Original subtitles

-Previously on Ally McBeal. -I'm here to hire you.

Hire me?

I'm suing you or defamation, you total bitch.

I think it probably makes sense to hire outside counsel.

I'm really disappointed you've become such a coarse person.

-And I assume you checked me out. -May you never find a man.

Why did you hire Larry Paul to defend you?

He-He's just--He's just--He's just, you know,

yummy.

Let her apologize, and let us all move on.

Sorry, Kimmy.

Hi, Ally. You know Larry.

Yes, I do.

You two stay out late last night?

I didn't check my watch.

-This case is over. You can go now. -I don't wanna go.

I want you to ditch the father-and-son act.

I'll declare Nelle void. We can have dinner tonight.

Done.

[Ally Narrating] It happened that fast.

[Male Announcer On TV] The first kiss often happens at the end of the date.

So if you're drinking alcohol, remember not to consume too much.

Physical precipitors often include hand-holding,

the touch of a shoulder.

More shy men stand back.

But this is not to be construed as disinterest.

It is important that you never fold your arms,

for this is perceived as an unconscious signal...

that you choose not to be kissed.

If you've been eating a breath mint,

please be sure to remove it beforehand...

to avoid awkwardness and excess secretion.

Moist but not wet lips are preferable.

Dry mouth is often a problem which makes extensive conversation difficult.

-What in God's name-- -[Clicks]

Hi, Renee. Just, uh, watching a little tube.

I saw what you're watching. What the hell is that?

Oh. Um--

Well, you know, it's just, uh--uh, an instructional video on kissing.

There was nothing else on, so I threw it in.

Instructional video on kissing.

Sometimes I do dumb things just to see if you'll notice.

-Ally-- -Tomorrow is my third date with Larry.

The big third date.

-And you think you two will kiss? -Well, third date, Renee.

Ally, on the third date, you're supposed to sleep together.

That's funny. That's funny.

But-But can't I just be nervous about my first kiss?

[In Childlike Voice] Girls often do get nervous, Ally.

But you're 30. Why are you watching a video?

Well, because I think I've forgotten how.

-You've forgotten how to kiss? -Hmm.

And that thing that you just heard about dry mouth, that happens to me.

My mouth turns to sand when I'm nervous.

I'm telling you, Renee, that I feel like I have never kissed a man in my life.

And if I have, I have totally forgotten.

-[Clicks] -As he moves forward with his head,

it's important you indicate that you're receptive.

Many shy men--

if they feel a lack of reciprocal interest--

will veer off and peck the cheek.

To indicate that his advance is welcome, tilt your head.

Open your lips slightly,

but do not expose your tongue.

At this point, be sure to close your eyes...

and let his lips gently meet yours.

Find his upper lip with your lower lip.

Then make a slight sound to indicate your pleasure.

[Both Moaning]

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

-♪ Oh ♪ -♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Loves a lover ♪

♪ Everybody loves me Oh ♪

♪ Yes, they do ♪

♪ And I love everybody ♪

♪ Since I fell ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ I should worry ♪

♪ Not for nothin' ♪

♪ Everybody loves me Oh ♪

♪ You know they do ♪

♪ And I love every--♪

♪♪ [Record Scratches, Song Stops]

-Oh, Kimmy. -This is really embarrassing.

Okay.

Six months ago, I was removed from the partnership track.

I am humiliated to say it.

I am now working at another law firm,

but I sued Cole and Nieber just the same, out of principle.

My trial is set to start tomorrow.

My attorney, Greg Harrod, who you met last week, was scheduled to handle it.

He has suddenly become unavailable as of yesterday.

-The day before the trial? -I was thinking of hiring you.

-[Laughs] -Me?

[Exhales] Well--Uh--Um, gee.

Your firm comes highly recommended.

I'm told you have experience with this mean judge.

And there's another variable.

Which is?

Well, the defendants also changed counsel.

I assume the switch--They went and hired that man Larry.

Larry Paul, my-my, um--my, uh, lawyer?

Why can't we do it? Your case is over. There's no conflict of interest.

Technically, Larry Paul and I are, uh--personally.

-Have you slept with him? -Oh!

-[Groans] -Oh. Like that.

