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1
00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:06,220
CONTENTED SIGHS AND GIGGLING
2
00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:13,979
What?
3
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:17,059
- Just a sec.
- No, baby, no, no, no!
4
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,459
Just do it here. You won't
get back in if you get out now.
5
00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:22,219
Seriously, Anthony, let me go.
It's going to come out on its own.
6
00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:24,419
- No, you have to learn.
- Anthony, I'm going to hit you.
7
00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:25,579
Stay in the bed!
8
00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:28,059
Just put your bum out over the edge
and just let it go.
9
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:31,019
Please. It's just a fart.
10
00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:35,020
Oh, my God.
11
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:42,459
It's shy now. Don't look at me.
12
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,699
- You're beautiful.
- SHE LAUGHS AND FARTS
13
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:46,139
Oh, God.
14
00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:47,539
Excellent.
15
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,219
SHE FARTS AGAIN
16
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,459
Wow!
17
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,379
FART, SPLAT
18
00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:56,179
- Was that...?
- Oh, my God. Get out.
19
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:59,299
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God, did you just...?
- Get out, quick! Don't look!
20
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,979
Stop it! Get out!
21
00:01:00,980 --> 00:01:04,980
- Baby, it's lino, it's lino!
- SHE SCREAMS AT HIM
22
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,659
I can't help you
unless you tell me what happened.
23
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:24,619
The only significant detail
is that she's annoyed with me
24
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:27,179
for something that
wasn't in any way my fault.
25
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:28,499
But it probably was your fault
26
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,979
so why don't you break
a habit of a lifetime and apologise?
27
00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:32,979
- Do you still have
my Frankfurter shirt? - Yes.
28
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:35,619
Just say you're sorry.
You don't have to mean it.
29
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:38,179
- This is really complicated.
- Just turn it inside out.
30
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,339
And you're the one
who can never apologise.
31
00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:42,099
What the hell have you done
to my T-shirt?
32
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,419
My T-shirt.
And I'm always apologising.
33
00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:46,179
Do people really do this
every month?
34
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:48,339
Can you explain to me what
you are wearing, please?
35
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:49,699
It's a onesie. It's very chic.
36
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,939
- Tell me what happened.
- You look like a child.
37
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:53,459
Thank you. Tell me what happened.
38
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,459
What do you mean about me
not apologising...
39
00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:59,460
- Jesus, just turn it inside out!
- OK, OK, OK! OK.
40
00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:02,659
OK.
41
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:06,019
Just tell me what happened and
I'll tell you if it was your fault.
42
00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:08,099
Come on. I'm getting panicky
in my onesie.
43
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:10,579
I'm not telling you anything
ever again.
44
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,579
You just end up telling
the whole hospital.
45
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:15,859
That was a misunderstanding and you
should have apologised like I did,
46
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:17,259
you arsehole.
47
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:20,299
I won't take the piss
or tell anyone,
48
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:23,139
I promise.
49
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:25,419
She was...
50
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:27,019
...doing a fart
51
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:31,020
and it turned into a poo
over the side of the bed.
52
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,699
And she's blaming me because
I wouldn't let her out of the bed
53
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,700
to do the fart.
54
00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:41,419
If you're laughing,
I'm going to suffocate you.
55
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:44,059
- SHE SNIGGERS
- You're laughing... You're laughing!
56
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:46,059
- I'm not laughing!
- SHE YELLS
57
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:48,299
Give me the corners,
just give me the corners!
58
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,019
- SHE LAUGHS
- ..tried to do a poo!
59
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,019
Did you tell management
about your door?
60
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:55,019
- Management?
- Yeah, when you registered.
61
00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:59,020
Registered?
62
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:05,300
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
63
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:07,859
Please forgive me.
64
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:09,859
- So, it's you.
- KATE GASPS
65
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:11,179
It's an emergency
66
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:13,699
and this is
the first time I've done it.
67
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:15,139
Colin has gone.
68
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:17,019
To the dentist.
