All language subtitles for American Teenager S05E03 I Do and I Dont.ecng

GRACE: Previously on The Secret
Life of the American Teenager...

If Amy and Ricky got married,

I am really going
to be upset with you.

Why? Why me?
Be upset with them

if you want to be
upset with anyone.

It's just that I'm not ready to

go back to my house
and confront everyone.

Part of the reason
I wanted to elope was

because I'm tired of everyone
being involved in our business.

They were roasting marshmallows
over a Bunsen burner.

What?
And an hour later, boom,

the lab blows up
and the school burns down.

I can't keep dating Jack
to get information.

I don't love him.
I don't love him at all.

Is Amy okay?

I think maybe she and
Ricky eloped last night.

...to talk.

Ben! Ben!

You think you're going to
hell because we kissed?

Is that why you're
a Christian again?

That might have
something to do with it.

Ashley, do you remember that cooking
school you applied to in Italy?

Yeah?
No!

You got accepted.

No, you can't go to Italy.
You don't have any money.

And you're not giving her any.

We...

...got married.

BOY: Ricky on a stick?

Ricky on a stick?

Ricky on a stick.

Ricky on a stick.

Ricky on a stick?

Rick on a stick?

Ricky on a stick?

Rick on a stick?

Ricky on a stick?

Rick on a stick?

Ricky on a stick.

I'm so happy for you
and Ricky and John!

Congratulations,
Mrs. Underwood!

Hi, Amy! Congratulations.

I wanted to give you
this gift from me.

It's the book on which
your vows are based.

Thanks, Grace.

I just thought
you should have it,

'cause you know it is the
foundation for a good marriage.

Very nice.

Amy! Amy! Wait up!

We heard the good news!
You got married!

Finally, huh?

Yeah, finally.

Um, I guess that's for me?

Who do you think it's for?

Yeah, well, thanks.

That's a very
large wedding cake.

My mom insisted on making it,
she owns a bakery, you know.

Yeah, I know.
And how sweet of her.

And how sweet of the two of
you to bring it in for me.

I really didn't know
anything about it.

Hey, how are you? I heard
you were in the hospital.

How am I?
Who cares how I am?

If you had cared how I am,

you would have called me to tell
me that you got married yourself.

So, I guess...

Good luck to you.
Have a nice life.

You keep the top layer
and then freeze it.

Yeah.

Ben, are you all right?
Ricky on a stick?

No. I'm not.

Do you need to talk to Alice?

No, I don't need
to talk to Alice!

He's kind of having
an anxiety attack.

But it has nothing to do with you.
Congratulations!

Ben! Wait!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

I heard there's going to be some
kind of low class flash mob.

Yeah. I was hoping
to get in on it,

but I didn't have
time to work on it.

It's pretty intense.

It's pretty pathetic.

MADISON: We're so
excited for you!

Yeah, and don't worry about us not
getting to see you get married,

just as long as you're happy.

What are you so dressed up for?

And why did you
change your hair?

Oh. Um...
You know what they say,

blondes have more fun.

Okay, see you, Amy.

I think she's had enough fun.

Bye! Congratulations!

What is going on?

Congratulations! We're
practically in-laws now, right?

Yeah. I guess we are.

See ya later, sis.

Yeah, see you later,

bro.

(GASPS)

(PLAYING POP MUSIC)

It's a beautiful night

We're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby

I think I want to marry you

Is it the look in your eyes?

Or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby

I think I want to marry you

Well, I know this little
chapel on the boulevard we can go

Go

No one will know

Know

Oh, come on, girl

Who cares if we're trashed got
a pocket full of cash we can blow

Blow

Shots of Patron

Patron

And it's on, girl

Don't say no, no No, no, no, no

Just say yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

And then we'll go, go Go, go, go

If you're ready Like I'm ready

'Cause it's a beautiful night

We're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby

I think I want to marry you

Is it the look in your eye?

Or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby

I think I want to marry you

(CHUCKLES)

I'll go get a ring let
the choir bells sing like ooh

So what you wanna do?

Let's just run, girl

If we wake up and you
want to break up that's cool

Cool

No, I won't blame you

You

It was fun, girl

Don't say no, no No, no, no, no

Just say yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

And we'll go, go Go, go, go

If you're ready Like I'm ready

'Cause it's a beautiful night

We're looking for something dumb to do

Dumb to do

Hey, baby

I think I want to marry you

Is it the look in your eye?

