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1
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,420
Does that bike always
make that blasted noise?
2
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,619
It's worse when I ride it.
3
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:49,979
It's in poor taste
for a knocked-off bike.
4
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:52,339
It's not knocked-off!
5
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,999
I borrowed it off our Les.
6
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,219
Well that's as good
as a confession.
7
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:03,619
I like their Les.
He can't stand kids.
8
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:07,839
He's packed in thieving
since he got married.
9
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,240
Sending her out now, is he?
10
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:25,979
This is where they come to get slim.
11
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:28,720
Well, it's nearer than Bangladesh
12
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,359
They say it's expensive.
13
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,559
Bangladesh?!
14
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,040
Shouldn't have thought they could
find a buyer for THAT at any price.
15
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:42,400
One - Two - Three - and Four
One - Two - Three - and Four...
16
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,219
Know what this reminds me of?
17
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:56,559
We haven't the slightest interest
but no doubt you'll tell us.
18
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,799
It reminds me that I'm 'ungry.
19
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,619
My belly's rumbling.
20
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,640
Charming, isn't it?
21
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,379
Not only his bike to listen to,
22
00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:08,999
now we've got the rattle
of his interior moving parts.
23
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,159
Alright. Let's make a start
on the sandwiches.
24
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,319
We haven't been going 20 minutes.
25
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,280
I ain't 'ad any brekky!
26
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,680
No! Definitely not!
27
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,840
No sandwiches yet.
28
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,120
Now, don't wolf them all
We'll have nothing left for lunch.
29
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,440
Oh, my God - see what he's brought.
30
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,400
What's wrong?
31
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:48,400
How can you try things like that
without steel toes in your boots?
32
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,620
Just thee watch.
33
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,179
What was that?
34
00:02:57,180 --> 00:03:00,899
It sounds like the sort of noise
that makes you say...
35
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,000
"What was that?"
36
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,680
Give over, it's just a bird or rat.
37
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:08,919
A rat?! All right,
don't go to pieces!
38
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,760
They're never more than 8ft long.
39
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,919
Listen...
40
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:16,320
There it is again.
41
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:21,179
I wish I knew the tormented
history of this old barn.
42
00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:24,040
I'm beginning to think
it's... haunted.
43
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:26,480
Ye great, big dollop!
44
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:30,579
But can't you... can't you feel it?
45
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:34,399
Can't you feel it - that atmosphere
of foreboding and despair?
46
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,179
Like Liverpool on a Sunday?
47
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,759
No, of course you can't feel it.
48
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,460
Listen!
49
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:43,900
Will you pack it in?
50
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,819
You're totally insensitive
to anything you can't stuff down
your gullet or place a bet on.
51
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:52,199
Why should an old barn be 'aunted?
52
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,619
I must say I'm totally enchanted
53
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,699
by the idea of some
muck-spreading old ghost,
54
00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:02,280
whose notion of a good haunt
is to put blackfly on broad beans.
55
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,299
Aye, well I DON'T believe in 'em.
56
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:09,759
You think that broad beans
are a figment of the imagination?
57
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,320
He believes nothing.
58
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:15,259
I believe in four
square meals a day.
59
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:18,040
There's no need to stuff
them all into one sandwich.
60
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,200
There it is again.
61
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,000
It's coming from over there.
62
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,359
There's something in the shadows.
63
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,860
Cobblers!
64
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,399
Something white.
65
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,300
White cobblers.
66
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:41,379
I DON'T believe in GHOSTS
in draughty old barns.
67
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:45,059
But suppose-suppose-suppose
Just suppose...
68
00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:49,860
Suppose this barn was the scene
of some... DIABOLICAL crime.
69
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:54,099
IT WILL BE - If you stop me eating
this sandwich once more!
70
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,119
The poor demented soul
could be DOOMED
71
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,799
to linger here for all eternity.
72
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,319
In broad daylight?
73
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,460
Maybe his watch is wrong.
74
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,099
Listen. In the Far East,
75
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:10,679
I've seen things that would
make your hair stand on end.
