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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
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I met that director
you were talking about.
2
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,540
She's great. She's healthy and normal...
3
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:15,170
Wait! Wait, no! Don't jump.
4
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No drama.
5
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,800
Are you ready to change your life
6
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,160
and take control of your future?
7
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,670
And another iconic American
corporation over here,
8
00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:07,170
and another over here.
9
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,790
Hey, are we out of the Dunkin' ones?
10
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,170
Ambassador Gibbons, the
spooky people are here.
11
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,380
Oh, it's Renaldo, and some other people.
12
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,250
Okay, everyone leave.
13
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:20,420
Get out unless you're
Renaldo, his friends or me.
14
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,130
So, I guess that just
leaves you, Jessica.
15
00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:26,130
I'm sorry, this is the
end of the road for you.
16
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:29,040
You led me astray. You told
me the bangs were good
17
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:31,250
when they were a total disaster.
18
00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:34,170
People laughed in the face of America.
19
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,630
I understand.
20
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,920
I won't forget everything
I've learned here,
21
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,920
and even though I won't become
the next American ambassador,
22
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,750
I've met some amazing girls.
23
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,960
So hard to let girls go.
24
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,380
So, what brings you here?
25
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,140
Oh wait, you know what I need?
26
00:04:56,164 --> 00:04:58,364
I need to find my translating gem.
27
00:05:01,356 --> 00:05:02,356
Hmm!
28
00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:09,580
Oh my God, you have to stay downtown.
29
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,380
I love that, and I
can do that like this.
30
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:17,790
But I have another idea.
31
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,130
I get you the visas, and in return,
32
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you get something I need.
33
00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:28,540
It's a... highly sensitive
diplomatic matter.
34
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:31,500
It's top secret, really hush-hush.
35
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:34,460
I have a week's vacation
coming up. I'm going to Tulum,
36
00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:38,000
and I'll finally have
some time to just relax.
37
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,330
Just me, the sun, the sand,
38
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:43,460
and my seven security guards
surrounding my private beach.
39
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:45,790
But, obviously, a week is not enough.
40
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,500
I need to add on an
additional week after that.
41
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,330
And there's only one way of doing that,
42
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,460
and that's by faking my own abduction.
43
00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:02,960
I don't care. Whatever it is,
44
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,170
just make sure everyone
at the office sees it,
45
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,500
let them know that I'll be
gone for a full two weeks,
46
00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:10,670
and that if I come back
with a tan, it's no big deal.
47
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,670
I'm not done.
48
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,500
Oh wait, I am.
49
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,830
I'm getting abducted!
50
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,000
And this time it's fine
because I organized it.
51
00:06:34,670 --> 00:06:36,790
Yes! Whatever it is, yes!
52
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,040
Yes.
53
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,210
Hmm?
54
00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:00,540
Hello to all my fans.
55
00:11:00,630 --> 00:11:03,130
Thank you so much for
watching my GoFundMe video.
56
00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:05,460
So, like, what happened
is that I was on my way
57
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:08,130
to give canned goods to a
church and out of nowhere,
58
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,750
an airplane hits me
like, bam, on the head.
59
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You know, like a bitch.
60
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,580
And, anyway, click the
link in my description
61
00:11:15,670 --> 00:11:17,710
so you can see my other GoFundMe video
62
00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:22,170
where my TV was taken from
me by a large tornado.
63
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:23,580
Thank you and God bless.
64
00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:27,540
Wow! You got so many done today.
65
00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:29,880
Every time you open your mouth,
66
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,880
all I hear is "bitch, bitch, bitch".
67
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,670
That's too bad. I'm sorry.
68
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,830
I can't take all this abuse.
69
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,210
Oh... that just...
70
00:11:40,290 --> 00:11:41,920
Here, you can watch it.
71
00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:48,920
Tico. Oh, Tico! Tico, there you are.
72
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,040
Oh, I've been knocking and
knocking on every door.
73
00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:54,050
Excuse me, can you please keep it down?
74
00:11:54,074 --> 00:11:55,330
- Ooh!
- Sorry.
75
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:58,130
I found him! The man
I've been looking for.
76
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,540
The man who saved my life.
77
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:03,250
I cannot thank you enough
78
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:07,710
for reigniting the flame
of inspiration in me.
79
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:11,130
Now, what should this movie be about?
80
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:14,170
I don't even wanna
know who this woman is,
81
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,040
but it is clear you are using again.
82
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:18,830
I never used.
83
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:23,040
Ooh... let's get to the
business of creating.
84
00:12:23,130 --> 00:12:26,500
Now, what should this movie be about?
85
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,500
I'm not really creative,
86
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,710
but my nephew's coming with his friends.
87
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,130
We can wait for him.
88
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:37,670
Oh, no, no, no, no. No. If
we don't start writing today,
89
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:41,080
I'm gonna go home and
swallow a bowl of marbles.
