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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,329 I now sentence you to twelve years. 2 00:00:07,353 --> 00:00:09,561 Objection! Too long? 3 00:00:10,991 --> 00:00:12,925 I always knew she was a bad egg. 4 00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:17,180 You are going to be stuck in here for a very, very long time. 5 00:00:17,181 --> 00:00:19,850 You were washing your girlfriend's flaps under Top Dog's 6 00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:22,010 favourite showerhead, bitch. 7 00:00:22,011 --> 00:00:24,440 I am like a horse whisperer... 8 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,180 for women. 9 00:00:26,181 --> 00:00:28,710 I mean, it's not an address that makes much sense to me... 10 00:00:28,711 --> 00:00:32,220 Helen, I will literally bend over backwards 11 00:00:32,221 --> 00:00:33,894 to get you out of this hellhole. 12 00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:38,201 Aaarrgh! 13 00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:53,852 Sync by Provider Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 14 00:00:56,928 --> 00:00:57,971 Dear Maurice, 15 00:00:57,972 --> 00:01:00,781 Thanks so much for your last postcard from death row. 16 00:01:00,782 --> 00:01:03,781 In answer to your query, yes, but we call them knickers 17 00:01:03,782 --> 00:01:07,251 over here and no, we're not allowed lace, but that's 18 00:01:07,252 --> 00:01:10,201 for laundering reasons as much as anything. It's my fourth week 19 00:01:10,202 --> 00:01:13,391 here in Broadmarsh and whatever novelty value there was 20 00:01:13,392 --> 00:01:16,481 in being falsely imprisoned for murdering my boss is wearing off. 21 00:01:16,482 --> 00:01:18,271 Although, saying that there is 22 00:01:18,272 --> 00:01:21,501 the annual quiz this week which is a highlight of the prison calendar. 23 00:01:21,502 --> 00:01:24,472 They seem to take it pretty seriously. 24 00:01:27,552 --> 00:01:30,081 The good news is I've found someone on the outside 25 00:01:30,082 --> 00:01:32,141 who's willing to help me: Henry Keating. 26 00:01:32,142 --> 00:01:34,554 Who'd have thought some bloke from my office who I 27 00:01:34,555 --> 00:01:37,201 never even registered would be my knight in shining armour? 28 00:01:37,202 --> 00:01:38,511 ZIPPER UNFASTENS 29 00:01:38,512 --> 00:01:41,051 I just hope I can repay him one day. 30 00:01:41,052 --> 00:01:43,498 I've not heard from my sister, Laura, in a while 31 00:01:43,499 --> 00:01:46,671 but I guess it's reassuring to know she's taking care of my flat and dog 32 00:01:46,672 --> 00:01:49,581 and all my stuff while I'm in prison. Oh, and about 33 00:01:49,582 --> 00:01:52,531 the conjugal visit you suggested-- I think you need to be married, 34 00:01:52,532 --> 00:01:55,201 - or at least going steady. - Are you OK? 35 00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:59,191 - Are you having a heart attack? - Huh? Yeah, no, I'm great. 36 00:01:59,192 --> 00:02:01,621 Wait, where are the exits in here? 37 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,522 - Is it just those two? - What? 38 00:02:05,142 --> 00:02:07,671 Somebody say Tony? I swear I heard someone say Tony. 39 00:02:07,672 --> 00:02:09,831 Are you sure you're OK? 40 00:02:09,832 --> 00:02:11,848 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - OK, well let's get down to business. 41 00:02:11,871 --> 00:02:13,421 - I'm off the case. - What? 42 00:02:13,445 --> 00:02:16,291 Sorry, Helen, but I will not be continuing my investigations 43 00:02:16,292 --> 00:02:18,971 into the Entirely Tiles murder case. 44 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,531 (EXAGGERATED TONES) Tony Norman is no longer associated 45 00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:25,531 - with Helen Stephens and her murder. - What are you doing? 46 00:02:25,532 --> 00:02:28,061 Is this about the money? Because my parents 47 00:02:28,062 --> 00:02:29,723 re-mortgaged their gite to pay you. 48 00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:33,589 - It's got nothing to do with the money. - Tony, I paid you to work on my case. 49 00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:36,329 If you're not going to get me out of here, then I want that money back! 50 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:39,831 Yes, and I will immediately pay back every penny of that money 51 00:02:39,832 --> 00:02:41,891 with a simple payment plan. 52 00:02:41,892 --> 00:02:44,751 And then, by February 2016, 53 00:02:44,752 --> 00:02:47,701 we can draw a line under all of this. 54 00:02:47,702 --> 00:02:49,341 Now, if you don't mind, Helen, 55 00:02:49,342 --> 00:02:52,811 I'm washing my hands of this whole grubby affair. 