76
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,119
Really?
77
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:16,660
Don't worry. Tha's perfectly safe
as long as tha doesn't marry one.
78
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,839
The MT sheds in the barracks
at Sungei Baru were haunted,
79
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:25,179
by the ghost of a...
a driver corporal,
80
00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:28,839
who was renowned for the
UNBELIEVABLE things he could do
81
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:32,540
with his 15 cwt while under
the influence of native wine
82
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:40,819
Sometimes... Sometimes
he could be heard on payday,
83
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:44,599
in BROAD daylight
revvying his PHANTOM engine
84
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,799
and blowing a COLD, CHILL note
85
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,040
on what sounded very like
a battered old military horn.
86
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,999
'Ey up! By 'eck, it's a group!
87
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,259
No. No. No. No.
88
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:07,059
GROUPS daren't materialise
in daylight.
89
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:10,220
Can you believe
in Adam and the Ants in daylight?
90
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,479
Look at their STARING eyes.
91
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,539
It's a close encounter!
92
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:19,639
They've come to whip us off
to the nearest galaxy!
93
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,799
Give over!
94
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,879
It's that lot from the 'ealth Farm.
95
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,060
All in their slimming trunks.
96
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:32,579
I said I could sense this air
of foreboding and despair.
97
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,780
It's these poor hungry devils.
98
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:36,920
They've got their eye on our food.
99
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,919
Excuse me. Excuse me.
100
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,639
Thank you. Thank you.
101
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,619
Slip them a sandwich, Foggy.
102
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:48,199
And we'll just nip out
through yon window.
103
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,899
Good idea, Norm.
104
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:54,799
Better give them yours, that would
occupy them longer. Ger off!
105
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,040
Em... What have you got?
106
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,280
Pardon?
107
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,279
In your sandwich.
108
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,919
Oh! Oh, me sandwich! Yes.
109
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,760
I've got cheese. Ooooh!
110
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,839
Oooh! Oooh! He's got CHEESE!
111
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,979
With mustard? Aye. Look.
112
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:13,219
- With mustard!
- It's very acid-forming, you know.
113
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,119
Shut up, Lapsley!
Shut up, Lapsley!
114
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,899
We haven't all got cheese.
115
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:21,079
I've got a little
LEAN CUT boiled ham.
116
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,439
And, for a change, a little pate.
117
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,280
Oh, God, he's got pate.
118
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,939
Not only boiled ham -
LEAN CUT boiled ham...
119
00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:32,760
but Normandy pate! 'Ey up!
120
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,819
NORMANDY PATE?
121
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:39,719
It's potted meat
He just likes to swank, that's all.
122
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,919
I'll thank you
not to disparage potted meat.
123
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,999
I won't have a WORD said against it.
124
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,539
I can assure you, madam,
125
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:51,679
despite the unsolicited voice
from the condemned wellies there,
126
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,579
this is in fact GENUINE pate.
127
00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:56,939
I think perhaps we ought to be going.
They'll be waiting for us.
128
00:07:56,940 --> 00:08:01,299
It's time for carrot juice,
sauna and MANIPULATION.
129
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:02,899
Let them wait Let them wait!
130
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,759
Keep quiet, Lapsley!
Trouble-maker!
131
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,239
Let them wait
for carrot juice,
sauna AND manipulation.
132
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,579
Meantime, I suggest we negotiate
133
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:14,239
for the purchase
of these emergency rations?
134
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,359
'Oh yes! Yes! Yes!'
135
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,859
Do you really think we ought?
136
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:20,880
We'll open
with YOUR contribution.
137
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,480
No! No!
Good idea!
Come on, Lapsley!
138
00:08:25,733 --> 00:08:27,992
No. It's RIGHT.
139
00:08:27,993 --> 00:08:30,773
I'm not sure about the cap.
140
00:08:32,093 --> 00:08:34,133
You'd destroy it
without the cap!
141
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,452
What about me 'air?
