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Previously on Girlfriends'
Guide to Divorce...
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00:00:02,493 --> 00:00:03,525
There is no book tour.
3
00:00:03,550 --> 00:00:04,882
Barnes & Noble can't sell a book
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00:00:04,907 --> 00:00:06,961
the author doesn't believe in.
5
00:00:06,986 --> 00:00:09,103
I think we should take the
place across from the grove.
6
00:00:09,293 --> 00:00:10,376
The kids will love that.
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00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:11,856
- It's $4,500 a month...
- I know.
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00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:13,256
- And between that and the mortgage...
- I know.
9
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,848
My divorce attorney is actually great.
10
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Don't tell her to call Delia.
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00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,256
Mediators are jackals.
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00:00:19,281 --> 00:00:22,118
They prey on the idea of "a good divorce."
13
00:00:22,143 --> 00:00:23,883
You know, if I finally got to kiss you now,
14
00:00:23,908 --> 00:00:25,774
I would be the only one
that would have to be guilty.
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Nate, you are married,
16
00:00:28,018 --> 00:00:29,768
and that makes me guilty.
17
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This card was declined too.
18
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You play to hurt, and not
just me, Spencer and Eric too.
19
00:00:34,142 --> 00:00:36,142
- I'm gonna sue for full custody.
- What?
20
00:00:36,272 --> 00:00:38,155
- What's that?
- Dad gave it to me.
21
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He says one day I might
even be able to meet her.
22
00:00:40,109 --> 00:00:42,192
- It's Jake's Becca.
- That is Becca.
23
00:00:42,244 --> 00:00:45,029
I think the kids are gonna
love staying at the Paradiso.
24
00:00:45,081 --> 00:00:46,697
Jake told me he signed the lease today.
25
00:00:46,749 --> 00:00:48,526
I was gonna tell you
as soon as I came home.
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I just want you out today,
27
00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:52,808
and I suggest you hire
a lawyer, because I have.
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00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:53,932
I already have.
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Oh, [Bleep]... Ugar.
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Sugar.
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- Hey.
- Dad!
33
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Mommy just said [Bleep].
34
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- Really?
- No, I did not.
35
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I said "sugar"
36
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because of the window that
you said you would fix.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Lilly, dad's here.
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Are we going to your new place now?
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No, we're going to school now,
40
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and then tonight, that is
when the adventure begins.
41
00:01:31,594 --> 00:01:33,927
Did you get the Xbox hooked up?
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00:01:33,979 --> 00:01:36,296
Did I get the Xbox hooked up?
43
00:01:36,332 --> 00:01:37,405
Does Superman fly?
44
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Does Spider-man do spider-man-y things?
45
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- Okay.
- Yes.
46
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Hey, superhero, seriously, the window.
47
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It almost took my finger off.
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You said you'd fix it.
49
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I've been a little busy, you know, moving.
50
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Can we get Lilly please?
51
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Dad's here.
52
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- Just tell me why.
- Why what?
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Why your divorce has to ruin my life.
54
00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:08,803
Hey. Good morning, Sunshine.
55
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She wanted to go to a kickback
today with some friends.
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00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:13,786
- A kick-what?
- I don't know.
57
00:02:13,802 --> 00:02:15,719
Okay, well, she can do
that any night of the week,
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00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,945
but tonight, she's gonna be having fun.
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00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:19,764
She's gonna be having so much fun
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that you guys'll wish
you had less fun, right?
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00:02:23,348 --> 00:02:25,348
- Right.
- Okay. Go find your sister.
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00:02:28,317 --> 00:02:30,234
So what are you doing
tonight that's so much fun?
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00:02:30,259 --> 00:02:31,958
Hookers and blow, obviously.
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00:02:31,983 --> 00:02:34,400
Obviously.
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00:02:34,425 --> 00:02:37,309
Becca Riley's not coming over,
if that's what you're asking.
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00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:39,418
I... well, you know, we
just had an agreement, and...
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Yes, I know the rules.
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Don't try to buy the kids' affections.
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Don't trash the other person.
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No meeting significant others
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till they're actually significant.
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00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,442
- I got it.
- And what about the window?
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00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:53,467
Yeah, you should fix that
before you lose a finger.
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00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:55,409
Oh, my God, I just found a finger.
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00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,501
- What a dick move.
- Yeah.
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00:03:01,526 --> 00:03:02,858
Just fix the damn window.
77
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,166
Now, having said that,
78
00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:06,575
let me speak to the
advantages of power tools.
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Don't say anything. Okay.
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- Go to Home Depot.
- Thank you.
81
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Get a drill. Use it.
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It won't make you a lesbian, and
if it did, so much the better.
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00:03:12,928 --> 00:03:14,207
She is definitely not a lesbian.
84
00:03:14,232 --> 00:03:15,800
- We have covered that.
- Shh. Shh.
85
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Shh. Shh.
86
00:03:16,973 --> 00:03:18,723
Well, I'm just glad that Jake has finally
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moved out of the house.
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I don't have to deal with
his snotty little side glances
89
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,436
and listen to him chewing
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00:03:25,461 --> 00:03:27,553
his little kashi cereal like a farm animal.
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00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:29,089
Or the sweet smell of man-gas in the morning.
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00:03:29,114 --> 00:03:32,232
- That's my favorite.
- Or the sound of breathing.
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Just general breathing.
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He's gone.
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I'm free.
96
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,826
So what about Nate? Married Nate?
97
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Is he still trying to get with you?
98
00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:45,042
I think I sufficiently scared him off.
99
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Here's something.
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This afternoon,
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I shall be dazzling
potential client Barry Juck.
102
00:03:50,599 --> 00:03:52,699
- Wait. Juck... producer Juck?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:03:52,724 --> 00:03:55,379
Might have had sex with him
in the photo booth at the Soho.
104
00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:57,704
- Terrible movies. Terrible.
- God, his movies are awful.
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What is it, Monster Mash?
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00:03:58,679 --> 00:03:59,928
Actually, Master Monster Six is coming out.
107
00:03:59,953 --> 00:04:00,952
- Master Monster.
- Horrible.
108
00:04:00,977 --> 00:04:01,857
Oh, my God.
109
00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:05,164
And then, tears of joy, story time.
110
00:04:05,189 --> 00:04:07,587
What? Are you volunteering at school?
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That's... that is a first.
112
00:04:09,405 --> 00:04:11,205
Dan is going for primary custody,
113
00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:13,673
so I need to put in some
serious face time with the kids,
114
00:04:13,698 --> 00:04:16,199
and I'm gonna like it, damn it.
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00:04:16,224 --> 00:04:18,502
Maybe you will like it.
116
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Have we met?
117
00:04:19,845 --> 00:04:21,294
Lyla Straley.
118
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:24,687
No, I like my kids, but I think
that might be a genetic trick.
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The rest are vermin. No offense.
120
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None taken.
121
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So check it out.
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- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
123
00:04:34,019 --> 00:04:36,769
Holy high tit job.
124
00:04:36,794 --> 00:04:38,293
Danna Brooks grew a pair.
125
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:40,068
Dr. Marber.
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00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:41,726
You say that name one more time,
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00:04:41,751 --> 00:04:43,456
and honestly, knuckle supper.
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00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:44,597
- I know.
- No, I can't. I can't have it.
129
00:04:44,622 --> 00:04:45,421
- So high.
- I'm just saying.
130
00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:46,358
- I can't have it.
- I'm just saying.
131
00:04:46,383 --> 00:04:47,582
What are you doing when they're that high?
132
00:04:47,607 --> 00:04:49,064
- Where is Max, by the way?
- I don't know.
133
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,537
I'm texting him now. "Max, where are you?"
134
00:04:51,562 --> 00:04:53,395
Wait, wait, so what did
you end up going with?
135
00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:54,936
Oh, uh,
136
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:59,109
I went Star Wars comforter
but spider-man sheets.
137
00:04:59,134 --> 00:05:00,233
- I like it.
- Yeah.
