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1
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:13,389
There's a bike here, Derek.
2
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:16,189
It's in good nick.
3
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:17,949
You can ride it home, mate.
4
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:18,989
I can't.
5
00:00:18,990 --> 00:00:20,029
Why not?
6
00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,069
I can't ride a bike.
7
00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:22,669
What do you mean,
you can't ride a bike?
8
00:00:22,670 --> 00:00:25,149
I never learned when I was
little. No-one taught me.
9
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,269
Well, I'll teach you.
Will ya?
10
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:31,270
Yeah, course I will. Sit on it.
11
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Feet on the pedals.
12
00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:39,869
Pure trust.
13
00:00:39,870 --> 00:00:40,909
Well, get up, then.
14
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:41,849
Get up?
15
00:00:41,946 --> 00:00:42,989
Yeah, always get up, mate.
16
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,429
Always get up.
Always get up.
17
00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:45,469
First rule.
18
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:46,589
First rule. Always get up.
19
00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:47,629
Always get up.
20
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,389
Feet on the pedals.
But this time...
21
00:00:50,390 --> 00:00:51,429
Done it again.
22
00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:52,989
I was going to say push down
on the...
23
00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:55,149
Doesn't matter,
we can do it next time, so, get up.
24
00:00:55,150 --> 00:00:57,349
Get up. Yeah, always get up, mate,
remember?
25
00:00:57,350 --> 00:01:00,149
Yeah. That's it.
26
00:01:00,150 --> 00:01:01,549
There we go.
27
00:01:01,550 --> 00:01:02,949
Back on again.
Yeah.
28
00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:06,950
It's going to be a long day.
29
00:01:16,230 --> 00:01:18,709
I never had a dad
when I was little,
30
00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:21,069
so no-one taught me
to ride a bike.
31
00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:25,070
My mum didn't want me to learn
cos she didn't want me to fall off.
32
00:01:25,990 --> 00:01:27,317
She had a point.
33
00:01:27,342 --> 00:01:29,466
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
34
00:01:29,470 --> 00:01:33,229
That's the difference
between mums and dads.
35
00:01:33,230 --> 00:01:35,749
Mums never want you to fall off.
36
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:39,750
Dads want you to fall off straightaway
so you know what it feels like,
37
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:43,830
and if you get hurt,
you won't fall off again.
38
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:48,949
Sorry I wasn't there
to teach you, Derek.
39
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:51,229
That's all right. It wouldn't
have made a difference.
40
00:01:51,230 --> 00:01:54,029
I can't ride it now so I couldn't
have rided it then. I'm useless.
41
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,629
Ah, that's the last thing
you are, boy.
42
00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:58,469
You're going to be riding it
in no time at all.
43
00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:00,189
Will you still be alive
to see me riding it?
44
00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:04,190
Well, if you hurry up, I might.
45
00:02:04,230 --> 00:02:08,230
If not, you can ride it
to the funeral.
46
00:02:10,870 --> 00:02:12,549
You can do your own tweets.
47
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:14,029
Is that for me?
48
00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:18,030
Yes, it's a present, and Vicky
has got it all set up and running.
49
00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:21,869
Look.
50
00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:24,029
What's that?
51
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:25,749
Is that one of them
what you ask it questions?
52
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,350
Yes.
53
00:02:29,110 --> 00:02:31,070
What would win out of a
gorilla and an orang-utan?
54
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:32,909
Here's a recipe... What?
55
00:02:32,910 --> 00:02:35,229
..for grilled meringues.
56
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:36,269
Look, I got me own phone.
57
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:38,149
I know. It's brilliant, innit?
58
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,189
Yeah.
59
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:40,989
I've got another surprise for you.
What?
60
00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:42,029
You've got a date.
61
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:43,069
What, off the website?
62
00:02:43,070 --> 00:02:45,509
Yeah.
63
00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:47,269
I can't really go, though, can I,
cos I'm...
64
00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,229
Is she a nice little filly?
65
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:51,629
Yeah, she looks lovely, Derek.
66
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,389
Go on, son, get stuck in.
Stuck in.
