All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S02E22.1998.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

♪♪ [Alarm Clock:
Rock, Playing Loudly]

[Sighs]

[Woman] Ally,
breakfast is getting cold!

Coming.

You don't want
to be late for the fair.

[Renee] You're gonna be late
for court!

I said, I-I'm coming, Renee.

♪♪ [Rock, Distant]

[Girl] I'm playing the guitar.

[Girl #2] I got a microphone.

-[Girl #3] I want one too.
-[Both Laughing]

-[Girl] You are bad.
-[Girl #3] So are you.

[Man] ♪ It's closer to
the truth to say ♪

♪ You can't get enough
you know ♪

[Girls Singing Along] ♪ You might as
well face it You're addicted to love ♪

♪ Might as well face it
You're addicted to love ♪

♪ Might as well face it
You're addicted to love ♪

♪ Might as well face it
You're addicted to love ♪

♪ Might as well face it
You're addicted to love ♪♪

[Young Ally] Oh, my God.
That was so funny.

[All Laughing]

-[Girl #2] You're awful.
-[Moans]

That was so awesome.
We should do that again.

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Man] It was a wonderful engagement,
a wonderful wedding.

I thought
a wonderful marriage.

Then I discovered the diary.

Yes, let's stop there. How did you
discover your wife's diary?

She had it on the computer. I guess she
accidentally left it on.

At first, I thought it was just some stuff
on the Internet. But as I read on--

Could you summarize
for the jury what you read?

Well, basically, it was
a series of love letters...

going back 11 years,
from before we were married.

-And you two have been married?
-Two years.

And these letters?

Your Honor, I have to renew
all of my objections.

-Mr. Cage--
-Massachusetts is a no-fault state.

And the content of these letters--

This isn't a divorce proceeding, counsel.
It's a criminal trial for fraud.

Which is another one of my objections.
When I said "all," I meant that one too.

To haul this into a criminal courtroom--

You've noted your objections
many times for the record.

[Mutters]

Please sit, unless you'd like to object
to the hardness of the chair.

[Nose Whistles]

All right, Mr. Philbrick, since defense
counsel raises the question,

tell us how you feel
criminally defrauded.

She married me for my money.

And at the time she married me,
she didn't love me.

-She wasn't even attracted to me.
-She said this?

Oh, it was in the letters.

And when I confronted her,
she admitted it.

Basically, she was 30,
wanting to get married,

and I was good husband material.

But she didn't love me.

The vow she took--
it was a lie.

These letters you discovered,
they were written to--

A man named Michael Redmond.

And this Michael Redmond,
is he a real person?

To my knowledge, he is not.

He's somebody she made up.

So, this 11-year affair didn't really
exist, did it, Mr. Philbrick?

The person didn't exist.

But if you ask Kelly,
the love affair did exist.

And the fact that she didn't
love me, that's true.

Now, wait just one second. You keep saying
that she didn't love you.

-Is that true?
-She loves me like you love a pet.

Or a sibling, maybe. She's never been
"in love" with me.

But she does love you?

But I'm certainly
not the love of her life.

When she looked me straight
in the eye, and claimed I was,

it was a lie--[Echoing]
it was a lie--

-♪♪ [Funk]
-it was a lie--it was a lie--

[Al Green]
♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ Is it so hard to find ♪

-[All Clapping Rhythmically]
-♪ A way to come together ♪

♪ With peace of heart and mind ♪

♪ And no one can deny ♪

-[Judge Walsh] Miss McBeal.
-♪ We can survive ♪♪

-Miss McBeal?
-Hmm? Hmm?

Hmm?
[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat]

-Are you all right?
-Yeah, yeah, but--

The judge just didn't turn into Al Green
and start singing, right?

Well, uh, I didn't pay strict attention,
but I believe he sat quietly.

-Is she mental?
-Kelly!

What kind of question was that?

Kelly, some people see things
as they are and ask why.

Ally sees things
as they never were.

-But she's a lawyer.
-You wrote letters to a man...

for 11 years
who wasn't really there.

But I knew he wasn't really there,
Mr. Cage. I never had to ask.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

♪♪ [Wicked Witch Theme
From Wizard of Oz]

Do my knee.

Ling, you expect to march in here
whenever you feel like it...

and have me service
your knee pit?

