All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S04E11.2000.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

♪♪ [Pop]

♪ I know I stand in line ♪

♪ Until you think
you have the time ♪

♪ To spend an evening with me ♪

♪ And if we go
someplace to dance ♪

♪ I know that there's a chance ♪

♪ You won't be leaving with me ♪

-♪♪ [Continues]
-You know, when I was little...

I used to pretend Nancy Sinatra was
singing this song to me.

You're kidding.

When I was little, I used to pretend Frank
was singing it to me.

-John?
-Yes?

Do you want to
walk me home tonight?

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪♪

If I tic more than normal,
it's only because I'm nervous.

I've never done this before.

[Gasps]

-You've never--
-Oh, uh, no.

I don't mean I'm a virgin.

I've just never br--brought a man back
to my apartment before.

In fact, I-I-I've--
[Whoops]

Never brought anyone
back to my apartment.

Well, I'm honored then.

I certainly hope
my underwear is clean.

-It was a joke.
-Oh.

-Ah! [Grunts] Ready?
-Ready.

[Whoops]

[Melanie Sighs]

You live here?

Yeah.
I feel safe and cozy.

I just can't have any dinner parties.
[Chuckles]

B-But w-w-wh--
where do you even sleep?

Oh.
[Chuckles]

Ta-da!

And... do you, uh--
Is there a commode?

Um, yes.
Yes.

[Laughs]
Do you need to go?

No, no.
I'm-I'm, uh--I'm fine.

Is it too weird?

No.

I-I quite love it.

And I suppose if you misplace something,
i-it--it saves time.

Yeah.

Same for when I...

want to get a guy
into my bedroom.

-[Chuckles]
-Well, you got me there.

John, I--

I so wanted you to see my apartment.
Do you really like it?

Melanie, it's magical. I mean, how did you
even find this place?

I know the super.
He set me up.

Well, I--Yeah.

-[Barks, Screams]
-Okay. All right.

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-No, no. When I'm--

-Nervous?
-Yeah. Yeah. But, uh--

-[Rumbling]
-[Both Screaming]

-I think there may be an earthquake.
-No, it's not an earthquake.

That's the other thing. This isn't
technically an apartment.

Wh-Wh-What is it?

-An old service elevator.
-[Rumbling, Banging]

♪ I've been down
down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

-♪ Oh ♪
-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Crash]

Okay, uh, first up,
where's John?

He's sitting in on Melanie's class
again. He wants to make sure--

He's in love with her. He follows
her around like a puppy dog. It's gross.

Excellent. Uh, next up, uh, new client.
Roth Public Relations Firm.

Big ticket. They're being sued by a
former employee. Discrimination.

Ally, I'd like you to handle it. Mark, uh,
second chair. Meeting set up for 9:30.

-Moving on--
-Wait, wait. What's the case about?

About $200 an hour, your time.
If I get involved--

I mean the cause of action.

A receptionist claims she was fired for
being too chunky, which is ridiculous.

-And what did the client say?
-She was fat.

Our client's admitting
that was the reason? Fat?

She is. I saw a picture. Res ipsa beast.
Next up--

I am not gonna take that case.

Look, the client wants a woman. You'll do
it. Final note. Now, this is fun.

There's gonna be a charity, uh, twisting
contest at the bar Wednesday night.

Chubby Checker is actually gonna sing,
which is a real treat for me,

since I thought he was--

What's the word?
Dead.

I bought five entries
at 1,500 a pop.

Nelle, you'll have to
round up a partner, I guess.

I don't twist, Richard.

And I'm not gonna, uh--

-I'm a champion twister.
-[Growling]

Did you say it was
on Wednesday night?

I think a little office bet could up the
ante on fun. Uh, a thousand bucks? Takers?

I'm in.
I have Elaine.

-Excellent. Nelle?
-I don't twist.

-Ally? A thousand to you?
-I'm in.

