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1
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:16,142
- Decoy? Decoy?
- I did warn you.
2
00:00:16,175 --> 00:00:17,846
After you threw me off the bike.
3
00:00:17,879 --> 00:00:20,250
So less a warning
than an assignment.
4
00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:22,421
God, I've always wanted to
throw him off something.
5
00:00:22,454 --> 00:00:24,291
- What's it like?
- Surprisingly easy.
6
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,630
You're easy! Wait, no.
7
00:00:26,663 --> 00:00:28,868
You're whatever's
sexually undesirable
8
00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:30,638
due to untrustworthiness.
9
00:00:30,671 --> 00:00:32,909
Like my tennis coach who,
turns out, is married.
10
00:00:32,942 --> 00:00:34,178
I don't see the problem.
11
00:00:34,211 --> 00:00:35,782
You still got away
from the police.
12
00:00:35,815 --> 00:00:38,219
And then got tranqed by the
international jewel thieves
13
00:00:38,252 --> 00:00:39,790
we're supposed to
be taking down.
14
00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:42,194
Yeah, and they didn't use
the good stuff either.
15
00:00:42,227 --> 00:00:45,200
My point is, this is
all part of the plan.
16
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:46,469
[dramatic music]
17
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:49,275
Yeah, and, um, what
part of the plan comes
18
00:00:49,308 --> 00:00:51,708
after being chained by our feet
to the ceiling of a sea cave?
19
00:00:53,416 --> 00:00:54,518
[Zara] The fun part.
20
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:59,362
[main title theme]
21
00:00:59,395 --> 00:01:00,056
? ?
22
00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:38,607
Easy, Lillian Leitzel.
23
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,312
Excuse me for not
wanting to die dangling.
24
00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:42,882
Oh, yeah, much better to die
25
00:01:42,915 --> 00:01:45,722
swinging back and forth
like a rummy old pi�ata.
26
00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:48,460
No one's going to die!
27
00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:50,932
But we will drown if we're
not free in a few minutes.
28
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:53,838
So, Zara, what
exactly is your plan?
29
00:01:53,871 --> 00:01:55,908
Because so far,
it's... [grunts]
30
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,946
Rob a probably innocent man,
31
00:01:57,979 --> 00:02:00,250
then rob a definitely
innocent museum...
32
00:02:00,283 --> 00:02:01,787
[grunts] Get tranquilized,
33
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:04,425
then hang upside down in a cave.
34
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,637
The plan's actually too intense
35
00:02:05,661 --> 00:02:07,006
for your aging
brain to understand,
36
00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:08,768
but we're waiting
on step 3 of 12.
37
00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:10,571
14, if they have guard dogs.
38
00:02:10,604 --> 00:02:11,807
Seriously? [grunts]
39
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,476
- Seriously?
- Problem?
40
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,615
"I have a plan, but
I can't share it,"
41
00:02:15,648 --> 00:02:18,253
is exactly what people say
when they don't have a plan
42
00:02:18,286 --> 00:02:19,488
and hope it all works out.
43
00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:20,558
Wonder why you know that.
44
00:02:20,591 --> 00:02:22,227
We all know why I know that!
45
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:24,498
The difference is, I
actually have a plan.
46
00:02:24,531 --> 00:02:26,002
- Trust me.
- I don't.
47
00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:27,504
You're a loose cannon.
48
00:02:27,537 --> 00:02:29,709
You're kind of also
a loose cannon, bud.
49
00:02:29,742 --> 00:02:32,448
Exactly, and you can't have
two loose cannons on one ship.
50
00:02:32,481 --> 00:02:33,651
They'd smash everything.
51
00:02:33,684 --> 00:02:35,387
Yeah, as opposed to
one loose cannon.
52
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,661
I feel like "loose cannon"
is never used as a positive.
53
00:02:38,694 --> 00:02:40,473
Really? Because people
call me one all the time.
54
00:02:40,497 --> 00:02:42,000
And you think
that's a compliment.
55
00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,536
- Obviously.
- [scoffs]
56
00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:45,373
And now we know you're
not the subtext cannon.
57
00:02:45,406 --> 00:02:46,944
Said the stupid cannon.
58
00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:49,515
New plan, and I can share it.
59
00:02:49,549 --> 00:02:50,751
I'm saving the day.
60
00:02:50,784 --> 00:02:52,387
[grunting]
61
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,759
"And why does that require
you to be barefoot?"
62
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:56,529
she asked, barely caring.
63
00:02:56,563 --> 00:02:58,801
It's not my feet.
It's my shoe.
64
00:02:58,834 --> 00:03:01,372
I made Krieger install
an emergency phone
65
00:03:01,405 --> 00:03:03,644
- the week I joined the agency.
- Ugh. Why?
66
00:03:03,677 --> 00:03:05,681
Because it felt like
something a spy would have!
67
00:03:05,714 --> 00:03:08,319
[grunting] And
guess what. It is.
68
00:03:08,352 --> 00:03:09,856
- Because I have it.
- [line rings]
69
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:12,528
[phone rings]
70
00:03:12,562 --> 00:03:14,532
Well, you're finally
using the shoe phone.
71
00:03:14,566 --> 00:03:16,737
It's about time. Does it stink?