-Yes. Quickly, I have meetings.
-No.

-[Laptop Beeps]
-Excuse me?

-I said no.
-Give me your finger.

No to that too. You can forgot about
throwing hair at me.

A relationship is more
than little sex games.

Ling, we're adults. I have emotional needs
as well, believe it or not.

And mature partnerships embrace
companionship, not just--

-What do you want?
-Intercourse.

Morning, night,
occasional nooners.

First of all,
nobody has ever--

ever been able to make love
to me twice in one day.

Well, Ling, after the six-month, 12-step
semen-retention plan, I might be able--

Ever been to one of those ice-cream stores
where if you eat the first sundae,

they give you
the second one free?

Ling, I've heard a lot of talk.

It's time to put your mouth
where the money is.

Remember our first kiss,
Richard,

and how long it took
for you to recover?

I have sick leave coming.

All right, Richard, if you truly,
truly think you're ready.

[Cowbell Clangs]

-Well, that--
-Tonight.

There's one thing
you need to know first.

What?

-Remember how I hate sweat?
-Yes.

Except for sex.

When it comes to sex,
I sweat.

I drip.

See you tonight.

[John] At this point, Your Honor,
we would move for a directed verdict.

Mr. Philbrick testified
his wife did love him.

[Attorney] But she wasn't in love
with him at the time.

The wedding vows say nothing about being
in love. They say "love."

Don't play word games,
Mr. Cage.

I'm not the one playing
games here, Your Honor.

This prosecution, in addition to
being unprecedented, is Poughkeepsie.

[Stammering]
Uh, yes, ridiculous!

I mean, to sue a woman for fraud,
you could prosecute every wife in America.

You don't think women
ever marry for love, counsel?

The vows also say
"honor and obey."

I doubt many women truly have the
intention of honoring and obeying.

You're playing word games again!
She said she loved him.

She didn't. She lied.

She enjoys tremendous financial windfall
as a result of that lie.

It's tantamount to stealing.
Your motion is denied.

How much alimony do you pay,
Your Honor?

Are you looking to be held
in contempt, Mr. Cage?

Your Honor, if you were suddenly to start
treating me with contempt,

how would I know?

[Prison Bars Slam]

John, that was not smart.

This case is
so outrageous, Ally.

John, if she really wasn't
in love with him at the time--

Oh, please.

Men lie to get women into bed. Women lie
to get men into matrimony.

Those are the
simple facts of life.

Oh, do you really
believe that?

I believe women feel pressure
to get married

before their biological clock
ticks down.

If they haven't found that special soul
mate, they compromise.

I would never do that!

Well, you're less afraid
of being alone than most.

What are you talking about? I'm terrified
of ending up alone!

Ally, that is your
biggest fantasy of all.

The truth is, you'd probably
be happier being alone.

Excuse me?

As sad as it is to want
something you don't have,

it's much worse to have
something you don't want.

If you do get married, ultimately he'll
end up being something you don't want.

Why do you say that?

Because what you do want,
he isn't out there.

He isn't?

Nope. And secretly,
I think you know that.

That's why you developed this ability
to look at a judge...

and see Al Green,

to look at a cloud
and see cotton candy.

At some unconscious level, I think you
know that the only world...

that ultimately won't end up disappointing
you is the one you make up.

That isn't true.

I do all those things
'cause I'm nuts, that's all.

What you're saying isn't true. I will find
somebody someday. I'm just crazy!

That's why I see things that aren't there.
I-I love this world.

I love this world, John.

Fine. Then, perhaps, one day you'll
choose to live in it with the rest of us.

-I promised Richard sex tonight.
-You did?

He's pressuring me. Yuck.
It's so messy.

Their brains
all over the sheets.

Ling, do you really
not like sex?

It's not that
I don't like it--

I love it. Sorry, I thought I heard
somebody say "sex."

You're like a little
homing pigeon.

Why don't you like it?

I never said
I didn't like it.

What I don't like
is how men judge you on it.

-I thought you were phenomenal.
-That's just the problem.

If a woman is too good in bed, men just
assume she must be a slut.

I'm great in bed. Oh, but, of course,
I am a slut.

Hello.

Hi.

On my way to court.
Just stopping by to say hi.

