All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S02E21.1998.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

-John. What's going on?
-Nelle.

Well, I just gargled.
I gargle before each trial.

I like to open with fresh breath.

Oh, me too. You know, the toothpaste I use
is really strong.

-It makes your tongue tingle.
-It makes your tongue tingle?

Mm-hmm.

See? Feel the tingle?

Yeah. Not on my tongue.

[Low Growl]

This is an
office place. People shouldn't be happy.

Ling!

What exactly do you see in him,
besides the top of his head?

Let's go get some coffee,
Ling.

Good luck with your trial.
Call me later.

Don't tug me!

What does she see in me?
I'm a love machine, baby.

That's what she sees.
L-O-V-E machine.

-[Tires Screeching]
-Ally.

John.
Or is it Mr. Machine?

[Nose Whistles]

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

-I'm not going to settle.
-I understand your anger.

Do you? Have you ever experienced
infidelity, Mr. Fish?

-Many times, though not as the victim.
-Richard.

Mrs. Mannix, it might make sense to settle
out on the dollar--

If he beats me in court, then he beats me.
But I'm not going to wave a white flag.

He hurt me! I want to make this as
difficult as possible.

I want you both to be everything
people hate about lawyers.

There's a chance our counterclaim
could get thrown out.

I'm not settling!

-Yeah, we should get going.
-Right.

-[Phone Rings]
-♪♪ [Radio]

[Ally Singing With Radio] ♪ Why can't
you just get it through your head ♪

♪ It's over, it's over now
Yes, you heard me ♪

♪ Clearly how I said ♪

♪ It's over, it's over now ♪

♪ I'm not really over you ♪

[Low Growl]

-[Music Stops]
-Ling.

-Can I help you?
-Yes. I'm looking for aspirin.

Loud, bad music gives me a headache.
Do you have any?

-No, Ling, I don't.
-Why are you doing this?

Doing what?

Playing all these
songs about things being over.

Did your bad therapist
tell you to?

I'm just--

I like Boz Scaggs.

I like Boz Scaggs!

You can't sue a husband
for emotional distress.

-Your Honor, he's suing her.
-For malicious destruction of property.

His distress claim comes out of that.

Your claim comes out of infidelity.
And this is a no-fault state.

My point is, our claim is
a counterclaim to his action.

Now one might argue he's doing an
end-around property division.

One might argue it, but we're not.
She destroyed his prized possessions.

-In response to his cheating.
-But you can't sue a spouse for cheating.

You can for vandalism.

I agree. The defense
counterclaim is dismissed.

We move forward on the plaintiff's
cause of action only.

You disappoint me, Your Honor.

I always considered you special.

Bring in the jury.

♪♪ [Ally Harmonizing with CD]

♪ Ain't nothing I can say ♪

♪ Nothing I can do ♪

♪ I feel so bad, yeah ♪

♪ I feel so blue ♪

-[Music Stops]
-All right.

Ling! Hey, uh, hi.
Um, hey. Uh, what?

You're obviously trying to sing yourself
over somebody. It's not my business,

and it's certainly not in me to care,
but I may be able to help.

Oh. Mm-hmm. Because there's nothing you
don't do well, including helping?

Don't take this the wrong way.
I own a male escort service.

-You... own a what?
-Nothing depraved.

It doesn't involve sex.
It's a simple escort.

It's basically for beautiful women,
believe it or not,

who need to go to functions, or whatever,
and don't want to get hit on.

Just so I heard you right,

you own, uh, uh,

an escort... service?

Ally, suppose you just feel like talking,
but not to a therapist.

Suppose you just feel like going to a nice
restaurant, but not with a girlfriend.

Suppose you just feel like
smiling at a cute guy...

without having to worry about
fending off his dumb stick.

I can give you that. It beats holing up in
your office listening to Boz Scaggs.

-You own an escort service?
-Have you heard anything else I've said?

