 --> 00:02:16,825 Don't need no R&R 46 00:02:16,905 --> 00:02:18,748 To regular life, I say Au revoir 47 00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:21,163 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 48 00:02:21,243 --> 00:02:22,779 Now your pain only be champagne 49 00:02:22,878 --> 00:02:26,416 So please come join me One thing, good vibes only 50 00:02:26,882 --> 00:02:30,455 Start the keg, I'mma fill my cup 51 00:02:30,552 --> 00:02:33,931 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 52 00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:36,464 Tonight I'm going stupid 53 00:02:36,558 --> 00:02:38,196 Doing things I've never done 54 00:02:38,694 --> 00:02:40,883 We all got one thing in common 55 00:02:40,963 --> 00:02:42,807 We just wanna have fun 56 00:02:45,902 --> 00:02:47,108 Do something crazy 57 00:02:48,204 --> 00:02:49,205 Okay 58 00:02:49,939 --> 00:02:50,940 Do something crazy 59 00:02:53,877 --> 00:02:54,878 Do what you wanna do 60 00:02:57,814 --> 00:02:58,815 Do something crazy 61 00:03:01,818 --> 00:03:02,819 I'm about to do 62 00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:04,888 I'm about to do 63 00:03:05,922 --> 00:03:06,923 Do something crazy 64 00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:08,591 Do something crazy 65 00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:10,829 Do something wild 66 00:03:10,927 --> 00:03:12,463 Rolling with the homies 67 00:03:12,562 --> 00:03:14,584 Chicks by my side 68 00:03:14,664 --> 00:03:16,803 Live for the moment 69 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,675 All of the time 70 00:03:18,768 --> 00:03:20,679 Turn up the music 71 00:03:20,770 --> 00:03:22,478 Only good vibes 72 00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:24,428 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 73 00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,010 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 74 00:03:26,343 --> 00:03:29,119 Do you realize that that sale puts us at number three in the office? 75 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,782 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 76 00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:34,087 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 77 00:03:34,251 --> 00:03:35,423 If you wear two, they break. 78 00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,691 - It's an urban legend... - No, it's not. 79 00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:39,824 Mom, Dad? 80 00:03:40,658 --> 00:03:41,830 Jeanie. Eric. 81 00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:44,836 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 82 00:03:44,995 --> 00:03:46,065 Just come on in. 83 00:03:46,330 --> 00:03:48,185 Why don't we all just sit down? 84 00:03:48,265 --> 00:03:49,266 We gotta talk to you. 85 00:03:50,401 --> 00:03:51,744 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 86 00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:53,106 - Oh! Sweet. - Okay. 87 00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,716 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? First thought, band, right? 88 00:03:55,873 --> 00:03:57,443 No. People want to hear the real songs. 89 00:03:57,608 --> 00:03:59,884 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyoncé. 90 00:03:59,977 --> 00:04:01,266 You just want to hear Beyoncé. 91 00:04:01,346 --> 00:04:02,334 Oh. 92 00:04:02,414 --> 00:04:04,603 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 93 00:04:04,683 --> 00:04:06,492 is you two. 94 00:04:07,953 --> 00:04:09,364 Now, over the years... 95 00:04:09,654 --> 00:04:12,567 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 96 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:14,101 Everyone's having a good time... 97 00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:16,581 - That's right. - Things are going smoothly. 98 00:04:16,661 --> 00:04:17,783 Party time. 99 00:04:17,863 --> 00:04:19,918 And then you two show up... 100 00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:20,999 stag... 101 00:04:21,299 --> 00:04:22,334 and you hit on girls... 102 00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:23,637 you act like idiots... 103 00:04:23,802 --> 00:04:25,372 and you ruin it. 104 00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:26,538 Ruin it. 105 00:04:26,705 --> 00:04:28,946 - What? We are not party ruiners! - Mm-mm. 106 00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:30,447 We're party creators! 107 00:04:30,742 --> 00:04:33,552 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 108 00:04:33,845 --> 00:04:35,000 Ah! 109 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,218 We thought you might say that. 110 00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:37,435 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 111 00:04:37,515 --> 00:04:38,503 Apple TV. 112 00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:39,619 We just need your password. 113 00:04:39,852 --> 00:04:41,263 - Bryan's baby dick 69. - Yeah. 114 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:42,899 Bryan's baby dick 69. 115 00:04:43,222 --> 00:04:44,826 What the fuck, guys? Really? 116 00:04:44,991 --> 00:04:46,012 - Got it. Yep. - Is that it? 117 00:04:46,092 --> 00:04:47,093 Good. 118 00:04:48,728 --> 00:04:50,674 Happy Fourth of July! 119 00:04:52,064 --> 00:04:53,099 Oh, shit! 120 00:04:57,103 --> 00:04:58,582 It was fun up to that point. 121 00:05:07,546 --> 00:05:09,617 God damn it! My trailer! 122 00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:19,247 Oh, shit. 123 00:05:19,327 --> 00:05:21,133 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 124 00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:24,633 - The both of you are fucking idiots. - Fucking losers! 125 00:05:33,807 --> 00:05:36,811 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 126 00:05:36,977 --> 00:05:40,067 Are you saying we had something to do with Grandfather's death? Hmm? 127 00:05:40,147 --> 00:05:42,218 He died five years after that! 128 00:05:42,382 --> 00:05:44,293 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 129 00:05:44,451 --> 00:05:46,829 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 130 00:05:47,087 --> 00:05:49,260 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 131 00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:51,561 And everybody looking at us, just going... 132 00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,762 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 133 00:05:53,927 --> 00:05:56,032 "They made this whole party worth it." 134 00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:58,777 When are the two of you going to grow up? 135 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,105 This shtick was cute for a while... 136 00:06:01,269 --> 00:06:02,680 but it's gotten stale. 137 00:06:02,837 --> 00:06:04,748 Mom, come on, what are you... 138 00:06:05,473 --> 00:06:08,113 You're talking about us like we're a couple of losers or something. 139 00:06:08,276 --> 00:06:11,348 What we don't want you to do is go chasing girls and get out of control. 140 00:06:11,512 --> 00:06:14,255 - You understand? - Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 141 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,325 - You can each talk to one girl. - The girls that you bring to the wedding. 142 00:06:18,019 --> 00:06:20,998 - What do you mean? - I want you to bring a date. 143 00:06:21,155 --> 00:06:25,647 - That's two dates. - You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 144 00:06:25,727 --> 00:06:27,932 - Excuse me? - Are you allowed to do that? 145 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,768 Nice, respectable, smart girls! Keep you in line. 146 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,138 - What the fuck? - What? 147 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,643 - Are you insane? - Oh, you're kidding. 148 00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:36,042 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 149 00:06:36,204 --> 00:06:38,947 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit coming out of Dad's mouth? 150 00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:42,146 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 151 00:06:42,311 --> 00:06:44,723 - We don't rile each other up! - We never get riled up! 152 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,019 - I don't get riled! - He doesn't and I don't, either! 153 00:06:47,316 --> 00:06:48,886 Look at you right now! You're riled! 154 00:06:48,984 --> 00:06:51,191 - Take your head out of your ass, Dad! - You sound insane right now. 155 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,857 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 156 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:56,230 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 157 00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,364 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 158 00:07:00,662 --> 00:07:03,541 But everyone is already stressed out about this wedding... 159 00:07:03,832 --> 00:07:06,574 and I just need you to be cool. 160 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,470 Of course, Jeanie! 161 00:07:08,704 --> 00:07:09,978 Please? 162 00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:11,174 For me? 163 00:07:11,407 --> 00:07:13,751 I promise. We would never do anything to mess up your wedding. 164 00:07:14,376 --> 00:07:15,582 Jeanie, we love you. 165 00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:17,400 We want this to be the best day of your life. 166 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,468 Yeah. 167 00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:19,636 You, too, Eric. 168 00:07:19,716 --> 00:07:20,922 - Oh. - Oh. Thank you. 169 00:07:21,217 --> 00:07:22,318 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 170 00:07:23,353 --> 00:07:25,308 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 171 00:07:25,388 --> 00:07:26,458 All right, it's settled then. 172 00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,301 Wedding dates! 173 00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:32,196 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you for a second, okay? Listen. 174 00:07:32,362 --> 00:07:34,433 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 175 00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:36,270 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 176 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:38,037 he'd get all weird about it. 177 00:07:38,268 --> 00:07:40,339 I just feel like he's holding you back. 178 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,039 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 179 00:07:42,272 --> 00:07:43,615 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 180 00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:44,808 when Mom made those cupcakes... 181 00:07:45,075 --> 00:07:46,247 and I called them moist? 182 00:07:46,409 --> 00:07:48,719 - Mm-hmm. - Everyone called me Moist... 183 00:07:48,878 --> 00:07:50,789 till Mike took a cupcake... 184 00:07:50,947 --> 00:07:53,587 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 185 00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:57,062 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 186 00:07:58,189 --> 00:08:00,294 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 187 00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:02,094 So, think on that... 188 00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:04,233 Dad. 189 00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:08,635 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that on such a weird note, Dad. 190 00:08:08,732 --> 00:08:10,803 - I love you. And thanks. - Good. I don't want you to be mad. 191 00:08:10,901 --> 00:08:12,023 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 192 00:08:12,103 --> 00:08:13,138 We're gonna find some dates. 193 00:08:14,271 --> 00:08:16,842 I gotta say, some nights, I am not looking my best. 194 00:08:17,108 --> 00:08:20,054 But tonight is not one of those nights! 195 00:08:20,244 --> 00:08:21,450 - Do you like my hair? - Yeah, girl. 196 00:08:21,612 --> 00:08:23,114 - You look good. - No. 197 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,452 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 198 00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:26,626 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 199 00:08:26,951 --> 00:08:28,589 Uh, you got money for this ride, don't you? 200 00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:30,608 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 201 00:08:30,688 --> 00:08:32,576 - 'Cause you have money? - I thought you had money. 202 00:08:32,656 --> 00:08:34,713 - I don't have any money. - You know I don't have money. 203 00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:37,330 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people that don't got money. 204 00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:38,941 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 205 00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:40,752 Boop. I Apple Paid. 206 00:08:40,832 --> 00:08:41,970 I don't even have Apple Pay. 207 00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:44,008 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 208 00:08:44,302 --> 00:08:45,290 He's already paid. 209 00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:46,358 God damn it! 210 00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:48,850 I'm not gonna take shit from you, because this my cab. 211 00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,429 You shouldn't take shit from us. 212 00:08:50,509 --> 00:08:52,731 - You should kick us out! - You should kick us out of this cab. 213 00:08:52,811 --> 00:08:55,901 You know what? I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 214 00:08:55,981 --> 00:08:58,203 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 215 00:08:58,283 --> 00:08:59,318 and then kick us out! 216 00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:02,821 Here we are! Get out of my cab. 217 00:09:02,988 --> 00:09:04,296 Thank you. You're a really good person. 218 00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,491 Okay, God bless you. 219 00:09:05,657 --> 00:09:08,137 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 220 00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:09,594 Ooh. I got a good idea. 221 00:09:09,761 --> 00:09:11,434 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 222 00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:13,668 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 223 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,335 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 224 00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:25,012 Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Sake Bombers... 225 00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:27,385 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 226 00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:29,458 - Kaboom! - You're drunk, Alice. 227 00:09:29,682 --> 00:09:31,304 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 228 00:09:31,384 --> 00:09:32,522 but you're really yelling. 229 00:09:32,685 --> 00:09:33,993 Because I'm upset with you. 230 00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:35,188 Oh, what the hell? 231 00:09:35,354 --> 00:09:37,677 I don't understand why you just started yelling at me for no reason. 232 00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:40,564 - What the hell is going on here? - Your little buddy is shit-faced. 233 00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:45,506 Straight up. Her fiancé just left her at the altar. 234 00:09:45,798 --> 00:09:46,786 She's been going through a hard time. 235 00:09:46,866 --> 00:09:48,955 - Are you guys talking about me? - No, baby girl. 236 00:09:49,035 --> 00:09:50,514 You know how many times I have come in here... 237 00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:54,619 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, dancing on the tables? 238 00:09:54,741 --> 00:09:57,915 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 239 00:09:58,078 --> 00:09:59,819 I am a strong independent woman. 240 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,653 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 241 00:10:03,817 --> 00:10:05,806 Because it's my right. America! 242 00:10:05,886 --> 00:10:06,887 Feminism! 243 00:10:07,054 --> 00:10:08,499 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 244 00:10:08,655 --> 00:10:10,032 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 245 00:10:10,457 --> 00:10:13,400 # 2016. Women can do shit now. 246 00:10:16,096 --> 00:10:17,541 Don't do that! 247 00:10:17,698 --> 00:10:19,200 Who put her jam on? 248 00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:21,536 Queen RiRi, forever! 249 00:10:21,702 --> 00:10:23,613 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 250 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:26,077 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 251 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,685 - but I'm still really sorry. - Hey! 252 00:10:28,175 --> 00:10:31,088 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 253 00:10:31,178 --> 00:10:32,283 You didn't do one thing wrong. 254 00:10:32,513 --> 00:10:34,754 - Okay. - People need to get in line with you. 255 00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:36,953 Right. You're right. 256 00:10:37,118 --> 00:10:38,859 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 257 00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:41,509 And Alice... do you take Luke? 258 00:10:41,589 --> 00:10:42,610 I do. 259 00:10:42,690 --> 00:10:45,566 Because it's therapeutic. The more I watch it, the less I feel. 260 00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:46,763 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 261 00:10:46,961 --> 00:10:47,962 I do... 262 00:10:48,396 --> 00:10:49,397 not. 263 00:10:51,933 --> 00:10:53,139 Oh, man. Fuck you, Luke. 264 00:10:53,668 --> 00:10:54,942 Oh, fuck that guy. 265 00:10:55,203 --> 00:10:56,443 Fuck him right in his dick. 266 00:10:56,604 --> 00:10:57,639 No! 267 00:10:57,805 --> 00:11:01,582 Because now I'm picturing his dick getting fucked by another dick. 268 00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:03,154 And it makes me want to protect it. 269 00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:06,959 Oh, my God, girl! Damn! 270 00:11:07,115 --> 00:11:08,788 You're better than this. Come on! 271 00:11:08,950 --> 00:11:10,429 We're T and A! 272 00:11:10,585 --> 00:11:13,089 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 273 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,632 for the junior high science fair? 274 00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,929 Or gave us water balloon tits and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 275 00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:20,232 Oh, yeah, they were so nice. 276 00:11:20,396 --> 00:11:22,069 I know, dude. We need that shit. 277 00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,901 I'm tired of living like this. 278 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,470 We need an adventure. 279 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,982 We've got a great little package we're selling here, man. 280 00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,416 A week in a tropical paradise... 281 00:11:33,575 --> 00:11:36,522 with two fun-loving, yet surprisingly well-read bros? 282 00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:37,633 Yeah. 283 00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:39,468 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 284 00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:40,536 Yeah. 285 00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:41,604 Where do I sign up? 286 00:11:41,684 --> 00:11:42,871 Dude, focus. 287 00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:44,692 - Okay. - This is for Jeanie. 288 00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:48,457 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls, we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 289 00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:49,892 The Internet! 