All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S04E01.2000.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

Previously on Ally McBeal.

Have you ever met anybody that you think
would be, you know, right for me?

-No.
-Nobody?

-Have we met before?
-I don't think so.

You-You were looking
at me like, um--

It's him.
I just have this feeling.

I swear there was something,
and the way he looked at me--

Has anyone ever told you how incredibly
beautiful you are when you get cross?

-You're handling me.
-Is it working?

What are you thinking?

[ Laughing, Snorting ]

I have a boyfriend.

♪♪ [ Pop ]

[ Renee ]
♪ Tonight, you're mine ♪

♪ Completely ♪

♪ You give your love ♪

♪ So sweetly ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ The light of love ♪

♪ Is in your eyes ♪

Oh, this is one of
my favorite songs ever.

I wonder why Renee didn't tell me
she was gonna sing it?

Maybe it's a surprise to celebrate
a special occasion.

-What special occasion?
-Well, I have a friend, um--

He's in love with a woman.
They've been together six months,

but he desperately wants to spend
the rest of his life with her.

-Does she love him?
-Mm-hmm.

So why doesn't
he just ask her?

Well, that's what he's planning.
Hence, the special occasion.

He's taking her out as we speak.
He's arranged it...

so her best friend can sing her favorite
song in the background.

He planned to order an expensive bottle of
wine, be holding her hand,

and while
she was preoccupied,

slip a sapphire ring
on her finger.

-Think it'll work?
-It certainly sounds romantic, but--

♪ Will you still love me ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

[ Vonda ]
♪ Will you still love me ♪

Ally McBeal?

Yes?

Will you...
move in... with me?

♪♪ [ Slows, Stops ]

♪ I've been down
down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

-♪ Oh ♪
-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

-♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

-♪♪ [ R & B ]
-♪♪ [ Women Vocalizing ]

♪ What kind of fool
do you think I am ♪

-You seem stunned.
-Well, that's because, um, I am.

This is unbelievable.
Wow.

-So, what's your answer?
-Sorry?

You haven't answered my question.
Will you move in with me?

-♪ What kind of fool ♪
-♪ Do you think I am ♪

♪ Do you think I am, baby ♪

Brian, honey,

sweetie,

I have to think about it.

It's not that I don't
want to move in.

I've been ready to.
I want to, but--

It would mean you'd have
to stop sleepin' with me.

Maybe.

I can't tell you what to do.
[ Sighs ]

For these kinds of decisions, there's only
one person who can know the answer.

And we both know who that is.

[ Together ]
A therapist.

First up.
Ringer et al versus Keebler.

-John, all set?
-I am.

How exactly did you get an annulment
proceeding in front of a jury?

I convinced the judge it was indeed
a question of fact...

and that the litigants deserved a day in
court in front of their peers.

[ Nose Whistles ]

[ Sniffles,
Nose Whistles ]

Are you nervous?

I am not nervous, thank you.
That whistle was deliberate.

I intend to throw it on
occasion during trial.

You plan to throw your whistle?

I am up against Dick Raditz.

Add to that, I have an extremely tenuous
cause of action.

What, you're gonna make it seem like it's
coming out of someone else's nose?

Never mind.

[ Laughing ]
I gotta see this. I--

Move on, Richard.

I have an announcement
to make.

And it might come
as a bit of a shock.

Brian has asked me
to move in with him.

-[ Sighs ] Really?
-Wow.

-Great.
-He's so boring.

-He is not boring.
-Well, are you going to?

I haven't decided.
But if I seem...

a little distracted over
the next day or so, just--

I know I will be.

[ Nose Whistles ]

[ Mimics Nose Whistling ]

$700,000?

Yes. I think
we should consider it.

You know, under the law,
he's entitled to a lot more--

Only if we were married.

Well, you--
you were married for six years.

It was a sham!

Well, which we will argue.
But if we don't win here--

-You have to win, John.
-Yeah. What I'm saying--

-No, let me finish.
-Let-Let me finish. I started first.

-No, you didn't.
-I most certainly did.

-You didn't!
-I did, damn it! I said, "Under the law."

You then cut me off with,
"Only if we were married."

I interjected with,
"You were married."

You then
cut me off again with, "It was a sham."