-What's wrong?
-Nothing's wrong.

Well, can't I just swing by
and say hi to the girls?

-[All] What's wrong?
-Nothing. I--

Listen, um, I'm taking
a little straw poll,

and do any of you ever think that
you'll find a guy...

who's the one,
the love of your life?

-No.
-No.

Over and over again.

-Why do you ask?
-[Clears Throat] Oh, uh, this case.

You know, uh,

the idea that people do meet and marry
the person of their dreams.

It does happen, right?

Well, um--
[Laughs]

I'm late for court.

[Vonda] ♪ Bows and flows
of angel hair ♪

♪ And ice-cream castles
in the air ♪

♪ And feathered canyons
everywhere ♪

♪ I've looked at clouds
that way ♪

-♪♪ [Stops]
-Hey!

Looking straight
ahead might help, you know.

Sorry.

♪ But now they only
block the sun ♪

♪ They rain and snow
on everyone ♪

♪ So many things
I would have done ♪

♪ But clouds
got in my way ♪♪

I think we all have love inside us
and the need to share it.

-I didn't have anybody.
-So, you made somebody up?

Yes. I suppose I could have started
the letters "Dear Diary."

It just seemed more hopeful,

I guess to pretend
I was writing to somebody.

After a while, I imagined
what he might look like,

the sound of his voice,
his smell.

And it made me feel
less alone to do so.

Oh, okay, Kelly, but at some point,
you met somebody real.

-Barry.
-Yes.

[Ally] And yet you continued to write
letters to your imaginary friend.

Imaginary or not, when a person's
been in your life for nine years,

it's not easy to let go.

Turning your attention to the letter that
you wrote on April 9, 1997,

your wedding day.

-Yes.
-You defined it as...

"the loneliest day
of your life."

-Yes.
-Can you explain that?

As much as I loved Barry,

to be walking down the aisle,
exchanging vows...

with a man
I didn't feel passion for,

it was
a bitter disappointment.

And, of course, I couldn't very well share
it with my husband.

So as a result,
it was a very lonely day.

And the truth is,
it still hurts.

But I did love you, Barry.

I still do.

♪♪ [Rock]

[Man]
♪ Get your motor running ♪

♪ Head out on the highway ♪

♪ Lookin' for adventure ♪

♪ And whatever comes our way ♪

♪ Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen ♪

♪ Take the world
in a love embrace ♪

♪ Fire all of your guns
at once ♪

♪ And explode into space ♪
[Tempo Slows Down Rapidly]

-♪ I like smoke and lightning ♪♪
-What?

-Sex with Ling tonight?
-What?

Oh. Yeah. No biggie.
Yeah. Bygones.

-Oh, fun to be single.
-Yeah.

-Remember the first time we--
-I have a vague memory.

Do married people just not
get excited about it anymore?

Well, you're half right. Married women
don't get excited about it.

Billy, why do you say I don't?
I do.

Georgia, the only time
I see you truly, deeply lit up,

it means you bought
a new piece of furniture.

I-I work!

I'm tired at the end
of the day.

And you are not
a morning person. So--

How about the middle
of the day?

What? You want to hop
into a stall and just--

It's something
single people would do.

[Chuckles]

In a million years--

You don't think so?

Be careful what
you wish for, Billy.

And you're right. It was fun thinking
about it for a second or so, wasn't it?

Yeah.

-Oh.
-[Sighs]

Mmm!

[Man] ♪ If you want my body
and you think I'm sexy ♪

♪ Come on, sugar
Let me know ♪

♪ If you really need me
just reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Come on, honey
Tell me so ♪

♪ Tell me so, baby ♪♪

-Why'd you lie?
-I never lied.

Is it your testimony that prior to
marrying Mr. Philbrick...

you never told him he
was the "love of your life"?

I think when I said that
I wanted to believe it.

Okay, but according
to your own admissions,

you didn't believe it
on your wedding day.

Why go through
with marrying him?

It wasn't to get his money,
Ms. Foster.

[Foster] I quote from your wedding vows
you spoke.

"You will be my faithful partner in life,
and my one true love." You said that.

Yes. As I explained--

And yet, according to
your letter written that day,

you describe the agony
of having to speak these words,

looking at a man you knew
you'd never feel passion for.