Look in your eye

Or is it this dancing juice?

Dancing juice

Who cares, baby

I think I want to marry you

Just say "I do"

Tell me right now, baby

Tell me right now, baby Baby

Just say "I do"

Tell me right now, baby

Tell me right now, baby Baby

It's a beautiful night

We're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby

I think I want to marry you

(CHUCKLES)

Is it the look in your eye?

Look in your eye

Or is it this dancing juice?

Dancing juice

Who cares, baby

I think I want to marry you

(LAUGHS)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Ricky on a stick?

See you.

Really. It's not
this big a.

Falling in love is such an easy thing to do

Birds can do it We can do it

Let's stop talking Let's get to it

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Good morning.

Come on, tell me.

Tell you...
I already know.

Know?
You're married!

Oh. That. Yeah.

You big knucklehead!
You're supposed to ask the girls

to marry you in private
and get married in public.

Yeah, well, you're supposed to get
married before you have the kid,

but we like doing
everything backwards.

As long as you're happy.

We're happy.
Congratulations.

Oh, you heard, huh?

I heard. Eloped, huh?

If that's what
you call it, yeah.

I'll let you two talk.

Your mom sent this.
It's a little gift for you and Amy.

Insurance forms?

Amy and John
on your insurance with us.

Medical and dental.
Really?

Yeah. That's wife.
And your son.

And I know Amy
at the church nursery,

but it's not
like this insurance.

This'll take care
of everything.

Oh. Yeah.
This is great. Thanks.

I want to wish you
all the best.

That's really nice of you, Leo.

I really appreciate
everything you've done for me,

the job, the apartment.

You've been to the staff here,

and it's nice to see
my family's old apartment,

nice to see it
come back to life.

And here.
Have a little something for you.

I can't take this.

It's for you and Amy,
a little something to get you started.

This looks like
to get us started.

Leo, this is way too generous.

Just say "thank you."
Thank you.

It's a rare thing to find
loyal, honest young man.

You did a good thing,
in marrying Amy.

So, when are classes starting?

I've got another
couple of days.

And what are you majoring in?
Business. I think.

Sounds good to me. What are
you hoping to do with it?

I'm not sure.

I'd love for you to consider a
career at this company, my company.

Feel free to
get more involved in

whatever aspect of the
business that interests you.

Maybe you want to
get a butcher's license,

spend a little time
at the offices,

maybe you want to check into the
international aspect of the business.

What are you interested in?

Mostly in not offending anyone
in your family. Like Ben.

Don't worry about it.

He and I have had this
conversation a hundred times.

He has other ideas about what
he wants to do with his life.

If you want a career here,
I'd love to have you.

This is my business, not Ben's.

So, think about it,

think about whether or not
this is the place for you.

Yes.

You might want to
discuss it with your wife.

All right,
I'll discuss it with Amy,

but she already knows that I would
want to be in business with you.

I've told her before, that would be the
best thing that could ever happen,

if you wanted me to be a
part of this business.

Happy to hear it.

Thanks.

So, we'll see you around.

Are you sure about this?

You wanted to see me?

Hey, nice cake.

Thanks.
You want a piece?

Sure.

I thought you and Ricky
on the fourth of July.

We were, but then...

I don't know, we just

decided to do something else.

This doesn't affect my going to school here
or anything, does it?

No, not at all.

It might if you two
here, but you're fine.

This is all wonderful news,
your getting married.

I mean, why have
a big wedding, right?

It costs so much
money these days.

Mmm. Good cake.

Oh. Thanks.
Ben's girlfriend's mom made it.

Which is a little weird
if you ask me, but anyway.

The cafeteria lady
wouldn't let me leave it in the lunchroom.

So, maybe you could...
Oh, no.

No, it's too much
for my office.

Plus I've got meetings all day.

But, um, look,

I wanted to talk to
you about something.

This year, I'm asking
each of the seniors

to mentor a freshman
coming into the school.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I'm glad you think so.

I have a really special girl
I want you to meet.

She just moved
into the neighborhood

and she needs a lot of help.

I have a son, you know.

I'm not really up for taking on

someone who needs
a lot of help, but...

I think you're
for the job.son

Kathy!

Hey! Ooh. Cake!

