All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S04E14.2000.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

- Previously on Ally McBeal.
- [ Grunts ]

John and I have
hired a new associate.

A rainmaker.
Big portables.

I'd like to introduce
you all to him now.

- Unfortunately, he's late.
- Who is this person?

I'm Jackson Duper.
Today's, uh, my first day at work here.

- I don't like him.
- Why?

It's Elaine. She hasn't stopped
sweating since he got here.

I think I'm ready to share
something big with you.

What?

[ Beeps ]

- What is this?
- [ Beeps ]

So, Jackson Duper.
You don't tell a woman your real name?

Hey. For all I knew--

You knew me well enough to go
to bed with me.

- Oh, look--
- Why the alias? You wanted?

- No.
- Certainly not by me.

- Will you marry me?
- Whoo! Whoo!

The idea of being institutionalized
is a little repugnant to me.

Even-Even
if the institution is marriage.

- What are you talking about?
- I don't believe in marriage.

Hey, I'm just gonna
put it on out here, okay?

Richard, Ling and I got biblical
one evening after we met in a bar.

- You had sex?
- Yes.

I wanna just beat him up.

I want to just take him
by the throat and pound him.

Oh, who you tryin' to kid?
You couldn't even take Ling.

- You--
- [ Gasps ]

- Hey! Hey!
- Hey!

- [ Gagging ]
- Stop it! Stop it!

[ Chorus ]
♪ Young love ♪

♪ First love, ooh ♪

[ Vonda ]
♪ Filled ♪

♪ With devotion ♪

♪ They say for every
boy and girl ♪

♪ There's just one love
in this old world ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ I've found mine ♪♪

Hey, Ling. Workin' late?

Catalogs.
I can't keep up.

Bugger.
Wanna play catch?

- Do I want to play catch?
- Yeah. I-- Yeah.

I've been feelin'
a little, uh--

I don't know. You know--
Disconnected lately.

- I thought maybe a little--
- What, we could throw the ball around?

Well, it works.

Ling, look, you know,
at least I'm trying here,

- which is more than I can say for--
- Richard? I'm heading out.

Do you-- Hey!

- What?
- That's my glove.

- [ Richard ] Oh, I uh--
- You took my glove.

Well, actually, it's a--
It's a firm glove.

It is not a firm glove.

- That's why we had it in storage.
- It's my mitt. Give it back.

Don't just yank it.
I don't see your name on it.

It says Ty Cobb.

It's my special glove!
Give it, Richard.

Don't you just snatch it!

- Hey! Hey!
- Give it-- Give--

Aaah!

- Aaah!
- Aaah!

Come on, Richard.
It's just a glove.

Aaah!

Whoa, what's goin' on?

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Grunts ]

Not everything's
about you, Jackson.

- This is a partnership dispute.
- [ Grunting ]

[ Grunts ]
Ow!

- Thief!
- Repugnant.

- [ Growls ]
- Stop it!

- [ Richard ] Give it. Give it.
- Aaah!

- [ Clamoring ]
- [ Sighs ]

[ Clamoring Continues ]

♪ I've been down
down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

- ♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[ Bell Dings ]

Oh, excuse me.
May I help you?

Ling, is that you?

I'm sick of the cold.

- Oh.
- Oh, excuse me.

That's all right.

What's up?

Uh, just off
to a staff meeting.

- Oh. Well, I-- I won't keep you.
- Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

- Is it hot in here, Elaine?
- What? Why?

I just-- I hope you're
not running a fever.

Is-Is there a problem, Mark?

No. I'm just concerned
for your health.

All right. Let's get started.
Uh, Mackey versus Albright.

- What's this?
- [ Jackson ] That's mine.

I just got that.

My client, Gloria Albright--
She's a senior partner...

in a law firm who fired
all of her male attorneys.

She's being sued
for sexual discrimination.

- Gee, how do you figure?
- That's Renee's case.

