Original subtitles

Burn my farm...

Kill my son!

They're all bloody going to die!

Father!

Father Jeppum,

we don't know that this was the Dengdamors,

and we don't know that Panto is dead!

Panto is missing.

Want me to think

that they took him on some kind of holiday?

He said he was trying to get to the other world.

He said Wakti Wapnasi was going to help him

to fulfill the prophecy.

Our home is Inglenook,

and the Dengdamors plan on burning it all away.

It's only because of the missing boy,

Farson!

The Dengdamors think we're responsible.

If we could just find him--

Find the boy?

Find the boy?

My son, your brother, is dead.

Shame you, Litzibitz!

Shame you!

Kellum Knights!

Halt!

Father!

Pleasant evening, Sir Trost.

Did you bring the weapon you showed me?

In the box,

a gift from the Mage.

These men serve the Mage, Father.

The evil that will tear our world apart.

Abandon the prophecy.

This...

This is real.

Death to the Dengdamors!

Rise and shine, everybody!

We got a full of day of...

well, nothing.

But now that you guys are up,

you wanna hang out?

What's happening? Are we free to go?

Just 'cause you're prisoners

does not mean you have to live like caged animals.

Actually,

the term "prisoner" literally--

Means something different today than it used to.

Words change meaning.

Like "literally,"

which now figuratively means "totally."

So it's perfectly acceptable to say--

It's too early for this.

Excuse me, Tina,

I know this is a strange ask,

but, um, do you have any clothes I could wear?

Clothes? Sure.

We got all sorts of old uniforms.

You're offering us...

police uniforms?

Old ones.

Plus, if you wanna look,

Hobbs has got stuff in evidence lock-up

from the campgrounds every year after Sound of Nothing,

since, like, the '80s.

And by "Sound of Nothing," you mean...

It's a music festival.

You're telling me

you've got, like, vintage police uniforms,

and old rockstar, hippy clothes,

and you're just willing to let us wear them?

Yup.

Wanna come on out and take a look?

Mm-hm.

Okay.

Door.

Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry!

Hmm.

Best case ever.

Wait, don't look yet.

Okay, come on.

It's not like I haven't seen it all before.

Not in this harsh lighting.

You look great, though.

It suits you.

This feels wrong.

I mean, yeah,

I've wanted to work in law enforcement

my entire life,

just like the rest of my family, but...

I mean, a uniform is something to be... earned.

Wait...

Ma'am, do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Oh, officer, was I going too fast?

Yup.

I became a cop 'cause I love guns

every bit as much as I hate fun--

Okay, you're ruining it.

Right.

-Sorry! -Mm-hmm.

Oh... okay.

Would you look at that?

Whoa.

Nice chisel work, Sheriff.

Would you like to give it a try?

No, I'm...

I read in your file that you're trained in this stuff.

No, really--

Otherwise, we gotta call the coroner.

He's two hours away.

Come on. Why not?

Well, laws. All the laws, but--

Just take it.

Yeah.

Hey!

Dirk!

We've got a dead body in a tree in here,

and they're letting us poke it.

Do you wanna take a look?

Um...

This is like the most Dirk-type deal I've ever seen.

I think I'm okay out here for now,

thank you, Todd.

You all seem to have the tree... man under control,

so...

Maybe he's squeamish.

He's not.

Oh! What made those holes? Bugs?

No...

Look at the fissures around the hole.

It's a puncture wound.

He was already dead

when whatever put him in a tree...

put him there.

This was a murder.

Vogel, I appreciate you stealing this food for me,

but maybe let's just keep, like, a lower profile.

Right, "profile."

I know that word.

Just... less smashing.

And if anyone asks,

you can tell them that you're my, uh...

Son!

You're older than me.

Grandson!

Boyfriend.

What!?

Gah!

Ah!

All right, calm down, this is just rude now.

Bah...

How did you find them?

Oh, come on, finding them wasn't hard.

A rash of assaults and vandalisms

by two young people clad in black.

They're traveling in a car with a "3" on it.

It's not exactly geometry.

