All language subtitles for Hollywood Darlings s02e03 Star Crossed Mothers Amazon

A Pop original series.

So, this is so nice

to, you know, finally see you
outside of the gym, like...

- I know, it's great, right?
- [laughing] Yeah.

- So, Stephanie, did you, um...
- Um, it's... it's Jodie.

[stammers] I feel stupid. I'm sorry.

No, don't. No, it's fine.

I mean, it happens all the time.

For so many years,
I knew you as... as...

- Stephanie.
- Oh, so you watched the show.

Yeah, "Full House." Obviously.

Oh, right. I mean, I didn't know

if it was, like, big,
you know, in Australia, or...

Yeah, of course.
Whatever happened to Comet?

- You know, the dog?
- You know, that was, like,

20-something years ago, so the dog...

I mean, he's... The dog's...
the dog's dead.

Yeah... [stammers]

Don't really care about the dog anymore.

So you're a pet lover then.

- You have a dog?
- Um...

yeah, I've got a, um...
I've got a golden retriever.

What's its name?

Comet.

[awkward string music]

Yeah. So, um...

do you like to travel?

I mean, is...

Sorry, I was thinking about Comet again.

I'm sorry. [chuckles]

- Ah.
- Can we get some drinks?

Water's good for me, though.
I don't drink.

We're a little emotional. Both of us.

Although I might start. [chuckles]

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, it's... no, it's fine.

- What do you like to do for...
- You know when you

were doing the...
the, um, the hula competition,

in season three, episode two,
you, uh, you were trying

to break the Hula-Hoop record,

and then Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey,

- they were helping DJ...
- It's actually... you know what?

That's funny that you said "Uncle Joey."

It's not Uncle Joey.
Joey was just the best friend,

- and I think that actual...
- No, he was an uncle.

- Mm...
- He was definitely an uncle.

- No, he was...
- It was Uncle Joey.

- No, no.
- "Cut. It. Out."

- Uncle... you remember?
- [laughs forcibly]

Maybe in Australia they
called him an uncle,

- but not here.
- Did you know, in Australia,

that actually, there was...
there was a rumor

that you...
you were on a roller coaster,

and you stood up, and you...
you got decapitated

on the... on the roller coaster.

Yeah. [laughs]

I wish.

[upbeat electronic music]

?

? You think you're rock and roll ?

?

? You think you're rock and roll ?

Ugh, he wouldn't stop talking about
"Full House."

How do you always end up
dating these weird super fans?

I don't know. You know what?

It wasn't a complete disaster
'cause the sex was good.

You slept with him?

- No, of course not.
- [exhales] I was gonna say...

God, no. [chuckles]

But I mean,
I did make out with him a little bit,

and he might've touched my boob,

but... solid. Anyway...

We gotta get you dating
some normal people.

Ooh, you know what?

Actually, I just got this coupon
at a gifting suite.

It's for a celebrity dating app
called "Celebrati."

It's supposed to be super exclusive,

and it's for only
people in the industry.

Oh, yeah, I've heard about this.

Bunch of celebrities have met on that.

It might be a really great
way to meet new people.

Well, I guess it can't be any
worse than sitting through

another dinner talking about Bob Saget.

- [laughs]
- How do you guys know so much

- about dating apps?
- Oh, please.

You know I live vicariously
through all my friend's swipes.

[imitates swiping] Love it.

Do you do that when you swipe?

- I do.
- Oh, that's amazing.

A mom at our preschool used it.

Did I tell you that my
school got shut down?

Yeah, apparently
a big money laundering scheme.

So now I've gotta try
to find a new school

before the semester starts,
and that's gonna be impossible.

Georgia's already
signed up for preschool.

She's not even two yet!

She was on a wait list
when she was in the womb.

- [sighs]
- Oh, you know,

I know the headmaster at
Early Bloomer Academy.

He loves me. Let me give him a call

and I'll see if I can
get you an appointment.

- That would be amazing.
- For sure.