- Excuse me?
- My-My roommate, Renee.

She, um-- Well, she's representing
Mackey, the guy who got fired.

- Huh. She any good?
- [ Richard ] Renee?

Are you kidding? Pretty. Smart.
You like big knockers?

- Oh.
- I meant as a lawyer.

She's very good.

In that I just picked this up

two days before the trial,
I could use some assistance,

- preferably a woman.
- Nelle?

- Busy.
- Ling?

- Uh, no.
- Actually, I am free.

Uh, no, n-never mind.
Uh, John?

He said he wanted a woman.
Do I look like a woman, git-wad?

Well, perhaps in lieu of a woman,
he could use a lawn jockey.

- All right.
- Richard.

He started it.

- [ Beeps ]
- [ Mechanical Whirring ]

- [ Beeps ]
- [ Whirring ]

[ Both Screaming ]

[ Together ]
Shh. Shh.

[ Exhales ]

I thought you didn't like
to come here during the day.

Melanie, why are you in my hole?

Because you were upset
about something last night,

and you wouldn't talk about it.

If something's
troubling you,

I knew you would
come in here.

Tell me.

John?

- Richard.
- Mm-hmm. What about him?

Well, he's my partner.

And my best friend. And--

And?

- And I hate him.
- No, you don't.

Well, I find myself really angry
at him a lot lately,

and last night, he took my baseball glove
without asking.

You're mad at your best friend because
he took your baseball glove?

- No, but without asking.
- You're 35 years old.

No, but-but-but he-he
does these little things...

to-to impose and reimpose
the idea that he's dominant.

I mean, where's it say he gets
to run the staff meeting?

Why does he get to get
in there every day and say,

"Next up. First up. Moving on"--

All the little things
that people in charge say.

I'm a better lawyer than he is,

and he just treats me
like a little midget.

[ Stammers ]
Minion.

- I would never just take his glove.
- Hmm.

And I'm filled with rancor.

Yeah, that's what I am.
I'm filled with rancor.

Have you ever thought
about couples therapy?

[ Chuckles ]
I beg your pardon?

It's not just for romantic
relationships, John.

- Best friends go.
- Oh, come on.

You do love Richard.
He loves you.

This friendship
is deep enough...

to profoundly
upset you like this.

Why not try fixing it?

- Well--
- Oh, I--

I know this amazing,
amazing therapist.

My, uh, uh, former boyfriend
and I used to go to him.

He worked wonders.

Melanie, you backed up over your
former boyfriend with a truck.

- [ Stammering ]
- [ Stammering ]

This guy is good.

You want to work things
out with Richard.

What have you got to lose?

She walked into my office
and said, "I'm sorry.

This law firm is no longer employing
male attorneys," and she fired me.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

She said she wanted the place to be
"free of all sexual currents"--

that's how she put it--
and to accomplish this,

she was discharging all the men.

Mr. Mackey, had she given you
any indication this was coming?

Well, all the partners
were females,

so I guess maybe that should
have been some indication,

but nothing could have
prepared me for the idea...

that she would just start firing
all the male associates.

- Are you married, Mr. Mackey?
- Uh, no, I'm not.

- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Not at the moment.

You'll forgive me, but how many times
a day do you think about sex?

Objection.

Your Honor, my client
was trying to rid...

her law firm of sexual energy.

Whether or not the witness
thinks about sex...

during the work day
is certainly relevant.

- Speed it up.

How many times a day
do you think about sex, sir?

I don't know. I, uh--

- I certainly don't keep track.
- Okay. That's fair.

Truthfully, uh,
do you ever fantasize,

or wonder what it would be like
to kiss my client,

or perhaps make love to her?

Where is this going?

I promise to show you,

if you'll just let me finish.

- Your Honor?
- I'll allow it. But hurry up.

Uh, have you ever fantasized about making
love to Ms. Albright, Mr. Mackey?

- No.
- No?

- No.
- Never?