Just because you two are involved socially...

doesn't mean you can't square off in a courtroom, plus we can get John or Mark--

She wants me.

You can second chair. John, can you meet with her?

I suppose.

Richard, I don't think it's a good idea. I am dating Larry Paul.

Ally, there are reasons pro, reasons con.

But what does everything come down to at the end of the day?

-Say it with me, John. Money. -Money.

And as senior partner, I have a fiduciary duty to make as much of it as I can,

not simply for me, but trickle-down-- you, Mark, Nelle, Ling.

How can I expect their loyalty if I'm not faithful to them?

You go back to Kimmy and you get that retainer.

-We have a brotherhood here. -[Smacks]

-[Groans] -Off you go.

How you doing, buddy?

Fine.

Well--

-You took the case? -Richard did.

And I would only be second chairing at most.

But do... you, you know, think that it's too, um, dangerous?

Well, usually, I like to get a few more dates in before it turns to war.

If you're not comfortable, Larry, you should just say so.

How would you handle my beating you? I don't mean with a hairbrush.

-How would you handle me beating you? -I don't know.

Uh, most of all, I'd be impressed. Your client is Kimmy.

Hmm. Yeah. [Chuckles] I keep blocking that out.

Seriously, Larry, would you be okay with it?

[Taps Fingers]

Tell me what you're thinking.

Uh-- It's too embarrassing.

-Oh, come on. Just tell me. -Okay, I'm really--

All right, I'm just gonna say it.

For whatever reason, I am really self-conscious...

about my-my... butt and the way you stare at it.

It can be distracting in a courtroom.

What if I promise that I won't stare at it? I mean, I--

I do not stare at your--Mmm!

Got you. It's okay. I stare at yours.

-You do? You--Why? Do-- -Two for me.

Can we just deal with the question?

Ally, I'm not the kind of lawyer...

who likes to get all adversarial with my opponents,

so it's okay with me if you guys really wanna represent Kimmy.

-Are you sure? -Positive. But can I ask you one thing?

-What? -Do you know what this case is about?

She was denied partnership.

Yes. But do you know the reason she claims she was denied?

For being a prude?

They told me it was values. The problem is I have them.

What-What was the exact wording they used when--

That I couldn't really get along with others,

that perhaps I was a bit too puritanical to fit in.

They ever say you should loosen up,

uh, se-se--uh, sexually?

Why are you doing that with your mouth?

Oh, he had a bad experience with some lip bristle,

and the memory of it recently resurfaced.

Sorry.

I have a dormant twitch in my eye.

It comes out when I'm extremely nervous.

It's in paragraph 10 of my complaint.

After they fired me, I twitched for a week. It was awful.

I'd come home, look at my answering machine, think I had all these messages,

only to discover it was me that was blinking.

Uh, Kimmy, at first blush,

this would seem like a very difficult case to make,

and it should really command all of our focus.

Yours is cute. Like a little hamster.

-He's cute. -[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

Ah, Ling. Hey. Hi.

-What's the catch? -No catch.

Just wanted to say hi.

Uh-huh.

Hi.

Ling, um, do you remember that time that we... kissed?

What about it? Well, I'm not looking to go there again, so don't worry.

But-But you--Well-- You're a pretty good kisser.

Why are you sucking up to me?

[Groans] All right. All right, look.

I am really, really scared to death to kiss Larry.

Why?

I don't know.

Maybe because I like him.

But I--Well, it-it-it-- When you and I kissed,

it was--well--

-Amazing. -It really was.

And you only get one chance to kiss somebody for the first time,

and I want my kiss with Larry to be amazing.

Well, don't plunge. It's a common mistake.

Plunge?

So many couples are so hungry for that first kiss, they rush it.

The tongues just plunge in. The key is discipline.

-Remember how slow and soft we were? -Mmm, yeah.

Put your hands on the side of his face.

And don't do anything at first. Just look.

Make the whole thing feel prohibitive as you stare into him.

Like you want him so--

But it would be wrong or dangerous.

Then move in, but stop.

Don't go all the way there yet.

I like to rub the top of my head softly against his nose.

-[Nose Whistling] -Then I go in slow.