'Cause I'm honestly stressing.

Don't stress.

You need to stress about my love life.

- That's what we need to stress about.
- Come on, let's set up the profile.

[imitates swishing]

?

So when can I get my profile online?

'Cause I'd really love
to start swiping away.

We don't swipe. We flick.

[imitating vocal fry] "Fleck."

- Flick.
- Flick, like a... okay.

Got it. I flick all the time.

I mean not... I... right. Okay.

Anyways, uh, we will not

be accepting your
application at this time.

Wait, what? What... why not?

I mean, I'm... I'm Stephanie Tanner.

- Who?
- "Full House"?

I mean, there was DJ,
and Michelle, Stephanie.

There's also a really
popular Netflix reboot

of the series that I'm on.

Your star power doesn't quite
meet Celebrati standards.

Isn't Screech on Celebrati?

I'm not at liberty to say who
is or isn't using our app,

but Dustin Diamond does
have a certain kitsch value.

Didn't he, like, stab somebody
at a bar in Wisconsin?

So kitsch.

So...

- Have you tried Tinder?
- No.

- Coffee Meets Bagel?
- I had breakfast.

- Or Craigslist?
- I did that.

You're more than welcome
to apply again...

Like, if I stab somebody?

You could do an art installation
with Shia LaBeouf.

I will get my tears
and my paper bag ready.

That would be 100.

I'm gonna go stab some people

and, uh, do some weird art shit.

Okay, great. Thanks!

?

- And that's another episode...
- And that is another episode

of the "Worst Ever Podcast."
I'm your host Alaa Khaled.

And I'm your host Christine Lakin.

Find us on the social @WorstEverPodcast.

Bye!

You know, you practically talked over me

the entire episode.

What are you, high?
You always talk over me.

I'm just saying, and...
I'm getting frustrated

- with this.
- Oh, give me a break.

Ah, hey! Alaa's right.

- You were talking all over him.
- Thank you, Brandon.

- Whose side are you on?
- Alaa's.

- [cell phone rings]
- Oh, you guys.

Sorry, I gotta take this really quick.

Hello? Hey, Jackie.

Yes, I'm available next week.

Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.

I'm down. Okay, you can confirm me.

All right. Bye.

- Sounds like good news.
- You guys!

I just got offered a role
to play a Russian prostitute

who infiltrates the mob
to avenge my best friend's death

on a crime show!

Typecasting!

It's kind of a trope. I get it.

But I think behind every great character
is a real person.

It's my job as an actor
to find that person.

- Congrats, baby.
- Thank you.

Snaps to you. Can we move on?

Maybe do some editing here?
You know, a little work.

[in Russian accent] Who needs editing?

I need to be on streets,
earning my keep, no?

Uh-oh.

You should've seen her
when she was auditioning

for Helen Keller in
"The Miracle Worker."

Really awkward Starbucks runs.

Christie. You didn't get it.

We really think it's important

the students have a...
a really great balance

of mind, body, and soul.

Plus, it really boosts
their academic performance.

Well, I... I totally agree.

I think it's really important

for kids to have a healthy environment

to learn so they can really excel.

Did I tell you that our
entire cafeteria is vegan,

gluten-free, and non-GMO?

I think I might cry.

Well, you have a safe space to do it.

Feelings are not judged.

And, you know,
we're strictly in the market

for parents who plan ahead.

Well, I mean, if you want a planner,
look no further!

I mean, I am a planner,
planner, planner.

- Type A, right here.
- Now I might cry.

- Well, totally acceptable.
- [both chuckle]

How do you feel about extracurriculars?

Oh, well Kenzie is already in ballet,
tennis, and soccer,

and Hutton is starting soccer as well.

Okay, wait, wait. Ah, um... hmm.

I think we may have a little, uh,

a little bit of miscommunication here.

I thought that you were planning on

enrolling a newborn
a few years from now.

Uh, no.

Kenzie is five and Hutton is three.

Yeah, that won't work.

I mean, most parents plan ahead.