I can't believe you're married.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Well, I am.

Usually guys who knock you up
won't marry you, you know.

I know.

I don't like the
term "knocked up."

What's wrong with "knocked up"?

It just...

It has "victim"
written all over it.

I think it would be great
if women could stop

seeing themselves
as victims so often

and take responsibility
and control of their lives.

I am a victim.

Oh, my gosh.
I didn't realize.

What, you were...

Oh, geez, you were...

No. No.

I was talked into having unprotected
sex by my nerdy boyfriend

who convinced me he had a foolproof
scientific birth control method,

which depended on him stopping
at just the right time.

I knew it didn't sound right.

But you did it anyway.

He was very persuasive.

He made me want to do it,
you know what I mean?

I'm giving the baby
up for adoption.

I already found
a family for her.

I don't want my life to be over

just because my boyfriend wasn't
as smart as I thought he was.

Look, I don't mind
talking to you,

but I don't want
to be like you.

My life isn't over.

I'm finishing up high school,
I'm going to college, and...

And you're 18 and married.

To the guy who knocked you up.

These are your favorite
cookies, you know.

If you say so.

I brought them all the
way back from Paris.

Just for you.

Well, aren't you nice.

I love Paris.

My husband and I used to
go there all the time.

I need to tell you something.

Something I should have
told you a long time ago.

Oh, I know.

You've lost your virginity.

You're not fooling
anyone, you know.

I know, Mom.

I want to apologize to you

for not including you
in my wedding.

Oh, that's okay.

You were at mine, though.

What?

Oh, nothing.

There's something else
I need to tell you.

Amy ran off and married Ricky.
They eloped.

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey, don't cry.

And, Mom, there's something
else I need to tell you.

(SNIFFLES)

I'm gay.

Of course.

Gay Paris.

Oh, it's such a wonderful city.

The City of Lights, you know.

Yeah, that's the one.

My husband loved Paris.

Did I tell you that?

Hey, Mom.
Hey, yourself.

Heard from your bride
since she left for school?

No. Why?

Ethan planned a big surprise for
her in the hallway this morning.

She loves surprises.

Does she?
No, not at all.

Well, she's probably
gonna love this one.

What is it?
Oh, I'll let Amy tell you.

Or show you. She probably
got it all on her phone.

So you have the day off?

I have the day off but I'm
working tonight at the clinic,

you know I do that sometimes.

When's Dad back?

On Friday. And he can't
wait to see you.

Why?
Why?

Because you're married.
You're our married son.

And we're very proud of you.

Thanks.
You're welcome.

Is that it?
No, that's not it.

I have something for you.

Oh. No. Don't give me anything.
You've done enough for me.

And I've got to get over
to the campus bookstore.

I want to pick up my books.

I don't want to wait
till the last minute.

These were my mother
and father's wedding bands.

And I noticed that you and Amy
didn't have wedding bands, and...

I can't take these, Mom.

These have to have
a lot of sentimental value.

What if we lost them
or something?

You're not going to
lose your wedding band.

And it would make me feel good

to see the two of you wearing
my parents' wedding rings.

Uh, but, you know, if you don't
want to wear them, that's fine.

Oh, no, no, no. I didn't
mean to hurt your feelings.

That's the last thing
in the world I want to do.

You know me.

I just feel guilty taking something
from you that's this important to you.

You are far more precious to
me than any piece of gold.

And now you're married!

No offense, but I am not doing it.

Unless it's a requirement
for graduation.

And if it is,
I'm getting a lawyer.

I don't think
you need a lawyer.

And I doubt that there's
anything illegal about this.

It's the new senior program.

Each senior will
mentor a freshman.

Not this senior.

Ben, you went to summer school. You
don't have a heavy class load.

You need to get
interested in something.

Something other
than girlfriends.

I am not the mentor type.

I'm a senior in high
school and I'm divorced.

Who needs that kind of mentor?

You're also a guy who has
learned from his mistakes.

No, I haven't.

What was your first year like here?
I bet it wasn't easy.

You can say that again.

Well, that's what
this program's about.

To make sure freshmen have an easier
time adjusting to high school.

To make sure
we see trouble coming

and do something about it
before it's too late.

You're dreaming! I am not capable
of seeing trouble coming.

That's how I keep
ending up in trouble.

What do you mean? Are you in
some kind of trouble now?

No!