72
00:03:16,770 --> 00:03:18,641
Shut up, Krieger.
Listen, trace my call.
73
00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:21,312
The moron Interpol
agent got us captured.
74
00:03:21,345 --> 00:03:24,653
Well, according to your shoe,
you're on an island in Greece.
75
00:03:24,686 --> 00:03:26,455
Ooh, also according
to your shoe,
76
00:03:26,488 --> 00:03:27,725
you're pigeon-toed.
77
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:29,596
- We're in Greece?
- Jelly.
78
00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:30,765
So anything else?
79
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:32,401
Organize a rescue, God damn it!
80
00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,637
Oh, shit.
81
00:03:33,670 --> 00:03:36,810
Congratulations on
your daring robberies.
82
00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:39,348
You have the attention
of the Vanguard.
83
00:03:39,381 --> 00:03:41,553
But we only need one new member,
84
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:44,826
so we will let the tide decide.
85
00:03:44,859 --> 00:03:47,030
I'll be back in an hour.
86
00:03:47,063 --> 00:03:48,868
You forgot to say,
"Any questions?"
87
00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:50,503
To which I would say, "Lots."
88
00:03:50,536 --> 00:03:52,709
Like, do you wash these
chains between guests?
89
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,948
Because salt water isn't
enough to get them clean.
90
00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:59,388
Oh, please, salt water
works fine on blood.
91
00:03:59,421 --> 00:04:01,560
It's rust you gotta worry about.
92
00:04:01,593 --> 00:04:03,096
[tense music]
93
00:04:03,129 --> 00:04:04,599
[Zara grunting]
94
00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,703
- Ahh.
- Damn.
95
00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:08,106
Way to go, Zara.
96
00:04:08,139 --> 00:04:09,609
Ah! [gasps]
97
00:04:09,642 --> 00:04:11,021
You couldn't have
done that earlier?
98
00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:12,882
Like before I got this
inversion erection?
99
00:04:12,915 --> 00:04:14,060
I don't think that's a thing.
100
00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:16,122
Then explain why I have one!
101
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,393
Step three was waiting
for them to leave us alone
102
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,598
so we'd have more time to
infiltrate the facility.
103
00:04:20,631 --> 00:04:22,635
[gasps] There
was a step three!
104
00:04:22,668 --> 00:04:24,038
No, there wasn't!
105
00:04:24,071 --> 00:04:26,375
She's just doing things
and calling them steps.
106
00:04:26,408 --> 00:04:28,012
- Says the guy doing nothing.
- Am I?
107
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:30,116
Or am I on step one
of kicking your ass?
108
00:04:30,149 --> 00:04:31,787
Eh, still looks like nothing.
109
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:32,931
Do you want me to get you down?
110
00:04:32,955 --> 00:04:34,391
No. Like my erection,
111
00:04:34,424 --> 00:04:35,895
I will handle this myself.
112
00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:38,032
Look, our goal is to take
down the Vanguard leader,
113
00:04:38,065 --> 00:04:40,771
but he never leaves Vanguard's
secret island headquarters,
114
00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:43,142
and the only way to get
here was to be recruited.
115
00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:45,146
But now we're locked in
a quickly flooding cave.
116
00:04:45,179 --> 00:04:47,150
Are we?
117
00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:48,486
[gasps] Was that...
118
00:04:48,519 --> 00:04:50,725
- Step four, baby.
- Not a step.
119
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,169
See you after we
accomplish the mission!
120
00:04:52,193 --> 00:04:53,797
Not if I see you first
121
00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:56,937
but after I accomplish
the mission with my plan.
122
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:57,981
[Zara] Yeah, good
luck with that.
123
00:04:58,005 --> 00:05:01,045
She said with obvious jealousy.
124
00:05:01,078 --> 00:05:03,016
Okay, my plan.
125
00:05:03,049 --> 00:05:05,086
[slowly] My plan,
126
00:05:05,119 --> 00:05:09,829
of which step one is...
127
00:05:09,862 --> 00:05:12,869
[laughs] Utilize
a friendly turtle!
128
00:05:12,902 --> 00:05:15,507
Which takes us to step two.
129
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,177
Thoughts?
130
00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:18,914
I've got good news
and bad news, people.
131
00:05:18,947 --> 00:05:21,185
[gasps] What
about spooky news?
132
00:05:21,218 --> 00:05:23,657
Ooh, you never hear
about spooky news.
133
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,962
- Right?
- Ugh, tell me the bad news.
134
00:05:25,995 --> 00:05:28,166
Well, the good news is, the
shoe phone worked great.
135
00:05:28,199 --> 00:05:30,136
And it gives me hope
for my next invention,
136
00:05:30,169 --> 00:05:31,907
the brain parasite phone.
137
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,610
Krieger, the bad news.
138
00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:35,080
- The team was captured.
- What?
139
00:05:35,113 --> 00:05:36,850
Oh, wait, there's
more good news.
140
00:05:36,883 --> 00:05:38,086
They're in Greece.
141
00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,756
How is that good news?
142
00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:41,593
Duh. It's olive season.
143
00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:42,829
Okay, we have to rescue them.
144
00:05:42,862 --> 00:05:44,007
You're all back on field duty.
145
00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:45,801
Aww. Okay.