138
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,007
Charlie gets to sleep in the perfect movie
139
00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:04,531
he'll never see, Spider-Wars.
140
00:05:04,556 --> 00:05:06,751
The cable is hooked up.
I got the WI-FI hooked up.
141
00:05:06,776 --> 00:05:07,941
I got the Xbox hooked up.
142
00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:09,927
I got power bars for Lilly.
143
00:05:10,679 --> 00:05:13,207
And I got the waffle maker for Charlie.
144
00:05:13,232 --> 00:05:14,481
- Oh, panic buy.
- You know what?
145
00:05:14,533 --> 00:05:16,875
They got all that stuff
at home... At Abby's, okay?
146
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,896
I want there to be some
touchstones, you know?
147
00:05:18,921 --> 00:05:19,974
The comforts of home.
148
00:05:19,999 --> 00:05:21,060
You make me want to puke!
149
00:05:21,085 --> 00:05:22,910
- Jesus, what the hell is that?
- Are you serious?
150
00:05:22,935 --> 00:05:24,367
I just can't stand you.
151
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,508
Acting class.
152
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,949
It's a little noisy during the day,
153
00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:28,453
quiets down around midnight.
154
00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:29,219
Nick, 36.
155
00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:30,993
Oh, hey, Jake, 31.
156
00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:32,267
How you doing? This is Max.
157
00:05:32,292 --> 00:05:33,625
- Hey.
- Pleasure.
158
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:36,067
Hey, you two ever looking
to score any coke, Cialis,
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00:05:36,092 --> 00:05:38,426
or whatnot, I'm your guy.
160
00:05:40,142 --> 00:05:41,558
- Thanks.
- Hoo-ah!
161
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:43,032
I can't stand here looking at you!
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00:05:43,057 --> 00:05:44,283
- He seems lovely.
- Yeah.
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00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:46,034
Yeah.
164
00:05:46,059 --> 00:05:48,676
Oh. Oh, crap.
165
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:50,425
Oh. It's Abby.
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00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,621
I told her that I would meet
her for coffee after drop-off.
167
00:05:52,646 --> 00:05:54,225
I think I said "might." "Might."
168
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:55,515
- Just "might be there."
- Answer it, dude.
169
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,123
I don't want to lie to her.
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00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,461
Then don't answer it.
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00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:01,220
- I-I can't ignore her.
- Dude, you know what?
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00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:02,852
Just stop being a pussy
and tell her the truth.
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00:06:02,877 --> 00:06:04,710
We're friends, and you're
not gonna pick sides
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00:06:04,735 --> 00:06:05,587
just 'cause she's your sister.
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00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:08,146
She'll understand that.
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00:06:08,404 --> 00:06:09,770
Right, what am I talking about?
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00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:12,796
Okay, continue to be a pussy
until we figure it out, okay?
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00:06:14,677 --> 00:06:16,010
Do you want us to come over later?
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00:06:16,045 --> 00:06:18,212
First night without the kids
can be a little bit weird.
180
00:06:18,214 --> 00:06:19,446
- Oh.
- Or a little devastating.
181
00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:20,714
Could be a little devastating.
182
00:06:20,766 --> 00:06:22,259
No, I'm actually looking forward
183
00:06:22,284 --> 00:06:24,278
to a little bit of me time.
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00:06:24,303 --> 00:06:25,385
- Are you?
- Yeah.
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00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:26,911
What does that entail?
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00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:30,337
That means I'm gonna go
to my book editor, Melissa,
187
00:06:30,362 --> 00:06:33,871
and toss around some book ideas,
and go home, soak in the tub,
188
00:06:33,896 --> 00:06:35,479
drink a glass of wine,
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00:06:35,504 --> 00:06:37,063
get back on the writing horse.
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00:06:37,088 --> 00:06:41,144
If things go south, I
will call you, I promise.
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00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:43,052
- Love you, Abby.
- I love you guys.
192
00:06:43,077 --> 00:06:45,127
- Keep your phone charged.
- Yup, I know.
193
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:56,082
Whitney.
194
00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:57,551
What's going on? Where is everybody?
195
00:06:57,586 --> 00:06:58,919
I was just about to call you.
196
00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:00,587
They... they moved the
Juck meeting to 2:00.
197
00:07:00,612 --> 00:07:02,395
- They? Who they? Who they?
- Delia.
198
00:07:02,424 --> 00:07:04,303
I told her you weren't
available until after 3:00.
199
00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:05,627
No, it's okay. It's okay.
200
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,029
- Okay.
- Hey.
201
00:07:09,065 --> 00:07:10,725
I'll see you there. All right, bye-bye.
202
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:13,844
As you know, associates
don't reschedule meetings
203
00:07:13,869 --> 00:07:15,294
without clearance from all the partners.
204
00:07:15,319 --> 00:07:17,449
True, but Whales Trump Partners.
205
00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:19,039
Juck needed to move the meeting.
206
00:07:19,091 --> 00:07:19,973
- Did he?
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:21,948
To the one time I had to
be at my children's school?
208
00:07:21,973 --> 00:07:23,422
I know, it is a shame.
209
00:07:23,447 --> 00:07:25,030
But your kids come first. I get that.
210
00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:26,394
Mm-hmm.
211
00:07:26,419 --> 00:07:28,252
Lyla, can you believe this woman?
212
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,634
Our fabulous rainmaker.
213
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,542
I mean, come on, Barry Freaking Juck here.
214
00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,992
2 million in billables
for Loeb & Loeb last year,
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00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:37,566
and he is primed to jump ship
216
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,041
because I got him sole custody
of his dog in his divorce.
217
00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:41,814
- Great work, Delia.
- Thank you.
218
00:07:41,839 --> 00:07:43,372
Partnership is but a stone's throw away
219
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:44,845
for this lady, right, Lyla?
220
00:07:44,870 --> 00:07:48,040
Women supporting women,
that's what it's all about.
221
00:07:48,065 --> 00:07:50,282
You bet. Hillary 2016.
222
00:07:52,496 --> 00:07:54,296
Have fun at school.
223
00:07:57,990 --> 00:07:59,706
Mm.
224
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,033
Hi, it's me.
225
00:08:03,085 --> 00:08:05,579
I am terribly sorry,
but I need a huge favor.
226
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:11,141
Okay, one, Girlfriends'
Guide To The Terrible Teens.
227
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,325
Two, Girlfriends' Guide...
228
00:08:13,842 --> 00:08:17,427
To Working Out While Working It.
229
00:08:19,885 --> 00:08:21,335
Three,
230
00:08:21,387 --> 00:08:27,391
Girlfriends' Guide To
Working Moms Working It Out,
231
00:08:29,178 --> 00:08:31,428
but that one's not as catchy.
232
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,547
Is... hello?
233
00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:36,016
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
Just... just go on. Go on.
234
00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:37,851
Okay, so I have this
whole weekend carved out.
235
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:40,090
I just need to figure out which
titles you want me to focus on.
236
00:08:40,115 --> 00:08:42,656
Abby, can I... can I be honest here?
237
00:08:42,691 --> 00:08:45,619
- Yeah.
- It's not about the titles.
238
00:08:45,644 --> 00:08:48,238
Your book sales are way down.
239
00:08:48,647 --> 00:08:50,981
"Way down." What does that mean?
240
00:08:51,016 --> 00:08:54,388
On Amazon, you're selling
just below Why Cats Paint.
241
00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:56,436
You've lost your street
cred in the mommy wars.
242
00:08:56,472 --> 00:08:58,715
I'm sorry, but we think the
Girlfriends' Guide franchise
243
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:00,573
is dead.
244
00:09:00,809 --> 00:09:02,359
Dead?
245
00:09:02,394 --> 00:09:03,977
Uh, Jesus.
246
00:09:07,616 --> 00:09:09,783
Well, this isn't exactly the meeting
247
00:09:09,818 --> 00:09:11,710
that I was expecting to have, Melissa.
248
00:09:11,735 --> 00:09:15,053
Missy.
249
00:09:15,257 --> 00:09:16,406
Missy.