67
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:58,189
What if she thinks I'm awful,
like, I'm pathetic or summat?
68
00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:00,629
She chose you, Derek!
69
00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:03,909
Shall I book a restaurant?
70
00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:05,069
Yeah? Yeah.
71
00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:06,989
Yeah? Yeah.
72
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:10,709
Excellent.
73
00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,109
Going on a date.
74
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:16,110
That's right.
75
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,389
You just got to relax
and be yourself, Derek.
76
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:21,469
Yeah.
77
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:24,149
They're helping me work out
what things to say on the date
78
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,629
cos I ain't never been on one
before, I don't know what to say.
79
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:27,669
What shall I say?
80
00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:29,149
Well, ask her what she likes.
81
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:31,229
What, what? Just say,
"What things do you like?"
82
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:32,469
Yeah. Yeah, what things
do you like?
83
00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:34,549
I know what she likes.
Sh!
84
00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:38,029
Er, ask her what she does
and where she's from.
85
00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:40,029
What d'you do? Where you
from? Yeah, and, you know,
86
00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:41,069
things she wants to talk about.
87
00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:42,949
What d'you want to talk about? Yeah.
88
00:03:42,950 --> 00:03:44,909
Is she up for it?
89
00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:45,989
Oh, shut up.
90
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:49,389
I won't shut... This is bollocks. Put
your pen and pad down, mate. Simple.
91
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:53,390
Easy. Number one -
stop gurning like a goldfish...
92
00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:55,949
All that business.
93
00:03:55,950 --> 00:03:58,989
Number two - stop combing your hair
forward like an old monk.
94
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:02,990
And number three - stop doing
that like... like pincers,
95
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,709
like a lobster or a crab.
96
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,469
What would win out of
a lobster and a crab?
97
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,509
And that's got to stop also.
98
00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:08,989
All the, "What would win?
What would win?"
99
00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:10,509
I don't want questions,
I want answers.
100
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:11,989
What would win out of
answers and questions?
101
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,429
Fuckin' hell!
102
00:04:13,430 --> 00:04:16,949
Can't believe you're going on
a date when your dad's ill.
103
00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:17,989
Should I not go?
104
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,109
Of course you should go, Derek.
105
00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:21,869
Geoff, could you do me
a favour? Yeah.
106
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,109
Shut the fuck up.
107
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,869
Sorry.
108
00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:29,429
Careful.
109
00:04:29,430 --> 00:04:32,589
Aw, 50-year-old man
gets a date. Wow!
110
00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:36,590
Call the paparazzi.
Stop the press, you know?
111
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:43,310
Why is he getting all the attention?
112
00:04:59,190 --> 00:05:01,549
Come on, Derek, we gotta go!
It's nearly time to go!
113
00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:03,389
You gotta get ready for your date!
114
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,949
He's doing really well.
115
00:05:05,950 --> 00:05:08,829
Trust me, that was him doing well.
116
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:12,830
Come on!
117
00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:14,149
He's so excited.
118
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:16,469
Is he? I just wish I could come
and see what they're talking about.
119
00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:17,509
I know, she seemed really lovely.
120
00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,869
Yeah, she looked nice.
121
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,909
Here he is.
Oh, look at him!
122
00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:22,269
Wow! You look gorgeous, Derek.
123
00:05:22,270 --> 00:05:23,509
Thank you.
124
00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:25,189
Look, real shoes, real trousers.
125
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,229
You look so smart.
126
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:27,709
Here you are, Derek.
I got you a drink.
127
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:29,989
Thank you, thank you.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
128
00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:32,549
She's a lucky girl, ain't she?
Yeah. Yeah.
129
00:05:32,550 --> 00:05:33,749
Oh, my god! What the fuck?!
130
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,909
Oh! What did you do that for?!
131
00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:38,069
Prat! Let me check it.
132
00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:39,989
You can see he's dressed up.
You're a bully, mate.
133
00:05:39,990 --> 00:05:42,349
Yeah? What are you...? Yeah, what
are you gonna do about it, mate?
134
00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:43,789
- Fuck off!
- What the fuck?!
135
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:46,389
What did you...? What are you doing?