146
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:47,839
Ugh, I guess I'll get my knives.
147
00:05:47,872 --> 00:05:50,010
Wait, how are we gonna get
there on such short notice?
148
00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:51,880
You gave away the private plane.
149
00:05:51,913 --> 00:05:54,184
I gave away Robert's plane
because we don't need it
150
00:05:54,217 --> 00:05:56,188
or him or his stupid money.
151
00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:58,159
There are other ways to travel.
152
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,497
- [grunting]
- Four to Athens, please.
153
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:02,034
No, I don't wanna
check my knives.
154
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:05,206
I wanna carry them on the
plane like a normal person!
155
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,645
Hey, Cyril, they still allow
156
00:06:07,678 --> 00:06:09,949
biological weapons
on planes, right?
157
00:06:09,982 --> 00:06:11,653
What? No!
158
00:06:11,686 --> 00:06:13,189
- Oh, really?
- [Cheryl grunting]
159
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:14,693
Well, I'll be right back.
160
00:06:14,726 --> 00:06:15,961
[Cheryl grunts]
161
00:06:17,932 --> 00:06:19,168
I gotta say, Shelly,
162
00:06:19,201 --> 00:06:20,971
for a slow,
inevitable death jail,
163
00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:22,775
this sea cave is
pretty peaceful.
164
00:06:22,808 --> 00:06:24,044
[turtle squeaking]
165
00:06:24,077 --> 00:06:25,648
But a way out would be nice.
166
00:06:25,681 --> 00:06:26,950
[Pavle] Where are the others?
167
00:06:26,983 --> 00:06:28,119
Sharks?
168
00:06:28,152 --> 00:06:29,956
There are no sharks in Greece.
169
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,593
There's sharks in the ocean.
170
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:33,062
All the oceans are connected.
171
00:06:33,095 --> 00:06:34,775
You're telling me a shark
couldn't get to Greece?
172
00:06:34,799 --> 00:06:37,972
And get into this
particular sea cave?
173
00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:39,676
Yeah, you've got a point there.
174
00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:42,615
- [grunts]
- [spluttering]
175
00:06:42,648 --> 00:06:43,984
[dramatic music]
176
00:06:44,017 --> 00:06:45,654
Relax. I'm just trying
to get your keys.
177
00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:47,558
But if you keep struggling...
178
00:06:47,591 --> 00:06:49,729
[Pavle's spluttering stops]
179
00:06:49,762 --> 00:06:51,767
Hang on. Did you
already drown?
180
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,036
It's been, like, ten seconds.
181
00:06:53,069 --> 00:06:54,873
Uh, note to Vanguard:
182
00:06:54,906 --> 00:06:56,652
the guy guarding the water
jail should probably have
183
00:06:56,676 --> 00:06:57,756
bigger lungs than a canary.
184
00:06:59,047 --> 00:07:00,651
Take care, Shelly.
185
00:07:00,684 --> 00:07:03,757
And sorry for killing
that guy in your cave.
186
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:08,199
Vanguard leader,
come out to play!
187
00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:09,602
[Zara] Move, asshole.
188
00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,238
Oh, hey! You didn't drown.
189
00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:13,076
And I drowned someone else.
190
00:07:13,109 --> 00:07:15,815
It's called going
above and beyond, Zara.
191
00:07:15,848 --> 00:07:17,618
Well, we're on step eight.
192
00:07:17,651 --> 00:07:19,589
See this guy's
face? Step seven.
193
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,660
Well, call me Saul of Tarsus.
194
00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:23,697
Why, are you blinding
magicians now?
195
00:07:23,730 --> 00:07:25,768
No, you [scoffs] I'm a convert!
196
00:07:25,801 --> 00:07:27,070
This woman has a plan.
197
00:07:27,103 --> 00:07:28,874
She's like you, Archer,
198
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,880
if all the chaos and explosions
and deaths were intentional.
199
00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:33,550
Everything I do is intentional.
200
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,862
Remember when I
crashed a space shuttle
201
00:07:34,886 --> 00:07:36,021
and Ray was paralyzed?
202
00:07:36,054 --> 00:07:37,792
- Vaguely.
- Exactly.
203
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,027
"Exactly" what?
204
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:41,098
- He's even better now.
- Says who?
205
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:42,944
Well, if you're not, you
should've said something.
206
00:07:42,968 --> 00:07:45,674
I complain literally
all the time!
207
00:07:45,707 --> 00:07:47,879
Anyway, I'm gonna keep
going on with the mission.
208
00:07:47,912 --> 00:07:49,047
- Ha!
- [groans]
209
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,818
[tense music]
210
00:07:50,851 --> 00:07:52,254
Tell me where your boss is,
211
00:07:52,287 --> 00:07:54,826
or I will give
you a bright idea.
212
00:07:54,859 --> 00:07:56,730
Because of the light
bulb in his brain.
213
00:07:56,763 --> 00:07:58,934
- Nice.
- [grunts] What boss?
214
00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:01,105
Your boss. The leader.
215
00:08:01,138 --> 00:08:02,909
Of the Vanguard.
216
00:08:02,942 --> 00:08:04,879
The Vanguard has no leader.