250
00:09:18,961 --> 00:09:21,745
I am the sole breadwinner in my house.
251
00:09:21,797 --> 00:09:24,715
There's no other source of income,
252
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:27,885
so I need to figure out something.
253
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:32,873
Well, the team here has a
very exciting idea for you.
254
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:34,675
Okay.
255
00:09:34,677 --> 00:09:36,510
How do you feel
256
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:39,503
about menopause?
257
00:09:42,293 --> 00:09:47,572
_
258
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:50,988
♪ ♪
259
00:09:56,423 --> 00:09:59,311
_
260
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,545
_
261
00:10:03,184 --> 00:10:08,383
_
262
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,544
Oh, okay.
263
00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:24,814
Thank you. What's this?
264
00:10:24,816 --> 00:10:26,399
Enjoy.
265
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:39,161
"A little 'me time' gift basket
266
00:10:39,186 --> 00:10:41,269
from your Phoebe godmother."
267
00:10:46,199 --> 00:10:49,138
"The Jimmee Lightning Rod?"
268
00:10:49,173 --> 00:10:50,306
Jimmee.
269
00:10:52,981 --> 00:10:54,197
Jeez.
270
00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:12,139
_
271
00:11:22,674 --> 00:11:24,307
So what do you think?
272
00:11:24,632 --> 00:11:26,396
It's cute, right? Yeah.
273
00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:27,814
I mean...
274
00:11:27,839 --> 00:11:29,171
Throw some artwork on the walls.
275
00:11:29,196 --> 00:11:31,695
- Yeah.
- Put down a rug or two.
276
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,784
Of course, we have to Christen the place.
277
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,211
- Christen?
- Mm-hmm.
278
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:37,340
Did you forget?
279
00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:38,965
I'm a full Jew, lady.
280
00:11:43,021 --> 00:11:44,186
Okay, wait. Wait, wait.
281
00:11:44,211 --> 00:11:45,588
Oh, your mouth is saying "wait,"
282
00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:47,063
but it is feeling very "go" down here.
283
00:11:47,065 --> 00:11:48,364
I know. I know. I got to... okay.
284
00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:49,913
I got to unpack before I pick up the kids.
285
00:11:49,938 --> 00:11:51,104
Come on.
286
00:11:51,129 --> 00:11:54,630
I'm just so anxious.
287
00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:57,433
I mean, Abby has home
court advantage, literally.
288
00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:58,380
The kids grew up there.
289
00:11:58,405 --> 00:12:00,188
I want them to...
290
00:12:00,295 --> 00:12:01,577
I want them to want to be here too.
291
00:12:01,629 --> 00:12:03,245
Of course you do.
292
00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:09,224
I could bring over some fonuts later.
293
00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:10,920
We could play charades or something.
294
00:12:15,009 --> 00:12:16,926
Too soon?
295
00:12:16,978 --> 00:12:18,189
Just thought I'd offer.
296
00:12:18,214 --> 00:12:21,466
I totally get it. Thank
you for understanding.
297
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,441
I do have something for the anxiety though.
298
00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:25,048
Yeah, yeah, I can't take pills.
299
00:12:25,073 --> 00:12:26,720
They make me feel like I know how to dance.
300
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:29,426
I had a bad prom experience.
301
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:32,108
I'm talking about a more holistic approach,
302
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,277
redirecting that nervous energy.
303
00:12:34,302 --> 00:12:36,252
Mmm.
304
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,888
Barry Juck, our senior partner, Al Wilcox.
305
00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:47,673
Al, The Animal.
306
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:48,918
I heard you were the [Bleep], man.
307
00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,761
Barry Juck, I think your
films are the [Bleep].
308
00:12:50,786 --> 00:12:52,772
- Thanks for coming.
- Forgive me. Forgive me,
309
00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:56,048
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Everybody, Barry, Lyla Straley.
310
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,299
We met at the Arianna Huffington
311
00:12:57,352 --> 00:12:59,852
Save the Dolphins Benefit last year.
312
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:00,853
Right.
313
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:02,355
You outbid Clooney
314
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:03,689
for the puppy in the live auction.
315
00:13:03,725 --> 00:13:04,746
You were pretty intense there.
316
00:13:04,771 --> 00:13:06,384
Well, why should Clooney win, right?
317
00:13:06,409 --> 00:13:08,112
Anyway, forgive my lateness.
318
00:13:08,137 --> 00:13:10,039
We are all so excited that you're here.
319
00:13:10,064 --> 00:13:11,647
- So maybe we should start.
- Absolutely.
320
00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:12,865
- Great. Let's.
- Absolutely.
321
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,785
Have a seat.
322
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:18,320
What happened to story time?
323
00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,189
Your bull[Bleep] was enough fiction for me,
324
00:13:20,224 --> 00:13:21,323
and I took care of it.
325
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:22,324
Ladies, hello?
326
00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:23,849
- Yes.
- Hi.
327
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,250
Spencer's mom, Ms. Straley,
sent me to read to the children.
328
00:13:31,302 --> 00:13:33,747
I'm sorry, but story time is supposed to be
329
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,817
a chance for the parent
to interact with the class.
330
00:13:36,842 --> 00:13:39,092
Mama.
331
00:14:11,565 --> 00:14:12,648
Amazing, right?
332
00:14:12,673 --> 00:14:15,007
I mean, great Chinese food right next door.
333
00:14:15,032 --> 00:14:17,899
Lilly, could you pass that moo shu?
334
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,111
Lills?
335
00:14:19,136 --> 00:14:20,335
My God.
336
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,160
Jade and Savannah are
with Xander and Vinnie.
337
00:14:22,185 --> 00:14:23,996
I can't believe I'm missing this.
338
00:14:24,021 --> 00:14:26,522
Look, I was thinking for tonight,
339
00:14:26,557 --> 00:14:30,059
this place has a huge gym,
a huge pool, and a hot tub.
340
00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:30,957
Ew.
341
00:14:30,982 --> 00:14:32,543
Who knows what's gone on in there?
342
00:14:32,568 --> 00:14:33,684
Like what?
343
00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:34,874
Nothing.
344
00:14:34,899 --> 00:14:37,032
Lilly.
345
00:14:37,057 --> 00:14:39,274
I'm full. I'm gonna go play Xbox.
346
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,036
Or if you wanted to go out,
347
00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:43,205
Charlie, I was thinking
we could go bowling,
348
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:44,623
or we could play Monopoly.
349
00:14:44,659 --> 00:14:45,624
Lame.
350
00:14:47,351 --> 00:14:49,772
- Dad, I can't log in.
- Okay.
351
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:53,332
I'm supposed to be playing
with Zach and Chu right now.
352
00:14:53,357 --> 00:14:55,724
Let me see.
353
00:14:55,749 --> 00:14:57,833
They're at Hollywood and Highland.
354
00:14:57,858 --> 00:15:00,409
Jade's all over Xander. This is killing me.
355
00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:01,767
I'm literally dead.
356
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:02,957
Shut your piehole.
357
00:15:02,982 --> 00:15:04,620
- Shut your piehole, ass munch.
- Hey, hey, hey.
358
00:15:04,645 --> 00:15:06,467
You guys, language.
359
00:15:06,492 --> 00:15:08,074
- Dad? What's going on?
- I don't know you!
360
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:10,309
Oh, there's... they're
just playing make-believe.
361
00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:12,012
There's an acting class next door, okay?
362
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,934
You know, you promised we'd have Internet.
363
00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:15,625
I know. I'm doing the best I can.
364
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,866
Great night, dad. Thanks a lot.
365
00:15:17,891 --> 00:15:19,641
Stella!
366
00:15:19,666 --> 00:15:21,365
Quiet!
367
00:15:21,612 --> 00:15:22,711
Sorry.
368
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,781
Let's go do it. Let's go do it.
369
00:15:25,783 --> 00:15:27,750
All right.
370
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,883
I got the lamb and you got the chicken.
371
00:15:59,908 --> 00:16:00,907
Oh, we're gonna switch.