142
00:08:36,453 --> 00:08:39,013
Yes... I don't like your 'air.
143
00:08:40,873 --> 00:08:42,693
It comes with the 'ead!
144
00:08:44,693 --> 00:08:46,172
Could you wear it up?
145
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:48,192
I suppose so.
146
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:51,252
It gives me 'eadaches
and me husband 'ates it.
147
00:08:51,253 --> 00:08:53,272
But I suppose so.
148
00:08:53,273 --> 00:08:56,973
He HATES it?
You're lucky
he even NOTICES
149
00:08:58,013 --> 00:08:59,892
It makes me look TALLER.
150
00:08:59,893 --> 00:09:02,512
He's conscious of 'is size.
151
00:09:02,513 --> 00:09:04,652
Mine NEVER notices.
152
00:09:04,653 --> 00:09:07,892
After 30 years he still pretends
that I've not noticed
153
00:09:07,893 --> 00:09:10,593
he's an UNDERSIZED little idiot.
154
00:09:12,173 --> 00:09:16,132
MINE wouldn't notice unless
I fried the ends in batter.
155
00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:19,252
I sometimes think
ALL his senses have amalgamated
156
00:09:19,253 --> 00:09:21,533
in a direct line to 'is belly.
157
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:25,292
Well, ALL bar one, anyway.
158
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:29,252
♪ Hold my hand
I'm a stranger in paradise. ♪
159
00:09:29,253 --> 00:09:32,053
You're not too well known
in chapel either!
160
00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:35,892
You needn't put your 'air up now.
161
00:09:35,893 --> 00:09:39,933
Yes, but that's the way
I want you turned out for weddings.
162
00:09:42,033 --> 00:09:44,012
I'd be nervous
at a wedding function.
163
00:09:44,013 --> 00:09:45,232
No, you wouldn't.
164
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:47,013
I always CRY.
165
00:09:48,113 --> 00:09:50,493
Not when
you're involved
professionally.
166
00:09:52,253 --> 00:09:54,212
You have a CERTAIN detachment.
167
00:09:54,213 --> 00:09:56,452
Instead of feeling
sorry for the bride,
168
00:09:56,453 --> 00:09:58,652
you're too preoccupied watching
169
00:09:58,653 --> 00:10:02,372
for the first drunken fool
to start swiping the cutlery.
170
00:10:02,373 --> 00:10:05,653
At a wedding? They don't, do they?
171
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,872
They DO. You'll see them.
172
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,092
Both hands under the table.
173
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:13,672
Then it's just a question
of DISCRIMINATION.
174
00:10:13,673 --> 00:10:18,072
Are they feeling somebody's leg,
or sliding something into a handbag?
175
00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:20,032
How do you tell?
176
00:10:20,033 --> 00:10:24,192
By the expression
Watch their faces.
177
00:10:24,193 --> 00:10:26,112
I'll never learn!
178
00:10:26,113 --> 00:10:27,332
Yes you will
179
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:31,012
As an added incentive,
for every item missing,
180
00:10:31,013 --> 00:10:34,132
I'll deduct a token amount
from YOUR wages.
181
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:38,852
How can I tell from their faces
what they do under the table?
182
00:10:38,853 --> 00:10:42,193
If their mouths
are 'anging open, it's lust.
183
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:47,152
If they're clamped
tight shut, it's larceny.
184
00:10:47,153 --> 00:10:49,692
There are some clamped tight,
it's lockjaw.
185
00:10:49,693 --> 00:10:51,413
How long
have you been listening?
186
00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:53,473
Hanging on to every word.
187
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,193
Oh! Damn and Blast!
188
00:10:55,573 --> 00:10:58,372
Oh! It's a good job
we weren't 'anging on
189
00:10:58,373 --> 00:11:00,552
to every word of that little lot!
190
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:02,592
What's she dressed up for?
191
00:11:02,593 --> 00:11:05,532
Because I am DETERMINED
192
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:08,092
to raise the tone
of this establishment
193
00:11:08,093 --> 00:11:11,772
It's about time we raised
this blood and snortin' counter.
