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1
00:00:55,317 --> 00:00:57,070
You bastards...
2
00:01:23,513 --> 00:01:25,724
Aaaarrggghh! Aaaarrrgghhh!
3
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:34,106
Eddie!
4
00:01:37,611 --> 00:01:40,530
Eddie! Another bloody day.
Time to get up.
5
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,702
'Righty-dokey, skip.'
6
00:03:50,999 --> 00:03:52,667
Ow!
7
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:56,587
Oh!
8
00:04:39,798 --> 00:04:41,175
Eddie!
9
00:04:43,052 --> 00:04:44,470
Eddie?!
10
00:04:46,305 --> 00:04:49,600
Come along. It's the early bird
that catches worms.
11
00:05:00,404 --> 00:05:02,572
'Running all the way.'
12
00:05:37,817 --> 00:05:39,443
Damn.
13
00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:45,371
Well, really.
14
00:05:45,408 --> 00:05:48,995
Good morning, room four.
This is your personal alarm call.
15
00:05:49,746 --> 00:05:52,917
Yes, I know. I'm just giving
you time to wake up
16
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,629
before your proper alarm call in...
two and a half hours.
17
00:05:58,421 --> 00:06:01,884
That's right. Exactly
when you booked it. Good morning!
18
00:06:03,301 --> 00:06:05,680
Oh! Mr Johnson and MS Harding.
19
00:06:07,639 --> 00:06:10,726
The common-law couple.
I trust you slept well?
20
00:06:11,435 --> 00:06:13,855
Rather a rough night, actually.
21
00:06:14,146 --> 00:06:16,691
Oh... well, the perils of adultery.
22
00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:25,241
And you're not too tired to make
your way downstairs for breakfast
23
00:06:26,617 --> 00:06:28,744
I trust you both washed?
24
00:06:28,786 --> 00:06:30,918
Actually, the water was cold.
25
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:34,417
That's no reason not to wash.
We are British, you know?
26
00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:38,671
We invented cold showers
to stop people masturbating.
27
00:06:40,715 --> 00:06:44,844
Oh! Oh! Perhaps that's why you're
so upset about the lack of hot water!
28
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,012
Nearly home.
29
00:08:31,329 --> 00:08:33,461
Ah, there you are, Eddie.
30
00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:37,752
Here are some bills. You handle them.
I don't want to get my dabs on them.
31
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,595
Righty-dokey, skip.
32
00:08:41,631 --> 00:08:44,509
Have you cleaned your teeth this morning?
33
00:08:53,017 --> 00:08:56,146
- Could I have a word?
- Take your hand off me.
34
00:08:57,355 --> 00:08:59,691
I haven't got my hand on you.
35
00:09:00,609 --> 00:09:03,508
I've got security cameras,
so it's on film.
36
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,407
- I've got the evidence.
- I brushed your arm.
37
00:09:07,658 --> 00:09:10,703
- You're a liar, Mr Jones.
- Look, Mr Twat...
38
00:09:11,454 --> 00:09:13,043
It's pronounced "Thwaite".
39
00:09:13,079 --> 00:09:15,875
Well, it's spelled Twat.
T-W-A-T. TWAT!
40
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:20,671
Keep your voice down, please.
We have normal guests as well.
41
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:25,009
Now, if you'll allow me
to finish what I was doing
42
00:09:26,636 --> 00:09:28,805
before you so rudely interrupted...
43
00:09:28,841 --> 00:09:30,138
Ahem.
44
00:09:40,192 --> 00:09:43,278
There. Now, what is all
this silly fuss about?
45
00:09:43,987 --> 00:09:47,450
I'm trying to get some breakfast
and there's no waiter.
46
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:51,542
Shirt and tie,
wandering around with food.
47
00:09:51,578 --> 00:09:55,208
Hard to spot, I know. Have you been
to a restaurant before?
48
00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:58,044
Yes, but he's not there.
49
00:09:58,627 --> 00:10:00,044
Pascal!
50
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:09,471
Pascal!
51
00:10:20,316 --> 00:10:22,109
See what I mean?
52
00:10:23,569 --> 00:10:24,988
Pascal!
53
00:10:28,992 --> 00:10:31,036
Chef, you seen Pascal?
54
00:10:31,161 --> 00:10:32,578
Pascal!
55
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:38,085
Chef, I said fix this.
56
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:41,213
- It's a fire hazard.
- You fucking bastard!
57
00:10:42,547 --> 00:10:46,008
Very good, Chef, carry on.
Is breakfast well under way?
58
00:10:49,054 --> 00:10:51,557
Look, may we order straightaway?!
59
00:10:51,765 --> 00:10:54,935
Yes, yes, yes!
The waiter will be here directly.
60
00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,354
Oh!
61
00:10:58,814 --> 00:11:00,983
Ahh, morning, Mrs Foxfur.
62
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,693
Morning, Twat.
63
00:11:06,949 --> 00:11:09,158
Eddie! What are you doing?
64
00:11:09,659 --> 00:11:11,953
I'm just... filing the bills.
65
00:11:12,911 --> 00:11:15,080
Oh. Have you seen Pascal?
66
00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:16,499
Uh, no.
67
00:11:16,707 --> 00:11:19,381
You'll have to help serving breakfast.
68
00:11:19,418 --> 00:11:23,214
I'll phone the psychiatric hospital
to see if he's there again.
69
00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:25,888
Righty-dokey, skip. I'm your man.
70
00:11:25,924 --> 00:11:28,599
'..still searching
for Gina Carbonara,
71
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:31,890
'the Italian filmstar who disappeared
before her wedding yesterday,
72
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,892
'much to the dismay
of her intended husband,
73
00:11:35,142 --> 00:11:38,397
'the Italian playboy and ex-racing
driver Gino Guiseppe...'
74
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:39,986
'You English fuckers!'
75
00:11:40,022 --> 00:11:43,277
'..who is currently fighting
extradition back to Italy
76
00:11:43,313 --> 00:11:45,409
'to face drug smuggling charges.
77
00:11:45,446 --> 00:11:48,699
'Ms Carbonara shot to fame
portraying a prostitute
78
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,204
'with a heart of gold in the film
"The Last Butterfly Of Summer".
79
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:57,708
'The film,
with its controversial sex scenes,
80
00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:01,921
'took $160 million worldwide and
won her an Oscar for Best Actress.'
81
00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:07,677
'Her car was discovered
near Beachy Head...'
82
00:12:07,713 --> 00:12:09,888
Why you no pay me?!
83
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:17,146
It's three months since you bring me
here and still you don't pay me!
84
00:12:19,065 --> 00:12:21,234
And why you sack Pascal?!
85
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:25,528
Get back in there or I'll tell
Immigration about your visa!
86
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,697
Yes - visa!
87
00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:31,827
And I didn't sack Pascal. I was about
to phone the hospital about him.
88
00:12:36,414 --> 00:12:40,210
Remember your condition, darling.
Use your breathing technique,
89
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,713
Wine?
90
00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:46,138
It's a bit early, isn't it?
91
00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:49,428
What about an aperitif, then?
Gin, scotch, poteen?
92
00:12:51,055 --> 00:12:54,766
What? No, thank you. What we'd
really like is some breakfast.
93
00:12:56,477 --> 00:12:57,729
Oh.
94
00:12:58,104 --> 00:13:01,941
If he does show up, give him
some quick electric shock treatment
95
00:13:02,984 --> 00:13:04,861
and send him back!
96
00:13:05,153 --> 00:13:06,988
I eat your bacon!
97
00:13:08,405 --> 00:13:10,283
I eat your trifle!
98
00:13:13,828 --> 00:13:15,789
I drink your sherry!
99
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,504
And what I can't eat...
I put in the waste disposal!
100
00:13:22,504 --> 00:13:25,007
You big, fat bastard make me sad!
101
00:13:31,181 --> 00:13:33,854
I can particularly recommend this one.
102
00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:36,893
- Which one?
- This page with all the wines.
103
00:13:37,685 --> 00:13:39,814
It's a bit early for us.
104
00:13:39,854 --> 00:13:42,148
What are you doing up, then?
105
00:13:42,566 --> 00:13:45,568
Too early for wine, Eddie.
Go and help Chef.
106
00:13:45,819 --> 00:13:48,989
Help Chef? But you know
Chef and I don't get on.
107
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:54,078
This is an emergency -
I'll do Pascal's job out here,
108
00:13:54,495 --> 00:13:56,998
you do Pascal's job in there, OK?
109
00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,542
OK.
110
00:13:59,917 --> 00:14:02,086
Now, what would you like?
111
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:22,399
Now, then. What would you like?
112
00:14:29,198 --> 00:14:31,158
Chef's hurt himself.
113
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:32,910
How badly?
114
00:14:32,993 --> 00:14:36,747
Indescribably badly. He hit his head
on a frying pan 17 times.
115
00:14:41,669 --> 00:14:43,756
- You cook.
- I can't.
116
00:14:43,838 --> 00:14:46,090
- Nor could Chef.
- Right.
117
00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:48,680
Now, then...
118
00:14:48,717 --> 00:14:50,969
How can I help you?
119
00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:53,597
Where are your eggs from?
120
00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:56,935
Hen's vaginas.
121
00:14:57,394 --> 00:14:58,727
Ah...