372
00:16:00,932 --> 00:16:02,014
It looks like it's gonna be good.
373
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,219
Yeah, we'll switch halfway through.
374
00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:07,706
Ah, it's date night. You said no phones.
375
00:16:07,742 --> 00:16:10,326
Because when your phone rings,
the crisis is, I don't know,
376
00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,077
about your ad campaign for pop chips,
377
00:16:12,129 --> 00:16:14,213
but when my phone rings,
it might be the sitter.
378
00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:15,548
Screw the sitter.
379
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,216
This is our time.
380
00:16:17,251 --> 00:16:19,668
If the house is on fire,
you'll never forgive yourself.
381
00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:23,145
Bitch.
382
00:16:23,174 --> 00:16:24,340
It's Jake.
383
00:16:24,342 --> 00:16:26,091
That's wonderful. Call him in the morning.
384
00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:27,676
Well, he's having a
rough time with the kids.
385
00:16:27,678 --> 00:16:28,978
His first night at the new place.
386
00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:31,829
And he wants you to come over?
387
00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:33,404
No.
388
00:16:33,429 --> 00:16:36,173
Max, my love, you need to stay out of this.
389
00:16:36,198 --> 00:16:37,330
She's your sister.
390
00:16:37,355 --> 00:16:39,521
But he was my friend first.
391
00:16:39,574 --> 00:16:42,024
Am I just supposed to pretend
that relationship didn't exist?
392
00:16:42,049 --> 00:16:43,131
No, of course not, but look,
393
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,072
right now everyone is really raw.
394
00:16:45,097 --> 00:16:47,298
Nothing good can come from
getting involved in this,
395
00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:48,605
not for Jake, not for your sister,
396
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:49,579
and not for you.
397
00:16:49,604 --> 00:16:50,854
You're right.
398
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,929
You're right. Of course I'm right.
399
00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:55,538
Gentlemen, can I get you
another bottle of the cab?
400
00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:57,372
- Maybe a Shiraz this time.
- You got it.
401
00:16:57,397 --> 00:16:59,625
Thank you.
402
00:16:59,677 --> 00:17:01,427
The Internet was working this morning,
403
00:17:01,462 --> 00:17:05,214
but now it says, "4935 fail."
404
00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:06,715
No, I don't know what that means.
405
00:17:06,717 --> 00:17:08,650
It means my friends are at top shop,
406
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,329
and I'm here at the fun-pocalypse.
407
00:17:10,355 --> 00:17:11,888
They're playing without me.
408
00:17:11,913 --> 00:17:13,078
Sweetie, I know. I know.
409
00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:14,652
I'm trying. My child's crying.
410
00:17:14,677 --> 00:17:15,785
What?
411
00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:16,840
Yes, I'm sorry.
412
00:17:16,865 --> 00:17:18,348
You just got a text from Becca Riley.
413
00:17:18,373 --> 00:17:19,472
Sweetie, give me the phone.
414
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,140
"How's it going" from Becca Riley.
415
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,331
Lilly. Lilly, hey.
416
00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:25,023
Lilly, watch it.
417
00:17:25,048 --> 00:17:25,940
Yes.
418
00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:27,008
You should invite her over.
419
00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:28,496
- No, that's not happening.
- Please?
420
00:17:28,521 --> 00:17:30,176
- You would make my life.
- No, Sweetie.
421
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,971
- Please?
- No. Stop it.
422
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:35,051
- No, not you.
- Dad, I'm not stupid.
423
00:17:35,076 --> 00:17:36,249
I know she's your girlfriend.
424
00:17:38,716 --> 00:17:40,415
Please?
425
00:17:44,219 --> 00:17:46,803
What would Dr. Marber do?
426
00:17:46,828 --> 00:17:48,494
Oh, yeah.
427
00:17:56,663 --> 00:17:59,781
4,000 pounds.
428
00:17:59,806 --> 00:18:03,341
I'm enjoying a relationship
with two men simultaneously,
429
00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:07,318
the first called Ben, the other, Jerry.
430
00:18:07,343 --> 00:18:10,628
Number of current boyfriends, zero.
431
00:18:10,653 --> 00:18:13,353
Number of calls from ex-boyfriend...
432
00:18:13,378 --> 00:18:16,040
You have absolutely no messages.
433
00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:22,201
Lyla, it's me, Abby.
434
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,854
Um, you were right.
435
00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:28,347
I'm really not good.
436
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:33,852
Can you just bring Phoebe and you and...
437
00:18:33,888 --> 00:18:36,188
I'm just not good.
438
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:45,981
Fix the goddamn window.
439
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:50,402
How hard is it to fix the goddamn window?
440
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:57,026
Oh! Oh!
441
00:18:57,061 --> 00:18:59,345
[Bleep].
442
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,433
Help?
443
00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:08,298
- OK. Stay calm.
- OK.
444
00:19:08,323 --> 00:19:10,523
- Just another minutes.
- Oh, my God.
445
00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:13,298
- Oh, my God.
- I got stuck.
446
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:15,467
I yelled until the neighbors called 911.
447
00:19:15,503 --> 00:19:17,669
I have to take a photo. Come on.
448
00:19:17,694 --> 00:19:19,361
- Don't you dare.
- Oh, my gosh.
449
00:19:19,386 --> 00:19:21,496
- Oh, my God.
- Pull.
450
00:19:21,521 --> 00:19:22,723
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
451
00:19:22,748 --> 00:19:24,414
Oh, my goodness.
452
00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:26,929
Can you move them? Any wounds?
453
00:19:26,981 --> 00:19:28,514
Just my pride.
454
00:19:28,539 --> 00:19:30,072
Thank you, Wayne. Thank you.
455
00:19:30,097 --> 00:19:31,212
Best call I've had all week.
456
00:19:31,268 --> 00:19:32,484
- Thank you, Wayne.
- Thank you.
457
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:33,602
There's the front door,
458
00:19:33,627 --> 00:19:34,743
if you could shut it
because we left it open.
459
00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:36,355
So embarrassing.
460
00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:39,108
Some salve for your wounds? How horrible.
461
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:42,995
- Oh, my good.
- Oh, my gosh.
462
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:45,781
The cavalry arrives in a Prius.
463
00:19:45,783 --> 00:19:46,965
You guys,
464
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:49,073
I'd like to introduce
you to my friend Becca.
465
00:19:49,098 --> 00:19:50,747
- Charlie, Becca. Becca, Charlie.
- Hey, Charlie.
466
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:51,803
- Hi.
- This is Lilly.
467
00:19:52,372 --> 00:19:54,038
Lilly, nice to meet you.
468
00:19:54,063 --> 00:19:55,646
She's a really big Blood Sisters fan.
469
00:19:55,671 --> 00:19:56,816
Huge.
470
00:19:56,841 --> 00:19:59,638
Seriously, last week
when you stabbed Sebastian
471
00:19:59,663 --> 00:20:01,797
after he kissed you and
stole your life force?
472
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,706
I did not see that coming.
473
00:20:03,731 --> 00:20:06,015
Oh, my God, nobody did.
My Twitter feed blew up.
474
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,907
Thank you so much for
the poster, by the way.
475
00:20:07,932 --> 00:20:10,265
- I love it so much.
- Of course.
476
00:20:13,726 --> 00:20:16,176
Maybe we should go out
and do something fun.
477
00:20:16,201 --> 00:20:18,985
Yeah. You guys ever been to lucky strike?
478
00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:21,533
- Um, bowling?
- Yeah, I love bowling.
479
00:20:21,569 --> 00:20:23,510
I do too.
480
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:25,704
Great.
481
00:20:30,377 --> 00:20:32,828
Hey, hey, sorry it took
so long to get back to you.
482
00:20:32,853 --> 00:20:34,295
Have The Animals eaten the zookeeper?
483
00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:37,808
Uh, no, I got it under control.
484
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:40,103
That's great. How'd you pull that off?
485
00:20:41,352 --> 00:20:43,469
Oh! So close!
