All language subtitles for Ally.McBeal.S02E09.1998.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.AAC-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

♪♪ [Rock, Up-tempo]

[Vonda]
♪ I know something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta want it bad ♪

♪ If that guy's
got into your blood ♪

[Tempo Slows Drastically]
♪ Go out and get him ♪

[Record Needle Scratches]

-[Clanging]
-[Exhales Sharply]

[Playing Slowly]
♪ Here's the thing to do ♪

[Tempo Increases]
♪ Tell him that ♪

♪ You're never gonna
leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're
always gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell him
Tell him right now ♪

♪♪ [Tempo Slows Drastically]

[Record Needle Scratches]

[Gasps]

Hey. Hey, Renee.
Nice block.

-What's wrong?
-N-N-Nothing's wrong.

What, I can't kick a damn cushion?
That's what they make 'em soft for.

-So they'll be kickable.
-That's an expensive cushion.

I paid for half of it.
If you want to kick it--

It's a Thanksgiving ritual,
okay?

-A what?
-Thanksgiving.

It's my favorite holiday. It's the time
that we get to take a moment...

and sit back and reflect on everything
we have to be thankful for.

And I honor it
by kicking cushions.

Thanks for having a full life.

[Kicks Cushion]

Thanks for having somebody to love.
[Grunts]

Thanks for getting to get up every day
and getting to be a lawyer.

Thanks for not wanting a man.
Thank you for not needing one.

Thanks for all the millions
and millions of awful men

that I don't need and I don't want.

Thanks for not having my back
tickled in so long

I don't even remember
what it feels like!

Thank you for Thanksgiving,
and knowing that Christmas comes next!

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made mistakes
in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love has to bring
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's
so much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know
I can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

-Sweetheart.
-Please don't call me that. I'm not sweet.

Darling--
And not that either, ever.

Well, we have exchanged affection.
Can I call you anything besides Ling?

Sugar. Or honey.

Pumpkin. Anything food.
You can call me food.

Ah. Honey, I know this lawsuit's
important to you. They all are, but--

I hope you're not about
to suggest I drop it.

Well, pork chop,
it's just it's nice to harbor...

some hope of victory when
you go into a courtroom and--

He harassed me.
You can prove it if you're good lawyers.

Yes. What if we settle?

What are they offering?
Nothing now.

But I think we can work them up
to an apology.

No. We sue.

Buttercup--
No!

How do we walk into court--
Just saddle me up--

-We're turning ourselves into a joke!
-Hold on! Quiet.

-Let me ignore you one at a time.
-This is ridiculous, Richard.

Ridiculous cases are supposed to go
to Georgia!

-What?
-I'm agreeing with you.

He does always saddle you up.
This is your niche.

Funny.

Georgia's second chairing.
She's saddled.

We're gonna have to draw the line.
I know she's Nelle's friend.

-I know you want to sleep with her, but--
-[Together] Ling.

Have you been taking my cases
because you want to sleep with me?

Bacon Bits, I'm nice to you because
I want to sleep with you.

I kissed you because
I want to sleep with you.

But taking your cases, I do that only
because you're wealthy...

and a potential cash cow for the firm
to milk in perpetuity.

Uh, Ling.
What?

Suing a man because you think
he's having sexual thoughts...

with no action on his part--

-I thought you and I were friends.
-[Laughs]

Friends? Friends?
Yeah, well, we are.

You're a mean and spiteful group.

Where's Nelle? I need comfort.

-[Door Opens, Closes]
-She needs comfort.

Yeah.

Bowling? Bowling?
It's a date. Date!

What kind of a guy do you meet
in a bowling alley?

Ben says he's cute.

Plus, you know, desperate.

Oh, he's desperate?
You are.

It's three days before Thanksgiving.

And you're looking for something
to be grateful for.

Nobody ever met anybody
any good bowling.

-Ow!
-We're going bowling.

When you take the stand, it's important
that you seem sympathetic.

Do you think that's...
within your range?

[Growls]

Also, the-the, um--the part about you
being a little psychic,

that's obviously
gonna be a hurdle.