[stammering] No, I did plan ahead.

I mean, we were actually
enrolled in another school,

but it closed, and I actually think

this is... this is where
we were meant to be.

I know you're friends with Jodie,

but there's...
there's really nothing I can do.

And besides, Jodie hasn't
really returned my texts about

that possible recurring role
on "Fuller House."

I'm... I'm still acting, so...

She's bad about texts,
but I can talk to her.

Besides, by the time
you get off the wait list,

they'll be too far gone.
I mean, teenagers.

I just...

I'm sure you can make
some kind of an exception.

I mean, it's gotta be a benefit

to have, you know,
a parent who was on a TV show,

for, I don't know, like, 11 years.

Many of our parents were
or are on hit shows,

and they don't use that as a way
to get their kids in the program.

It's gauche.

I've got a very
important school function

that I've got to get to today.

Well, I... I can walk with you.

- Well you could... I don't...
- I mean...

I... oh... mm-mm.

I'm... I'm sure that you
can find your own way out.

[stammers] Well, actually, um...

- I downloaded the school map!
- Good!

Then you know the way out! To the right.

[awkward music]

[upbeat rock music]

[in Russian accent] You
ever make Molotov cocktail?

Make me one now.

All right.

What is going on with your outfit?

And why are you drinking at 1:00 p.m.?

I am Russian sex worker,

infiltrating mob to avenge
my best friend's death.

You're going method again, aren't you?

Da.

No, what... no! No, no, no.

You can't smoke in here.

You may take my lighter,

but you will never take my flame.

Okay. Anyway, back to real life.

I got shut down by Celebrati.

They said they didn't want me.
I'm not cool enough.

I once had man tell me
I wasn't good enough.

I slit his throat with hockey skate.

- I'm leaving this craziness.
- All right.

[speaking normally] All right, fine.

Can you just go with it, please?

I didn't say anything

when you wanted to dress
up like Little Bo-Peep.

That was Halloween.

And that one other time, but anyway...

- Hi.
- Hey.

I normally don't do this, and, uh...

[chuckling] This is so embarrassing.

I saw you walk in and... and, uh...

I... I would so regret it
if I didn't say something.

Would you mind taking a
picture with me for my niece?

[forcedly] Yeah. Sure.

She's gonna be so excited.
Let me grab my phone.

- Be right back.
- Okay, great.

Yeah.

I really need to get on that app.

This Celebrati is some bullshit.

[shouting] No one rejects my friend, da?

God, would you... shh!
How drunk are you?

I say we take this hipster
daughter-of-a-bitch

down to set of "Fuller House," no?

Show her around and see
if that does anything.

If not,
maybe I take her to tattoo place.

We get matching tattoos
with rusty needle, no?

Stop it.

I think that's going a little far,
don't you?

?

- Well, that's a little much, even for me.
- _

[car honks]

Hi, Bev!

- Soleil!
- I missed you so much!

- I thought that was you.
- How... how are you?

- Oh, you...
- Oh, so good.

You got a new car and a... driver.

How else am I gonna
launch our huge product?

Of course, I never text and drive.

- "It can wait."
- Yeah!

- How are you, babe?
- I... I am great.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I have a 3:00.

Oh, but it's... only 1:00.

Yeah, but you know the academy motto.

"Early start, makes them smart!"

...makes them s... smart! [laughs] Yeah.

We're just going over
Story's curriculum.

- Oh!
- I didn't even know

your kids go to school here.

- Oh, yeah.
- I mean,

I've never seen you at the PTA meetings.

No, yeah, I... no, we're here.

I have a meeting with the headmaster.

Oh, really? Awesome.

I love him so much.
We just had dinner last night.

Let me tell you,
we had such a great time.

Well, Larry and I are Facebook friends.

It goes a step further for us.

We actually have dinner.
You look adorable.

- Thank you.
- Like, really.

And look,
your jacket has its name on it.

I did that for my little nine-year-old,
and it's so cute. I love it.

