All language subtitles for Topper.Returns.1941.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG-1

(intrigue music)

(creepy music)

(jovial music)

(adventure music)

(gun firing)

(tires squealing)

- Hey, you all right down there?

(women screaming)

Stay where you are.

Don't move.

Keep calm.

Don't get excited.

I'll get you out of there right away.

Keep calm.

Now wait a minute.

Come on I'll help.

There you are.

- What did we hit?

- Nothing.

We had a blowout.

I don't understand it either,

that was a grand new tire this morning.

What's the matter, you
sure you're all right?

- I'm a little shaky I guess.

- Come we can sit down over here.

(Gail whistles)

- What am I? An orphan?

- Come on.

- Any man that drives
as fast as you oughta be

run out of this country.

- You tell me all about it sometime.

- Thanks for the lift buddy.

(Gail grunts)

- Say, I'm awfully sorry about all this.

- You're sorry? How about us?

We can't stay here all night.

- Well, you won't have to.

I said I'd get you to
Carrington Hall and I will.

- How?

Gonna fly us there on a broom?

- I'll get help.

We passed a garage about two miles back.

Now you take it easy and
don't worry about a thing.

I'll be back in a flash with a tow car.

Why it's as simple as falling off a log.

(thudding)

- Huh! Comfortable?

- Don't go 'way now.

- Must have been his wife with him.

(car crashing)

- Uh oh! Danger ahead.

Two of 'em!

- Oh thanks!

It was awfully sweet
of you to stop for us.

- But I, I--

- Annie you get in the backseat.

Can you manage the bags?

- Yes, I think so.

- Here are mine, there.

Now, mind if I sit on your lap?

- Oh well really my dear young lady.

- We're awfully sorry
to inconvenience you,

but we had a blowout.

- Ahh this is comfortable.

Well, what are we waiting for?

- Oh very well Eddie, drive on.

- Yes sir.

- Would you mind telling me
where you ladies are taking me?

- To the Carrington Estate.

- Uh oh!

- Is there anything wrong
with the Carrington place?

- Yes ma'am, if there
wasn't anybody living there,

it'd be a haunted house.

- My my Cosmo's late.

He's usually home by now.

Oo, my it's chilly, isn't it?

Emily remind me to send this coat back.

Doesn't keep me warm at all.

- Mrs. Topper, you haven't got it on.

- (laughing) Oh how silly of me.

My strange how it's
usually cold in the winter

and warm in summer, isn't it?

Oh there's Cosmo now!

- Oh look, someone's waving to us.

- It's a lady.

- It's worse than that
boss, it's Mrs. Topper.

- Emily, look, he's
got a carload of women.

And one of them, one of
them's sitting on his lap!

Emily!

(tires squealing)

- Well, here it is.

- Are you sure this is
the Carrington place?

- Yeah, that's what they call it.

- Cheerful little eyeful isn't it?

Thanks for the lift Mr. Topper.

- Don't mention it.

Hurry up with those bags Eddie

- Yes sir, I ain't wasting
no time around here.

- I'd like to invite you in, but,

- Oh, no thanks, very much,
we've got to be getting home.

- We sure do!

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Bye!

- Good evening.

- Why don't you knock before you come out?

- I'm the butler, Miss Carrington.

- Oh, I'm not Miss Carrington.

There she is.

- How do you do?

- Won't you please step in?

(wolf whistling)

- Miss Carrington?

- Yes.

- I'm Lillian, the house keeper.

- Well, how do you do?

This is my friend Miss Richards.

- Howdy.

- Your father's waiting Miss.

- Thank you.

- Would you mind waiting here?

This way please.

- One moment please.

Miss Carrington?

- This is Dr. Jeris,
your father's physician.

- How do you do Dr. Jeris?

- I'd like a few words
with you Miss Carrington,

before you see your father.

- Of course.

- I'll be as brief as possible.

Your father's far from being
a well man Miss Carrington.

- Yes, I know.

- Seeing you for the first
time may be something

of a shock to him.

- I think I understand doctor.

- He's been looking
forward to your arrival

with great eagerness.

I hope there'll never
be any occasion for you

to be separated from him again.

Come with me please.

Mr. Carrington, Mr. Carrington?

- Mm?

- This is your daughter.

- Oh!

Ann.

- I, I don't know quite what to do or say.

- Nor do I.

Except to tell you, Ann, you're beautiful.

You're the image of your
mother when she was young.

Perhaps you better sit down?

- Yes.

- I know you must think it very strange,

seeing your own father for the first time

on the eve of your 21st birthday.

- Well, naturally I wondered
why you never sent for me.

- Your mother loved the Far East, Ann.

Her last wish was that you be brought up

in the land she loved so well.

I wanted to send for you many times,

but I had to respect your mother's wishes.

And of course my own
health wouldn't permit

me to visit you.

- I understand father.

- I hope you had a pleasant trip.

- Yes we, we had a wonderful trip.

- We?

- Oh, I brought a friend along with me.

An American girl named Gail Richards.

Her father's the head of an
exporting company in Shanghai.

- Richards you say?

- Mmhmm.

Oh, I, I hope you don't
mind my bringing her?

- Of course not.

Besides the house belongs to you now.

- No father, to us.

- No my dear, by the terms
of your mother's will.

Everything belongs to you after tomorrow.

- What else do you do around
here beside wind clocks?

Been here long?

- 20 years.
- 20 years!

Looks like it might turn
out to be a steady job, huh?

(Gail laughing)

- Your mother wanted
you to have these Ann.

They're exactly as she
wore them 20 years ago.

- Oh Dad!

They're, they're beautiful!

- They'll look every bit
as beautiful upon you

as they did upon your mother.

- Dad, I, I never did
know just how mother died.

Some sort of an accident, wasn't it?

- Yes dear.

- A mine cave in.

I met your mother in Singapore.

After you were born we
decided to move to Sumatra

where I had an interest
in a tungsten mine.

My partner was a man named Walter Harberg.

One day he was showing your
mother through the mine

when suddenly there was an earthquake.

The tunnel collapsed.

- You've talked enough Mr. Carrington.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but
we mustn't tire your father.

- Oh, of course not.