I mean, a single man
working alongside this woman--

The thought of making love to her
has never crossed your mind?

That's your truthful
testimony?

Well-- I certainly
didn't dwell on it.

- But you have thought about it.
- She's beautiful.

What normal man wouldn't?

[ Jackson ]
What normal man wouldn't?

Thank you. Oh--

How much time have you spent preparing
for this trial today?

Uh, by that I mean, depositions,
meeting with counsel--

I'd say about six months.

Six months working
side-by-side with Ms. Raddick.

Have you ever fantasized
about her sexually?

Objection!

My relationship has been
nothing but professional.

Hey, I understand that.

But I mean, come on.
A woman like this?

You had to at least think about it.
Am I wrong?

I never acted on it.

Your Honor?

Ms. Woo, uh, could you
stand up for a minute?

- Why?
- Ms. Woo?

Mr. Mackey, I'm going
to ask your opinion...

as a normal, red-blooded man,
which you stated you were.

If Ms. Woo worked
in the office with you,

as a normal single man,
might you fantasize about her sexually?

Mr. Mackey?

Even if I did,

that wouldn't make me
a lesser attorney, Mr. Duper.

So, your answer's yes?

Nothing further.
Thank you, Ms. Woo.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

He's upset at me,
but I don't know what about.

Well, did you ask?

No, because when he acts like this,

I get upset at him,
and I don't feel like talking.

Oh. Well, you know, Elaine,

here is a tip.

When two people
in a relationship...

are upset with each other,
talking is a good thing.

Well, it doesn't work
that way with me, okay, Ally?

Okay. Why not?

Because when I get angry,
I yell, and then he yells.

And then we say things we regret.
Then I say I'm sorry.

Then he says he's sorry.
And then I take my clothes off.

I-I really don't want to do that.

Well, after the apologies,

could you just not
take your clothes off?

Mmm. I don't know
how to be neutral.

That's always been a problem.

When I'm with a man, the only time
I don't love him is when I hate him,

and as soon as I stop hating him,
I'm right back to loving him.

No, I'd just rather
hate him right now,

because there's more dignity in it.

- Well, Elaine--
- Ally, could you just stay out of it?

Go call Larry or something.
Just-- Just leave me alone.

Fine.

Fine. I'll just let you wallow
in the dignity of hate then.

Is that why you wanted me on this case?
As a male fantasy prop?

Ling, I have
a very difficult defense here,

and our client
is obviously guilty under--

[ Exhales ]
Under the law.

- You humiliated me.
- Well, that wasn't my intention.

Without reducing you to a prop,
you got this goddess thing goin' on,

and I called you up there
to trap the witness.

Trap him?

Yes. If he answered he would
never fantasize about you,

then the jury might
think of him as a liar.

If he said yes he might--
Well, that proves my point.

What point?

The point that men can't
help but think about sex.

Whether you believe
that or not is your--

Our client believes it,

and I was setting up
her testimony.

- How dare you?
- Oh, Renee. I'm sorry.

Sorry? You're sorry?

The fact that you are beautiful and sexy
just played into our case.

I took advantage of that. It could
have been malpractice if I didn't.

I didn't mean
to be inappropriate.

Well, you were.

- [ Door Slams ]
- Whoa.

Could I step out
of my robe for a second?

I'd vomit.

I speak to you
not as a judge, but as a woman.

It's one thing for you
to single out...

one of the female players
in this proceeding,

and identify her
as a sexual being.

I can live with you
identifying two.

But when you acknowledge
all of the female players...

as sex objects,
excluding only one--

I find it rude.

As well as bad lawyering.

It certainly doesn't help your client
to be alienating the judge.

And as a footnote, Mr. Duper--

Plenty of boys go for the big girl.

You have a lot to learn
about the practice of law.

I can see that.

- Therapy?
- He's evidently a wonderful counselor.

Are you mental?
I'd sooner see my proctologist

than one of those head shrinkers.