[Growling]

♪♪ [Guitar]

♪ I knew a man, Bojangles
and he'd dance for you ♪

♪ In worn-out shoes ♪

♪ Silver hair, a ragged shirt
and baggy pants ♪

♪ The old soft-shoe ♪

I think you know this!

[All]
♪ He jumped so high ♪

♪ Jumped so high ♪

♪ Then he lightly touched down ♪

What?

♪ Mr. Bojangles ♪

Sing with us, John.

♪ Mr. Bojangles ♪

♪ Mr. Bojangles ♪

[Solo]
♪ Danced ♪

[Laughing, Screaming]

They love that trick.

I knew it was coming.
I meant to do it.

-[Bell Ringing]
-Recess! Recess! Lucky, lucky!

[Children Cheering]

-Miss West?
-Yeah, Benny?

When will we get to see
Mr. Bo again?

-Would you like to see him again?
-Yeah. We all would.

-And you promised.
-Well, I will work on it, okay?

Go play.

Who is Mr. Bo?

It's Mr. Bojangles.

He's a homeless man that lives on Treemont
Street that I-I-I passed for years.

I took the kids to visit him once.
Almost got fired for that one.

Mrs. Styles won't let me bring him to
class.

Does he really dance?

Um... he can.

Would you like to meet him?

-Well, I--
-I'd love it if you would.

Okay. Then, uh, yeah.
I'll meet him.

Ally? Mark's waiting with the client
in your office.

[Sighs]
This is silly.

Nobody hires new lawyers
on the day of trial.

Anything can happen around here. You keep
forgetting we don't live in a real world.

Does chauvinism live
in the real world?

Firing a receptionist
for being fat?

Is that what the real world
has come to?

[Sighs]

Ally.

-This is Jerry Hill.
-Hello.

You're the client?

Yes. I'm very grateful for your stepping
in last-minute.

My other lawyers
were just not up to it.

Uh, you, um,

as I understand the file,

discharged the plaintiff
because she was fat.

Not fat.
Just overweight.

Ah. Ah.
And being overweight--

She can't really do the job.

-Because?
-She's not attractive enough.

You know, look, I don't think that I am
the right lawyer...

to, um, argue this.

I'm afraid I need you,
Ms. McBeal.

I'm out of both lawyers
and continuances.

Richard said you're a good attorney with
an excellent grasp of the superficial.

Mmm.
Did he?

Well, I don't think that I can see my way
into taking up your cause.

I, uh--

Well, I don't believe that people should
be judged on a first impression.

You certainly
seem to be judging me.

You'll do it because I want you to
and I assigned it to you.

I am the senior partner.

It's okay to evaluate
somebody based on looks?

What else is there?

Why don't you go somewhere and pluck an
eyebrow, or at least pencil one in?

You know, Ally, back when you were
attractive,

you didn't mind being judged
on beauty alone.

It's amazing how principle
pops up with wrinkles.

You know, Ling, I've never challenged a
girl to a fight before.

But since a black eye
could now be an improvement--

Let's go.

Hey, hey. You're both grown-ups.

If you have a score to settle,
let's do it on the dance floor.

Hey!

[Clears Throat]
I'm-I'm--I'm--

Practice?

I lost last year in the Tina Turner
contest to Ally, of all people.

I need to win this one.

Elaine--
It's just a charity thing.

Well, then think of me as the charity
case, because I need to win.

-[Roars]
-[Growls]

There he is up ahead.

That's him with the broom.
He likes to sweep.

Mr. Bo?

-Mel, sweetheart. Sweetheart.
-Hi.

Oh, you don't smell good.
Last shower?

Christmas.
Who's that?

This is my friend, John.
John, this is Mr. Bo.

-Uh-huh.
-Very nice to meet you.

John is a--is a very special friend of
mine.

Oh.

I guess that gives us
something in common.

Special friends
o-of Melanie's.

[Nose Whistles]

Something stuck
in your nose?