122
00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:03,399
We'd like two full English breakfasts,
123
00:15:04,443 --> 00:15:06,575
freshly squeezed orange juice,
124
00:15:06,611 --> 00:15:09,280
coffee for one - ground not instant -
125
00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:12,366
tea for one,
lightly toasted wholemeal bread,
126
00:15:12,575 --> 00:15:14,890
and don't overcook the kidneys.
127
00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:17,206
Boiled egg as usual, Mrs Foxfur?
128
00:15:17,456 --> 00:15:19,249
Oh, yes, please.
129
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:21,210
Thought so.
130
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:24,463
Excuse me, I'll deal
with important guests first.
131
00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:27,091
Oh, for Christ's sake!
132
00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:32,346
Ahem.
133
00:15:32,637 --> 00:15:34,681
Pheeb! One boiled egg.
134
00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:41,356
Pheeb! Hello?
135
00:15:42,398 --> 00:15:44,150
'Pheeb! Hello?'
136
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,820
Yes, hello. One boiled egg.
137
00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:50,115
'Pheeb! Hello?'
138
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,658
Yes, hello!
139
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,619
'Pheeb! Who is it?'
140
00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:58,085
Pheeb! It's Mr Thwaite.
141
00:15:58,122 --> 00:16:01,167
'Pheeb! He's not here.
Can I take a message?'
142
00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:08,842
Look, it's me! Stop embarrassing me
and just take the order!
143
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,018
One boiled... Damn!
144
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,689
Pheeb! One boiled... Oh,
forget pheeb. One boiled egg!
145
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,820
Pheeb! Hang on, I'll write it down.
146
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:32,115
No, no, don't write it down,
just remember it.
147
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,244
'OK. How do you spell "egg?"'
148
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,668
No! Just remember it!
149
00:16:37,704 --> 00:16:41,918
Hang on, I've broken me pencil. I'll
just find another. Oh, sorry. Pheeb!
150
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,423
Eddie! Oh... Pheeb! Eddie!
151
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,010
- Yeah?!
- Look, here's a pencil.
152
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,638
Aaaarrrgh! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
153
00:16:57,225 --> 00:17:00,145
Here's the order.
Copy it out and cook it.
154
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:02,611
But it'll taste all papery.
155
00:17:02,648 --> 00:17:05,150
Just do it or I'll pop these, OK?
156
00:17:06,986 --> 00:17:08,237
OK.
157
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,281
Aaaaaarrrrgh!
158
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:13,950
Ahh! Ahh! I thought you said "or"!
159
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:17,620
Freedom of speech.
What we fought Hitler for.
160
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,708
Now, let's just get on with it, shall we?
161
00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:32,719
Won't be long now.
162
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:38,267
Could you possibly take our order?
163
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:41,228
Oh, Edward and Mrs Simpson.
164
00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:45,483
I'd forgotten about you two.
165
00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:47,486
You must be ravenous?
166
00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:50,237
Can I take your order?
167
00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:51,739
Umm...
168
00:17:53,074 --> 00:17:56,537
Oh, all right. Why not?
It'll kill some time, won't it?
169
00:17:57,411 --> 00:18:00,582
If you've finally managed
to make up your minds.
170
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,631
We'd like two full English breakfasts.
171
00:18:07,715 --> 00:18:10,426
- Do you have Lapsang Souchong?
- No.
172
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:14,430
I just put on my underpants
the wrong way this morning.
173
00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:19,060
- Could I get some tea?
- Of course!
174
00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:22,397
What a wise choice.
175
00:18:23,439 --> 00:18:24,899
Right...
176
00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:28,193
And if I may say so,
that is a smashing blouse.
177
00:18:30,487 --> 00:18:33,032
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- Aah! Aah! Aah!
178
00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:41,124
My God!
179
00:18:41,332 --> 00:18:43,250
Excuse me a moment.
180
00:19:10,071 --> 00:19:12,030
Ow...
181
00:19:19,289 --> 00:19:20,748
Heh heh!
182
00:19:23,625 --> 00:19:25,045
No! No!
183
00:19:27,422 --> 00:19:30,383
Ah! You've snapped my pencil!
184
00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:54,783
No, no! Not the fridge!
185
00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:09,068
No!
186
00:20:09,105 --> 00:20:10,161
Stop!
187
00:20:10,197 --> 00:20:11,397
Eddie!
188
00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:13,427
I'm sorry!
189
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,851
How long for the egg?
190
00:20:20,017 --> 00:20:21,831
Three minutes, please.
191
00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:23,647
Excuse me one moment.
192
00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:25,649
Ahh!
193
00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:28,234
Uhhhh... urrgh!
194
00:20:53,093 --> 00:20:54,886
Aaaaaaarrrrgggh!
195
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:02,936
- Ah!
- Urgh!
196
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,231
Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!
197
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:08,777
Ah! Ah! Ah!
198
00:21:13,155 --> 00:21:15,407
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aaaaarrrgh!
199
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:22,623
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!
200
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:32,049
Is there any danger of getting food?
201
00:21:32,133 --> 00:21:34,265
- Breakfast's off.
- Off?
202
00:21:34,302 --> 00:21:37,806
Yes. There is no breakfast.
You're both too fat, anyway.
203
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:40,808
Really! That's too much!
I've never...
204
00:21:40,845 --> 00:21:43,270
Oh, do shut your gob, lard-arse!
205
00:21:44,063 --> 00:21:46,065
This is preposterous.
206
00:21:46,481 --> 00:21:48,609
You can shut yours, too.
207
00:21:49,485 --> 00:21:51,618
- That's it.
- Darling, don't!
208
00:21:51,654 --> 00:21:54,282
Do you want some, eh? Do you want...
209
00:21:54,364 --> 00:21:57,118
- some?
- He's a black belt in karate!
210
00:21:57,619 --> 00:22:01,372
More like a pink belt in hanging
about gentlemen's lavatories!
211
00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:12,674
Richie...
212
00:22:14,426 --> 00:22:16,017
Hello, bird!
213
00:22:16,053 --> 00:22:18,180
Oh, Richie! It's Richie!
214
00:22:18,222 --> 00:22:19,995
Oh, it's Richie!
215
00:22:20,031 --> 00:22:21,767
Hello... other bird!
216
00:22:22,226 --> 00:22:23,608
It's Richie! Richie!
217
00:22:23,644 --> 00:22:27,440
Come saucy wood-nymphs, gather
from your groves - it is Richie!
218
00:22:27,982 --> 00:22:29,359
Hello!
219
00:22:30,151 --> 00:22:32,111
Hello! Hello! Hello!
220
00:22:33,405 --> 00:22:35,073
Hello, birds!
221
00:22:35,574 --> 00:22:38,619
Come, love-nymphs.
Out of respect for Richie,
222
00:22:38,827 --> 00:22:42,373
let us take out our great knockers
and wobble them about.
223
00:22:44,792 --> 00:22:46,543
Oh, yes, let's!
224
00:22:48,044 --> 00:22:51,257
No, love-nymphs,
let us open our fairy briefcases
225
00:22:51,841 --> 00:22:54,509
and shower him with unmarked tenners!
226
00:22:54,552 --> 00:22:56,142
Erotically...
227
00:22:56,179 --> 00:22:59,015
Hurrah! Yes!
What a smashing idea!
228
00:23:00,225 --> 00:23:04,145
But first, proud, firm young maidens
who are definitely on for it,
229
00:23:05,397 --> 00:23:09,109
let us anoint him with pints
of super-strength illegal cider!
230
00:23:10,277 --> 00:23:12,278
Oh, yes! Let's!
231
00:23:19,494 --> 00:23:21,287
Settle, birds...
232
00:23:22,205 --> 00:23:24,165
Ha ha ha ha!
233
00:23:26,543 --> 00:23:28,418
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
234
00:23:28,837 --> 00:23:30,672
A-ha ha ha ha ha!
235
00:23:42,267 --> 00:23:44,269
Oh, stop it! Stop it!
236
00:23:46,064 --> 00:23:49,233
Richie, you've been out for eight hours!
237
00:23:49,316 --> 00:23:52,027
Eight hours?
What have you been doing?
238
00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:54,160
Trying to rouse you with this.
239
00:23:54,196 --> 00:23:56,907
How has the hotel functioned without me?
240
00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:59,535
Easily, 'cause the guests have gone.
241
00:23:59,619 --> 00:24:01,829
Gone! Did any of them pay?
242
00:24:01,913 --> 00:24:03,373
Er... no.
243
00:24:04,499 --> 00:24:06,585
Did they find the safe?
244
00:24:06,668 --> 00:24:08,258
I'm afraid so.
245
00:24:08,295 --> 00:24:11,131
Damn! So they got
all their stuff back?!
246
00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:16,177
Oh...!
247
00:24:16,427 --> 00:24:18,055
What about advance bookings?
248
00:24:18,091 --> 00:24:19,890
Um, not too good.
249
00:24:21,307 --> 00:24:22,767
Oh, God!
250
00:24:23,476 --> 00:24:26,272
Oh, come on, Richie.
It's not that bad.
251
00:24:27,815 --> 00:24:31,401
Yes, it is. I've just trapped
my penis in the till drawer.
252
00:24:39,742 --> 00:24:41,473
Oh, Mr Twat?
253
00:24:41,509 --> 00:24:43,205
It's "Thwaite!"
254
00:24:43,539 --> 00:24:46,542
I thought you said
all the guests have gone?