All right, Ben,
this is your senior year.

This should be the best
year of high school.

And no matter how bad
the other years were,

this could be
a good year for you.

Or not.

Are you sure you're not
in some kind of trouble?

No.

No, you're not sure, or no,
you're not in any trouble?

Both.

And stop fishing for information
just because I don't want

anything to do with
your little mentor program.

Okay, well,

why don't you take some
time to think about this

and we'll talk again next week.

Yes, why don't we?

Oh. Excuse me.

I was just going in there
to the counselor's office.

What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm teaching.

I'm finishing up a
requirement for my master's.

What?
Yeah.

I'm teaching here
this semester.

You have a thing for
young girls, don't you?

Yeah, I knew it.
You're a pervert.

What are you talking about?

Adrian is only 18, you know.

She's almost 19 and I'm 22.

Yeah. Well, that makes her
three years younger than you.

Look, pal, you just
stepped over the line.

I'm not some kind of pervert just
because I'm dating your ex-wife.

And you better not ever say
that within these walls again

because that is a very serious accusation.
And I don't like it.

Oh, yeah? What are you
going to do about it?

Punch me?
Go ahead.

I would risk getting arrested as well
as lose everything I've worked for

at college for the past four
years just to punch you?

Pervert.
All right, that does it.

I'm going to
report you right now.

I have no choice but
to report you right now.

I want this on record.

Otherwise your false accusations
could come back to haunt me.

I want the authorities called.

Oh. Oh, no. No. No authorities
need to be called.

Yeah, they do.
Oh, come on.

I just...
I momentarily lost my...

My sanity, you know, thinking
about you and Adrian.

You're divorced. You have
another girlfriend now.

Not a good one. Look, I'm sorry.
I'm an idiot.

I'm a little on edge.
It's the first day of school.

And it's overwhelming.

I take it all back.
All of it.

You can't take it back. You
accused me of being a pervert

and I work at the school.

And you should never accuse any
teacher of doing something

that you know they didn't do,

because it makes it all the harder
to go after the few teachers

who should be taken out of the
classroom and put in jail.

What is wrong with me?

Hey, Ben.

What is wrong with you?

Cake?

No, thank you, Amy.

It's very good cake.
Everyone's been enjoying it.

At least a hundred
people have told me

it's the best wedding
cake they've ever had.

Did you have to get married?

I mean, really, why now?

Was the fourth of July
not soon enough?

Are you pregnant again?

What? Ben!

I've lost the edit function. I
can't keep the words in my mouth.

I love you!

I've always loved you!

Wow.

He accused you of what?

I can't believe this.
It's my first day of school.

Yeah, well, unfortunately, we
have to report these things.

Unbelievable.

So what happens now? The police come
in and question me or something?

Oh, no, I don't think so.

It sounds more like a name calling
than an actual accusation.

The principal will talk to Ben,
and then he'll talk to you,

and the principal knows Adrian.

Well, what does that mean?

Adrian is a very nice girl.
Absolutely.

What, did she date
one of her teachers?

Has she ever done
anything like that?

No. I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have said that.

There's a lot of that
going around today.

I want it on record that I was falsely
accused and I haven't done anything.

Okay.

I am a young, black professional,
and I'm not going to have

my teaching career ruined
the first day of school.

I got it.

(SIGHS) Damn.

Hey.

What are we doing?

Ben Boykewich just accused
some teacher of being a perv.

Oh, and then he proclaimed
his love to Amy Juergens.

He's cracking up.

Yeah. And why
is he cracking up?

Something is going on,
something we don't know about.

I bet Raven knows.
I know she knows.

He is not good for Dylan.

Mmm. He's not
good for anybody.

He's a nut.

Why did they have to
ruin our senior year?

It's like
Invasion of the Skanks.

Just ignore them.

Why do they have to
wear those stupid uniforms?

I know.
I wish we had uniforms.

Me, too.

And I just feel so poor
now that they're here.

I know.
And we're not poor.

And I feel fat.

Me, too.

They just seem
so much cooler than us.

Yeah, well, I know, but what
are we going to do about it?

This.

You are kind. You are smart.
You are important.

Stop quoting The Help.

Can't. Doesn't it make
you feel so much better?

Kind of.

What are you guys
doing out here?

I saw Ben walk past class
and I went to the restroom.