217
00:08:04,912 --> 00:08:06,650
[laughs] What step is learning
218
00:08:06,683 --> 00:08:07,818
your plan doesn't work?
219
00:08:09,287 --> 00:08:11,291
But obviously, this is
bad for the mission.
220
00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:17,170
Uh, getting dark in here.
221
00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:19,642
- Yeah, two ways.
- [Vanguard member wheezing]
222
00:08:19,675 --> 00:08:21,613
What do you mean the
Vanguard has no leader?
223
00:08:21,646 --> 00:08:23,617
We're nonhierarchical.
224
00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:24,886
Everyone is the leader.
225
00:08:24,919 --> 00:08:26,255
To wipe out the Vanguard,
226
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,760
you have to kill all 61 members.
227
00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:31,298
Technically 60. I
accidentally drowned a guy.
228
00:08:31,331 --> 00:08:33,770
Maybe you know him? Bald?
Lungs like a baby bird?
229
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:36,743
- [yells]
- [grunting]
230
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:39,148
Damn! And damn.
231
00:08:39,181 --> 00:08:41,786
- 59. So we're tied.
- Not for long.
232
00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:43,991
- It's not a contest!
- But it could be.
233
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,928
We've got a lot of
Vanguard to take out.
234
00:08:45,961 --> 00:08:48,399
And an odd number. You
know, to avoid ties.
235
00:08:48,432 --> 00:08:50,203
Yeah, 'cause that's the
most important thing
236
00:08:50,236 --> 00:08:51,673
in a murder contest.
237
00:08:51,706 --> 00:08:53,677
The murders were accidents, Ray.
238
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:56,182
- This will be more like...
- A concussion contest.
239
00:08:56,215 --> 00:08:58,319
Exactly, but never
finish my sentence again.
240
00:08:58,352 --> 00:08:59,756
It's on.
241
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,067
Whoever knocks out
the most guards
242
00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:02,762
is officially the
loosest cannon.
243
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:04,766
- Loser is...
- A normal lady cannon?
244
00:09:04,799 --> 00:09:06,335
If that's the label you prefer.
245
00:09:06,368 --> 00:09:08,406
[wheezing]
246
00:09:08,439 --> 00:09:09,909
Wait, you're okay?
247
00:09:09,942 --> 00:09:12,047
[grunting]
248
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,084
Nope. So that's two me, and...
249
00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,688
All the rest me!
250
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,092
Oh, good, another
mission based on spite.
251
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,896
I know!
252
00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:21,432
Wait, was that sarcasm?
253
00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:22,835
[Lana] I'm thrilled.
254
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:24,839
A rescue mission on
a commercial plane
255
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,108
with checked guns
256
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:27,678
to save agents who
failed to accomplish
257
00:09:27,711 --> 00:09:29,214
our first mission for Interpol,
258
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:31,887
thus putting the entire future
of this agency in jeopardy.
259
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,422
Also, the moron in front of me
260
00:09:33,455 --> 00:09:35,326
leaned his seat
all the way back!
261
00:09:35,359 --> 00:09:38,165
Hey, I'm just exercising
my right to recline.
262
00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,069
And your right to suck.
263
00:09:40,102 --> 00:09:41,773
I am calling the
flight attendant.
264
00:09:41,806 --> 00:09:44,378
Fine, go crying to your sky mom.
265
00:09:44,411 --> 00:09:46,124
I just wanted to do things
differently, you know,
266
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:47,393
be the steady hand
in the office,
267
00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:48,820
but instead, here I am,
268
00:09:48,853 --> 00:09:50,198
first mission in charge,
back in the field.
269
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:51,458
Maybe I can't leave.
270
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,204
I mean, Archer doesn't
work well on his own.
271
00:09:53,228 --> 00:09:54,966
- Are you okay?
- No.
272
00:09:54,999 --> 00:09:57,137
My submarine has
bigger seats than this!
273
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:59,976
I asked you to charter
us a private plane.
274
00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:02,214
And I thought flying
commercial would be funny!
275
00:10:02,247 --> 00:10:04,218
They actually give you peanuts.
276
00:10:04,251 --> 00:10:06,255
I thought that was some
kind of weird joke.
277
00:10:06,288 --> 00:10:08,392
Five perfectly good bioweapons
278
00:10:08,425 --> 00:10:10,129
thrown in a public trash can.
279
00:10:10,162 --> 00:10:12,735
They should be in a
terrorist's trash can!
280
00:10:12,768 --> 00:10:15,340
Stop saying those
words on a plane.
281
00:10:15,373 --> 00:10:17,077
Sir, I'm gonna need you
282
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:19,014
to come with me to
the back of the plane.
283
00:10:19,047 --> 00:10:20,951
Ooh, upgrade.
284
00:10:20,984 --> 00:10:23,122
[grunting]
285
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,894
I'll save your
peanuts for later.
286
00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:29,034
[dramatic music]
287
00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:31,038
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you
gonna knock him out?
288
00:10:31,071 --> 00:10:32,440
No. [grunts]
289
00:10:32,473 --> 00:10:34,511
I was going to knock him out.
290
00:10:34,545 --> 00:10:36,215
So you won't mind
if I go after...
291
00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:39,021
[grunting]
292
00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:41,225
The slowest, sickest guard
on some future mission?