486
00:20:43,818 --> 00:20:45,151
I'll take it.
487
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:47,059
Jake, what's all that
noise in the background?
488
00:20:47,094 --> 00:20:49,154
- Dad, it's your turn.
- Okay, I'll be right there.
489
00:20:50,014 --> 00:20:51,897
Max, I did a bad thing.
490
00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:55,100
Charlie and Lilly are
bowling with Becca Riley.
491
00:20:55,152 --> 00:20:56,935
Jake, that's nuclear.
492
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,327
You... I got to go.
493
00:20:59,356 --> 00:21:01,440
Really? Sneaking phone calls?
494
00:21:01,465 --> 00:21:03,415
A little juvenile, don't you think?
495
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,523
- Only a little.
- You finished now?
496
00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:06,930
Yes. Jake's got it under control.
497
00:21:06,955 --> 00:21:08,671
They're bowling with Becca Riley.
498
00:21:08,696 --> 00:21:10,413
- Becca Riley?
- Yeah.
499
00:21:10,438 --> 00:21:12,645
You know Blood Sisters is my favorite show.
500
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:16,038
So?
501
00:21:16,090 --> 00:21:17,039
Oh, my God.
502
00:21:17,091 --> 00:21:19,258
You incredible hypocrite.
503
00:21:19,293 --> 00:21:21,710
You...
504
00:21:21,745 --> 00:21:24,046
This vodka's not working.
505
00:21:24,071 --> 00:21:25,403
Hoping for redemption
506
00:21:25,428 --> 00:21:28,946
yet careening down a shame spiral?
507
00:21:28,971 --> 00:21:30,563
- Yes.
- It'll work.
508
00:21:30,588 --> 00:21:32,104
You just have to drink through it.
509
00:21:32,139 --> 00:21:37,893
My ex-husband's girlfriend is
plastered on my daughter's wall.
510
00:21:37,945 --> 00:21:40,112
- My brand is dead.
- No.
511
00:21:40,147 --> 00:21:41,897
- I have no more ideas.
- No, no, no.
512
00:21:41,949 --> 00:21:43,398
- My career is over.
- No.
513
00:21:43,423 --> 00:21:44,692
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
514
00:21:44,717 --> 00:21:47,177
No, you are gonna write
something new, something better.
515
00:21:47,202 --> 00:21:49,035
You just have to give yourself a break.
516
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,977
I have a book idea.
517
00:21:51,002 --> 00:21:53,385
Ten Reasons to Hate Delia Banai,
518
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:54,910
and I have 74 just off the top of my head.
519
00:21:54,962 --> 00:21:57,796
Lyla, we are not bashing Delia tonight.
520
00:21:57,831 --> 00:21:59,748
I'm a muse. She has writer's block. Right?
521
00:21:59,783 --> 00:22:02,501
Aha.
522
00:22:02,553 --> 00:22:03,743
I figured it out.
523
00:22:03,768 --> 00:22:06,731
And I put an app on your
phone so you can control it.
524
00:22:06,756 --> 00:22:08,122
Whatever happened to two fingers
525
00:22:08,147 --> 00:22:10,703
and your imagination?
526
00:22:10,728 --> 00:22:12,594
No.
527
00:22:12,619 --> 00:22:14,649
I know, I know, the bushwhack
setting's a little aggro.
528
00:22:14,674 --> 00:22:15,415
I get it.
529
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,607
- No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
- What?
530
00:22:17,632 --> 00:22:20,349
Look what Lilly posted on Instagram.
531
00:22:20,775 --> 00:22:22,408
Is that Becca Riley?
532
00:22:22,433 --> 00:22:27,785
And Max and Lilly doing karaoke.
533
00:22:29,869 --> 00:22:33,537
All: ♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
534
00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:39,983
♪ ooh, oh ♪
535
00:22:40,008 --> 00:22:44,722
So a Porsche, a divorce, and
a girlfriend half your age.
536
00:22:44,747 --> 00:22:46,733
You're checking off all the
boxes for midlife crisis.
537
00:22:46,758 --> 00:22:50,877
She is 61.63% of my age, for the record.
538
00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:52,652
- You actually did the math?
- Yeah, I did.
539
00:22:54,869 --> 00:22:57,453
All: ♪ tell me your
troubles and doubts ♪
540
00:22:57,478 --> 00:22:59,728
You realize you're gonna pay for this.
541
00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:01,252
Big time.
542
00:23:01,277 --> 00:23:03,811
I mean, we don't have to tell.
543
00:23:03,836 --> 00:23:06,287
I'm just saying, what she
doesn't know won't hurt her.
544
00:23:06,312 --> 00:23:09,013
You expect Charlie and
Lilly to also not tell?
545
00:23:09,038 --> 00:23:11,455
We got Annie Leibovitz
up there with the camera,
546
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,730
and the kid with the ice cream
isn't exactly CIA material.
547
00:23:17,158 --> 00:23:18,937
Who puts a heart over an I?
548
00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:20,629
A 10-year-old
549
00:23:20,664 --> 00:23:23,665
and Jake's girlfriend.
550
00:23:23,690 --> 00:23:27,942
Seriously, he promised that
she would not be coming over.
551
00:23:27,967 --> 00:23:30,434
The lying prick.
552
00:23:31,975 --> 00:23:33,725
I'm smoking in my daughter's bedroom.
553
00:23:33,761 --> 00:23:36,345
This is like bad parenting 101!
554
00:23:36,397 --> 00:23:37,479
Shh, shh.
555
00:23:37,514 --> 00:23:39,983
- God, take it. Take it.
- Shh.
556
00:23:40,934 --> 00:23:43,819
This is lacking, you know?
557
00:23:43,854 --> 00:23:45,187
It's... it's wanting.
558
00:23:45,189 --> 00:23:46,905
It's been scrubbed of humanity.
559
00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:48,774
I don't know if it's Photoshop, or...
560
00:23:48,799 --> 00:23:52,167
or the fact that she's 10.
561
00:23:52,192 --> 00:23:55,109
Whatever it is,
562
00:23:55,134 --> 00:23:57,884
will you restore the humanity?
563
00:24:04,675 --> 00:24:06,842
All: ♪ rain keeps falling ♪
564
00:24:06,877 --> 00:24:08,877
♪ rain keeps falling down ♪
565
00:24:08,879 --> 00:24:10,429
Dad, check it.
566
00:24:10,464 --> 00:24:12,013
I've got, like, 400 likes on Instagram.
567
00:24:12,049 --> 00:24:13,548
That's, like, basically impossible.
568
00:24:13,550 --> 00:24:15,267
Amazing.
569
00:24:15,302 --> 00:24:16,718
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
570
00:24:16,743 --> 00:24:19,194
Wait, did you post it to Instagram?
571
00:24:19,219 --> 00:24:23,588
♪ Ooh, oh ♪
572
00:24:23,613 --> 00:24:25,146
Abby liked it.
573
00:24:25,171 --> 00:24:27,888
At the top. That one.
574
00:24:27,913 --> 00:24:30,998
Come one, Charlie. You got it. You got it.
575
00:24:31,023 --> 00:24:32,989
Do you feel better?
576
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:35,514
I mean, I-I don't know.
577
00:24:35,539 --> 00:24:36,755
I'm a feminist,
578
00:24:36,780 --> 00:24:39,831
and it's not Becca's fault
579
00:24:39,856 --> 00:24:43,074
that Jake is a midlife cliche.
580
00:24:43,099 --> 00:24:47,276
Yes, I... I do actually feel much better.
581
00:24:47,301 --> 00:24:50,004
You should, because we've empowered her.
582
00:24:50,029 --> 00:24:51,136
We've given her a gift.
583
00:24:51,171 --> 00:24:53,255
I mean, the kid is only 10,
584
00:24:53,307 --> 00:24:54,550
and she is, like...
585
00:24:54,575 --> 00:24:55,690
She's got a little more heft.
586
00:24:55,742 --> 00:24:57,909
She says, "yes, I am.