A marriage is more
than just passion.

[Foster] Well, did you tell
your husband this?

Do you think he would have gone through
with the ceremony

had he known your true
feelings?

-Maybe not.
-Thirty-two years old.

You wanted security. You wanted a baby.
Time's running out.

-It wasn't like that.
-It was exactly like that.

-Objection.
-Overruled.

The witness never
left her husband.

Objection. Move to strike.
That was testimony.

You're being argumentative.

All right, Ms. McBeal.
Take your seat.

How is it, ma'am, that you can declare
under God, under law, with witnesses...

Mr. Philbrick to be your "one true love,"
when you knew he wasn't?

-Because he was close enough?
-Maybe that was it.

[Ally, John]
Objection!

No. I'll answer that.
I think I was at a point...

I--I didn't think I would ever meet
anyone who'd measure up to...

the romanticized version of a husband I
had concocted for myself.

And Barry, he was
a sweet, caring man.

We shared the same interests.
I knew he'd be a good father.

On some unconscious level,

I maybe did think
"close enough."

-And love--
-[Rhythmic Clapping]

It's probably all
an illusion, anyway.

-♪♪ [Funk]
-Objection! Objection! Objection!

♪ Oh, we've got to keep on
pushing love ♪

♪ Yeah, we've got to keep on
pushing love ♪

♪ Yeah, if we keep
on pushing love ♪

-That's right. That's right.
-♪ We can't go wrong ♪

♪ No, no ♪

-[Walsh] Ms. McBeal?
-♪ No, no ♪♪

Ms. McBeal!

Withdrawn.

♪ Play that funky music
white boy ♪

♪ Play that funky music
white ♪

[Record Needle Scratches]

[Softly]
Elaine.

[Door Latch Clicks]

-[Door Closes]
-[Sighs]

♪ Play that funky music
white ♪♪

[Door Opens]

I don't know why you're so upset.
You've had fantasies before.

This was more like hallucinating, John.
A fantasy is by choice.

Now, I actually thought for a second that
the guy was Al Green.

-And-And-And it's your fault.
-My fault?

Yes, your fault. What you said
this morning upset me.

But what did I say?

All of that stuff about me
secretly preferring to be alone,

because I'll never find anybody that I
want to stay with.

No. No, no, no, no.

What I said was that
everybody compromises.

[Door Banging]

Ask any marriage counselor what's the most
important thing to a relationship.

It is compromise.

They are talking about
a different kind of compromise.

Compromise during marriage
is different...

from making compromises
on what you want in a partner!

Well, why is it different?

-[Groans]
-[Bangs Door]

-It is not normal...
-[Banging Door]

for people to marry when their hearts
aren't really in it!

Now, I am not saying that the woman should
face criminal prosecution,

but she shouldn't have gone through
with the ceremony.

Now, if you want to
sympathize with her, fine.

But if you identify with her, then I feel
sorry for you,

because there has to be
passion!

There has to be passion!

-[Georgia Screams]
-[Both Groan]

You need some work
on your dismount.

It figures the one marriage that would
have passion would be theirs.

-[Door Opens]
-♪ Lay down and boogie ♪

♪ And play that funky music
till you die ♪

♪ Till you die ♪♪

I'm not saying I would prosecute, but come
on. You marry a rich person for money?

-It wasn't for money.
-She didn't love him.

-You said he looked like a gerbil.
-Hamster.

I would think you, of all people,
wouldn't sympathize...

not holding out
for her heart's content.

Maybe hearts don't get content.
Maybe John and Ling...

and Nelle and you and the rest
of the entire world,

maybe you're all right.

Maybe it's this case.
It-It's just--

[Sighs]
I'm fine.

Good night.

[Woman, Shouting]
Did you think about it?

[Man, Shouting]
Do you even think what I'm doing?

Do you even think about how hard I'm
having to work to support this family?

[Woman] How can I think about that when
I have kids asking, "Where's Daddy?" Huh?

How do you expect me
to think about that?

[Man] "Daddy is at work
working on his caseload!"

-♪♪ [Music Box]
-[Voices Continue Shouting]

[Man] Do you understand that? Do you
have any concept of what I do?

-[Door Closes]
-[Voices Muffled]

[Man] 'Cause now's the time to come take
advantage of Stewart's summer sale.

