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1
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:42,539
'Ey up, could somebody
tell me why we're crawling
around 'ere like three duck eggs?
2
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:48,579
Stop complaining. You're
getting expert, free tuition
in how to blend in the background.
3
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:53,280
Once you've dealt
with his background, could you
do something with his foreground?
4
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,679
Whoops! Sorry, Norm.
5
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,219
Now pay attention!
The next thing we have to do...
6
00:00:58,220 --> 00:00:59,939
Is go for a drink.
7
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:02,279
We do NOT go for a drink.
8
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,260
Not even if it
blends in the background?
9
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,739
The next thing we have to do is
learn how to cross an open space.
10
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:12,900
Hey! Wow, an open space!
11
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:19,559
I'm fed up wi' this. I am,
I'm really teed off wi' this!
12
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,619
Will you get down, or do
I have to tread on your head?
13
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:27,800
Oh well, if you put it like that.
I'm prepared to listen to reason.
14
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:31,339
You can't be fed up already.
15
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,599
Would you like a second opinion?
16
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,699
He's got the concentration span
of a modern football supporter.
17
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,559
What did you say?
18
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,060
Modern football supporter.
19
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,939
Where did you get
that damned thing from?
20
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:50,539
I swapped it wi' some kid.
21
00:01:50,540 --> 00:01:51,759
What did you give him?
22
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:57,919
20 fags. You gave a child
20 cigarettes? That's terrible!
23
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,940
My feelings exactly...
I thought 10 would have been plenty!
24
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,279
Fat lot of use trying to
move like a panther round here.
25
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,859
What do you need that thing for?
You're not a football supporter.
26
00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:12,479
He's a rattle supporter.
27
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,179
I am, Norm. Ho-ho!
I like a bit o' rattle.
28
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:20,820
Put it away! Steady on!
29
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:25,419
A bloke has to be very careful
putting a thing like this away.
30
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,560
One false move
and your clacker's in a mess.
31
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,359
What's this...?
Your trousers are in threads.
32
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,700
Go steady, go steady,
tha'll have me trousers fall apart.
33
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,700
Who makes them, Shredded Wheat?
34
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,819
You stay here and watch me
demonstrate crossing open space.
35
00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:49,099
It won't be dangerous, will it?
36
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,259
It will if 'e pulls these threads.
37
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,419
It won't be dangerous.
38
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,939
I hate watching anything dangerous.
39
00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,359
You just watch the road carefully.
40
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:03,399
Keep your eye on the road,
I'm going to SLIP across the road.
41
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,840
Now you'll hardly see me, you'll
think it's a shadow of something.
42
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,259
Will that be a small
or a large shadow?
43
00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:17,479
Just watch!
44
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,059
I'm going to disappear...
into cover.
45
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:22,480
I'm going to ground.
46
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:34,399
If you don't see me for a while...
don't worry. I'll still be around.
47
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,460
Remember, I could be
within inches of you.
48
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:50,279
I can't see 'im.
Ooh! I can't see 'im.
49
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,619
Remember, he could be
within inches of you.
50
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,499
He's a great dollop!
51
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,659
No... Credit where it's due.
52
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:02,560
I mean, this moving across
open spaces is much more fun
than we thought it would be.
53
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:05,380
Oh... this rattler.
54
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,739
'Ey up!
55
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:22,299
A moving bush.
56
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:24,419
They're quite rare, you know.
57
00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:26,639
Oh, it doesn't surprise me.
58
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,959
What's the great prawn going
to do when he gets on the road?
59
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,199
He's going to leap out like
a shadow and straight across.
60
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,260
Unless he's going to pause halfway
disguised as a white line.
61
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,580
There he is...!
62
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,660
Up the terriers!
63
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,880
Wahey! It's the Red Shadow.
64
00:06:03,244 --> 00:06:09,443
I tell you... I tell you,
it isn't every day that you see
cyclists run over by a bush!
65
00:06:09,444 --> 00:06:11,184
Up the terriers!
66
00:06:12,184 --> 00:06:14,883
Oh no, Norm... We mustn't laugh.