290 00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:51,127 That's a good idea. 291 00:11:51,361 --> 00:11:52,840 Match.com, Tinder... 292 00:11:52,996 --> 00:11:54,551 Grindr, OkCupid. 293 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,632 Craigslist! 294 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:56,853 Craigslist? 295 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,038 Craigslist, you think, that's where you go to meet nice girls? 296 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,307 Dave? 297 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,143 We met this couch on Craigslist. 298 00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:05,247 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 299 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,448 I do love that couch. 300 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,882 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 301 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:12,202 All right. 302 00:12:12,282 --> 00:12:14,922 Here you go. Just take a little sip. Take a little nip-a-roo. 303 00:12:18,388 --> 00:12:19,389 Boom! 304 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,578 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 305 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:22,659 God, I hope so. 306 00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:24,131 Like max, what do you think? 307 00:12:24,294 --> 00:12:26,968 We're gonna get, like, five or six dates out of this, or what? 308 00:12:27,130 --> 00:12:28,734 I'd be happy with that. 309 00:12:34,739 --> 00:12:35,760 Hey. 310 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,286 Did you see this thing that Shelly's sending around the office? 311 00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:40,580 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 312 00:12:40,745 --> 00:12:42,300 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 313 00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:44,690 - I gotta tweet this out. - Those guys are cute. 314 00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:45,884 Ala-hat! 315 00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:49,089 - I got the one on the right. - I like the one on the right. 316 00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:50,241 Oh, I got the one on the right. 317 00:12:50,321 --> 00:12:52,562 I like the one on the right. 318 00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:54,779 - We gotta send this to everyone. - Let's all apply! 319 00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:56,981 - I want to go to Hawaii. - I just emailed them. 320 00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:58,249 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 321 00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:00,434 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 322 00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:03,101 Uh, what are your names? 323 00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:05,770 Do you guys have names? 324 00:13:07,405 --> 00:13:10,285 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 325 00:13:10,942 --> 00:13:12,097 Oh, you're both... 326 00:13:12,177 --> 00:13:13,178 Prostitutes. 327 00:13:13,445 --> 00:13:14,966 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 328 00:13:15,046 --> 00:13:16,047 Hawaii! 329 00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:20,472 We can't take you. 330 00:13:20,552 --> 00:13:21,540 No way. 331 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,896 Did you guys say something about an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 332 00:13:24,122 --> 00:13:25,260 It's just for girls. 333 00:13:25,624 --> 00:13:27,399 That's not a deal breaker. 334 00:13:27,626 --> 00:13:28,730 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 335 00:13:28,894 --> 00:13:30,182 and I'm kind of new to this. 336 00:13:30,262 --> 00:13:31,249 Yeah. 337 00:13:31,329 --> 00:13:32,467 You're new to... 338 00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:34,243 Online dating. Yeah. 339 00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:36,777 I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship. 340 00:13:36,902 --> 00:13:39,473 - You look like a Nike swoosh. - Goddamn right, I do. 341 00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:40,639 I work at a dog shelter. 342 00:13:40,906 --> 00:13:42,283 Our sister loves dogs. 343 00:13:42,441 --> 00:13:43,595 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 344 00:13:43,675 --> 00:13:44,676 What's a good home? 345 00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:46,483 The white homes. 346 00:13:46,645 --> 00:13:48,592 - The what homes? - The white homes. 347 00:13:48,748 --> 00:13:49,954 Like white people. 348 00:13:52,418 --> 00:13:53,954 Check, please. 349 00:13:54,253 --> 00:13:57,324 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 350 00:13:58,324 --> 00:14:01,168 Who are you laughing at? Who? 351 00:14:01,427 --> 00:14:02,599 All right, look, here's the deal. 352 00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:05,102 I went through a divorce, like, three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 353 00:14:05,398 --> 00:14:06,753 No. 354 00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:07,834 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 355 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:08,935 - What? - Nothing. 356 00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,089 - What did you say? - Nothing. 357 00:14:10,169 --> 00:14:12,458 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 358 00:14:12,538 --> 00:14:13,539 Do you wanna fuck? 359 00:14:13,673 --> 00:14:14,694 - What? - What? 360 00:14:14,774 --> 00:14:16,082 - What? - You guys... 361 00:14:16,242 --> 00:14:17,346 - Do you want me to fuck you? - No. 362 00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:18,989 - No. - I didn't say it, but... 363 00:14:19,078 --> 00:14:21,217 - I'll suck your dick right now. What? - What? 364 00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:31,162 Welcome back. I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 365 00:14:31,325 --> 00:14:32,998 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 366 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,901 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 367 00:14:35,162 --> 00:14:37,199 in Oahu, Hawaii. 368 00:14:37,364 --> 00:14:38,468 Well, the ad went viral. 369 00:14:38,632 --> 00:14:39,667 Mm-hmm. 370 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:42,211 It racked up over 6,000 responses... 371 00:14:42,369 --> 00:14:44,591 from women who actually wanted to go. 372 00:14:44,671 --> 00:14:45,672 Yeah, well, who's counting? 373 00:14:45,839 --> 00:14:47,284 You know, I guess we all are. 374 00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:48,543 Is this my close-up? 375 00:14:48,709 --> 00:14:50,211 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 376 00:14:50,377 --> 00:14:52,789 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 377 00:14:52,946 --> 00:14:55,290 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 378 00:14:55,449 --> 00:14:56,621 And I just want to reiterate... 379 00:14:56,783 --> 00:14:59,263 we're footing the bill for this because we're gentlemen. 380 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,209 - Free trip to Hawaii? - I'm awake! 381 00:15:02,289 --> 00:15:03,563 - Come on. Craigslist. - What's up? 382 00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:05,135 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 383 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:06,533 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 384 00:15:06,694 --> 00:15:07,729 Mm-hmm. 385 00:15:08,162 --> 00:15:09,505 - Love. - Mm-mm. 386 00:15:09,664 --> 00:15:11,837 That's right. I said it. 387 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,673 - Love. - That one seems sweet. 388 00:15:13,902 --> 00:15:15,973 He has a kind soul. 389 00:15:16,137 --> 00:15:18,139 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 390 00:15:20,008 --> 00:15:21,851 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 391 00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,422 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 392 00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:27,856 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 393 00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:31,361 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 394 00:15:31,586 --> 00:15:32,963 Let's go on vacation. 395 00:15:33,254 --> 00:15:35,029 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 396 00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,599 Do you really think a wedding's the best place for me? 397 00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:41,036 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 398 00:15:41,195 --> 00:15:42,684 and it didn't turn out very well. 399 00:15:42,764 --> 00:15:43,765 I hear you, but look... 400 00:15:43,998 --> 00:15:46,445 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 401 00:15:46,602 --> 00:15:48,775 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 402 00:15:49,071 --> 00:15:51,517 You need to get over that, once and for all. 403 00:15:51,674 --> 00:15:52,778 And this our shot, man. 404 00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:55,055 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 405 00:15:55,277 --> 00:15:58,281 This right here is an opportunity of a lifetime... 406 00:15:58,447 --> 00:16:00,620 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 407 00:16:00,783 --> 00:16:01,784 You know what? 408 00:16:01,951 --> 00:16:04,192 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 409 00:16:04,353 --> 00:16:06,026 You're right! Let's do it! 410 00:16:06,188 --> 00:16:07,176 Let's just do it! 411 00:16:07,256 --> 00:16:08,291 - Yes, bitch. - Let's fucking do it! 412 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:10,579 We'll be right back. 413 00:16:10,659 --> 00:16:13,873 We gonna go to Hawaii! We gonna go to Hawaii! 414 00:16:15,598 --> 00:16:16,599 Whoa! Whoa! 415 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:17,904 - Hold up! - What? 416 00:16:19,301 --> 00:16:22,578 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. We don't look like nice girls. 417 00:16:23,572 --> 00:16:25,484 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 418 00:16:25,775 --> 00:16:27,618 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 419 00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:31,585 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 420 00:16:31,881 --> 00:16:33,087 Like nice girls. 421 00:16:35,151 --> 00:16:36,459 Ugh. 422 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,691 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 423 00:16:39,756 --> 00:16:41,326 Ow! It's part of me. 424 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,105 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 425 00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:46,563 Whoa! 426 00:16:48,999 --> 00:16:50,945 Oh, this dress is my bitch! 427 00:16:53,603 --> 00:16:55,605 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 428 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,148 We can't bring any of these girls. 429 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,345 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 430 00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:03,457 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 431 00:17:04,015 --> 00:17:05,653 No, his ultimatum. 432 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:06,988 - Old tom... - Ultimatum. 433 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,186 Are you saying "old tomato"? 434 00:17:08,452 --> 00:17:11,075 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 435 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,190 Ultimatum. 436 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,566 Well, we gotta figure something out, because the wedding's coming up quick. 437 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,206 Why is everything a competition with you? 438 00:17:27,438 --> 00:17:29,714 And I said that first, so actually, I won that. 439 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,716 So what time are we meeting them? 440 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,653 Technically, no time. 441 00:17:37,114 --> 00:17:39,185 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 442 00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,954 but then I was thinking, um... 443 00:17:41,118 --> 00:17:43,998 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 444 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,391 Um... 445 00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:46,491 Us. 446 00:17:46,658 --> 00:17:49,138 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. You know what I'm saying? 447 00:17:49,294 --> 00:17:52,104 Because they're all like, "Oh! Pick me, pick me!" 448 00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:54,399 it's like the guys interviewing the girls. 449 00:17:54,566 --> 00:17:57,069 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 450 00:17:57,235 --> 00:17:59,237 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelorette that shit. 451 00:17:59,504 --> 00:18:01,677 - Those guys would be lucky to have us. - Right. 452 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,911 - We just gotta make them think so. - Okay, right. 453 00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:06,182 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 454 00:18:06,278 --> 00:18:08,600 because I always try to start small and then it gets crazy... 455 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,388 and I make-up stuff that couldn't possibly be true. 456 00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:14,306 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 457 00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:15,374 Okay. 458 00:18:15,454 --> 00:18:16,524 - Um, what do you like to do? - Drink. 459 00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:18,829 Just sweet teas. 460 00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:21,071 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 461 00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,366 All right, straight up, you don't have to do an accent. 462 00:18:23,529 --> 00:18:24,564 I was doing an accent? 463 00:18:24,731 --> 00:18:25,801 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 464 00:18:26,065 --> 00:18:27,373 Shit! They're leaving. 465 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,840 If it was a competition, I won it. 466 00:18:29,102 --> 00:18:31,173 All right, don't worry. 467 00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:32,338 It's all part of the plan. 468 00:18:32,505 --> 00:18:33,609 - Is it? - Oh, yeah. 469 00:18:33,773 --> 00:18:36,253 What does that mean? What plan? I don't know this part of the plan... 470 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:37,343 Whoa! Ahh! 471 00:18:37,844 --> 00:18:39,645 Oh, fuck! 472 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,535 Tatiana! Oh! 473 00:18:42,615 --> 00:18:43,616 Holy shit. 474 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:44,851 Babe. Are you okay? 475 00:18:45,084 --> 00:18:46,927 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 476 00:18:47,086 --> 00:18:48,190 She can't breathe! 477 00:18:48,354 --> 00:18:49,742 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 478 00:18:49,822 --> 00:18:50,823 Somebody give her CPR! 479 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:52,626 - She can't breathe! - I know CPR! 480 00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:54,237 - Great! - I was a volunteer EMT! 481 00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:55,768 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 482 00:18:55,962 --> 00:18:57,498 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 483 00:18:57,764 --> 00:18:58,765 - She has a weak heart! - Ma'am? 484 00:18:59,031 --> 00:19:00,203 - Ma'am? - She has a weak heart. 485 00:19:00,366 --> 00:19:02,506 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 486 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:05,410 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 487 00:19:05,572 --> 00:19:07,813 - She's my only friend! - That's her only friend, Mike! 488 00:19:08,041 --> 00:19:09,163 We got a pulse! Okay. 489 00:19:09,243 --> 00:19:10,464 Don't let her die! 490 00:19:10,544 --> 00:19:12,285 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 491 00:19:12,446 --> 00:19:14,483 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 492 00:19:14,782 --> 00:19:16,386 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 493 00:19:16,483 --> 00:19:17,484 I'm gonna save her life! 494 00:19:20,587 --> 00:19:22,188 Plug the nose. 495 00:19:25,325 --> 00:19:26,326 Oh! 496 00:19:27,394 --> 00:19:28,873 Are you okay? 497 00:19:29,496 --> 00:19:31,336 I am now. 498 00:19:32,599 --> 00:19:34,101 - I saved her life! - She's okay! 499 00:19:34,268 --> 00:19:35,747 - She's okay? - I saved her life! 500 00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:38,472 Thank you! Thank you! 501 00:19:38,639 --> 00:19:40,984 - You're under arrest. - She hit my car! 502 00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:42,397 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 503 00:19:42,477 --> 00:19:43,615 It happens all the time. 504 00:19:43,778 --> 00:19:46,190 That was a vicious hit. We should take you to the hospital. 505 00:19:46,347 --> 00:19:48,190 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 506 00:19:49,117 --> 00:19:50,926 - Almost. - Yeah. Technically, yeah. 507 00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:53,156 - Let me help you with that ice. - I do. 508 00:19:53,354 --> 00:19:54,375 Oh, no. 509 00:19:54,455 --> 00:19:56,162 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 510 00:19:56,324 --> 00:19:59,580 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 511 00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:03,605 Check this out. The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 512 00:20:03,765 --> 00:20:05,369 I'm a school teacher. 513 00:20:07,268 --> 00:20:09,612 You're a school teacher? Wow. 514 00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:12,513 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 515 00:20:12,674 --> 00:20:14,381 I always notice words and spelling... 516 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,215 because I'm a teacher... 517 00:20:16,978 --> 00:20:18,218 and that's what I do. 518 00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:22,518 - That's... - So, Alice, um, what do you do? 519 00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:24,490 Manage a hedge fund. 520 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,958 You manage a hedge fund? 521 00:20:26,121 --> 00:20:28,226 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 522 00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,893 Oh. So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 523 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:33,131 And our fund... 524 00:20:33,963 --> 00:20:35,033 Uh, we hedge it. 525 00:20:35,531 --> 00:20:36,532 We hedge it hard. 526 00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:37,700 Oh, wow. 527 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,004 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 528 00:20:40,169 --> 00:20:42,979 "How's the hedging coming? You been hedging? You hedged much?" 529 00:20:43,239 --> 00:20:45,446 And it's like, too big to fail. 530 00:20:45,708 --> 00:20:47,585 Corporate greed, bailouts. 531 00:20:47,743 --> 00:20:49,848 In a New York minute, everything can change. 532 00:20:50,145 --> 00:20:53,024 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 533 00:20:53,249 --> 00:20:54,387 And then, Fannie Mae. 534 00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:57,394 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 535 00:20:57,553 --> 00:20:58,726 - Alice, you want some water? - Yeah. 536 00:20:59,022 --> 00:21:00,797 - That's so smart. - That is. 537 00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:02,813 "But what I do have... 538 00:21:02,893 --> 00:21:05,081 "is a particular set of skills. 539 00:21:05,161 --> 00:21:07,732 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 540 00:21:08,031 --> 00:21:10,875 "Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you." 541 00:21:12,669 --> 00:21:13,739 Click. That's it. 542 00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:15,091 That was amazing. 