-[Neck Cracking] -I hesitate again.

Then--

[Nose Whistling]

Ling!

-Like that. You try it. -Hey!

-Oh, shut up. -I'm not a kissing test dummy.

Oh, sure. Now you protest when you have to kiss her.

-[Stammering] -Oh!

That's unacceptable.

[Door Shuts]

Richard, it was just a demonstration.

A kiss is a kiss, Ling, and it was with my best friend.

It was because he was your best friend that I wanted to help him.

You certainly don't think I'm attracted to that funny little thing.

-Richard-- -N-No. You--

Go away too. You're Judith. That's what you are.

Well, I think you mean Judas, but I can assure you--

Just-Just go.

-Now I'll go. -[Grunts]

He--

-The best kiss I ever got? -Yeah.

Uh--I'm-I'm just curious.

-It was ninth grade. My teacher. -Your teacher?

I had a crush on her all year, and she knew it.

The last day of school. She was kissing all the kids good-bye.

Little pecks on the lips.

But when she came to me, she squeezed my hand a little,

and then she just let her tongue slide in ever so slightly.

Your ninth grade teacher?

At first, I wasn't even sure it had happened.

But then she gave me this look, this knowing look, and then she said--

Ally. We're here.

Oh.

[Clears Throat] Ally McBeal, Luke Pederson.

Hi. Everyone's assembled. You can-- You can, um, go right in.

-Mm-hmm. -Hmm. Yeah.

Once again, do not get agitated. Let me do the talking.

-You have to stay quiet. -Okay.

-Hey. I'm on the other side. -It's three for me.

Let's go.

Kimmy. It's been too long.

-I've missed you. -I won't let you trick me this time.

Kimberly, let's work this out.

My name is Kimmy.

You know, I confess. I don't know the two of you that well.

But it seems to me your differences don't compare to what you have in common.

-I have nothing in common with him. -Oh, come on, now, Kimmy.

-The lawyers at Cole are your friends. -They are not my friends.

Then why do you associate with them?

I don't. I go to work, I leave--

Well, if you don't consider yourself partners,

would it be wise for them to make you partner?

[Water Pouring]

What's this?

I find that lawsuits are usually about truth and perception.

The truth lives within those courtroom walls.

But when the doors open, it's perception that usually has wings.

Now, the fact may be that you discharged Ms. Bishop because she didn't fit in,

that she compromised the camaraderie of your office retreats.

But the perception will be that you found her to be too virtuous.

I dare say too moral.

Now, is that the message you want hopping around town by leaps, Mr. Pederson?

That at Cole and Nieber there is no room for the pious?

That you like your female associates to be... a little more loose?

Is that what you want out there in the community?

How about at home with your wife?

Could you please lean back? We can see the bristle on your lip.

[Sniffing]

-John-- -You told.

It's not as if your lip has bristle.

He engaged the memory. That's all it took.

-[Clattering] -Richard.

Demonstration.

♪ I've loved you for a long time ♪

♪ Now it's time ♪

♪ To make you my baby ♪

♪ I've loved you for a long time ♪

♪ Now it's time to make you my baby ♪

♪ I look at you ♪

It was a little mean.

What about what he did, bringing up the wife?

Maybe we shouldn't be dancing together on the eve of trial.

Yeah. We should go our separate ways.

-So what is this, our second date? -Ally, it's our fourth.

No, it's not. It's our third. What--

Four for you.

♪ I've loved you for a long time ♪

♪ Now it's time to make you my baby ♪

♪ Didn't you know ♪

Elaine. By any chance, would you like to dance?

Um, sure.

♪ Try it again ♪

♪ Then you'll see I can't live without you ♪♪

What do you mean my demeanor?

What Larry Paul said today,

it went exactly to the issue.

A partnership involves people... being partners.

And an alienating personality,

it could very well be dispositive here.

My personality is alienating?

Well--

Yes.

Yes, very much so.

Listen.

When I was growing up, I was always the odd man out. Never popular.

And as a defense, I--

Well, I formed a shell.

So it became harder for anybody to hurt me.

But it also became harder for me to let anybody in.

So in a way, I was securing my own unpopular fate.

Now, tomorrow on the stand,

I want your demeanor to be different.