293
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:43,897
Not at all.
294
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:46,302
You know, in a weird,
accidental way,
295
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:47,872
they're kind of a good team.
296
00:10:47,905 --> 00:10:49,308
[guard groans]
297
00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:50,002
? ?
298
00:11:00,363 --> 00:11:03,336
Yeah, they're a regular
Farrell and Balanchine.
299
00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:05,473
Yeah, including the
awkward age gap.
300
00:11:05,506 --> 00:11:06,943
[both grunt]
301
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,181
Call it a tie?
302
00:11:09,214 --> 00:11:11,018
Hey, he was already unconscious!
303
00:11:11,051 --> 00:11:12,922
And excessive force
is the tiebreaker.
304
00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:15,460
Point Archer, which means...
305
00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:18,767
- [silverware clatters]
- I'm winning.
306
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,140
Damn, you guys have a cafeteria?
307
00:11:22,173 --> 00:11:24,946
[sighs] We have to
pay for our meals.
308
00:11:24,979 --> 00:11:27,083
I'm just saying, if
the choice was between
309
00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:29,555
eating this meal and
the plane crashing,
310
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,826
I would choose the plane crash.
311
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:35,500
The chicken is very good.
My compliments to the chef.
312
00:11:35,533 --> 00:11:37,972
Any chance the captain
could speed this flight up?
313
00:11:38,005 --> 00:11:39,307
We're in a bit of a rush.
314
00:11:41,144 --> 00:11:43,449
Maybe stepping up to run the
agency was the wrong move.
315
00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:45,062
I mean, I thought being
in the office would be
316
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:46,556
better for AJ, but
not if I end up
317
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:49,094
in the field every mission,
and Cheryl, I need you to stop.
318
00:11:49,127 --> 00:11:51,165
[screams] I need more room!
319
00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:52,935
This is like a plane for bugs!
320
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:54,839
Ma'am, just a reminder
321
00:11:54,872 --> 00:11:57,177
that the captain has turned
on the fasten seat belt sign.
322
00:11:57,210 --> 00:11:59,381
Just a reminder
that I don't care.
323
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,586
Ma'am, I need you to calm down.
324
00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:03,990
You are alarming the
other passengers.
325
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,193
Well, they should be alarmed,
326
00:12:05,226 --> 00:12:06,204
because I'm gonna buy this plane
327
00:12:06,228 --> 00:12:07,339
and crash it into the ground
328
00:12:07,363 --> 00:12:09,101
where all the other
poor people live.
329
00:12:09,134 --> 00:12:12,006
The sky is for the
rich, you fucking bugs!
330
00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:15,079
[muffled shouting]
331
00:12:15,112 --> 00:12:18,085
[all grunting]
332
00:12:18,118 --> 00:12:18,779
? ?
333
00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:26,068
-[sighs] 25.
334
00:12:26,101 --> 00:12:27,270
21.
335
00:12:27,303 --> 00:12:29,341
26 and 27.
336
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,345
Ugh, 21 again.
337
00:12:31,378 --> 00:12:34,017
- [both grunting]
- Get your own.
338
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:36,890
I'm not the one who needs
to lay off the carbs.
339
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,027
Ha! Oh, now we're
body-shaming?
340
00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:42,033
Call it body-constructive
criticism.
341
00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:44,504
Same side, assholes!
342
00:12:44,537 --> 00:12:46,308
[grunts]
343
00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:47,845
- Pam, stop.
- What?
344
00:12:47,878 --> 00:12:49,090
We need an odd number of guards.
345
00:12:49,114 --> 00:12:51,251
If you knock one out,
Zara and I might tie.
346
00:12:51,284 --> 00:12:53,857
Come on. Seriously?
347
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:56,028
[alarm blaring]
348
00:12:56,061 --> 00:12:58,900
Hey, uh, before we do
this, one question.
349
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,536
Is anyone out sick today?
350
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:04,645
[gunfire]
351
00:13:04,678 --> 00:13:07,383
What is happening? We
landed an hour ago.
352
00:13:07,416 --> 00:13:08,519
Excuse me.
353
00:13:08,553 --> 00:13:10,289
Lana, we're not supposed
354
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:12,460
to take off our seat belts
until we're at the gate.
355
00:13:12,493 --> 00:13:13,930
And the gate is right there.
356
00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:15,543
Do they not know this
is a rescue mission?
357
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:18,339
On a commercial flight?
Huh. How would they not?
358
00:13:18,372 --> 00:13:19,609
Are they leaving?
359
00:13:19,642 --> 00:13:21,478
Hey! Hey!
360
00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:23,583
You have a plane
full of people here!
361
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:26,121
Ma'am, it's not
yet safe to stand.
362
00:13:26,154 --> 00:13:28,192
Oh, not safe? Why?
363
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,931
Are we in danger of running
into one of the zero employees
364
00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:32,167
currently helping out there?
365
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,672
- Ma'am...
- Oh, do not "ma'am" me.
366
00:13:34,705 --> 00:13:36,943
I have jumped out of
planes over war zones
367
00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:38,914
with a parachute
made from a negligee.
368
00:13:38,947 --> 00:13:40,459
I think I'll be fine
crossing the tarmac
369
00:13:40,483 --> 00:13:42,420
at Baklava
International Airport.