And then I heard him out here accusing
some teacher of being a perv.

And I'm telling you,
this guy is no perv.

I think I've
seen him somewhere.

But, anyway, Ben
challenged him to a fight.

A fight?

Yeah, and this guy is like
this huge good-looking guy.

Wait a minute, it wasn't Omar, was it?
Daniel's friend?

He's student teaching here.

Oh, yeah, that was him!

A perv? Omar is the
nicest guy in the world.

His mother is a minister.

Forget Omar.

Tell her the other part,
the important part.

What's going on?

Tell her.
Tell me what?

Ben ran into Amy
out here in the hallway

with her big cake you got her,

and he told her he loved her.

And he always has and he's really
upset that she got married.

What?

You're dumping him. He's cracking
up and he's dangerous now.

Dangerous how?

You two better
tell us what's going on.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

JACK: Play 23!

Ten-hut!

Pappas is pretty good.

I'm just not sure he has
any leadership qualities.

I wouldn't write him off.
He's got solid skills.

We got a lot of guys
with solid skills.

He did a good job for us.
He's a Christian, you know.

Hot damn!
Pappas is our Tebow!

Oh, no, he's not
a good Christian.

His dad's a minister but I don't think
Jack even goes to church anymore.

Get him back in church.
I don't care how you do it.

Oh, hi. Hi.

Uh, could you help me?

I need that book
on the top shelf

and I can't reach it.

Sure. I'll get it for you.

Hey, Adrian.

Ricky! Hi.

Here. See you around.

Hope so.

Oh, he's married.
Pay no attention to him.

(CHUCKLES)
So I guess you heard.

Yeah.
Good for you and Amy.

I hope you'll be very happy.

I know I wasn't happy
when I was married,

but hey,
I'm not married anymore.

I mean, Ben is a nice guy,
he's a really nice guy.

It just...
You know, it gets old,

being with the same
person all the time.

What happened
to your boyfriend?

Oh, he got all upset
because I kissed Grace.

But he'll come around,
they all do.

I'm happy being with
Amy, really happy.

So, let me see your schedule.
Do we have any class together?

Mmm, I doubt it.
I'm in the business school.

Still, let me see.

Huh. Freshman English.

You're kidding.

Oh, loosen up, will you?

We're going to be bumping
into each other now and then,

and I'm not uncomfortable
if you're not uncomfortable,

and you shouldn't
be uncomfortable.

Unless of course you're
still thinking about me.

No, I'm not.
Good.

Because I'm not going to be fooling
around here like I did in high school.

I've got a goal.

I'm going to graduate with
honors and get into law school.

Sounds good.
And what are your plans?

Other than being married
to Amy and raising John?

Any goals?
Not really.

Just want to do the best I can.

So that you can
end up doing what?

I don't know.

Okay, well,
just in case your goal

is to rise to the top
of Boykewich International,

which I think
you'd be great at,

Ben Boykewich is never
going to let that happen.

He hates the butcher business,

but he hates you more.

See you.
Wait. Wait.

Ben doesn't hate me, he's my friend.
Why would he hate me?

Are you kidding? You just
married the woman he loves.

Home sick? Jacob got home sick?

Baby.

I think he panicked when it came to
registering for school this morning,

and he wanted to go home and
see his mom and his friends.

So that's that.

I have a feeling he'll be back.

You would know,
half-sister, half-brother.

Will you drop that please?
I'm not half anything.

Half-Christian,
half-not-a-Christian.

(CHUCKLING)

That's not funny.
Okay.

Do you mind if
I say the blessing

before we all just
dig in like animals?

Who's an animal?

I'm fine with that.
Say the blessing.

Oh, come on.
Do we have to?

Tom.
Shall we join hands?

Sure.

Dear Lord, bless this house
and all that are in it

and please watch over
our half-brother, Jacob,

as he travels back to his home.

Amen.

Bless the food to the
nourishment of our bodies

and let it give us the strength to
abstain from sex outside of marriage.

No amen on that one.

Guide us in our daily choices,

helping us to choose what
is right over what is wrong

and giving us the good sense
to know the difference.

Are you finished?

Please help those children whose
parents are still children themselves

and watch over all the families,
all over the world...

Would you guys please stop it?

That's completely sacrilegious.

You asked to say a blessing.

You didn't say anything
about a lecture.

Especially by a
half-sister, half-brother.