56 00:02:52,812 --> 00:02:55,531 Good day to you. 57 00:02:55,532 --> 00:02:59,791 (EXAGGERATED TONES) And that was the last he ever saw of her. 58 00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:01,951 You wait until my parents hear about this. 59 00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:06,753 Nobody messes with the Stephenses-es! 60 00:03:22,482 --> 00:03:23,574 Rat. 61 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:27,591 I was wondering if you had any job vacancies? 62 00:03:27,592 --> 00:03:29,281 All right... 63 00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:32,041 Well, then, do you have anything reduced to clear? 64 00:03:32,042 --> 00:03:35,194 Or anything in your bins that's still OK to eat? 65 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:37,969 I'll show you a boob. 66 00:03:41,462 --> 00:03:43,829 You were supposed to distract him! 67 00:03:46,242 --> 00:03:47,858 We need to get a job. 68 00:03:49,482 --> 00:03:52,341 Maybe think of this as an opportunity, Helen. 69 00:03:52,342 --> 00:03:55,481 I mean, now you don't have a lawyer or any hope of getting out, 70 00:03:55,482 --> 00:03:58,811 you can really go for it with this whole prison thing. 71 00:03:58,812 --> 00:04:00,681 I've written a poem, actually, 72 00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:04,621 about how I see our friendship developing over the next 12 years. 73 00:04:04,622 --> 00:04:07,114 Unless one of us gets out. Or is sectioned. 74 00:04:08,322 --> 00:04:12,071 You killed a man. You killed a man. 75 00:04:12,072 --> 00:04:14,791 Killed a man, killed a man. You killed a man and... 76 00:04:14,792 --> 00:04:16,241 I didn't kill a man. 77 00:04:16,242 --> 00:04:18,261 Hang on. I hadn't got to the refrain. 78 00:04:18,262 --> 00:04:21,681 - You killed a man, and then... - Christine, look. 79 00:04:21,682 --> 00:04:23,701 You are my best friend in here... 80 00:04:23,702 --> 00:04:24,942 'In here'? 81 00:04:26,322 --> 00:04:28,201 Oh, God, Helen. 82 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,621 Never have the words 'in here' been so cruelly used. 83 00:04:31,622 --> 00:04:33,681 No, and your friendship is important to me 84 00:04:33,682 --> 00:04:37,991 but what is more important right now is that I get out of here. 85 00:04:37,992 --> 00:04:40,404 I didn't kill Eric Bridges! I... 86 00:04:43,572 --> 00:04:45,821 What was that for? 87 00:04:45,822 --> 00:04:49,543 I don't even know! But that was obviously our first fight. 88 00:04:51,772 --> 00:04:54,161 Oh, Helen! 89 00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:58,851 Try not to think of your time here as a 12-year stretch, OK? 90 00:04:58,852 --> 00:05:02,321 Look after the days and the sentence will look after itself. 91 00:05:02,322 --> 00:05:05,474 Think, 'What have I got to look forward to today?' 92 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,241 I'm quite looking forward to my shower. 93 00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,654 I've got a new bottle of shower gel from Big Mags 94 00:05:12,655 --> 00:05:15,459 for helping her write that abusive letter to Vernon Kaye. 95 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:21,161 That's it! And then there's the quiz! There's really good prizes this year. 96 00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:23,841 Third prize is a box of Family Circle biscuits. 97 00:05:23,842 --> 00:05:27,911 Second prize is one of those big bottles of Tresseme hair conditioner, 98 00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:29,691 fingers crossed I get that, 99 00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:32,480 and first prize is five years off your sentence. 100 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,291 Five years off? 101 00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:39,161 Is this a misprint, Ma'am? 102 00:05:39,162 --> 00:05:43,051 Last year's first prize was two litres of Pepsi Max. 103 00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:46,851 The ministry want us to cut the prison population by 2%. 104 00:05:46,852 --> 00:05:49,941 Now, we could judge each case on its merits 105 00:05:49,942 --> 00:05:53,181 but we know how bad paperwork is for my morale. 106 00:05:53,182 --> 00:05:56,601 So I thought, why not just up the stakes in this year's prison quiz 107 00:05:56,602 --> 00:06:00,541 and let them win their right to freedom with trivial knowledge? 108 00:06:00,542 --> 00:06:02,831 Are you sure you're allowed to do that? 109 00:06:02,832 --> 00:06:05,601 Ma'am knows best. I think it's a smashing idea. 110 00:06:05,602 --> 00:06:07,851 I shall have my quizmaster suit dry-cleaned. 111 00:06:07,852 --> 00:06:10,230 That won't be necessary, Tim. Frank will do it this year. 112 00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:12,961 What? Why? 113 00:06:12,962 --> 00:06:15,121 Why? 114 00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:18,111 Why, why, why, why? 115 00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,881 Because I nut-sucking well said so! 116 00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:22,851 Five years off your sentence? 