67
00:06:14,884 --> 00:06:16,224
I don't see why not.
68
00:06:17,484 --> 00:06:19,583
I suppose you think it's funny.
69
00:06:19,584 --> 00:06:21,543
What gave you that idea?
70
00:06:21,544 --> 00:06:26,284
I hope tha never comes across
that mob again, they'd lynch thee!
71
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,744
What's up with you lot?
72
00:06:42,424 --> 00:06:43,804
Lost your tongues?
73
00:06:44,824 --> 00:06:46,743
That makes a pleasant change.
74
00:06:46,744 --> 00:06:48,703
Actions speak louder than words.
75
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:50,504
They do with you.
76
00:06:55,024 --> 00:06:56,543
KEEP AWAY!
77
00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:58,643
Did you enjoy that?
78
00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:02,164
Oh aye, I always enjoy
a little grapple with Ivy.
79
00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:05,444
I used to feel the same
and look at me.
80
00:07:06,584 --> 00:07:08,424
No, I... I'm only joking, luv.
81
00:07:12,444 --> 00:07:15,503
Actually, she's never been that
fond of a grapple. No?
82
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:18,863
No. A bit of wallpapering she can
get enthusiastic about.
83
00:07:18,864 --> 00:07:21,583
Some women
have a black belt in chastity.
84
00:07:21,584 --> 00:07:26,164
Aye... and the pity of it is
that I am STILL AVAILABLE.
85
00:07:27,184 --> 00:07:30,484
Sometimes I don't think
they know what they're missing.
86
00:07:31,924 --> 00:07:34,024
With them trousers they MUST.
87
00:07:35,044 --> 00:07:36,863
What's that bit hanging loose?
88
00:07:36,864 --> 00:07:39,823
I never dared to enquire.
89
00:07:39,824 --> 00:07:44,823
Hand-made are these. My Aunt Lizzie
makes them to special order.
90
00:07:44,824 --> 00:07:48,683
Have you done?
No, I haven't done.
91
00:07:48,684 --> 00:07:50,224
Don't take all day.
92
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:56,403
Who trained your Ivy
to handle customers, Sidney?
93
00:07:56,404 --> 00:08:00,624
Did you send her
to Cosa Nostra, or did she
pick it up with the Waffen-SS?
94
00:08:01,864 --> 00:08:06,484
I keep telling her, be nice
to people. Start with me!
95
00:08:12,064 --> 00:08:17,044
Don't upset 'im, Ivy. If 'e gets
excited, his leaves'll fall out.
96
00:08:18,044 --> 00:08:20,683
I don't know...
You try to help people,
97
00:08:20,684 --> 00:08:24,523
you try to get 'em interested
in some healthy, outdoor activity...
98
00:08:24,524 --> 00:08:26,863
Being a tree?!
99
00:08:26,864 --> 00:08:32,303
Not just being a tree.
There's more to it than being
a tree. It's the physical exercise.
100
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:35,724
I mean... how do you think I got
these tiger-tight muscles?
101
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,623
Physical exercise.
102
00:08:38,624 --> 00:08:41,923
It's tha gob
that gets all the exercise.
103
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:45,724
Wait till you feel the glow
that comes from tiger muscles.
104
00:08:46,744 --> 00:08:48,463
He does talk some twonk.
105
00:08:48,464 --> 00:08:51,163
I should be sorry to lose my flab.
106
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,564
Every sinew like a steel wire.
107
00:08:55,804 --> 00:08:57,963
Absolutely fluent twonk.
108
00:08:57,964 --> 00:09:00,423
It's very underestimated is flab.
109
00:09:00,424 --> 00:09:03,663
I don't think people
appreciate it as they ought to.
110
00:09:03,664 --> 00:09:07,803
I didn't get into this condition
by accident. You have to work at it.
111
00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:09,943
What are you twitching at?
112
00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:12,263
Twitching? These are exercises.
113
00:09:12,264 --> 00:09:16,423
Well, go somewhere else and twitch.
I've got a party coming in a minute.
114
00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:17,523
A party?