Mr. Bo, I-I--I wanted
the two of you to meet.

And, uh, the class wants to come by
for another visit.

-The old battle-ax--Will she let 'em?
-I'm gonna sneak them over.

You look like an angel
today.

He always says that.

-Well, you do look like one.
-I said it first!

Mr. Bo, your manners.
Be nice.

I'm sorry, but it sounded like he was
gonna call you an angel

and then take credit for it.

You think you're the first person
to call somebody an angel?

All right. Okay?
I'm gonna go back to class.

We just came by to say hello.
Until next time. Love you.

Love you.

No, no, no.

-Nice--Nice meeting you.
-You said that already.

-He didn't like me.
-It takes him a while to warm up.

-Is he jealous?
-Well, he could be,

but he'll get over it.

[Nose Whistles]

She lives in an elevator?

Richard,
I am enraptured.

It's this tiny little room.
Tiny little fixtures.

Itty-bitty little bed.
Itty-bitty little chair.

-Why does Mark have to be in court?
-Uh, he's in trial, Elaine.

That's where they do
that sort of thing--in court.

It's Ally's trial.

You only put Mark on it so he wouldn't be
able to practice for the twisting contest.

Well, gee, Elaine,
you got me there.

Are you really that dopey, or do you just
say silly things to go with your outfits?

Hey! Mr. Bo?

What are you doing?

-Did you see that homeless man?
-Gee, no.

And my eyes
are always peeled for them.

-Melanie, did you see?
-Who?

-Mr. Bo. Mr. Bojangles.
-[Whoops]

-He was just here.
-He was? Why?

I don't know. As soon as he saw me,
he hopped back on the elevator.

-Is this man sane?
-Yes, he's sane. Are you sure?

-Yeah. I think he's after me.
-Oh, don't be silly.

Well, why was he here?

First, she came up and asked
if I were retaining water.

-And what did you say?
-I said I didn't know.

My water retention scale
was on the blink.

Then she's less subtle.

She said I needed to drop at least five
or I'd be let go.

Five pounds.

She could have meant kilos.
I didn't pin her down.

-Anything other than weight?
-I got my hair cut once.

And she said, "Oh, no.
That doesn't work at all."

Finally she called me in her office, said
things weren't working out,

and fired me.

Did she articulate her reason?

I wasn't pretty enough.

You needed to drop five,
or you would be let go.

-Did she actually say that?
-Right to my puffy face.

So you were
given a warning then?

When's the last time
somebody told you to diet?

Well, I don't think
we need to get personal.

I hate it when thin people think they know
what we go through.

-I didn't--I--No, I--
-Just because their butt is a tad big,

they think they know what it's like
to have a weight problem.

M-My butt
is not a tad big.

-If it were, should you be fired for it?
-That's not the point.

-What is the point?
-I have contour.

-Ms. McBeal---Ally?
-Let me see your ass.

-Your Honor.
-Ms. McBeal.

Seems I'm just placing too much importance
on--on the way I look.

Have you ever known people
to do that, Ms. Pipp?

All the time.

And have you ever known people who
attach too much significance

on the way other people look?

-Of course.
-It happens all the time,

doesn't it, Ms. Pipp?

Yes, it does.

Do you make room for the
possibility, then,

that somebody could walk into my client's
office, take a look at the receptionist...

and form a quick conclusion not only about
her, but about the company itself?

Could that be possible?

-Dancing lessons?
-I have an incredible instructor.

Sam Adams.

You take dance
from a dead president?

What president?
Sam Adams is a beer.

This Sam Adams is a dance instructor.
He can teach you the twist.

I am not entering
that contest.

[Melanie Whoops]

[Sighs] Is that squealing thing
always gonna be here now?

He's completely harmless,
John.

So are post office employees, right up
until they eat fast food.

What--
[Stammering]

He gave me a menacing look on the street.
He came to my office.

He's obsessed with you.

I don't think he wants you having another
little special friend.