I'm only penile psychic. I can tell when
a man is thinking with his unit.

-Yes.
-Can't you?

Uh, sometimes.

Look, if they win on summary judgment,
we never even go before a jury.

-So?
-So, right now,

my being sympathetic is moot.

Ah, but it's never too early
to start practicing.

I need Nelle.

[Groans]

John?

Oh, Nelle. Hello.

Listen, uh--
Oh, you like my outfit?

Well, I-I--Yes.

Ling. She designs
clothing as a hobby.

She's great, actually.
This one's called Le Steward.

-"Le Steward"?
-Flight attendant.

Men go for it though. I don't know why.
Anyway, can we go out?

-I beg your pardon?
-I'm beginning to really like you.

Can we just go out
on a real date?

With a beginning and an end.

[Nose Whistles]

I know you'd still prefer
to covet me from afar.

But it's driving me a little crazy.

-[Stammering]
-Just whistle once for "yes."

[Nose Whistles Once]

Great.

Here's the file
for summary judgment,

pleadings and depositions.

This empty folder
is the supporting case law.

-What?
-Well, we know there's a story,

-but-but we don't want to ask.
-Mm-mmm.

It's a pregnancy dress.
I invented it.

Soft, lightweight foam.
It's very comfortable.

-Why?
-Pregnant women get certain allowances.

You're grocery shopping, full cart,

but you need to use
the express checkout. It's okay.

Speeding tickets.

There's an inside water packet,

you can break it, make it look
like the real thing.

In a pinch, you can even use
the handicap parking.

I'm getting the patent.

-Georgia, could I have a sec?
-Sure.

[Exhaling]

-What's going on?
-What do you mean?

What's with the dress, Elaine?
You're looking to be noticed again.

Tell me.

Tell me.

-George dumped me.
-[Excitedly] He did?

Uh, I mean--I mean, um--
[Clears Throat] He did?

-Are you okay?
-Oh, yeah.

It's not that I loved him or--
I'm really fine with it, actually.

In fact,
I was losing interest.

I mean, he really did me a favor,
actually,

'cause you know how hard it is...

to tell someone that--

I'm glad that he has
taken me off the hook.

-You're lying.
-I am fine.

I will be fine.

It's just...
Thanksgiving.

I don't--I hate being
alone on Thanksgiving.

It makes it hard to eat the turkey
because you feel like one.

Yeah. Hey. Come over
to my house Thursday.

We'll watch football.
We'll throw some cushions.

Ally!

George told me everything--
about how he fell for you...

and how you wouldn't see him
out of loyalty to me and--

Well, on Thursday,

I'll be giving thanks
that you're my friend.

-Same here.
-[Chuckles]

[Exhales]

Oh, you and I, we'll probably never
look like this for real, huh?

Oh, you never can tell,
Elaine.

[Water Bubbling,
Spilling]

Oh-ho. Excuse me.

Oh!

[Lawyer]
First of all, he works for her.

That means we have an employer suing
an employee for sexual harassment.

And second, he didn't do anything.
He's being sued for his thoughts.

Now, I know that George Orwell
would be thrilled at this idea,

but I think even he wouldn't have imagined
that we'd come to a point where--

where people could be sued
for their thoughts.

[Judge] I have to say, uh, Ms. McBeal,
this is pretty out there.

-Ms. McBeal?
-Sorry?

-Would you like to focus on the case?
-Oh, sure.

Um, first, there's no case law that says
an employer can't sue an employee.

The issue is simply, "Does the conduct
of the defendant result...

in a hostile working environment
for the plaintiff?"

Who works for who doesn't matter.
Second, I, uh,

suspect that Mr. Wells thinks that--
that--[Giggles]

Feels that, um,
I'm interested in him.

You might think so, too,
Your Honor.

Well, maybe I could
have been more subtle.

-Perhaps.
-Where do you think that line should be?

I mean, here, I didn't say anything.
I just gave him a look.

Now, I could
give him this look.

Or I could just
smile softly.

Or I could just look up
a little with my head down.

Or I could just send the slightest,
almost undetectable signal.