115
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,963
A few trippers. You'll see 'em
if you hang on.
116
00:09:21,804 --> 00:09:25,703
On second thoughts, I wouldn't
hang on, not your type really.
117
00:09:25,704 --> 00:09:27,544
Not our type? How do you know?
118
00:09:28,544 --> 00:09:30,424
Sort of a husband's intuition.
119
00:09:31,424 --> 00:09:32,544
They're all health freaks.
120
00:09:33,544 --> 00:09:34,623
Well...?
121
00:09:34,624 --> 00:09:36,723
Healthy outdoor types.
122
00:09:36,724 --> 00:09:40,843
I should have thought we had a lot
in common. WE'RE fitness freaks.
123
00:09:40,844 --> 00:09:43,163
AREN'T WE?
Oh, aye. We're all fitness freaks.
124
00:09:44,544 --> 00:09:46,023
Excuse me...
125
00:09:46,024 --> 00:09:47,443
Excuse me.
126
00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:48,883
Come on, excuse me...
127
00:09:48,884 --> 00:09:50,644
Why, what've you done?
128
00:09:51,664 --> 00:09:52,883
Sorry.
129
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,844
Excuse me!
130
00:09:56,904 --> 00:09:59,183
EXCUSE ME...
131
00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:01,504
Norm, do you think
she's trying to tell us something?
132
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,803
What gives you that impression?
133
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,064
Excuse me.
134
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:09,963
I don't know about you two,
but I'm determined to stay.
135
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:13,443
I don't know about you two,
I'm determined to chicken out.
136
00:10:13,444 --> 00:10:15,383
You are staying!
137
00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:17,023
Looks as though tha're stayin'.
138
00:10:17,024 --> 00:10:19,104
Ah well, that's democracy.
139
00:10:21,744 --> 00:10:23,043
Still 'ere?
140
00:10:23,044 --> 00:10:26,143
We intend to stay. I look
forward to meeting these people.
141
00:10:26,144 --> 00:10:30,983
You can stay for me.
But how long will you last,
now she's decided you should leave?
142
00:10:30,984 --> 00:10:35,763
We're doing nothing illegal, she
has no reason for throwing us out.
143
00:10:35,764 --> 00:10:37,503
She'll think of something.
144
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,044
Well, she'll find
I can be stubborn too.
145
00:10:41,064 --> 00:10:43,243
I don't know why
you're making a fuss.
146
00:10:43,244 --> 00:10:44,643
You'll find out.
147
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,563
What we've got to do is box clever.
148
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,543
We'll order something else
and we'll make it last.
149
00:10:50,544 --> 00:10:51,843
Ohh...!
150
00:10:51,844 --> 00:10:55,263
Three of your distinctive
cups of tea, please, Sidney.
151
00:10:55,264 --> 00:10:56,264
Tea's off.
152
00:10:57,904 --> 00:10:59,083
Off?
153
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,583
Sorry.
154
00:11:00,584 --> 00:11:02,043
But we've just had some.
155
00:11:02,044 --> 00:11:04,663
Weren't you lucky?
You had the last three.
156
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,243
Love-30. Your service, Foggy.
157
00:11:07,244 --> 00:11:09,863
All right,
we'll have three coffees.
158
00:11:09,864 --> 00:11:11,863
No coffee.
159
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:14,483
No coffee? No. Sorry.
160
00:11:14,484 --> 00:11:17,223
But... what's in that big tin
marked Coffee?
161
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:19,243
Desiccated coconut.
162
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:22,283
Well, what's in that tin marked
Desiccated Coconut?
163
00:11:22,284 --> 00:11:24,083
Electricity bills and fuse wire.
164
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,263
Love-40.
165
00:11:26,264 --> 00:11:28,403
Milk! We'll have
three glasses of milk.
166
00:11:28,404 --> 00:11:30,603
Milk's off. Sorry.
167
00:11:30,604 --> 00:11:36,323
'Ey, listen.
Raise the bids, go for something
worthwhile. Try bacon and eggs.