How's the DIY going for you?

Oh, there's so many things
happening with it

- that I can't really talk about it...
- Oh, my gosh,

you should come guest my show,

"Crafting with Soleil."

When my show is up and running,

- uh, you can come...
- Awesome.

And you could come do a segment...

"Today Show"... with me.
I could have you, like

do some of our displays.

And when I do "GMA,"

- you can come on my...
- Yeah, it might be a conflict.

- You know, "Today" and "GMA."
- Right, that's a good...

- You can't really do both.
- Yeah.

And you've gotta come
down to our headquarters.

I'd love to show you
what we're working on.

- Really grown.
- And when my top-secret,

uh, projects are not secret anymore,

- I... we... we...
- Okay.

- Okay, I gotta go.
- Okay, yes.

- Don't wanna be late.
- Bye, sweetheart.

- Okay, yeah...
- Oh, look... oh, there he is.

It looks like he's going to his car.

I'm supposed to meet him at his car.

[stammers] I gotta go get him.

Bye, sweetheart. Good to see you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll call you!

Oh, hey! Hey, Larry!

Larry! Larry! Larry!

Oh, God, you're still here.

I've been waiting all morning.

I... I am just so committed
to getting my kids into this school.

- Yeah, I can see that.
- Just give me one more chance.

I'm having a dinner party,
so how about you and your wife

- just come over?
- She's out of town.

Okay, so you just come over!

That way, you can meet the kids.
You can see how amazing they are.

Jodie will be there,
and you can talk with her

about that walk-on part for
"Fuller House."

- Recurring.
- So, I'll see you there?

Okay, just give the information
to the front desk.

I'm not making any promises.

Okay, okay. Okay, cool.

Let me he...
let me help you right there.

Okay.

I already know what we're
gonna have for dinner,

'cause I'm already a planner.
Plan, plan, plan!

Now you just seem desperate.

?

The girl from Celebrati
will be here any minute.

[in Russian accent] I thought I told you
to get me blood sausage.

I cannot eat this.

I'm not buying you blood sausage.

- Nothing to eat in here.
- Okay, what do you think?

Very good. You finally learning from me.

Look like you could start
working streets with me later, no?

That is literally the worst
thing you could've said.

[knocking at door]

Oh, okay, she's here.
I need you to, like...

just take all of that and go in there,

and just be quiet.

Starting to feel like
you're kind of embarrassed of me.

"Starting to"?

- Hey.
- Hey, Nikki!

Come on in.

You want anything to drink?
I could get you some...

some matcha, or...
or, like, lavender tea,

or, you know, like,
bread and hand-churned butter

from Diane St. Clair. It's fabulous.

I stopped by as more of a courtesy.

Well I mean, I could,
like, show you around

the back lot if you want.
It's really great for pictures.

You're not really Snapchat-worthy.

- Okay, I mean...
- I cannot stand back there

like Putin Russian spy.
Who is this Annie Hall

want-to-be knockoff?
Nobody rejects me friend, da?

Uh... [stammers] Well,
we're not really friends.

- It's more like a...
- Sisters.

- Like blood sisters.
- Not...

- Scissor sisters!
- I don't think that's...

That's not what you think it means.

You show her all of this,
and she still rejects you?

- She's not worth your time.
- To be honest,

none of this is worth my time.

The flicking and the
swiping and the hats!

It's...
it's just all too much right now.

So you know what? I'm really sorry.

She's right.
Celebrati is just not for me.

Okay, this is so kitsch.

I'll post your profile today.

- I'm in.
- You're in.

I mean, I... I'm in. I have a profile.

I mean, I can... [stammers]

Could care less.
You know, like, whatever.

Do you wanna apply too?

Me? [scoffs]

Last man I dated is in ice block
at bottom of river.

Celebrati cannot handle my kind.

I'm literally obsessed with you.

Do y'all hook up?

Will it get my profile more views?

Yeah.

Oh, flick off.