And-And you-you what? You're
suggesting I hire some guy...

to go out and sit across from me and smile
at me over a bowl of fettuccine?

Who are we trying to forget about here?
Greg Butters?

You've got it completely backwards.
What you should be doing...

is making it harder for him
to forget about you.

-Meaning?
-Make him jealous. It works.

He sees you with a great-looking guy,
it'll make him think twice.

Guys get jealous.
It's a scientific fact.

-So, you said "yes"?
-Well, if you think about it--

It sounds even more stupid. You're hiring
a guy to make Greg jealous.

Stop looking
at everything through logic, Renee.

That is your problem--too much logic!

You shouldn't criticize something you've
never tried, Ally.

Oh, that's funny.

You want a little logic from me,
Renee? Here's some.

We put in 12-hour days working on
our professional lives.

We agree that a personal
life is more important, but we don't

really work on that.

I am going to apply myself,
Renee.

I'm gonna apply a work ethic
to my private life.

Which includes renting somebody?

I am not excluding anything, and I'm not
gonna apologize for it.

And this isn't about me
wanting a man, either.

This is about me
wanting a partner, okay?

A partner to go
through life with.

And since I happen to be heterosexual,
that limits the field to men.

At least if I want to have sex.
And I do. I like sex!

And if that makes me weak,
tough, then I want to be weak.

I want a partner.
I want sex.

I-I-I want--
I want a house with furniture.

I want to have a baby.
I want to have all of it.

I want to get fat. I want to wear
maternity dresses.

I want to stick my legs up in stirrups,
take two shots of Pitocin,

and spit the little thing right
out between my thighs, and then

have him suck on my breast...

with Daddy standing right there the whole
time pointing the camcorder, okay?

That is what I want.

And instead of sitting back hoping for it
to happen, I'm gonna make it happen.

You think you can deal
with that?

Excuse me.
Georgia, what are you doing?

What do you mean,
what am I doing?

-I mean, with this dress. Are you kidding?
-Oh, it's new. You like it?

Yeah, I like it for catching pneumonia.
Are you on drugs wearing this here?

Ling designed it.

Oh, Ling designed it, did she?
How about that Ling.

What is your problem?
Everyone loves it.

I'm sure they do.
Take it off.

[Scoffs]

Don't you just tell me
to take it off.

I am your husband.
Take it off.

All right.

What? Are you crazy?

On or off?
Your choice. Make it.

The, uh, relationship had been rocky
for several months.

-How long had you two been married?
-Almost 11 years.

Mr. Mannix, calling your attention to the
night of November the twelfth,

-can you tell us what happened?
-Yes.

I arrived home to see my grand piano
suspended from a big crane,

hanging directly over
my antique Porsche.

And where did the crane
come from?

I don't know. She must have bribed these
construction workers. They hoisted it up.

Anyhow, I got home and there she is in the
cabin of the thing, acting like a banshee.

Objection to the term "banshee."
That is hugely inflammatory.

Move for a directed verdict
for the defendant,

together, with costs,
punitive damages, plus interest.

Mr. Cage, don't be pulling
your stunts in my court.

Do you understand?

-Your Honor, could I take just one moment?
-Hurry up.

What's going on?

He's taking his moment,
Judge. You said he could.

The moment is over. Move on.

Mr. Mannix, what happened?

Well, I got out
of my car and--

You see, both the piano
and the Porsche were antiques.

They were the two things that I held
dearest in life, which she knew.

I pleaded. She just looked back
with this maniacal expression,

then she released the piano.

It crushed the car.
Everything was demolished.

Where were you coming from when you
arrived home that evening?

-I'd been at a party.
-Yeah. In fact,

you were returning from a liaison
with another woman...

the night your piano met your Porsche,
isn't that right, sir?

Well, yes, but destroying
property is not the way--

The police refused to arrest
my client, didn't they?

They concluded the property could legally
be deemed hers, as well?

But it wasn't! She knew that those were my
most cherished possessions.

Also, the most expensive.