Your voice, it needs to-to be more relaxed.

It's important that the jury relate to you as if you're just like them.

You need to be less... off-putting.

Well, I don't know.

There's a wonderful girl in there, Kimmy. I know it.

You just have to bring her out.

No, I can't stay really. I'm actually trying a case tomorrow...

as opposed to just sitting at the table.

[Laughs] That's funny.

-[Laughing, Wheezing] -You okay?

-Fine. -Hmm.

Fine. Um-- You like my place?

Hmm.

[Gurgling]

It's great.

Can I, um, offer you some coffee?

You could, but I'd decline. I really should get back.

-I had fun. -Me too.

So I guess we're gonna call it a night because we're both on trial tomorrow.

Yeah.

-Ally. -Yeah?

Um, this is my kitchen.

[Gargling]

[Gulping]

♪ Isn't it romantic ♪

♪ Music in the night ♪

♪ A dream ♪

♪ That can't be heard ♪

♪ Isn't it romantic ♪

I wish the night didn't have to end.

Me too.

♪ Write the oldest magic word ♪

♪ I ♪

-♪ Hear the breezes ♪♪ -♪ [Song Slows Down, Stops]

-Good night. -Night.

-See you in court. -Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Um--

-Uh--Uh, yeah. -[Door Opens]

Um, till then.

[Door Shuts]

[Groans]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Maybe he just doesn't wanna rush it.

He's the man, Renee. It's his job to rush it.

I know you don't wanna believe this, but forehead is better than cheek.

I don't think that he's really into me physically.

How can you say that?

Well, shouldn't he have tried something by now?

Why would he keep asking you out if he wasn't into you?

Well, when I fell for Brian, nothing really chemical happened.

But I was so thrilled to meet a good guy that I could finally talk to...

I convinced myself there was passion when there really wasn't any there.

And maybe that's what's going on with Larry.

-You're way overthinking this. -Renee, guys go for it.

His little hands should be going everywhere.

Ally, for the first few dates, guys use their hands after the date.

You are a vulgar person. You do know that?

[Laughs] It's-It's-It's no big deal really.

I-I only just met the guy. How much can there really be to lose?

It-It's okay. I'm a lawyer.

I'm independent. I've got the world at my fingertips, and I am woman.

-Damn right. -And if he doesn't love me,

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

-What's the big deal? -Let me tell you something, Ling.

See if you can get this. Women love money.

You love money.

You were attracted to me in large part because I've got it.

And when you run around kissing other men, even as a demonstration,

it says to the world maybe I'm not wealthy.

[Sighs] That's a violation.

Okay. May I respond?

Well, go ahead.

[Clattering]

Richard, what women are attracted to...

is what they don't have.

I have you, honey.

Wha--

I understand that some make partner and some don't.

I was even prepared to accept that I wouldn't.

But here you are suing.

Well, being dismissed because I didn't fit in--

I think the translation was "too prude-like."

Well, that should prevent me from becoming the life of the party...

but not making partner in a law practice.

But, Ms. Bishop, the essence of partnership is partnership.

-You have to get along. -I appreciate that.

And if I was causing problems in the workplace,

then I would fully expect to be left behind.

But just because I don't like to drink...

or I don't slap my knee at the racy joke...

or because I skip after-hour parties,

I don't think it's fair to punish me for that.

-And you were told this is the reason? -Basically, yes.

Mr. Pederson let me know that I wasn't entertaining the clients well enough.

He told me that it was important to show 'em a good time on occasion...

and not just do their legal work.

That's what I have a hard time accepting.

Thank you, Kimmy.

You're a person of values, aren't you, Ms. Bishop?

Oh, I think "values" is an elusive term.

But I guess every person would like to think

of himself or herself as having them.

Do you think you ever imposed yours on others?

No.

Hmm. Last Christmas you got everyone at your office...

William Bennett's Book of Virtues.

-Oh, it's a wonderful book. -It is. I read it actually.

Did you go around the night before the Christmas party...

pulling down all the mistletoe?

Kissing can get a little out of control, especially with the eggnog flowing.

When confronted with a box of mistletoe in your office,

you told Mr. Pederson these vile, disgusting plants promote free sex?