370
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:43,966
Don't you dare come
at me with that ta...
371
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,593
[taser buzzing] [groaning]
372
00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:49,969
[all grunting]
373
00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:52,708
Ah, will you look at
that? An eye massager.
374
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:55,547
What'll they think of next?
375
00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:56,549
[yelps]
376
00:13:56,582 --> 00:13:58,586
[gunfire]
377
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:04,097
[all grunting]
378
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:05,166
How many is that?
379
00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:07,237
Uh, little busy avoiding death
380
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:08,607
and not being able
to fight back.
381
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,579
Well, I count 30!
382
00:14:11,612 --> 00:14:12,948
Same.
383
00:14:12,981 --> 00:14:14,384
? ?
384
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:15,988
Ah! Damn it!
385
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,625
[Zara grunting]
386
00:14:17,658 --> 00:14:20,196
- Seriously?
- That face belongs to my fist!
387
00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:21,465
I could also just leave.
388
00:14:21,498 --> 00:14:22,500
[both] No!
389
00:14:22,533 --> 00:14:25,372
[both grunting]
390
00:14:27,276 --> 00:14:30,316
50 on Archer, but 20 on Zara
to break one of his arms.
391
00:14:30,349 --> 00:14:32,621
Ugh, who puts olives in lasagna?
392
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:33,657
They are in season.
393
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:37,665
? ?
394
00:14:37,698 --> 00:14:39,367
- [gunshot]
- Enough.
395
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,071
Uh, can whatever this is wait
396
00:14:41,104 --> 00:14:43,008
until I knock out
this terrified man?
397
00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:44,545
I'm afraid not.
398
00:14:44,578 --> 00:14:47,383
I'm the Warden, leader
of the Vanguard.
399
00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,154
- Wha...
- Ugh!
400
00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,158
Sorry, it's not you.
401
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,596
It's just, now there
is an even number.
402
00:14:58,338 --> 00:15:01,411
Look at us. Tied
with our own zips.
403
00:15:01,444 --> 00:15:03,583
Ugh, don't remind
me... of the tie.
404
00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:05,286
It's 30 to 30.
405
00:15:05,319 --> 00:15:07,432
Is that seriously what you're
thinking about right now?
406
00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:09,327
I mean... yes?
407
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,198
You know, I'm beginning to think
408
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:14,037
you're not aspiring
new recruits.
409
00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:16,141
We are, but she's a spy.
410
00:15:16,174 --> 00:15:18,078
Ugh, we're all spies.
411
00:15:18,111 --> 00:15:19,414
Is this still part of your plan?
412
00:15:19,447 --> 00:15:21,553
"Plan" in massive air quotes.
413
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:24,291
Pretty sure y'all's little
competition derailed the plan.
414
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,028
- Or did it?
- It did.
415
00:15:26,061 --> 00:15:27,463
- I derailed you.
- Ha!
416
00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:29,467
So you admit there
was a plan to derail.
417
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,238
No! Uh, shit. Hang on, I...
418
00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:33,042
- [gunshot]
- [groaning]
419
00:15:33,075 --> 00:15:34,511
Do I have your attention?
420
00:15:34,545 --> 00:15:35,581
Not really, no.
421
00:15:35,614 --> 00:15:37,016
- [gunshot]
- [screams]
422
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:38,194
Have you ever heard
that you catch
423
00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:39,555
more flies with honey?
424
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:41,593
- [gunshot]
- Oh, right in the same hole!
425
00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:43,329
[wheezing] Probably just luck.
426
00:15:43,362 --> 00:15:44,431
- [gunshot]
- Oh!
427
00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:46,201
[wheezing] It's not luck.
428
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,472
Same hole again.
This guy's good.
429
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:50,509
Okay. You have his attention.
430
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:53,115
Still can't believe you're
not nonhierarchical.
431
00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:55,186
A lie for my protection.
432
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:57,323
If no one believes
there's a leader,
433
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,494
there's no leader to find.
434
00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:01,365
But, you know, someone
has to write the checks
435
00:16:01,398 --> 00:16:03,135
and decide which
holidays to take off.
436
00:16:03,168 --> 00:16:04,672
Oh, we've got someone like that.
437
00:16:04,705 --> 00:16:06,375
She's, uh, new at the job,
438
00:16:06,408 --> 00:16:08,479
but feel confident
saying she's bad at it.
439
00:16:08,512 --> 00:16:10,584
It's certainly not going to help
440
00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:13,355
that she's lost an entire team.
441
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:15,661
[high-pitched] What?
What? What? What?
442
00:16:15,694 --> 00:16:18,365
Why tie us up if you're just
gonna shoot us right way?
443
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,771
Why give 60 men concussions?
444
00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:23,810
You have your process,
and I have mine.
445
00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:26,348
Wait! Are you really the
leader of the Vanguard?
446
00:16:26,381 --> 00:16:27,685
- Yes.
- But really?
447
00:16:27,718 --> 00:16:28,820
Really, really?
448
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,657
- [sighs] Yes.
- Great.
449
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,226
[gunshot]
450
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,563
What the hell just happened?
451
00:16:33,596 --> 00:16:35,533
- [gasps] Is that...