168
00:11:36,324 --> 00:11:38,663
We've stopped serving breakfast.
No bacon and egg.
169
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:39,944
New balls, please.
170
00:11:42,604 --> 00:11:45,523
Yes, well... All right then... Yes.
171
00:11:45,524 --> 00:11:50,143
Yes, I'm sure we've no wish to stay
where we're not welcome.
172
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,543
Oh, I don't mind.
173
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,603
I've 'ad some great times
staying where I'M not welcome.
174
00:11:54,604 --> 00:11:57,584
But I have a feeling in my water
this is not one of 'em.
175
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,543
Get off!
176
00:12:01,544 --> 00:12:04,843
It's not like you, Foggy,
to give in as easily as that.
177
00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:06,063
Give in?
178
00:12:06,064 --> 00:12:08,783
You won't catch a Dewhurst
giving in.
179
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,964
Let go of me, you daft pillock!
180
00:12:13,484 --> 00:12:20,003
A tactical withdrawal,
you see. You mustn't confuse
retreat with tactical withdrawal.
181
00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:23,943
Hey, Norm...
Has he creased my jacket?
182
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:27,323
It's difficult to tell
for all them creases.
183
00:12:27,324 --> 00:12:28,604
Oh...
184
00:12:29,644 --> 00:12:35,384
You see...
sometimes it catches the enemy
off guard by PRETENDING to retreat.
185
00:12:46,564 --> 00:12:48,303
I'll say this for you, Foggy...
186
00:12:48,304 --> 00:12:52,023
when you pretend to retreat,
it's really convincing.
187
00:12:52,024 --> 00:12:55,523
Aye, it would've fooled me.
I thought it were a REAL retreat.
188
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,523
Never mind what you thought.
189
00:12:57,524 --> 00:12:59,243
I know what I'm doing.
190
00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:01,364
Aye, we all know what tha's doing.
191
00:13:02,144 --> 00:13:04,063
Tha's retreating.
192
00:13:04,064 --> 00:13:10,363
Yes, I knew you'd misunderstand,
I knew military tactics would
be lost on you. Pay attention.
193
00:13:10,364 --> 00:13:12,483
Why's 'e trying to hit me
with that stick?
194
00:13:12,484 --> 00:13:14,744
Because he hasn't anything heavier?
195
00:13:15,764 --> 00:13:19,964
We shall lull the enemy into
a false sense of security, then...
196
00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:23,483
..we shall strike
from a different angle.
197
00:13:23,484 --> 00:13:27,063
Hey! Wow... a DIFFERENT angle.
198
00:13:27,064 --> 00:13:32,343
Any minute, someone is going to be
wriggling on the sharp end
of this stick.
199
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,083
Wouldn't that damage my trousers?
200
00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:36,823
Don't talk to me
about your trousers!
201
00:13:36,824 --> 00:13:42,583
As a church-going non-smoker with
a few bob in the building society,
I don't like to think about them.
202
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,523
What's wrong with my trousers?
203
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,603
It's just a difference
in viewpoint.
204
00:13:46,604 --> 00:13:52,223
I mean, from where YOU are, on
the inside... they probably seem OK.
205
00:13:52,224 --> 00:13:57,083
It's just that from where WE are,
on the outside, they look...
206
00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:59,003
disgusting.
207
00:14:01,564 --> 00:14:03,863
Yes, well, er... where were we?
208
00:14:03,864 --> 00:14:06,104
Well, you were about to stab him
with your stick.
209
00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:10,244
Don't do that! Don't do that!
He's not made his will.
210
00:14:11,264 --> 00:14:14,623
His will...? What's HE got to leave?
211
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:16,683
There's my ferrets!
212
00:14:16,684 --> 00:14:19,623
And he's promised his wellies
to medical science.
213
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,944
Only if they pay the postage.
214
00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:24,624
No, pay attention...!
215
00:14:29,304 --> 00:14:30,783
Yes, right...
216
00:14:30,784 --> 00:14:34,163
Well, my assessment
of the situation is this...
217
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:40,323
Point 1 - Ivy didn't want
us to stay and mix with her
coach party, whoever they may be.