117 00:06:22,852 --> 00:06:25,991 For first prize? If I get five years off my sentence, 118 00:06:25,992 --> 00:06:28,851 I could be out of here by the time I'm 42. 119 00:06:28,852 --> 00:06:32,511 I could still have a family at 42, Christine. Look at Sam Taylor-Wood! 120 00:06:32,512 --> 00:06:35,601 She had the sperms of a teenager to work with, but still... 121 00:06:35,602 --> 00:06:37,851 Helen, forget about it. 122 00:06:37,852 --> 00:06:40,291 There are some really clever women in here. 123 00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:43,571 Chantelle on B Wing can speak two languages: English and Patois. 124 00:06:43,572 --> 00:06:47,971 Yeah, well, I studied Geography at Loughborough University, 125 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:50,246 so if you want to talk glacial moraine, bring it on. 126 00:06:50,257 --> 00:06:51,561 Who the flop's Glacial Moraine? 127 00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:54,961 - Oh, it's a geography term for... - Did I ask you? 128 00:06:54,962 --> 00:06:57,875 Uh... Yeah, you did ask me, actually. 129 00:07:00,772 --> 00:07:03,681 Actually? Did you actually think that, actually? 130 00:07:03,682 --> 00:07:05,616 Who do you actually think you are, brainy? 131 00:07:05,617 --> 00:07:07,711 Nobody! I never said I was anyone, did I? 132 00:07:07,712 --> 00:07:09,373 Do you know what I'm in here for? 133 00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:11,691 - Fly-tipping? - That's right. 134 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:15,301 But that was 14 years ago. Do you know why I'm still in here? 135 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,031 No, I don't know why you're... 136 00:07:17,032 --> 00:07:20,741 Cos I sporked someone's throat out with one of these. 137 00:07:20,742 --> 00:07:24,111 So next time you actually think I actually asked you a question, 138 00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:25,682 I'm going to blatantly kill you. 139 00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:29,831 Actually, that really hurts, actually. 140 00:07:29,832 --> 00:07:33,441 And you can forget about trying to win this quiz, right, 141 00:07:33,442 --> 00:07:35,131 cos Fatty here is on the case. 142 00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:37,851 She's going to get us a little preview of the questions. 143 00:07:37,852 --> 00:07:40,674 Laters, bell-ends. 144 00:08:00,252 --> 00:08:02,881 What are you doing in Mr Bridges' office? 145 00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,741 Um... I've... Well, I've been promoted. 146 00:08:05,742 --> 00:08:08,311 - Who promoted you? - I promoted myself? 147 00:08:08,312 --> 00:08:10,064 - Give me a promotion, then. - I can't. 148 00:08:10,065 --> 00:08:12,692 I was the last of the promotions. 149 00:08:13,752 --> 00:08:16,521 I'm afraid that ship has sailed. 150 00:08:16,522 --> 00:08:20,271 - What's that on your rucksack? - What? 151 00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:23,971 Oh, God. lt's just some... some glue that hasn't... Don't touch it! 152 00:08:23,972 --> 00:08:26,760 - Got it on your trousers as well. - Oh, God! 153 00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:31,860 - And there's some on the keyboard. - What can I do for you, Mary? 154 00:08:32,922 --> 00:08:37,381 I was looking for this. I'm starting up the lottery syndicate again. 155 00:08:37,382 --> 00:08:39,491 Really? Why? 156 00:08:39,492 --> 00:08:42,391 Our boss was murdered in this very office, Mary. 157 00:08:42,392 --> 00:08:44,565 Lady Luck isn't exactly smiling at us. 158 00:08:45,722 --> 00:08:47,921 And anyway, the syndicate was Helen's thing 159 00:08:47,922 --> 00:08:51,531 - and as she's not here to do it... - Not exactly rocket science, is it? 160 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,301 If that wetwipe Stephens can do a collection, 161 00:08:54,302 --> 00:08:57,784 I think I'm more than capable. It's what Eric would have wanted. 162 00:08:59,412 --> 00:09:01,521 Hmm. 163 00:09:01,522 --> 00:09:05,501 Let me muse on this, Mary. 164 00:09:05,502 --> 00:09:09,531 I'm not sure that it's a good idea and also I think... 165 00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:12,771 Hi. Um, I'm Laura Stephens. Helen's sister. 166 00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:15,548 I was wondering if her job was still going. 167 00:09:17,732 --> 00:09:19,814 You've got some glue on your cuff. 168 00:09:20,972 --> 00:09:22,963 What does Frank know about quizmastery? 169 00:09:22,964 --> 00:09:26,121 It's all about suspense, theatre, drama. You've got to be a showman. 170 00:09:26,122 --> 00:09:29,031 - I am a showman. Look. - All right, what's the capital of Finland? 171 00:09:29,032 --> 00:09:30,560 - Greece. - See? No panache. 172 00:09:30,572 --> 00:09:33,621 Supposed to say it like this: 'The answer is...Greece!' 