When I tried to wedge in a word about
winning, you shot out, "I have to."

And when I tried to respond to that,
you bellowed out, "Let me finish!"

And that brings us current.

You don't have
to get snippy.

-Maureen, $700,000 is a lot of--
-I won't let this--

Can I just talk, damn it? Maybe the man
walked out on you just to complete...

one lousy sentence.

I apologize.

I walked out on him,
if you remember.

You and I
are very old friends.

Getting an annulment here
will be very difficult--

You made it to a--

[ Grunting ]
And?

You made it to a jury. I'm sorry.
Please finish.

In order to win,
you will have to endure...

some very unpleasant things
being said about you.

I will be forced to argue
some unpleasant things.

The opposing attorney
is a very mean man.

He and I--
[ Sighs ]

As somebody who cares about you,
and I do,

I am suggesting
you think about settling.

That man stole
my dignity, John.

I need to walk out
of that courtroom--

I've resigned myself...

to being called
fat, ugly,

even lonely.

I will not resign myself
to being a fool.

Help you?

I'm looking for Tracy.

Ah. She doesn't work here anymore.
She moved to Foxborough.

Foxborough?

She didn't tell me
she was moving.

You wouldn't be Ally McBeal,
would you?

Yes. I would, actually.
How did you know that?

She took all her files,
except one.

Ally McBeal. It's a catchy theme song.
By the way, I'm Larry Paul.

[ Grunts ]

-She took every file, but she left mine?
-Yeah, with a note.

Um--
"If it's an emergency, tough."

This is an emergency. Now, please give me
her number.

She didn't leave it. I promise.
What's the problem?

Well, there's, um--Well, it's--
There's-There's a guy--

-Mmm.
-that I've been seeing.

And he asked me to...
move in with him.

Bastard.
My advice is don't do it.

Why?

The guy obviously doesn't want
to marry you.

-How do you know that?
-Did he ask you to marry him?

What makes you think
I want to marry him?

You don't seem like the mistress type.

If you're gonna move
in with a guy you have...

-no intentions of marrying--
-I never said I had no intentions.

-Are you a mistress?
-No, I am not a mistress.

Then why live with a guy
who's afraid to marry you?

-How do you know he's afraid?
-Because he didn't ask.

Look, I am here for
my own indecision, not his.

-How's the sex?
-Excuse me?

With your friend?
The sex?

Well, I don't care
to talk about that.

Ooh, it's that good, huh?

-Look--
-Ally.

None of my business, but--
[ Clears Throat ]

Every relationship will eventually come
down to sex. Why?

Because men and women are different
animals with different interests.

Don't believe all that communication crap.
No matter how much in love,

men and women eventually run out of things
to say to each other.

And when that happens, all you'll be left
with is sex. If it stinks, you're done.

I don't need to tell you that.
That's why you're here. The sex is lousy.

Well, it--
it could be better.

-A lot better.
-O-O-Okay.

-A lot better.
-You need to tell him.

How do you tell a guy
that he's terrible in bed?

Oh, he's terrible now.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no--

No. He's--It's just he's-he's--
He's not great.

All right. Listen to me.
This is important.

It will be devastating for him to hear it.
The key is to leave him...

with something positive to hold on to
by the end of the discussion.

And how do I do that?

I would start by telling him
he's terrible in bed.

-Then upgrade him to "not great."
-I don't think that'll work.

-Do you love this man?
-Yes.

Then you owe it to him
to be honest.

You gotta let him know
how inadequate he is.

If you do get married, you'd be tellin'
him that for the rest of his life anyway.

[ Clears Throat ]
Am I wrong?

-[ Door Slams Shut ]
-Whistles ] Tryin' to help.

[ Vonda ]
♪ It ain't no use to sit ♪

♪ And wonder why, babe ♪

♪ It don't matter anyhow ♪

[ Thinking ] However much I know
otherwise, part of me has always felt...

that life has no real meaning until you
get to share it with somebody.

Maybe that's what
I'm afraid of--

my life suddenly
taking on meaning.

Or suddenly
becoming void of it.

Ally?

Hi. Hmm.

What are you doing?

Just daydreaming.
Picturing my life with Brian.

It looked really exciting.

We're not supposed to chase excitement,
Elaine.

The goal is contentment.

Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.

Ally, it's not like me
to ever give you advice--

Which works out well, doesn't it, because
it's not like me to ever ask you for it.

Here's the thing. There's very, very few
decent guys out there.

And in this day of
sexually transmitted diseases,

the odds of landing one
becomes even tougher.

I don't follow.

They're all wearing condoms. It's harder
to trap them by getting pregnant.

Thank you, Elaine.

I don't know how I would ever navigate
my life without you.

At first, it seemed perfect.

Not perfect, I guess.

The physical part of our relationship
was never good.

We didn't even make love
on our wedding night.

-[ Stammering ] Did you ever make love?
-Oh, sure.

But it was
extremely infrequent.

He said he just didn't have
much of a libido.

And you just
accepted that?

Yes. The rest of our relationship
was great.

We could laugh and talk all night.
We had the same interests.

We were perfect companions.

And I guess I convinced myself that that's

what marriage is most about--
companionship.

But at some point,
things changed.

In June, I was going
to a health spa in Vermont...

for the weekend
with some girlfriends.

There was a mechanical problem.
The plane couldn't take off.

It ended up being canceled,
and I drove home.

I came into the house
and I called out to Wayne.

There was no response.

-I heard laughter from the back.
-[ Water Splashing ]

I went out.

They were in the pool
with their clothes on.

Who?

Wayne and her.

-They were in the pool?
-Kissing.

And she had this T-shirt on,

and he had these scissors,
and he was cutting the T-shirt off her.

They were both laughing, having a grand
time until they saw me looking at them.

-Well, what happened then?
-I found out the truth--

that he had been sleeping with this woman
for more than two years;

that he had planned to make her his wife
after he got out of this "bad marriage";

that his libido
was healthy after all;

that he had just been putting in time with
me

to qualify for a big divorce
settlement;

that I was an idiot.

And that's why you're here? You're trying
to annul the marriage?

I'm here asking the court to recognize the
truth that there was no marriage.

There was a union under extremely false
pretense. There was a fraud.

But there was certainly
no marriage.

How long does it take you to decide?
Either you want to move in, or not.

Well, it--

I mean, is this just a case
of cold feet?

Brian, when two people move in together,
it's a step towards marriage.

-It's a very big deal.
-I didn't say it wasn't.

-Well, your tone is dismissive.
-Ally, tone is something you use...

to discern meaning when the words
are not expressed.

Mine are. It's you
who's being ambiguous.

Sit.

[ Sighs ]

I think that everything
about us is great.

-I really do. We laugh--
-Ally--

But what I find
to be a little lacking,

and it may not be
a big deal at all--

But big enough to give pause
to us not living together?

Um--

What leaves a little to be desired
between you and me...

is the, um,

-sushi.
-Sushi?

-Maybe I ate some--
-Ally--

Sex.

The sex isn't that...
good.

Did you hear me?

You're not satisfied
sexually?

Um, no. I'm-I'm--
I'm satisfied.

-I am so--It's-It's-It's okay.
-Ally, may I ask,

are you--are you capable
of having good sex?

What is that supposed to mean?

I mean, is it me,
or... is it you?

It's us, Brian.

It's a rhythm thing.

It's a compatibility thing.

It's a--
It's a heat thing.

We don't seem to generate
a lot of heat.

So you're indicting the relationship
because of sex?

-I never said that.
-Well, you said you and Wayne...

were perfect companions,
best friends.

-But if there's no sex--
-I didn't say that--

Please, let me finish
my question.

You're not asking a question. You're
making a statement, and I'm disagreeing.

Your Honor--
[ Nose Whistles ]

[ Whistling ]

Ms. Ringer, Wayne wasn't involved
with this woman...

at the time
you two married, was he?

Not to my knowledge, which could hardly
be considered exhaustive.

-He met her two years into the marriage.
-So I'm told.

So we have a marriage, then another woman,
and the marriage breaks up.

Gee, I wonder if this is the first time
something like that happened.

-Objection.
-According to you,

the companionship was great right up until
the day you left him.

-I think the word you used was "perfect."
-Because I was in the dark.

You were getting what you
wanted in the relationship.

I wasn't getting
physical affection.

And you said you didn't need it.

-That was your testimony.
-I needed honesty.