And you would value a car and piano over
the worth of an 11-year marriage?

Well, it's not that simple.

Well, I'm asking it
that simply, Mr. Mannix.

You two committed your lives together.
You ruined that relationship.

She ruined a car and piano. Now, who did
more damage in your mind?

This lawsuit is about property damage,
and she did all of it.

[Man]
♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪

-♪ Baby, good-bye ♪
-♪ Bye, baby Baby, bye-bye ♪

-Ally.
-♪ Bye-bye, baby ♪

-[Music Stops]
-I have him.

You brought him here?

-I told you I would. He's right here--
-Oh, no, no, no!

Just give me one second
to straighten up my desk.

[Clears Throat]
Okay.

Hmm. Kevin.

Kevin Wyatt.

-Ally McBeal.
-Hi, Ally.

Hi.

Hi. Um, hey.
Hey, it's, uh--

Well, it's nice to, um--
to-to hire you, I guess.

-Thanks.
-I'll leave you two alone.

-So, we need to make a green monster, huh?
-Sorry?

Um, make someone jealous.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Can you sit for a second? I'd like to get
some information.

-Oh, oh, okay.
-Thanks.

Um, s-so how-how do we--
how do we go about this?

What-What, do we just basically
let ourselves be seen by him?

And we're seen as affectionate. You know,
it really isn't that complicated.

Okay. Um--

Well, uh, this-this
guy's a doctor,

and he's very good-looking, so he's not
likely to become jealous...

just by seeing me with another,
uh, g-g-good-looking man.

Doctor, okay.
Well, I'll be an actor then.

-Uh, sorry?
-Well, men in the profession...

are more likely to be threatened
by those in the arts.

Now, you guys attend
the same parties, or--

No, that'll be a trick. See, we don't
travel in the same circles.

And, you know--Look, on second thought,
this is silly--

-How do you feel about kissing?
-Hmm. Sorry?

Well, um, we're looking to make him
jealous. It may involve you kissing me.

Feigning you might

even want to sleep with me.
[Laughs]

You think you can do that?

I might be able to fake it.

[Laughs]
Good.

He was that good-looking?

Incredible. It figures
I'd have to rent him.

Do you really believe
it's gonna make Greg jealous?

I don't know,
but if he has any interest,

and he sees me with this guy--

But suppose Greg is
involved with that woman you saw him

with outside the hospital.

-It could be--
-He's not.

I did a little digging.
And it was just a date.

-You did a little digging?
-Okay, so I'm a stalker.

How do you get seen by him?

I don't know. That's the part
I can't figure out.

What about the Biscuit's birthday?
You guys never celebrated it.

-'Cause he hates that.
-Thirty-five, he shouldn't get a choice.

We could throw a little party for him
and invite Greg to come over.

Absolutely not.

I have no interest in celebrating
birthdays, especially my own.

That's because you never like being the
center of attention.

But let's not forget
the change.

[Barry White]
♪ The way I walk ♪

-♪ The way I talk ♪♪
-No.

-John.
-No!

All right. Here's the deal.

Ally wants to get back
with Greg.

But right now the only thing he's willing
to give her is a flu shot.

So, we need an excuse
to get the guy to the bar,

so she can be seen with somebody else,
which, hopefully, will make him jealous.

Desperate, childish, stupid--
all of the above.

But we're doing it.
And celebrating your birthday...

is all we can come up with
to use as an excuse.

Oh, the therapy smile.
What?

You have no interest in celebrating
my birthday at all.

-It's a pretext.
-Exactly.

So, you don't have to worry about being
the center of attention, John.

No. It's just
a big old scam to get Greg.

Renee, in theory, at least,
we're supposed to be grown-ups.

Yes. But... we're not
clinging to that theory.

Secondly, the idea that jealousy makes
people more attracted to--

-I'm late for court.
Hey!

-Oh, hi, Nelle. How's it going?
-Never mind "how's it going."

-Get his head out of your breasts!
-[Laughs] Oh, sorry.