So this has got to be Hector Cardenas then, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, both bodies are the same age,

only two miles apart.

Could whatever put him inside the tree

put the car up in the other tree?

Like some kind of tree... weapon?

I'm just spit-balling.

Maybe..

it was an accident.

An accident?

Yeah, like...

they had some kind of argument,

and he got angry, and went...

inside the tree...

and then she flew her new car off

up into the...

sky...

What is going on with you?

Nothing. Fine-ness.

Okay, actually,

what if it were more of a case of--

Hi, Dirk.

I'd like to report a crime.

I want to understand, I really do,

but why is there not like, a breakdown video,

you know, just all this,

boom, ten minutes.

Done.

And it only goes back to 2005,

after the first program had already been shut down.

Where's all the other stuff, from, like, the original...

Oh, it's...

It's right here.

They never had them converted.

Apparently it wasn't a priority.

We have a drive to access these disks,

but they're encrypted.

We'd have to get an authorization,

have a cyber guy sent over, fill out a full report--

Uh...

Cyber, like a...

computer guy?

Like a tech...

guy?

You want me to de-encrypt

a five-and-a-quarter-inch floppy disk

from the year 2000?

Yes.

Like as an in-house,

sort of hush-hush deal.

A "hush-hush" deal.

Yeah, 'cause I don't want to ask

the people above me,

the, um, the money-- you know, the supervisors,

I don't want them to know

that I don't really know what I'm doing,

so I thought this could be like a you-and-me thing.

Well, encryption on disks this old

is definitely outdated.

I mean, there is a chance I could do it

with the right equipment.

Okay, yeah. Anything you need, yeah.

I mean, what is this stuff?

That's the... stuff, man,

on the subjects. Marzanna--

Bart?

The whole deal,

all the people they used to keep in here.

And you're gonna give me access

to read all of that?

Yeah.

As a... favor?

Can I get out of this taxi?

So just right this way.

Right this way... uh, Madam.

Here we go.

Okay.

Okay, there, we're just gonna, you know, keep you in there,

for, uh, just for right now.

Look, this is pointless.

Nothing can keep me captured.

You think I haven't been in one of these before?

If I wanna open it,

it'll just open 'cause it's old, or broken, or whatever.

I'm not the person out there attacking people with shapes.

Hey...

do you guys know Ken?

Ken Schmidt?

6'6", red hair?

There are two Kens?

Okay, enough.

What happened to you?

Oh, I'm not talking to you.

I'm only talking to real police officers.

You know what, this woman,

she stabbed me in the leg,

so I'm not talking to you two until you--

Fine!

Fine by me.

Uh, Tina?

Ahem. Okay.

Whose blood is on you right now?

Okay,

so I was killing people down by this hole

after I fell off my bike.

They're all dead,

but there's this woman there,

and she's screaming and crying,

and so I says to her, "I will not kill you,"

so she picks up this stick,

and she shoots these shapes into the air,

and then bam!

I go down into this big hole!

I mean, what's that about, right?

Well, I didn't even kill her,

and she attacked me for no reason.

Have you ever had somebody

attack you for no reason?

Y-You tried to kill me!

Dirk, I did not kill you two times.

Right now, it makes three times I'm not killing you.

I mean, we're practically best friends.

Whoa, I'm just gonna...

Hey, uh, just take a time-out here,

I want to rewind you back a little bit.

Did you say that you were killing people?

Look, I'm trying to be better.

You know? I'm trying to take control of my life.

So I'm killing some people, and not other people.

The woman who attacked you,

do you remember anything else about her?

Yeah, she had yellow hair, and she couldn't walk right,

and she made a noise like, uh...

"Oh, my God! Please don't kill me!"

Blech.

Give us a second.

We'll be right back.

Blonde hair and a limp.

That sounds like Suzie Boreton.

Yes, of course.

Who is she?

Married to Bob Boreton.

He manages the Sit and Stay Put Motel.

That's where we were staying.

Shit, I knew the name Cardenas was familiar.

It was on the sign for the motel.