-And he wasn't being honest with you?
-No, he wasn't.

-And that's why we're here today.
-Yes, it is.

So, when spouses aren't
honest with each other,

that should be grounds for annulment?
That's your position?

-You okay?
-Yeah, yeah.

Maureen, it's litigation.
It's adversarial by design.

-I know.
-[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

-Here you go.
-John?

Um, nothing.

No. Tell me.

Well, growing up,
I never had a boyfriend.

How could I think he--
a good-looking man--

-Maureen--
-Am I deluding myself...

to think that anyone
would be attracted to me?

-Of course not.
-Excuse me a second.

What a beast.
How's the trial going?

Ow! Ow!
What was that for?

Richard, I need
a big favor.

Anything. Just say it,
as long as it isn't money.

Maureen. She doesn't feel any man could
be sexually attracted to her.

-Oh, gee.
-So I know it's asking a lot,

but could you feign
being drawn to her?

Just a little. Just enough to bolster
some confidence.

You-You want me to--with her? Oh, John.
She looks like a hamster.

-I'd sooner pop a chubby for a tree frog.
-I don't ask for much.

-Tree frog?
-[ Both Gasps ]

I-I have one. John and I
used to collect them.

-Remember, John?
-Yeah, I sure do.

Hi.

-What are you doing?
-Oh, uh--

I-I may be out of--
out of line here, but...

has anyone ever told you
how beautiful you are?

-No.
-Oh? Well, shocker.

Well, uh--

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Gotta go.

Was he making
fun of me?

No! I think
he was flirting.

Right.

Maureen--Do you see
that woman over there?

-[ Maureen ] Yeah.
-Yeah. I dated her.

-You did?
-Mm-hmm.

-She's beautiful.
-Well, she found me beautiful and sexy.

-You know why?
-I can't even bluff.

Sexiness is mental.

I would become Barry White when I went to
her. In my head,

I believed I had sex appeal.

And therefore, I did.

Now, whatever happens in this case,
Maureen,

you have got to believe in
yourself.

Because if you don't,
nobody else will.

He raised an excellent point. Why indict
the whole thing because of sex?

I mean, doesn't it seem ridiculous
to measure a relationship...

by the last five minutes of the day
before you fall asleep?

The reason men go
into relationships is for sex.

They get married so they get to keep
having it over and over again...

without wasting time on
the dinner and flowers.

And if it only lasts five minutes, why are
you falling asleep at all?

You should be lying awake wondering
what the hell is wrong.

You are such a man.

And you typify everything that is twisted
about this society.

Gee, it's like we're married. You're
blaming all of society on me.

No wonder you want a husband.
You're already a wife.

You're not clever,
and you're not funny.

This society, I'll have you know,
over-prioritizes sex.

It's in the movies, it's in the magazines,
it's on TV.

And it has people locating their
self-worth in their physical appearance.

We have a case in our office right now
where this woman...

wants to get her marriage annulled
due to lack of passion.

Annulled, meaning it doesn't exist, all
because of a little void in sex.

And when people in your position
perpetuate it,

it's neither amusing or
responsible.

And I didn't blame you
for society.

I just cited you
as a sad example of it.

Well, that was a lot.

It was not my intent
to be clever.

I have a slight problem with your lament
on prioritizing sex,

as you come in here wafting of vanilla
wearing a $2,000 outfit...

designed to punctuate
every contour of your body,

looking very much like
the women in the magazines,

except I don't have the luxury
of turning the page.

As for locating self-worth
in physical appearance,

I'm sure there's a mirror somewhere in
your little Prada purse.

And as much as you might hate the idea of
being the object of a man's desires,

what you truly loathe is the idea that one
day you might not be.

And the question burning deep, deep, deep
down into the lip gloss is,

has that day already arrived?

You are the biggest ass
I have ever met.

Perhaps this is where
you kiss it good-bye.

Mmm.

-[ Door Slams Shut ]
-What did I say?

Hmm.

-Are you gonna go back to see him?
-No. Why should I?

I'm not even gonna pay
his bill if he sends me one.

I was talking
about Brian.

Oh.

I, uh--

What?

You've been seein' this guy for six
months. He asked you to move in.

And all you can talk about
is this new... therapist.