He would never hurt anybody.

Well, I have a nose
for trouble.

Yes, and I'm sure it whistles with alarm,
but, John, I know this--

Oh. I'm sorry.

You disparaged my nose.

Just let me talk to Mr. Bo, okay?
I'll handle everything.

[Door Opens, Closes]

The Chubby Checker?

No. No.
One of the other ones.

-Of course, the Chubby.
-I'm in.

Okay. Good.

Good.
N-N-Now you've got to help me.

See, I'm in a completely no-win trial sort
of situation,

and you have to give me an
idea.

"No win"?
Why wouldn't you win?

Were you not listening
when I told you the facts?

Yeah. She fired her
for being unattractive.

And you don't see
anything wrong with that?

Clearly I must.

You think that it's okay that
people get fired and hired...

based on whether
they're attractive or not?

Ally, you work
at Cage & Fish.

-And?
-Um--Hmm.

It's extremely well-known Richard
Fish only hires babes.

I beg your pardon.

You didn't know this? It's practically
in your firm's résumé.

Have you ever seen
your firm's résumé?

Richard Fish does not hire based on--

You. Ling. Nelle. Georgia.

-That's quite the kennel.
-Where did you hear this?

It's out there. Guys want to work there
because of it. So do a lot of women.

It's like being a Dallas Cowboys
cheerleader.

[Chuckling]

[Toilet Flushes]

[Screaming]

-What do you mean, you had him arrested?
-The man is stalking me.

He showed up here last night.

I told you I would speak to him.

-Well, it went a little beyond talking.
-John--

-I was in danger.
-How could you do that?

-[Both Stammering]
-[Whoops Loudly]

[Whoops]

Do you have any idea how traumatized
he'll be?

How traumatized
do you think I was

going for my evening poopy
and finding him in my stall?

[Stammering, Growling]

-[Whooping, Squeaking]
-I was pursued!

-What's goin' on?
-They're fighting about something.

-[Arguing Continues]
-Doesn't sound good.

-You think the little guy needs help?
-I don't know.

When Ling said that she was a champion
twister,

has she actually won a
competition?

I don't know, Elaine, but I'll tell ya
this--

[Melanie Barks]

Yikes. Sounds ugly.

I've made love to Ling,
and if she can twist

half as well as she can, uh, contort,

y-you got no chance.

And I don't
even have Tourette's!

I was just pretending
to get a little action!

Where's the concern for my welfare?
I ask you that.

Didn't wait
for my answer.

It isn't just about
a first impression.

Which is important. The reception area
is also the waiting room.

-How is that relevant?
-Waiting is not fun.

It helps to mitigate
the impatience...

when they at least get to sit with a
pretty girl in the room.

In fact, and this may sound chauvinistic,
but it's nevertheless true--

Put a beautiful woman in the room
and men are happy.

And what about the women
who are waiting?

Believe it or not,
they enjoy it, too.

Again, this may sound
gender-biased to say it,

but most women, especially my clients,
are extremely fashion-conscious.

Look at you.

Please just answer
the questions, Ms. Hill.

Women love to
look at the clothes.

It helps for my receptionists to look like
models. The clothes on them look better.

Ms. Pipp is 10 pounds shy
of a muumuu.

You feel no compunction about firing
someone

because they're not good-looking
enough.

If I've learned anything from being in
public relations,

it's that packaging
counts.

So, therefore, it's okay to discriminate
on the basis of packaging.

She didn't protest
when I hired her on looks.

What about your publicists?

That's different.
Them I hire on talent, skill.

Yes, but I would imagine

that a beautiful publicist would
make for a better presentation.

You imagine correctly.

So, skill levels being equal, you would
hire the prettier publicist?

In an eye blink.

Basically no matter what the position,
looks count. Right, Ms. Hill?

And I suppose I'm the first person
on earth to think that.

No, you're not, Ms. Hill. There's plenty
more where you came from.