587
00:24:57,945 --> 00:25:00,078
Yes, I am."
588
00:25:00,113 --> 00:25:02,948
When Lilly sees it,
she's gonna lose her mind.
589
00:25:07,037 --> 00:25:10,755
Oh, my God.
590
00:25:10,791 --> 00:25:12,791
What have I done?
591
00:25:21,398 --> 00:25:24,732
She's wearing a black
halter and black shorts,
592
00:25:24,784 --> 00:25:26,901
and she's holding a stake.
593
00:25:26,903 --> 00:25:29,404
No, no, not a meat steak.
594
00:25:29,406 --> 00:25:32,407
No, it has to be season two.
595
00:25:32,432 --> 00:25:33,848
No? Okay, thank you anyway.
596
00:25:33,873 --> 00:25:35,289
Bye. They don't have it.
597
00:25:35,314 --> 00:25:39,483
Oh, my God, I am so high, which was fun,
598
00:25:39,508 --> 00:25:41,058
but now is not.
599
00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:42,694
That store on La Brea is closed.
600
00:25:42,719 --> 00:25:44,635
Okay, no, no, no, no. Please don't close.
601
00:25:44,671 --> 00:25:47,672
Don't close. We will be
there in five minutes.
602
00:25:47,724 --> 00:25:51,110
There is one more at a
store on Hollywood Boulevard.
603
00:25:51,135 --> 00:25:52,537
- Omar, take a left on Ivar.
- Do it!
604
00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:53,761
- Go!
- To Hollywood Boulevard!
605
00:25:55,432 --> 00:25:59,233
What possible story would cover you and us
606
00:25:59,269 --> 00:26:01,115
and karaoke with Becca Riley?
607
00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:02,316
Coincidence.
608
00:26:02,341 --> 00:26:03,798
I decided to take the kids out,
609
00:26:03,823 --> 00:26:05,940
and we ran into you guys.
610
00:26:05,992 --> 00:26:08,359
And then we just happened
to run into Becca?
611
00:26:08,411 --> 00:26:10,445
Okay, she might buy it if you back me up.
612
00:26:10,447 --> 00:26:12,613
Dude, I have to bail myself out here.
613
00:26:12,638 --> 00:26:14,388
I've been caught consorting with the enemy.
614
00:26:14,413 --> 00:26:15,745
The enemy?
615
00:26:15,770 --> 00:26:17,228
That's ridiculous.
616
00:26:17,253 --> 00:26:18,836
Jake, she's my sister.
617
00:26:18,872 --> 00:26:20,505
And I have to divorce you too?
618
00:26:20,540 --> 00:26:23,040
I can't afford another lawyer.
619
00:26:23,092 --> 00:26:24,792
Hey, the sitter just texted me.
620
00:26:24,794 --> 00:26:26,544
The kids are waiting up. We should go.
621
00:26:26,569 --> 00:26:28,819
Jake, she's lovely.
622
00:26:28,844 --> 00:26:31,428
Mm, love you. Come on.
623
00:26:31,453 --> 00:26:32,568
Here we go.
624
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:33,959
Ah!
625
00:26:38,201 --> 00:26:41,168
Abby's life going down
the toilet, take one.
626
00:26:41,311 --> 00:26:43,611
Does this donut make me look blonde?
627
00:26:43,646 --> 00:26:45,746
Oh, my God, give me a
bite of that right now.
628
00:26:45,782 --> 00:26:46,731
Mmm.
629
00:26:46,783 --> 00:26:48,566
- So good.
- Nate.
630
00:26:48,618 --> 00:26:49,717
I thought you backed him up.
631
00:26:49,752 --> 00:26:50,952
I did back him up,
632
00:26:50,987 --> 00:26:53,020
but he's launching an major charm attack
633
00:26:53,056 --> 00:26:55,406
which I'm not gonna go
for because he's married.
634
00:26:55,458 --> 00:26:58,910
- Mm.
- Ta-da!
635
00:26:58,962 --> 00:27:00,495
Oh, my God, is that it?
636
00:27:00,547 --> 00:27:01,913
This is it, mama.
637
00:27:01,965 --> 00:27:04,465
Thank you, Phoebe Godmother.
638
00:27:04,501 --> 00:27:05,967
Where would I be without you?
639
00:27:06,002 --> 00:27:08,002
Well, you'd probably
be doing something nasty
640
00:27:08,054 --> 00:27:09,003
with that paramedic.
641
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,090
What language is that?
642
00:27:13,142 --> 00:27:15,009
What? Oh, no.
643
00:27:15,011 --> 00:27:16,844
So close.
644
00:27:18,355 --> 00:27:20,855
I think you just need to lie to Llilly.
645
00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:21,933
Just lie to Lilly.
646
00:27:21,985 --> 00:27:23,651
Just tell her that there was a leak,
647
00:27:23,686 --> 00:27:26,687
and that the poster got ruined.
648
00:27:28,130 --> 00:27:30,284
Oh. Um, Omar?
649
00:27:30,309 --> 00:27:32,169
The Kogi truck stops
650
00:27:32,194 --> 00:27:36,830
at the Yogurtland on
Hollywood in 10 minutes.
651
00:27:36,866 --> 00:27:39,416
- I'm such a terrible mother.
- Mm-mm.
652
00:27:39,452 --> 00:27:42,337
I should just check
Lilly into "promises" now.
653
00:27:42,362 --> 00:27:43,745
Come on.
654
00:27:43,770 --> 00:27:45,269
We're going to the land of yogurt.
655
00:27:45,294 --> 00:27:46,460
Be of good cheer.
656
00:27:46,485 --> 00:27:47,901
She's never gonna forgive me.
657
00:27:49,317 --> 00:27:52,852
I didn't want to play this card.
658
00:27:52,877 --> 00:27:54,460
What card?
659
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,733
Delia used to represent
660
00:27:55,768 --> 00:27:57,434
the executive producer of Blood Sisters.
661
00:27:57,459 --> 00:27:58,709
- They're super tight.
- What?
662
00:27:58,734 --> 00:28:00,351
I'm guessing he can get us a poster.
663
00:28:00,376 --> 00:28:02,125
- What?
- I'm s... I know. I'm sorry.
664
00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:03,099
- Call Delia.
- I'm sorry.
665
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,506
No, please don't make me.
666
00:28:04,531 --> 00:28:05,814
She will own me.
667
00:28:05,839 --> 00:28:07,872
She will hold it over me.
668
00:28:07,897 --> 00:28:08,980
Guilt, duty, obligation.
669
00:28:09,005 --> 00:28:10,474
- Please don't make me call.
- Lyla.
670
00:28:10,499 --> 00:28:11,665
It's like a wookiee life debt.
671
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:12,665
- You have to.
- Please.
672
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,606
I know. I know.
673
00:28:14,631 --> 00:28:17,332
I realize it's a lot to ask
at this late hour, believe me.
674
00:28:17,357 --> 00:28:19,157
I don't want to be asking
it, but it's not for me.
675
00:28:19,182 --> 00:28:20,181
Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?
676
00:28:20,206 --> 00:28:21,239
Think of the bonds of friendship.
677
00:28:21,264 --> 00:28:22,346
Hey, stop, stop, stop.
678
00:28:22,371 --> 00:28:23,671
Obviously, generally speaking,
679
00:28:23,696 --> 00:28:24,829
we don't have a bond. You are incredible.
680
00:28:24,854 --> 00:28:25,820
- We don't have a bond.
- Delia.
681
00:28:25,845 --> 00:28:28,512
Hi, can you make it happen?
682
00:28:28,684 --> 00:28:31,936
Really? Really?
683
00:28:31,971 --> 00:28:34,605
Oh, my God, you are our
knight in shining Armani.
684
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,774
- We love you. Thank you. Bye.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
685
00:28:36,809 --> 00:28:38,225
- Oh, my God.
- She's so great.
686
00:28:38,227 --> 00:28:40,277
She's going to meet us with
the poster in 20 minutes.
687
00:28:40,313 --> 00:28:41,695
- How does she do that?