- You see?
- Poop.

- Poop?
- [ Both Stammering ]

- Peep.
- All right. Uh, you know,

you two work it out.

Richard, he wants
to work it out with you.

Look, I-I consider myself
a pretty open-minded person,

but, uh, therapists, shrinks,
psychologists--

They're all a bunch of sex pervs.

They grow up reading Freud.
What does that say?

You talk about your auto-wanker.

The man died with calluses
on both hands.

♪♪ [ Both Singing Nonsense ]

I don't think it's right
for men to share feelings.

- You don't think it's right?
- No.

My father--
With men, it's a handshake.

Stiff upper lip.
That's being a man.

Men don't walk around
saying I love you to other men.

- That's a-- a gay thing.
- A gay thing?

Your-- Your father
never said he loved you?

Oh, he-he didn't have to.

He'd say, uh, Monbouquette.
Yeah.

- "Mombo Cat"?
- I gotta go.

Enough touchy-feely.

- Hey, Mark.
- Hey, Elaine.

Oh, Elaine? I've been
meaning to bring it up--

- What?
- I don't think it's workin' out--

Between us.

- Sorry.
- Wait. Wait! Wait.

Well, are you saying that we
need to talk about things,

or are you saying that we're done?

Um--

We're done.

Mark? Mark.

- Oh, hey, Ally.
- Oh, never mind, "Hey, Ally."

You-You just don't--

[ Exhales ]

You just don't end
a relationship like that.

- How should I have done it?
- Well, there--

- Lie?
- No.

- Cheat?
- No.

Move to Detroit?

Okay. This is anger.

Look, I realize since Larry left,
you're lookin' for new projects.

Ally, please don't
make me one of them.

You know, Mark,

you are, um, a nice guy.

You're a kind person.

But what you just did
to Elaine was cruel,

and your remarks to me
were also cruel.

Okay, now that
is my observation.

I'm gonna leave it at that.

Hey, I, uh--
Oh, hey, uh, Mark.

H-How's it goin'?

Listen, uh, do you think
if two people,

uh, fight they should
just waltz off to therapy?

- Hey, Richard?
- Yeah?

Mind your own damn business!

- [ Door Opens, Closes ]
- I thought it was my business.

No. Well, uh, Elaine?

Uh, you know, if two people,
uh, come apart,

don't you think therapy's
just a big waste of time? I--

Well, I don't know, Richard,

but thank you
for your encouragement,

you insensitive, mean-spirited,
pigheaded dope.

- I'm-- Uh--
- [ Door Closes ]

[ Sniffs ]

Other than the one I used to be
married to,

I have absolutely
nothing against men.

- But you fired all of your male lawyers.
- Yes, I did.

Not only that, you fired all of your male
employees-- The secretaries, the clerks.

- [ Albright ] Yes.
- Could you tell us why you did that?

Well, you touched on one
of the reasons with Mr. Mackey.

I find men to be more prone
to sexual distraction.

It makes them less focused.

Don't you think that's
a bit of a generalization?

- Yes, it is.
- One might even say a bigotry?

One might, but bigotry

is a generalization
predicated on ignorance.

Mine happens to be accurate.

Men think about sex all day.

- What, and women don't?
- Not like men, no.

Don't you think
some women's libidos are--

Yes.

And that's another reason
I want a single-sex law firm.

Women can
get distracted too.

And just like we're seeing the
proliferation of single-sex schools,

where both boys and girls
can learn better,

so can they work better
and be more productive

in a single-sex private company.

Why not hire and fire on merit?

Are you sayin' all your female employees
are better than the male ones?

I'm not saying that, Ms. Raddick.

I'm choosing to
have a single-sex workplace.

- Why'd you choose women?
- Well, because I am one.

I also happen to believe, on balance,
women make for better lawyers.

- Why's that?
- We're smarter.

Women are smarter than men?

When it comes
to dispute resolution, yes.