255
00:24:46,791 --> 00:24:48,877
I thought she was dead.
256
00:24:54,925 --> 00:24:57,762
Ah, Twat.
My eggs still haven't arrived.
257
00:24:59,805 --> 00:25:03,017
Because you went through
the menopause years ago.
258
00:25:03,059 --> 00:25:04,936
I beg your pardon?
259
00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:08,356
I said I'm afraid breakfast is off.
260
00:25:09,692 --> 00:25:11,693
Oh, have some sherry.
261
00:25:12,819 --> 00:25:14,863
Oh! Is it my birthday?
262
00:25:16,073 --> 00:25:18,325
- Oh... yes!
- What, again?
263
00:25:22,579 --> 00:25:24,748
It's the third time this month.
264
00:25:24,784 --> 00:25:26,791
Yes! Have another one.
265
00:25:30,171 --> 00:25:32,303
Eddie, mark the bottle.
266
00:25:32,340 --> 00:25:36,260
I was just wondering, Mrs Foxfur,
given your increasing infirmity,
267
00:25:37,762 --> 00:25:40,848
whether you might like
to take the opportunity
268
00:25:41,014 --> 00:25:43,307
to pay your bill in advance?
269
00:25:43,726 --> 00:25:46,979
We don't want you getting
so crippled by arthritis
270
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,940
that you can't sign the cheque.
271
00:25:50,232 --> 00:25:53,069
I gave you five years advance last week.
272
00:25:53,486 --> 00:25:55,905
Yeah! And the week before that.
273
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:57,656
Oh, yes.
274
00:25:58,366 --> 00:26:00,033
Silly old me.
275
00:26:05,415 --> 00:26:06,791
Hmm...
276
00:26:13,006 --> 00:26:15,175
Is that gold in those teeth?
277
00:26:15,211 --> 00:26:17,345
You should get those checked.
278
00:26:17,381 --> 00:26:19,346
My twin is a dentist!
279
00:26:20,055 --> 00:26:23,517
Your twin? Is that the same twin
who's a gynaecologist?
280
00:26:25,477 --> 00:26:26,770
Huh?
281
00:26:27,104 --> 00:26:29,565
Er, no, no. He's the third twin.
282
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:34,779
Yes, that's who he is. I'll get him
to come round this afternoon.
283
00:26:36,322 --> 00:26:39,201
No, I'll get him to come round right now.
284
00:26:40,118 --> 00:26:43,538
- Yes, but I... I think I...
- No trouble, Mrs Foxfur.
285
00:26:44,998 --> 00:26:48,085
Come along. Up to your room.
Come on, come on!
286
00:26:49,336 --> 00:26:50,796
COME ON!
287
00:26:52,047 --> 00:26:55,090
Right, I'll be...
HE'LL be along in a moment.
288
00:26:55,842 --> 00:26:57,677
Come on! Come on!
289
00:26:58,553 --> 00:27:01,764
Get me a doctor's coat,
some pliers and a hammer.
290
00:27:02,347 --> 00:27:04,766
And your glasses as a disguise.
291
00:27:08,313 --> 00:27:09,903
How do I look?
292
00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:12,072
I don't know, I can't see.
293
00:27:12,108 --> 00:27:14,694
Edward, have you been taking drugs?
294
00:27:14,820 --> 00:27:18,657
Well, never mind depravity.
Let's kick the old bint's teeth out.
295
00:27:32,171 --> 00:27:34,800
You're sure this is the right place?
296
00:27:34,882 --> 00:27:38,469
- It doesn't look nice.
- There's a nuclear power station.
297
00:27:39,762 --> 00:27:43,307
Times are hard and this is
the cheapest hotel in Britain.
298
00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,232
Let's make the best of it.
299
00:27:46,269 --> 00:27:48,814
Come on, we're on holiday! Hooray.
300
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,196
- Oh! Oh!
- Go on! Drink it, you bitch!
301
00:27:59,283 --> 00:28:01,958
Good, that should've loosened them up.
302
00:28:01,994 --> 00:28:06,038
Eddie, get the croquet mallet while
I do some preliminary bridgework.
303
00:28:06,331 --> 00:28:07,998
Righty-dokey!
304
00:28:12,294 --> 00:28:15,840
Quick, Eddie, put your fingerprints
all over this hammer.
305
00:28:16,091 --> 00:28:17,509
Righto.
306
00:28:21,513 --> 00:28:23,515
Dr Twat, is that you?
307
00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:27,311
Er, yes.
308
00:28:28,019 --> 00:28:30,815
Have you completed the root canal work?
309
00:28:31,273 --> 00:28:33,483
Er, yes.
310
00:28:33,985 --> 00:28:36,070
That's looking macfine.
311
00:28:36,696 --> 00:28:40,991
I'll pop back in a week and give ye a
wee check-up. Come on, let's scarper!
312
00:29:04,892 --> 00:29:07,770
Good morning, good morning, good morning!
313
00:29:08,687 --> 00:29:11,648
We were beginning to think
nobody was here.
314
00:29:12,483 --> 00:29:14,651
It looked like the Marie Celeste.
315
00:29:23,327 --> 00:29:25,830
How amusing! Ha ha! Oh, ha ha ha!
316
00:29:36,883 --> 00:29:39,135
Now, what can I do for you?
317
00:29:40,135 --> 00:29:41,763
Well, we were wondering...
318
00:29:54,776 --> 00:29:58,530
I'm sorry, I was just remembering.
I must write that one down.
319
00:29:59,114 --> 00:30:01,075
"Marie... Celeste".
320
00:30:01,825 --> 00:30:05,370
Ha ha ha! Implying that we run
the kind of hotel where...
321
00:30:06,705 --> 00:30:08,708
nobody wants to stay.
322
00:30:10,501 --> 00:30:13,839
Right, well, we were wondering
if you had any rooms.
323
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,467
Yes, we'd like two rooms, adjoining.
324
00:30:17,550 --> 00:30:19,677
With a sea view, please.
325
00:30:19,719 --> 00:30:23,347
Gosh, you're quite forthright,
aren't you, in your demands?
326
00:30:23,515 --> 00:30:26,267
My word, Eddie.
Important people here.
327
00:30:26,767 --> 00:30:29,855
Well, first things first.
Got any valuables...
328
00:30:30,563 --> 00:30:33,023
that you'd like put in the safe?
329
00:30:33,274 --> 00:30:36,152
- Not really, no.
- What about that ring?
330
00:30:37,070 --> 00:30:39,202
Well, I never take it off.
331
00:30:39,239 --> 00:30:41,825
The watch, then? Is that expensive?
332
00:30:41,950 --> 00:30:43,539
No, it's a cheap copy.
333
00:30:43,575 --> 00:30:46,746
That'll do.
The pawnbroker's very short-sighted.
334
00:30:46,830 --> 00:30:47,877
Eddie!
335
00:30:47,913 --> 00:30:50,875
...means you don't need
a watch in paradise.
336
00:30:52,251 --> 00:30:54,129
Time... stops here.
337
00:30:57,131 --> 00:30:59,263
So watch, please.
338
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:02,012
- I'd rather keep it...
- Watch! Please.
339
00:31:02,049 --> 00:31:04,390
- I won't be able...
- Watch!
340
00:31:07,977 --> 00:31:09,562
Come along!
341
00:31:11,230 --> 00:31:13,816
Mmm. There, better safe than sorry.
342
00:31:15,026 --> 00:31:17,111
Eddie, take their bags.
343
00:31:18,821 --> 00:31:20,954
But... they'll see, won't they?
344
00:31:20,990 --> 00:31:23,910
No, Eddie, take their bags
to their rooms.
345
00:31:24,786 --> 00:31:27,414
And you'll keep 'em talking? Gotcha!
346
00:31:29,124 --> 00:31:31,168
Whoo! Look over there!
347
00:31:38,883 --> 00:31:40,594
And off we go!
348
00:31:41,595 --> 00:31:43,472
Off to your rooms.
349
00:31:43,762 --> 00:31:45,515
Uh-uh uh-uh uh.
350
00:31:57,860 --> 00:32:00,363
- I beg your pardon?
- I'll say.
351
00:32:04,909 --> 00:32:08,414
Have you stayed in a hotel before?
This is the corridor.
352
00:32:09,247 --> 00:32:11,584
And this is the light switch.
353
00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:15,004
I've depressed the light switch,
which is on a timer,
354
00:32:15,755 --> 00:32:17,887
which has been scientifically designed
355
00:32:17,924 --> 00:32:21,426
to allow you plenty of time
to insert your key in the...
356
00:32:22,804 --> 00:32:24,138
arse.
357
00:32:24,430 --> 00:32:26,563
Insert it in your arse?
358
00:32:26,599 --> 00:32:30,313
Never mind, I'm a resourceful chap,
so I find the...
359
00:32:30,937 --> 00:32:33,356
Bastard! Fucking! Where is it?!
360
00:32:35,817 --> 00:32:37,652
Ah, there we are.
361
00:32:40,155 --> 00:32:41,745
And in we go...
362
00:32:41,782 --> 00:32:44,368
Eddie! What on earth are you doing?
363
00:32:44,493 --> 00:32:47,579
Uh... I... was...
just going to unpack for them.
364
00:32:49,915 --> 00:32:52,751
Don't worry, I'd like to do that myself.
365
00:32:53,711 --> 00:32:55,712
Where's the sea view?