218
00:14:40,324 --> 00:14:44,624
Point 2 - that coach party will
now be sitting down to its meal.
219
00:14:45,644 --> 00:14:49,343
Point 3 - we go down there
and stroll straight into the cafe.
220
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:51,183
You see?
221
00:14:51,184 --> 00:14:53,304
Tactics!
222
00:14:55,324 --> 00:14:57,143
You see?
223
00:14:57,144 --> 00:14:58,984
Crackers!
224
00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:12,144
They've arrived.
225
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:20,944
Well, come along, you two.
She can't throw us out, she won't
want to upset her other customers.
226
00:15:25,644 --> 00:15:28,364
Whoops! I don't think he's
going to be in there long.
227
00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:54,623
Can't you do SOMETHING, Harold?
228
00:15:54,624 --> 00:15:56,683
Oh, shut up, Phoebe!
229
00:15:56,684 --> 00:16:00,843
That's very positive. I do
admire firmness in emergencies.
230
00:16:00,844 --> 00:16:04,943
Look, this is hardly an emergency,
I've stalled her, that's all.
231
00:16:04,944 --> 00:16:11,843
How ingenious, when
Hermione's waiting for us with the
the Lord Lieutenant. Do SOMETHING!
232
00:16:11,844 --> 00:16:13,063
Like what?
233
00:16:13,064 --> 00:16:17,403
It's simply not my sphere, Harold.
It's a MAN'S sphere.
234
00:16:17,404 --> 00:16:19,644
Spheres to you too, darling!
235
00:16:20,644 --> 00:16:23,763
Oh, look! Some poor people.
236
00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:25,844
I expect they'll know what to do.
237
00:16:26,864 --> 00:16:29,483
You could have warned me
about those bicycles.
238
00:16:29,484 --> 00:16:34,384
We 'ad confidence in thee, Foggy.
We knew tha'd be faster
than they were.
239
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,984
Hello, there!
240
00:16:38,984 --> 00:16:40,264
Can you help?
241
00:16:41,284 --> 00:16:44,943
'Ey up. I think this bloke
thinks he knows us.
242
00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:47,184
Do you think we ought to wave back?
243
00:16:48,444 --> 00:16:51,383
I hate being faced
with these sudden decisions!
244
00:16:51,384 --> 00:16:53,543
I think we ought to ignore him.
245
00:16:53,544 --> 00:16:57,043
He's not waving to us,
the man needs some assistance.
246
00:16:57,044 --> 00:17:00,743
Well, that settles it.
We definitely ought to ignore him.
247
00:17:00,744 --> 00:17:02,064
I don't trust him.
248
00:17:03,084 --> 00:17:06,203
You don't know him,
how can you not trust him?
249
00:17:06,204 --> 00:17:10,323
If he thinks he's going to get any
help from three idiots like us...
250
00:17:10,324 --> 00:17:12,824
how can you trust
judgement like that?
251
00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:19,463
My God! Look at the one in gumboots.
Has he been in an accident?
252
00:17:19,464 --> 00:17:21,963
Well, he seems to be walking
well enough.
253
00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:26,704
The poor can be very useful, but
they're always in some damn disaster.
254
00:17:27,724 --> 00:17:30,024
Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH HIM!
255
00:17:31,024 --> 00:17:33,344
Why should I touch him? For luck(?)
256
00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:38,123
Good day, sir... Madam.
What seems to be the trouble?
257
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:42,023
I'm afraid we're in rather a hurry.
We're due at my wife's sister's.
258
00:17:42,024 --> 00:17:44,623
With the Lord Lieutenant.
259
00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:47,944
Oh, the Lord... Yes, well...
260
00:17:49,164 --> 00:17:51,163
Having a spot of bother, are we?
261
00:17:51,164 --> 00:17:52,944
I think I may have flooded her.
262
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:57,064
Never mind... It doesn't show.
263
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:03,623
Yes, not to worry.
I'll get my chaps to lend a hand.
264
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,544
My chaps...?