194
00:11:11,773 --> 00:11:14,932
The public want more than
bare tables and sauce bottles.
195
00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:16,772
They won't put up with it.
196
00:11:16,773 --> 00:11:20,492
They will if you shout at 'em
They're as good as gold then.
197
00:11:20,493 --> 00:11:23,612
No. If there's one thing
mass education has done,
198
00:11:23,613 --> 00:11:27,872
it's taught people
to be afraid of bare tables
and good plain food.
199
00:11:27,873 --> 00:11:29,932
They've learned
to pay DAFT money
200
00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:32,593
for subdued lighting
and sub-standard chips.
201
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,833
The tone'll take some raising here.
202
00:11:38,993 --> 00:11:40,572
'Ey up, Nora.
203
00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:43,973
I don't want you coming any nearer
Keep away!
204
00:11:45,453 --> 00:11:48,572
Tha looks very slinky
in that outfit.
205
00:11:48,573 --> 00:11:52,472
By 'ell, that makes me think
of breakfast in bed!
206
00:11:52,473 --> 00:11:53,572
Keep off!
207
00:11:53,573 --> 00:11:56,232
Are you interfering
with my staff?
208
00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:59,292
Matter of fact,
I don't have the time,
209
00:11:59,293 --> 00:12:02,553
but if you'd like to
keep her warm till I get back!
210
00:12:03,573 --> 00:12:04,932
Waw! Waw!
211
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,133
A vision in black!
212
00:12:08,213 --> 00:12:10,052
Right. Well now, Sidney...
213
00:12:10,053 --> 00:12:13,133
we would like a hundred
packets of crisps, please.
214
00:12:15,773 --> 00:12:17,132
How many?
215
00:12:17,133 --> 00:12:22,032
A hundred. But if that order
is too large we... No, say no more.
216
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,392
Anything else? Yes...
217
00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:29,212
yes, here we are. There'll
be four dozen sausage rolls
and three dozen meat pies,
218
00:12:29,213 --> 00:12:31,612
1½ gross assorted
chocolate biscuits,
219
00:12:31,613 --> 00:12:34,772
two dozen whirly walnut ripples
with cream centres,
220
00:12:34,773 --> 00:12:37,293
10 jars of potted meat,
10lbs of cheddar...
221
00:12:45,153 --> 00:12:48,692
'Ey up, we can't just pedal
through the front gates.
222
00:12:48,693 --> 00:12:50,652
We'll have to sneak round the back.
223
00:12:50,653 --> 00:12:54,652
How can we SNEAK anywhere
with your damned noisy bike?
224
00:12:54,653 --> 00:12:58,232
Maybe I could oil it
with Sid's bread and butter.
225
00:12:58,233 --> 00:13:00,813
Not at the price we can get here.
226
00:13:01,873 --> 00:13:03,312
Will THEY want it?
227
00:13:03,313 --> 00:13:04,652
Want it?
228
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:08,652
You're only problem's going to be
moving your hand out of the way
229
00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:12,133
before THEY get their teeth
round your fingers. Come on.
230
00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:20,753
I saw this Western.
231
00:13:20,893 --> 00:13:24,392
There were these three blokes
trying to smuggle these guns
232
00:13:24,393 --> 00:13:26,672
to these half-crazy Indians.
233
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:27,952
What happened?
234
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:29,612
I daren't tell you.
235
00:13:29,613 --> 00:13:32,453
But if any of them slimmers
lights a fire...
236
00:13:32,553 --> 00:13:34,693
Don't wait. I'll be gone.
237
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,872
Why is it me always goes first?
238
00:14:24,873 --> 00:14:27,692
Well... I've thought about that
239
00:14:27,693 --> 00:14:31,972
and I think it's because
you tend to be DAFTER than we are.
240
00:14:31,973 --> 00:14:33,272
Oh!
241
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:37,412
You give him a position of trust
and he MOANS about it.