My own little "I want
to sleep with you" glance...

that he alone can read.

I want it,
right here,

right now, rough.

-You won?
-Just summary judgment.

-But still--
-I knew you could do it.

From now on, Georgia,
I see you naked without a saddle.

Thank you, but Ally did it.

-Where's Ling?
-She's not here?

We have to go over her testimony.
She's first up. She said she'd be here.

Oh, I saw her go into
Ally's office with Elaine.

Cream and sugar?
[Laughs]

Ow! Stop tightening.

What are you doing?

I'm making her look sympathetic
for the jury.

I think this should do it, but I also
have a snap-on cast, just in case.

Elaine.
You can't fake an injury.

It's the equivalent of false testimony.

Plus, there's not enough plaster
on the planet--

-Excuse me?
-Just take it off. That's stupid.

A trial is all about
presentation.

-Now.
-[Scoffs]

And this is the way
she treats the pregnant.

Ow!

John?

-Billy.
-How's it going?

Fine. Thank you.

Everything all right?

I'm at a precipice.

You feel like talking about it?

[Woman]
Yes, we're still on for that meeting.

Is it...

Stefan?

Well, it's really not Stefan.

No, it's Nelle.

But the loss of Stefan,
I think,

has maybe left me with a void
I'm trying to fill and--

-Are you and Nelle, uh--
-She wants to go out on a date for real.

As much as I'd prefer
to covet from afar,

I do have glandular pulls.

-What's the conflict?
-I can't see myself with her,

not in the long term.

But the idea of short-term
fruition, that draws me.

But, uh, I'm worried.

You know, what might be fun for her...
could be dangerous for me.

And you think you might
fall in love with her.

Worse things could happen.

Suppose I did...
fall in love.

You know, it would be very hard to work
in the same office with her.

The law would preclude
removing her from the office.

On the other hand,

it's probably not wise
to sit in a corner all my life.

Honest answer, Billy.

Could you see the two
of us working out?

No.

Most of the time it would
just be full vertical scanning.

-"Full vertical scanning"?
-Yes.

His eyes would start at my ankles.
They'd slowly trawl up my legs,

hesitating briefly at my calves before
proceeding to my buttocks

where he'd again pause.

He'd then go up the torso,
over my head,

then down the back,
over my soft, flowing hair,

eventually resting once again
on my buttocks.

He'd usually close with a squint
and slight purse of the lips.

And--And how often
did he do this?

Whenever I walked out
into the plant.

Eventually I became too unnerved
to go into the warehouse

for fear of sexual "oglement."

And I'm the manager.
I have to go into the warehouse.

But Mr. Witton worked for you. Why didn't
you terminate his employment?

I couldn't. He's union.

The question we're asking, "What's
the harm in having a man look at you?"

I kind of like it.

You like it when it's the right man.

When it's a gross pig,
it gives you nightmares.

-You had nightmares?
-I would visualize what he was thinking.

This overweight, un-bathed person
sweating on top of me.

-Objection.
-He thought those things. Just ask him.

What else would Mr. Witton do,
besides think?

He would call me
by my name--Woo.

Except he'd say it soft.
[Softly] "Woo."

Like postcoital--
[Sighs]

-It repulsed me.
-[Laughs]

-Hey.
-Hey.

This is probably
none of my business.

Then the discussion
should end there, shouldn't it?

John Cage is kind
of a vulnerable guy.

I think you know that.
And in truth,

I was pretty impressed
when you gave him the frog.

But I would hope you wouldn't date him
either out of curiosity or sport.

[Toilet Flushes]

He gave me his spare flusher.

If you were so afraid he might have
overheard what you were just saying,

chances are you weren't being
loyal to him by saying it.

And he's never said
anything to you?

He says, "Hello," "Good morning,"
things like that.

But he uses lascivious tones.

He says "hello"
in a lascivious tone?

Yes. And shoots me
groin-motivated looks.

Mm-hmm. Ms. Woo, could it be possible
that you imagine these things?

I never considered that,
but let me. No.

[Wells] And he's never done anything
to you besides look at you?