- I hope you'll like your room dear.

- Oh I'm sure I will.

- Lillian will show you where it is.

I'm supposed to conserve my strength.

- It's quite all right, father.

- Good night darling.

I'll see you in the morning.

- Good night.

Good night Dr. Jeris.

- Good night Miss Carrington.

- Where's Miss Richards?

- Here I am, pal!

(ceiling cracking)

Ann! Ann look out!

Look out!

(Gail screaming)
(glass breaking)

- Ann!

Ann!

- Ann!

Ann are you hurt?

- Oh, no I'm all right.

- Ann, what on earth happened?

- Well I don't know.

- That was rather a close call.

- Close?

Six more inches and we'd
all be singing Annie doesn't

live here anymore.

- How could something happen?
- Please Mr. Carrington.

You mustn't excite yourself.

I think you'd better show the young ladies

to their rooms.

- Yeah, pick us a couple
without chandeliers, would you?

- This way please.

- Thank you old boy.

(Gail gasps)

Look!

- The Chinese room will
be yours Miss Richards.

- Oh, you're a doll.

Well this is just dandy.

I travel 7000 miles to
get away from Chinamen

and here I am with everything
but a bowl of rice.

- What's that sound?

- It's the waves, angry waves.

Day after day, night after night.

They beat with savage fury
against the black rocks below.

For 20 years they've been
calling, calling, calling

to someone who never answers.

- Just like the pot of gold program.

- Will that be all Miss?

- No, I'm starved.

You forgot we didn't have any dinner.

- Rama will bring you a tray.

- Oh any little thing'll
do, lobster salad and beer,

but nothing heavy.

- Anything for you Miss Carrington?

- No thank you Rama.

I'm going to bed Gail.

I'm all in.

- I'm kinda baggy myself.

- Good night Miss Richards.
- Good night.

- I hope you rest in peace.

- Thank you.

Isn't that what they right on tombstones?

- Oh don't be silly.

Go on to bed.

Good night darling.

- Your father had this room
done especially for you.

- It's lovely.

- Very sorry Miss, but we have no beer.

I brought you some wine.

- Wine?

Why that's champagne!

- Yes Miss.

- Oh, put it down buddy!

- Will there be anything else Miss?

- No, that's all thank you.

Champagne!

Why hide it?

(radio skips from station to station)

(orchestral music from radio)

(knocking on door)
Ann?

- Yes?

- Is that you?

- Yes, it's me.

- Well open up and let me in.

(wolf whistling)

Gee, where's the glass
slipper that goes with it?

- It is nice, isn't it?

- Oh, nice?

It's heaven compared to that
Chinese torture chamber I'm in.

Gee what a layout!

(Gail sighs contentedly)
Oh, this is for me.

I've always wanted to sleep in
one of these covered wagons.

- It's almost too nice to sleep in.

- Say what do you have to
do to get a bed like this?

Rub a magic lamp or something?

- You really like this room, don't you?

- Ah, this is right up my alley.

Oh, to catch measles and have
to stay in a bed like this.

(Gail sighs happily)

Hey, where ya going?

- I'm going to bed.

For tonight darling, this room is yours.

- Oh no you don't.

I wouldn't dream of letting
you do anything like that.

But it's a deal!

Anything to keep out of China.

- Good night Cinderella.

- Good night pal.

And I do mean pal.

Say, lock your door in
case lady Frankenstein

walks in her sleep.

(knocking on door)

- Come in.

- Did you wish anything doctor?

- Are the young ladies comfortable?

- Quite.

- That will be all then.

- I don't mind if I do.

(blows through her lips)

Ahh, China was never like this.

(clock chimes)

(wind whistling)

(Gail screaming)

(ethereal music)

(gate latch clicking)
(gate squeaking)

(dog barking)

(dog howling)

(dog howling)
(wind whistling)

- That kind of behavior is all right

for a school boy, but,

- Clara I've told
repeatedly and incessantly,

when I could get a word in edgewise,

that the whole thing was no fault of mine.

- I think it's ridiculous
for a man of your age

to pursue young girls.

What will the neighbors think?

- I didn't pursue them Clara,
they forced themselves on me.

- Don't be absurd.

Imagine girls, pretty
girls, forcing themselves

on a paunchy middle aged man.

- Why I don't think I'm paunchy.

- Don't try to change the subject.

At least you might have
waved to me when you went by!

- I've explained that darling.

I couldn't, that girl
was sitting on my lap.

- I know she was!

I warn you Cosmo, if ever you
do a think like this again,

I'm going back to Mamma.

- Clara, of course I don't intend to do

a thing like that again.

Besides, I couldn't very
well sit on her lap, could I?

- Cosmo,
(soft thudding)

this is hardly the time for jokes.

- That's peculiar.

- I don't think it's so peculiar.

After all we've been married for 20 years.

And I have a perfect
right to be treated like

a wife who, who has been
married for 20 years.

- That's odd.

- It's not odd at all!

Cosmo, do you realize what you're saying?

- Hm? I beg your pardon dear, what?

- Well if that's all the
attention you're going to give me

I may as well go to bed.

Good night.

- Well, I might be a little over weight,

but I'm certainly not paunchy.

In fact, I'm in pretty good
shape for the shape I'm in.

After all, I'm a banker, not a glamor-boy.

(Cosmo yawns)

- Get your cold feet off my back!

You don't need all the covers do you?

Here I am, Toppy.

Remember me?

The girl that sat on your lap?

- Oh this is terrible.

- What's terrible?

- You're a ghost, you're dead.

- No kiddin'!

- You've got to get out of here.

I've had enough trouble
with your kind of people.

- Well, it's strange I should be dead.

I was young and healthy and I felt swell

when I went to bed.

So why did I die?

- I don't know, but you can't stay here.

You've got to go back
to the Carrington house.

- Cosmo!

- There, you see?
- Cosmo!

- Quick, do something, vanish.

- Well all right Toppy, here I go.

- Oh it's you dear.

- Cosmo who on earth were you talking to?

- Nobody dear.

Nobody, I was just talking
in my sleep you know.

- Talking in your sleep?

But that's such a waste of time.