366
00:32:55,878 --> 00:32:58,090
That'll be out the window.
367
00:32:59,132 --> 00:33:01,135
Well, I can't see it.
368
00:33:01,301 --> 00:33:04,054
Yes, you have to lean out.
Come along.
369
00:33:04,555 --> 00:33:07,642
Lean out... lean out...
LEAN out of the window!
370
00:33:07,807 --> 00:33:09,940
Hold on to the scaffolding
371
00:33:09,976 --> 00:33:13,480
and you can just see
the sewage pipe in Dead Man's Cove.
372
00:33:14,856 --> 00:33:18,486
I've had it checked by lawyers
so don't try anything funny.
373
00:33:19,737 --> 00:33:21,656
And, as a backup...
374
00:33:23,532 --> 00:33:27,120
I've got a picture of some sea,
so I've got you both ways.
375
00:33:28,412 --> 00:33:31,291
Could I just ask, is breakfast thrown in?
376
00:33:32,751 --> 00:33:36,296
It depends who's serving.
I sometimes bring it on a tray.
377
00:33:37,422 --> 00:33:39,132
Eddie, a word.
378
00:33:41,427 --> 00:33:44,806
I've told you before,
never talk to the adult guests.
379
00:33:44,843 --> 00:33:46,057
Ow!
380
00:33:46,848 --> 00:33:49,393
- What?
- He poked me in the eye.
381
00:33:50,644 --> 00:33:53,022
No, she walked into my finger.
382
00:33:55,524 --> 00:33:57,860
Ha ha! Look, what time is it?
383
00:33:58,237 --> 00:34:01,864
Oh! Uh, why don't you let Eddie
take these little... nippers
384
00:34:03,116 --> 00:34:05,159
off to the playground?
385
00:34:06,911 --> 00:34:09,204
Come on, you little rascals!
386
00:34:11,248 --> 00:34:14,878
And you two pop down to the bar
for a complementary sherry.
387
00:34:16,129 --> 00:34:18,464
- That sounds nice.
- It is.
388
00:34:19,381 --> 00:34:21,258
And only 75 pence.
389
00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:25,054
Each.
390
00:34:25,347 --> 00:34:26,932
In advance.
391
00:34:26,972 --> 00:34:28,808
Oh, right. Sorry.
392
00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:35,064
There we are. Oh, yes...
393
00:34:35,649 --> 00:34:37,818
Uh... have a... nice... day.
394
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,451
So, as we always say
at the Guest House Paradiso,
395
00:34:47,036 --> 00:34:50,665
have fun, avoid the water
and don't get shit on the sheets.
396
00:35:13,063 --> 00:35:14,356
Hmm.
397
00:35:24,991 --> 00:35:26,909
It's horrible here.
398
00:35:28,244 --> 00:35:30,663
Welcome to the real world, kid.
399
00:35:58,610 --> 00:36:00,278
Oh! Ha ha ha!
400
00:36:01,862 --> 00:36:03,113
Oh!
401
00:36:04,032 --> 00:36:06,660
I really must have some more sherry.
402
00:36:08,911 --> 00:36:10,455
Eh... oh...
403
00:36:26,805 --> 00:36:29,600
Here you are, kid.
Have a swig of this.
404
00:36:30,059 --> 00:36:32,227
It helps keep things blurred.
405
00:36:50,121 --> 00:36:51,622
Oh, damn.
406
00:37:24,824 --> 00:37:26,992
Shame about the weather.
407
00:37:27,029 --> 00:37:29,125
Shame about the hotel.
408
00:37:29,161 --> 00:37:32,288
Never mind.
Happy anniversary, darling.
409
00:37:34,041 --> 00:37:36,002
Oh, no! No!
410
00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:38,045
Damn! Damn! Damn!
411
00:38:02,779 --> 00:38:06,783
It's Mr Twat, you're going to have
to vacate your room for a moment.
412
00:38:08,201 --> 00:38:10,578
- Hello?
- Excuse me.
413
00:38:11,997 --> 00:38:14,083
Hello?
414
00:38:19,046 --> 00:38:20,423
Hello?
415
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:25,219
Hello, man behind the counter.
416
00:38:34,771 --> 00:38:36,647
Ah, there you are.
417
00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:38,399
Mr Twat?
418
00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:42,153
- No.
- Do you know where he is?
419
00:38:42,903 --> 00:38:46,782
He could be anywhere. He's the only
one who does a fucking thing!
420
00:38:47,241 --> 00:38:50,453
I'm suprprised he hasn't had
a nervous breakdown!
421
00:38:50,495 --> 00:38:51,543
Pardon?
422
00:38:51,580 --> 00:38:53,248
Uh... the bar.
423
00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:57,836
He is in the... bar.
424
00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:01,631
Right.
425
00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:11,182
But... there's no one there.
426
00:39:13,810 --> 00:39:15,645
Oh, God. Oh, God!
427
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:19,442
God! Oh, God! Oh, fu...
428
00:39:24,113 --> 00:39:26,656
Everything's gone completely numb.
429
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:29,243
You lucky bastard.
430
00:39:33,331 --> 00:39:36,041
Good morning, I'm looking for Mr Twat.
431
00:39:36,078 --> 00:39:37,090
Er...
432
00:39:37,127 --> 00:39:39,294
Have you tried reception?
433
00:39:40,380 --> 00:39:44,467
Yes, but he isn't there. The strange
midget said he was in the lounge.
434
00:39:51,224 --> 00:39:54,269
Well, I'm sure if we wait here
he'll turn up.
435
00:39:58,273 --> 00:40:00,442
Charming part of the country.
436
00:40:05,322 --> 00:40:07,741
Does it rain a lot around here?
437
00:40:10,201 --> 00:40:12,620
More or less continuously, yes.
438
00:40:13,455 --> 00:40:14,706
Oh.
439
00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:17,667
Oh, well.
440
00:40:19,419 --> 00:40:21,588
Good for the flowers, I suppose.
441
00:40:21,625 --> 00:40:23,757
Still quite warm, though.
442
00:40:38,398 --> 00:40:41,275
Look, something tells me I can trust you.
443
00:40:45,988 --> 00:40:48,115
You see, the thing is...
444
00:40:50,868 --> 00:40:52,621
The thing is...
445
00:40:57,917 --> 00:40:59,879
I am Gina Carbonara.
446
00:41:02,255 --> 00:41:03,846
Gina Carbonara,
447
00:41:03,883 --> 00:41:06,928
the famous Italian film star
and love object.
448
00:41:08,763 --> 00:41:11,891
Cor, blimey, wait till Richie
hears about this!
449
00:41:15,937 --> 00:41:19,314
The truth is, I've had a little
bother lately with...
450
00:41:21,234 --> 00:41:23,277
one thing and another,
451
00:41:24,486 --> 00:41:28,574
and I'm looking for a hotel that's
quiet, discreet and out of the way,
452
00:41:30,451 --> 00:41:32,995
where the paparazzi won't find me.
453
00:41:33,704 --> 00:41:36,291
I wouldn't know where to recommend.
454
00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:39,586
I was thinking of here.
455
00:41:40,211 --> 00:41:41,462
Oh.
456
00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:43,631
Oh!
457
00:41:46,176 --> 00:41:50,055
This seems the perfect spot.
You're not in any of the guidebooks.
458
00:41:51,056 --> 00:41:54,018
Nobody for miles around -
an oasis of calm.
459
00:41:55,935 --> 00:41:59,356
Even the peasants in the village
denied its existence.
460
00:42:02,984 --> 00:42:05,237
Oh, yes, this is the place.
461
00:42:07,323 --> 00:42:10,117
A perfect little refuge from the world.
462
00:42:15,457 --> 00:42:18,585
Right, well, we'd better...
check you in, then.
463
00:42:27,385 --> 00:42:30,305
So if you're not the manager,
who are you?
464
00:42:31,723 --> 00:42:33,767
I'm Eddie the bellboy.
465
00:42:34,433 --> 00:42:36,081
The bellboy?
466
00:42:36,117 --> 00:42:37,728
That's right.
467
00:42:51,785 --> 00:42:53,828
And... here's your key.
468
00:42:56,665 --> 00:42:59,877
It's room five, first floor,
end of the corridor.
469
00:43:00,461 --> 00:43:03,089
I'll bring your luggage up directly.
470
00:43:07,510 --> 00:43:08,844
Mice.
471
00:43:11,305 --> 00:43:13,390
Basque Separatist mice.
472
00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:24,945
I was... just... cleaning the oven
in my Ralph Lauren rubber shorts
473
00:43:26,488 --> 00:43:29,156
and... and... and...
never mind about that now!
474
00:43:29,193 --> 00:43:31,826
I can't believe it!
Gina Carbonara staying here!
475
00:43:32,618 --> 00:43:35,372
Gina Carbonara!
The Melons from Milan!
476
00:43:35,706 --> 00:43:38,082
Yeah, the Nipples from Naples!
477
00:43:38,416 --> 00:43:40,007
The Rump from Rome!
478
00:43:40,044 --> 00:43:42,254
The Rectum from Reykjavik!
479
00:43:43,839 --> 00:43:47,467
- That's not right, is it?
- I don't know. She gets around.
480
00:43:48,718 --> 00:43:50,887
Eddie, assemble all the staff!
481
00:43:50,924 --> 00:43:52,889
- Here I am.
- Good.