I told you no.

Just one lesson.
Then you'll want to do it.

I do not like my eggs
with Spam.

I do not twist
with Sam I Am.

Funny.

He's here.

Well, then send him away.
I-I just don't--

Sam? Nelle.
Nelle, Sam.

-You're Sam Adams?
-Hello.

Hi.

Your hands are very cold.

-But getting hotter.
-[Chuckling]

It would be my pleasure
to be your partner.

Maybe one lesson.

3-2-6-6-2. Commonwealth
versus John Doe, alias Mr. Bo.

Assault,
stalking with intent.

I'm Marsha Paine for the defendant.
We waive reading.

He was arrested under
the anti-stalking statute?

Yes, Your Honor. The defendant has--

Your Honor, I would like to
drop those charges.

-This was all a mistake.
-Are you the victim?

No, but I know the victim--

Ma'am, you have no standing
here unless you yourself--

[Barks]

Your Honor, Attorney John Cage.
I'm the victim.

There evidently
was a mistake,

and, uh, I'm prepared to
drop the charges.

You thought this man was stalking you,
and now you feel you were in error?

That is correct, Your Honor.
It seems I overreacted.

And if called upon to testify,
that's what I'll be saying.

The charges are dismissed.

Mr. Cage, you will pay court costs.
The defendant is free to go.

[Bailiff] 2-6-6-2.
Commonwealth versus--

What's the big deal?

Don't answer with a question.
Just answer the question.

-Uh, mine or-or--
-I want to see the firm résumé.

-Why? That's for clients.
-Richard, I want to see it right now.

[Sighs]

[Alarm Blaring]

[Alarm Chirps, Stops]

"Our lawyers have legs
to stand on."

-Fishism. No biggie.
-Richard,

I'm gonna
ask you one more time.

Did you hire me
based on my looks?

Ally, did we know each other in law
school?

Not really.

-Did I interview you for the job?
-No.

Did I ask to see a reference or a
transcript?

No.

All I had to go on was looks.
Why bite the hand that wants to touch you?

So this had nothing to do
with my ability as a lawyer.

What ability? I'm still looking for that.
Kidding. You, Ling, Nelle, you're smart.

You wouldn't be here if you weren't.
But people hate lawyers.

Clients think their lawyers
are only out to screw them.

It's just easier being screwed by a
beautiful woman. Vulgarism, but--

I can't believe this.

Don't tell me you don't trade
on your looks every day, Ally.

You wake up each morning, you pull out the
lip gloss, the rouge, the blush.

What for,
to brush up your intellect?

[Gasps]

♪♪ [Salsa]

♪♪ [Continues,
Man Singing In Spanish]

Isn't this, uh, salsa?

If you can salsa,
the twist will be easy.

You're actually very good.

-Am I?
-Yeah.

♪♪ [Continues]

Excuse me.
Could you give me a minute?

Sure.

♪♪ [Humming]

Wait a minute, Elaine.
This is my office.

Oh, that's right. Secretaries don't get
offices. Secretaries get stations.

I should know my station in life by now,
shouldn't I?

Okay.
Um, what's the matter?

Nelle has
a professional instructor.

Ling's a champion, and Nelle has this
Latin pelvic machine.

The twisting contest?

Elaine,
this is for charity.

I don't care. You people win
at everything.

I'm sick of you people.
Never mind.

"You people"?
Okay, and who would that be?

Ally, I don't have a law degree.
I didn't even go to college.

There's not much out there
for me to--Oh, forget it.

So, you want to win a dancing contest
because you didn't go to college?

I wouldn't expect you
to understand.

Let me tell you something,
Elaine. Okay?

I may have a law degree, but I was hired
here for being a babe.

Oh, right.
Yeah, you. You're a babe.

Come on, you're hardly--

-I'm sure that's not true.
-It is.

I may have an education, but I got my job
as Richard's trophy.

So don't think that you have the priority
on the esteem blues.