I told him I didn't think the decorations were appropriate.

Did you ever complain about some of the secretaries wearing short skirts?

Sometimes I think that fashion can go a bit too far, yes.

Did you circulate a memo-- they're too short, too tight,

they might as well draw bull's-eyes on their privates?

I was upset.

Do you have a bumper sticker on your car?

I put that there a while ago.

What does it say?

"Virgins rule." I'm not ashamed of it.

-Ever been arrested? -Once. For civil disobedience.

You protested the opening of a play in New York?

Yes, I did. It was vile.

-Can you tell us the name of the play? -I will not.

That word should not be used in public,

let alone lit up on a billboard in Times Square.

It was called The Vagina Monologues.

It was disgusting and revolting.

Are you aware you had a nickname among your associates at Cole and Nieber?

-It didn't bother me. -Could you tell us the nickname?

Uh, The Perfect One.

Did you ask once...

that the litigation department join hands in prayer?

It was before a really big case, and I didn't insist on it.

[Slaps]

You didn't have to attack her, Larry.

-I didn't attack her. -Oh, please. Using her nickname?

-I just asked her what it was. -Calling her a virgin?

-Whoa! There's a smear. -You deliberately tried to embarrass her.

For somebody who prides himself at not being adversarial,

you did pretty good damage.

Well, so much for being on opposite sides.

It's a trial. You don't expect to butt lips a little? Foreheads.

Heads. Opposing sides butt heads.

-Something wrong? -You were mean.

-I didn't like it. -Ally, I'm not a fan of rude.

I'm gonna go meet with my client.

-She gets emotional. I'd go after her. -I don't do that.

No? Well, I suppose if you did, it'd make it harder to live life alone.

Richard.

Hey.

Everything okay?

Hmm? Oh. Sure.

Really?

Well-- [Sighs]

I don't excite my woman anymore. Other than that--

You know, Richard, I'm not saying it would work for you or Ling, but--

-What? -Well, I have to admit.

The Barry White thing?

When John let himself be taken over like that, it was a little thrilling.

Well, Barry and I don't exactly gel.

I'm not saying it has to be him.

Find a song or persona like John did.

-It'd have to beat being yourself. -Well, thank you, Nelle.

Between you and Ling, my little self-esteem cup runneth over.

Just giving you a little hint.

Women like men to mix things up a little.

I--

-No. -[Door Opens, Closes]

The problem wasn't her values. It was that she became so judgmental.

She made people feel so uncomfortable.

-I kind of like her. -Well, as do I.

But when you go around ripping mistletoe off the ceiling

before the Christmas party,

when you put memos out about the joys of chastity,

when you tell people God has plans for them after they die--

Partnership isn't just a function of the work.

Personality is very much involved,

and hers rubbed people the wrong way.

How many lawyers work at Cole and Nieber?

A hundred and two.

-Secretaries? -Another hundred or so.

-Administrative staff? -Seventy-five, 80.

You got nearly 300 employees.

-But you can't make room for one virgin? -It isn't that.

Did you tell her to take her clothes off so you could see her naked?

-No! -Ah, my mistake.

Ever make room for the possibility...

that a woman of Ms. Bishop's values could be good for the firm?

Once again--

Ever consider by refusing to make her a partner,

you're sending the message that Cole and Nieber is against piety?

No.

Ever think you'd be giving the other associates...

the notion that

"hey, I'd better roll with the jokes, suck face under the mistletoe or I'll be next"?

-Absolutely-- -Ever warn he when you hired her...

that her values may be used against her?

Could he get in one answer?

Never mind. I withdraw every single question.

That's a bad word around your place, right, Luke?

A woman says "withdraw," she could get fired.

Mr. Cage.

You got sex on TV, sex in the movies, on the Internet.

-Why leave out the law firm? -Mr. Cage.

-Was she a good lawyer, Mr. Pederson? -She was a fine lawyer.

-Made money for the firm? -Yes.

One of your top-producing associates even.

That doesn't mean--

Thank you, Mr. Pederson. You've spoken. Nothing further. Redirect?

Seems not.

Even your own lawyer has no use for you.

Knock, knock.

Sorry.