265
00:18:06,864 --> 00:18:08,024
MY CHAPS?!
266
00:18:09,024 --> 00:18:10,704
Don't you start!
267
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:17,403
Just for once in your life,
try and create a good impression.
268
00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:20,483
Or would you settle for saying
"Goodbye" nicely?
269
00:18:20,484 --> 00:18:26,104
Look - can you stand at the back?
Just try and stay at the back.
270
00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:32,863
Yes, now then... What have we here?
271
00:18:32,864 --> 00:18:35,223
It's an engine, you big lily!
272
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:40,243
Oh, my God! He's in spasm!
273
00:18:42,084 --> 00:18:44,424
It's an engine! Ha! Haagh!
274
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,904
I could really get fed up wi' this,
I could.
275
00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:56,663
Put your back into it!
276
00:18:56,664 --> 00:18:58,863
I got this bad back, 'aven't I?
277
00:18:58,864 --> 00:19:00,883
Your front's not so clever.
278
00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:05,403
It pays to stay clear of people
who pronounce their aitches.
279
00:19:05,404 --> 00:19:08,983
You say "Hello" to somebody
who speaks nicely...
280
00:19:08,984 --> 00:19:13,363
the next minute they've got you
carrying their bags,
pushing their cars...
281
00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:15,443
or backing their horses.
282
00:19:15,444 --> 00:19:18,744
They need a very firm 'and,
do the upper classes.
283
00:19:20,044 --> 00:19:22,983
Lot of experience
of the upper classes, have you(?)
284
00:19:22,984 --> 00:19:27,583
Listen, Glenda.
The Duke of Devonshire once asked
for my photograph, didn't he?
285
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,663
What for?
286
00:19:28,664 --> 00:19:30,863
To show to 'is gamekeepers...
287
00:19:30,864 --> 00:19:33,044
so they could shoot me on sight!
288
00:19:36,004 --> 00:19:38,144
I know just how they felt.
289
00:19:39,164 --> 00:19:42,583
Nearing the crest of the hill.
One more heave!
290
00:19:44,304 --> 00:19:46,544
Never mind the sound effects,
just PUSH.
291
00:19:48,024 --> 00:19:51,943
Think that's done it! Ah, splendid.
292
00:19:51,944 --> 00:19:53,643
Much obliged.
293
00:19:56,444 --> 00:20:00,944
Oh, I 'ope tonight's not the night
that Nora Batty finally says yes!
294
00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:06,184
I'd sooner push motor cars.
I really would.
295
00:20:08,244 --> 00:20:11,443
Awfully decent of you chaps.
Buy yourselves a drink.
296
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,464
Oh, no, no, no...
there's no need for that.
297
00:20:15,484 --> 00:20:17,024
There is back 'ere.
298
00:20:18,224 --> 00:20:20,943
Yes... please. Take it.
299
00:20:20,944 --> 00:20:23,083
Buy HIM a square meal.
300
00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:27,583
Oh, he'd only drink it.
His lifestyle is VERY irregular.
301
00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:29,363
Please, no details.
302
00:20:29,364 --> 00:20:33,163
'Ey, Phyllis! Tha doesn't
'ave to take it for me.
303
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:38,363
But if tha doesn't, I would like
to point out 'oo's going to have
to pay for the next round!
304
00:20:38,364 --> 00:20:40,124
Oh, very well then...
305
00:20:50,404 --> 00:20:52,883
Right ho, chaps! Down we go!
306
00:21:16,644 --> 00:21:18,824
Me trousers is going wi' 'em!
307
00:21:36,464 --> 00:21:38,463
How am I going to get 'ome
like this?
308
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,884
By taking advantage of every
bit of cover, like I taught you.
309
00:21:49,824 --> 00:21:51,544
There you are, you see...
310
00:21:52,584 --> 00:21:54,604
..you look perfectly respectable
from here.
311
00:21:57,344 --> 00:22:01,603
I can't keep walking over 'ere.
I'm goin' to break my flamin' neck!
312
00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:03,604
Promises, promises.
313
00:22:04,644 --> 00:22:09,664
Listen, big Audrey.