-That's right.
-These looks,

were they so overt
other people saw them?

Even if others had, so what?
They're all union. They stick together.

I see.
Now, Ms. Woo,

I don't mean to be insulting,
but your attire at work,

could it be construed
as perhaps provocative?

I like to stay contemporary,
but I certainly don't dress...

to incur the vile, depraved thoughts
your client keeps having.

-[Wells] Your Honor.
-Sustained.

Ms. Woo, if it's a yes-or-no question,
"yes" or "no" will do.

I'm sorry.

Now, have you ever sought any psychiatric
or medical treatment...

as a result of the emotional injuries
you claim to have?

I should have, I suppose.

But I was brought up not to impose
my pain on others.

I decided to sue,
not so much for my healing,

but so as to prevent him
from harming future victims.

To think that other young women
could be objectified and reduced,

and to know that I could have done
something about it but didn't--

Your Honor?

Once again, for
the yes-or-no questions--

♪♪ [Rock]

[Vonda]
♪ Gimme, gimme dat ding ♪

♪ Gimme dat, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme dat ding, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme dat ding, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme dat ding ♪

♪ Gimme dat, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme that thing, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme dat ding, gimme dat
Gimme, gimme dat ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme dat ding ♪

♪ Oh, what good's a metronome
without a bell to ring ♪♪

[Record Needle Scratches]

-[Laughs] You ready?
-Uh, yes.

If you don't mind, I'd prefer going down
to the bar downstairs.

I'd just feel
more comfortable there.

Okay.

I'm telling you, as hostile as she was,
I think the jury sort of liked her.

But there's something
about Ling that--

-Watch it!
-The ball holes are too big.

No. It's your fingers.
They're too little.

Don't they make little balls
for little fingers?

Here come the guys.

Ready to knock down a few pins?

I'm all set.

-Ally, you remember Ben.
-Yeah. Hi.

And this is Wallace Pike.

-Wally, Ally.
-Hello.

[Road Runner Beeps]

It's nice to meet you.

May I offer you something
to drink?

[Laughs]
Um, uh, maybe later.

Uh, I have to find
a ball that fits.

Renee?
Could you help me?

Yeah, sure. Come here.

[Vonda]
♪ Love ♪

♪ This is my song ♪

♪ Here is a song ♪

♪ A serenade to you ♪

It's hard to dance.
I'm a little wrought.

I was thinking,
after this is over,

maybe you could take a little time off
from suing people.

In which case,
how would you milk me?

Did Ling just make a joke?

♪ In this world
there is you ♪

You're not having
a good time, are you?

I am. I would like to get you out
of this cocoon sometime.

Are you afraid of me?

Oh, I--
Um, a little.

Hi.

-Hi.
-I've seen you in here a few times.

-You work in the building?
-I do, actually.

Yeah. My name's Sean.

Hi, Sean. I'm Nelle.
And this is my date, John.

Oh.

-Hey.
-[Groans]

-Sean.
-Hello.

Well, good to meet you both.
[Chuckles]

So, we gonna dance?

Actually, you know,
I'm-I'm a little beat.

If you don't mind, could we just, uh,
cut it a little short?

Oh. Sure.

♪ Love ♪

♪ This is my song ♪

♪ Here is a song ♪

♪ A serenade to you ♪♪

-[Chattering]
-[Bowling Pins Clattering]

The ball holes are too big,
damn it.

-Does that one count?
-Maybe we should just go dancing.

-No.
-I'm an excellent dancer.

No, I love bowling. Bowling is more fun
than dancing, isn't it, Wallace?

Excuse me, miss.
I couldn't help but notice.

Now, the balls
are far too big for you.

Oh, the ball holes.
Yeah.

My name is Seymore Martin.

My wife and I bowled here every
Wednesday night for 36 years.

She died three Decembers ago.

-He's as funny as Wally.
-[Ben] Shh.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I bowl alone now.
I bring her ball in memory.

She, too, had little hands.
You may use it.

Oh, no.
No, no, I couldn't.

Oh, it would make her happy to know
somebody enjoyed it. We met in this alley.