-What the hell is going on?
-That. See that, John?

That's jealousy.
That's what we need from Greg.

[Stammering]

I-I'm late.

[Stammers]
I'm late.

I suspected
he was having an affair.

I'd been smelling perfume
on him when he came home.

-Did you ever ask him?
-He'd deny it.

But without putting much effort into it,
like he didn't care what I thought.

So you went to the nightstand
and reached for the Steinway.

-[Walsh] Mr. Fish.
-What happened that night, Mrs. Mannix?

He told me
he had to work late.

Then I get a call from
a friend of mine at around 9:30.

She's at a party, and so is he,
with the other woman.

And he's not even
being discreet.

They're openly fondling
and kissing each other.

My friend Karen, she told me that this had
been going on for some time.

That she didn't want to get involved,
but this was too much,

for him to be
at a public gathering.

What did you do?

I called another friend of mine
who works in construction.

He came over with his crane and some men.
We hoisted the piano.

And when he came home,
I dropped it on his Porsche.

So, you admit it.
You did this intentionally.

No. I was just swinging a piano in the sky
and it accidentally fell.

Of course I did it on purpose!

And are you claiming any kind of
diminished capacity here?

Committing 11 years of my life to him
was diminished capacity.

Flicking that button on the crane was an
act of acute sanity.

The only thing saner would have
been to drop it on his head.

Well, I guess we have
nothing else to talk about here.

Ah! The best thing is
I can move in it.

You gotta be able to move in this one.
Hold still.

What the hell is this?

Oh, this isn't for litigating.
It's evening wear.

Ah, as in
"Lady of the Evening"?

Hey! I designed this dress.

Hey, I don't care. How do you wear
a dress like that?

Pretty damn well, I think!

All right, all right. We are obviously
going through a phase here.

No. The-The phase I was going through was
this little corporate Tressy thing.

What I am
I can no longer deny.

-And what are you?
-Hot.

I say I'm hot,
you think I'm cold?

-Whoa, Georgia.
-Never mind!

-John?
-Richard.

Bonnie Mannix is your client.

You're inclined to follow her wishes,
but she dropped a piano on a Porsche.

Now, Valerie Post is an excellent,
excellent closer.

Are we nearing a point,
or shall I be patient?

We have got to push settlement.

I've persuaded both parties
to come in--

-I don't want to settle!
-[Screams]

I don't want to settle.
I won't pay him anything.

Bonnie, I know you were hurt by this man,
and you're in no mood to copulate.

Uh, capitulate. [Stammering]
Penis.

[Stammers]

I'm flummoxed.

-Birthday party?
-Of sorts.

-And you think he'll show?
-Renee's on her way to ask him.

Who's this?

Elaine, this is my friend
Kevin. Kevin, Elaine.

-Hi, Elaine.
-Sex.

-Yes, Elaine. Thank you for sharing.
-How about you sharing?

-Um, never mind.
-Excuse me.

Sorry.
[Sighs]

-I hardly know the guy.
-What can I say?

He doesn't have many friends.
He listed you as one of 'em.

Just swing by.
An hour tops.

-Tonight--
-It would mean so much to him.

This isn't a plan to get me
and Ally together, is it?

No. She met somebody, anyway.

-She did?
-Yeah. Some actor.

Well, look, I hardly said
three words to John Cage.

Come make it four.
Come on.

-So-So, yes? He said yes?
-He says he'll show, anyway.

Okay. This-This is pretty dumb,
isn't it?

I think this sets a record,
actually.

-Is he coming?
-He says he is.

Okay. We'll be downstairs.
Kevin's ready.

Do you really think this
is gonna work, just from Greg

seeing her with somebody else?

Science.

Well, we did see how jealous
Billy got when he saw me

kissing Greg. May-May-Maybe--

-Elaine.
-Oh, hello.

I dropped my pencil.
Have you seen it?