Men want to fight.
Women want to work things out.

In law, settling cases
is preferable to litigation.

And women typically
do not fall victim...

to the insipid little
warrior instincts that men have.

Gee, it sounds like
you do hate men a little.

- Objection.
- Overruled.

How soon after your husband left you did
you fire all your male employees?

- Objection.
- Mr. Duper.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.
That's just my "warrior instinct."

Please. Sit.

How soon after your husband left you
did you fire all the men?

A few months maybe.
But it had nothing to do with that.

- He had an affair?
- Objection.

Sustained.
Let's keep it about the case.

The case.
The case, as I understand it--

You fired all the men
because women are smarter,

and you levied this mass boom
within months

after your husband left you. Correct?

- Correct.
- Nothing further.

♪♪ [ Bagpipes ]

[ Richard ]
Bagpipes?

He hasn't been this upset
since his frog died.

- What is going on?
- He's upset, Richard.

If you would just go in and--

Let me talk to him.

Excuse me, but the problem isn't
with John. It's with Richard.

Excuse me, but I've known
John a little longer than you.

Yes! He tried to spank you once.
I know your history.

- Oh, okay--
- Maybe he could spank you?

That way we'd know if you could take
a licking and keep on ticking.

Oh, uh, excellent.
Uh, let me, uh, talk to him.

John?

- I wrote you a song.
- Oh. Really?

♪♪ [ Dissonant Notes ]

- It captures you.
- Oh. Okay.

Let's get therapy.

Why should I give him anything?

Because first off,
$50,000 really isn't that much.

And second, that little revelation
about your husband--

That didn't help.

Well, if I pay out on one,
I'll have to pay out on all.

Jackson, I-- I think you've done
a wonderful job.

And I think we can win
with the verdict.

- That's what I'd like to do.
- You don't realize--

And, when my mind's made up,
my mind's made up.

We keep going.

Okay.

- Well. See you tomorrow?
- Hey, bright and early.

Oh, well.

Well, it's not like we can't win.

And you have been good.

Yeah, thanks. Listen,
I'm sorry about that whole prop thing.

I know.

I'm sorry that
Richard's been hostile.

- It's just, he's been a little--
- I know.

I'm gonna go.
It's late.

Yeah. Do you want
to grab some dinner?

- I don't think that's a good idea.
- You're right. You're right.

Ling?

[ Chuckles ]

Nothing. It's, uh--

It's just nice
working with you.

It's nice working
with you too.

Good night.

Good night.

First of all,

let me thank you both
for selecting me as your therapist.

I realize you have a lot of choices.

And I hope your experience
here will be a pleasant one.

Sounds like an airline.

Second, let me congratulate
you both for having the courage

to confront your problems.

May, uh, I see
the baseball glove in question?

I understand
that playing catch...

was an important part
in both of your childhoods.

Let me salute you both on that.

Is it possible we could just, you know,
cut to the problem?

Yes, it is, Richard, and let me applaud
your willingness to do so.

Why don't we start
with you first.

And as we talk, if you don't mind,
I would like to close my eyes,

and let your words
wash over me.

- Well, uh--
- Wh-Why does he get to go first?

That's my problem--
is that he always gets to go first.

His needs are always prioritized
over those of other people.

And the horror of that
is compounded when you consider...

that the center of his very being
is nothing but sex and money.

- [ Mouthing Words ]
- Sex and money. Sex and money.

Imagine being subordinated
to such an empty, vapid bag.

Let me commend you,
not only on your feelings,

but on your ability
to articulate them.

Wh-Why weren't your eyes closed?
What, my words can't wash over you?

See, this is what I-- I have to deal
with-- This funny little duck...

- who walks around flipping over stones.
- Oh, turn it personal.

He's like a bizarre little
reincarnated Howdy Doody.

It's a full-time job
for me to keep him cheerful--

He's too cheap to buy his own.

He's like that dwarf, Grumpy.
That's who he is.