242
00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:41,612
It's time you were prepared
to accept a bit of responsibility.
243
00:14:41,613 --> 00:14:44,632
'Ey, mind where you're shoving!
Mind where you're shoving!
244
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:52,412
I can assure you we don't intend
handling your trousers a moment
longer than absolutely necessary.
245
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:55,612
You're supposed to jump,
not just wriggle about.
246
00:14:55,613 --> 00:14:57,932
I'm not wriggling about!
247
00:14:57,933 --> 00:15:01,213
Well, there's somebody
in there wriggling about,
248
00:15:02,273 --> 00:15:05,332
Watch out
You're scraping my chest!
249
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,853
If it's like your neck
it could do with it.
250
00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:10,392
What's wrong with my neck?
251
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:14,712
Don't let go, you dozy wet! Arrgh!
252
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,493
See what you've done!
253
00:15:18,393 --> 00:15:21,413
YOU DOZY, GREAT PILLOCK!
254
00:15:23,313 --> 00:15:25,853
Ger off! Ger off! Ger off!
255
00:15:26,173 --> 00:15:27,933
Careful with the stock.
256
00:15:28,113 --> 00:15:29,353
GER OFF!
257
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:34,432
Now this time
on the count of three,
258
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,792
you jump, we'll boost. Got that?
259
00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:39,273
I'm fed up with feeding slimmers.
260
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,712
One!
261
00:15:41,713 --> 00:15:44,152
This business is gettin' my wick.
262
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:47,032
Two! Supposing there's a guard dog.
263
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:50,072
In there? They'd have eaten it.
264
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,712
Ready?
265
00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,133
NO! Three!
266
00:16:21,453 --> 00:16:24,253
He's playing silly devils
Trying to frighten us.
267
00:16:26,913 --> 00:16:29,333
I think he's succeeding.
268
00:16:30,673 --> 00:16:33,093
It must be shrubbery over there.
269
00:16:35,653 --> 00:16:39,872
He couldn't hurt himself - landing
in the arms of a friendly bush.
270
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,452
The ARMS?
271
00:16:41,453 --> 00:16:43,853
Maybe he got more the ELBOW.
272
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:48,372
The thing is, normally,
when he injures himself,
273
00:16:48,373 --> 00:16:52,213
you can tell by this great rash
of four-letter words.
274
00:16:53,593 --> 00:16:56,372
I suppose there is LAND over there.
275
00:16:56,373 --> 00:16:59,853
We couldn't be on the edge of...
some old quarry?
276
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:03,752
Shut up, man!
277
00:17:03,753 --> 00:17:07,793
I mean, h-h-h-how could we be
on the edge of an old quarry?
278
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:19,792
Well, would you believe it?
You give a chap a little leg up
279
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:22,012
and he goes shooting off into orbit!
280
00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:27,133
The FOOL. Well, it's the last time
I throw him over a wall.
281
00:18:02,073 --> 00:18:03,573
Are you al...? Oh!
282
00:18:19,793 --> 00:18:20,933
Look.
283
00:18:27,033 --> 00:18:30,152
Oh? Oh dear!
284
00:18:30,153 --> 00:18:32,992
Come 'ere, you low prawn!
285
00:18:32,993 --> 00:18:34,133
Come 'ere!
286
00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:55,372
It's not being used.
287
00:18:55,373 --> 00:19:00,913
We can set up our headquarters there
and make sorties to attract custom.
288
00:20:31,073 --> 00:20:38,033
One, two, three, four, one, two,
three, four, one, two, three, four...
289
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:42,312
Here you are.
290
00:20:42,313 --> 00:20:44,972
Hot pies! Mushy peas! Biscuits!
291
00:20:44,973 --> 00:20:47,492
Let's 'ave your money.
Put it on the tray.
292
00:20:47,493 --> 00:20:50,333
One, two, three, four,
one, two, three, four...
293
00:20:53,053 --> 00:20:56,212
Oooh! Biscuits! Oooh! Ham!
294
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,112
One - Two - Three - Four
One - Two - Three...