543 00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:16,616 It was like Dave was not even here... 544 00:21:16,773 --> 00:21:18,684 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 545 00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:20,287 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 546 00:21:20,577 --> 00:21:22,955 You're a professional comedian or something? 547 00:21:23,113 --> 00:21:25,923 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 548 00:21:26,082 --> 00:21:27,083 - Oh. - Yeah. 549 00:21:27,350 --> 00:21:29,057 - I do like to draw. - Oh, yeah? 550 00:21:29,219 --> 00:21:30,698 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 551 00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:32,625 Oh, shit, not that. Sorry. 552 00:21:32,789 --> 00:21:34,928 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 553 00:21:35,091 --> 00:21:36,798 but they're different types of alcohol. 554 00:21:37,093 --> 00:21:40,132 So, you have Tequila, and then he's got his pet worm right there. 555 00:21:40,431 --> 00:21:42,206 And his name is Lil' Mez. 556 00:21:42,533 --> 00:21:43,978 Because he'll "Mez" you up. 557 00:21:44,135 --> 00:21:45,823 The next one right there, that's Gin. 558 00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:48,059 When he flips his cap off, dawg, he's just like... 559 00:21:48,139 --> 00:21:51,086 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. One knock." 560 00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:54,055 Done. Next, Whiskey. 561 00:21:54,178 --> 00:21:56,917 Likes to make moonshine and kill bad guys. 562 00:21:57,081 --> 00:21:58,936 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 563 00:21:59,016 --> 00:22:00,154 Thanks. 564 00:22:00,284 --> 00:22:02,594 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 565 00:22:03,254 --> 00:22:04,255 I don't know. 566 00:22:06,424 --> 00:22:07,459 Oh, um... 567 00:22:07,558 --> 00:22:10,514 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 568 00:22:10,594 --> 00:22:11,698 is teaching cursive. 569 00:22:11,996 --> 00:22:13,270 That's awesome. 570 00:22:13,431 --> 00:22:15,172 - What about you? - Yeah? 571 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,109 - Are you seeing anyone? - No. 572 00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,591 My ex is gone. Long gone. 573 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:20,672 What do you mean? 574 00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,683 He died. Of cancer. 575 00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:23,976 Oh, my God. 576 00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:25,143 And AIDS. 577 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:26,611 He died twice? 578 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,289 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 579 00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:31,759 Whoo! That's a lot to take in. 580 00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:33,863 I know! 581 00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:35,421 Thank you. 582 00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:37,089 Thank you, brotha. 583 00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:40,432 Dude. 584 00:22:40,592 --> 00:22:43,368 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 585 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,269 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 586 00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:47,774 and yours... hedges funds. 587 00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:49,310 - Just keep doing sexy eyes. - Okay. 588 00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:50,879 Keep doing sexy eyes. 589 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:52,944 I like Alice. 590 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,483 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 591 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:58,654 We invite these girls to the wedding, suddenly we're not losers. 592 00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:00,313 We're winners! 593 00:23:02,782 --> 00:23:03,817 Here they come. They're coming. 594 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,791 Hey, uh, this might sound crazy... 595 00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:08,523 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 596 00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:12,792 and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come with. 597 00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:14,528 - Um... - Um... 598 00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,732 Can you just give us a second to... 599 00:23:17,296 --> 00:23:18,536 Of course. 600 00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:21,645 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 601 00:23:21,801 --> 00:23:22,889 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 602 00:23:22,969 --> 00:23:23,970 Oh, like... 603 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:30,812 What the fuck are you doing? 604 00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:32,498 I don't understand why we're arguing! 605 00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:33,750 I thought we wanted to go. 606 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:36,154 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 607 00:23:36,350 --> 00:23:38,693 - Yes! Fuck yes! - Hawaii! 608 00:23:41,388 --> 00:23:42,543 Yo, what you know about goin' out? 609 00:23:42,623 --> 00:23:44,845 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 610 00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:47,181 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 611 00:23:47,261 --> 00:23:49,764 Peeps all glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 612 00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,719 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 613 00:23:51,799 --> 00:23:53,972 Ho's ride, get your nut 'til I can't get it up 614 00:23:54,134 --> 00:23:57,274 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 615 00:23:57,371 --> 00:23:58,692 You make me feel so good 616 00:23:58,772 --> 00:23:59,773 Aloha, and welcome. 617 00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:00,941 - Hi. - Aloha. 618 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,162 For real? 619 00:24:02,242 --> 00:24:03,778 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 620 00:24:05,112 --> 00:24:07,956 Holy shit, this place is nice! 621 00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:11,221 It's gonna be more nice. 622 00:24:11,385 --> 00:24:13,626 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 623 00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:15,096 One of these is a multivitamin. 624 00:24:15,256 --> 00:24:16,257 Is this shit free? 625 00:24:16,424 --> 00:24:19,132 I can smoke weed out of this, I can smoke weed out of this... 626 00:24:19,327 --> 00:24:22,467 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 627 00:24:22,897 --> 00:24:25,741 Look at that personality from behind. 628 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,846 It is, dare I say... 629 00:24:28,002 --> 00:24:29,481 - well-rounded. - Mmm-hmm. 630 00:24:29,571 --> 00:24:30,572 Look at Mike. 631 00:24:30,738 --> 00:24:32,911 He looks like a funhouse mirror version of a better looking dude... 632 00:24:33,942 --> 00:24:35,216 but he is just that dude. 633 00:24:36,411 --> 00:24:38,548 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 634 00:24:38,913 --> 00:24:40,991 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 635 00:24:41,149 --> 00:24:43,438 He thinks just because he brought me here I'm gonna sleep with him? 636 00:24:43,518 --> 00:24:44,519 Check it out. 637 00:24:44,619 --> 00:24:46,775 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 638 00:24:46,855 --> 00:24:48,664 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 639 00:24:48,756 --> 00:24:50,258 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 640 00:24:50,992 --> 00:24:53,268 They have such beautiful flowers here. 641 00:24:53,429 --> 00:24:55,818 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 642 00:24:55,898 --> 00:24:57,053 I'm like, I'm hungry. 643 00:24:57,133 --> 00:24:58,339 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 644 00:24:58,601 --> 00:25:00,274 I'm gonna baste them ham hocks. 645 00:25:00,436 --> 00:25:01,847 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 646 00:25:02,104 --> 00:25:03,947 Mr. Grey will see you now. 647 00:25:04,306 --> 00:25:05,478 I'm gonna touch Dave. 648 00:25:05,641 --> 00:25:07,018 Every time he says something sweet... 649 00:25:07,176 --> 00:25:10,214 I wanna get some rope and chain in bulk from Home Depot... 650 00:25:10,379 --> 00:25:12,290 and just see where it takes us, you know? 651 00:25:12,448 --> 00:25:14,223 That is messed up. 652 00:25:14,783 --> 00:25:16,626 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 653 00:25:16,785 --> 00:25:18,240 # DoingItForJeanie. 654 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,197 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 655 00:25:20,322 --> 00:25:22,311 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 656 00:25:22,391 --> 00:25:23,879 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 657 00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:25,047 Mmm-hmm. 658 00:25:25,127 --> 00:25:27,649 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 659 00:25:27,729 --> 00:25:29,366 Will there be any downtime? 660 00:25:29,532 --> 00:25:31,205 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 661 00:25:31,367 --> 00:25:33,557 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 662 00:25:33,637 --> 00:25:34,638 It happens a lot. 663 00:25:34,905 --> 00:25:37,351 Mm-kay, I think we are right up here. 664 00:25:38,074 --> 00:25:40,850 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 665 00:25:42,345 --> 00:25:43,467 Uh... 666 00:25:43,547 --> 00:25:46,892 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 667 00:25:47,050 --> 00:25:49,339 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 668 00:25:49,419 --> 00:25:51,160 would stay in the same room. 669 00:25:53,056 --> 00:25:56,162 That sounds interesting... 670 00:25:56,326 --> 00:25:58,328 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 671 00:25:59,663 --> 00:26:00,664 Why not? 672 00:26:03,233 --> 00:26:05,736 Because I don't trust myself around you. 673 00:26:06,403 --> 00:26:07,677 You can trust me. 674 00:26:07,837 --> 00:26:10,078 I do trust you. 675 00:26:10,874 --> 00:26:12,183 Let's trust each other. 676 00:26:12,343 --> 00:26:15,415 There's so much trust. 677 00:26:15,646 --> 00:26:17,956 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 678 00:26:18,049 --> 00:26:20,204 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 679 00:26:20,284 --> 00:26:22,540 Yeah, we're gonna cover all the room charges and stuff... 680 00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:24,108 for up to $50 per day. 681 00:26:24,188 --> 00:26:25,292 Oh, my God. You don't have to do that. 682 00:26:25,456 --> 00:26:27,561 I'm a very strict teacher. 683 00:26:27,758 --> 00:26:31,535 You be Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 684 00:26:31,696 --> 00:26:32,970 I'll be Coolio. 685 00:26:33,130 --> 00:26:35,076 - Coolio's not in that movie. - Oh. 686 00:26:36,467 --> 00:26:39,277 He is in song and spirit. 687 00:26:39,503 --> 00:26:42,177 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 688 00:26:42,273 --> 00:26:45,049 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 689 00:26:45,209 --> 00:26:46,483 Please don't tell my mommy. 690 00:26:46,744 --> 00:26:48,065 Please don't tell my daddy. 691 00:26:48,145 --> 00:26:50,134 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 692 00:26:50,214 --> 00:26:51,421 - That's always nice. Yeah. - Yeah. 693 00:26:51,683 --> 00:26:55,674 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 694 00:26:55,754 --> 00:26:56,960 A big, hard D. 695 00:26:57,189 --> 00:26:58,497 Why? I deserve an A. 696 00:26:58,590 --> 00:27:00,092 - What are you talking about? - Oh. 697 00:27:00,259 --> 00:27:01,294 Nothing. 698 00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:02,803 In conclusion... 699 00:27:02,961 --> 00:27:05,339 I'm gonna stay in the room... 700 00:27:05,497 --> 00:27:06,567 with Alice. 701 00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:09,668 That one, with Alice. 702 00:27:09,835 --> 00:27:11,178 Cool, cool. No doubt. 703 00:27:13,672 --> 00:27:16,744 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 704 00:27:17,976 --> 00:27:20,199 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes. 705 00:27:20,279 --> 00:27:22,816 Oh, my God. Ew! 706 00:27:23,348 --> 00:27:25,021 Lift it, drop it, shake it 707 00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:27,757 It's going down for real 708 00:27:31,858 --> 00:27:34,168 It's going down for real 709 00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:37,106 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 710 00:27:37,263 --> 00:27:39,953 She's super smart, great conversationalist, and she works on Wall Street. 711 00:27:40,033 --> 00:27:42,945 - But I'm one of the good ones. - I think she is. 712 00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:46,878 I am a teacher, yeah. 713 00:27:47,106 --> 00:27:49,814 And you know what? The key to teaching children is repetition. 714 00:27:49,976 --> 00:27:51,887 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 715 00:28:01,721 --> 00:28:02,722 Jeanie! 716 00:28:05,291 --> 00:28:07,066 - Hey, you! - Hi! Hi! 717 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,064 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 718 00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:11,868 - Tatiana. - And Alice. 719 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,406 Hi! 720 00:28:15,369 --> 00:28:17,474 - Oh, the bride. The gorgeous bride. - Ow! Hi. 721 00:28:17,671 --> 00:28:21,346 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 722 00:28:21,475 --> 00:28:23,631 - Oh. Thank you. - Yeah. 723 00:28:23,711 --> 00:28:25,884 Check out your arms. You got some Michelle Obama arms. 724 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,589 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 725 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:32,925 Eric... you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 726 00:28:33,487 --> 00:28:34,642 Try 10 points hotter. 727 00:28:34,722 --> 00:28:36,810 - Try a million. - That's too many points. 728 00:28:36,890 --> 00:28:39,013 - Wow, and Jeanie, nice snag. - Thank you. 729 00:28:39,093 --> 00:28:40,595 You guys look great together, really. 730 00:28:40,794 --> 00:28:44,171 I'm liking this. Huh? Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 731 00:28:44,831 --> 00:28:47,574 I think we can. I'll just keep him on a leash. 732 00:28:47,735 --> 00:28:49,491 Maybe don't hurt him. 733 00:28:49,571 --> 00:28:51,050 I like these girls. 734 00:28:51,206 --> 00:28:52,276 They're so fun. 735 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,545 Unlike my maid of honor. 736 00:28:54,743 --> 00:28:55,813 She's having a time. 737 00:28:55,944 --> 00:28:57,048 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 738 00:28:57,245 --> 00:28:58,246 She's coming. 739 00:28:58,380 --> 00:28:59,688 - Jeanie. - Hey. 740 00:28:59,848 --> 00:29:01,225 I'm in crisis mode. 741 00:29:01,383 --> 00:29:03,021 I ordered Prosecco for the Mani-pedis... 742 00:29:03,184 --> 00:29:04,288 and all they have is champagne! 743 00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:05,453 Aren't they the same thing? 744 00:29:05,687 --> 00:29:08,099 - No. No, they're not. No. - No? 745 00:29:08,723 --> 00:29:10,396 Hello, Michael. 746 00:29:10,558 --> 00:29:11,559 Hi, Dave. 747 00:29:12,026 --> 00:29:15,530 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 748 00:29:15,730 --> 00:29:16,765 - Right. - What? 749 00:29:16,898 --> 00:29:18,720 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 750 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,854 - Sorry. - Okay. 751 00:29:19,934 --> 00:29:21,880 Purple. It better be purple. 752 00:29:22,303 --> 00:29:24,283 I should probably go see to that. 753 00:29:24,439 --> 00:29:25,440 - You'll come? - Yeah. 754 00:29:25,607 --> 00:29:26,881 Thank you so much for being here. 755 00:29:27,041 --> 00:29:29,989 Guys, good job with these two. 756 00:29:30,146 --> 00:29:31,625 Mahala. 757 00:29:31,814 --> 00:29:33,054 Bye, Jeanie. 758 00:29:33,215 --> 00:29:34,216 Jeanie likes the girls. 759 00:29:34,383 --> 00:29:35,589 Jeanie likes the girls 760 00:29:35,785 --> 00:29:37,287 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 761 00:29:37,420 --> 00:29:39,208 Because it's a" about Jeanie likes the girls 762 00:29:39,288 --> 00:29:41,393 - Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls - Come on! 763 00:29:41,490 --> 00:29:42,945 - It's a" about Jeanie - Likes the girls 764 00:29:43,025 --> 00:29:45,848 - it's all about Jeanie likes the girls! - Mike. Where are the girls? 765 00:29:45,928 --> 00:29:47,134 - Oh, hello! - I'm Alice. 766 00:29:47,363 --> 00:29:48,484 I just I wanna give you a hug. 767 00:29:48,564 --> 00:29:50,009 It's so nice to meet you. 768 00:29:50,166 --> 00:29:51,440 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 769 00:29:51,634 --> 00:29:53,636 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 770 00:29:53,769 --> 00:29:54,839 - My Mike? - Yes. 771 00:29:55,004 --> 00:29:56,176 - I can't... Wow. - He did. 772 00:29:56,338 --> 00:29:58,011 That's fantastic. 773 00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,878 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 774 00:29:59,975 --> 00:30:01,420 that you saved her life. 775 00:30:01,577 --> 00:30:02,851 I most certainly did, Father. 776 00:30:03,078 --> 00:30:05,801 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 777 00:30:05,881 --> 00:30:07,137 - I mean, these are nice girls. - Aw! 778 00:30:07,217 --> 00:30:08,355 Absolutely. 779 00:30:08,485 --> 00:30:09,606 They are. And we brought them, so... 780 00:30:09,686 --> 00:30:10,960 Excuse me. 781 00:30:11,154 --> 00:30:12,142 Excuse me. 782 00:30:12,222 --> 00:30:13,210 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 783 00:30:13,290 --> 00:30:15,445 Can I get everybody's attention? Could we gather around? 784 00:30:15,525 --> 00:30:16,902 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! 785 00:30:17,027 --> 00:30:18,802 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 786 00:30:18,962 --> 00:30:20,117 Mom and Dad like the girls! 787 00:30:20,197 --> 00:30:21,284 Ow. 788 00:30:21,364 --> 00:30:22,775 Mom and Dad like the girls 789 00:30:22,933 --> 00:30:27,439 Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 790 00:30:27,604 --> 00:30:29,606 and his best friend. 791 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,285 Welcome to the meet and greet! 792 00:30:32,676 --> 00:30:33,984 Yeah! 793 00:30:34,211 --> 00:30:35,315 Put your hands together... 794 00:30:35,479 --> 00:30:38,602 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 795 00:30:38,682 --> 00:30:40,355 Give it up! 796 00:30:40,484 --> 00:30:41,656 Jeanie! 797 00:30:41,818 --> 00:30:45,288 Hey, everybody. A big thank you to my new family, the Stangles. 798 00:30:45,489 --> 00:30:46,544 We love you, Eric! 799 00:30:46,624 --> 00:30:47,645 Thank you. 800 00:30:47,725 --> 00:30:49,864 And to my own family, I must say... 801 00:30:50,862 --> 00:30:52,535 Portland, Oregon in the house! 802 00:30:53,998 --> 00:30:56,979 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ohana... 803 00:30:57,134 --> 00:30:58,511 which means "family." 804 00:30:58,669 --> 00:31:00,706 And as the Hawaiians say... 805 00:31:00,872 --> 00:31:02,078 Kale maluna! 806 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,312 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 807 00:31:05,476 --> 00:31:08,184 But more closely translated, it actually means... 808 00:31:08,412 --> 00:31:10,802 "your butts to the sky"... 809 00:31:10,882 --> 00:31:12,486 which is inappropriate. 810 00:31:13,818 --> 00:31:15,354 This is gonna be magic. 811 00:31:15,987 --> 00:31:19,230 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 812 00:31:19,390 --> 00:31:23,065 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 813 00:31:23,594 --> 00:31:27,372 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 814 00:31:27,933 --> 00:31:29,571 - Put the mic on the stand. - The stand. 