You know, whatever Richard might think,
Ally, you know better.

You are smarter.
You do have the education.

You can walk down the street
feeling--

Me, I-I dance better.

Or maybe not.

So, do you really think by winning
this twisting contest...

that you're gonna,
uh, feel--

I'd feel better
than if I'd lost it.

-[Whoops]
-[Children Chattering]

Hello.

Well, hi, John.

How's Mr. Bo?

He's fine.

We're, uh--We're really grateful
that you recanted.

Melanie, he really did
frighten me.

I told you I would speak to him.
You could have called me.

Instead you called the police.
I mean, that was stupid.

Please don't call me stupid.

He's not an animal, you know? Just because
he's homeless, he's not an animal.

I understand that. I-I... guess
I don't understand--

Can you tell me why
he's so important to you?

He's my father.

Why didn't you
just tell me that?

Because...

I-I--I don't know.

I guess I was embarrassed
having a homeless father.

I didn't think you let yourself be ashamed
about anything.

I'm not ashamed.
I'm embarrassed.

I have nothing to be ashamed of,
except maybe being embarrassed.

I'm ashamed about being
embarrassed, but I'm not ashamed.

Oh. O-Okay.

Uh... I am ashamed.

I'm ashamed of being
embarrassed about my own father.

Well, uh, can we help him?

John, it's not about that
for him.

This is--This is the society
he chooses to live in.

I-I-I put him into shelters.

He has places to stay
when it's cold, but--

Yes, but what about mental help? If
he's choosing to be homeless--

The pressures of ordinary life
were beginning to--

to, mmm, break him down
mentally.

And since he's been
on the streets, he's, uh--

he's more peaceful than--
than I've ever seen him.

He's a kind man, John.

I-I wanted you to meet him
because--

[Exhales]

because
he's a wonderful person.

He's just--He's just
a little different.

Well, I mean,
the last woman I dated,

her father thought
he was Santa Claus, so--

Can I talk to him and just let him know
that I know?

He'll want to wrestle you.

-I beg your pardon.
-That's what he does.

That's probably why
he came by the office.

To wrestle me?

-Oh--
-Let him be.

I'll--I'll get him
to leave you alone.

Yeah.

My wife
is a real estate broker.

She sells
million-dollar homes.

Before showing,
she gets there early...

and puts various floral arrangements
around the house,

a bowl of fruit
on the dining room table.

I ask her, I say, "People are about to
plop down millions of dollars on a house.

Do a few flowers and a bowl of fruit
really mean anything?"

And she says,
"You'd be surprised."

Packaging is everything today.

Movies get made today not on content, but
on the basis of marketability.

Will it open?

Television
is the same thing.

If the audience can't grasp the concept
quickly, then it's gone.

Cars, fashion, you name it.

What sells is cosmetic.

That's the world we live in.

Okay, I-I get it.

But when it comes to people,
to human beings,

are we really prepared
to say that that's okay?

To judge a person
by physical appearance...

instead of talent,
instead of character?

Are we
to really accept that?

She is a human being,
a person, for God's sake.

Not a countertop.

She put in nine years. She served her
company faithfully.

Her skills
were never questioned,

and she was fired because
her face started to look puffy.

Is that what we've come to?

It's your decision.

Unfortunately,
it's not your decision.

You don't get to decide
the world we live in.

Now, of course,
we would all like one...

where people don't go around
judging each other on looks,

and maybe one day we will.

But for now, you have to
consider my client's actions...

in the context of the world
we live in today.

And, uh, you know everything
that Mr. Stone said is true.

We exalt the first impression.

Now, we-we might profess,
"You can't judge a book by its cover."

But, in fact--and any good publisher
will tell you this--

the key to a best seller
is, in fact, the cover.

I mean, people walk into bookstores
and buy based on the jacket.

We choose our president
on who looks the best.

I just--I just found out that I got my
job based on my appearance.