Besides nobody can hear you.

- Oh, well I'm not so sure about that.

- Cosmo, I, I'm sorry I was so mean.

I know you'd tell me if there was anything

between you and that girl.

Let's forget all about her.

- I'd like to dear, but
under the circumstances,

I'm afraid I can't.

- Oh well of course, if that's
the way you feel about it.

I'll talk to you in the
morning, when you're sober.

(door slamming)

(Gail screams)
- Ow!

Why don't you look where you're going?

- Why don't you be where you are?

Now see what you've done.

- That's nothing compared
to what I'm going to do

if you don't come with me.

- Come with you? Where?

- Back to the Carrington house.

I'm curious to know what happened to me.

- Go ahead!

- Oh no, no, I couldn't
go alone, I'm afraid.

I don't like that house, it's spooky.

- I won't go.

- All right, if that's
the way you feel about it.

- Get out of my bed.

- I won't, not unless you come with me.

- You get out of my bed
or I'll tell Mrs. Topper.

- What'll you tell her?

- I'll tell her you're in my bed.

I, oh no, I can't very well tell her that.

- Not very well.

But I can.

- Oh but you wouldn't do that.

Mrs. Topper wouldn't understand.

- Are you coming with me or not?

- I can't.

- All right then, I'll give
you three to make up your mind

and then I'll scream.

- Oh.
- One, two,

(Gail inhaling noisily)

- No, please, please don't.

All right you win.

What do you want me to do now?

- Call your chauffer
and tell him to take us

to the Carrington house.

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

Yes boss.

But it ain't daylight yet.

Oh, you know that huh?

Yes sir, right away.

- Well what are you gaping at?

- Wish I knew.

- Well, come on, get going.

- Yes, sir.

Where to, Mr. Topper?

- The Carrington place.

- Pardon me boss, but
could I sorta inquire

what we're going to the
Carrington place for?

- To look for a body.

- Better look for one for me too,

'cause the one I'm using now is numb.

- Come on Eddie, you want to help huh?

- With what boss?

- With the body.

- The body--

Okay, I'll go with ya, but
kinda keep to one side,

'cause I gotta feeling some
running's gonna be done.

- Toppy, that's the bedroom I was in,

the one with the balcony.

- How are we gonna get in?

- Through the window.

(car door closes)

(car door closes)

- Welp.

Pardon me boss, but could I
get confidential for a moment?

- What is it?

- Do I look as pale as I feel?

- What's the matter with you?

- I don't know but there's somebody here

I can't account for.

- Come on, come on.

- Gimme your arm Toppy.

- Uh oh, them ain't rabbit tracks!

- Toppy, here's a window.

Let's see if we can get in.

- We can't do that, we'll
wake up the household.

- Don't argue.

Here, I'll give you a boost.

Put your foot up.

- Ready?

- Yes.

- Uppsy-daisy.

(Gail grunting) You oughta go on a diet.

Try the window.

Now give me a hand.

- Where are you?

- Right here.

- Is this the room?

- Yes.

- Where were you?

- Well, let me see, oh yes!

I was sleeping at that bed.

And then it seems I got
up to close a window.

There's the window.

And then I started back to bed and,

and that's all I remember.

Oh my gosh there I am!

Look! Right by the window!

- This is positively horrible!

You've been stabbed.

- Stabbed?

- This is no time for champagne.

- Oh but Toppy, it isn't every
day a girl gets murdered.

Look at me! Oh!

- Oh, please, please, please!

This is serious, we've
got to call the police.

- Yes, I wanna find
out who did this to me.

- Where's the telephone?

- Downstairs.
- All right.

(phone dial clicking)

Hello, operator, operator?

Operator?

This thing's dead.

- Mmm epidemic.

- Where are you?

- Here I am sweetie.

- Can't seem to get anybody.

- Maybe the wires have been cut.

I'll trace 'em.

- Operator, operator.

- Put down that phone.

Stay where you are.

- Your phone's out of order.

- Who are you?

- Who? Me?

I'm Cosmo Topper.

I'm your next door neighbor.

Nice place you've got here.

Very nice.

I just dropped in to use the phone.

- At 12:30 in the morning?

- Is it really as late as that?

Well, I must be going.

No, mustn't.

- Who were you calling?

- The police.

There's been a murder here.

Don't look at me like that,

I didn't kill the girl.

- What on earth are you people doing?

- I found this man
prowling about the house.

- But this gentleman says
there's been a murder.

- What are you talking about?

- If you don't believe me,
go and see for yourself.

It's in that big room at
the top of the stairs.

- Why that's Ann's room!

- Come on.

- Ann!

Where is she?

- Right over there by the window.

- Where?

Where? There's no one here.

- I saw it here a few
minutes ago with my own eyes.

- Father, what's the matter?

- Ann! You're safe!

You're all right.

- Well of course I am.

Why?

- Well Miss Carrington,
this gentleman has just been

telling us that you'd been murdered.

- Oh, Mr. Topper, whatever
gave you that idea?

- No, it's not you, it's the other girl.

I saw her a moment ago, now really I did.

- Where is Gail?

- She wasn't downstairs was she?

- Of course not, how
could she be downstairs

when she was murdered up here?

- Now Mr. Topper please control yourself.

- I think I've found something
that might explain matters.

It's addressed to Miss Carrington.

- Darling, sorry to run
out on you so mysteriously,

will explain everything when I get back.

Love, Gail.

- Mr. Topper is evidently
suffering from hallucinations.

- Mr. Topper, how old a man are you?

- 46.

- Just as I thought.

- What do you mean just as you thought?

- Schizophrenia.

- Schizophrenia nothing!

I came here in my car,

- Your car?

- Yes, it's right outside
now, waiting for me.

(tires squeal)
(horn honks)

(door slamming)

- Huh! Cosmo!

Cosmo! Cosmo!

Edward!
- Yes ma'am.

- What in the world is wrong with you?

- It ain't me, it's them things.

- Things?

- Doors closing by themselves,
people talking to nothing

and getting answers, I'm going back.

- Back where?
- To Mr. Benny.

Ain't nothing like this ever happen there.

- Oh stop all this fiddle faddle.