815 00:31:30,903 --> 00:31:33,025 - Alice. - Where are you going? 816 00:31:33,105 --> 00:31:34,092 Hi! What happened? 817 00:31:34,172 --> 00:31:36,243 You sort of zoned out for a sec. What's up? You okay? 818 00:31:36,408 --> 00:31:38,786 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 819 00:31:39,177 --> 00:31:40,699 You just said "wedding" three times. 820 00:31:40,779 --> 00:31:41,867 I'm fine. Yeah! 821 00:31:41,947 --> 00:31:43,722 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 822 00:31:44,016 --> 00:31:45,620 To the bar! 823 00:31:45,717 --> 00:31:46,991 To the bar? 824 00:31:47,953 --> 00:31:48,954 Mmm. Mmm. 825 00:31:51,423 --> 00:31:52,868 Ooh. I don't think these are shots. 826 00:31:53,025 --> 00:31:54,595 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 827 00:31:54,693 --> 00:31:56,934 but I don't think they're supposed to be drunk like that. 828 00:31:57,095 --> 00:31:59,041 Your face is funny. 829 00:32:15,882 --> 00:32:19,439 Oh. Hey, Mike. I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 830 00:32:19,519 --> 00:32:23,094 - Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. - She knows who I am. She's my date. 831 00:32:23,289 --> 00:32:25,997 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 832 00:32:26,292 --> 00:32:28,599 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, like bisexual Fonzie? 833 00:32:28,728 --> 00:32:30,639 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 834 00:32:31,097 --> 00:32:32,337 So, you guys are cousins? 835 00:32:32,498 --> 00:32:34,239 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 836 00:32:34,434 --> 00:32:35,845 What could I possibly be jealous of? 837 00:32:35,969 --> 00:32:38,245 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 838 00:32:38,504 --> 00:32:40,677 Do you guys always do this? 839 00:32:40,907 --> 00:32:42,614 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 840 00:32:42,775 --> 00:32:45,256 No, you look like the wallpaper from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 841 00:32:45,446 --> 00:32:47,016 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 842 00:32:47,181 --> 00:32:50,822 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 843 00:32:52,753 --> 00:32:53,908 Okay? 844 00:32:53,988 --> 00:32:54,989 Good idea. 845 00:32:56,323 --> 00:32:57,461 Look at that. 846 00:32:57,625 --> 00:32:59,647 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 847 00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:03,250 Terry, come get me, Terry, come get me 848 00:33:03,330 --> 00:33:04,418 No, it's saying... 849 00:33:04,498 --> 00:33:08,503 Mike, crawl up in this Mike, crawl up in this 850 00:33:08,669 --> 00:33:10,444 Whoa. What's up, double trouble? 851 00:33:10,638 --> 00:33:11,859 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 852 00:33:11,939 --> 00:33:13,179 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 853 00:33:13,340 --> 00:33:14,819 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 854 00:33:14,975 --> 00:33:16,113 - Everybody does. - No. 855 00:33:16,543 --> 00:33:17,544 Not everyone does. 856 00:33:18,212 --> 00:33:20,634 Saw you and Dave are doing your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 857 00:33:20,714 --> 00:33:21,702 Mmm-hmm. 858 00:33:21,782 --> 00:33:24,320 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 859 00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:26,327 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 860 00:33:26,454 --> 00:33:27,626 You know Chris Rock? 861 00:33:28,390 --> 00:33:30,392 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 862 00:33:30,859 --> 00:33:32,998 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 863 00:33:34,329 --> 00:33:36,673 Suck on that, cousin. 864 00:33:37,298 --> 00:33:38,320 Terry out. 865 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,210 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 866 00:33:53,214 --> 00:33:56,218 Oh, my God. You were right. These cheeseburgers are amazing. 867 00:33:56,384 --> 00:33:57,522 I know. 868 00:33:57,686 --> 00:33:59,529 Being a good girl is hard. 869 00:33:59,688 --> 00:34:01,600 I know. It sucks. 870 00:34:02,591 --> 00:34:05,572 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 871 00:34:05,761 --> 00:34:07,138 You need to get Luke out of your head. 872 00:34:07,263 --> 00:34:09,038 - Yeah. - You do. 873 00:34:09,198 --> 00:34:11,610 And what better way to do that... 874 00:34:11,867 --> 00:34:14,541 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 875 00:34:14,704 --> 00:34:16,843 - Yes. - Oh, God. 876 00:34:19,108 --> 00:34:22,282 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 877 00:34:22,445 --> 00:34:24,447 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 878 00:34:24,613 --> 00:34:26,092 One second. 879 00:34:26,182 --> 00:34:27,183 Fuck. 880 00:34:28,417 --> 00:34:30,590 Hey. It's you. 881 00:34:30,753 --> 00:34:31,857 It is me. 882 00:34:32,021 --> 00:34:37,369 I was hoping maybe I could come in and we could watch a movie or... 883 00:34:38,594 --> 00:34:41,834 - Do whatever you wanna do. - Why are you whispering? 884 00:34:41,965 --> 00:34:44,104 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 885 00:34:44,267 --> 00:34:45,302 They've got Cockbusters. 886 00:34:45,535 --> 00:34:47,446 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 887 00:34:47,537 --> 00:34:49,483 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 888 00:34:49,706 --> 00:34:51,447 - What's that? - She's talking in her sleep. 889 00:34:51,608 --> 00:34:54,452 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 890 00:34:54,544 --> 00:34:56,700 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. It's so veiny and hard. 891 00:34:56,780 --> 00:34:57,781 - Tatiana! - Something's hard? 892 00:34:57,948 --> 00:35:00,785 Julio. My student. I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 893 00:35:00,951 --> 00:35:03,056 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 894 00:35:03,186 --> 00:35:04,675 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 895 00:35:04,755 --> 00:35:06,257 Oh, phooey. I've gotta go. 896 00:35:06,423 --> 00:35:07,978 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 897 00:35:08,058 --> 00:35:09,046 - No. - Tatiana! 898 00:35:09,126 --> 00:35:10,127 Does it smell like weed in here? 899 00:35:10,227 --> 00:35:12,104 - You guys smoking weed? - No. It was a skunk. 900 00:35:12,262 --> 00:35:14,765 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids are waiting to hear... 901 00:35:14,931 --> 00:35:16,638 if they've failed second grade or not. 902 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,838 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 903 00:35:20,004 --> 00:35:22,460 you are getting an A plus. 904 00:35:22,540 --> 00:35:23,541 Thank you so much. 905 00:35:24,175 --> 00:35:25,176 Mmm. 906 00:35:57,041 --> 00:35:59,198 - And then win! - Skills. Def skills. 907 00:35:59,278 --> 00:36:00,780 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 908 00:36:00,946 --> 00:36:02,684 We're so glad you're here. 909 00:36:03,448 --> 00:36:04,518 Yes. Cheers. 910 00:36:04,683 --> 00:36:06,788 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 911 00:36:06,952 --> 00:36:08,659 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 912 00:36:09,721 --> 00:36:11,894 You ride ATVs where they shot Jurassic Park. 913 00:36:12,124 --> 00:36:16,300 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 914 00:36:16,829 --> 00:36:18,638 It's on the itinerary, so... 915 00:36:18,864 --> 00:36:20,741 But, guys, Jurassic P! 916 00:36:20,833 --> 00:36:22,244 I love this movie! 917 00:36:22,401 --> 00:36:24,904 Oh, my gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 918 00:36:25,070 --> 00:36:26,310 "Welcome... 919 00:36:26,471 --> 00:36:29,213 "...to Jurassic Park." 920 00:36:29,308 --> 00:36:30,412 "That is a big pile of shit." 921 00:36:30,576 --> 00:36:33,084 "Oh, you're not so scary, little guy." 922 00:36:39,018 --> 00:36:40,326 What is going on here? 923 00:36:41,821 --> 00:36:43,009 Oh! Oh! 924 00:36:43,089 --> 00:36:46,229 I wish we could do that... 925 00:36:46,392 --> 00:36:48,235 but we have a date with the dolphins... 926 00:36:48,394 --> 00:36:49,737 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 927 00:36:49,896 --> 00:36:52,342 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 928 00:36:52,498 --> 00:36:54,034 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 929 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:55,406 Right, Mike? 930 00:37:24,698 --> 00:37:26,644 I'm so happy we're here! 931 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,246 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 932 00:37:29,403 --> 00:37:30,404 I know, girl! 933 00:37:30,571 --> 00:37:32,744 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 934 00:37:32,907 --> 00:37:35,944 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 935 00:37:36,577 --> 00:37:38,955 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 936 00:37:44,652 --> 00:37:46,131 "They're flocking this way!" 937 00:37:47,521 --> 00:37:49,023 Here's a T-Rex! 938 00:37:49,323 --> 00:37:51,098 "Life finds a way." 939 00:38:00,402 --> 00:38:02,404 Jeanie! Eric! 940 00:38:02,504 --> 00:38:03,983 Hey! 941 00:38:04,105 --> 00:38:07,018 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 942 00:38:07,175 --> 00:38:10,281 I wasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 943 00:38:10,545 --> 00:38:11,785 Stay there. We'll come to you. 944 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,261 All right, we better go around. This ledge looks super dangerous. 945 00:38:15,417 --> 00:38:17,624 Oh, yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 946 00:38:18,186 --> 00:38:20,792 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 947 00:38:20,956 --> 00:38:21,943 Yeah, it is! 948 00:38:22,023 --> 00:38:23,934 - Whoo! - Whoa! 949 00:38:28,330 --> 00:38:29,809 - Oh, God! - What? 950 00:38:32,434 --> 00:38:34,072 Oh, my God, she's Superman! 951 00:38:38,941 --> 00:38:40,113 Oh, my God! 952 00:38:40,209 --> 00:38:41,483 A-Money! 953 00:38:47,016 --> 00:38:48,461 I still think we should go around. 954 00:38:48,584 --> 00:38:50,860 She just got some serious air, bro! 955 00:38:50,953 --> 00:38:53,729 You call that serious air? Check this fucking shit out. 956 00:38:53,823 --> 00:38:54,961 Whoa! 957 00:38:55,057 --> 00:38:56,913 Suck my clit, fuckers! 958 00:38:56,993 --> 00:38:57,994 Whoa! 959 00:39:00,796 --> 00:39:01,784 Whoa! 960 00:39:01,864 --> 00:39:02,899 Oh, not again. 961 00:39:03,899 --> 00:39:04,887 Yeah, baby! 962 00:39:04,967 --> 00:39:07,140 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 963 00:39:13,009 --> 00:39:15,149 - Oh, my God. Look at what she's doing! - I see it! 964 00:39:15,345 --> 00:39:17,447 Sweet candied nuts. 965 00:39:22,486 --> 00:39:24,022 Who are these girls? 966 00:39:26,089 --> 00:39:27,090 Whoa! 967 00:39:27,257 --> 00:39:28,930 Um... 968 00:39:29,026 --> 00:39:31,597 Where did you guys learn to do that? 969 00:39:31,762 --> 00:39:33,517 - We lived in Baja. - Oh. 970 00:39:33,597 --> 00:39:35,270 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 971 00:39:35,532 --> 00:39:36,772 Made a lot of friends. 972 00:39:37,434 --> 00:39:38,936 Made even more enemies. 973 00:39:39,102 --> 00:39:40,274 God, I miss Baja. 974 00:39:43,540 --> 00:39:45,281 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 975 00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:49,218 I'm not gonna do it. Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 976 00:39:49,379 --> 00:39:52,121 Mike, it'll turn me on if you take that jump. 977 00:39:52,282 --> 00:39:54,058 Turn me on if you don't. 978 00:39:54,218 --> 00:39:56,220 Still not going to, still. 979 00:39:56,387 --> 00:39:57,388 I'm not gonna do it. 980 00:39:57,555 --> 00:39:58,693 Like we would ever do that. 981 00:39:58,890 --> 00:40:00,611 No way. 982 00:40:00,691 --> 00:40:03,133 Come on! Do it. He's not gonna do it. Do it! 983 00:40:03,294 --> 00:40:04,773 Do not do it. 984 00:40:04,929 --> 00:40:06,567 No, definitely don't do that. 985 00:40:06,798 --> 00:40:08,675 It's a bad idea. It's a stupid, dumb idea. 986 00:40:08,766 --> 00:40:10,905 - And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. - Yes, it is. 987 00:40:11,436 --> 00:40:12,642 I'm gonna do it! 988 00:40:14,305 --> 00:40:16,040 Mike! 989 00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:18,479 - Oh, shit! - Oh. 990 00:40:18,976 --> 00:40:20,148 Oh! 991 00:40:20,278 --> 00:40:22,250 I'm never gonna die! 992 00:40:24,615 --> 00:40:26,337 - Oh, shit. - He going fast. 993 00:40:26,417 --> 00:40:28,055 Oh, no. Keep it straight! 994 00:40:32,023 --> 00:40:33,058 Oh, he's shanking it. 995 00:40:36,261 --> 00:40:37,638 Whoo! Got it, got it! 996 00:40:42,835 --> 00:40:44,143 Oh, no, God! 997 00:40:44,269 --> 00:40:45,304 Jeanie, move! 998 00:40:48,307 --> 00:40:49,650 No! 999 00:40:49,808 --> 00:40:50,843 No! 1000 00:40:51,110 --> 00:40:52,612 No! 1001 00:40:52,744 --> 00:40:54,018 No! 1002 00:41:15,468 --> 00:41:17,778 It's gonna be fine. 1003 00:41:18,238 --> 00:41:20,293 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1004 00:41:20,373 --> 00:41:22,262 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1005 00:41:22,342 --> 00:41:23,363 - You know? - No. Yeah. 1006 00:41:23,443 --> 00:41:24,581 Just show us what we're working with, 1007 00:41:24,711 --> 00:41:25,732 and it'll be fine. 1008 00:41:25,812 --> 00:41:26,813 - Okay. - Okay? 1009 00:41:27,380 --> 00:41:28,468 Is it okay? 1010 00:41:28,548 --> 00:41:30,084 - Oh, my God! - Oh! God! Oh! 1011 00:41:30,416 --> 00:41:32,862 Wow! Don't you look good? 1012 00:41:34,687 --> 00:41:36,530 - Your face! - Shut up, Mike! 1013 00:41:36,656 --> 00:41:38,465 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1014 00:41:38,625 --> 00:41:40,468 Oh, God! What? 1015 00:41:40,627 --> 00:41:42,903 It looks like you were making meth, and the bathtub exploded. 1016 00:41:44,130 --> 00:41:45,473 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1017 00:41:45,865 --> 00:41:47,173 Hush it up! 1018 00:41:47,333 --> 00:41:48,488 And you're Black Ken. 1019 00:41:48,568 --> 00:41:50,514 - Stop! - Okay. 1020 00:41:50,670 --> 00:41:52,726 It's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1021 00:41:52,806 --> 00:41:54,808 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1022 00:41:55,576 --> 00:41:57,749 This side, there's a little... 1023 00:41:57,845 --> 00:41:59,967 - There's a little discoloration there. - Little discoloration. 1024 00:42:00,047 --> 00:42:01,185 Which side is it? 1025 00:42:01,415 --> 00:42:02,570 You could do a dance the whole night 1026 00:42:02,650 --> 00:42:04,186 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1027 00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:05,319 - Oh, that's smart. - Okay. 1028 00:42:05,486 --> 00:42:06,487 It's like a new thing. 1029 00:42:06,654 --> 00:42:10,360 - Do the Jeanie, do the Jeanie - Like this? 1030 00:42:10,591 --> 00:42:12,400 - Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. - Do it. 1031 00:42:12,593 --> 00:42:13,970 - I'm doing the Jeanie. - Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1032 00:42:14,061 --> 00:42:15,096 It's a one-two step. 1033 00:42:15,229 --> 00:42:17,038 All right, that's enough. 1034 00:42:17,298 --> 00:42:18,902 Enough dancing! You and you... 1035 00:42:19,033 --> 00:42:20,410 outside, now! 1036 00:42:20,568 --> 00:42:22,474 Honey, calm down. 1037 00:42:23,571 --> 00:42:25,073 - Honey, calm down. - Sorry. 1038 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,583 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1039 00:42:27,741 --> 00:42:29,880 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1040 00:42:30,144 --> 00:42:32,267 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1041 00:42:32,347 --> 00:42:34,169 Oh! Why, Dad? 1042 00:42:34,249 --> 00:42:35,250 Ow! 1043 00:42:36,351 --> 00:42:37,694 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1044 00:42:37,852 --> 00:42:38,853 What? 1045 00:42:39,621 --> 00:42:40,622 Never mind. 1046 00:42:40,722 --> 00:42:42,677 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1047 00:42:42,757 --> 00:42:43,792 OOP- 1048 00:42:43,892 --> 00:42:45,701 Yeah. It's the other door. 1049 00:42:46,628 --> 00:42:47,716 They meet in the middle. 1050 00:42:47,796 --> 00:42:49,400 - They meet in the middle. - God damn it! 1051 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,978 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1052 00:42:54,102 --> 00:42:56,358 - You're right. - We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1053 00:42:56,438 --> 00:42:57,644 - Right? - I see. 1054 00:42:57,772 --> 00:42:58,773 Not what I was gonna say. 1055 00:42:58,907 --> 00:43:00,147 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1056 00:43:00,308 --> 00:43:01,878 Mike, stop! 1057 00:43:02,043 --> 00:43:04,266 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1058 00:43:04,346 --> 00:43:05,347 It's not. 1059 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,917 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1060 00:43:08,183 --> 00:43:09,491 They're crazy. 1061 00:43:09,651 --> 00:43:12,041 The girls aren't the problem! 1062 00:43:12,121 --> 00:43:13,498 You are. 1063 00:43:13,656 --> 00:43:15,795 What the hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? 1064 00:43:15,958 --> 00:43:17,665 What did you think was gonna happen? 1065 00:43:17,827 --> 00:43:18,828 We had a plan. 1066 00:43:18,995 --> 00:43:21,407 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1067 00:43:21,564 --> 00:43:23,271 and eat bananas afterwards. 1068 00:43:23,432 --> 00:43:25,173 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1069 00:43:25,334 --> 00:43:26,335 but indirectly... 1070 00:43:26,502 --> 00:43:29,176 we wouldn't have been on ATVs if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1071 00:43:29,338 --> 00:43:31,784 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1072 00:43:32,942 --> 00:43:33,996 - Not pointing fingers. - Yeah. 1073 00:43:34,076 --> 00:43:36,317 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1074 00:43:36,479 --> 00:43:38,618 I am going to lump you in together. 1075 00:43:38,781 --> 00:43:41,591 All right, you are lumped! 1076 00:43:42,251 --> 00:43:44,162 The hell is wrong with you, huh? 1077 00:43:45,288 --> 00:43:46,665 What the hell is wrong with you? 1078 00:43:48,257 --> 00:43:49,635 Dad. 1079 00:43:52,262 --> 00:43:53,673 Fuck. 1080 00:43:56,233 --> 00:43:58,270 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1081 00:43:58,435 --> 00:44:00,847 Move! Adult Swim! 1082 00:44:01,004 --> 00:44:04,281 It's all fucked now. It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1083 00:44:04,574 --> 00:44:06,430 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1084 00:44:06,510 --> 00:44:10,083 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1085 00:44:10,347 --> 00:44:13,170 That's two weddings that I've ruined. It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1086 00:44:13,250 --> 00:44:15,628 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1087 00:44:15,919 --> 00:44:17,507 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1088 00:44:17,587 --> 00:44:19,376 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1089 00:44:19,456 --> 00:44:20,577 and going on adventures. 1090 00:44:20,657 --> 00:44:21,761 Get in here with me. 1091 00:44:21,925 --> 00:44:23,268 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1092 00:44:23,427 --> 00:44:25,930 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1093 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,629 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1094 00:44:37,709 --> 00:44:41,452 It's not like you asked or anything, but you're here. Yay. 1095 00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:43,984 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1096 00:44:44,282 --> 00:44:46,137 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1097 00:44:46,217 --> 00:44:49,027 where you go to Vegas and you dress up as a prostitute... 1098 00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:51,042 and you go out and there's a contest... 1099 00:44:51,122 --> 00:44:53,329 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1100 00:44:53,591 --> 00:44:55,413 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1101 00:44:55,493 --> 00:44:58,531 and they, like, beg that you don't tell their children and their wives... 1102 00:44:58,696 --> 00:45:01,336 and they piss themselves, and you've got the whole thing on video. 