173 00:09:33,622 --> 00:09:37,684 No, it's not Greece, it's Helsinki. 'The answer is...Helsinki.' 174 00:09:38,692 --> 00:09:41,184 Tim, you're off the quiz. Frank, it's yours now. 175 00:09:46,942 --> 00:09:50,936 I'm going to close this door and count to three. 176 00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:55,161 And when I open it again, you had better not be there. 177 00:10:04,982 --> 00:10:07,891 We can still aim for second prize. 178 00:10:07,892 --> 00:10:11,221 I've only ever been about getting that magnum of conditioner anyway. 179 00:10:11,222 --> 00:10:13,471 No, screw that, Christine. 180 00:10:13,472 --> 00:10:15,918 As the poster on my dentist's ceiling used to say, 181 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,111 'Pain is only temporary, but victory 182 00:10:18,112 --> 00:10:20,401 'and porcelain molar caps are forever.' 183 00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:22,931 I want to take this all the way. We need to win this! 184 00:10:22,932 --> 00:10:24,951 I am 100% all over that with a rash. 185 00:10:24,952 --> 00:10:27,481 I admire your U-turn. Let's do this! 186 00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:31,371 - OK. What you swotting up on? - Everything! Lucky dip! Test me? 187 00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:34,141 Uh... What is the capital... 188 00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:37,041 - Henry VIII! - You need to wait until the end of the question. 189 00:10:37,042 --> 00:10:41,501 No! You don't understand, Helen. Nobody waits. Ask me another. 190 00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:44,031 - OK, what is... - Potassium Permanganate? 191 00:10:44,032 --> 00:10:46,091 This is going to be great. Ask me another. 192 00:10:46,092 --> 00:10:48,504 - Hang on. - Hello, Entirely Tiles. Can I help you? 193 00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:51,621 Hi, Can I speak to Henry Keating, please? 194 00:10:51,622 --> 00:10:54,571 I'm afraid Mr Keating's in a meeting. Can I take a message? 195 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:57,111 Oh, yeah, OK. Can you tell him that, um... 196 00:10:57,112 --> 00:11:00,151 that Helen from, uh, prison called? 197 00:11:00,152 --> 00:11:03,391 - Certainly. Which prison shall I say? - Laura? 198 00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:06,011 - Hi, Helen. - What are you doing there? 199 00:11:06,012 --> 00:11:08,121 - I work here now. - Doing what? 200 00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:11,261 Well, luckily, there was a recent vacancy at the office 201 00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:14,681 - so it looks like I'm doing your job. - My job? How could you do my job? 202 00:11:14,682 --> 00:11:17,261 You got fired from a trial day at Knickerbox. 203 00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:20,401 Shut up. I'm brilliant at it. It's taking me a while to work it all out 204 00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:23,641 but I've finally got the hang of this shredder. Anyway, how's things? 205 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,311 God, it must be nice living in Fulham. 206 00:11:26,312 --> 00:11:28,561 I'm in a prison, Laura. 207 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,811 Still, location, location, location. 208 00:11:30,812 --> 00:11:33,291 Oh, wait, here's Henry. Henry's here. 209 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,307 Henry! It's Helen! From prison! 210 00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:39,309 I'll take it in my office. 211 00:11:47,212 --> 00:11:51,951 Hello. Henry Keating, Acting MD, Entirely Tiles. 212 00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:54,481 Hi, Henry. Listen, I'm nearly out of credit 213 00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:57,201 but my lawyer, Tony, is off my case now... 214 00:11:57,202 --> 00:12:00,571 - Oh, no! Poor you. - No, no, I've decided it's a good thing. 215 00:12:00,572 --> 00:12:02,415 Really, I'm better off without him. 216 00:12:02,416 --> 00:12:04,511 He was never going to get me out of here. 217 00:12:04,512 --> 00:12:06,101 So, you're saying 218 00:12:06,102 --> 00:12:09,621 if Tony Norman came back on your case 219 00:12:09,622 --> 00:12:12,011 you don't think you'd ever get out of prison? 220 00:12:12,012 --> 00:12:14,591 Exactly. I need a new lawyer. 221 00:12:14,592 --> 00:12:18,291 - I'm on it like a bonnet. - Have you managed to find out anything 222 00:12:18,292 --> 00:12:21,291 about the address I gave you? Mashta Fembwick... 223 00:12:21,292 --> 00:12:24,571 - it's too noisy to talk. - Come on, Henry! 224 00:12:24,572 --> 00:12:28,091 I'll come and see you. OK? I'll come and see you, Helen. 225 00:12:28,092 --> 00:12:30,901 Helen? I'm going to come and see you. 226 00:12:30,902 --> 00:12:34,091 Henry, listen, I'm nearly out of credit... D'ohhhh! 