I was, uh, a little--

Upset.

The reason that I was upset--

[Sighs] I was disappointed that you didn't kiss me last night, okay?

-There. I said it. -I kissed you.

On the forehead. You can't even catch anything from that.

Ally, I didn't wanna rush things. This could be right.

I don't wanna blow it by going too fast.

Could be right. So it might not be. You're not sure.

We've had two dates. Are you usually sure at two dates?

No.

No, you're-you're perfectly within reason not to wanna rush it.

-You're hurt. -Larry, look, I--

You know, maybe it isn't right.

Uh, we, uh-- I mean, I-I, um--

I like you.

But, um, you know, with the trial and all--

And, uh, it's certainly added a little stress after all.

And I think that we should maybe cool it and just step back.

Ally, don't run from me. Don't run from whatever you're feeling.

[Scoffs] You didn't think I was scared?

I've been dating one wrong woman after another.

It gets as easy as it does old, and suddenly,

you're with somebody who could be right.

It's terrifying.

Hmm.

Do you wanna know how silly I've been?

In the last day or two, I have been walking around...

obsessing--

obsessing over the idea that I have forgotten how to kiss.

What do you make of that?

Well, it could be symbolic of something else.

Like what?

Like--

When I first met you, you struck me...

as a person who's maybe forgotten how to love...

and be loved.

To spend six months with a guy...

and don't even know why you're with him.

Do you even remember what it's like to really be with somebody?

What are you trying to say, Larry?

Maybe what you're afraid of is what you don't know.

Well, I don't know whether I should feel sorry for myself...

or whether I should be offended...

or whether I should be happy that I met someone who can see into me...

or whether I should walk out on a guy who has no idea who or what I am.

Well, I guess that's your call there.

I do think that it's crazy for us to be trying to sort this through...

when we're in the middle of a trial together.

Meaning?

I'm gonna go.

I-I can tell that you're in the middle of working on your closing.

-Ally-- -No. I should go.

-[Door Opens] -I... talk too much.

[Door Closes]

When Kim Bishop was 14, she was the only one in her peer group...

who chose not to smoke pot.

She wasn't cool.

In college, she skipped the Bloody Mary brunches,

and she went to church, the prude.

While her peers were out having all that fun,

she went to the library and studied...

with the idea one day she'd be partner in a law firm.

And here she is today.

She's one of the brightest, most productive associates at the firm.

Denied partnership in part because...

her lifestyle wasn't wild enough.

Now, truth is, she's been rejected her whole life.

We ridicule the innocent today, the pure.

You believe in God? Well, you keep it to yourself.

Frown on premarital sex? Joke's on you.

Don't wanna drink a little alcohol after work?

What kind of partner could you be?

The virtuous? How can we respect them?

They're just stupid.

They miss out on all the good stuff.

If you want an idea of just how idiotic they can be,

take a look at this one.

Now, she believed if she was a good lawyer...

who did the work, put in the hours and won her cases,

she'd be rewarded regardless of how much fun she was.

How silly is that?

She's been rejected her whole life. I wonder.

Clearly, she encountered some people to form close friendships with.

Maybe she just got so used to being rejected,

at some point she was no longer open to the idea that, hey, things could work.

Sometimes people, on occasion--

I've been one of them--they get so used to things not working out,

they strangely become more comfortable with failure than they are with success.

Kimberly Bishop has never gotten along with people.

At some point, she has to ask, "Is it me?

Am I the one?"

Nobody at Cole and Nieber was saying to her, "You can't be who you are."

Perhaps, she refused to accept them.

Everything could've worked out here.

All she had to do...

was let it.

Really.

-[Foot Tapping] -♪ I gotcha ♪

-♪ Uh-huh ♪♪ -♪♪ [Record Scratches, Stops]

♪♪ [Intro To "Hot Stuff" Plays]

♪♪ [Song Slows Down, Stops]

♪♪ [Intro To "Love Machine" Plays] ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo, hoo Hoo-yeah ♪

-♪♪ [Record Scratches, Stops] -[Sighs]

♪♪ [Intro To "It's Not Unusual" Plays]

♪ It's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual to have fun with anyone ♪

♪ But when I see you hangin' about with anyone ♪♪

-Richard. -♪♪ [Record Scratches, Stops]

[Breathing Heavily]

You're acting out.