♪ Blowing like the wind ♪

♪ Restless again ♪

♪ My only friend
has gone away ♪

-♪ Washed like a tide ♪
-[Chattering]

♪ But I'm still alive ♪

♪ I'm going to drive all night long ♪

♪ This is crazy now ♪

-Where's John?
-He's upstairs. Settlement conference.

-He's not even here?
-So what? He'll be--

So what? It's supposed to be his birthday
party. If he's not here, it--

Ally, the point is to draw Greg here. It
doesn't matter whether John is here.

Oh, yes, it does.
It has to at least look good.

-[Vonda] Thank you very much.
-All right, let's calm down.

Let's practice nose nuzzle.
Huh?

Oh, that's good.
I'm so jealous.

-Quiet.
-[Low Growl]

Hey, what's up?

Th-Th-They don't need
to know.

We're celebrating
John's 35th birthday.

-That was a month ago.
-So, we're late.

Where's John?

[Elevator Bell Dings]

He's here.

I told you I don't want to settle.

Why do I have to keep repeating it?
Am I not making myself clear?

The problem is,
you made it clear to the jury.

That car has a stated value
of $170,000.

The piano goes for over 100,000.

Now, the prospect of punitive damages
looms like a buzzard. Uh--

I'm telling you, we want to settle.

-You told me we'd win.
-I realize this, Bonnie.

But what you have to understand is I
promise victory to every new client.

-It's how I get the business.
-[Cowbell Clangs]

All we're asking is that we get in a room
together and explore a settlement.

Can we at least do that?

It's 8:30. He's not gonna show.

Ally, look at me.
Even if he does show,

this is not gonna work
unless you concentrate on me.

So, forget about him.
Either way, forget about Greg.

-There he is.
-[Gasps]

Don't be too obvious.

The plan is to first let him
wonder whether we're together.

Then slowly--

-He's coming.
-Just everybody act natural, damn it!

That's natural?

[Renee, Ally]
Quiet.

Wow! Who's she?

-He-He brought a date?
-That bastard.

How could he bring a date
knowing that I'd be here?

-Hey, everybody.
-Oh, hey, hey.

-This is my friend Kimba.
-Kimba?

Uh, well, th-that is such a pretty name.
Hi. Hi, I'm Ally.

-Kimba.
-Hmm.

And this is Kevin. Kevin, Kimba.
And that's Greg.

-Hi.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.

Well! Sit, sit.

-Where's John?
-[Renee] Stuck in a meeting.

He'll be down in a second.

Billy.
Long time no see.

Yeah. Yeah.

Kimba.
Rhymes with "bimba."

-Just look at me and smile. Okay?
-[Sighs]

I smell a great evening
ahead.

The thing about lawsuits,
especially divorce--

it's often more about people trying to get
each other rather than work it out.

But you two will never be happy simply by
"getting" the other one.

-I will.
-Great. Say that on the record.

I did, Michael. I've taken
your cue and decided to be out

in the open about everything.

Here we go.

Here we go. Yes, this is me
being the nag again.

It's pound of flesh time.

Why can't I just
accept all your cheating?

-You got your pound of flesh.
-What's wrong with me?

[John]
Quiet!

Then he says, "Proctology?

If you're gonna give me that exam, you
should at least send me flowers first."

[Imitates Rim Shot]

-He's having a great time.
-Or pretending to.

-Actually, I think he's having fun.
-It's not working.

-Can you sing?
-What?

-Can you sing?
-[Stammers] No. Well, a little bit.

-Come on.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on. Trust me.

-What's going on?
-I have no idea.

Hey. Is Ally with this guy?

No. He's rented. She's just
trying to make Greg jealous.

-It's working.
-[Both Laughing]

-I think your idea flopped, Ling.
-Why'd they leave the table?

They can't be seen together
if they leave the table.

-You trimmed your mustache.
-Yeah. Kimba says it tickles her.

[Sighs]
That'll be fun to repeat.