227 00:12:34,092 --> 00:12:36,431 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 228 00:12:36,432 --> 00:12:39,291 Helen! 229 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,821 These are my friends Terri, Melissa and Pamela. 230 00:12:41,822 --> 00:12:43,881 Girls, this is Helen, my bunk buddy. 231 00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:45,341 Pleased to meet you. 232 00:12:45,342 --> 00:12:49,271 - How do you know each other? - We all went to Cambridge together. 233 00:12:49,272 --> 00:12:52,271 And Christine's on the same toilet-cleaning rota as us. 234 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,341 True story. 235 00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:55,673 Wow. 236 00:12:57,242 --> 00:13:00,051 I don't suppose you happen to know who the fifth president 237 00:13:00,052 --> 00:13:03,534 - of the United States was? - James Monroe, of course. 238 00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:07,899 So he probably was. 239 00:13:20,772 --> 00:13:25,041 So, how are you coping with your sister being in prison? 240 00:13:25,042 --> 00:13:28,551 Well, I'm just trying to keep busy, taking care of Helen's flat, 241 00:13:28,552 --> 00:13:32,121 taking care of her job and her stuff and her friends 242 00:13:32,122 --> 00:13:34,461 and that dog rat thing. 243 00:13:34,462 --> 00:13:37,231 It's a full time job being Helen. My life is no longer my own. 244 00:13:37,232 --> 00:13:40,551 You know if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all, 245 00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:42,901 you sound incredibly busy, 246 00:13:42,902 --> 00:13:47,021 I'm more than happy to take some of the strain of visiting Helen off you? 247 00:13:47,022 --> 00:13:48,521 You know, more... permanently. 248 00:13:48,522 --> 00:13:51,011 Really? I mean if you're sure. 249 00:13:51,012 --> 00:13:54,191 Because there is actually Helen's friend Sandy's party on Wednesday, 250 00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,261 which I'm going to be representing Helen at... 251 00:13:56,262 --> 00:13:58,271 It's really no problem. 252 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,881 I mean, she's trapped in there, isn't she? 253 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:06,941 Like a little rabbit in a snare, totally dependent on me... us! 254 00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:09,761 Just stuck, captive. 255 00:14:09,762 --> 00:14:12,026 I want to care for that little rabbit. 256 00:14:14,022 --> 00:14:16,321 She doesn't know how bloody lucky she is. 257 00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,785 Maybe in 12 years time, if she gets out, she'll thank us. 258 00:14:19,786 --> 00:14:24,335 For she's a jolly good fellow For she's a jolly good fellow 259 00:14:24,336 --> 00:14:27,515 For she's a jolly good fellow 260 00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:29,553 And so say all of us... 261 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:42,475 Oh, sir, sir? Can I give you one of these? 262 00:14:42,476 --> 00:14:46,140 Now, you'll notice I've got a van. I'm off the case, OK? 263 00:14:48,616 --> 00:14:50,505 OK. Huddle. 264 00:14:57,706 --> 00:15:01,609 - I suppose you're wondering why I've... - For the quiz team? 265 00:15:02,766 --> 00:15:04,427 Yeah... Can I just...? 266 00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:08,255 I think we could go all the way in this quiz. 267 00:15:08,256 --> 00:15:13,075 We are potentially an elite fighting force of trivia. 268 00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:15,204 - What is your specialist knowledge? - Moraine. 269 00:15:17,156 --> 00:15:19,175 And Jennifer Aniston. 270 00:15:19,176 --> 00:15:23,485 Hey, guys! Why didn't you tell me we were having a Quiz meeting? 271 00:15:23,486 --> 00:15:25,090 Christine, can you just...? 272 00:15:26,256 --> 00:15:27,655 Keep your voice down. 273 00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,285 Why would you have a quiz meeting without me? 274 00:15:30,286 --> 00:15:32,550 - I thought we were a team, Helen. - We are, it's just... 275 00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:35,435 If this is about me thinking Kevin Keegan was a politician, then... 276 00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:39,985 No, it's not. It's just... You need a specialist subject. 277 00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:41,715 I've got one. Trivia. 278 00:15:41,716 --> 00:15:44,435 You're in the team, OK? You've made the team, 279 00:15:44,436 --> 00:15:47,625 it's just... We just need to work out how best to use you. 280 00:15:47,626 --> 00:15:51,705 I mean, rather than you getting bogged down answering questions 281 00:15:51,706 --> 00:15:55,545 we need some sort of maverick to bolster the team's confidence. 282 00:15:55,546 --> 00:15:58,175 - What, like a mascot? - Well no, not a mascot... 