My pretty face.
My slender legs.

The perfect contour
of my buttocks.

Does that make me proud?

No.

But it is the reality.
And here's another one.

Jerry Hill is in the business of selling
first impressions.

She runs
a public relations firm.

Now, how can a client trust her

if the first impression that she makes
isn't a good one?

The receptionist
is there to greet.

The receptionist
is the first impression.

She is part of the package that wraps up
what Jerry Hill has to sell.

And Mr. Stone has admitted to you
what the real world is.

He's arguing that Jerry Hill
shouldn't get to live in it.

[Chattering]

I suppose I ought to thank you
for the room and board.

I didn't know you were just
being an over-protective father.

People don't always treat her right.
I need to check up.

You were smart to hang out
in the bathroom, then.

What were you looking for,
a stool sample?

Do you love her?

I--I think I might.

Yes.

Then I must wrestle you.

Mr. Bo, I'm a grown man.

And what I'd like to do,
instead of wrestling you,

I think maybe I'd like
to get you some help.

-You're chicken.
-I'm not chicken. I just--

Why don't you just admit it,
you little squirt.

Has the jury
reached a verdict?

-We have, Your Honor.
-What say you?

In the matter of Pipp v. Hill, we find in
favor of the defendant.

[Judge] Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, this ends your service.

-We're adjourned.
-[Gavel Raps]

-Well, congratulations.
-Thank you.

Your closing was so effective, one might
think you believed what you were saying.

I suppose one might.

Good luck with your business,
Ms. Hill.

I didn't invent the way things work,
you know.

No, but you perpetuate it.

And you're sure
you don't?

Uh, we're having a twisting contest.
Maybe you'd like--

Maybe--Maybe not.

♪♪ [Rock]

♪ Let's have some fun
at the hall tonight ♪

♪ Boot it down
till the early bright ♪

♪ Make the scene
with the record machine ♪

♪ At the dancing party tonight ♪

Unbelievable.
He's really not dead.

Are you sure?

-♪♪ [Continues]
-I'm a little nervous.

You're ready, Nelle.

You know the secret to dance?
Any dance?

-What?
-Sex.

You need to make love
to the song.

Everything else follows.

Okay.

♪♪ [Continues]

I hope you're channeling
some rhythm my way.

♪ Twist and shout
till you knock yourself out ♪

♪ At the dancing party tonight ♪

-[Onlookers Cheering, Shouting]
-Mr. Bo! [Grunting]

Get him!
Get him!

[John Screaming]

-[Huffs]
-[Screams]

[Cheering Continues]

[Yells]

[Panting]
Okay. All right.

You're a little wiry,
but you can date her.

Oh, that's how you judge somebody,
by how well he wrestles?

There are worse ways
to measure a man.

Mr. Bo, I am going to say something to you
my father once said to me.

You are a total kook-ball.

Is that even a real word?
"Kook-ball"?

If it was good enough for my father,
it's good enough for you.

Hey.
You got supper plans?

I got a piece of salmon
for the hibachi.

Homeless people
eat salmon now?

-♪♪ [Rock]
-[Cheering, Applause]

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Let's do the twist ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Let's do the twist ♪

♪ Take me by my little hand ♪

♪ And go like this ♪

♪ Come on and twist
Yeah ♪

♪ Baby, twist ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah ♪

-♪ Just like this ♪
-♪ Round and around and around ♪

♪ Come on, little miss ♪

♪ And do the twist ♪

♪ My daddy is sleepin' ♪

♪ And my mama ain't around ♪

♪ Yeah, he's off sleepin' ♪

♪ And my mama ain't around ♪

♪ We'll be twistin'
twistin', twistin' ♪

♪ Till we
tear the house down ♪

♪ Come on and twist ♪

-♪ Yeah, baby, twist ♪
-♪ Round and around and around ♪

-♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh, yeah ♪
-♪ Round and around and around ♪

-♪ Just like this ♪
-♪ Round and around and around ♪

♪ Come on, little miss ♪

♪ And do the twist ♪

♪ Ye-eah ♪

♪♪ [Continues]

This isn't fair. She's getting Chubby.
What do I get?