69
00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:19,219
- He'll come back.
- What if he doesn't?
70
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:23,220
What the hell
am I supposed to paint?
71
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:29,539
So, this is the sexiest property
we have on our books.
72
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:32,819
Two beds, one kitchen,
bunch of walls, big window.
73
00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:36,059
And the shower has excellent
pressure. A screaming bargain, mate.
74
00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:38,419
- What about the owners, are they...?
- In Ibiza.
75
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,139
Ooh, a prune. Do you want anything?
76
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:41,459
No, I'm good.
77
00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:44,179
Hey, thanks for sneaking me in on
a weekend. I really owe you one.
78
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,259
Friend of the little bitch
is a friend of mine.
79
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,699
- Guys.
- Oh, hey.
80
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:49,859
Hi, hi, hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
81
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:52,699
This is a nice place!
Is this a nice place?
82
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:56,700
- Hi.
- Hi.
83
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:00,179
Smooth, guys.
84
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:02,099
Whoa, look at this place!
85
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:06,100
Surfaces and skirting boards
and cupboards and...
86
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:08,099
an oven!
87
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:10,179
Can you believe people
actually live like this?
88
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:11,699
I know, it's super cute, eh?
89
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:13,539
So...
90
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:14,859
Lunch?
91
00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:17,699
I really appreciate
you bumping me up. Thank you.
92
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,859
A guardian can fast-track
another guardian.
93
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,859
- It keeps the community-feel strong.
- Indeed. - Indeed.
94
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:26,459
OK, you are aware that if
Louise does make a tit of herself,
95
00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:28,659
you will be accountable
for her as her referee?
96
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:30,819
I am. She will not let me down.
97
00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:34,539
Great. Now, if we could have
all your documents and the deposit.
98
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,659
I'm sorry, what?
99
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:37,859
I'm afraid we need
the money up front.
100
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,659
I'm afraid I don't have any money.
101
00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:42,099
Well, I need the money now.
102
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,579
There are a lot of people on this
waiting list who do have the money.
103
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,979
Can you hold on
for a couple of hours?
104
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:49,419
For the money? Yes.
105
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:53,420
I just want the money and my
superiors want the money very much.
106
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:08,300
Are you working towards
anything in particular?
107
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,779
Seen any good films recently?
108
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,659
Can you take your top off?
109
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:19,660
- Why?
- It's just better.
110
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,339
No, sorry,
that wasn't the agreement.
111
00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:24,019
I'm not... That's not...
112
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:27,139
I'm not comfortable taking my...
being naked.
113
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:31,099
I understand the whole desexualised
art thing, yes, but I'm just... No.
114
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,379
OK... No.
115
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:35,539
- D'accord.
- I mean, I know I shouldn't care, not in this situation,
116
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,099
but, I hate my body and I wish
I had the sort of body confidence
117
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,819
to just drape myself all over
everything, but it's just, well,
118
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:43,379
it's not like I don't think I'm... No.
- You hate your body?
119
00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:45,499
Of course I do. Everybody does.
120
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,219
Everyone hates your body?
121
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,939
No, I mean...
Well, probably, if they were honest,
122
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:52,779
I just... I'm not the sort of person
to just, you know, take my top off
123
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:54,459
and then not care
that my top was off.
124
00:05:54,460 --> 00:05:58,259
I would just never do that.
125
00:05:58,260 --> 00:05:59,819
I'm leaving my bra on.
126
00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:01,779
D'accord.
127
00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:05,780
Ready for me to paint you?
128
00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:12,899
Don't breathe.
129
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,739
Stop hitting yourself, poodle dick!
130
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,899
Can't stop it,
haven't got the energy.
131
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,899
You are out of control.
Stop it, stop it!
132
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,299
FRED LAUGHS
133
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:23,419
You guys are just too funny.
134
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,499
So, how long's
this been on the market, then?
135
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,699
I'd say about 28 years.