Do you think Brian
is a little dull?

-Honestly?
-Of course.

He's so dull, I've lost interest
in the question.

Really?

But that doesn't mean
he's not right for you.

-I belong with somebody dull?
-Opposites attract.

And you're so alive,
and Brian, he's so--

Dead.

Why do you ask me this?
What do you think, Ally?

I think that he is lovely,
he's smart,

he's kind,
he's sweet.

He's not the most boring person on earth,
but certainly of the ones I've met--

-Keep going.
-I've always wanted to live a long life,

and with Brian, I'm sure it will
feel like that.

Keep going.

Maybe sex does last more than 60
seconds.

-But who would know?
-Keep going.

-That therapist was really cute.
-Stop there.

And I'll say this.
All your life,

you've been attracted to people who make
you crazy or burn you.

-A moth to a flame.
-What's your point?

Maybe Brian
is not the guy,

but stay away
from the therapist.

[ Wayne ]
A marriage is about love.

And sex is nothing but one manifestation
of it, and not the most important one.

Mr. Keebler, I'm no marriage counselor,

but if a couple doesn't want to have
relations--

Look, we all know
the bean in the jar theory.

I'm sorry?

Well, they say that if a couple puts
one bean in a jar...

every time they have sex during the
first year of their marriage,

and then for the rest
of their marriage...

they take a bean out of the jar every time
they have sex,

the jar will never become
empty.

The fact is you were suffering some
financial difficulties

when you met my client, were you not?

-Objection.
-Strike it. I've lost interest.

So what happened here? You met this woman
back over here,

and you what, you just fell
in companionship all over again?

-Objection.
-The new love of your life--

What is her name?

-Diane.
-Does this Diane have a job?

-She's a model.
-Oh, I see.

Is she the first girlfriend you've had
that was a model?

I'm not sure what you
mean.

Your last two girlfriends before becoming
soul mates with my client,

they were also models,
were they not?

What is the possible relevance?

The relevance is this man
dates beautiful women.

-He saddled up my client for money only.
-That is not true.

What, sex is not a priority?

Men run around declaring that
all the time, now don't they?

Maybe if more men did, the divorce rate
wouldn't be 50%.

Spoken by the man caught in the shallow
end with Diane the model.

You know something? I did love Maureen
when we married.

I did prioritize friendship. I was
planning a marriage, Mr. Cage. A lifetime.

Not a weekend in Tahoe.

Yeah? Been to Tahoe with her?
You take your bean jar?

-Mr. Cage!
-Objection!

The truth is, it makes sense to build a
union on reason, not passion.

And she pushed me away.
You know it, Maureen.

Don't speak to my client, sir.
Address all your lies to me.

She didn't want my affection.
You pushed me away!

Well, into the arms of Diane. Talk about
every knock being a boost.

Mr. Cage, that's enough.

Yeah.

No, please.

[ Chuckles ] I am sorry that I called you
the biggest ass I've ever met.

I'm sure that there is at least one
bigger. I-I just can't remember.

Hmm. Thank you.

Now, if you were interested in me
physically,

I could even locate some
esteem again.

Do you know that I have come here to
apologize, and you're antagonizing me?

Is this your method?

No, I have no method.
Only madness.

Why'd you come back?
Really.

Well, in speaking with my roommate,
things came out.

Mmm. Things?
Such as?

The problem with men. The good ones
are all married.

And if you have affairs with them, they
turn into cheating pigs.

And if you finally meet
a decent one,

you're so intoxicated over the idea
that he's not a pig...

that you confuse
euphoria for love.

So you say yes to a dinner, and then a
movie, and then a weekend...

with his tiny penis that pops out like one
of those chicken thermometers.

And the next thing you know, he's asking
you to move in with him,

and you're considering it because
against everything else out there,

he's decent and nice.

Do you always talk
in run-on sentences?

I'm afraid that if I stop for
air, somebody else will get a word in.

And where are things with--

Um--Uh, Brian.

-Brian.
-Well, um, I told--

I told him that
the sex was really bad.

And I think he's
waiting for an answer,

which I thought that
I already gave him.

Ally, men don't take hints.
When it comes to rejection,

we're used to getting
our noses bloodied.

We grow up watching movies where, for the
first two acts, the girl says no.