That's right, they owned it in the '60s.

Yeah! Aah, man! Aah!

That's a...

This is one of the, uh...

Everything is connected?

Yes! Yes!

Arrest her and shoot her in the face!

She's... less catchy.

Jeanette!

Hi! Ooh...

Hello, ladies.

I am so excited for book club today.

Or more like wine club, if you know what I'm saying?

Come on out.

Hey, Hobbs, I meant to say,

I really appreciate the "not turning us in

and letting us come along" thing.

Oh, yeah, well, you know,

things get pretty slow around here.

So, let me ask you,

what, um, what's your deal?

I mean, does he, uh...

well, does he pay you?

He's my friend.

He helps me.

Or not exactly "helps," but...

It's good to know

that not everything happens for a reason,

like, maybe some things do?

Huh.

Yeah, yeah...

Yeah, I like that.

Something feels strange.

That's a good sign.

It means we're close to something.

No, no, nothing holistic,

it's just, uh...

If nobody's home,

why isn't the dog barking?

Yeah, the dog should be barking its head off

right now.

The dang thing is always in a tantrum.

Wait.

Where's Dirk?

Oh--

Excuse me.

Hello.

Sorry to interrupt your...

whatever this is,

uh, but my name is Dirk Gently.

I'm a detective working with local law enforcement.

Uh, okay, listen--

Ooh, you seem... ill.

Are you distressed, or--

okay, listen, maybe actually just very scary.

So, I, uh...

I'm-I'm here about an incident

that may have involved your wife,

and a very murdery type of person

who identifies as "Bart,"

but I'm sure you're fine, actually,

and come to think of it, I should maybe be going--

Dirk!

Todd?

Bob!

Oh!

Put the gol-darn gun down, Bob.

Trespassing.

Bob, can you hear me?

Put the goddamn gun down, Bob!

Where'd you get the brass knuckles from?

You didn't... you didn't search us.

Right.

Halt where you stand!

Hey. Easy...

Why are you following me?

Why does this bear the insignia of The Mage?

What was the metal creature that attacked me?

Tina!

Sorry! Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry!

Put down the scissors, and we'll talk about it!

Put down the scissors.

Put 'em down, man!

Tina! Yo-yo!

Whoo!

Yeah, girl!

I mean, it's cool.

Ahem. I'm cool. It's cool.

It's a good job, though.

Hey! What are you--

There you are. Where did you go?

Did you get her?

How'd you get the bell from out here into your cell?

Maybe don't get so close to that.

Right, thank you.

Hey, I'm not talking to you anymore--

You're being weird.

Even for you.

Well, I was just thrown through a doghouse

by a zombie, Todd, so--

You were being weird before that.

Don't you think all of this relates back

to finding the boy?

I thought you were excited about being on a new case.

What's with the attitude?

I am--

Or-- yeah, I-I was, but...

Why do you have pararibulitus, Todd?

Why?

Exactly.

Find the lady, and I'll give you the bell!

Find the lady,

and I'll give you the bell!

It's okay...

It'll be okay...

God, Mom, where you been?

There's nothing to eat!

I'm starving!

Honey, hi, I'm sorry.

I was busy today.

You know, Dad's sleeping in his room.

Looks like he hit his head.

His head? Hmm!

And I can't find the dog anywhere.

And you look...

weird,

like, different.

Ugh, okay, I don't wanna talk about it, all right?

Just give me my phone back.

Your phone?

Your phone...

Shit.

This is it.

This place is important.

Something happens here,

or happened here.

I can't tell.

So, what now, boss?

18.

Thank you.

Holy shit.

My name is on this pill bottle.

Ha!

How can that even possibly be?

Oh, my God.

No way.

Todd?

Oh, no way, no way, no way!

Drummer!

You did it! You found them!

Wait!

Lemme go, man! What's your malfunction?

No, no, no, something's not--

Guys!

Guys!

Hello, Vogel.

No... Y-you?

It's Blackwing.

It's Black... It's Blackwing!

It's Blackwing!

It's Blackwing!

You can talk to me, you know.