♪♪ [Band Starts Up]

[Ally, Kevin]
♪ Dream ♪

♪ Dream, dream, dream ♪

♪ Dream ♪

♪ Dream, dream, dream ♪

♪ When I want you ♪

-♪ In my arms ♪
-Oh, my God.

♪ When I want you♪

This is what the bastard did to
her last year on her birthday.

-♪ And all your charms whenever I want you
♪ -With you.

♪ All I have to do
is dream ♪

♪ Dream, dream, dream ♪

-Look, he doesn't like it.
-♪ When I feel blue in the night ♪

♪ When I need you
to hold me tight ♪

-♪ Whenever I want you ♪
-I gotta hit the john.

♪ All I have to do is dream ♪

He's upset. This is great. He's upset.

-♪ I can make you mine ♪
-What are your thoughts, Kimba?

♪ Taste your lips of wine ♪

♪ Anytime, night or day ♪

♪ Only trouble is, gee whiz ♪

♪ I'm dreaming my life away ♪♪

Why the hell should I be
willing to settle for less?

I could get punitive damages.
I should be getting more.

You haven't beaten us,
Mr. Mannix.

-Of course I have.
-Michael--

That's why we're here.
They know they're beaten.

We don't know that.

All right. Hold on. Mr. Cage, I must
admit, I am a little confused.

You've called us here for a
settlement conference while your

client is making it clear...

she doesn't want
to settle on any terms.

My feeling is
if we establish some dialogue--

Who said we wanted dialogue?

-Well, you're telling me that, Bonnie.
-Me?

Yes. When you come in here all clenched,
refusing to consider a settlement,

that tells me it's not about the merits
of the case--

I never said anything about
the merits, for God's sake.

I keep telling you,
I want him to hurt.

-And it is time to get past that--
-I'm not going to get past it!

I'll never get past it!

This didn't even bother you.

It wasn't with some heavy heart
that you had an affair.

It didn't even bother
you. Like my feelings didn't warrant

getting upset about.

You humiliated me, Michael,
in front of friends.

I want you to hurt. If that sounds
vindictive, I don't care.

Eleven years of marriage,
and you--

It should hurt.

You don't think I was sorry?

I made it so easy for you,
didn't I?

"She's crazy." That's what
you can tell your friends.

"She's crazy."
"Dropped a piano?

Must have been tough being married to
her." "She's crazy."

You got out,

without anybody ever--

I made it easy.

I'm not making it easy
anymore.

-You were great!
-Thanks.

I can't believe you did that.

Oh, well, uh, something
came over me.

And guess who just suddenly
had to go to the bathroom?

Did I tell you or not?

Never underestimate
the power of green.

-Did he leave the restaurant?
-♪♪ [Band Starts Up]

♪ Every day
there's something new ♪

[People Cheering]

Oh, gee.

♪ Honey, to keep me
in love with you ♪

[People Cheering]

♪ And with every
passing minute ♪

♪ Ah, baby ♪

-[People Cheering]
-♪ There's so much joy wrapped up in it ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Heaven must have
sent you from above ♪

♪ Oh
Heaven must have sent ♪

♪ Your precious love ♪

♪ Oh ♪

-♪ And now ♪
-[People Cheering]

♪ I've got a song to sing ♪

♪ Telling the world
about the joy ♪

-♪ You bring ♪
-♪ Sweetheart ♪

She sings. Great.
Of course.

[Kimba]
♪ And, oh ♪

♪ You taught me ♪

♪ You taught me
the meaning of giving ♪

♪ Oh, heaven must have sent
you from above ♪

It just gets better
and better.

♪ Heaven must have
sent your precious love ♪

[Kimba]
♪ Oh ♪

-♪ Heaven must have sent you from above ♪
-♪ Heaven must have ♪

-♪ Sent you ♪
-♪ Oh ♪♪

-You think maybe I should sing?
-Excuse me?

They're letting people
sing tonight. I'd like to.

-Georgia, you can't sing.
-I can sing. And with backup?