You'll get
your chubby later.

I want that one.

The good news is,
I don't think Ling is winning.

-The bad news is--
-Neither are we.

-♪♪ [Continues]
-[Cheering, Applause Continues]

You could stay at my place one night,
Mr. Bo.

Plenty of room.

I will stay in my own home,
thank you.

Well, maybe we should all go grab
somethin' to eat.

No, the Toad and I
already ate.

Could you do me a favor and not call him
the Toad?

Oh, but it so fits.

-Such a kook-ball!
-At least "toad" is a real word.

All right. No "kook-ball,"
no "toad." You got it?

Okay.

-Thanks.
-Hey. Hey!

-What?
-One more.

One more what?

No more Mr. Bo.
Not from you.

I know--I know, uh, in front of others,
you, uh--

But when we're alone,
could it be Dad?

Oh, I--

I was never
ashamed of you.

I just--

Didn't want people to know.

-Oh, Daddy.
-I know, honey.

-No, you don't know.
-Be quiet.

-Why should you even presume to know?
-I dance better than you.

-You cheat at wrestling.
-I saw you twisting.

You looked
constipated.

-[Arguing Continues]
-All right!

She brings her class
to see you.

She brought me to meet you,
to my insurmountable dismay.

Does that sound like
she's ashamed?

All the people in her life she wants you
to know, and for them to know you.

-If that's not loving, then--
-God didn't make little green apples.

-Okay, let's just, uh--
-All right. All right, all right.

[Huffs]

If Fats Domino plays at that bar--

We'll absolutely come and get you.

He would pin you in a second.

Uh, don't be a stranger.

I won't be.

I love you, Dad.

Oh, I love you.

-Hey!
-What?

He's okay.

[Chuckles]
Yeah, he is.

Night.

[Vonda]
♪ I knew a man, Bojangles ♪

♪ And he danced for you ♪

♪ In worn-out shoes ♪

♪♪ [Continues]

I wish I could do more
to help him.

Well, he's living the life he wants to,
Melanie.

Mmm.

-I think he's happy.
-Yeah.

He may very well be.

♪ He shook his head ♪

♪ And as he shook his head ♪

♪ I heard someone ask him ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ Mr. Bojangles ♪

♪ Mr. Bojangles ♪

♪ Dance ♪♪

I'm just gonna go get my coat.

Oh, Elaine, hey.

-Where's Mark?
-Um, getting the car.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

-How does it feel?
-Well, you know.

Like the Tin Man
when he got his heart?

This is something, Ally.

It is something.

No, I know.

Congratulations
again.

So, uh, I'm just
gonna be a second.

-It's really shiny.
-Yes, it is.

Do you think I could enjoy it for one
evening

before you and Ally strip it of
any luster?

Oh. Yeah. You should enjoy it
forever, Elaine.

But it's where you display it--
that's the key.

If you put it on the mantelpiece it says
to the world this is who or what you are,

and you're way more than this.

Now, you stick it in a drawer,

it says this is something you've done,
accomplished.

And in a drawer it doesn't tarnish
so easily.

I mean, keep it. Elaine, it's yours.
You won it.

Just... don't hold yourself
up to it.

-You ready?
-All set. Let's go.

-Coming?
-Um, in a minute.

You guys go ahead.

♪♪ [Guitar]

[Vonda]
♪ And they say that she once ♪

♪ Won a contest ♪

♪ In a nightclub ♪

♪ Oh, she wanted to be ♪

♪ Betty Grable ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ But now she sits there ♪

♪ At that beer-stained table ♪

♪ Dreaming of the things ♪

♪ She never got to do ♪

♪ All those dreams ♪

♪ That never ♪

♪ Came true ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!