In the third act, they marry. If he's not
the guy, then you have to be brutal.

-And blunt.
-Cruel.

Well, when you walk out the door, he has
to know that you're walking out.

If you're too chicken,

then you can expect him to keep pursuing
you with his thermometer.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

-So it's just the closing arguments left?
-Mm-hmm.

-Tomorrow morning.
-Do you think we have a chance?

John. Maureen.
[ Growls, Grunts ]

Could you excuse me
one second, John?

I don't like this.

-[ Barry White ]
-♪ We got it together didn't we ♪

M-Maureen,
wh-what's up?

♪♪ [ Continues ]

I, uh--
Maureen,

I'm involved, uh, actually,
with this vicious woman.

[ Intercom Beeps ]

Help. Somebody. Is
any--Anybody--Anybody out there?

Um, Maureen?

[ Barry White's Voice ]
♪ Nobody but you ♪

-[ Tempo Slows ]
-♪ And me ♪

-[ Screams ]
-What were you thinking?

Just that...
maybe if I started,

I don't know, allowing
myself to be more sexual--

Maureen, you have
to be true to yourself.

Do you know how hard it was to listen to
the things being said in that courtroom?

I warned you about that.

Now, I'm gonna have to say some
harsh things in my closing as well,

if we wanna win this case.

Look, do you wanna win this case, or
should we just be done with it?

I need to win now, John.

If I walk away
empty after--

Do what you need
to do to win.

At least give me that.

Knock, knock.

Ally!

Surprise.

Ah.

I do love you, Brian.

[ Sighs ]

You--
You don't have to.

Just keep it and wear it in anticipation
of the day we do live together.

That day isn't coming.

Are you, um--Are we--Are we
breaking up altogether?

Why?

It's just...

as much as I tried
to talk myself into it--

If you're gonna say something insipid like
"It's not meant to be,"

I will vomit on you.

We've been together
for six months.

You-You suddenly don't like the
sex, so you-you walk away?

When I look ahead, I see myself
getting tired of you.

Tired of us.

I'm not going to move in with a man
I feel that way about.

I won't even date him.

The problem is, you need help.

You think Prince Charming is gonna come
swooping in

and rescue you from
yourself...

so you can act out
some stupid childhood fantasy!

-Please don't yell at me.
-I'm the one getting hurt here!

I'll yell!

Then what the hell have we
been doing for six months?

Why have you been with me?

Because you're a great guy.

And because--

Well, I didn't entirely realize it, but
I think I was with you...

a little out of default.

It's not every day
you meet someone to love.

[ Chuckles ]
This is what I get...

for dating someone with the emotional I.Q.
of a teenager.

Get the hell out of here. Lose my number.
I certainly plan to lose yours.

-Why don't--
-If you think you're gonna wrap a tidy...

"Let's still be friends"
ribbon around this, you're wrong.

Get out. Get lost.
Good-bye.

[ Sighs ]

Everybody in this room
knows what happened here.

-[ Person Coughs ]
-Look at him.

The charming, broke,
good-looking guy,

and the plain, fat,
rich girl.

He got to pay off all of his debts,
move into the big house,

drive the Jaguar,

redesign
the master bath...

while she went to work
every day,

telling her he's just
not into sex,

all the while secretly having an affair
with a wet T-shirt model.

That's flat-out fraud.

He testified he married my client because
it was the reasonable thing to do.

Well, they were
great companions.

Made good sense to build a future
on a sensible foundation.

Not something volatile like passion or
lust. That'd be stupid.

You believe this,
ladies and gentlemen?

How many men do you know
who don't prioritize sex?

Especially ones
who look like that.

Men crave sex.

It's who and what we are. Now, that's why
the penis is shaped like a compass dial.

As coarse as that sounds, to deny the
truth of it is a lie.

A big one. As big as the one
that he told her.

And I'm gonna tell you
something else.

If you're walking down that aisle with
somebody you do not feel passion for,

that makes
for lousy planning.

The best marriages aren't founded on
common sense and reason.

Those are the building blocks
for compromise.

And the compromise that
Mr. Keebler decided to make...

was to forgo passion
and romance and lust...

in exchange for money.

Maureen Ringer
never agreed to that deal.

She was deceived,
lied to.