283 00:15:58,176 --> 00:16:02,079 That is the best idea ever! I've wanted to be a mascot all my life! 284 00:16:03,516 --> 00:16:05,689 I'm going to go find myself a costume! 285 00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:21,235 Oh Mary, can I put in for the lottery syndicate? 286 00:16:21,236 --> 00:16:23,295 It's for permanent staff only. 287 00:16:23,296 --> 00:16:24,809 In that case, let me grab my tin! 288 00:16:34,546 --> 00:16:38,815 One, two, four, six, 7p. 289 00:16:38,838 --> 00:16:40,635 - You take euros, Mary? - Mmm. 290 00:16:51,236 --> 00:16:52,775 So... 291 00:16:52,776 --> 00:16:56,345 Fatty got sprung nicking the questions. 292 00:16:56,346 --> 00:16:58,685 Right, Plan B. 293 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,529 We'll have to go legit on this. 294 00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:03,705 Put a team together, win the old fashioned way. 295 00:17:03,706 --> 00:17:06,845 But we ain't even got enough for a team now Fatty's in solitary. 296 00:17:06,846 --> 00:17:10,075 You got an hour to find the smartest bitch in here, 297 00:17:10,076 --> 00:17:13,635 and sign them up to team We Thought It Was a Disco. 298 00:17:13,636 --> 00:17:17,065 Cos if you don't, you'll all be joining Fatty in solitary. 299 00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:19,842 - Then it won't be solitary. - Get out! 300 00:17:22,456 --> 00:17:25,495 'Alaska became the 49th US state in what year?' 301 00:17:25,496 --> 00:17:27,555 - Terri, E Wing. - 1959. 302 00:17:27,556 --> 00:17:29,638 '59! Beat me to it! 303 00:17:30,796 --> 00:17:33,935 'Where would you find Harris, Lewis and Benbecula?' 304 00:17:33,936 --> 00:17:36,275 - Melissa, E Wing. - The Outer Hebrides. 305 00:17:36,276 --> 00:17:39,695 Hebrides! When are the tough questions coming? Come on! 306 00:17:39,696 --> 00:17:42,985 'Who was voted the GQ Sexiest Woman of All Time in 2011?' 307 00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:45,465 - Stevens, P Wing. - Jennifer Aniston! 308 00:17:45,466 --> 00:17:47,295 A-agh! Yes! 309 00:17:47,296 --> 00:17:48,570 Oi, brainy! 310 00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:52,559 I want a word with you. 311 00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:57,394 Keep doing the... 312 00:17:58,446 --> 00:18:01,825 Pretty impressive answer back there. You want to keep it up tonight. 313 00:18:01,826 --> 00:18:04,495 - Yeah, well that's the plan... - Cos you're on Top Dog's team now. 314 00:18:04,496 --> 00:18:06,555 She wants to win this thing. 315 00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:09,555 What? No, I thought she had another plan. 316 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,325 Whatever. We need a Plan B, brainy. 317 00:18:12,326 --> 00:18:14,155 And that Plan B is now you. 318 00:18:14,156 --> 00:18:16,875 Plan B is... Plan U? 319 00:18:16,876 --> 00:18:19,743 No. You is Plan B... 320 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:22,934 See? 321 00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:29,126 Plan C? 322 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,545 SHOUTING AND CLAPPING 323 00:18:59,386 --> 00:19:02,026 You're looking sexy, Miss! 324 00:19:04,256 --> 00:19:06,759 Try me. Cos I'm this close. 325 00:19:09,326 --> 00:19:11,755 I'm counting on you, brainy. 326 00:19:11,756 --> 00:19:13,986 If Top Dog don't get five years off her sentence, 327 00:19:14,006 --> 00:19:16,276 you're going to wish you never got sent to prison. 328 00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:19,328 I already wish I never got sent to prison. 329 00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:21,812 That's right. 330 00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:29,245 Ladies and semi-ladies. 331 00:19:29,246 --> 00:19:32,195 Welcome to the 7th Annual Broadmarsh Quiz. 332 00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:35,525 CHEERING AND SHOUTING 333 00:19:35,526 --> 00:19:39,555 Let's keep it a good, clean competition so no fag-ending, 334 00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,505 cheating or phlegm-based spit. 335 00:19:42,506 --> 00:19:44,055 Right. 336 00:19:44,056 --> 00:19:46,320 Question number one... 337 00:19:48,506 --> 00:19:50,634 HE SNORTS 338 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,050 OK... 339 00:20:02,246 --> 00:20:03,805 Excuse me. 340 00:20:05,576 --> 00:20:07,255 What does that say? 341 00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:08,769 Bacteriologist. 342 00:20:09,836 --> 00:20:12,578 Bacteriologist... LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 343 00:20:15,466 --> 00:20:17,995 Excuse me. MOANS AND GROANS 344 00:20:17,996 --> 00:20:19,585 And that... and that word? 345 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:20,995 Penicillin. 