Derek! Let go, Derek.
136
00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:47,429
You're gonna get in trouble!
137
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,309
Is Kev all right?
Yes, he's fine!
138
00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:50,509
Sorry.
139
00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:53,669
He's fine. Kev, are you OK?
Are you all right?
140
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:55,909
Are you OK, Kev?
141
00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:57,949
- You've hurt yourself.
- My drink.
142
00:05:57,950 --> 00:05:59,709
Don't worry about your drink.
143
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,229
Are you OK, Derek? Yeah.
144
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,629
Geoff didn't... wasn't hurt, was he?
145
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:03,869
Don't worry about Geoff.
146
00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:07,870
You all right, Kev? Yeah.
147
00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,229
Cheers, Kev.
148
00:06:10,230 --> 00:06:11,509
Stupid prick.
149
00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:13,309
Shall I still go on the date?
150
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:17,109
Of course
you've got to go on the date.
151
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:20,189
See you later, Kev.
Good luck, mate.
152
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:21,349
See ya, cheers.
153
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,989
Have fun, Derek, yeah?
154
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:26,589
Yeah.
155
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:28,989
Come on.
You'll be great, mate.
156
00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:32,990
Thank you.
157
00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:39,429
You don't need to run, Derek.
158
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:40,949
Geoff.
159
00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:42,949
Sorry.
160
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:46,269
No... I'm sorry. It was my fault.
I was a total idiot, Derek.
161
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:47,949
Don't worry. I'm sorry.
162
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,269
Thank you. Have a good time, yeah?
163
00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:53,189
Thank you. Enjoy yourself.
164
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:56,229
Right, well, that's another job
I'll have to leave, then.
165
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,949
No, you haven't got to leave.
166
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:01,069
Look, can I give you
a bit of advice, Geoff?
167
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,629
Yeah.
168
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,989
Do you think that you could try
169
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:09,990
and not be an arsehole
all of the time?
170
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,229
Yeah. Yeah?
171
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:15,069
OK, yeah. Yeah?
You'll be all right, then.
172
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:19,070
Thanks. See ya later.
173
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,069
Is that it?
174
00:07:29,070 --> 00:07:30,629
Yeah. Looks nice.
175
00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:34,630
Yeah.
176
00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:42,829
Good evening, sir.
177
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,069
Sir.
178
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:46,349
Do you have a reservation?
179
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:47,509
I've got a date.
180
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,789
Right, wha... what's your name?
181
00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:49,829
Derek.
182
00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:52,989
Derek who? Derek Noakes.
183
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:54,429
Er...
184
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:58,430
Oh, yes, yep. Your... Your guest's
already at the table.
185
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:00,549
What are they?
186
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:01,589
Er, mints.
187
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:02,829
Are they free?
188
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:03,869
Yes.
189
00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:05,709
Can I have one, please?
190
00:08:05,710 --> 00:08:09,710
Er... they're normally
for after the meal.
191
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,909
Can I have one now?
192
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:13,949
Er... yep.
193
00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:17,309
Thank you.
194
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,429
There's free mints up there.
195
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:20,469
I'm Derek.
196
00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:22,029
I'm Tracey.
197
00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:23,869
Hello. Waiter.
198
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,509
Drink to start?
199
00:08:25,510 --> 00:08:26,749
Eh...
200
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,549
A diet Coke, please.
201
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,149
I's diet Coke.
202
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:32,229
Two diet Cokes, no problem.
203
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:33,549
Two straws.
204
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:37,550
Sure. The menu, there for you.
Thank you.
205
00:08:58,630 --> 00:09:00,349
What you doing?!
Have you got the list?
206
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:02,549
No! I left it back
at the home, then.
207
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,069
Have you just left her
sitting there? I need the list.
208
00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:07,629
You don't need the list, Derek.
209
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:11,630
You just have to talk
about yourself. And her.
210
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:16,190
Thank you.
211
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,789
I forgot the list.
Of questions what to ask.
212
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:26,989
Do you want to borrow mine?
213
00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,990
Yes, please.
214
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,149
Oh, yeah.
215
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:33,709
What things do you like?