And I thought
my family was nuts.

My other family. My former family.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Well, it's my family
now, but...

Jack's coach is calling me.
I wonder what he wants.

No phone calls during dinner.
Yeah.

Coach?

I guess I'm gonna have to work
my way up to being a stepfather.

Go with half-father.
Half-father, half-mother.

That's one too many, Tom.
You gotta know when to stop.

I'm a grown man.

Okay.

What is this?
Beans and weenies.

Or is it weenies and beans?
Mmm. Beans and weenies.

No offense, but it's revolting.

Mmm. I like it.

My mom makes this.

When I was a kid,

we used to pretend that we were
cowboys eating around a campfire

and we'd eat it right out
of the pan on the stove.

And the person who picked up the
square white thing in their spoon

got to wear the cowboy hat.

(SCOFFS) That's a hunk
of animal fat, you idiot.

Really? 'Cause I just ate it.
And it was delicious.

That's why it was the prize.

This is why I am going to
cooking school in Italy.

I was going to talk
to you later about it,

but you might be sick later.

I got into that cooking school.
We leave Sunday.

What?
We leave Sunday.

I can't go to Italy on Sunday.
I have to mow the lawn.

And I don't have any money.

And you can't go either.
Excuse me.

Seconds.

I hate it here.

So why should we stay here
if we could be in Italy?

Oh, I don't know. Because this is
your family and they love you?

Oh, yeah, this is
my family who loves me,

you and Nora, the three of us eating
beans and a hunk of animal fat.

We have to get out of
here before our lives

are completely
ruined like Ricky's.

You knew I couldn't stay here.

Is that why you slept with me?

So I'd go on another one
of your big adventures?

I told you, Ashley, I can't
follow you all over the world.

I didn't even know
about the school thing

when I slept with you
the first time.

I don't want to go.

I want to stay here.
I like it here.

Well, I don't.

Ashley, I love you.

And you love me.

Stop running away.

Um, hi, just going to
ask this one question.

Ashley, does your dad know you decided
to go to this cooking school?

He doesn't have any say in it.

(SIGHS) Great.

Now I've got to go home
and convince my parents

to pay for me to go
halfway around the world

so I can be with the girl they
don't think I'm having sex with.

Unbelievable! There's a
second white square!

It's my lucky day.

Kind of.

(BABBLING)

Did I tell you that Ashley is
going to Italy to cooking school?

Is that the one with the baby?

No, that's Amy.

Amy and Ricky got married.
They eloped.

My daughter
eloped too, you know.

I made her feel
so bad about that.

I wish I hadn't done that.

My daughter was
such a lovely girl.

So lovely and smart.

Do you know my daughter?

I'm getting to know her.

WAITER: Your salads will
be coming up shortly.

Thank you very much.
You're welcome.

So, what's the plan, Ben?

What do you want to do?
The clock is ticking.

There's nothing I can do.
They're married.

Ben, not about Amy and Ricky.
Forget that.

About the other situation.

What do you think I should do?

Why would you listen to me now?

You never listened
to me before.

I told you,
you are on your own.

Is that just in regard to

the trouble with Dylan

or does that
include all trouble?

All trouble?

You're in more
trouble than that?

I, uh, called one of the
teachers a pervert.

Because?

It's Adrian's boyfriend, Omar.

Omar is student teaching.

I didn't know.
It took me by surprise.

I misspoke.

You called him a pervert
for absolutely no reason?

Yeah, and, uh,

he reported me.

And now there's going to be
some sort of investigation.

What happened to you, Ben?

You used to be such a good kid.

And now...

Now you're a good man, Ben,

but you just keep
doing stupid, stupid things.

I know.

I'm angry.

I'm really angry
and just out of control.

Angry about what? About what
happened with you and Adrian,

losing the baby?

Are you still upset about that?

That's always
going to hurt, but no.

I'm angry that
Ricky stole my life.

Amy should have been mine. Then
none of this would have happened.

(SIGHS)

Hello!

I'm here and I'm...

(CLEARS THROAT) Hi.

What is going on?

Your friend Omar dropped by.

Just wanted to introduce
myself to your parents.

You know, in case we ever decide
to go out again or anything.

Oh, really?

Sure you just didn't have a bad first
day at school and need legal help?

We heard all about it.

Did you hear all about it?
Ben called me.