136
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,779
I mean,
there's minimal storage space
137
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,499
and there's a couple
of smelly corners,
138
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,899
but it's worth it for
the little willy that comes with it.
139
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,819
- What's on the menu?
- Just a little something I picked up on my travels.
140
00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:38,459
- He is a really good cook.
- Oh, coolio.
141
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:41,059
He also buys himself small companies
and makes them stronger
142
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:43,499
and more commercially viable.
- Well, that's impressive.
143
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:46,419
- You make it sound like
I work for a charity. - Oh, yeah, he's a Samaritan
144
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:47,939
when he's got the spare time.
- Cool.
145
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,739
Stop it! Really.
Makes me sound like a knobber.
146
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:54,739
- Don't tell him about the paper.
- HE LAUGHS
147
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:57,859
- Fred?
- Oh, yeah, he also writes a column for a financial paper.
148
00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,259
And he bakes!
149
00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:01,659
Well, hey,
who doesn't love a home-made bun?
150
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:03,539
Not big on carbs actually, myself.
151
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,819
- Hey, shitty tits, get my bag.
- OK.
152
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:09,499
Don't say anything inappropriate.
153
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,139
- Get your cock out.
- What?
154
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,219
I heard that!
155
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:13,819
It was a test!
156
00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:16,379
You passed.
157
00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:18,819
- Just.
- HE CHUCKLES
158
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:22,820
All right, you muckers, grub's up.
159
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,939
- OK. Ready?
- Yeah.
160
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,179
- No leaving the room.
- Deal.
161
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:33,139
- In. Charm. Get the money. Out.
- Easy.
162
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:37,140
We're going to nail it.
163
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:40,579
THEY KNOCK
164
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:44,580
- Just don't drink...
- ..the Golden Goo. I know.
165
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,459
- Lulu!
- Aunt Gladys!
166
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:49,339
You are a vision.
167
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:52,819
And Anthony, what a treat!
168
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,699
Little pressie!
169
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:58,700
Well, come on in, you two.
I have drinks to drown you in.
170
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:05,300
THEY BOTH LAUGH
171
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,619
So, you going to put an offer in?
172
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,939
I'll think about it, sure.
173
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:13,179
Hey, have you got a second?
174
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:17,180
- Like, now?
- Yeah.
175
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:21,019
- Yeah.
- Thanks, man.
176
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,539
It's not cool how you talk to Fred.
177
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:27,259
Calling him "bitch" and
"pencil prick" and "freaky tits".
178
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:30,379
I'm not a gaping arsehole -
I know it's just for laughs -
179
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:33,699
but that sort of language
is actually pretty...
180
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,139
insidious.
181
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,459
I just think you should
just dial it down a bit,
182
00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:39,779
before it starts making a dent.
183
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:42,179
You're a smart guy,
you know what I mean.
184
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:46,180
Shit, I'm sorry.
Yeah, of course. I've never...
185
00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:48,459
- Never thought of it like that.
- Thanks, man.
186
00:08:48,460 --> 00:08:52,059
- I knew you'd get it.
- Sure.
187
00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:53,299
Everyone happy?
188
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,099
Never happier, cummy bum.
189
00:08:56,100 --> 00:09:00,100
- Home time?
- OK.
190
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,139
This one is a real goer.
191
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,179
I found it on the Silk Road.
192
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,339
In Asia?
193
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,019
No, no, no.
194
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:12,099
It's a dark internet.
195
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,619
Awful place,
all sorts of things for sale,
196
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:19,219
but the occasional delight.
197
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:22,179
- Sip it.
- Ooh, no, thanks.
198
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:24,539
- Sip it.
- We really can't stay long.
199
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:28,299
Oh, please sip it, darling. I'm just
so touched you popped round.
200
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:32,300
No-one ever just pops round
for no reason these days.
201
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:37,059
- Sure.
- THEY LAUGH
202
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:41,059
- I was actually going to
ask you for something... - Don't say money.
203
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:44,659
Please.
204
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:46,700
I couldn't bear it.