90
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,920
Hi, I'm calling from
Hierbalite. Your payment...
91
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,130
Hi, I'm calling from
Hierbalite Collections.
92
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:31,710
Is this Miss Úrsula I'm speaking to?
93
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,500
Well, good evening to
you and your family.
94
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,750
This is just a friendly reminder
that you're out of time.
95
00:13:37,830 --> 00:13:39,420
Where's my money, bitch?
96
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,250
Do you know who the
fuck you're talking to?
97
00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:43,210
I'm the Hierbalite CEO, Mark Stevens,
98
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,130
and I personally handle collections.
99
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:48,000
Chasing down people like
you is what I live for.
100
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,130
You have five days to come
up with my fucking money.
101
00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:54,540
Please remain on the
line for a brief survey
102
00:13:54,630 --> 00:13:56,080
about our call today.
103
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:59,000
Mark's threats were: A,
concise and articulate,
104
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,920
B, a little vague and confusing, C...
105
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,330
And then the werewolf...
106
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:25,040
What's a fun, interesting job?
107
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,330
A job? Um...
108
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,040
A parking valet.
109
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:30,920
That's good. Yes.
110
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,040
So... so then, the werewolf is a valet.
111
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,670
And then... it's nighttime.
112
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,710
That's always good. Nighttime is good.
113
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:43,420
And then, he goes to the valet stand,
114
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:47,040
and all of a sudden, he,
uh... he can't find the keys.
115
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:51,380
And so, um... the lady,
she's really mad.
116
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:55,000
She says, "I've been
waiting here for two hours.
117
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,250
And I've got another party to go to,
118
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,750
and you're holding me back,
and I should sue you".
119
00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:03,170
Oh, this is so good. It's very real.
120
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,170
And then she says, "Are you okay?
121
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:06,830
Why are you a werewolf?"
122
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,880
"Why are you a werewolf?"
123
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,750
- Who should the girl be?
- Um...
124
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:16,290
Anne Hathaway?
125
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:19,750
That is... that's just wonderful.
126
00:20:20,630 --> 00:20:23,750
I'm so tired. You type.
127
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,540
Beep, beep.
128
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,920
Tico, are you gonna make it?
129
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,880
I can't right now. I'm
helping my friend, uh...
130
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,880
make a movie to write.
131
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,880
Oh, Tico, what little adventure
have you fallen into now?
132
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,460
Don't worry. I sent someone else, okay?
133
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,000
Oh...
134
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:53,380
Hello. It sucks to be
all by yourself right now
135
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,130
because your owner was
talking to me earlier
136
00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:58,290
and calling me something like a bitch,
137
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,040
but I guess you're the bitch now, right?
138
00:21:53,210 --> 00:21:55,880
Oh my God, it's so big!
139
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,330
And it's for Melanie.
140
00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:02,000
- We have to tell Melanie.
- Melanie!
141
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,000
Melanie, you have a package.
142
00:22:35,710 --> 00:22:37,350
Ambassador Gibbons,
143
00:22:37,374 --> 00:22:38,960
how do you think history will remember
144
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,130
your country's response
about the border crisis?
145
00:22:42,210 --> 00:22:43,500
Border crisis?
146
00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:46,170
I thought this was for People en Español
147
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:48,540
and you were going to
ask me what's in my bag.
148
00:22:48,630 --> 00:22:50,880
Melanie, a package just came for you.
149
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,040
Thank God.
150
00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:56,500
She's here! She's here!
151
00:22:56,580 --> 00:22:59,210
Huh? A present for me?
152
00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:01,830
I wasn't expecting
anything at all today.
153
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,960
And right before my one week
vacation. Who's it from?
154
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,040
The card just says, "Hell".
155
00:23:08,130 --> 00:23:09,790
Fun!
156
00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:14,630
Oh, it's a mirror.
157
00:23:14,710 --> 00:23:16,880
Oh, it's a beautiful mirror.
158
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,670
Oh, but maybe it's a political statement
159
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,290
forcing us to examine ourselves.
160
00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:22,040
Oh no, get rid of it.
161
00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:25,170
Oh, no, it's okay. It's
just a mirror. Okay.
162
00:23:41,290 --> 00:23:42,970
Oh my God! She's gone.
163
00:23:42,994 --> 00:23:44,830
Who's gonna tuck us in at night?
164
00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:14,500
What the hell happened?
165
00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:22,920
Um, okay, now I'm stuck in
some kind of mirror void?
166
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,170
I thought you guys were makeup artists!
167
00:24:28,290 --> 00:24:31,130
Well, this sucks. Now
I'm gonna miss my flight.
168
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,300
Oh, honey, I'm stuck in a mirror.
169
00:24:40,324 --> 00:24:41,540
I'm not giving you shit.
170
00:24:41,630 --> 00:24:43,350
You get me out of here,
I'll think about it.
171
00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:46,180
You better get me...
12660
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