346 00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:24,785 - Penicillin. And that word there? - It's a question mark! 347 00:20:24,786 --> 00:20:27,925 Um, you know, I can't really read. 348 00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:29,963 SHOUTING AND BANGING 349 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,799 A-agh! 350 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,148 Hello, Tony. 351 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,865 Question number 12. 352 00:21:13,866 --> 00:21:18,225 Who is the patron saint of laundry workers? 353 00:21:18,226 --> 00:21:21,469 That's the patron saint of laundry workers? 354 00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:30,415 Question 13. What is a Sirocco? 355 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:34,410 I'll say that again. A Sirocco. 356 00:21:41,706 --> 00:21:44,055 Question 14. 357 00:21:44,056 --> 00:21:48,875 Trevor Tapis killed at least 15 victims. 358 00:21:48,876 --> 00:21:52,187 But how many of them were women? 359 00:21:53,566 --> 00:21:55,585 I could text him. 360 00:21:55,586 --> 00:21:57,315 That's... 361 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,645 How many women were killed 362 00:22:00,646 --> 00:22:05,195 by the Dentist of Death, Trevor Tapis? 363 00:22:05,196 --> 00:22:09,190 And finally, where would one find terminal moraine? 364 00:22:10,346 --> 00:22:13,168 That's terminal moraine. 365 00:22:18,646 --> 00:22:21,695 No, stop writing, Debbie. 366 00:22:21,696 --> 00:22:24,188 You tell Top Dog we have so flippin' won this shit! 367 00:22:24,189 --> 00:22:27,405 You know what I'm going to do with my five years off? 368 00:22:27,406 --> 00:22:29,755 Join the Sainsbury's management training scheme. 369 00:22:29,756 --> 00:22:33,659 Five years time, I'm going to be managing Guildford Branch. 370 00:22:34,956 --> 00:22:37,459 CHEERING AND SHOUTING 371 00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,485 Lennie says, 'First Prize, here we come.' 372 00:22:43,486 --> 00:22:45,315 You're getting out of here, boss. 373 00:22:45,316 --> 00:22:49,535 Funny, innit? You haven't left your cell in nine years 374 00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,125 and now you're getting out. 375 00:22:51,126 --> 00:22:56,145 Yeah, it is funny, innit, yeah. Ha-ha-ha! I'm laughing! Ha-ha-ha! 376 00:22:56,146 --> 00:22:57,898 Ha-ha-ha... Shut up! 377 00:23:03,316 --> 00:23:05,535 BIRD TWEETS 378 00:23:08,236 --> 00:23:09,545 Shut up. 379 00:23:09,546 --> 00:23:12,405 BIRD FLIES AWAY 380 00:23:12,406 --> 00:23:16,345 - Do I know you? - Let's just say I'm a friend of Helen Stephens. 381 00:23:16,346 --> 00:23:17,515 Oh right? 382 00:23:17,516 --> 00:23:19,416 Helen tells me you're off the case. 383 00:23:19,417 --> 00:23:21,965 - If this is about the money... - This isn't about the money! 384 00:23:21,966 --> 00:23:23,310 I've spent it, anyway. 385 00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,059 Cos you're staying on the case. 386 00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:26,727 Are you threatening me on the case? 387 00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:29,164 Because I've already been threatened off the case. 388 00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:31,558 I'm damned if I'm going to be threatened back on the case. 389 00:23:31,559 --> 00:23:35,045 I've been getting to know all about you, Tony. 390 00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:36,946 It's been interesting. 391 00:23:38,286 --> 00:23:40,955 I know for example that you're a lawyer 392 00:23:40,956 --> 00:23:44,301 with a penchant for booze and horses. 393 00:23:45,826 --> 00:23:48,175 No? Not biting? OK. 394 00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:53,671 I also know you're a lawyer with a penchant for your knees. 395 00:23:56,606 --> 00:24:00,125 And question number 13, unlucky for some, 396 00:24:00,126 --> 00:24:02,935 what is a Sirocco? 397 00:24:02,936 --> 00:24:04,675 It's a wind! 398 00:24:04,676 --> 00:24:06,215 What the...? 399 00:24:06,216 --> 00:24:08,565 You said it was a hangover cure, you dick! 400 00:24:08,566 --> 00:24:11,895 And question number 14... 401 00:24:11,896 --> 00:24:16,855 Trevor Tapis killed at least 15 victims. 402 00:24:16,856 --> 00:24:19,485 How many of them were women? 403 00:24:19,486 --> 00:24:21,075 This was a trick question, 404 00:24:21,076 --> 00:24:27,035 because he did stab Elsa Tilson 23 times in the chest but she survived. 405 00:24:27,036 --> 00:24:30,455 So the answer is none. 406 00:24:30,456 --> 00:24:32,515 That's none women. 407 00:24:32,516 --> 00:24:34,065 Lying prick. 408 00:24:34,066 --> 00:24:38,325 And question 15, where would one find terminal moraine? 409 00:24:38,326 --> 00:24:39,965 That's the big moraine question, 410 00:24:39,966 --> 00:24:42,125 'Where would one find terminal moraine?' 411 00:24:42,126 --> 00:24:44,465 And the answer is... 412 00:24:44,466 --> 00:24:47,325 'In the snout of a glacier." 