It's difficult to keep tha feet
over 'ere, the ground's all lumpy.
314
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:15,544
Look at you. You're a fine one to
complain about things being lumpy!
315
00:22:16,604 --> 00:22:21,983
I didn't ask to lose my trousers.
I didn't wake up this morning
and say, "Oh, what a lovely day -
316
00:22:21,984 --> 00:22:24,264
"I think I'll lose my trousers."
Oh...!
317
00:22:29,664 --> 00:22:33,323
How do you think I feel, wandering
the Pennines minus me trousers?
318
00:22:33,324 --> 00:22:34,603
How DO you feel?
319
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:38,723
Well, it's a bit draughty, Norm...
but there's one thing
I'm pleased about.
320
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:41,363
We've noticed
you're keeping it
under your hat.
321
00:22:41,364 --> 00:22:42,503
No...
322
00:22:42,504 --> 00:22:46,084
As luck would have it - thank God,
I've got me best underwear on!
323
00:22:48,404 --> 00:22:50,523
I must have had a premonition!
324
00:22:50,524 --> 00:22:53,723
And you don't want
many of those
just in your underwear.
325
00:22:53,724 --> 00:22:55,724
I'm coming back over!
326
00:23:04,284 --> 00:23:06,364
OH! Oooh...
327
00:23:07,384 --> 00:23:10,923
Don't you sometimes feel you're
not as elastic as you used to be?
328
00:23:10,924 --> 00:23:12,963
I never was.
329
00:23:12,964 --> 00:23:18,443
That was what was so nice about
my marriage. It never made any
excessive demands...
330
00:23:18,444 --> 00:23:20,403
flexibility-wise.
331
00:23:20,404 --> 00:23:22,483
Get back over there.
332
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,603
I'm not going back over there!
333
00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:26,683
It's Swan Lake...
334
00:23:26,684 --> 00:23:29,284
Doesn't he remind you of Swan Lake?
335
00:23:31,904 --> 00:23:34,664
If that's your BEST,
what's the other pair like?
336
00:23:35,724 --> 00:23:40,743
That is something
I do not wish to discuss,
other than with close friends.
337
00:23:40,744 --> 00:23:43,143
Will you kindly get
back over the wall?
338
00:23:43,144 --> 00:23:47,223
What for? We all like you better
when you're wearing the wall.
339
00:23:47,224 --> 00:23:51,804
I'm not going back over there!
It's MURDER trying to walk there.
340
00:23:52,824 --> 00:23:55,303
There's somebody coming.
Get back over there.
341
00:23:55,304 --> 00:23:57,363
What are you doing...?
What are you doing?!
342
00:23:57,364 --> 00:23:59,184
Get back over there!
343
00:24:07,444 --> 00:24:09,963
YOU STUPID GREAT PRONG!
344
00:24:09,964 --> 00:24:11,823
I hated throwing him over there.
345
00:24:11,824 --> 00:24:14,463
Sometimes you have to be cruel
to be kind.
346
00:24:14,464 --> 00:24:18,343
Oh, I don't mind being cruel to him,
it's just handling his underwear.
347
00:24:18,344 --> 00:24:20,384
I find it's better not
to think about it.
348
00:24:26,644 --> 00:24:29,224
'Ey up...! That's Nora.
349
00:24:30,244 --> 00:24:31,844
My own true love.
350
00:24:32,844 --> 00:24:35,024
Yorkshire's Joan Crawford!
351
00:24:36,144 --> 00:24:39,783
Well, you just stay on that side
of the wall where you are,
352
00:24:39,784 --> 00:24:42,683
and try and keep
your southern exposure unexposed.
353
00:24:42,684 --> 00:24:45,323
You do right to keep him over there.
354
00:24:45,324 --> 00:24:48,763
Oh, I love the way her lips move.
355
00:24:48,764 --> 00:24:50,183
Look at them lips.
356
00:24:50,184 --> 00:24:54,463
She wipes me out
with them lips... Oooh!
357
00:24:54,464 --> 00:24:57,763
I've always said
he belongs in a field somewhere.