He's too cheap.

Bygones.

Let me congratulate you both
on your incredible candor.

- And--
- Balls with the kudos, you hack.

As much as I'm here for you,

there is no place
for that kind of behavior, John.

- Uh--
- Huh.

I apologize.

Oh. Hi.

- Hi.
- What's up?

Not much.
What's up with you?

- Nothing.
- Great.

- Ally, look--
- No need to explain.

I'd like to.

When I was in college,
I used to do a lot of squats.

And I had a great, you know, ass.

And now--

It's not that it's terrible, but--

- What?
- Mmm.

Men care about their, uh,
their-- their--

I guess...

I am threatened
over this Jackson Duper.

I know Elaine goes for--

And that's the problem
that I have with Elaine.

Women shouldn't
lust after guys. It's--

There's--

- Forget it.
- You don't think women lust?

No. They shouldn't, and even allowing
for the possibility that women--

some women-- might lust, they shouldn't
do it openly, which Elaine does.

It's rude. It's, uh, not ladylike.

And that's what we should be
above anything else, is ladylike?

- Yes.
- And that's why you dumped Elaine?

Yes.

You heard what she said.
Women are smarter than men.

Women make
for better mediators.

If that's not gender bias--

And men are more easily
sexually distracted than women.

They can't control themselves.
What is that?

Here's a tip.
Speaking as a man,

when we meet a woman for the first time,
we're not thinkin', "Hmm.

She looks intelligent."

No. We go straight for the body parts.
The package.

The first question we ask
when we see any woman is,

"Would I, or wouldn't I?"

Are we proud of it? No.

But men do get more
easily distracted by sex.

There's no evidence
Mr. Mackey was distracted.

Just because Mr. Duper...

goes around askin'
"Would I, or wouldn't I"--

Let's not saddle the whole gender
with his Neanderthal outlook.

What's wrong
with single-sex companies?

I mean, we're doin' it
with schools now.

Studies have shown that both men
and women learn better,

there's an increased
concentration level.

If we're doing it in schools,

why can't we do it
in businesses and law firms?

Elaine, um, could you
come in here a second, please?

- What?
- Mark has something to say.

- Really? Tough.
- Elaine.

- Mark?
- I'm sorry.

It's not like I want
to stop seeing you, but--

But-but-but what?

It bothers me...

when you overtly grovel
over other men.

The way you break out
into a big sweat...

every time you simply look
at Jackson Duper.

I don't mean to.
And I would never act on it.

Come on, Elaine.

As signals go, sweating
puts out a pretty good one.

Uh, this is why
you broke up with me?

It's insulting.

These are the same
old issues, Mark. The Vi-Bra, the--

No, it's not that, Elaine.
This goes beyond.

Being flamboyant
or sexual is one thing.

Overtly showing interest
in other men is quite another.

It's disrespectful.

I don't do it to you.
I don't want it done to me.

It's not about a glove.

It's not about me.

I know this man.
It's about Melanie.

- And let me add that when--
- You don't know any--

Ah, no, no, no, John.
John, no. It's my turn, John.

You can let your words, you know,
wash over him when I'm done.

- Mozambique.
- Wha--

I'm sorry.
Did you say "Mozambique"?

That's how his father
expressed affection.

You want to talk
about weird.

Monbouquette.

Not Mozambique.
My, uh--

My favorite, uh, pitcher for the Red Sox--
Bill, uh, Monbouquette.

He was also my father's
favorite pitcher.

It was a bonding thing.
He didn't have to say I love you.

He'd wink. He'd go, "Monbouquette."
And I got it.

It was his way. I got it.

Is that why this glove
was such an issue?

The issue is, you asked Melanie
to marry you.

She turned you down.

And you're the one
projecting with the glove.

He's upset over Melanie West,
and I'm the fall guy.

I know him when he gets,
you know, lonely,

and this is lonely John Cage
in all his ugliness.