The homely girl got taken, and that's why
we're here.

Before this trial started, she said to
me she wanted me to get her dignity back.

Well, she came
into this room,

and she earned it,
ladies and gentlemen.

But she needs you
to give it to her.

And to accomplish that,
you need do only one thing.

See the truth.

[ Raditz ]
Here's a flash.

Suppose Mr. Cage is right.
He isn't.

Suppose he is. My client did marry her
in part for her money.

So what? People marry for money
every single day.

Since when did it become shameful?
Some people choose on looks.

Others decide on religion.

Some are attracted to qualities
of the heart or soul.

And, yes, some make money
the criteria.

There's no approved list of what's right
and what's wrong.

And if there were,

Wayne Keebler would still pass the test,
because he did love her.

As she testified to,
they were fantastic companions.

It was no sham in the way
they laughed all night.

That's somethin', huh?

Two people can laugh together.
That's something.

[ Clattering Loudly ]

[ Thinking ] I don't know why
I like to think in here.

Maybe it's the right depository
for most of my thoughts.

[ Screams ]
God--

-I should've knocked.
-Oh, what the--

What the--What the hell
are you doing here?

The truth? I was worried about you,
actually.

-You were?
-Yeah. Breakups can be tough.

I had this image of you in the toilet.
Who knew?

If you were a decent therapist, you
wouldn't be able to make house calls.

I'm not a therapist.
I'm a lawyer.

-What did you say?
-You thought I was a therapist?

-Uh-huh.
-It says "Attorney at Law"

right on the door.

-You're a lawyer?
-Mmm.

So why did you entertain discussions
about me and my boyfriend?

Well, uh, you seemed like
you needed to talk.

I'm a good listener.
Right on the door.

"Attorney at Law."
Is that too subtle?

Should I have added, uh, "Lawyer. Went to
law school. Sold out"?

This is not a good time
to make fun of me, Larry.

How dare you presume to give me advice on
something personal I was going through?

Because I'm a lawyer, Ally.

As lawyers, we tend to embrace settlements
as a good thing. We settle, we celebrate.

You were about to settle on a relationship
and celebrate it with a marriage ceremony.

Not a good thing.

Anyway--
You okay?

Yeah.

Good. Well, maybe we'll, uh,
meet in court one day.

-Till then.
-Till then.

[ Maureen ]
They weren't out very long.

Well, it's not like
it's a murder case.

Well, if you'd gotten
ahold of the scissors--

Mr. Foreman,
what say you?

We, the jury, by a majority
of nine to three,

find that the marriage of Maureen Ringer
and Wayne Keebler...

shall not be dissolved
by annulment.

[ Judge ]
Members of the jury, thank you.

-We're dismissed.
-[ Gavel Raps ]

-I'm sorry.
-I can't believe this.

Maureen?

Now that you'll be obligated to pay me
alimony, let me say this to you.

-I don't want it. Not one nickel.
-What?

Then why did we
go through all this?

Because you never would have
believed what I have to tell you.

You just would have regarded it as a
self-serving ploy to get money.

I did love you, and I wanted to live
with you forever.

But you rejected the terms we married on,
and you pushed me away.

Because I wanted
to be touched.

I wanted a little
passion, Wayne.

That wasn't the basis
of our relationship.

And there may have been
fraud here, Maureen.

But I wasn't the one
to commit it.

-Well, come on. Let's go.
-Go where?

Well, I'll walk you home.

[ Vonda ]
♪ Outside, the rain begins ♪

♪ And it may never end ♪

♪ So cry no more
on the shore ♪

♪ Our dream ♪

♪ Will take us out to sea ♪

♪ Forevermore ♪

♪ Forevermore ♪

♪ Close your eyes and dream ♪

♪ And you can be with me ♪

♪ Lead the way
through the caves of ours ♪

♪ Long forgotten now ♪

♪ We're all alone ♪

♪ We're all alone ♪

[ Thinking ] Maybe I'll share my life
with somebody.

Maybe not.

But the truth is, when I think back
of my loneliest moments,

there was usually somebody
sitting there next to me.

♪ Let it all begin ♪

♪ All's forgotten now ♪

♪ We're all alone ♪

♪ We're all alone ♪♪

[ Woman ]
You stinker!