205
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,900
And ten for ten more years
of life ahead. Chin-chin!
206
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,139
Oh, OK!
207
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:10,140
Now, that has to be the last one,
you naughty thing, you.
208
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,059
Darling, what IS this
that you're wearing?!
209
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:14,619
It's ridiculous.
210
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:15,819
It's a onesie.
211
00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:19,820
It's divine!
But where does it open?!
212
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:24,779
How does one get in?!
Isn't it a nightmare to get it off?
213
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,659
Nope. No, I've got the knack.
214
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,339
Honestly I can have
it off in seconds, auntie.
215
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,179
THEY LAUGH
216
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:34,139
Are these little poppers?
217
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,099
So yeah, what's...
What's up with me?
218
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,659
I'm working in a restaurant.
219
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:40,779
- So are you finally
in a relationship? - Well, yeah...
220
00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:44,780
Lulu always said you would
end up together.
221
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:46,779
Living together.
222
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,339
End up LMNG together.
223
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,699
Oh. Have I said a whoopsie?
224
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,179
- Oh, never mind!
- SHE LAUGHS
225
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,379
- I have actually met someone.
- Oh.
226
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:58,739
- We're engaged.
- Oh! How lovely!
227
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,739
What does she look like?
Is she a curvy girl?
228
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:05,740
- No. She's slim.
- Is she? Sticky little thing, is she?
229
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,179
Petite? Is she a tiny little thing?
230
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:11,659
She's very... smart.
231
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:13,699
So is she a porker, then?
232
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,819
Oh, lovely!
233
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:18,379
Oh, darling, this outfit!
234
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,859
I simply love it!
235
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:23,860
SHE CACKLES
236
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:26,219
Listen, auntie, we really...
237
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:30,220
My best friend died this morning.
238
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:35,139
- Where is the toilet again?
- Ah, yes.
239
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:39,140
It's at the very, very, very,
very top of the stairs.
240
00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:43,340
- You might be some time.
- Yup.
241
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:48,380
Oh, I'm sorry, darling. You two will
come to each other eventually.
242
00:11:56,940 --> 00:12:00,019
- (SLURRED)
- Can I borrow some money?
243
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:04,020
It's just...
you go through your whole life...
244
00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,379
...and then you shit
on your boyfriend's floor.
245
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,299
Did he like it?
246
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:14,300
You never know.
Everyone finds something weird sexy.
247
00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:16,219
What do you find sexy?
248
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,179
I can hardly remember why
I've got a vagina.
249
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:21,339
- You guys don't have sex?
- No, we do, just...
250
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,979
the downstairs response is...
251
00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:27,099
rare and very specifically prompted.
252
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,739
What do you think it wants?
253
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,979
- Well...
- What do you want?!
254
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:34,980
Jesus!
255
00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:38,059
Let's see if she gets back to us.
256
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:41,419
Do you like sex?
257
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:42,779
Silly question.
258
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:46,780
Is it?
259
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:52,100
Are you all right?
260
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:56,620
- Do you have a toilet
she could use, please? - Hmm.
261
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:01,739
She won't be long.
262
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,819
No, no, no, no.
263
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:08,820
SHE GROANS AND WAILS
264
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:14,979
Ah!
265
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:17,339
Argh! Let me out!
266
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:20,899
RIPPING
267
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,219
Ah!
268
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:23,579
URINATES
269
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:27,580
Oh, fuck.
270
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:29,099
PHONE RINGS
271
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,579
Excuse me.
272
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,939
Hi. Yeah.
273
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:35,939
OK. Bye.
274
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,940
Excuse me.
275
00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:56,860
- Why do you want to be
a property guardian? - Yes.
276
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:00,739
OK. Have you got the money?
The deposit?
277
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,259
Do you take cash?
278
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:06,260
Any money.
Just the money would be great.
279
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:13,499
Just give him the money, Lu.
280
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:17,500
I don't trust him.
281
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:23,979
Great. Thank you for joining
the guardian programme.