Where's Mr. Topper?

- He's over at that Carrington place.

- Oh, that girl again!

- You mean the one that sat in his lap?

- I'm afraid so.

Emily get on your clothes,
we're going right over there.

- 'Scuse me ma'am but
are you able to walk?

- Well certainly not,
you're going to drive us.

- My my, that's what I was afraid of.

- Normal?

- As normal as you'd expect
for this type of man.

- I've lost the body, I've lost my car,

if I don't get out of here very soon,

I'll lose my mind.

- What he needs more than
anything else is rest.

- When he feels better we'll
send him home in my car.

Ann dear, you better go to bed.

Good night Mr. Topper.

- Good night.

- Mr. Topper, Gail's
disappearance has me worried.

- Well, look what it's done to me!

- Where did you last see her?

- She was sitting on the table in the hall

and she hung my hat on a Chinaman's foot.

- Just take it easy Mr.
Topper, car will be along

in a few minutes.

(knocking on door)

- Oh, you remember me?

- Yes, of course, but
what are you doing here?

- Well, I hate to be commercial lady,

but somebody owes me 26.80.

- Oh, that's right, I'm sorry I forgot.

- You also forgot to say goodbye.

Was a cute disappearing act
you and our partner pulled.

- You didn't by chance see her?

You didn't pass her on the road?

- No, what is she, sleep walking?

- I don't know, but she's gone.

- Oh disappeared again.

Say she must have been
raised in a magician's hat.

- I'll get your money for you.

- What's the matter?

Anything wrong?

- I hate to go up those stairs.

Would you mind coming with me?

- Upstairs?

With you?

I better come back in the morning.

- Oh please, won't you come.

- Say, are you in a jam or something?

- Just nervous I guess.

- Nervous? Why?

- Well, I can't explain but,

well things have been happening and--

- Well you can stop worrying honey,

nothing's gonna happen to you.

Come on.

I'd hate to pay the light
bill in a joint like this.

- Oh, this is my room.

- Well, if you don't
mind, I'll just wait here.

(Ann screaming)

(exciting music)

- Miss Carrington! Miss Carrington!

Oh!

- What's going on here?

Who's that guy in the black coat?

What happened to her?

Who are you?

- I'm the house keeper.

- Fine way to keep house, women screaming,

boogiemen jumping out of windows.

If I had a house like this
I wouldn't wanna keep it.

- Miss Carrington, Miss Carrington.

Miss Carrington.

- What's going on here?

- I just said that.

Who are you?

And don't tell me you're
this girl's rich uncle.

- Don't be silly I'm her father.

- Well that's close enough.

- Ann! Ann!

- She's fainted.

- I'll betcha the first
thing she says when she opens

her eyes is where am I?

- What happened?

(fingers snapping)

- Say, what are you doing here?

- All right, so I'll explain it to you.

This young lady owes
me for a taxi cab ride.

I came here to collect it,
she asked me up to this room,

I heard her scream and
walked into the middle

of an Orson Wells broadcast.

- A man was standing over me with a knife.

- There it is there!

- Where did you get that knife?

- I found it on the
window in the next room.

- Perhaps Topper's story was right.

He said they'd murdered the other girl.

Now they're try to murder Ann!

Rama call the police.

- Oh well now wait a minute,
you don't think I had anything

to do with this.

Do you?

- Certainly not.

- Ann dear, you'd better
get your clothes on.

I'm afraid you're going
to remain here young man.

- But good heavens, why
should anybody want to kill

Miss Carrington?

- Well, they killed me, didn't they?

- Yes, I can understand
that, but Miss Carrington,

- Oh don't worry about her anymore.

She's got a nice handsome bodyguard.

He's a taxi driver.

- Maybe he's the one that's
doing all the killing.

- Nonsense, he didn't bring
his cab in the house with him.

- Hm, well then if she's
safe, there's no reason for me

to stay, good night.

I've had a lovely time.

- Oh Toppy don't run out now.

Well, you've got to
find out who killed me.

Then we'll know who's threatening Ann.

- Yes, but I don't want my
wife threatening me, you see?

And she will if she finds out.

No, I'm going home.

- Oh!

- Madam, I'm quite sure you're mistaken.

- I'm not mistaken, I know I'm not.

I'm Mrs. Topper, aren't I Edward?

- Yes ma'am, but I don't think that's

what the gentleman means.

- I certainly do know what I mean.

Don't I?

- Frankly madam, I don't know.

- Well, who does?

- What do you say we
start from the beginning?

- That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

- Where is my husband?

- But madam, I don't know.

This is a private home.

- Private?

It looks more like a parade ground.

- Can I help you?

- You certainly can.

Do you live here?

- Yes, I do.

- I'm Mrs. Topper, I'm looking
for my husband, Mr. Topper.

Oh! Where's that friend of yours?

The one that goes around
sitting on people's laps?

- Well I--

- She's been murdered
according to your husband.

- Don't change the subject.

If you won't help us
we'll find him ourselves.

Come along Emily.

- I think you'll find
him in the sitting room.

- The sitting room.

- Maybe she's still sitting on his lap.

- Sitting on his lap!

Good heavens!

You mean you've got a room just for that?

Where is it?

- Right this way.

- Come along Emily, come along.

- Here she comes, you've got to go.

- I don't trust you bunny,
you tried to run out on me.

- How can I run out with her there?

And how can I face here with you here?

- Well, sounds logical.

Okay, here we go.

(blowing air)

Come on fella.

- Cosmo!

Cosmo?

Well? Where is he?

- He was here a few minutes ago.

Rama, what happened to him?

- I don't know sir, but
I'm positive he hasn't

left the house.
- And he won't.

Not till I find him and
give him a piece of my mind.

Do you mind?
- Not at all.

- Where's the telephone?

- Right this way.

- Come along Emily.

Come along Edward, Cosmo!

Cosmo! Cosmo!

(phone dial clicking)

Operator, operator I want
to report a missing husband.

Edward, you look for him down that way.

- It's awful dark down there.

- Darkness never hurt anyone.

- It ain't the darkness Mrs.
Topper, it's what's in it.

- Don't be silly, there's no difference

between light and dark,
except the lights are out.