He's got pink hair.

The unconscious guy, he's got pink hair.

Because of course he does.

Dirk, why did you ask me why I had pararibulitus?

Because...

When I was in Blackwing, I wanted to get out so badly.

I had this fantasy that I would escape,

and just go right back to you and Farah,

and we would start the detective agency,

and it would be brilliant.

We would solve mysteries and help people,

and it would all be somehow...

I don't know, better.

Calmer.

But nothing's better.

Nothing's calmer.

It all just is--

and always will be.

You're not a pawn, Dirk.

It's not, like... predestined.

Fate and chance don't cancel each other out.

You don't know that.

Yes, I do.

I've seen it.

I've seen you fail, but I've also seen you win.

You can't let the universe push you around.

That's how you end up

getting slammed through doghouses.

You have to make bigger choices.

You want answers?

Take control of your life, Dirk.

Is that your British accent? That was awful--

-I don't do accents. -No, I love it.

Yo.

Pink hair's awake.

Vensas!

I know you're there.

I believe you have something of mine.

I'd like it back.

If you won't give it,

I'll have to take it.

No...

No...

No, it's mine!

Hello again, Suzanne Boreton.

What a pleasant surprise.

My name is Panto Trost,

Lord Prince of the Valley of Inglenook

in the Land of Wendimoor.

I came to your world

through the Pool of the Empty Throne,

with help from Wakti Wapnasi,

forest witch of the Santi Santiga,

who guides the Bofuki Nepoo.

She foretold the prophecy I seek to enact,

that once the great dark wizard found his apprentice,

no one in Wendimoor could defeat him,

and his army would come like a tide.

The only hope to save Wendimoor

is if the fiercest of foes were united,

the great weapon is retrieved,

and she-who-sees-all opened a door into a dream,

allowing through a man,

who, with him, would bring a boy...

The boy who would save our world.

Um...

just quickly...

Who is the dark wizard, who is his apprentice,

who are the foes, who is "she,"

what is the dream,

who is the man,

what is the "great weapon,"

and, perhaps most importantly,

who is the boy?

Hmm...

These things I know not.

I have only one answer.

The man who could bring the boy,

the man who could save my family,

my world...

his name is Dirk Gently.

Do you know Ken?

It's not supposed to go this way.

The voice said

I can die here

or things can change.

How long do y'all plan

for this to go on for?

Honest question.

I'm trying to be a friend here.

So what's the big plan?

You know, what's the end game?

Jacob!

Amanda!

I could bring you back to the boys.

I have the rest of Project Incubus.

They are just waiting for you.

This could have a very happy ending.

Yeah... Yeah, good, good.

Okay, okay...

What do we do?

I don't know.

This isn't how this ends.

What?

This isn't how this ends.

Something else is supposed to happen.

I am supposed to do something.

Look, I know that guy.

What if he's truthing,

and the guys are out there waiting for me?

Vogel, he is not telling you the truth.

The Rowdy 3 are my family, boss!

You said you would help me find them.

What if this is it?

Vogel...

you're all I've got left.

Please listen to me.

Okay?

Don't go out there.

What's it gonna be, Ms. Brotzman?

Here we go.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry, boys.

I can't stay here!

It's that shit!

Not so spooky now, eh, Dracula?

Yes!

Yes, subdue him!

Detain him now!

I'll do things on my calendar,

Mr. Friedkin, thank you.

Come on!

Come on.

Things have gotten out of control.

I'm switching to lethal.

No, no, capture them alive!

I'm taking the shot.

No, do not take the shot!

That is an order.

Do not take the shot.

I'm taking the shot.

Do not take the shot!

I'm taking the shot.

I took the shot.

No, no, something's wrong, something's wrong, okay?

Someone's got to do something!

Someone's going to do something.

I'm sorry, boss!

I messed up!

I messed up!

Whoever you are, if you're gonna do something,

why don't you do it now?

Do it now!

Don't... do... Oh...

Yeah, they vanished.

They vanished?

Hoo, boy...

This is gonna be a wild one!

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