Original subtitles

(woman and man moaning on TV)

So is this, like, more of a head high

or is it more body?

Um, they're basically both the same.

Hey! Shoe twins!

Woman: Oh my God! Oh!

The Guy: I just felt weird about it, that's all.

Don't do me like that. (phone ringing)

241 Vanderbilt. Man on phone: Yeah, man, you out?

Yeah, I'm on my way. (ringing)

Yeah. Woman on phone: Hi.

I called from the hotel?

Um, you said 45 minutes. I'm on my way.

Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yes. Come in, come in.

Woman on phone: Okay? Yeah, you know, the weed guy just got here.

Yep, right here-- uh-huh. Right here, right this second.

Woman: ...like hours ago. Yep. No, I did, I did.

Yeah, I called this morning and I just heard back

from the assistant to confirm. ...call me back...

I'm sorry, what was that? Woman: I'm trying to avoid--

I thought you said that you wanted me to schedule

you guys a dinner while we were in town. Woman: Why?

You don't? Okay, you don't. We can cancel.

I can cancel, sure. I know.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

Woman: I told you... I'm sorry.

You-- oh-- yeah.

(phone beeps off) Shit.

Shit. Sorry.

And sorry about calling so many times.

It's not for me, it's for my boss who's on her way back here.

And I'm from LA, so I don't know how this works,

if it's like a "30 minutes or less" situation.

Yeah, you know, it usually takes us-- takes us about an hour.

(phone vibrating) Sorry. I have to text her back right away

or she gets really mad. Right now, she's like,

"Are you getting these texts?" And it's like, "Yes, of course I'm here.

"I'm texting you back. Who else would be texting you

you crazy bitch?"

You've got a lot of Klonopin and shit going on. I'm sorry, what?

I was just saying that--

that your boss Quinn has a lot of pharmaceuticals going on

and she probably needs to smoke weed, right?

I'm Quinn, and I'm not really sure

why you're reading my prescription labels.

Shit. I'm so sorry.

You know, I'm a little uncomfortable

because this is my first time doing this

and I was expecting, like, a more professional experience.

Like, when the guy who, I don't know, delivers my pad Thai comes,

he doesn't inventory my most personal belongings.

I totally invaded your personal space.

Um, let's-- (phone vibrating)

let's just get your boss her weed. That sounds--

Yeah, that got-- that got a little weird and I apologize.

It's just she makes me ? crazy. ?

(phone vibrating) Yahh!

I mean, she's a crazy bitch.

Shit. And you know what? Now she's not even coming back to the hotel,

so I don't need any. I'm not going to see her till the airport tomorrow.

I'm just gonna pay for your time. Thank you so much.

Sorry to make you come all the way out here.

It's totally fine. 50, right?

50. Yeah, all right.

I-- I have exact change.

That's good. Thanks so much.

I'm gonna suggest this one.

I don't need any, 'cause she's not coming back. But thanks.

I was suggesting it for you.

I mean, I've smoked before, but I don't anymore.

I had a really bad experience a couple "New Yearses" ago

in Las Vegas, so I just don't.

It was a surprise and my boyfriend got us this really nice hotel room

and then we were going to go see K�, which I think is the Cirque fighting one,

but we thought it was the sexy Cirque one,

so we decided to get high before we went.

And we did, and then we were sitting there in the hotel bathroom

and I started to be like, "What if everything we've ever told each other is a lie?

"Like, I'm not even sure who you are.

"And, like, what if I've told you everything

I'll ever think of telling you before?"

And then I got really insecure about our relationship

and he got really insecure about our relationship.

And then I became pretty sure I was either having a cerebral event

or an aortic rupture. I was a big John Ritter fan

and, you know, that's what he died of. It was undiagnosed.

So, yeah-- Oh, yeah.

I became very concerned that I was probably dying.

So we spent the whole evening crying

and holding each other on the bathroom floor. (phone vibrating)

Well, I know a lot of people who use it for anxiety.

Oh, no, my anxiety is, like, really well covered.

But thanks. Okay.

(phone vibrating) Fuck.

I feel obligated to tell you this.

This is actually kind of funny.

Stevie Nicks described Klonopin withdrawal

like being pushed into hell. And this is a woman

who used to have cocaine blown up her ass with a straw.

Thanks for that. (phone vibrating)

You gonna get that?

(Stevie Nicks singing) That's ridiculous. He's not gay.

Oh my God, he's so gay.

You need to give me the proof.

If I could show you my memories,

I could show you when I walked in on him

going down on another man by mistake.

What? Where? Yeah.

In a bathroom on Fire Island, last Fourth of July.

I walked in on them having oral sex.

I wish I could show you the memory. It's very vivid.

Well, I wish I could crawl inside of your head,

extract this memory, and prove it to myself,

because I don't believe you.

Oh my God, he's so gay.

I can't believe you don't believe me.

(phone vibrating)

I just did that.

Those shoes are disgusting.

(credit music playing)

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