413 00:24:47,326 --> 00:24:49,205 Yes! Yes! 414 00:24:49,206 --> 00:24:51,265 What? That's weird. The snout of the... 415 00:24:51,266 --> 00:24:53,325 I thought it was a glacial lake. 416 00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:56,135 That's it. We flopped it. Did we even get one right? 417 00:24:56,136 --> 00:24:58,245 Now, before I actually announce the winners, 418 00:24:58,246 --> 00:25:02,935 I'd like to give a special mention to We Thought It Was a Disco, 419 00:25:02,936 --> 00:25:05,935 who not only managed to come last 420 00:25:05,936 --> 00:25:09,545 but also to score 'none points'. 421 00:25:09,546 --> 00:25:13,824 DERISIVE LAUGHTER Bagsy not breaking this to Top Dog. 422 00:25:15,126 --> 00:25:16,575 Shut it! 423 00:25:16,576 --> 00:25:20,555 In third place with two points it's Fo' Shizzle My Quizzle. 424 00:25:20,556 --> 00:25:23,571 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 425 00:25:26,416 --> 00:25:31,715 In second place with 13 points, it's Quiz Team Bleakley. 426 00:25:31,716 --> 00:25:34,731 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 427 00:25:43,666 --> 00:25:48,445 But in first place with a full 15 points... 428 00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:50,135 it's Smarty Pints. 429 00:25:50,136 --> 00:25:53,555 Congratulations, you've won five years off your sentence, 430 00:25:53,556 --> 00:25:56,935 which may be split, fairly or unfairly, 431 00:25:56,936 --> 00:25:59,758 amongst the team. Well done. 432 00:26:02,046 --> 00:26:04,245 Yes... 433 00:26:04,246 --> 00:26:07,385 This is great. What a buzz! 434 00:26:07,386 --> 00:26:11,745 I'm actually released next week, but the guys here have confirmed 435 00:26:11,746 --> 00:26:15,825 that I can use this prize in lieu of when I kill again. 436 00:26:15,826 --> 00:26:17,605 Yes! Yes! 437 00:26:17,606 --> 00:26:19,961 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 438 00:26:33,496 --> 00:26:36,355 I might have known you'd let me down on the brains front. 439 00:26:36,356 --> 00:26:38,515 You always were a D+ kind of girl. 440 00:26:38,516 --> 00:26:40,871 It wasn't my fault. They were relying on me too much. 441 00:26:40,856 --> 00:26:42,699 I had to answer every single question! 442 00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:44,795 How many'd you get right? 443 00:26:44,796 --> 00:26:48,405 None, but if some of the others had even answered some of them 444 00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:49,874 there would have been a lot more. 445 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:51,965 Slasher doesn't even know how to use a pencil! 446 00:26:51,966 --> 00:26:54,405 - Except as a weapon. - R-rr! 447 00:26:54,406 --> 00:26:55,945 Hey! Shut it! 448 00:26:55,946 --> 00:26:59,555 I've had just about enough of you. All of you. 449 00:26:59,556 --> 00:27:01,385 I ask you one simple thing. 450 00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:05,465 Win me five years off my sentence in a general knowledge quiz. 451 00:27:05,466 --> 00:27:07,127 And can any of you do that? 452 00:27:08,136 --> 00:27:12,545 I need to think this through. Slasher, get my Dolphin CD. 453 00:27:12,546 --> 00:27:15,095 The rest of you, get out. 454 00:27:35,976 --> 00:27:38,835 BIRD TWEETS 455 00:27:38,836 --> 00:27:41,135 Dear Maurice, thank you for your postcard. 456 00:27:41,136 --> 00:27:43,855 And especially thank you for your latest drawing. 457 00:27:43,856 --> 00:27:46,995 You captured a good likeness of what I'd look like bending over. 458 00:27:46,996 --> 00:27:51,025 Next time I'd love to see how good you are at drawing trousers. 459 00:27:51,026 --> 00:27:52,525 I can't bear to think about 460 00:27:52,526 --> 00:27:54,865 everything I'm missing on the outside world. 461 00:27:54,866 --> 00:27:56,645 Shortly after I was sentenced, 462 00:27:56,646 --> 00:27:58,895 a new Haagen Daz opened on my high street. 463 00:27:58,896 --> 00:28:01,475 Will it still be there on my release? 464 00:28:01,476 --> 00:28:04,525 12 years is a long time in the luxury ice cream trade. 465 00:28:04,526 --> 00:28:08,225 I've begun to think my only hope is Henry Keating. 466 00:28:08,226 --> 00:28:09,965 I pray he can help me. 467 00:28:09,966 --> 00:28:13,072 I'll get to the bottom of this, Bridges. 468 00:28:18,636 --> 00:28:20,434 What did you see that night? 469 00:28:21,726 --> 00:28:24,305 Oh, if only African butterfly fish could talk. 470 00:28:24,306 --> 00:28:25,876 What the hell are you doing? 471 00:28:32,226 --> 00:28:33,495 Mrs Bridges! 472 00:28:33,496 --> 00:28:36,445 Yeah, that's right. 473 00:28:36,446 --> 00:28:39,856 Now what's all this I hear about you visiting my husband's killer? 474 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,310 Sync by Provider Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 475 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:46,910 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38287

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