Perhaps you might ask him
what he was doing with the glove.

He was looking
to play catch with Ling...

because he's jealous
of her and an old boyfriend.

And that's his idea of intimacy--
to strike up a game of pickle.

That has nothing
to do with it.

It's my turn to wash over him.

I was looking for something physical
that didn't have to do with sex!

- Shut up!
- You little runt!

Hey! He just called me a runt!

I demand to be mollified.

Are you both lonely?

It's not a trick question.

Are you lonely?

Well, I mean, it hurts
that she turned me down.

I asked to get married.

Well, she didn't reject you,
John. She-- She just--

Just doesn't want to marry me.

And she's bringing up
couples counseling,

and it's for me and Richard.

What does that say?

It says that she knows you
well enough to know...

that you're upset over your
estrangement from Richard.

She said she'd work on it.

You should just give her time.

Well, maybe
'tis the season for melancholy.

Mark and Elaine are splitsville.

No, they're back together.
I fixed it.

You think you can
just fix everything.

- What? Ally?
- What did you just say?

I didn't say anything.

Are you okay?

Yeah.
[ Clears Throat ]

Yeah, you'll-you'll work it
out with Richard,

because he's your best friend.

And you'll work it out
with Melanie because you love her. And--

And the alternative
is too unthinkable.

And the alternative
is too unthinkable.

Ling, we got a problem.

- What?
- The jury came back with a question.

How many years was the plaintiff
employed at the firm?

Which to me says that
they're measuring damages.

I think we're gonna need another
offer on the table fast.

- I'll call Gloria, uh, then Renee.
- Okay. Oh, Elaine?

Do me a favor? Draft me up
a settlement agreement.

It can be boilerplate.

I just need a down and dirty release
that can be filed today.

- Okay.
- Cool.

Right on it.

First, let me say what a wonderful
session this has been.

Your lives are deepening,

and with the exploration
of your inner world comes growth,

and with that growth, pains.

Hey. Dr. Happy--

I'm gonna ask you once more
to just cut to it.

And please don't,
uh, commend me for the question.

You've both
opened yourselves to love.

You with Ling, Richard.

And, John, you with Melanie.

And with those loves
threatened of late,

you've regressed into
another place of security,

that being your mutual
friendship with each other.

And you've become more
demanding in that friendship.

You each want the other
to fill a void.

And with this new demand
comes frustration and anger.

John, you first.

If this relationship
with Melanie fails,

you see Richard becoming
a focal point in your life again,

and this scares you.

This materialistic, sex-driven,

hollowed-out shell of a person...

who locates esteem
in his own personal wealth--

I mean, who wouldn't be mortified
to have him as a best friend?

And, Richard,
with the loss of Ling,

your life turns again to, uh, John--

This odd little
disenfranchised eccentric.

And the likelihood of being drawn
into his world triggers a fear...

of becoming aberrant yourself,

with perhaps a need of medication.

For the first time, you've both...

held this friendship up
to real scrutiny...

and revealed it
to be rather pathetic.

Well,

good thing our eyes were open.

I would have hated for
that tsunami to wash over us.

Yeah.

Go to your women!

Repair what's wrong there.

This way you both can remain
ancillary to each other's lives,

allowing you to-- to veer away
from, uh, codependency.

Go, you funny people.
Venture out!

Live life!
Don't be stuck with one another.

It's just a standard release.
I just revised it a little.

Okay. How about
the confidentiality clause?

Uh, paragraph six--
Right here.

And paragraph four is
no admission of liability.

Okay, let's see that.

"The plaintiff incorporates"--

No, that should say the
defendant incorporates by--

Oh, right.

How about the compensation
provision, where's that?

Uh, paragraph nine.
I-I structured the payments.

[ Jackson ] Excellent.
Okay, let me read this now.

I-I didn't include the interest

'cause I figured I could
add it if the plaintiff asks.