You don't want to get
up there, and I promise, it has nothing

to do with the dress.

Can't you support me
in anything?

-Here's your martini.
-I've got another one coming, thanks.

-Could you add a beer to that? Harpoon?
-Sure.

-I'll pay for it.
-That's okay.

-Good song.
-You too.

-So, how you been?
-Fine.

-Good.
-Good.

-Glad to hear it.
-Good.

Little rude. You really
had to bring a date here?

You knew I'd be here, and you bring a date
who's, what, a professional singer?

You brought a date.

Well, there was no proof
that I knew you'd be here.

You knew I'd be here.

No proof? Renee's your
roommate. She asked me to come.

-Well, it was still rude.
-How's that beer coming?

-There you go.
-So, is anything on her real?

Oh, that's nice.
Why am I here?

-You tell me.
-No, no, no. You tell me.

I get lured to some birthday party. Where
the hell is John Cage anyway?

-Hey.
-[Georgia, Off-key] ♪ When I said ♪

♪ I needed you ♪

♪ You said you
would always stay ♪

♪ It wasn't me who changed ♪

♪ But you, and now ♪

-♪ You've gone away ♪
-Everybody, sing along!

[All] ♪ You don't have to
say you love me ♪

♪ Just be close at hand ♪

♪ You don't have
to stay forever ♪

♪ I will understand ♪

♪ Believe me, believe me ♪

♪ I can't help
but love you ♪

♪ But believe me
I would never tie you down ♪

Again!

[All]
♪ You don't have to say you love me ♪

♪ Just be close at hand ♪

♪ You don't have
to stay forever ♪

♪ I will understand ♪

♪ Believe me ♪

♪ Believe me ♪

♪ Believe me ♪♪

[Howls]
Oh, thank you.

Thank you. All right!

All right! Wow.

Well, um, seeing how
you liked that one so much,

um, let's do the other one,
okay?

-[Mouths Words]
-Great. This is for all you Dusty fans.

♪ Billy Ray
was a preacher's son ♪

♪ When his daddy would visit
he'd come along ♪

♪ The only one
who could ever reach me ♪

♪ Was the son
of a preacher man ♪

♪ The only one
who could ever teach me ♪

♪ Was the son
of a preacher man ♪

♪ Yes, he was
He was, he was ♪

[Wailing]

[All]
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪

♪ Was the son
of a preacher man ♪

♪ The only one
who could ever teach me ♪

♪ Was the son
of a preacher man ♪♪

It was knowing.
It was malicious.

And it's uncontested.

She purposely destroyed
his most valued possessions...

in an attempt to hurt him.

This isn't a question of liability. This
is a question of damages.

What she ruined--priceless.

But we need you to put
a price on it, just the same.

[John]
Love hurts.

Was it the mature thing that Bonnie Mannix
did? Of course not.

But we don't attach maturity
to the definition of love.

It--It's irrational.
It's passionate.

And grown-ups are often
reduced to children.

Now, we all play
little games, don't we?

Try to make our partners
jealous sometimes.

We want them to hurt
when they hurt us.

It has nothing to do with behavior
typically reserved for adults.

Did she go too far? Yes.
Of course she did. She did.

But consider what he did. Now she's not
allowed to sue him for his infidelity,

because in no-fault states
we can't consider his blame.

He can have affairs. He can ruin a
marriage and lie and cheat and deceive,

and we're not allowed to
cast blame in his direction...

'cause those are marital acts.

But I'll tell you. Drop one
little piano on a Porsche...

and here he comes suing for emotional
distress, punitive damages.

Now, maybe we can't hold this lying,
cheating philanderer...

liable in a court of law, but we would be
damned fools to reward him, wouldn't we?

He betrayed her heart and he's in here
crying about a Steinway.

Yes, she was immature.
She was childish.

Go so far as to call her a vandal,
if you want.

What's he?

-Hey.
-Greg.

Hey.

-We never finished our fight.
-Uh, what? Were we fighting?