482
00:43:53,056 --> 00:43:55,517
Is this it? Where's Lardy Basto?
483
00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:59,187
- Chef left this morning, remember?
- Damn, so he did!
484
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:02,900
So it's just us, then.
Very well, then.
485
00:44:03,901 --> 00:44:05,278
Alone.
486
00:44:05,527 --> 00:44:07,660
God, what are we gonna do?!
487
00:44:07,696 --> 00:44:10,742
Calm! Down! Richie!
It's only Gina Carbonara!
488
00:44:12,034 --> 00:44:15,996
I know! I'm already straining
these rubber underpants to the limit!
489
00:44:16,914 --> 00:44:19,042
We'll soon have you out.
490
00:44:20,167 --> 00:44:21,460
Unh!
491
00:44:28,301 --> 00:44:30,178
What about dinner?
492
00:44:30,470 --> 00:44:34,099
She'll be expecting top-rate,
poncey, French-style A1 nosh!
493
00:44:35,893 --> 00:44:39,855
I don't believe it! That Romanian
bastard! He's eaten ALL the food!
494
00:44:41,314 --> 00:44:42,363
Oh!
495
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,986
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! OH, GOD!
496
00:44:46,737 --> 00:44:49,240
Why do these things happen to me?
497
00:44:49,449 --> 00:44:51,701
I thought this would be it,
498
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,372
I was gonna get a blue plaque made
saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here".
499
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,792
Now you'll need a slightly bigger one,
500
00:45:00,292 --> 00:45:04,046
saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here
and thought it was shit".
501
00:45:05,714 --> 00:45:08,759
- Is this gonna work?
- Is the Pope Catholic?
502
00:45:10,052 --> 00:45:11,637
Yes, he is.
503
00:45:11,679 --> 00:45:14,056
Is he? Huh! I never knew that.
504
00:45:15,141 --> 00:45:16,517
Right.
505
00:45:16,559 --> 00:45:18,645
Yep, that should do it.
506
00:45:18,728 --> 00:45:21,482
What's the next part of the operation?
507
00:45:21,981 --> 00:45:26,194
I puncture the pants with this kebab
skewer on the end of a broom handle.
508
00:45:27,404 --> 00:45:31,658
The sudden release of pressure causes
the pants to gradually disintegrate.
509
00:45:35,537 --> 00:45:38,124
- If you say so.
- Brace yourself.
510
00:45:39,332 --> 00:45:41,209
And here it comes!
511
00:46:08,071 --> 00:46:10,203
It's so boring here!
512
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,034
Well, what about I-Spy?
No.
513
00:46:14,035 --> 00:46:16,662
Let's play Charlene's favourite game.
514
00:46:16,699 --> 00:46:19,290
Yeah!
All right.
515
00:46:23,253 --> 00:46:26,047
OK, here we go, hope you're all hiding.
516
00:46:27,048 --> 00:46:28,425
One...
517
00:46:28,675 --> 00:46:30,385
two... three...
518
00:46:30,844 --> 00:46:32,554
four... five...
519
00:46:33,555 --> 00:46:35,265
six... seven...
520
00:46:35,724 --> 00:46:37,476
eight... nine...
521
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,730
Ten! Coming, ready or not!
522
00:46:43,315 --> 00:46:45,609
- Oh, you've grown.
- What?
523
00:46:46,026 --> 00:46:48,154
- Oh, I see!
- Mr Twat?
524
00:46:48,738 --> 00:46:52,783
It's "Thwaite!" No, no, I'm not him,
I'm his deranged half-brother!
525
00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:55,953
Hur hur hur hee!
526
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,388
And stay there! Never enter
the public areas of the hotel!
527
00:47:14,764 --> 00:47:18,436
Oh, I'm so sorry. I was talking
to my demented half-brother.
528
00:47:19,644 --> 00:47:22,231
- Is he all right?
- No, he's mad.
529
00:47:22,899 --> 00:47:25,316
But don't worry, it's terminal!
530
00:47:25,609 --> 00:47:28,111
Now, allow me to show you around.
531
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,697
Oh, my, you have a pert elbow.
532
00:47:33,741 --> 00:47:35,994
You must be Gina Carbonara.
533
00:47:36,995 --> 00:47:39,456
Yes, and you must be Mr Thwaite.
534
00:47:40,791 --> 00:47:42,835
It's "Twat". Damn...
535
00:47:43,502 --> 00:47:46,297
I'm sorry, please, forgive me, Mr Twat.
536
00:47:46,755 --> 00:47:48,048
Yes.
537
00:47:48,382 --> 00:47:51,469
I have a problem,
could you come into my room?
538
00:47:52,720 --> 00:47:54,722
- No...
- You won't?
539
00:47:54,889 --> 00:47:57,309
No, no, I WON'T have a problem.
540
00:47:58,142 --> 00:48:01,813
- I'm not being too forward?
- No, I like them sticking out.
541
00:48:04,649 --> 00:48:07,193
Now, what seems to be the problem?
542
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,904
Electrics? Plumbing? The... stench?
543
00:48:11,156 --> 00:48:14,659
Although, by the way,
should you have a personal problem
544
00:48:16,036 --> 00:48:18,831
I am in fact a qualified gynaecologist.
545
00:48:20,373 --> 00:48:24,087
Well, strictly speaking
I'm an amateur - but I'm bloody keen.
546
00:48:24,711 --> 00:48:26,505
Keen as mustard.
547
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,925
- I'm having trouble with my zip.
- Your zip?
548
00:48:31,219 --> 00:48:33,095
Could you undo it?
549
00:48:36,099 --> 00:48:37,516
Pardon?
550
00:48:40,977 --> 00:48:43,110
No, I still don't understand.
551
00:48:43,147 --> 00:48:46,025
You want me to undo your zip?
552
00:48:46,942 --> 00:48:48,861
Oh, yes. Would you?
553
00:48:49,111 --> 00:48:52,156
Well, I'll have a bloody good go.
554
00:48:52,906 --> 00:48:54,450
Thank you.
555
00:48:57,244 --> 00:48:59,621
You see it is just stuck here.
556
00:48:59,956 --> 00:49:03,041
You don't mind
that I do not wear a brassiere?
557
00:49:03,751 --> 00:49:05,170
Uh, no.
558
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,884
This is such a charming hotel,
unlike anywhere else I've ever been.
559
00:49:13,512 --> 00:49:16,014
I feel I could stay here forever.
560
00:49:18,934 --> 00:49:21,061
You're such a sweet man.
561
00:49:33,575 --> 00:49:36,620
Love is such a fickle thing,
don't you think?
562
00:49:37,369 --> 00:49:39,122
What? Oh, love.
563
00:49:39,538 --> 00:49:41,248
Oh, yes, love.
564
00:49:42,249 --> 00:49:44,044
Oh, lumme! Love!
565
00:49:44,169 --> 00:49:46,009
H-how very well put.
566
00:49:46,045 --> 00:49:48,506
How very amusing. Ha ha ha ha...
567
00:49:50,924 --> 00:49:53,093
How soi-disant... Ah! Uh!
568
00:49:54,178 --> 00:49:56,013
Yes, it's such...
569
00:49:56,347 --> 00:49:58,098
Oh... he's gone.
570
00:50:04,147 --> 00:50:06,233
Ooh, it's cold in here.
571
00:50:07,191 --> 00:50:08,610
Arrrgh!
572
00:50:10,445 --> 00:50:11,822
Eddie!
573
00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:16,243
Aaaarrgh! AAAAARRRGH!
574
00:50:20,205 --> 00:50:22,291
Bloody road protesters!
575
00:50:22,374 --> 00:50:24,084
Save the B157!
576
00:50:25,085 --> 00:50:27,963
Marvellous, Eddie!
Look! Fish for supper!
577
00:50:28,881 --> 00:50:30,925
We're saved! Ha ha ha!
578
00:50:58,162 --> 00:51:01,581
Have you had enough time
to read the menu, Mrs Foxfur?
579
00:51:02,499 --> 00:51:05,001
Well, I think I'll have the fish.
580
00:51:06,294 --> 00:51:08,338
Oh, good. Wise choice.
581
00:51:09,006 --> 00:51:11,967
So everyone's having fish, then.
Excellent.
582
00:51:13,343 --> 00:51:15,428
I don't like this fish.
583
00:51:15,512 --> 00:51:17,101
You'll eat it.
584
00:51:17,138 --> 00:51:21,143
You're a minor, you have no rights
and I'll happily call the police!
585
00:51:22,018 --> 00:51:25,772
For what the Lord has provided
let us be truly F-ing thankful.
586
00:51:27,441 --> 00:51:29,651
And the same goes for you!
587
00:51:30,361 --> 00:51:32,285
- Enjoying your meal?
- Yes.
588
00:51:32,321 --> 00:51:36,242
We've got royalty coming downstairs
in a minute so fucking behave!
589
00:51:37,745 --> 00:51:39,370
Who are you?
590
00:51:40,455 --> 00:51:42,624
- We're Mr...
- And Mrs.
591
00:51:43,166 --> 00:51:45,293
Barker.
592
00:51:46,419 --> 00:51:49,714
The honeymoon couple?
Have you been in bed all day?
593
00:51:50,757 --> 00:51:52,801
Well, we're newlyweds.
594
00:51:53,468 --> 00:51:55,887
Good grief! What can I get you?