- [Zara] Step 12.
452
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:36,836
Archer has a shoe phone.
453
00:16:36,869 --> 00:16:38,305
I have a shoe gun.
454
00:16:38,338 --> 00:16:39,642
Seems more useful.
455
00:16:39,675 --> 00:16:43,382
Oh, also, that's
31 to 30, so I win.
456
00:16:43,415 --> 00:16:44,785
Step 12?
457
00:16:44,818 --> 00:16:47,791
I thought we were
still on step nine!
458
00:16:47,824 --> 00:16:50,831
Zara, I'm gonna tell you
what I told the dry cleaner
459
00:16:50,864 --> 00:16:53,168
who got yuzu off my yukata:
460
00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:54,404
you might be a genius.
461
00:16:54,437 --> 00:16:55,807
Yeah, you might...
462
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,319
- [alarm blaring]
- [female voice] Warden down.
463
00:16:57,343 --> 00:17:00,817
Vanguard base to
self-destruct in five minutes.
464
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:03,857
The base explodes
if the Warden dies?
465
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:07,196
Does the new leader have to
build a completely new base?
466
00:17:07,229 --> 00:17:08,600
I'm a little more concerned
467
00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:10,436
about how we're
all tied to chairs
468
00:17:10,469 --> 00:17:12,574
in a building that's
about to explode.
469
00:17:12,607 --> 00:17:14,812
So, genius, what part
of the plan is this?
470
00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:16,281
Technically, the
plan only went up
471
00:17:16,314 --> 00:17:17,818
to killing the leader
of the Vanguard,
472
00:17:17,851 --> 00:17:21,291
so I guess the plan is to
blow up in five minutes.
473
00:17:21,324 --> 00:17:22,561
New plan. [grunts]
474
00:17:22,594 --> 00:17:24,665
Hope that the shoe
phones are waterproof.
475
00:17:24,698 --> 00:17:25,667
[grunts]
476
00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:28,873
- Archer.
- You'll have to speak up.
477
00:17:28,906 --> 00:17:31,311
I'm calling on a
long-distance shoe.
478
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:32,590
[Lana] We'll be there
in five minutes.
479
00:17:32,614 --> 00:17:33,859
[Krieger] Although,
full disclosure,
480
00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,453
the airline lost our bags,
481
00:17:35,486 --> 00:17:37,891
so we don't have any
weapons or beach clothes.
482
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,762
Uh, additional full disclosure,
483
00:17:39,795 --> 00:17:41,465
we're blowing up
in four minutes.
484
00:17:41,498 --> 00:17:42,500
- What?
- Okay, tell them
485
00:17:42,533 --> 00:17:43,737
we have one knife.
486
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,306
Oh, where did you get that?
487
00:17:45,339 --> 00:17:47,377
- Uh, I brought it?
- On the plane?
488
00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:48,580
It's ceramic.
489
00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:50,349
[Archer] Lana, in
case we explode,
490
00:17:50,382 --> 00:17:52,721
I want you to know,
I've never respected...
491
00:17:52,754 --> 00:17:54,324
- [line beeps]
- Archer? Archer.
492
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:55,727
The battery must be dead.
493
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,865
I told him I could've
fit more batteries
494
00:17:57,898 --> 00:17:59,568
in a kitten heel.
495
00:18:00,336 --> 00:18:02,574
On the bright side, now
that we're tied to chairs
496
00:18:02,607 --> 00:18:04,177
instead of a cave ceiling,
497
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:06,883
I can move close
enough to do this.
498
00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:09,487
[laughs] Do what?
Kick the air near me?
499
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,857
You know that wasn't my intent!
500
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,360
Fight toward an exit.
501
00:18:12,393 --> 00:18:14,197
We've got three minutes.
502
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:15,466
[sighs]
503
00:18:15,499 --> 00:18:17,236
All you'd have to
do is sit here,
504
00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:20,644
and you'd never have to deal
with any of them ever again.
505
00:18:20,677 --> 00:18:22,346
[alarm blaring]
506
00:18:22,379 --> 00:18:24,451
And miss all that good TV?
507
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:25,921
[chuckling] No.
508
00:18:25,954 --> 00:18:29,394
? ?
509
00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:31,264
- Whoa!
- [grunting]
510
00:18:31,297 --> 00:18:34,270
[all grunting]
511
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:34,964
? ?
512
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,220
[chair clattering]
513
00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:44,959
[Archer groaning]
514
00:18:44,992 --> 00:18:47,931
[both grunting]
515
00:18:49,735 --> 00:18:51,238
Just let me go first!
516
00:18:51,271 --> 00:18:52,708
[grunts] I'd rather die.
517
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:53,910
You're about to.
518
00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:55,814
You don't know my
explosion tolerance!
519
00:18:55,847 --> 00:18:57,617
Grudge later, you dicks.
520
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,694
Oh, thank God. I'm
so glad to see you.
521
00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:04,799
[screams]
522
00:19:04,832 --> 00:19:07,503
31! We tied.
523
00:19:09,675 --> 00:19:11,813
Oh, thank God.
We're not too late.
524
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,817
[explosion booms]
525
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:16,589
Not too late for what, s'mores?
526
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,459
[Cyril] Oh, my God.