Run along.

- I'll go, but every hair on
my coat is standing on end.

- Cosmo Topper?

What's he look like?

- Like a banker.

Of course, that's because he is a banker.

- Well, can you describe him?

- Well, he wears a size 15
shirt, with a 33 sleeve.

A nine and a half sock lisle,

and is slightly bald.

Oh yes, there's something else.

Let me see, I paid the milkman,
that luncheon's been changed

from Thursday to Friday, oh
yes, there's been a murder.

- Murder?

- Yes, murder.

Capital M-U-R-D-E-R, murder.

Trying to make these
policemen understand something

is harder than doing it yourself.

- Mr. Topper?

- Hey Eddie, got a cigarette?

Gimme a match.

(blowing smoke)

- Mr. Topper!

Mr. Topper!

Mr. Topper!

(crow caws)

Oh Mr. Topper! (screams)

(water splashing)

(seal barks)

(water splashes)

- Cosmo?

Cosmo?

Cosmo where are you?

- Why Toppy!

What are you doing here?

- Oh where are you?

- Behind the screen.

- Oh.

- Getting dressed.

Oh little sassy face,
didn't your ma ever tell ya

to knock on a lady's bedroom
door before you barge in?

- This is most embarrassing.

Why couldn't you have
stayed the way you were?

- A negligee is hardly
appropriate for solving crimes.

Come on Toppy, we've got things to do.

- Cosmo!

- Gotta get out of here.

- Cosmo?

- I'm from headquarters,
what's the trouble here?

- Troubles here?

- Now don't stand there dumb!

I got a phone call
about a half an hour ago

that there's been a murder.

And maybe you did it.

- Cosmo?

- In here quick!

(kissing and blowing)

- Cosmo? Cosmo?

Oh, this must be the kitchen.

- Yeah, well, it's not the music room.

- Well, he's not here.

Cosmo?

Where are earth can he be?

Cosmo?

Cosmo!

My, it's drafty in here.

Oh look at the chocolate cake!

Emily make some tea.

- Tea?

- Mmmm! Of course, to go with our cake.

- But what about Mr. Topper?

- Emily you know he never drinks tea.

- Well yes I know--
- What.

(water splashing)

(seal calls)

- This is getting awful monotonous.

- Now then, did you
see the face of the man

who wore the cloak?

- No it, it was covered up.

- Somebody's covering up a
lot of things around here.

- Why don't you let her alone?

She's nervous and upset.

- She is?

How do you think I feel?

A murder and no body.

Didn't anybody see a body?

- Didn't you say Topper
said he saw the body?

- Cut the double talk!

Who's Topper?

- He's the man who said he saw the body.

- Where is he?

- He's gone.
- He's gone?

- The body's gone.

Say what are you people
trying to do to me?

- I'm sure sergeant it's nothing
but a tempest in a teapot.

Miss Carrington had a note
from the supposedly dead girl

that will clear it all up.

- Where's the note?

- It's gone.

- The note's gone?

Topper's gone.

The body's gone!

Now look here!

I don't have to come here
to be made a fool of!

- Beg pardon sir, but I
believe Miss Carrington

left the note upstairs.

- Jim, take the boys upstairs.

Search everywhere, don't miss anything.

Tear it apart!

Now look here Rebecca, quit stalling.

Where is this guy Topper?

- I don't know.

- Well what was he doing
here in the first place?

- I don't know.

- Say, what do you think I am?

- I don't know.

- Who's this fresh guy?

- Oh, he's all right, he's a taxi driver.

- Yeah?

Well where's your taxi?

Now don't tell me that's disappeared too.

- Where do you think it is?

- I'm not supposed to think!

I'm from the city hall.

Now where was I?

- I don't know.

- Emily this cake is simply delicious.

- Glad you like it.

- It's the best you've ever made.

- This is not our cake.

- (laughing) Oh, I forgot.

Some cream, Emily, please?

- Cream, yes ma'am.

Oh, hello.
- Shhh!

(Emily screaming)

Help!

- Emily!

Cosmo!

What in the world are you doing in here?

- Just sitting dear.

Bit chilly outside.

- But you, you never used
to sit in our icebox.

Getting out of a nice warm bed to come

and sit in someone's icebox.

I don't understand it!

Oh but I do understand it don't I, Emily?

- I hope so.

- That scream came from in here.

- Hey look.

- A prowler!

Who are you?

- I'm Mrs. Topper, who are you?

- Mrs. Topper!

Where's your husband?

- In the icebox.

- Has he got the body with 'im?

- Certainly, under his overcoat.

- So you're Topper, huh?

Would you mind coming out
of cold storage?

- I will not.

- Say what's the matter with him?

Is he icebox crazy?

- He's suffering from hallucinations.

- Oh, you wouldn't by
any chance be thinking

you were a lamb chop?

Now then, what do you mean
by stealing into this house

in the middle of the night?

- And what have you done with
that girl you had on your lap?

- Girl on his lap, eh?

Ho ho! A love triangle.

- Do you really think so officer?

- I get it.

You sneaked into here to see some gal.

Your wife followed.

You had to get rid of the
dame, so you knocked her off.

Yes or no?

- I did not.

- Where's the body?

- I don't know.

- So you admit there is a body.

- Yes.

I came over here to look for it.

- Well how'd you know it was here?

- She told me.

- She? Who's she?

- The dead girl.

- Well, now we're get--

wait a minute.

How could a dead person talk?

- I don't know, but this one does.

Oh, I mean, I know you
won't believe what I'm going

to tell you but--

- Well we certainly won't!

- Where were you when the attempt was made

on Miss Carrington's life?

- In the library, I think, I don't know.

- Did you or did you not
try to stab this young lady?

- Don't be ridiculous officer,
Cosmo wouldn't stab anybody.

He can't even carve a turkey.

- Now listen lady, somebody
kills a dame who talks

after she's dead and the
body gets up and walks away.

Somebody tried to whittle
on this young lady,

and I find him hiding in the icebox!

- Here Toppy, take this.

- I don't want it.
- He gets his wish.

- You mean you're going to arrest him?

- Well, these ain't exactly
charm bracelets lady.