1103 00:45:01,499 --> 00:45:04,571 And then you put it on YouTube and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1104 00:45:04,736 --> 00:45:05,737 Did you do that thing? 1105 00:45:06,404 --> 00:45:07,475 - No. - No. 1106 00:45:07,806 --> 00:45:12,312 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1107 00:45:12,478 --> 00:45:14,116 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1108 00:45:14,313 --> 00:45:16,468 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1109 00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:18,037 I know. It's fine. 1110 00:45:18,117 --> 00:45:19,171 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1111 00:45:19,251 --> 00:45:21,640 And it would have ruined it for you, down there without me. 1112 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:22,875 Is there some tension about this? 1113 00:45:22,955 --> 00:45:25,577 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," if that makes sense. 1114 00:45:25,657 --> 00:45:27,613 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1115 00:45:27,693 --> 00:45:28,781 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1116 00:45:28,861 --> 00:45:31,205 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1117 00:45:33,165 --> 00:45:34,219 'Cause it feels like I did. 1118 00:45:34,299 --> 00:45:36,835 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1119 00:45:38,337 --> 00:45:40,681 I need you guys to stop it! 1120 00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:44,050 Oh, that fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1121 00:45:44,610 --> 00:45:45,611 Shut it! 1122 00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:49,788 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1123 00:45:50,183 --> 00:45:52,789 Please! I just wanna relax. 1124 00:45:55,455 --> 00:45:56,729 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1125 00:45:56,890 --> 00:45:58,369 A little stressed out. 1126 00:45:58,525 --> 00:46:01,369 - I'll give you a minute to disrobe. - Yeah, okay. 1127 00:46:01,528 --> 00:46:03,599 Face down on the table. 1128 00:46:03,997 --> 00:46:07,454 Hi, um, that is my best friend in there... 1129 00:46:07,534 --> 00:46:09,707 and she's getting married tomorrow, and she's a little uptight. 1130 00:46:10,003 --> 00:46:15,146 And I was wondering if you could, um, help her let loose a little bit? 1131 00:46:15,308 --> 00:46:16,329 You know? 1132 00:46:16,409 --> 00:46:21,415 Give her the "Hawaii Five Oh" experience? 1133 00:46:21,781 --> 00:46:24,404 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1134 00:46:24,484 --> 00:46:27,989 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1135 00:46:28,289 --> 00:46:30,010 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 1136 00:46:30,090 --> 00:46:31,763 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1137 00:46:31,959 --> 00:46:34,530 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1138 00:46:35,796 --> 00:46:38,003 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1139 00:46:38,232 --> 00:46:40,454 - Great. - But I figured it out. 1140 00:46:40,534 --> 00:46:43,124 - You didn't really communicate it to me. - Okay, that's fair. 1141 00:46:43,204 --> 00:46:47,050 Yes, you want the special "I am blissful" massage? 1142 00:46:47,174 --> 00:46:49,279 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1143 00:46:49,777 --> 00:46:50,812 Um... 1144 00:46:50,911 --> 00:46:52,822 - How blissful is that? - Oh, don't worry. 1145 00:46:52,980 --> 00:46:54,516 Physically, no penetration. 1146 00:46:54,615 --> 00:46:55,603 Classy. 1147 00:46:55,683 --> 00:46:58,687 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her chi. 1148 00:46:58,986 --> 00:47:01,023 Oh, you're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1149 00:47:02,189 --> 00:47:03,293 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1150 00:47:04,091 --> 00:47:05,969 Oh, it's good. Good. Comfy. 1151 00:47:06,127 --> 00:47:09,472 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1152 00:47:09,631 --> 00:47:11,338 So you're getting married, huh? 1153 00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,136 I am. Yeah. 1154 00:47:13,335 --> 00:47:16,191 I know it can be a stressful time. 1155 00:47:16,271 --> 00:47:20,185 You know it's like, "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1156 00:47:20,342 --> 00:47:22,788 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1157 00:47:22,944 --> 00:47:24,946 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1158 00:47:25,647 --> 00:47:26,648 Are you okay with oil? 1159 00:47:26,815 --> 00:47:28,123 Yeah, sure. 1160 00:47:31,119 --> 00:47:32,374 You know, in my country... 1161 00:47:32,454 --> 00:47:35,731 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1162 00:47:36,725 --> 00:47:38,898 It sounds better in my language. 1163 00:47:42,464 --> 00:47:44,053 Oh, that's lovely. 1164 00:47:44,133 --> 00:47:45,154 'kay. 1165 00:47:45,234 --> 00:47:46,622 Some ground rules. 1166 00:47:46,702 --> 00:47:49,292 One, no emotions. 1167 00:47:49,372 --> 00:47:51,477 - Okay. - Two, breathe. 1168 00:47:53,042 --> 00:47:57,182 Three, there is no penetration, only vibration. 1169 00:47:58,481 --> 00:48:00,859 What is happening? 1170 00:48:01,217 --> 00:48:03,458 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1171 00:48:03,619 --> 00:48:06,099 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1172 00:48:06,255 --> 00:48:09,168 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1173 00:48:09,325 --> 00:48:11,828 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1174 00:48:11,994 --> 00:48:14,372 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1175 00:48:14,530 --> 00:48:16,771 Just checking in. Everything good? 1176 00:48:16,933 --> 00:48:19,607 Hope you're enjoying this. For me, it's just another Friday. 1177 00:48:27,410 --> 00:48:29,253 "Happy Doll." 1178 00:48:29,613 --> 00:48:33,720 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1179 00:48:33,884 --> 00:48:36,626 A little break. That's nice. 1180 00:48:38,522 --> 00:48:39,660 Here we go again. 1181 00:48:41,558 --> 00:48:43,094 Are you even touching me? 1182 00:48:43,293 --> 00:48:45,773 No, but my aura is. 1183 00:48:46,063 --> 00:48:48,585 Yes, it is! 1184 00:48:48,665 --> 00:48:51,077 Sweet baby Jesus! 1185 00:49:10,188 --> 00:49:11,326 How's it going? 1186 00:49:11,856 --> 00:49:14,336 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1187 00:49:14,492 --> 00:49:17,439 Oh, yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1188 00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:20,373 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1189 00:49:20,999 --> 00:49:24,776 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1190 00:49:24,936 --> 00:49:27,576 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1191 00:49:27,739 --> 00:49:29,047 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1192 00:49:29,207 --> 00:49:31,278 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1193 00:49:31,542 --> 00:49:34,098 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1194 00:49:34,178 --> 00:49:36,180 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1195 00:49:36,347 --> 00:49:38,258 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1196 00:49:38,416 --> 00:49:41,340 - RiRi is Alice's jam. - Oh, RiRi, is it? 1197 00:49:41,420 --> 00:49:42,455 - Yes. - That's funny. 1198 00:49:42,621 --> 00:49:45,101 She would freak out if I got her backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1199 00:49:45,257 --> 00:49:48,397 Well, you could get her tickets. From me. I'm right here. 1200 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:49,937 Are you serious? 1201 00:49:50,095 --> 00:49:53,406 Oh, God, steam rooms just open up your pores, you know? 1202 00:49:54,066 --> 00:49:56,103 They open up everything. 1203 00:49:59,238 --> 00:50:03,462 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1204 00:50:03,542 --> 00:50:07,216 You know, just scratching records. You know like... 1205 00:50:10,649 --> 00:50:12,322 Shit, man. That's... 1206 00:50:12,751 --> 00:50:15,808 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1207 00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:18,630 No. No, no, no. No. 1208 00:50:19,458 --> 00:50:21,132 Yes. 1209 00:50:24,798 --> 00:50:26,141 Tatiana? 1210 00:50:27,067 --> 00:50:28,307 Tatiana? Whoa. 1211 00:50:29,135 --> 00:50:32,173 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1212 00:50:32,739 --> 00:50:33,740 Tatiana? 1213 00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:34,978 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1214 00:50:39,145 --> 00:50:40,180 Please leave, sir. 1215 00:50:40,346 --> 00:50:41,586 What are you doing to my sister? 1216 00:50:41,748 --> 00:50:44,285 - Mike, I'm coming. - No! 1217 00:50:54,794 --> 00:50:56,000 Get out! 1218 00:51:00,034 --> 00:51:03,447 Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. 1219 00:51:03,604 --> 00:51:05,447 So, are we, like, close, or... 1220 00:51:06,107 --> 00:51:09,078 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1221 00:51:09,377 --> 00:51:11,285 What the... Tatiana! 1222 00:51:11,445 --> 00:51:12,651 Terry! 1223 00:51:12,813 --> 00:51:14,156 Terry! 1224 00:51:14,315 --> 00:51:16,556 - Tatiana! - Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1225 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:20,107 Whoa! 1226 00:51:20,187 --> 00:51:21,993 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1227 00:51:24,492 --> 00:51:25,903 He is losing this fight! 1228 00:51:28,229 --> 00:51:30,084 Oh, God! I can see your nipple! 1229 00:51:30,164 --> 00:51:31,165 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1230 00:51:34,235 --> 00:51:36,239 Get your butt out of my face! 1231 00:51:40,408 --> 00:51:43,651 Well, thank you so much. 1232 00:51:44,179 --> 00:51:45,715 Um, I definitely needed this. 1233 00:51:45,881 --> 00:51:48,691 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1234 00:51:49,251 --> 00:51:52,926 - All you need is load-bearing ribbons. - Okay. 1235 00:51:53,088 --> 00:51:55,577 - And a reinforced ceiling. - Oh. 1236 00:51:55,657 --> 00:51:56,931 I should warn you... 1237 00:51:57,058 --> 00:52:01,131 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1238 00:52:01,363 --> 00:52:02,569 Oh. 1239 00:52:02,731 --> 00:52:05,905 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a couple weeks. 1240 00:52:06,067 --> 00:52:08,673 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1241 00:52:08,837 --> 00:52:13,286 - tractors, cranes, big boats. - Okay. 1242 00:52:13,441 --> 00:52:15,114 Good to know. 1243 00:52:15,277 --> 00:52:17,621 - Oh, and please hydrate. - Okay. 1244 00:52:17,779 --> 00:52:21,853 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1245 00:52:23,119 --> 00:52:24,564 You could develop cancer. 1246 00:52:26,088 --> 00:52:27,396 You have a very good friend. 1247 00:52:32,762 --> 00:52:35,242 Wait, you did that? 1248 00:52:35,598 --> 00:52:38,488 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1249 00:52:38,568 --> 00:52:39,979 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1250 00:52:40,603 --> 00:52:41,946 Aw! Thank you. 1251 00:52:42,271 --> 00:52:45,115 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party when they have you around? 1252 00:52:46,475 --> 00:52:48,364 - He rubbed my butt. - Yeah? 1253 00:52:48,444 --> 00:52:50,219 But with his butt. 1254 00:52:50,379 --> 00:52:52,985 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1255 00:52:54,283 --> 00:52:55,872 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1256 00:52:55,952 --> 00:52:57,541 but she's in a great mood. 1257 00:52:57,621 --> 00:53:00,124 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1258 00:53:00,290 --> 00:53:02,634 Oh, um, I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1259 00:53:02,793 --> 00:53:05,048 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1260 00:53:05,128 --> 00:53:06,630 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1261 00:53:07,030 --> 00:53:11,200 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, and I play the steel drum." 1262 00:53:11,735 --> 00:53:13,271 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, man." 1263 00:53:13,437 --> 00:53:15,940 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1264 00:53:16,106 --> 00:53:18,416 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not figure that? 1265 00:53:20,444 --> 00:53:24,483 I think when I get back, I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1266 00:53:24,648 --> 00:53:26,127 and start drawing full time. 1267 00:53:26,283 --> 00:53:27,762 - Really? - Yeah. 1268 00:53:27,918 --> 00:53:29,420 That's amazing. 1269 00:53:29,586 --> 00:53:31,793 Do you know how few people know what they really wanna do? 1270 00:53:31,955 --> 00:53:34,111 But then I think about what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1271 00:53:34,191 --> 00:53:36,171 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1272 00:53:36,327 --> 00:53:38,034 He's so clingy. 1273 00:53:38,196 --> 00:53:41,019 When we were kids, if I fell asleep before Mike... 1274 00:53:41,099 --> 00:53:43,170 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1275 00:53:43,334 --> 00:53:45,177 - That's kinda sweet. - Yeah. 1276 00:53:45,336 --> 00:53:46,974 I don't know. I just... 1277 00:53:50,775 --> 00:53:52,152 Do you ever get that feeling... 1278 00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:55,814 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1279 00:53:55,980 --> 00:53:57,789 so you're too scared to try? 1280 00:53:59,517 --> 00:54:00,825 All the time. 1281 00:54:01,519 --> 00:54:04,295 - Really? - Like, all the time. It's terrifying. 1282 00:54:04,455 --> 00:54:06,332 - It is, it's terrifying. - Yeah. 1283 00:54:06,491 --> 00:54:07,492 You're, like, stuck. 1284 00:54:07,659 --> 00:54:09,297 - Totally. - Yeah. 1285 00:54:09,460 --> 00:54:10,962 Thanks. It's nice talking to you about this. 1286 00:54:24,343 --> 00:54:25,764 Hey. Where you going? 1287 00:54:25,844 --> 00:54:28,234 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom you need to emcee? 1288 00:54:28,314 --> 00:54:29,793 Don't be such a drama king. 1289 00:54:29,882 --> 00:54:31,589 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1290 00:54:31,750 --> 00:54:33,058 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1291 00:54:33,218 --> 00:54:35,474 they obviously are supposed to finger diddle your family members. 1292 00:54:35,554 --> 00:54:36,555 That's common courtesy! 1293 00:54:36,722 --> 00:54:38,998 Okay, hold up. I am a grown-ass woman. 1294 00:54:39,191 --> 00:54:41,228 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1295 00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,863 Just because you say "whomever" does not make it okay. 1296 00:54:44,029 --> 00:54:47,499 It's not a big deal. It's just like texting someone. 1297 00:54:47,733 --> 00:54:49,679 - Oh. - It's just like Tinder. 1298 00:54:49,835 --> 00:54:54,293 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. Swipe left, swipe right. 1299 00:54:54,373 --> 00:54:56,162 That's very graphic. That is... 1300 00:54:56,242 --> 00:54:59,382 Rotating your photos. Expanding them, contracting them. 1301 00:54:59,546 --> 00:55:02,083 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing? 1302 00:55:02,248 --> 00:55:04,771 What? No! I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1303 00:55:04,851 --> 00:55:06,797 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1304 00:55:06,953 --> 00:55:08,455 We're on vacay. 1305 00:55:10,523 --> 00:55:11,524 No... 1306 00:55:11,691 --> 00:55:15,400 You are invited to my sister's wedding. You're supposed to smile, nod... 1307 00:55:15,562 --> 00:55:16,768 and do what I want you to do. 1308 00:55:16,930 --> 00:55:17,931 That's the deal. 1309 00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:20,374 I thought that we had a connection. 1310 00:55:20,934 --> 00:55:21,935 Like a spark. 1311 00:55:22,102 --> 00:55:25,049 You thought you were gonna bring me here so that you could have sex with me. 1312 00:55:25,372 --> 00:55:27,827 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1313 00:55:27,907 --> 00:55:28,908 Really? 1314 00:55:30,877 --> 00:55:32,584 Yes, obviously. 1315 00:55:32,746 --> 00:55:34,784 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1316 00:55:34,949 --> 00:55:36,724 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1317 00:55:36,884 --> 00:55:38,830 because you are very sexy... 1318 00:55:38,986 --> 00:55:41,091 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1319 00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,132 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1320 00:55:43,290 --> 00:55:45,600 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1321 00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:47,637 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1322 00:55:47,828 --> 00:55:49,603 - wanted to go to Hawaii. - Hold up. 1323 00:55:50,631 --> 00:55:51,632 Fuck. 1324 00:55:51,799 --> 00:55:52,800 You saw us on TV? 1325 00:55:52,967 --> 00:55:55,369 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1326 00:56:00,241 --> 00:56:01,242 What? 1327 00:56:02,476 --> 00:56:04,012 - What? - Shh! 1328 00:56:04,111 --> 00:56:05,419 I thought you dug me. 1329 00:56:05,579 --> 00:56:06,853 Are you even a teacher? 1330 00:56:09,850 --> 00:56:10,851 No. 1331 00:56:11,018 --> 00:56:12,019 What about little Julio... 1332 00:56:12,186 --> 00:56:14,326 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1333 00:56:14,489 --> 00:56:16,867 Made it up. All of it. 1334 00:56:17,025 --> 00:56:19,301 Although I did have sex with this guy name Julio once... 1335 00:56:19,461 --> 00:56:20,963 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1336 00:56:21,930 --> 00:56:24,433 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. 1337 00:56:24,599 --> 00:56:26,772 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface. 1338 00:56:27,469 --> 00:56:28,880 And you didn't even 1339 00:56:29,037 --> 00:56:32,416 say hello to my little friend. 1340 00:56:36,978 --> 00:56:38,855 Oh, come on, man. 1341 00:56:39,881 --> 00:56:40,985 Mike. 1342 00:56:54,664 --> 00:56:56,473 I'm really sorry. Um... 1343 00:56:57,633 --> 00:56:59,670 I've been acting crazy. 1344 00:57:00,002 --> 00:57:02,625 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1345 00:57:02,705 --> 00:57:05,879 Oh, yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1346 00:57:06,542 --> 00:57:08,681 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1347 00:57:08,845 --> 00:57:10,552 Yeah, that's the one. 1348 00:57:11,214 --> 00:57:13,353 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause, um... 1349 00:57:17,153 --> 00:57:18,741 I lied. 1350 00:57:18,821 --> 00:57:19,822 You lied? 1351 00:57:21,958 --> 00:57:23,046 I can't do this. 1352 00:57:23,126 --> 00:57:24,127 Wait. 1353 00:57:24,227 --> 00:57:25,262 Sorry. 1354 00:57:25,361 --> 00:57:28,017 - That's okay. That's okay. - Sorry everyone. 1355 00:57:28,097 --> 00:57:31,272 I just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1356 00:57:32,002 --> 00:57:34,743 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1357 00:57:36,907 --> 00:57:41,087 Oh, my gosh. That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1358 00:57:41,912 --> 00:57:43,391 Why didn't you just tell me? 1359 00:57:45,382 --> 00:57:47,555 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1360 00:57:48,752 --> 00:57:50,527 I would never think that. 1361 00:57:51,355 --> 00:57:52,561 "Love hurts. 1362 00:57:53,557 --> 00:57:55,230 "Love scars. 1363 00:57:55,392 --> 00:57:59,204 "Love wounds, and mars." 1364 00:58:00,230 --> 00:58:04,406 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1365 00:58:05,702 --> 00:58:07,477 Why are you so nice? 1366 00:58:10,475 --> 00:58:12,421 'Cause I think you're nice. 1367 00:58:19,651 --> 00:58:20,652 David! 1368 00:58:21,553 --> 00:58:24,227 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1369 00:58:24,389 --> 00:58:25,629 No. No. 1370 00:58:26,057 --> 00:58:28,435 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1371 00:58:28,593 --> 00:58:30,300 - Let's go. - Is he okay? 1372 00:58:30,395 --> 00:58:31,382 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1373 00:58:31,462 --> 00:58:32,463 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1374 00:58:32,630 --> 00:58:33,651 Let's go! 1375 00:58:33,731 --> 00:58:36,001 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1376 00:58:38,136 --> 00:58:39,308 Oh... I... 1377 00:58:39,404 --> 00:58:41,315 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1378 00:58:49,013 --> 00:58:50,493 A line has been drawn, David. 