216
00:09:33,710 --> 00:09:37,710
Oh, I don't know. I only made a list
of questions, not answers.
217
00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:42,189
Ask me them, then.
218
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,869
What things do you like?
219
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:48,749
Susan Boyle, cats, Hannah,
old people, Robbie Williams,
220
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:52,349
Britain's Got Talent, Miranda,
monkeys, piglets,
221
00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:53,590
Mrs Brown Boys.
222
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,869
Brilliant. I like burping.
223
00:09:57,870 --> 00:09:59,590
I likes burping.
224
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:14,190
That sounded like a camel.
225
00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:17,229
Can you burp?
Eh, pardon?
226
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:18,789
Can you burp?
227
00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:19,989
Er, no.
228
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,909
Thank you. We likes burping,
don't we?
229
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:25,349
You have chosen your food?
230
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,149
No.
231
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,509
What's gran... wee...?
232
00:10:30,510 --> 00:10:32,189
Eh, cuisses de grenouille.
Yeah.
233
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:35,389
It's a starter.
It's, um, er, frog's legs.
234
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:36,589
What?
235
00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:39,149
Frog's legs. The legs of a frog.
236
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,869
The legs off a... what,
a real frog?
237
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:44,509
Sure. About seven or eight
in the portion.
238
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:48,510
What about the frogs what legs
you took off? Are they disabled now?
239
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:52,269
No, no... the frog is dead.
240
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:55,709
Obviously. We only eat the leg.
241
00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:58,549
It's a delicacy.
Tastes a little bit like chicken.
242
00:10:58,550 --> 00:10:59,829
Have you got any chicken?
243
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,669
The poulet. Yeah.
244
00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:02,709
That is the chicken.
245
00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:06,109
So, why, why you eating frogs
before the chicken's run out?
246
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,469
No, it's two different dishes.
247
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:10,789
What's that one? L'escargott.
248
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:13,189
L'escargot is, er, snails.
249
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:14,869
What? Snails.
250
00:11:14,870 --> 00:11:17,549
Snails? Garlic, herb butter on...
251
00:11:17,550 --> 00:11:19,709
Sure, snails. It's a...
252
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:20,949
What? Real snails?
253
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:23,269
Mm-hm. Cooked, of course.
254
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,549
Of course. Could you eat a slug?
255
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,029
No.
256
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,229
But you eats a snail and a frog.
257
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,029
You can probably best
just go for the chicken.
258
00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:33,309
I'll have the chicken, please. Sure.
259
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:37,310
I'll have chicken. OK.
260
00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,269
Does anyone want a cup of tea?
261
00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,749
No, thanks.
262
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,789
Sheila? D'you want a cup of tea,
Sheila?
263
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,189
Yes, please.
264
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,269
Yeah?
265
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:24,389
How d'ya...? How d'ya have it?
Milk and one sugar.
266
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:26,109
Milk and one. Right.
267
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:28,269
D'you want one, Vicky?
268
00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:31,109
Yeah, go on, then.
I'll have the same as Sheila.
269
00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:33,469
Yeah? Right. Two milk and one. OK.
270
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,949
Give you a hand?
271
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:38,950
Yeah. Yeah, go on, then. Be good.
272
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:52,349
Don't worry about it.
273
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:56,350
I used to be a dickhead.
274
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:58,949
OK.
275
00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:01,629
Come on. Don't want to leave Sheila
waiting.
276
00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:02,669
Yeah.
277
00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:04,909
Make sure you make it strong,
though. She likes it strong.
278
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,909
Right.
279
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:11,629
Ah. Madam... Monsieur...
280
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:13,869
Deux coq au vin.
281
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:14,989
What?
282
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:18,429
Coq au vin.
283
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,029
Mainly chicken, though, innit?
284
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:23,389
Yes.
285
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:27,390
Bon appetit.
286
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:29,709
I'm going to just leave that bit.
287
00:13:29,710 --> 00:13:32,442
Just in case? Is that a good idea?
288
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:43,414
I liked that. It was tasty,
wasn't it? Lovely.
289
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:44,949
Have you ever triple-spudded?