I can dance in my own damn unisex if I want, Ling.

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Song Slows Down, Stops]

Is the magic gone, Ling?

You never suck my finger. I can't remember the last time I did your knee.

[Sighs] We need to rekindle.

Rekindle? Our hottest flame is about the size of a Bic butane.

We're meant to be tepid, Richard.

-[Clatters] -I want it hot.

-[Growls] -I--

Can you handle me hot, Richard?

I want it hot.

I know I'm sexy. I-I have money.

I drink $300 bottles of wine. I drive a Mercedes, for God sakes.

Men don't come more sexy than me. And I want it hot.

[Growling]

[Growling]

All right, Richard.

We'll be hot. [Growls]

[Growling]

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Whispering] Oh, mama!

In the matter of Bishop versus Cole and Nieber,

we find in favor of the defendant.

[Judge] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your service.

-Sorry. -We're adjourned.

-We tried. -We could appeal if you want to.

No. It's the right verdict. I think I should admit that.

Uh, could you excuse me for one second?

Thank you for your support, John, and all your kind words.

Oh. Well, I meant them.

Did you really? You weren't just arguing a case?

No. I--

I've never been this forward with a man ever,

but would you like to have dinner or something?

Yes, I'd love to.

[Nose Whistles]

[Women Chattering]

Ally.

Hey.

What's wrong?

Billy told me once that I was incapable of ever being happy.

-Was he right? -He also said it's only a headache.

-Don't be believing what Billy said. -I know it's crazy,

but I'm just so afraid of the whole thing.

-Why? -Because.

For once in your life, you have something really big to lose.

[Phone Rings]

[Breathing Heavily]

-Hello. -Hi, Ally. It's Larry.

Oh, Larry. Hi.

-Sorry about earlier. -Um--

-I kind of flew out of there. -Oh. [Laughs]

Yeah, you-you rushed out. Well, I'm sorry.

I didn't even notice because I was so busy with the client.

-You okay? -Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You?

Uh, yeah. I'm just working late.

I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.

Yeah. Yeah. We should get together sometime. That'd be good.

Okay, well, um, you have a good night then.

Bye.

♪ Try ♪

♪ To remember ♪

♪ It's nice to remember ♪

-[Sighs] -♪ When dreams were kept ♪

♪ Beside ♪

♪ Your pillow ♪

♪ Try ♪

♪ To remember ♪

♪ It's nice ♪

♪ To remember ♪

♪ When love ♪

♪ Was an ember ♪

♪ About ♪

♪ To billow ♪♪

[Gasps]

Larry, I-- How did--did--

Oh.

"We should get together sometime. That'd be good"?

You think I'm just gonna sit back and wait for you to get with the program?

You might be afraid of all this, Ally, but I'm--

I'm not.

Larry, you've only seen the tip of the neurotic iceberg.

I'm demented.

-What else? -Self-absorbed.

-What else? -Vain.

What else?

Beautiful. That's a good thing.

What else?

Maybe incapable of letting myself be loved.

That we need to work on then.

Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?

[Sighs]

I'm afraid to trust it.

Then we need to work on that too.

I think you remember how to do it.

♪ For once ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ I have someone who needs me ♪

♪ Someone I've needed so long ♪

♪ For once unafraid ♪

♪ I can go where life leads me ♪

♪ And somehow I know ♪

♪ I'll be strong ♪

♪ For once I can touch Hey ♪

♪ What my heart ♪

♪ Used to dream of ♪

♪ Long before I knew ♪

♪ Someone warm like you ♪

♪ Would make my dreams come true ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ For once in my life ♪

♪ I won't let sorrow hurt me ♪

♪ Not like it's hurt me before ♪

I'll see you tomorrow. Right?

You'll see me tomorrow.

-And the day after that? -The day after that.

♪ For once I can say ♪

♪ This is mine You can't take it ♪

♪ As long as I know ♪

♪ I have love I can make it ♪

♪ For once in my life ♪

♪ I have someone ♪

♪ Who needs ♪

♪ Me ♪♪

[Woman] You stinker!