1379 00:58:50,749 --> 00:58:53,239 A clear line in the sand. 1380 00:58:53,319 --> 00:58:54,907 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1381 00:58:54,987 --> 00:58:57,109 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1382 00:58:57,189 --> 00:58:58,377 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1383 00:58:58,457 --> 00:58:59,765 - God damn it! - Son of a... 1384 00:59:01,060 --> 00:59:03,849 These girls, they've gotta go. 1385 00:59:03,929 --> 00:59:08,105 They pretended to dig us just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1386 00:59:08,267 --> 00:59:09,541 They're liars! 1387 00:59:09,702 --> 00:59:11,773 So what, man? So they lied. 1388 00:59:12,204 --> 00:59:13,592 I was talking to Alice. 1389 00:59:13,672 --> 00:59:15,618 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1390 00:59:15,774 --> 00:59:18,277 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1391 00:59:18,644 --> 00:59:21,534 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1392 00:59:21,614 --> 00:59:24,026 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1393 00:59:26,885 --> 00:59:28,364 Oh, my God. 1394 00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:29,864 Why are you laughing at me? 1395 00:59:30,190 --> 00:59:32,112 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1396 00:59:32,192 --> 00:59:34,138 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1397 00:59:34,694 --> 00:59:36,283 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1398 00:59:36,363 --> 00:59:37,899 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1399 00:59:38,064 --> 00:59:41,978 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1400 00:59:42,135 --> 00:59:43,790 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 1401 00:59:43,870 --> 00:59:45,008 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1402 00:59:45,338 --> 00:59:46,927 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1403 00:59:47,007 --> 00:59:49,180 The female version of jerking. 1404 00:59:49,342 --> 00:59:51,015 Dude, let's just chill out... 1405 00:59:51,177 --> 00:59:53,316 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1406 00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:54,801 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1407 00:59:54,881 --> 00:59:56,519 I can't do that, David. 1408 00:59:56,916 --> 00:59:58,987 Because I saw our little sister... 1409 00:59:59,819 --> 01:00:00,820 What? 1410 01:00:01,721 --> 01:00:04,099 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1411 01:00:06,493 --> 01:00:08,201 What? She saw a ghost? 1412 01:00:10,331 --> 01:00:11,742 She really had to pee? 1413 01:00:13,100 --> 01:00:14,101 Doing vocal warmups? 1414 01:00:14,969 --> 01:00:16,624 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1415 01:00:16,704 --> 01:00:20,049 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1416 01:00:20,574 --> 01:00:21,917 - What! - Yes! 1417 01:00:22,109 --> 01:00:23,247 Oh, my God! 1418 01:00:23,377 --> 01:00:25,533 - She orgasms like a star. - No! 1419 01:00:25,613 --> 01:00:26,785 What's next? 1420 01:00:27,048 --> 01:00:31,519 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1421 01:00:32,186 --> 01:00:33,221 What's a Push Pop? 1422 01:00:33,354 --> 01:00:36,699 I made it up, Dave. It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1423 01:00:36,857 --> 01:00:39,380 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know. 1424 01:00:39,460 --> 01:00:41,315 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know! 1425 01:00:41,395 --> 01:00:42,617 What's a Push Pop? 1426 01:00:42,697 --> 01:00:45,200 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1427 01:00:45,366 --> 01:00:46,936 God, just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1428 01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:49,048 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1429 01:00:49,204 --> 01:00:51,115 Is that what you want me to say? 1430 01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:54,652 - Oh, God! - Two hands pushin' the pop. 1431 01:00:54,743 --> 01:00:56,814 - Oh, God. - Is that what you want me to say? 1432 01:00:56,912 --> 01:00:58,448 I'll send you some links. 1433 01:01:17,833 --> 01:01:19,938 - We're at table two. - I'll be at the bar. 1434 01:01:20,102 --> 01:01:21,638 - I said table two. - I'll be at the bar! 1435 01:01:21,803 --> 01:01:22,975 You're out of control! 1436 01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:24,806 Thank you. 1437 01:01:25,941 --> 01:01:27,512 Trouble in paradise? 1438 01:01:31,681 --> 01:01:34,560 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1439 01:01:34,717 --> 01:01:38,665 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times in the face. Freaking. 1440 01:01:38,821 --> 01:01:39,822 Take a shot. 1441 01:01:40,323 --> 01:01:42,894 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1442 01:01:43,626 --> 01:01:46,505 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech after my crazy dope one. 1443 01:01:46,662 --> 01:01:48,039 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1444 01:01:49,733 --> 01:01:51,806 Thriller-Terry out! 1445 01:01:53,469 --> 01:01:54,971 So sad! 1446 01:01:55,138 --> 01:01:56,378 Oh, my God. It's a movie about cameras 1447 01:01:56,472 --> 01:01:57,746 just following you everywhere. 1448 01:01:57,974 --> 01:02:00,296 - Like The Truman Show. - Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1449 01:02:00,376 --> 01:02:02,083 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1450 01:02:02,245 --> 01:02:03,485 Hey, what's up? 1451 01:02:03,646 --> 01:02:06,303 I need you to come backstage right now and practice the speech. 1452 01:02:06,383 --> 01:02:07,589 Uh... 1453 01:02:07,684 --> 01:02:09,755 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1454 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,661 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1455 01:02:11,822 --> 01:02:13,028 Our speech needs to kill. 1456 01:02:13,190 --> 01:02:15,227 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1457 01:02:15,492 --> 01:02:17,938 I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want you to freak out. 1458 01:02:18,095 --> 01:02:19,096 I'm not freaking out. 1459 01:02:19,229 --> 01:02:20,572 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1460 01:02:20,731 --> 01:02:21,869 You calm the fuck down! 1461 01:02:22,032 --> 01:02:23,807 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1462 01:02:24,034 --> 01:02:25,823 You gonna come or what? 1463 01:02:25,903 --> 01:02:27,291 Let's go. 1464 01:02:27,371 --> 01:02:29,244 I'll see you backstage. 1465 01:02:31,475 --> 01:02:32,496 Uh... 1466 01:02:32,576 --> 01:02:34,665 - I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. - Okay. 1467 01:02:34,745 --> 01:02:36,691 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1468 01:02:39,950 --> 01:02:41,725 ...look on your stupid face! 1469 01:02:41,819 --> 01:02:43,307 What's wrong with me? 1470 01:02:43,387 --> 01:02:45,043 Don't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1471 01:02:45,123 --> 01:02:46,511 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1472 01:02:46,591 --> 01:02:47,934 Fuck you, Luke. 1473 01:02:48,293 --> 01:02:51,064 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1474 01:03:02,841 --> 01:03:04,013 Hi! 1475 01:03:04,175 --> 01:03:05,597 - Hi! - Hi! 1476 01:03:05,677 --> 01:03:07,799 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1477 01:03:07,879 --> 01:03:09,381 No. Why? Are you? 1478 01:03:10,247 --> 01:03:11,569 Well... 1479 01:03:11,649 --> 01:03:15,006 You know, you think that every moment is going to feel... 1480 01:03:15,086 --> 01:03:17,375 warm and glowy... 1481 01:03:17,455 --> 01:03:19,277 and absolutely magical. 1482 01:03:19,357 --> 01:03:22,304 But, then, some stuff happens. 1483 01:03:23,294 --> 01:03:24,867 - Sure does. - Yeah. 1484 01:03:26,866 --> 01:03:30,075 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1485 01:03:30,936 --> 01:03:32,006 I have just the thing. 1486 01:03:32,638 --> 01:03:33,810 I don't leave home without it. 1487 01:03:36,642 --> 01:03:38,197 - Ecstasy. - Oh! 1488 01:03:38,277 --> 01:03:40,900 Every bride deserves to have a little fun the night before her wedding! 1489 01:03:40,980 --> 01:03:42,960 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1490 01:03:44,183 --> 01:03:45,924 You are so nice to me. 1491 01:03:46,151 --> 01:03:47,152 Aww. 1492 01:03:50,189 --> 01:03:51,845 This is gonna be so much fun! 1493 01:03:51,925 --> 01:03:54,860 - We should find something to suck on. - What? Oh. 1494 01:03:55,227 --> 01:03:57,567 - Mike! - Here. Put these on. 1495 01:03:58,063 --> 01:03:59,235 - We need headsets? - Yeah! 1496 01:03:59,598 --> 01:04:01,887 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1497 01:04:01,967 --> 01:04:03,156 Gotta go hands free. 1498 01:04:03,236 --> 01:04:04,791 This is how we do it, baby. 1499 01:04:04,871 --> 01:04:06,893 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1500 01:04:06,973 --> 01:04:09,029 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1501 01:04:09,109 --> 01:04:10,163 What? 1502 01:04:10,243 --> 01:04:11,264 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1503 01:04:11,344 --> 01:04:13,099 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1504 01:04:13,179 --> 01:04:14,351 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1505 01:04:14,548 --> 01:04:16,269 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1506 01:04:16,349 --> 01:04:18,605 - You've seen the movie! - Of course I've seen the movie. 1507 01:04:18,685 --> 01:04:20,574 - You love that movie. - Everyone loves that movie. 1508 01:04:20,654 --> 01:04:22,075 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1509 01:04:22,155 --> 01:04:24,110 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1510 01:04:24,190 --> 01:04:25,879 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1511 01:04:25,959 --> 01:04:27,180 I'm worried about you, man. 1512 01:04:27,260 --> 01:04:29,137 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1513 01:04:29,262 --> 01:04:30,866 The look in your eyes right now... 1514 01:04:31,097 --> 01:04:33,053 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1515 01:04:33,133 --> 01:04:34,578 Oh, Davie, Davie, Davie! 1516 01:04:34,801 --> 01:04:35,871 What? 1517 01:04:36,269 --> 01:04:38,875 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1518 01:04:42,126 --> 01:04:43,854 Mike! 1519 01:04:44,154 --> 01:04:45,309 Mike! 1520 01:04:45,409 --> 01:04:46,523 This is really intense. 1521 01:04:47,148 --> 01:04:48,769 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1522 01:04:48,849 --> 01:04:50,726 This is good ecstasy. 1523 01:04:51,185 --> 01:04:52,994 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1524 01:04:53,187 --> 01:04:54,575 - Wait, what? - What? 1525 01:04:54,655 --> 01:04:56,978 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1526 01:04:57,058 --> 01:04:58,479 on the night before your wedding? 1527 01:04:58,559 --> 01:04:59,560 What? 1528 01:04:59,660 --> 01:05:01,037 That is so baller! 1529 01:05:01,862 --> 01:05:03,739 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1530 01:05:03,864 --> 01:05:06,207 This little gangsta would kill for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1531 01:05:07,368 --> 01:05:08,438 - Do you wanna go? - Mmm-hmm. 1532 01:05:08,536 --> 01:05:09,991 Okay, let's go. 1533 01:05:10,071 --> 01:05:11,914 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1534 01:05:12,306 --> 01:05:16,615 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner for my man, Eric... 1535 01:05:16,711 --> 01:05:19,055 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1536 01:05:19,146 --> 01:05:22,060 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1537 01:05:22,184 --> 01:05:24,460 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1538 01:05:24,553 --> 01:05:26,341 is resident nasty girl... 1539 01:05:26,421 --> 01:05:28,559 Cousin Terry. 1540 01:05:28,957 --> 01:05:30,493 We can't let Terry crush. 1541 01:05:30,792 --> 01:05:31,847 It's not fair! 1542 01:05:31,927 --> 01:05:33,133 No. Give it to me. 1543 01:05:33,228 --> 01:05:34,935 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1544 01:05:35,330 --> 01:05:36,934 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1545 01:05:37,499 --> 01:05:40,537 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out with a little something I like to call... 1546 01:05:40,802 --> 01:05:42,157 "My speech." 1547 01:05:42,237 --> 01:05:44,860 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1548 01:05:44,940 --> 01:05:46,061 Mike, this is baby safe. 1549 01:05:46,141 --> 01:05:49,097 They removed the active ingredient, Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1550 01:05:49,177 --> 01:05:50,399 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1551 01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:52,000 That was not real life! 1552 01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:54,686 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1553 01:05:55,350 --> 01:05:56,805 It's like a vacation... 1554 01:05:56,885 --> 01:05:58,728 without the relaxation! 1555 01:06:00,423 --> 01:06:01,578 That's true. 1556 01:06:01,658 --> 01:06:02,659 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1557 01:06:03,092 --> 01:06:04,113 What? 1558 01:06:04,193 --> 01:06:06,605 I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1559 01:06:06,829 --> 01:06:09,018 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1560 01:06:09,098 --> 01:06:10,202 There it is! 1561 01:06:10,433 --> 01:06:11,503 - Really? - Yeah. 1562 01:06:11,601 --> 01:06:12,705 And what are you gonna do? 1563 01:06:12,835 --> 01:06:14,190 I'm gonna draw! 1564 01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:17,393 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1565 01:06:17,473 --> 01:06:18,543 Boom! 1566 01:06:18,741 --> 01:06:19,762 You traitor! 1567 01:06:19,842 --> 01:06:20,877 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1568 01:06:21,411 --> 01:06:24,219 I know how to eat dinner. 1569 01:06:26,382 --> 01:06:27,417 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1570 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:31,329 You turn your back on me when everyone else does. 1571 01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:34,562 Backstabbing, treacherous lying coward! 1572 01:06:34,791 --> 01:06:36,045 Ooh, I don't think they know they're on. 1573 01:06:36,125 --> 01:06:37,536 What? Where is that coming from? 1574 01:06:37,894 --> 01:06:39,134 I don't know what I did! 1575 01:06:39,228 --> 01:06:40,551 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1576 01:06:40,631 --> 01:06:42,042 You're losing your mind. 1577 01:06:42,232 --> 01:06:44,178 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1578 01:06:45,536 --> 01:06:46,757 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1579 01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:47,992 You're goddamn right I did. 1580 01:06:48,072 --> 01:06:51,110 Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage. 1581 01:06:52,009 --> 01:06:53,364 That is unacceptable. 1582 01:06:53,444 --> 01:06:55,299 The mics are on, boys. 1583 01:06:55,379 --> 01:06:58,268 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1584 01:06:58,348 --> 01:06:59,536 The mics are on! 1585 01:06:59,616 --> 01:07:02,688 You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1586 01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:05,561 There it is! 1587 01:07:05,823 --> 01:07:07,693 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1588 01:07:07,825 --> 01:07:09,736 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1589 01:07:10,127 --> 01:07:12,733 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1590 01:07:17,301 --> 01:07:18,576 - Oh! - My God! 1591 01:07:20,805 --> 01:07:22,060 - Do you wanna go? - Don't do it! 1592 01:07:22,140 --> 01:07:23,361 These are coming your way. 1593 01:07:23,441 --> 01:07:24,776 Just stop! 1594 01:07:25,610 --> 01:07:27,283 God! That had to hurt. 1595 01:07:27,612 --> 01:07:28,920 Don't do it again. 1596 01:07:29,380 --> 01:07:30,381 Oh! 1597 01:07:32,650 --> 01:07:33,872 Why do you keep punching me? 1598 01:07:33,952 --> 01:07:35,363 Why do you keep rushing at me? 1599 01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:36,692 Get him, Dave. 1600 01:07:36,788 --> 01:07:37,909 Oops, who said that? 1601 01:07:37,989 --> 01:07:39,627 This wedding is going to hell! 1602 01:07:39,724 --> 01:07:40,879 Yes. 1603 01:07:40,959 --> 01:07:43,064 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1604 01:07:43,628 --> 01:07:45,801 And they don't realize the bride... 1605 01:07:45,964 --> 01:07:47,886 is getting off at massage parlors... 1606 01:07:47,966 --> 01:07:50,275 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1607 01:07:51,836 --> 01:07:54,359 I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood. 1608 01:07:54,439 --> 01:07:56,561 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1609 01:07:56,641 --> 01:07:58,431 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1610 01:07:58,511 --> 01:08:00,900 The masseuse got her off. 1611 01:08:00,980 --> 01:08:02,334 God damn it! 1612 01:08:02,414 --> 01:08:03,484 Jeanie! 1613 01:08:03,916 --> 01:08:04,917 I hate you! 1614 01:08:18,998 --> 01:08:20,807 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1615 01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:24,504 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1616 01:08:28,140 --> 01:08:30,677 Everything feels so good, right? 1617 01:08:30,810 --> 01:08:31,811 Yep. 1618 01:08:32,211 --> 01:08:33,733 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1619 01:08:33,813 --> 01:08:34,883 Tell me. 1620 01:08:34,980 --> 01:08:36,903 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1621 01:08:36,983 --> 01:08:39,005 Kind, good, fiancé. 1622 01:08:39,085 --> 01:08:40,621 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1623 01:08:41,721 --> 01:08:43,510 Do you think Eric is boring? 1624 01:08:43,590 --> 01:08:44,644 Boring? 1625 01:08:44,724 --> 01:08:45,896 Like for my honeymoon... 1626 01:08:46,326 --> 01:08:48,448 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1627 01:08:48,528 --> 01:08:50,303 to different countries around the world. 1628 01:08:50,463 --> 01:08:52,652 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1629 01:08:52,732 --> 01:08:54,221 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1630 01:08:54,301 --> 01:08:56,838 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1631 01:08:57,070 --> 01:08:59,059 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1632 01:08:59,139 --> 01:09:00,982 - And he vetoed it. - Oh! 1633 01:09:01,408 --> 01:09:03,786 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1634 01:09:05,879 --> 01:09:07,434 - ...perch. - What? 1635 01:09:07,514 --> 01:09:08,602 I am a young woman... 1636 01:09:08,682 --> 01:09:10,937 - Preach! - There is so much for me to see. 1637 01:09:11,017 --> 01:09:13,327 - Yes. - I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1638 01:09:13,787 --> 01:09:15,994 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1639 01:09:16,524 --> 01:09:18,094 I haven't been to Seattle. 1640 01:09:18,226 --> 01:09:19,480 You've never been to Seattle? 1641 01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:20,581 No! 1642 01:09:20,661 --> 01:09:23,039 - Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! - Really? 1643 01:09:23,130 --> 01:09:24,352 You need to get out of this cage! 1644 01:09:24,432 --> 01:09:25,486 I am in a cage... 1645 01:09:25,566 --> 01:09:28,046 just like these horses are caged. 1646 01:09:28,236 --> 01:09:30,113 Just let them out. 1647 01:09:30,304 --> 01:09:31,305 Huh? 1648 01:09:32,773 --> 01:09:33,877 Let them all out. 1649 01:09:40,281 --> 01:09:42,904 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1650 01:09:42,984 --> 01:09:46,124 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1651 01:10:11,713 --> 01:10:12,953 Here to pile on? 1652 01:10:13,315 --> 01:10:14,316 Go ahead. 1653 01:10:14,416 --> 01:10:15,704 Any insult you can think of... 1654 01:10:15,784 --> 01:10:17,286 I've probably told myself a million times. 1655 01:10:17,419 --> 01:10:19,092 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1656 01:10:21,290 --> 01:10:26,515 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1657 01:10:26,595 --> 01:10:29,405 That is some crazy shit. That's like something I would do. 1658 01:10:29,631 --> 01:10:31,253 This one time in high school... 