- Add it. They'll ask.
- Oh. O-Okay.

Jackson, forget the settlement.
They turned down the offer.

- Well, let's up it. If we don't--
- We can forget that too.

The jury has a verdict.
Let's go.

Thank you.

[ Clears Throat ]

I saw it--
A big giant drip.

- It was one lousy bead.
- It's not normal.

- Oh, Mark, I'm working on it.
- Is it a gland thing?

Maybe.

Look, I've been single
since forever,

so when I'm around
an incredibly attractive--

I-- You know, maybe my body's
just conditioned to giving off

big wet, sloppy pheromones.

I don't know. This is all new for me,
this not being single.

Look, I cut it down to one lousy bead.
That's progress, isn't it?

Constipated?

I come in peace.
Buzz Lightyear-ism.

What do you want, Richard?

Just, uh,

You're my best friend, John.

And that's something. I--

You know, I-I'm even more proud of
that than all my money.

You know, as long as you're
gonna stand in here...

with your eyes closed,

let that wash over you.

You have plans
for the next five minutes?

Uh, not, uh, big ones.
Why?

I'd like to take you somewhere.

[ Exhales ]

Members of the jury?
You've reached a verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

"In the matter of Mackey versus Albright,
we find in favor of the plaintiff,

and order the defendant to pay damages
in the amount of $10,000."

- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury--
- What kind of verdict is that?

Well, it means that they
don't believe in gender bias--

Court is adjourned.

but that their kids probably
go to single-sex schools.

It's pretty much a victory
as far as the money's concerned.

- I was fighting for a principle.
- Yeah, yeah.

Renee, I hope there are
no hard feelings.

Have to think about that.

Well, uh, would you
consider it over a drink?

Maybe.

Okay.

What I don't get is,
why keep this place secret?

All this time,
I-I thought we had rats.

Well, Richard, you can't escape from
the world if you reveal your hideaway.

Mmm. What-What'd Melanie
say when you showed her?

Well, she, you know,
she squealed, uh--

- Mmm. Bugger.
- I don't think that's gonna work out.

- You and Melanie?
- Yeah. I mean, I-I can't say why.

- I've just-- I've got a feeling.
- I get the same hit off Ling.

Wh-Why'd you decide to, uh,
bring me in here now?

Well, I just didn't like...

what that doctor said about
our friendship being pathetic.

Because I don't think
that it is pathetic.

I cherish.

[ Mumbling ]

I just--

Thought it was time
to show me your hole.

Indeed.

John?

Monbouquette.

[ Vonda ]
♪ Boy ♪

♪ We had our share
of the sun ♪

♪ Ooh, when we ♪

♪ Had our days ♪

So, this thing between you and Ling--
Is it over or not?

It's over.

- You don't seem sure.
- ♪ One heck of a try ♪

I'm sure.

Looks like Renee
finally found somebody.

Maybe.

That's great.

Mmm. Yeah.
I can tell you're thrilled.

No, I--

I was-- Oh, hey.

Hey! Where's, uh, Mark?

- Um, bathroom.
- Is everything okay?

I don't know.

It seems to be
a real relationship.

- Isn't that a good thing?
- I-I-- I guess it is.

It's a great thing.
If only I knew how to have one.

Elaine---

Ally, my idea of communicating
with a man is to stick my breasts out.

Besides their need for sex,

I-I don't have a clue about them.

What do I do from here?

Well, you-you-you,
uh, love him.

You be honest with him.

You be there when
he needs somebody to hold onto,

and every now and then...

you tell him that he has
a really nice ass.

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ The love ♪

♪ We planned to taste ♪

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

♪ Was swallowed up ♪

♪ By time and space ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Ooh, Lordy,
Lord, it hurts to think ♪

♪ Of just how close we came ♪

♪ Just how close ♪

♪ We almost found ♪

♪ That once-in-a-lifetime ♪

♪ Thing ♪♪

[ Woman ]
You stinker!