295
00:20:59,113 --> 00:21:01,573
Four - One.
296
00:21:45,893 --> 00:21:48,872
Haven't you ANYTHING
with fewer calories?
297
00:21:48,873 --> 00:21:50,413
Sorry.
298
00:22:04,253 --> 00:22:05,892
Pork?
299
00:22:05,893 --> 00:22:07,053
Yes.
300
00:22:07,753 --> 00:22:09,593
Thought it looked like pork.
301
00:22:09,993 --> 00:22:13,313
VERY attractive pie, I think.
302
00:22:14,313 --> 00:22:15,893
Pork.
303
00:22:16,433 --> 00:22:17,873
Very tasty.
304
00:22:18,133 --> 00:22:20,412
I like it
when you slice it in half...
305
00:22:20,413 --> 00:22:24,092
and you get the speckled effect
of tiny bits of red meat...
306
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:27,313
and the delicate, translucent
whites of the fat.
307
00:22:29,713 --> 00:22:31,813
Give him a pie, for pity's sake!
308
00:22:32,313 --> 00:22:34,813
No! No! Please! You MUST not.
309
00:22:35,293 --> 00:22:38,672
What I want you to do
is to wait until I ask you...
310
00:22:38,673 --> 00:22:40,873
"How much is this pie?"
311
00:22:43,073 --> 00:22:44,653
Oooohhhh
312
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:49,613
Then I want...
313
00:22:51,693 --> 00:22:54,352
Then I want you to quote me
a RIDICULOUS price.
314
00:22:54,353 --> 00:22:56,392
A totally EXTORTIONATE...
315
00:22:56,393 --> 00:22:58,932
INFLATIONARY, EXTORTIONATE...
316
00:22:58,933 --> 00:23:02,373
RIDICULOUS price
that not even a FOOL would pay.
317
00:23:07,033 --> 00:23:08,792
How much is this pie?
318
00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:10,072
£5.
319
00:23:10,073 --> 00:23:11,333
I'll pay it.
320
00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:16,413
Five quid!
321
00:23:17,453 --> 00:23:19,192
I've got this DEEP...
322
00:23:19,193 --> 00:23:22,732
lower bowel feeling of gloom
about these whole proceedings.
323
00:23:22,733 --> 00:23:25,873
You just have to look at it
as providing a service.
324
00:23:26,353 --> 00:23:28,433
It's better than backing gee-gees.
325
00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:31,752
We're tampering with elemental,
natural forces...
326
00:23:31,753 --> 00:23:33,512
and no good will come of it.
327
00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:35,172
Oh, yes it will!
328
00:23:35,173 --> 00:23:38,313
If we can only prize the money
outta nimble fingers.
329
00:23:38,633 --> 00:23:42,572
I'll share
it fairly
at a convenient time and place.
330
00:23:42,573 --> 00:23:46,292
And at some distance from your
friendly local betting shop.
331
00:23:46,293 --> 00:23:49,192
Look I 'ave to bet my money
on the gee-gees.
332
00:23:49,193 --> 00:23:51,693
If not I just fritter it away!
333
00:23:52,413 --> 00:23:56,352
I'm thinking of those three in that
Western, smuggling guns to Indians.
334
00:23:56,353 --> 00:23:58,732
They thought they had a good thing.
335
00:23:58,733 --> 00:24:01,232
Next minute - in comes Geronimo...
336
00:24:01,233 --> 00:24:03,653
to give them a very short haircut.
337
00:24:04,153 --> 00:24:07,072
There's no Geronimo here.
338
00:24:07,073 --> 00:24:08,513
Caught you!
339
00:24:09,313 --> 00:24:11,093
Geronimo! Geronimo! Geronimo!
340
00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:25,933
Come on
341
00:24:26,713 --> 00:24:29,052
They'll never notice you in this.
342
00:24:29,053 --> 00:24:32,032
They should never
have noticed him
in the summer house.
343
00:24:32,033 --> 00:24:34,013
It's quite obvious
somebody's squealed.