Who knew I'd be out on a date
with Matthew Laurence? [chuckles]

You know, I have to say, I had my doubts
about this dating app thing,

but you have really changed my mind.

- Oh, well, I'm glad.
- [laughs]

It's been tough out there for you?

You know, it's just weird.

I mean, guys can't seem to get over
the whole Stephanie Tanner thing.

- Who's Stephanie Tanner?
- [both chuckle]

It's just nice to date somebody
who really understands, you know,

the business and all that stuff.

Oh, you know, I get it. Believe me.

You have no idea how
many girls have told me

they had a crush on me
when they were little.

Oh, that's strange.

But that's what's great
about this app, right?

You know?
I mean, you can't date normies.

- You're a star!
- Aww.

How is that, um, reboot thing going?

You know, it's going amazing.
We are having the best time,

and it's so much fun,
and now I get to be the adult

and make the really inappropriate,

- Bob-Saget-esque jokes.
- Totally.

- So yeah, it's fun.
- You better keep me in mind

if you have any roles for,
you know, handsome charmers,

mid-to late-30s.

Oh. Yeah, absolutely.

- Great, great.
- I mean,

then it would be a great
excuse to see you again.

Quite. Hey, have I told you that, uh,

I'm having a really good time?

You have.

You have,
but I don't mind hearing it again.

I'm having a really great time.

[laughs] Question:
do you like dinner parties?

I love them.

- Kenzie has a flair for color.
- Yeah, she... certainly does.

Thanks again for coming tonight.

- Hey, of course.
- Have to put up with Bev

and her... you know, eccentricities.

[both laugh]

I am very impressed with
your bedtime routine.

- Very efficient.
- Oh! Well, thank you so much.

It was a little bit of trial and error,
but we figured it out.

Can you imagine what she could do
with all that energy if she focused it

on something other than cheese trays?

Would you like some Manchego?

I got it fresh from the farmers' market.

Imported from Spain.

She could probably save the world...

or invent an app or something.

How did you know that
I've been to Spain?

Oh, I did my research.
I told you, I'm a planner.

Uh... okay, I'll have a piece.

You'd think they were
the newly dating couple.

Eh, don't worry.

We'll give them a run for their money.

Okay, why don't we come on in here
and have some dinner? Hey, uh...

- [doorbell rings]
- Would you hold this for me...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And Larry, come on in

and just make yourself at home.
I'll be right in.

- Oh, lost a grape.
- Let me just get that door.

[rock music]

- [gasps]
- Sorry I'm late.

I had john who wouldn't stop crying
over his dead wife. Pussy.

What the hell are you doing?

- Kristall strong like animal!
- Shh, shh, shh.

Hey, uh, Jodie? Do you mind helping me

- in the coat closet?
- I'll be right back.

Right, yeah.

- What's going... oh, shit.
- What is this?

Yeah, Christine, she's doing the,

you know, the method acting thing

- for the Russian hooker part.
- Well, I don't know,

maybe you should've told me about that?

Uh, maybe I did in the group text.

[stammers] I put you guys on
"do not disturb"

when you guys were watching
that stupid show, "Zoolander."

- "Outlander."
- Whatever!

- Anyway...
- Very sexy show, no?

Oh, my God, stop it.

[French music playing on speakers]

You, uh... you following baseball?

No.

The headmaster for the
preschool is right there!

You cannot screw this up for me.

Okay. For you,

I do anything, yes? [clears throat]

[inhales deeply]

Become Christine. Become Christine.

[speaking normally] Become Christine.

- Okay, guys, I'm back.
- Oh, my G... take that off!

- Eh? Eh?
- Something is seriously

- wrong with you.
- I know.

Okay. Okay, put this on.

Put this on. Come on!

Oh, hey, guys. Um...

we have some company. Christine's here.

- Hi!
- Hey! Yeah.

- Hey!
- [laughing] Hey!

Oh, so fun. Okay, you know what?

I think I just heard the timer.
I'll go get that food.

- I'll be right out, okay?
- I got it, Bev.