595
00:51:56,180 --> 00:51:58,849
Vitamins? Energy tablets? Fanny pump?
596
00:51:59,975 --> 00:52:02,896
- N-no, a table.
- Let's go back upstairs.
597
00:52:03,770 --> 00:52:07,399
You bloody well won't!
That's enough of that sort of thing!
598
00:52:08,108 --> 00:52:11,321
Just sit down and eat quietly
like normal people!
599
00:52:11,905 --> 00:52:14,156
It's absolutely disgusting!
600
00:52:17,867 --> 00:52:19,995
Now, what can I get you?
601
00:52:21,664 --> 00:52:23,624
D'you have any fish?
602
00:52:24,916 --> 00:52:27,170
Oh! I'll see what I can do.
603
00:52:37,931 --> 00:52:40,266
Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
604
00:52:40,642 --> 00:52:42,455
Good evening, Mr Twat.
605
00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:44,269
Ha ha, it's "Cunt".
606
00:52:46,064 --> 00:52:47,858
Oh, damn. Again.
607
00:52:50,944 --> 00:52:54,156
Would it be too much trouble
if I ate in my room?
608
00:52:55,282 --> 00:52:56,992
Oh. Of course.
609
00:53:00,162 --> 00:53:01,497
Oh...
610
00:53:01,789 --> 00:53:03,332
Of course.
611
00:53:03,415 --> 00:53:06,752
What can I bring you?
The fish is very good tonight.
612
00:53:07,753 --> 00:53:11,215
Yes, lightly grilled fish
and a salad would be perfect.
613
00:53:11,549 --> 00:53:14,468
"Lightly" grilled fish?
And a "salad"?
614
00:53:16,971 --> 00:53:19,808
Righty-ho.
I'll have that up in a jiffy.
615
00:53:20,766 --> 00:53:23,519
Would it offend you if I ate it naked?
616
00:53:26,189 --> 00:53:27,236
Hmm?
617
00:53:27,272 --> 00:53:29,817
I would like to have it undressed.
618
00:53:31,611 --> 00:53:32,904
Hmm?
619
00:53:33,238 --> 00:53:35,572
I don't want to cause a fuss.
620
00:53:35,949 --> 00:53:39,119
Oh, no, no! They'll be raring
to go on that one.
621
00:53:40,287 --> 00:53:43,497
- Undressed, you say?
- It's good for my chakras.
622
00:53:44,624 --> 00:53:48,128
I should imagine. Chakras like those
want looking after.
623
00:53:48,419 --> 00:53:51,173
As we used to say in the Boy Scouts...
624
00:53:52,216 --> 00:53:53,926
Pheeb!
625
00:53:56,553 --> 00:53:58,144
Oh, she's gone.
626
00:53:58,180 --> 00:54:02,058
Right, Edward Elizabeth Ndingombaba,
this could be our lucky day!
627
00:54:13,362 --> 00:54:14,823
Come in.
628
00:54:28,002 --> 00:54:29,594
Good evening.
629
00:54:29,630 --> 00:54:31,589
Good one.
630
00:54:33,967 --> 00:54:35,635
Good evening.
631
00:54:40,473 --> 00:54:42,601
You have a very big hat.
632
00:54:44,394 --> 00:54:47,022
Well, you're a very attractive bird.
633
00:55:01,077 --> 00:55:04,289
And with your salad -
salad cream or cooking oil?
634
00:55:05,958 --> 00:55:07,376
Pardon?
635
00:55:09,212 --> 00:55:10,802
Cream or oil?
636
00:55:10,838 --> 00:55:13,675
No, I said I wanted the salad undressed.
637
00:55:14,092 --> 00:55:16,928
I know, and we're looking forward to it.
638
00:55:17,345 --> 00:55:18,845
I'll say.
639
00:55:18,971 --> 00:55:21,348
No, I mean... without dressing.
640
00:55:24,394 --> 00:55:25,729
Oh...
641
00:55:26,020 --> 00:55:28,522
Oh. Oh, God. Back to the kitchen.
642
00:55:30,358 --> 00:55:32,944
Oh, God. Quickly! Quickly! Quickly!
643
00:55:33,070 --> 00:55:34,906
Oh, God! Oh, God!
644
00:55:37,950 --> 00:55:40,452
Really, i-i-i-it's just too much.
645
00:55:40,661 --> 00:55:43,497
I-I'm gonna...
I-I'm gonna confront him.
646
00:55:43,914 --> 00:55:46,208
So you take the kids to bed.
647
00:55:46,626 --> 00:55:48,711
Well, be careful, babe.
648
00:55:55,300 --> 00:55:56,676
Hello?
649
00:56:03,975 --> 00:56:05,685
Hello?
650
00:56:51,817 --> 00:56:54,695
Time for beddy-byes, is it?
Sweet dreams!
651
00:56:58,742 --> 00:57:00,786
Oh, I don't feel well.
652
00:57:06,331 --> 00:57:08,464
Hey, give her one from me!
653
00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:11,921
If you're too tired
I'll come and give her one myself!
654
00:57:12,839 --> 00:57:15,008
I'm not joking, actually.
655
00:57:35,070 --> 00:57:37,745
What do you think you're doing?
656
00:57:37,781 --> 00:57:41,452
I wanted you. Some underwear
has gone missing from our room.
657
00:57:42,119 --> 00:57:45,039
Really? And what sort
of UNDERWEAR was it?
658
00:57:45,914 --> 00:57:47,499
Uh, well...
659
00:57:48,083 --> 00:57:51,170
They were crotchless
rubber panties, actually!
660
00:57:52,963 --> 00:57:55,486
You're quite sure they were crotchless?
661
00:57:55,523 --> 00:57:58,011
Yes, and a rubber bra is missing as well.
662
00:57:58,386 --> 00:58:01,598
Hey, Rich, look at this bloke
in spiky underwear!
663
00:58:02,182 --> 00:58:04,142
Is it...? Is it you?
664
00:58:05,977 --> 00:58:08,188
- Put that back on!
- No.
665
00:58:15,738 --> 00:58:17,363
It's broken.
666
00:58:17,906 --> 00:58:21,117
- And there's no other machine?
- No. Afraid not.
667
00:58:23,327 --> 00:58:26,999
Well, I'll just show this tape
to the police in the morning.
668
00:58:30,376 --> 00:58:31,968
Hey, Rich...
669
00:58:32,004 --> 00:58:34,005
What are we gonna do?
670
00:58:34,173 --> 00:58:37,759
We'll just bide our time, Eddie.
We'll just bide our time.
671
00:58:45,017 --> 00:58:47,644
Can you take your hand off my penis?
672
00:58:48,271 --> 00:58:50,023
Hmm? Oh, sorry.
673
00:58:58,573 --> 00:59:00,617
Whoo-oo-oo-oo!
674
00:59:03,995 --> 00:59:05,705
Whoo-oo-oo-oo!
675
00:59:07,791 --> 00:59:09,501
Whoo-oo-oo-oo!
676
00:59:12,128 --> 00:59:13,838
Whoo-oo-oo-oo!
677
00:59:15,924 --> 00:59:17,514
Whoo-oo-oo-oo!
678
00:59:17,551 --> 00:59:20,304
Will you stop making those owl noises!
679
00:59:20,804 --> 00:59:23,307
- Sorry.
- Right. Now follow me.
680
00:59:24,058 --> 00:59:26,227
Aaaaaaaaarrrghhh!
681
00:59:28,396 --> 00:59:29,979
Rich! Rich!
682
00:59:31,648 --> 00:59:33,400
What happened?
683
00:59:33,436 --> 00:59:35,151
Candle in the eye.
684
00:59:35,443 --> 00:59:36,862
Pardon?
685
00:59:37,071 --> 00:59:38,947
Candle in the eye!
686
00:59:40,323 --> 00:59:41,743
Righto.
687
00:59:41,951 --> 00:59:43,827
Aaaaaaaarrrrrgghh!
688
00:59:50,083 --> 00:59:53,087
Stop it!
Stop... it! Stop it!
689
00:59:53,879 --> 00:59:55,589
Look... look...
690
00:59:56,048 --> 00:59:58,384
Uhh! Let's get sensible, OK?!
691
01:00:01,470 --> 01:00:03,556
Come on, it's this way.
692
01:00:08,519 --> 01:00:10,354
Here we are. Shh!
693
01:00:22,618 --> 01:00:25,788
Right, they're fast asleep.
Get your tackle out.
694
01:00:26,413 --> 01:00:28,144
I beg your pardon?
695
01:00:28,180 --> 01:00:29,876
Hand me your rod.
696
01:00:30,209 --> 01:00:32,420
- Huh?
- The fishing rod.
697
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:34,505
Oh! Righto.
698
01:00:43,764 --> 01:00:45,724
Here we go.
699
01:00:47,018 --> 01:00:48,310
Shh!
700
01:00:58,946 --> 01:01:00,574
Oh-oh-oh...!
701
01:01:04,911 --> 01:01:06,329
Got it.
702
01:01:18,466 --> 01:01:20,760
He's got a tight grip on it.
703
01:01:45,036 --> 01:01:46,580
Ah! Ooh...
704
01:01:47,205 --> 01:01:49,374
You're gonna have to help.
705
01:01:49,411 --> 01:01:51,084
Right you are.
706
01:01:53,170 --> 01:01:55,504
Cor! You got a whopper there.
707
01:01:56,422 --> 01:01:59,675
Why, thank you, Eddie.