344
00:24:34,193 --> 00:24:38,433
Swine! If I catch him
I'll cut the string
of his shorts.
345
00:24:39,593 --> 00:24:41,353
It could have been a woman.
346
00:24:41,533 --> 00:24:43,332
We shall find out, shan't we?
347
00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,093
When we cut the string
of his shorts.
348
00:24:47,433 --> 00:24:51,372
'ey up! It reminds me
of that film. What film?
349
00:24:51,373 --> 00:24:55,572
Albert RN. He took the place
of a bloke what escaped.
350
00:24:55,573 --> 00:25:00,772
It's alright for Alex here and
Lapsley - but who's to be Celia?
351
00:25:00,773 --> 00:25:04,533
We'll just have to draw lots...
and lots - and lots.
352
00:25:05,593 --> 00:25:08,813
You can 'ave this for a start.
353
00:25:09,033 --> 00:25:13,533
And... you'll need this.
354
00:25:15,673 --> 00:25:16,713
Somebody's coming.
355
00:25:17,473 --> 00:25:20,093
Here, Lofty - get hold of that.
356
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:24,812
Sauna time, boys and girls,
and after, a nice LONG run
357
00:25:24,813 --> 00:25:28,373
in the countryside. Oh, jolly!
Oh, jolly, jolly!
358
00:25:29,933 --> 00:25:32,992
All the best Thank you.
359
00:25:32,993 --> 00:25:34,093
A minute.
360
00:25:40,933 --> 00:25:45,872
Hup - hup - hup - hup - hup - hup -
hup.
361
00:25:45,873 --> 00:25:48,453
Hup - hup - hup - hup - hup - hup.
362
00:26:05,993 --> 00:26:10,333
Oooh! Oh-oh! Oh, dear. Whew!
363
00:26:13,553 --> 00:26:15,453
Oh! Ah! Oooh! Aaah!
364
00:26:22,673 --> 00:26:25,013
I bet I've lost 10 lbs.
365
00:26:26,033 --> 00:26:28,573
I think we're down to about 30 bob.
366
00:26:29,113 --> 00:26:31,133
Our finances have caught a draught.
367
00:26:32,033 --> 00:26:34,612
I caught a draught in that sauna.
368
00:26:34,613 --> 00:26:40,692
'Ey, Norm. Did you see that bird
with the ENORMOUS..? That'll do.
369
00:26:40,693 --> 00:26:43,493
She WAS trying to reduce them,
poor woman, wasn't she?
370
00:26:44,513 --> 00:26:48,432
Who was that dozy twit, who kept
flicking me with them twigs?!
371
00:26:48,433 --> 00:26:50,932
It was to improve your circulation.
372
00:26:50,933 --> 00:26:55,252
God know why, you'd already been
three times round that fat lady.
373
00:26:55,253 --> 00:26:58,452
Ah, well, I've had
some healthy exercise.
374
00:26:58,453 --> 00:27:02,452
And a mouthful of dirt.
Now we've got to traipse back
375
00:27:02,453 --> 00:27:05,333
for our lousy bikes
and the rest of our clobber!
376
00:27:06,433 --> 00:27:11,192
If you think that's suffering...
Try to think how the poor slimmer
must have felt...
377
00:27:11,193 --> 00:27:13,933
who had to carry your socks back.
378
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:18,232
I bet they made
little Lapsley do it.
379
00:27:18,233 --> 00:27:19,493
Trouble-maker!
380
00:27:20,233 --> 00:27:22,112
Oh, I liked him.
381
00:27:22,113 --> 00:27:24,192
There's still hope for the world...
382
00:27:24,193 --> 00:27:26,612
if it's full of timid little men.
383
00:27:26,613 --> 00:27:29,312
All right. You can take your hair
off now, Goldilocks..
384
00:27:29,313 --> 00:27:32,172
Not till I get my cap back.
385
00:27:32,173 --> 00:27:34,973
I've no intention
of catching a chill.
28997
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