We're not going to talk about Ben
when we have company over, are we?

No, of course not.

Come on.
Sit down. Let's eat.

Really, Omar, what
are you doing here?

I don't just drop by your parents'
house and have dinner with them.

You can if you want,

but I got the impression that you're not
interested in getting to know my parents.

I, on the other hand, am interested
in getting to know yours.

I told you, I'm focusing
on school this year.

Well, if anyone
would understand that,

that would be me
since I'm a teacher.

And by the way, my mom's
a Protestant minister

and my dad's in law enforcement.
He's a detective.

He traced down your dad for me.

I really like you.

Stop trying to impress them.

It's too late.

(SCOFFS)

This is good.

Yeah.

I've eaten so much
of it, I feel sick.

I feel sick, too,

but not from the cake.

My mother sent insurance
forms for us to fill out

so the company can put you
and John on the insurance.

Hmm. That's nice.

Yeah, I know.

And then Leo gave us
an envelope full of cash

and invited me to be
a part of the business.

Wait, that's so great. That's
what you've always wanted.

Oh. Right.

And my mom gave us these.

They belonged to her parents.

Are you going to
wear a wedding band?

Are you?

I guess so.

I've been assigned
a freshman girl to mentor.

She's six months pregnant.

And I'm supposed to help her
make the right decisions. Boy.

Are you going to
change your name?

I don't know how that works.

I mean, everyone is already
calling me Mrs. Underwood.

Oh. There was a surprise wedding
shower for me at the nursery.

There are gifts in the car
that I didn't bring in.

I just feel so guilty.

Some of these ladies just work
part-time and they bought us gifts.

But I suppose
we're keeping the gifts.

I suppose we are.

I don't know, Amy.
Did we do the right thing?

It's too late now.

(CHUCKLES)

Got the wedding video
in the mail.

(BOTH LAUGH)

You want to see it?
Yeah. Sure.

PRIEST: Do not move
off the marks.

Stay right where you are.
Do not move off that mark.

You're completely surrounded.

It's going to be
a beautiful video.

Here we go. Ashes to
ashes, dust to dust.

Oh! It's the wrong book!

Hold on while I get
the right one.

Where did you find this guy?
The Internet.

Got it! Got it! Y'all cheer up!
Vows are coming.

Did you write your vows?

No. We didn't write anything.

Did you get your flowers?
$49.99.

It will last you a lifetime.

It's okay. No, you
should have flowers.

We'll take the flowers.

Silk.

Oh.

$49.99.
Pay as you go.

Here.

Whoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Steak night!
Oh, I forgot something.

Rose petal scent.

Can we get on with this?

Oh, you've got your
whole life together.

What's the rush?
Slow down.

Okay. Got it, Dicky?

That's Ricky.
Ricky and Amy.

Got it, Dick.

Let's do a little dance.

What?

A little song, a little dance,

a little seltzer in your pants.

Chuckles the Clown.
Mary Tyler Moore?

Oh, forget it.

We got to get the... We
got to get the mood up.

Get the blood flowing. You're going
to need that on your honeymoon.

I'm gonna play y'all a record
that inspired all of this.

Amy.
I know.

This is not what
I was expecting.

This wasn't on the Internet? No.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

The day the squirrel went berserk

In the First Self-Righteous Church

See them squirrels, that's
what I'm talking about!

Come on, get with it!

(SONG CONTINUES ON STEREO)

Hallelujah!

I am not dancing.

(PRIEST LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS) I feel stupid.

Because this is stupid.
You really want to do this?

Let this idiot marry us?

Uh...

(LAUGHING)

Well, we'll certainly remember
it for the rest of our lives.

You want to remember this? You
want this to be our wedding?

Not really.
Me neither.

We don't have to do this,
we can go somewhere else,

this weekend or
another weekend.

I know, but I don't know
how to get out of this,

and we already paid him.

Let's just make
a run for it. You go,

I'll stop him
if he comes after you.

No, I'm too scared.
He's crazy.

Go! Go!
Are you sure?

Look at him! He probably doesn't
even have a license to marry us.

Run, Amy, run!

Thanks! We changed our mind!
Oh, wait.

But wait, we're getting
to the good part.

Oh.

Ricky, my door is locked.

Sorry, sorry.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I can't believe I didn't open
the door for you.

It's okay, it's okay.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

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