Must be all the excitement.
708
01:02:03,471 --> 01:02:06,474
Oh, yeah...
Lady Diana, Princess of Wales...
709
01:02:08,893 --> 01:02:10,980
Smack me up, you bitch.
710
01:02:19,739 --> 01:02:21,615
Ooh! Ooh!
711
01:02:26,996 --> 01:02:28,664
Unh! Come on!
712
01:02:36,548 --> 01:02:37,799
Oh!
713
01:02:41,969 --> 01:02:43,554
Who's that?
714
01:02:43,597 --> 01:02:45,766
Someone ringing the doorbell.
715
01:02:45,802 --> 01:02:47,356
I think you're right.
716
01:02:47,392 --> 01:02:50,437
See what they want
before they wake everyone.
717
01:02:50,645 --> 01:02:53,899
And Eddie, if it's the police,
claim all responsibility.
718
01:02:53,936 --> 01:02:55,943
- Righto.
- Good man.
719
01:03:02,574 --> 01:03:04,660
I'm coming! I'm coming!
720
01:03:08,538 --> 01:03:10,165
Where's Gina Carbonara?!
721
01:03:10,201 --> 01:03:11,750
GINA! GINA!
722
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:21,635
It's, uh, just along here, room five...
723
01:03:23,179 --> 01:03:26,056
OK, now, bring me romantic supper for two
724
01:03:26,432 --> 01:03:28,564
and expensive bottle of champagne,
725
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:31,437
otherwise you are one dead motherfucker!
726
01:03:32,397 --> 01:03:36,068
Watch the language. We're trying
to keep this PG, all right?
727
01:03:36,735 --> 01:03:40,239
OK, excuse me, otherwise
you are one dead father-fucker!
728
01:03:42,698 --> 01:03:44,158
I tried.
729
01:03:52,459 --> 01:03:53,794
Gino!
730
01:03:55,171 --> 01:03:56,761
Si.
731
01:03:56,797 --> 01:04:00,051
So, why you not turn up
at the church-a yesterday?
732
01:04:03,303 --> 01:04:06,891
You are too famous not to come
to your own-a wedding! Eh?!
733
01:04:09,268 --> 01:04:12,564
Or is poor Gino,
from Sicily, your own-a country...
734
01:04:14,148 --> 01:04:16,693
is not a-good enough for you, huh?
735
01:04:17,402 --> 01:04:18,986
Is that it?
736
01:04:20,654 --> 01:04:22,406
Ah!
737
01:04:39,090 --> 01:04:40,508
Gina...
738
01:04:41,259 --> 01:04:43,511
You know why I didn't come.
739
01:04:44,513 --> 01:04:47,474
How can I know?
You never tell me anything.
740
01:04:48,308 --> 01:04:52,562
Because the night before the wedding
you sleep with all three bridesmaids.
741
01:04:54,272 --> 01:04:56,858
But at the time I wasn't-a married!
742
01:04:57,525 --> 01:04:59,403
I was a free Gino!
743
01:04:59,694 --> 01:05:01,948
Gina... Per favure, Gina...
744
01:05:02,949 --> 01:05:05,075
Gina... Gina... Amure...
745
01:05:07,829 --> 01:05:09,955
Gina, per favure, amure.
746
01:05:30,310 --> 01:05:31,648
Amore, bambina...
747
01:05:31,685 --> 01:05:35,690
I do not want-a to spend another
moment of my life without you, huh?
748
01:05:37,650 --> 01:05:40,569
Do you have-a your
wedding dress with you?
749
01:05:43,071 --> 01:05:45,950
Why don't you put it on for me, for Gino?
750
01:05:48,495 --> 01:05:50,914
So we can-a marry ourself, huh?
751
01:05:51,206 --> 01:05:53,334
Si!
752
01:05:53,917 --> 01:05:55,919
Room service!
753
01:06:02,050 --> 01:06:03,803
- Gino?
- Si?!
754
01:06:04,219 --> 01:06:05,554
Look.
755
01:06:06,930 --> 01:06:09,683
Yes, it's-a very beautiful.
Put it on!
756
01:06:13,979 --> 01:06:16,816
Do you know a nice bordello around here?
757
01:06:18,859 --> 01:06:22,698
You find-a me some pretty girls...
and put them in another room.
758
01:06:26,994 --> 01:06:28,495
He's bad!
759
01:06:31,332 --> 01:06:34,668
The boyfriend?
Why didn't she tell me he was coming?
760
01:06:41,092 --> 01:06:43,052
Ah... Leading me on.
761
01:06:44,886 --> 01:06:46,555
Brazen hussy.
762
01:06:48,138 --> 01:06:50,267
She was just using me...
763
01:06:51,393 --> 01:06:53,525
before she tied the knot.
764
01:06:53,562 --> 01:06:56,481
Just one last little bit
of love exercise.
765
01:06:58,984 --> 01:07:01,028
Which didn't come off.
766
01:07:02,237 --> 01:07:04,407
Like these blasted pants.
767
01:07:06,033 --> 01:07:08,369
Oh, that reminds me! Oh, God!
768
01:07:11,997 --> 01:07:13,750
Richie? Richie?
769
01:07:33,688 --> 01:07:35,690
Evening, Eddie!
770
01:07:36,399 --> 01:07:38,400
Oh, no. Friday night.
771
01:07:38,568 --> 01:07:40,695
Yep, another shift done!
772
01:07:40,736 --> 01:07:43,698
Sorry we're late.
Had a party at the plant.
773
01:07:44,531 --> 01:07:48,619
A leaving party. Well, someone on
B shift died, so technically it was!
774
01:08:40,172 --> 01:08:42,513
No, look, I'm sorry, but...
775
01:08:42,549 --> 01:08:45,511
The weekly lock-in
at Guest House Paradiso!
776
01:08:45,803 --> 01:08:49,598
All right, but it'll have to be
a quick one - we've got guests.
777
01:08:51,767 --> 01:08:53,686
You've got guests?!
778
01:09:06,950 --> 01:09:09,118
All right, what'll it be?
779
01:09:22,799 --> 01:09:24,509
I feel poorly.
780
01:09:27,012 --> 01:09:29,556
Dad! Dad! Dad! DAD!
Dad, wake up!
781
01:09:32,434 --> 01:09:34,937
- What is it, Damien?
- Darling?
782
01:09:35,145 --> 01:09:37,814
The nasty man!
He's in the cupboard!
783
01:09:38,941 --> 01:09:41,073
- What?
- The hotel man!
784
01:09:41,110 --> 01:09:43,821
You're just having a nightmare, darling.
785
01:09:43,857 --> 01:09:45,674
But he's in there!
786
01:09:45,710 --> 01:09:47,491
Come into bed with us.
787
01:09:47,616 --> 01:09:49,749
But he really is there...
788
01:09:49,785 --> 01:09:52,288
I'm sure you think he's in there.
789
01:09:56,293 --> 01:09:59,754
I've been having some nightmares
about that man myself.
790
01:10:12,017 --> 01:10:13,728
I feel poorly.
791
01:10:18,523 --> 01:10:22,526
Cor, I'm glad that shift's over -
they had to give me seven showers!
792
01:10:23,403 --> 01:10:25,906
We had a bit of a leak yesterday,
793
01:10:26,657 --> 01:10:29,618
had to burn all the dead fish
from the bay.
794
01:10:30,452 --> 01:10:32,621
You probably saw the lorries.
795
01:10:32,657 --> 01:10:34,331
- Shh!
- Mmm!
796
01:10:42,923 --> 01:10:44,508
Mama mia...
797
01:10:47,261 --> 01:10:49,263
You look-a beautiful.
798
01:11:25,217 --> 01:11:28,053
And I, Gino Guiseppe Gianluca Bolognese,
799
01:11:29,014 --> 01:11:31,682
take you, Gina Tortellini Carbonara,
800
01:11:34,435 --> 01:11:38,647
to be my lawful wedded wife, to love
and cherish me, to serve and obey me
801
01:11:40,941 --> 01:11:42,985
till death do us part.
802
01:11:43,110 --> 01:11:44,445
Amen.
803
01:11:55,580 --> 01:11:56,916
I do.
804
01:11:57,208 --> 01:11:59,377
I now pronounce us man...
805
01:12:02,629 --> 01:12:04,340
and his woman!
806
01:12:07,510 --> 01:12:09,472
No, Gino!
807
01:12:09,679 --> 01:12:11,270
No?! What do you mean?!
808
01:12:11,306 --> 01:12:14,602
You are my woman,
everything that is yours is mine!
809
01:12:36,248 --> 01:12:40,087
You bring-a shame and dishonour
to the whole-a Bolognese family!
810
01:13:01,190 --> 01:13:03,527
No sandwiches tonight, Eddie?
811
01:13:04,444 --> 01:13:05,821
Uh...
812
01:13:14,745 --> 01:13:16,915
Hello...? Night... porter.
813
01:13:22,338 --> 01:13:24,756
Where are the whores I ordered?
814
01:13:26,675 --> 01:13:28,844
I ordered three prostitutes!
815
01:13:28,881 --> 01:13:31,013
Send them to my room now.
816
01:13:35,893 --> 01:13:37,353
Huh? OK.
817
01:13:40,773 --> 01:13:42,775
Excuse me, gentlemen.
818
01:13:48,908 --> 01:13:50,867
Hello, night porter?