- 20 minutes.
688
00:28:41,731 --> 00:28:43,030
- How does she do it?
- I don't know.
689
00:28:43,065 --> 00:28:45,232
- Thank you so much.
- Oh.
690
00:28:45,284 --> 00:28:46,317
I love you.
691
00:28:46,369 --> 00:28:47,785
Why are you thanking her?
692
00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:49,119
Can you believe this?
693
00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:50,761
I want...
694
00:28:50,786 --> 00:28:52,786
I would have killed for
a night alone in my house
695
00:28:52,811 --> 00:28:53,860
when I was married,
696
00:28:53,885 --> 00:28:56,603
and now that I get it, I fell apart.
697
00:28:56,628 --> 00:28:58,022
- Of course.
- Oh, my God.
698
00:28:58,047 --> 00:29:00,130
Because it's a different kind of alone.
699
00:29:00,166 --> 00:29:04,635
Now you're alone alone.
700
00:29:04,670 --> 00:29:06,253
Is that supposed to make me feel better?
701
00:29:06,255 --> 00:29:07,588
- Did it?
- No.
702
00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:09,062
No.
703
00:29:09,087 --> 00:29:11,304
I think it was, like,
eight months into my divorce
704
00:29:11,329 --> 00:29:15,354
that I realized maybe
I'm not incredibly horny.
705
00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:20,628
Maybe I just sleep with
these people on my free nights
706
00:29:20,630 --> 00:29:21,913
because I want the company.
707
00:29:21,938 --> 00:29:23,612
That's so crazy, right?
708
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:26,160
Yeah.
709
00:29:26,185 --> 00:29:27,685
No, you're incredibly horny, honey.
710
00:29:27,710 --> 00:29:29,076
I know I am.
711
00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:30,634
- I am incredibly horny.
- Yeah.
712
00:29:30,659 --> 00:29:31,758
I'm horny right now.
713
00:29:44,677 --> 00:29:47,011
Morning, ladies.
714
00:29:47,063 --> 00:29:49,930
Hi.
715
00:29:49,932 --> 00:29:51,398
- Hi.
- Mwah.
716
00:29:51,434 --> 00:29:53,684
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Both: Mwah.
717
00:29:53,736 --> 00:29:55,152
Oh, Lyla.
718
00:29:55,188 --> 00:29:57,605
You've got a thousand bucks
worth of cocaine on your chest,
719
00:29:57,607 --> 00:29:59,690
or you're getting it on with Mr. Donut.
720
00:30:00,860 --> 00:30:02,243
Delia, thank you so much
721
00:30:02,278 --> 00:30:04,578
for interrupting what was
probably an awesome evening.
722
00:30:04,614 --> 00:30:05,946
No problem.
723
00:30:05,998 --> 00:30:07,915
Prince showed up at
Downey's party, and you know,
724
00:30:07,950 --> 00:30:11,318
I love the little guy,
but he just takes over.
725
00:30:11,343 --> 00:30:13,042
So ready to go.
726
00:30:13,089 --> 00:30:14,872
I have something for you.
727
00:30:18,678 --> 00:30:22,146
Is this what you were looking for?
728
00:30:22,181 --> 00:30:24,982
Oh, my God, yes.
729
00:30:25,018 --> 00:30:27,518
Oh, my God, thank you so much. Mwah.
730
00:30:27,570 --> 00:30:29,737
Thank... you have no
idea. Thank you so much.
731
00:30:29,772 --> 00:30:31,596
Never let it be said I
do not go the extra mile
732
00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:34,489
for a client...
733
00:30:34,661 --> 00:30:35,693
Or a friend.
734
00:30:38,364 --> 00:30:40,498
- Is it in English?
- Thank you, Delia.
735
00:30:43,953 --> 00:30:45,252
Ah.
736
00:30:45,288 --> 00:30:50,341
And so the great
poster-capade comes to a close.
737
00:30:50,376 --> 00:30:52,543
Call us if you need anything, all right?
738
00:30:52,595 --> 00:30:55,012
- Bye.
- Bye.
739
00:30:55,048 --> 00:30:56,847
Come here.
740
00:31:03,272 --> 00:31:05,416
You are a great mom.
741
00:31:05,441 --> 00:31:08,435
It's all gonna be okay.
742
00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:11,628
- Yup. Thank you. I know.
- Okay.
743
00:31:11,653 --> 00:31:14,153
- Bye.
- Bye.
744
00:31:19,723 --> 00:31:21,473
[Bleep].
745
00:31:25,390 --> 00:31:27,607
Oh, what is it?
746
00:31:47,157 --> 00:31:50,241
How is this all gonna be okay?
747
00:32:03,899 --> 00:32:06,466
- Hi.
- Hi, mom.
748
00:32:06,501 --> 00:32:08,785
Oh, hey, hi.
749
00:32:08,820 --> 00:32:11,158
- Did you have fun?
- You were right, mom.
750
00:32:11,183 --> 00:32:12,883
Dad's place was super fun.
751
00:32:12,908 --> 00:32:14,574
I bet it was.
752
00:32:20,465 --> 00:32:21,464
Seriously, Jake?
753
00:32:21,489 --> 00:32:23,076
Look, it's a long story.
754
00:32:23,101 --> 00:32:24,601
It shouldn't be a story.
755
00:32:24,636 --> 00:32:25,602
You said you would tell me
756
00:32:25,637 --> 00:32:27,058
before something like this happened.
757
00:32:27,083 --> 00:32:29,418
Well, the kids had a great
time, and Lilly was in heaven.
758
00:32:29,443 --> 00:32:30,892
Oh, I bet she was.
759
00:32:30,917 --> 00:32:33,718
She and Becca are in the same peer group.
760
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:36,461
We had a deal: No others
until they're significant.
761
00:32:36,486 --> 00:32:37,452
Maybe she is.
762
00:32:37,477 --> 00:32:38,476
Did it ever occur to you
763
00:32:38,501 --> 00:32:40,237
that maybe Becca is significant to me?
764
00:32:43,505 --> 00:32:45,638
- Oh. Oh.
- Mom!
765
00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:47,457
Look, we did have an
agreement, and I'm sorry.
766
00:32:47,509 --> 00:32:49,736
Where'd you get this cool lightsaber?
767
00:32:49,782 --> 00:32:50,877
That's not a lightsaber.
768
00:32:50,929 --> 00:32:52,353
That's mommy's toy.
769
00:32:57,927 --> 00:32:59,611
I thought we weren't
gonna introduce the kids
770
00:32:59,636 --> 00:33:02,554
to significant others.
771
00:33:04,927 --> 00:33:06,210
I'll just go. Yeah.
772
00:33:06,235 --> 00:33:07,768
Yeah. That'd be great.
773
00:33:09,731 --> 00:33:11,948
Mom?
774
00:33:11,983 --> 00:33:14,317
Yeah?
775
00:33:18,373 --> 00:33:19,322
What's up?
776
00:33:19,374 --> 00:33:20,957
Do we have photo paper?
777
00:33:20,992 --> 00:33:22,836
Yeah, in the office. Why?
778
00:33:22,861 --> 00:33:24,327
Look at this great shot.
779
00:33:24,362 --> 00:33:26,946
I'm gonna print it and hang it over my bed.
780
00:33:29,334 --> 00:33:30,783
What about the poster?
781
00:33:30,835 --> 00:33:31,834
Posters are whatever.
782
00:33:31,870 --> 00:33:34,454
This shows she's my actual friend.
783
00:33:34,506 --> 00:33:35,688
Really?
784
00:33:35,724 --> 00:33:37,006
My Instagram blew up last night.
785
00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:38,339
It was amazing, mom.
786
00:33:38,364 --> 00:33:42,533
And I got invited to Xander
Price's house next weekend.
787
00:33:42,797 --> 00:33:44,964
So you're just gonna
trade on Becca Riley's fame
788
00:33:44,966 --> 00:33:46,849
so that you can be popular?