-[Static Humming]
-[Shouting Continues, Muffled]

-♪♪ [Music Box Continues]
-[Static Continues]

[Woman On TV] With highs in
the mid to upper 70s,

with some early morning cloudiness
clearing by midmorning.

-We'll be back later--
-[TV Shuts Off]

You ready? This is an "E" ticket,
Richard,

with a minimum size
requirement to ride.

[Cowbell Clangs]

-What's this?
-It's just boilerplate.

It says you have no known heart
conditions,

no history of seizures,
no back injuries.

You-You want me
to sign a waiver?

And a confidentiality
agreement.

A confidentiality
agreement?

I have trade secrets.

Are you--Am I on one of those
hidden-camera shows?

Camera's rolling!

Action!

[Voice Growling]

What's wrong?

-[Whines]
-[Groans]

Ling. Ling, you can't
just do that.

Do what?

You can't just roll on top
of a man and yell action.

Look.
You frightened him.

Where'd he go?

He turtled.
You scared him.

[Groans]

-[TV Turns On]
-♪♪ [Theme]

Ah, Chicago Hope.

Why should I help you?

Last time on the witness stand you people
called me a "vicious lesbian."

Well, uh, that was my partner,
and it was simply trial strategy.

-That doesn't excuse it.
-Ms. Camaro,

our client is facing
potential jail time.

Now you are the best
counselor/sociologist--

Don't butter me up, either.
I'm not a baked potato.

-[John] Money.
-Excuse me?

-We'll pay you money.
-My opinions aren't for sale.

We're not buying your opinions.

We're paying for your time to
give them in court.

Ms. Camaro.

Please.

I won't be vilified.
You called me a "muscle car."

I--Again,
that was my partner.

We won't vilify you.
I promise.

-John. Hey.
-Nelle.

-Fly the friendly skies later?
-♪♪ [Funk]

[Barry White] ♪ You're the first
You're the last ♪

♪ My everything ♪

John. Need you.
Emergency.

-I'm off to court.
-Emergency!

♪♪ [Stops]

-"Dead" dead?
-First time in my life.

-I mean, ever.
-Well, it happens to everyone, Richard.

Not me. No, I pet a poodle, boing. If
anything, it's too automatic.

-Richard, I really am due in court.
-Who cares about court?

My first chance with Ling,
I'm string cheese.

You know, it could be
a mental thing.

You know what they say,
"The penis never forgets."

Richard, in times of emotional
or spiritual crises,

who have you always looked to
for inspiration?

-Bob Dole.
-Look there once more.

It was a riddle.
It was some kind of a riddle.

Oh.

Billy, what happened?

Oh, I, uh, bumped it.

Is this when you came crashing out of the
stall all coital with Georgia?

-Yes, Elaine, it would be that.
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

-Hey, Billy. You seen Ally?
-I think she left for court.

-Already?
-Is something wrong?

Truth?
Yeah, I'm a little worried.

This case has her upset
or something.

What's with the eye?

Oh, accident.

Your little booty call in the bathroom
with Georgia?

Yes.

This would be that.

This "soul mate" business
is an extremely dangerous myth.

-Why?
-Because it's bunk.

More than half the marriages in this
country end in divorce.

As institutions go,
this one isn't good.

And the reason for
the high failure rate...

is that people go into it...

using passion
and heart tugs as criteria.

It's foolhardy.

Now, how does this pertain
to the case at hand?

Ms. Philbrick,
in my opinion,

probably got married
for the right reasons.

She picked a man with
whom she had companionship.

She liked his values. She believed in
his parenting skills.

This is reasonable thinking,

as opposed to walking down the aisle with
somebody because you like his pecs.

Okay. Uh--

Now, the district attorney
draws attention to these vows.

Wedding vows.

Please. That's just
archaic ceremony jargon.

"Love, honor, obey."
Please.

Let's not forget those vows
also speak to total acceptance.

Nine out of ten women,
when they get married,

their main agenda
is to remake him,

redress him, cut him off
from most of his friends,

and undermine his way
of life.

This case isn't about sociology.
It's about fraud.

Oh, balls. It's about a time-honored,
traditional mating dance.

People look into each other's eyes
and say "you're the one" all the time.