Her name is Ally.
Isn't that ironic?

Please, see if it fits.

Wow.
Finally, a snug fit.

Well, here it goes.
[Chuckles]

[Skidding]

This left here.
And it's 1412.

[Taxi Driver]
You got it, ma'am.

-Lousy time, huh? [Laughs]
-Oh, no.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm sorry I was--was so beat.

Yeah.
[Laughs]

-All right.
-Good night.

[Door Closes]

-Can you turn them at all?
-No.

Fingers swell during the menstrual cycle.
Are you menstruating?

You are just a walking HBO special, Wally.
Anybody ever tell you that?

-All right.
-I have had a lot of salt.

My fingers could be swollen.

Well, you could wait, but if they swell
more, you could risk circulation.

Can't you wait, Ally? Please.

The thing is,
I'm in trial in the morning.

I can't go into court wearing
a bowling ball.

Cut it off.

No, please. Miss Ally,

I approached you because
something about you spoke to me.

Maybe it's the kindness
of your soul.

This ball is my most
treasured possession.

[Straining]

We'll get through this.

[Groans]

Well, what do you mean
it's stuck?

I mean, it's stuck.
It won't come off.

You can't go into court
attached to a bowling ball.

What else am I gonna do?

It's the guy's dead wife.
This-This--

[Gasps]
Whoa.

This is all he has left of her.

Every time my case goes well,
you sabotage it.

-Georgia--
-[Bowling Ball Thuds]

Can you step in?

Well, Ally's prepared
the next witness.

-[Scoffs]
-Where's Nelle?

I need Nelle. I'm fraught.

Kumquat.

I'm told my case is borderline
to begin with.

She's gonna argue it
with a bowling ball?

I was gonna try to hide it
under a longer skirt.

-Maybe you could use my pregnant dress.
-[All] Quiet!

All right, look. You could explain it
to the judge and the jury.

Who knows? Maybe
they'll find it endearing.

Ally. I worried all night.

-Who are you?
-Oh, Wally. Uh, I'm fine.

-Thank you.
-I brought these.

[Forced Laugh]
You-You-You shouldn't have.

-Elaine, take it. My hand.
-Sure.

Well, Georgia, we gotta get to court.
Let's go. Uh, bye, Wally. And thanks.

Elaine. In my office.

[Groans] Fifty-dollar raise
if you get rid of him.

Just tell him you don't want
to go out with him.

I did!

He keeps saying that all his relationships
come through perseverance.

And he keeps saying that-that
every knock is a boost.

-So boost him down a stairwell.
-Elaine.

It's Thanksgiving week.
He's got a pulse.

Doesn't he beat being alone?

Does he look like
he beats being alone?

[Wally] ♪ You are my sunshine
My only sunshine ♪

-♪ You make me happy ♪
-What the hell is that?

♪ When skies are gray ♪

♪ You'll never know, dear... ♪

He's serenading you.
He's a romantic.

Well, then you take him.
You're on the rebound.

-♪ Please don't take my sunshine away ♪
-That wasn't nice.

-I'm sorry. I didn't--I--
-(Singing Continues)

Wally!

That-That was a mean thing
for me to say. And I'm--

[Screams]

[Crying]
Damn it.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Damn it! Damn it.

John?

-John, you got the biggest booger--
-[Squeals]

Oh, I'm sorry.
It's a frog. Bygones.

-Did you need something?
-Uh, at the bar,

sitting at my table
I couldn't help but noticing--

-'Cause he was spying.
-I saw this guy come up.

Did Nelle start up
with him or--

No. But--Well, the thing you have
to realize about Nelle...

is, uh, that she's standing
right behind you.

Nelle.
How's it going?

We were just, uh, reviewing your date.
Any thoughts?

How about what's between me
and John is between me and John?

[Laughs]

Seriously.

If you want to tell them
what's going on, go ahead.

But at some point,
I'd appreciate you telling me.

Unbelievable legs.

I'd like to be left alone,
if you don't mind.

Yeah. Billy.

Go.

-[Squeals]
-[Elevator Bell Dings]

-I could sue you both.
-I'm sure you will.