- Oh!

- He's got a gun!

It's mine!

- Cosmo, give the man back his gun.

- Don't do that.

- Cosmo!

- Call out somebody!

- Cosmo you'll hurt yourself!

- Riley you'll wind up
in the sticks for this!

- Don't do that, stop it.

It might go off!

(gun firing)
(people screaming)

- Come on!

- You shouldn't do that!

They'll catch cold.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

You shouldn't have made me do that.

- You wanna go to jail?

- No, but we can't go on like this.

My wife, the police, what
do you suppose they think!

- They think you're guilty
of house breaking and murder.

- Yes.
- Come on, let's find my body.

- No, because after we
do find it then I will be

accused of murdering you.

- But I've got evidence
to prove you're innocent.

- What evidence?
- This note

I was supposed to have
written Ann but didn't.

- Who did?

- I'll tell you when we find me.

Come on.

(water splashing)
(seal calling)

- You're tired?

How you think I feel?

(motor rumbling)
(water splashing)

(chain clicking)

- My goodness!

What makes it so cold in here?

(sneezes)

- Bless you.

- You and your husband!

When it comes to picking
out husbands, Mrs. Topper,

you certainly take the cake.

- I only took a small piece
and a little cup of tea.

That's no reason we should
be locked up in here.

- Look Mrs. Topper, I'm not complaining,

but I'm a personal maid,
and not Admiral Burrs.

- Oh Emily, shut up.

- We'll all get pneumonia.

Can't you break down that door?

- It's as solid as a rock.

(knocking on door)

- Come in!

- Quiet!

- What's the funny noise?

- That's my teeth chattering!

- Well why don't you
put 'em in your pocket?

- Who has a screw driver?

- You need a screw driver to get 'em out?

- I've got a button hook.

- Where is it?

- Home on my dresser.

- Oh my, come on, everybody look around,

there oughta be something here we can use.

Well, there's nothing in this
joint but frozen tomatoes and,

And dead chickens.

- Look, can you do something with this?

- Oh, I give up.

- May I suggest sir,
that you break the glass.

- What?

- Break the glass.

- Okay.
(glass shattering)

So what good did that do?

- He means the glass in the door, dummy.

- Okay, but I think you're
taking a lot of liberties.

- Look out.
- Oh!

(woman screaming)

(glass shattering)

- Now wait a minute,
I'll take charge of this.

Riley you take the upstairs,
and you take the downstairs.

- You take this.

- Personally I think someone
should call the police.

- Well, I'll take care of that.

Check that for finger prints.

(door slams)
(Gail gasps)

- Hear that?
- Yeah.

(door creaking)

(gun firing)

- Shhhh.

Quiet Toppy, don't be nervous.

- Gimme that.

Eddie!

Where have you been?

- Boss, that's something I'll never know.

You still looking for a body?

- Yes.

- It was down there, but it just left.

- It left?

- It just put out to sea.

That's the truth boss, but I
ain't going back to prove it.

- Oh yes you are.

- Yes sir.

My my, the things I get myself into.

- Come on.

(motor humming)

Eddie, you're going to stay
right here until we get back.

- Yes sir.

But don't bet on it unless
you get awful good odds.

- Oh Toppy, you're
terrible at rowing a boat.

Get up front and let me do the rowing.

Here we go, hold tight.

- No it ain't.

Yes it is!

If you go out, I'm going with you.

- Hurry, help me up.

- Give me your hand.

- Why do it the hard way?

- Thems the orders I got from the boss

and thems the orders
I'm passing on to you.

Gonna do it my way, see?

- Can't a guy ask questions?

- No!

I say were dump her here.

Right where we dumped Butch and Liverlimp.

South 10 miles and plenty deep.

- Oh why not wrap her
up in a concrete mudpack

and drop her right here?

The tide'll take her out.

- That's the boss's orders
and don't argue with me!

Go below and get that engine started.

- Okay.

- Gail! Come here quick!

Here you are in here.

- Oh dear, I look so uncomfortable.

(motor beginning to chug)

- Start the engine.

We've gotta get off.

- No, you lower the boat,
and I'll take care of them.

(motor chugging)

(motor stopping)

- Keep that engine running!

- I had it running, it stopped.

- What stopped it?

- I don't know.

- Ya dummy!

How do you expect that engine to run

with the juiced turned off?

Gimme that.

Come on, get out of the way.

(motor slowly chugging)

See? That's going.

(motor stops)

Turn it on!

And leave it on.

(motor slowly chugging)

(motor stops)

- I didn't do it!

Honest, I didn't.

(stick popping)

(wood crashing)

(wood popping and smacking)

(stick thudding)

- Come on Toppy.

(wood crashing)
(stick popping)

(wood smacking)

- What are you doing here?

- If you'd asked me that a second later,

you'd have been talking to yourself.

- What have you got in that boat?

- The body.

- That does it.

- No ya don't.

- Trying to hide it, huh?

- No, no, I'm bringing it back.

- Bringing it back.

Well, brother you've got a
lot of questions to answer.

- I gotta hunch, it ain't
gonna be no quiz program.

- Joe take 'em upstairs.

Everybody here?

- Yes sir, all here.

- All right, now get
this and get it straight.

Nobody leaves this room unless I say so.

And you, stop chewing that gum.

- Chewin'?

I ain't even breathin'!

- Not you, her.

(Emily swallows loudly)

I'm sorry Miss Carrington,
I know this is gonna be

a bit unpleasant for you,

but would you mind stepping
into the next room with me?

Miss Carrington, I'm
going to raise this sheet.

See if you can identify this young lady.

(Ann screaming)
(thudding)

How long's she been living here?

- She came here tonight
with Miss Carrington.

- Nice looking gal.

Too bad she had to go so young.

She's got awful big feet though.

(smacking)

Who did that?

Who hit me when I wasn't looking?

Was you in that room just now?

- Not now, then, or ever.

- Don't tell me the joint's haunted.

Now look, I was standing in that room,

minding my own business.

Just as I say what big feet she's got,

I get slapped in the kisser.

(thudding)

Who did that?

(door slamming)

Who went out that door?

- Nobody.