This woman lied, Ms. Camaro.
It's not as easy as a--

The institution of marriage
itself is the biggest falsity.

Look, society
drills it into us...

that suddenly
when we reach our twenties,

we're going to find that
one person who is all things.

Come on.
Nobody's everything.

What does any of this
have to do with--

Ask me, what she did
was healthy... and loyal.

Instead of running off with somebody else,
she created a fantasy life.

Lot of women just would have redone their
kitchens

and fooled around
with the contractor.

You're giving me your opinions on
marriage.

This case is about
a deceptive statement.

This case goes to the
legitimacy of her commitment.

When she got married,
and I am telling you--

-May I speak?
-As if I could stop you.

Marriage would enjoy
a much better success rate...

if everybody approached it on the
same pragmatic level that she did.

[Echoing]
Did. Did. Did.

How long before do I take it?

The half-life
is about four hours.

You'll want to take it 30 to 60 minutes
before sexual commencement.

And-And does it, uh--

Will it wait for me, or does it just--
Like a toaster?

It does not produce
spontaneous erections.

It must be accompanied
by a sexual stimulus.

Cause me, I mean, I just--
You know, cute poodle, and--

Yeah, well, bygones.
Any, uh, side effects?

-For you or the poodle?
-Funny.

You ever thought of, uh, making a living
as a comedian, or just--

Uh, no.

A small percentage of men
experience headache, nausea,

facial flushing, diarrhea,
or urinary tract infections.

I'm going to start you out
at 25 milligrams.

That's a relatively low dose.
You shouldn't have any problem.

Leave the name of your pharmacy
at the front desk.

We'll call in
the prescription.

Oh. Uh, thank you.

And, uh, truthfully, you really are a
funny guy. [Chuckles]

Yeah.

[Vonda] ♪ I have dreamed
you too long ♪

♪ Never seen you
or touched you ♪

♪ But known you
with all of my heart ♪

♪ Half a prayer
Half a song ♪

♪ You have always
been with me ♪

♪ Though we have always
been apart ♪

-♪ Dulcinea ♪♪
-Ally, what are you doing?

What are you doing here?

The Biscuit called me. He's worried about
you. So am I.

Everything
I ever believed in--

[Sighs]

Ally, what is wrong?

My mother never
loved my father.

They're still together.

She never loved him.

When I was three
and he was away--

One night I--I got up in the middle of
the night because my ear hurt.

And I walked into
my parents' bedroom and--

and she was there with a man
I'd never seen before.

And that was the day that I started
pretending, Renee.

People want to know why I'm able to
romanticize love into this big illusion.

It's-It's-It's 'cause I--

It's 'cause I got
an early start.

Maybe it is just sex...

and joint
checking accounts...

and liking the same movies.

No.

Let it go, Ally.

No.

Let yourself cry.

I can't.

I gotta go give
a closing argument.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Is she coming? And she's okay
to do the closing?

Okay.

-They found Ally. She was at home.
-What's going on?

[Elevator Bell Dings]

I-I think she's
really cracking up this time.

-So, nothing happened?
-If it did, it didn't happen to me.

Ling. Sausage. Hot dog. Foot-long.
Steal you a second? Yeah.

-Ling, I'd like a rematch.
-Richard,

don't worry about it.

Ling, guys do worry about this.
It's all we worry about.

You know, I was thrown off guard by the
waiver. I'd like a second chance.

Sweetie, this is really
a blessing.

I really don't crave sex
and you're no good at it.

We could be a perfect match.

Ling, you didn't see the real me.

Richard, I didn't see,
uh, anything.

Yeah? Uh-huh.

[Gasps]

Oh, now, there's something.

-One more chance.
-[Moans Softly]

[Gasps]

Or I never go near
your knee pit again.

[Whines]

[Foster] This case isn't about
the true meaning of love.

It's simply and only
about fraud.

The defendant made
false representation.

The victim relied
on these representations...

to an enormous financial,
and emotional detriment.

As frauds go,
they don't get any bigger.

And it's time the law stepped in to offer
these victims some protection.

It's time.

Ms. McBeal.

[Rhythmic Clapping]

[Clapping Stops]

She's being prosecuted
for fraud...

because she married somebody, who in
truth,

really wasn't the man
of her dreams.