290
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:45,989
What's that?
291
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:49,229
Well, I once... I had mashed potato,
roast potato and some chips.
292
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:50,829
Triple-spudding.
293
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,869
You're finished?
294
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:52,989
Thank you.
295
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:55,269
You're welcome.
That was brilliant.
296
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:57,069
Thanks.
What's your favourite animal?
297
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,109
Horse.
298
00:13:58,110 --> 00:14:00,789
I likes horses. Do you
like the little ones, like that?
299
00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:02,589
You mean dogs?
300
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:05,069
No.
301
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:08,029
No, just those tiny... Those little
miniature horses you can get.
302
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:09,469
Oh, yeah.
303
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:11,349
Yeah. You're funny.
You looks like your picture.
304
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,469
So do you.
Yeah.
305
00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:14,549
Have you been on a horse?
306
00:14:14,550 --> 00:14:18,109
No. I fed a horse. D'you know why
you've got to do it like that?
307
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,909
So that, um, it does that and it
308
00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:22,269
doesn't bite your fingers.
Like that.
309
00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:23,309
Did you feel its tongue?
310
00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:25,549
No, just its lips.
Do horses got tongues?
311
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:27,149
Do they lick things, horses?
312
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,949
Think so. Dogs do.
Dogs licks things.
313
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:32,069
That's why you're not allowed to kiss
dogs, because it's been licking things.
314
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:34,789
Right, and a cat's tongue, it heals
you cos it's got a rough tongue.
315
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,509
You know a dog's nose is wet
but a cat's nose is dry?
316
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,989
Hello?
Dessert for you?
317
00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:40,549
Thank you.
318
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,549
Did anyone eat frogs here
tonight?
319
00:14:42,550 --> 00:14:46,029
Nobody ordered the frog tonight.
320
00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:50,030
I licked a toad once.
It was horrible.
321
00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:55,709
Yeah. He's doing really well.
322
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:59,710
It looks like he's having a nice
time.
323
00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:04,109
I'm sure he'll tell me all about it.
324
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:05,749
OK.
325
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:08,109
All right, well, I'll see you later.
326
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:12,110
Yeah, me too. OK, bye.
327
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,389
Mm, I like that.
328
00:15:17,390 --> 00:15:18,429
I like the crunchy bits.
329
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:20,229
Yeah. Creme brulee. Thank you.
330
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:22,389
Brilliant. Have you seen, erm...
331
00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:25,029
dormouse snoring on YouTube?
332
00:15:25,030 --> 00:15:26,709
It's the best thing what I've
ever seen.
333
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:29,189
It's as good as baby monkey
riding backwards on a pig
334
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:32,869
or hamster on a piano eating
popcorn, or even shopping penguin.
335
00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:34,069
It's a magic towel.
336
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:37,869
Yeah, fine, great.
337
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,069
You'll love it. You look it up.
338
00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:42,909
Voila.
Thank you.
339
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:46,910
Oh, sorry, no! That's the towels.
340
00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:52,869
They looks just like the mints.
341
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,629
Thank you.
342
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:58,630
Just, er...
343
00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:04,990
French food is funny, innit?
344
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:12,550
That's my friend Hannah.
Oh, that's me dad.
345
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:18,990
Bye, then.
Bye.
346
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,429
Did you have a good time?
Yeah. It was brilliant.
347
00:16:33,430 --> 00:16:34,469
Did you?
Yeah.
348
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:36,149
Have you ever heard of
creme brulee?
349
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,589
I've heard of it.
It's French.
350
00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:38,709
Oh, right, is it nice?
351
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:39,989
It's like a pudding...
Nice!
352
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:41,709
..but with a crusty bit on top...
Ah.
353
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:45,710
..what's burnt, but it's like
toffee.
354
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,189
Dad. Hello.
355
00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:02,789
Hello. I've just been on my date.
356
00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:05,469
Jesus! You're back early.
357
00:17:05,470 --> 00:17:09,470
Yeah. I said I had to get back,
to see you.
358
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:13,790
I couldn't stay that long with her.
So I said goodbye to her and come down.
359
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:19,750
Always choose the girl, boy.