282
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:27,980
You seem like the perfect candidate.
283
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,859
You're so beautiful.
284
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:31,139
Oui.
285
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:33,379
How are you so confident?
286
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:37,380
Well, it's not useful to anyone
for me to be ashamed of myself.
287
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,419
They want us to hate our bodies.
288
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:44,420
It's how they control us.
289
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,860
- Oh, my God.
- Super!
290
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:05,179
Oh, fuck off, they're amazing!
SHE LAUGHS
291
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:08,699
I'm even more depressed
than ever now!
292
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,059
Do you really like Colin?
293
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:15,060
- Of course.
- Why?
294
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:16,419
Because he's given up.
295
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:17,899
And that's attractive to you?
296
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,699
Oui.
297
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,219
He just wants to be
small and good and...
298
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,139
because of that he is huge
and beautiful.
299
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:26,619
Everyone wants to be big.
300
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:27,979
It's bullshit.
301
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:31,980
And he won't fuck me.
Which I love.
302
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:36,220
Why do you like Anthony?
303
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:44,899
- Have you got any more wine?
- Oui.
304
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:48,900
Have you got any more paint?
305
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,739
Yo, titty-face, what are you doing?
306
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,499
Do you wanna give me a massage?
307
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,339
I got your special ice cream.
308
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,739
Hey.
309
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:06,819
Oh, hey!
310
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:10,059
Hey! We're watching Blue Planet!
The whales are extraordinary.
311
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,459
The whales are extraordinary.
312
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,059
Oh, they're powerful creatures.
313
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:14,979
- Fred are you eating
normal ice cream? - Hmm?
314
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:16,859
He shouldn't be eating
normal ice cream.
315
00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:18,539
I've got him the sugar-free variety.
316
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:21,139
- I've got quite a few friends
who are diabetic so... - Sure.
317
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:25,140
So I know where to get the good
stuff. Do you want to try some?
318
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:28,259
Nah, no. That stuff's just
a little less creamy.
319
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:29,539
Hey, Sam. You wanna join?
320
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,099
- FEMALES SCREAMING
- What was that?!
321
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,499
- Don't worry,
I'll find out what that is! - Stand back,
322
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,459
FEMALES SCREAM AND LAUGH
323
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:40,139
That's not a danger scream.
324
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:44,140
That's a jovial scream.
325
00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:55,580
Please don't tell her I'm smoking.
She doesn't show me her body.
326
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:59,019
Because of the secret willy
she hides in the crease?
327
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:01,299
If it was only that simple.
328
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:04,779
She gets undressed under the duvet
and she farts in the hall.
329
00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:08,780
- You've always farted in bed.
- I'm farting while I'm saying this.
330
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:15,220
I just wish she'd let go a bit, you
know, laugh at herself a bit.
331
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,699
Just wish she was more...
332
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,139
That really smells, doesn't it?
333
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:24,140
- That's the most disgusting thing
I've ever tasted. - Thank you!
334
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:31,259
I am sorry that I didn't say
sorry about accusing you of trying
335
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:32,699
to fuck Sam.
336
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,219
I can fuck who I like.
337
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,779
- No, you can't.
I have to have approval. - Fuck you!
338
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:40,699
- Fuck you!
- No, really, fuck you.
339
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:44,700
- Can we stay up all night and
get really drunk together, please? - Yes!
340
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,459
- You know what the greatest
tragedy about us is? - My nose?
341
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,739
No.
342
00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:53,379
- That you'd make a much better girl
and I'd make a much better boy? - No.
343
00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:55,299
You never know when
to shut up, do you?
344
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,859
SCREAMING
345
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,539
Whoa! Party!
346
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,419
Shit. Kate's going to flip!
347
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,139
Whoo! What are they doing?!
348
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:07,539
MUSIC: Crazy Rhythms by The Feelies
349
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:11,540
SCREAMING AND LAUGHTER
350
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:21,219
- Baby!
- Why are you topless?!
351
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:23,699
I'm being free.