Boy, won't we have to begin
building more prisons...

if we start arresting
people for this one?

Now, I suppose that the real fraud
is this mind-set...

that has been ingrained
in us since childhood--

that people get the person
of their dreams.

Most don't.

Does that mean she shouldn't
have gotten married?

Does that mean she doesn't have the right
to commit herself

to a man she
nevertheless loves?

And she was committed.
She never left.

She wasn't unfaithful,

unless you count
those blasted dreams.

And if you start criminalizing
a person for their fantasies,

well, it'd be like
living in Alabama.

Now, I've spent my entire life
doing what she's done.

Loving the one not there,
somebody I've never met.

I have a rough idea
of what he looks like.

I have a more
specific take...

on what he thinks
and what he feels.

I have an almost exact sense
of how he makes me feel.

I've never met him.

I may never meet him.

I've actually been told that
he's not even out there.

The men...

or women...

in our dreams
live in our dreams.

And in the real world,

we should be allowed to settle for the
ones who come close.

And that's what she did.

And it was
the reasonable thing... to do.

♪♪ [Funk]

[Man]
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

[Backup Singers]
♪ I'm just a love machine ♪

-♪ And I won't work for nobody but you ♪
-♪ Yeah, baby ♪

♪ I'm just a love machine ♪

♪ A huggin'
kissin' thing ♪

♪ I think it's high time you knew whenever
I think of you ♪

-♪ My mind blows a fuse ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

♪ When I look in your eyes
my meter starts to rise ♪

♪ And I become confused ♪

♪ My voltage regulator coos ♪

♪ When I'm sitting
next to you ♪

♪ Electricity starts to flow ♪♪

They certainly
didn't take long.

Well, hopefully
this is a good sign.

They may have just dismissed
the case out of hand.

You agree, Ally?

-Ally?
-Hmm?

-The--
-Oh!

Yeah. This is
a good sign, I think.

Will the defendant
please rise?

Ms. Foreman, the jury's
reached its verdict?

-We have, Your Honor.
-What say you?

In the matter of Commonwealth versus Kelly
Philbrick, one count of criminal fraud,

we find the defendant,
Kelly Philbrick, not guilty.

-Excellent.
-Thank you both.

-[Judge Walsh] We're adjourned.
-[Kelly] So, it's over?

It's over. You just have to check in with
probation, then you can go.

[Kelly]
Thank you so much.

Am I crazy?

Two people get married, they should be in
love with each other.

Madly.
Am I crazy?

You're not crazy,
Mr. Philbrick.

But I'm afraid it might be
our little secret.

-Hey. Ready?
-All set.

-How's the eye?
-It should be okay in about a day or so.

Oh. I kind of wish it would stay.
It's sexy.

You're quite pleased about our little
act of mischief, aren't you?

[Georgia Giggles]

-♪♪ [Funk]
-[Man] ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

What?

-♪ I'm just a love machine ♪
-Why isn't it tired?

-♪ And I won't work for nobody but you ♪
-Well, are you, french fry?

-I've never had one outlast me before.
-♪ I'm just a love machine ♪

-♪ A huggin', kissin' thing ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪

-♪ I'm just a love machine ♪
-♪ Yeah, baby ♪

-♪ A huggin', kissin' thing ♪
-♪ Yeah, baby ♪

♪ I'm just a love machine ♪♪

It's just a case, Ally. You can't
personalize it like that.

[Sighs]
You're probably right.

I'm meeting Nelle
at the bar. Join us?

Ah, no, thanks. I'm gonna head home.
I'm beat.

You sure?

Hey, hey. Congratulations.
We won.

Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

[Vonda] ♪ Moons and Junes
and Ferris wheels ♪

♪ The dizzy, dancing way
you feel ♪

♪ When every fairy tale
comes real ♪

♪ I've looked at love
that way ♪

♪ But now it's just
another show ♪

♪ You leave 'em laughing
when you go ♪

♪ And if you care
don't let them know ♪

♪ Don't give yourself away ♪

♪ I looked at love
from both sides now ♪

♪ You win and lose ♪

♪ And still somehow ♪

♪ It's love's illusions I recall ♪

♪ I really don't know love ♪

♪ At all ♪♪

♪♪ [Ends]

[Woman]
You stinker!