-Talk about malpractice.
-What's going on?

-Ask her.
-Soybean?

We lost.
Directed verdict.

-What?
-Yes.

The judge said,
"I don't need to hear you.

I've heard the other side."
And he kicked it.

Well, Ling, we prepared you.
Sexually harassing thoughts--

I mean, there's no doubt the law
will get there, it's just, see--

This is a drawback
of being ahead of your time.

They laughed at Ben Franklin,
you know?

[Keyboard Clacking]

I let my frog run free, he ended up
getting flushed down the toilet.

I don't want my hope
to meet the same fate.

You're afraid
you'll get hurt.

When that man approached you
last night,

that-that must happen
all the time with you.

With-With princes no less,
not just frogs.

Can we get off the frog thing?
You know how I hate frogs.

You're a beautiful woman,
and smart.

Anything and everything
that you want in a man,

those choices are there for you.

Oh, John,

[Sighs] do you know
what most men are like?

Yes. And I'm not
totally insecure.

I think I measure up well
against most men.

But whatever
you're drawn to in me,

somewhere out there, those qualities
do exist in a more attractive package.

-Well, I haven't met him.
-But you probably will, Nelle.

And you won't even
have to go looking for him.

Because those men, they're
out there looking for you.

And, sooner or later,
you will be found.

John, whether you and I
are a match, who knows?

The truth is, I'm losing interest
as we speak

because I'm not drawn to victims.

But if you think that
I'm the type of person...

who would just be swept up
by an attractive package,

why would you be
interested in me?

Look, I suspect all your friends
are telling you to play it safe.

So do that,
if it works for you.

Three years of law school, five more in
practice, all to end up a ball girl.

-You gotta admit, it's a little funny.
-It didn't feel funny.

Oh!

-I apologize.
-No problem.

[Door Opens, Closes]

-John, what you asked me the other night--
-Oh, forget it.

-I just--
-Forget it.

I got something to say,
damn it! Let me say it!

The whole negative thing
about you and Nelle,

I think part of me was thinking, there's
too much office soap opera as it is.

The partner/associate thing.

The law. Complications.

The truth is I don't know whether you
and Nelle could work out.

Maybe you could.
Under the shell, she could be okay.

And, well, you know her
better than me.

-Is she a good person?
-I think so.

Uh, uh, the main thing is that she
is standing right behind you.

Do you just sneak up
on people?

Everybody knows everybody's
business here, don't they?

Yes.

I would apologize for my behavior,
but I fear I would sound like a victim.

[Exhales]
I see.

-♪♪ [Funk]
-♪ We got it together didn't we ♪

♪ We've definitely got our thing together
Don't we, baby ♪

-♪ Isn't that nice ♪
-John?

Do you hear Barry White?

-♪ Really, really nice ♪
-Yes.

How--How could you tell?

♪ Nobody but you ♪

♪ And me ♪

-♪♪ [Stops]
-I was just trying to set the mood.

Ling's right.
You're all nuts.

Elaine, unacceptable.

-I was just trying--
-No!

Look.

-Pull my arm.
-Excuse me?

Just pull it.
A good, hard pull.

Pull it again.

That's all you have to do.
Take her.

Ask her to dance
and take her.

That's what we want.

[Door Opens, Closes]

You got a minute?
Good.

The thing I hate most about guys

is how they won't look at a woman
unless she's beautiful.

Oh, gee, Nelle, I really
feel sorry for you there.

I'm not asking you
to feel sorry for me.

But nobody needs you to feel
sorry for John Cage either.

I'm not feeling sorry for John.

It's bad enough you
attach everything to looks,

but when you presume I do,
I don't like it.

And, believe it or not,
I like the guy. How about that?

[Door Closes]

Ally, more flowers
from Wallace.

-Oh, great.
-Hey. Nice flowers. Who from?

Oh, the most boring man
on Earth.

Oh, "Persistence is the first virtue
of love."

-What the hell does that mean?
-It means he's not giving up.

He may not be giving up,
but he's coming up.

Excuse me?

He's on the elevator.
Thank you.