Why are you?!
352
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,700
Why aren't we all?!
353
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,419
Whoo!
354
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:32,499
Whoo!
355
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,819
Come on!
356
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:37,219
Argh!
357
00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:41,220
LAUGHTER
358
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,979
You did not just do that.
359
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:54,980
Stop making me bum you!
360
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,019
- Colin!
- THEY ALL SCREAM
361
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,659
Naughty Colin!
362
00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:04,219
No!
363
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:06,179
Colin! You come back now!
364
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:10,180
Colin!
365
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,859
Whoa!
Careful!
366
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,099
- Where have you been?
- The dentist!
367
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,819
All day?
What is wrong with your mouth?
368
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,979
Were you watching Cara
and Brian shopping again?
369
00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:21,019
No! Yes! It's OK!
370
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:24,539
I gave Cara my house keys back
and told her to budgie off.
371
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:25,579
SHE LAUGHS
372
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:27,859
I can't believe this is my home.
373
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:31,860
You are... one of us now.
374
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:33,619
Yes, I suppose I am.
375
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:37,299
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
376
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,659
Colin!
377
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,579
Good evening.
378
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,179
Thank you. Put this on.
379
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:47,059
No! They are my boobs and
they want to see the world.
380
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,939
CHEERING
381
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,059
They can see the
world of the showers.
382
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:53,219
Oh!
383
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:55,379
THEY ALL BOO
384
00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:58,819
I wanna stay!
385
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:00,379
No, no, please!
386
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:04,380
Argh!
387
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:07,819
THEY URINATE
388
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:11,419
Hey, I know you've been
grieving your father,
389
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:15,420
and that can sometimes make you
act a little bit...
390
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:27,659
You're a bit of a prick, aren't you?
391
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,539
Yep.
392
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,939
- Don't you like it?
- No.
393
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,539
Not at all.
394
00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:38,540
That's a shame.
Cos my little bitch loves it.
395
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:43,900
Don't push me, Sam.
396
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:48,059
Uh-uh.
397
00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:52,060
Just don't.
398
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:11,540
HE SIGHS
399
00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:27,580
Wanna fuck?
400
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:33,739
I'm not allowed to.
401
00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:35,819
- Wanna fuck?
- Yeah.
402
00:21:35,820 --> 00:21:39,379
- OK. I'm just gonna pee first.
- Sure.
403
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,859
I've heard things about you.
404
00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:43,219
Yeah, well, I've heard
things about you, too.
405
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:45,819
I've heard you can't poo
unless you are completely naked.
406
00:21:45,820 --> 00:21:49,820
- HE LAUGHS
- I heard you thought Germany was a continent.
407
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:56,579
Anthony's not gonna like this.
408
00:21:56,580 --> 00:22:00,580
Anthony's not
going to know about this!
409
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:07,699
What happened?
410
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:10,579
I shat on the floor
and I grew some tits.
411
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:14,580
I shouldn't have
made you fart in bed.
412
00:22:15,340 --> 00:22:19,340
Sh, I love you.
413
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:23,420
- Huh?
- I love you. Shhh...
414
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:25,939
Oh, I...
415
00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:29,940
Shh. I know you do.
416
00:22:30,980 --> 00:22:32,059
OK.
417
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:34,859
Shh.
418
00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:36,699
Baby...
419
00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:40,700
Yeah?
420
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:43,859
I think I've been pretending.
421
00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:45,939
What? Orgasms?
422
00:22:45,940 --> 00:22:49,859
Come on, I thought we'd nailed that.
With the crying and the...
423
00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:53,499
No. Pretending to...
424
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:57,339
What?
425
00:22:57,340 --> 00:23:01,340
Pretending to be in love with you.
426
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:05,379
Pretending to be jealous.
427
00:23:05,380 --> 00:23:09,380
Pretending to find you funny.
428
00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:14,100
Pretending to love you.
429
00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:19,779
Sorry.
430
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:23,700
SHE SNORES
431
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:28,300
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