1659 01:10:31,333 --> 01:10:32,821 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1660 01:10:32,901 --> 01:10:34,490 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1661 01:10:34,570 --> 01:10:36,025 and I wore it to school for a month. 1662 01:10:36,105 --> 01:10:37,227 What the fuck? 1663 01:10:37,307 --> 01:10:38,843 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1664 01:10:52,322 --> 01:10:55,303 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1665 01:10:55,525 --> 01:10:59,234 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1666 01:10:59,462 --> 01:11:01,417 You act all confident... 1667 01:11:01,497 --> 01:11:04,501 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1668 01:11:04,734 --> 01:11:06,441 You act like you don't care what people think... 1669 01:11:06,536 --> 01:11:08,106 but you really care what people think. 1670 01:11:08,204 --> 01:11:09,425 And you try to act so smart... 1671 01:11:09,505 --> 01:11:11,127 but sometimes... 1672 01:11:11,207 --> 01:11:14,417 you're just afraid you're the dumbest person in the world. 1673 01:11:17,181 --> 01:11:18,785 I'm so dumb. 1674 01:11:19,283 --> 01:11:22,753 I'm constantly saying words that I don't know the meaning of. 1675 01:11:23,420 --> 01:11:25,764 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1676 01:11:26,023 --> 01:11:27,400 all the time. 1677 01:11:27,691 --> 01:11:29,637 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1678 01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:31,671 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1679 01:11:31,862 --> 01:11:34,672 - Is that the meaning of it? - I don't know. 1680 01:11:34,765 --> 01:11:36,220 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1681 01:11:36,300 --> 01:11:38,555 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1682 01:11:38,635 --> 01:11:39,705 And it's fucked up. 1683 01:11:39,903 --> 01:11:41,814 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1684 01:11:42,039 --> 01:11:43,794 Like George Washington. 1685 01:11:43,874 --> 01:11:44,962 Yeah. 1686 01:11:45,042 --> 01:11:46,282 Or another leader. 1687 01:11:53,852 --> 01:11:55,240 All right, here's one. 1688 01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:57,391 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1689 01:11:58,857 --> 01:12:02,498 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1690 01:12:02,594 --> 01:12:05,268 but I may never achieve anything. 1691 01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:10,040 Sister. 1692 01:12:11,403 --> 01:12:13,314 Have you been reading my diary? 1693 01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:23,415 Yes. 1694 01:12:24,382 --> 01:12:25,486 Okay. 1695 01:12:37,963 --> 01:12:39,251 You are beautiful! 1696 01:12:39,331 --> 01:12:40,708 On to Seattle! 1697 01:12:40,866 --> 01:12:41,970 Alice? 1698 01:12:43,002 --> 01:12:44,003 Am I glowing? 1699 01:12:44,270 --> 01:12:46,343 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1700 01:12:46,438 --> 01:12:47,776 Be free! 1701 01:12:47,940 --> 01:12:49,544 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1702 01:12:50,476 --> 01:12:51,887 Who the fuck are you guys? 1703 01:12:52,144 --> 01:12:53,350 Fucking gypsies! 1704 01:12:53,512 --> 01:12:55,651 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1705 01:12:56,048 --> 01:12:57,994 Whoa! Shit! 1706 01:13:00,820 --> 01:13:01,874 Hey. 1707 01:13:01,954 --> 01:13:03,524 Dave! Hi. 1708 01:13:05,157 --> 01:13:06,479 What's up? What's up with you? 1709 01:13:06,559 --> 01:13:08,835 - What's going on? Are you okay? - Me? 1710 01:13:08,994 --> 01:13:11,134 Yeah. I'm fine. 1711 01:13:12,899 --> 01:13:14,344 Oh. Yeah. Well... 1712 01:13:14,901 --> 01:13:16,676 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1713 01:13:16,837 --> 01:13:19,159 there was a tsunami, and it took away our clothes... 1714 01:13:19,239 --> 01:13:20,460 but it brought these horses. 1715 01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:21,528 What? 1716 01:13:21,608 --> 01:13:23,830 And then, we wanted to get naked because of Lady Godiva... 1717 01:13:23,910 --> 01:13:25,685 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1718 01:13:25,846 --> 01:13:27,826 They could have an aneurysm. 1719 01:13:27,981 --> 01:13:29,187 Where's Jeanie? 1720 01:13:29,282 --> 01:13:30,637 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1721 01:13:30,717 --> 01:13:32,305 - that told me to go to Seattle. - Holy shit! 1722 01:13:32,385 --> 01:13:34,041 - I've always wanted to go! - Oh, my God! 1723 01:13:34,121 --> 01:13:35,909 That is not her fault. 1724 01:13:35,989 --> 01:13:37,434 - Oh, my eyes! - What's the matter? 1725 01:13:37,591 --> 01:13:39,179 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1726 01:13:39,259 --> 01:13:40,897 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1727 01:13:41,061 --> 01:13:42,404 This a really good time. 1728 01:13:42,562 --> 01:13:43,717 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1729 01:13:43,797 --> 01:13:46,175 Did you know that Hitler's parents were second cousins? 1730 01:13:46,366 --> 01:13:47,902 - Do you have any water? - Put your clothes on! 1731 01:13:48,068 --> 01:13:51,276 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1732 01:13:51,506 --> 01:13:55,215 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1733 01:13:55,376 --> 01:13:56,719 I didn't come from that bush. 1734 01:13:56,878 --> 01:13:58,585 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1735 01:13:58,746 --> 01:14:00,191 Jeanie! Oh, my God! 1736 01:14:00,681 --> 01:14:02,058 You're completely naked! 1737 01:14:02,216 --> 01:14:04,560 - Hi, Becky! - God, your bush is huge. 1738 01:14:04,719 --> 01:14:06,426 - You look tall. - No, ma'am. 1739 01:14:06,587 --> 01:14:08,999 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1740 01:14:09,257 --> 01:14:11,396 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1741 01:14:11,559 --> 01:14:12,547 No. God, no. 1742 01:14:12,627 --> 01:14:14,800 Why would say that? Just because everything feels really soft? 1743 01:14:15,096 --> 01:14:16,700 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1744 01:14:16,864 --> 01:14:17,934 Are you on drugs? 1745 01:14:18,766 --> 01:14:20,211 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1746 01:14:20,368 --> 01:14:21,389 What? 1747 01:14:21,469 --> 01:14:23,881 We started with ecstasy, but then I went into my mystery bags. 1748 01:14:24,038 --> 01:14:25,415 Why the fuck would you do that? 1749 01:14:25,573 --> 01:14:26,794 Don't you judge me, David. 1750 01:14:26,874 --> 01:14:28,629 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1751 01:14:28,709 --> 01:14:29,780 the night before the wedding. 1752 01:14:29,945 --> 01:14:32,084 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1753 01:14:32,247 --> 01:14:34,090 But Mike was right about you two. 1754 01:14:34,249 --> 01:14:36,490 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1755 01:14:36,652 --> 01:14:38,461 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1756 01:14:38,620 --> 01:14:39,758 I need some clothes. 1757 01:14:40,789 --> 01:14:42,268 I can't continue to wear this horse. 1758 01:14:42,424 --> 01:14:43,960 Oh, my God. 1759 01:14:44,493 --> 01:14:45,801 Oh, the wind feels so nice. 1760 01:14:45,961 --> 01:14:47,835 Come on, come on, come on. 1761 01:14:49,197 --> 01:14:53,088 We should go in the ocean. I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 1762 01:14:53,168 --> 01:14:56,325 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 1763 01:14:56,405 --> 01:14:57,893 I love this song. 1764 01:14:57,973 --> 01:14:59,316 There's no music playing. 1765 01:15:00,442 --> 01:15:01,443 Baby, wait. 1766 01:15:01,610 --> 01:15:03,521 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 1767 01:15:03,679 --> 01:15:05,625 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 1768 01:15:05,781 --> 01:15:07,818 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 1769 01:15:08,016 --> 01:15:09,360 Tell me one thing. 1770 01:15:09,586 --> 01:15:10,792 Did you enjoy it? 1771 01:15:11,354 --> 01:15:12,958 No. 1772 01:15:13,923 --> 01:15:15,311 That is such a "yes" no. 1773 01:15:15,391 --> 01:15:16,446 No. 1774 01:15:16,526 --> 01:15:18,915 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 1775 01:15:18,995 --> 01:15:19,983 Yes! Oh. 1776 01:15:20,063 --> 01:15:21,098 Well... 1777 01:15:21,364 --> 01:15:22,934 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 1778 01:15:23,099 --> 01:15:25,010 I went for a normal massage... 1779 01:15:25,168 --> 01:15:27,205 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 1780 01:15:27,370 --> 01:15:29,281 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 1781 01:15:29,439 --> 01:15:31,544 Who are these fucking girls your brothers brought to this wedding? 1782 01:15:31,975 --> 01:15:34,512 You are clearly on drugs. 1783 01:15:34,677 --> 01:15:36,156 And we're getting married tomorrow! 1784 01:15:36,980 --> 01:15:38,823 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 1785 01:15:38,982 --> 01:15:40,222 Aren't you scared? 1786 01:15:40,383 --> 01:15:42,192 Well, yeah, now I am. 1787 01:15:42,719 --> 01:15:44,027 It's just that... 1788 01:15:44,721 --> 01:15:49,171 I'm just a little worried that you are... 1789 01:15:50,694 --> 01:15:51,695 boring. 1790 01:15:53,230 --> 01:15:54,573 What are you saying? 1791 01:15:54,732 --> 01:15:55,938 You don't want to marry me? 1792 01:16:06,810 --> 01:16:08,084 Well... 1793 01:16:08,245 --> 01:16:09,849 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 1794 01:16:10,014 --> 01:16:11,254 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 1795 01:16:11,415 --> 01:16:12,519 You rolled her! 1796 01:16:12,683 --> 01:16:14,754 - You're the roller! - I'm so sorry. 1797 01:16:14,918 --> 01:16:17,330 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 1798 01:16:17,488 --> 01:16:19,468 Everything is not irie, man! 1799 01:16:21,892 --> 01:16:24,498 You've made me so, so sad. 1800 01:16:27,065 --> 01:16:28,442 But a little bit mad. 1801 01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:30,611 But mostly just sad. 1802 01:16:31,603 --> 01:16:32,604 Oh! 1803 01:16:34,572 --> 01:16:35,880 - Dad! - Don't! 1804 01:16:36,041 --> 01:16:37,452 Mike, for once in your life... 1805 01:16:37,609 --> 01:16:40,590 please don't say a fucking word. 1806 01:17:05,036 --> 01:17:06,812 I hate them sometimes. 1807 01:17:06,972 --> 01:17:08,227 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 1808 01:17:08,307 --> 01:17:10,048 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 1809 01:17:18,117 --> 01:17:19,118 Everything okay over there? 1810 01:17:19,285 --> 01:17:21,697 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 1811 01:17:24,590 --> 01:17:26,331 Did you take my sock, bro? 1812 01:17:26,492 --> 01:17:27,562 No. 1813 01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:30,438 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 1814 01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:33,134 God damn it. 1815 01:17:33,265 --> 01:17:35,370 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 1816 01:17:35,501 --> 01:17:37,310 and it's all our fault. 1817 01:17:37,970 --> 01:17:40,951 It's slightly our fault. 1818 01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:43,853 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 1819 01:17:44,009 --> 01:17:46,354 We got selfish. We got distracted. 1820 01:17:47,948 --> 01:17:50,758 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 1821 01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:52,794 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 1822 01:17:52,953 --> 01:17:55,797 Our fucking little sister. Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 1823 01:17:56,456 --> 01:17:58,333 She is Stanglita. 1824 01:17:58,492 --> 01:18:01,268 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 1825 01:18:01,428 --> 01:18:02,416 The Stangle Dangle. 1826 01:18:02,496 --> 01:18:04,032 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 1827 01:18:04,197 --> 01:18:05,335 Don't do it, dude. 1828 01:18:05,499 --> 01:18:06,807 We're supposed to be her protector. 1829 01:18:06,967 --> 01:18:08,503 Don't you cry. 1830 01:18:08,668 --> 01:18:09,669 We're supposed to look out for her. 1831 01:18:09,836 --> 01:18:11,008 Stop it. 1832 01:18:11,171 --> 01:18:14,118 We're supposed to be the two dudes that have her back no matter what. 1833 01:18:14,274 --> 01:18:15,719 If you start, I'm gonna start. 1834 01:18:15,876 --> 01:18:18,152 We broke up her marriage. 1835 01:18:20,947 --> 01:18:23,860 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 1836 01:18:24,017 --> 01:18:25,463 I'm doing it, too. 1837 01:18:26,020 --> 01:18:27,197 I hate it. 1838 01:18:40,067 --> 01:18:42,690 Oh, man, we fucked up this wedding. 1839 01:18:42,770 --> 01:18:43,771 Yeah. 1840 01:18:43,938 --> 01:18:46,111 We fucked it in the dick. 1841 01:18:47,442 --> 01:18:49,097 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 1842 01:18:49,177 --> 01:18:51,885 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 1843 01:18:51,979 --> 01:18:55,136 I think the reason we get ourselves into so much shit is... 1844 01:18:55,216 --> 01:18:57,287 we're always telling each other we're so awesome... 1845 01:18:57,552 --> 01:19:00,556 when we're definitely not being awesome. 1846 01:19:00,721 --> 01:19:02,029 That's deep. 1847 01:19:02,190 --> 01:19:04,000 Yeah, you know what? Um... 1848 01:19:05,594 --> 01:19:07,437 I wanted you to feel better... 1849 01:19:07,596 --> 01:19:09,769 and get your groove back... 1850 01:19:09,932 --> 01:19:13,072 but not all the way better to where... 1851 01:19:14,503 --> 01:19:16,505 you wouldn't need me anymore. 1852 01:19:16,672 --> 01:19:19,585 Because if you don't need me... 1853 01:19:21,076 --> 01:19:23,750 then nobody needs me, and, um... 1854 01:19:24,413 --> 01:19:27,690 Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 1855 01:19:28,350 --> 01:19:30,296 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 1856 01:19:30,919 --> 01:19:31,920 Okay. 1857 01:19:32,187 --> 01:19:36,230 Okay, here's the thing. I don't wanna stop being us. 1858 01:19:36,391 --> 01:19:38,462 But I think occasionally... 1859 01:19:38,627 --> 01:19:42,872 we should think about how we make other people feel. 1860 01:19:45,168 --> 01:19:46,156 Like Jeanie? 1861 01:19:46,236 --> 01:19:47,442 Yeah, like Jeanie. 1862 01:19:47,904 --> 01:19:49,611 - Oof. - Or like Eric. 1863 01:19:50,073 --> 01:19:51,108 Oh, fuck. 1864 01:19:51,274 --> 01:19:52,912 This feels fucking terrible. 1865 01:19:53,076 --> 01:19:55,283 This does not feel good. 1866 01:19:55,478 --> 01:19:58,220 Like, Dave's so special and... 1867 01:19:58,948 --> 01:20:01,326 He must be so mad at me. 1868 01:20:01,751 --> 01:20:02,821 Poor Mike. 1869 01:20:02,986 --> 01:20:06,331 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 1870 01:20:06,489 --> 01:20:07,934 They must be so mad at us! 1871 01:20:08,091 --> 01:20:10,298 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 1872 01:20:10,460 --> 01:20:12,269 I would fucking hate us! 1873 01:20:12,428 --> 01:20:14,772 I hate us, man. I hate us! 1874 01:20:14,931 --> 01:20:16,069 I hate us, too! 1875 01:20:16,232 --> 01:20:17,939 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 1876 01:20:18,101 --> 01:20:20,445 Don't lump yourself in with me. 1877 01:20:20,603 --> 01:20:22,083 I'm like a little troll... 1878 01:20:22,239 --> 01:20:25,015 who lives on nothing but river water and squirrel meats. 1879 01:20:25,175 --> 01:20:27,587 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 1880 01:20:27,745 --> 01:20:29,934 - So go. You go right now. - What? 1881 01:20:30,014 --> 01:20:31,068 Go! 1882 01:20:31,148 --> 01:20:34,527 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 1883 01:20:37,988 --> 01:20:39,331 You are not a loser. 1884 01:20:40,157 --> 01:20:41,659 Thanks, Dave. 1885 01:20:41,825 --> 01:20:43,327 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 1886 01:20:43,494 --> 01:20:45,337 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 1887 01:20:45,496 --> 01:20:47,373 That Raphael was actually dope... 1888 01:20:47,531 --> 01:20:49,511 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 1889 01:20:49,667 --> 01:20:50,941 He's cool, but rude. 1890 01:20:51,101 --> 01:20:52,341 Exactly. 1891 01:20:52,436 --> 01:20:54,541 When all those kids kicked at me and they called me "Moist"... 1892 01:20:54,638 --> 01:20:57,517 you stopped eating muffins at the school lunch for a year. 1893 01:20:57,675 --> 01:20:59,348 They were too moist. 1894 01:21:00,477 --> 01:21:02,389 Made you an easy target. 1895 01:21:02,547 --> 01:21:06,051 You're my brother. And I love you. 1896 01:21:06,217 --> 01:21:07,787 Heroes in a half shell. 1897 01:21:07,953 --> 01:21:09,057 Turtle power. 1898 01:21:14,125 --> 01:21:16,332 We're not going anywhere... 1899 01:21:16,494 --> 01:21:20,169 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 1900 01:21:20,332 --> 01:21:22,039 is getting married. 1901 01:21:27,739 --> 01:21:28,979 You just killed the TV. 1902 01:21:29,507 --> 01:21:31,248 I was aiming for it. 1903 01:21:33,712 --> 01:21:36,522 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 1904 01:21:36,681 --> 01:21:38,183 We ruined your whole wedding... 1905 01:21:38,350 --> 01:21:40,058 and we finally just realized that. 1906 01:21:40,219 --> 01:21:42,199 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 1907 01:21:42,355 --> 01:21:45,529 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 1908 01:21:45,691 --> 01:21:46,897 Jeanie, Eric. 1909 01:21:47,059 --> 01:21:49,767 We can't let you not get married just because we fucked everything up. 1910 01:21:49,929 --> 01:21:51,067 We love you so much, Jeanie. 1911 01:21:51,163 --> 01:21:53,234 We love you, Eric. We just want you guys to love each other. 1912 01:21:53,332 --> 01:21:54,833 - Just love each other. - That's it. 1913 01:21:56,402 --> 01:21:57,676 Jeanie, Eric. 1914 01:21:57,837 --> 01:21:59,339 We can't let you not get married. 1915 01:21:59,505 --> 01:22:01,109 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 1916 01:22:01,273 --> 01:22:02,718 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 1917 01:22:02,875 --> 01:22:03,876 Love each other. 1918 01:22:05,044 --> 01:22:07,923 Okay. This is bizarre, because we literally did that... 1919 01:22:08,080 --> 01:22:09,457 ...exact same thing. 1920 01:22:09,615 --> 01:22:11,253 We're even doing this hand motion. 1921 01:22:11,417 --> 01:22:12,589 Yeah, all that was ours. 1922 01:22:12,752 --> 01:22:14,789 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 1923 01:22:14,954 --> 01:22:16,592 No, it's our fault. 1924 01:22:16,756 --> 01:22:18,429 No, it's definitely our fault. 1925 01:22:18,591 --> 01:22:19,696 It is our fault for sure. 1926 01:22:19,860 --> 01:22:20,861 No, no, no. For real. 1927 01:22:21,028 --> 01:22:22,473 If anything, it's my fault. 1928 01:22:24,197 --> 01:22:25,801 Shh! Please stop. 1929 01:22:28,068 --> 01:22:32,175 Everyone shut the fuck up! 1930 01:22:32,839 --> 01:22:35,183 Jesus Hussein Christ. 1931 01:22:35,342 --> 01:22:37,288 God damn it! 1932 01:22:37,411 --> 01:22:39,687 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 1933 01:22:39,913 --> 01:22:41,201 for 20 minutes. 1934 01:22:41,281 --> 01:22:45,821 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 1935 01:22:46,520 --> 01:22:48,141 We've only been here for three minutes... 1936 01:22:48,221 --> 01:22:49,409 so those other 17 minutes... 1937 01:22:49,489 --> 01:22:50,677 - that's kind of on you... - Mike! 1938 01:22:50,757 --> 01:22:52,012 I'm using hyperbole. 1939 01:22:52,092 --> 01:22:54,936 I don't know what that means, and I think you know that I don't. 1940 01:22:55,062 --> 01:22:57,050 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 1941 01:22:57,130 --> 01:22:58,118 Go Eric. 1942 01:22:58,198 --> 01:22:59,253 Shut up too! 1943 01:22:59,333 --> 01:23:00,607 I mean, God damn it! 1944 01:23:00,768 --> 01:23:03,908 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 1945 01:23:04,472 --> 01:23:05,712 codependent weirdos! 1946 01:23:06,874 --> 01:23:08,182 - Yeah. - I know. 1947 01:23:08,276 --> 01:23:10,381 - That's pretty spot-on. - We just figured that out. 1948 01:23:10,545 --> 01:23:13,301 - Those are not good qualities. - We're gonna work on it. 1949 01:23:13,381 --> 01:23:15,370 - It's been a long time. - It's been so many years. 1950 01:23:15,450 --> 01:23:17,054 We're both very confused. 1951 01:23:17,151 --> 01:23:19,256 No, no. You're not confused. 1952 01:23:19,353 --> 01:23:21,476 You're just coming down off MDMA. 1953 01:23:21,556 --> 01:23:23,035 Sorry. Which I gave you. 1954 01:23:23,191 --> 01:23:25,865 And Eric, you can't blame her for anything she said last night. 