- Just... just...
- Oh, you know what?

I'm gonna help out Bev with the food.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Hi. Christine.
- Hi. L... L... Larry.

Larry. Great to meet you, Larry.

I thought I'd help
you out with the food.

Oh, yeah. Could you grab the salad?

- Oh, yeah, of course.
- Perfect.

You know, I don't wanna speak too soon.

I think your kids are definitely gonna

- get into Early Bloomer Academy.
- You think?

Oh, yeah, you nailed it. Huge success.

[sighs] Well, thank you.

And it seems like you and Jodie
are really nailing it too.

That is not what I meant.

Have you tried that cheese?

She's got quite a "monger."

- I love a good "monger."
- I bet you do.

Been hearing a lot about you too lately.

- [chuckles]
- On "Deadline."

- Got a new project going.
- Yeah, I am super excited.

Oh, it is! It's super exciting.

I mean, gosh... well, just so you know,

keep me in mind for any roles

for a handsome charmer, mid-to late-30s.

W... what did you just say?

He was just telling me
to keep him in mind

for any roles I have
in the films coming up.

Yeah, you know, if they need, like,

a... a handsome charmer.

Yeah, but you said the same thing to me.

- I was networking.
- "Networking"?

No, no, this is not networking.
This is a date.

You really use that app for dating?

Oh, Jodie.
Everyone uses it for networking.

I thought you were gonna get me
a role on "Fuller House."

I mean, the sex was just a bonus.

- Jodie!
- I didn't!

[Russian accent] His
heart is black like night.

He must die.

[normal accent] Too much? Okay.

- Let's just kick him out.
- Mm-hmm.

- Perfect.
- Let's go.

- Come on, buddy.
- Guys, really?

- What is the problem?
- [sighs] Again.

- She needs real men, no?
- Everyone needs to relax.

- Hi.
- Well, hello.

- I'm looking for Christine?
- Oh, hi!

[stammers] I thought
you were gonna call me

when you got to the, uh, driveway.

Yeah, sorry. Prostitutes apparently
do not take directions, so, duly noted.

We're doing a little ride-along tonight.

- For research.
- Ride-along?

Hey, if you guys need a third...

What is going on here?
I mean, you invite me to dinner

and then you...
I don't know, you're ignoring me.

Oh, uh, well, we just encountered

a little hiccup,
but because I'm such a good planner,

- I've got it all worked out.
- Larry?

Lar-Bear! Oh, my God, what a surprise!

I thought we were
meeting tomorrow night,

but that's okay. Are we gonna do, like,

a group thing tonight? He loves groups.

It's just like a big
ole mish-mosh of bodies.

Is that what's happening right now?

I'm game. I know you're game.

Oh, so, uh...

I'm guessing that's not your wife,
because she's out of town, right?

Are my kids getting into the school?

You'd love to, you know, observe.

I'm thinking a sibling discount.

- Maybe like 50%?
- Oh, yeah, yeah,

- that sounds good.
- You guys!

This is gonna be so fun.

We'll be seeing you at school.

Yeah, I got a... got a headache.

- [giggles] Okay.
- Oh, no time for me tonight?

Aww. Thank you.

You ever think about being an actress?

I act every day.

- Good night.
- God!

What the fuck?

- Who...
- [in accent] I don't know,

but as they say in Russia,

fuck them all, yes?

[gripping music plays on television]

Coroner says with the
state of decomposition,

she's been dead for about 12 hours.

Yep. That's Natalya.

She smells better now than
she did when she was alive.

[scoffs] I can't believe
they cut all my scenes.

Well, I mean, you did really good.

I mean, you were really
believable being dead.

Totally.

[in Russian accent] I
will get my vengeance, no?

All right, it's enough.

[in British accent] You know, I am up
for this masterpiece crime series.

Would anyone like a spot of tea?

Ooh, I'd love some.

I might actually kill you.

Right. Yours with extra sugar,
then, I think, hmm?

- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0