Georgia. In my office.
Just bring him in.

It's a problem being
beautiful, Nelle.

It's only the handsome men
who ask us out...

because they're the only ones
who think they have a chance.

And handsome men are dolts.

-Life is unfair to us.
-I see.

[Patrons Chattering]

At some point,
we have to face a certain reality.

Despite all the glitter
the world seems to offer,

true happiness can only be found
in one thing.

-Which is?
-Shopping.

-Is she here?
-Well, she is, but--

Oh, all right.

[Both Gasp]

[Clears Throat]
Oh.

Excuse me.

Uh, W-Wally.

Hi.

Success. Ding, dong,
the bore is gone.

[Phone Rings]

-Hello?
-Oh, you owe me big-time for that.

Oh, I don't know about that, Georgia.
What was with the tongue?

-I didn't give you tongue.
-I felt it.

-Oh, you wish!
-I got a little flitter.

[Clears Throat]

I didn't give you tongue.

-Excellent.
-I really wish you'd knock.

You just take her.
You're gonna be great.

-What?
-How do you always stay so cheerful?

Sorry?

Well, isn't it hard
for you being alone?

How did you know I was alone?
Did Ally tell you I was dumped?

No. I--I--

You just assumed.

Don't you get lonely,
Elaine, ever?

I've never spent
an un-lonely day in my life.

Yeah, but you always
seem so happy.

Well, happy's easy.
You act happy.

People see you as happy.
And you see yourself through their eyes.

You feel happy.
It doesn't work for lonely.

But happy's easy.

[Groans]

[Screams]

[Exhales Sharply]
Wally.

Hey, hey. How are you?

Uh, Georgia, honey,
I'll be right out.

If you like women,
why'd you go out on the date?

Well, denial. Baby cakes!

So you went out on the date
because you want to change?

-Well, I-I--
-Did you call me?

I heard someone yell food.

Uh, no, Ling.
I didn't call you.

Why has the annoying
little man returned?

Ling!

-Sorry, sorry. She's--
-Lesbians can change.

I had some scripture in my car.
If you'd like.

Oh, W-Wally, um, thank you.

I can't wait to start reading.

I don't believe
in homosexuality,

so this has to be
good-bye for us.

Oh. Bugger.

But I'll pray for you.

Hmm. That's a start.

-♪♪ [Up-tempo Rock]
-[Vonda] ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Whoo
It was a teenage wedding ♪

♪ And the old folks
wished 'em well ♪

♪ You could see that Pierre
did truly love the mademoiselle ♪

-You kissed her?
-I had to.

I had to get rid of Wally.

Well, it was pretend.

She was pretty good.

-She can kiss.
-She can?

Yeah.

Have you ever fantasized
about kissing a woman for real?

-What?
-Well, just to see.

You've never thought about it?
What it would be like?

W-W-Well, um,

maybe, once.

-Have you?
-Never.

Nelle, would you like
to dance?

Well--

Let's go.

♪ They had a hi-fi phono
And, boy, did they let it blast ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

-Ling got over her big loss?
-I think she prefers to lose.

In winning,
there's nobody to blame.

She looks happy.

♪ The rapid tempo
of the music fell ♪

♪ "C'est la vie"
say the old folks ♪

♪ It goes to show
you never can tell ♪

[Screams]

Are you all right?

Well, yeah.

♪ It was there that Pierre was wedded
to the mademoiselle ♪

♪ "C'est la vie"
say the old folks ♪

♪ It goes to show
you never can tell ♪

Come on. If you kissed Georgia,
you can dance with me.

Oh, well, let's go, baby.

A little three-way?

Oh, I'm in.

♪ They had a teenage wedding
and the old folks wished 'em well ♪

♪ You could see that Pierre
did truly love the mademoiselle ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And now the young monsieur
and madame have rung the chapel bell ♪

♪ "C'est la vie"
say the old folks ♪

♪ It goes to show you never can tell
Oh ♪

♪ "C'est la vie" say the old folks ♪

♪ It goes to show
you never can tell ♪♪

[Woman]
You stinker!