- Now wait a minute, doors just don't open

and shut themselves.

- Yeah, but that one did.

- Hey, who went out that door.

- You're who-ty.
- Who?

- You feel better dear?

- Well, she'd be all right if Charlie Chan

had let her alone.

- Sergeant Roberts, I
don't like to interfere,

but is it necessary to subject
my daughter to all of this?

She's terribly nervous.

Won't you, would you please
let her go to her room?

- Nobody leaves this room.

Not even me, and that
goes for the both of us.

(liquid pouring)

- Big feet, huh?

I'll match mine with his any day.

(blows through her lips)

Have another.

(Gail hiccups) Don't mind if I do.

- Innocent men stay home nights.

They don't hide in iceboxes.

And they don't take dead
bodies on boat rides.

Why did you kill her?

- I didn't.

- That's only one man's opinion.

- I can prove it.

- How?

- Leave me alone in
that room for a minute.

- Ho ho!

I'm not that dumb.

- Well, that's only one man's opinion too.

- Officer let him have his way.

There are no windows in the trophy room.

- Any iceboxes?

- No.

- All right, I'll give you three minutes.

If you're not back in this
room with a 14 karat alibi

this lady's gonna make one
of the most charming widows

I've ever met.

- Thank you officer (chukling).

- Gail, Gail where are you?

- Just getting another bottle Toppy.

Be right with you.

You and I'll have a little
drink together. (giggles)

Whoops, catch me!

Good boy Toppy.

Don't drop me.

- Now you stand up and behave yourself.

- Sweetie, lemme muss your hair.

- Stop it, will you stop it?

This is no time to be playful.

Where's that note?

- What note?

- The proof you said you had.

- Toppy, I wanna lie down.

I'm sleepy.

(Gail hiccups)

- You can't get sleepy now.

You got me into this and
you've got to get me out of it.

- Gimme a hand.

- Oh dear, here come on.

- Toppy, I feel so silly.

(Gail giggling)

- Quiet.

- It's like being on a row boat in here.

- Try to walk straight.

- Oh! Look at the pretty couch.

- There.

- Ahh.

(Gail moans tiredly)

That feels so good.

Toppy, put my feet up.

- Oh.

(Gail sighs contentedly)

Gail, this is serious.

Where is that note?

- I don't know.

- Try to think what you did with it

or I'll be arrested.

- Put a cold towel on my head sweetie,

and I'll try and think.

- Do please, try and pull
yourself together will you?

Got a little headache, you know.

Have you got an asprin on you?

- No, but I'll get you one.

Well that settles it.

That guy's as nutty as a candy bar.

Send for a straight jacket.

Make it two, one for me.

- Get up!

Now where's that note?

- There it is down there.

- Huh? Oh.

What does this prove?

- I didn't write it.

- Who did?

- Lillian the house keeper.

Here's a sample of her hand writing.

- They're identical.

- Mmhm.

- Then she must be in on it.

- Mmhm.

- Sit down.

You admit you wrote that letter don't you?

- Yes.

- And this is the note you found

in the murdered girl's room?

- Yes.

- Then how do you account
for they're both being

in the same hand writing?

- I don't know.

- Listen sister, it
looks like you're all set

for a first degree murder wrap.

Of course, if you come
clean, we could go a little

easier on ya.

- I wasn't alone in this.

I wrote the note, but I didn't kill her.

- Who did?

(suspense tones)

Come on, who did it?

- It, it was--

(woman screaming)

- Turn on the lights, quick!

Come on now who--

There's a pick pocket in the joint.

Whoever stole that witness, put her back.

Jim, search the cellar, search the icebox,

search the attic.

- Where's the attic?
- Search me.

I've been in politics 10 years
and I've never seen anything

as balled up as this is.

Darrel, guard that front door.

Don't let anybody in or out.

What's down there?

- That's the kitchen.

- If I find that dame in
the icebox I'll resign.

- And I'll drop dead.

- Oh come, come now brace up, brace up.

I'd appreciate it so
much if you'd stay here

with my daughter.

I want to talk to Sergeant Roberts.

- It'll be a pleasure sir.

- Come come.

- Now I got ya!

- Oh! You horrible man!

I see no reason for us to
stay in this awful house

while you go around
opening and shutting doors.

- Quiet.

- I will not be quiet!

I'm so nervous I could scream.

In fact, I think I will.

(screaming)

Oh! (laughs) That's fun, isn't it?

(screaming)

Come on, let's do it together.

(screaming)

- Stay here.

(woman screaming)

- Sounds like my wife.

(danger music)

(Ann screaming)

- Miss Carrington?

Miss Carrington? Miss Carrington?

Miss Carrington?

- Well, where is she?

- She was here a second ago.

- Oh what's happened now?

- Miss Carrington's disappeared.

- Well I left her with him.

- Say what is this, the
fun house at the beach?

Everybody that talks to you disappears.

Now I'm talking to ya.

I supposed I'll turn up missing.

- That is the best suggestion
you've made tonight.

- Well, that's all right.

Don't you ever park near a fire plug.

As for you--

- Officer, I want to go home.

- I'll tell you when to go.

And I'll tell you where to go.

Sit down.

(Ann screaming)

(Ann screaming)

- Gail, Ann has disappeared.

- Disappeared?

- Entirely.

- Well we've got to find her!

- Police won't let me out of their sight.

- Well they can't stop me.

- Don't go out there, Mrs.
Topper's just outside.

- I'll fix that.

(imitates zipper)

- Well, where is she?

- Where is who dear?

- You know perfectly well who I mean!

That, that girl.

- There wasn't any.

- Oh yes there was.

I heard you both in that room.

- Pardon me Mrs. Topper,
but it's getting kinda late,

can't we settle this at home?

- Edward, don't interrupt.

- Yes'm.

- Cosmo, I should think after
20 years of married life

you wouldn't try to deceive me.

Why I remember our
honeymoon in Atlantic City.

You promised me you'd never
look at another woman.

- Mr. Topper!

(water splashing)

(seal barking and clapping)

you better keep away from me

or you'll be a coat.