1955 01:23:26,027 --> 01:23:28,803 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 1956 01:23:28,963 --> 01:23:31,534 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 1957 01:23:31,699 --> 01:23:32,871 and I had to go to the hospital... 1958 01:23:33,034 --> 01:23:35,640 'cause puddles are really dirty. 1959 01:23:35,837 --> 01:23:37,291 One time I was on peyote... 1960 01:23:37,371 --> 01:23:39,628 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 1961 01:23:39,708 --> 01:23:41,463 One time I got high. 1962 01:23:41,543 --> 01:23:44,046 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 1963 01:23:45,080 --> 01:23:46,235 Because it said "repeat." 1964 01:23:46,315 --> 01:23:47,851 - Rinse and repeat. - I get it. 1965 01:23:47,950 --> 01:23:50,988 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 1966 01:23:51,253 --> 01:23:53,859 Enough of this talk of boring! 1967 01:23:54,389 --> 01:23:55,444 Damn it! 1968 01:23:55,524 --> 01:23:59,734 Sixty percent of my investments are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 1969 01:23:59,862 --> 01:24:03,241 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 1970 01:24:03,398 --> 01:24:06,388 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 1971 01:24:06,468 --> 01:24:08,290 with my dinner, every now and then. 1972 01:24:08,370 --> 01:24:10,025 I once went to see a movie... 1973 01:24:10,105 --> 01:24:12,594 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 1974 01:24:12,674 --> 01:24:13,982 Didn't pay till after. 1975 01:24:14,176 --> 01:24:15,348 Is that boring? 1976 01:24:15,844 --> 01:24:16,833 Is that boring? 1977 01:24:16,913 --> 01:24:18,068 - What'd you say? - Yeah. 1978 01:24:18,148 --> 01:24:19,684 - You're right. We were wrong. - That was pretty boring. 1979 01:24:20,116 --> 01:24:21,356 Well, how about this for boring? 1980 01:24:23,219 --> 01:24:24,960 Bam! 1981 01:24:25,454 --> 01:24:27,727 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 1982 01:24:27,857 --> 01:24:29,112 I know you really wanted to go... 1983 01:24:29,192 --> 01:24:32,071 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 1984 01:24:32,428 --> 01:24:34,271 Surprise. 1985 01:24:34,430 --> 01:24:36,535 Aww! 1986 01:24:36,766 --> 01:24:38,268 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 1987 01:24:38,902 --> 01:24:41,348 - Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. - Yeah. 1988 01:24:41,771 --> 01:24:43,893 But my biggest fear... 1989 01:24:43,973 --> 01:24:46,112 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 1990 01:24:47,410 --> 01:24:50,289 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 1991 01:24:50,980 --> 01:24:52,102 but I promise that masseuse... 1992 01:24:52,182 --> 01:24:54,170 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 1993 01:24:54,250 --> 01:24:56,094 Oh God, baby. I love you. 1994 01:24:56,654 --> 01:24:58,395 And I know I want to marry you. 1995 01:24:58,722 --> 01:25:01,635 Today, if you'll still have me. 1996 01:25:02,126 --> 01:25:04,572 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 1997 01:25:08,032 --> 01:25:09,019 Kiss her. 1998 01:25:09,099 --> 01:25:10,942 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 1999 01:25:23,414 --> 01:25:24,415 Aww! 2000 01:25:25,149 --> 01:25:26,651 I want to marry you right now... 2001 01:25:26,817 --> 01:25:28,763 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2002 01:25:29,253 --> 01:25:30,994 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2003 01:25:32,556 --> 01:25:33,626 Leave that to us. 2004 01:25:35,093 --> 01:25:36,731 Leave that to all of us. 2005 01:25:38,063 --> 01:25:39,201 - Yeah! - Let's go, Mike. 2006 01:25:39,831 --> 01:25:41,401 This way! Oh, fuck! 2007 01:25:41,833 --> 01:25:43,312 We'll actually just head around. 2008 01:25:43,568 --> 01:25:45,047 - Girl. - I'm good. 2009 01:25:45,337 --> 01:25:46,792 So what part you like, brah? 2010 01:25:46,872 --> 01:25:49,027 - We need the whole pig. - I can't give you a whole pig. 2011 01:25:49,107 --> 01:25:50,643 But we need to feed 100 people. 2012 01:25:51,109 --> 01:25:53,932 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2013 01:25:54,012 --> 01:25:56,049 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2014 01:25:56,181 --> 01:25:58,525 - Hold me back. Hold me back, please. - What? 2015 01:25:58,783 --> 01:25:59,805 Give us a place! 2016 01:25:59,885 --> 01:26:01,660 Everybody out of the way! 2017 01:26:01,853 --> 01:26:03,508 It's hot. So hot! 2018 01:26:03,588 --> 01:26:05,090 - Out of the fucking way! - I want my pig back! 2019 01:26:05,857 --> 01:26:07,646 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2020 01:26:07,726 --> 01:26:09,714 for every bar in this hotel... 2021 01:26:09,794 --> 01:26:12,384 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2022 01:26:12,464 --> 01:26:14,342 - Deal. - Yes! Fuck yes! 2023 01:26:14,533 --> 01:26:15,807 I'll get you guys a venue. 2024 01:26:29,782 --> 01:26:30,783 Keith, get it together. 2025 01:26:31,117 --> 01:26:32,289 We need to move, move, move. 2026 01:26:32,518 --> 01:26:33,588 I'm doing my best. 2027 01:26:37,256 --> 01:26:38,360 Hell yeah! 2028 01:26:56,310 --> 01:26:58,887 And now... a reading... 2029 01:26:59,546 --> 01:27:01,685 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2030 01:27:01,982 --> 01:27:03,620 - Oh. - "Aloha moon. 2031 01:27:04,017 --> 01:27:05,690 "Aloha sea. 2032 01:27:05,852 --> 01:27:07,229 "Aloha you. 2033 01:27:07,854 --> 01:27:08,924 "Aloha me." 2034 01:27:09,222 --> 01:27:10,792 - I do. - I do. 2035 01:27:10,991 --> 01:27:12,334 By the power vested in me... 2036 01:27:12,526 --> 01:27:16,064 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2037 01:27:16,997 --> 01:27:20,240 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2038 01:27:20,534 --> 01:27:22,322 Those assholes kind of did it. 2039 01:27:22,402 --> 01:27:23,813 Yeah. 2040 01:27:24,137 --> 01:27:25,810 Those assholes kind of did. 2041 01:27:25,973 --> 01:27:27,160 You may kiss the bride. 2042 01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:28,762 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2043 01:27:28,842 --> 01:27:29,980 Kiss the bride. 2044 01:27:37,318 --> 01:27:38,319 Yeah! 2045 01:27:50,732 --> 01:27:52,353 - You designed this? - Yeah. 2046 01:27:52,433 --> 01:27:54,822 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2047 01:27:54,902 --> 01:27:56,457 That was a really good idea. 2048 01:27:56,537 --> 01:27:58,073 I have so many good ideas. 2049 01:27:58,339 --> 01:28:01,013 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2050 01:28:01,109 --> 01:28:03,282 Huh? Actually, I need a new partner... 2051 01:28:03,611 --> 01:28:06,820 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2052 01:28:07,281 --> 01:28:08,783 Would you wanna... 2053 01:28:09,017 --> 01:28:10,462 maybe come work for me? 2054 01:28:10,785 --> 01:28:11,787 Really? 2055 01:28:12,054 --> 01:28:13,465 What do you know about liquor? 2056 01:28:13,922 --> 01:28:16,766 Um, only that it's delicious and I love it. 2057 01:28:16,892 --> 01:28:18,647 And those are the two things you need to know. 2058 01:28:18,727 --> 01:28:22,004 - You are hired. - Great. When do I start? 2059 01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:23,437 You can start right away... 2060 01:28:23,899 --> 01:28:26,345 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2061 01:28:26,435 --> 01:28:28,108 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2062 01:28:28,470 --> 01:28:29,972 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2063 01:28:30,406 --> 01:28:31,942 keep it professional. 2064 01:28:32,541 --> 01:28:33,611 Okay. 2065 01:28:33,742 --> 01:28:35,998 - We'll keep it professional, then. - Good. 2066 01:28:36,078 --> 01:28:37,066 - All right. - Good. 2067 01:28:37,146 --> 01:28:38,167 - Okay. - Okay. 2068 01:28:38,247 --> 01:28:39,234 - Okay. - Yeah. 2069 01:28:39,314 --> 01:28:40,793 - Are you sure? - I don't know. 2070 01:28:42,217 --> 01:28:43,321 What? 2071 01:28:44,953 --> 01:28:46,432 - What'd you say? - What? 2072 01:28:46,955 --> 01:28:49,128 Love me tender 2073 01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:51,636 Love me sweet 2074 01:28:53,630 --> 01:28:55,041 Never let me go 2075 01:28:59,135 --> 01:29:03,208 You have made my life complete 2076 01:29:07,310 --> 01:29:08,311 I don't. 2077 01:29:11,548 --> 01:29:13,357 Love me tender 2078 01:29:14,217 --> 01:29:15,821 Love me true 2079 01:29:17,854 --> 01:29:20,733 All my dreams fulfilled 2080 01:29:24,694 --> 01:29:28,005 For my darlin' I love you 2081 01:29:28,298 --> 01:29:30,108 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2082 01:29:30,367 --> 01:29:31,455 You got my groove back. 2083 01:29:31,535 --> 01:29:32,556 Really? 2084 01:29:32,636 --> 01:29:34,445 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2085 01:29:41,445 --> 01:29:42,515 I like you. 2086 01:29:49,687 --> 01:29:51,042 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2087 01:29:51,122 --> 01:29:53,193 - Let them watch. - Mmm. Okay. 2088 01:29:55,526 --> 01:29:56,561 Whoa! 2089 01:29:57,094 --> 01:29:58,816 Hi, everyone. 2090 01:29:58,896 --> 01:30:01,308 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2091 01:30:02,700 --> 01:30:04,822 My husband and I... 2092 01:30:04,902 --> 01:30:08,626 want to thank four very incredible people... 2093 01:30:08,706 --> 01:30:10,482 for saving the day. 2094 01:30:10,775 --> 01:30:14,154 Mike and Dave have asked to say a few words... 2095 01:30:14,412 --> 01:30:16,201 so we would like to invite them up. 2096 01:30:16,281 --> 01:30:17,316 Come on, boys. 2097 01:30:19,084 --> 01:30:20,085 Thank you, Jeanie. 2098 01:30:20,719 --> 01:30:23,775 We never got to give our speech at the rehearsal dinner. 2099 01:30:23,855 --> 01:30:26,233 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2100 01:30:27,058 --> 01:30:28,594 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2101 01:30:29,094 --> 01:30:30,596 exactly how we feel about you. 2102 01:30:31,062 --> 01:30:32,097 Lights. 2103 01:30:36,968 --> 01:30:39,074 Did you know this was coming? 2104 01:30:49,115 --> 01:30:53,586 You are so beautiful 2105 01:30:54,086 --> 01:30:56,532 So beautiful 2106 01:30:56,856 --> 01:30:57,857 Aww. 2107 01:30:59,792 --> 01:31:00,913 To me 2108 01:31:00,993 --> 01:31:02,097 Aww. 2109 01:31:03,162 --> 01:31:04,917 Can't you see? 2110 01:31:04,997 --> 01:31:06,704 You're so beautiful 2111 01:31:07,099 --> 01:31:08,669 This is real beautiful, man. 2112 01:31:08,968 --> 01:31:13,212 You're everything I hoped for 2113 01:31:13,606 --> 01:31:15,862 - In a little sister! - Oh! 2114 01:31:15,942 --> 01:31:19,699 You're everything I need 2115 01:31:19,779 --> 01:31:22,851 Everything that I need 2116 01:31:23,916 --> 01:31:25,327 They're kind of good. 2117 01:31:25,418 --> 01:31:27,193 You are so beautiful 2118 01:31:27,821 --> 01:31:29,095 As a couple. Right guys? 2119 01:31:29,756 --> 01:31:30,962 Oh! 2120 01:31:31,158 --> 01:31:32,228 To me 2121 01:31:33,660 --> 01:31:35,264 And to you. 2122 01:31:35,729 --> 01:31:37,265 And to you. To all of us. 2123 01:31:37,364 --> 01:31:38,843 You're beautiful, Jeanie! 2124 01:31:43,003 --> 01:31:44,482 Dave, everybody. 2125 01:31:45,005 --> 01:31:46,541 He's gonna draw! 2126 01:31:46,873 --> 01:31:48,113 Love you! 2127 01:31:49,409 --> 01:31:50,513 So sweet. 2128 01:31:50,777 --> 01:31:52,399 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2129 01:31:52,479 --> 01:31:53,480 That's good. 2130 01:31:53,847 --> 01:31:56,521 This is how we do it 2131 01:31:58,485 --> 01:32:00,158 This is how we do it 2132 01:32:03,190 --> 01:32:05,363 This is how we do it 2133 01:32:05,692 --> 01:32:07,604 This is how we do it 2134 01:32:07,795 --> 01:32:09,217 It's Friday night 2135 01:32:09,297 --> 01:32:10,298 Oh, you don't throw... 2136 01:32:10,398 --> 01:32:11,604 And I feel all right 2137 01:32:12,333 --> 01:32:14,656 The party's here on the west side 2138 01:32:14,736 --> 01:32:17,192 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2139 01:32:17,272 --> 01:32:19,479 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2140 01:32:19,574 --> 01:32:21,713 - Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded - Faded 2141 01:32:21,809 --> 01:32:22,797 Honey on the streets saying 2142 01:32:22,877 --> 01:32:23,981 Monty, yo, we made it 2143 01:32:24,145 --> 01:32:26,267 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2144 01:32:26,347 --> 01:32:28,190 This is how we do it 2145 01:32:28,283 --> 01:32:30,786 South Central does it like nobody does 2146 01:32:31,019 --> 01:32:32,540 This is how we do it 2147 01:32:32,620 --> 01:32:33,608 All right. 2148 01:32:33,688 --> 01:32:37,900 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor This is how we do it 2149 01:32:38,126 --> 01:32:41,403 # StangleBenoit2016. 2150 01:32:42,230 --> 01:32:44,107 Hell yeah! 2151 01:32:45,166 --> 01:32:46,441 Oh, God! 2152 01:32:46,835 --> 01:32:47,870 Well... 2153 01:32:49,204 --> 01:32:50,808 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2154 01:32:51,307 --> 01:32:52,342 Fireworks! 2155 01:32:53,409 --> 01:32:55,013 These are for you, Jeanie! 2156 01:32:56,178 --> 01:32:58,124 Fireworks close the show! 2157 01:33:00,182 --> 01:33:01,957 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2158 01:33:16,699 --> 01:33:19,009 You idiots! You fucking... 2159 01:33:31,848 --> 01:33:33,336 This is cool. 2160 01:33:33,416 --> 01:33:34,952 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2161 01:33:35,085 --> 01:33:36,428 Oh... 2162 01:33:39,222 --> 01:33:40,277 I'm done. 2163 01:33:40,357 --> 01:33:42,012 Fuck. Holy shit. 2164 01:33:42,092 --> 01:33:43,113 Okay. 2165 01:33:43,193 --> 01:33:44,695 That was great. Good job. 2166 01:33:59,008 --> 01:34:00,730 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2167 01:34:00,810 --> 01:34:04,235 I don't even know what's happening with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2168 01:34:04,315 --> 01:34:07,159 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2169 01:34:07,251 --> 01:34:08,372 Jon Snow? 2170 01:34:08,452 --> 01:34:10,329 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2171 01:34:10,454 --> 01:34:11,933 Saw him. 2172 01:34:12,690 --> 01:34:16,100 I just found out some spelunker went dunkin' in your bunker. 2173 01:34:17,695 --> 01:34:20,851 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2174 01:34:20,931 --> 01:34:22,420 That's not that fresh. 2175 01:34:22,500 --> 01:34:24,912 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2176 01:34:25,336 --> 01:34:27,758 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2177 01:34:27,838 --> 01:34:30,214 - Alright... - What? 2178 01:34:30,307 --> 01:34:31,979 Oh. Fox don't like that joke? 2179 01:34:33,577 --> 01:34:35,784 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2180 01:34:35,880 --> 01:34:37,359 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2181 01:34:37,481 --> 01:34:39,003 I once got lockjaw so bad 2182 01:34:39,083 --> 01:34:40,756 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2183 01:34:40,851 --> 01:34:42,373 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2184 01:34:42,453 --> 01:34:46,244 because they found 13 Pokemon pugs and a skimmer... 2185 01:34:46,324 --> 01:34:47,701 shoved up my butthole. 2186 01:34:47,893 --> 01:34:50,237 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2187 01:34:50,896 --> 01:34:52,500 Pikachu. 2188 01:34:53,064 --> 01:34:54,270 Pikachu. 2189 01:34:54,933 --> 01:34:56,139 Charmander. 2190 01:34:56,501 --> 01:35:00,380 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2191 01:35:02,107 --> 01:35:04,396 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2192 01:35:04,476 --> 01:35:07,514 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2193 01:35:07,612 --> 01:35:10,869 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2194 01:35:10,949 --> 01:35:12,758 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2195 01:35:12,984 --> 01:35:15,540 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2196 01:35:15,620 --> 01:35:16,655 Like carnival food. 2197 01:35:16,788 --> 01:35:19,769 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, "We're throwing that away." 2198 01:35:19,891 --> 01:35:21,898 What are we doing? 2199 01:35:44,250 --> 01:35:47,094 And the home 2200 01:35:48,654 --> 01:35:51,726 Of the 2201 01:35:53,659 --> 01:35:56,731 Brave 2202 01:35:59,232 --> 01:36:00,677 Play ball, Mike. 2203 01:36:06,640 --> 01:36:08,762 You know we saw my nigga 2204 01:36:08,842 --> 01:36:11,298 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2205 01:36:11,378 --> 01:36:13,967 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2206 01:36:14,047 --> 01:36:16,323 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2207 01:36:16,416 --> 01:36:19,373 Stang life I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2208 01:36:19,453 --> 01:36:22,075 Hunchback of Notre D on the B 2209 01:36:22,155 --> 01:36:25,212 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2210 01:36:25,292 --> 01:36:29,035 Now we in first class seats Couldn't hold me back, G 2211 01:36:29,496 --> 01:36:33,854 Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin' Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cristal 2212 01:36:33,934 --> 01:36:35,022 Sippin', sippin' Cristal 2213 01:36:35,102 --> 01:36:36,911 Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie Beanie Weanie 2214 01:36:37,037 --> 01:36:40,027 Gettin' married with Eric Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2215 01:36:40,107 --> 01:36:43,398 I'm proud of my little sister Proud that she got a wedding ring 2216 01:36:43,478 --> 01:36:46,935 And a necklace, Eric you're my brother now So that means I'm kinda black 2217 01:36:47,015 --> 01:36:48,824 Oh, wait. Not really. I'm white, man. 2218 01:36:48,917 --> 01:36:50,572 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly. 2219 01:36:50,652 --> 01:36:51,873 - Shout out to Eric. - Eric! 2220 01:36:51,953 --> 01:36:54,275 I be like Superman, let me out the cage 2221 01:36:54,355 --> 01:36:56,578 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2222 01:36:56,658 --> 01:36:59,247 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2223 01:36:59,327 --> 01:37:02,750 Kinda cool, Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2224 01:37:02,830 --> 01:37:05,153 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2225 01:37:05,233 --> 01:37:07,789 Stang life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2226 01:37:07,869 --> 01:37:10,258 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2227 01:37:10,338 --> 01:37:13,127 Stan g life I will never die, I'm a Stangle, bitch 2228 01:37:13,207 --> 01:37:15,230 Yeah, we put the wedding back together 2229 01:37:15,310 --> 01:37:17,984 First we broke it up but we made it better 2230 01:37:18,546 --> 01:37:21,170 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2231 01:37:21,250 --> 01:37:24,231 'Cause I got Mike by my side, and you know what he say 2232 01:37:24,386 --> 01:37:26,809 Scoliosis, now I'm fucking yo bitch 2233 01:37:26,889 --> 01:37:29,445 Scoliosis, now I'm fuckin' two chicks 2234 01:37:29,525 --> 01:37:31,914 Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom 2235 01:37:31,994 --> 01:37:34,149 Comin' through the jungle at you like boom 2236 01:37:34,229 --> 01:37:36,785 Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV 2237 01:37:36,865 --> 01:37:39,388 - We're gonna die - It's my girls and me 2238 01:37:39,468 --> 01:37:41,414 My crew and us, we just cruisin' 2239 01:37:41,570 --> 01:37:44,593 Doin' fuckin' backflips off jumps guaranteed 2240 01:37:44,673 --> 01:37:46,346 Ran over my sister's face 2241 01:37:46,508 --> 01:37:47,816 - It was kinda wack - My bad 2242 01:37:47,977 --> 01:37:50,099 But you know what? We came back from that 2243 01:37:50,179 --> 01:37:52,368 You're getting married now and it's okay 2244 01:37:52,448 --> 01:37:55,104 You're soiurassic, you're so fantastic 2245 01:37:55,184 --> 01:37:57,273 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2246 01:37:57,353 --> 01:37:59,876 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2247 01:37:59,956 --> 01:38:02,479 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2248 01:38:02,559 --> 01:38:04,334 Stang life, I will never die 2249 01:38:04,427 --> 01:38:05,749 I'm a Stangle, bitch 2250 01:38:05,829 --> 01:38:07,866 My boy Dave, puttin' pen to paper 2251 01:38:09,032 --> 01:38:11,069 Trying to get this damn label off 2252 01:38:11,768 --> 01:38:13,111 Like Aftermath? 2253 01:38:13,803 --> 01:38:15,805 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2254 01:38:16,006 --> 01:38:18,428 Told Dave and I we should start rappin' 2255 01:38:18,508 --> 01:38:21,512 My brother's the best white rapper ...Eminem! 154003