[Scoffs]
Listen, I can't be sure,

but I think there's a little
game playing going on here.

I've got to get back to my shift, but how
about we get a cup of coffee later?

-Talk?
-Uh, well, sure.

Talk--Talk is-is good.

-I'll call.
-Great.

-Well?
-Hey, hey, hey.

Well, I guess jealousy
does work. We're having coffee.

Congratulations, Ally. You got him the
old-fashioned way--manipulation.

-Yeah.
-[Knocking]

-Knock, knock.
-Hey, Kevin.

Reporting for duty. The boss here asked
that I follow up.

Success. He, uh--
He just asked me out.

-He did? That's fantastic.
-Great.

-My star.
-I guess my work is done then.

Uh, Kevin, can I, um,
speak to you, um, um,

one second?

Don't keep him too long.
I have another job for him.

You do?

-[Low Growl]
-All right.

-Elaine.
-Oh, all right.

Excuse me.

So, uh, what now? You move on to your
next desperate woman?

You're not desperate, Ally.

Got it done without us even
having to fake a kiss, huh?

Listen, I, um--

I know that this was just a job, but, uh,
how do I say this?

Um, I'm hitting on you.

Oh, listen, you know, I--

No, no, no, I am not
as neurotic as I seem.

Well, actually, I am. I hired you to
get Greg and now I have a crush on you.

But see, I-I-I drink
a lot of coffee--

No. It's just that I'm not allowed to date
clients, you see?

I mean, Ling would fire me
in a second.

But I'm not a client anymore, right? I
mean, I could clear it with Ling.

Well, it would--
it would be unprofessional.

Okay. Okay.

It's just, you know--It's just that I'm
nearing 30, so I take chances.

-I really am flattered.
-Ah, yeah, well.

Hey. You could
always hire me again.

Well, hey, yeah.
There's that.

-Bye, now.
-Bye.

Oh, hell.

[Clears Throat] I was--I was just
testing the merchandise.

Yeah. See ya.

See ya.

Members of the jury,
you've reached your verdict?

-We have.
-What say you?

In the matter of
Mannix versus Mannix,

we find in favor of
the plaintiff, Michael Mannix,

and order the defendant,
Bonnie Mannix,

to pay damages
in the amount of 35 cents.

Oh, my--

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank
you for your service. You're dismissed.

-Can we appeal?
-Bonnie, we won.

The jury just declared him
a dirtbag.

This was a good result.
Now give me the keys.

What keys?
To the crane. I know you have them.

-Thank you.
-You need to move on now.

Really.

You crushed his Porsche, next best thing
to his penis. Bygones.

Yeah, it's time. Sooner or later,
we have to grow up,

even emotionally.

It's time.

[Renee]
You what?

So I'm hopeless.

You want Greg back,
but you fell for rent-a-date?

Don't make fun of the ill,
Renee. I am making progress.

I am--I am opening up
my heart, at least.

Yeah, and it's working,
like an esophagus.

[Both Laughing]

Oh, can you believe it?

Seriously. You'd rather
go out with Kevin than Greg?

But Kevin can't, or doesn't want
to go out with you.

So basically, you're still
stuck in no-man's land.

Oh, you're laughing.

-Hey, so are you.
-Well, I admit.

I'm hopeless, but it is funny.

-[Laughs]
-Shut up.

Oh.
♪ Bye-bye, love ♪

♪ Bye-bye, happiness ♪

[Both]
♪ Hello, loneliness ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna cry ♪

♪ Good-bye, my love
Good-bye ♪

[Vonda] ♪ There goes my baby
with someone new ♪

♪ He sure looks happy ♪

♪ I sure am blue ♪

♪ He was my baby ♪

♪ Till she stepped in ♪

♪ Good-bye to romance ♪

♪ That might have been ♪

♪ Bye-bye, love ♪

♪ Bye-bye, happiness ♪

♪ Hello, loneliness ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna cry ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!