360
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:35,230
Do you want a whisky?
No, thanks.
361
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:41,070
Do you mind if I have one?
362
00:17:56,390 --> 00:18:00,389
I loves being alive.
It's my favouritest thing.
363
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,789
I loves every day. I don't want
it to end.
364
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,269
But I looks forward to
the next day starting.
365
00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:08,589
I even like sleeping,
cos I likes dreaming.
366
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:12,590
Cos, um, my dreams are just as good
as my real life.
367
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,269
They're sort of the same, really.
368
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:18,189
I basically dreams about
what's happened that day,
369
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:22,190
except I can fly sometimes,
and animals talks to me.
370
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:24,549
Animals what I've helped.
371
00:18:24,550 --> 00:18:28,189
Cos they can't say thank you in real life
but they says thank you in my dreams.
372
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:32,029
Cos I think that's what they
would say if they could.
373
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:36,030
I sometime knows I'm dreaming, d'you
know what I mean? I do that.
374
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:40,910
I knows I'm dreaming and I says,
"Oh, I gotta wake up now. Bye."
375
00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:47,310
And my mum says, "Bye, Derek, see
you tomorrow night. Have a nice day."
376
00:18:50,470 --> 00:18:54,470
So I do.
377
00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:09,590
Derek?
378
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,269
He's dead.
379
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,029
Oh, darling.
380
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:17,989
It's all right.
381
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,109
I'm happy...
382
00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:23,509
..cos he was happy.
383
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:27,510
Cos I knew I had a dad
and he had a son.
384
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:31,069
He loved me. He said so.
He told me.
385
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:35,070
He was smiling and then he just fell
asleep and he was dead, smiling.
386
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,509
So that's why I'm smiling.
387
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:42,829
Perfect ending.
388
00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:44,549
So, is he in heaven now?
389
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,589
What do you think?
390
00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:51,429
I don't know if there is a
heaven. I'm suspicious.
391
00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:54,549
But if heaven is for people what did
good, then he would be in heaven.
392
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:58,349
Definitely.
393
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,749
Good.
394
00:20:00,750 --> 00:20:04,189
I'm going to go and sort things out
now. I'll be back soon, OK?
395
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:06,229
Yeah.
Yeah.
396
00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:10,230
OK.
397
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:14,630
Thank you.
398
00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:22,749
Is my dad in heaven?
399
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:26,750
'I'm sorry,
I don't know where that is.'
400
00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:30,469
I see people out of life, you know?
401
00:20:30,470 --> 00:20:34,470
Somebody sees you in - like a
midwife - and I see people out.
402
00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:39,910
I make sure that they can go at
peace with everything in order.
403
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:47,469
I've been with a lot of people
as they die.
404
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:50,269
It's been a privilege.
405
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:54,270
I'm not scared of it.
406
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:58,269
When he wasn't around, I just told
myself he didn't love me.
407
00:20:58,270 --> 00:21:02,029
And that was fine cos I thought
maybe he was happy.
408
00:21:02,030 --> 00:21:03,429
And then when I met him,
409
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:07,430
I was happy but then I was sad cos I
found out he had been missing me.
410
00:21:07,790 --> 00:21:11,309
I didn't want him to feel bad.
411
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:13,869
But then we made it all OK.
412
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,189
That's the amazing thing about life,
you can just start again.
413
00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:21,029
Just rub it out,
like a blackboard, start again.
414
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,589
You know, I nearly didn't,
415
00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:24,149
I nearly didn't,
416
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:27,069
but just in those last few
months what I've known him,
417
00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:31,070
we made a whole life, OK?
418
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:35,189
It's what you do from now.
419
00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:39,190
So, if you has an argument
with someone, just say sorry.
420
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,469
If you haven't spoken to someone for
a long time, call 'em up now.
421
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,629
If you haven't spoken to your
mum, call her up.
422
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:50,630
It's never too late, until it is.
423
00:22:14,790 --> 00:22:18,790
Kev!
424
00:22:20,864 --> 00:22:22,220
Go on, boy!
425
00:22:48,681 --> 00:23:12,960
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426
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