358
00:24:57,764 --> 00:24:59,743
Make 'im stay where he is.
359
00:24:59,744 --> 00:25:02,883
Tell 'im we'll send somebody up
twice a week
360
00:25:02,884 --> 00:25:04,944
to feed 'im a forkful of hay.
361
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:08,784
Ahh...! She's got a wicked tongue!
362
00:25:10,224 --> 00:25:12,623
When you see her
sitting in her chariot,
363
00:25:12,624 --> 00:25:15,963
you realise she's a dead ringer
for Queen Boadicea.
364
00:25:15,964 --> 00:25:18,583
How do, Wally! How do, Compo.
365
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:21,223
She'd definitely put the wind
up a Roman legion.
366
00:25:21,224 --> 00:25:24,024
And they didn't wear much
under their jackets either.
367
00:25:25,444 --> 00:25:28,064
Have you seen anything unusual?
368
00:25:28,864 --> 00:25:32,443
Well, if we haven't, it's been
more by luck than management.
369
00:25:32,444 --> 00:25:34,924
Like a pigeon that's lost its way.
370
00:25:37,024 --> 00:25:42,143
I've got a great looking pigeon
with no sense of direction.
371
00:25:42,144 --> 00:25:46,144
I'm going to have to train
the little twit to ring the RAC.
372
00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,883
Will it carry a ten-penny piece
in its beak?
373
00:25:49,884 --> 00:25:52,584
No, it'll reverse the charges.
374
00:25:53,624 --> 00:25:57,843
Are we staying here all day,
or are we going for a ride?
375
00:25:57,844 --> 00:26:00,423
Isn't it great when you've retired
376
00:26:00,424 --> 00:26:05,283
and you've got all this spare time
to take the wife out for a ride?
377
00:26:05,284 --> 00:26:07,403
Just stand still a minute, Wally.
378
00:26:07,404 --> 00:26:08,784
Don't move.
379
00:26:11,844 --> 00:26:14,623
Why is 'e lookin' at me coat?
380
00:26:14,624 --> 00:26:19,484
Well, it's a splendid coat is that,
Wally. It's sort of... long.
381
00:26:20,484 --> 00:26:22,583
It's a GREAT coat, is this.
382
00:26:22,584 --> 00:26:26,163
With a coat like that,
you'd never miss your trousers.
383
00:26:26,164 --> 00:26:28,163
Ahhh...
384
00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:30,424
Never miss me trousers...? Ohhh!
385
00:26:31,444 --> 00:26:34,224
No! No... Will you keep still, Wally!
386
00:26:36,484 --> 00:26:38,683
You can't take... No...
387
00:26:38,684 --> 00:26:41,404
Listen... Oh! OOH!
388
00:26:53,224 --> 00:26:57,723
What ARE you doing over there?
Have you still lost that pigeon?
389
00:26:57,724 --> 00:27:00,224
I've lost more than me pigeon!
390
00:27:04,244 --> 00:27:06,603
Get a move on, that man!
391
00:27:06,604 --> 00:27:08,623
It's all right for thee...
392
00:27:08,624 --> 00:27:11,984
What are you complaining about now?
I got you a pair of trousers.
393
00:27:13,524 --> 00:27:16,523
Aye... built for a midget!
394
00:27:16,524 --> 00:27:18,624
Wally's not a midget.
395
00:27:19,644 --> 00:27:21,504
He is from some angles!
396
00:27:24,464 --> 00:27:28,864
Well, I've heard of Y-fronts, but...
V-fronts are something else again.
397
00:27:31,144 --> 00:27:34,344
Will you stop poking about
down your trousers!
398
00:27:35,384 --> 00:27:38,463
You're not conducting
an orchestra down there.
399
00:27:38,464 --> 00:27:41,684
Not even a small band,
if I'm anything to go by.
400
00:27:42,724 --> 00:27:47,404
Well, I'm not walking
along a public highway with him
plucking at his heart strings.
401
00:27:48,404 --> 00:27:50,324
We'll go home across the fields.
32010
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