527
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,429
They're... they're gone.
528
00:19:20,462 --> 00:19:22,300
They're... they're really gone.
529
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:24,437
If we can find even
a shred of DNA,
530
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,408
I can bring them back.
531
00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:27,878
In the bodies of dogs.
532
00:19:27,911 --> 00:19:29,514
Any dog you want.
533
00:19:29,548 --> 00:19:31,686
Collies, Labradors, pugs.
534
00:19:31,719 --> 00:19:32,855
Look!
535
00:19:32,888 --> 00:19:33,549
? ?
536
00:19:43,576 --> 00:19:45,412
How do I keep forgetting
I can do that?
537
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,625
Because you don't want
to admit to yourself
538
00:19:46,649 --> 00:19:47,885
that you're an abomination?
539
00:19:47,918 --> 00:19:49,955
Oh, there it is.
540
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:51,959
- Lana Kane.
- Zara Kahn.
541
00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:53,830
So the leader of the
Vanguard is dead.
542
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,466
Their facility is destroyed.
543
00:19:55,499 --> 00:19:56,778
I believe Interpol
would consider that
544
00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:57,905
a mission accomplished.
545
00:19:57,938 --> 00:19:59,575
Congratulations.
546
00:19:59,608 --> 00:20:02,548
And better luck next
time, lady cannon.
547
00:20:02,581 --> 00:20:04,819
Uh, more like same
luck this time.
548
00:20:04,852 --> 00:20:05,996
I got the final
guard on the way out,
549
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:07,991
which means we tied.
What do you say to that?
550
00:20:08,024 --> 00:20:10,564
Step 5B: provide a
metaphorical fig leaf
551
00:20:10,597 --> 00:20:12,568
for your limp, wilting ego.
552
00:20:12,601 --> 00:20:15,306
[gasps] There were sub-steps?
553
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,376
There were sub-steps.
554
00:20:17,409 --> 00:20:19,480
Uh, what's happening
on this mission?
555
00:20:19,513 --> 00:20:22,019
A commercial airline
made a powerful enemy.
556
00:20:22,052 --> 00:20:23,756
Your attitude was
tanking the mission,
557
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,459
so I gave you a goal
to get you in line.
558
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:26,929
It's not a contest!
559
00:20:26,962 --> 00:20:28,766
But it could be.
560
00:20:28,799 --> 00:20:30,879
You thought you were proving
you were a loose cannon.
561
00:20:30,904 --> 00:20:33,776
I had you tied down
the whole time.
562
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:36,481
No, that's... I... this doesn't
make you the loose cannon!
563
00:20:36,514 --> 00:20:37,985
Oh, I'm not a loose cannon.
564
00:20:38,018 --> 00:20:41,057
I'm more a shotgun
filled with scalpels.
565
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:42,460
Ooh, I'm getting one of those.
566
00:20:42,493 --> 00:20:44,899
How have I not
made one of those?
567
00:20:44,932 --> 00:20:48,472
Hmm, maybe I don't need to go
back in the field after all.
568
00:20:48,505 --> 00:20:49,651
How would you like a new job?
569
00:20:49,675 --> 00:20:50,877
Would I have to relocate?
570
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:52,781
- I'm based in Europe.
- Oh. Uh...
571
00:20:52,814 --> 00:20:54,952
And if I do relocate, is
there a moving stipend?
572
00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:56,756
Also, am I under
a fixed contract?
573
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,492
Who deals with my
migration status?
574
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,362
And if I quit, do I get
to keep the stipend?
575
00:21:00,395 --> 00:21:01,899
Uh, sure that we can do, um...
576
00:21:01,932 --> 00:21:04,370
No! I'm fucking with you.
577
00:21:04,403 --> 00:21:05,907
I've been looking
for a new challenge,
578
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:08,120
and you seem like a better boss
than those Interpol pricks.
579
00:21:08,144 --> 00:21:10,684
But I want what
Archer makes, plus $1.
580
00:21:10,717 --> 00:21:12,520
Wha... on what basis?
581
00:21:12,554 --> 00:21:14,524
On the basis that I was
the best at Interpol.
582
00:21:14,558 --> 00:21:16,829
I'll be the best at
whatever you guys are.
583
00:21:16,862 --> 00:21:19,802
- Deal. You are hired.
- What?
584
00:21:19,835 --> 00:21:21,706
You know, I sort of
liked flying commercial.
585
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,576
There was more bondage
than I expected.
586
00:21:23,609 --> 00:21:24,912
What just happened?
587
00:21:24,945 --> 00:21:26,949
I think you just
got a new partner
588
00:21:26,982 --> 00:21:29,387
who technically
makes more than you.
589
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:30,690
[scoffs] Like I care.
590
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,102
Cyril, do you think
she knows I don't care?
591
00:21:32,126 --> 00:21:33,095
I don't know.
592
00:21:33,128 --> 00:21:34,097
Well, she needs to,
593
00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:36,569
because I don't.
594
00:21:36,602 --> 00:21:38,105
Zara?
595
00:21:38,138 --> 00:21:39,808
Zara?
596
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,812
Zara!
597
00:21:44,618 --> 00:21:45,279
? ?
598
00:21:45,329 --> 00:21:49,879
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