819
01:13:51,619 --> 01:13:53,208
Eddie, it's me.
820
01:13:53,245 --> 01:13:56,456
I'm stuck inside
the bedside cabinet in room six.
821
01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:00,584
OK. Won't be a minute, gents.
822
01:14:04,088 --> 01:14:06,633
I'll go and get us the sandwiches.
823
01:14:10,595 --> 01:14:13,349
All I want is what is rightfully mine!
824
01:14:14,934 --> 01:14:18,895
Gino! This was my mother's dress!
And my grandmother's before that.
825
01:14:20,898 --> 01:14:23,818
That's OK, bring them.
I'll fuck them too!
826
01:14:24,151 --> 01:14:26,070
I am one fucky guy!
827
01:14:48,009 --> 01:14:49,928
What are you doing?
828
01:14:50,178 --> 01:14:54,016
Sorry, hotel maintenance. I have
to remove this bedside cabinet.
829
01:14:54,517 --> 01:14:57,145
- What?
- Yes, it's... got woodworm.
830
01:14:57,769 --> 01:15:00,315
But it's the middle of the night.
831
01:15:01,024 --> 01:15:02,942
It's... a fire risk.
832
01:15:03,735 --> 01:15:05,402
No, it's not.
833
01:15:06,445 --> 01:15:08,030
Yes, it is.
834
01:15:11,324 --> 01:15:14,244
See what I mean?
You can't be too careful.
835
01:15:16,204 --> 01:15:18,373
Look, there it is, there!
836
01:15:30,302 --> 01:15:33,556
Thank you so much.
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
837
01:15:55,788 --> 01:15:58,290
Eddie! What have you been up to?!
838
01:15:58,499 --> 01:16:01,543
I've told you before
to never - ever - ever -
839
01:16:02,836 --> 01:16:06,340
service the rooms -
till the guests - are fully - awake!
840
01:16:08,259 --> 01:16:10,262
Aaaaaarrrrgh!
841
01:16:13,139 --> 01:16:14,807
I'm so sorry.
842
01:16:15,308 --> 01:16:17,351
You toddle off to bed,
843
01:16:17,477 --> 01:16:20,938
while I make sure
that Eddie doesn't trouble you again!
844
01:16:21,814 --> 01:16:24,212
No, no! That won't be necessary.
845
01:16:24,248 --> 01:16:26,610
Just don't disturb us again, please.
846
01:16:26,693 --> 01:16:28,987
We're checking out tomorrow.
847
01:16:36,454 --> 01:16:38,373
Oh, dear...
848
01:16:40,792 --> 01:16:42,543
And here it IS!
849
01:16:43,503 --> 01:16:45,046
Hur... rah.
850
01:16:45,672 --> 01:16:48,175
Eddie, all our troubles are over!
851
01:16:48,383 --> 01:16:50,968
- I'm not so sure, Richie!
- What?
852
01:16:51,095 --> 01:16:53,805
That fish, where did you get it from?
853
01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:56,517
No one ate any, did they?
854
01:16:56,553 --> 01:16:57,977
Er... no.
855
01:16:58,142 --> 01:17:00,771
Good, because it's highly dangerous.
856
01:17:00,854 --> 01:17:03,858
They must've come
from next to the meltdown!
857
01:17:04,108 --> 01:17:06,527
- Shut it!
- What is going on?
858
01:17:06,819 --> 01:17:09,489
I don't know where you got that fish,
859
01:17:10,072 --> 01:17:12,747
but this hotel
is now highly contaminated!
860
01:17:12,784 --> 01:17:16,079
Thank God no one ate any
or you'd be up for murder!
861
01:17:17,664 --> 01:17:21,459
You wanna clear this hotel
because this is not the end of this!
862
01:17:23,086 --> 01:17:25,755
This is big trouble if they find out!
863
01:17:26,339 --> 01:17:29,342
Why did you
shoot your mouth off like that?!
864
01:17:29,593 --> 01:17:31,636
We better get Z-Squad!
865
01:17:32,847 --> 01:17:35,016
How many guests had fish?
866
01:17:35,556 --> 01:17:37,184
All of them.
867
01:17:37,725 --> 01:17:40,770
Very well, let's pack our bags
and SKEDADDLE!
868
01:17:50,739 --> 01:17:52,365
What's that noise?
869
01:17:55,619 --> 01:17:57,413
Oh! Oh, Mr Twat!
870
01:17:58,872 --> 01:17:59,921
What is it?
871
01:17:59,957 --> 01:18:01,959
I feel rather... AUGH!
872
01:18:14,597 --> 01:18:16,641
Oh, Mr Twat, help m...
873
01:18:16,766 --> 01:18:18,810
Get back in your room!
874
01:18:25,984 --> 01:18:28,945
Where's my mummy?
I want my mummy!
875
01:18:29,237 --> 01:18:30,572
AUGH!
876
01:18:45,504 --> 01:18:47,132
Come on.
877
01:18:55,805 --> 01:18:57,307
Oh, damn.
878
01:19:04,481 --> 01:19:06,072
Oh, God...
879
01:19:06,109 --> 01:19:08,403
Please, my wife's very sick.
880
01:19:14,242 --> 01:19:17,162
- Timothy...
- I'm coming, darling. I'm...
881
01:19:26,713 --> 01:19:28,674
What have...
882
01:19:30,509 --> 01:19:32,260
Get me a doc...
883
01:19:34,847 --> 01:19:37,099
For God's sake, get me a...
884
01:19:40,269 --> 01:19:42,188
I can't...
885
01:19:45,149 --> 01:19:47,068
Get me a fucking...
886
01:19:49,487 --> 01:19:51,949
My wife is sick too...
887
01:19:55,994 --> 01:19:57,538
Oh, God...
888
01:20:01,415 --> 01:20:03,083
Oh, my God...
889
01:20:17,139 --> 01:20:19,558
It's coming again...
890
01:20:28,526 --> 01:20:30,446
This... is the time.
891
01:20:32,864 --> 01:20:34,324
BWEURRK!
892
01:20:35,576 --> 01:20:37,620
AUGH! BWEURK! BLEURGH!
893
01:20:38,287 --> 01:20:40,372
BLEURK! GLEURGH! AUGHH!
894
01:21:31,424 --> 01:21:32,473
No!
895
01:21:32,510 --> 01:21:35,053
Oh! I don't have anything to wear!
896
01:21:37,390 --> 01:21:39,724
Oh! That's where it went! Uh!
897
01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:43,145
Come on, Richie,
this is no time for dancing!
898
01:21:43,896 --> 01:21:45,398
Let's go!
899
01:21:45,522 --> 01:21:47,442
I... w-w-w-whoo! Oh!
900
01:21:47,691 --> 01:21:48,942
No!
901
01:22:33,780 --> 01:22:36,825
Help! Help!
You've got to get me out of here!
902
01:22:44,626 --> 01:22:46,251
Hey... Stop!
903
01:22:49,506 --> 01:22:51,048
Arrrrgh...
904
01:22:57,096 --> 01:22:58,556
Mmmnnnn!
905
01:23:11,194 --> 01:23:13,072
- Ahhh!
- Go! Go!
906
01:23:16,283 --> 01:23:17,868
Ahhh!
907
01:23:46,438 --> 01:23:49,109
All I wanted was a shaaaaaaag!
908
01:24:17,889 --> 01:24:21,266
You give me that suitcase
and I'll give you this one.
909
01:24:21,808 --> 01:24:23,478
What's in it?
910
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,106
10 million.
911
01:24:28,733 --> 01:24:29,984
OK.
912
01:24:34,697 --> 01:24:38,201
This case contains new identities
and passports for you.
913
01:24:39,035 --> 01:24:42,164
And first class plane tickets
to the Caribbean.
914
01:24:46,084 --> 01:24:47,419
OK...
915
01:24:52,590 --> 01:24:55,676
Sign here to say
you've never lived in England
916
01:24:56,386 --> 01:25:00,223
or heard the words "radioactive"
and "leak" then you can go.
917
01:25:00,723 --> 01:25:02,476
Shall we shake?
918
01:25:05,061 --> 01:25:06,813
I'd rather not.
919
01:25:45,729 --> 01:25:47,569
You have a very big hat.
920
01:25:47,605 --> 01:25:50,233
Well, you're a very attractive bird.
921
01:25:53,654 --> 01:25:55,656
Calm - down - Richie!
922
01:25:57,116 --> 01:25:59,410
He's got a tight grip on it.
923
01:26:00,369 --> 01:26:02,245
Candle in the eye!
924
01:26:03,622 --> 01:26:05,040
Righto.
925
01:26:05,249 --> 01:26:07,000
Aaaaaarrrggghh!
926
01:26:18,262 --> 01:26:20,973
Thank you for killing my awful boyfriend
927
01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:23,105
by radioactive fish poisoning.
928
01:26:23,142 --> 01:26:25,729
How lucky he was the only fatality.
929
01:26:25,854 --> 01:26:27,146
Yes.
930
01:26:27,479 --> 01:26:31,108
Otherwise there'd be a moral
question mark over our escape.
931
01:26:31,817 --> 01:26:34,362
I will never be able to repay you.
932
01:26:34,528 --> 01:26:37,406
Oh, I don't know.
It's my turn, isn't it?
933
01:26:38,324 --> 01:26:40,327
Yes, of course it is.
65196
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