(knocking on wall)

(knocking on hollow wall)

(gun firing)

(thudding)

(gun firing)

(thudding)

(Gail grunting)

(smacking)

(thudding)

(thudding)
(smacking)

- Hey!

(whistles) Taxi?

- Clara please, I've
had a frightful night.

- Boss wait!

Don't sit in that chair!

Whatever you do don't sit in that chair.

- Edward will you stop interrupting?

Why you're all wet.

Is it raining out?

Oh, but you haven't been out.

Can't be raining in.

Well, if it has, it's all cleared up.

- I can't stand much more.

- Oh oh boss, that's chair's deceptive,

destructible, distrust worthy

and this is the voice of experience.

- What are you talking about?

- Boss you sit in that chair
and things happen, quick.

- Oh don't talk nonsense.

- It ain't nonsense.

It's serious.

Look boss, I sat in that
chair just like this.

Cross my leg just like this.

Leaned back, here I go again.

- Well that's a silly
way to leave the room.

Why didn't he use the door?

- Mr. Topper!

(water splashing)

- Well, as I was saying,
I'll always stand by you

no matter what happens.

- Yes dear just be quiet will you please?

- Well if that's the
way you feel about it,

I won't say another word.

(Clara giggling)

Cosmo, what a charming idea.

We should have one of these in our house

for weekend guests, really.

- Clara for heaven sake get out of there.

- Okay you take it down this way,

and you go upstairs.

If you find anything I'll be right here.

Boy what a night.

I've never been on such a
merry-go-round in my life!

(blows through lips)

- Oh, I sure needed that one.

Toppy, I just saw the
murder in the cellar.

- Who is he?
- I don't know,

I couldn't see his face.

But he was all muffled
up in a big black cloak.

- Well, whoever he is, he was in that room

when the housekeeper disappeared.

Because I found the
contraption in the fireplace

that operates the chair
she was sitting on.

- Toppy,
- What?

- We've got to make him convict himself.

- How?

- You sit in that chair,
and tell them that you know

who the murder is.

- Me?

Sitting in that chair?

But I'll disappear too.

- Oh no, not if you keep
your eye on the fireplace.

And the first one that
makes a move toward it,

that's the one we're after.

You're not afraid.

- What makes you think I'm not?

I simply want to tell all I know.

- Well, that shouldn't take very long.

Sit down.

Now cut out the stalling!

Who killed Gail Richards?

Pick 'em out.

- In the first place the
one they wanted to kill

was Miss Carrington.

- Well never mind who they were after.

Who done it?

- The murderer didn't know
he killed the wrong girl.

When he found out he was
panicky and hid the body.

You see doctor, I did
not have hallucinations.

- Fairly interesting.

- Say what are you watching
that fireplace for?

Who do you expect, Santa Claus?

Come on!

Who done it?

- The house keeper knew.

She knew too much, but she wasn't the one.

When she was about to
confess, she disappeared

from this very chair.

And the person who
caused her disappearance

was standing right beside this fireplace

when it happened.

- What do you say doc?

He's looking right straight at you.

- The man's mad, I was
nowhere near the fireplace

when it happened.

I was over there.

Rama, you were standing
here by the fireplace.

- You're mistaken Dr. Jeris.

I was standing by the library door.

- Wait a minute.

Who was standing by the fireplace

when the house keeper disappeared?

- Why, Father, you were there.

- Why yes, come to think of it, I was.

- Mr. Carrington, would you
mind sitting in that chair?

- Of course not.

That's enough!

Get 'em up all of ya!

Get 'em up.

(gun firing)

(thudding)

Get 'em up!

- Father!

- Nevermind that, put your hands up too.

And if you've got any sense,
you won't move a muscle.

- You see, I told you it was him.

- Sergeant Roberts it's been a pleasure

to do business with a
man of your intelligence.

(engine roaring)

(door closes)
(engine starts)

(wheels squealing)

(horn honking)

(tires squealing)

(smacking)

- Take your hands off that wheel!

Don't be a backseat driver.

Sit down.

(horns honking)

(Gail whistles)

That was a close one.

(wood snapping)

Hold tight!

Here we go again.

(wood snapping)
(tires squealing)

(wood snapping)

(train whistle blowing)

(tires squealing)

(car crashing)

(Gail whistles)

Well it serves you right.

Oh, I'd hate to be in your shoes.

First murder and now reckless driving.

The recording angel'll
certainly throw the book at you!

- Say, what are you doing here?

(smacking)
oof!

- Steady old boy.
- I beg your pardon.

- Now, why did you try
to kill your daughter?

- Oh don't be silly.

I'm not Ann's father.

- Who are you?

- I'm Walter Harberg.

Carrington's partner.

Carrington was killed in a mine cave in.

- So that's it.

Why you ghost of a double crossing crook.

Ann must know about this!

- Too late now.

- Oh no, we're stuck
here till she finds out.

And when she knows the truth,

I can go to heaven and you can go to,

give me a pencil quick.

And a piece of paper.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- Take a letter.

Dear Ann, I am not your father, period.

(car doors closing)

- Well if he was looking for
an accident he sure found it.

This is gonna cost him his
driver's license you know

that don't you?

- Come on.

- Here Toppy, give this to Ann.

- I'm sorry about your
father Miss Carrington.

- Wait a minute, he wasn't her father.

Miss Carrington this is for you.

- Well what's this all about?

- Well here, read it.

Or am I expecting too much?

- Where did you get this note?

- It flew into my hand.

- Notes that fly, fathers
that ain't fathers,

leaping chairs!

Come on let's get out of here

before the trees start talking!

- Edward?

Edward where are you?

- Here I am.

And here I go.

- Edward come back here.

- Not me.

From now on I used to be your chauffer.

- But you've gotta drive us home.

- Not in that car.

Enough is enough and that's
what I've had a abundancy of!

- Very well, if that's
the way you feel about it,

Emily will drive us.

And Cosmo, this time I'll sit on your lap.

- All right darling.

- Emily do you know how to drive?

- No ma'am.

- (giggling) Isn't it exciting?

(car engine roars)
(gears grinding)

- Thanks Eddie, you've been a great help.

- Sorry I had to dump
you in the water old boy.

(conclusion music)

(orchestral music)