789
00:33:46,885 --> 00:33:47,991
What?
790
00:33:48,016 --> 00:33:49,482
I'm just saying you don't want people
791
00:33:49,507 --> 00:33:51,690
to be friends with you
for the wrong reasons.
792
00:33:51,715 --> 00:33:54,283
You're just jealous 'cause
she's so pretty and young.
793
00:33:54,308 --> 00:33:55,907
Wow.
794
00:33:55,932 --> 00:33:57,219
Hold on, there.
795
00:33:57,244 --> 00:33:58,410
Dad found someone awesome.
796
00:33:58,530 --> 00:34:00,446
You know why? 'Cause he's awesome.
797
00:34:00,482 --> 00:34:01,981
So it's too bad you kicked him out, huh?
798
00:34:01,983 --> 00:34:03,566
But it's not my fault that you're alone
799
00:34:03,591 --> 00:34:04,757
and you can't handle it.
800
00:34:11,159 --> 00:34:13,159
I can't believe you did
karaoke with Becca Riley.
801
00:34:13,161 --> 00:34:16,329
- She's so nice.
- That's so awesome.
802
00:34:16,331 --> 00:34:20,333
Trust me, some day Lilly
is gonna be like, "ew.
803
00:34:20,335 --> 00:34:22,919
Oh, my dad was ancient when he
was going out with Becca Riley."
804
00:34:22,971 --> 00:34:24,887
I really screwed up with her, Max.
805
00:34:24,923 --> 00:34:26,282
Wait, you're not gonna
yell at me and tell me
806
00:34:26,307 --> 00:34:27,503
what a crappy brother I am?
807
00:34:27,528 --> 00:34:31,246
I totally snapped on her about
the whole Becca Riley thing.
808
00:34:31,271 --> 00:34:33,271
You know, her being so excited?
809
00:34:33,296 --> 00:34:34,924
And it's not her fault.
810
00:34:34,949 --> 00:34:36,649
She's a teenager.
811
00:34:36,684 --> 00:34:39,018
It's just Jake's moving on,
812
00:34:39,020 --> 00:34:40,787
and I need to learn how to deal with it.
813
00:34:40,822 --> 00:34:43,022
Abs, give yourself a break.
814
00:34:43,074 --> 00:34:45,191
It just really hurt that all
of you were out, you know?
815
00:34:45,193 --> 00:34:48,411
My kids, my brother, all
having fun without me.
816
00:34:48,446 --> 00:34:50,663
Abs, I'm just trying to figure
out how to navigate here,
817
00:34:50,698 --> 00:34:51,864
and no one sent me a map.
818
00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:53,572
I know you and Jake go way back,
819
00:34:53,597 --> 00:34:55,246
and you're allowed to have that.
820
00:34:55,271 --> 00:34:58,690
I just need to feel like I have first dibs.
821
00:35:00,542 --> 00:35:02,258
Abby...
822
00:35:02,293 --> 00:35:03,259
always.
823
00:35:03,294 --> 00:35:05,711
- It's a deal.
- Deal?
824
00:35:05,764 --> 00:35:07,346
Deal.
825
00:35:10,635 --> 00:35:12,885
Don't worry about Becca with
the kids, 'cause she is great.
826
00:35:12,937 --> 00:35:14,937
No, no, no.
827
00:35:14,973 --> 00:35:16,722
- Yeah, right.
- Wow, too soon.
828
00:35:16,724 --> 00:35:17,824
Yup.
829
00:35:17,859 --> 00:35:20,648
Okay.
830
00:35:20,673 --> 00:35:22,784
I can't believe Jake
wouldn't fix the window.
831
00:35:22,809 --> 00:35:24,781
- Right?
- What a douche?
832
00:35:24,816 --> 00:35:27,283
- So much better.
- Uh.
833
00:35:27,318 --> 00:35:28,706
- Hi, Abby.
- Hi.
834
00:35:28,731 --> 00:35:29,635
Brutus.
835
00:35:32,123 --> 00:35:33,072
Address these things...
836
00:35:33,124 --> 00:35:34,290
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
837
00:35:34,325 --> 00:35:36,492
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
838
00:35:36,544 --> 00:35:37,543
Lyla, have a seat.
839
00:35:37,579 --> 00:35:40,663
Dan? Is everything okay?
840
00:35:43,247 --> 00:35:46,248
Am I in trouble?
841
00:35:49,167 --> 00:35:50,727
If it is about our luxury bag,
842
00:35:50,752 --> 00:35:52,919
I know, and we've been working
on getting him to give it up
843
00:35:52,921 --> 00:35:57,423
and have one that is more "locker-friendly."
844
00:35:58,325 --> 00:36:01,877
Lyla, it's been brought to my attention
845
00:36:01,912 --> 00:36:05,247
that you sent your nanny to story time.
846
00:36:05,299 --> 00:36:09,334
- Yes.
- Unavoidable work complication.
847
00:36:09,386 --> 00:36:10,836
It takes a village, right?
848
00:36:10,888 --> 00:36:14,506
The rules in the school
handbook are very clear.
849
00:36:14,508 --> 00:36:17,676
Parent volunteers may not send a proxy.
850
00:36:17,728 --> 00:36:20,679
Juanita's a very gifted storyteller.
851
00:36:20,731 --> 00:36:22,431
I'm sure she is.
852
00:36:22,483 --> 00:36:24,349
That's not really the point.
853
00:36:24,351 --> 00:36:26,518
It sends a message to the children
854
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:30,489
that they're not your priority.
855
00:36:30,524 --> 00:36:32,941
Excuse me?
856
00:36:32,993 --> 00:36:35,861
Would an apology help here?
857
00:36:35,863 --> 00:36:39,198
I understand that divorce
can be a trying time,
858
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:40,249
so an apology...
859
00:36:40,284 --> 00:36:41,767
- No, no, no, no.
860
00:36:41,802 --> 00:36:44,345
By all means, I apologize.
861
00:36:44,370 --> 00:36:47,756
I apologize for having a job.
862
00:36:47,792 --> 00:36:50,876
I'm sorry I make a substantial income
863
00:36:50,928 --> 00:36:54,546
to pay for your green-grocer, small-batch,
864
00:36:54,548 --> 00:36:56,215
locally-sourced, farm-to-table,
865
00:36:56,267 --> 00:36:57,599
- epically-butchered...
- Lyla.
866
00:36:57,635 --> 00:36:59,218
Hormone-free,
867
00:36:59,220 --> 00:37:02,054
- gluten-intolerant bills.
- Lyla.
868
00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:04,807
But here's the thing.
869
00:37:04,859 --> 00:37:07,442
I don't work, my kids don't go to school.
870
00:37:07,478 --> 00:37:10,910
So if you want to call and
tell me tuition is free,
871
00:37:10,956 --> 00:37:13,509
I be happy to be here to story time.
872
00:37:13,534 --> 00:37:18,654
and arbor day and kid's court
and snack bar and talent night
873
00:37:18,706 --> 00:37:20,823
and the nose-picking Olympics
874
00:37:20,875 --> 00:37:24,576
and every other bull[Bleep] holiday
875
00:37:24,628 --> 00:37:28,046
that costs me a fortune.
876
00:37:28,082 --> 00:37:31,049
But if you're not gonna tell
me it's free, I've got to work,
877
00:37:31,085 --> 00:37:36,338
'cause I'm a working mother with
a boatload of mouths to feed.
878
00:37:36,390 --> 00:37:38,590
Is there anything else
879
00:37:38,642 --> 00:37:42,594
you'd like to discuss
pertaining to my children?
880
00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:45,097
Don't call me in here again.
881
00:37:52,606 --> 00:37:53,856
Damn it.
882
00:37:57,194 --> 00:37:59,278
Yes? I know, I know, I know.
883
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:03,115
Please tell the Disney
people that I'm about to...
884
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:05,284
I'm running late. My
morning meeting went long.
885
00:38:05,286 --> 00:38:06,668
Thank you.
886
00:38:54,343 --> 00:38:59,928
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9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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